Updated Jan, 15th 2013
It all began one night 35 years ago. Dad thought he was safe. But, little did the then-black haired man know he was far from safe... Stuff happend. Things lead to other things. Time passed. Then, that fateful day when he took his darling wife to the doctors for a check on what seemed to be an ovarian cyst....
That was the day the black-haired man's hair went gray.
About 6weeks later, the world became a more awesome place as I entered into it on December 25--what a Christmas present! A 19", 9.5lbs baby girl! I had been a tumor for so long, I just kept growing! In fact, I started the world fat and that didn't get much better...
By the time I was in 4th grade, I was about 5' tall and weighed about 110#. I was teased mercilessly about my weight from the time I was in 4th grade until well into college. Yes, that's right. College. It was really difficult for me to comprehend how cruel kids were--that their teasing me was due to their own insecurities. ProTip: You can *tell* a child that all you'd like; teach them constructive ways of dealing with the hurt.
I delved into a dark pit--constantly putting myself down (it's what I was told to do... "Beat 'em to the punch," the teachers said...with no reprimand to the ones teasing me--in fact, I was reprimanded for "tattling." ProTip: Don't turn the victim of bullying into the perpetrator); binge eating, then starving myself. I was 8 when all that started. For the next.... decade plus... I viewed food as an enemy--and not an enemy to be conqured--I viewed exercise as a way to purge my body of that evil food. That "number on the scale" never meshed with anything I was told I should be. In college, I was barely eating (more due to lack of time...24 credits in a semester, plus extracurriculars will kill any kind of social life) and I shrunk to 130#. I was near my goal weight--but, I still thought I was fat. I had the "Family Belly" and thick thighs.
Dumb, Fat, and Ugly were the three words used to describe me throughout my school years. I graduated high school as valedictorian, but I still didn't think I was very smart. I squeaked out a 2.675 GPA for my undergrad, overloaded with credits. I just recently graduated with a 4.0 in my Masters program and am now seeking approval for my Doctorate. I scare people with creativity and science (it's fun and kinda funny) and I can finally say "I am not dumb, nor am I stupid."
The other two, however, still need work.
If you've gotten this far, congratulations! You've made it through the exposition. Here is the main focus...
I cosplay. I don't do anime cosplay; I do comic cosplays; video game cosplays; pop culture cosplays. I also do pin up stuff. My favorite super heroine is Rogue and I refuse to make any costume of hers until I have *earned* the *right* to cosplay her.
...but I can't count calories without falling into the vicious trap of my exposition. Anything that makes food an enemy in my head becomes counter productive. I've only recently been able to say my weight is just a number on a scale used to set a baseline for lifts. I'm still that fat and ugly girl from 4th grade. I'm still the annoying, emotional basketcase from college. I want to change that. If I can just break this vicious cycle, I know it'll be cake walk to trim the body fat to 14% (Goal! See? I told you they'd come). I know, everyone has their issues; everyone has their deamons. Mine just happen to directly relate to my current struggle in weight loss.
How do I fix these problems? That is, afterall, the scope of this class. I have, honestly, no idea. But, I can tell you what my goals are and what I plan to do to accomplish them during this class.
I love lifting weights. I'm going to keep doing that 3 days a week. It keeps me grounded and focused and feeling like I can take on the world and win...decisively. So, here are the goals:
Squats: 200# by January 31; 255# (1.5x BW) by February 28
Bench Press: 115# by January 31; 170# (BW) by March 30
Deadlifts: 170# (BW) by January 31; 255# (1.5x BW) by March 30
In order to keep lifting heavy and reach these goals, I'll probably have to keep eating. Eating is the hard part for me. So! Goals for nutrition:
Eat. Eat clean foods, no cheating. If we simply *must* get fast food, get a salad with grilled chicken. I'd love to go full-blown Paleo, but it seems no one I've talked to can help me figure out a nutrition plan for that. I can't have wheat products, anyway, and--again with "Food is the ENEMY" thing--I associate carbs with pain. So, I'm doing the best I can to plan high carb meals on training days and low carb meals on "rest" days. Nutrition is, by far, the most difficult aspect for me.
I would like to do a cut without getting obsessed by numbers. If that's possible. That's my goal.
By the end of the month, I want to look like I work out. I don't need to be ripped/cut/fitness model--that's not realistic. By the end of this year, I'd like to be around 14% BF (or, at least, LOOK like I am). When I started my journey over a year ago, my goal was to get to 130#. I don't know that it's a realistic goal, anymore, so my goal is to actually get my *measurements* to 39-26-36. Currently, they're 39-33-38.
Progress pictures need updated, but this is what I have from 2012:
In the first picture from March, I had just started back at Curves (after 2 years off for health issues). In the center picture from June, I'd been doing the Curves circuit 4-5days per week, burning about 500calories per session and eating a 1200-1500 calorie diet. In the nast picture from November, I'd been doing the StrongLifts program for 1 month and eating more of a Paleo style diet.
I know I need current pics. We'll probably take those Saturday at the Marine's benefit I'm participating in (2K with obstacle courses). It will not, however, be in this bikini.
This is probably a good representation of what I'd like to start seeing by the end of the month:
She is 5'5" and weighs about 140# (according to the site this is on).
Goals stated. Check.
My positive fitness change that I'd *like* to become a habit is difficult to describe in a word or two. It's a mental shift, so to speak. From numbers obsession to ...something not. If I look at the scale and it says 170#, great. That's my target weight for bench pressing. If that number goes down, however, it just means that my 170# bench press is no longer body weight, but a multiplier of (1.2x, etc). I'm slowly starting to view food as fuel--which is why I'm terrified of cuts (that and I don't speak Math). Headspace is the hardest change; but it is the one most needed.
I think I've finally accomplished the point of this project. Maybe. I'm not even sure.