Idea #1

I've heard it said that nothing good happens after 2 am.  

This applies to penning Craigslist personal Ads. 

The story of how an insomnia fueled personal ad led to one of the oddest first (and last) date experiences I've had. 

Idea #2

-What's the problem, sir?  Tell me exactly what happened.

-I know this sounds crazy, and I promise you I'm not crazy, but I'm sitting here watching tv, and my brother started sucking on my neck. My name is Daniel, ma'am.  And what I'm telling you is real. He sucked on my neck, he sucked it pretty hard, and I'm bloody all over.  What should I do?

- ....I'm sorry?

- I know it sounds crazy.  But he has a problem.  My family all knows.  We call the police but he gets away every single time.  But this needs to stop.  You see, ma'am, my brother David- his name is David Robert Newman- just had, what we call, a family feeding.

And this is what I call job security.  One of the many interesting calls I've dealt with over the last 8 years as a public safety dispatcher for the City of San Francisco. I think I'd like this piece to be a 'best of' type piece. Or if not, I need help figuring out a direction to take it in. Narrow it down.  

Idea #3

I hate the smell of Air Freshner.  I suppose, theoretically, it was a good idea, but we all know that not everything in theory transfers over well to practice.  (Read: Communism, in dash tv monitors, and the shake weight)

Air Freshener = Sweet Stank

It's kind of like hair dye, in a sense.  The model on the Clairol box is rocking that Cherrywood 4C, but the chances that it's going to look EXACTLY like that on you are slim to none.  Turn that box over, and there's a handy chart that show what the color, when mixed with YOUR hair, will REALLY look like.  The Glade Aerosol can needs a scratch and sniff panel that affords you an accurate representation of what "Strawberries and Cream" will really smell like when trying to mask the smell of [ones excrement??]  (undecided on what smell i'd like to insert here...)

Everyday I walk past the same single stalled, windowless bathroom on the dispatch floor on my way into, and out of work.  Today was no different.  I was shamelessly enjoying a laugh with my coworker, at someone elses expense.  (In hindsight, the events of the following moments were more than likely immediate karma/pennance for my actions) Head thrown back, mouth wide open in a guffaw, mere feet from the door, the noxious smell of 'Sea Breeze' meets 'Super Burrito w/Extra Beans' stopped me dead in my tracks. I was paralyzed. 

I have a crazy sense of smell, (self diagnosed hyperosmia...thank you, google!) and this is an entry I've had for awhile, that I havent read in awhile, but always wanted to kind of expound on.  


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