EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - NIGHT
A one-family house. The front porch light is on, so is a lamppost at the foot of a path leading to the house. The crickets chirp.
There's indistinct shouting in the background.
MAN (50s) half-runs down a sidewalk then stops at the lamppost, briefly enough to see someone's shadow on the sidewalk behind him, getting closer. Now one can make out the shouted words.
You're a useless piece of shit! To think you even exist!
MAN hurries up the path to the house.
The only thing you're good at is wasting space!
MAN, now at the front door, searches frantically for something in his pockets, finds KEYS.
He glances over his shoulder to see a DARK FIGURE standing at the foot of the path, dimly illuminated by the lamppost. This is the VOICE (50s). He wears a SUIT and TIE under a RAINCOAT, and a FEDORA, and he holds a BRIEFCASE.
You can run but you can't hide, you pussy!
MAN shoves a key into the keyhole, opens the door and rushes inside.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Slamming the door shut behind him, MAN leans against it, almost hyperventilating. His eyes tear up as he still hears VOICE shouting something outside, now muffled by the door.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
VOICE, his eyes lifeless, hasn't moved.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
MAN splashes water on his face, he can hardly meet his own eyes in the mirror. He dries his himself —
Suddenly VOICE is heard outside the open bathroom window.
Why don't you just pack it in, you fucking wretch?!
Hesitantly, MAN goes to the window. He looks out and sees VOICE smirking up at him from the ground floor.
It's the only sure way to get rid of me, buddy.
(looks at his watch)
And I'd really like to go home to the Missus. You know?
MAN slams the window shut and storms out of the bathroom.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, INSIDE REFRIGERATOR - CONTINUOUS
The door opens, light comes on and MAN reaches for a CARTON OF MILK. Shuts the door.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
MAN pours milk in a glass and takes a healthy swig. Outside VOICE still shouts his unpleasantries although his words can hardly be made out.
Finished with his milk, MAN SLAMS the glass down and goes to…
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
...and rifles through a drawer of SOCKS until he finds... a PISTOL.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE, BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS
That you even dared dream you'd ever amount to —
BANG! There's a FLASH OF LIGHT in one of the upstairs windows. A slow KNOWING SMILE spreads across VOICE's face.
He opens the briefcase and takes out a LEDGER BOOK with some sort of official-looking LOGO on it.
He then pulls a ballpoint pen out of his coat pocket, CLICKS it with a flourish, opens the ledger and makes a checkmark.
SMACKS it closed and does a happy little Irish jig.
And just like that, MAN appears around the corner, pistol in hand, aimed at VOICE.
VOICE seems perplexed.
BANG! It takes VOICE a second to figure out he's been shot. He drops the ledger to the ground... then he drops to his knees... and finally keels over.
The logo on the LEDGER COVER reads: DEPARTMENT OF DEBILITATING SELF-DOUBT.
FADE TO BLACK.