Kristy Burnette

Writing without a Creative License

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2

One Bloody Fingernail

Step 1: Three Creative Pitches for a Project 

(A) ONE BLOODY FINGERNAIL 

A Satanic cult invades a secluded mansion with diabolical plans to sacrifice all life present until they realize they have invaded an independent movie set about the slaughter of innocent victims by Satanists. There is another unexpected glitch for the unwelcome guests: the lead actress, stabbed and choked with rope, shockingly defies death to avenge the slaughter of her friends and victoriously carve ‘sat” “in”  “wor” “ship” “per” “won” into the Satanists’ mutilated eyeballs with her one remaining bloody false fingernail. 

(B) SEXUAL HEALING, SHLIMAZEL STYLE 

A middle aged virgin, who fears life has passed her by and loves to fantasize about knights of yore, seeks the help of an unorthodox sex therapist. When the therapist realizes the knight who his patient fantasizes about is his own maternal nephew, a handsome Hollywood movie star, the therapist decides to unethically arrange a date between his patient and his nephew. What promises to be a fantasy-come-true for the withered but still witty virgin may turn into a nightmare when the handsome Hollywood movie star reveals he cannot "live" without a 24/7 documentary film crew recording every moment of his life, even wherever his date with his uncle's patient may take them. 

(C) THE EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURES OF DR. LOVELADY 

A charismatic pathologist searches tirelessly for his next dream woman. His dream woman must be beautiful, intelligent, and a good conversationalist. The doctor advertises on dating and other sites, describing himself as an "adventurous, wealthy, medical man of unwavering principle in search of my sleeping beauty." There is only one catch: every time the doctor finds the perfect woman to fall in love with, the whole process is doomed to start anew because that extra special something about this very special lady is she must be diagnosed with a terminal illness and openly seeking assisted suicide. This generation's new and improved Dr. Jack Kervorkian (who looks like Rick Moody circa 1991) makes his fantasy lady come to life (or what's left of it) by taking her to an exotic locale, where he wines, dines, and makes passionate love to her before injecting her with a lethal overdose to end her suffering. 

Step 2: First Draft of ONE BLOODY FINGERNAIL 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-1RkAAGZFAMX096M1J1UzJNY2c/view?usp=sharing

Writer's Note: The heroine of this piece, Marilyn, is named to honor one of the original "scream queens," the late Marilyn Burns, who was lost to this world on August 5, 2014. She will forever be remembered in THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) and HELTER SKELTER (1976). The character combines Marilyn's strength and fortitude with a nod to the tragedy of the legendary Sharon Tate. The world is a sadder place without them. May they rest in eternal peace and know the joy they brought to others made the world a better place for having had them "play their parts so well" (on and off screen). 

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