Updated Jan, 15th 2013
To start off at the most basic realization I've come to in the last year: I am sick and tired, of being sick and tired.
I have completely had it with the way I have been handling my life. Any kind of stressor would lead to a variation of the following routine: eat crap -> feel bad -> go to the bar -> smoke/drink too much -> eat crap -> pass out. What a life! Am I right?? Disgusting. I dont know who this person is that I have become. But I am about to kick her ass.
I have a few basic goals that I have been molding in my brain, and I'd like to jot them down for now. I want to bring back the good habits I used to have.
1. Stop smoking. Its expensive, it makes you stink, and its slowly killing you.
2. Get your ass up and moving. No more excuses. You did it before, you can do it again.
3. Put down the junk food. Seriously, do you really need to finish the entire bag of doritos in one sitting?
I have begun this process over the last year, making small changes here and there (mostly to my diet). I start with good intentions and then never follow through. I've lost about 25lbs since Feb 2012, but am not satisfied. I wasnt trying hard enough. I can do better. I will not give up. Not this time. I deserve this.
I also have committed myself to a one month no excuse detox from alchohol. I actually have already been cutting way back on my drinking in the past 3 months (October 2012 I really started to ask myself if what I was doing was healthy). But this is going to help me in numerous ways. And actually as I write this at 11:09pm est on 01/14/13- I am about 1 hour from a full 24 hours of being completely smoke free. Yes! Me! I have smoked consistently for about 8 years (oh college self- you jerk), and I am ready.
[Authors Note: Today was REALLY hard. I panicked many times. I was in tears many times. I could list all the different situations that came up during the day that made it 10 times harder.... But those are all just excuses. There is always going to be something- I need a new coping skill. On the train ride home I was reflecting on the different emotions I felt throughout the day as the cravings pushed/pulled/punched and tried to seduce me back. And I got MAD. How could I let something like this take control over my life like it has? How is it okay that I let it dictate my feelings, my thoughts, AND my actions. No one should ever have that power, except me. And so I set myself more determined to quit.]
This was a lengthy beginning. But it felt good to write it all down to get started. I am sure I will edit/add/remove as I go. I am really looking forward to learning and evolving together- reading through all the different projects- many of you know so much already, I know I am going to learn a great deal, and I am very excited about the opportunity. =]