Justine Lee

writer, bay area native, friend

2

2

1: List of Ten & Clustering

List of Ten


Vegetables -> eggplant

A Conversation about Emoticons. 

Sara: Why is the eggplant emoticon the closest thing to a penis?

Jennifer: I know! I was just thinking about this yesterday. The next best thing is the saxophone.

S: Who decides these things?

J: If I had to guess. A sweet Japanese artist who loves vegetables.

S: (laughs) RIGHT?! There's even one for taro.

J: Yeah! I just don’t understand why I need to express an eggplant or a saxophone more than I do a penis or…did you know they don’t even have one for cheese??

S: What.

J: Yeah. They have a cheeseburger and this pudding block that kind of looks like cheese.

S: Oh my God. I just thought of a way I could use eggplant and saxophone combo with Tim.

J: Tell me.

S: I'd write "I’ll make you eggplant, insert eggplant, parmesan. Then let’s go to Fillmore Jazz Bar, insert saxophone. And then we can, insert eggplant, insert saxophone, back at my place."

J: Sar, at the end there, you gotta choose one or the other. What if Tim thinks you want double pen?

S: Oh my God. or knowing him he’ll take it literally and think I want to eat leftover eggplant and listen to a jazz CD as we do.

J: Put those bad boys in quotes.

S: Done.

Clustering

Giraffe -> brace & diamonds

Brace Yourself.

Joe: Brace yourself.

Tanya: For?

J: For the tremendous amount of love and gratitude you are about to feel for me.

T: Ok, hit me.

J: I just spent the last two hours with a thumbtack and my own ten fingers skillfully unknotting your diamond necklace to the point of perfection.

T: You have my diamond necklace?! WHAT THE HELL JOE! LET ME SEE IT.

J: There are blisters on my fingers!! I stabbed my self several times!!

T: Ok ok. Tremendous amount of love and gratitude felt. Give it to me!

J: Please. Get in front of a mirror so I can place it on you like a servant would onto a princess.

T: (rolls eyes) Oh my God, Joe. Please.

J: Yes, your highness.

[places and secures diamond necklace around T’s neck]

J: Beautiful.

T: Fine. Now tell me how this happened.

J: A servant never tells.

T: That’s not a thing people say.

J: It’s from Downton. The big butler says it all the time.

T: (shakes head) How did you get my diamond necklace and ruin it?

J:  Ruin and then make it a million times better, you mean?! Look at that shine.

T: You know my aunt gave me that right before she died.

J: T, we must focus on the present moment. Let me show you what else my skillfull ten fingers can do to make you happy…Tell me where you want them first.

T: A princess never tells.

-END-

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