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First Draft of "Sophie's Dream House"

Here are the first 3 1/4 pages of my first draft! Critiques more than welcome!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Byu71fYnBIMAeTQzZlZYeWZzRjQ/edit?usp=sharing

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Sophie’s Dream House

By Stephanie Resendes

 

SOPHIE AVILA (8F) is the fourth child out of six. A moment of her parents’ undivided attention is all she wants but is rare to come by in the chaos of their home. With her older brothers’ football practices and a new baby at home, life is non-stop for the Avila’s.

When Sophie retreats to the basement for some alone time she discovers an antique looking dollhouse that she’s never seen before. She falls in love with it immediately and, wanting to keep it a secret, stashes it in her secret crawl space. She dashes upstairs to grab her favorite Barbie dolls. Over the course of the next few days Sophie creates her ideal home with her dolls MAISEY and JAMES as the parents to a single child – played by Sophie herself.

As Sophie hears her mother calling her up to bed one night she quickly packs up her dollhouse and starts to crawl out of her secret space. She turns back one last time and glances down at her dolls, uttering under her breathe, “I wish you were my real family.” As Sophie exits, the lights in the dollhouse kitchen turn on and a silhouette similar to Maisey’s saunters past it.

The next morning Sophie awakens in a different room than she fell asleep in. She panics momentarily, stunned that her modern furniture, plastic toys and bright purple walls have been replaced by an old fashioned bed, wooden trinkets and floral wallpaper. Just as she’s about to cry out for help a tall, stunning woman with long, perfectly straight hair, flawless makeup and a killer outfit to boot enters the room with a tray. Noticing the black Sharpie marker stain on the woman’s left hand, Sophie takes another good look around the room and realizes where she is. 

Sophie is so beyond ecstatic. She dreamed and wished and it all really came true! She was living in her dream house, just her and her two parents with no one else to get in the way. While Maisey sits and watches Sophie eat her breakfast in bed Sophie can hardly believe her ears. After she showers they are going to the zoo, then out to lunch followed by the park and a cookout with James once he is home from work.

After a few days of this excitement, Sophie is wiped out. She loves all the newfound attention but the day-to-day activities are really wearing on her. She is desperate for a quite moment alone just to read or watch TV, but her new mom has her days scheduled minute by minute. Sophie wants to go back to her old family but she doesn’t know how she even got here, so how is she to return?

Sophie finally comes clean to her new parents and expresses her desire to return home. They don’t seem surprised to hear that Sophie has another family, but they are certainly not pleased with her wanting to return. Retracing her last moments before arriving in the dollhouse Sophie tries everything to get home. She tries wishing to go home, the same way she wished herself here, but it didn’t work. After days of trying Sophie breaks into sobs one night in bed. She declares she’s sorry she ever wanted to leave home and if she ever gets back she will never take her family for granted again. She says she loves and misses her mom, her dad and all her brothers and sisters. Then, in a flash, Sophie is back in her old room.

Still sobbing, Sophie opens her eyes and realizes where she is. She shoots out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen. No one seems to notice how long she was gone for and as she excitedly tries to explain it her story falls on deaf ears. Yet she still couldn’t be more excited to be home.

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Idea #1

Sophie (8F) is a middle child who feels forgotten and left out at home. While playing with her dollhouse she finds herself creating scenarios that make her the center of attention. One day when Sophie finds herself mysteriously shrunken down and living inside her dollhouse she is beyond ecstatic. Unfortunately as she soon comes to find, the life her dolls actually live is not the paradise she has imagined.

Idea #2

It is summertime when Olivia (17F) and her parents move into a historical mansion in a new town. With weeks before the start of school Olivia has no way of meeting new friends and takes to exploring her new gargantuan home. When she is digging through a pile of antiques she's found in her bedroom closet, she notices a secret passageway hidden in the closet. She walks in to discover a fully furnished room, all set up for afternoon tea and covered in a thick layer of dust. While trying to make sense of the scenario she turns around and the opening she entered through has vanished and new one has appeared on the opposite wall. She walks through it and discovers a maze of new rooms -- and unexpected occupants. We follow her as she tries to figure out where she is and how she can get back home.

Idea #3

Jack (32M) has a life that any man would dream of -- his dream job, a beautiful home and a loving fiancee. However Jack is harboring a secret and he doesn't want to marry his fiancee, Jenny (29F), without revealing it. Jack's secret is that he was a key witness in a major criminal trial. The man he testified against was very powerful and for his own safety Jack had to enter the Witness Protection Program. Going against one of the biggest rules of the program Jack decides to admit the whole truth about himself to Jenny. In a horrible twist of fate, Jenny has a connection to the very man who wants Jack dead. Now Jack has to figure out whether or not he can trust Jenny and decide between still marrying her or running away to start his life over once again.

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