Original Sentence:  

     Gwen stood at the edge of Wishing Lake.

 

Revision:

       Gwen stood at the edge of Wishing Lake leaning her head back to allow her face to bask under the bright sun. The crisp morning air streamed down the mountains, washing the trees before pooling into her favorite spot. Bare feet snuggled into the warm sand.  Closing her eyes, she attempted to process the recent events which had inadvertently turned her world upside-down.  A loud screech pierced the silence, jolting her out of her trance.  Gwen spotted a hungry bird loop above before diving at its unsuspecting meal, causing the lake's mirror-esque appearance to shatter. Electricity zipped up her spine leaving the back of her neck to tingle.  Reeds along the shore grew still and wildlife hopped and slivered away from whence they came.  The odd ripples increased, rolling larger and faster, swirling from green to black.  The once crisp air, grew thick and sultry, clinging to her throat. A shadow loomed under the surface where the bird had been only moments before.  Quickly, she snapped to attention as a slimy wave crashed onto the desolate beach.  Gwen grabbed her discarded shoes and raced towards the edge of the sprawling woods. The inky black water leached out, saturating the sand and burning her feet.  She skipped over the tangled undergrowth and slipped into the forest.  Ducking under a thick limb, she chanced a glance back.  Her once perfect hideaway now bubbled with angry black geysers, bellowing noxious green gasses.  Gwen ran for her life.