Dialogue - censor that sweater

Dialogue - censor that sweater - student project

Hi all, 


I am struggling with two things:

1) I don't know how to create distinct mannerisms in speech that's not my own. I adopt other people's word choices and spice things up, and I wouldn't think to give my characters something that didn't catch my interest. 


2) I'm not sure how easy to follow my dialogues are.

Here is my project:



I knew that they didn’t like it at the border. That I was wearing something with a logo showing my background in the undergrounds. The guards had their eyes following the bright yellow of the sweater through the crowd until I was almost at the security check before the terminal gates.


I insisted on sending Terry off to the terminals, because I know one day I will cross to see the world above.


"Yo, what are you wearing, so edgy. " The stranger standing in line before me snickered.

"Can't be patriotic and express myself?"

"Haha, save the hassle." He said, "Just take it off, "These diplomats from above the ground won't like it."


I aint having it. What am I supposed to do with my precious sweater, I surely won't part with it? The guy seemed to suggest that I just put it in the luggage. Are they gonna turn a blind eye, when they see it from scanning the luggage? So am I to succumb to this censorship right here and, suck up to still more humiliation when they find out my trickery? AS IF MY SWEATER IS SOMETHING SHAMEFUL TO HIDE?


A guard finally walked towards me before it was my turn for security check, "Just take that off. You underground people… It's an open secret, but they will turn a blind eye if you just put it in the luggage and show you're willing to comply."

"But it's not my luggage, I'm just sending my friend off, I need to take it back with me."

"Doesn't matter. "the guard said, "They just don’t want to see anything overt. This kind of symbol on clothing is too much of an underground Mathemagician style"

"It's just a school logo though… nothing to do with being from the undergrounds! Just let me pass and I'll keep quiet." I was protecting my school pride over my patriotism, and that was me giving in already. 

He shrugged, "None of the Naturoconjurers would dress like that, too unnatural they'd say. This bright obscene yellow. "


He suggested me to take the sweater off, and flip it inside out. The inner side was an ugly dirt-shit yellow and I couldn’t bear it. It's so hilariously obvious that I was totally a Mathemagician, faking it; similarly obvious was the sweater, with its hideous hems and backside of the logo embroidery, screaming that it was turned inside out only to conform. Knowing that I rep the truth, these guards were willing to let it pass as long as I wouldn’t dare to challenge them by expressing the truth.


I walked with the flow of the crowd, like a zombie. The ugly, dirt coloured side of my sweater was like my mood right now. Really, sir, the yellow colour was too threatening for them? Well fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck it all. I'm gonna wear it out. And don’t take it lightly as just a school sweater, I'm repping Mac with this school logo as much as I'm repping the Underground with this yellow sweater that apparently is too unnatural for those Naturoconjurers.