Lillian and the Hunters

Lillian and the Hunters - student project

(Let me know what you think! This is a draft I came up with just now. Before your class, I had only recently learned about the difference between surprise and suspense myself.)

 

Lillian and the hunters tread through the forest, watching each other's backs. Lillian's hearing always feels twice as strong in moments like this. The chirping of the Giant Wild's bugs echo through the massive canopy. Lillian's shoes squish in the mossy floor with every careful step. Suddenly, her father's head jerks to the right. Of course, he was the first to notice.

A huge mass pounces out of the bushes, knocking Seth to the ground.

 

Lillian and the hunters tread through the forest, watching each other's backs. Lillian's hearing always feels twice as strong in moments like this. The chirping of the Giant Wild's bugs echo through the massive canopy. Lillian's shoes squish in the mossy floor with every careful step.

The sound of a branch breaking, so faint she almost missed it, hits Lillian's hyper-focused hearing. She looks down at the feet of the hunters. No one stepped on a branch. Seth looks to his right, and all the hunters stop walking. Something is out there, but what? Lillian's father and the hunters are on high alert, so it must be close.

The massive bush next to Seth rustles, and he quickly reacts, making an attempt to jump back. However, he isn't quick enough.

A huge mass pounces out of the bushes, knocking Lillian's father to the ground.