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Ariana Tamayo

Artist in training

22

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My daily struggle to surpass failure that ive previously seen

When I was younger and in highschool, I was extremely proactive . I would be a part of clubs and sports and alot of honorary classes, but as soon as I started to go to college, I just completely gave up. I began neglecting my work, trying less and just have less enthusiasm.

I ended up dropping out ad going into atleast 30k in student loans. I went to work after that, I became addicted to fickle things and felt like there was nothing going for me. Ive slowly brought my self out of it, with a couple traumatic events, it somewhat kicked me back into bettering myself. I think I always had that drive, I remember when I was completely on my own, I would still paint and have small projects, but i still wandered..Almost as if I just didnt care.

Im currently going to school and im going for what I want, but I still have that feeling of utter carelessness. Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like if I continued with school the first time. Would I have been i debt and without any care? Now that im older I do respect and appreciate my education. I now understand what I need to do and I know how to go for it, properly and deliberatly, but I know if I hadnt dropped out and learned the hard way, I would probably be some kid with an expensive degree and no ambitions. Atleast I have that going for me. I have to admit I am more of an adult now and my collegues abilities keep me going. 

Every day I go through an inner struggle, almost an emotional upheavel. Imconstantly fighting with mself to go through my daily routine. I strive to be my previous proactive self. I even see glimpses of it when I have small projects and I finish them quicker then planned. I now see with eyes unclouded.

I know I probably should have made a type of design but I feel as if my words in context are enough

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