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Runner - First Draft

Did a lot of research and work on this. Here's my first draft. Any kind of feedback is greatly appreciated. Even if you hate it aha. Hope this works for the contest.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B19L4R4Cph3GVjU2T2t3SXJ3M1U/edit?usp=sharing

Went with the suggestions and chose Running, which I have changed to Runner. The treatment is a little long, but I wasn't sure how else to write it. 

Runner

By Kyle Kizu

PETER QUINN (18M) is a young, haunted kid who lives in a poorer area of London under the custody of his brother ALEX QUINN (23M). Having just recently lost his mother in a terrible accident, Peter struggles to control his sadness and rage.

Coming up in a few days is the London Marathon, a race his mom was set to run in. Thinking it unbearable for that day to just simply pass by like any other, Peter decides to take his mom’s place in the race despite not having any sort of training or preparation.

As the night before arrives, Peter finds himself alone in his apartment as his brother finishes his shift at the restaurant. After a few beers, Peter loses himself, breaking any remnant of her. Alex walks in to smashed picture frames, furniture out of place, and an unstable Peter, who he is eventually able to calm down and get to sleep.

The next morning, Alex drives a hungover Peter to the marathon. The two part with few words. Peter takes his place among the other runners. The race begins.

Running seems easy enough at first to Peter. He starts off in the middle of the pack with the rest of the normal people. Occasionally taking sips of water from his bottle, Peter runs on, eyes forward and silent. But as the miles add on, Peter’s legs begin to feel the weight. With cramping sides and heavy breathing, Peter slows down as most others run right past him. Nonetheless, he continues to push despite the race not even being half done.

As late afternoon approaches, wondering eyes from the crowd stumble upon a struggling Peter. Under sympathy, some begin offering him water or encouraging him to keep running or telling him that it’s okay if he stops. He ignores their pity and only keeps running. Not many runners remain out on the course.

Nighttime hits. Peter’s alone, so tired that he runs at the pace of normal walking. City workers clean up the trash from the area. He turns a corner to a straightaway, but the finish is still nowhere in sight. As he reaches the middle of the straightaway, his legs give way and he trips over his own feet, smashing hard onto the ground.

He slowly turns himself onto his back and looks up at the sky. His eyes begin to tear up as he throws his hands in intense frustration while screaming at the top of his lungs. He closes his eyes.

Hearing footsteps, he assumes a city worker has come to help him up. The body sits down on the ground next to him. Peter opens his eyes. Alex looks down at him, asking if he needs some help. Peter says that it’s no use as there are certainly miles still left. He goes on, saying that him running will mean nothing without crossing the finish line. He thinks he’s a failure.

Alex lies down next to him. He tells Peter to look around him. It’s nearly the middle of the night and there’s no one left running. He then tells Peter to look at himself. He’s heaving heavily and drenched in sweat with cuts on his legs. Alex says that Peter’s will to run the race and to push himself through pain and desperation is what matters. He says that his will to do something insane like this, his will to act means so much more than simply finishing ever could. 

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Hi everyone

Here are my three pitches.

Redemption:

Richard’s life is a lie. He’s thrown away his former identity in hopes that a fresh start will allow him to forget about a terrible act he committed in his past. But soon, he understands that nothing can help him. Knowing that he must eventually take his life, he decides that he needs to make it meaningful in order to, in some way, begin to right his wrongs. Despite not being able to save himself, Richard realizes that he may be able to use the end of his life to help another man redeem his own.

Protection:

Martin lives in a small city run by a faction of the drug cartel. Violence is nearing a daily occurrence and the city police are scared to act. Fearing for his son and wife’s safety, Martin joins a secret vigilante group that plans to act immediately. With her husband’s life now in considerable danger, Martin’s wife asks him if it’s worth it. All Martin has on his mind is his son’s future. He’ll do anything to make sure that it’s a bright one.

Running (Chose this one, changed title to Runner):

Peter has just recently lost his mother and been put into the custody of his older brother. Struggling with her death, Peter decides to do something big in her honor. He remembers that she was set to run in the London Marathon in a few days. Despite not having any sort of training, he takes her place in the race. The lack of preparation comes back to bite him as he finds himself alone on the course deep into the night and unlikely to finish. Anger ensues, as he believes that the act is meaningless if he doesn’t finish. But soon, his brother joins him on the course and helps him cope with their tragic loss.

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