SURPRISE VERSION:

Tommy ran fast and hard towards the bus stop, wheezing with determination. Imagining Margot’s smiling face was the carrot dangling before him, keeping him going even though he felt so faint he could’ve passed out. Tommy couldn’t stop; he had to say goodbye to her. 

Tommy’s heart pulsed in his ears in perfect rhythm with his feet pounding against the pavement. His heart rate soared enough as it was at the mere thought of Margot. This was off the charts. He rounded the corner to see the bus at the end of the block.

It meandered onto the freeway ramp. In a passenger window, he glimpsed Margot’s curly blonde locks bobbing as the suspension jiggled over the rough pavement. The bus merged on to the interstate and was gone for good.

SUSPENSE VERSION:

Tommy ran fast and hard towards the bus stop, wheezing with determination. Imagining Margot’s smiling face was the carrot dangling before him, keeping him going even though he felt so faint he could’ve passed out. Tommy couldn’t stop; he had to say goodbye to her. 

At the bus bench, Margot waited. With ruler straight limbs and her hands tightly grasping her suitcase she looked like a proper 1930’s school girl. The bus pulled up to the curb and the door creaked open. She lifted her chin to nod at the passengers as they stepped off.

Tommy’s heart pulsed in his ears in perfect rhythm with his feet pounding against the pavement. His heart rate soared enough as it was at the mere thought of Margot. This was off the charts. He rounded the corner to see the bus at the end of the block.

It meandered onto the freeway ramp. In a passenger window, he glimpsed Margot’s curly blonde locks bobbing as the suspension jiggled over the rough pavement. The bus merged on to the interstate and was gone for good.

INSPIRATION: 

I was inspired by the idea of young love found and lost in adulthood--like of a grown-up version of Moonrise Kingdom.