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15 Identities

1. A rainbow of bitterness 

2. The B-Movie Anti-Expert

3. Glitter Punk

4. Stubborn yet Indecisive 

5. Lover and Hater of the Outdoors

6. Disliker of Children

7. World Traveler, With Constant Complaints

8. Lazy, but with Big Dreams

9. Jack of all Trades, Master of None

10. Health Conscious Junk-Foodie

11. Tech Loving Hater of Phones

12. Inconsistent Crafter

13. Attention Seeking Homebody

14. Constant Starter, Seldom Finisher 

15. The Unemployed Shopaholic 

 

40 Things Only a Stubborn Yet Indecisive Person Would Understand (AKA I have ADD)

 

  1. Strongly identify with the Mary Poppins theory, “well begun is half done.” Who has the time to make things fully done?
  2. Maybe people are supposed to have kids at 30 because we were all too busy partying in our 20’s to develop a personality and kids are like a stall tactic used to give them extra time to figure it out.
  3. People who have time to get really good at any one thing either had really strict parents who  made them do it all the time or a natural ability, because nothing can be learned as an adult. (It’s just WAY too hard)
  4. I’m way too busy making myself look busy to actually do the things I’m pretending I do
  5. Walks are never a fun idea, but can be fun if there is ice cream or swimming at the end.
  6. It seems like it would be really great to be super good at anything, but it’s also fun just to ask those people questions, so I would hate to take away their fun by learning to be really good at something myself, I mean, then there would be no teachers.
  7. If you actually finish a project, then you will have nothing to say when people ask you, “what are you working on right now?” So really, you’re doing society a favor by procrastinating.
  8. People who are successful and finish projects just sound braggy.
  9. If you were really good at cooking then people would want to come over for dinner all the time and THAT would really suck because no one would do the dishes and you would always be cleaning up after people. There’s a reason I don’t have kids, it’s because I don’t want to clean up after people.
  10. Sure, guests offer to help clean up, but you can’t accept it cause then you are just a rude host. Plus it’s not like they will help you empty the dishwasher which no one wants to do.
  11. If guests offer to help you should just have them put away your laundry, cause no one ever wants to do that either.
  12. Babies are like permanent guests who just start to hate you after awhile, but you still have to clean up after them and they never leave.
  13. People coming for a visit always sounds like a good idea until there’s an air mattress in the middle of your living room for a week. That’s why I’m glad no one actually comes to visit even tho they always say they will.
  14. I always tell people to come visit me anytime, but I don’t really mean it. When I actually think about it, there is NO reason I would actually want to go visit anyone unless they live somewhere cool and I want a free place to stay.
  15. How come its so much fun to buy yarn, but never fun to use it? There’s too much counting! I didn’t sign up for math crafts, I just wanted a warm sweater.
  16. The yarn that’s on sale is never the good yarn. It’s always the “make an entire project out of this and then burn it because no one is ever going to wear that ugly homemade nightmare” Also it’s itchy.
  17. Everyone has one friend that is really good at knitting, and they say they will make you something, but that item will never come. Go buy a scarf or prepare to have a cold neck for the rest of your life cause they got an endless line of scarf moochers in front of you.
  18. Every time I buy glitter it’s a mistake. I thought, “I’ll have people throw glitter at my wedding, won’t that be so fun and magical?” No, I look like I have crafty dandruff in all my wedding photos.
  19. Why would anyone want to be a wedding planner? Every bride puts so much expectation and enthusiasm into their wedding day and EVERY TIME something goes wrong, and even if its the tiny thing, it’s your fault. You ruined everything. It seems like the only person who would be good at that job is a psychic/wizard. You have to be both or you will ruin everything.
  20. You can’t be the only 30 year old in a band unless you’re really good at what you play. It doesn’t matter if everyone else is 18 or 60 you are an idiot.
  21. If you cut hair, you can’t tell people that you’re really passionate about something that isn’t hair related or they start to check the mirror to see if you are f***ing up their hair.
  22. If you know someone has a job that one might have to go to school for, don’t ask them if they are thinking about going back to school, cause you’re basically saying, “aww that’s cute, but what do you want to be when you grow up?”
  23. If someone tells you they are going to IKEA, don’t point out that they are going to have a million pieces of screws and garbage to glue together when they get home. There’s no need to point out that we can’t afford to buy furniture that is PRE assembled Carol, sorry we don’t all live in a castle!
  24. I either finish books in one week or a year and a half. There is no in between.
  25. I own seven guitars, but I can’t play bar chords. Money I can get, ADD I already have.
  26. People who know more than 3 directors are insane. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, let alone who directed fast and furious.
  27. My husband likes to casually throw names of people from bands I don’t listen to into conversations, then he gets all crazy when I don’t know who he’s talking about. Meanwhile he can’t remember the names of the characters on a show we are currently watching.
  28. I can never decide what to eat, then I always end up eating something with cheese in it as if I don’t know I’m lactose intolerant and have been my entire adult life.
  29. People get all lamed out when people say there are lactose intolerant, yet they tolerate vegans. Sure, they mock it, but they tolerate it. That s**t is a choice, if I eat dairy I have no choice where I s**t.
  30. Vegans would have you believe they are healthy, but does anyone actually know what is in a “vegan burger” no.
  31. What is soy even?
  32. How come when I don’t know something I should google it, but when I tell someone to google it I’m an a**hole?
  33. How come when I buy an $8 smoothie from somewhere it tastes amazing, but when I try to put the same things in a smoothie at home it tastes like something I got out of the garbage disposal?
  34. If there are so many great writers in the world, how come they keep remaking 80’s movies that were perfect the first time?
  35. I feel like we should all have a permanent registry online so anytime someone decides to buy us something for our house they can check the registry. Really, people should just stop buying me things for my house. “Wow thanks for this life size cutout of Tom Hanks, no I have to keep this forever or you will think I hate you.” ...I will however take a life size cutout of Tom Hanks if anyone was wondering what to get me for my birthday.
  36. People who are really good at taking care of plants should probably never come to my house. The one time I ever kept a plant alive, someone told me I was doing it wrong and it was dead in a week. Thanks a lot Jesse.
  37. Anyone who tries to make brunch plans three weeks in advance is probably a psychopath, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
  38. If you want to be really good at something you need to work really hard on it every day, no matter what, or quit now cause you can’t fail at something you never tried.
  39. If it takes you longer then three days to read the first two chapters of a book, then you should throw it out the window of a moving car, because boredom is the devils playground.
  40. If you’re not really good at any one thing, but you’re kind of ok at a lot of things, then you should make the one thing you’re really good at changing the subject. Then people will always just think you’re really interesting and a tiny bit crazy instead of totally boring and losing your mind.

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