Cupid Can´t Do Shit

Cupid Can´t Do Shit - student project

            You know, for someone who has been in the business of love for so long is weird to find cases where there is nothing I can do to make it happen. See, I work with a complex system called Destiny… not the mystical force… nor the stripper that keeps you company on my day, it´s more like that Tinder app everyone tries to replace me with (and don´t get me started with OKCupid, my lawyers are handling that) Is just that mine is a thousand times better. It´s because this system was given to me by my mommy, Venus, it´s so powerful it transcends your basic algorithms by millennia. The probability for this system to be wrong is zero to none, this doesn´t mean I don´t play around with people´s feelings from time to time… I´m winking at you Shakespeare fans.

            But as entertaining as my story may be, what I´m about to narrate is not about me… is about two youngsters that just couldn´t get the courage to… okay, I´m rushing myself, let´s start at the beginning shall we.



            It was February the 13th, and now that I think about it was Friday too, maybe that’s why the whole thing was odd. But anyways, you may ask why not Valentine´s day, is because there is this common misconception that I work on my day but is a complete lie. I rest that day. There is NO WORK!!! Everyone outside already has a date and if not they are crying back home watching The Notebook for the tenth time by themselves. Sorry… I like talking about me, back to the story.

            It was a nice sunny day so I decided to head to a park. I turned Destiny on (That´s what he said) and searched for some good connections out there. By lunch break everything was going well… found two matches and made a cat love his owner (that one took about four of my best arrows because cats are almost incapable to feel love for anything else than themselves).

            As soon as I was about to indulge in some delicious chocolate cake Destiny sensed a big match. The source of this were two twenty something boy and girl sitting in a back to back bench, each facing outwards each other.

            At first I didn´t get it, they looked like normal millenials with nothing to lose and a lot to liv, and normally I don´t like to match them so young, it´s a matter of principles, I believe you should look for pleasure at that age, not love. So I was just thinking I should go back to that lunch break and then go on with my day.

            But, as I´m eating my cake, I overhear details of each of them as they get calls throughout my lunch break that made me just get into this love story. Apparently their names are Anthony and Cleo, like the famous historical couple. Cleo is a lawyer working for his Father´s firm and was in the park that day to rest from a big case coming up about a big pharmaceutical scam in which a big company sold placebo pills to cancer patients. Anthony, a nurse working in the hospital two blocks away, it´s there because it’s the place he and her mom used to go every Friday after school to get some ice cream. But this is the good part, Anthony´s mom has cancer (I know is not good to have cancer but keep reading) that´s why Anthony became a nurse, to take care of her mom. And guess what, his mom is one of the cancer patients that used those placebo pills and is part of the group that is suing this company. Was Cleo the good lawyer thought? I had the same question my friend, so I picked over Cleo´s paperwork and… YES!!! She is Anthony´s mom lawyer; well technically, she is part of the group that represents her so it makes sense they don’t know each other directly.

            Also, they went to the same college. I found out while Anthony was checking a memory from Facebook, it was a photo of his fraternity brothers; it was the same college as the one on Cleo´s sweatshirt. So I got a bit curious and opened Facebook myself and searched them to see what else they shared.

           As I browsed each profiles I found out this: both play golf, favorite movie Super Mario Bros. (I know, weird), favorite band The Killers (Actually, Anthony is the bass in a cover band of them) and… (This is very specific)… their favorite food is Peanut butter and Pickles sandwich with the edges cut (I know, they are like kids)

           I felt I was watching a movie and rutting for this guys to end up together. But, as I told you, is a matter of principle, so I was about to leave and let them be when they each took out a copy of the same book. It was Shakespeare, A Midsummer´s Night Dream actually!! It was a sign I thought, there is no question they should be together and NOW.

           So I place my favorite arrow in my bow, and aimed to Anthony´s heart. No one was near so his attention would be set on Cleo. He closed the book and got up, as soon he was turning to face Cleo I took a deep breath and threw the arrow. I missed; apparently his shoe was unlaced so he went down to fix it. Don’t worry, you still have three arrows on you (that damn cat). I took another big breath and placed another shot at his heart… Missed, a bird got in the way (It ended up falling in love with a Cheeto but that’s a story for another day).

           Two arrows left and Anthony was about to get up and leave. So I pulled my diaper up, got on sniper stance, another big breath and ping… got it. One left to go but just one arrow to get it done. I used what was left of my cake to stabilize my shot and ping… got Cleo too. But now I need to set their attention to each other. So I grabbed a stone and threw it to Anthony´s back, even if he got mad I just needed one look to make this work.

           He turned to Cleo and there it was, the moment I was waiting for, the moment in the movies were the two main characters fell in love… but to my surprise nothing happened!!! They just smiled akwardly at each other and Anthony left. HOW? I´m cupid, I can make the queen of the fairies to fall in love with a donkey, without trying. So what happened? I didn´t know, like, I knew cats are a hard target but why these two?

            And then it hit me. There was something I didn´t account for; they were not ready to love. See, normally I´m used to people wanting love, even if they don’t admit it, deep down is what all humans want; and that’s what feed my powers, it just takes a bi of the feeling to get ya. But these two just didn´t want it at the moment. I guess Cleo has too much work to even consider being with someone and Anthony´s love is dedicated to his sick mom. I wouldn´t call their alternative of love “happy” in any way, but apparently in today´s time love is not all humans want. That sure humbled me, it showed me how little to no power I actually have nowadays.

            But that’s why, every year on Feb 13th I come to this park, right over this back to back old bench, exactly at lunch time. Just to know the end of this romantic movie I experienced that day. Thanks for listening Michael, but enough about me how is the relationship with the Cheeto going on?


                                                                       THE END




So... yeah, that´s the story I made in this course. It took me an hour and a half to write it (plus watching the videos). Is not my best, I just did it for fun and I would like to hear input in what I can improve. Thanks.