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Just One of Those Days

Have you ever felt like sticking a pen in your eye in the office and screaming around until officemates are alarmed and they summon the boss to bring you to the hospital and you get a medical certificate from the doctor, officially declaring you’re unfit to work for a couple of days, maybe weeks or even months then?

 

Not that I wanted to make a scene or just generally upset people. I’ve always been the quiet, martyr type; I suffer in silence. When an officemate asks me on a consistently irritating basis about some files I’ve already sent to her several times, I always answer her in a moderately pleasant tone, telling her I’ve already emailed her that, all the while giving out a very calm aura when in my mind, I’m imagining possible scenarios of tying her up in a pole and burning her, along with those files.

 

When my boss asks me for the ninth time about certain projects that we have yet to start because he hasn’t decided yet where to start or how to start at all, I count a hundred couple of sheep in my head to ease the urge to smash his head with my laptop before replying to him and throwing back the question of how can we start you moron when you don’t’ even know what to do at all. Well, not really, I ask him in a relatively upbeat and respectfully mocking tone that we haven’t finalized things yet hence the delay in projects. Then I mentally picture running him over with his spiffy car and then going on reverse, over and over again.

 

When another supervisor follows up on the collaterals he needs when he has yet to send me any information on the products and services I have to write for those collaterals, I silently remind myself that I’m not a murderer and I cannot tolerate violence and I email him back, asking for the necessary data that he told me he’d send me weeks and weeks before, so I can finally start writing those collaterals.

 

When a fellow officemate who is unfortunately sitting beside me, sneezes his highly probable lung cancer out while facing me and doesn’t even have the decency to try and cover his mouth or even have the manners to apologize and just goes on sneezing without even realizing that he’s not actually in a sneezing contest and spewing his snot and saliva on half of my face wouldn’t exactly earn him a monetary reward or a significant increase in salary, I just silently stand up and I fight the urge to buy a tree cutting machine and just cut him up to pieces, while walking to the comfort room, itching to remove the possible diseases I might have acquired from the said creature.

 

I have my days in the office and I have those kinds of days where you want to fast forward to tomorrow or you want a meteor to fall from the sky and just flatten out the existence of those creatures who are making our life miserable.

 

So, how does a bleeding eye yet a restful week or months away from the office sounds now?

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