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Dragons in My House

Here are my two ideas. Any feedback is welcome!

Idea 1.

A story describing myself doing house work while listening to an audio book. Reading books, fantasy in this case, opens a different world and takes you on adventures impossible in real life. It does not involve much physical activity, but inside your head, you might be chasing a villain  or solving the biggest mystery ever. I would like to show how quickly and easily you can switch between these worlds and play off the ridiculousness that comes out of being stuck in one. It might be fascinating to read about someone who is trying to sweep the carpet while fighting a dragon with a sword. The biggest challenge of this story would be to pair the real-life and imaginary actions in a humorous way.  

Idea 2.

For work, I often write promotional pieces about the software we produce. Those usually go along the lines of "look how great our product is, it will change your life for better!" You often find these kind of product review online too, very upbeat and making all kinds of promises. While some of the products deliver, others fall short of even being useful. Writing a "truthful" review that describes the product “as is” but still framing it as a promotional piece can be funny.

I wasn't really sure where to post the draft, so I am sticking it in here.

Friend Stalker for Your Smartphone

Useless Apps Inc. is proud to announce our new social networking app, Friend Stalker. Despite multiple technical problems, the app works fairly well and lets you connect in meaningful ways with friends, family, and random people you once met in your life. We wanted to pack the app with a lot more features, like an “Are you for real?” button or “Show More Adds” option, but our team is understaffed and the manager threatened to fire all of us if we didn’t push it out of the door. And at Useless Apps Inc., we take deadlines very seriously.

You might find Friend Stalker resembling Facebook a lot, but don’t be so quick to call it a “knock off” – we really put a lot of effort into changing the color scheme and replacing the icons. I mean, what other app out there has a bacon-style theme?

The new interface is clean and user friendly. We call it “new” because we changed a couple of things here and there in hopes you wouldn’t remember what it looked like in the previous version. Most likely, you won’t because we only had ten users since the last release. Besides, the glossy interface has another purpose – it distracts you from all the bugs and glitches that the app is brimming with under the surface.

The text might be slightly hard to read, but we are erring on the side of original. Our designer in Guatemala said that you can never go wrong with a Cursive font in size 6. What do you mean the button says “Cnacel”? It was intended that way because we think outside of the box.

The app boasts lightning-fast… um, fast speeds… OK, it’s a little slow right now, but when we replace that psycho developer who stole our money and quit in the middle of the project, we will fix our speeds. The app takes a while to load, but you can use this time to build the useful habit of multitasking. While your friend’s photo is loading, go pay your bills or do laundry. Chores are not going to do themselves, right?

Love to share? We make it even easier because Friend Stalker integrates with a variety of other apps, so you can post your credit card balance or check in at a marriage counselor’s office with just one tap. Found another cats-on-a-treadmill video? Friends Stalker lets you repost it instantly. We agree that you can never watch too many cats-on-the-treadmill videos.

Friend Stalker works seamlessly with the Maps app and keeps track of your location. Every time the app detects a friend within a five-mile radius, it sends you alert so you don’t miss an opportunity to socialize. We planned to give you an ability to turn these alerts off, but again, if Tommy didn’t quit and run off with our money…

We hope your experience using the app is less stressful than ours building it. Don’t send us feedback because we are all looking for new jobs and the new guys wouldn’t know how to fix it anyways. Thank you for choosing Friend Stalker!

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