You may remember I started out this last artwork of mine terrified. Why? Because I knew it's gonna be a huge breakthrough for me ....and not just tin my artistry as a brander and digital artist, but also in life.

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I used to be very logical and strategic in my compositions [what I used to call smart] even if I am an artist. I would first decide on the theme and then I'd be looking for reference photos for the pose and then for the color inspiration. That could take quite some time to be honest. I loved all my portraits that I've drawn since October 2019, but somehow I felt limited. I draw fucking portraits and I don't know anatomy ...of course I need reference images. Do you know how fucking easy it is to make something look out of proportion and freakishly weird?! But if I use reference images, I am stuck with drawing what I see in that reference ...I can't improvise on her hand pose or her head tilted in another way, because I did not know how to combine the reference with my improvisation.

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It was a good phase for me, but it just wasn't good enough anymore! I am a fucking artist and I want complete freedom. So this was my next challenge. Like in life, I had a goal of making this most amazing artwork from scratch with no inspiration whatsoever and I just started at it without having any clue as to HOW.

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I had two things in my mind: I knew I wanted it to be related to the zodiac sign of Aries [so it had horns] and I had this idea of having a hand up in the air....although I was terrified of drawing hands WITH reference, so ...yeah. Drawing a hand from imagination seemed impossible. Anyway, I started.

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I had a bit of trouble even figuring out how to begin, as there were all those rules of how one should start the composition ...do I do a sketch ...do I start with the eyes ....how do I draw something, when I don't know what the fuck I'm drawing?!?! This was the big question. That's when I remembered of this gift of mine. In any kind of pattern [I remember doing this while on the toilet looking ta the pattern on the bathroom tiles :))))] I just see faces. So I said, ok ....let's start like that, just randomly drawing blobs. And that's what I did as you can start following the process through the images.

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...1. that is the initial blob ....as I was drawing, I was not actually thinking, but for some reason it seemed to take the shape of a person, of a woman.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 2 - student project

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...2. by image nr 2 I was impressed that she actually has a face and an expression that I love, without me even trying. It just came naturally. Her hair also seemed nice.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 3 - student project .

...3. ok, now in image 3 is when I was really mindblown of how things are really starting to shape so nicely out of that initial blob. The horns looked really good for this stage aaaaand .....this is when things were so awesome that I was terrified of continuing not to fuck up what I've done so far. Typical life situation :))) So I took a break for like 2 days ....not intentional, it was procrastination :))))

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 6 - student project

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Just a small intervention in the story. I don't know if you know how hard it is to have this kind of pose make sense and be proportionate without having a thorough sketch of where everything goes and what size it has and all that ....and when you want to check a drawing for mistakes, you flip the image. Oh boy! Whenever I used to do that, my drawings would look like SHIT. Now, when I did the test, it looked pretty damn good ...and I was fucking winging it :-o Ok...back to the story.

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...4. Here I got on a social media break so I draw, but on photo 4, when introducing the blue, I was like "Oh shit, I think I just fucked it all up". Btw ....I used to use a ton of layers, meaning that I would always be very careful not to ruin what I've done so far ...so I was practically drawing from a state of fear all the time before :)))) Now, even when adding a new color, I decided it all goes on the same layer. No excuses, just keep moving forward and trust the process. So I did.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 9 - student project

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...5. Oh, at image 5 I'm staring to feel more relaxed ...things are starting to really take form ...look at those awesome horns. I was gaining confidence in my strokes, but guess what? Drawing the hands started to become inevitable :))))

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 11 - student project

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...6. That hand that holds the hair took me quite some time to get right [actually like the nose], but I did not give up, I was not upset that I'm wasting my time taking so long for a damn hand, I just moving forward until satisfied.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 12 - student project

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...7. at 7 I kind of felt like nothing can stop me now. The fullness of her body was so beautiful. I wasn't concerned by colors, mistakes or anything. I was really enjoying it.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 13 - student project

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...8. the semitransparent dress and jewelry ....and the other hand was coming together nicely and I did not care about the time it takes me to do anything.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 14 - student project

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...9. I love the glamour of having excessive jewelry ....this was making me feel so damn proud of what I was doing. It's a totally. TOTALLY different approach than before, and yet it seemed so normal and natural to just draw whatever I want even if I don't know how to draw that [consciously] ...I am still able to draw it. This is when I felt "I did it!"

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 15 - student project

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...10. yet another challenge: to incorporate everything with the background. Now here is where I made the bold decision of darkening so much of the details that I've been working on ....but it was all fucking worth it, because this darkness was the element I felt was missing. The mystery, the tease, the fucking depth of the composition .....this was a crucial element to give it the feel that I wanted it and it makes the whole difference in the world compared to my previous artwork. It gives it a sense of realism that I like.

My first experience being led by talent, not mind. - image 16 - student project

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Can you see the steps in whatever you want to do in life? I sure can. As I mentioned at the beginning, going through this wasn't only about the drawing, but it was also about trusting that I can do ANYTHING.

Emanuela Dadarlat

Artist and Creator of ART'EM

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