7 Stoicism Prompts Journaling by T.S.

Prompt 1: What are you grateful for today and why?

I am grateful that I have grown enough mentally to be able to observe when I am getting too deep in my thoughts and not being aware and here in the present. I used to live ONLY in the past and future, and lived constantly in depression and anxiety. My life has gotten so much better with medication and working through years of therapy. Most of my days last year felt ‘normal’ and much more stress-free. My body was it’s healthiest and my mind, it’s clearest. I went into this year full of vigor, and have recently been having more frequent and longer bouts of anxiety and depression, but not nearly as bad as it was, and I’m grateful. When I realize I’m dazing out, I find aids to help me come back down to Earth, and today, with the help of my husband’s suggestion, I found your video which I feel IS (not was) very enlightening and will help me in the future. I felt it was time well spent, and will help my time management in the future.

Prompt 2: What is worrying you today? Why is it worrying you? And is it something outside your control?

I was having anxiety about my mom’s invitation to hang out with me tomorrow. Our relationship was a little rocky last year as I was expressing a lot of distress over past events that could no longer be changed or go back to, but wanted to set boundaries with her so that I would be more comfortable. I felt strong enough mentally to set boundaries, but there was a bit of emotional/mental push from her. We’ve started talking comfortably again, yet she still tip-toes on the boundaries I set. I realized talking to her on the phone that I am still a push-over with her, and worry that I will be mentally exhausted and have ptsd when around her. I was imagining every single possible scenario, and most of them had bad outcomes.

Now I realize, there is no point in worrying about it, as I don’t know if it’s going to happen or not, and just to be my best self, as I can’t control her nor the outcomes. Paraphrasing one of the quotes you mentioned, “Wish for things to happen as they will, without being controlling or precise, and hope that I will still be happy.” I must learn to analyze more closely and consciously, as “Time is a Healer and Teacher”. She may want to spend time with just me (without my other siblings) because she wants to try to heal and mend our relationship just as much as I do. And I’ll never know for sure, if I tell myself I know that it will be a terrible time. I would just be setting myself up for failure and making myself closed off.

What she does, thinks, or feels, and how our outing will go is out of my control. I can only control myself, and I will do my best to have fun, and be open and receptive.

Prompt 3: Discuss a moment that occurred today (or within the last week) where you had to be teachable.

I told my husband about how an elementary student on my first day of teaching an art class, said things like, “That line isn’t even straight… The eyes are off…This is so easy….” then proceeded to make comments to students nearby like, “Is she even a real teacher?”

I was nervous, but trying to remember to have fun and relax while teaching, but I let the words eat me up. He explained how they were kids, and I was the adult. I was the one teaching. They could learn if they like, or if they don’t like it, they could let their parents know and leave the class. But all in all, to take it with a grain of salt. Because I am a great teacher who loves art. I really had to process what he was saying. I took such a hit from my student ‘critic’, when I really was just doing my job, following the lesson, and trying to have a good time while doing it. “Art is all subjective anyway,” he added. Haha. I like to teach my kids that everyone’s art looks different, but I couldn't say it because my class kept getting interrupted by other teachers or late students coming in. I think it just felt more chaotic then it was. At the end, a majority of my students groaned when it was time to leave because they didn’t want to stop. But I totally forgot that portion when zoning in on my students' comments and letting them get to me. He (along with this video) showed me that I was being too hard on myself. That I need to be open to input, while filtering out what is unnecessary. Instead of taking in everything and just believing it (that I was a failure of a teacher). I hope that answered that question?

Prompt 4: Think of a recent moment where you felt wronged. Did you seek revenge? Why or why not?

I felt wronged by my brother not talking to me about his personal life but everyone else in the family knew about his issues. He’s never talked to me about them, and I’m not sure why, but it does hurt my feelings as his older sister. I assume it’s because he feels like I wouldn’t understand, but I know that’s just an assumption. I didn’t seek revenge, even though I thought about bringing it to his attention that I knew and about why he hasn’t brought his last few major life events up to me.

I don’t know why I didn’t bring it up. I had in the past, and feel that he’s an adult and could talk to me if he wanted to. I told him my phone is always open and that I’m always here. I think there must be some reason why he doesn’t want to share, and I won’t push him. I just keep myself available for him in case he needs me. I think I may have been one of those ‘advice shovers’ in the past, and he may have just wanted someone who would listen. I’ve been practicing being a listener, in case he does want to open up.

Prompt 5: Take an analysis of your thoughts over the last week. Have you found that the majority of them to be negative or positive? If negative, explain why you think that's happening. If positive, what sorts of things are you focusing on?

More negative. I’ve been thinking of the future. I was stern on my wants when the year began, wanting to be more relaxed and content with the way my life is. Telling myself I don’t want adventure or to be spontaneous, but realized that’s not what I want. Yes, I do want to practice more meditation and yoga, and be more mindful and zen this year. However, I’ve always had big goals that I’ve wanted to do and dreams to accomplish, all which were too much for one lifetime. Going through a in-my-30’s identity crisis. Again, it’s future thinking. And I can still attempt some of my goals, if I bite them into smaller chucks. I get so worried about spending my limited time on the wrong things, and then end up doing nothing. I have so many hobbies, I get choice paralysis trying to choose things, how can I add goals into the mix? Especially with work, my mountain of doctor appointments, and weekly commitments to friends and family? But I need to learn where to spend my time for the life I want. I like youtube, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel guilty watching it, like I’m wasting my time. I have a hard time having fun anymore, feeling like my life clock is running out. Practicing mindfulness and being in the now is something I am constantly working on.

Prompt 6: Think of everything you believe to be important in your life. Make a list of 5 things. Which of them will be important after you die? Explain why.

My Marriage, Family, Friendship, Legacy, Nature.

1) My Marriage: Because this is the person I picked to spend the rest of my life with, and luckily they chose me back. I want to give them the world in forms of happiness and joy and create beautiful memories that each of us can hold. If I die before him, I want him to know how much he meant to me. I want him to feel love when he hears my name or sees a picture. To know that he is worth everything and deserves a wonderful life.

2) Family: My family, as crazy as we are, have always stuck together and tried our best. I pride myself on my love for my family. After I die, I want them to take the knowledge I’ve passed along and put it to good use. I try to tell them that they can strive to do anything and be anything they wish to be. I want my life to be a good visual of ‘You can push past any obstacles. Nothing is too hard.’. I want them to be inspired and keep my name alive in a positive light.

3) Friendship: Same as above. I want them to share our crazy stories after I die. Haha

4) Legacy: I am not having children. I am a teacher however, and teach both young and old. I want to plant the seeds of creativity, curiosity, hope, and emotional expression where I can. I want kids to know safety, and grow with open minds to the knowledge of the world. I hope that I can inspire at least one soul to do something their heart desires in a great way.

5) Nature: In my life, I want to plant enough trees, teach people about plants and animals, and donate in places where animals can grow families and plants can reach more places. To me, this is my contribution to slow the death of the Earth for future generations, even if it’s the tiniest amount.

Prompt 7: Consider the hours you're awake today. Do you feel as though you used (or will use) them well? Do you believe you are making the most of your time everyday?

I think so. Most of them anyway. I try to take time everyday for self-care, exercise, practicing gratitude, eating nutritious things and possibly treating myself to a tasty snack, learning, playing by doing games or hobbies, learning and trying to be my most honest self, getting enough rest, and teaching others where I can.

[Thank you for this lesson. I learned a lot and can hopefully keep it in my brain to use a new skill set as I live my day to day. I am going to find a good Ryan Holiday book as well!]

Terri Stockburger

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