As I sat totally dazed and completely confused, absent-mindedly staring at the playing baby boy very close to me who was obviously oblivious of a distraught girl in his parent's living room( the same lady who had just left, 2 days ago) and I wondered if he as tender as he was, knew what just transpired between my parents and I, if his mom(my best friend) actually told him, because sometimes in between his chatter, he would pause to look at me, and even though I was mostly absentminded, I noticed his gaze and I wondered after the entire drama was over, if that was a sign he would be sensitive and caring as an adult. As I stared at him, I suddenly wished we could switch places, I wanted to become a child again, with no adult burden or worries and just then, the memory of what had transpired earlier came flooding back and I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be(home) and that we didn't even have a 7 month old in our family, the last child was almost 18, and she was actually the reason I fled home, from my parents, my siblings and everything that reminded me of that morning. I found myself back to my friends whom I had just left her place in less than 48 hours. There had been a fierce argument earlier between my dad and I, and that, didn't end well, infact it led my dad to pounce on me and beat me mercilessly. That morning, I regretted not saying back in Abuja after graduation from college, I had just finished from college, I would have simply stayed back and started a job in Abuja( Nigeria) and not travelled back to Lagos(Nigeria), then none of this would have happened, I wouldn't have to babybit my 18 year old youngest sister, I wouldn't have gotten into that argument with my father, I still would have had my self esteem and perhaps, the tiny respect I had earned for myself from siblings would still be there and not completely deflated. All I just wanted was go home and be with my family after been apart for a while, but here was my father with my mom's support making me feel worthless just because I did not take my 18 yr old sister to her 14 yr old friends home who had visited us earlier and my sister was only returning the courtesy visit( I was running late and needed to be at my friends' before sunset). He paid a deaf ear to my sister who protested that she knew her destination and was old enough to take care of herself.
My father actually beat the hell out of me right in the presence of my younger siblings and a few gossip mongering neighbours, without feeling any sort of remorse and my self esteem and respect was never the same because it severely affected my relationship with my sibling and killed any single respect they had for me, because my parents made everyone believe I was the wrong and disobedient one, and up till this moment, no one noticed the impact that incident had on me. Because some of my friends heard about it, it affected me socially. It drastically deflated my confidence in job hunting and made me feel worthless for the most part, that single incident filled me with so much hatred for my father and I thought to myself, at this point, the relationship wasn't worth since he hated me just as much and even though we tried working on our relationship much later, things were never going to be the same anymore and I still cried each time I remembered that unpleasant incident.