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Sample Relationship Project

1. Forgiveness and Allowing the Past to Remain in the Past: Examining any negative past experiences that still have an emotional charge and releasing them with responsibility and acknowledgment

Declaration:

I am complete with the past and mindful in the present!

or

I have forgiven myself/others and release the past!

Etc.

2. Relationship Goal and Vision: My end goal, conditions of satisfaction for my relationship/partner and the complete vision of having achieved my desires

My Goal: I am in a loving relationship with my partner in life.

Conditions of Satisfaction - What I am looking for in a relationship and partner:

1) To love and be loved deeply.

Looks like: Lots of Hugs and Kisses.  Shows genuine concern for my feelings.  Deep interest in supporting each other through words and actions.

2) To be supported in equal amount to the support that I give.

Looks like: We take turns paying for dinner and other activities.  Share cooking and cleaning.  Are emotionally available when the other person is having an off day.

3) To fully express myself and be accepted by my partner.

Looks like: My needs are respected and met with a desire to fulfill.  Any curiosity is accepted, there is nothing taboo that can’t be spoken about, because we are honest and want what’s best for each other.  We practice what expands us instead of only what contracts us.

4) Desires a close, healthy and loving family.

Looks like: Responsible for creating healthy relationships within extended family and friends.  Is accepting and has close relationships with siblings/parents.  Wants to be a parent.

5) Holds values about diet and exercise that are similar to my own.

Looks like: Healthy diet and exercise is a way of life.  Already knows how to remain healthy in body and mind.  Seeks balance in diet and exercise.  Eats at home regularly, doesn’t drink every day.  Has a regular exercise routine.

6) Who is my best friend, team mate and lover.

Looks like: Can lead and support.  Recognizes my needs as important. Values me and acknowledges me.  Enjoys many of the same interests.  We have a steady level of physical intimacy that satisfies both of us.  Looks forward to seeing me.  Enjoys dancing with me. 

7) Asks for and cares about my opinion.  Communicates freely about plans.  Looking to me for advice at times, or support, or opinion.  Listens to what I’m saying.

8) Is accepting of myself and other people.

Looks like: Is respectful to all people/not making fun of others/being very judgmental.  Speaks kindly to people from all walks of life.  Contributes to those less fortunate.

9) I want to experience the feeling of joy with my partner.

Looks Like: We have fun together, are playful, please one another, we experience attraction and intimacy.

10) Is generous but also does not waste money.

Looks like : Pays for luxury items with money already saved.  Doesn’t carry credit card debt, has savings, makes financial decisions responsibly and is financial secure.

11) Will be/is a good father

Looks like: Likes kids, is good with them.  Wants to have two children.

12) Is well traveled and plans to travel a lot.

13) Is Adventurous.

Looks like: Enjoys trying new activities and/or is interested in my interests, scuba diving,  boating, martial arts, weight training/crossfit, hiking, skiing, dance lessons, river rafting, rock climbing.

14) Is taller then me.

Etc.

Vision- The vision I have for my future self who has attained my relationship goal

I love myself deeply and completely.  From this being I bring love and forgiveness to my relationship with my partner, child, family, friends and others who cross my path.  I’m grateful for the abundance of love and connection in my daily life and feel blessed and connected to others who accept me and know who I truly am.

I love and I am loved deeply by my partner.  We support and challenge one another to be our best selves and to continually learn and grow.  Our relationship is filled with excitement for one another and we are warm and intimate on a daily basis.  Hugs, kisses and affectionate words are always in abundance and we healthily prioritize ourselves first and each other second as a rule.

I am able to express myself fully and be accepted by my partner.  My needs and curiosity are met, and there is nothing we can’t discuss candidly with one another.  We are continually striving to have our relationship be 10/10 for each of us and are constantly creating win-win scenarios.

We want the same things in life.  A close, healthy, loving family.  Fulfilling energizing relationships with family and friends.  We have financial perspectives that are congruent.  Own a beautiful home in Victoria and have similar values.  Our dietary and exercise habits are similar and we spend our weekends enjoying outdoor activities, parties, and date nights.  We both have an adventurous streak and a love for travel so we go on vacation often.

I feel supported in equal amount to the support that I give.  The responsibility in my relationship with my partner is equal.  My partner is my best friend, team mate and lover and I am his.  We continually feel gratitude and appreciation for one another, and our splendid life.

Together we begin a family and raise our children in a joyful home with lots of laughter, extreme love and support.  As parents we facilitate their abilities to become independent, and self assured with good values.  We raise children who know they are loved, are creative, adventurous and practiced at critical thinking and responsibility.

Etc.

3)Loving Myself First and Making Well Being a Priority- Things that I do to take care of myself with energy and joy

My Wellbeing List

  1. Daily 4-5 servings of fruits and veggies
  2. Meditate- minimum 10 mins
  3. 8 hours sleep -minimum
  4. Sing!
  5. One song dance party!
  6. Mirror work/Affirmations
  7. Listen to or Read my visions
  8. Make a gratitude list
  9. Top 6 completed
  10. Stretching

Other examples: Exercise, reading a book, spending quality time with friends, spending time with a beloved pet, treating myself to a glass of wine/coffee, giving and receiving hugs, having a massage, going for a short walk, Etc.

4) Thoughts and Beliefs: Clue into any disempowering beleifs and identify what's possible from empowering yourself to move past any doubts or fears

  

1) What about being in a relationship scares you the most?

My ex cheated on me and I don’t want to go through that again.

My negative belief is that the guys I’m attracted to aren’t trustworthy and it might happen again.

2) What does that belief or fear stop you from doing?

It stops me from moving forward from casually dating people.

3) How could this belief/fear be false evidence appearing real?

It did happen to me in the past, but it’s not happening now.  Other people have relationships where neither person cheats, so I know there are some people who don’t cheat.

4) What do you see could be a positive aspect of practicing to move beyond this belief/fear?   

I could meet someone who is kind and honest and is looking for just one person to be their partner Also, I would clearly maintain healthy boundaries and expectations for what I want in a relationship and I’d trust myself to choose a partner that wants to be with me and who respects me.

5)Action steps- From empowerment with integrity what will you take on?

Achieving one small goal at a time, and rewarding myself!

Relationship Goal: Be in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with someone who wants to get married and have a family.

My smaller goals :

1) Join Dating sites and start connecting with people

2) Start Dating Again

3) Get a clear idea on any first date that they meet my most important conditions of satisfaction

4) On any 2nd dates: Get clear about what kind of relationship they are looking for and if they are dating anyone else

5) By 3rd-4th dates have become clear about potential and have an open conversation about our experiences in past relationships and what our values are with regards to monogamy and cheating

6) Decide to be/asked to be in an exclusive monogamous relationship

7) Tell my partner “I love you” when it slips out from pure joy

The actions to achieve my first mini goal:

#1 Join dating sites and start connecting with new people

  • Joining Plenty of Fish and Tinder by next weekend
  • Joining a meetup for hiking by the end of the month
  • Messaging 20 people who’s profiles I like
  • Start messaging connections on Tinder
  • aiming for 6/10 items on my wellbeing list per day
  • Acknowledging myself every morning and night while I brush my teeth
  • Practicing being more loving and friendly to people everywhere I go, smiling more and saying “Hello”

My Reward for mini goal #1: Buy a new dress!

Integrity and What I do to remain accountable:

  • I’m pretty good at practicing something new, but if I notice I haven’t been taking any actions I’ll call my best friend and ask for help with one of them.
  • I check Plenty of Fish and Tinder at least three evenings per week and weekends.
  • I’ve posted my Wellbeing list on desktop, so I look at it every day, and I check off items throughout my day
  • I have a post it note that says: Integrity? on my bathroom mirror, reminding me to think about if I’ve mostly been in Integrity lately. or
  • If some of my thoughts, words and actions were out of alignment with my goal, I read my Vision and summon up all the positive feelings it incites which boots my focus and motivation.
  • I told my Mom I want to start dating again, and gave her permission to ask me about it next week, so I will be more motivated to follow my actions.

Once I've achieved my first smaller goal and rewarded myself, I move on to #2, then #3, and so on, until I reach my last relationship goal and have created exactly the relationship of my desires!

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