I already suspected this... but I spend most of my time sleeping and working! SLEEP: I wrote countless time that I would love to wake up earlier in the morning. I do not like to oversleep, but I normally like to do a lot before going to work, such as working ut, stretching, reading, cooking breakfast... and sometimes is not enough.
WORK: I work in a creative field, but I have understood that working in a creative filed does not mean that you get to be creative. I think I have neglected my voice for many years and I want to find it back and shout out loud.
WHAT I FEEL I MISS:
– time to be creative
– time to write
- time to read (I read on the weekends and when on holiday)
- time to meditate
- time to spend in nature
– TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I WANT AND TO DEVELOP IDEAS
I could just:
– swap watching series or movies with my partner at night with reading together
– waking up a bit earlier in the morning and write down a poem. or write in general.
– I want to find time to actually write a longer story.
WRITING TO MY YOUNGER SELF
I am Italian and sometimes mix Italian and English for the Journaling journey. You will find some words in Italian here and there. I am publishing all my exercises, but I wanted to write to myself here.
I chose a moment of my life when I really felt free. It was my first working experience abroad, an internship in Dublin, in a moment when Dublin was a hub for international young people.
I felt so free and inspired. I lost weight without going on a diet, it just happened. I passed from being shy to talking to loving talking with strangers.
Dear Clarissa in Dublin at 18 years old,
here is 35 years old Clarissa writing you from Berlin! Yes, that is correct, we live in Berlin since many years! I know how much you wanted to learn English, well we do not only speak English, we speak German and Spanish too. You can speak some words in Korean. We work in an art gallery and we travel the world. This is all we wanted at 18 years old, travelling, meeting new people, experiences adventures, being inspired by nature, cities, we loved cities and their corners, sounds, streets, bridges, parks, skies, we were never alone even if we did not have an iPhone to write parents and posting photos. We would have posted so many photos I am sure! But we were never alone, because we had the city and the people living it, every day was an adventure, your heart was just open and you could walk in a bar alone and few minutes later you would have a group of new friends. Dublin is the place where we have stopped being shy, and passed to the other extreme... talking to everyone, to strangers, becoming so good in breaking the ice! I remember how inspired we were walking the streets with a CD reader, we were listening music every time, leaving home and forgetting the headphone would have been a DISASTER, almost a pain.
You know, we still walk a lot, everywhere, we love it. But we do not listen to music anymore. We listen to radio sometimes in the weekends. I know, that might sound weird. Music was important for so many reasons, but I remember that it was a way to channel our feelings. Sometimes a sentence in a lyric could speak our heart and create a feeling and a connection that would last forever. Maybe feelings now are not so important, because you know... we work so much, I know it's exciting working in an art gallery, but we are not the artist, we are not creative, we are overworked and travelling is most of time stressing. We do not have time to wonder for the streets and fall in love with the city. I want to tell you that we are happy, but we miss something. We miss that part we used to have in Dublin, that inspiration for life and adventure, that open heart I was telling you about, it has turned into something else. We are not willing to meet new people, we refrain from strangers. Because we are tired mostly, because our work is performing and entertain clients all the time, and once we go back home we need a lot of silence. But that excitement of meeting new people on a random night and make new friends at every corner... oh I beautiful it was. I miss it, and I am trying to fight this emotional apathy. And here is how, writing to you.
Do you remember that we write in Dublin? We wrote a diary, we wrote so many things, we were sitting on that bench in front of the beach. We did not need a course, we did not need to be taught or told how to write and talk to our self.. we just did!! You would wonder why I need a class to write. I think it's because there is no real adventure to write about, because there is not a lot of feelings I experience besides feeling guilty of living far from home (you know, they are complaining that you are not there and I am always afraid that something may happen to them. You love them and there will be some problems but eventually love will prevail).
Emotional starvation came as a surprise to me, but you see, I am trying to find our voice again, and I want our voice to be heard again. I know you are listening to me, and although many things have changed, we still look for beauty in little things, we are still excited about new places, we still would like to write that book that maybe it's time to start writing. Maybe I should write about you, and what about you write about me? I wish I could hear your voice and what you are thinking now, I know it would make us feel both heard and appreciated and special as we are.
I love you and enjoy this time, keep on walking those streets full of secrets,