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Rian's Cap

UPDATE Nov 6, 2013

Flushed out a bit more.  Not exactly thumbs, but not exactly boards yet either cus it's still somewhat beat-y.  Definitely still rough, trying to figured things out.  Did this in 4 days; more orless--would love to go faster next time.

Personally I think this story is running a little too long, thinking of ways of condensing them.  

As usual let me know what y'all think...thanks!

 

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UPDATE Oct 6, 2013

Did some exploration on the main beats.  Some roughs some a little fleshed out.  When I do these, I have few ideas on how to push the story further, which I will need to update w different boards.

Two things I'm thinking in term of change in the story.

1) In the beginning: maybe it'd be more interesting that I give a Cap as a present to Rian.  That way it's a stronger reason why he wants the cap back.  What do you think?

2) Epiphany: I want to see if I can just have a shot of me pondering of what to do next instead of showing I'm GOING to help him.  So it'd be like when Rian in the midst of arguing/fighting, I will come in.  What do you think?

As always any suggestions are appreciated.

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UPDATE Oct 3, 2013

I'm writing the story main beats and next I'm going to try thumbnails these beats.  I'm a little worried that this story is too long in other words it's not simple enough.  

Couple of concerns:

CHARACTERS I'm thinking of combining them together, which would make it a simple protagonist and antagonist.  For example, for the protagonist, I can combine Rian and I together.  I like the fact that Rian is brave.  I learned to be brave by helping him in the process, but of course I can just combined together where I learned to be brave.  Also I'm thinking I can combine the antagonist together as one dude who is a giant and a bully.  I had them now as two separate characters.  One is small dude who has a Napoleon attitude and another one who is an intimidating giant.

ENDING I wrote two endings.  A is shorter but not as intersesting.  B is more interesting as I can built more intensity to it, but I'm not sure if it's too complex to boards later on.

Here's my "draft" script:

beginning

Rian and I walk to school, passed a dodgy neighbourhood

Rian showed off his new cap--I told him not to wear it

something happens

Local kids/teens block our pathway

The leader, who happens to be really short, taunted/making fun of me

Rian defended me, the leader mocked him

stakes are bigger

He stole Rian’s cap, and ran to his house

Rian tried to chase him down until the leader’s bodyguard blocked him

I told Rian to just walk away

all is ruined

We’re finally arrived and barely making it in time

He told me that the cap is a special gift, so he took off and determined getting it back

The school bell rang, it’s time to go to class, yet I feel unsettled, I was afraid for him

epiphany

I was hesitant, and decided to help a friend in need

ending A

When arrived, there was already a commotion

Tried to find Rian in a rumble, spot him as he was fighting

Couple of kids came my way and out of the blue throw a punch

I closed my eyes, swung my fists around, hoping one would land

Out of nowhere the fight dispersed, few adults break off the fight

One of them asked if I was okay, I nodded yes

I checked myself if I got hurt, just a few scuffs.

Rian had a huge smile on his face, he got his cap back

I smiled at myself, Rian puts his arm around me and I smile back

ending B

Rian scanned around the neighbourhood, looking for that kid

That bodyguard asked us tauntingly what we were doing there, snooping around?

Rian said this has nothing to do with him

He laughed and told him that it’s moot to find him (and the cap)

Rian saw a quick shadow from the corner of his eyes

He yelled “That’s him! He stole my cap!”

Rian chased him down, the kid gave him a sucker punch

FIGHT!  More kids/teens coming our way.

I was really afraid at this point, trembling, hold my fight pose up, protecting my face

Then one of the kids swung at me, I managed to swerve

I closed my eyes, swung my fists around and kicked in any direction; wasn’t sure if it landed

Out of nowhere, the fight disperse, few adults break off the fight.  

The bodyguard’s ear got pinched by one of the adult

One of them asked me if I was okay, I nodded yes.

I checked myself to see if I got hurt, just few scuffs and light bruises

Rian approached me, had a huge smile on his face, he got his cap back

As we walked back toward school, the leader kid’s mother yelled at him

I smile at myself, Rian puts his arm around me and I smile back.

I also rewrote the objective of my character's goal: Rian wants his hat back

Thanks for reading and let me know what y'all think.

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UPDATE Sept 26, 2013

I'm going to explore some more with these characters.  Especially with props, characters' attitudes, and environment.  

I'm also going to update the story further and will try to make it more compact.  As I realized I have about four characters, which is quite plenty.  I'm second guessing myself if I should really go ahead with this story, nonetheless I'm going to make this work.

Any suggestions are greatly welcomed.

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UPDATE Sept 26, 2013

So I decided going with my second idea, Rian's Favourite Cap, I'm thinking to change it to something else, like My First Fight.  Meh, we'll see...

The basic of the story is when my friend Rian and I were walking to our school, passed a dodgy neighbourhood, and out of the blue, bunch of local kids/teenagers were bullying us.  

It escalated to one of the kid stole my friend's cap.  My friend wanted to get the cap back and one of the bigger kid threatened him.  So I told my friend to give it up as it's not worth to fight over a cap.  

When we arrived to school, I can tell he feels dispirited.  Because that cap was a special gift from his parents, he's determined to get the cap back.  He took off.  

I was afraid for him and unsure what to do.  I decided to help to get his cap back.  When we got there one of the bigger kid told us that there's no hope to get the cap back.  But my friend persisted and demand to get it back.  Then the kid who stole the cap appear and further taunted us.  Fight ensues.

I never been into a fight before so I swung my punch in any directions cus it feels chaotic and messy; it's not like in the movies at all.  Then out of nowhere few adults around the neighborhood start to come by and break off the fight.  One of the adults asked me if I was okay, and I nodded yes.  I checked myself to see if I got hurt, not really much, just few scruffs and light bruises.  Nonetheless, I amazed how I survived the fight.  

My friend approached me and he got his cap back.  Slightly bruised, he got a huge smile on his face.  I smile back and was glad to help.

Next step I'm going to explore and draw some characters, layout and props.  And essentially thumbnailing the boards.  Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.  Thanks y'all.

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UPDATE Sept 22, 2013

I decided to dig deep inside my memory bank and come up with couple of personal stories:

Getting Out of Tijuana

This story is about two of my friends and I trying to go back to America, passing the infamous border between Tijuana and San Diego.  After a night of celebration, we decided to drive back but since it was the weekend, there was a long queue.  We decided to take the empty lane, which apparently reserved for official personels only.  We were stopped by two policemen and in a lot of trouble.

Rian's Favourite Cap

When I was a teenager, my friend, Rian and I walk to school.  This time we passed through a dodgy neighbourhood.  There were couple of kids taunting us and one of them took my friend's cap.  We ignored them in favor going to school.  As soon as we arrived, my friend decides to get his cap back.  I was hesitant at first, and decided to help him.

I'm really bad at choosing, so I'm going to solicit your help again to see which one is a better story.

* * * end of UPDATE * * *

I have a love-hate relationship with coming up with good ideas.  To blurt out ideas I can do that all day long, but to choose one; ughhh.  So maybe you good people can help me with that :D

First idea: The Perfect Dinner

I got home from work or running errands. Get food either from a take out or make one (get the ingredients from grocery store, and do some light cooking perhaps).  Dim the lights, set up candles, put music, and all that jazz.  It's basically me having dinner by myself.  I like to watch whenever I eat.  So several problems can occur from this point, TV doesn't work, or Netflix is not streaming, or the electricity goes out.  And as for dinner there's a fly keep bugging me for enjoying my dinner.  And I'm not sure how it ends cus it's partly true and partly imaginative

Second idea: Awkward

This is not exactly a story per se, more situational scenario.  Have you been in one of those situations where you're talking to a friend or someone at a party, you're hitting it off with that person, and totally enjoying the moment, then out of the blue another person comes into the picture, who knows the person you were talking to, and the dynamic of the conversation gets shifted?   Now you've become an outsider or a third wheel if anything.  Lots of time I just stand there, while they're talking, and they're totally ignoring my presence.  It made matter worse cus I'm not a social kind of guy especially in a group setting, yes I'm talking more than 2 people.  It's worse when you're in a confined place with one door, and they're right by that door, and the only way to excuse yourself is to go through between them.  So I figured at this time, things got really awkward and I need to get away from whatever is happening between them. I'd either try to excuse myself by faking an incoming call even though there's no ringtones or vibrate buzz.  I guess the conflict would be how to get out of that awkward situation.

Third idea: Pick-up line

Again, no particular event have happened.  I'm a single guy, and an introvert.  My guilty pleasure is watching rom-com, the cheesier the better.  I'm also can be socially awkward, and get my social cues from movies.  So from them, I'd memorize good pick up lines or methods on how to approach girls and ultimately getting their number.  The situation happens in the movies can compare to real life, right?  But since I'm clueless, I'm doing it anyways, better to look like a fool than to be alone, I guess.  Hilarity ensues when things doesn't go the way I pictured it.  Not exactly sure yet how it happens.

Man...I think this would be easier if I draw my ideas coming from what had happened.  I need to dig deeper into my memory bank to find them.  My memory is like a gold fish.  Speaking of fish, one time...

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