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Grief is the price we pay for love // Lyrics to the song I was supposed to walk down the aisle with my Dad to

My Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly just over a month ago. He was an incredible human being, prominent businessman, and wonderful father. Losing a parent is hard for anybody, but I am still in shock that this is the second father I have lost. My first father died from cancer before I turned 2. He was 31. Growing up without a father until I was 11 brought its own pain, grief and suffering that stays with me to this day. I never thought I would have to deal with such a loss again, and so suddenly and unexpectedly at that. I am 27-years old, on the brink of getting engaged to a wonderful man, and have been left fatherless for the second time. 

My Dad used to always joke "her wedding is planned, we're just waiting for the groom." I even had a guy friend in law school say to my dad "I feel sorry for you because you have to pay for her wedding," implying that it would be over-the-top and borderline ridiculous, and my Dad grinned and said "I can't wait for that, what an honor." And oh how we talked about my one-day wedding. 

Like many women, I've had the song I'd walk down the aisle to with my Dad picked out for a number of years. Unlike many women, I knew how lucky I was to even have a Dad to walk me down the aisle, as I'd spent so many years fatherless. The quote I've chosen from my project is from Cosmic Love by Florence + the Machine -- the song I dreamed of walking down the aisle to with my Dad, the song I played in his hospital room while we desperately waited for him to wake up, the song I quoted in my speech at his funeral, the song that I had played during our receiving line at his funeral. I hope to one day find the strength to still play it at my wedding one day. 

The song becomes almost haunting when you realize that my Dad's name literally meant "moon" in Hindi. (And if you want chills, he died on the New Moon, which quite literally means "no moon.")

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The full lyrics of the song are: 

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

//  If you/ve made it this far, thank you. I'm sorry for going on and on but I am in so much pain and am so shattered and I suppose this project became an outlet. 

UPDATE FOR PRACTICE: 

Here is some of the practice I did based on the Paperfinger worksheets. 

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UPDATE FOR SKETCHES: 

I did a pen sketch and then put my layout paper on top and inked it, but wasn't fully happy with the result. Here are pics of those: 

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Then I decided to do a pencil sketch, and then go over that with pen. I made some adjustments based on what I didn't like about my last version - primarily the capital T and capital I: 

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FINAL PROJECT: 

I used my layout paper on top of the penned version of the latest sketch, and inked my final project in Kuretake sume ink with a Tachikawa G nib. I love the Nikko G but recently got this and have been enjoying it. 

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