Only the begining....FIRST DRAFT LINK.

Only the begining....FIRST DRAFT LINK. - student project


So dig in. There is something not so obvious about the characters that doesn't come out in the screenplay, but the meanings of their names are very specific, and if I tell you right away then it gives away the whole story. It still has the three act construction, but I feel as thought the potaganist and anatagnist roles are a little different than what may be expected. It's hard to explain. But i'm excited for some feedback!


UPDATE 3/16/13 Treatment.

BEWARE: It is long.  It is more or less an outline/treatment filled with details probably not needed. That being said don't be detered from reading it. Please leave comments and questions. I've been writing and revising constantly so anything can or may be altered at some point. THANKS.


DALIA (F 5) is left in the care of her neighbor, EVE MILTON (F 17). Dalia is autistic and nonverbal. Her mother KATHERINE (F 37) is concerned about her well being and wants to provide the best possible care for DALIA. KATHERINE is forced to pick up a second job to make sure she can afford to send DALIA to a special school where they can help children like DALIA. On this beautiful Saturday morning KATHERINE has arranged for EVE to watch DALIA until her shift ends around 4pm. EVE arrives promptly at 8:30 with her laptop in hand. She informs KATHERINE she is working on some college essays for her ticket out of town and towards a better life. She briefly complains how life has been a little rocky for her but her attention is quickly diverted when she sees DALIA drawing at the kitchen table. The drawings are highly detailed and rendered. Far beyond a five year old capability, but DALIA is not the average five year old. KATHERINE comments on how over the past few weeks DALIA does nothing but draw. She finds it amazing but she is also concerned with DALIA’S ability to draw scenes that a five year old has never seen before. But KATHERINE is hoping to use these drawing to help DALIA get into the school where she feels DALIA’s needs will be addressed. EVE is astounded by the sheer amount of drawings, she quickly thinks of what she could do with DALIA while her mother is away at work. EVE tells KATHERINE she will be back in thirty seconds as she runs out the door back to her house and straight to her garage. EVE runs back into the house a moment later with a huge container of sidewalk chalk. “ I know what DALIA and I can do today.”

KATHERINE leaves for work as EVE sets up the chalk for DALIA in her driveway. EVE sits with her laptop upon the front stoop while DALIA discovers the wonder of sidewalk chalk. EVE looks up from her college essays from time to time and sees DALIA furiously drawing. DALIA has filled up the driveway and has made it out into the street. It is a quiet cul-de-sac and EVE does not seem to be concerned. Across the street an elderly neighbor (F 77) leaves her house, greets the girls and tells them to be safe in the street. The elderly woman enters her car and leaves on a trip to the store. EVE sets her laptop down and walks up behind DALIA to see what she has been drawing. On the ground is a drawing of EVE sitting on the stoop with her laptop. EVE is shocked and happy about DALIA’S drawing, but perplexed when she sees other detailed drawings of what looks to be like the same math test EVE took just a few days before at school with a huge letter ‘F’ on the top of it. EVE is unsettled, looks at DALIA in bewilderment and begins to ask DALIA what this was all about. DALIA continues to draw. EVE know she will not get any answer and returns to the stoop to continue on her essays. EVE watches DALIA but also tries to distract herself from what she saw in DALIA’S drawings. Some time has gone by and DALIA has already covered half of the street. EVE has become consumed with her writing but it quickly distracted when a glimmer of light from across the street catches her eye. It came from the neighbor across the street’s window. EVE looks sees nothing, glances at DALIA, who is still drawing, and then goes back to her computer. A second goes by and she catches the glimmer of light again, looks up towards the window across the street and notices a curtain has moved and see the elderly woman’s husband in the window. He sees EVE and then shifts moves to his front door and steps outside with a camera hanging around his neck. DANIEL (M 78) waves to EVE across the street, greets both girls with a friendly hello and comments about the beautiful day. He is eager to explain he is taking pictures of the flowers now in bloom. EVE smiles, she has found the neighbors across the street to be a little too friendly and slightly bizarre but she just chalked it up to old age. Old people can do anything, just cause they are old. DANIEL walks to the edge of his front lawn and watches DALIA. He comments on how he saw her start drawing early this morning and is quite perplexed about her progress. “Kids these days, huh”. EVE fakes a laugh and puts her laptop upon the stoop and starts to walk towards DANIEL. EVE has a sudden idea to take DANIEL’S camera and start taking pictures of what DALIA has been drawing, in hopes to help KATHERINE use DALIA’S art to get her into the school. EVE makes her ways across the street and quickly explains her idea to DANIEL and snatches his camera. DANIEL is taken by surprise but is slow to react and looks as though he wanted to protest. EVE runs back to the driveway and starts taking pictures of the drawings DALIA drew of her on the stoop. As she makes her way through other drawings she is looking at drawings that seem awfully familiar to her. EVE is looking at drawings of herself from various times of her life. EVE becomes terrified but starts to notice the drawings are changing. They are no longer about her. There is a drawing of the elderly woman in her car and a man. The drawings have flowed throughout the street and EVE is following them intently. The subject is now a man, a man that kind of resembles DANIEL. DANIEL is still standing in his front yard, he makes a comment on how nice his camera is. EVE is too distracted to reply.

EVE stands in the street, DALIA is behind her still drawing. She starts scanning through the camera’s photos looking at them upon closer inspection. She is dumbfounded about the immense details of DALIA’S work. DALIA was drawing EVE’S life. EVE continues to scroll through the photos but stops upon the photos that were taken by DANIEL. EVE sees that they were not of flowers like he said they were, they were pictures of DALIA. The more EVE scrolled through the more she realized how many pictures of DALIA there were, what she then noticed is that they were not all from today and not all of them when DALIA was outside, but inside her house. DANIEL had been secretly taking photos of DALIA. EVE stood frozen in place. DANIEL sensed something wrong, knowing the kinds of photos he had on his camera, he moved faster than a 78 year old would be expected to move towards EVE and grabs her arm tightly. EVE screams, turns to look for DALIA while fighting to get out of DANIEL’S grip. She breaks free, sees DALIA in the street runs quickly towards her and then out of the corner of her eye she sees DANIEL’S wife driving fast down the street, straight towards DALIA. EVE screams and makes a mad dash and pushes DALIA out of the way. 

An overhead shot of the street shows the street filled with all of DALIA’S chalk drawings. Focus is on the body of EVE in the street with a chalk outline already drawn around her body. DANIEL stands off, still on his front lawn. His wife emerges from the car in a state of shock. Police and paramedics soon arrive to the scene. Paramedics gather around EVE and police start questioning DANIEL and his wife. DALIA is back in her driveway still drawing, no one seems to notice her there at first. Another cop car arrives and the officer emerges and observes the scene. He notices the chalk outline where EVE was found and starts to follow the chalk drawings quickly putting the story together. The drawings told the entire story of the past, the present, and the future of the people involved. He becomes obviously distressed and tells the other officers. The officer then notices DALIA in her driveway alone drawing. He approaches her quietly and crouches down to her level peering over her shoulder. He gasps and steps back after seeing her newest drawing. DALIA turns her face around, eyes locked on his and she smiles mischievously. she speaks for the first time. “Do you like my drawings?”


UPDATE 3/11/13

I have finally come to my decision. It was tough because I have a very personal connection to the first pitch but I've also been toying with the idea for the third pitch for a few years. I would like to see both fully developed into something much much larger but I'm going to choose the third pitch since it can more realistically be used as a ten minute short. 

I appreciate the feedback immensely and I'm ready to get down to work and see how all this pans out.


First Pitch:

Sam has returned home from Vietnam after the efforts in searching for answers in her sister’s disappearance has come to a screeching halt. She has completely vanished and the homecoming back to the states proves tougher than anyone could have imagined. Falling into a deep depression, Sam struggles with returning to her normal life. Tensions between family and friends are at an all time high. She is on the brink of losing her job and any sense of security as her allotted time of leave comes creeping to it’s end. She has to come to the realization that she may never know what happened to her sister and try to move on with her life or let her own personal struggles with the tragic situations bring her own life to an end.

Second Pitch:

Brilliant yet socially inept Caleb has let a lifetime of insecurities take over his life. Living in front of a computer screen he has assumed a life in the virtual world as an unstoppable hacker but in reality has lived the past ten years as a recluse only leaving his apartment for the bare necessities. When a neighbor knocks on his door in a panic he reluctantly opens it to see the commotion. Thrusted into his arms is a six month old puppy and a panicked explanation from the neighbor about a short notice business trip. Caleb is left to care for this animal in it’s owner’s absence and leave Caleb clueless about what to do. An unconventional friendship is formed leaving Caleb wondering what else he may be missing out on in the real world.

 Third Pitch:

A young autistic girl is being babysat by her neighbor as her mother pulls a double shift at the diner downtown. On this bright spring day the young girl is set up to play outside with some sidewalk chalk. She draws pictures in front of each of her neighbor’s house on this quiet cul de sac but these pictures turn out to reveal a lot more about what goes on inside these house than anyone could have imagined. When the picture in front of neighbor’s house who is babysitting her reveals some disturbing information the young girl’s condition is put into question. Is she psychic? Something of the supernatural? Of this planet? Who knows?