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Poor Single Mothers

I hope to pitch my article to family/parenting magazines and bloggers.  My interest is parenting, single parenting to be specific and the stigma that exists. 

There are several magazines and blogs that focus on single parents, however, many of these seem to take on a negative tone, reinforcing a stigma that all single parents are poor, lonely and uneducated.  I know this to be untrue, because I live the opposite every day. Yes, things can be difficult, but that is the life of any parent, married or single. Whether by choice or circumstance, single parenting can be beautiful.

I am a single parent and most of my friends are as well.  My article summarizes a few of the things that I had to stop saying and doing in order for my mindset to change regarding this stigma.  This article is not to come down on myself or any other, but only to bring attention to the things that we say that are hurtful to ourselves and children.  Here we go....

  • Stop complaining about your situation. If I am single by choice or circumstance – I will acknowledge that and be ok with it. I will also remind myself that God has me covered. I am blessed.

 

  • Stop saying “You know I’m a single mother, right?” In doing so, I subconsciously (or consciously) expect pity from those around me. My situation is not better or worse than anyone else’s.

 

  • Stop saying “I’m so broke”.  Every parent (married or single) should be money conscious. However, I find that single parents make it a point to tell others their finances are not stellar, mostly due their single-parent status. Whether you are making 6 figures or $10 bucks an hour, there is always room to achieve balance in your finances. Choose to make it work, no matter what sacrifices you have to make. If you need assistance, go for it.  But use it as a stepping stone, not a lifetime crutch.

 

  • Stop saying “I need a husband”. Yes, so things can finally be perfect. Not.  I am not against marriage. I would love a life partner just as much as the next girl, but I don’t need to be married for before life gets good.

 

  • Stop waiting at the bank for the child support to roll in. Now don’t get me wrong, we are entitled to everything that is owed to us. But I will not live life any less if it doesn’t come. The kids still have to eat and you still have to do great things with them. Yes, the support should be there and we should fight for it. But if it never comes, we don’t roll over and die. We get up and go out for ice cream….with sprinkles.

 

  • Stop dogging your ex. I refuse to bad mouth the father of my children to them or in front of them….ever. To vent frustration to a friend is completely normal and even necessary. But I have to remember that my kids didn’t pick their dad….I did, so they should never have to hear complaints about something they didn’t have a choice in. Besides, whether I like or not, my kids love their dad and words that are used negatively towards or about him are psychologically damaging to the little ones I love most.

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