Wonderful and strong women, you inspired me to write my story and share it with you :)

My name is Dina, and I half Serbian and have Jordanian. My story started when I was five years old and when the war in Serbia began. My family and I went to Jordan. I had to face new culture and learn a new language to be one of those people too. I have four sisters, and I grew up with women. as you know, people in the middle east have so many children and women always surrounded me. I saw how they suffer and how they fight for their lives in a different culture from where I was born. Life for women is very hard in the middle east and is still till now. My sisters and I were different, and I was abused psychologically and physically by them. My dad was lost there, and I think he didn't want us to be there, but we couldn't stay in Serbia because we would starve and live in war. We didn't feel his love and couldn't have his attention for a long time. When I grew up, I was very anxious and depressed, and I forgot about myself at all. I had to create a new character to survive, and I was unfortunate. I went from a happy child full of great ideas and loved to sing, dance, and draw to a girl who sleeps all day doing nothing. I lost 18 years of my life doing everything that it's not me. Other men abused me. I couldn't go out alone for a very long time. They destroyed me and my feminine life, and I started to hate my self thinking that maybe I am wrong. In 2016, I came back to Serbia and left everything behind. But late this year, I had the most significant breakdown in my life. Suddenly everything I have been through just came up, and I knew I needed to face it. I had panic attacks. I didn't go out for one year. I was afraid of everything, and I was in hell. I took psychedelics and went on therapies, but nothing helped me... one day, I just woke up, and I had this feeling that no one can help me but myself. I went deep through all my traumas and problems. I learned how to observe my mind and how to Love.

I had chronic pains for a long time. But do you know what helped me the most??? I forgave myself and others for everything and felt love for the first time in my life. I met a great person who helped me and who loves me the most. We have a band together, and we create and sing together and heals ourselves. I now draw and paint and am thankful for everything that life has given me. Imagination and creativity are the cure. By observing my mind without any emotional reactions, I could solve my problems and heal. I love myself and am connected with my mind and body. And I didn't mention that my grandmother was a shaman and a great healer here in Serbia. I am thankful for Mother Nature, for the sun and moon, for the rain and the wind, for the universe. I am grateful that I went through this, and now I can say that I know what true love and natural beauty is

I am the universe

The universe is inside me

Now I am more extensive than the universe

The universe is part of me

My story was long, but I hope that all of you out there will find the cure and don't forget that you can heal and you are the healer

I remember the day I just felt that I need to change this bad self image and bad patterns that I didn’t even choose to be part of me. Here is what came across my mind :

I have been trying all my life. I have been here in this body. Safe, calm, and happy. Until one night when this big cloud came. It came and brought with it the darkest hours of my journey. I felt alone and weak. This body that carries my heart and soul screamed, and all it wanted was to feel free. What is it to be free? How do we feel when we are free of ourselves and our occupied minds? I stood under the new moon and watched it for hours. It was the best movie I have ever watched. Then, I counted the stars and the roses on my balcony. I didn't forget to sing a song about life to my friends. Who are my friends? Will they be here for me? Or are their minds also occupied with the worries of life? I want to run barefoot and touch the ground. I don't remember the last time I felt grounded. What is the key to madness? Why are we afraid of being alone? Do you remember the second you are left all alone to yourself and were worried when your mind is quiet? Can you see the beauty of the calm mind that can take a break from all the worries and fears that occupy it every day? I keep asking myself these questions every day as they are taking a big part of my thoughts. I want to be free of all this. I want to wake up every morning and welcome the day with love. I want us all to be free of everything, and to be free is to love.

Now, I am free of all the things that ruined my life, I love my job as a writer, because this was my dream since I was a child. I also deactivated my social media, as I really need the time to be with myself, to go for long walks with my dog, to play music with my band, to travel and experience life as it is.

Here are some of my artworks that I have created and that helped me recognize how beautiful and strong I am. I hope that my story can change something in you and give you the strength to start changing.

Believe in myself - image 1 - student project Believe in myself - image 2 - student project Believe in myself - image 3 - student project Believe in myself - image 4 - student project

Dina Abu Mayyaleh

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