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Preventing the zombie apocalypse

I help rid the world of Zombies every day.

You may not believe it, but it's true. Every morning, there are approximately 150 million zombies wandering the streets in America. Some of them are incredibly sluggish, dropping their cellphones or drooling on their keyboards. But others are downright aggressive, willing to destroy anything that gets in their path. However, these zombies aren't looking to drink your brains with a bendy straw. No, they're looking for a cure for their condition; and that cure is coffee.

I'm privileged enough to be a part of an elite squad of baristas providing the cure for this condition every day. Each morning at 5 am, I don my zombie armor (a green apron) and brew the cure for zombism. Using every source of caffeine from drip coffees to frappuccinos, I'm able to rid America of 700+ zombies per work shift.

This is the story of an average work shift... er... zombie fighting shift from 5:30 am to 1:30 pm and how many zombies are cured per hour. Spread the tale far and wide, and don't forget to tip your baristas (we're the ones responsible for your boss having a good day.) ;)

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