About as good as it's gonna get.

Idea #1 Awkward dinner with my wife's coworker and her "girlfriend." My wife made plans with a coworker for us to meet up with her and "the girl she's sleeping with" for appetizers and drinks. They show up 30 minutes late and very drunk. The night played out from there, whenever one Amanda would leave (they were both named Amanda, Amanda squared, if you will, and I did) the other Amanda would talk trash about the departed Amanda. It ends with us getting stuck with a $150 tab.

Idea #2 My 30th birthday. It opens with me drunkenly making a cab driver pull into a KFC in a bad part of town so that my last meal of my 20's can be a KFC double decker. From there, I receive a live lobster at the office of the environmental non profit I was working at, sent by my in-laws. After that, my family surprises me at a bar, where my two 19 year old brothers are waiting, with fake ID's that my Mom had procured from them. It all culminates in my friends presenting me with a Hitler pinata stuffed with whiskey and candied bacon (I'm Jewish, it's cool).

Idea #3 My dog eats a diet of brown rice, beef, egg, pumpkin, kale, and broccoli. This makes me hate myself. I'd like to talk about how we got here.

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