Day 100 (September 2) - The last day!

I didn't achieve my goals with this project, non of them... BUT I achieved things, a lot of things:

- I released 2 games! That's a lot! You can play them here! (FREE!) I highly recommend Moon.

https://byyee.itch.io/drone-eats
https://byyee.itch.io/moon-pb

- I gained a lot of experience and I reached a new level as a game dev!

- I made new friends from all sorts of places.

- I learned a lot from a lot of different topics; math, physics, biology, mental health, film making, and more.

- I regained trust in my word, which I think is the biggest achievement with this project.

- learned a lot about myself, how my mind works, what I like, my limits and how to surpass them.

- I feel fulfilled for the first time in a long time. I'm not looking for happiness, my view has changed, it's more realistic and healthy, I know bad things happen and that I can't control that, but even if something bad happens I still can feel fulfilled because I'm doing exactly what I want to do.

- I'm being more responsible with my emotions, I allow myself to feel fear, sadness and everything, I don't hide them.

- For the first time in my life I finished something that took 30 days to finish, and not just that, I finished 2 games, I'm capable of finishing things! And not just that, I finished a 100 day project!

- I'm not punishing myself for all my failures! I'm actually learning! Taking notes on what went wrong and how to fix it! This feels amazing.

To be honest this project was a complete failure, but that's expected, that's what projects are for, to fail, and with every failure comes a lot of learning, now unto a new project, I will apply everything I learned from this to get close to my goals! Unto a new 100 days project! Unto "100 days of Ravenclaw lifestyle" This new project tries to answer one question "What would I be doing if I were what I'd like to be?" I want to be an awesome game dev, I want to be an athletic person, I want to be helpful to others and society, I want to be a Ravenclaw, this is how I'll end this project, with this next question, What if you already are what you want to be? You don't need things to be the best version of yourself, you just have to be, you just have to make a choice and believe. Thank you guys, thank you Rich! Waiting for that amazing creativity mini course!

Day 98 (August 31) - Not as excited as before.

I'm starting to panic here, the next 100 project starts this September 3rd, and I'm not as excited as I was with this 100 day project, maybe because this, at least from my point of view, was kind of a fail. I know it wasn't, I released 2 games and did Yoga for 30 days straight which was a first for me, but still, this isn't was this project was all about, and finishing feels like cheating, yeah, that's why I'm not excited, because I had to re-structure the project so many times it feels like a failure, but... Was it? I learned a lot and I gained trust in myself, in my word, I know there are some tweaks left but things will never be 100% perfect so I should not focused on that and just celebrate what I was able to achieve in this 100 days, which, I must say, it was far more than I achieved in the last 6 years.

So... Should I be excited about this next project? It's almost the same as the one before, so I'm not excited, I think I'm going to fail again, and that's what's been so demoralizing so I have to make a choice. I know exactly what I should do, What do I want? What do I need? I know exactly what I've been wanting my whole life. That's going to be my focus for my next 100 day project, just focus on one thing, the other things I'll still try to do them but it won't matter if I don't manage to get them done, I'll have this priority.

I already did the research needed to achieve this goal, so, let's go for it, starting September 3rd.

Day 96 (August 29) - This is about to end!

Well I think I figured out what I want to do for the next 100 day project. First, let me show you my newly published game.

https://byyee.itch.io/moon-pb

I'm really proud of this tiny game, it feels and looks great, I still know I can do so much better, but it was a challenge to keep it as simple as possible, I had a lot of fun with it.

My next 100 day project, it already has a name: 100 Days of Ravenclaw Lifestyle. Why go back to that? Because I liked it, and it's weird but it has a reason to be weird, so I'll keep it like this.

This are my goals:

- Create a brand for myself.

- Lose 20 pounds. I did research

-Finish my 3 game projects.

I won't be saying much about the what, why, who or how. I'll leave that for the next project.

Day 91 (August 24) I'm crying.

Today was the last day of 30 days of Yoga With Adriene, this... This means so much to me... This is the first time I feel like I've finished something in my entire life, I don't have the words to describe how I feel, I don't feel accomplished, I feel like... like if I have finally prove myself that I actually can do things... This is such an emotional moment... I don't know how describe this... I've been trying to do that for so many years, only to fail at around day 10, and today I didn't only finished day 30 but, day 30 was a "do your own thing", and I did it and... I don't know how to describe this, this 90 days have been such a ride... and just in a few days I'll publish another game, this aren't the games I wanted to publish but this are finished games that I did by myself... I've been struggling for years now to do something with my life and I always felt like I was a failure, and today that one thing is closed and 2 more are about to finish... I... I just want to cry... I was reading the comments of that last day, everyone, including Adriene were so emotional, everyone is saying things pretty similar to what I'm writing, if you compare the views of Day 1 that has 24 million views and day 30 which has 1 million views, roughly 5% of those finished the 30 days... of 24 million tries, only 1 million have finished, this make me feel like I have proved myself, I can be part of that 3% of people that have the life they want, I'm no longer part of that 97% anymore, I don't have to be...

A few days back a friend came to visit, he hugged me, I wasn't even sure how to react, I... I truly thought that after everything that happened nobody really cared about me, but he does care about me, that made me think that I've been so selfish towards a lot of people, people I love, people I care about, now I have decided how I'm going to end this 100 day project, here's what's going to happen: I'm going to write a plan for the next 100 day project which is going to be titled "Ravenclaw Lifestyle", this will summarize everything I learned from this and apply it to have the life that I want, but not to have the life I want but to start living the life I want, very different words, it's not about having, it's about being, being what I'm truly capable of. This next 10 days are gonna define my life forever, as much as this past 90 days have. It's about me giving something back, my friend was kinda sad, kinda depressed, he talk about how he feels, how he lacks that motivation and will, he talked about this emptiness he feels on a daily basis, that made me realize that's what I want to be, I want to be an example for those around me, I want to inspire them to have the lives they want. That's what I truly want. To show everyone they can do it too.

So the 25 have days have passed so I have to make another commitment, from this day until the end of this 100 day project, I'll do the following:

- Write the goals I want to achieve during the next 100 days.

- Research each and every goal, make them realistic, make a plan for each and everyone of them.

- Write all of this on Todoist and get everything ready because the next project it's going to be epic.

This is what I commit to do, this will be finished by the end of this project.

This have been such an amazing ride, if you read this, thank you so much for your time, I'll be posting where the new project will be in a few days, see you soon.

Day 89 (August 22 2020) So much to tell so little time.

These past few days have been crazy! I have very little time so I won't write much today, but I'm about two finish 3 things: 30 days of yoga, I'm at day 28, tomorrow is 29, just two days lefts. I'm also at day 89, tomorrow is day 90 and last but not least, I'm about to publish a new small game I did, I'll publish it this August 31st, which means it will be almost about the same time I finish this 100 day project. This feels like a lifetime, this project has been amazing but, it hasn't finished so let's make the most out of this last 11 days.

Day 84 (August 17 2020) So I had this dream...

I was in cruise ship with some old friends, friends I used to consider my best friends... The dream was a sad dream... I don't know how to explain the dream at all, but this friends are no longer my friends and I used to love them, but know they kinda hate me, or at least they don't want me in their lives because I left, I left almost two years ago, I needed to leave, I wasn't comfortable with anything in my life, I felt like a fraud to them so I had to leave... I explained what was going on to them, but give them no chance to reply, I just left a message and left, a really coward thing to do, but I just had to. In the past months I've encountered 3 of them, the ones I love the most, one of them didn't talk to me, the other clearly said she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, and the last... well, his whole attitude was of "don't you ever talk to me again", to be honest I didn't felt like an important part of their lives, me leaving obviously hurt them, otherwise they wouldn't be acting like this, Right? I guess... I'm not sure... This dream was because all of that, I'm still trying to get that I'm kinda... alone, which doesn't really bother me as much as losing them, Is all of this worth losing them? It doesn't matter at this point, I obviously lost them already so I just gotta keep moving forward and I've met amazing people during this time, and that hurts even more, I feel like I'm moving forward without them, that's not what I wanted, I wanted to move forward with them... Is that a selfish?

This is the first time I've wrote that... "I felt like a fraud", this is why sometime is so hard to not believe in destiny, the first time I heard of the impostor syndrome was like 5 days before I encounter the first friend. I left a message to that friend before leaving, I told her that she deserved an amazing friend, which I wasn't, she told me, you could be... then I left. I tried to be, but it always felt wrong, I always felt like a fraud to her... Holy crap... it's late, is almost 12am, I was going to bed but I decided to write about this before, I was preparing the bed and I was thinking about them and "eff it, I'll write about this first", this is why I love writing, it's so revealing, I've felt like an impostor for so, so long, I've never thought of that, this actually brings me a lot peace, if I ever have the chance to meet them again, now I have a reason, a more explicit reason to why I acted the way I did, and if I never have the chance I can learn form this to not make the same mistake with the new people I'll eventually meet.

I was debating with myself whether or not I should try and talk to them again, before writing this my conclusion was to not look for them because I'm tired, I'm tired of making an effort, now, after writing this I have a very powerful question in my hands, If I truly love them, Why is it tiring? Because I was trying too hard to be someone I'm not, someone they would like... which takes me to my real answer, if shouldn't go back, some of them have a pretty, let's call it "hard idea" of who I am, and the things they believe about me aren't true, fighting that is going to be really hard and can undo pretty much everything I've managed to get done by this point, if I'll ever met them again it has to be from a position that is above their prejudice, somewhere were I'll be safe or inmune to their words, but it also scares me, Will they accept the new me? That's also very powerful, that's also why I haven't been able to be myself, to be a true Ravenclaw (I just love this project, everything can lead to that), I'm a weird person, I don't like alcohol, I don't like concerts, I don't like parties, I like staying awake up all night playing freakin Pokémon, or learning why we should be using Tau instead of Pi (Which is really interesting actually, "The Pi is a lie, give me Tau instead", I'm going to make a t-shirt with that phrase), I'm a complete and total nerd and this project has taught me that, if people don't like that I shouldn't care, even if it's people I used to love, or even people I currently love, it doesn't matter, that just the kind of person I enjoy to be, which is actually more powerful, Isn't it? I don't like being an extrovert and a party guy, I've tried and it's tiring, to me it's super tiring, it doesn't even actually put me outside my comfort zone, it's just tiring, I don't like that, I actually have more to say about this but I'll leave it for tomorrow, I've been writing for half an hour, the trouble is that I'm falling asleep, and I have terrible grammar even when I'm awake, I rather sleep a bit and talk about this other thing tomorrow, which I put a reminder here, it's about a test I did that told me I should put more focus on relationships, Why?!? Why? I don't want to, at this point in my life I truly don't want to, Why should I listen to a random test? Ah, eff it, I'll write it now... I don't want to, I truly don't, I know that's important but there are other things far more important right know, like not feeling like a fraud, and for that I have to make changes, I can't focus on relationships in this state, it would be dumb as fudge, and fudge isn't known for it's brains because it doesn't even have any! It's fudge! It's not a dolphin! It's a freaking topping! Maybe I should have totally have left this for tomorrow... Dafuq am I writing hahahahahahahahaha, not, I didn't smoke anything, I'm just sleepy, and being sleepy makes me silly, very, very silly, and weirder, very weird. Well, I have my answer, if I want to look for those old friends I should present my new my, not the old me, because I didn't left to return exactly the same, I left to make a change, then do it, then I won't be a fraud to them nor to me, yeah, it's really that simple, I have this weird feeling that I will meet them again when I finally make all the changes I want to make, and they'll all be like "Dude WTF?!?!? Happened?" And I'll tell them "It's the power of vitamin C" And they'll say "...What?" and I'll just laugh like crazy and then they'll kick me out of their party, yeah, that sounds like a great plan, I should go to sleep...

Day 82 (August 15 2020) I failed!

I failed! I didn't do yoga yesterday!

For the first time in my life I don't feel like quitting, every time I failed one of this "do this for X days challenge" I always felt the need to quit and restart, to do things "right", today I'm feeling like nothing happened, I just have to do day 21 one of yoga today, that's it, it's not like the world is gonna end or something, and instead of asking why did I failed and asking what can I do to prevent this from happening again.

I was super tired yesterday, I lay down a little and I felt asleep, which was really nice because I haven't had a good night sleep in a long time, so this felt so energizing, I do yoga late at night so I couldn't, because I was sleeping. What can I learn from this? Well, if I want to keep doing yoga, the best time to do so would be right after I wake up to avoid all the obstacles that can present during the day making my yoga practice a little harder to do.

I feel great, for the first time I feel positive, I just want to continue were I left it, which would put my one day behind schedule, but who cares, I also don't feel the need to do two sessions instead of one, I don't feel rushed, which is fantastic, I don't really know what happened to my brain, but this, to me, is huge progress.

Day 81 (August 14 2020) Impostor syndrome

I've been hearing a lot about that subject and I'm wondering if I have it. There's been a lot of people praising my work, some of them even calling me a genius, and I'm like "yeah... I'm not a genius", because I know I'm not, but also I'm afraid of showing my work because I think is subpar at best, that's one of the reasons I've been taking so many courses and trying to learn everything I can. To be honest I don't know, this are just random thoughts, maybe I'm just fine.

The yoga has been great btw, day 21 is today, I've never been so far in those 30 days of yoga practices, also found out that Adriene has like 5 more similar free programs, it's almost half a year of free yoga and that's without counting her other "non-30 day" videos, she's amazing.

Day 75 (August 8 2020) Half way through!

Hi guys! I published a game! It's a very small game but I like it.

https://byyee.itch.io/drone-eats

Actually I don't like it, read the postmortem, this game was a mess but I learned a lot from it, couldn't be happier with such a failure.

I'm half way through the 30 days of Yoga, I just realized that and, this also makes me really happy, I've tried to do that program for years, I always reach day 14 or so, this time I'm at 15, How awesome is that?

I also read something about myself which I might share later, but first I want to keep doing some research on some topics I heard about.

The 1 year course started yesterday, I haven't started it yet, I've been busy with the game, but now that is publishes I'm free to start it! I'll probably do the first part today or tomorrow, probably tomorrow.

Day 72 (August 5 2020) - I got it!

This is one of my favorite Ted Talks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc

I listened to that years ago, but I never truly got it until yesterday, the speaker says that you have to parent yourself to do the things you don't want to, like getting early in the morning to workout even it's cold outside, or don't use social media while working, it's not that I didn't understand, but it's more of a "How" type of question, and then I listened to this guy yesterday, he's a Spanish coach, I don't trust coaches because I've seen a lot in the past years and they've never truly helped, the motivation last for 10 to 20 days or so, it's useless to be honest, but this talk was free so I said "Sure why not, wth", the guy talked about a study someone did about successful people, one thing they have in common is that they speak in a loud voice, "But I don't want to do that" I said to myself and almost as he listened to me, the coach responded "You don't have to be talking loudly all the time, not even to people, you just gotta speak firmly and loud to that voice of yours that keeps screwing you up" ... ... ... So that's is how I parent myself! I never thought of that before, and this takes me to the core of this project.

This 100 day project was to do things, to try things out, I discovered something a lot of successful people have in common and that's that they just do things, you can even explain this with physics, for every action you'll get a reaction, I know that's not how exactly the law works, but it got me thinking. This is my most liked project here on Skillshare, I got two followers because of this, it's not that I care about those numbers, but again, every action has a reaction, if I keep updating this then eventually will notice it, for instance: I've been helping a lot of people with their video game projects and I was featured in a news letter because of it, if you keep doing things something will happen eventually, if you keep walking you'll eventually arrive somewhere, but what if I want to arrive to a very specific place.

You gotta have goals, most importantly, I think you gotta have values, one of the "Ravenclaw values" is learning, I wouldn't have listen to that Spanish coach if weren't doing this 100 project, I gotta learn from anyone and anywhere, that's why I said "agh, ok, I'll listen to this guy's 3 hours + video", the coach even said during the video "Watch me in full screen, take notes, I'm not here to lose my time and neither should you", and I was like "Yeah, yeah, let's get done with this" and started coding something... I was very reluctant due to previous experiences but I forced myself to at least listen to the guy and he gave me the key I needed, if I keep learning how to be a successful person, I'll eventually know how to, I have been listening to all sorts of things during this 70+ days, I most say, I'm amazed to where I'm currently am, I'm not far from where I started, but I was walking a very rocky path barefoot and without water, now I feel like I'm equipped to face not just a rocky path but a zombie apocalypse and survive for years, I'm also starting to re-evaluate the Ravenclaw values for the next 100 days project, turn them into something that aligns more with my personality and my goals, something more powerful, something I can parent myself with.

Day 70 (August 3 2020) - This is working...

Having flexibility for this challenge has made everything a breeze... I just noticed something funny, I've been doing yoga, my flexibility has gotten a lot better and this challenge is more flexible, yeah, flexibility kinda rules.

I can do things a lot better, yes I could, the point of this project was not just to keep me motivated but also about doing things, keep doing things and keep learning, and I've learned so much, I still think I can reach my previous goals before this year ends, and that's a fantastic feeling you know, I've never felt so on track, I was gonna say close to my goals, but I'm not close, but I've been walking, in this 70 days I've probably walked like, I don't know, 6 feet of a 10 mile marathon, but I'm happy with the results so far, I'm learning, I'm creating my own systems which suck BTW, the last system I tried was pretty much useless because I still need to organize myself better and set more defined goals per day, but I can commit for the next 20 days, so I can set goals, which is great, I've been more relaxed and productive at the same time.

I'm doing another game, a small one, I've decided to make a plan B in case my other game doesn't have any type of success on Kickstarter, I'm making a portfolio of at least 10 "small" games that show my skill on several topics that goes from coding, modeling, AI, game design and more. I'll probably be posting some of them here if you want to play them. I also start working on my original project as soon as I finished this first game that will be part of my portfolio. I'm excited, it's not necessarily how I envisioned this 100 day project, but I'm glad I did this and I can't be more excited for the next 100 day project which will be 100 times better.

One final thing, that 14 month course, it hasn't started yet, the guy doing it had technical issues and wasn't able to publish it, it was delayed for another 7 days, it will start on August 7, it was planned for August 1st, I'm not as excited as I was before, but I'll give it a go, Also! Great news, I'm now a better animator, 2D animator, I found a solution for a big problem I was having, it was like sort of obvious but I finally know how I can do better animations which will make my original game project a lot better.

Day 65 (July 29 2020) - Yoga FTW?

I did it! I just finished my 5 day commitment of doing 5 days of yoga!

I also did 500 bicep curls 1 day... I still haven't recovered from that, I can barely lift 20 pounds and I forced myself to do 500 curls... yeah... that hurts a lot, but I also did it, my arms hurt but feel amazingly different. Is that even possible?

So, here comes the commitment for the next 25 days, yes, I'm gonna take a leap here because I my blood tests arrived and my colesterol is on the borderline of the acceptable and my triglycerides are super high... so yeah, I gotta do better, but I came up with this:

Commitments for my next 25 days:

- I'll do the next 25 days of yoga.

- I commit to decide to commit, or not, to the next commitment each morning: I will not eat crap this particular day.

- I can only commit to up to 4 commitments each day, the fourth on cannot be other than that optional one, the other 3 cannot be changes and should be respected every day for the next 25 days, starting tomorrow, July 30 of 2020.

Why am I doing this? Because this way I can cheat my brain, I truly like sweets, candies, chips and all that crap, but if I want to get healthy I gotta stop eating them as often, but committing to not eating this sort of food for 25 days seems way to hard, but making the decision each day feels far more achievable, so, it's another experiment, which really ties to Wisdom, Creativity and Intelligence, Doesn't it? Yeah, I'm gonna become the best version of myself Ravenclaw style! xD

Oh, I also wanted to tell you guys about this: I'm starting a super huge drawing course which I desperately need, it's a 14 month program! 14th month of daily drawing! That's huge!!!!! I'm super excited and kinda nervous to be honest, it starts this august, maybe I'll write about day one here, can commit, sorry xD

Day 60 (July 24 2020) - Last day of this commitment

I actually did it, I didn't commit to anything else and I totally did write during this 5 days, I'm actually quite excited and happy right now!

Now, first, I'll do the commitments for the next 5 days, only two: 1) I can only commit to the next commitment, 2) I'll do the first 5 days of yoga of Yoga With Adriene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXU591OYOHA&list=PLui6Eyny-UzwxbWCWDbTzEwsZnnROBTIL Here's the link of this amazing woman that makes amazing yoga videos for free, probably a lot of you have heard of her. Why Yoga? Because I need to relax and yoga is sooooooo relaxing, I also want to get my flexibility back.

41. What makes me happy?

I don't know... oh wait, finishing things make me happy, very happy.

42. What do I think about when I’m alone?

A lot of stuff; projects, ideas, things to draw, write, code, existential things, how to beat that boss from Octopath traveler (dual Cleric FTW, it feels like cheating, you can't die) and more, my brain is kinda crazy.

43. What am I most passionate about?

Creating stuff, anything.

44. Where will we go after we die and what’s going to happen to us?

Energy can neither be created or destroyed... What happens to all the energy we are? Yes, I'm using physics to prove that there's more than death, what? Who knows, maybe my energy will dissipate into oblivion or it will travel to another time, era, dimension and inhabit another creature, who knows.

45. Who are the people who believe in me?

Myself, my parents and that's it.

46. What do I want to be remembered for?

My work.

47. If I were to die tomorrow, would any of this matter?

Matter to whom? Now that's a completely different question, there are millions of people out there, there's only a few percentage of that using Skillshare and even less of those reading this, so no, it doesn't matter but it matter to me, to yes, it does matter and it doesn't, all at the same time, and no, you don't have to open a box to figure it out, leave cats alone.

48. If I could live anywhere in the world, where would I live?

Japan, probably, and I'll probably move there in a few years.

49. Do I love myself as much as I expect others to love me?

I don't expect people to love me, Why would they? I suppose I'm lovable but I think that's something that requires effort, so yeah, I do love myself as much as I expect other to, and that's kinda wrong, isn't it? Why should I make an effort to love me? I'm truly the only person I can count on, I should love regardless of anything!

50. What am I most thankful for?

This moment right now, I'm enjoying it a lot!

I want to make a cosplay, I want to get a little skinny and get my abs to show to do this guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/octopathtraveler/comments/eeq28a/warmaster_therion/ I have that look in my eyes that say "If you get near me I'll kill you" xD I wanted to end on this note because that's another weird thing, I want to cosplay, Why? I don't know, it seems fun xD

Day 59 (July 23 2020) - Now I get it.

I was thinking about all this "There's nothing wrong with me", What if I want a change? What if want something, like whatever, now I get it, it's not that's nothing wrong with me or the world, it's that the negativity takes way too much energy that could be used to do other things. Today is the first day I don't have that hideous ache in my neck due to stress, I'm trying to see the positive things on everything, from good to bad, everything can be turned upside down to either a bad or a good thing, it's a matter of choice, how do I see things it's entirely up to me, again this is nothing new, this has been said many times before but now I'm starting to realize that's the only thing I actually need, just change my point of view and stop being so negative all the time, that's it.

For instance, there's a youtuber, I been thinking for over a year to make a game about that guy, have him as the main character, but there's an issue, that small part of YouTube kinda hates him, I've been bouncing all the time between "I shouldn't because people will hate me" and "I just want to do it". There's nothing wrong with doing that game, it doesn't actually mean that's there's nothing, there is, a small studio develop a game about him already and those guys are receiving really, really weird/scary/insane messages like "Remove this form the play store or I'll end your career" of course this are just internet trolls, they don't have that kind of power, and yes, I'll get that kind of hate too, but What if there's nothing wrong with that? If I develop a great game people will not believe it, a lot of them will start to hate me, yes, but that's what called a Pro Marketing move, yes, tons of people will hate me but other tons of people will start to see my other projects and not just that, if I make a good game a lot of people will play and have fun with it even if they, in the end, post a bad review, I know that's not what they truly be thinking, of course, gotta be careful with that, there might be some actual good criticism out there, so I'll have to filter all that out.

All of that takes me to another point, I discovered the difference between successful people and mediocre people, successful people do stuff they enojy, lots of it, mediocre people just do what they are told to, I'm not saying that successful people go out more, I'm saying they put a lot more time and effort into their project and enjoy them even if they fail, but they put so many things out there that at some point something has to become a hit, that's it, just do things, this is my new motto, just do it, there's nothing wrong with doing more, so why I was so scared? It makes no sense, really, just do things and be positive about it, if I fail it doesn't matter I learned from it, then I can continue do more stuff.

This 100 day project was all about this, finding my own way, some, like Tomas Frank, rely on technology, I can't, it has failed way too many times, but I can rely on my mind and my point of view, that's how I'm gonna achieve my dreams, that's the Ravenclaw way, finding my own path, being unique.

31. What parts of my life don’t reflect who I am?

My body, I always draw myself as a strong nimble guy, that's who I am, I going there!

32. What has my heart and intuition been telling me that I might be ignoring?

That I should listen to it more often! That I should be positive and smile more often!

33. Am I on the right path?

YES!

34. Where am I not being honest with myself and why?

I was using this "learning everyday" thing to over do it, to avoid other things. I still love learning and I'll do it on a daily basis but I gotta do more than just learn, let's put everything into practice!

35. Who is that one person I can talk to about just anything?

Myself and you! I mean, if you've read any of this, you are my hero! Why in hell would you read all of this?

36. Am I comfortable with being uncomfortable?

I'm starting to.

37. Do I enjoy my own company?

I do.

38. Can I be alone without feeling lonely?

Yeah, that's something I develop a looooooong time ago.

39. What is one thing I love the most about myself?

My uniqueness, I didn't want to say weirdness, because I notice weird is kind of a bad thing for my brain, so uniqueness it is.

40. Do I take things personally?

Sometimes, depending on my mood and other factors, but I guess the more I work on this perspective thing the less I'll take things personally.

I really enjoy this day, even tho it was chaotic, I really enjoyed it and writing this was the icing. Oh! Spoiler alert! I'll be doing another 100 day challenge! Not yet, I'll finish this one first, the next one will be exactly the same but with updated values with everything I've learned. I'm excited, can't wait, but there are still 41 days ahead of me, I still can make huge progress!

Day 58 (July 22 2020) - So there's nothing wrong about me.

This couldn't be weirder. I watched this TedTalk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5XztmijhQ

I'm taking some blood tests tomorrow to see if there's something wrong with me xD Quite weird if you ask, What if there's something wrong? I didn't think about that until like right know that I'm listening to an Adam and Jaime, from Mythbusters ComicCon 2013 panel. I love those guys, they were a huge part of my childhood, but onto the test. I don't have anything like super bad, I hope, but it might change my life quite a bit for good, obviously, but it's scary, actually I just remembered I can't eat or drink for the next 12 hours, I gotta go drink lots of water before I go to bed, be right back ... ... ... ... ... ...

Don't know why I'm doing this as a Live thing xD it's just more fun and personal. I just wanted to take that out that of my system, I'm sure I'm ok...ish, I now I can make lots of things to improve my health and I will.

21. Who inspires me the most in this world?

A lot of people. This question would have been extremely different a few months back, I never look up to someone but I took a course that forced me to think in people I admire and I came up with some name: Adam Savage, he's an amazing dude, I hope I'll meet him in person one day. Claire Boucher, or Grimes, she's an amazing artist, he's kinda messed up which is nice to see and the reason why I don't watch her interviews, she looks so, so weird, I love that but makes me super uncomfortable at the same time. That's all, probably, which is an infinity increase from none, gotta say that.

22. If I were to give one piece of advice to a newborn child, what would it be?

Enjoy life.

23. Am I holding onto something I need to let go of?

Yeah, if got into a fight with "this one girl" a friend, no wait, and ex-friend of mine, and I still need to take that out of my system, like really accept that she won't be part for my life anymore.

24. Is there someone who has hurt or angered me that I need to forgive?

A lot of ex-friends.

25. What can I do today to live a better life tomorrow?

Drink more water.

26. When was the last time I read a book that had a major influence on me?

About a month or so. I wrote about that, I actually wrote about all of this questions in another Skillshare project that I re-read.

27. When was the last time I said I love you to someone and meant it?

OMG, a long time ago, like 5 years ago or so.

28. When was the last time I made a new friend?

Fist of all, How in hell do I format this thing? It's annoying me to no end! Oh, I figure out how, so unintuitive.

Well, I've made new friends but also I made none. I've been having a lot of bad experiences when meeting new people, they all have betrayed me at some point, people tend to be so amazingly rude and take advantage from people, specially in the Mexican video game industry.

29. Does my presence add value to those around me?

My presence? Yeah I don't know, I to be honest I don't truly care about that. Why should I add value to those around me? Why should I even care? I mean, me as a person, I don't think I much value, my work on the other hand can, I give a lot of feedback to a lot of people about their games, so yes, I do add value but not just with my presence, that's like super weird to be honest.

30. Am I a pleasant person to be around?

Sometimes, to be honest after watching that Ted Talk I linked above, I'm trying to adopt that mentality that there's nothing wrong about me, Why if there's nothing wrong with not be pleasant all the time? I'm a human being, not a freaking robot, I can't be happy and cheerful all the time, and this questions are starting to bother me, in the Ted Talk Susan Henkels says "What if we use all that energy we use focusing on bad things to do what we actually like?" Why should I try to focus in being a pleasant person? I don't want to be pleasant, I just want to do what I like, and that makes me a more pleasant person but also an asshole, like right now, I love writing this but I coming out as an asshole, as someone that doesn't care about people, which isn't true, but I just don't want to be my focus, Do you get what I mean? I think that if I focused on being pleasant, at some point I'll be faking it which is worse than being unpleasant from time to time.

Day 57 (July 21 2020) - Feeling great!

I did a lot today, I took a very long walk, clean and other stuff. It was great, the moment I enter into super tidy house it felt so... relieving, even tho it wasn't that dirty, it took me like half a hour to clean, the difference was outstanding, everything looks bigger and brighter, I paid some bills and other stuff, I feel relieved and free, and happy, and fulfilled.

I gotta say I feel great but this writing thing still feels like a chore, it kinda kills the mood, OMG! I completely forgot about those 10 questions! Yeah! That makes things a lot more interesting and fun!

11. Do I treat myself with the love and respect I truly deserve?

No I don't! I have to work on that!

12. Why am I so uncomfortable with talking to people I don’t know?

I'm not uncomfortable with people I don't know, the website didn't mention this type of questions xD Well.. let's continue and see where this rabbit hole goes!

13. What is one thing I could start doing today to improve the quality of my life?

Exercise!

14. When was the last time I told myself ‘I am enough‘?

I maybe say that a lot, maybe way more than I should, I'm some sort of a lone wolf, I'm a firm believer of "If you want something done right, do it yourself", I rarely ask for help, I should ask for help more often, I can't do it all... well... I can but, it's nice to have help.

15. When was the last time I heard the words ‘I love you’?

A long, long time ago. I mean, yesterday during this questionary, but I imagine that doesn't count...

16. When was the last time I did something nice for myself?

Now that's a great question, I think I've never done anything nice for myself, I should do it. I'll but Pokémon EF it, I want that game so badly, I'll get it as soon as I can.

17. When was the last time I learned something new?

Today. I'm a Ravenclaw, dude! xD

18. When was the last time I did something fun?

In the last question...? Maybe, that was funny and fun to write xD I think, I do fun things all the time.

19. Am I a happy person?

No I'm not, I tend to grab people into my mood, which isn't nice if I'm a bad mood. I'm not answering this question literally, I took it as "Am I someone people want to be around with?" And that's because my mood overpowers everything about me, specially the bad moods, that's not nice at all, I tend to be super gloomy and doomy.

20. Am I a source of inspiration for my friends and family?

Nope, hope to be someday.

Yeah! This was far easier with those questions! Now it didn't felt like a chore! I'm noticing something interesting, I need that uncertainty to make things fun, I like uncertainty, randomness, mystery, if everything is 100% under control it feels boring, but some things must be, so I'll have to work on that, like for instance doing exercise, is all about a routine and consistency, unless... I think I nailed it, TOMBOLA! Of course! Make a routine but make the exercises random! That could work! Yeah, I'll maybe try that someday... because I can't make any other commitments during this and the next 3 days, so.. someday, someday... xD

Day 56 (July 20 2020) - Interesting...

I decide to do this like a game. I search for deep questions to ask myself on the internet and I found a great site with enough questions, I'll be answering 10 each day, so here I go:

1. When was the last time I told myself “I love you”?

I've never said that to be honest. I don't think I love myself, I don't hate me either, I don't know, it's hard, sometimes I like myself some others not so much. When do I feel about myself? When I do the things I know are gonna get me closer to my goals.

2. Am I a better person today than I was yesterday?

I'm not sure so... Maybe? No, no, I'm a better person than I was yesterday, I know I'm trying to get back on track and that's far better than yesterday, aso getting back on track in a more intelligent, deep way, so yeah, I'm better than yesterday.

3. Are my actions guided by love, or by fear?

Fear, it's fear. I never really noticed that but there are two main emotions, love and fear, I thin I've heard that somewhere before. It's fear... fear is powerful but it also related to comfort so, I gotta change that.

4. Am I a good example for those around me?

No I'm not.

5. Is the life that I am living the life I want to be living?

It isn't, it's not, that's for sure.

6. What would I do with my life if I knew there were no limits?

EVERYTHING! I see what you did there question, there are no limits other than the ones we put ourselves, I see. Fantastic question.

7. Do the people I surround myself with add any value to my life?

Not really, but it's my family and this is quite a hard topic, I did another project here on Skillshare that talks about that same thing. Should I get rid of toxic people? I've been toxic before, everyone is toxic at some point. But also, do the people around me don't add value or is it just me than I'm being to egotistic to actually appreciate the value they give me? Not all the value has to be cheers and whistles, it can be lessons, like "Hey, look at me, you wanna end up like me? No? Then don't do this", those are pretty big lessons.

8. Am I a Human Being or a Human Doing?

I'm a human doing as of late, I really need to start being.

9. Am I following the crowd blindly or am I listening to my own heart and intuition?

I follow the crowd, for a long time I thought I was ahead of the curve, that I don't listen to the society, that I can't be easily manipulated, yeah... That's what I'm doing this, to listen to myself. I read a past project and I laugh so hard and I connected with myself, Is that weird? The thing I wrote is not put together nicely, but it made sense and it made me connect with that particular time, it was amazing, I think I know what I have to do know.

10. What would I do differently if I knew nobody would judge me?

Everything... Yeah I know, no one is judging me and if there's someone doing it why should I care.

I'll write a little bit more, I want to express that I'm over 40 and I don't care, not really, I'm not in my 40s, not even near that but that song is just hilarious, I was listening to this amazing person called Tom Wilson, you may know him, he was the "Tanens" in Back to the Future, here's the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-t2PDrqPCc

I've been singing that all day, it's amazing, he's so freaking hilarious.

Every time I start writing this kind of stuff I think that It should be super deep and meaningful, but is doesn't have it, it can be hilarious and nonsensical and that says a lot about who I truly am, I'm just a guy that likes a good laugh, weird music, video games and to learn, I also like physical activity I really do and that's something I never accept, but... Why? Why I can't accept that I like to run, jump, kick and do all sort of physical activity, because I've never been the sporty type of guy like physically, like my body hasn't never been slim, nor fit nor fast, but I feel trapped in that stereotype that I build around myself, I mean, that people build but I took and still hold to it. I gotta break free from that, and this is helping, starting to realize all of that. This is why I love Grimes so much, her music feel so real, so her... it's like listening to her soul, that's amazing, that's what I want for my work, I want to pour myself deeply into my games... I know I'm jumping from topic to topic here but I'm taking some pauses to feel.. I've been studying a lot about a lot of topics to make my game better but I think I... I have the answer for that particular project, I'm gonna make another games, tinier, to start practicing that pouring into my work thing, instead of trying to be the best coder and best everything, just put my soul into it... maybe I'm already doing that with Noot and Dot, I'm pouring all of myself, all my life, there's a little from all my life, maybe that's why I'm so scared to finish it, maybe people will reject it and that would mean reject me since I pour myself it, but that's not true... it's not, they won't reject, nor my work, it's a matter of tastes... well, I... I'm not sure but I have a feeling this is the path... I know this doesn't make any sense.

Day 55 (July / 19 / 2020)- Success!

First time in this project that I can write that!

I didn't make any commitment during this 6 days, it was so relaxing, I'm starting to feel a lot better but I also realized something and I'm going to write quite a bit here but I think this might be helpful for a lot of people out there.

I've been pushing myself too hard. I looked at one of my "learning books", which is just a notebook with a bunch of notes of the several courses I've been taking and I found this one page that has notes from an article that I'll link at the end of this section (Day 55), it's nothing new, it's nothing I haven't heard before but it made me realize that I've been pushing myself too hard because I've been told all my life that I'm going to a super successful rich wise man, but I've been said a lot of other bad things which I won't mention, but because all of that I've created a self-destructive pattern in which I push myself too hard, achieve nothing and feel bad because I can get to what a lot of people have told but reinforce the bad things people have said about me so I punish myself and everything goes to hell, then I get motivated again and the cycle repeats.

This is really important because I finally realized that I don't have to be the goods things nor the bad things, I can simply be myself and that's exactly why I started this 100 Day project, that's what motivated me at first, I started taking courses of any topic not because I had to but because I enjoyed them a lot, hence the Ravenclaw part of the project, I just want to be myself, and that's so hard because of all the pressure out there, from family, friends, society, it's really hard, and then I realized something even more powerful, I don't know myself... I don't know who am I.

I took a lot of courses here on Skillshare and I saw all this guys that are around my age, like Thomas Frank, such a successful confident guy and I said, I want to be like him but... Do I? Is that who I truly am or is that the stereotype society wants to push me towards to? It's the second, I don't want to be him, I'm awkward, I'm a total nerd, when I solve a hard equation I yell of excitement because I truly enjoy it, I'm not social, I don't like relying too much in technology because it has failed me many, many times, and at the same time I want to create an app that opens my door after answering a riddle, Ravenclaw style, because I'm weird, that's who I am, I'm weird and I haven't truly embrace that weirdness, that awkwardness, I just want to be me, I don't want to have an app like Todoist that tells me what to do everyday, I want the app that makes me solve a riddle or I'll sleep outside, Why? Because it's fun!

I watch a youtuber called Alpha M, he has a lot of videos on how to attract girls, how to appear more confident, basically how to manipulate people, not in a bad way, in a good way, I love Alpha, but it made me realize another thing. Why do we spend so much time trying to appear something we are not? Why do we spend so much time trying to control other persons? Why do we spend so much time trying to know that other person when we don't even know ourselves?

All this questions led me to something I already knew but didn't know how I was going to do it, and still don't know how but at least I got that first step, I have to embrace who I am, I have to know me first, But how? Well, how do we get to know other people? By talking to them, When was the last time you talk to yourself? Not simple things like "OMG I forgot to do the laundry!", complex things, deep things, like how you feel, what do you like and why, what do you want from your life... I haven't had one of those conversations in probably years, even after taking a lot of courses on that particular subject, I was just cheating myself, getting inspiration from other dudes that are nothing like me.

This is the first step towards truly achieving my goals, get to know me, and that's my commitment, for the next 5 days, I'll know myself by writing. I'll write every day, for the next 5 days, and that's going to be my only commitment, so, 2 commitments for the next 5 days 1) I can only commit to the following commitment: 2) I'll write something about me everyday for the next 5 days. This is like a ternary operator BTW, well, not really but kinda xD

If you are reading this I hope this was helpful, I don't know when I'll return nor I can commit to a particular day, so, as Matt Damon in Ocean's 13th would say, see ya' when I see ya'. XD I love those movies, I always wanted to be a thief, but a professional thief, like those guys, I know is not as glamorous as they make it appear but I think I could be an amazing professional thief. See? I'm weird, Ravenclaw forever! :D

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201610/how-build-your-belief-in-yourself

Day 49 - What the hell happened...

I got super sick, I had to go to the doctor, nothing super serious, I hope... I'm feeling a little bit better but also a little dizzy because, I don't why, I just feel dizzy, according to the doctor it's nothing important.

I'm still not ok, my blood pressure went up, a lot, 150/110, that's waaaay too high for someone my age. Now I'm 130/80, far lower, so that's been controlled, also take in mind I live a city that is super high, like 7000 feet above the sea. Why did my blood pressure go up? Anxiety, stress, bad diet, and everything combined, but specially anxiety, I'm been really stressed.

So the last 51 days of this challenge start tomorrow, I see this as a massive failure, but that's the point, I knew this wasn't gonna be easy by any means, and I've learned a lot, every massive project is more failures than wins and I think I needed this to realize a lot of things about myself and I have.

My word has no value at this point, so that will be my priority for the next 51 days, here's the start... oh, if you don't know what I'm talking about just look for some classes here on Skillshare that talk about that particular subject, your word and the value it has, actually you know what, I'm gonna link something here: https://exploringyourmind.com/how-valuable-is-your-word/ there it is. Now, how to regain the value of my word, that's by doing exactly what I'm saying I'm going to.

I'll start small, so my first commitment for the next 5 days will be this: I'll only commit to this commitment. Wait what? Yeah... I tend to overcommit, all the time, so this is a great start, if I'm able to only commit to this single commitment my word will start to regain it's value, it's all about small steps and it also has a lot to do with Acceptance, I'm not a genius, I'm not a superhero nor a Mutant with amazing capabilities, I'm a simple human trying to give the best I possibly can, so I have to start with small steps.

I don't know where I'll update and I can commit to anything, so... don't know, but maybe, just maybe, in the next few days I'll write something, just maybe, I'm not sure... I'm actually struggling with this, I really want to write an specific date, but I can't because that would be a commitment... seriously, I overcommit a lot when I shouldn't.

Day 42 - I still feel bad, but not terrible

I feel a lot better but I still a little weird, nothing to to worry about.

Talking about the project itself, I think I was not following the values at all, but this last week made me realize that the value I should follow the most is Acceptance, to respect myself and others, to respect myself, I wasn't respecting myself at all, so I'll question myself everytime a simple question "Does this align to acceptance?".

Day 41 - I feel terrible...

As the title says, I feel awful. Some health issues, nothing to worry about, or at least I want to believe that is nothing to worry about.

I'll see how I end up feeling tomorrow after taking some measure, now, I'll go to sleep.

Day 40 - A new beginning.

Today is the day 40, how things have been... well pretty hectic to be honest, I decided to take a few rest days because I've been dealing with a lot lately. I've learned a lot about myself, how I react to positive and negative things, I still kinda use food a as defense mechanism and also as a reward mechanism so it's been kinda hard to deal with that, fortunately for me I do exercise so I haven't got fatter.

Why is this entry called a new begining? Because it is, I have 60 days before this project ends and I want to make 4 commitments:

- I'll update this project EVERYDAY starting today.

- I'll keep a 100% vegan diet for the next 7 days. (Why not 60? I want to take it a little slow and not pressure myself because the next commit is kinda hard)

- I'll finish Project Toon Demo in 60 days or less... This is pretty scary but I'll do it.

- I'll exercise more seriously starting tomorrow for the next 5 days.

This is a huge step, I've fallen so many times in this 60 days but as Rick said, things going wrong can lead to something special.

I'll see you tomorrow.!

Update 2 - OMG EVEN MORE!

Day 31... Yes! I now, I didn't update on day 20, nor 30 for that matter.

So what's going on? I'm doing ok.. ish xD Why I'm laughing? Because it's hilarious, I was relying on Todoist but I found out something really weird about that app, it uses another time zone! That's just dumb! I can't trust that thing for night tasks! It's annoying, it broke my record my streak like 4 times because I marked some tasks after 10pm.

My game is actually going great! I'm really proud of what I've been doing lately, it's starting to take shape.

My other goals, I have to cut them, I was trying waaay too much, so I'm focusing on 2 things right now, my game and not eating crap, that's it, I'm doing the 80/20 approach, I'm gonna stick to that for the next 70 days, just those two things are gonna make a huge impact on my life, but first, I really want to end this 100 days challenge, after finishing this I'll be able to re-do it and make it even better! But I want to finish it because that's what's always holding me back, I never finish things, I even thought of re-starting, but no, I'll stick to it even if I've failed more times than I can count, I don't care, I'll finish this 100 days challenge!

Update 1 - OMG...

10 days have passed, I'll be updating this every 10 days, that's because I had to rush something, some of my systems weren't working as intended, I had to tweak them urgently.

First of all I noticed something weird, my evil self (That's how I refer to my tendency to self-sabotage just because it adds a little flavor to the tale) is really, really smart, he was using my own values against me, like acceptance, "Eat that candy, you know you like those, accept yourself", yeah... that didn't go well, so I change the values a little bit, here are the changes:

Creativity - To create meaningful things for me and others, I change this because it was a little redundant with Intelligence.

Accceptance - To respect myself and others, always.

Why respect? Well, if one of my goals is to get in the best shape of my life, it would be disrespectful to eat a lot of crap, yeah, I like that kind of stuff I accept that, but I also accept that is hurting my self steem and my goals, so I should stop. How that went this first day? Smooth, really smooth, I haven't ate a single piece of unhealthy food during the whole day, Am I craving for some? Yes, but eating them would be disrespectful, and that would betray my values, I won't do that, I refuse to do that.

I'm using Todoist as one of my main tools to keep track of things. What I wanted to share is a little "hack" I discovered, I needed optional daily tasks, things I want to do more often but are not a huge priority, like working on some side projects, but Todoist doesn't have an option like that. I came up with this little trick, set the task date to a year from now, make it repetable, but make it so every time you do it the date changes to the next day, this is helps to keep track of those side things that are not as important but you still want to do them every now and then.

My videogame project, well, that took a nose dive but rose stronger than ever, here's the link to it, it's a very, very early build, but I'm proud of it, the systems are working even better than I thought they would.

That's all for today! I'll be updating in 10 days! I hope to share far more progress! Oh I also meet a great guy, we are helping each other with our own videogame projects, here's his project, please check it out, it really helps.

See you in the next update and I wish you the best of luck with your own 100 day project!

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This is one weird 100 days project! I

Yee

Game Designer, Programmer, Animator...

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