Shower thoughts

Day 4 - Plans and Expectations 

Today I pondered upon having expectations and its consequences. I am still one of the many people who has a lot of expectations - I always pictured my life in a certain way and worked hard towards that idea. Everything I did was somehow subconsciously related to this mirage. The problem with expectations is that you plan your future for the person who you are today. As time pass everything changes - you, your friends, your partner, even members of your family - the real problem is that usually the expectations stay the same. Now I want my life to go in a different direction but I still have a bitter feeling because I expected something else. I am still learning the art of letting things go - and it is not easy for me to admit to myself that these expectations are no longer working for me. Actually it's hard having expectations because you fail to live in the present -  I am so accustomed to expecting something in the future, that I cannot notice the amazing things happening to me right now. 

Day 3 - The Comfort zone

These days there is a viral phrase you can hear almost everywhere - at work, while talking to your friends, at a training or perhaps even reading it in a book - "get out of your comfort zone".  To me it sounds like going to a magical place where your better life awaits you. A place where you enter with ease and get your "happily ever after ..." In my experience with hearing this phrase by different people, I've always felt like the hardest part is to decide to step  out if it - and then the adventures begin. What nobody tells you is that actually doing it is much much harder. It is exhausting emotionally and sometimes physically. You will constantly struggle to stay out of your comfort zone and not give up and just crawl up back there. It might even be depressing at times and you may feel beaten down by life. But it is definitely worth every bit of it. I believe that we as humans are designed to strive to be better and overcoming challenges is the way to do it. Comfort is restricting - it deprives you of the joy of achievement. It stops you from taking risks and fulfilling your dreams, it stops you from truly living.    

Day 2 - Wanting and having

You know the joke about shower thoughts and how every important decision is made in the bathroom. I used to laugh at it but today I noticed it happened to me so the joke is on me, right? I was under the shower thinking what i have become in the last 6 years and how much i have grown as a character. And still something felt out of place and I still have these pieces in my perfect puzzle missing. For the first time today I noticed how much I'm focused on what I want, that I neglect what I already have. 

Like probably 95% of the women on this planet I want a tight butt, thin legs and a flat belly. This image is so tempting and stuck in my brain that I fail to notice all the great things about my body - I have quite feminine shape and I guess I look sexy for someone who is not "sports' person". Even writing these positive things is hard for me.  It's so much more easy to nag yourself about the things that can be improved or done differently.

I also wanted a job that is interesting and challenging, forcing you to step out of your comfort zone. A place with nice and ambitious people with the same strive to achieve goals and work on their personal growth. I imagined my employer would be an international company so that I can have the chance to get to know different cultures. I have this right now, it's just that I want to be paid more. 

Ever since I started noticing boys and formed my "ideal" man (who is probably non-existent by the way), I wanted an ambitious, smart, handsome, tall, dark-haired man who would love me. And now that I have someone like that who has loved me for years, I need him to love me the way I want.

By now you got my main idea and my biggest challenge that I have come upon in my life so far - how to appreciate what I have? I do not have an answer in this notes if that's what you expected. My journey starts now and if you want you can join me. So just ask yourself: What do you have?

Day 1 - Little wins 

Today I noticed that I could almost touch the floor with my heels while doing the downward facing dog. I could also stretch my legs more and not bend my knees as much. It may sound stupid and like a regular thing to go when you practice yoga but for me that's kind of huge. A year ago I started doing yoga and during one of the first classes a realization hit me so hard that the truth was hard to swallow. I was in such bad physical shape that I could barely straighten my legs. I did it with a lot of effort and only for a second or two. I noticed the other women in my class - they were doing far better than I was despite the fact that I was younger . What have I done to be in such a bad shape? Or the question should be what wasn't I doing and why? During my five years at the university I was so focused on grades and living up to everyone's expectations (even my imaginary ones) of me that i forgot to take care of myself. Literally. So after those first yoga classes I bought a weighing machine.Тhat was the second hit - I gained at least 8 kg in the last 5 years. The third hit I'm not ready to share with you yet, but it wasn't pleasant either. 

So I started doing yoga more regularly - but do not think I was one of those people who wake up every day with it. I put the minimum effort during the last year - for me that is still something. I notice my progress and how my body  feels after practice. It may sound strange but I am grateful when I exercise regularly or just move more throughout the day. I notice my cellulite has significantly reduced - an enormous WIN for me! I also notice I've become stronger and could hold in one position longer than before. 

And here I am now thinking about what I have achieved by investing the minimum. But I also can't help wondering what can I achieve if tomorrow I put a bit more effort into it. People say appetite comes with eating and that's exactly what happened with my relationship with sports in the last year.  Steve Jobs said in his famous graduation speech "Stay hungry.Stay foolish". I think I get it now and I hope you find it for yourself. 


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