Unshakable Confidence: The Ultimate Self Esteem Formula

1. Unshakable Confidence: Introduction: confidence, low self esteem, self doubt, You know, for so many people all around the world today, these things have become such huge unnecessary problems. Well, so many people in Les for building based their confidence upon the physical appearance upon her. Knowledgeable, they are upon how much money to have in the bank or even upon the degree off wedge their socially accepted by others. What I'm seeing here is that the greatest mistake that many people make in life is it the belt? UNB aced their confidence upon factors that are completely overstated their control. And if you're watching this video right now, then there's a pretty good chance that you've learned this life lesson the hard way because through in my life today it's I have learned this hugely valuable lesson on this Is that true, genuine unauthentic confidence in life It cannot be based upon anything less than the core on fundamental truth off who it is that you actually are. So this is primarily what we're going to be exploring undone parking throughout this course you see, building our life's upon the truth of who we are actually sets us free to take greater risks to think bigger thoughts to achieve greater results in life and also make a farm or positive impact in the lives of other people. Because what we're going to be looking out through this course is how you work from the inside out. We're going to be looking at how your thoughts influence your feelings, how your feelings influence the actions that you take or don't take. We're going to be looking at how the actions that you take or don't take more than born to determine your overall outcomes in life because you see, is thes very outcomes on whether we ultimately succeed or not the determine how confident we are on a day to day basis. So you see an order to really move forward and make significant progress in life. We need this thing called confidence. We need this thing called boldness, and it's absolutely imperative that we become 100% completely secure and who it is that we actually are. So this is the journey that we're going to be going on throughout this course. You may call it a journey of self discovery on. We're going to be unpacking under finding all of the most crucial factors on elements that fundamentally make you you. There's going to be elements of this course is some people will find controversial or some people may even disagree with, because I'm going to be sharing with you some pretty big ideas. But I can guarantee you right now that if you're willing to wrestle with these ideas and also see this course through the completion, then your life on your confidence will never be the same again. So my name's Ken Ramsay and thank you very much for in ruling on this course, and also for placing your trust in me is your coach. What I would like to promise yet at this stage is that I have absolutely no intentions on trying to impress you with long and complicated words, or even in boring you with some useless information that you could read in some random self help books somewhere else. But what it is my intention to do is just share with you the most life changing lessons that I've learned throughout my life to date earned over the last 10 years off studying the disciplines of life, courting psychology, sociology, NLP, counseling on even theology because what I'm gonna do, my very best to do throughout this course is simplify some very complex ideas so that you congrats, toe, understand yourself what it is that I've grown understand about myself, which hasn't just changed my life. But it's also enabled me to make a real, genuine, positive impact and the lifes of over 25,000 others. I don't see this thing to impress you, but just merely to impress upon you that if I can do it, then you most certainly come to. So without further ado, let's get started on what I'm hoping you're gonna find to be a pretty interesting, a fun on Also a thought provoking journey. 2. Unshakable Confidence: Course Orientation: So before we really get started in the course, I just like to take a few minutes here to help you orientate on navigate your way around the course because through the lessons that follow, there's going to be a few ways that I'm going to encourage you to make the most office online e learning experience. Because in the additional material section, within each lecture, you're gonna find that either to the left of the screen or the right of the screen, or perhaps underneath this video that you're watching right now. You're also gonna find an MPC audio version off each video lecture, which you can download, Undo with as you're lying you can listen to on your smartphone, your tablet or your iPod or whatever on have also created a bunch of really cool workbooks worksheets. Exercises on E books are many articles you can also download print off on working way through, so that you can really get the most from this course on in the additional material section . Off this lecture, you're gonna find a course learning log that's gonna look something like this. No, I've just decided this four year, which is broken down into sections, a section for each video lecture where you could just simply scribble down any notes, any thoughts, any ideas that you get or harm moments off, which I'm hoping at this stage that you're going to experience quite a few, especially by the time of finished. But at this stage, it also encourage you just tow, ask me as many questions as you possibly can about any of the ideas that I discuss on. The reason is that this is important because, you know, it's taken me years to really understand everything that I'm going to be sharing with. You throw his course. And even though some of it might seem or signed relatively simplistic appoints, I don't make any apologies for this because you see all were really looking. Do here is lay a solid foundation off truth. There's gonna be strong enough unsustainable enough for you to begin building the rest of your life upon. So just to finish up here, if you'd be willing to take a few minutes on introduce yourself. I would absolutely love the opportunity to welcome you to the course personally, so just start any discussion and share your name. Whereabouts in the world year. You're watching me right now On also the main reason why you've taken this course. What is it that you're hoping to get out of it. But other than this, I really do hope that you find value. And in this course, as from the next video onwards, were gonna begin to unpack un, explore exactly what it takes to start living your life with unshakable confidence. 3. The 3 Realms Of Confidence: So here in this video, all I would really like to do is just take a few minutes to explain to you what it is that I've going to recognize as being the three primary areas in which were affected in relation to our confidence and self esteem. Call these the three realms of confidence on. We're going to be unpacking each one of thes three realms over the next three sections. All right, just to help you manage your expectations of what you can expect to learn, understand, By the end of this course, you see, the first realm of confidence is the belief that we have, in our own degree off competence the confidence that we have in our competence. How good is that? We are doing the things that we do, whether we're good employees, whether we are good enough employers, whether we're good enough boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, whether we're good enough that doing the things that we do, you see if there's a question mark above our heads in relation to our degree of competence , well, this is always gonna never negatively impact our confidence. So we need to understand this me to unpack it. We need to understand that on really, really get it. The second room of confidence that I've grown to recognize over the years is the belief that we have and our ability to learn and solve problems. If you think about it, why is it that some people in life will remain in a dead end job for 10 15 2025 30 years? I never even think about stepping aside, leaving the comfort zone on going on to do bigger and better things. Well, the reason is because of their confidence that they have and their ability to learn and solve problems toe overcome stuff. They see many of us in life because of the way that the education system is structured and no, all of us have have a particularly good learning experience. And sometimes as we go through school, especially in our younger, younger years, the greatest landing that some of us will take away is that we ultimately going to believe that we're actually unable to learn just because we didn't learn this the Saturn way they wanted us to learn, absorb information and the way in which they presented it to us many people in life will go on to believe that they're actually unable toe learn and solve problems just because they didn't do that well in school. So through over this course, especially in the second section, we're gonna bust this mirth and show you how this definitely is not the case and the third section on through the remainder of the course. When we start pulling everything together, we're going to be exploring the belief that you have in your own self worth. No eso. This is a course about confidence and self esteem. And I've just mentioned self worth here. What you're going to grow it t to recognize over the next few sections is how self worth and self esteem are completely interconnected. One will always influence the other and vice versa. There's a concept here. You can hear me give quite a bit of reference to intrinsic value. No intrinsic value is just a way of expressing our self worth, but we're really going to express our intrinsic value, our self worth. If we become confidence in it because, as mentioned in the promotional video, under the introduction, genuine unauthentic confidence in life can only be built on based upon the truth of who it is that we actually are honest. This truth of who we actually are that primarily helps us to understand our values as human beings. Because if we understand this foul you that we have is as human beings, we understand our intrinsic value is this and this alone that gives us the basis for living bold, confident on unstrung meaningful life's. So throw the rest of the section All I really want to do is tell your story on bust. If you mess, there's gonna help you to understand a little bit more about me. On also part of this, you can really expect to find unexperienced throat the rest of this course. 4. Jumping Into The Hole: so I do appreciate that it's still very early stages of the course on Do you know at this point, if I was you, the kind of questions that I would be asking is, Who's this guy? What's he got for me? And what does he know about a little confidence? Low self esteem? Self doubt in all of these things? Well, what it could do, I could spend half an hour boring you to death with all my qualifications in all the years that I've spent studying and all the letters after my name and all that sort of thing. But I'm not going to all right. Instead, all I'm not wanting to do here is tell you a story. Because if you're if you find yourself struggling with a little confidence, low self esteem that can sometimes feel like like a real whole concept, you know what I mean? You know, stuck in a hole stuck in a hole that you just don't know how to get out off. Well, let me tell your story. There was once a guy and this guy was walking down the roads. And to be honest, he wasn't really paying too much attention as to where it was that he was going so much so that he ended up falling into Ah, hole. No. The hall was so weighed by saw high on because he wasn't a very told guy. He was actually quite short. He wasn't able to reach their edges of the hole and pull himself out. So he was stuck. No, he was a little bit stubborn. And he didn't linked to ask other people for help. He didn't want to make a nuisance of himself. So, you know, after a few hours and we start to get hungry and he thought, My goodness, I can't get over this whole. I don't know how to get out. You started calling out for help. Just a little bet is help. Help! Can anyone hear me? I'm forward into this hole. I don't know how to get out on this. Doctor. Was was walking up the road That ended up hearing that the noise that he was making So the doctor looked into the hole. I said, Oh, young man, you've fallen into a whole. How did you get in there? I think I said all the car wasn't really paying attention where I was going, I've fallen into this hole and no, I don't know how to get out. Can you help me, please? Upon which the doctor puto is not booking said Certainly young month. You wrote a few words down on this bit of paper, tour off the prescription and then proceeded to throw it into the hole. No, the guy in the hall has this prescription in his hand Ice. What am I supposed to do with this? At which point that the doctor says, Look, you know, if symptoms possessed, you know, if you're still struggling with little confidence, a little self esteem this time next week, give me another shows would be more than happy to throw you another prescription on the guy down the hole was like, What, are you serious? So as the day went on, they got to a letter or an afternoon on the guys, starting to get quite frantic. No, he's been in the hole all day and he doesn't know how to get out. So this local counselling service has just as just, you know, shut up shop for the day on one of the counselors, the talking therapists is walking up the road on the gays. No calling over. Help! Help! Help! Can someone help me? Please? Ah, fallen down this hole and I don't know how to get out. So the counselor here's the calls for helping approaches the edge of the whole Looks in and says, Young man, you've fallen into a hawk. Is there anything that I could do to help? And the guy says Yelich of being down this whole day? I don't really know how we got here on the counselor just got Downer on in order or a knee incenses. So tell me, how does it feel being in the hall? Is it called down there on? Tell me. Tell me about the relationship that you have with your parents on the guy. No started opening up, and he started thinking about the relationship that he's got with his diet. And he's thinking about all these other problems that he's got in his life. On 45 minutes, the guys sitting on the floor of the boat with a hole in tears, absolutely sore destroyed. But then the councillors watch starts beeping. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to cut our our our session short. We're gonna have to end things there. I've got somewhere else there needed to be. But look, you know, if you would like Teoh continue on this guy's conversation this time next week, just give me a show. Dozen passing on will be more than happy to stop and have another conversation with you on the guy down the holes that what's up? And there are no in a in a worse state than water was before it started. So a gets early in the evening. There was starting to get dark. The guys really, really hungry and he's starting to give up hope he's sick and who's gonna be able to help me get out of this hole? And then somewhere I would say to the Holy Here's one of his old friends talking away and he shows, May it's may look, Help me Help! I'm stuck in this hole. Can you please come and help me on this friend here? Is this here? Here's these calls for helping approaches the whole any looks. It looks in and he says, How did you get diamond there? And the guy says, Look, I wasn't looking where I was going. Ah, forward in this whole when I don't know how to get out. Can you help me on Is me to say to the whole just jumped in the hole with them, so no, they're both in the whole On the original guy who was in the hall says, Look, what do you do in that? This was a stupid idea. You have jumped in the hole. Were both stock in here now because I don't know how to get out. But the guy who jumped in the hole says, Yeah, yeah, yeah, But look, I've bean in this whole before, and I know how to get out. So the question you could be asking me here is so Cain, what qualifies you to stand in front of me and teach me all the stuff about confidence? Instance self esteem, you know, how do we know that you know what you're talking about? What my promise to you is is that whilst I haven't bean perhaps in your specific call, I may not know what your circumstances are. I may not know your exact situation, but I have been in the hall off low confidence low self esteem and self doubt. Andi, I learned how to get out. So those are the lessons on These are the lessons that I do fully intend on sharing with you extensively throughout the rest of this course. 5. Busting The Confidence Myths: you know, it is fascinating as we consider this topic off confidence or self esteem. There are quite a number of meth, so things that people genuinely believe. For example, some people believe that confidence is something that were either born with or it's something that we're not. No, no, I'm not gonna tell you what to believe here. I'm not going to spell out and see what's right or wrong. But if this is something that you do choose to believe, confidence is something they were either born with or something that we're not. Well, if you currently at the stage of your life don't have any confidence or you have very low confidence, then that would therefore mean that you're some sort of victim, kind of like whoever's major has made some sort of drastic mistake. When they were handing over, the confidence seemed toe miss you out or, you know you were lost in the lane or something like that. So I'm going to see that that methods is is slightly incorrect. Other people would believe that confidence is a skill that can be learned. No, I have watched so many self development programs and courses and I've listened to all the audios. I have read all the books of read hundreds of books over the years on. This is something that many people genuinely seem to believe. You know how I sometimes get emails cane? What's what's a technique that I can use today that's going to give me confidence? You know? How can I develop my skills and develop my confidence skills so I can become more skillfully confident? Onda The problem is, is that confidence is not a skill. Sorry. Confidence is not something that can be learned. Confidence is something the either have or it's something that you don't have. Confidence cannot be learned, but it can be developed over time. All right, as we grow to become secure in the value that we possess is human beings as we grow confident and secure in our intrinsic value. You see, there was one of my old heroes. He's he's dead now. Unfortunately, a guy called Jim Ron on old motivational life coach in Guru, died quite number of years ago, and he once said that if you want things to change in your life, then you must change. Everything begins with you. It doesn't Not talking here about the things that you do or or how you do the things that you do. We're talking about you who you are because who you are is actually a constant. It always has been a constant. But the only thing that influences how you feel on a daily basis is the beliefs that you have about yourself. You see, if you believe that you are really, really competent and really highly skilled and really good looking and really talented and really knowledge Bowen really good looking at all these sorts of things, then you'll feel confident. But if you believe that you're not, then you wouldn't feel confident. So all I'm really pointing towards here is the beliefs that we have about ourselves, because we are really going to be unpacking this and and quite a bit of detail through this course. So this is just the thought that I really like your toe ARJ energy to consider for 5 to 10 minutes. What does this actually mean for you? Use this space in the learning log, just toe, write this down ongoing. Consider what it actually means for you if you want things to change in your life On the the reason you're watching this course I can only a margin and assume is because you want something to change. So if this is true, if you want things to change in your life then you must change. What does this mean for you? 6. Exercise 1: The Personality Test: So this video brings us to the end of the first section and I do appreciate that have not gone into extensive detail about anything specific. Up until now, all I've really done my best to do is just orientate you to the course and also help you to monitor expectations off what to expect through the rest of this course. But in this lecture, what I'm gonna offer you right now is the very first exercise. Of course, on this isn't only in quizzes called the visual d n a personality quest. No, this is an absolutely excellent online quiz that just simply asks you to relate yourself to various images on the screen. I think there's about 30 questions or something like that. And at the end of the quest, what you're able to do is print off and have e mails to you, a descriptor off your personality. And it's actually one of the most accurate that I've come across and find through the years . No am in the additional materials section, there's a mini sort of workbook that just explains more about the personality quest with few instructions earned, and that the link don't as well so take 5 10 minutes on gun. Explore yourself. Use this. This this quest t grasp of slightly doing deep understanding. Off off who it is that you actually are on their take a few minutes. Teoh, write a few words in the discussion section. So toe, let me and everyone else know what it is that you've discovered. 7. The 1st Realm Of Confidence: Belief In Your Competence: Hi. Unwelcome to section to know if you remember in the first section I introduced you to this idea. The three realms off confidence. Know if you remember what they were, the 1st 1 being the belief that we have and our degree off competence our competence, how skilled and talented we are, how good we are doing the things that we do. You see, beliefs are fascinating things. They're either gonna build us up or they're gonna terrorist dome Some people that would choose to see in life, you know, I don't believe anything. Well, that's not true, because you genuinely believe that you believe nothing, which is store belief. So everyone has beliefs. Beliefs are kind of like the invisible foundation that many of us base our life's upon. No, this realm, this first realm, the belief that we have and our degree off competence how good we are a doing the things that we do and what I'm gonna introduce you to hear isn't is another idea that every single belief that we have in life is a limiting belief. Every belief that we have in life is a limiting belief. That's right. Every belief that we have in life is actually holding us back because you see, most people believe that the extent off truth in life is limited by what it is that they've already growing to experience. Most people would believe that there's no degree off truth. I was side of that which they've already experienced. So what I'm hoping to do through this section of the course is help you to understand the beliefs on a slightly deeper and more profound level from the inside out could help you to understand what it is that you primarily believe about yourself in relation to your degree off competence. Because going back quite a number of years ago when I was just a little boy still wet behind the ears, my mom and dad used to take me and my sister to the circus. No, I never particularly like the circus. I always found a little bit boring. My sister loved it, but there was one element of the circus that I actually always did enjoy. And this was the elephant cell of the lions and the that of the bears on the elephants. The elephant sale was found fascinating. The elephants being one of the largest mammals on the face of the planet. Why, I always wondered, was, why was it the an elephant as big on his strongest water for the wars or as they are, why they would allow themselves t be limited as soon as the harbor rule. Perot, under their car there are touched to chain. They just don't move. Because if you go to a circus or you go to go to reserve, you'll see an elephant that will sit there with a rule Peronists neck or a chain around his neck. Things chain is then attached to pick it or a spike in the ground. No, Obviously, the elephant we know they're, you know, has more than enough strength to break free to rip that piccolo the grown, then just walk off if it so chooses to. And in the context of a circus, well, it doesn't have to be a touched anything. In fact, that could just walk off and do whatever it wants. But yet it doesn't. It sits there as soon as a has a rope attached around his neck. On this rope is an attached to pick it in the ground. You see, I spent quite a number of years looking into this, all right, and not just understanding what I'm about to share with you and this video, but bit. But this whole idea off our core fundamental beliefs. Because when elephants are young in the early years of the light's, a circus master will approach one of thes a these animal aids places that will have saved a baby elephant after his parents have perhaps being killed toe have the tusks used for ivory to be sold on the black market or something like that? Andi. When this baby elephant is young, the circus master will take it to the training camp training area. Put a rope or a bit of chain or owners neck and then attach this chain to a spike or a picket that's been driven into the ground. No, When the baby elephants is still a baby elephant, it's actually physically not strong enough to break free from the peg from the chain. It fights on it dogs, and it screams and tries to Kek, but it's not strong enough to break free. The circus master knows that the elephant is not ready to begin Israel training until it stops fighting because the day that the elephants stops trying to break free from the peg is the day that the elephants grew into, except that it's not strong enough to break free from the peg. So you see, once is going to believe that the that is not strong enough to break free from the pegs the pegs no longer needed. It's then ready to start being trained and doing all the tricks and all that sort of thing . Celeste, fast forward. 15 years, you know, half fairly. Gruen Elephant in the middle of the circus, alright has a chain around its neck and this chain is attached to a spike or pick. It has been driven into the ground. Well, you see, the reason that the elephant wouldn't try to break free is because it knows from experience that is not strong enough to break free. The only limitation that this elephant actually has in actuality, is the belief that it developed a boat itself when it was young. When it was young, it genuinely wasn't strong enough to break free. But no, that's, you know, bigger and stronger. Well, it is able to break free, but it doesn't believe that it is. So it doesn't even try. So Hobart's story makes sense or I'm what I'm really trying to do here is paint a picture off where it is that our beliefs come from in life. You see, the first realm of confidence is a degree of confidence that we have and our competence. The things that we're able to do on this is a thing. If we don't believe that we're able to do something in life, then nine times over 10 were no even going to try. So the question that I would ask you right here is Highwood deaths at this stage of your life actually relates, so you 8. The Confidence 'X' Factor (The 6 Types Of Confidence: So I know that by no, you're aware that there are three realms of confidence. All right, in this section were unpacking the first realm of confidence, which is the confidence that we have in our degree off competence. But did you know that there are six different types of confidence? No, I'm not saying these things to confuse you. Promise you that I'm not. I'm seeing these things, and I'm gonna show you these things to help you understand yourself on also understand other people. Because if I was to ask you just for a minute and the kind of person that you really like to be in a relationship with, you know, if you had to spend the rest of your life with one person, how would you have them be? Would you like to spend the rest of your life with are really, really skilled person. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really articulate person? You know, someone who is a really gifted communicator like me? Or perhaps or maybe no to nose. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really smart person? Okay. How would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really good looking person. Now, I know this is gonna be a tough one, but I'll just point out here, just ask you to remember that looks fade all right. Or would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really confident person? No. You might be thinking Well, My goodness, can you give me some really tough choices here? I just don't know which one to choose. Will have not given you the sex and final option yet because before I give you the sixth and final option what I would firstly like to ask you to do here is just consider for yourself what it is that you currently built on base your confidence upon. All right. What type of confidence do you have? Is your confidence based upon how skilled and talented you are? Is your confidence based upon how articulate you are? You know how good a communicator you are Is your confidence based upon how smart you are, how knowledgeable you are, how wise you are because no one links a smarty ponds Today is your confidence based upon how good looking. You are no Noah. My confidence could be based. Bets, I'm guessing will probably have some people disagree with me and not one. Or is your confidence just based upon confidence, which isn't really a genuine confidence? It's just a car. False confidence that you you put on shore toe hopefully impress other people because this is what many people do, many people who will make themselves out to be the life and soul of the party, on the really extreme and in your face and all that sort of thing. That, except we know it's not really a real confidence. It's just something that they're putting on in the context of a social setting, you know, going back a number of years ago. It was really interesting. I actually coached in man towards a guy for quite some time who was a retiring footballer. And so, if you're in anywhere else in the world other than the UK and you might Cole football, soccer, which is okay, so I'm coaching this, this retiring a soccer player or football player on Do you know he was in his meds till late thirties and he played football his whole life on his Hey day. He'd actually been really good. His confidence in life was built upon his skills because he was a hugely skilled and gifted footballer. But the problem Waas was towards the end of his career well, you know, it started slowing down. That was younger guys coming in who were, you know, 10 15 even 20 years younger than him who were 10 times fire there faster. There were better looking Ondas, a direct result with us. His confidence absolutely plummeted. You know, that's combined with a, you know, a few injuries that left him sitting on the bench, unable to play. His confidence was left in tatters because you see the foundations office confidence on his life were built upon how Skillet iwas on as his skills began to fade, or so that his confidence which left him with not too much. Indeed, Andi, in exactly the same way. All right, think about how many Hollywood A list celebrities you know, and they are in the plastic surgeon's every other week or month, and you may not normal northern personally, but you'll know off them because if how often they're in the magazines and they're on the TV and all that sort of thing, the lips around here and bought talks. And this talks and that talks. And I don't even know half the stuff they can get done these days. But what we're saying is how many people build and based their confidence upon the looks on what happens is that good looks fade. Well, that's right. That confidence will also fade. No, I don't know where you're at in life today, and I don't know what it is that you're currently building and basing a confidence upon. So what, they were asking you to do too much yourself. Reflection of the stage in the course. What I'm really gonna ask you to consider here, as I've already mentioned, is you know, who is it? What type of person would you like to spend the rest of your life with a skilled person on articulate Paris in a smart Paris, in a good looking person or a confident person? Or by no might you be thinking to yourself I'm not sure if any of those things are sustainable for the really meaningful relationship came on. If you are asking that are saying that I'd say well done. He have just about now that we're just about there because there's one other type of confidence on this type of confidence. Is one that lasts is one that is sustainable on its is one that's transparent, genuine on riel on What we're talking about here is we're talking about genuine people, genuine all right, genuine people, because we got good looking people. We've got confident people. We've got skilled people, articulate people, smart people, and we've also got genuine people in life. What I'm gonna do, my very best throw this course to do is paint a picture off genuine. And yes, there may be times Throw this course where you don't particularly like me. You might disagree. You might have, you know, different viewpoints and all this kind of thing. I'm gonna ask you just to go with it anyway, because see, what are found throughout my life is that the only people that I would really ever be willing to trust are those that are willing to show me that they're genuine, those who are willing to show me who it is that the actually are, and you see the only people who are able to show me who they are Are those that actually know who they are? So we have brought this video from a few different angles here, and I'm hoping Leah catching the drift of what I'm talking about. There are six foundations and which broken boat our confidence in. We're gonna build our confidence upon our skills upon how articulate we are upon him. Smart. We are looking, We are how confident we are or upon the truth, off who it is that we actually are, which would therefore make us genuine on if we're no to consider the kind of person that we would choose toe build a meaningful relationship with. I'm sure that we're probably singing from the same song sheet here. And yes, good looking people are pretty and they're nice and all this stuff is good. But if we're talking about someone to build a meaningful, you know, a sustainable relationship with well, of course, we want someone who's going to show us that they're genuine. We want a genuine person on end the same way that you're always looking for other people to develop relationships with other people are also looking for people. It's about relationships with. So Bino is probably fair to say the genuine people are the kind of people that were able to trust on the kind of people that we really want more off in our lifes. So the question that I'm gonna leave your wealth is high wizard that other people would see you would. They see you as being scout with the C. U. Is being articulate, smart, good looking, confident or would they see you as being one off those genuine people? 9. The Tri Self Conundrum: so us. You're probably beginning to north test. This isn't one of these courses where I just give you a load of advice, you know? Oh, if you practice these three steps, you are going to be mega confidence. And if you're just mawr grateful and sure more growth to truth and all this kind of stuff. What I'm really working towards helping you see here is that there's nothing that you condo's that can make you feel more confident than nothing at all that you can do, though I do appreciate that's probably going to sound like a pretty big idea on, you know, over the next 7 to 10 lectures. I'm hoping that I'm gonna be able to help you see what I see on therefore, understand what I understand. What I'm really wanting to do throw this course is just share with you truth Ah, whole bunch of truths about yourself knowing that if you are able to understand yourself more effectively from the inside out, then you're also going to be able to understand other people more effectively from the inside out on. If you're therefore able to understand more and other people more effectively from inside out. Well, you're gonna know that you have absolutely no reason for little confidence and self esteem anyway. So what I would like to share with you and this video is what I call the try self conundrum right on. The reason it's a conundrum is because we have these three concepts self esteem, self worth and self concept room. The psychology books, the world of NLP, personal developments. If you go online, do a Google search for each of thes three terms you're going to come up with and you're going to find 2030 are 102 100 different descriptions and definitions of for these terms actually mean. So what I'm wanting to do here is actually assure you, for they are and how that all completely interlinked. And some people especially, you know, you're theorists know you're, you know, self help personal development. Girls will mistake and confuse self concept for self worth, though you know, mess communicate self worth for being self esteem and self concept, and things get messy. So all I really want to do here is just set the record straight share with you some truths so that you understands more than anything else, your problems slightly more effectively from the inside out. So, first and foremost self esteem, right? Must primarily what this course is all about, you know, build stronger confidence and more effective, unshakeable self esteem. Well, if you think about self esteem, what is it? Self esteem is just how you feel about yourself, isn't it? If you think about it, self esteem is always based upon a feeling. So if you're talking about self esteem, you're talking about how you feel about yourself on If you have low self esteem, you therefore don't feel particularly well about yourself. You don't like yourself. You don't feel good about yourself. You're not feeling confident and who you are, because if you're not feeling confident in who you are than what is in question, is your self worth your self worth your intrinsic value as a human being for your actually worth? No. You see, when we're talking about self worth, we're not talking about some sort of monetary value. Were talking about how much you're worth in terms of pounds or dollars or euros, or whatever the currency is whenever you're out in the world, we're talking about the value that's within you and the value that you offer other people. Because if you think about many people go through life wanting to prove themselves, don't they? You know they work so hard they put on this shore. They'll sometimes even speak down to other people in order to exert themselves and prove themselves as being greater than what it is that they fundamentally believe themselves to be. So when you come across really angry people in life, all rights, really aggressive people in life, is it because they're just really aggressive or angry people? Or is it because they're really insecure people who are not confidence and there self worth ? They do no understand their value. Therefore, they need to exert themselves, improve themselves, often aggressively in the attempts off, in some way impressing other people and think about Schoolyard Billy's well, that's what schoolyard bullies day the gore and bullying other people to compensate for their own. You know, poor low self esteem, which is based upon the little perception that they have of themselves their self worth. So self concept is interesting, all right, self concept is neither here nor there are self worth is our intrinsic value, the value that we have to be stunned to offer other people today. Our self esteem is based upon how we feel about ourselves today, but our self concept is different. Our self concept is this concept, the concepts, another word for an idea. This idea, this concept, this image that we have in our mines, about who it is that we can ultimately become the best version of us. Our self concept is, is just that place where we want to get to in life. You know that sometimes people will say When I get there things, we better when I get there. You know, life will just be so sweet and Rosie, when I get there, Well, when I get there, they are his self concept. On incidentally, no one ever gets there, because if we think about what's the best possible self concept could be is perfect perfection. You know, how many people in the world do you know that would make out that they're perfect, that there's no they have no war. It's the having our floors that have no imperfections. They would have everyone believe that who they are is ultimately perfect, will how many people in the world do you know who are actually perfect? And the answer is no. One Because no one's perfect. I'm in perfect. You're in perfect. We're all in. Perfect. Therefore were all in the same boat. All right, Which means therefore, that because we're in perfect, we need to find sometimes a more effective way of living so that we can manage this imperfection while snow beating ourselves up over it. Which is, incidentally, something that many people do. So, self concept is kind of like this this day in the future. You know, when we become who it is that we that we know we can fundamentally become. I'm gonna ask you a question here. All right. Do you like being judged? Have you ever felt judged from someone unfairly? Do you really want to be friends with people who judge you who make assumptions on Presumptions about who you are? Because of the things that you might say are because of the way in which you might be sometimes because of your imperfections? If you think about it, what is it that judgmental people dio judgmental people will look other people, though under compare themselves to them on make decisions about whether they're either better than or worse than you in the same way that when you're comparing yourself to others , you are making, you know on informed decision, based upon the best of the information that you have as to whether you're better than or worse than them. If you feel better than them, you'll feel this false sense of security security within yourself. You might even come across a little bit arrogant or you're going to feel insecure enough little confidence, low self esteem. So this is really fascinating on a really interesting idea, because, you see, whilst none of us like to be judged in life, unfortunately, as we're judging, others were also judging ourselves at exactly the same time. If you think about it, all right, if we're assuming that were better than someone, well, we're assuming on one level that they're worse than us or not as good as us. But we're also judging ourselves unassuming that we're better than them on. If we then flipped on its head. If we're comparing ourselves to someone else and assuming that we're not as good as them, we might be looking up to a parent or a teacher or a parent of influence are on employer or a partner or something like that. So if we're looking up to someone, I don't do a diagram shortly. That shows how all this works in a bit more detail. If we're putting someone on a pedestal, for example, judging someone on assuming that they're all that and we're not quite as good as them, well, we're putting ourselves lure than them on. If we're putting ourselves a lower than them, how does that effect? There were self esteem. Well, it's lower than them, therefore, little self esteem. So if we're putting ourselves down in comparison to other people, then lower self esteem comes about as a direct result off that. So I'm hoping that I know what you're able to see is all these three self's are completely interlinked. If you've ever felt like you have a battle going on in slate of yourself, I can guarantee you, Ray know that you are not mind you are not alone. All of us are exactly the same. Self esteem is just how we feel about ourselves on a daily basis. Our self worth is the value that we place upon ourselves later on the course, we're gonna, um, park unauthentic. Ah, g N u in self worth. We're going to give ourselves a unique reference point the foundation that we can build the rest of our lives upon. We need to understand the truth of who we are on. This is where we're going. This is what we're working towards through this course because, you see, once we've once we've come to understand, you know, the core, the truth of who we are self concept is about becoming the best version off ourselves that we can possibly become. You see, there's this really interesting idea whilst many people in life will beat themselves up for not being perfect because they're not good enough at this. I'm not good enough at that. They're not good enough at the next thing. Those people are primarily building and basing their confidence upon the things that they do. BC once we're able to begin building our confidence in life upon the core truth, the facts of who we are. Well, we're actually free then from concerning ourselves about the things that we do. We're free then just to simply be ourselves, which means that we can actually go on to live over the rest of our days, just working towards being better, which is a hell of a lot better in a hell of a lot easier than working towards just being good enough. It removes the pressure and the stress and attention from my life. So I will be unpacking all of this and a lot more detail through the remains of this section, the next on the section after. So you get a really solid and grounded understanding. If you have any questions about any of this, please read, show and ask and the discussion subject cause all of this stuff is really important. Get the foundations down. For what? We're going to be building the rest, of course, upon 10. The 2 States of Human Existence: what I would like to discuss in his video lecture as a really interesting idea. It's a really interesting concept. There is still hope that you're with me. All right, What I'd like to discuss here is the two states off human existence. Now this might sound really complicated, like of pulled over theory, but But I promise you that if not, this is really simple. Are two states of human existence are just simply being, which is who we are undoing, which is what we do. There's who we are under this. What we do know what I'd like to introduce you to. Here is a set off for five called in the past cultural equations on these air car equations that many people will define themselves by. If you think about it, have you ever bean? It's it's a networking meeting or some sort of business meeting. Or perhaps here you just go on 10 New university or you've moved to a new streak than you meet some new people on What's the first question? Once you've got names, you know on the pleasantries. Either way, what's the first question that most people will ask you? So far, is it that you do? What do you do with yourself on their most people? If they do what they do well, they will tell people, you know, my name's Frank and I'm a doctor. My name's my regrets, and I am a nurse. My name's Peter and I'm a plumber. You know, my name's Francesca and I'm a movie star. I'm an actress or something like that. I wouldn't try to show you Here is that many people will define themselves in life by the things that they do know This is absolutely fine. And, well, the right in the state of doing, you know, human existence. If what we're doing, we're doing reasonably well, you know, if we're doing what we do, Well, then, of course, we're gonna be confident because we're confident in our degree off competence. Remember, So one would like to share with yet all right, is this first culture equation the equation that many people live their lives by. If they like you see, people who defined themselves by by what we do in this doing state of existence would would genuinely believe that what they do, what they do, plus how well they do what they do kind of determines and equals who it is that they are. So most people will allow themselves to be defined by what they do and how well they do what they do, which, actually, if you think about it, makes these people human doings No human beings because you see human beings define themselves in a slightly different way. Human beings who are secure and who they are would not even dream with defining themselves by what they do. For example, you know, I could see a rightly domain names can rams A. I'm a psychologist, life coach, NLP Master Practitioner, guru Let me impress you with all the qualifications that I have and all the people that have helped from the multiple countries around the world on what I'm trying to do here is proved to you how significant an amazing I am because of what I do and how well I've done what I've done in the past. And therefore, if you're impressed with what I do and how well I've done what I've done than you might think that who I am is fundamentally OK. No. Where do you think that I'm okay? are no is entirely up to. You were going to be looking at this a little bit further and a bit more detail later on as well BC, I linked to define myself as being a human being on. I lived by a very different cultural equation. Let me show you what this is. You see, human beings who are secure and who they are will primarily and fundamentally first initially to find themselves by who they are. So they understand who they are, then every single day, because they know who they are, their security, who they are. They were in this constant state of self reflection about how they're being themselves. Um, I being the best version of myself that I can possibly be our, um I not yes or no black or white. If not, why not? How can I be better? Because I understand that if I'm constantly working towards being a better version of me than other people are going to find more value in me, and if other people find more value in me than they're going to see me as being more significant, and if other people see me as being more significance in their eyes than I become a month and demands. And if I become a mom and demand that makes me quite popular. And if I become quite popular, well, that's all. They're gonna boost my confidence. And that's the journey that we're going in life. So, you see, I'm only going to be recognized and seen a significant by other people. If you know how I am, me is offer relative value. You see, if you're finding any value in this course, right, no whatsoever, then you're going to be a touching the value that you're experiencing through me. To me, which means you may even see me, is quite valuable or not, who knows? And so what I'm saying here is human beings who understand who they are because I'm secure in who I arm off not shared with you who I am a just yet, but I will do shortly. And how I am who I am is just how I've grown to be the most effective version of me. You see, if you expedience and if you're finding me to be relatively interesting, fun, passionate, high energy, creative, all these sort of things, it's because that's how I choose to be me. You know, I I fundamentally I'm creative. Therefore, how I express myself is creatively and so who I am plus how I am who I am actually determines in my life what I to and can you see the difference. Human beings who define themselves first performance by who they are there in a constant state of self reflection, about how they are, who they are and what they do is just a direct result of who they are and who they are. For example, so what I do is a life coach Brown la Life course. That's not who I am who I am is is Kin Ramsey. I'm a loving, giving, passionate, caring, creative, giving, generous, honest, reliable, sincere mon. That's who I am. No, I'm not asking you to believe me here. I'm just telling you the truth. Whether you choose to believe me will be based upon whether I become consistent in your eyes and I find consistent through this course on If you experience me being honest and sincere, Ola So I think we'll by the end of the course, you're gonna grow to trust me. And you mate even go on to take one of the other courses. No, this isn't a sales pitch. I'm just seeing how things actually are. You know, I think going back a number of years ago, one of my and other heroes was a guy called Steve Corbett. You know, I've got us Horsfield collection, off range books That all stemmed from the first book of his that I have a Red with seven habits of highly effective people are read this book and it made so much sense. It was like I was reading a book about my very own life. But this guy was actually just being honest about has and I was able to relate, so because he was being honest and sincere and just being themselves in my eyes, he was a phenomenal court. So went on to buy always books. No, you see force I've and and who, who I come across on a regular basis, as many people who are not secure and who they are. And if someone is no security, who they are, they need to compensate for this on the way that most people will try to compensate for their own insecurity than who they are is through, you know, enhancing themselves through through what they do. Consider workaholics. Consider people. And again, let's go back to Hollywood celebrities. You know, the guys are the girls who, from one movie to the next movie to the next movie to the next movie because they're not fundamentally secured who they are. They need to be seen doing so much stuff on the need to maintain this place off exposure in the public eye. It's just so that could be seen a significant by other people. So what they are actually fundamentally looking for is validation on the approval from other people because they have not yet validated nor approved off themselves, which is interesting. So the question that I asked you here to rub this video up is how is it that you define yourself? Do you define yourself prime model A. By you know, by who you actually are. And then what you do with your life is actually just a reflection of who you are. Because as a previously mentioned I shared with you that I'm honest and reliable and loving and giving and caring and all that sort of thing in or how y army is Aziz Creative Express myself is as creatively as possible. What I do is coaching. I teach. I teach people how to understand the lessons that I've grown to understand throughout my life because these lessons made a huge impact in me. Therefore, I I know through experience, know that these lessons also make a real difference. And other people as well those who are patient enough to persevere on hear me out anyway. But it hasn't always been the case because going back, you know, 10 12 years ago, I used to find myself by the things that I did with my life. And this is where many people live. There was who are in a secure in who they are defined themselves by what they do instead. So the question here is four state of human existence. Are you currently operating in? Are you a human being who defines you know his or herself yourself by who you actually are ? Or do you define yourself by by what you do and make some notes of this one and spend some time really considering because this stuff's really important 11. Exercise 2: The Self Esteem Quiz (Workbook): All right, So this is just going to be a two minute video just to introduce the quiz that have prepared fear there's going to be available an additional materials section. Now this quest is called How is your self esteem? On the reason that I'm building this quiz into this section of the course? The questions are complicated. They're actually they're going to seem very, very simple. But if you answer these questions over there, two pages with then printed off and just circle your answers is going to help you to understand what it is that you fundamentally believe about yourself, understand reported, is that we're working towards overcoming and get rid off. Throw the rest of the course because we're no officially on this journey together. That's right. We're partners in crime. So take five minutes and complete this question. If you want to write a few comments in the discussion section, it would be fantastic just for meeting here where it is that you're currently but 12. Identity Crisis: A Soldiers Tale: So if you remember back to the end of the first section, I told you that story. Remember the guy that fell into the hole? Well, them in this video, I'm gonna share with yet another story. Except this stories. My story. This is about how I ended up falling into my whole going back quite a number of years ago. No, no. On the board behind me of written these words identity crisis Because we have all experienced crisis in some way in some shape or form at some point in life. On the identity crisis is the crisis that we have, where we no longer know where to go or what to do. Because we don't have the faintest idea who it is that we are. No, I'm not saying that this isn't No, this is or isn't a case for you. I'm talking very, very generally here on this course is a journey. We're just building layer upon layer upon layer. So I'm just hoping to take you with me. Un evolved in your thinking as I evolved in mine way back when So what I'm gonna have to make an apology for the stage is the quality off my artistic capabilities because I'm just not the greatest artist in the world, but I do my very best. All right, I'm I'm trying to be creative, which is fundamentally who I am. But this illustration this guy in the middle of the board here and has a picture of me, all right, with this question mark above his head, Who am I? I have is rock bottom confidence had hit bottom hard enough on a new things had to change somehow. But there was a process that led me up to that. All right on, this process actually began on the day that I turned 16 all right, because they just 16. I joined the Army, the British army. If you've never taken any of my courses before, this is a little bit of my back story in my background, you see, as a 16 year old boy and I was a boy bag. Then I had skinny chicken legs, which I used to get made fun off in school. I never really excelled at anything through my educational years, and I was never particularly good at sports. I was never really encouraged to do anything like that anyway. And I guess this stage of my life I wanted to do something with the rest of my life that I believed reserve relative significance. I wanted to do something significant with my life on. The reason that I wanted to do something significant with my life was because I wanted to be seen as being significant by others. And if you think about the only reason that we'd want to be seen a significant by other people, as if we do not see ourselves as significant, because if we know how valuable and significant we are in life, will we no longer need the approval on validation off other people, which is fundamentally what sets us free in life just to simply be ourselves, get ourselves out there on live, authentic, genuine and high impact, high caliber life's. But at this stage of my life, that's know how I was loving All right, actually spend from here to here around about eight years off my life, becoming on being a soldier know if you remember those cultural equations from a few videos back and because of joined at the age of 16 I was a boy soldier I ended up spending two years in basic training, in which time I was completely institutionalized. I was influenced by my car prose by my training instructors, who taught me and trained me to think like a soldier toe. Acts like a soldier behave like a soldier on how to be a soldier. And being a soldier is the definitive word here because, you know, a soldier was who it was that I believed myself to be, and because I did not see myself as being particularly significant or of any value back here, a soldier here I was able to see that, you know, gain the approval from appears off the other guys that I was training with I was serving with when I got home on weekends. Sometimes girls would say who You're in the army, You're a soldier. You're amazed and tell me some of your amazing stories. No. Yes, Back then, some of the stories were a little bit fabricated. Some of them were where always quite or 100% completely honest, because I was still looking to prove myself, impress other people and buying by myself because I probably still wasn't secured her waas In fact, I wasn't secured who I was. I was only secure And how well I was able to do my do the things that I done and fulfill my my rule within the British Army. No, Thean Tristen thing is on was through this this season This this period of life, if you've ever served in the military, is quite a unique culture that has his own culture within this culture. Andi, for young boys who had joined and the monetary actually needs young, insecure men that I can shape and more than brainwashed into becoming the kind of people that it needs to fulfill the task that has for them. Onda and I just fell into this trap is he actually grew into believe that, you know, being in the British Army, being part of the military, qualified me into the superior human race and that therefore made me better than my civilian counterparts. So whenever I went home and leave or things like that, I would look diamond civilians as being lesser lan human beings than I like. I was better than then. Remember earlier on, we talked about Latino judging people were talked about it briefly then we will go into this more detail later on as well. I would look down on civilians, all civilians, by the way, not just one or two. All civilians were exactly the same. Ah, big generalization that I made because as soldiers were better than those civilians because we go for a run once a day or the gym once a day are we knew how to shoot a gun or with perhaps going to the desert. I've done a dangerous job once or twice, but that's how we believe yourself to be and better than them. No, I really emphasize this because it's important because the day that I left the military in 2000 and four, after spending the better part of 3.5 years in the middle of the desert and having no served in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Oman, on Iraq during before and after the last Gulf War, I'd had enough all right, being a soldier, being, you know, doing a significant rule, it doesn't matter anymore. The work within itself was absolutely horrible, you know, spending months in the middle of the desert, drinking hot water, getting chewed off flies, the dust he just dark tale. The time in the life the lifestyle was horrible. It was so inconsistent on in terms of building relationships and friends. Oh, you weren't really able to do that within the military, people would move around so much. So you make friends with some people, then they would move or you would move. And I would say that the military will bear in mind you're dealing with civilians and on also you barely see them. So even in terms of an intimate relationship with that, with a partner or boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wave, whatever, that was also very difficult because of the time that you were spending overseas are away. So attended Buck my I D card here on Got out on Bond. You know what has crazy? Because although we're only to literally minutes toe hand back my I d card and walk out of the military gates, that was me left army behind that then took from here t here, the better part of 45 years for the military to leave me uneven today as I'm standing in front of you right now that are still parts that haven't left me. The only difference between where I'm at today and where the wars bag then, at this stage of my life is today I'm secure in who I am. Back then, I wasn't all right and not at all. So you see, how would this affected my confidence and self esteem was, I guess, in there in the military. I was relatively confident in in my ability to be a good soldier on, because I was able to be a good soldier. I done soldier and, well, you know, I was confident in my degree of competence. Remember, The first realm of confidence is and you know, belief and our degree of competence. But because I was a relatively competent soldier, I was I felt confident, a seman. But then the day came when I was no longer a soldier anymore. And no having stepped, they would say to the military, I could no longer to find myself as being a soldier. I entered this new season off life on and in the season from from here to here I tried different jobs, diff different rules. I worked on building sites. I won stage, even developed a set of me on business which flopped because it wasn't passionate about it . And I worked in the doors as a doorman because you're back Then when you're that age, you look up the doorman and pubs and clubs, especially in Scotland, as being quite significant in the big March or Butch guys, which is what I aspired to be like. And I got into sales. I got into marketing and go into the world of business and finance. I started making a lot of money, but nothing changed how I felt about myself. Nothing changed my degree of self esteem. The reason for this was because there wasn't a rule that I was able to find that that left me feeling a significant is what I once felt as a soldier. No, I'm not saying that, you know, So being a soldier is such a significant job because, looking back with hindsight, I know that it's actually not, but we're only ever a significant is what we believe ourselves to be. Onda. And back then, as I still believed, you know, being a soldier to be relatively significant, and I knew that I wasn't, which meant that I started feeling even Maurin significant than what I ever hunted before. And as I began feeling Maurin significant in as I compare myself to other people, I was fully aware know that where I once looked doing these civilians, I had no become one of them, which meant that I was down. And guess which direction my self esteem went down Law. Low self esteem as a compared myself to others to these of the civilians are like Dhoni civilians. But no, I'm one of them. Which means I'm just the same as you, which isn't good enough. Look, I'm not saying any of this stuff is true. I'm just saying This is how I processed at the time. I'm just being his honest as I can as I can be here, on and on in this season here as a tried and I went from job to job from role to role. It's a position to position. There was nothing that I was able to do that that enabled me to feel like I like the way that I was living. My life was even remotely worthwhile. I entered this stay of complete identity crisis, were a phone myself into this hole. The hole that was so deep, sore white. I didn't know how to get out of the vest. I didn't even really know how it was. There are good insert. The only thing that I knew here was that you know, there is no way that I can to find myself by what I do for even one day more. So this was how I'd find and made my way into the whole Everything changed one day when I made a committed decision to change. Remember that quarter share shared earlier on Maywood hero Jim? Ron, you know you can want your life to change, but unless you change, then nothing changes. Well, I guess this was the realization that had come to in life because this pet, this whole it was off low confidence, low self esteem. I felt sad and depressed about were passed on. I felt I anxious, are apprehensive, fearful about the future. I didn't know if who I was as a man was good enough. Teoh even make it to get there. Remember where there is self concept so hard myself concept myself concept was living a meaningful and significant life. But myself worth was uncertain. I didn't understand more value, which meant therefore, that my self esteem plummeted on this left me in my whole. So this is that I've been honest about myself here, and I'm hoping that by no, you're gonna be able to see that there is substance. And in what I'm talking about, because from this point onwards, all that I'm really able to do know is they share with you the innocents two steps on the lessons that I've learned on that I took to get myself out. 13. The Timeline of Learning (Beliefs): What I would like to introduce you to in this video is an idea. I call this idea the timeline off learning. Now this is going to be building upon that idea that would looked up earlier on. Remember the elephants story that I told you the circus elephant who grew Teoh believe, unlearn that he wasn't strong enough to break free from the chain and the peg. Well, believe it or not, in life, what's true for elephants is also true for us, as human beings on the way that elephants grow, toe will develop the beliefs that they ultimately have about themselves is exactly the same as the way in which we as human beings also growth developed beliefs that we have about ourselves on every belief that we have in life as a limiting the reason being because we don't have all the information. All right, this course is no. It's going to be the perfect on best confidence building course in the world because a I'm an imperfect person on B because I also don't have all the information in the world. So if I did have all the information in the world, then it might be a perfect course, but unfortunately, it wouldn't be so. I'm going to share with you the timeline of learning instead. No, all that I'm really gonna be able to do here is hopefully paint a picture, ensure you how it waas that I grew to learn and develop the beliefs. I hard about myself over a period off time, any through in my life. Because in the last video I shared with you the story, my story off identity crisis, the problem that I hard on the steps that I took that led me into that whole, that whole off low confidence, low self esteem to spare anxiety and all that kind of stuff. And but there was a process, all right. A series of steps. That's a look, pools that I went through, that they took me to that place of wanting to join the army anyway, to prove my significance, you see, because I, the age of 16 genuinely wants to prove my degree of significance to other people. It was because up until then I had grew into toe learn that who I was The person was insignificant. No. Then I don't know if you've ever experienced NLP or any form of therapy or anything like like that whatsoever. And if you haven't what I'm gonna argue to consider doing at some point in the future is finding a competent, any LP practitioner or Muster practitioner all right. The reason being is because there's a really cool exercise they will be able to do with you . It's called a timeline re imprinting, exercise timeline re imprinting and what I was doing studying NLP for all these years, This was on exercise that I went through an experienced myself. And it's only because of under one off experience this exercise myself and that I'm able Teoh to share this timeline of learning with you if farming sense it was the process by which I grew to learn and believe that Huawei wars as a person wasn't good enough and was in significance. Alright, you see, when we're young and we don't have any beliefs where just babies were a clean slate, right, all the damage begins getting done the second that were born on the second that we start interacting with other human beings. My earliest memory in life is actually and I would have been around about five or six years old. So up until then, you know what? Just looking around. Everything's new. Everything was exciting. World happy We all want have a nice time and play games on. And at this point in the timeline right about here, I can remember walking into Medan's bedroom one Saturday morning. No, my dad, incidentally, and I know my dad loved me in his own way but said he would work away from home, You know, often five days a week. So the only opportunity I had to ever see him was a weekend on when it came to weekends. Unfortunately for me and sister, because he had been working away through the week and he was tired or ihad headaches, migraines, back pains like pains, some sort of pain, which left him in bed all weekend, tired on unable? No, my earliest memory was actually walking into Madonna's bedroom that dad died. Get out of bed. Come on, get up And it take me to the power. Expend some time with me. Focus on me. Give me all your time and all your attention, Which is kind of what we do is kids, isn't it? On guy was met with a response. No, on that was that I'd just being completely rejected. No, I'd never experienced rejection like this before. You know, I was interested in Madaya. I wanted to spend time with Madonna. He didn't want to spend time with me. I didn't know what this men's because I hunt consciously being aware off having ever been rejected at any other point in the past. So this was a big strike for me, and so I obviously haven't learned anything yet. So for me, you know, persistence is key. So right that that get out of bed. Come on, get up. Spend some time with me. Give me attain. Give me your attention. I want to do something fun and exciting. And then what did he do? Well, I'm just going to spell us over here and be completely honest, but he ruled over. He turned his back and me and then popped off. He brought wind. He farted. That was that? No, You know, that was just so un cool. I couldn't believe it. This was the ultimate rejection. But the funny thing Waas You know, I still didn't know what this meant because If you think about him in life, when something happens to you for the first time, you don't have a clue. What it means is just a random event. When something happens one time, it's just a random occurrence. But if the same thing happens twice, for example, your rejected well, you're no starting toe. Ask yourself questions on a subconscious unconscious level. What does this mean? I've just been rejected twice. What does this mean about me? But you know, it's only happened twice, so it may just be a coincidence here. No, yet, sure you don't have enough information on which to make a well informed decision. So you keep on going, don't you? You see? Ah, few months later, I go to school on those This little girl. She's a Chinese girl, her mom and dad on the local Chinese take away cold, sundry ending. And she was my childhood sweetheart. And Sandra, if you ever watched this course or any of my other And yes, you were the first and but unfortunately I'm married. No. So you've hided chances missed out, but But look, son, drilling on this in particular day in question. It was Valentine's day and I had saved up all of my pocket money to buy a Valentine's Day card on a Mars bar on I think I even wrapped the Mars bar up on Put Little Born it on As I approached son droning that said, Sandra, I fund, See you, will you be my valentine? You know what she said, Not you stink or words to that effect on. But that left me with 1/3 strike. Own bomb. No, What I'm starting to see here is a bit off a pattern because I've just been rejected off Dad twice. Often, I have just been rejected of Sandra. Ah, I'm not sure what this means about me. That was maybe something wrong with me. I'm just not quite sure. So a few weeks later, I'm standing because Dad's been in bed every weekend and I'm standing in line waiting to get picked for the school football team, our soccer team. But bear in mind, I'm not very good at sports. All right, so guess who. The last person to get pictures. That's right. You guessed it Me unless person to get pecked and know what the C says. I just stick him in the goals that way that we will stand about chance, Richard and Scarl in a big footballing nation as that ultimate rejection. If you just get stuck in goals, that is rejection and 1/2. So here we go. And no, I'm completely seeing a pattern. A pattern is evolving. I keep on getting rejected and you see when we're young, no one takes time to explain this stuff to a C wherein were in school. We don't get taught about beliefs. We don't get talked about emotions we don't get taught. The difference between thoughts, emotions, beliefs, opinions Nine times out of 10 even our own parents don't do particularly good job. It teaches this stuff. So we reached a stage in life where we end up and a whole or with, you know, some sort of problem where either struggling with, you know, rock bottom, self esteem, confidence, anxiety, stress, tension, chaos, problems of some degree because we've never been told this stuff. But yet we beat ourselves up. We've grown to assume and believe that who we are isn't quite good enough. We feel side about the times have been rejected in the past. Some people may even feel depressed. We feel anxious about the future. We don't want toe apply for a new job or go for the next interview. No, because we're scared of getting the job because we're petrified of experiencing another rejection on what it will mean about us if we were to be rejected one more time and it's not even what it would mean. It's just that if we are rejected again in the future, all that kind of really does is it just puts the stamp of approval on a volatile dates. The belief that was already two fell up the boat, our self. So you see, we reached a stage in life. We're like the elephants and we're doing consciously looked to prove ourselves wrong in life. All we're looking to is the times where we can prove ourselves right. If we develop a belief for ourselves, you know who I am isn't good enough in some way. I'm not smart enough. I am not skilled enough. I'm not talented enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not confident enough. I'm no articular enough. I'm not this enough. I'm know that enough. We can construe strip away all the wording and just say I'm not enough on this is the place where many people reach in life where the then spend the rest of their lives doing their best to over and hunts themselves unproved themselves to other people because who they fundamentally believe that they are is just not enough. So you see, if you remember the elephant, the elephant with a chain around its neck, well, the chain actually represents the belief that have developed a boat itself when it was young. On this belief is actually not too dissimilar, in fact, is actually exactly the same as the beliefs that we develop about ourselves as human beings with begin to develop when we're young. But if we're no aware of this stuff All right, then you see this is that every experience that validates the belief that belief becomes stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and will become completely tied to her past. For example, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you say to them something along the lines off? Come on, you should just go for that job. You'd be brilliant data. And how did the response No, I could do that. I've never been good at doing things like that in the past. And what is it? They're remembering the remembering all the times in the past where either someone reject them or times in which they failed, not because who the where wasn't good enough. It's just the honey a learns on effective strategy or the most effective strategy for getting the result that they wanted. So they assign the outcomes from their life in the things that we do to the very identity and assume that moving forward they're going to be getting or achieving are experiencing the same or similar results in the future. That's what they once experience in the past. Soon this is our timeline off Lurling in life. Many people genuinely believe that the past equals the future just because you have not been able to do things in the past and many people would assume they're not going to be able to do these things in the future. Therefore today, that gives them a thing, a little confidence, because the confidence that they have in their ability to learn and solve problems is ah is no are completely non existence. So how it is that we're able to begin brick and free from these limiting beliefs. That's where we're little longer defining ourselves by the stuff that we do. You see, there was a man, a guy called Thomas Edison, and you may very well have heard of this guy he's talked about in schools and colleges. And he was the guy that invented the light bulb. No, you've most likely heard the severe or read about this if you've ever read any self help book in the whole world. But you see this guy who invented the light bulb, you know, in his autobiography, he talks about how he failed just over 1000 times. So he's got 1000 of those validations telling him that what he done wasn't good enough. But you know what? His perspective waas the approach the took towards doing the things that he wanted to do with his life was that, you know, every single time that I failed was just me again. One step closer towards achieving, succeeding and creating the light bulb every single time that I failed was just another lesson that I learned along the way. So what I'm actually pointing towards here. All right, is your intrinsic value. And we are gonna be unpacking this in a whole lot more detail. But if you think about it, you know, in life and we are who we are on its all the lessons that we learned along the way, it's all the highest, all the Lewises, all the upsets, all the don's. It's all the successes, all the failures on the lessons that we've learned along the way. You see, this is your value. That may very well be the case that you have failed measurably time on time and time again throughout your life up until today. But here's a thing. One approach on perspective that you could take is that you know, I'm not good enough. I am a failure. This is just who I am. I am not good enough. Or you could take a slightly alternative approach on a slightly old Terran in perspective and look for the lessons so learn along the way. Yes, I have failed so many times, but look at the lessons that I've learned. This is the value that I have. The I can share with other people that no one ever took the time to share with me. You see, if you consider the last video I shared with you, how it was that I fell into my whole off despair color where you want low confidence, no self esteem. I have bean there, but I I'm not there today. Today I do not have the same problems as what I hard 10 12 years ago. I have grown out of them. I have matured in life because you see, growing up in life is all about maturing. A maturing in life is about growing out upwards on out off the limiting beliefs that we develop up by ourselves as Children. Unfortunately, most people don't know this stuff in life. So if you're still watching this course right now, when If this makes sense, then you've just come to see something, understand something that most people in life don't get. So guess what, you've just growing in. That's right, my friend. Value 14. The Comparison Trap: False Confidence by Comparison: So if you remember early on in the course will look to this six different types of confidence. Some people will build and base their confidence upon how skilled or talented they are, how knowledgeable or how smart they are, how good looking they are, confident they are or how articulate they are. And most people in life will compare themselves to other people in one of those five areas . All right, people will generally compare themselves to other people. Um, I let's just say this is you. All right? Um, I as good looking as this person. All right. You see things. Paris is better looking than me. This person is the same as me or this Paris's, lest on me on, based upon the assumption on the Children that you make will determine how you feel. Because if you look at someone said, you know, am I as good looking as them or on my nose? And if the answer is I'm better looking than them, then you feel confident because you've judged them and put them down. If, however, you look at someone who's just Mr or Mrs Beautiful, when then you just put him up on this pedestal by goodness, you're absolutely stunning as you walk past, um, what happens? You either stare at them evil A in a different place of envy and disgust. Or you'll just hung your head law and self esteem confidence, because you know that they're fundamentally better looking than you on it doesn't have to be looks. And this might be how smart you are. No, if you watch this right now, there's a pretty good chance that you've had some sort off educational experience in life on then. If you've ever walked through a college or a university or something like that or whatever , you're higher education institution is in whatever country you live in, and you'll know what I mean. All right? No, I entered them to aim higher education at a later stage in life. I was actually 28 or 29 when I reentered education on day and what I found to be more frustrating than anything else. It was opinionated, ous, pimply faced, 15 16 17 year olds who thought that they knew everything whose confidence was based upon how knowledgeable they thought that they were. I could remember, you know, being judged off pimply 16 year old boys, all right, who had found a range of a grade passes in their exams. Here's me just how do you know? Eight years life experience in the military, followed by another few years of complete self destruction, which, incidentally, collected quite a lot from and then a few years off, overseas travel, which all may, I may tell you about later on. I lived in Australia for a year and 1/2 and then a New Zealand for a few years on. They re enter full time education. I'm getting judged by someone who got better grades on. Examine me, my goodness. Gracious me good for developing patients. Very good for developing patients. Enemy Justus Justus. Well, I had nothing that I felt that I needed to prove. But in life, many people do. Many people genuinely do feel un believe that they have something that they need to prove to other people. You need to prove who they are to others. Many times of a 10 aggressively or forcefully as a direct result of their own insecurity. What I'd like to talk about here is the comparison trap. No. Have you ever watched the time TV? No, I don't know. Whereabouts in the world you are. But in the UK in Scotland and we have TV shows like Jeremy Kyle and trash trash. Tricia No, these air A TV show hosts that asked. They're you know they're there. The various guests questions. But the guests that have any shows are sometimes. And how could you define these people? People who may know have the highest of standards in life. All right, you have. You know, young girls maybe 17 or 18 have just popped out of the fourth or fifth child and don't know who their fathers are to any of them on. Then go on national TV toe. Ask 10 different guys to do blood tests so that she can determine who the father was to her second child and all that kind of stuff. Now, the question that you may be asking yourself here is where on earth did you get these people who would go on live national television and make fools of themselves like that? Or the other question you could ask is, why would people even watch this garbage? Well, you see, the interesting thing is, and statistics sure that said, people who watch their time TV and the greater percentage of people who watched daytime TV are generally unemployed people or stay at home moms. All right. And no, I'm not saying that all unemployed people and all stay at home moms have low confidence and low self steam. But what I am saying is that those TV shows are very, very popular. And what I do understand is this principle that I'm about to share with you on. We call this the comparison trap because we have already discussed earlier in the course off how it is that all people live in this constant state of comparison to other people all of the time on, We all do this. We're all guilty off, even if we think that we don't. We all do this. So why do you tell me the story about the online share shows? Because if you think about it, we all would like to believe that who we are as individuals is fundamentally OK. We don't want to think that we're getting it wrong in life. And so we compared ourselves. We we were always looking for other people to compare ourselves to to assess how it is that we're better than them or how we're different from them. So, you see, these TV shows are so heavily described because if you look at these, these people who go on these shores that makes such a fool of themselves is very, very easy to stop and think. My goodness, what sort of standards of these people living by their embarrassing themselves and making a fool of themselves? How could you take these people seriously on? The answer is you couldn't Therefore, if you're a stay at home Mom Maria, long term unemployed or something like that, something along those lines on if your confidence and isn't particularly strong or you have no somewhat low self esteem, then it would be very, very easy to fall into the comparison trap off drawing confidence, a warped and false sense of confidence from comparing yourself to other people who just simply have a drastically lower self standards than you, which doesn't work. And that will not serve you. You see, going back a number of years ago from the right, it will have a look at this comparison trap from a slightly different angle. No, there was a guy who used to mentor me slightly, kind of in a sense. And he was quite a gifted. And when a very, very articulate speaker, very knowledgeable guy, I really looked up to him, all right. I looked up to him, but then you could even say that I put him on a pedestal. A pedestal of judgment. No, he would have been aware of this. Andi didn't seem to have too much for problem. But But back then, one in particular day this this guy who was very well a star blushed, would go round speaking to crowds or feel anything up Death. I was in done on weekends and had asked me to accompany him. Andi, From this I felt absolutely honored. Very, very ordered its intent to realize on know that he'd chosen me over countless others and off people that the new I'm so whether they came, we went to this event and he began speaking. He was up on the stage on, but initially I'm looking toe layer and I'm really happy that he's chosen me on the chosen one on the special one that gave meeting confidence on bond until I started looking at just how how good he actually waas. I mean, he's his way with warts, was just phenomenal. And it is humor. You didn't agree it a little bit of humor. And, you know, he's quite a good looking guy. And I could see you all the female members of the audience. Some of them are just completely captivated by him. Others are just like, Ah, he's dreamy that that So I think like how some people may be looking at me right now. Maybe perhaps we'll see. And But anyway, as I'm kind of just observing and I'm watching him thinking to myself, My goodness, you're just so good. You're really, really good. You're better than me. Better than how I am. I would love to be is good on his gifted a communicator us what you are someday you know, I'm just know I screwed is you. I'm just not as good as year. You're better than me. You're way better than me. I'm not good enough. I'm nowhere near as good as you. And, you know, for the rest of the day my mood just plummeted. No bag. Then I'm just beginning. Teoh. No, to get self aware. I'm studying counseling and therapeutic counseling, some starting to understand the motions and read my emotions and all this sort of thing on , because I'm no able to understand my emotions. I had already learned the lesson that, you know, when you feel negative emotions coming on, you can just stop and rather than just going with the emotion stop and where did this come from? What was I thinking about? What was a fork single? And we'll look at this in more detail letter in the course as well. So here I am have stopped of no test, and I've become aware that my mood is no starting to plummet and go downhill fast. Then what was a focusing on? What was the thinking about what was a looking at? And then I realized all have done was, ah, put him on a pedestal on a place to me beneath him. So, Luke, confidence low self esteem. Well, of course, that came about as I placed myself and put him way up off me. So what I'm hoping you're going to be able to see by now is that we can judge people in one of two directions and then need are are helpful for us because sometimes we're going to compare ourselves, said those that we believe are not as good as us. And, you know, if this gives us a sense of confidence, will that is warped and it's not gonna be strong enough to sustain you. In fact, it is false confidence. If your confidence is coming from comparing yourself to people who have lower standards than you. Not cool, not good. But in the other direction, you might very well be comparing yourself to people who are either who you perceive as being either more skilled, the new, more talented than maybe better looking. The new there might be in a smarter than you, more articulate than you are just more confident than you, as you'd perceive them as being. But But this is really funny as well. On this also wouldn't work, because if you're Putin people on a pedestal of judgement above you, then if what that means, you're putting yourself beneath them, and this is always gonna influence undetermined your self esteem confidence by putting yourself above others. That's just arrogance and pride. If you think about it, you're putting yourself above another human being. That's arrogance and pride. If you're putting yourself beneath someone, though again, that's naive A T and ignorance, naivety and ignorance. Assuming that this Paris is better than you just because they're slightly you know better at doing something than what you are. That's no OK, it's no good. You see, earlier on what we looked at was the six types of confidence on, and we will look to this idea of the kind of people that we generally want to invest in on develop relationships with in life, genuine people because you see when people are genuine, the genuine, because have become secure and who is that they fundamentally are. And once you become secure in who you are, well, you neither need to be above anyone or beneath anyone on. The really interesting thing is is, once you've become completely secured, who you are, you're able to see un discern whether other people are trying to put you up or put you down , which enables you to then effectively monitor, enables you to monitor relationships, monitor the expectations off other people and preempt the questions that they have in your asked in order to maintain and develop the relationship. Ah, healthy one side in the context of any form of judgment. So I m of included this into the course just to paint on overall picture, because many people assume that judgment is all about looking down on people. But when it comes to self esteem, judgments also about putting people up on a pedestal or looking up to people because if you're looking up or if you're looking down. Then again, what you're putting yourself is up or down, which isn't putting you on an even keel with someone on. It's not making your genuine in the slightest on if you are putting yourself up or putting yourself down. The question that I would like to leave you with here is is why so? And just to rub this this video up, end the additional materials M section of the course and you're going to find this little mini workbook that have put together and it's cold. What do I believe about myself? No, this is about four pages along than the front pages. Just a few instructions, and he's got that elephant story. If you remember last on the pages of follow. I'm asking you questions about yourself, how it is that you would rate yourself in view off various different people that you know. And the exercise may take you around about 5 to 10 minutes. But I'm going to urge you to spend some time to really reflect on the answers as well, because that's gonna show you exactly how it is that you rate yourself in comparison to other people on what this is also gonna enable you to begin to understand is exactly what it is that you currently believe about yourself. 15. Identity Glue: Defined By What We Do: Isn't it funny? And the way in which many people will define themselves in life, how and what it was like being judged on. None of us particularly like social labeling. But yet many of us will label ourselves under find ourselves by our beliefs by the things that we do. Our actions are even by our behaviors. You know, I have talked a bit in this in this section of judgement. It is very, very funny. I'm just going to share with you an idea here on this is that when it comes to judgment, we all live by a set off double standards. I mean, if you think about it when we're looking other people and judging them, how is it that we judge people? Well, we judge people by their actions and by the things that they do right? So we make well informed decisions based upon how it is that other people are the things that they say other things that they do. But when it comes to judging ourselves, we use a very different standard. Because when we judge ourselves when we look at ourselves on view ourselves or consider ourselves, we judge ourselves by our motives on by our intentions by the things that we meant to say or by the things that we meant to do. So we judge other people by the things that they do, and we judge ourselves by the things that we meant to dio. So it's funny, isn't it? How many people would define themselves by the rules by their positions by the ranks Kind of a Zeph. It's these things that give their life's definition on purpose on, I guess, you know, wherever your are in the world right now, watching this video, there probably is going to be a pretty good chance that you have to find yourself by something. In the past, many people will define themselves by their religious beliefs or preferences. Many people will define themselves by the rules that the take in the context of the family , many people will define themselves by the things that they've done in the past, whether they've been successful, unsuccessful, whether the wretch, whether they're poor and by the jobs that they dio. So let me tell you a story sitting at the site of the leg one day, there was a cruel when the crew was picking up some grubs and he was get himself some lunch and then up to him walked a tranche villa. But Mr Cruel on Mr Theron. Sheila Andi Initially, Mr Crew was quite startled because he knew how Toronto villas have a reputation for baiting Cruz. That's just what they dio eso he said, Look, Mr Torrential A they don't come any closer. I know that Toronto is by Cruz, so just stay where you're at or I'm gonna fly away. To which Mr Tran Chiller plight is are No Mr Crow. Mr Crow, that you get me wrong I have not come here to bite you or anything like that have actually come to ask you a favor. I've come to ask whether you would carefully consider or be willing toe allowing me to hope in your back and fly me across to the other side of the lake to see my to see my family. No, Upon this, Mr Cruel took a few moments and he procrastinated a little better. He said, Oh, but look, Mr Torrential, I know how torrential ous like debate Krauze and I just don't trust you because of all the things that you and your caned have done in the past. So, you know, how can I possibly trust you? And Mr Tran Chiller replied, Well, look, what reason do you have for not trusting me? Really? If you think about it Because I obviously really want to get across to the other side of the lake to see my family. And if you worked to do me a great favor, I would be so very, very grateful. So, you know, I would absolutely need my head read if I was to bite you on the way across on the science . If it was to bite you and would both voter Laken would both die. So upon this, Mr Crew was thinking to himself, and eventually he gave any says Yes. Okay, So he lured his wing down, and Mr Torrential claimed up his wing and hopped onto his back. And then it started flying across the lake. No, there were around about halfway across when Mr Cruel just felt the set of fangs plunge into the back of his neck and that was that. The venom was pumping through his veins and he could feel his body stiffening up and he said our Mr Torrential and Mr Torrential. What have you done? Why have you done this to me? Why have you done this to us? No, we're both gonna fall to the lake. We're gonna fall to the water on. We're both gonna drone. Mr Torrential replied. He said ha because I'm a torrential on That's what torrential is. Do we bite? Krauze? I tell you the story because many people have mentioned define themselves by what they do. So you see you We could just write the word Tehran Schelotto. Ron Chutzpah Tranche Electron Shula, please don't send me hate mail offer to spelt that wrong. But many people in life will define themselves by what they do. On the more ironic thing is that many people in life believe that they need to continue to act or behave in a certain way because of who it is that they believe that they are, for example, all right. And if you were to read any prison reports read about how many criminals repeat, offend how many criminals get into the criminal justice system or the prison service is there in for a year or for two years or for five years than the get out than the back in six months later because of just re offended. Think about how many students that you know that perhaps might be in their and their meds till late twenties, who might even have, you know, finished two studies. But yet the failed to grew up because it's still carry this identity along with them. Off being a student, I've shared with you my story, soldier. The Soldier's Tale. You know, I carried this identity with me for years. No, you know, whilst in the Army, the Army comes with this culture as a mentioned, you know, work hard, play hard. And yes, we might have spent months working overseas and quite rigorous conditions. But no one would come home. Play hard, actually just meant behave like clone, behave like an absolute fool and drink all the time. Get drunk for five nights a week. No, this was This was in the Army culture. It may very well be different. No, but that back then that's how it was. And that's what I conformed to. So when I left the army, I was no longer a soldier, But it's still acted and behaved as if it was. You know, over the last couple of years, I've ended up coaching men on women who have reached their their you know, their meds tell a fifties or even their early sixties on the feel lost because for years they allowed their role within the family home to define them. You know, mothers would come along and say, I just don't know what to do. I just feel like my life is going nowhere. Honestly do. How is he? Define yourself and three year either. The find myself is loving and caring and giving and all the rest of it. And I said, You know what's Bean? What's the one thing that's given your life? Purpose and meaning? And she says, being a mother on a said are your mother And she says, Yes, I am a mother And I said, Well, this is the first thing that we need to address because it's not okay To define ourselves by being mothers is good to be is good TB, Mother lay. But we kind of define ourselves by mothers. If you think about it on the gay scene. No, this is Please don't send me any hit meal. I'm just a communicator on messenger of truth here. I think about about gay people. Gay man, gay women. Now, this is just a sexual preference. Many people little man will find themselves physically attracted to other men. Woman find themselves physically sexually attracted to other women. But okay, then think about how many men you're in the gay scene. You'll see walking around putting on this show. You know, their voice go squeaky and the arm goes something like that. I'm steady with typing here a little bit. I do appreciate and I don't mean any any any insult here whatsoever. But what I've seen as many people will act and behave and conform and put on some sort of sure, just to make themselves out, to be this person that they believe themselves to be, which is just a social role in the same way that torrential, torrential armento. And that's what we do. We bite Krauze. I'm gay, Amita. And this is how was gays behave or I'm a mother. I'm anti on. This is what mothers should do. I'm a soldier, I'm anti And this is just how soldiers are. You know, I'm a student. I'm anti students were poor weird. This were that were the next thing. This is just what students do. So nine times over 10 will justify the way in which we are the way in which we act and behave because of the social labels and identities that we give ourselves. So oh, that I would really ask you to do is just take a few minutes just to consider for social labels. Other people may have placed a new over the years, but then, on the other hand, what social labels you've either placing yourself or what social labels you've actually just accepted. How is it that you currently define yourself? 16. Exercise 3: What Lies Beneath The Surface: what lies beneath your surface. That's right on the board behind me. What you're seeing is a big fart. Whopping. Iceberg. All right. No. Have you ever watched the movie Titanic? There's a pretty good chance that you have Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet on Belizean and all these old guys and had the seas on this big board. And then at some point in the journey, when they're just starting to dance and the bullets scrapes along the under side the underbelly off off a big, massive ice barrack which ends up sinking the ship, doesn't it? We all know how the end of that story goes in the last video. All right, if you're still watching right now and you haven't turned me off. Congratulations. Because that's actually the point in the course where in the past, many people take huge, greater fans and see Ken Ramsay, I hate you. I'm gonna same juice in here. Male. Leave your one star rubbish review because you're useless. You're rubbish because you said something that I fundamentally disagree with. All right? And so, just to be clear here, my intentions are absolutely pure. I'm doing my best to communicate some some very quite profound life lessons and the most effective way that I'm able to. If the way that I am communicating isn't ticking your boxes, then I really do apologize. But look, give me a break. I'm not perfect. Seimas, You, Seimas, all of us. So many of us in life define ourselves by these social labels. All right. Mother, Father, son, Daughter, student soldier, Criminal Christian, Muslim, gay, straight lawyer with a fine ourselves by our job titles or even by how much money will have in the bank. All right, eso those of us who define ourselves by the things that we do, we'll all were really showing people is this minute element office. Remember a few earlier z few earlier videos ago? What? We're talking about the two states of human existence human beings and human doings Will. In this lecture, I'm gonna introduce you to an exercise. It's another workbook that have created for you, which looks something like this is called What lies beneath your surface. No, I could talk for 15 minutes and explain all this to you and really border. But what I'm gonna ask you to do instead is a little bit self reflection putting the ball in your court Just a little bet, because this exercise what What I'm actually getting towards here is that you know, when it comes to you, no one else is the expert of your life. You and you alone are the expert of your life. You know who you are. You know what makes you tech, You know, every single one of your life's experiences. You know how you feel when you get up in the morning. You know how you feel when you go to bed on an eight time You are the experts off your life . But yet many people there's under our gurus and experience and all this kind of stuff. Who would make themselves to believe that they're the experts of your life, But they're not because no one else has walked a lifetime in your shoes other than you. So you see, many of us in life, especially if we struggle with little confidence or low self esteem, will hold ourselves back and refrain from showing other people the extent of who it is that we actually are, you know, aside ironic for for many, many years in my life I would put on this show and try to be someone that I wasn't, you know, sure, people, this little bit of me here just in order to fit in, to be a liked to be accepted so that I wouldn't be rejected so that I would be included and fundamentally fuel off some value and worth Teoh other people. But the problem was, was that you know, the problem is, is that if you only sure people attaining a little bit off you, then they're not seeing all a few. And if they're not seeing all a few, then they're never going to be able to make a well informed decision as to whether you're the kind of Paris and that they would actually really like to be in a relationship with or whether you're not saw. This exercise is broken down into two different sections, all right. And you can even Cullerton if you want or not. Or you can scrambled up and throw it in the bin or throw it at me, or do whatever you want to dio the first part of the exercise. I'm gonna ask you to make some notes and write down as honestly as what you're able to, because honesty is, but it's gonna get the result here. I want you to write down in the first page of the parts of you that people well currently see. But I also wanted to write, though, and take not off the parts of you that most people never get the chance to see, because you wouldn't sure them because of this confidence, this self esteem issue. That's why I don't want to be myself around them. I don't want to be completely honest for whatever reason. Usually it's a fear based reason. So what pirates, if you are, you're actually holding back because of this little confidence is low self esteem your insecurity. You're not 100% certain as to whether they would actually embrace you and accept you or whether they wouldn't. So that's justice helping helping us to establish what the point actual problem is. All right. But then, on the second page of the website on the Web site off the worksheet worksheet, which you can download from the Web site, it's the parents if you that you would actually like people to see which is different because right? No, that are part of you that people are seeing. But I can guarantee there's many parts of you that are the people aren't seeing. So in the second part of the exercise, I'm asking you to make notes off the parts of you that you would actually secretly like people to see if you just had a bit more confidence or something like that. On and on the below the surface. I'm asking you to to make a lord off the parts of you that you could actually begin changing today if you are willing to. So I promise you, this is a very relevant exercise for where we're gonna be going next, on over the next couple of sections on all that kind of stuff. And this brings us to the end of section two. I am hoping that you're the years you're starting to find some value in the course. No, Andi, just in case you're you're No, it's just in case you're thinking OK, And you haven't really given me anything meaty and juicy yet. Well, I just want to explain and just say, Look, I'm taking me on a journey here, all right? And there's different people in different levels in different stages and walks of life. So I'm stripping everything down to the absolute basics, unpacking this a simplistically as what I am able to, so that most people who watch this are gonna be able to take away and understand. What is the Ragland going to understand about confidence and self esteem? Throw my own lifetime today. So complete this exercise, their right, a few mare notes in the discussion section about how you get on with it, and I look forward to seeing you in the next section. 17. The Nature Of Limiting Beliefs: you know, beliefs are funny. Funny things. Many people in life believe that what they believe is true 100% all the time, which is a bit of a problem, considering that every single person in the world has completely differing beliefs. So think about it, right? If every single belief that people believe is true, and then that would mean that there's a 1,000,001 different true beliefs in the world on which one would you therefore choose? Hold dear. Okay. Riddle, meet up one but month. Look, what I want to talk about here is this idea of beliefs will remember this story that a toll dare later on about the little baby elephants who was They've got a chain put around his neck and you know what attached to pick it in the ground. And then it grew up and became a Philly growing other elephants with exactly the same beliefs that are hard to develop the boat itself as a child on this is also how we develop . It's just human beings. You see beliefs. Whilst many people genuinely do believe that their beliefs are true. I mean, think about it for a second. Think about what it is that beliefs and end up making people do think about on September the 11th. All those years ago you had these these guys, you know, a lot of bin Laden's band of terrorists who hijacked some planes and flew these planes into all these landmarks throat the U. S. Because what they genuinely believed that what they're doing was serving their nation or Allah in some way or whatever. What we're seeing here is we don't know. People believe certain things on all people's actions all of the time stem from the beliefs that they have about themselves. If you think about it, if you believe that your small, weak, useless Well, of course, you're never going to step outside the comfort zone and even attempt to do anything big or significant with your life because you believe that your small, weak, useless, worthless something like that if you believe that you're a Philly grew on Idol, strong elephants. We're not going to think twice about taking on the lines and the tigers and the bears because you're an elephant, your rock hard, your your well, tough. So you see beliefs in life are mentioned earlier on. They're the only things that hold us back. All beliefs are limiting beliefs. No, this is probably going to sound quite strange and unconventional and all this kind of thing , because some people will be watching us, Right? No seen? Yes, but I believe this is true. Therefore, it must be true, because I believe it on. You see, beliefs are just simply the best conclusions that we've been able to come up with a about life, about ourselves. Based upon the extent of the life experiences that we've hard to date. No one goes out of their way to get it wrong in life. Bearing in mind, you know, we judge other people by their actions and behaviors, But yet we judge ourselves by our motives by our intentions. I mean, think about it. When was the last time you woke up? You know, on a morning with the intention off, really upsetting someone or really hurting someone's feelings are and are something like that. But just because you've never intended to hurt anyone's feelings doesn't mean that you never have heart anyone's feelings because it's a pretty good chance that you have at some point in some way. What I'm saying here is that our intentions on our actions don't always go hand in hand. Sometimes we do things that we did not mean to do, or we say things that we did not mean to say. All right, something always stops us dead in their tracks. And this thing is called our limiting beliefs. You see the journey that we're gonna be going on throughout. The rest of this course is what eventually trying to paint the picture off. Here is apparel necklace. All right, this is my This is my peril necklace. It's a black Parral necklace on. If you look at it like this, peril necklaces, every single one of these beads in apparel necklace is just a validation of the thought. No, think about it right when the little baby elephant is young, he's tough. Is easy. Small easies, no particularly strong. Andi tries to break free from the peg, but he's not able to. There's the first beat, and then he tries again, and he's not strong enough to there's another beat and then he tries again, fails miserably. Then he tries again, feels measurably tries again, feels miserably, tries again, feels miserably. Eventually he gives up, but what he's got. No, he's He's got this peril necklace of beliefs times in the past when he's tried and failed, that has just led him to believe that that he's not strong enough to break free. So you see, in life we we've looked at these three rooms of confidence or we're looking at these three rooms of confidence. Anyway, we understand that the first Rome of confidence is the belief that we have in our degree of competence, whether we're able to do the things that we do well on the second rule of confidence that we're going to be looking at M shortly is the belief that we have in our ability tell Larrin and solve problems. So f when you were a little baby elephants All right, you heard some experiences in your younger life and school. You failed some exams. Your teacher told you you're stupid because some teachers do this kind of thing or something like that. What you've done is you've you've developed this peril necklace of our time where you've probably more than likely going out of your way to prove yourself right, because if you think about it. None of us go out of our way to prove ourselves wrong. Do we know? Why don't we all like to be right? So you have got some beliefs holding you back, which is why you have this confidence on insecurity. Self esteem problem. I'm just trying to help you to break these peril necklaces off beliefs that are holding you back. So what we're looking at now is we're looking at this second realm. We're looking at the belief that we have in our ability toe learn and solve problems because most people would say, Oh, I'm not confident enough to even try that. Well, it's not really confidence is the problem. It's the fear of what it would mean about us if we were to try and fail. So we have these beliefs holding us back. And all I really want to show you in this video is what would happen if I was able to help you modify and change a limiting belief that you have about yourself. Because what we're able to see here is that our beliefs holders back. It's really going puddles to the, you know, thoughts we developed about ourselves when we were young. So what I'm saying here is that we're all completely chained untied, toe our pasts. But what happens if I was able to help you bust a belief wide open? What would happen is something like that just turned around because if we're able toe break on, modify one of your beliefs, then I guess what that leaves us that leaves us free to pursue our dreams to pursue our goals. The vision that we home for the rest of our lives free from the fear off failure. Because we know fundamentally at the core that regardless of whether we win, lose, succeed, fail whatever we can still there on lessons which can still grow, we can still adapt and we can still overcome on this is what I mean, what I'm talking about changing beliefs. You see, if you know and if you become secure in the truth that you have the ability to learn and solve problems, then you would never think twice again about taken any risk, taking any chance, any gamble, because where the u. N. Where the loose, whether you succeed or whether you fail, You know that regardless you're gonna learn something anyway, which will ultimately make you off greater value if you choose to learn this. If you choose to teach this lesson to someone else at some point in the future. So beliefs are kind of like rules. All right, beliefs are the rules that we set ourselves. And if you think about it when we're young, what do we like to do with rules? That's right. Well, like to break them. So how about as we adopt the same approach to rules is what we once hard as Children. Let's start breaking some rules. And these rules, incidentally, aren't serving us or anyone else in any way anyway. 18. A Theory for Achieving Anything: on guard. Stick him up. That's right. I'm comin at you. I'm coming at you with a big purple balloon, which I've just made. This is a big purple balloon pirate Sword cane. What you're talking about? Have you gone completely insane? Insane range of Cain on the answer is no off not going insane. But I am just about to bring your beliefs, your limiting beliefs under attack. All right? And because the second realm of confidence is the belief that we have in our ability teller and solve problems on many of us in life will not tackle our problems because of this little confidence or low self esteem. Because we've failed certain points in the past because we've developed beliefs about herself. I can do this. I can't do that. I I'm unable to do this. I am unable to do that. I think about how many times in the past. And can you remember when someone's asked you? Could you do this for me? Or would you like to do that? And you've responded? You've said No. No, I I can't do that. I couldn't do that. I'm not able to do to do this. I'm not able to do that. Well, what I'm wanting to do here is bust this belief wide open nuts, right? We're gonna bring your limiting belief under attack, all right? And because there's a specific result that we want in life, isn't there on? The result is that we would like Teoh be able to do absolutely everything. I mean, none of us like a limitations. Yes, Levis, get get a little bit scared. They're apprehensive about something some of the time. But realistically, if we're gonna be honest here, none of us want to feel like we're limited in any way, do we? The answer is no. Of course we don't. So there is a result. The result is that we want to be able to be free enough to pursue our dreams, our goals, our visions, our passions in life and free from insecurity from fear from little confidence from self doubt from all of these things. So what I thought it would be good to do in this video is share with you. Ah, strategy on a theory for absolutely everything to show you how you are able to do absolutely anything that you choose to put your mind to. Are you ready for this? Right. Firstly, I just want to make a pretty bold statement on this is that I am able to do absolutely everything. This is something that I know to be true. This is something that I choose to believe And because I believe it's true, therefore is true because we all believe that what we believe is true, don't we? So I'm going to share with you how it is that I've come to know this to be true, that you are also able to do absolutely anything that you choose to put your mind to. He see Gordon back a number of years ago. I knew this person who just had a couple of babies well, over a span of a couple of years anyway on. But these babies had become Children on. The Children were having a birthday party. Now I've never had anything to do with kids or not much do with kids pretty much my whole life and other than the occasional thing here and there. But I guess that, you know, this is the first time I was going to a kid's birthday party on. I didn't really want to be seen as one of the boring adults because I am, like, toe be the life and soul of the party. I guess what you could say was that in particular day in question, there was a specific result that I wanted. I wanted to be seen as cool Kane. I wanted to do something that no one else was doing. I wanted to do something that was really gonna impress the kids that would enable them to fundamentally remember me. So I'd be seen as relatively significant in their eyes, not too few Maywood and security, but because I genuinely wanted to do something that would bring the party to life. So I didn't have the faintest idea of what to do. I was thinking to myself, You know, I could do magic tricks. I could sing a little song, do a little dance, But none of these things are really to me, if you know what I mean. So I looked looked on Google cool things to do Children's parties on by one of the first videos that popped up was how to make a balloon dog. No earth. You look behind you right now. you're going to see to balloon dog blue when a purple one on this is a giraffe or a dog with a long neck, but most of the longneck or whatever you want to see but be Here's the thing right and you go to kids party and you make the manner than whatsoever. Doesn't mater of his good, but they don't care less. They just like balloon stuff. So I'm thinking, right, I don't have to be the expert here, but it would be good to be able to make something. Anything on a dog seemed like quantifiable option. So at the start, the video is give me links to a website where I could buy myself a bagger balloons on a pump. So I ordered them, and three days later, they came through the post. And then I got started on the training videos. No, the training video. Up until that. That point if you'd asked me at any stage of my life Kane, are you able to make ballin dogs? I would have said no, don't have the faintest idea. I therefore, I'm not able to make balloon dogs. I can't make balloon. Animals are balloon. Anything because I don't know how to No, this is really interesting there. I would have said that I wasn't able to. I actually genuinely believed that I wasn't able to. But then that day came when there was a specific result that I wanted to get on. What you could say was that I know how the desire toe learn. So you see, in order to get this result, results don't just happen by themselves. In life, we have to do something. We have to step outside the comfort zone. If we have this belief that we are unable to learn and grow, we have this, you know, where we were not able to learn lessons and solve problems. Then I guess we're never gonna try in the first place. But but no hard. This desire and the desire was strong enough that I was willing to, you know, see if I could figure wrote on learning how to do something that I previously didn't know how to do. So I had this desire and then who are done was I watched the video on the guy in the video said He said, Well, firstly overdue is taking blue and you're gonna pinch untwist and then the first party make as little noise. And then what you gonna do? You gonna do two years? Two years is too little. Bubble was just like this and you pinch the next year so that the pair doesn't It is improper, Anything like this. When you got something that resembles our dog's head, then what you do on Twitter pension twist for anybody here Unless it is the neck. What? We do the same again here, one to get something that looks like legs. Now we're looking at front end of dog, and then we're going to support another pinch twist. Another twist on There we go way have a dog. This is a pink one to go with blue when the purple one earns the yellow giraffe. No. You see, after completing this exercise, I actually just busted one of my major in or limiting beliefs and life wide open because I believe that there was some things in life that I wasn't able to do. I believe that my ability in some areas of life was in question. But you see what I learned the day the in order to get any result that I want to get in life ability is not in question. Ability has never been a question for me. Do I have the ability? And, you know, do you have the ability? Well, that's no, that's not the question, either. The question is, do you have the desire to get a specific result in life? Because if there is a specific result that your warns or your ability isn't the problem, all right, it's not that you're not able to, because you actually are. There's only one element office equation that you're currently missing on. This is the strategy. No, I appreciate we're just talking about balloon dogs here. All right, so nothing. Inmates, nothing amazing. Nothing particularly impressive or fantastic. This is all that I can squeeze into a small studio in front of a whiteboard, all right, But I'm hoping that I've been able to illustrate a very, very significant point that you see, I some point in the past would have said I didn't have the ability to make a balloon dog. But as soon as I had the desire, all that was left for me to go and source was the strategy because as you already have the ability to do everything that you want to do in life. If you also have the desire, if you're willing to go out and find the right strategy for you, like me can actually go on to get any result that you want. So you see this belief that we have the second room of confidence, our the belief that we have in our ability to learn and solve problems well, toe learn and solve problems we would only ever consider doing in view of getting specific results. So we know know that our ability is no in question. All that we ever need is a strategy on whether we find these strategies or whether we doing is going to be welling. I'm gonna be based upon our willingness to seek and pursue on pair severe and processed and source the information that we ultimately need to go on toe. Ultimately, get the results that we want to get 19. Practice: The Mother of all Confidence & Competence: so we're just going to stay with the theme off the balloon dogs and the balloon animals for Justin left a few minutes longer because there's another really interesting and fascinating principle that I can share with you here on. This is what I call the confidence cycle. So in the last video will look set, you know, in order to get any result that we want to get in life. And yeah, our confidence may be wavering. At some points, we may be uncertain as to whether we're able to or whether we're no able to get the results that we want. But now they know. We know that you know our ability to do all things all the time. Never husband or never will be in question because we all have the ability to do all things all of the time. You're able to do anything that you want to in life, but you may know, have the desire to do certain things in life. And if you don't have the desire will, of course, then you're not going to go on toe, seek any kind of strategy to do the things that you want to do in order to get these results. But if there is something that you really want to do with your life, then if it's a certain result that you want to get when you already have the ability, all you therefore needs is the desire to do something about it. And as you do something about Oh, you're really able to do is go and source a strategy on my friend. You can go on to achieve any result that you want to in life. So there's a saying on this is that practice? Is the mother off all competence? Now I know that we looked at competence in the last section, but still quite relevant because all our beliefs and everything's all wrapped up into one and the balloons just gone. We've lost a draft there, but that's OK. What? I want to show you here if we're considering these balloon dogs, All right, the first balloon dog that I ever made. Do you think that it was absolutely brilliant? The answer is no. Of course it wasn't. No, I don't know if this is the first of my courses that you've ever taken or whether it's not . You see this is actually the third time that I've reproduced this course. The first time produced this course. I was sitting at home in my office with a white screen behind me that I usedto turn around and draw on and just recording myself whether with a Web come, that was all that I had at the same eso. Things have evolved some ports over the years, all right, because you see, I guess what you could say is that there's a second result that I wanted to get him a life , not just balloon dogs, not just balloon animals. And the result that I wanted to get was actually wanted to be able to share my message shared the lessons that I've learned throughout my life with the largest possible audience . No, in order to do this on one level, the information has to be relatively good. It has to be relatively interesting. Relatively engaging has to be quite accurate. Una found you to other people. That is one level. So what you could say is that I had to master my craft on the only way that I've become confident on competent to doing what I do today. Standing in front of a camera with new script. It's crazy. I'm just making this stuff up as we go while I'm not. I've kind of got a bit of a few bullet points and things like that. But you don't have any script. You see, I don't have any script. I'm able to stunned in front of the camera Right now, you are in front of a screen on speak to you in the way in which I'm speaking to you because of all the times I've done in the past, you know, I've taken action. I've learned from the mistakes of length Ah, whole adolescence because I've made a whole lot of mistakes. The only reason I've become better today than water was two years ago was because I've learned from the mistakes that have made, as I have learned from the mistakes that I've made have taken more action of grew in incompetence. So if you watched or if you ever manage to get your hands on one of my earlier courses, you'll see my goodness, you know, Kane's just evolved so much. He's come on so far, and that's actually just painting a picture of what I'm talking about here? Because as you grow incompetence, will you then take more action for me? The action that I take is to reproduce the courses that have already done. Because on one level, I evolve in my thinking and my understanding, which means I can therefore more value into the courses. So as you're watching this right now, well, where? What? You're benefiting from his years worth of mistakes that I've made and on you see, as you take more action, you then to learn more about yourself, you learn more about your craft, you learn more about your abilities and you take more risks on. Then you grew in confidence because you're starting to see that you're actually getting better at doing the things that you do. You're actually just able to be yourself. And you see, over the last few years I've received feedback and comments on these courses of received one star reviews. You know, there was a lady cold. Barbara, I'm a name and shame you, Barbara, Whatever your skin. Ramsey. He's no a communicator. He's pathetic. He's opinionated, he's aggressive. He's that he's the next thing on. And you know, I could take that on board, though. My goodness, A my arm. I know a communicator are my pathetic Um, I this are my aggressive on my next thing. But then I have already mentioned Well, you see, I am be expect off my life in the same way that you are the expert of your life and because I'm secure in who I am. Well, you know that if the feedback that I get from other people is no longer as important to me is what it once was, I don't need the approvals or the buy ins. It kind of just leaves me free to be myself and give my absolute all you see, as I'm standing here right now presenting this course, I'm not trying to get it right. I'm actually just being myself. I'm seeing what I see. I'm being as honest as what I'm able to be. I'm sharing as much insight as what I can on what I'm really trying to paint a picture off here is just to simply sure you that in order to get here in front of you today, talking about confidence and self esteem of hard to do some stuff I've taken ahold of action have made some steaks have learned along the way. And as I've learned along the way of grew in and competence as of grueling competence of then going on to make some or improvements and take more action toe Larrin mawr stuff and learn from or mistakes on as of doneness of grew in and confidence on this is the confidence cycle. You see, all starts with doing something on you see, the only way that were ever really gonna be able to step over into the cycle in the first place is if we become secure and the ability that we have to do all things all of the time , which my friend, you're 100% do your ability. Never has Bean isn't on and never will be in question. The only thing that's ever going to come into question is how willing are you to put in the hard work to get yourself out there unsourced the strategies to achieve the things that you really want to achieve in life because, you see, whilst many people in life will beat themselves up for not being perfect for not getting it right, 100% of the time for all people. What I'm saying here is that you know none of us are able to. You're never going to be able to keep all people happy all of the time. You can get yourself over there, put in the greatest of air farts, you know, produced the greatest of things will be the best person in the world. I knew what people are still going to come up here with their opinions because you are not meeting their expectations. People will be disappointed in you because you have not delivered what they expected you to deliver. You see, disappointments are really fascinating idea. While I find that fascinating anyway, many people Woods would believe that disappointment is based upon what they find in life. You know, im you may be watching this course right now, and you might be very, very disappointed in me. You might be very disappointed in the caliber of this course, but let me just you know, this spell us, I would hear. And it's no, this course that is disappointing you. The only thing that you're disappointed in is that I have not delivered whatever it was that you were expecting. There we go. So in life were not disappointed in what we find. We're only actually ever disappointed and what it is that we expected to find on this works in so many levels, other people judging us, us judging other people. So to summarize and bring all this together, this is the confidence cycle. You've got to understand that un accept this truth, that you have the ability all off the time to do anything that you want to do. Your ability never husband or never will be in question. The only thing that is in question is your willingness to get over there and take action. You see, practice doesn't make perfect in life. Many people say I'm not perfect, that doing what I do. Therefore, I'm no good. None of us are ever gonna be perfect on. None of us are ever going to do anything that is perfect either because practice doesn't make perfect. But what practice does make if you choose toe toe, learn from the mistakes you make grew and develop your degree of competence. Take more action, learn more stuff. Your will grow in confidence on your grow to see that practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make you permanently better today than what you were yesterday on. More practice will make you better tomorrow than what you have bean today. So practice doesn't make perfect. But practice does make permanence. So think about that one on. Begin to consider some area off your life which, if you were to really apply yourself and take more action than what you've ever taken in the past, could you a begin to grew incompetence on If you wear to begin to grow incompetence would, as a direct result off this mean that you would also grow and develop yourself in confidence. 20. Exercise 4: Numbering Your Days (and Years): Tic Tac, Tic tac Tic tac tic tac tic talk. Have you ever considered that your days are numbered? Have you ever considered that your days are running out? Because this can really help us bring an established perspective in our lifes. If you think about that, you're watching this course right now. And this is a course about confidence, UN self esteem. And there's a pretty good chance that days up until today and at some point in the past, you have a load, little confidence or low self esteem toe hold you back from living the kind of life that you really want to be loving. You've allowed low confidence or self esteem toe hold you back and prevent you from getting yourself over there and get in the results that you ultimately want in your life. So in this lecture off kind of got a little interesting exercise for you. And there's a worksheet here that looks something like this that I'm gonna ask you to download and print off in. The additional resource is section on. This exercise is called Numbering. Your years are numbering your days or whatever you want to call it. It doesn't really matter. This is an interesting little exercise. I'm gonna ask you to get involved in a discussion section here as well. And let us know the answer to this question that I'm about to ask you Because you see, through the average lifespan today in the world is around about 80 years old. All right, so just imagine that you were toe live to the ripe old age off 80. What I'm gonna ask you to do, all right, is take away your current age. No, For me, my current age is 30 secs there ago of let the Catholic the Boeing here, that's right and all you're thinking cane. You look fantastic. For your age on, I would say thank you so much. That's right, I moisturize. But look, if I was to take away 36 years, which is how old I am from 80 that leaves me with 44 which means I have 44 years left to life. Now, this number is gonna be different from you because you are going to be a different age for me. So just replace this number here with your age, and then you'll get a different number here. And once you've got this number, I'm gonna ask you to times that by 365 which will give here because obviously got 365 days in the year on this will actually let you know how many days you have left toe left. Now, you can use this equation on Also establish how many days of old you've already lived. Four. It's entirely up to, you know, for me the last time I than this, which was a few weeks ago. And I had around about 16,600 days left on planet Earth. If I live to the ripe old age of 80 So you see what enables me to jump over bed and spring to my feet every single morning with passion and excitement is thinking how many of those days that I have a left on planetary? Um, I gonna use to make a positive difference regardless of high y feel. Never mind my confidence. Never. My India doubts that I have in my abilities sometimes because I still have these doubts as well. Because I'm a human being, all right. I'm not a good any good. Says they don't struggle with insecurity, Doubts? Lack of self belief sometime is an absolute liar because we all do. Me included. But this is what enables me to maintain perspective in life. As I consider how many days I've already lived for which was around about 19.5 1000. Something like that. I think it was. But I have 16,600 days left here on Planet Earth. How many of those days do I want to make? Really? Count on a question that I ask you is once you've got your number, how many of those days do you want to make? Really? Can't. 21. The 'How Trees Grow' Principle: So we're looking to me and he's looking to me, and he's not around. Young is looking to my eyes shut. No, I'm not trying to have the times here. I'm not. I'm gonna use this illustration toe, hopefully illustrate. Quite an important point. All right. So throughout the course, up until now I would look to beliefs we no, hopefully are able to understand that our beliefs are developed over time. Beliefs are just validated Thoughts, You know, if something happens to is once, well, that could just be around them. Event If something happens to us twice, once a coincidence, what does it mean? But if something happens three times, let's just say, for example, we were to fail three times or we were to take three rejections or something like that. Well, off the three times were starting to see a pattern on. This is where beliefs begin being far judged. So I'm gonna tell us story here. When I was living in New Zealand back in 2000 and eight, my life had completely fallen apart. I've made a whole load of very, very unwise lifestyle choices, and it actually been left financially wiped types. I was left just about homeless, illegally unemployable on the other side of the world because I live in Scotland and was living in New Zealand and I didn't know what to do. So was working very, very hard, doing a whole range of different jobs. I tried working in restaurants. Silver Service that didn't work out too well, didn't quite have the mannerisms for it, I was told. And our work Steam cleaning carpets. I picked Cherries and other works on this and this forestry thing, working our own trees worked on building sites pretty much I was doing anything that I could in order to save up enough money toe make my way back to UK because I bought no, that was financially broke and homeless, jobless and all this kind of thing on. I learned this fascinating a life principle because this day I was working on an orchard on There was a whole lot of trees down the bottom of the orchard on the orchard monitor a guy called Mark, and we used to go to see him first thing in the morning for our lest off tasks and duties for the day on, Marcus said, are your young Caine. And yeah, I want you to gloat at good under trees on the bottom, off the orchard on I want you to To make the trees that have wrapped with red tape grow. Andi, I was left thinking That's fascinating. That's interesting. Are you being serious here? Are you pulling my plonker? Are you making fun of me here for Exactly? Do you mean how the hell am I supposed to go and make trees grow? Saw me being me. You know I didn't have the confidence toe. Ask him and say You know what you mean by this mark? I don't have a clue what you mean. So went outside and spoke to the other guys. The other guys who have bean they're working for quite some time longer than me. I said, Look, guys, Max told me to go and make a trees grow. Any ideas? I don't have a clue what he means by that. Is it even being serious toe which the guy said? Ah, right. Yes. I don't understand this the first time he told me to do it either. So let me show you. So we walked around about 100 yards where we came across a sawn down tree. No, just imagine this is a tree and you're looking down on top of that. Well, if you've lived down on a song down tree, what do you see? You see the rings, Dona, have you ever considered what each of these rings in a tree represents? Well, you probably do know the answer right now, but I'm just gonna summarizing and share with you. The each rang on a tree represents a season off growth to be specific here, a season of growth. What you'll see is you'll see the rings where a tree grows from winter to summer, winter, summer, winter, summer on every season, off the trees, life grows and develops. No, I thought. Okay, this is fascinating that the young guys went on to give me some more information. The surgeon who have you ever considered where the life off a tree is? I was thinking to myself, Right, where is the life of a tree? It's inside of a tree, right in the center, I replied, and the guy said, No, no, it's not. We used to think exactly the same thing, but it's not actually the wood in the center of a tree is actually dead as dead wood. Hence the reason. Sometimes you'll see hollowed out trees you will do in woods and forests and all that. So I think sometimes insects or birds will kind of 11 say to trees and other small animals through the winter because they burry the kind of scraper or the dead with. And they live and say to the trees with the guy said the life of the trees, actually, and the outer ring. I'm still thinking to myself, This is fascinating, but where's all this going? I don't understand. I said, Look, can we just get to the cut to the chase here? How is it that we make a tree grow on? The guy said, Right, Really Good question. This is This is interesting. I hope you'll find this interesting anyway because how trees grow all right is obviously the roots are, you know, a right down into the ground and is the routes that soak up all the nutrients, the minerals on the water from the ground. And if you want a tree to grow, what you gotta do is you've got to send it into a state of crisis in similarity to hope. In the summertime, our trees fine. But as soon as winter comes in, the first frost comes will. The frost sends the tree into a state of crisis, so it responds to this crisis. By grueling, it grew as its root scored down is little tentacles on the routes, spending the spake up and start drawing more new neutral minerals and nutrients and water on all that from the surrounding soil in order for the tree to grow. So if you want to make a tree grow out of season and what you do is, you take a big metal club and you beat it. You beat the tree on the outside, round the base Andi that sends the tree into a state of crisis. From this crisis, the tree or then just dig deep, draw up all the nutrients and the minerals, and the resource is that it needs an order to grow. And I thought to myself, You know what? This is absolutely fascinating because what is true for trees is also true for us as human beings, you know, in life, many of us have taken some knocks in the past. And, you know, these knocks for us in comparison to trees can be rejections were might have been led down . One might have bean cheated on with perhaps being heart to have bean cold names were being put down with perhaps being completely rejected. Those are the knocks and those of the Knox that we all take in life. But all I'm really asking you to consider here is as you're watching this course, right? No. Yes. Granted, you may have some problems with your confidence, your self esteem on how you feel about yourself on a day to day basis. But all I would really like to point over here is the None of these Knox have killed you yet. There may be some of them that you don't yet fully understand that this is why I put together courses like this to help you understand yourself on why it is that you do feel the way that you feel sometimes, but all they really want to leave you with and this video is are in this leg. Is that you know when we come into crisis in life where some people will just go down inside of themselves. Trees choose toe Larrin and grow on exactly the same way that trees choose to learn and grow well. We can also choose to learn more about ourselves or more about other people and grew as a direct result. Because, you see, there is this timeless proverb that's being branded around and spoke about for centuries. And this is what doesn't kill you mixes stronger on if your life's experiences today having killed you than the major into the Paris in that you are today. Now the choices that you have are you can look back to the past and feel sorry about yourself and look forward to the future. You know, fearful of what may happen next, or you can actually choose to stand still today. Stand on the true groaned off your life and look back at the past and say to yourself, You know, you have had some knocks in the past, but none of these things have killed me. They actually offer me the foundation that I'm building my life upon today and as they haven't killed me, therefore make me stronger rather than allowing the wait for the rejections and all the stuff you've had in the past Were you down taken off his shoulders, drop it to the floor and standing It alot these things to become the foundation for your life that you can stand on toe, learn from these lessons primarily on ultimately share them with other people because self esteem bearing in mind egg was 100. Hunt with self worth and your self worth is your intrinsic value, Remember? So your intrinsic value is can only be a culmination off off who you are on all the life lessons that you've learned throughout your life today. So if you've experienced a whole load of stuff, well, this is a good thing. Doesn't have to be about Thank it means if you are willing to look back and learn the lessons that you need to learn, this means that your value as a human being has just become 10 times mawr because this is a value that you stern to potentially offer other people if you choose to, because what doesn't kill you and life well, if you allow it to make you stronger 22. The Levels and Stages of Life: So the question is, how confident are you in your ability to learn and solve problems? No. We've looked through the year, the balloon dog principle. You do have the ability to do absolutely anything that you put your mind to. You can fulfill one, achieve anything that you want to in life with the right strategy. If you have the desire to get yourself over there and find this strategy, that may sometimes demand a little bit of hard work. But if you've ever considered how it is that we grow as human beings, is there a process toe learning, you know, Are we either just automatically smart as and we are smart people are we aren't or is learning just an ongoing process. What I would like to introduce you to hear is the levels and stages awful Erling, because no one has it all together all of the time. They never have them under Never will do. I don't You don't know one that you know does. And no one that I know does either anyone who does make out they have it all together again is just a liar. So, in this video, all right, I would like to ask you if when you were young and I don't know how old you are right now. But have you ever played on a computer game or a handheld game station or something like that? You know, I can remember back in the day when I was a boy, it used to be the Sega Mega drives. The Sega Master Systems on the Nintendo's Know that intended was when Nintendo 60 fours or anything like that they were just plain Nintendo's Andi. One of my favorite games as a child was this Super Mario Brothers, Acura. Remember Mario and Luigi, and you know, the first couple of levels are always so boring, aren't they? If you think about it because the bodies there's not really anything, there's no real challenges to get your teeth stuck into. Well, I used to find him quite boring anyway. There's just little mushrooms to jump on, and you jump in your head. But a few boxes in some stars and some gold coins come out. And you know, once you've managed to get your way through the first few levels, he then reach on end of level body. On this end, of level body and you might you might be able to destroy on the first attempt, but name times out of 10 because you've obviously never taken on this end of level body before. It may take you a few approaches, but you see, once you've you discovered how it is toe kill this end of level body. Well, you know how to defeat him again in the future, you know, whereabouts toe, het him or punch him or where Toe through your magic stuff at him and all that kind of stuff. What I'm saying here is you've learned a strategy to take down this body on its only once. You have learned this strategy for taking down the end of level body. Do you move up a stage? You see, we live life on levels on at the end of every level. There's an end level devil. Yeah, he doesn't look too scary and would be given some horns here and some fangs there ago. So at the end of every level, there's an end of level devil on his only fan. Hope so. Daisy. It's only once we've discovered a strategy for defeating the end of level devil that were able to then move up to the next stage off life, Elena all starts again on Harv. You ever noticed a pattern in your life? You know, when you you feel like you have just overcome something, you know, you might have harder a really major challenge in your life. And then you overcome at anything are on. You start breathing, you know, a little bit calmer again. It's kind of like you've just moved up a level when the air is a little bit thinner, it's a little bit sweeter. And then what happens? Boom. You get faced with an even bigger challenge and what you've ever faced before in the past, on even bigger end of level devil grand. He's got even bigger teeth. And you know, life is kind of like this, you know? Could you imagine facing the kind of problems that you face today when you are five years old? Understanding like scale when the extent of these problems and the answer is most likely? No, because life has a funny way of training us for the bodies and the devil's in the end of level devils that we ultimately going to meet in order to paint the picture off. This, I would like to discuss with you and share with you one of my favorite all time movie. Siri's hurry, Potter hurry was a young boy who lived in a little time in somewhere in England, and Harry lived underneath the stairs in the broom, covered off his evil auntie and uncle's house. And he was so rejected he didn't think too highly of fen until one evening, Aziz, Auntie and uncle had taken him away. To some, nothing was a lighthouse or something like that to hide him from Hogwarts, the margin school who were very, very eager to get their hands and hurry because they knew that Harry was the savior. They knew that he was one of the best wizards in the whole wide world and but hardly didn't know this because when Hagrid came along, Hungered was the Hogwarts groundskeeper. He kicked down the door because he was a very big guy on he says, Hari, you're a wizard. Harry and Harry looked up sheepishly and said, Me with his little penny farthing glasses on, Does me nor not me. I am just a little boy because hurry hard. No idea who it was that he was going to become. He was just looking at who he believed that he waas today on. This is kind of their summary off the very first movie, Honey Porter on The Philosopher's Stone. Because you see, on this level here, Hari was introduced to magic for the very first time and made a few friends on. There was one or two little bodies that came on and trying to catch him out. And at the end of their end of the first movie, will Lord Voldemort partially returned, but just in the back of someone else. And he wasn't really that tough. And Harry Potter and his friends ended up taken the evil Lord Baltimore down to chain a tone. That's right. They whipped him. And then he moved up a stage on. We see him in Honey Potter to the Chamber of Secrets. No, this time around, Harry Potter is a year older. He's a little bit wiser. He's learned a few more tricks, and he's made a few more friends. Under the end of this movie load. Lord Baltimore has also grew in a little bit stronger and at the end of the movie, Ha reports third approach that he took at the end of the first movie didn't work. At the end of the second movie, he had to dig deep and find some new strategies and tackle the evil Lord boredom or in a slightly different way on at the end of the third movie, that prisoner, Valka Bon President bars Command, Sorry again. Harry Potter grew only was getting older, he was learning new tricks. He was learning and discovering new strategies, and he was also beginning to grow in confidence. He was growing in confidence and his competence. He was growing in his confidence in his ability, toe learn and solve problems. Because of the end of every level, he was faced with a bigger problem. But all we had to do was just stunned and face it on the first problem. He solved the second problem he solved, and he didn't really think you too much Maura about taking him on the third time for the fourth time for the fifth time, or the 16 or the seventh time or even the eighth time, because in the movie Lord Voldemort was massive. He was absolutely huge. He'd come back and he's standing right in front of Harry Potter knees, trying to take him down to change the tone. But Harry Potter is not taken it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no law. Harry Potter. He's standing his ground, and he's not just stunned. That has grown because he's got something to prove about who he is. His stomach has grown because he's completely secure and who he is. He knows who he is. He's completely secure and his competence. He knows who he is. Any news, what he's got. And he knows that is not just fighting the evil Lord Baltimore, you know, as a one on one bottle. He's actually fighting the evil Lord Baltimore to protect his friends. So he's no living for a purpose is actually greater than him. No, in the same way as Harry Potter has grown and evolved over the years, we also grew and evolved over the various levels and stages off life because we live life on levels and we arrive in stages. We live life on levels and we arrive in stages. It's on the levels In life where we were, we get trained you are on a level right now as we speak. It may be the case that you're going through some stuff or you have recently gone through some stuff and may be the case that you have just met and faced on overcome on end of level body or may be the case that the end of level body has overcome you on this occasion. Now the choice is the options that you have got us toe retreat back into place of floor confidence, low self esteem and see Oh, I've been defeated and one has got the better off me. That's me. I can never do this. I can't do this. I don't have the ability, but by no, we know that your ability is not in question. The only reason you haven't yet evolved to a higher level or stage in life is because you haven't yet mastered the strategy that you need to master in order to move yourself up on. Ultimately, move yourself on. So learn the lesson from Hari Porter. Do what it takes to take action, learn lessons, grew incompetence, take more action, Greul and learn some more than grew in confidence because this is the cycle that we're ultimately talking about. If you're not moving, if you're not taken action and if you're not making mistakes, then you're never gonna learn the lessons that you ultimately need to learn to move up to a higher level on a higher stage in life. 23. The Revolutionary Learning Process: So I'm hoping that by no on on the stage in the course you've learned something about who you are, about the way in which you are about how life is. You've grown to understand something about confidence that you previously didn't know or something that you previously didn't understand because what I mentioned way back at the start of the course here, as my intentions aren't just to dump ahold of really complicated information on you because it's no information that you need is understanding. You see, understand that there will be people that don't like this course because it's no really, really complicated, all right, if you've ever spent much time in the personal development of self help world read half in the books half of the books who are written by your scholars and linguists and psychologists and sociologists and criminologists and philosophy ists and all this kind of stuff on. You know, in my experience, through the years that I've spent studying self improvement than do my very, very best understand myself, I've had Teoh come away through so much garbage no long and overly complicated words, phrases, systems, processes, sound. The seven muster steps here in the six Super steps over there and all this kind of stuff. I was like this, so much stuff to remember. It's kind of his F. Many people genuinely believe that if something's not really, really, really complicated to the point where no one understands it, then there can't be any value in it for him. Really. Doing here is just the brick and everything down in sharing what I have grew into allowed throughout my life and as simple a way as possible so that everyone can understand because self improvement, personal development on this journey of self discovery, there's no have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be for scholars, orderly or for the smart people. Everyone could understand this stuff. Everyone can learn, everyone can grow and everyone can live a life that really counts. But living a life that really counts, how would we do that? So this is the course and self esteem and confidence and all that kind of thing on. We've already growing to understand that our self esteem under her self worth are completely interlinked. We understand our self worth on how we feel about ourselves or self esteem is based upon our intrinsic value on the value that were welling toe off our unshared with other people. Because, you know, we can't just be valuable for ourselves in life, can we? You know, we can feel, you know, yourself, you know, low self esteem, a little confident. But if we're not doing anything and if we're not giving off ourselves to anyone, then we're no given anyone else the opportunity to experience our value. So what I would like to share with you and this lecture is a process on This isn't a complicated theory. It's just the truth. It's the truth that you can see. You can understand. There's nothing complicated to get your head around on. This is the most effective way in which we can learn in life. No, the reason of Bill this process into the course is to help us to bossed this second realm of confidence, the belief that we have in our ability to learn and solve problems because we all have problems sometimes, don't we? Sometimes we all need to know some things that we don't yet know. So over the last few videos we've looked in, or how it is that we can layer. We've looked at, you know the abilities never been in question with looked at levels and stages in life. And sometimes life throws us challenges which many people will choose to allow toe, weigh them down and crush them. But what I'm saying is we don't have to. We don't have toe. You take life's challenges on the chin. We can actually use them to stand on to build the rest of our lifes upon tell, learn from and ultimately share with others. And this process, because earlier on was we look to the other process which is take action. Larrin grew incompetence, take more action layer and more grew in confidence. Well, this is more specifically just focused on the learning elements. No, on how you feel, because you see in orderto learn anything in life on what we're looking at here is a strategy to learn any strategy to get any result that you want Well, you need the hunger on the hunger here represents your desire, you know. Do you have the desire to learn something more about yourself? Do you have the desire to learn how to get yourself over there and get the results that you ultimately want in life. Maybe relation, Aly. Maybe professionally, it might be that house on the hill that you want or a bigger car. Or it may just be that you want to make a genuine, positive impact in the lives of other people because I'm sure that you probably do in some way. Well, you see, the first stage in the process of learning is always, ah, hunger. Ah, hunger to grow its, ah, hunger to learn It's a hunger not to be crushed and not to take a back seat anymore, but to get ourselves over there on research and source, a strategy or some new information on the second step, then is tell, aren not just read and watch and try to remember information. But learning demands something else because you see no one has ever learned anything by just remembering information. Remembering information doesn't serve you in any way whatsoever. There's a difference between wisdom on foolishness in life. The food believes that the more information he has, the smarter he is. But the Wiseman knows that information is completely useless under relevant, without understanding how to apply it on this is what I am doing. My very best to teach her throughout this course how to apply. Ah, lot of these principles and lessons that I'm teaching you on a journey just building layer upon layer upon layer. All right, So I do my very best to lead by example because throughout my life today than in the past I've had this hunger, this craving, if you like, for understanding and for insight. You know, when I first got into the personal development, Worrell with old was many years ago around about the time that Millais fell apart when a bottom date financially are realized. You know what? I cannot remain the same. I must change the way that I'm living my life back Then you know our confidence and low self esteem. I was literally down the note. Zero confidence zero self esteem, Self doubt. I was absolutely plagued with all of it. So initially I got in. The books are started watching courses. The started going to seminars. I even went to church. A studied I go into studying psychology, sociology, criminology counseling, therapeutic counselling. NLP of studied philosophy of read more books than I can even remember these days and, you know, for many years it was kind of a Ziff. I I tried my very best to former self fill of information, believing that if I Luanda can remember lots of information that I am wise, I'm smart. I'm going to be a foul you to other people. But if you think about it, it's no. If I was standing here just reading from a script on this, come on. There's a 1,000,001 courses that you can take online. People hide buying the camera because they don't want to get in front of the camera because they need their scripts so you wouldn't see their faces. They'll just read from a text book or from a script, the exact words that have written down because all that they're regarded stating to you is information that they've read somewhere else in a book. What I'm doing my best here is to lead by example and share with your understandings that I've Gruen toe understand. Through the years, as I've studied unlearned about myself about life, about other people under but whole life ultimately is, but you'll see where I am today. No, I can only be honest with you here. All right? And I, up until two years ago, had never set foot in front of a camera on If you'd asked me five years ago, would I ultimately be doing the things that I'm doing with my life today? I would have said, Not on your Nelly. Have Busta Rhymes Absolutely no chance. There's no chance you're gonna find me in front of the camera teaching an audience of thousands of people. You know how to grow and develop confidence. Because back then, I didn't believe that I heard any because I didn't believe that I had the ability to do what I'm doing today. But a gas. Over the last few years, as I have taken action on, I've learned some stuff have grown, and competence have taken more action of learn more stuff than growing in confidence. This leads me to where I am today, standing in front of you, teaching you the things I've learned on the things I've grown to understand along the way, hoping that you're able to understand for things I understand and therefore see the things that I see. No, At some point you may very well give me feedback. Some people will see Kane and I was distracted by your accent. I can't do anything about that. I think people see Kane. I don't like the shirts that you're wearing. Cane. You should have shaved before going on camera. You look very unprofessional on defense. The opinions you have about me well please be gone with you. I'm not interested. Feedback that I find useless is always going to be in relation to how it is that I'm being me. How I'm communicating have I illustrated and demonstrated this point in a way in which you found useful alright, what I wear and you how I say what I say is kind of irrelevant and honest feedback about my degree of competence. Because the only thing that I can work towards improving is my competence. How good? I am not doing the things that I do. And what I'm doing right now is teaching you to the best of my ability. The lessons that I've learned along the way, which incidently initially stemmed from hunger. No, you could come back with a big, long email seeing cane. These are the 20 things that I found there. were good about the course on the 200 things that are found that wearing good about the course. And here's the thing, right. If I accept your honest and genuine feedback with humility, then I can learn from you because you see what you're gonna be able to see and identify, or things that I cannot see and identify on. Those are my flaws, all right, because I am doing the best that I can all of the time, and I cannot see my back. You see, if I am not communicating in a way that you find to be particularly helpful, then you know, how would I know this unless you tell me exactly the same way? How will you know what areas, if your life you can improve on in relation to how you're being you? If no one offers your feedback on against the reason why people wouldn't offer your feedback, you know, at least he it to your face at least, would be because of their lack of confidence or their insecurity or self esteem. No. Yes, There are many people in life who will talk behind people's backs. You Have you seen this guy or that guy is terrible. He's useless. He's this. He's the he's. The next thing on really is ironic in life. How most people met Millions of people all around the world today will criticize and tear people down from the comfort off their bedroom while sitting behind a computer screen where they can remain anonymous and the signs of a confident person Not. But look seriously, though humility. Some of the greatest feedback that I have got over the last few years has enabled me to up my game on improve myself, as have taken on the chin because taken other people's feedback does demand humility, not their insults, all right, nor their preferences were talking about the feedback, the feedback about how your you and you see, if we take this feedback on the chin with humility, then it's entirely up to their toe us. Then, as to whether we choose toe okay, I've taken some feedback. It was very good. I can either get really angry about this feedback or I can Who's or Aiken grew up or I can change Or I can choose to stand on this and develop myself. Even the negative feedback, even the useless seed back because most feedback that people walk far is nine times outta 10. Completely useless is based upon their opinions on their preferences. And here's the thing. If you were toe commit the rest of your days to try and keep other people happy or you're never gonna be able to do it because everyone has different preferences. So you're better off not trying to keep anyone happy and just simply being yourself instead on this is what I'm doing, my very best to lead by example. In today you see everything in life, every change that will never come about in the context of any area in your life, your relationships, your career, your profession, your confidence, your self esteem, your finances. It doesn't matter. No change will ever enter your life or come about in your life until you have ah, hunger. Ah, hunger. A passion earned a desire to change, but then you must take action on your Moscow and learn a strategy. The unit tiller. In order to start moving forward in this specific area of your life and you yeah, you can get information and growing informations. Fina's moment, of course, is where you can get lots of useless information that you could read somewhere else in a book. But understanding is different than knowledge. Understanding is more powerful than knowledge. Before, oh, things seek first understanding and then lied livered house the lessons that you learn. We're talking about authenticity in this course and all the rest of it. Don't just take notes and try to remember what I'm talking about here. Live it out, practice it, try it on and lead by example because as you begin leading by example, your unconsciously and unaware I going to be beginning to teach others by your example. No, it's really fascinating because as we begin changing in life, I want relationships will change. If you've been on this journey of personal development, self improvement for some time, you may be aware that some of the relationships that you are in today with some people may not be as close as perhaps what they once were on. The reason is is because you will have growing in some areas in which they haven't grew in , so they won't be able to relate to you and quite the same way as what he wants dead. So the feedback that they give you may be negative. You've changed. You know, you are not the same Paris nous what you used to be on the friend. Don't take any of that stuff onboard whatsoever. Because change is a good thing. They see one of the commitments I've made in my life is toe not be the same tomorrow as how I've bean today on also to not be the same today as what I was yesterday. You see, change is a constant in life. And if you're not changing and dying on, the only way the are gonna change as if you're provoked to change through the feedback from other people. And if you take this on board with humility, which is the tough one, by the way that demands the patients in the self control, then you might just find our hunger within you to get yourself back out there and go on layer on some new strategies. So, my friends, this cycle I could talk about for hours on end because it's ongoing and never ends. This is a picture off your life. This is how it is that you have grew in tow. understand everything that you understand and learn everything that you'll learn. If there's Ah, place that you find yourself today where you feel stuck, it's only because you haven't yet learned the strategy to get out off wherever your art. So when get hungry later, what you need to learn and ultimately get out there and get the results that you need to get because by know him, as we already know, you have more than enough ability. 24. You Don't Need to be an Expert!: you know, over the last few years of explain this process to quite a number of people on, many people would say things like off. What could I teach? You know, I don't know what lessons I have learned through our life and all that kind of thing. You I'm no, the experience. I'm not a specialist. I know the girl. Well, Aziz, we've already established through the course. You actually are the expert. You're the experts at being you. There is currently something that you do, or a way in which you are in some way or in some area in your life that no one else gets the right. This is what makes you unique. And it's fundamentally what makes you you, You see, in order to teach people in life, you don't actually have to be the experts. Um, I the experts. No, of course I'm not. I'm not the guru. I don't have all the information in the world. Which means that this confidence courses no going to be the greatest confidence course in the world. But it is a confidence course. Nonetheless, if you're watching us and finding value in its fantastic welcome to team cane. But if you're not finding any value in this course, you probably already turned me off by now and left me a terrible review. And but But just to get clear here, in order to teach other people in life, you don't have to be the expert. He only simply have to be a few steps further ahead than what other people are on. Then just simply share what it is that you've learned from there to here and help them to catch up that set. You don't have to be the expert. You just simply have to be a few steps farther ahead. 25. Learning From Our Skeletons: skeletons. Skeletons in our closet. I have skeletons in my closet. There's a pretty good chance that you have skeletons in your closet on. There is a definite chance that everyone that you know in the whole wide world also has skeletons in their closet on. The reason for this being is because we're all experience off our own life's. There's old parts of us that we sure people and let other people know about. But there's some parts of us that were not particularly proud off. There's mistakes that we've made and sometimes these mistakes of pretty big mistakes. And if we haven't yet fully learned the lessons that need to be alone from these mistakes that we've made its sometimes easier just toe brush thes things under the carpet on their they remain Aziz skeletons in our closet things that which may or may not at some point in the future, rear their ugly heads and bite us in the butts. And what I'm wanting to do in this video is actually itself disclose with humility. All right in the last two videos, with disgust, its learning process and with Luke T humility all right, no humility is the opposite off arrogance Oregon's, which is on expression off false confidence. You see, many people have received reviews, and sometimes people give me feedback, even though is not being asked for. I will say, Kane, you're really, really aggressive. And you're really arrogance. Your really big head that the only Paris and you talk about is yourself, your arrogance. All right, well, I know myself, and I know that I am not are against. I'm just confident I'm confident and secure in who I am, which means I have absolutely no problems talking about myself. But please note that when I am talking about myself, I am not doing so to impress. I'm doing so to teach Teoh hopefully or for insight on value to your other people's lifes. So going back a number of years ago, when either just left the military, I was drinking a lot. I was taking a lot of drugs. My lifestyle had kind of spiraled out of control. I wasn't just damaging my own life on my own reputation or my own credibility, but it was also no starting to do damage and other people's lifes as well. And this led me Teoh quite a number of nights that I spent in the police cells. That's right. I cannot even remember how many times I've been arrested for drunk and disorderly. I have been charged, and I have had to do community service, you know, working in the community for many of my wrongs. I was charged with a B H, which is actual bodily harm for physically assaulting another man who didn't even deserve it. I was just angry and frustrated, a life insecure within myself on therefore needed to prove myself to this other Gary or other people, or whatever I was trying to achieve in the time it was ridiculous, of being charged for GBH, which is grievous bodily harm. What I'm seeing here is they have a criminal record. I have bean m caught on find I never lost my driving licence twice for driving under the influence of alcohol. No, I am not saying these things to impress you because right now you could be judging me if you saw choose to. But please bear in mind that same. The only reason you know this information is because I have self disclosed it. I've self disclosed it because Whilst there is so many things about my past, there's mistakes that I've made and those are some of the biggest ones. I have used girls in the past to get what I wanted from them and I have taken from people I have stolen. I have done so many things. I have looked at things that I shouldn't have looked up. I have taken things that were not mine to take, and I am not private off many of the things that I've done in life. But these things do not define me. I've made some mistakes and I have learned lessons along the way. You see many people do genuinely in life and have their confidence on their self esteem influenced, unaffected by the things that they have done by the things that they have done. But if you remember earlier on, there was a point in an earlier video where I mentioned that, you know, in life form or judging people, we judge other people by the things that we do. But we judge ourselves by our intentions. Well, I guess that this is actually quite interesting, because if you think about it, we're the only ones in life who know our intentions. I am the only person who was my intentions. And you're the only person who knows your intentions. You know, sometimes we do things and we act and behave out of character. Sometimes we react emotionally t things or to people in a certain way on. Then there are consequences. But you know, if you think about it, think about a time in your life where you've ever intentionally gone out of your way to really heart someone who really damage someone. I'm gonna hazard a guess here and suggest that you probably never have intentionally going out of your way to hurt someone. And even if you did, you probably heard regret afterwards. So why do I tell you this? Why is it that I share with you all the skeletons that are in my closet? Well, you see the reason I tell you these things because this is a confidence and self esteem guage in course on. But what I want to lead by example when leading by example, when is that I have allowed the lessons from the mistakes that I've made in the past, I have no problems sharing them not because I'm pro before have done no ive unnecessarily because there was a lessons to learn from the specific things that have done. There's not too much to learn from spending and late in the police cells or two nights in their pre sales or multiple, nice and the police cells. But there are lessons to be learned through taking full ownership and responsibility off our pasts because it's our pasts that make us who we are today. You see, if we're looking to grow a mature on developing life, we've got to take responsibility for all our successes on all of our failures. You see in this video, what I could have done is I could have done the kind of thing that the most self help gurus and coaches and all these sorts of people would say. You know, I've got thousands of students and I have spoken to and coach celebrities and look at all my success is a look at all my achievements and look at all my certificates and all the rest that saw thing. But what I'm saying in this video is that the primary main lessons that I've learned in life have come from the school of hard knocks. There's a pretty good chance that the most prominent lessons that you've learned in life have come from exactly the same place. So there's nothing to be ashamed off the things that you've done. If you're willing, toe learn from these things and you see all that I'm really doing here is not really teaching you anything, just leading by example in showing you that, you know, taken ownership of your past on sharing your past year highs and lows. Europe's on your Don's with other people is just honesty, because earlier, when I shared with you who I am when I said My name is Ken Ramsay am loving, I'm giving them caring. I'm honest, I'm reliable. I am sincere. I am all of these things and you see, yes, I could share with you all the great things that I've done in my life. But if I'm not willing to share with you all my lose, you know, all Meriel, rock bottom Lewis, then you never Philly understand me, or why it is that I do the things that I do or how it is that I have grown to understand the things I've grown to understand through a life. So take from this video what you Well, there's on article that have a touch to this video is called Ditching the victim mindset on . The reason that have written that touched it to this video is just simply because in life we can sometimes allow the things that we've done our past, all the things we've been involved in, other things that happen to us toe wears down, kind of like where victims were victims of circumstance were helpless. But this our cause more than infidels just to help you see that, you know, choice comes into every single thing that we do or don't do in life. And yes, we may go and do some bad things. But the other choice that we have is actually taken responsibility and taken through ownership off these things once we've done them because it's only when we do that they were really able to grow mature, move forwards on make significant progress in life, which is something that I know we all want anyway. So, look, I hope your phone is relatively insightful. Interesting. You've taken something from it on. I'd be really interested to hearing your thoughts about this in the discussion section off the course. So see you in the next video. 26. The Confidence Principle: Fear Vs Faith: So what I'd like to discuss in this video is there confidence principle Know this may sound a little bit overly simplistic and for that I make absolutely no apologies. But what I would just like Teoh ask you to consider here for a moment is what is more confidence. What is low self esteem? What are these things do little confidence and low self esteem prevent us from just simply getting ourselves So they're being ourselves, living in the kind of life. So we want to live pursuing our goals, pursuing our visions, pursuing our dreams on doing the things that we ultimately want to do in life. So what I'm saying here is the blue confidence on low self esteem is always grounded on based upon fear. Fear off the worst possible. I would come if you think about it. Why is it that we don't feel confident enough to ask that guy out to ask that garrote to apply for this job? I don't have the confidence to stand on the stage and speak to those people. Dawn aren't the confidence to do this, To do that, to do the next thing? Why is it that we do know how the confidence is. It just We don't have the confidence. Or is it just the case that were scared off? What may happen if the worst case scenario was two color boat, which would mean that were the foundations of her life is actually fear. Mm. So what I'm gonna ask you here is what would it mean? If the foundation are the foundations of your life will no longer fear. But we're faith. You see, this is a really funny words. Now, as I say this word to you, there's gonna be some people in the world who get some sort of really funny feeling insight . They might be beginning to feel a little bit aggravated, are frustrated right now because they're gonna have some sort of and meaning a touch to this word. But all we would really like to do, because I'm gonna be mentioned this word a few times now through the rest of the course, I would like to share with you what it is that I understand this word to mean, all right. You see, whilst I appreciate that faith as award things generally associate ID with religious groups , religious people, feel What faith are you? Are you and faith and all this kind of stuff The way that I see faith is more of a doing words. All right. It's more of a doing word. For example, in the last video and we looked at skeletons in the closet and I shared with us some of the greatest mistakes that I've ever made in my life. No, you see, would I have shared off all of the greatest mistakes I've made in my life? If I was fearful off what you might think of me because you know, being completely honest about ourselves, especially about all the bad things that we do, well, that leaves us wide open to be judged on, rejected or ridiculed from other people. And if we're not fundamentally securing who we are, that's gonna cause us a real problem, right? Well, in the last video of skeletons in your closet by choose to be as honest as what I was able to be about my past and in faith that you this may inspire someone to take ownership and responsibility of their pass and just simply be honest about themselves to knowing that it's actually okay? Whether people like you, whether they dislike you, whether they love you, hate you. I think you're great. I think you're otherwise have opinions about you. There's actually no one else on the face of this planet who can aren't anything to you or who can take anything away from who you are. You just are. So you see faiths and interesting word because other mentioned it's a doing word on It's the complete opposite of fear. If you think about it, what happens when we get scared in life are or were? Freeze. We stop. We think we panic. We procrastinate on we don't do anything. All right, But what would it mean? FM? Okay, so you are There's a job that you really, really want. All right, on your petrified off being rejected. You want to apply for the job, You know, there's a few other people going for it. You really, really wanted. So what happens? You apply for the job in faith that you might get it all right, and faith that you might get it. Faith is actually a good thing, but it's a doing word. Always the minds that you do something in the last video I shared with you about myself. I was honest about myself about my past, knowing fine. Well, that you may judge me on there will also have bean times in the past where you have stepped out in faith. Think about it. Right? And when was the last time that you walked into a dark room on didn't turn the light on more? The answer is you walk into a dark room is something that we all want automatically. Do we reach a fumble around to find the lace, which they internal eight on? Why is it that we would turn the light on our door switch that lay switch? Well, of course, because of past experience were in faith that if we flick that switch, the ladies air going to go on well in exactly the same way. If we're looking now with, you know, take action, learned some stuff, grew incompetence, take more action, learn more stuff. Growing confidence on we remember that cycle. No, we're stern toe. Consider that you know, if we take more action and start growing and competence, confidence, understanding then taken more decisions. Onda taken more action. The future becomes easier for us. We're doing just jump from being fully and fear and life. Fillion to faith. What I'm saying here is it is a process on these processes that we've looked out throughout the section. The confidence process on the learning process from, you know, from from hunger T learning toe leading teaching to get feedback. Teoh being humble enough to take this feedback on the on the chin and then get hungry enough to get there and source a more information. It's a minds were and faith for the best possible outcome, because whilst people who live and spend most of their lives in fear, well, they're just in fear off the worst possible outcome. But if you think about being in faith, you're just being in faith for the best possible outcome, which isn't a bad thing. You don't have to be religious or weird or super spiritual or any of these sorts of things . You can just be focused more on the things that you actually do one, rather than committing the rest of your life to focusing on the things that you're doing one. So this is actually more of a forward Emma forward forecast for guests, if you like, where you just focused on the positive rather than the negative, rather than worrying about the worst case scenario happening, a margin and dream on in step. Oh, in faith under expectation, off the best possible outcome hobbling. Because even if you don't get exactly what it is that you want when you do this, it doesn't really matter. Because as we've already established, you're gonna learn something new, and you're going to discover something about yourself. Throw this process anyway. So this, my friend, is always gonna be a good thing. 27. Faith: A Verb, Not a Belief!: So in this video, I'd like to share with you a story that's gonna help you to understand me a little bit better broke. So where I've developed this perspective from fear versus faith because, believe it or not, there will be some people around the world who will have switched this course off. I will have already He was slandered me. And just for mentioning this word, all right, because this is a really powerful words, either positively or negatively for some people based upon the experiences that they've had in the past. Now I think I mentioned earlier in the course that when I was around, boat was in my mid twenties and I ventured over to Australia on I lived there for about a year and 1/2. And whilst living there for us for a season off time for a period of time, on going backpacking, traveling right of the West course to roam the north through to Darwin v. M. I, a brand new four before 3.6 liter utes that I possessed at the time earns over Australia is quite a cool culture, really, because it's quite laid back. It's chilled out and you pick up back Parker's and you drop the morphing, especially when you're traveling, is sometimes just nice to have the company, and this is actually what I'd done. I picked up a couple of girls. There was a guy from the East coast of Australia. There's a multi guy from the North Island of New Zealand on. There was a German guy as well on the four of us had ended up in this place called Coral Bay. Know if you've ever been to Coral Bay, it's absolutely beautiful. As you well know. If you've never been to Coral Bay, get there on a holiday is absolutely amazing. No, wait, shell beaches and all this kind of thing on the maintain. We've done the whole bonfire on the beach thing and barbecues and beers and all that. When we woke up in the morning, the Modi guy, the guy from New Zealand herds, would be no quite early, and it came back to the room and he said, Guys, guys, wake up. I've managed to get my hands on a glass bottom bought, which means that we can actually go to see on Hubble. Look at the giant sea turtles, which, incidentally, have just had some offspring. So this is something that even the tourists won't get to see. No, we were actually quite excited about this. We thought this would be quite a coup experience, you know, backpacking and travelling and doing all this kind of thing. So we all just packed their bags. We got to snorkels, offends of flippers or wet suits on, then proceeded to the board. Well, we got in the boat on Went right out to sea. No. When we got right out, we had to get quite far before. Put me put the anchored own on. And then we all just got out of the boat and started swimming. Towards where? The giant sea turtles Where? No, we would around the boat. The boat was here on the sea. Turtles are bobbing. Her owns about here. All right, on. We were swimming here. All four of us in the middle of the ocean. No. Yes, we were young. Yes, we were daft on behind. Really given too much thought that were in Australia on those sharks in Australia. We hadn't thought about that. So I was swimming, taking photographs with Madore G disposable underwater camera at the time. This was before digital commerce were invented. By the way, on day I was looking at all the knee more fashionable, that sort of thing. Just before this big, dark, shadowy mass doom Doom swam right underneath me on my heart sank because, incidentally, I'd fallen a little bit behind the rest of the group. Not because I wasn't a strong a swimmer. It was just I was just chilling out, enjoying the experience, having a lovely time. So from there I stopped. Had a moment of panic. Do I swim back to move forward to it, tell the guys, or do we just let them work for themselves? And, you know, conscious kick kicks in and you know, I've got to tell the guys so managed to gather the rest the guys together. And here we are, no bobbing in the middle of the ocean. Guys, guys am I was back there. I took a photograph on this big blue shark, swam right underneath me. I knew it was a bull shark because Anouma shark said research sharks before moving to Australia quite a few months earlier. On them as well bore been there in the middle of the ocean, the Aussie guy says Right. Okay, then. And then he went underwater, and we were like, What's going on here? Oh, no. And then he came back up and he wiped his goggles and lifted him up and said, Look, look down, Look down on a spree looked into the water. We were actually getting circled, buying two sharks on. Yes, well, my heart sank anyway. And I'm sure the other guys that as well on the Maori guy this point Well, he was He was into, you know, charge. And, you know, he believed in God and all that kind of thing. Andi would have called himself amount of faith, and back then he did actually call himself a man of faith on Bond. No, no, we never took the serious whatsoever Prayers, prayers. And then on that night, time is getting drunk and sleeping, my girls and all this kind of thing. So it was just a sure didn't actually mean anything, But thats point. No, we kind of looked to him M reliant, Right? Right. Come on to say something, I says Oh, well, I guess this is a pretty good time to pray. So we just were in agreement. We didn't know what to say. Andi said a few words. You know, dear guards. Yeah. Just pray that you'll bring these sharks some other food so that they leave our saloon on that set. Amen. And we were all like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we agree completely on from there. It was really strange because something changed and slate of me all right? No, I wouldn't have been able to have defined this bag then, but up until that moment, I was petrified for my life. But I guess what I actually came to realize was that, you know, I wasn't in control anymore off whether I lived or died. Therefore, rather than being in fear of the worst possible outcome getting by sharks, I just switched on, stepped into faith for the best possible outcome. And you know what re entered my life? Peace, peace entered my life. So the Aussie guy says, Well, you know, a guess. We've got one of got four options that we can take. Option number one. We're swim. I see the turtles, but will may get eaten by sharks on the way out. That's option One option to swim. I see the shot to see that giant sea turtles swim around them, swim back. We might get eaten by the sharks on the way back to the boat, and Option three is We swim out, see the giant sea turtles swim back to the ball, getting the board school back to shore. But we might get eaten by the sharks on the way back to shore on. We're thinking right, as are any option here that doesn't involve being eaten by sharks, Andi said. Or option for as there we swim out. We see the giant sea turtles on their young, as originally planned, with then swim back, the board getting the ball. Go back to the beach, and then we go into the clubhouse for a beer and deep sea logic kicked in with thinking. Yes, that's the only option that doesn't involve getting eaten by sharks. Let's go for it. I'm in. So 04 of us swell out saw the giant sea turtles on their young. They were bobbing about. That was quite an experience, to say the least with swam round the back of them, and then we headed back to the boats. 04 of us go back in the boards. We turned on the outboard motor and then started heading back to shore. No, we were around about 20 yards from the shore on the outboard motor packed in has stopped working on If you've ever seen four through the grown men jump out of a boat and swim for dear life. Well, that was off this day, all right? And we were swimming for shore like there was no tomorrow. The Aussie guy go back first. The motor guy got back second. I got back third as we turned around to look at the German guy. He then just come onto the beach and then we just lay there. How the complete adrenaline come down didn't quite make it for a beard because we would all physically unm mentally under emotionally exhausted. Now I tell you this story We all survived. We all live to tell the tale. But look, See, when we were here to begin with, we were all absolutely petrified And fear off our lifes. No year that Maori guy prayed is prayer and and you know, whatever your religious beliefs are are what your religious beliefs are. All I'm seeing here is that something changed inside of me that day. I learned how to switch from fear to faith. And all this actually means is rather than living fearfully an expectation off the worst possible outcome, you're just simply living faithfully in faith for the best possible outcome. And you see, you know, whether you believe in this stuff or where the ado it doesn't really matter what your opinion is in my experience on any experience of the people that have also helped Teoh come to this understanding in life. We've all found that living and faith off the best possible outcome I lows us to live in peace. Because if you think about when we're living in fear, it's just chaos, anxiety, stress, tension, little confidence, low self esteem, worried of the worst possible outcomes. So look, this is just a perspective. It's an insight. Is a story you can take from this whatever you will, but including thoughts something that I would argue toe really think about and consider you see in life whilst we are no ever in control off the things that happened to us, you know we cannot control whether we wake up tomorrow morning. Whether our hair stays in force goes white, goes black. We have no control over the economy. We have no control. Whether we live or die on a daily basis, Yes, we can influence our our decisions and all that kind of thing. But we fundamentally don't have any control over the things that happen to us. So where else? This is true. We have no control over the things that happened to us. We do have complete control over how it is that we choose to respond. Because you see, if we react to our emotions were forever going to be held back and living off a living in a world of fear, doubt on insecurity. But if we acknowledge you know what, I'm not in control off the outcomes anyway. So rather than being in fear of the worst case comes, the worst case scenario was I'm just going to be in faith for the best case outcomes in the best case scenario was instead on. Whilst some people might say, But Cain, this is a pretty naive approach to life. I would see. Yeah, perhaps, but it's a hell of a lot bear than spending the rest of your life living in fear. 28. The 'I Hate You' Principle: I hate you. I despise you. I really dislike you. I have opinions about you. I believe some certain things about you. Which means that I really hate you. I can't stand you. You disgust me. I just don't want to see you anymore. I just want you to get out of my life and stay out of my life. I absolutely hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Have you died yet? Have you died? What do you think? And right now, Cain, where you going with this? What are you talking about? You have no reason to hate me. You don't even know me. You're standing on the other side of the screen. This doesn't make any sense. Until that I would respond. You're absolutely right. Because anything about what is the worst thing that anyone can say to us in life. Ah, hate your I physically hate who you are on. If you think about it. Even if I meant what I said just then which I don't want, incidentally And who would be the ignorant and the naive one here If I was to see that I hate you Well, I am the ignorant Phil, because I don't know you. You see, if there's ever been a point to any stage in your life in the past where someone has rejected you, someone has dismissed you. Someone has judged you or reject you or whatever they've done because of who they think you are. Well, the decisions that they've made are fundamentally based upon their own naivete and also upon their own ignorance on this is quite a liberating thing. If you think about it, because the worst thing that anyone can ever say to you is I hate you. You go for a job interview, you see? Can I have the job, please? On the say, no, we hate you. You call, Ask their girl Lot's or the guy out on a date on the sea, Nor I hate you. You walk into a shop and you say, Ah, shopkeeper. That's a lovely pair of shoes right there. I would very much like to purchase them on. The shopkeeper says No, underselling you my shoes because I hate you if you think about it as have already established. So as we've already established, no one else in the world will ever Philly, nor you, because you're the only one who fundamentally knows what makes you tech and unfunded mentally, what makes you who you are? And in the next section or two, we're going to be unpacking the whole off your core identity in a bit more detail so you can start to define yourself who it is that you actually are. So the F any point in the future anyone wants to come out here with this kind of stuff? This doesn't have toe, you know, boost your low self esteem or enhance your low confidence in any way doesn't have to be a bun thing, because if people are prepared to voice the opinions that they have over you will, unless those opinions are primarily based upon truth. And that means that they're primarily based upon ignorance on if people are basing their opinions about you upon ignorance, Well, I guess there's no real reason why you would ever have to care anyway. So the I hate you principle is this. Most people in life who struggle with low confidence and low self esteem and because of some point in the past have been rejected by other people. This is the worst possible rejection that you can experience in life when someone claims to physically hate you. But if you think about unless you're actually friends with this person unless this person is actually enhancing on adding value to the quality of your life in some way what does it matter anyway? You see, before you can actually do here is take every rejection Every I hate you are anything like this They have ever hunt. Throw your life just as an end of level devil. Remember the end of level devils in the end of level bodies, each one of thes If it doesn't kill you, it just simply makes you stronger. So take this stuff in a chin is absolutely OK. You see, there are people out there in the world today who genuinely hate me. You see, when you start stepping out and being yourself in life, this is the kind of people with that year come across and not necessarily a truck. But people who will find you is kind of funny when you do courses and do like what I'm doing with my life today and you have 100 people will watch a course like this and find demands follow you in it. Just go away. Never tell anyone about on not set but one person and lessons toe one video, it says all. I don't like this guy's accent. I don't like the way in which is communicating and I don't like this. I don't like that. They then go on to right a terrible review to slander me on this course toe all their friends and all their family on the make such a noise about it. It's absolutely crazy. But if you think about it, unless you're actually stepping out and doing something with your life, then you're never really gonna be noticed by anyone. So if other people are taking the time to reject you unhatched you well, at least they're noticing you on at least in somewhere year. You're also being acknowledged, which is ah, lot better than what you would have unexperienced if you were doing absolutely nothing at all. So your homework exercise for the next 12 months as to become absolutely excellent 100 ling rejection to the point where no longer matters whether people like your love, your hate, you accept you reject you or otherwise, because you need nothing from them. You reach this stage at some point in the next 12 months when it doesn't matter what other people think about you, because your homework challenges to become completely okay with being disliked. Now, this doesn't mean you go there, start being nasty. All I'm encouraging you to do here on the rest of this course is going to enable you and help you to do this. What I'm saying is that for the next 12 months and for the rest of your life, you just simply commit to just being yourself, who you actually are without holding anything. Burke, remember that iceberg all the stuff underneath their water that you'd like people to see, but they may not necessarily see Well, this is where your no giving other people the opportunity to really experience you who you are in the flesh. Because if you can start getting good or permanently better on just being you than how you air yesterday, then other people are not surely going to begin getting uncomfortable in your company. Because if you've been a Ceren away from most of your life and they're going to expect you to conform toe how you've also are how you've always bean. But if you begin changing, then this messes up people's worlds and upsets people and all the rest of it. Because if you think about it in life, most people like to feel comfortable and secure in knowing that everyone is in a box. And that's why social labeling comes about your mother. You're Muslim, you're a terrorist, You're a criminal, You're gay, you're straight, You're black, you're white. On inside of our mind's eyes we have these thes interpretations of what it means to be one of those people. So what I'm encouraging you do here is get okay with being this length buk with being hated . No, because you are being arrogant or aggressive or any of these things, but just simply because you're ruffling other people's feathers by just simply being yourself 29. Exercise 5: Developing Authenticity: So in the last video, a set a bit of a challenged in time to get okay over the next 12 months with being disliked with, even being hated, No. And may be the case that no one ever actually really comes to hair chair over the next 12 months. But what we're really pointing towards here is is getting okay with not trying to keep other people happy and not even worrying about whether other people are approving off you or whether they're not. Because authenticity in life demands that we be true to who we are on in this exercise. Have created another workbook for you. I don't know what you're saying. Cocaine. Another work. But you're spoiling us so much with all these fantastic resource is onto that, I would say you're more than welcome, my friend. You're worth s. And this exercise I have jotted down 50 steps you can take towards unshakable authenticity . Now, this is around about four or five pages thick. This workbook on there's some of the examples and become independent from the need off other people like what we've just seen talking about here and leave every circumstance on their comparison better than what they were when you initially encountered them. We're talking about being your true, authentic self with complete disregard to what other people think or how they feel, or what their opinions or beliefs are about you as about brick and free from the past. Brick and free from the chains on the news is that you have around your neck. No, the final part of the exercise, once you've had a look through on a good digestion which have digested these 50 steps to unshakable authenticity, I'm gonna ask. It's her right down your five most prominent steps there. I'm hoping will be five. They just stand out here above and beyond all the rest. But it's those five. I'm gonna ask you to write down on a better card, keep in your purse or your wallet, or stick it next to your bed on become those and lose five steps. Who's five sentences whenever is that you choose? Become five daily practices. Five daily practices that you integrate and tear every day life because we need to start somewhere and we need to take action on this isn't a course where I'm just stunned. And here giving you lots of information. We're just baby steps, one step at a time. We're looking at five ways which you're going to be able to draw from this exercise, that you can begin being more authentic in the context of every single one of your relationships and every single area of your life. So in the discussion section, and I'll look forward to hopefully hearing how you get on with this exercise I also look for with senior in the next section. 30. The 3rd Realm: Defining Your Name: so we're starting to make some progress. No. Welcome to Section four in the section. We're going to be beginning to explore the third realm of confidence, which is the belief that you have in your own self worth your intrinsic value. So in this video, what I thought we might be able to explore just for a few minutes or five or six or 10 as your name and four did. Is it your name actually means? Because going back some time ago, I can remember having a conversation with an old mentor of mine? No, we're at this stage in the conversation where I was talking about some sort of problem that I heard in my life at that time and I asked him, said, You know, is it normal for people to do this sort of thing? Andi, I mean, what would happen? F And then he stopped me. Quit abruptly as well. By the way on, he said, Is it normal for who? So I said, Well, you know, is it normal for people to? And I was trying to work out what to say next, and then he stopped me again. He said, Stop. Why is it that in this time that we're having together here, why is it that you know, you're asking me what's normal for other people? How our boats would just talk about you instead on what the right next thing is for you to do on. You know, this experience kind of got me thinking because I'm quite a reflective. Came to going, you know? I mean, why director is that so many people in life spend so much time worrying about what everyone else is thinking about them, or about what everyone else is doing. Because if you think about it, it doesn't really matter what anyone else is thinking or doing. I mean, the only thing that really matters in life is what you're thinking, how you're feeling and what you're doing, or the reasons why you're not doing all the things that you really do want to be doing. So, you know, going back around about a millennia ago, This a little bit of fan ancient history for you, an ancient far me civilizations. Your name ie, who you are was more than just a couple of words that your parents had picked up out of some sort of babies naming book, you see, Bag, then your name actually represented the very essence off who you are that represented your core values. What you stand for your personal standards, Another core fundamentals off your character that primarily make you you. You see, back in those days, your name would tell a story about exactly who you are. So if you think about it for a minute, what is your name on? Does how you're living today actually represent the truth of who you actually are? No. If you are uncertain about this on the stage, then don't turn me off just yet because we're going to be unpacking the truth of who you are throughout the fool next section. Ah, guess that all we can really hope for in life is that there's some sort of reason for us even being alive, right? I mean, does anyone really want to believe that they've evolved from monkeys or that they're the byproduct of stuff to stars colliding a couple of 1,000,000 years ago? Because where we believe that we've come from will ultimately determine degree of confidence on self esteem that we experience in all the other areas off our life. These beliefs silicon, really impact is coming. I mean, if we're gonna be honest here, most of us just want to be recognized and unconditionally accepted for just being who we are without having to put on a shore and take other people's boxes. As we concern ourselves about what all these other people may or may not be thinking about us, what would it mean for you today if the purpose off you just simply being alive was for no other reason other than just a simply discover who you are and then commit the rest of your life just to simply becoming this person, Whoever this Maybe. But isn't it true that so often we get sidetracked? Don't. We would get distracted and caught up in the concerns that we have about how different we are from everyone else. How we don't look the same, how we don't dress the same, how we don't have the same stuff and how were not the same as him or the same as hard. And we end up falling into this trap of insecurity as we live our days comparing ourselves toe all these other people. I mean have you ever considered that you may have been created for times us such as these? On the only thing that's really holding you back in life are the fears, doubts and the de Bruijn securities and the beliefs that you've developed about yourself at some point earlier on in your life. In her you ever found yourself being a different person around different people, you know, kind of like where we put on masks. They were trying to be someone that we're not just in order to win the approval and the acceptance stuff other people. Because, you see, you know, many people will commit to not being true to who they actually are, just because of fear off what other people might think of what their opinions, maybe our fear of four, they'll say about them or our fear of being rejected someday. And if you're you know, fearful are scared of any of these things, then you're actually not free a toll because he see, in life we all have passed right? We've all been brought up in completely different ways. Oh, this is what makes us unique. We've all stuffed up. I shared some of this story earlier order when I when I messed up, Remember skeletons in the closet? Yes, we've all made mistakes and with all learn lessons along the way, and you see, that's these things. Eso are unique, a life's experiences that will make us unique on it's also these things that mold and shape us into. Who we are today because we all have a story on is this story that defines how it is that we ultimately live out our life's. It's a story that gives meaning to the names that we possess. Know your story. It may no be a great story, but it may be OK because, like me, you might have a lot of stuff that you've done in the past that you aren't particularly proud of doing. Perhaps there's some people that have heart, or maybe there's even some people who have heart you. But either way, you really have to claim your story, and you've got to learn from it because it's no one else's story. It's yours. But it's also what fundamentally makes you you. I mean, what would it mean for you today if you were to take full ownership off your past all the good stuff earned all the bad stuff. How may your degree of confidence today change if you're dead? Because people in the world are very, very quick to put people in boxes and have already explored this. The world will judge on reject people just based upon the naive assumptions that it makes about about who people are based upon the things that they do or the things that they say. And we all know that no one likes being judged of all that vulgar things that were good at on vulgar things that were not so good up. What I'm saying here is that we've all got limits when it comes to things, there's a whole load of social labels that were not on. There's countless tapes of people that we aren't. But if you think about it, how could you or I ever expect other people toe unconditionally accept us? You army? If we haven't yet? Philly unconditionally accepted ourselves Now in life, we're all gifted in different areas on different things that some things that were good at some things that were not so good up. None of us are perfect, and we all have limitations. And whilst some of us will accept these limitations, many of us will not. And this is where insecurity comes from because if we're going to be honest, here will make assumptions about whether we're good enough or whether we're not based upon how it is that other people treat us on. Most people would never consider that the way in which other people treat us actually has nothing to do with us. But it has everything to do with them. You see, many people in life will tear down other people just too big themselves up and fundamentally feed their own insecurities. You know, the time comes in all of our life. Swim are absolutely second tired off struggling, were tired with pretending and putting on a shore. Were second tired, were exhausted of wearing some sort of mask in the attempts of meeting that unreachable on the Earth's on SS attainable expectations of others because against the time comes for all of us, when we're second tired off being anyone else other than who it is that we actually are. So I guess that the question I'm asking you today is when is it that you be ready to start just being you. I mean, would it be possible to live in a way where you're no longer comparing yourself to other people? So those that have more than you to those who look different to those who dress different, we're When will they come when you no longer comparing yourself to those people who have more stuff in you or who conduce the things that you can't? Because you see, when we reached this stage in life, when it's time to break free from all the lines and we've told herself about who it is that we actually are on what we can go on to achieve, we've actually got to acknowledge that, you know, we can all be guilty of asking the wrong questions sometimes for about this Paris in over here. And what about that person over there? You see your life as an always husband apart from the life's off other people on all this time is very, very easy to mess. You know, that little voice inside that tells us to stop focusing on all these other people. And I actually just start focusing more upon ourselves on Who is that? We're being because this is the journey off self discovery on. We've really got to stay on this path. We've got to go to the places that most people won't go, and we need to discover the truth about who it is that we actually are. So from this day forward, make it your mission in life to find the right path for you on the right. Companions are gonna compliment you along the way to help you get there faster and along the way on throughout the rest off this course may you find yourself becoming slightly more comfortable in your very own skin. And as you do may, other people also find themselves becoming slightly more comfortable with who it is that you go on to prove yourself to be. 31. The Art Of Looking Within: have you ever met a really, really insecure person on if your heart make a really insecure person at any point in your life. I'm not talking about you here. I'm talking about someone else who's extremely insecure. All right, how is it that we recognize these people? Have you ever met the person who spends most off the time that they have talking about all of the money that they have or they're talking about their rang? They're talking about their titles. Their positions are talking about all this stuff that they have there. Qualifications. You'll get some guys who spend days and nights down the gym pumping up the biceps, wearing all the latest fashions and designer clothes. You got the guys who are pursuing the careers and the success and status in the achievements you got. People who want a bigger house kind of a zef Enough is never enough. Have you ever experienced us in life? If you think about it, when was the last time that you ever fell? It's completely content with everything that you have on. If you're gonna be completely honest here, there's a pretty good chance that you probably never have them because if you think about you know, we have these things in life call values, these things that really drive us thes things that we believe that we need in order toe make our lives better. What about the girls who go for the good looks and the big boobs and all that kind of stuff ? Because they want to maintain their youthful good looks and their beauty because they don't want to get old because their confidence is based upon how they Lucchino's there looks fade , as does their confidence. Many men, woman in the business world's world, build and base their confidence and self esteem upon how much money they have and how successful they ultimately are through the achievements that they go on to achieve. You know, in the last video will look to your name and we looked, you know, I asked this question. What would it mean if sometimes were too busy comparing ourselves to other people that were actually asking the wrong questions in life in four? Would it mean if having all the stuff in the world actually made no difference tear whatsoever? What would it mean? You know, you have all this stuff in the world and one hunt. Alright, Riddle me this Batman I'm again offer here. So in this hunt here, of all the stuff in the world over the money, the best of looks, the achievement, the careers, the cars, the status, the rank, the position your name is gonna be on lights are, you know, on the lights on Broadway, on one hand. But on this hand, I offer you contentment on peace. What would you take as quite funny? Isn't it? Because in life most people pursued this stuff because of what it is. They actually really want contentment and peace. So we are gonna be unpacking, and that's a little bit deeper so we can understand what it is that does drivers in life. Because what would it mean if we were to spend our whole life claiming a mountain? You're trying to claim the moments in of rancor, qualification or stuff or career on Lee to reach the top discover that were being claiming the wrong mountain, that there's nothing there for us because this is ultimately where many people wind up in life headline glass ceiling where they have gone as far as they're able to go on. They thought they expected to find something at the end of the rainbow which just wasn't there to be found on. The thing that we're all looking for is the day where were a piece unjust content with were rots in life, will no longer comparing ourselves to other people are anything like this. So let me tell you a story to tell you a story that's hopefully gonna paint a picture off where it is that we're no gonna be starting to gate and direct the course. Well, up in the heavens, The gods were having a convention. You see, the gods had this problem because first centuries, millennia, even they've held the truth off life in the palm of their Huns. But you see, the human race has evolved scientifically untech logically. It's such a phenomenal rate. The human race is no becoming dangerously close towards discovering these truths that the gods possess. No, this has caused the gods a little bit of a problem because it's these truths that give them their power. And they know that the human race discovers truth. Then it puts a human race on a par with the gods, which means they lose the power and they're not special anymore, and they don't want that. So this convention is all about establishing a plan to hide these truths somewhere where the human race won't think toe look soon the gods are in the midst of the discussion is getting a little bit heated. And then one of the gods steps forth and he's the god of the sea. And he says, I have a proposal. I have a suggestion. How about I take these truths off life down to the depths off the deepest ocean on hide them a mile beneath the surface? Because the human race is is looking to money and success and fame and fortune and the size of their houses and all that kind of stuff. There's only a small number of people in the world who would ever think about exploring the depths of the deepest ocean. So I reckon if we you know hey them down there are reckoned will be fit, will be fine, will be safe. No, the gods seem to be in agreements until their little is God. The smallest God stepped forth, and he said, gangs, guys guys, look, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here. But look, we've already established that the human race is evolving scientifically on technologically that such a phenomenal rate, the human race is looking for answers. And so I fear that it's only a matter of a number of years before they develop some sort of diving apparatus that's gonna enable them to dive to the depths of the deepest ocean. Who were the stunt to potentially discover our truths. And if they do well, we're in a right pickle there, and only on the gods seemed to be in agreement. So it was back to the drawing board on the guards started no back into discussion again. Then the god of the mountains he stepped forth on. He said, Look, guys, I've got a plan. I reckon that's I take these truths up to the peaks of the highest mountain in the world and bury them. Ah, my 00 are, however, far underneath the the the ice cup of the top of the mountain. On the gods were an agreement that thinking That's a pretty good idea because they haven't even developed, you know, our breathing apparatus that can survive up there are enable them to live conveniently step there for so long. So that's a pretty good idea. Let's go with that. On the God seemed to be in agreement until again, the littlest guard stepped forth and says, Look, guys, guys again, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. But look, the human race is evolving scientifically and technologically. It's such a phenomenal rate. It's only a matter of a number of years before the developed some sort of breathing apparatus, which is going to enable them to survive with such heights off the earth and stuff. So again, the gods were in agreement that the year. That's right. If they develop some sort of breathing apparatus, they're gonna go exploring on the might stunt, potentially find our truths. We just can't afford to take this risk. So this convention up in the heavens became an absolute squabble. They all started arguing over where to hide these truths and told the head, God stop, he said. Silence quiet, everyone and he said, Has anybody got a sustainable solution or a proposal as the where it is that we can hide these truths off the human race somewhere where they will not think off. Looking on the list guard put his hand up when he said, Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea on the main God said, Okay, well, let's hear it And he said, Well, look, you know the human race is looking so much to prove itself by. You're making money and getting rank and building his biceps are bigger boobs and getting faster cars and being successful and all this external materialistic stuff. The human race seems to genuinely believe that if it gets more stuff than it's gonna find contentment and peace saw. What I'm proposing is we take these truths and hide them inside of the human race. Because you see, the human race is so busy looking site of itself for answers, it will never think for a second toe. Look for the truths inside off themselves. No, this is just a story, a story that I have used to hopefully illustrate the point because it is true that in life , you know, so many of us will spend so much time. I spent the 1st 30 years of my life pursuing all the stuff on the belief that if I get more of the stuff I'm gonna Sunday feel content or it peace or ease within myself, which I can honestly say, the day never came until I learned a quaint, a crucial and pivotal lesson that I'm going to share with you in the next video. 32. The Pint Glass Principle: So in this video, I would like to introduce you to the paint glass principle. That's right. The paint glass principle. No, this is a brand new concept. You're not gonna find this in any of the psychology or any of self help books? Yes, because what we're going to be looking at over the next few videos is our core values and how it is that our cove core values influence our confidence on their self esteem on a daily basis, based upon whether or whether we're no having these core values mess. Now, at this stage, we may be asking me something along the lines off McCain for our core values. I just don't know what they are. Well, that's okay. We're gonna be working towards this. We're going on a journey of self discovery here. But all I would really like to do in his video is Cem is just just ask you. I encourage you to open yourself up to the idea. All right? When has there ever been a time in your life where you were completely content and completely fulfilled? Fulfilled earned content? No, I'm asking you just to reflect here. Just a little bet, Because if there's ever been a time throw your life where you were, even my only content or mildly fulfills, never main completely. Then what you probably noticed was that piece, a company's fulfillment and contentment. Uh, but don't we just know that not too many people live there, especially on a daily basis? And why is this? Where does peace come from? Peace comes from within, doesn't it? Peace comes from. Then why is it Do you think that so many people strive on a daily basis? Now all you've got to do is go down to your local gym or right and check out all the guys who are down there trying toe pump up the size of their biceps. You know, ask one of them, you know, about what point will your biceps be big enough? Go uptown in order to one of the top business regions close to where you live on and speak to a couple of business people or a couple of millionaires or billionaires. If you can access these people and ask them all right, when will you ever have enough money, huh? And ask us guys who work in the big corporate organizations or anyone in the military. Trust me, I've been there. All right, ask anyone in the military. When will you be content with the rank or the title that you have on? The answer is never because people want Mawr. Want more, more, more All of the time there was no always the case that we just want more stuff. It's kind of like we know that we need something. There's something driving us in. Life is kind of his f We have this inner driver this need to move forwards and make progress. We have this needs to be recognized and seen is relatively important by other people. I mean, okay, put your hands up in the air. If you're completely content knowing that no one finds any value in your well, I don't reckon there'll be too many hands going up in too many places. So what I'm saying here, significance and progress, however, as you may define these words might be slightly different from how I define them. But what we're saying is, you know none of us want to be seen as useless or worthless or insignificant. Therefore, we value significance on we also value, making progress in life. No self worth is another. One of our values is our core values. We need to know that we are off intrinsic value. But why is it that so many people all around the world today will work? 40 50 60 70 80 9100 hour weeks? If you can even do that, I'm not sure in the pursuit of rank on money and stuff, something that Congar this money and buy more cars or get bigger boobs are you afford to pay for the gym memberships so they can build bigger biceps and get all the latest trends and fashions and clothes. And they can go on and take more courses and achieve more stuff and build more stuff and by bigger houses and get better careers. That will give them more money that enable them to buy more stuff so that in other people's eyes, they're going to be seen as more successful because of the titles and places of fame and fortune that they ultimately going to reach. So the question I'm asking you here as when has any of the stuff ever fulfilled you? Because if we're talking about the paint glass principle here. All right, I'm gonna ask. You hear that? This might you seem really simplistic. And I do apologize if it does. But look, where is it that our inner drives come from? That's right. They come from inside of us, thinking way we kind of have thes inner drivers. That pro palace and drivers forward in life is kind of like we know that we just need to do something. No, you ask, you know, top corporate businessmen, What is it that drives here? And, you know, you might have some sort of corporate definition. That's a text cancer. But if you see Okay, that's so I'm not asking what it is your company values. What is it that actually really drives you, and nine times out of 10 the would be able to tell you because they don't know you could say to them, you know, are you driven by money on? Most people will say no, not really driven by money, because people who are driven by money, we all know that these people were just money hungry and greedy. No, There's nothing wrong with being driven by money. If you're driven by you know the things that you can do with this money. F Incidentally, these things are fundamentally going to be good. But what I'm really looking at here is you see, all of these things and all of this stuff is stuff that we can only amass on accumulate on the I sight of us, the house, the car, the new stuff, the qualifications that you know, even if you think about it, the Status and Ryan can promotions. None of that stuff changes who we are on the inside. It's just we believe that all of this stuff is somehow in some way gonna enhance who we are , especially if we struggle with confidence and self esteem. So, look, this is all I'm really wanted to do in this video. Where are going to be on pockets and exploring this more? But But look, you know, four point in your life on anyone's life could anything that you, you know, collect or a mass or hoard on the outside if you ever fulfill the internal needs that you have on the inside of you. And this, my friend, is the paint last principle 33. Getting It Right Vs Doing Your Best: So what? You might be beginning to notice throat this course that I'm largest dumping loads of information on you. I'm actually just sharing with you some ideas on the reason that I am sharing these ideas with you is just simply to expand the choices that you currently have in life. No, what I would like to share in this video is a really interesting idea. It's just an idea again just to help you expand the range of choices that you have on a daily daily on a daily day to day basis in relation to how you conduct yourself and how you ultimately do the things that you do. Because over the years as I have worked with various people, you know, some people have just being in a relationship with some people have worked with professionally or in some capacity on, I have grown to recognize. Ah, universal trend on this is that most people in life well was spend all of their working hours when in the company, off other people trying to get a right. They worry that they're trying to get it right, trying to get the work right, trying to get the job, right? Trying to say the right thing, trying Teoh ness and trying to that trying and on What if Gruner realize is that people who are driven by getting it right in life are only worried about getting it right for other people. And if you think about it, trying to get it right is govern and driven by fear. So people who are trying to get a right are actually just scared off, Get a wrong. So there no, actually committed to doing their very best in life or are giving their absolute all. So if they have little confidence that may see something like, you know, I'm in confident in my ability. Well, the reason that they're, you know, unconfident in their in their ability is because the haven't yet fully accepted themselves because they're more driven by get it right than what they are by doing their best on you. See, this is just an option that will have in life because every single day when we are fully committed just to simply doing our best, what other people think then becomes completely irrelevant. If you think about it, doesn't matter. You can approach every job that you step into with this fear of getting it right and somehow please in them and all the rest of it. But just just as a word of fame, warning, insight, color what you want, no US. Over the years I have employed, various people have taken people on for various jobs, for I have recognizes when people are trying to get it right, they frustrate me. The frustrate me because they're trying toe manipulate me into believing that they're genuinely interested and fully committed and focused on what they're doing. But what I can see it. So if someone's trying to please me by getting it right there, no interested or given me the best, So it'll as an employer, for example, I would have absolutely no interest whatsoever and offering someone a pay rise or promoting someone or create a new opportunity for someone because they're not doing the best. I know this might be laziness, or it might be fear. One of the two million times there were 10 is a mixture of them both So So. Look, I'm not telling you how to live your life here, but I'm asking you, Teoh, consider this in the context of how it is that you conduct yourself. Perhaps professionally. Or perhaps, you know, socially, it doesn't really matter. But look at one. Any off your life where you actually focus and spend more time just trying to get it right . Then what you do actually doing your very best? Because whichever approach you are taking towards whatever it is that you do in life, will you? No one's going to serve your confidence. Remember, take action, learn grown competence. Larrin, growing confidence and all that kind of thing again writes all about pleasing other people , which means you're forever going to be scared off what other people think. So one says you're free on one doesn't my friend. The choice is no over two years. 34. The Self Concept Comparison Trap: So from this point on, and we're gonna be beginning to explore you a little bit more know we're gonna be looking arts, our emotions, how we work from the inside out so that you can begin to get a really grounded understanding off yourself. At some point. Soon, I'm gonna be formally introducing you to you and hopefully help you see pars a few that you have never previously seen. I know that you are going to find this very, very interesting because it still interests me after all these years in this video, what I would like to do. No, I do appreciate. We touched on this earlier on. We remember the the trying self conundrum that we looked at looked at self worth. Self concept, self esteem, how they're all completely interconnected will end this video. What I'm hoping to show you is just more of the relationship between self esteem and self concept. All right, just the two of this time. So we're gonna pretend and I do apologize for my dodgy diagrams on the board behind me. We're gonna pretend all right, that this guy here is Mr Self Esteem. This is self esteem. Over here on this guy here is self concept. No. Well, remember the difference between self esteem and self concept. Remember, self esteem is just simply how we feel about ourselves today. Today. So this is always about being right here. Right now. Our self esteem always happens. Here always happens. No, doesn't it? We hide that. Have, you know, high self esteem or low self esteem? No, we're always stuck in the no only so self concept. Earlier on, if you remember, I suggested that you know the harshest judges off our life's on length times there attend no other people but actually ourselves, because our self concept is the ideal version off ourselves that we envisage ourselves becoming someday. So our self concept is just our ideal version off us are ideal. So this is the here and no call this the rial on this is at some point in the future that the ideal no, when we're judging and comparing ourselves to ourselves, what we're doing is we're comparing ourselves to who it is that we know we can become on the really funny thing that will discover whilst making this comparison is that there's always going to be a gap, all right? There's always gonna be a gap between how we see ourselves today, how we view ourselves on who it is that we ultimately want toe become. And my friend, this gap, this gap between where we're at today on who it is that we would ultimately like to be which nine times out of 10 is perfect. Of course, we all want to be perfect. Don't way. If you think about a world government and driven by being better and we want to be perfect , well, we'd like to be even on some unconscious level. But But look, if we today feel ourselves as being a certain way, knowing that we can be better, remember the judgment Trump we looked at earlier on where we put other people higher than us above us, perhaps in some sort of pedestal. Well, if we're putting this future version off ourselves up on a pedestal, then what that means that we're doing is we're putting this current version off ourselves down equals low self esteem. All right, So, as I mentioned, there's always going to be a gap between between how we feel about ourselves and who it is that we ultimately want to be on this gap the size on the scale off this gap who always determine the amounts are on the scale on the size of the crisis that we experience in our everyday life. The size of the gap between where we're at and where we want to be, who we believe we are today on who it is that we would like to become someday equals determines the signs on the scale off the crisis that we experience in life. No crisis may be very different from even quarters for you. We're all gonna experience crisis differently. Crisis for some people, maybe raging anxiety crisis for other people. Maybe panic crisis for other people. Maybe depression. And you may just be feelings of off a little confidence and security. It may be anger and might be rage. What I'm seeing here is this crisis is always going to be emotional in some way. Never a good emotion is always going to be a negative. Destruction is destructive and unhelpful emotion. All right, now we are gonna be looking our full range of emotions later on, so I can help you to understand unread them, which is also very, very interesting. But here all I really want to open you up to is you know, if you think about it, the greatest problem on the only problem that we ever have in life and again I mentioned this earlier on is just simply the way that we feel sometimes on the reason you're taking this course right now on watching is because of the little confidence or low self esteem. Or you may have a little bit of, you know, apprehension, anxiety, nervousness or some other destructive emotion up playing your life in some way. So what I'm saying is, if you are experiencing or have experienced a negative emotion at some point in the past, or if you are today than what you've experienced is crisis in your life a crisis that you want to do something about No. You see as really, really interesting. All right, because if you remember the last video or the video before when we looked up behind all these words up on the board, all this external stuff remember the houses, the cars and the clothes, the and the money, the promotions, the careers, the boobs, the biceps. All this kind of stuff? Well, what would length is to show you here is what is the all that stuff does? Because the reason so many people want more money. Mawr close, bigger houses, faster cars, bigger buying shops, bigger boobs Bigger, less more promotion greater rank on. Why enough is never enough because most people in life are actually just fully committed. Teoh feeling better about themselves, I think enhancing and increasing their self esteem. I know this might seem like a bit of a challenging idea for some people, all right, because what we're talking about here is instant gratification. Just feeling better about ourselves here? A No. But the problem with just feeling better about ourselves here Oh, no. As this actually isn't moving us forward in life because earlier on it had mentioned that, you know, one of our inner you know, drivers are motives and we are gonna be looking at us and slightly more details shortly. There is progress. We need to feel like we're moving forward and making progress in life. So here what I would like just to simply do assure you the only way that we can we can make genuine unauthentic progress in life because you cannot make progress in life by getting more stuff. You cannot make progress in life by by getting bigger houses, building bigger by accepts. You may feel like you are, but only because you're feeling better about yourself today. But if you think about it, if you make a £1,000,000 today, that's gonna be nice. But what happens tomorrow? Who you gonna needs to make another £1,000,000 tomorrow, or dollars or whatever you're out in the world whatever currency you're operating in just to get the same degree of feeling, that's what you have today on. This is what you know. Many people lived by who? Operator working sales, for example. Think about it. People who work in sales jobs and they live for the day. You know that they stay in sales because of the high that they get when they make a sale. You know, they were good enough to, you know, to get a sale, to cross someone across the line or or stuff like that. So what I'm pointing towards here all right, is what would it mean if we were no longer committed? Justus, simply feeling better about ourselves. But what would it mean if we actually committed toe being better every single day? Not feeling better but to actually being better. Because you see, if we committed to being better than yes, today will make nor feel was happy, as we want to feel when the maybes of negative emotions and concerns and anxieties and fears and all this kind of stuff for a short while. But if we start practicing being ourselves and we are gonna be looking at this shortly than what we actually start doing is stepping out of self esteem on moving our way closer towards heard is that we know that we can become our true on ideal self concept. So you see, you know, if you aren't getting closer to the self concept that you have for yourself, then you're never gonna feel like American genuine progress in life on. If you don't feel like you're making progress in life, well, you're never gonna feel for fell with. You're never gonna feel content. You're never gonna feel a piece because you're going to be living in the state of crisis. On the biggest mistake that most people make quails. Living in this place of crisis is just doing things that they can do today to make themselves feel better about how they currently feel, which keeps people stuck going round and round and round and round in circles. 35. Core Values: The Path To Inner Peace: So what I would like to do here is just introduce you to some off the more prominent core values that I have grown to recognize and myself and also in other people throughout the extent of my lifetime today. No, this is probably going to be quite a long video on by No, I think we have already done quite a few long videos. I don't I make no apologies for this because look, I didn't learn this stuff in two or three minutes. It's taken me years to really to really unpack and understanding stuff for myself. So our values in life are the things that drive us there. The things that we that we must have, not the things that we would like to have our values, our preferences, all right are our values are absolute necessities. They are the things that drivers in life remember No last video. I said, You know, if you were to go into business District and on ask a top flight corporate guy, what is the drives in? You know, he will say things like, you know, and whatever his company's policies are are his cos mission statement. But nine times out of 10 people who are who works so hard you all work, work, work, make money, money, money, money, money. They don't stop for long enough to even consider what it is that drives them. And, you know, I'll ask you right now what would actually mean for you if you were to really understand on a deeper level, what it is that actually drives year with that enable you to make wiser and more well informed decisions for the rest of your life? Well, my guess is that it actually really would. Because in the last video, we touched on this idea Progress. All right, So what? I want to ask you here. I'll ask you a question. If I was to say to you that you are never going to make any progress from this day forward , you know, for the rest of your life would be OK. No progress. A toll in any area off your life. Everything is just going to stay the same. You're going to stay the same. Nothing is gonna change. You're not gonna make any progress. None whatsoever. What would you see? And the answer is most likely going to be Nor that was that sounds like absolute torment in Hell, Cane. And And for that I would see Absolutely. It sounds like absolute torment in hell for me. You see, progress is actually one of my more prominent values now, incidentally, values. It's not like some arm or important on the others, because all of them live in sight of us all of the time. On if you remember me two seconds, the pain glass principle will. There are values are what live inside of us. Our values are inside of us, and these are the things that we're looking to meet all of the time, through the things that we do and also by being who we are self worth. No, this is a really interesting one because things self worth will self worth is connected itself. Stephen Self concept. How cannot be a value well, self worth is our intrinsic value is the value that we possess on. This is what we need to be certain often life. We need to be certain off our self worth, in order just to simply be yourself confidently in the context off, you know, perhaps of professions relation. Aly Socially, intimately Perhaps because you see, if we do not know and understand un except our true intrinsic value the truth of who we are , what it is that we stunned toe offer other people as human beings. Then unless we offer this file, you two other people were never actually gonna feel for felled or content. No performance of a funny one. Because you think fulfillment isn't that similar to a happiness? Well, well, let me ask you right now, right here. Many people, in fact, most people in life are governed on driven by happiness. You know, they've even made films about this, that pursuit of happiness. Well, okay. If I was to ask you right now, on one hand, I offer you all the happiness in the world, and it's yours if you want it. But then on this hand, I offer you fulfillment fulfillment. What would you choose? No, that are gonna be some people to see. I just want to feel happy. And I said Good. Go on, then. Good luck with that. But but most people who would take time to really consider what I'm asking here will say no , Actually, really want to feel fulfilled. because, you know, if you think about fulfillment is better than happiness if you're fulfilled, you don't need happiness anymore. You only need to feel her pay because you're Primeira Lee. Feel unhappy on If you need to feel happy because you're primarily feel unhappy. What that means is that you're governed on driven by your emotions. No, by Macon Progress, alright and that will keep you stuck in self esteem if you remember that prevent you from moving forward. So you see the only way that were ever really gonna make genuine authentic progress in life as if we become securing our value. Because if we become secure, their value, which is what I'm gonna be helping you to do shortly. Then you understand the core of who you are. But if you understand the core of who you are, then your confidence is then placed upon the truth of who you are. No, upon how you feel about yourself, all right. Which means that you just get yourself out there and offer your values others. And as you offer this value to other people, you then feel fulfilled on as your offering this other people Teoh this value to other people. You see, you no longer need to prove your significance anymore because you're not trying to get it right anymore. You're just doing your very best on being a very best. Which means if other people find this value in you this intrinsic value that you possess, we'll there therefore then going to see it as being relatively significant. Yeah, a Texas significance value. Because this is a huge mistake that many people making life, man especially. I'm speaking to all the guys right now, although some women you're not necessarily going to get away with a Scot free. But for the men, Do you know men you know, macho e? I'm gonna take over the world. I'm going. I want to be king. I want to be this. I want to be God. I men have this desperate need to prove themselves normally. No, I'm saying this because I'm a man and I was once driven by really improving myself as well . I understand what insecurity on your self esteem is and what it drives us to do. But significance isn't something that we can ever prove to someone else. If you think about that, we can't do this is physically not possible. Our degree of significance in life is only something that can be experienced and found by other people and other through us. I hope this makes sense. I'll say that again and repackage it because I really wanted to get us where significance in life is something that we are unable to prove. Our significance in life can only be experienced unfound and other people through how it is that we express ourselves through how we are and through the things that we do. Other people will see us as being significant or insignificant, based upon how much value we offer them, our intrinsic value, our self worth. No, this is really interesting, all right, because we're coming back to this faith word again and again, not in a religious context. So please don't send me hate mail saying that I'm trying to brainwash it or anything like that. But look what I'm saying here is that sometimes and you know, if we have little confidence, a little self esteem than we're less inclined to take risks and life. We're less inclined to take risks and chances and gambles. But if you'll remember earlier on. What I suggested was that faith is just the opposite off fear. So rather than being in fear off the worst case I come or the worst case scenario, we just simply choose toe. Oh, well, I'm not sure what the outcome is going to be, but I'm just gonna do it anyway. I'm gonna feel the fear, do it anyway. And being faith for the best possible, I would come. Because if you're not stepping out in faith, well, you're not ever gonna be taken risks or chances. And if you're not taking risks of chances, then you're never going to be able to make progress in life. My friend on you See, I guess this Mick and his progress in life is what ultimately gives us hope. Hope is another value. All of these things living inside of the paint glass, our values hope if you think about it, it's what drivers in life we wouldn't take any risks Or chances are we wouldn't step how, in any area or in any way in life, if we were in hope for a better outcome than what we are currently experiencing. Hope is what drives us. We only do anything in life because we hope for this better outcome. But what I'm surely here is the hope and faith literally dance along the road completely hand in hand. Because you see, you can hope for the best case scenario is But if you're not doing anything, then you would be unwise to expect the best possible outcomes are scenario. Was faith in hope Go hand in hand And if you're out there Taken action, remember, Take action. Larrin, Grow incompetence. Take action. Learn more. Grew in confidence. Everything is completely interlinked. This is what I'm doing. The best assure you right now everything is interlinked and everything's in connected. Every choice that you make today or yesterday or tomorrow will affect your future in some way. On the a moment on the degree of progress that you're ultimately going to go on to make you see if you think about it, What is it that we all want in life? What is it that we all need in life? What is it that we all are working towards in life we secretly want and hope for? But we're insect. If we ever get what I'm gonna package this a pas is freedom because if you go into the business district of the city and asked the guy what drives him, he's perhaps got hundreds of thousands or even millions in the bank. And he's perhaps owns this whole portfolio of properties. And enough is never enough. Enough is never enough. He doesn't. You never have enough money. He will never have enough fame or fortune or success. You never have enough houses because external stuff is not for felling forests in life. You know, the stuff that we do maybe relatively satisfying sometimes. But the stuff that we do in life will never Philly for fellas. You see, it's only when we are free enough within ourselves, free from our negative and destructive emotions that we take the risk, step out in faith and just simply be ourselves. We're talking about authenticity here. I do appreciate well, haven't unpacked this fully yet, but this is where we're going. So know about please ask you for your for your patients here. What I'm hoping you're able to see, but I know is that all of our core values are completely interlinked. Now, look, I've just touched on this here. However long I've been talking for, you have produced food courses on this because I could spend days and initially days on end talking about this stuff that are, you know, hundreds of different values on they all are completely and interconnected in different ways. But what I really want to close by saying here is that you know, if we understand our values slightly deeper within ourselves and what this enables us to also do at exactly the same time is understand what drives other people. Because if you think about it, no one links, falls, people, do they? You think about how many false people you've come across in your life. So you know that Paris unjust, all false, Just not really with a plastic. Well, you see, unless someone is free enough within themselves only because they're completely secure and their value Well, if they're not securing a value, then they're never gonna be free enough just to simply be themselves. And if they're not free just to simply be themselves, then they're never going to be offering anyone else this degree of foul you. If they know offering this degree of value, then no one else is ever gonna find them to be significant. And if no one ever finds him to be significant than there, never really gonna feel fulfilled. And if they don't feel for felt, or that's because they know fundamentally that they are not making progress in life. So our values are all completely interlinked there. This is just an overview. And But when I talk about throughout the rest of the course, our inner drivers on the things that we really need unwanted life will. This, my friend, is that I hope that you understand yourself just a little bit better. 36. The Art Of Emotional Time Travel: have you ever watched? But the future or Star Wars or you've ever watched loop are where you've ever watched the time traveler's wife has time trouble Ever interested? You has ever intrigued you have ever watched hot obtained machine or any of these sorts of films? Well, what I would like Teoh assure you in this video is NoHo to tame trouble yourself in terms of going from one spot in time to another. But I want to show you how it is that we actually time travel with in ourselves every single day. Because whether we're aware of this or whether we're not, doesn't make what I'm about to see any less. True, because we're all 100% completely capable off emotional time travel on what I want assure you, from this point onwards, is how it is that we're actually able to read our emotions in orderto understand what it is that we're focusing on. Because you see if we can become just a little bit more emotionally intelligent on therefore read our emotions, then what we're going to discover is that a soon as we step into emotion, if it doesn't matter if it's a good one about one little confidence. Low self, steam, fear, anxiety, depression, anger, whatever it doesn't matter. Assumes we step into a motion. If we understand how to read our emotions, we will then therefore be able to step out of the emotion just as quickly as what it was that we stepped into it. So what I'm seeing here is we can emotionally backtrack know this is gonna take a few videos and for me to unpack this and help you to see. But in this video, I just want to help you get a just I get I get a ruffle review off holders that we emotionally try time travel on where it is that we experience different emotions. All right, so I'm gonna ask you to think back, think back to some point in your life that's very ambiguous. That's very big, isn't it? If you think about that as you're thinking back, what you're doing is you're remembering you're remembering things off days gone by your remembering things that have happened to you in the past. Experiences of vans, relationships, good things and bad things. What I'm seeing here is us. We look back in time and our mines. I never go see what already time traveling there were only What we're remembering is things that have happened. And we call these things memories, memories, Todo Aziz. We consider our memories all right. We will have either good memories or bond memories when we So as we think back, I don't know what you're thinking about right now. You might not be thinking about anything other than Cain. You're just so engaging or something like that. But our memories will never be good or bad things that have happened to us in the past. No, what would link Teoh? Just simplify as much as possible is if What happens if you focus on something really good that's happened in the past, This might be the birth of a child. It might be some achievements that might be a birthday party or a really special event. Or sometimes when you had a lovely time, how would you feel on? The answer is, if you're good, don't yet. So if you focus on the on the good stuff on the good memories here, feel a happy, happy, happy. But what happens if you focus on the birth stuff what happens if perhaps you were, you know, neglected or rejected as a child. What happens if he would abused as a child? What happens if you think back to that day that someone you really cared about or someone that was really close to you died? What happens if you think about that time that you field? What happens if you think about that time when when all eyes were in you? Not for not for a good reason. How do you feel? And the answer is you probably feel not so good. You're most likely going to start feeling, son, because what I'm trying to show you here, all right, is Aziz. You think back to the past. All right, you're gonna focus on the good things that have happened or bad things that have happened on. And as a direct result off this, you're gonna feel either happy or or sudden but hoppy Assad based upon things that happen in your life. But here's the thing. All right. If you feel Saad Well, let's take for example, depression, right? Depression is on extreme form of sadness, right? Depression is still on emotion. How did you know that? you have depression because you feel extremely sad. So depression, stolen emotion, all right? Not necessarily an illness, all right? And it has this emotional component to it. So if we're looking at depression, extreme sadness What What is it that we're focusing on? We're focusing on things that have happened to us in the past, that we're just really, really bad on. Where is it that we feel this emotion? So as we look, the things that have happened in the past, we draw the feeling that was associated with this event. Enter the present. The here onto No. So we drag all the Bard memories, and all the bad feelings associate with the memories here into the present. But what would happen if we were to look in the other direction? What would happen if we were telling forwards to the future? Well, you know, think about the boy or the girl in school who just sits there and daydreams. All right, if you think about it without trying to sound weird or anything like this, we dream about the future. We Some people fantasize about the future. Some people envision the future. So, however, is that you want to package of this ward is entirely up to you. But the word that I'm gonna use here is just dream. So we dream about the future as we look forward. No, here's the thing. All right, if you are, if there's an events coming up at some point in the future that you're really looking forward to again, it might be a wedding day. It might be a birthday. It might be some sort of ceremony or some sort of event or our situation that you're really looking forward to. How do you feel about it? Well, the answer is you feel excited, Dona. You feel excited about the good stuff about the good events. And how would you feel about the not so good events? What happens? F right. And you've got an exam coming up. All right. And remember earlier on in the course will look to you know how it is that wheel out and how it is that we develop these beliefs about ourselves. What happens if in the past you failed 10 exams and then you've got another exam next week ? How you gonna feel about the example? That's right. You're going to feel anxious and apprehensive about the exam because, you know, from experience that you don't do very well exams. So what we do, is we? Actually, we would drag the feeling that is associated with the memories that we have in the past and attach them to the expectations that we have off. The things are gonna happen in the future. So as we look forward, we're either gonna feel excited about our futures, or we're gonna feel anxious, anxious, which is a big no, no, because I don't like feeling anxious, Dewey on Is this actually, that gives us the stem? The foundation for for much of our little confidence underworld your self esteem if we still have it at this stage. So where is it that we experience this excitement's or this anxiety? Well, again, we experience it right here, right now on all of this stuff is going on. If you think about it, how you're feeling right now, If you're looking back to the past, considering the good times or the bad times, you feeling either happy or sad or if you're looking forward to the future, you looking forward with excitement or with anxiety, one of the two. Anyway, Anania dragged the feelings from the future or from the past in tow. Where your aunt right now, here today. So and this is just an overview of how it is that we emotionally time travel, right? I'm going to do my best not to be controversial in a way that offends people. Because what many people see is that you know, depression and anxiety are illnesses and those sorts of things. And whilst I am not intending to offend anyone here, I do appreciate many people cling onto their anxiety and depression and that kind of thing . But what I just want assure you is look, they are just emotions. They're just emotions. Depression on extreme sand, emotion anxious on extreme negative, fear based emotion. Anxiety comes from the future. Depression comes from the past, but we experience them both right here today, in the present as we emotionally time travel. So I hope this makes sense to you. Please feel free to ask me any questions that you have in the discussion section and over their forthcoming videos on the next section. And I'm gonna unpack this and a lot more detail so you really become grounded and understanding yourself from the inside 37. The Art of Growing Up: look into my eyes. Look into my eyes, not run behind. She's arm on sleep. No, I'm not trying to advertise you again. On this is a completely different video from the last one that we were looked at, which was the the that the levels and stages of life and growth. This time, what we're talking about is the art off growing? Oh, because if you think about it, how easy can it be in life just to stay in the same place with the same group of people and never change? All right, think about society. Think about culture. Think about times in the past, when you've changed in some way, it perhaps may have got our radical hair style. Or perhaps he bought a really jazzy shark tour. If you're a girl, perhaps you've got a pair of ridiculous high heel shoes or boots are it was a really short mini skirts. Are guys you maybe gotta to or something like this on what's people's response? Oh, you've changed. There's something different about you. Why is this? Well, this is because in life, most people hate change. In fact, in life, most people are completely opposed to change. No, I'm not just talking about changing their clothes here. I'm not just talking about changing their geographical location where they live or the things they do their careers. What I'm talking about is people who don't like to change their way of thinking People don't link to change their beliefs. Because if you think about our beliefs in life are our safety blankets there? Our safety nous people will disagree with other people were just in order to protect what they believe to be true. No. Incidentally, just because we believe something to be true in life, Well, this doesn't actually necessarily mean that it is true. It just means that is what we believe based. But all the experiences that we've heard throughout life today. But these beliefs that we have the generally old have a starting point from this starting point is often in the family horn. Earlier on with looked at, you know, our shared a little bit about about my Parenteau experience. Not much, but a little bit on. We've looked at how it is the elephants learn and how they grow to believe their strengths or their weaknesses or whatever is that they have And all I can really say is when I was young, I was I was part of a family off 44 people had my mom, my dad, my sister on me on day and I was brought into the world on my earliest learning experience in life was just from them My mom and dad. They taught me what they taught me. No, although what they taught me may know have bean for more teaching. It was son, This is how you live. This is how you become a man. It didn't get taught that stuff. But you learn through observing people, don't you remember? And the teaching video a earlier on we looked at. You know, one of the most effective ways Teoh and T learn in life is by teaching other people well, you know, for all people, right? Some people refuse to learn some people don't want to learn on. The reason for this is because they believe that they Hubble the answers on that they're getting it right. No, this becomes their bubble. Their little comfort zone on the one that's especially as people get older in life becomes increasingly harder to break. If you think about that when people are young, were more open, un susceptible. Tito, learning what we're more open for. It were more receptive. We're interested in learning, but what happens if we have a negative school experience? What happens for many of the older generations who used to get caned and and head and beaten in schools? Will they see learning as a bad thing? So of course, they're naturally opposed to s don't want alone because it's see as a bun thing. But when it comes to discovering ourselves and learning more about ourselves, well, it's only when we when we understand ourselves that we actually become free in life. Because if we don't know how we operate from the inside out, then fundamentally we're going to be governed. UN ruled on driven by our emotions because if we're not managing our emotions in life in our emotions, well, manage us and trust me, this is very much the case. So when it comes to change when it comes to growing up, what is it that we're actually growing out off? Well, if you think about that, we develop beliefs about ourselves as Children when were small when we are weak when we're limited. We develop beliefs about ourselves when we're still completely dependent upon our parents. So you see, growing up in life is actually about us becoming aware of who we are and taking more responsibility for ourselves so that we're less dependent on others. No. You see, if I was to share with you just a little bit of my own journey, You know, when I was obviously brought up and raised in a family home where I was subjected to the beliefs off my parents All right, be them, right. Be them wrong. It doesn't really matter. But at the age of 16 stepped out on I joined the army and then in the Army, I ended up experiencing all sorts of different stuff, going to Iraq and war, and so on, done some pretty bad things which was very different from what it experienced within the family home on and then eventually left the military. And then a hot this problem off working my way through this transition, which was just another change. It was just more change. I just had to grow. Samora had to overcome the change, and then I am in the midst to thousands and 2000 sex are moved across to Australia on my own to this new lands, this new country. I didn't know anyone starting from scratch and again I had to adopt a hot toe overcome. I had to group on a hot to change. Now look at the world that I keep on using here. Growth change. Remember the last time we looked to this diagram? Remember the last time we were used this diagram to discuss how it is that trees grow. Trees grow when they come under a state of crisis. Well, poor is it that, you know, in nine times over 10 provokes our challenges. Us to grow is usually crisis, isn't it? When we're faced with a problem or a challenging, ah, challenging issue or situation that we don't know how to overcome, Which means that we then have to dig deep and we have to change. We have to change our approach. How we are. We have to change things that we do in order to overcome this obstacle. All right, If we don't do that, we're just gonna setback low confidence, low self esteem, and then proceed to beat ourselves up feeling sorry for ourselves and probably calling ourselves a useless or words to that effect. So look at this journey, all right, Because as we grow in life, we progress. We progress in our understanding. We progress in our own development. We progress in the incident that we have about who we are and what it is that we're capable off. Because as we grew to see what we're capable off, the more prune we're then gonna be to take greater risks in the future. No. Okay, this is the journey of growth. But what will happen if I then come back and see my family? Because, incidentally, this was actually something that happens. Took me a few years to work through this problem that I'm about to share with you. Because, you know, I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't looking at them anymore. I left the noose, left the nest at a young age, and I was out there moving forward, doing my thing in life on Daz. Stopped to come back and see them toe actually work out what was going on. A hunt giving them a second thought I was faced with. You've changed your so deference. You're just not the king that we used to know as if this was some sort of bond thing. All right? It wasn't that the bad thing wasn't actually that I hade changed. The bad thing was that they hadn't changed on. They just simply expected me to be exactly the same as what I had been in the past. So you see, for the main problem here was that they knew they no longer knew me. They knew they were once waas when I plugged then and feted in within this family nest. But after, you know, going out and taking all these risks and facing all these problems and beating all these end of level devils and all these end of level bodies, I changed. I grew. I grew up a matured I changed up, became the money that I am today. And for them, they really struggled with this. The relationship with my sister completely broke apart, fell apart. And the relationship with my with a father very much changed on my mother Will. It took her a few years to come to terms with Who was that? I'd become and you see this presented me with few options because I can either, you know, feel sorry that things aren't holy ones where or I can say, Well, look, this is who I am today. This is who have become, And if you don't like it, there's nothing I can do about that. You either get used to it, or the relationship well just goes its own way on. That's one of the most powerful things about becoming secure in who you are, because as you become more security secure in who you are. As you grew up, you grew to identify and realized that you actually no longer need the people that you may once have believed that you didn't need, though, on the 36 year old man. But over the last few years I have coached other men, men in their late forties or even in their fifties and meta late fifties men who who are still completely dependent and reliant on their on their families and their mothers that take their there. There, there, washing through that go to their mothers, were problems. One of the guy said, You know, I'm just facing this problem right now, and she told me that I should come and see a specialist or a life court or something like that. I'm thinking to myself, My goodness, the only reason you've come here is because your mother suggested off what point that would take responsibility for ourselves. Because you see taking responsibility for ourselves in life is the only way that we're going to be able to grow on. If we're not growing, then we're not growing aware off what it is that we're capable off. And if we're not growing more aware of what we're capable off them, we're never going to be inclined to take too many chances is what we might otherwise take. And if we're not taking chances, then we're never going to make mistakes. And if we're not making mistakes, then we are not going to be learning. And if we are going to be learning, then we're not going to be growing enough. We're not growing than our confidence on our self esteem is going absolutely nowhere. So look, this is the levels of fame off growth. It's the art of personal growth. Color what you will what I am just trying my best do my very very best here to assure you is that personal growth. Whilst it is a phenomenal journey, it's a challenging journey. And the quality of your relationships as you begin to grow will not stay the same. The reason being is because you're changing. People will say to you, You know, just so you are you're here, right? Because you've taken this course and a few other really cool courses as well on people here that you're once new will say things to you Like you know, I just don't feel like Guerra's close as what we used to be. And rather than you, you're feeling unconfident or insecure within yourself or are having a problem with this. You're just simply able t look and see. You know what? You're absolutely right. Were no longer is closest what we used to be because I've growing and you might have Gruen . But perhaps just not quite to this scale of which I have or you actually may no have growing whatsoever on If two people aren't growing together in life than there, actually growing apart on this, my friend, is is actually OK. It genuinely can be totally cool with us. 38. The Timeline of Personal Growth: in this video, I would like to help you to understand the process that we all go through in life and relation to growing up and maturing, because from the age off, being newborn little Bambino's to the age of seven years old would go through this phase off what's called parental imprinting. No, I've talked a little bit about this over the last few videos without actually defining it as being parent or imprinting. But we're talking about how it is that we learned our parents are our primary teachers in life and the beliefs that our parents have when we're young, we will just copy on end up living the way that they live, because again, we don't want to get it wrong. We want to be approved off. We want to be validated and accepted. So we do our very best Teoh live like our parents and get it right so that they love us and which doesn't always work for some people, unfortunately. But what I'm seeing here is that this stage of her life between North to seven is when the majority off the four beliefs are actually forged. So when we're looking back trying Teoh work out And remember, You know, when it was, our beliefs may have bean forced. We're always looking for major primary life events. That would have happened between the age of naught to seven years old. We're looking for key learnings. The main message is that we looked at the relearned on to calm boards at that age. We've done a few exercises throughout the course so far. Looking at our beliefs, there was the work because, well, which this will definitely make sense to you. If you completed that workbook, if you didn't. Never mind. I'm gonna explain this, Tino. Anyway, between the ages of 72 to 14 we go through what I would call on refer to as the modeling years. And this is where we're no longer looking to our parents anymore, right? This is when some kids girls, sometimes earlier than boys begin to rebel because up until now, all of being subjected to is there were families, ways of doing things on on some unconscious level. We will have become aware as to whether we actually want to live our lives like this or whether we're doing so between the ages of 7 to 14 would go through these modeling years on . This is when we start looking. I was side of the family nest, will start looking at other people, seeing what other people were doing. We start looking at what other people are wearing, how they're being, how they're communicating, what they're doing, what they've got, what they've not go and all that kind of thing and preparation for this stage of life. The socialization process, No bearing in mind these aren't rigid, is not saying this is how every single Paris and and grows and develops and evolves in life . I'm just offering this as a rough gauge in the right to help you understand yourself slightly better from the inside out in relation toe how it is that you have become the person that you've become today. So between the ages off 14 to 21 roughly we've just spent do is easy those years here looking other people, seeing what everyone else is doing, but no through socialisation were no comparing ourselves to other people on were no beginning Teoh solidify on. Do you know deeply ground the beliefs that we have developed throughout our lifes today because you know, if we've learned throughout here that who we are isn't acceptable where perhaps not lovable were not likable. We're not good enough. We're not good looking enough. Not smart enough. Not clever enough. Something like that. On Bear in mind is always gonna be a belief along those lines that we have about ourselves . That that that leads us into places of flu confidence and self esteem. Because if we knew how good we were, then we wouldn't have a low confidence. A low self esteem would be so. They are our main primary. Limiting belief in life will always be something along lines off. I'm not good enough this vata being myself or in comparison to those other people. Those beliefs do become completely solidified through this socialisation process. As we begin consciously comparing ourselves toe, other people we know begin judging ourselves in relation. Toe who it is. We perceive other people as being on, and we then always the stage in life. Now again, 21 of this is just a rough ballpark figure or a number for maybe for some people in life. This actually begins earlier. All right. I have known some very very, very mature teenagers. I'm talking very mature teenagers. 15 16 year olds who have sat down on engaged in absolutely or my preferred level off mature , engage in conversation with been really, really impressed. But then, on the other hand, I have sat down with 56 year old men who are still taking the advice off the parents. So what I'm saying here is that maturity in life has got absolutely nothing to do with age . Many people think that it does. Many people believe that it does. You know, I have met people off the older generations who would say things like, You know, you should respect your elders Until that I would respond. None. None. None? None? No, you don't respond. You don't respect someone for being old. You respect someone for being who they are. Onda and wisdom and Life doesn't doesn't come through age. It comes through on individuals willingness to take responsibility for their life. So what I'm saying here is I've met 15 16 year olds who have taken responsibility for their life more than what 55 56 year olds have. It's quite ironic, but this is how the world is this is how people are everyone's difference. We're all are totally unique. But as a ballpark figure 21 years old, that's when we began on this journey off self discovery. We're looking toe understand ourselves and why it is that we've become the way that we've become. Why is it that our life's results are the way that they are? Why is it that I feel the way that I do? Why is it that I have little confidence, low self esteem? Why do I feel so anxious about the future or so depressed opponent past? What is it that drives me in life? What's the purpose of life? What's my purpose? If there is a purpose of life as the regard as the universe have were being dropped off by aliens, are or what we start looking at the bigger answers in the bigger questions in life, but only upon our unwillingness to take full responsibility for our life saw. And this is kind of that I just say this just to help you, to understand where it is that you're nowhere where you've come from. Now, it may be the case that your slightly older than 21. What I'm saying is this is the ballpark figure on. This is generally the age that the people will start and going on this journey of self discovery. If you're older, look, it's not your fault. You perhaps haven't been encouraged to. Perhaps you never knew this was an option. I was a late starter. Incidentally, I didn't begin on this journey of self discovery until I reached the age off 28 which is actually quite a good thing, because if you're a little bit older, you may be feeling like if perhaps wasted a certain fragments or segment of your life. And if that's the case, this is just gonna drive you a little bit harder to get farther faster. Well, this is what I have done anyway. So if you feel yourself to be in the same or a similar place, that doesn't have to be about thing, and this will just drive your toe, seek more answers at a faster pace and also go for the understanding. So not to seven. Parental and printing from 7 to 14 would go through the modeling years where we're looking at what everyone else is doing from the ages of 14 and 21 with start comparing ourselves to these other people on. And then from the age of 21. Plus, we start asking the questions, right? We know I don't help society as I understand while other people were doing. But the main question is, no. Who? Um, I 39. The Choices of Maturity and Character: No, this video, I have consciously and purposefully laughed until the stage of the course. Because if you're still watching, that means that you've bought into something that I've discussed up until No, no, this is the video. That's if I'd integrated this into the first few videos of the course. I would offend thousands of people on, But I would get more hate mail than what you can possibly imagine, because what I would like to help you to do here is evaluate under cess yourself. All right, on your left, Let your level off, maturity. Because over the last few videos we've talked to that have looked at personal growth. And if we're talking about personal growth, we're talking about growing up in life on if we're growing up in life, we're talking about maturing in character. All right? So all I would like to do here, all right, is just simply spell out the different types of choices that people make. The choices that mature people make on the choices that immature people will make. I'm from here. Please don't just take a fans, but please review and assess yourself because I'm not saying anything to you. because I don't know you. All right. So these, my friend, are the choices that we have in relation to our degree of maturity on our character. All right, Soon mature people in life have learned lessons, have learnt lessons on the might know have learned all the lessons. In fact, they definitely haven't learned all the lessons. But what they are completely committed to is teaching other people the lessons that they have lands, not just simply giving advice, but they find the most appropriate way possible just to simply share the insolence, the learnings, the understandings that they have come to and you put together or experience today. All right, where is amateur people just set back and want to be taught? No. There will be people watching this course of various places around the world right now who are sitting back. Probably not too impressed with me because I'm not spelling out the five steps that they can take to fume or confidence if you know it's by No, this is quite a long and quite an extensive course. I've wanted to park it, jump jump Fu with his much insight is what I'm physically able to trusting that you're going to connect the dots yourself. The reason for this being is because you want to grow. You want to develop yourself. But some people want some people just won the seven master steps, and the quick fix is gonna make all their nasty feelings go away. Were talking about choices of maturity here. All right, the second choice of maturity is self evaluation. All right, now, in life, there is absolutely no one who could critique me any harder than what I already critique myself. Trust me, I itself evaluate all of the time. And as I've mentioned, this is the third time that I've reproduced his course. The reason being is because I've evolved in my thinking. I've evolved in my understanding. I've learned some more stuff on. I've developed some skill sets along the way. So when I look back at some of the things that I've done in the past, I e the older versions of the core. So look back and think You know what? These could be done better. No, I don't beat myself up and say, Oh, these are terrible. You know, I'm not good enough and all that kind of stuff, which is what some people do. We're talking choices off maturity here. Self evaluation is you know what? That was the best that I was able to do back then. I don't what I've done back then, to the best of my ability. But today because I've grown because I've developed, I'm able to do so much more. Therefore, I I'm going to do so much more. Whereas the choice of maturity is just Oh, I'm not good enough. I'm useless. I'm worthless. Boo hoo! Poor me on. I do hope this isn't you right now. Already are going to be taken some amends offense. So you're watching this course right now. And if you are still watching And if you're Harvin turned me off yet that I'm gonna assume that you've already made this very mature decision, which is a desire for growth that you have because no, all people have this. There are many people in life, many people who will even subscribe to courses like this but not watch them because they're not easy. Because courses like this demand that people reflect on. Think on this isn't something that all people like to dio. Sorry, I'm getting a little bit passionate now and then I'm pulling out the honestly stick, and this might just be getting worse. A za course schools on. But mature people have a desire for growth for me. How I would describe this within myself is you know, I'm looking for lessons to learn in the context of every circumstance and situation that I find myself in. I evaluate myself. Okay, That conversation didn't go quite as well as what it could have done. How could I have been better? How could I have been more effective? Could I have listened more actively? Could I have rephrased up in a slightly different way? Is it actually appropriate for me to go and apologize to this Paris in self evaluation, not beating ourselves up? Well, not good enough on this. Desire for growth is okay. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to make mistakes so that I can learn more stuff about me and about how life is so that I can move forward and make a greater degree of progress. But the choice of amateur man or the amateur woman or the boy or the girl is just pleasure . I just would have you happy. I just want a few. And I said 10 my nurse t feelings to go away without any effort for me. I just want someone to wave the magic confidence stick and give me all the confidence in the world. And I don't want to have to do any work for this Idle wouldn't have to grow up. I just want to feel nice all the time. And I'm sure that we've all met people like this throughout life men and women who just simply refuse to grew up. Okay, so if you're still watching this course right now, you're studying on observing, which is a choice. Incidentally, you have chosen the mature choice because if you're finding any value in this course watch whatsoever and they are still watching, then you're gonna be studying and observing what I'm seeing aware that now this guy seems relatively calm, confident, and he seems relatively competent in relation to his knowledge on understanding. Therefore, he must know something that perhaps I haven't yet fully mastered yet. So I'm going to study un observed in order to soak up a much information on insight and understanding as possible. But the choice off the immature person just once advice on opinions. This is why whatever you're watching this course today, E. Learning has become so popular, all right, and you got men and women people were in the world have actually made hundreds of thousands or millions of pounds through selling their online courses. No many of these online courses, trust me, I've taken quite a few are people that just simply give advice on opinions on their read stuff out of a textbook whilst hiding behind a computer screen with some animated imagery that covers up the face because they haven't actually done any of this. The haven't done a careful study observation or growing through their own learnings to be able to present the information that they want to present in a fresh or a new or exciting way. But they also understand that most people in life just want the quick facts. They just want advice. The seven master steps or the three techniques are came once the proof says, How can I feel confident as quickly as possible without doing any work on myself with a carefully studying and observing you know your whole course. What's the quick fix that I can get today? That's what most people want so again choices off maturity and character. Now here's that word again. Active faith because earlier on you know what did mention that faith as a verb. It's not a belief complete. Contrary to public opinion, many people see your faith so belief. It's what you believe. It's who you believe in. A. No, it's not. It really isn't. Faith is either something that your action or it's something that you do interaction. It's doing words all right, and I have produced this course in faith that some people somewhere around the world, are gonna find value in it. I'm in faith that I'm gonna be ableto positively impact the life of some people through sharing what I have grown to understand throughout my life today as openly unders, honestly as what I'm able to. If I make some money along the road and fantastic gives me back more of Metin, which sets me free toe, invest my time as I wesh with whoever I want, which is a good thing, isn't it? But in contrary to act of faith, we've got apathy and dote or will I won't. I should. I shouldn't. I can. I can't. I I don't know if I'm able to Oh, I don't know if I'd succeed here, Woo. I'm sure I'm just know certain fear and security, which is where many people live in life because of their lack off faith, apathy in doubt, apathy and doubts or active faith. What is that you choose to action on a daily basis? Because the apathy and does stems from the fear and insecurity but the act of faith. You can only action if you're building and basing your life upon a genuine state off confidence because you are secure and who you are and you're confident in your intrinsic value, which were coming onto a promise. I'm not just leading you on here, so if you're still watching me right now, all right, you will have perhaps and noticed that what I'm not doing is I'm not just giving you advice and a whole bunch of opinions, all right? Oh, you should be confidence. You know, you should just be more grateful for what you have in life and all this kind of stuff. I'm actually doing my best at communicating truth and the most effective way as what I am able to. And there is no script. I have no strings, and I am free because they are not driven by my emotions, which is what most people are they see in life. We're gonna be either driven by truth or we're going to be driven by our feelings. And we're going to be looking at this in the next video where I'm just gonna give you one of three options. But if you think about many people in life make the decisions that they make on a daily basis because of how they feel, No, because of what's true, You know, I'm producing this course right now when you're watching this course right now because you're driven by understanding truth. You want to norm or about yourself or because you just want to feel better. If you think about that, there is a reason why you're watching this course, right? No, because you actually genuinely want to understand yourself more effectively from the inside out, or you just want to feel better. And it might just be the case that you've come on the course primarily just wanting to feel better and it saw That's OK, But if you're still watching, I'm not gonna hopefully encourage t consider your motives and alter them f and where appropriate, be driven by truth, not by feelings. Truths far greater than feelings on the final choice off Maturity is decisiveness. Absolutely decisiveness where You know what? I'm going to stand by the courage of my convictions on If I make this choice, make this decision and stuff up, If I make a mistake, you know what, So BS, I'll learn some lessons on Don't move on because I understand primarily. That's if I'm not making mistakes in life, that I'm not gonna be allowing that much if not allowing that I'm not gonna be growing. And if I'm not gonna be growing that I'm not gonna be growing up. I'm not gonna be growing in awareness off my intrinsic value on the value that I stunned the potentially off for other people. Where is the choice of maturity? Is that off procrastination? Well, I want I will, I won't I fear and security Apathy Day, but I'm not sure if I can. I don't know if I will I don't know if I shoot, I don't know what to do. Will someone please just give me some advice or an opinion about what I can do? Because I just want to feel happy. I don't want to feel these nasty feelings that I'm not really bothered about growing because I'm not driven by truth. I don't want genuine real confidence. I actually just want to feel happy. So often, The best here are unpacking the choices off maturity that we have in life. Some people will be on this side of the fence already, but others will be on this side of the fence. If you do find yourself on this side of the fence, please don't take offense at what I'm seeing. Be mature enough to take it on the chin and if appropriate, and if necessary, then grow change because it's not just you. There's gonna benefit from this. Potentially other people stand to benefit from this 40. The Facts, Feelings, Faith Principle: hear what I would like to introduce you to is the feelings faith facts conundrum. Alright, because these actually are the three foundations that we can build our whole life upon. Now, in the last video, we looked at the choices of maturity. And if you remember, and towards the bottom of the list, I did say that some people will boat and best their life upon the quality of their feelings . Some people were driven by feelings rather than by truth or by facts. So all I would really like to do here is just sure you what happens f or when we build our base? Our life's upon any of thes three things right now. Right now, I do appreciate you may be thinking to yourself, Cane, what are you talking about here? This doesn't really make any sense, for they are just little words, you know? How can we with our life's upon these words? Well, feelings. If you think about it, many people will build, earn based, the quality off their life's upon how they feel. For example, if someone's having a happy day, they will say life is good, But if they're having a sad day or life snow going as well as what they would like it, too. They will say life is barred if someone struggles with little confidence on your self esteem, feelings of apprehension, angst, anxiety. Perhaps that may be inclined to say, Life's not good on The reason that life is in good is because they're not doing the things that they really want to do. Because this thing called confidence is getting in the way. So from seeing here is when we allow our feelings to rule us, then we're being ruled by our emotions, which means that we're not managing them because, as I've already mentioned in an earlier video, if if we're not managing our emotions than they will manage us, which would mean the F our emotions are managing us, and we're building our lives and basing our lives upon our feelings because feelings are our emotions, right? So what I would like to do here is just paint a picture off how the quality of our lifes are on what our life looks like when we base the quality or fats upon how we feel wanted daily basis. So think about it, right? If you're building and basing the quality of your life upon your feelings. Someday you might have good days, which is fine, but another dating. But you have not so good days and some nation we have good days then not so good days. Good days. Not so good days. Good, but good bye. Good days. No. So good days, good days. And as you might be able to see here, life becomes, ah, little bit inconsistent up and down like a you you like an emotional roller coaster on. This is how some people live their lives who build on base the quality of their lifes upon how it is they feel on a daily basis because, you see, our feelings are inconsistent. Therefore, you know, if we're viewing, our life's upon the quality of our emotions than our life will also be inconsistent because our emotions are no faith Off said this word a few times through the course here know their faiths agree thing. Faith yes, is a choice of maturity. But faith isn't strong enough for us to build and base our life upon all right. Because faith some people might better understand this world faith as positive thinking. All right, You see many people, if you think about if you've ever been to any self improvement seminars or any life coaching events, there are people out there who love to do these affirmations. You know where you stand in front of the mirror and you say something along the lines of, you know, you're great. You're really handsome. You're really beautiful. You're really successful, your fantastic and all that kind of stuff. Then the next thing start pooping in G Hainan, clapping the hands and all that kind of stuff. Well, you see, that's all fine. And, well, you might get yourself a little bit pumped up for five minutes on There are plenty off, you know, major self help, passive element events where that kind of stuff is openly encouraged. But what I'm seeing here, all right, is if you're building in basing the quality of your life upon faith or positive thinking, that's all fine and well, until you don't get what you want. Or until you realize that who you thought you were isn't who you are or something like that . All right, So what I'm saying here is that if you're thinking positively doing the informations. You know, thinking positively is such a chore. By the way, if you think about it, it demands so much effort. Why is this? Because we're naturally inclined to think negatively. Most of us think negatively most of the time. All right? We don't think positively in private all of the time. Do we? Of course we don't. Hence the reason you're watching this course because we don't have positive main sets. This is what we need to learn to overcome through exploring the facts, which we're going to be looking at shortly. So faith. Yeah, we're gonna have faith. Everything's just gonna work out. Everything is just gonna be great. Everything is gonna be fantastic. I'm gonna get that girlfriend. I'm gonna get that boyfriend. I'm going to get that job on. Then we realize that someone else gets the job or the guy or the girl chooses someone else over us. There's no way that we're going to get what we want anymore. And then it's boom because big lowers extreme highs. Extreme laws on faith, positive thinking. If you've had a complete bottom owt all right, then you're going to spend so long you feel out of hope out of lock, low confidence, low self esteem. Probably quite depressed here as well. On overtime, you know, you may begin to take that journey back up and you start building your faith back up and start thinking positively again because it does the man so much effort, and then you can stay here for a while until the next time you don't get what you want. Things are fine here as long as you are getting what you want. But if the day comes when you don't get what you want, boom, back down And that's how life goes. So it's still a ruler, Coster. It's just not quite as inconsistent as what life will be if you're building in basing the quality of your life upon your feelings and your emotions, how you feel on a daily basis. No, what I would like to look up is fact, all right, truth, because the choice of maturity is all about exploring truth. The facts of who you are on this is what I've been pointing towards throughout the extent of this course to date on. We're getting there, all of that up until no is just lay the best foundations in your life is what I've been able to lay. All right, because this is what you can expect moving forward for the rest of your life if you choose to acknowledge un except the fact that I'm gonna be presenting with you throughout the remainder off the course. No. All right. We're starting to get into the deeper stuff. No. Okay. You see, you may very well be emotionally lead. You might be able to relate to this. It may be somewhere in between. Either way, I'm just gonna just gonna, you know, imagine right now and that your life is like this. It's emotionally inconsistent because of building and living her life upon our feelings. But what happens once we start learning the facts, the facts, the truth of who we are? What happens if we begin learning the facts, the truth about our own intrinsic value? And then what happens if we start action in this value? What happens if we start sharing this value with other people? What happens then? If other people start finding value in us to start seeing us as significant, we're going to start growing and confident because we're building and basing the quality off our life's upon the facts and the truth of who we actually are. No, upon how we feel on a daily basis, which is so inconsistent. So you see, over time what happens is because it takes time to build confidence. Confidence will never happen through five simple techniques. It's a process that happens over time as we become and growing security and the truth of who we are. The facts. Because what you will grow to see a Z begin building on basing your life upon the facts. Emotionally, you came to just balance out, all right, Know if I was toe ask you a question. All right, I know that you're gonna be able to relate toe one of thes three. All right, you might be here. You might be there. You might be here or a mixture in between, but you're going to be somewhere, all right. And the context of thes diagrams that I've just drawn for you. But if I was to ask you, what would it be like if your emotions were to be more like that than what they are when they're like that? Are like that are whatever they are. What would it be like for you to live there all of the time? No. Right now, you might be struggling to come up with the most appropriate answer. But, hobos, I just offered this to you. Because if you think back to the video where I discussed the core values, the last of the core values are mentioned. This word freedom, freedom. What would it mean for you to live here with this? Give via the freedom that you actually really one just to get yourself over there, be yourself and maybe impact in the world that you actually want to make? Because if I was gambling, man on, if I was the hard to guess, I would suggest that this is probably pretty much the case. So funks feelings Faith. Three foundations on which chicken build your life. This one's inconsistent. This one's inconsistent on. Only one of them is strong enough. Unsustainable enough for you to blow the rest of your life upon. So from this point onwards, I'm gonna leave decision as to which one you choose entirely up to you 41. Exercise 6: The 'Who Am I?' Quiz: alrighty. So we're starting to go a little bit deeper now. Hope that you're OK with this. I find you for your patience. If you're still with me and all I've really wanted to do up until no is lay the best foundations that I am able to give you the best chance off. No ingesting or overcoming little confidence, but staying out of it for good. But from this point onwards, were no going to be taken a much deeper look at you the truth of who you are, the facts of who you are, which are going to be strong enough for you to build and base the rest of your life upon so that you're able to develop strong, genuine, earned unauthentic confidence that lasts not just for a few minutes, like getting a quick fix, but actually lasts on a sustainable for the rest of your life. So this is that next exercise off the course I'm gonna introduce you to right now. And it is the visual de any who? Um, I quiz. All right, this is just to get you warmed up before recover and start getting into all the core identity stuff in the next section. This quiz is pretty much valuable. Was very, very similar to the one that we don't arely are on. The personality quiz is based on around about 30 to 40 different images that the computer screen will ask you to relate to yourself. No, this might not necessarily be 100% completely accurate, but it is. If you complete it, take 5 to 10 minutes. Gonna start getting you looking up the truth in the fights of who it is that you actually are, so that we can step out off the realms of feelings or faith or positive thinking or whatever it is that you've been building your life upon up until now. So again, this is just ah, many workbook with a few explanations on how to complete the kwehz. But once you've completed it, you're going to be ableto do to get a print off with a bit of a descriptor off who it is that you actually are on. The only reason that I've built with us into the course is because it is one of the most accurate identity online quizzes that I've come across throughout my life today. And if this ever changes a promise. I'll be reproducing this video so I can obviate the course again. So take five minutes. Complete the quest. I hope you find that interesting and also quite insightful. Andi, if you'd be willing to write a few comments in the discussion section, let us know how you get on are really well, genuine Lay. Look forward to hearing from you. So I look forward to seeing, you know in the next section. 42. Physical Challenge 1: Getting Hungry: right. So this is the first course. Practical physical challenge. No, Some people may not feel too comfortable doing this, but I'm gonna argue to at least consider it on. If you are willing to do it, do this at some point within the next seven days, because what I'm gonna ask you to do here there is something really socially unconventional on this is to approach the most successful and confident person that you know, and simply ask them out to dinner. All right, I know this sounds weird, because usually if you think about it, successful people should be the ones that should pay for us. So when I'm asking you to take a really successful or the most successful person that you know on the most confident person out to dinner, you offer to take them, and then you also pay regardless off what your financial circumstances are currently like on the reason for this is just simply hunger. I know hunger that you have to go and get some food. But the hunger that you have tow learn what it is they have grew into understand, through the extent off their lifetimes to date. Now you see, you never know. You may even get a man Toro to fess. But the guidelines that I'm gonna offer you is not to go along and trying to say the right thing or trying to get it right or try to be liked. What I'm encouraging you is to go across there on just simply, be naturally intrigued, study under observed and be naturally genuinely interested in discovering qualities that they've grown toe understand about life on and learn about themselves through the extent off their lifetimes to date. So this is the challenge. If you choose to accept it, take the most successful or confident person that you know to dinner, pay, interview them, find out as much about them and what they know is what you're physically able to, because it can guarantee you that you will discover so much about yourself more than what you even me consider possible. So good luck with that and let me know how you get on 43. The Battlefield of the Mind: Have you ever felt like there's some sort of battle going on inside of your mind? Kind of like there's two different parts of you that are telling you two completely different stories about who it is that you are also what you're capable off now. All I really wanted to do here is just explore the battle. There goes on inside of our mines, the battle between our self esteem on our self worth. You see this idea I am off self worth is one that's commonly misunderstood by by many people. A self worth is actually, as I've already mentioned, nothing more than the value that we place upon ourselves as human beings. Now this is really interesting, and it's also really important to really get grounded then. This is why I have repeated this stuff a few times because the value that we place upon ourselves is always going to be followed by a more prominent focus on our self esteem, which is actually nothing more than how we just simply feel about ourselves, which we already know. So in the past, if there's ever been a time that you really wanted to make changes or change the way that you feel about yourself, then there's a pretty good chance that you've been advised to focus on building up your self esteem. No. Yeah, that might be some lace advice for some people. But how exactly would we go about doing this? If in fact, that was true or or possible? Because developing our self esteem as mature others is off crucial importance to all of us ? Because if we don't learn how to do this effectively, then we're never going to be able to live on un emotionally stable on the mature adult life . No, I dislike to stay here that having great self esteem without understanding the extent of our self worth is kind of like having an eggshell without an egg inside of it under exactly the same way. Having self esteem without a genuine understanding off your personal value is kind of like just buying yourself a brand new car minus the fu engine. So the question that you may be asking yourself right now as well what's the difference between self esteem and self worth, anyway? Well, I appreciate that we've already touched on this earlier on, but it also here just like toe on park. The idea a little bit farther because our self esteem solely relates to the way that we feel about ourselves externally on By this, I mean, our self esteem is often based upon the way that we look, the way in which we feel about ourselves because of the stuff that's going on around us. It's often based upon the way that we act the way that we behave, the way that were perceived by others and also the way that we respond towards others. But it's also the way in which on the people act and behave and respond towards us. Self worth, on the other hand, is always going to be based upon the understanding that we have off our true earned our authentic identity. It doesn't focus on how we feel. It doesn't focus on what we think. It doesn't focus and for our beliefs might be or what our opinions are, because true self worth can only and will only be built on based upon the facts. The truth off who it is that we actually are. There are no techniques. There are no seven step plans or processes that can help you to accept the core of who you are because you'll only be able to recognize the value in yourself once you have grown to understand the extent off the value that other people find in you. I mean, if you think about it, you can just be off phenomenal value to yourself. You actually really need to be a value to other people, and these are the people can only experiences value if you're willing to just simply be yourself around them. No. Obviously, this is going to be unlikely to her pin if you struggle with low confidence in your self esteem a lot of the time, but we will be dealing with this very, very shortly, a promise you on what we do, deal with it. We're going to be dealing with it for good, because another huge difference between self esteem and self worth is that your self esteem will often be based upon the quality of the things that you do with your life or the things that you ultimately go on to produce on. This is both an exhausting and also an unsustainable way of living life. Trust me, I've been there, done that and failed miserably. I've got the failed miserably T shirts. In fact, quite a collection of them you see being able to understand and accept your true self worth actually demands that you commit to this journey of self discovery completely for the rest of your life and also demands that you take full responsibility for your thoughts. For your emotions on for all of your emotional inconsistencies can affect what we touched on in the last video off that last section because ah, Paris and self worth will only ever be recognized by other people. On this is gonna be based upon your willingness to take full responsibility for how it is that you choose to respond or emotionally react towards the character. Inconsistencies off others you see growing in self worth is actually about growing in maturity. On growing maturity begins on the very same day that you choose to assume full responsibility for all of your imperfections in every single area off your life. No, I do appreciate that these might be some quaint, challenging things to think about, but all I really want to do here is emphasized that there is an absolutely huge difference between our self esteem on our self worth, because what I can do here is actually see if you are a whole lot of time on money by telling you that there's no one else in the world who can make you feel better about yourself. There's no medication. There are no self help books, no other courses you can watch. No other programs you can take. There's no therapies that you can go to. New gurus are our experience. Our life coaches are anything like this who is able to fix you because what I'm trying to tell you here is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. They never has. Bean under never will be. You've got no missing links, you've got no emotional diseases and you have not been wired up in the wrong way. In fact, the only problem that year I've ever had in life is that you just haven't yet fully learned how to mind your thoughts. How to completely master your emotions on also become free from the judgments on the opinions off other people because you see were self esteem primarily bases itself more upon how we feel about ourselves in relation to other people. Our self worth is based solely upon how well we understand on relate to ourselves. So consider your life in similarity to a building or to building a house, right? The first thing that always needs to be laid in any new belt is the foundations, right? As without these foundations, you're always gonna end a building, your house on mud or upon pretty shaky groans. Remember how earlier on we talked about you know how your feelings a shaky and inconsistent I will remember your true self worth or your intrinsic value? Imagine these things yourself worth and value as being the foundations off this house of yours with your self esteem being nothing more than the mere paint that in the end, you're ultimately going to use to end up decorating with. So what I'm saying here is self worth forced self esteem. Second, because if you think about it once you've built with his dream house of yours, which is ultimately going to be your life, do you want to just to look nice on the outside so that you can impress other people with that, or would you like to be able to live securely unconfident Lee unb orderly in this house with assurance that its foundations are gonna last a lifetime for the rest off your life. 44. Let Me Introduce You To You: Well, in this video, we are no gonna begin starting to take much deep are on a slightly more profound look. You he are in Stanley, in this video, I would like to officially introduce you to you. I am in this video. I'm gonna bring it, though Now you may be aware of some of this stuff, but all I'm gonna really do is just your structure and break you down and pull you apart so that you can stand then see yourself how it is that you work from the inside out. And so please forgive my dodgy diagram on the board again. This looks like some sort of deformed the jelly baby. But let's just say that this person's year all right, I'm gonna introduce you to a t you here first and foremost. What I would like to do is break you down into three parts. Then there's one of these parts that I'm gonna break though into another three parts, so you can really get a comprehensive understanding off yourself to begin with. I would like to ask you to take two fingers like this, put them onto your arm and pinch pinch really hard and up yourself inflect some pain onto the myself on the reason that I'm gonna ask you to do this is just to simply be aware off where it is that you're feeling pain. No, Initially you might be saying that's a stupid and suggestion can. That's a silly idea, because I'm feeling pain in my arm, but whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just go slightly more general than that, all right? Because if I ask you to inflict pain on your arm than what you can say is that your just simply feeling pain in your physical body because your arm is part of your physical body? So what I'm going to say here is one of the parts that makes you you is your body is your flesh? No, The body is the part off ourselves that most people are completely aware off, right. More people will invest most the time into developing earned over enhancing their bodies and what they will any other part of thumb on this is the first place where we go wrong in life. Because we're no just body. There are more of this dizzle of two parts of us above and beyond. This because the second part of you, all right, in the first air part, I asked you to inflict pain upon yourself, and you feel physical pain in your physical body. But that's not the only place that you feel pain. Is it? Because what I'm gonna ask you to do here is just simply reflect upon the last time that you felt heart. No physical pain. I'm talking about heart IQ. Miss may be a time where you were dumped. You were rejected. Someone cheated on you. You lost your job. Someone called your name. Someone really insulted your let you down disappointed you or something like that. All right, because we don't. Although we feel that it's not physical pain, is it? It's a different type of pain on its Noah pain that's inside of one of our organs somewhere . It's like heart somewhere else. But where One hour. There's a heart, because the second part of you that I'm going to suggest No, I'm just using one word here to define this part of you. You might want to give it a different word, and if saw, that's okay. I'm not trying to impose any beliefs on your here are anything like this. But what I'm saying is that the second part off you that makes you you is spirit. No. Some people will define the spirit, Aziz. Heart is the heart. It's the core of who we are and all this kind of thing onto that I would say 100%. I completely agree. The word is kind of irrelevant. What is important is that we just understand the secondary part of ourselves. If you think about it, if you've ever felt like you know, you really like someone to know you. You know, when people judge us on, we say things that you don't know me. You don't know who I am. What part of you is it that they don't know? They don't know who. Your handlers. They don't know who. Your fittest. They don't know who your body is or they just don't know the core of who you are in spirit . Mm. This is interesting, isn't it? Because if you think about it, when someone hearts us by rejecting us by cheating on us by letting us down by lying to us by deceiving us or something like that, we we feel heart there, don't we are our spirits ache. So I'm not getting super spiritually or we're done here a promise I'm just breaking down and tell me the truth about how it is that we're actually structured. The specific words are irrelevant. All that is important here is that we understand these different parts. No. In that last video, we looked at their battlefield off the mines. All right, on, this is really interesting that have bean fascinating books that have been written about this part of us over the years. And many people would see all that's right. That's the third part of this cane. Is the mains on? I would say, Uh no, it's not. We do have a mind, but that is not the third part of us. The third part of us is how I would define as the sole. The three main primary parts of us are body spirit on saw. No, you may be saying to yourself, McCain, what is the soul? What is it and how does it operate? And to that, I would say that's a fantastic question. Thanks very much for asking because our soul is what happens in here and everything that happens aside. Direct result off what was on in here. The battlefield within our mind? No. Our soul is broken down into three different sections. All right, As we are broken down into three different sections, our soul is also broken down into three different sections. The first part, as I wore mind. All right, so if you say that mine is part of us, Yes, you're right. There is. Part of us is just part of our soul. Was no part of our spirit, a part of our body. The mind is part of the soul. All right? No, What I would like to do here is just draw a couple of diagrams here to help you understand yourself slightly more effectively and perhaps even give you a reason to stop beating yourself up sometimes, just in case you're that way inclined. Now, let me just draw a little figure here in this shoulder. If I was the pool appear of angel wings like that in a little Hello. Who is this guy? Do you know who this guy is? Is he the little angel that stands in the shoulder and tells you all the good things about yourself and all the nice things you should do with your life. But who stands on the other shoulder? Come on. If we're gonna be honest here, you know, fine. Well, as well as I do. All right? No. Every single thought that goes through our mains as good as that. We don't think nice thoughts about other people all of the time. Not we. Absolutely. Doing so on the shoulder. We've got our little red devil, right? And he's got a little tail unease on fire or something Never go. So we go through life with it's kind of his f. We do have a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other. Because if you think about the contrast ing voices that we hear inside of our heads no, some people may see, but isn't that what schizophrenics have? And I'd say yes or the word no one ever gets to experience a schizophrenic other than this schizophrenic. All I'm saying is I can really do here is just relate to you how I've grown to understand myself, earned other people through the experiences that have hard over the years. So So look, I want to ask you a really interesting question here. Stop for a second. Slow your mind time and just see what it is that I'm asking you. I would like to ask you here. When the last time waas there you controlled one single thought coming into your head. No, you might just have a very busy head right now and be seeing something like or but I'm in control of what I think about all the time, Andi. So that I would respond Your are in control off what you choose to focus on all the time. So you so if thoughts pop into your hair than you choose to dwell on these thoughts, then absolutely. You're in control of that. But I'm not asking you what thoughts you dwell on. I'm asking you what thoughts you're in control off putting inside of your head. Because if I was just to paint a picture here and again, look at these little guys here. The little angel on the little devil that it's just a margin that they are standing on your shoulders speaking to you, where these thoughts coming from All right. You might choose to say you have lots of good thoughts all the time. But what happens when you have a thought? When I thought pops into your head, you're useless or your idiot. Are you so stupid? Ah, you're just so worthless. You're so useless. You're so dumb. You're so you know. Good looking enough. You know this enough. You know that Enough. You know, the next thing. Enough. Who is it that is speaking to, you know, Are those thoughts that you genuinely want to be thinking about? So if you are in control, then why would you choose to think about things that you don't want to think about? Sometimes things that make you angry, things that hurt your things that make you upset. Things that bring up horrible things from the past. Well, the answer is, none of us want to do. There was things so I cannot tell you. Where is the thoughts come from? All right, because against nobody knows, scientists haven't worked that so either. All I'm really wanting to do here is help you to take a better bargain off of yourself. Because every thought that pops into your mind, you're not necessarily creating. Yes, He might choose to focus and dwell on them, but you are necessarily creating. We're going to do a video in a nexus size in the next video. There's just gonna help you toe understand this slightly more effectively. But what I want to show you here is that the second part of our soul is is actually our well, now some people will understand this will as being our free Well, other people will understand will, as the extent of the choices that we're able to make on a day to day basis because we've all been given free. Well, some people who choose not to take responsibility for their life will see this person made me do that. This person made me do this. This person made me do this bad thing made me commit This crime made me cheat on that. Harrison made me steal, made me do the bad things that are done Well, if you think about it when someone one person is blaming someone else for the bad things that they have done, what they're failing to do is take full responsibility for the bad thing that they've done . You see what I want to show you here is that we all have been given a free Well, you see, this is the only area off our life that we actually have any control in whatsoever. Because, well, we have no control over the thoughts of pop into our head. We do have complete control over how it is that we choose to respond or react to the thoughts that pop into our head. Now I'm going to be doing mawr illustrations over the next few videos that I'm hoping I'm gonna be able to help you understand this on a much deeper level. Because this is a life changing and really important stuff. Please. Doing skim over less is taking me years to fully grasp. So the third part of our soul with third party makes a power. Our soul is our emotions. And let me show you how this works. Let me ask you just for a second. What would happen if I thought was to pop into your head? I thought that was to say something along the lines off. Man, you've done a really good job today. Well done. You've done an absolutely excellent job. Well done. How would you then choose to respond to that thought. Well, the answer is most likely gonna then ponder with the thought on. Yes, right. Dead on this pretty well with them. That pretty well, this worked really good. And that was that was also pretty good. Yeah, that's a pretty good job today. On how then do you feel as a direct result off that? Well, the answer is you feel pretty pro yourself, don't you? If you're quite happy with yourself and quite content that you have done a reasonable job. But what would happen if a thought popped into your head that says, you stupid idiot? What happens then? 00 no. Off messed up. Oh, no. I've got it wrong off not being good enough here or know of stuffed up of messed up. Oh, no. And then what happens? Yes, star. Feeling pretty bad about yourself doing you because look, the thoughts pop into your head from somewhere else. We have the choice as to whether we choose to dwell and focus on them, or whether we don't on whether we choose to dwell on these thoughts, or whether we're doing will determine how it is that we feel. Consequently, how we feel as a direct result. So look, these are the three parts that make you you over the next couple of videos. We're going to break the stone farther to help you understand mawr on help. You see how some of the things that I've said throughout the course, up until now I mentioned that unless you're able to master your emotions than your emotions will master you, Well, what I'm going to be showing it surely is how toe understand your emotions, fooling your full range of them so that moving forward, you're going to be able to master them competently earned confidently not just for a short period of time, but actually for the rest of your life. So look forward to senior in the next video. 45. Physical Challenge 2: Emotional Acknowledgement: So in this video, I would like to do a short exercise with you on. If you're in a public place, it is probably wise that you don't do this exercise or wait until you get home or turn me off right now. Move on to the next video and then come back and see me again in this video later on, because you really want to be doing this exercise somewhere private. You do not want to be public and been doing this whatsoever. Because what? I'm gonna ask you an argie to do what? I'm gonna help you in court. You towards being able to do here is recognize how it is that your thoughts influence your emotions because you see if we are bothered or problems or if we struggle with our emotions , him at any point in life whatsoever, then is going to be really useful to understand the connection between the two, the thoughts and the emotions. Because if we are able toe, manage and control our thoughts and what that means is that we actually no longer need to manage your emotions, which means we are free from them completely, which is where I live, which is a fantastic place to live. And if I can do it, you can do it too. So all I'm really wanting to do here assure you how what I'm seeing is true. So what I'm gonna ask you to do here, I'm gonna ask you to close your eyes for around about 60 seconds. All right? No peeking. Close your eyes. That said, close your eyes. Stop looking. That's that good. Well done. And from here, I'm just gonna simply ask you to think back. Remember the emotional time travel that we looked at earlier on? While I'm asking you to think back and remember one of the heart pierced and protest moments off your life to date, this might be on event. It might be something that happens on achievement of first tests and the wedding day. The birth of your first child. It could be any of thes things. But whatever happened on that day, all I'm really wanting your toe. Be aware off is how it is that you're feeling as you're thinking about this great life events. The stain You are just really for felled. Really concerned. Really happy. Really. Produce yourself or produce what had been accomplished or something like that. I just want you to be aware of how you feeling? All right. On, If you were able to give this emotion awards, how would you call it? What would you call this? A motion? One word. Just name it and write it down, and then open your eyes. All right, If you need to pause this video by the way, just or go through it again so you can really complete this exercise, and then please do all right. And so know what you have got is you've got a word in front of you on a better pay party of maybe scribbled down in order saved on your iPhone or something like that. But what I just want you to be aware off was you thought about something, and then you fail to certain way. Well, you will have done if you've actually done the exercise. If not, well, don't expect the results, my friend. But what I'm gonna ask you to do know is close your eyes again. Close your eyes again. No peeking on. Just go back into that place off. Com on stillness where there's nothing going on. Follow my voice and know. Think about the worst event of your life. This might be heart IQ. It might be the death of a loved one. It could be our fair. We are. It could be someone heart share. Someone cheated on your someone. Let you don't You're probably able to see around about No. What? This thing is this event that has impacted your life in some way. But not in a good way. No, There is an emotion attached to this event. What I'm gonna ask you to do know is just just sit with it for a few moments. Focus on this abortion. A name. It gives us a motion. A name. Once you have given it a name, open your eyes and write it down. Open your eyes and write this abortion down. No. If you've done this exercise, if you've actually done it, then what's going to be in front of your right now or on your smartphone or tablet? Or however it is you're taking notes Two completely different words to completely different emotions? No, what you could say, all right, is something like Cain. You just made me feel really sad, arcane. You just made me feel really happy or something like that, based upon how you felt. But I just want to show you here that I didn't actually make you few anything because I didn't tell you what to think about. All right, I just gated you. I just said think about the best thing that ever happened to you and I don't know what that is. And then a said, Think about the worst thing that's ever happened to you. I don't have the faintest idea what that is either. But you do. And you chose when you're free. Well, to think about those things that I argued you to think about by speaking some words and by planting some seeds into your mind. So I said, Think about this. Think about the good thing. Think about the bad thing on. Then you chose to think about I didn't make you You freely chores. And as you choose to think about the good thing in the body thing, you consequently went on to feel certain emotions as a direct result off following my commands sore Why? I really wanted to achieve by taking me through this exercise is just simply to show you that you're actually in complete control Off how it is that you feel 100% of the time because I do appreciate that exercise was slowed it right down and broke it down. And I've just explained here the process off which we actually go through when we're stepping in and out of emotions. But I'm hoping that by no, you're actually able to see that you know, you are in complete control off what you choose to think about every single day. Emotions don't just come out of nowhere. Emotions doing just come were not just, you know, I'm overwhelmed by them for no reason whatsoever. Every single abortion that we experience in life will always stem from an initial thought, the thoughts of pop into our mind. So I do hope your friends insightful on we're going to be unpacking this further in the next video. Also 46. The Inside Out Revolution: So it's fair to say the low confidence on little self esteem. Well, we will. You know, we have these things when we feel like we're off low confidence or that we're off low self esteem. So their emotions only Perhaps there's a little bit of angst or our anxiety or fear or apprehension attached to the things that we're thinking. A boat? No. In the last video, we went a little bit extreme because I asked you to think about the best day of your life on the worst day of your life. But in this video, what I'm gonna ask you to think about is the kind of thing that you think about when you're feeling really on confidence or your loss over steam comes about. What kind of thoughts are you thinking? I'm gonna ask you to think those thoughts, all right? Because if I understand the reasons for little confidence in yourself, Steven, any need whatsoever I'm gonna host a gas on, suggest that you would be thinking something along the lanes off. You're no good. You're no good enough. You're not this enough. You know that enough? No. As good as this. Paris in No as good is that Paris in Not good. Looking enough? You don't know if you're going to be able to do this thing you really want to do. There's gonna be fear, uncertainty, self doubt. He might be feeling a little bit useless, worthless, helpless or even hopeless or all thes things all mixed into one if I was to ask you to think about the things that you do think about when you're feeling on confidence or a flu self esteem. So if you think about all I'm really doing here is I'm just saying blah, blah, blah. No, I'm not making you do anything. I'm not making you think about anything at all. I'm just saying something's behind the computer screen or an iPhone screen or a tablet are . However, it is here watching me from right here. I'm not making you think anything. I'm not making your cause eggs inside of your main go round. You're choosing to think about the things that I'm asking you to think about. So look, I've asked, you know, to think about something, think about a time where you're feeling really insecure, are really are real. Lack of confidence? Some asked me to think about a certain outcome. I'm also know gonna ask you to be a specific as you can and thinking about all the details . Think about the most recent time in the past. Perhaps in the last week or two weeks, where you felt really insecure off zero confidence or or something like that. So there was another would come Something happened. Something happened which left you feeling this certain way. What happened next? Because no, what I'm trying to show you is actually your process for Honda Ling and monitoring information. What happens in slate of you? All right. I want to show you here. How? What happens inside if you effects and completely influences on determines what happens. Oh, slate of you. Okay, How You're inside manifests and represents itself in the outside. Okay, So and the socom happens, then I ask you to think about it, and then you choose toe. Think about it. Right. So you have some thoughts, some thoughts about the things that I've asked you to think about and know what happens next If you're thinking about you know how it is that you feel when you're feeling at your absolute lowest. What would you say? I feel rubbish. I feel really little confident. A few off or horrible about myself. Oh, were pointing towards here is that you have a feeling. All right. Remember when we looked at that? Nobody saw spirits will look to the saw, which is main Drohan Emotions will all the thoughts happiness, state of your mind The old comes doing they happen. It was Slade. If you But you know things happen the other side of us then the effects on the inside. So on the inside we know having thoughts on whatever it is that we choose to think about, then determines how we go on toe feel, which is our emotions. No, Let's just say all right that you were Teoh. Think about something. Perhaps here at work. Or you're a college university school. Maybe a parents are social setting. Someone asks you to do something. Perhaps stand up and say a few words on what happens and say you're thinking about it. You're thinking about the worst possible. I would come What might happen if you were to get her on? What happens if you mumble your words and you start getting barflies in your stomach. If you know I couldn't do that, some people might get really anxious or really stressed or might even start panicking. All right, there was stuff the worst that people will experience. So what happens then? You've got These are these emotions and based upon how you know feel will actually determine the action that your go on to take All right, because the action that year go on to take will be one of three different reactions or responses on have said reactions or responses here because those people who are able to understand their their their their motions and unmanaged them will respond to the things that they think about. People who are not able to manage their emotions will just react to their emotions. Bear in mind did say that if you are unable to manage your emotions and life, your emotions will manage you. So please forgive my repetition here. What I want to show you here is that you know the actions that we take in life and will generally always be influenced or determined by how we feel we will either fight. So if someone says something to you that you don't particularly like or you feel is insulting towards you in some way or letting it down, or is derogative or something like that. Some people from the room and secure table girl get ready to fight, all right, and we'll get into an argument or a fight, or there will be some sort of backlash or something like that. Which Lane Times 10 isn't particularly helpful because for those of us that do act like this, we then end up beating ourselves up even more once we've done the deed. Don't Well, that's how I used to be. Anyway, I used to be quite fighting and fighting back in the day. Believe it or not, I know what you're thinking. Can you just don't seem like the type? But I actually was all right. Some people and when they come under attack of someone seeing things to them or there are motion start again overwhelming will flight, they'll just run away and play the avoidance game all right, where the or no, I just don't want to do anything whatsoever are. So if I avoid this challenge in circumstance or will be well so nothing gets del weather growing confidence. They don't learn anything that just flight the runaway fighting as just trying to fight and overpower and when over the problem, which is actually just a on enhanced expression of insecurity. Anyway, The other option that we have is to freeze. Some people will just freeze on. They will not know what to do next. So those are so I would call them emotionally led reactions, reactions. Some people will react. Most people, in fact, will react to the emotions, which means we're not making mature and well calculated responses because you see responses responding. Responding to our emotions is that mature approach responding? Because if we respond appropriately to the emotions that we experience on a hourly basis or a daily basis, that what that means is that we are not being driven on ruled by our emotions and means that we're able to make free, unwell, informed decisions, wise decisions that aren't influenced by our up and down you you like emotions. So you see whether we react or whether we respond appropriately and will always determine the outcomes that we go on to experience in life on my friend believer, not these outcomes based upon how we choose to either react to respond. Well, then go on to feel or think more thoughts about If we if we react with fight and then the outcome is we're just going to cause even more problems for ourselves. If we flight were my, you know, ended up just making a fool of ourselves or if we freeze again, we may just end up making a fool of ourselves. The outcome is people just look at us foolishly and have no respect for us. And then what happens? We have more thoughts about this, and then we feel off even lower confidence, and we feel even more insecure. And then what happens? We just react more on. Then there's another outcome that's just enhanced. And then we think more about that. And are you able to see the cycle here? Well, this is how we process life. This is how I processed life. This is how all the people that I've worked with over the years process life. There's a pretty good chance that if you are really willing to take some time t look and study and understand yourself in this area, you might also notice This is how you process on handle life as well. So you see the first step towards overcoming any problem which in this case is overcoming your confidence and self esteem, is actually in understanding the problem. So what I'm hopefully helping you to do right now is just understand the extent of the problem. Because, yes, little confidence, low self esteem and other negative emotions, we would say, are actually the main problems. But the main problems? No, always the emotions, essentially what it is that we choose to think about. So there is a step that we can take today to begin breaking our own patterns, our own cycles. That's gonna enable us to begin get immediate results in this area off our life. Would you like to know what it is? You words? That's fantastic. I'll look forward to sharing this in the next like jar 47. Thoughts: The Mother of Insecurity: So in that last video, I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger. Didn't sign. We're juggling to know what the step is that we can take today to begin feeling better about ourselves immediately. No more messing around. No bear in mind. This isn't a magic trick. I'm not ableto stick my hand through the computer screen here or however it is You're watching me on wave something at you. This is something that you have to practice and exercise because remember, earlier on, we talked about you know, practice is the mother off all competence? Will this here I'm offering yet on exercise that I am gonna arj on encourage you to practice every single day for the rest of your life. Because whilst practice doesn't make perfect at will make your permanently better on far more effective just being you every single day for the rest of your days. So we understand that we have this process will have this cycle that many people get stuck in. Don't there? Have you ever heard or spoken to someone who says, You know, I just feel like I'm going round in circles. Have you ever heard that perhaps you may even feel that you've been going around in circles for quite some time. Well, believe it or not, my friend, this is the suck. Oh, this is a circle that we find herself stuck in going round and round and round them. All right. Some people there don't even break out of this. Throw the extent of the lifetime. So what I'm going to share with you right now is a strategy. It's a very simple strategy. Will. It sounds simple, but it's hollow, harder to apply. All right, So you see, if we understand that the actions that we take in life aren't, I mean problems, Alright. We understand that many people in life will define themselves by the things that they dio or by the things that they don't do. But the things that we do or don't do in life are not our greatest problem. Other people in life would suggest that it's the things that happened to them. Are the greats problems in life on again? I would say that the things that happened to us in life we can learn from, but they are not our greatest problems. Many people in life would say that how they feel on a daily basis as the greatest problem. Some people would say No, I am depressed. That's who I am. I am anxious. I am stressed. I have this emotional condition. I have the emotional condition. But what I'm saying here is that our emotions aren't our greatest problem either. Where are our greatest problem in life? Lies is the competence that we have and our ability to manage the thoughts of pop into our head. No, this is what I would refer to as self discipline, self control rather than just simply accepting every single thought that pops into our heads. The approach that I take to life is I take every single thought captive. If the thought pops into my head and I'm then able to feel a certain way or I begin feeling a certain way because they understand that my thoughts influence my emotions. F I neighbor tears will hang about. This emotion doesn't feel particularly good. I don't like ah backtrack. What was I thinking about? And then I just simply find the thoughts on If that thought is no valid, then I will not validate it. And therefore I say to you, if the thoughts that you choose to think about on a daily basis are not valid, if there is no wait or substance to them, then don't followed a them. What I'm gonna argue to do for the rest of your life is toe, actually join me as a member off the thought police. Me, We all get your Bobby. Tell metal on, get your siren on on all this kind of thing and join the thought police. I'm gonna ask you to take every single one of your thoughts captive no longer be governed un ruled by how you feel on a daily basis. Just simply use your emotions. Kind of like a GPS GPS that points you in the right direction. Well, if you're experiencing negative emotions on a daily basis, then rather than just succumbing to them or giving into them, I'm gonna ask you tip pick. Ah, fate with, um All right. So what is this a motion? This is anxiety. It's fear. And we're gonna be looking ho to unpack all these emotions shortly so that you really understand them. All right. Doesn't make a whole lot more sense today on a promise, but for no in the thought police. All right. This means that he had taken every thought captive by gauging your emotions by reading them by. I don't like this emotion. This emotions not helpful. Therefore, stop. What was I thinking? And if you're able to backtrack and find the thought that you chose to focus on, then you can just as easily choose toe Stop focusing on it or even just establish as to whether that thought is true or not. Because just because you think you're useless doesn't mean that you are useless as a very large generalization. You know, you being useless would mean that you're absolutely useless at all things all of the time. That means there's nothing you can do. You can't dress yourself right. You can't breathe, right? He can walk right? You can't talk right? It means you do everything wrong all of the time or useless. And no one is that thing. Everyone is skilled and talented and gifted in different areas. So by taking our thoughts captive, we're officially joining the thought police on by joining the thought police that enables us Teoh, take control of our emotions on therefore manage them. Because if we're able to do that, that means that we will no longer be influenced by our emotions. When it comes toe the actions that we take, it means that we're no longer gonna have toe emotionally react to stuff anymore and means that we're going to be free to make more mature choices in life and respond appropriately to the outcomes under thoughts that we ultimately experience. One last thing. Sorry, I totally forgot to mention. And in their downloadable resource is section off this video, you're gonna find an article or an article that I've written that I'm hoping is gonna enable you to understand all of this on a far deeper level, right at the end of the course, I'm also gonna make a few book recommendations. Write that I will obviously encourage you to read. That's really gonna help you to understand all of this stuff from the inside out because this is primarily your life. And, you know, I have no always understood this stuff. Yes, I understand that today, but it may not be the case that you're finding how it is that I am explaining all this to be the most useful. So I'm going to share all the resource is with you that I ever read over the years that have enabled me to understand thes absolutely crucial life lessons. So print off this we are to call, given a read on. I'd be really interested to hearing what it is that you think it's called the power off accurate thinking. 48. Emotional IQ: Developing Emotional Awareness: So this is the stage of the course where I'm hoping you're gonna be able to begin realizing and recognizing how I'm bringing everything together where I'm going to be bringing on tying up all the air earlier lectures with some of the new stuff that I'm gonna be presenting tear from here on in. No, in an earlier video, remember, we look to the comparison between self esteem and self concept. Would look toe self esteem being how we feel about herself, which I'm sure we really have got by no on self concept being our ideal version off ourselves, who it is that we would like to become. Well, if you also remember And if you can think back to the video where I discussed our values all right? Remember the things that drive us in life? Remember we looked at progress then we progress. We looked self worth. We looked self worth and there was another load of them wasn't there? There was about seven or eight. You can go back and check that video again yourself in your contain. Well, you see, if we are really driven, we want to move forward in life than the only thing that we can have our move closer towards as fulfilling our core values. Because if we fulfill our core values and we ultimately feel fulfilled and if we feel fulfilled, we feel content on the piece. That leaves us free just to simply be ourselves our true authentic Selves. So what a little linked to do in this video is help you to understand and also to be able to read your emotions. I want to tell you the truth and also sure you the natural order off things because believe it or not, the Reds all right, there is a natural process, even with some people. When some gurus would say that there isn't even though some people would say that some emotions are diseases and illnesses, I'm gonna show you how the arms, because I know that they're not all right. Soon when we are wanting to move forward in life, we're working towards fulfilling or achieving something, generally something that's quite important to us. So we are always looking for ways to move forward. What I'm gonna ask you here is to come on me with a bit of a journey. All right? Join you on this journey. I would like you to margin that you are working towards getting a promotion and work, right? Just go with me here. Right. Listen, that this might know actually be important to you. But let's just pretend that it is. It's important. So they understand what I'm trying to show you here. So you're working towards getting a promotion Work Because you're really value significance . And you believe that if you get promoted, then you're somehow be more significance, Alright? No, You know how in many work places you have people that we would call? Yes, people you know, those ones that buy apples for the boss and by the boss cakes and see? Yes, boss, I'll do it even when you know that they don't want to do us or that they might know, even get round to doing it. But they want to make out to the boss that you know they are better than everyone else so that the boss ultimately prefers them or would choose them for the next promotion or something like that in the army. We used to call these people brown noses or arse kissers or clean bones or other words to that effect. But let's just say that we're working toward getting its promotion. And this promotion would mean our self concept where more significant were more important. That might perhaps mean that we're off greater value or something like that. All right, but then what happens if someone gets in the way? All right, so we're they are going for this promotion, alright? And then someone gets in the way and someone else applies for it, or someone does a better job of us. There are a little bit sneaky. What happens initially? What's the first thing that we first that we feel even if we may not necessarily acknowledges feeling most of us are going to feel angry? Frustrated? Some people might feel rage, get my way, are you're going for my job. You're going for what I want. This is really important to me because if you think about that, you really wants promotion and someone else says I'm going. I'm gonna go for the promotion as well, you know? I'm just going to say, Oh, you're there. You were the better Paris and just you go for I won't bother you Feel free to make all the progress that you want in life because it's not that are important to me enemy. Well, of course, you know, going to say that no one in the right mind would So what I'm saying here is the the first negative emotion that will ever experience. Because remember, earlier on we looked the emotions that emotional roller coaster ups and downs and highs and lowest will were starting here self esteem or assuming here were absolutely fine. We've got the confidence toe girlfriend's promotion. But then something happens. Someone steps in our way on DNO we have competition on this person has become a threat to us. So if this person becomes a threat to us automatically or who get in my way, I just wish you were here. I wish you were here. Other emotions follow, but this comes first anger on frustration as a scale or anything up and down. Anything between anger and frustration and rage fits in here as well. By the way, Frustration, please forgive me if I've spell these words wrong. So I'm gonna ask. You know what happens next because you see being angry or frustrated isn't enough to make you quit a something, is it? If you think about it, no one quits. It's something when they're angry. In fact, when people are angry that more than more often than not Arges, um, and pushes them on to put more effort. 10. Remember a few videos ago? We looked at your fight flight and freeze will. Fight is generally the anger based response because some people will respond emotionally because of anger. Some people want some people end up feeling guilty because the few angry So I can't be angry. So just freeze or or run away instead, all depends on the response that you're naturally inclined to take. Right. So we're angry, we're frustrated. And this is a slow motion thing, by the way, right. So it's kind of like this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, We're angry. And then what happens? Well, you see, if this person gets dangerously close towards actually getting this promotion, well, there's no point in being angry or frustrated anymore. We're no naturally gonna begin feeling anxious or fearful, apprehensive, nervous or something along those lines. All right, so look next what I'm seeing. His anger and frustration always comes first. Even if we do it all always in acknowledge yet. All right, what comes next is his anxiety or fear On bearing in mind. This is just a scale as well. So we're looking anger based emotions or fear based emotions, of which anxiety is just a fear based emotion. So, no, we're thinking, Oh, my goodness. Well, I get this job, won't I? Well, I want I What will that mean about me? If I don't get this job and then the worst case scenario happens, the boss chooses them over you, so there's absolutely no way whatsoever you're gonna get what you want. What happens next? Well, in my experience on, I'm hoping you're also gonna be able to see this. Is that if we have given something our best, we've really tried or we've gone for something that we wanted. And then we get let down. The approach that most people take, especially if he's struggle with little confidence and self esteem, is they begin beating themselves up. Guilt. Shame are I'm not good enough. I'm useless on this, um, that I'm the next thing on. Then we start all this negative self talk. So we're looking a goat. Shame or anything in between on The sad thing is, the crazy thing is is that when reached this stage, if the door is no closed and we are not able to get what we want, well, there's no more moving forward for us. Some people who are securing their own identity, I'm confident enough within themselves to take rejection on due to take domain or setbacks will be fine. We'll just go back to the start to just start all over again or go in a different direction . But other people who would struggle with little confidence or low self esteem well, nine times over 10 begin that, Don't hell spiral on. Do you know what I mean by the down hell Spiral is those words that we start telling ourselves The thoughts are popping into our minds to say things like, Oh, I am useless, I'm worthless. I'm absolutely helpless because there's nothing that I conduce at it to move forward anymore. The doors no closed. This is no longer an option. So I'm feeling helpless, unable to do anything about it. Onda ultimately hopeless. I'm No, I would off hope. No, you see, Remember, in the last couple of videos with looked starts what we focus on. We feel so if you start thinking to yourself and start focusing on you, I'm worthless. I'm this. I'm useless. I know Good. I don't deserve that job. I can do it and guess what happens. Low self esteem, absolutely alone. That said, your moods on emotional state will just completely collapsed. Know what many people and how many people will define this place here as the Ochoa extreme negative emotion. Some people will package this up in LaBella's the oppression or extreme sadness on its really important toe. Understand this because in my experience, I have encountered more people who struggle with low self esteem to step into depression than those who don't. All right, generally proactive, unenthusiastic and high energy. People in life don't get depressed. But people who struggle with little confidence find it easier to step into depression. When I say step into depression. I'm sure neither is possible to step into depression because of this natural order of things, the natural order off our emotions. So look, I'm gon frustration forward moving still, energy their anxiety, fear were who? Okay, I'm not sure if I'm going to get what I want. I'm apprehensive. Anxious, but I'm still gonna try to get what I want. But if the worst case scenario happens and we then don't get what we want the doors closed in our face. Well, we know have the choice as to whether we go back to the start or revenge or downwards into this pet of uselessness, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness on a low self esteem which, if we're not careful, we can potentially find herself stepping into extreme negative emotions such as extreme sadness or even depression. You know, it is quite funny. And the psychology books, right? The greatest social scientists from around the world have even confessed. They would call this process this stage of life, this forward moving notion where people are still pursuing their goals in life as a pre neurotic state. All right, the cold is pretty neurotic. But what they also say is when people give up in life, they call this the neurotic state. All right, on incidently, if you were to do a little bit of study on depression and severe low self esteem, and you might find words such as neuroticism and a neurotic states attached to them. So although there's a lot of confusion, even in the world of psychology and sociology on the social scientists, on breaking this down a simplistically as possible because this is the natural order of things on The reason I build this into the course is, yeah, this is Hobart. Things can get, and you may not find yourself here that much of the time, but a do guarantee that you're always gonna find yourself somewhere on the scale off emotions. Everything starts with an anger or a frustration based emotion on will only ever end and in extreme sadness, when we ultimately do no, get the things that we want in life. So what can learn from this in order to really understand ourselves more effectively from the inside out? Because if I can go right back to the start of the course here for just a second un, remember that baby elephants will the baby elephant trying to break free from the peg. But you see, he ended up acknowledging that he wasn't able to, so he never tried to break free from the peg ever again at any other point in the future because he grew into believe that he was. He was. He was helpless. He was useless. He was worthless. He wasn't strong enough on. Therefore there was no hope. Therefore, he wouldn't even be even bother trying. And my friend, as we've already already acknowledged, was true for elephants is also true for us as human beings. So take from this what you well, and I do appreciate There's some really big ideas here, but it doesn't have to be complicated. If there's anything about this lecture that doesn't make complete sense, please ask me question in the discussion section off which I will be more than happy toe answer on hair Pote where appropriate. 49. The Enemy Within: Procrastination: So just to wrap up the section on Death Row, the section we've looked at some pretty big ideas that off other unpacked. And I've done my best to explain in order just to simply help you understand yourself more effectively from the inside out, which I'm hoping you are no beginning to do well in this video I would like to share with. Yet who is the life phoned to be our greatest enemy in life. On our greatest enemy in life is none other than procrastination. That's right. Procrastination killed the cats and got us absolutely nowhere because procrastination doesn't remember. We looked our earlier on the choices of maturity, which is decisiveness on the choices of maturity, which is procrastination on indecisiveness. Well, what I would like to do just here is paint a picture off what we get if we live in a place off Luke. Confidence and security on indecisiveness or procrastination for the extent of our lifes. Well, up in the north of Scotland, not too far from where I live. There was a little fishing village, a place called Port Soy On in this fishing village. There was a lady cold. Margaret on Margaret Hatta bards. This Bart was her absolute pride and joy should buy him treats and nice Bart cages and special barred seat and bells and whistles and should even trained him to talk. He would say things like, Who's a pretty boy? Then? Unsworth to that effect? No, in the winter months off, which is pretty much Lane main person 80% of the year in Scotland, it's called and wet and miserable all the time. Margaret Woods keep our bars on a cage on a shelf in the middle of the living room. It was nice and warm. Andi throw the winter months. The Bard would even watch TV and whistle wincing songs. But in the wind in the summer months, Margaret would place the bark age on Hello, Bart, on a table next to the kitchen window on the really nice days should even open the window up so the little bird could get some fresh air. Now, on those nice days in those nice months, although Margaret thought that she was doing a really good turn by Hello, Bart, she actually wasn't because for those days there were, like, torments in hell for her. Pirlo, Bart because on those days Margaret's Bart was able to realize that he was just a caged Bart. He wasn't free. He wasn't able to do the things all other birds do because he was trapped in a cage. So one day in somewhere, it was a beautiful summit. Sunny Day. And Margaret had gone to the shops before going to the shops should take in the bird cage from the corner off 11 room. Put him on their kitchen table on open the window, weighed up on as she left the house that day she closed the door on a gust of wind blew through the house, which blew the door off the bar cage open. And this was that. This was the first time off his life. He herds this choice. He ha! The decision to make should he stay Or should he go? Team Doom! Doom! Doom! Doom! That was sorry. My lame excuse of singing on Old Clash. Claire Classic there. So he is sitting at the rim of the Birdcage. Andi, he's looking out. He's looking all the birds over there, flying around building nests. The ruling around in the dust. They're packing up the warms chasing the midges and mosquitoes having a lovely time. And he thought, This is that This is my churns. All I've gotta do is flap my wings and I'm gonna be off. I can go and get me a birdie girlfriend and have somebody babies and catch me some juicy worms and all this sort of thing. And as he's sitting there, he started to get excited about about this future that he could potentially step into. But then he thinks, Oh, but what happens if the C goes? Come and get me because they're really bank. What happens if thing if no girl bards are interested in me, I'll be alone for the rest of my life because, you know, I've got Margaret here and Margaret loves me and she takes care of me. And she buys me new cages and bird seed and bells and whistles. Andi. Then he thinks. But I could really I could really do with a juicy warm right now I'll get some maggots or some would life's or I can build a nest. I mean, if I build a really big nest, maybe that will attract and all the girl burns to me. on, and here he sat on procrastinated from afternoon, right through into evening. Well, I won't. I I could I could are but a current in one about Margaret and, well, I want I should. I shouldn't I? Until around about half past sex, when Margaret returned home and she walked through the house in through the front door, dropped her shopping bags down, and to her absolute horror, she realized the door of the bark Age heard opens on a. She looked down. She realized that the little bird was just about to flap his wings and fly, so she quickly in slow motion, run up to the bar. Cage knew she grabbed the bird cage, and she closed the door, which kept low. Barton's side from their ship, picked of the cage to come back through to the shelf in the corner off the living room, where she proceeded to put a blanket over the bird cage on. From there, the low barred fell asleep on this story ends there, and you may be asking to yourself, cane, what's the point of this story? That's not a happy ending, and to that I would respond on reply and see, this is very true because not all people in life get a happy ending. They don't get out happy ending because they do not take risks. They do not take chances. They feel to step outside of the comfort zone on the choose procrastination over decisiveness. Because you see in life, some people will choose security over freedom. So my question to you, Teoh wrap this section up is the story of Margaret's barred How is it the year relate? 50. The Toughest Question in the World: So here we are in section sex. No, I do appreciate that. Same getting this stage in the course you have done quite well because I do appreciate this is quite a long un extensive course, but I'm doing my best not to leave anything out to really help you overcome the little confidence. A little self esteem that you've hot throw your life today permanently on for good. No, this is gonna be quite a deep section, because what we're looking at throw this section is the core of who you are. Up until now, we've looked at how you are under of Leuchter unpacking and explaining on defining how old is you operate and how you work from the inside out, looking at your emotions, your thoughts of looting, your beliefs and Onley sorts of things. But no, we're just stripping everything away and again right down to the truth. The truth of who you are on the core if your identity, who you are and spirit who you are Heart. All right. So just to get this section orphan a rule, I'm gonna ask you a question. All right? No, this question some people would define Aziz being the toughest question in the world. Many people don't have the faintest idea how to answer it. So they're just Before I ask you this question, I'm gonna put a few parameters around that. Are you with me? Are you cool with us? So I'm gonna ask you this question. All right? On. Before you answer, I just want to state that, as you do answer. I would like it to give no reference whatsoever, toe anything that you do on a daily basis. As you answer this question, I would like you to give new reference to any of your past failures or your past successes . Any of your past achievements, any of your purse accomplishments. I would like you to give new reference to your title. Your status, your position, your rank, how much money you have in the bank, your hobbies, your past times. I would like you to give no reference to your relationship status where they're married. Single what your sexual orientation is. I would like you to give new reference toe anything that you do with your life. The question that I'm gonna ask you Reynaud, take a few moments to think about this Because this is prime morally gonna be what? We're gonna unpack throughout the rest of the section. Who are you on? I would urge you to take a few minutes to consider your answer to this on. Only forward to seeing you in the next clip. 51. On Becoming a Student of Truth: So before we carry on and really get stuck in about the section, there is something that I have bean absolutely edging to share with you. Now this is something that no many people would ever care to acknowledge. Or even except in life. All right, what I want o Arjuna to consider becoming for the rest of your days is a student off truth . Because if you think about it in the current set of off the educational system in our various countries and cultures around the world, what is it that people are taught to study? People were taught to study the thoughts of other people and the study theories, which is people's opinions on their study people's beliefs. You know, I believe this. I believe that. And people talk about their beliefs and opinions and the thoughts and the feelings on all this kind of thing. No, what I haven't done throw this course intentionally is given you any advice. I haven't shared my opinions with you. Not so I have once or twice I shared my thoughts, but only around the truths that I've grown to recognize throughout the course I haven't shared with you. My feelings about any particular subject in terms of beliefs. All I've shared with yet there's some of the things that I've grown to believe over the years that today I understand. Which means because I understand these beliefs, it means that they no longer roomy. Remember earlier on, we talked about how our beliefs are just simply the rules that we live our lifes by, and we all know how Children like toe handle rules. That's right, Children linked to break rules. So you see, growing up in life is all about growing out off the limiting beliefs that we develop about ourselves as Children. So all I really want to do here is just spell out what it is that we're going to be looking at. And what is that you need to define for yourself about who you are throughout the rest of the section on. This is truth. You need to know the truth because it's the truth that will set you free. Alright, You see, I could share with you my thoughts and you could take them on the chin. You could take them on board, but my thoughts me, nothing. The reason being is because we're no in control off where our thoughts come from, Some are good, some are bad, some are right, some are wrong, somewhere helpful and some are completely irrelevant on useless. So our thoughts are not strong enough. First, the building base our lights upon on us for our feelings where we look to the feelings faith facts principal earlier on. We understand our feelings are completely inconsistent there, up and down, like a yo you all of the time. So if we build them, base our life upon feelings and our lives are going to be up and down and completely and consistent also no opinions. People like their opinions door they you know, Have you ever met un opinionated person? And if so, do you like opinionated people? Because most people would say that they don't like opinionated people. But if you think about many people would have opinions about opinionated people and we all love our own. Do we? You know, going back many, many years ago, there was an ancient Greek philosopher, a guy called Plato. He was one of Socrates Arely students and play. It'll went on toe have on opinion about opinions because you see in life, many people will cherish and value their opinion about anything above and beyond anything else in life. Because I have this opinion that therefore must be true. But Plato, this one of the wisest philosophers people have claimed, has has ever lived. He actually said that opinion is nothing more than the mere medium. The bit in between truth, un complete ignorance. Go figure. Right. So where? Work out exactly what your opinion stand for? No, and I didn't say that. Incidentally, that was Plato. So I'm passing the buck in that one on in terms of our beliefs. Well, we I'm hoping that by now we were really have exhausted our beliefs because we understand that our beliefs happened in our early years in life between the ages off naught to seven. Remember that video earlier on and where were were having our beliefs and printed on to us by our by our parents, our early life's experiences we begin comparing ourselves to other people in society and then working out how we fit in on how we are to be the beliefs that we have are always gonna be limiting, Which is why moving forward for the rest of our days. We cannot build them, base our life upon our beliefs, our opinions, our thoughts, our feelings from this point onwards in the course, or that we're going to be looking at is truth the truth of who you are. I'm gonna do my very best to help you on park the core of who you are for good. So that moving forward do you actually have a foundational basis for building and basing your confidence upon? Because if your confidence is based upon your beliefs, your opinions, your thoughts or your feelings, their confidence and self esteem will be up and down like a yo yo for the rest of your life . So what I'm offering you here, there's a solid foundation and some solid groans moving forward for the rest of your life that you can actually build the rest of your life. 52. CO 52 Getting Confidently Balanced: The Unique Reference Point: do you remember earlier on in the course, we looked at the feelings faith facts principle. Well, look. So what happens when we build on base? Our life's upon these three various foundations because many people do don't name many people's lifes will be determined by how the fuel on a daily basis, because thes people building basic quality of their life upon how they feel on a daily basis, which means the F today's a good day. Well, they feel happy. And if today's are not so good day, they feel sorry on the whole weight. World is blue, so people who lived by faith again still experience these ups and domes and highs and lows . But generally they're just gonna be a little bit more extreme. All right, there was positive thinkers. The Positive Thinking Brigade. If you've ever met someone you think positive, who are you're great, you're brilliant, and there's only so long that you can maintain this before crashing and borrowing, because maintaining this positive thinking is absolutely exhausting. If you've ever tried that, I'm not dismissing positive thinking here, positive thinking's grace, but but But what I find to be slightly more useful is accurate thinking which we looked at a little bit before, a little bit earlier. So in this video, and what I would like to point you towards is establishing a uni graph runs point for your very own life. On establishing a foundation of truth, there's gonna be strong enough for you to stand upon, build UNB, aced the rest of your life upon. But before we do this, I thought I might just tell your story. And this story takes me back to around about 2000 and eight, where I was living in New Zealand at the time on me earned. A few of my friends had gone right down to the South Island off the off New Zealand to a little island cold Stewart Island on would go on deep sea fishing this day. No, I'd never bean deep sea fishing before in my life. In fact, I've never been fishing before. Ever. Onda had only ever been on one or two boards. Reason being because I don't do too well out to sea. Onder, on this day in particular did not break the partner for Lifetime because, as we went out to see, I just went green talking about seasickness. I have never felt so l before the whole life on the sea wasn't even really that choppy. I was standing there, you know, with sleight of the boards. You know, breakfast came up Then last nights dinner came up and then breakfast from three weeks earlier came up. What I'm saying here I was an absolute state on the sea, Captain, with this, we talk board came and put his hand on a shoulder and he said, Young man, you need to get yourself a unique reference point. And I thought, My goodness, I don't know what you need. Reference point is, and I don't really care. But right now I will do anything to make myself feel better because I felt absolutely terrible. So he kind of grabbed me by the shoulders and stood me up, and he turned and faced me towards the horizon, where the sun was reflecting on the water and right on the horizon there was a sea trawler , just a little black speck that I could just see and he said, See that sea trawler over there, right on the horizon. I said, Yeah, I can. He said, Focus on it. Well, this gave me something to focus on. And the crazy ironic thing was that as I forecast on this constant because it was so far away, it didn't seem like it was moving. It actually seemed like it was stationary like it was staying still on as I focused on the sea trawler right on the horizon. You know, my life kind of came into violence on a sea sickness. Went away. No. You know, I got a little bit too confident too soon, because assumes this is setting. Seasickness have gone. I went down and picked him, see Rod and inefficient, right, then carried on fishing. And as soon as I took my eyes off their unique reference point, what came back? That's right with seasickness. So what I learn to be able to do that day was actually maintain the focus on the big reference point and then just re adjust and reposition myself. So I was just simply fishing with the back of the board. No, this isn't really a story about fishing here, but it is a story about establishing. You need reference point for your own life. Because once you have this Well, it doesn't really matter how you feel on a daily basis. Some days your emotions will get the better of you because they're good at doing that, all right. But this unique reference point gives you a point of forecasts that allows you to bring yourself back and bring yourself back into balance whenever your emotions do get the best off you. So in the video that follows, perhaps one or two videos that follow were going to be unpacking the core of your identity because this is actually what becomes your unique reference point in life. So when the winds blew and when the storms come on, all of that kind of stuff, your life remains solid and you remain grounded, grounded in the truth and the facts off who it is that you actually are. 53. CO 53 Core Identity Coaching: Part 1: so as promised, What I would like to help you do in this video is establish a unique reference point for your life. The truth on the facts. Off who it is that you actually are. No. In order, Teoh, establish who you are were first. Gonna have to establish who you're not. All right, On the things that don't make you you We need to define and separate the things that you do from how you are. And then we need Teoh unpacking. Uncover who it is that you actually are. So in order to help you do this, I've put together many work because it's just a worksheet on use my prompting here. All right, just toe fill this workbook end and so pause the video. Now, if you need to download and print it off, it's in the additional material section on. What you're gonna find within the workbook is three circles. Like what I've done here in the board's all right. The first circle here represents what it is that you do in life. The things that you do all right, because the things that you do and who you are are nine times it would tend very, very different things. In fact, 90 days, times over 100. That will also be true. So in life there's the things that we do. There's what we do. But then there's how we are. There's how we are us because you know how we are is always open for critique on judgement , an opinion from other people. People say, You know, I don't like how you are. I would have you be this way. I would have you be that way on if we come our whole life trying to be how it is the other people would have us be. We're gonna live our lives as people pleasers, and we're never going to be able to keep everyone happy. Anyway, on this is what many people do. So many people try to be who it is they believe are or how that is. They believe other people would have them be just to keep him happy, whereas other people in life to find themselves by what they do. I am a lawyer. I am a banker. I'm a criminal. I'm a mother. I'm gay. I'm straight. I'm a Christian and a Muslim. All these sorts of things remember, But then there's who we are. The truth. These are the facts, and this becomes and this is the constant. You see, we're gonna unpack this and start looking at today. But this isn't the first day that this has being you. You have bean you your whole life. All I'm helping you to do here really is just discover, uncover, understand, and appreciate who it is that you are. So these three pages within the work but one page for what you do one page for for how you are. You know how you are you on the final page and is going to enable you to take a few notes and start jotting down some ideas on some facts on the truth about who it is that you actually are. So take some time and follow along asbestos what you're able to and just to this point, this is a really important lecture, all right, It's not gonna be complicated. There's no long words or anything like this. But if any power this doesn't make any sense, please get in touch and asked me a question in the discussion section into the section, or even send me a message privately or something like that, because this stuff is crucial. All right. So, first and foremost throughout the course, I ever told you a few stories, right? I've told you about how it was that I used to define myself. I used to find myself by the things that I did. All right. So for me, I would define myself as being a soldier on. This didn't work for me for very long, because the day that I left the army and 100 buck my identification card was the date I handed back the core of my identity. Who I believe there was back then, anyway, because I define myself as being a soldier. But in life, many people will define themselves by what they do if they mess up. Remember, with skeletons in your closet video. For years I had very little shelf is self esteem and confidence because I defined myself by the mistakes that had made in the past. You know, I times the points of my life but called himself a criminal, you know, cold myself. Ah, Bodman was a bond person, but I've met people in the past have to find themselves by their religious beliefs. They believe that their religious beliefs define who they are. So some people will call themselves Christian or even Muslim. And when it comes to other people and some people will define people by the actor to do so , there are some people will conform to certain religions that then commit their lives to, you know, to fulfilling acts of terror around the world on these people would be defined as terrorists. You know who you are. You are a terrorist. No, you know, that's just something that you do, you know, if you go around terrorizing people, well, that's what you do. But it's not who you are, all right. In life, we cannot afford to define ourselves by the things that we do. Onda. We also can't afford to define other people by the things that they do either. Because in exactly the same way that we don't like being judged, other people don't like being judged either a no. One length being put in a box. So what I'm seeing here is when we define ourselves by what we do, and I don't know what your job title, maybe right now, your rank your position, you might be a student. He might be a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a husband, wife. You might have failed in the past, and you may even define yourself by your failures. I am affair. We are or I arm our success. One of the two. It doesn't really matter. You see defining yourself as being a success. Well, that's absolutely fantastic as long as you keep on succeeding. But then what happens the day that you failed for the first time? What happens to your confidence and self esteem, then? That's right, Bowman. Headstrong petrol blocking. But rock bottom, isn't it? So all it would be one thing to do here is just help you to separate the different parts off you in a different way, in which you are. Because what we do in life, we cannot allow ourselves to be defined by, and we cannot define ourselves by. But then there's how we are. All right, now, this is really interesting, all right, because in life, most people strive for perfection that I'm guilty. I have done this for absolutely years and ends, and so I would define myself by by how Iwas for other people. You know, um, I, um I available and you know what I mean when I When I say, Are you available? So So you have some friends? There are some people in life that you know, right. And have you ever find yourself in the company of whether people having a conversation and you're just somewhere else? Yeah, Or have you ever been in a company of someone where you're just opening up and sharing something really important about yourself? And you can see that Paris is that they're the here, but that is no there. You know what I mean? That there's somewhere else there in this little dream, more within sight of their own minds are there on the mobile phone or something like that. So how I am me is I'm available. I am not perfect. All right? I am flawed. I'm not the greatest communicator in the world. I'm not the funniest going in the world. I'm not the best looking man in the world. In fact, I'm a little bit chubby these days. Well, but weight around the waist because because don't do as much exercise is what he used to do Because I'm not the fittest man in the world. But you see today how I define myself as just simply being in perfect. You know, I am imperfect on. You know what? Perfect. You know what? This puts me on? A par with absolutely everyone else on the face. The world I am in. Perfect. All right. How I am me. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I get angry and then one to get when I get angry or lose my temper, Especially if I lose my temper with someone you know, unreasonably or sometimes then beat myself up afterwards is sometimes I'm a little bit angry. You know, I do my best not to beat himself up for this too long because I appreciate that I'm in perfect. How I am is in perfect. Some people, not me. Personally. I'm a hard worker. All right, so eso so highway. I'm is I am. Oh, I, um hardworking. I'm hardworking. Doing what I do. All right. So hard working hard. Working on how I am is transparent. What you see is what you get. All right. The way in which you're experiencing me right now is exactly the same as how anyone else would experience me, Those people that an old friends, family, loved ones, enemies and all that kind of thing as well. So the most prominent word that I'm wanting you take from this in place in your you know how your you I m box or circle is is in perfect and just get okay with us, because how you choose to unpack and the finest imperfection is entirely up to you. And you can be as honest as you're willing to be, because what I guarantee you is, you know, the more if your imperfections that you're willing to take ownership off on four well, the more you'll be then willing to accept, which actually gives you more to, then work upon until improve upon. Because how I am me is I'm improving every single day. I'm improving and I'm becoming better. I am not the same today as what I was yesterday and tomorrow. I have no intentions off being the same as what I have seen today means I'm moving forward and making progress. I'm growing and I'm developing. All right, I'm getting better in life. You see, the only reason you would really have for feeling off low confidence, low self esteem is remember the second realm of confidence, the belief that we have in our ability to learn and solve problems. Well, this is a huge, huge, huge thing, and it's true. And this holds so many people back in life. But what I'm seeing here, if you're able toe improve yourself on if you're able to become better well, you don't have to feel sorry about yourself or have loose off steam low confidence about where your are today. Look forward to the future and make a commitment to yourself tomorrow. I am not going to be the same as when I have bean today and today I will not be the same as what it was yesterday. I'm not just trying to motivate you and infuse e here or encourage and inspire you. I'm actually sharing with you was actually possible. This is a perspective that you can choose to adopt an integrate into the context of your very own life. I'm a friend that promise you This is a life changing, all right, so we don't have to make this stuff complicated. We're really, really doing you know who you are as literally as simple was that some of no even impact to you are yet. So we've established what you do. Know what you do Might not be anything in this circle here, so I'm gonna leave you to fill in the blanks for yourself. How is it that you currently defined yourself? If you do to find yourself by the things that you do and no and how you're you box Will you keep the words that you use are the words that your place in this in this circle or viewers in your worksheet to be quite minimal? All right. The main word some really that I consider on a daily basis high wind me I'm in perfect. Therefore, every single day I'm also improving because I choose to be I'm available for other people on every single day. I'm getting better. I'm just getting better. I'm not perfect because I'm in perfect. That's how I am. I'm hardworking and I'm getting better on this is okay. You know, this is absolutely fine. If I meet someone who acknowledges their imperfections, those are the kind of people that actually impressed me in life. You know those that make themselves so like the God altogether. Those people kind of bore me, but that's just me. This is my preferences. So if we're to come on no, to the core off who you are, will. 54. CO 54 Core Identity Coaching: Part 2: Well, as you're watching me behind a screen, right? No. Perhaps on an iPhone or a tablet or a TVR YouTube or whatever. You're watching me right now. I don't know who you are, and I don't know where in the world you are, but all I'm gonna do here is I am going to share with you the words the I use to define myself. All right, on these words, incidentally, aren't just words that I've plucked out of thin air. Not words that I've made up her words that just so nice because as we've established by no , I am the expiry of my life and you are the expert of your life. So the word somewhere putting aboard here Well, I know that I arm these words. They're about to put the board here, right? And you also know whether any of thes words resonate with you. You see the reason that I put together courses like this. Alright, isn't to impress people. It's not to make my cell phone to be the guru or anything like that. It's actually just to help people help people evolve in their own thinking and ultimately move forward in life. because I'm passionate about making a difference in the quality of people's lives. I'm passionate. I, um potion it. No. Have you found this in me throughout the course? Up until? No. Because if you haven't found me to be passionate and anyway whatsoever, then that would make me a liar. No, I may not be being passionate in the way in which you want me to be passionate or the way in which takes all your boxes. But I am passionate. Annoy, um because I have this fire burning inside of my heart that just drives me and keeps me going. I know how passionate I am. I'm a passionate man. So passionate is who I am by already mentions on a huff mentioned the I'm passionate about making a difference in other people because I care. I care because I'm caring. That's who I am. I don't act and behave the way in which all people want me to act and behave all the time. But a will act and behave and be the came to Paris in for other people that they actually need me to be, which nine times that attends very different from being the kind of Paris in that other people would like us to be or would harvest be all right? So I choose to be the kind of Paris and for other people that they actually need in life, not the kind of person that they want on. I am this Paris in because I care because I'm caring. I am caring. That's who I am. No. Are my perfectly caring Newell because highway I'm is in perfect, so I give myself a break. But, Samora, I can work towards getting better than how I've bean today, unpacking it on my the most passionate man in the world. Nor But I'm not perfect either, because how I am is in perfect. But I'm passionate nonetheless. This is who I am. I'm just in perfectly passionate, imperfectly caring. I care about people because who I am at the core is I'm loving. I'm loving. I'm gonna hazard a guess here and suggest that you are too. I'm hoping that you're going to be right. In some words known as these words resonate with you. Have you ever cared about anyone throughout your life today? Do you have the ability to be caring the answer is yes, because we've established that we have the ability to do things all of the time, all things, all of the time. You have the ability to be more passionate tomorrow than how you've bean. Today you have the ability to be more loving to more than how you've bean today or b'more caring today than how you wear yesterday. You see where I'm going with us. I make it a priority in life to give more off myself than what anyone else would ever expect. Right? I'm not a fool. I'm Lauren wise, but I am generous and I am giving all right giving. That's who I am. It's not awards that I use of plucked out of thin air. This is who I actually, um um, generous. I warned there to be no limitations to my general stay in life. And this doesn't mean that I'm gonna give of my time on my resource. Is our finances on wisely? I will always give wisely, all right, because I'm generous because I prepare giving than getting Gettings next. Getting makes you happy. But giving other people tame stuff insight as's fulfilling. It's rewarding of phoniness to be true in life for me anyway, So no, this one here, you might find a little bit subjective. You may have some opinions about this, all right, but But I don't care what your opinions are because all I'm bothered about is the truth of who I am Because I am the one that has to spend the rest of my life with me. And you're the one that has to spend the rest of your life with you. I am fun. I am creative. No, how I'm fun and how I'm creative is more than likely going to be very, very different from how your fun on from how you're creative. But just because I'm differently are procreative in a different way from how you are doesn't make you any less creative. And just because you're creative in a different way from me doesn't make me any less creative. It means we're both creative, were just and perfectly creative on were both imperfectly fun. My friend, we're looking at the truth of who you are here. Know as you're watching this course, there's a reason for this If you've made it this far well done. And I mean this sincerely, most people will have turned off long before this stage. All right, we're getting to the good stuff. No. You see, if you've made it to this stage in the course you're watching for a reason. All right? I'm hoping that you have received some insights, and a few are hard moments and some of this stuff if no, a lot of it has made a lot of sense to you. I'm hoping it is No complicated. Er are confused. We are hoping has made sense. And if you've grown to understand all this stuff because of the my best to keep it as simple as possible, which if you have taken anything from this course, that means that you're growing. And if you think about the only way that we're going to be better tomorrow than how well being today as if we continue to grow on, you see, growing in life and choosing to grow Haas to be an absolute priority for us because we're all in perfect. And if we want to be better than we need to grow. So we're talking about improving here as you're watching this course, you're looking at ways to improve yourself. You're looking for ways to improve yourself because fundamentally who you are, the core is is growing. Which means people might judge you that might have opinions about you may see your this your that you were the next thing. And you know, when we understand that this is who we are, it means that we can take other people's insults on the chin and with a pinch is sold because if they're naive enough to put you in a box and assume that how you are today is a constant, and that will never change that that's garbage, because if we acknowledge were growing, then that means yes, you're all of the's things your creative, your fund, your caring, your passionate, your loving and giving your generous. But you're also growing to B'more of thes things every single day as we're working towards improving, getting better and moving away from perfection and getting closer towards perfection, which ultimately will never get there anyway. So throw this course, remember the skeletons video. I'm hoping to have led by example in that. Sure, you I want to stay on how want US time willing to be about myself? Because I've got nothing to hide. All right, If you want to do a really detailed Google, Sarah, John K and Ramsey, you're gonna find newspaper clippings and articles and back and from years gone by where I was a naughty boy, I have nothing to hide. I'm honest. I'm as honest is what I am able to be today. And I say this sincerely because I'm sincere of a spell. Hope of spell these words wrong. Please don't come at me with hate mail for making any of any mistakes here. But but look, this list could go on. There are millions of ways in which you can define yourself, but I have mentioned pulling words over thin air doesn't mean anything. If you don't understand how your you you see, you can say I'm creative. But then you've got to establish how imperfectly you are a being creative, and then that kind of gives you a vision in your life for how it is that you can improve on . Be better. You can claim and call yourself loving, but if there's areas of your life where you're imperfectly, you know you're in perfect, that s there may be some parts of your life where you're not particularly loving. Well, that means that you've got some areas in your life that you can improve in eso. Look, I'm hoping this has made a lot of sense to you. I'm hoping that you really have taken some time to fill in this this worksheet, because what we're talking about here as foundations for your life Ah, you need reference point on the core of who you are. Because if you're willing to go where most people wouldn't go and answer that tough question the who are you question? It doesn't have to be complicated. Doesn't have to be based upon theories, my friend. You can answer this question with nothing less than complete honesty but the truth of who you are because the truth of who you are gives you a foundation that you can begin standing on today and start building the rest of your life upon with the last insecurity. Last little self esteem, less little confidence on far more boldness. So the question I would like to leave you with here Is this all right by No, I'm hoping you're gonna have a few words written down or not. better paper. And if you do, all I would simply like you to do is just look at these words. Close your eyes and picture if someone Amman or women nor or whatever was toe enter your life and they were all those things Is that the kind of person that you would like Teoh enter into a relationship with No. Open your eyes again because if the answer is yes, then you know who have just described there. I've just described to you. And if they're good enough for you Well, I guess that means that you are good enough for them. Interesting. It 55. CO 55 Exercise 7: Your Mission Statement For Life: Uh, all right. Okay, So what we're going to do in this video is No. We're not going to get old. Morbid on depressed because we've just discovered the truth of who we are. I'm hoping us actually in Layton here in some way. All right? Yes. Your eyes have served you well on the boards behind me. There's a tombstone, all right. With the r i p the top rest in peace. No, There is a reason for my madness, a reason for my insanity here on The reason for this is is that what I'm hoping to do in this video is help you to write a mission statement for the rest of your life. Because what I understand is that people with vision will perish. A man with a vision for his life or perish under woman without a vision for her life will perish if you think about what this actually means. If we don't have a vision for our lives where we're going, we can end up going round and round and round in circles for years. Getting absolutely nowhere on the reason that this is gonna causes a problem is because if we're just going around in circles, then we are not living forward. And if we're not moving for mirth and we are not making progress on if we are not making progress than we're never going to experience the fulfillment that we want to experience in life, which will therefore leave us just seeking short term pleasures, you know, the choice of a mature they trying to keep herself happy on a day to day basis. So a long winded introduction over and the additional materials resection There's a worksheet, and it's called your personal mission statements, and it's the one that has the tombstone on the front off there as well. And this is just one page one exercise, because in this exercise, again on the worksheet, there's a wee tombstone that I'm gonna ask you to fill in. You see, Florence, I wanted to do quite a number of years ago. Was once I discovered an established the truth of who it is, very actually am I thought that's fantastic. But what I'm gonna do with us, what does this actually mean for me? And also the way in which I live my life today because yeah, you can know who you are. But if you don't know what to do next, then it doesn't really matter, does it? So this is kind of the next step phase that makes sense on this next step, incidentally, becomes a vision under mission for the rest of your life. Remember in the last video, we looked at what were all in perfect Don't we? Will this next step? There's all about working towards being better every single day for the rest of your life. So the reason I've written are Dodge or Tombstone behind me is because you see what I have found to be The greatest mission statement that we can possibly write for ourselves isn't based upon the things that we would like to achieve all the things that we would like to do someday. The things that we would like toe ascertain or achievements and stuff. If you think about it, When have you ever walked through a graveyard or you've read someone's Arbit Cherie on? Do you know a CDO Margaret Brown? She was a nice lady Shihan 17 car. It's a whole lot of money. She worked really hard in the mill our whole life. Onda and Yes, you had a nice house or she was a good cleaner or a good cook or something like that. We don't see Jim Smith. He was a good builder. Ah, good laugh. You see, if you think about it once people have died there never remembered for the things that they've done. Yes, in the history books. Or sometimes you'll come across guys like Adolf Hitler. But he was quite extreme. Wasn't you know, Saddam Hussein? Islam a bin Laden. These guys do quite extreme things that the remembered for mother trees. A Gandhi, you know, people have changed, are really impacted the world in some way. But for the rest of us, all right, The rest of us, if we're not going to be remembered for the amazing things that we do, I'm not saying that you would, because you might from today onwards, go there, achieve some phenomenal things. But what I have found to be the greatest priority for me is considering how it is that I want to be remembered by other people because I couldn't care less whether people remember things that I've done throughout my life or not. And that might sound like a bit of a funny thing to say. So please let me explain. You see, I'm not interested in being remembered by the things that I've done because I want to be remembered for who it is that I am on. Then who it was that I waas if that makes sense. And the only way that people are going to experience me throughout life is if I sure them So you see, defining and writing a mission statement for the rest of our lifes could be quite a simple and quite a thought provoking another exercise. So what I'm gonna do here is I'm just going to write you out my mission statement in life. And this is how it is that I want to be remembered by other people because a guess in an ironic sort of way, if we then go on to be remembered in this way by other people while against that will mean that our life has been quite a significant success. Wonder if we're remembered the way in which we want to be remembered so rest in peace. Cain Rumsey, You're long gone, Buster Rhymes loving husband, Father Grandfather Unfriend made a positive difference in Oh, those in all Oh dear. Just made a mass here and all those who got to No, him, his generosity, Andi his passion or words to that effect, You see, Yeah, we could rephrase this. And you may be saying to yourself, right now I want to be remembered. In a way, it is better than that. But you know what I mean? Words that I'm that I'm actually looking at here is if I'm remembered as being a loving person, Well, how don't really care about the rest. If I'm remembered for making a positive difference in the lives of other people, my life has been it's exist. It means that Metin here on Planet Earth has counted. So this is my personal mission statement, which sometimes changes a little bit because, you know, it's good to remain on the ball and change things sometimes. But what I'm gonna argue to do here is take a few minutes on print off the worksheets and have a go at felling out your own mission statement for life based upon the core truths off who you actually are that will look talk in the last video. So you take a few minutes of this. Unde give me a show in the discussion section and let me know how you get on. 56. CO 56 The Good Enough Principle: So in this video, while I would like to do is share with you what I find to be a really fascinating idea. No. Is this idea the most complex and complicated idea in the world? No, absolutely not. It most certainly isn't. But it is what I found to be quite a perspective changing idea based upon the beliefs that we already have about ourselves is by no, they haven't already started changing. All right, You see, earlier in the course, we looked at the three rooms of confidence. We have the belief that we have in our degree of competence, we have the belief that we have and our ability to learn and solve problems. And then there's the belief that we have in our own self worth or our intrinsic value, which we've looked up over the last few videos, our true self worth, who it is that we are, incidentally, the core of who you are. If you're loving, giving, caring, honest, even then my noticed, If you know, forms or ways, then this is your value. This is a value that you have toe off our other human beings in and throughout life. Because if other people find this stuff in you on through you, then they're going to see you as relatively significant, my friend. No, What I would like to ask you to do here is just think about the foundation that up until know you may previously have bean building your life upon. We're looking at two beliefs here, all right, but you're either good enough as a whole, or you're not good enough in some way as a whole were talking about the core of who you are , all right, Because going back a number of years ago, I was working with a top corporate clients and this guy was a CEO off a North Sea oil company. All right. Ah, very successful man in many people's eyes. But yet he came to me because he had this problem. The problem that he hard or the way in which he and describe this problem was as if he'd this glass ceiling kinda phase f He'd reached the stage in life where he didn't know where to go. You see, his whole life From the age of 16 through to as mid forties, he had worked for this company. This organization which was huge. It started off as Ah, laborer. Then you've got promoted and then promoted. Then he'd taken some courses he'd studied. He developed, He trained, he moved forward, he'd progressed on. He was no with the CEO of the corporation. There was nowhere else for him to go. More promotions to be hard. And he felt stuck. He didn't know what to do next, which is really first, anything because us we went on. And this conversation I asked him, You know, what is that? That the love about this organization. And he said, You know, I loved always been able to chase an ex promotion. There was always a new challenge. Always somewhere new to go. I said, OK, so see, in the past, any time that you have got a promotion or any time you feel like your house moved up, how was that made you feel within yourself? Isis are makes me feel quite I'm quite important, like I'm like him like I've done quite well. I said I said, Yeah, yeah, kind of like I'm good enough. I said, Isn't it interesting how you've committed to accompany it? An organization for, you know, for just over, however many 30 years or whatever, because it makes you feel good enough and you feel good enough through the promotions that you get. And he said, Oh, I never thought about that I said, Why is it that feeling good enough? It's such an important thing for you, I says, because I guess the rest of the time I'm always worrying as to whether I am good enough. And if I'm worrying about whether I'm good enough, that's probably because I believe that I'm not good enough. Uh, so we looked at Where did that belief come from On then, all I really want to hear all right is to videos ago. I asked you to consider if how you've defined yourself. If someone was toe walk into into the room wherever you're sitting right now, or whatever you're standing or sitting or whatever you doing on, they wear all those things. This person was loving, giving, caring all without all that kind of thing. Is this the kind of person that you would enter into a relationship with on the answer? Most likely would be yes, of course, he would like to enter into a relationship with someone who's honest, reliable, sincere, loving, giving, kept no caring, generous growing. I mean, who in their right minds wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that? So the question that I asked you here, all right, is you're watching this course because up until the stage of your life, you have struggled with little confidence or low self esteem. Could that only stem from a belief that you have about yourself in some way that who you are as an individual just isn't good enough? Because I struggled with us personally for years, I believed that who are wars wasn't good enough. I would strive. I would try again being in the Army, going for the next promotion, the next promotion. Because every time I got a new promotion, that was kind of just a validation off me and showing that, you know, I've got it right. I've done well here. Those people approve off me. They like me. They're buying into me. I'm good enough. I guess you know a fundamentally who we believe is in good enough. We're going to spend the rest of our lives looking for approval, acceptance and validation from other people. And if we do this, my friend, then we are not free. All right. So you see what sets us free in life is truth. I had a very good friend of mine who once asked me to truth. You keep on saying this word truth, what is truth and to him, I replied, You're no truth. Once you've accepted that, we've looked at quarter quite a lot of stuff through this course. All right, we'll look to some words that you can use to define you. If those words are true, If you've ever loved anyone that makes your loving, it means you have the ability to love. Perhaps not perfectly. But you have the ability to loving on the last, therefore makes your loving. So they see we've acknowledged that we're all in perfect. But if we're standing on this belief that who I am is an individual isn't good enough, we're going to spend the rest of our lifes trying to be good enough trying to be approved off by other people trying to win their you know, the buy in from other people that validation the acceptance and all these sorts of things, and I told you the story about the guy was coaching who felt like it hit the glass ceiling . Well, I wonder whether this is the glass ceiling. Ah, wonder whether the glass ceiling is actually the belief that we build them based. Our life's upon. Because, you see, you can spend the rest of your life trying to be good enough. But if you fundamentally believe that the Corlett who you are isn't good enough, then you actually never gonna get anywhere. You're never gonna break through the glass ceiling, and you're never gonna feel like you've ever actually move forward in life because new among the promotions will ever be enough. You'll never have reached the highest rank. You'll never have enough money. You'll never have a big enough biceps or or whatever. What I want to offer its they're here is a very different perspective on a very different way of looking at life. Because in that the last few videos we've looked at who you are and know what I'm hoping that you really have, you know, accepted this because if that's who you are on, if that's you know and if that's the kind of person that we would like someone else to be or we would enter into a relationship with someone else or being up Arrison. And what we're saying is that person is good enough, but we know that we have to find herself in a way. It's a lot therefore makes l screwed it off. And if we're good enough and if we can know see how we're good enough than what we've just done is we've just chef dead one of our core on fundamental beliefs in life on how is it that the sets us free? Well, this actually sets us free from trying. It sets us free from striving, striving This sentence is free from the stress, the pressure on the tension of being able to get it right for other people. Because if we accept the truth of who we are and then we just simply commit the rest of our lifes for felling our personal mission statement just simply being this person for other people, this leaves us free just to simply be ourselves. No. Yes, we've acknowledged that who we are is in perfect, but we don't have to worry about being good enough anymore because no we acknowledge that we already are. Therefore, that means that rather than worrying about being good enough for the rest of our lifes, we can actually just joyfully and peacefully spend the rest of our life's just simply working towards being better. And if you were to take just a few moments to think about how this would be for you in life , right? No, well, luckily really say that it's as quite a liberating thing. 57. CO 57 Your Core Foundational Belief: So I do appreciate that up until now we've talked about some quite big ideas. And all of these ideas concern you on hold is that you live your life completely. 100% because this core course by no, you will have realized it's all about you. If you phone this course boring or irrelevant. Um, I don't see how, because it's all about you. It's all about who you are and how you're you and how it is that you live your life on a daily basis. But in this video, I would like to talk about something which is gonna be more controversial than anything else that have talked about or discussed throughout the course up until no on. This is about the core belief that we have in life about how it even is that we've come into existence. Because when it comes to this core foundational belief, having some information in your head or just you know, having a bit of a naive opinion about this is not gonna serve yet. All right, Trust me, I had some very naive opinions about this since fact. I didn't even care about this stuff up until my early thirties. But these days, as I'm no fast approaching 40 I take this stuff very, very seriously because it's important. So I'm not saying that you must find this important. I'm just going to simply ask you on Arjuna to consider some of the ideas that I discuss in this video. Really? Really seriously. But what implications. Maybe if what I say here is true, All right, I'm not telling you what to believe, and I am not imposing anything upon you. I promise you are free to make up your own mind when it comes to this stuff. So please don't send me a hate mail for saying something that you fundamentally disagree with. If you do in fact disagree with what I'm about to say, So let's get started. You see, since the dawn of time, you know, And since day one off planet Earth a human beings I can only imagine have have a looked to grew on advance and move forward on. This is why we're at this point in history, where without today, science and technology have evolved, and I don't guess that's ever gonna stop evolving until the day that the world ends if that day ever comes on. The reason for this being is because the human race is primarily looking for truth, right? Remember that story of the little is guards earlier on. This is very, very true. The human race is looking for truth on this is primarily all that science attempts to do just simply define what's true. The sciences are looking to establish on explain truth, throw every single area of life, know whether it does a good job or whether it doesn't let you be the judge of that, I wouldn't care to say, but there have been a few fascinating ideas that the science is churned out over the last couple of 100 a few 105 6 700 years, or however long he may stand to be corrected here. I'm not I'm not extensive follower or study or off this information that I'm about to share . I'm just sharing with you an idea. All right. You see, there was a guy going back however many years ago cold Darwin on Darwin Hunters theory, this theory off evolution. What Darwin suggested was the Mon humanity. The human race has evolved from monkeys. No, Darwin has a following. You know, he had a following back then. Probably not quite as large today is what it was. A lot of people say we've come from monkeys. What are you serious? But that are still some people in the world who believe that this theory is true. Incidentally, it is just a feeding, just an opinion, just an idea. It's not guarantee that it has never been proven. But this theory, just because it was well established back then, many people unknowingly subscribed to this. All right, young man's come from monkey. I believe that on that set, well, you see a beliefs, not a belief. Efforts, not a well informed decision on the the most impacting beliefs that we come to in life are ones that we come to over time based upon a lot of information, A lot of experience. You see, a belief isn't a belief efforts just based on something that you've read in a magazine or a textbook at some point. But many people will say, Yeah, I believe this. But here's what I want to ask you. There's no whether you believe this to be true or not, All right, because that's kind of irrelevant. What I'm asking you here is for hope. Does this theory give you for your future if it's true? Because if you think about if man has come from monkey well, the question that we could then ask us where did monkey come from? On Incidently, Did you know that the smallest on most of my new tous life form on the face of the planet is actually the bacteria? So F man has come from Monkey Martin a starting point. But you know, monkey, as obviously unwell have ultimately come from bacteria, which means that you've come from bacteria and you're nothing more than a big fat disease. All right, you're a big bit of bacteria. So if this is true, no, we've dissected it in a very, very vague way. Other apologize. The question I ask is, how much hope does this give you for your future? You've come from bacteria, all right. And the other question could then be asking is what then will we be evolving into? We've evolved from something. What will we evolve into? And if we are going to evolve into something because we've already evolved from something, then what's the point of watching courses on how to boost our self esteem, our confidence, or even be better in any way in life. No, I'm not gonna answer these questions for you. Gonna leave you to think about that one for yourself. But there was another theory on. I've got no idea who came up with this one. This one is absolutely plaguing the Internet. There are a 1,000,000. And when people have this rice, absolute documents and Mom with articles on this kind of this kind of stuff about the the Big Bang, the Big Bang theory two stars collided. Some people say to cut two stars collided. Some people say that it wasn't two stars. It was actually some microscopic implosion from some gases that just came from nowhere and all that kind of stuff. And some of these stories are pretty wild and pretty wacky. And everyone who writes has a heroin story Believes that has a hard version of the story. Is true on all of these people. If you are one of these people, right? No, please don't take a fans by what I'm about to say. But it would ask you as did you get video footage off this big bang. Did you get a foretell? Have you got these photos on Facebook or a new troop out of love to see them? Or could you Could you give me a firsthand account of what it was like experience in this big bank? Andi, you know, no one could answer those questions because no one was there. Because if the Big Bang happened, then that was before the human race even came into existence. Therefore, why would anyone know? No one could possibly know. So it's a theory on, even if it is true. All right, let's assume for a second that is, there was a big bang, two stars collided or some microscopic macular men, ocular and implosion or whatever. How does this give you life? Hope? Because I guess this is just some sort of accidents. But if it's some sort of accident that just turned, though in spot Oh, the world who are as inhabitants off this world, that means therefore that you're also a mistake. And if you're a mistake, if you were not created, if there's no purpose for your life than 40 watching this course for, why watch any course, What does he hope to achieve with your life? Because your life's meaningless? There is no purpose to life yet a mistake. So I do appreciate these or some possibly quite big and challenging most possibly for some people, even some offensive ideas, but is not my intent to offend. I'm just hoping to help you to expand your thinking here. That's all right. All I really want to do, because the third idea is something I would like to introduce you to. And it's something that I refused to even consider until I was well into my thirties. All right, on this is the idea off the central point of the universe. No. And some people might call this guy or this woman God. All right, God, the central point of the creator off all things good. The creator of all things good. The ultimate good, the ultimate perfection. Noah's as I'm saying this right now, people are gonna be saying, Oh, I don't believe in this stuff and you're imposing your religious beliefs on us and all this kind of stuff and you said, No, I'm not. It's just an idea, all right? It's just on idea on an. Incidentally, if you home just got yourself angry or worked up over this, have you ever considered Why take some time and work out why you might find some some interesting answers there. But if we would consider this for just a second, All right. I like to think about life this way, all right? Because it serves me. I like coffee. All right. Andi, I love take we coffee cups. I would fire other drinker of take me coffee cups than normal mugs. But this coffee cup has been created Ah, for me to drink out of it. Coffee has been processed and manufactured so that I can drink it. This copper let has been created toe prevent or the coffee from sporting out from pouring total of me. This pain I hold right here in the palm of my hand is a green pen which is being created toe right on a board. This board has been created to be written on this Sharp has been created to clothe me on this microphone is attached right here has been created so that I can speak into it so that you can hear me with with crystal clear and razor sharp audio, which I do hope that you enjoy. What I'm saying here is that all things in the worlds that are created by people are created for a purpose. If you think about anything that you've ever created throughout your life, it was created for a purpose, right? Well, what happens f in the same way that we create things for a purpose. We ourselves were created for a purpose. No, again, I'm not saying this is right or wrong or true or false. I'm just saying it's a different belief. It's something different to believe than one of those two because this doesn't give you any hope for your future. This doesn't give you any hope for your future, but this one here, if it's true, here's big J. C. With the sandals on. If this is true, you being created by this almighty loving God for apart pest, then the question that we could then ask us, what would this partners B? Because when we the last mission statement for life exercise, we looked at how it how it is that we would like to be remembered by others on, and I'm gonna hazard a guess and suggest here that if you filled out the exercise, how it is that you would like to be remembered by others is most likely just for simply being who you are or who you wear by the time you have died. So imagine what it would mean if the par pests for us even being alive, is for no other reason other than just to simply be our self. What would it mean if, as human beings we've Bean created for no other reason than just to simply be ourselves? Because if you think about it, this is one of the toughest on one of the most challenging things and projects that we can embark a point in life just being ourselves because most people are more concerned about what other people think of them. That's what they are and discovering and just simply being true to who they are. So look, and I'm not seeing what's right and wrong. I'm not trying to pull is any any belief, Sunni or religious beliefs are our viewpoints or opinions on you here? I'm not even saying what's true. These are just some ideas. I don't know what the foundations are that you're currently building your life upon. But all I'm going to do here is self disclose and share what it is the I choose to believe because it's my life of what I choose to believe is my prerogative. I choose to believe that I have been created for a purpose on for no other reason than to simply just be true to who I am. Because that allows me to sit to step out the take risks to take chances, step out in faith, knowing that you know, if I step out and I'm just myself in life, then you know whether other people like me love me or hate me except me reject me. It doesn't matter because none of these people can take anything away from who I am because they have not created me. They have not made me. They do not determine who I am today because I've bean made for a purpose to be no one else other than who I am. So this is what I believe. But what you believe my friend, is entirely up to you. 58. CO 58 Passive, Aggressive or Confidently Assertive?: So if I was to ask you to take one of thes three boxes, which one would you opt for? Are you aggressive? Are you passive or are you assertive? Do you even know what these words mean? Because I kind of struggled to be able to discern between the three clearly for quite a number of years. But today I no longer have that problem. Hence the reason we're going to discuss this in the course. No, this video here may not necessarily help you understand yourself better from the inside because we know we've gone quite deepened. After the last video, we looked at some quite thought provoking stuff, some stuff that you might even have completely disagreed with. But look, that's okay. Alright, that's OK. What I'm offering you here is a means by which to understand other people more effectively because there's one thing understanding ourselves. But then it's something else also being able to understand other people because you're going to be able to gauge how secure and how confident or the people are by the way in which they behave all right, and behavior will always either be aggressive, passive or assertive. Now, if you'll remember earlier on in the course. Alright shared with us some of the reviews that have hard in the past. People have said, This guy's really aggressive, these really obnoxious and and all this kind of thing. And here's a funny is a funny thing you see, sometimes in life, aggressive behavior and can be mistaken for a certain behavior. All right, people might be looking at assertiveness and thinking You're being really aggressive or you're being really arrogant or or something like that. There's a big difference between arrogance and aggression on assertiveness. All right, you see people who are assertive in life I are dark, genuinely confident and secure in who they are on people who would say that what you see here is you just being arrogant and aggressive. The people that Woods that would mistake assertiveness for, for for arrogance or aggression are generally people who are more possibly inclined people who would take more of an approach setback on just wait and see what happens. People who will hide behind the computer screens and insult the world behind an anonymous name and from the comfort of their own home. Many people do this many people won't stand up for the things that they want Think about in the workplace. So it's all Mildred, can you go and get the cattle on on? Mildred doesn't want to get the kettle on. But what? This you say? Absolutely. I'll go do it. I'll just fold and do whatever you want to do and try to keep you happy to the best I can, because I'm just desperate to be liked. All right, so passive people are Gen. Generally very, very bad people pleasers more right there. Number one agenda in life is to please people. But once you become secure, who you are, you're able to better recognize and discern these people. If you see someone trying to really please you in life and that's what they're trying to do is manipulate EU until, like in them. No, think about a team in the past where the this may have been true for you. Think about it same in the past, where you may have acted passively just in order to win the approval or be a liked by someone else. Because we've all done this at some point in the past, and wisdom and insight comes in life when we're able to recognize how, when and where aggressive behavior as we mentioned, and people who aren't aggressively right. If you have ever come to Scotland for a holiday, all right, it's a beautiful country, But we're a nation off very, very aggressive people, all right, for many reasons, which are both historical, political, religious and all that kind of stuff. People in Scotland are aggressive, all right, having bean downtrodden and ripped apart. For centuries, religion has beaten us down as a nation of people. The politicians have ripped us off as a nation of people. And then history hasn't served us particularly well, especially as being a member of the United Kingdom. No. And for this, many people in Scotland feel like they have something that they to prove. But I'm not just talking about Scottish people here. I'm taking responsibility for this because I have been part of this call. A lot of people, but all around the world think about someone that you know today who is just angry all the time, someone who feels like they need to prove themselves. Take a look down the gym, all right. When the guys are pumping up the muscles and showing off and trying to work out who is the biggest and who's the toughest and who is the strongest. Why is it that people need to prove themselves aggressively? Why is it that one person would need to overpower another physically variably, emotionally manipulative Lee, If you think about it just to mask their own and security secure, people would do enough to enforce themselves on anyone, people who are secure within themselves. Okay, that's how you are. That's so be it. You are not affecting me anyway. Therefore, crack on and do you want a thing so aggressive? Passive assertive? What would you choose? Look in this air lecture, I've just given a brief overview here. I've actually put together on many article stroke workbook, which is around about seven or eight pages, and and you may or may not at the stage of the course be interested in this. And it may not be the case that you discover anything about yourself and this workbook, but it may be the case that actually helps you to identify understand the other people in your life slightly more effectively by being able to better recognize aggressive behavior, passive behaviour on assertive behaviour because all people all the time want to be assertive. It's just that if people don't who know, don't know who they are when they're just gonna automatically fall into the trap of fire, passive behaviour or aggressive behaviour. So where? Yeah, this might take 10 15 minutes to work your way through if you choose to another than less only forward a senior in the next video. 59. CO 59 Bonus Lecture: The Life Planning Workbook: So in this video, all that I would like to do is just take two minutes to introduce you to the life planning workbook that is a touched in the additional material section. No, this is a really comprehensive workbook. Alright, it's about 87 pages. Pdf broken down the two pages. So what I'm saying is a few workbook here that I've built into the course. Not because all people will do it because no, everyone will. But it's there. And it's available for you if you are in 100% clear on where it is that you really want to go in your life for the rest of your days. Because through this course, we've looked at who you are. No, we've looked at what makes you, you see, have a relatively solid understanding off what makes you tech. I wanted to build this into the course, even though I've built this into some of my other courses. Justus, more of ah, bonus extra resource if you like, and to give the was perhaps you. If you're watching right now, the opportunity toe plan out the next couple of years on the rest of your off your future because earlier on remember I mentioned a month where they are, a woman with a vision will perish. People with vision will parish. Well, that's that little exercise is actually taken from this workbook. So you've actually completed rainbow half of it anyway, just through completing this course, but the rest of the world, because actually going to help you to define and the short term goals that you have in life in medium term goes on the long term goes in view off your greatest life vision, which is your mission statement that you've already done. So the workbook will just help you to simply get there a little bit further faster because it's primarily all about moving forward and making progress in life. Because as we begin moving forward and making progress in life, well, we start feeling more fulfillment. And the more risks that would take him or achievements that we make, the more confident that we feel about ourselves, don't we? So, look and have this you might want to take this might take a couple of weeks, actually, this workbook, if you if you choose toe to give it a shot. But but if not. That's no problem whatsoever. If you do, and once you've completed it, please be sure to leave a few notes in the discussion section and simply let me know how it is that you get on with it. So good luck with this one. 60. CO 60 Just Be Yourself: Defining Your Element: so in the second from final video. If you watched any of my courses before, you know that I that I leave you with the recommended reading list, a list of books that you can go on to purchase an read if you choose to, just to enhance your understanding, and for others that we've been talking about, throw this course. But in this video, what I would like to do is share with you a relatively short story. It's a true story on its from one of the books that I will be recommending surely know this story is about a young girl called Gillian. Gillian went to school like most other boys and girls off her age on it actually come to a teacher's attention that Gillian was a bit of a fidget in class. Thus racial couldn't sit still. In fact, jillions distraction had become a bit of a distraction to other boys and girls. So the teach our jillions teacher had gone, made the complaint to the headmaster. The headmaster had formed up Jillian's parents on ask, Did he come in for a meeting to discuss Jillian's behavioral problems? So as Jillian's parents attended this meeting and they were confronted with the headmaster expressing his concerns about Julian's unruly behavior. He was concerned that she may have something wrong with her and maybe some sort of behavioral problem and maybe a mental problem. She might even be retarded in some way. He just wasn't sure. So he suggested the Jillian's parents book an appointment with the head doctor just around the corner to so he could diagnose what was actually wrong with her. No, Jillian's parents were a little bit shocked by this because, yes, they knew that Gillian was high energy. But they didn't think for a second that she has some sort of disorder, or that there was something wrong with our lectures, special needs or something like that. But they followed the head, musters guidance, the booking appointments and Gillian that they was. She should be able to remember being being marched into this in this long, dark corridor on then into a room in this room. There was a long leather, so officials method the door by this quaint, toll imposing, going with a Dickie bow tie, where she was asked to sit down on the on the sofa on the interest addressed. Talked up by this by this psychologist by this head doctor. Julian could remember being sucked in the middle of the sofa. She was sitting in her hands, absolutely petrified to move. Her mom was in one slate, her dad was in the other and she didn't want to move. She didn't want to speak because she knew that it was all this moving and speaking that had gotten her and told this trouble in the first place on. She was really growing to be quite concerned, because while she didn't think there was anything wrong with her, it was quite a parent that our teacher thought there's something wrong with her. The headmaster thought there was something wrong with her and know that her parents had taken the headmaster's advice, had taken her to see a head doctor a shrink. Well, they must clearly have believed there was something wrong with her, too. So, no, she wasn't sure. Swash saw their, you know, their vests shaking. The psychologist was talking at her mom and her dad, asking questions along the lines of So, you know, has there been some sort of activating event in Julian's life that may have brought about this condition on. Our parents were answering no wishes, just high energy. She's a good girl with Well, we never thought that was entered Wrong with her. Until the point in the conversation came where the psychologist turned his gaze and focus upon Gillian. But he said, Gillian, you're being very well behaved today. You've been very patient, and for that I thank you. However, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to be patient for just a low while longer. You see me any moment, Dad, we're gonna have to grow site Anderson. Really boring paperwork. But look what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna turn on the radio. So you lent over any turned on the radio, and he said That will be about five minutes. If you want to go for a look around the room, feel free because we know how little girl was like to go for a noisy to go. See what? See what's what on. Look, that's my desk in the corner of the room on. If you have a look in the top drawer, you might even find a packet of chocolate biscuits. And if you do Well, I'm sure that one or two won't go a mess. So upon that, the psychologist and jillions moment Dad stood up and walked out of the room. The radio was on, and there was some music going on in the background. On as jillions moment that on the psychologist entered reentered the hallway, the psychologist said, Stop, we don't have any paperwork to do. All that I actually really want to do is just observe your daughter for just a short while . No, there is one of thes two way mirrors where they could see into the room, but Gillian couldn't have seen back out, and they just did their unwashed for a while. No, Gillian was still sat on the leather sofa on our hands, petrified to move, But the music was playing in the background, and then a song came on on the radio with Gillian. Must have quite liked because the next thing Gillian started tapping her feet and just started bobbing up and down. And then she must have grown in confidence. Just a little. Beth and she stood up and started looking around the room. And then I run About 30 seconds later, Gillian just sprang into life, and here she was, dancing so freely and vividly around the room. No, I actually was just done. Sing around the room soon, naturally, the psychologist and jillions woman does just stood there and absolute. Or there were captivated not just by jillions movements. The movements that seemed source so natural, so primal, natural if you like. What really caught their attention was the sheer expression of joy, the Julian Hunte across her face as she does so freely around the room. So the psychologist put, is no book away. And he said, Look, Mr Mrs Lynne, there's nothing wrong with your daughter. Your daughter doesn't have a d h d. She doesn't have some sort of learning deficit disorder. She's no dyslexic. She's not retired, that she's no special needs. Your daughter is a dancer. Take her, Teoh. You're the best dance academy or the best done school that you confined unenrolled heart today, get are surrounded by other like minded people. No, this was quite a quite a strange on unusual and unexpected diagnosis. So upon that Jillian's moment that don't need to be told twice a went in the room, the gravity there Gillian took a road, and that evening they actually went round and visited a few look down schools, which they found, one that Gillian just seemed to quiet like on the laughter. Later on. That evening, when the pig Julian up again, the Astor sought. So how was how did you find it? And Gillian Response went along the lines off. It was fantastic. It was grey. I couldn't believe it. As soon as I walked in, I was surrounded by other people who just like me, People who need to move to thank because it's quite funny in life, isn't it? You know, as we think about the education system, Remember on that video air earlier on, we talked about the institution off education. Will the education system kind of just the minds that we sit there and don't think the minds that we just remember as much information as we can? And then if we're able to regurgitate this information and the way that they want us to, then we may get some grade. Cem is Cem Bey's some sees or some Texan various boxes, but I'm guessing what information doesn't give us is understanding. There's a big difference between knowing M and remembering something, understanding something very big difference indeed. So where is this story going? Well, through the remainder of Gillian School years, she didn't do particularly well in her school grades or school results, but she did excel in the dancing academy that she'd know committed to, you see, in jillions final year of school, she applied to the London Royal School of Bali for on In Township, Off which she was accepted. So upon leaving school, Julian went down the London And that's where she spend the No the forthcoming years, as as an avid member at performing all around the world in London and New York and Sydney Opera House. She even performed as their as as elite and sworn Lake. No. When this season off jillions career came to an end, she moved back to her hometown in northern England. Queer, where should we really be? Started? Something new. Gillian initiated and launched Ah school far for dance to teach dance people's young boys and girls. The various moves that she'd learned through the years on she was just following her passion. She was teaching, you know, other boys and girls, something that she was not surely on genuinely passionate about. She was teaching other people how to get the same or similar results. Us what she'd once hard No. One day she was taking the boys and girls through their dance paces until a man walked into the done school Amman coil coat. Andrew Lloyd Webber and he said, Gillian, excuse me, you Gillian Lynne. When she responded, you said, Yes, I am. He said, Look, I must I must say that I'm very, very impressed with the caliber of Dan students and people. Is that your churning out? I wonder, would you be willing to lead choreograph a few musicals that I've just written called Phantom of the Opera and Cuts? Would you lead? Choreograph. So from there, there had goes without saying that was the next step on stage of Gillian Lens career on to sum up the story to bring the story to closure. This young girl who once led the high risk future the girl who the teachers and the on the professional specialists may have said with special needs was perhaps not the same as everyone else when she had someone just looking to arise and recognize her for who she actually Waas as a dancer and then he just encouraged. Are this young girl with a high risk future who doctors? Some doctors may have perhaps permitted medication or even locked up in a mental asylum. She went on to bring pleasure to millions of people all around the world on made millions off pounds in the process, just because she followed her passions on she committed to doing in life what it was that she was naturally good up on what she genuinely enjoyed. So I'm hoping that the story paints a picture off our elements in life. Our element are gifting our primary talents. The thing that we've been given that we can use for making the greys difference. Because Gillian Lynne, as I mentioned yes, you made all that money and she brought pleasure to all these people. But she also created opportunity for countless others through just teaching them what she was not really gifted up on what she naturally loved. This is our element, you see, just to pain the picture here and help you get a little bit clearer. There's in life, some things that we're good at all right. This is the good line. Things that we're good at and in life There's some things that we love. No, I'm just gonna talk for myself here. All right? Look, I mean, love, That's what I mean. Love. All you need is love, right? So I love singing. I love singing, singing songs, but only good at singing. No, absolutely. No, it's I'm not good at singing at all. But I do love that. There's the things I'm good at. I am quite good at building online websites and graphic design and all that sort of thing. Do I love that? Nor I absolutely don't. But I love teaching. I'll love communicating. I love finding new creative ways to express and explain the life lessons that I've learned along the way and throat my journey. Oh, my good at that. Well, I believe that I'm reasonable. And I was off today, the day that I've produced his core, so have around about 23 a half 1000 people taking the courses from all around the world. So while some people would say Kane, you're no good can we don't love you. Other people would say, Ken, you are quite good. And can we do love you? So I'm gonna go with these guys. But before I'm really pointing towards here is the cross section the bit of the crossroads where we find this place, the elements right in between. When we're doing the things that we love on the things that were naturally good at, because there's no point in you committing your life to do something that you're good at, that you do know love because you'll never be able to are willing to give it your absolute Oh, because you're not passionate because you don't love that, are you could try to commit your life to doing something that you're that you're the the absolutely love but things that you're not good at. But then you're never going to get the results because someone else is gonna come along. Who's always gonna be better? Who is doing what? They're good at what they love. So for you, let today be the day that you commit the rest of your life towards finding your element the best in between the crossroads between where you're doing the things you are naturally good are also between where you're doing the things that you love 61. CO 61 Just Be Yourself: Getting OK With It!: so were beginning to reach the end of the course. No. So we're going to start wrapping things up and what you might hear me say on more than one occasion over the next few videos, the three words just be yourself. Just be yourself because this is the greatest risk that we can take in life just to simply step out and be true to who it is that we actually are. Remember that mission statement that were wrought earlier on actually stepping out and working towards a felling that it's a gamble, isn't it? Because people might reject us? And if they do today at this point, we now have the opportunity just to simply be okay with us and the knowing that no one else in the world can add anything to us or take anything away from who it is that we are. So just be yourself. You see, for years as I've mentioned, I spent years of my life going round and round in circles, going from job to job and doing the things that I thought I should have been doing in my life in order to move forward and make progress. But none of these things ever fulfilled me when I worked in sale was a worked in marketing , worked in banks, building societies, even in the military. In the past, when had used all thes things to define me. None of these things served me or anyone else in anyway, whatsoever you know, as crazy. I can remember going back to being around about five or six years old and school. Remember that Gillian Lens story at this stage is told you? Well, I kind of had a similar experience because I used to have this teacher cold. Mrs. Pain on Mrs Pain hated me, all right. And she was a big, grumpy old Scottish lady on Mrs Pain. Usedto really write me nasty school reports Keynes charts came talks too much. He doesn't pay any attention. He doesn't see, doesn't listen in class. He's he's always distracted. He's always that he's always that. And, you know, essentially became a bit of a pattern throughout my life. One that for a number of years I allowed to beat me down and weigh me down, which is just about crushed me at one point, because through most of my life, all people would ever tell me It was, you know, speak when spoken to again in Scotland. This is something great that we're taught when we're young. Children are to be seen, but no haired Children speak when spoken to doing speak out of turn. You know, doing students stand up for yourself doing just be yourself. Just sit there, ticks in boxes and be how it is that you think that the grown ups would have you be on This is home. Many people grew up in life. So, you know, when I joined the Army at the age of 16 the biggest problem that I faced was, you know, I used to ask questions because this was kind of how I would learn best. I used to really struggle this setting, watching boring presentations and people regarded taking information. I would only really know groups understand stuff through asking questions and figuring things out for myself, but because they ask questions. I used to get told off for asking too many questions. I was just naturally intrigued. And then, having got into sales, I was never able t follow seals processes. All right, I always just had to do my own thing cause I love working things out and find the new ways of doing things. And this is something else that I often and always didn't get told off for by my bosses by my superiors on what I'm seeing here. What I saw was this was this theme. If you like me getting told not to be myself, don't speak cane. Don't ask too many questions. Just stick to our processes, do things that we the way that we think you should do them on. Don't be yourself. Don't be creative. Don't think I was saying to the box, Just tick our boxes and do what we tell you on all will be well. And if you've ever experienced that at any job or rule or position or in any relationship we've ever been in, well, you know how rigid and boring this as on. The ironic thing is today, you know, the one thing that I've been rejected for my whole life is speaking out and asking questions, and this is actually the one thing that today has set me financially free on. I want to see this, to brag or sure for or anything like that. I'm just saying this to show that you know, if I can do it, then anyone conduce A It all I actually do today if you think about it, is I just talk about things that I know I haven't lost. Scrapped. I don't I'm not gonna read it off a textbook here. I'm just explaining things in the best way that I'm able to. I'm hoping that has been enough for you because it is enough for, you know, thousands of people were on the world. I'm just being myself. I'm sharing the insights and the lessons that I've learned along the way. And I guess what I'm saying here is that this gives you opportunity to do exactly the same thing you see, throat your lifetime today you have faced challenges. You faced highs, you faced laws, ups and downs and ends and outs and rejections and failures and all these sorts of things. But if none of these things have killed you, then the half major stronger, which means that you will live to tell the tale on If you have lived to tell the tale that means that your harvest story to tell a story to tell and some lessons to teach Soto begin wrapping this whole course up. No, we're looking it. Self esteem. Well, looking at confidence. And we understand how self esteem is completely interconnected with self worth. We understand that self worth as our intrinsic value and we also understand our intrinsic value is the lessons on the principles that we've learned along the way. So moving forward, may you just simply choose to be yourself on. Share your value, share the lessons that you've learned along the way on Just simply be who you are because, you know, unless you haven't realized up until now, everyone else is taken in life. Most people will commit their days to trying to be someone that they're not to compare themselves, toe this person over here or comparing themselves to that Paris and over there. But the thing is, you could try to be that person. You could try to be as good as that person as great as this person. But you never will be as great as those people because you will never be those people. So today to wrap all of this up Oh, that I can leave you with and all that I can encourage you to do is to just simply be yourself, because you know, we all have this set of unique fingerprints in life, which makes us so completely unique. Accompanied on partnered with your full range of unique life's experiences that only you have learned from you are the expert off your life, and it's only you that knows what it is. Toe Walk a lifetime in your shoes. So take those lessons. Take those insights. Take your intrinsic value on all of your worth and get yourself over there. Just be yourself and share yourself with as many other people as what you physically can't get yourself out there on. Fulfill your personal mission statement. 62. CO 62 Just Be Yourself: Getting Started!: no other north of mansions, but I've been married term a wave current far around, about 2.5, almost three years now, actually, Andi amid current around about five years ago. Initially, Curren has a beautiful singing voice. Lunch is a very gifted pianist, but for years Karen lived and worked and rules the absolutely board the life out of our. She worked as administrative assistance. She worked in and marketing, injured in promotional work and and all this kind of thing. Nothing that inspired her or gave her life in any sort of way. And I can remember having a conversation with car in one night, said Karen, Have you never considered, you know, making something off your off your music career? You know, doing something with your singing or with your piano. And she says, I'm just not good enough. You know, I'm not good enough on a soon as she said that my years kind of packed up as they do when I said You're not good enough. Hmm, Interesting. You know, good enough compared to who? And then current proceeded to say, You know, I'm just not good enough compared toa, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift and and all these other a list celebrities who've got countless number one chart topping albums all around the world. Andi, I said to her. So just to get this right, you're no as good as Taylor Swift. You're not as good Aziz. Katy Perry. Is that right? And says, That's right. I said, OK, do you think code of interest? That's if you were to practice being Katy Perry really, really hard For the next 40 years, you could actually ever be as good as Katy Perry is what she is. And Khan said, Well, no, of course I can, and I said, OK, so why is it that you beat yourself up about not being as good as Katy Perry? I said, would it ever be possible for you to be as good as Katy Perry and says Noah probably couldn't. So I asked, Why is this? And Karen was a little bit stumped. So as the conversation evolved, I said, You know, is it possible? The reason why you would never be able to be as good as Katy Perry is because you never be Katy Perry and also because you're different. You all look different. You have a different voice. You have different fashion sense. You have a different accent. How bouts rather than comparing yourself to Katy Perry and saying, You know, I'm not as good as Katy Perry, how about was he just simply commit toe being yourself? Andi, go on record a couple of songs. Go on, get yourself a couple of gigs. Um, practice. Just being yourself, practice singing the way in which you like singing and current said, That's like a totally life changing idea. And I said, That's fascinating. Imagine that. Just get out there and be yourself. No, you know, I'm standing here talking about more wife Karen with a singing voice, and you know who might to see this show? May no have a good singing voice it all. So rather than just taking my word for it, what I thought I would do at this stage in the course is actually incorporate a couple of minutes off video clip off Curren singing. That's her very first gig. All right, so just to be clear here, this was currents. First time singing publicly in front of a group of other people. Heart are our nerves are confidence on her self esteem was thoroughly tested that way. Now, I could let you know how she got on, but rather than me telling you all about it, how about you check out the video clip for yourself and then let me know how it is that you think should done So where I'll see you in the next clip from here, Opacity over to Karen. You're gonna go to start with a song called Free and it's by a band. Coats to shoot. - Show was prison, so way , - way . 63. CO 63 The 9 Habits of highly Confident People: a very wise man once said that with confidence you've already won before you even get started. And if you think about confidence is I work in a blur. In life, confidence is often the main difference between people who really get ahead in life and people who do it because people who genuinely believe that they can actually do something. I e. Run tomorrow thin, start a new business, ask someone over in two days and then even have them see yes, people who believe that they can win a competition winner when a prize are even built. A new circle of friends. Well, people with the confidence to just get started and not give up halfway through well, nine times over 10 always go on to fulfill their goals, their dreams under aspirations. The US we've already explored on unpacked our mind is a very, very powerful to on the impact off. Our thoughts can never be undermined. So earlier on we looked at how our thoughts create our emotions. We also looked how are our motions, determine the actions or the in actions that we take, And then we looked at how our actions will ultimately determine our life zone comes and what they go on to experience in life, you see, is those very outcomes in life that determine the quality off our very own life's on a day to day basis. So I must confess that I've never really bean one for the three secret steps or the seven Master secrets. But as we're in the final stretch, of course, right now on mobility, wrapping everything up within the next couple of videos I just wanted to share with yet nine off my top tips, which I fully accept, may not be the greatest off tips in the whole wide world, but they are my tips nonetheless. And these steps are about the things that, in my experience, I found that confident people do on these things which, if you choose to take him on board well, you can actually begin applying them to your life today. So if you're ready for that, so let's get started. Tip number one Don't over complicate things. There's a saying. Red knows best. Now when I say this, I'm talking about the difference between our hearts on our heads. Now what I've learned to do in life is not make decisions based upon what I think the right thing is to do. But I actually only ever make decisions in life when I have peace in my heart. No anxiety, no stress, no chaos, no attention. Because I understand that if I'm making un emotionally lead decision than that might not always be the wisest or the most appropriate or the most mature decision. So what I'm saying here is Red knows best. Let peace be the umpire in your decision making tip number two in life, focus on the things that you do want and no upon the things that you do want. If you think about it in life, there's one of two perspectives that we can take. We can be running away from the things that we don't want. No, I don't want to lose the race. I don't want to lose the race or what could be running towards. I am going to win the race. I'm going to win the race because in my experience, do you know what happens The very second that will look back, especially for moving forward. What happens when we look back is return around on end up tripping lower our very own ankles. So there are some goals, some dreams, some the visions or aspirations that you have in life that you really, really want. What I'm going to encourage you to do in this step, there's no be wishy washy. And you're thinking this isn't just about positive thinking, but actors f the things that you're ones are already yours. So what I'm talking about here is through this course, we've mentioned that word faith quite a few times. What I'm talking about here is action ing your faith Putin. Faith into action, stepping out, taking risks in the expectation off the greatest possible outcomes rather than just simply living in fear on being an expectation off the worst possible outcomes, which are ultimately the things that we don't want. So here's tip number four. What I'm gonna are John encourage you to do here is use your words with clear intention. Know what I mean by this is just simply lead your yes, mean yes. Under No, I mean no. We're gonna have one final exercise in the fourth video That's gonna help you to understand a little bit more. What I mean by this because if you think about many people say yes in life the things that they don't want to do And many people say, nor in life the things that they do really want to do except just don't have the confidence to do sort moving forward for the rest of your life. What I'm gonna argue to do is see yes to the things that you're g n. You only want to say yes to and simply say no to the things that you genuinely want to say no to. Because whilst at times other people may not always like your answers are your responses. At least overtime do will grow to know where they stand with you years Top tip number five Listen to. But don't pay any attention whatsoever toe other people's opinions. Remember earlier on where we're looking at the difference between people's opinions, their thoughts, their feelings, their beliefs on. In truth, do you remember that ancient Greek for loss for in what he had to say about opinions? Well, this this guy Plato, who has been incidentally cold and named as being one of the wisest philosophers who ever lived. He had this opinion about opinions, he said. Opinions are nothing more than the mere medium between truth, un complete ignorance. So, yeah, whilst it may be appropriate to listen to other people's opinions a time dude, seriously take them on board or even heat them in any sort of way. Top tip number. Sex. Commit to the important stuff on. Don't sweat the small stuff because if you think about many people in life, find themselves busy and completely overwhelmed a lot of the time doing completely irrelevant stuff. Which leaves, um, let's a war. No time for doing the things in life that are actually really important things that would enable them to actually move forward. MiG progress achieved. Maura accomplished more on make a greater impact in the world or in the context of other people's lives you see in life. I've going to understand that there's four categories of task, all right, but everyone well prioritized different categories in different ways. You see in life this some stuff that is important on this also, Argent on that stuff there is named times of attend the stuff that I generally commit to forced on foremost on a daily basis. Secondly, I'm always gonna be looking nut important stuff. This stuff is really important. So all I never focusing on this stuff that's either imports an un argent or just important , not necessarily Argent, because whilst many people in life will focus on stuff, this just argent but it is not important, then it can actually wait until tomorrow, and nothing becomes important to me until something becomes marginally eminent for someone else. But then there's stuff in life that many people commit themselves to, which, as an Arjun, isn't important. It's just being busy for the sake of busy. So what I'm saying here as commit to the important stuff in life and seriously, don't sweat the small stuff because it's not important to you or to anyone else. Live with humility, live authentically, live generously and live with passion. Love being passionate about something that's greater than just you and what you're stunned to get. You see, just being our self in life as of mentioned through the course, can be one of the most challenging things to do. It really, really can be on if you think about it in life. Whilst most people will try to be someone that they're not in orderto when the approval validation on acceptance from other people. If you work to choose just to simply be yourself well, some people are going to find huge value, which means you may make friends that you never previously hunt. But then, on the other hand, other people might reject you. But even if those people do reject you for just simply being you, you made you say yes, I can't stand you. I don't like you. I don't like how you are and how you're you. But one thing that there won't be able to say is that they don't trust you because authenticity, genuineness and humility will not allow it. Top tip number it nor that fear we are is absolutely awesome. Now I'll know that we've looked at this in quite some detail throughout the course. You see, it's through failing in life that we learn and discover our very essence our substance on through the fibers that make us us. There was once a guy, a guy called Thomas Edison and he was a girly. They're all those many moons ago invented the label. No US history claims he didn't know invent the label on his very first attempt. In fact, it took him just over 1100 attempts to invent label that actually worked. But you see, I know I don't know, because I never knew the guy. History books say that he never got a certain in fact, one of the quartz study that he did he did. He did make all those many minutes ago was that he never saw his 1100 failed attempts as failures. He just saw them is 1100 ways not to make and create a label. So that was 1100 lessons that he just learned the hard way, which fundamentally and the ends enabled him to invent the lightbulb, which today is what brings light to our life's. So because that guy was willing not to give up, you know, every time he made a mistake. That means that today we have elimination Kouyate and here we go. This is the ninth and final off the top nine. Tepes, repeat everything that we've talked about in the last eight tips daily. All right, confidence building takes an absolute lifetime. The more that we practice just being ourselves, the more confident we become and just being ourselves. See, confidence in life isn't a feeling. It's actually more of an attitude, and the more that we practice that easier, it becomes so for the rest of your days on for the rest of your life. Just simply commit to being yourself. Make all the mistakes that you need to make a land the lessons that you need to make along the way. 64. CO 64 Exercise 8: The 'Yes' Project: so in this video is just gonna be a few minutes. And I'm gonna give you some extra curricular activity. No, I do appreciate some of this course might have been a little bit intense up points. And if you're still listening to me and you're totally bored with the sound of my voice yet that I'm gonna offer yes, someone else to go and listen to for around about on hour and 1/2 on this is one of my favorite stand up comedians, Mr Germ. Carey. I'm holding up a DVD here. It's a movie. It's called Yes, man. All right. Yes. Money. Yes, man, I'm gonna ask you, I encourage you to go and purchase this DVD. You'll get it for a pound or a dollar on Anoma Zone or or eBay Or are some online store anyway? Because old DVDs cost next to nothing these days or download it off the Internet. If you're that way inclined on watch it. Because the very essence off this movie is about a guy who was very low on confidence. He had low self esteem. He was mister negativity. And he said no to everything. And then one day he got dragged along to the seminar by one of his friends. It was called the Yes Conference On In the CNN Yes conference, he was surrounded by ah whole Barger people who just simply said yes, toe everything all of the time, kind of as if yes is like a new approach to life. So he ended up buying into this concept on for a few weeks of followed rather than seeing nor to everything because of his insecurity. You know, Aziz, lack of confidence. He said yes to everything. And he started doing things completely out of character. And the guy, in turn, ended up finding his one true love Finding life, excitement, passion is making a difference in the world on the guy stepped into an entered this whole new level of life. So what I'm not asking you to do here is say yes to everything for the rest of your life. But what I am asking you to do is watch this movie be inspired to watch that movie plenty of times now and I still enjoy watching it today. Then what I'm gonna ask you to do is for the next seven days, just seven days that set, I would like you to do your very best to remove the word nor from viewer vocabulary rather than seeing nor to stuff. I'm not saying. You know, alot people take liberties are if you are anything like that. But when anyone comes to you asking you to do something that you would naturally be inclined to say no to instead stop police your thoughts and see Yes. So for the next seven days, what I'm asking you to become is a yes man or a yes woman. So I'm definitely looking forward to hearing how you get on with this one. 65. CO 65 Unshakable Confidence: Recommended Reading List: So we have reached this stage of the course. This is the penultimate video on no good course in my experience has ever complete without his very own recommended reading list. So what I'm gonna make here four recommendations off books that I have read un invested some time into studying and observing over the years that have really helped me to become grounded and much of what I've shared undiscussed through this course up until now the first book that I'm gonna suggest on recommend to you as a book called That element by a guy called Ken Robinson. Who's incidentally, Noah, sir. That's right. He was knighted for this awesome book on. To be honest with you, this is probably one off my favorite books off all time. I absolutely love it. It's a book filled with stories about people who have just taken dire circumstances and turned them into phenomenal opportunities. People who have done you know surprisingly well in life who have come from pretty undesirable beginnings of that makes sense. Andi, if you remember that story the Gillian Lynne story that shared two or three videos ago, well, would that is actually the first story that you'll find in this book. I may have taken and adapted it somewhat just to illustrate the point. But you'll find this story and you can read it again In this book is a phenomenal read on A Nor The Or Let the second book that I would like to recommend is ah, but called the insider revolution by a guy called Michael Neil. No, he is. He reversed himself as America's super coach on the guys, that is a very, very interesting chap. In this book, he discusses the concept off the inside out revolution, which is actually, if you remember earlier on, we looked at our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings determine the actions that we take, have the actions that we take the term in the outcomes that we ultimately going to experience in life. Well, this book pretty much breaks that down on explores the concept from every angle that you can explore it from. Give me such a grounded understanding. For me, it was like one piece of the jigsaw that just made everything else makes sense. So I'm gonna strongly, strongly, strongly argue and consider you and to consider reading this book because I'm hoping that it has much of an impact than you, as what it actually made in me to the third book that I would like to recommend is our book from a guy called Adam Rika Boonie. All right, I am on Daniel Calgon. There is Ju authored here, and it is the art off selling yourself. All right. Now, this is the context in which this book has bean. Retin is in the context off selling yourself and in the business world, or or professionally. But you see, if you think about it, whether you have ever been in sales professionally or not, it doesn't really matter because everyone is selling themselves all of the time. Anyway, If you think about it, the way in which you act and behave is always gonna be influencing other people. Other people are going to be making decisions all the time As to whether you were the kind of person that they would like to be in a relationship with or do business with or not and how you sell yourself. It's fundamentally going to determine the decision them that they make. So definitely recommend. This book is a fascinating read, and I know this will really make a difference in yet. The last book that I'm going to recommend is a little bit heavier, all right. It's a bit of a slightly heavier read, but its is fascinating if you can work your way through it from a guy called Alex Pat accost Ph. D is called prisoners off Our thoughts. No, this guy here was a student of the works off a guy called Victor Frankel. Victor Frankel wrote another fantastic book called Man's Search for Meaning Man's Search for Meaning in Life. No, this guy here, prisoners of her thoughts. He talks about how it is that many of us in life can be held captive by the things that we think about on its True, if you think about it, because many people in life have thoughts about things, then automatically assume that the thoughts that they have our truth, which 99 times over 100 as by no well, no definitely isn't the case. So if we choose to believe that every single thought that pops into your head is true than not, therefore leaves us as a prisoner off our thoughts. So this book explores the idea and suggest some some ideas on how it is that we can identify these thoughts that maybe holding us prisoner on ultimately, how to break free sort investors, that I'm not going to dump too much on you if you manage to work your way through these four books over the next few months and you're looking for some or agreed resource is than please feel free to email me personally, and I'll be more than happy to make another few recommendations. 66. CO 66 Summary and Closing Thoughts: the end is nigh The end is here I cannot sing a swell a scar in But I have no shame in singing the song to end this course the final curtain And now I'm going to stop singing because I'm not doing myself any justice on you. Probably turned me off already on this brings us to the end of the course. And thank you so much for staying with me right through to the better end. Apart from this little singing performance that I put on free right now, I do genuinely hope that you find some value in this course. I do appreciate that has been action packed just over 64 videos, 14 or 15 different exercises on workbooks and then a few physical challenge just throwing into the mix as well. Look, if there are any questions that you have about anything that I've discussed in any part or section of this course, please feel free to get in touch, because this is what I am committed to helping you. To understand all these lessons that I've done my best to explain under unpack for you throw this course. I do appreciate that this course is no perfect is not complete because no course ever could be. But look, if you do have any feedback or suggestions on ways in which I could, you know, improve the course in some way toe make of greater value for you earned other people, then then please get in touch and let me know I'm always open to, and I always appreciate good, open earned, honest, helpful feedback. But other than this, if you have genuinely enjoy the Courson phones value in it, then would you please feel free to consider leaving are writing me a review or send me through an email and let me know what's worked? What hasn't worked the highs and the lows, the options and on the Don's Because, believe it or not, this is kind of why I do what I do to receive feedback from people that seek cocaine. This course was great has really helped me in this area on Noma lives changed in some way, So this is what my hope is for you. But other stage right now I have made in the recommended reading lists of brutal along normal little furry friends. I'm hanging up my pens I'm high end up my boots, I'm sane and notes on I'm going for a Starbucks toe wet to this whistle of Maine because I've been talking for days now for days. So this is a kin Rumsey officially signing out. Thank you once again for joining me on this journey and also for placing your trust in me as your coach, as I've mentioned, please feel free to fire me through and send me any questions that you have about anything because I'm always more than happy to help. But other than the other than that, so wish you all the very best for your future for moving forward Onda and hoping to also see in one of my other courses off which there are multiple. So this is that same off skis? No, I wish you all the very best for your future. God bless and thank you very much. Once again for a ruling on this course, I look forward to senior again. Hopefully at some point in the future