SOCIAL SKILLS - Double Your Social Skills & Make New Friends - Communication Skills Tips

1. Welcome + What You Will Learn: Hi, let me ask you some questions. Would you like to connect with people instantly and make new friends? Would you like to boost your social skills and get the social life of your dreams? Would you like to become socially successful? Hi, my name is Anna, and I am a social skills consultant. I have already helped more than 200,000 people. All I want the world to develop better social skills. And now it's your turn. In this course, I will teach you how to create amazing friendships with the people that you need and how you can get the social life that you've always wanted to have. I will show you all the social skills, secrets that you need. You will learn how to find what kind of friends that you truly want, where you can meet them, how you can connect with them, how you can approach them, how you can be interesting. You can develop amazing friendship with them. How you can connect with them, how you can make an amazing first impression. How you can exchange contact details, how you can nourish this relationship and how we can transform it into a deep and amazing relationship and an amazing friendship that you have with the new people that you meet. So I'm really excited for you because this course will really take your social life, your friendships, your communication skills, social skills to the next level. 2. Friendship Basics: How To Develop Amazing Friendships: So let's jump right in. I would like to share with you the five keys to develop amazing friendships. So in this video, I'll be sharing with you the five keys. And then in the course I will be explaining in details how you can do it. So let's start with key number one. Know who you want to attract as friends and where you can meet them. You friends have to match your personality. And most people don't ask themselves this question here. Who do you want to attract? What are the kind of friends that you want to attract? And it's really important because the people that will, that will be surrounded with impacts, your personality will impact who you are. And there is a famous quote from Jim Rhone that says that you are the average of the five people that you hang out with. So it's really important that you think about who do you want to have as friends and they have to match your personality. Let's say that you are surfer and then you go to a class about to meet people. There may be a disconnect here, or let's say that you acquired and you like reading books. Go to a club where people drink a lot of alcohol and are really extroverted, there may be a disconnect here. That's why we want to think about who we want to attract as friends and if it matches our personality. Key number two, be generous and add value to your friend's life. Most people approach other people and then the take value from them and say, oh, I have to make a friend and they tried to take something from the people that they meet. And instead you should be giving value to people because people like to hang out with people that give value to them. So how can you give value? You can give value verbally and non-verbally. Verbally, it means that you can say something you can, you can share and advise, share some tips. You can share information, you can make a joke. There is something that you say that will add value to the other person's life. Or you can also do it non-verbally. It means that with the emotions that you feel, the vibe, if you have great emotions, you are feeling good and you approach someone and then you share that positive energy with people. And then they will feel that's positive energy that we like him. Or I will show you in the course exactly how to do all of that. But here I just wanted to ask you this question here. I use someone who gives value socially. What do you approach? Someone in a bar, in a cafe, in a restaurant, you give value to people. I use someone who tends to evaluate. If that's not the case, don't worry, I will show you exactly how to do that later in the course. Key number 3, friendships are mostly based on commonalities. If you think about the people that you hang out with it because you have something in common. So if you are able to find the commonality based on a passion or something that you really like doing, you and the other person. And then you can connect based on this commonality, you will develop a strong friendship with that person. So a part in this course you will be about how can you find commonalities? How can you connect with people instantly and how can you develop deep bonds with the people that you meet? Number 4, keep in touch with the people that you meet. Most people make this mistake here. They meet someone, they have an amazing conversation. And then they say, Oh, I had this amazing conversation. That's okay, I have a friend. And they forget to keep up with the relationship that forget to keep in touch with the person that forgets to just like talk to the person after the interaction. And we are social animals, and it's great to have a first create interaction. But then how do you continue the relationship? How do you make the relationship stronger? And these are all the questions that we'll be answering here in discourse number five, be an action taker. So the life, the social life that you have right now is your responsibility. It means that if you want to make more friends, go out, take risks, interact with new people, and then make new friends. It's your responsibility to say, okay, I want to have a better social life. I want to develop amazing social skills. It's my responsibility. It's my job to say, Oh, I'm going to take a risk today. I'm going to approach that person. I'm going to approach. I mean, I'm going to go to that bar. So that's restaurant and approach that person. And if the more risk you take socially, for example, you take the risk of asking for that, for number of approaching that person. People we love you for that because most people socially, they, they tried to be safe. They don't try to approach new people that don't try to ask for the number, that don't ask if the person wants to see them again. And by doing that, by making a habit of taking research, you will have amazing results because most people don't do that. So this is the face keys here to develop amazing friendship. Let's continue. 3. How To Attract The Friends You Really Want: How to attract the new friends that you want. So who you surround yourself with is who you become. Let's say that you are surrounded by people who are really negative and trying to put you down. You are going to be a little bit more negative because you will be surrounded by these kind of people. And as human beings, we tend to observe the behavior of the people around us and we try to copy them. And even if it's not consciously, it happens unconsciously. So it's really important to think about who you want to have as friends, who we want to surround You, start with because that will impact your personality the way you behave, and actually like who you are and who you become in life. So it's really, really crucial. And right now I would like you to think about the friends that you have. Other serving your life, other friends that you truly want. And sometimes we made friends many years ago. It can be even friends from high school. And we have evolved and we are not the same person as we were before. And maybe we are far away like we don't connect with this kind of friends and immobile. We stay with them because it's comfortable. And I would like to invite you to think about the kind of friends that you truly want. I'm not going to get rid of them. I'm just saying that maybe this kind of friends that you don't really connect with, maybe you should see them less often and then really make time and make space for the new friendships. Because if you have a lot of people who don't connect with you and the adjust around you. You are not giving space for your new friends. So it's important that you think about that most people never ask themselves the question, who do you want to attract? Because they want to be liked by everyone. They want to approach everyone and say, Oh, everyone is my friend. The problem is that is that you are adapting who you are too much. If everyone likes you, you are doing something wrong because it means that you adapt in who you are always to please people. And what I encourage you to do is to really think, okay, what are the kind of people that I want to attract? And you really think about that. And then you find friends who match your personality. Because then when you will approach this people you know who you are looking for, you will approach these people and then you will instantly connect. And the bond will be strong because there will be a match between who you want to attract and your personality. So ask yourself this question here. Who are the friends you want to attract? What are their personalities? What are the lifestyle? What are their values? What do they like doing? And you start thinking about who you want to hang out with. And it's an amazing exercise because you will be able to attract new people to your life. So take time to really write it down. When I, when I started many years ago, I wanted to have an amazing girlfriend. So I wrote all hell quantities. So I want to have this kind of girlfriend and this quality, this is how behavior. And I wanted to have to attract a girl who was really outgoing, positive, who are sophisticated. And I was not that kind of men back then. So I said, Oh, I want to attract that kind of person. This is why I am right now. I can feel there is a small disconnect here between who I want to attract and who I am. And asked myself this question here, do I, do I wants to be more outgoing because these were the qualities that I wanted to find in a girlfriend and say, Oh, do I want to be more outgoing? Yes, I want to be more outgoing. And then I developed this personality traits that develop these behaviors in myself. So when you think about the friends you want to attract, if you say, Oh, I want to have positive fever and right now you are not truly positive. Don't worry, because then you can also evolve. You can transform itself into a better version of yourself. But I would like you to aim for the friends that you truly want. Don't say, Oh, I'm negative, I will be always like that and I would like to hang out with positive people, but I'm the gut. If it's over, life is over now. No, no. You can improve. You can evolve into a better version of yourself. And that's why that's what I want to share with you here in this course, is that you find the people that you want. And then you ask yourself this question here. Could I connect with these people? And if the answer is no, try to improve, try to work on the personality traits of the behaviors that you could improve to really match with this kind of people. And the more you do it, the more you do it and the more you are aware of it, the easier it will be because then you develop what you need to develop or maybe you don't need to develop anything and you're already like, you are great enough. And then you go and you interact with these kind of people. Immediately will connect with this kind of people. And you less connect with like other kinds of people. But what do you want? Do you want strong relationship, strong friends? Or do you want to have a lot of like weak friends? When I say weak friends is like friends that you don't truly connect with. All you would like to have an amazing connection and amazing bond with people around you. Also, something that is truly important is to ask yourself this question here. Do I truly want to attract these friends? Is it's something that I truly want? Or is it something that society wants me to do? Because the times where it's people around you that tells you, hey, you shouldn't hang out with people who have like high revenue or you should ring a hangout with people who are that way. And maybe you don't want to hang out with this kind of people. So it's important that you are true to yourself. You are aligned with who you are, so that you really think about the kind of people that you will be able to connect so that you can really connect with this kind of people. If there is a disconnect, it would be more difficult to connect with the kind of people that you truly on. So think about that. Step one is about who do you want to attract? Think about their personalities, their values, their lifestyle, what they like doing and stop, start painting a picture for your friends, a picture of who you want to attract. And then we'll see step two, but right now is here, who do you want to attract? So take time to answer this question. 4. Find Out The Best Places To Meet The Friends You Really Want: How to find out where to meet the friends that you truly want. So right now, you have identified the profile of the people that you want to meet. Now ask yourself this question. Where do they hang out? Let's say that for example, you are shy, you are introverted, and you want to meet people who are like you. Maybe it's better to go to a library or to a quiet place rather than than a bar or a club or people drink alcohol and they are really extroverted. So it's about thinking about where do they hang out. Let's say that for example, you want to meet people who are entrepreneurs. You want to find this kind of people. Where do they hang out? You have more chances to finding this kind of people, the entrepreneurs. If you go to investor parties, if you go to entrepreneurial events, if you go to networking events aimed for entrepreneurs, you have to find the way, the places where the people hang out. If you want to be surrounded by people who like health, nutrition and I in good shape. You have more chances of finding these people at the gym, at yoga classes, at like dancing classes, rather than than bars, clubs. It all depends about the kind of people that you want to attract. And if you can find a place where these people hang out, and it's a place where you can go there. Often, it'll be easier for you to develop this deep friendships. For example, if you go to drama classes, to dancing classes, to yoga classes, where the same people go to the same place over and over again so that you know that on Tuesday you are going to see the same people over and over again and then it becomes easier to talk to these people. One day you can just say, hey, how are you Then the other day you can continue the conversation. You don't have to do everything at once. So It's really important that you think right now. The kind of friends that I want to attract, where do they hang out? And then when you have found a place and it can be many places, you're going to write it down in your calendar. For example, you want to find people who are healthy. Okay. Where do they hang out? The Hangout? A Jim's mostly. So I could do group classes at the gym. So you could schedule that. And you know that every Tuesday evening you go to that gym at 07:00 PM and then you like you exercise with them and then you can interact with this kind of people. But it has to be written down. I would like you to write down for the whole month what you're going to do each week. And then you know, it's written in your calendar because if it's not written, fear will start building up in your body and you would say, oh, maybe it's more comfortable to stay home that go into that new place. So it works really, really well. When I started, I wanted to be surrounded by people who are positive for our leaders who really like change the world. And back then I lived in Switzerland and I was not able to find that kind of people there. I want it like really big thinkers. So I had to travel, I travel all around the world. I joined VIP events to really get this high-end people. For example, I was able to interview Jack Canfield, Joe Vitale, a lot of amazing people like the founder of addicted to success, like so many great people, by networking with them and by having that deep relationships with the people that were around me because I was able to find people who I could connect with. Your mission here is to write down on your calendar, where do the people hangout and when you will be going to these places here, you plan the whole month. I had. And you could go online, you could search for groups, you could search for the activities that you want to join. And it has to be written down because it's not written down, it's not going to happen. 5. The Power Of Having A One Key Fan Friend: The power of having a 190 friend. So when I started out, I had people around me who are not connecting with me. I had like a group of friends that were not really like great friends. And when I was going out and I was like approaching with this kind of friends, people who would send that. We we didn't have a strong friendship and like there was something off. So my suggestion to you is to find a one keyframe. What is that? It's a friend that you want to hang out with. It means that it's a friend that has to profile of the people that you want to attract as friends. Remember, one of the first lectures about finding who you wanted to attract. And this friend here, he has the qualities of the person that you want to attract. And the goal here is to find someone that is already around you, someone that you know, that could be like this amazing friend. So the goal here is to go through your phone, to go on your social media accounts and find that one key friend. It can be someone that you already know and that you already hangout with. It could be someone that you lost touch with that person. It can be anyone who could be your ideal friend and who has the qualities that you want. And the idea here is to call that person, to take that person and say, Hey, I want to go to that new place on Tuesday, on Wednesday to that yoga class, to that library, to that restaurant, to that bar, to that club this day of the week. And I would like you to come with me so that we can meet new people. Do you want to come and you can explain to him or to her that you wanted to meet new people. You want to create a new social circle. And if the person is, is your friend, and the person may say yes because there are excited about meeting new people. And if it's someone who wants to develop new friendships, this person will say yes, it will become easier for you if you have like this one person that you can hang out with. Our goal in this new social situations. Because your stress level will decrease because you are with someone when you approach someone, you have someone with you. And it's easier if you go with someone because there are more things to talk about that like more people that can put fuel in the conversation. And if you approach with someone that you connect with, the dynamic of the group will be better. The dynamic of all the interactions within that group, within that data approach would be better because the bonds will be stronger. So I highly encourage you to think about who is your wonky friend. Think about that. When I started like many years ago, 15 years ago, I did exactly that escrow to my phone and I found a friend that had lost touch with it means that we hadn't talked in 55 years actually. And I call him, I talked about like Ed law about everything and that's hey, I would like you to hang out with me this this Tuesday. You want to come? He said yes. And then we built an amazing friendship. We met amazing people, and we built a new social circle based on that. So it's really powerful. And later in the course, I will show you how you can go out alone. So don't make an excuse. If you say, Oh, I don't have this one. Q friend, I cannot build a new social circle. That's not the case. I will show you. You can do it the techniques that I've discovered and have developed over the years, to go out alone, to go out in Sydney, to go out in Brazil in all the places that I traveled to, how I am able to make new friends if I am alone. So I'm going to show you that. But right now, your mission is to find who your one keyframe is. If you don't have that person, don't worry, it will be okay to approach other people. And if you have found this one keyframe, you contact him right now or her right now and say, hey, I want to build a new social circle. Do you want to come with me on Friday to dancing classes to that place so that you can meet new people. And if the person is open-minded, they may say yes. So that's your mission. 6. If You Go Out Alone To Meet New Friends, You Should Know This!: How to meet new people if you're alone. So this one here is really important because if you're able to meet new people by going out alone, you will be able to have a lot of freedom and you will be able to really take responsibility on the social life that you have. So let me explain. I've traveled to so many places. I lived in Sydney, I lived in Brazil, in Annapolis, and I'm always traveling around the world, so I'm going to other places and I don't have anyone with me or sometimes I traveled with some people, but most of the time I'm alone. So it means that I have to approach new people by being, being alone. Otherwise, I won't be interacting with people. So what's really amazing about being alone is that you are the master of your time. It means that you didn't watch. You want you want to leave that venue. You can do it. You want to go home early. You can do it, you can do whatever you want. And it's really, it forces you to interact with people. When I lived in Sydney, I knew no one. So I was forced to go every night. I was going out just to meet new people because I wanted to build a great social circle. So it forces you to do that and I could do whatever I want. I could stay there. I could stay add up in that bar. I could leave equity whatever I want. So the freedom that you get from that is amazing. And also it develops your willpower. Because if you are able to go out alone and interact with people, then when you will have friends around you, it would be so easy, you know, like it's like it's it's hard, literally. It's hard to go out alone. But when you master that and you develop your willpower, it will really help you. So what are the chips to go out alone? If you go out alone, What's really great is to arrive a little bit early. Let's say that you wanted to go to dancing classes. Instead of n starts at 08:00 PM. Instead of arriving there at 08:00 PM, you arrive them a little bit early so you can talk to people. And this happened to me many times. I wasn't Brasilia was taking tensing classes. The course started, I think, six PM and I will arrive at 530 or 515. And that was just spent time there just in front of the class. And some people would arrive early. And then it's really easy when you have 12 or three people that you want to connect with. Because remember, they are the people that you want to attract. And then you can just talk to them, say, hey, how are you? My name is Aaron. Are you here for the dancing class? Yeah, I'm here. Where are you from? And then we can start the conversation. And it also works well with bars and clubs. Instead of arriving when it's really late and everyone is partying and completely drunk. I have a little bit early when the bar or the club opens because then it's really quiet. People are there and you can really have a conversation and connect with this kind of people. So it's really great to arrive a little bit early. The best. If you can arrive early to a something that happens over and over again like every week. For example, a dancing class, a yoga class, something that you do over and over again and that you see the same people over and over again. So I arrive a little bit early. And other important advice, if you go out alone, don't. A Hangout with the other people who are alone and who are weird. It happened to me so many times. I would go out to clubs or two bars or to any social event. I would go out by myself because I was traveling, had no one with me. I had to meet new people and I would just arrive early and maybe there are one or two people there, so I would talk to them. And I sense the way weird. This, I sense the way like people that had something going on in their life and they had something weird going on. And I said, Oh, I'm alone. And at that time I said, Oh, it's better to hangout with that weird person rather than being alone. And that was a mistake. And I did that many times, like a PDS mistake like so many. I made this mistake so many times because I was at that bar, I was hanging out with that person and people start arriving like the they saw us together. And then I left. I went to the bathroom, I came back and I didn't find my, my my weird new friend. And they approach a new group of people. And I really, I connected with these people as they were amazing people. And then one person of the group looked at me and say, Hey, are you his friend over there? I saw earlier I saw you together, was pointing out that we'll guy. And I said, Yes, I'm his friend, say, Okay, we have to go. And it happened to me so many times. I arrived early and I was talking to that person I knew had nothing in common with, but I said it's better to be with someone who has done that rather than alone. And I was wrong because then it happened to me in dancing classes, in a networking events that people wouldn't talk to me because they thought that was a super friend with this weird or negative person. So be careful who you spend your time with when you are approaching alone. Sometimes it's better to be by yourself rather than with someone that you just met and you have nothing in common. And that is weird and you feel there is something off. Now, what do you do if you go out by yourself? Because the first question that people will be asking you is, who are your friends? So I tested everything. I tested saying, Oh, I'm by myself. I tested, untested everything. So the first thing is that if you go to a new city and you know no one there, it's normal to say, Hey, I'm alone because I just arrived in the city and I want to meet new friends that people can understand, that. People can say, Oh, he's new to the city, that's normal, that he is alone. But what happens if you go to a city that you have been there for long time and just tell people that on a Friday night or Saturday night, you're alone. Sadly. It's weird. Sadly people would think that there is something wrong because, why would this person here B, in this social place alone on a Friday or Saturday night, It means that he has no one to hangout to, the two to hang out with. Why don't people hang out with this guy here? That's what people will think. And. Sadly it's true. I told people, hey, I just wanted to go out alone this night to meet new people. And most people we think it's weird that you go out alone on a Friday or Saturday night because you could have a friend with you. And they say, Oh, there's something going on with that person. So the trick that I found is to say that you have friends that are coming. For example, I could go to a bar to any place and I would approach people. People would say, Well, where are your friends or are you alone? Have say No, no, my friends are coming, they're super late. There are stuck in traffic, will be there, I think half an hour or one hour and I had nothing to do. So I wanted to say hi because you look friendly. And that way people will say, Oh, this person is normal. Dispersion is a just person, has friends. And what's going to happen is that my imaginary friends, they won't show up. So what I can say later is that they canceled and I'm really sad and piece them. And I'm going to say, oh, I just got a text from my friends, they cancel. I know like it's it's really lame that they can stay with you. And then have a new group of friends. And some people will say, Oh, it's lying, It's not lying is just framing as not being weird. Because you are not a weird person. I hope you're not a weird person. And by just saying that it shows that you are normal and it's a way to hack the social gain. Another great thing to do is if the people ask, if you're alone and the bar is crowded, you can say, Oh, my friends are over there. I did that so many times. All my friends are over there. I just wanted to meet new people. And then people say, Oh, this person is no more because he has a social group there and no one is there, but no one knows because then you can stay like a few hours and they say, Oh, I'm going to go back to my friends. And then you can leave the venue or you can approach and or the group and say that they're your friends. So if you approach a group there, you say, Oh my friends are over there. And they later in the night you approach a new purse, new group, then people, we see that you are with many group of people and say, Oh, this person is popular artist person has a lot of friends and you arrive then you knew no one. So this is a great way really to approach when you are alone. And I loved doing that. I loved when I went to the new cities in Brazil, Australia, all around the world and I was traveling in Africa like all these amazing places. Going out alone is super fun because you learn about yourself. You learn about how you interact with people. You learn to control your emotions. You learn to put yourself out there if you alone. And you can make amazing friendships out of that because you are giving space around you for new people to enter your world. And this is truly amazing. So my challenge to you, your mission for this week is to go out alone, go out alone and experienced that and use the technique of the friends or, hey, I arrived in a new city. If you truly are in a new city and don't tell that you are alone on a Friday or Saturday night. Don't say it. And you will see that you will become a big success because you will have the freedom to do what she wants and meet your friends. 7. Action Time!: Okay, It's action time. Now it's the time that you have defined who you want to attract. You have painted a picture for your friends, you know, where the Hangout you have written down in your calendar. You have contacted your one keyframe. If you have or if you don't, it doesn't matter. And you have scheduled that for the whole month where you can go. And if you don't have this wonky friend, you can go out alone. And now we'll see exactly in the next section, how you can interact with people. How do you approach people? How do you, what do you say? How do you connect with them? How do you exchange numbers? How to find an activity that you can do together? How do you continue the relationship? That's what we're going to see in the next section. So let's go. 8. How To Get Over Being Shy Socially: How to get over being shy socially. So in this video here, what I would like to share with you five advice. The first one is about having a vision for why you want to have new friends. So if you think about the friends that you want to attract, Why do you want to have these friends? Why? Think about your motivation? Is it because you want to have a better life just because you wanted to have amazing friendships that you can connect and share. What happens in your life? Is it because you want to have support from people? Is it because you want to have inspiration, like, why do you want to have these friends? Because the idea here is to make a vision of why you want to have these friends. Because if you truly know your deep motivation next time that you will be in an interaction. And you really may be experienced the fear of approaching their fear of rejection, only social fears. You have to think about division because that's the vision that will fuel you. The vision for your friends will fuel and will destroy the fears that you have. And interacting with people can be difficult if you don't really know why you want to interact with people. By knowing exactly your motivation, you will be able to approach people more easily. So take a piece of paper and write down, why do you want to attract these new friends and make a list at least five items. A list of five items so that you truly know. And when you write them down, really feel the emotions. Feel the emotions. If you just write it down and say, oh yeah, I want to have new friends because it's great. It's awesome and you don't feel the emotions, it won't fuel you. So that was advice number one, advice and mature focus on the things that you did well socially. People who lack confidence, and I would say most people, they would focus on the things that they did wrong socially. They will give a huge importance on the things that they did wrong. And our brain will forget the things well socially because we are focused on the things that happens badly. So the goal here is to remind yourself that you were able to accomplish things socially and that we're able to do them well. So the exercise here is to take a piece of paper and remember the times, everything that you have accomplished well socially. So it depends on the social environments where you want to rebuild that confidence. It can be in a bar networking event, it can be in a club or restaurant. Think about one social place where you say, Oh, let's say a bar. What were the things that I was able to do well socially in a bar. And you write everything, even if it's super small, like you were able to make a joke or anything. And the goal here is to have a list. Let's aim for at least 10 things. But if you want to continue and hit the 100 items, you are free to do it. And that's, that's something I would encourage you to do. You make this list. What did I do well in that environment? And you think about your whole life. I was able to approach that person in 1980. I didn't know I was able to do that. I was able to do that, to approach too, to have an interesting conversation, to ask for the number to do that to that, to that because you want to show you bring all the items with Things that you were able to do well so that your brain can just remember all the great things that should eat and that will boost your self-esteem, your self-confidence. And next time that you will be in a social interaction, you will be less shy because your brain will have, remember all the things that you are able to do socially and you, and you will be able to approach people more easily. So this exercise is really, really powerful. Focus on what you can gain if you approach people. So I'm not saying to take advantage of people. Oh, I'm going to gain that. I'm going to gain that. No, no, no. I'm just showing you brain that if you approach people, you can gain something. You can gain an amazing friendship. You can have a great time. You can get this girlfriend, boyfriend that you want, this husband, his wife like, you can gain something from the interaction. Because if you are shy, you must put yourself out there. And a great way to do that is that by showing that if you take action, you are going to get benefits from that action. Because if you're always focused on everything that could go wrong, you're not going to take many social actions. So what we want to do is to focus on the benefits. An example that I love sharing with you is the house on fire. Let's imagine that there is a house on fire on the other side of the street. I tell you that there is a five-dollar bill inside this house. If you're able to get this $5 that are yours. When asked this question in seminars, almost all of the, all of the audience says, I'm not going to try because the house is on fire and I can only get $5. Now if I tell you that there is a brief case with $3 million in it, if you find it, you can keep it. Would to try. And most people that are more people who say yes. Why is that? What happened in your brain? You have evaluated the situation and the situation is the same. The house is on fire. But you said, what are the benefits, what are the risks and what are the benefits? And you saw that the benefits of getting $3 million was higher than just $5. So what happened is that your brain wanted to take more action because the more benefits attached to that. So that's the idea here to think about what are the benefits of approaching this new people? And there are two ways to do that. The first way is to do that at home. You are comfortable there. You are at home. You take a piece of paper and you write this answer here. What are the benefits of approaching these people or these new people, or approaching new friends, approaching new new people. You write them down, you make a list, five to ten items, okay, what are the benefits? And you really feel the emotion and other way is just before approaching someone. If you're not really comfortable, you are a little bit shy. You just remind yourself of what are the benefits of approaching someone? I'm not focused on the fact that they can reject me in all these bad things. I'm just focusing on what are the benefits of approaching someone. For example, I went to a bar and there were a group of people who looked really friendly and say, what are the benefits of approaching them? Or I can have an amazing relationship. I can laugh tonight. I can have a great time. Maybe I can have new friends, maybe I can meet you and your girlfriend. Maybe, you know, like I was making a list of all the benefits and it was really easier for me to approach and to be less shy socially. Number four, be moving in social places. People who are shy, low, confident, they tend to find a spot and stay there the whole time. But the issue is that is that you won't be interacting with many people if you are always on, on this, on the same spot. So what I encourage you to do is always be moving. For example, when I go to a social place, I'm going to choose a place, a seat that has people walking by. For example, it could be near the toilets. It can be it could be where people enter. It could be like where people are walking past me. That's the spot where I want it to be. Because then I can go to one place, to another place, can go to one group, to another group. I can go to the bathroom. Then I approached this group. Then I go and I take a beer, then I go there. I'm always moving. I don't stay in the same spot because I want to have many opportunities to meet new people. So the idea with that is that if you're always moving, it's easier to approach someone. Because the more you stay still and you stand in the same spot, the less your body will want to and to act. And if I ask you this question here, is you are laying down on the couch, how motivated are you to take action and to even just stand up and take that glass glass of water or to go to the bathroom when you, when you are laying down on the couch, you're not highly motivated. Because the more you stay without moving, the less motivation you will have to take action. So that's why by moving a lot throughout the event, the social event, it will be easier for you to approach new people and decrease your level of China's. Number five, lower your criteria for success. Most people are so stressed because they say, oh, tonight I'm going out, I'm going to meet the perfect girlfriend, boyfriend, the perfect friend. And they say, Oh my God, I have to be perfect. And social perfection doesn't exist. The people that you meet won't be perfect. It's a myth to think that people are perfect and that there are perfect behavior socially, it doesn't exist. So instead of putting yourself too much pressure thing, um, I gotta have to meet the perfect friend tonight to say, Hey, I'm going to enjoy my night and interact with people. And one thing that you can do is lower your criteria for what, For watch, for what you do. So for example, instead of saying, Oh, I'm going to find an amazing friendship tonight, just say, Hey, I'm going to approach five people. It's something that is the criteria in lowered, it's easily attainable. And what's going to happen is that if you approached by people and they say, Oh my God, I did it, I accomplished my goal for tonight. And then you are you are talking to people and then you say to yourself, Oh, I'm joined the conversation will not continue that. But you will be in a more relaxed way than saying, Oh my God, I have to find a girlfriend, boyfriend, friendship. And what's going to happen if you say that I'm going to find, I have to find this amazing friend tonight. It's something that is outside of your control. So if you go to a bar and there are only like bad people there, you are not going to find an amazing friendship. It's the outside of your control and it's going to destroy your self-esteem. So instead you should have goals that are in your control. You can approach by people, it's in your control. So don't put coal social goals that are too much outside of your control? Of your control? Yes, maybe you want to have this amazing friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever you want to have. But you must focus on the things that I knew control your goal should be okay. I'm going to go out five days a week, six days a week. I'm going to approach at least three people every night. And you take responsibility for that. And you go and you do it. And then you see the more responsibility you take and the more actions you take and the more you work on the, on these goals that are aligned with who you are. And that time you control, the more confidence you will be able to build and the less shy you will be. So these were the five advice on how you can become less shy. I know that if you are shy, it's really difficult. I totally understand. I don't know if you know my story, but 15 years ago, I was shy. I started I suffered from social anxiety. I was even hospitalized for that. And maybe right now you are saying that's not possible. Like you are lying is just a story for your brand. Not our stuttering. I had no friends. That was really a tough time and that's why I developed this amazing concepts. And that's why I have like an unique value that I can bring to the marketplace because it was an obsession for the last 15 to 20 years. So, you know, like I understand when you are shy, but I can tell you that the better days are ahead, the better days are there. You take action, you build your confidence, and you use the advice that I'm sharing in this course and you will become better socially and get the friends that you want. 9. How To Put Yourself In A Good State & Confident State Before Approaching People: How to put yourself in a good and confidence state before approaching. So most people think that the interaction starts when the interaction starts, but basically it starts before because your posture, your energy, what you think, your mindset about people that will all impacts the quality of the interaction that you will have. So every time that I go to a social place, I will do six things and the SEC things I do all the time. And it puts me in a great mood. And I have all my capabilities, all my resources to have amazing relationships are making amazing first impression. So I would like to show you how I do them. Number one, I have always positive expectations. For example, I have this networking event tonight. I want to make new friends or I want to find business clients or whatever it is. I'm always going to think that it's going to go, well, I'm going to say, Oh, tonight I'm going to meet amazing people tonight I'm going to approach new clients. I'm going to approach new people. It's going to go well, I'm always picturing the great things in my mind. Most people don't do that. Most people say, Oh, I hope I won't be rejected tonight. Well, I hope that people won't laugh at me, or I hope that people will like me. And if you are focused on the negative things, you're not, you are not going to build your confidence. And you want to be in a confidence mood. Because if you're in a confidence mood, you will be able to use your powers. When I say powers, it's your best self because you bear self come through when you are confident, not when you are doubting, when you are stressed, when you're upset. It's when you have this confidence and positive state. I'm going to show you later how to do it. But right now I just want to show you that you must have positive expectancy. Instead of seeing the glass half empty. See the glass half full is super simple. Most people don't do that. They focused on everything that can go wrong. Because they say, Oh, I focused on everything that can go wrong so that if it happens, I know how to deal with that. But studies have shown that 90% of what we think bad will happen, don't happen. So you're all, we're always worried on like the 90% of the things that are useless. And even if, even if the 10 percent happens, you know how to deal with that, maybe it's not that bad. So instead, focus on the great things. And there is also the self-fulfilling prophecy. It means that if you think that great things will happen, you will send the message to the universe for great things to happen. So if you're always visualize this issue of visualize it going well. You have high chances of making happen because it's better to arrive with a vibe of a, i'm, I'm going to do something well. The interaction is going to go well than I hope I don't get rejected. The energy divide is different. That's why there are two ways to do it. The first thing is when you're home, you just close your eyes and you visualize yourself succeeding in that interaction. You don't visualize yourself being rejected. All the bad things, No, no, no. We want to have positive expectancy. You imagine yourself going well. Is it going to go well, I don't know, but there's a higher chance of going well, if you do it that way. So you do that home comfortable, comfortably. You close your eyes and you imagine it going well, you can do that before an event one hour before at the events, just before leaving your place to go to these events, you can do it. The other thing is to do that just before approaching. For example, I have this group of people there and I will look at them and say, Hey, I, it's going to go well, it's going to go well. And I have positive expectancy about the interaction that was number one. Number two, which is one of my favorite, the posture that you have impacts your confidence level and the ability to be positive. If I ask you something, could you picture someone who is depressed and low energy? What would you tell me? You would say that the person is like that? No facial expression. And the shortest or down chest is closed looking down. Right now, if I ask myself this question, between 0 to ten, how motivated I am, I don't know, two or three, how confident I am, 23. And now if I say, Oh, I'm confident, I'm confident, I don't believe it. But what if instead, I open my shoulders, I opened my chest, I put my shortest back. I imagine there is a string pulling me to the sky, pulling me, they're pulling the back of my head to the sky. I gesture a lot. I use a lot of gesture. I put a lot of expressions on my face. Imagine that I'm Superman or Superwoman. And I imagine I have a cape right now, my confidence level went from 2 to 9, 11 to 10. How is that possible? It's because the posture that you have will impact your confidence level. The body is linked with the mind. So it means that if you change the body, it changes your mind. You can also change the mind and it changes your body. When you are stressed, you are, you always have the same pattern of stressing. You will have. You will do something with your body that is very specific. You will be breathing really quickly. You won't be putting too much air in your body. There are certain things that you do. And I would say it switches, that you turn on and off to activate certain emotions. So if you want to acts to activate the emotion of confidence and positivity, use the posture of someone who is confident. Imagine that you're Superman. Another great tip for you would be to ask yourself this question. If you were 100% confident, how, how would you behave and you behave it like that. You will have the posture, you will take space, you will open your chest, pull your shoulders back. It will gesture a lot. And that's how it should interact with people. Because if you activate this energy of confidence, people will perceive you as confident. Number three, why am I awesome in my hand? Before going to the event, I will be repeating, why am I awesome? Why am I awesome? Or because I have cool hair? Why am I awesome? Because I'm going to design amazing place. Where am I awesome? Because I'm just awesome. Why am I awesome? Because I'm a great dad, I'm a great father and a great friend. Why am I awesome? Because I have so much to share? Why am I ask them? Because I have blue eyes, why am I ask them? It doesn't really make sense. But in my mind, I'm repeating, why am I awesome? Because I'm framing my mind to believe that I'm awesome, that I'm confident that I'm great to that. When I will be interacting with people, I will have this confidence level. Some people will say, Oh, don't do that. It's Cauchy's arrogant. It's not you adjust reclaiming your true value. You are just showing you brain that you have value in a social interaction. Because then you can approach the people that you truly want to approach because it will be confidentially confidence in yourself, in your own skin, and know that you are valued, and know that you have value to share with people. So always, I mean, I'm in the cab, I'm driving, I'm walking. What am I awesome. I am awesome because and blah, blah, blah. And I do that 5, 10, 20 times. And it boost my confidence. And I do that and combine that with my posture, with my positive expectancy. And I become highly confident. And then when I approach someone, I'm on fire. Number for music and moving. Have you ever noticed that if you are sleeping, you are not highly motivated? That if you are laying on your couch and not highly motivated, it is because movement will activate energy. So I use two things, music and moving. So for example, when I'm home and I have to leave to a place just before I will put a specific music that I have, and that really increases my mood. I love this music. It's a really positive music is not something depressed and I want to kill myself. That's not this kind of music. Like really I can music that gives you energy and motivation and put that, and I move an identity dense the CDS way that I can like, truly like dancing, you know, like, like it's completely terrible. But it makes me love so much that it puts myself in a great mood. So that's why I always do that home before going to the event. And if I cannot do that, I will start moving in the environment. Then signal just like moving or like listening to music. Great music going there. If you see me when I'm driving and I'm going to a place where I'm getting like high-end people and I have to be on top. And if I have not talked to anybody, I would be really low energy and I would be in my car and I would be like putting the music like super loud. And I would be like dancing like I'm waiting at this red light and like I'm like dancing and smiling. I'm doing creative things in my car just to pump my state. And some people drive by the look at me and then I'm like like that and they laugh. It also makes me laugh and I put myself in a great energy. So movement and music is great. Number 5, breathing the way that you brief will impact your success socially. So if you go to a place and you are stressed, you want breadth property. So what I always do when I'm doing these exercises is that I will breathe deeply. I want to raise my shoulders when I'm breathing and I will breathe with my belly. It means that I will feel my belly expanding and contracting. So I will do that three times and I will repeat it over again. I will inhaled by the nose and excited by the mouse. So it will be three times. And I don't know if you can feel that, but I'm more relaxed. I'm more calm. And I do that when I'm doing with these exercises here because then it oxygenates my brain and oxygenates my body and it decreases my stress. And this is what the Navy Seals do when they're near-death experiences. They take control of the way they breath to candy down. So combine that with all the things that I said before. And you will see that will really become a big success. And something that is truly important is, it's the sixth advice is whatever you focus on is what you feel. So it's important that you have a great emotion, great energy when interacting with people. I don't care about the energy you have home or I I I don't care. What I care is that you are able to activate a great energy, create emotion when you interact with people. And the best way to do that is to focus on a memory. So right now, if I ask you to focus on something that makes you sad, How do you feel sad? If I asked you to focus on something that makes you angry, How do you feel angry? Now if I ask you to focus on a memory that made you smile, that made you happy, that gave you positive emotions. How do you feel? Positive, happy? So that's the key here. Before approaching two, before approaching people. Remember a time when you felt happy. You can close your eyes and remember that time it will put a smile on your face. And when you feel that emotion in your belly, you just amplified, you amplify this positive emotion. And it will put yourself in a great mood. And there is a low in social interaction is that whatever you feel, the other fields. So if you feel great, the person will feel this positive emotion. So try, try. Now. Just close your eyes for a few seconds and think about something that's made you smile. Think about something positive. Think about something that I gave you this positive emotions. Think about that. Put a smile on your face. And when you feel this emotion of positivity, you just amplified through your body. And if you do that before approaching people, you will have this positive state and people will love you for that. So this six step process, I use it all the time and you cannot be in a bad mood if you do this thick six things. So you can use that for networking events, for going to new places. It even if you had job interviews or if you have other things that you have to do socially, it works like a charm. 10. The Psychology Of Breaking The Ice Finally Revealed!: The tech, the psychology of breaking the ice. So I'd like to share with you here five advice. Number one, I have the mindset that people want me to approach them. I'm not focusing always on omega-c the right time to approach. Does this person want me to approach? No. I assume that the person wants me to approach them. So by having this mindset here, when I am in a social place and someone looks at me, I say, Oh, I assume that the person wants me to approach them and it helps me taking action. And most people in social life, they don't have the courage to approach new people like they want to be rejected. So if you take risks, if you take responsibility for making things happen and you have the mindset of, Oh, people want me to approach them, then you can take more actions. Is it better to have a mindset of Oh, people wants me to approach them rather than, Oh, am I going to be liked? One comes from power and the other one comes from weakness. So the mindset that you should have is people want me to approach them and you can write it down on a piece of paper. And every time you go, you go to a social place, you say, Oh, people want me to approach them, people want me to approach them, people want me to approach them. And if you understand that people want you to approach them, then you can take more action. Number 2, take responsibility for your actions. It's important that you understand that the social life that you have right now is a reflection of the amount of responsibility and actions that you're taking in your life. Right now if you don't have the social life that you want, it's because you haven't taken enough action to make it happen. So it's important that you understand that you give yourself permission to take action socially. You give yourself permission when you arrive that new place to approach these people. You give yourself permission to say, right now, I want to approach this piece and it's my responsibility, It's my life. I want to make my life better. I want to get that new client, that new friend, that new boyfriend or girlfriend. That's my responsibility to making things happen and people will love you for that. The more responsibility, the more risk you take socially, the more rewards you will get, the more courage you get to ask for the number, to approach someone, to make someone laugh, to ask to see them again. The more courage you do that, the more courage you have, the better will be your results. And no one will come to you and say, hey, these, here are you friends that are amazing for you? It happens, it doesn't happen like that. That's why you have to approach lots of people that you think. 11. How To Stop Being Afraid Of Approaching New People & Become Comfortable: How can you decrease your fear of approaching people and how can you become more comfortable? So it's important to know that the fear of approaching people, it's something that everyone has. So if you think about people who are highly socially successful, they all have this fear, but they have learned how to deal with that. So I would like to share with you here a few tips on how you can decrease this fear of approaching. So the first thing that you should know is that it's important that you accept this yet when you feel any kind of social fears, actually, instead of resisting it, if you resist it, it grows. What you want to do is that you want to accept the sphere. You can say, Oh, yeah, I'm experiencing fear of approaching its natural and experiencing that. Because by accepting, you already decrease the intensity of the fear. Now, the other advice is about not giving it too much importance. Because if you take it seriously, the more serious you take it, the more it will impact you. Let's say that you have someone that you truly care about that say that says you something uncomfortable, you are going to take that into account. But if it's a five-years old child, that tells you that Faceoff. Just a five-years old tile. So my advice would be to imagine that your fear of approaching is a five-year-old child. You just imagine that it's a child. Say you are you are afraid today and you don't take that into account. So I have this fear that I call Carlos. Carlos is my five-year-old child. And it's like he's there and he's weak. But it's a part of me, you know, like it's a part of me, so I have to take care of it, but I don't take it seriously. Like it it it never grows, it always five-years old. And it can do anything, you know, like I make fun of it and I don't take it seriously. So when I want to approach someone and I have this fear of approaching, say, Hey, it's your colors again, and I don't take it seriously. I accept that it's there because it's a part of me, but I don't take it seriously. And by not taking it seriously and making fun of it. And when the fear tells you something like you've just say five-years old kid, then it doesn't impact you so much. Another great advice is focused on what you can gain in the interaction. Because if you're always focusing on everything that could go bad, then you may be stressed because you say, Oh, I'm going to take that action and I'm going to get these negative consequences that could happen. Even it's not likely that you will get rejected. If you focus on that, it will amplify the pain and you won't be able to take action. I love to illustrate that with the two boxes. Example in box number 1, you have all your fears, spiders, snakes, everything that you hate is in box number one. Box number two, there is nothing. Which box you want to open. Number one or number two. Number 2 is your normal number 2. Why? Because in your brain you said, Oh, what? The consequences of opening bus box number 1 and box number two, and you identify that box number 2 has less consequences. So what we want to do here is, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, we switch it around and say, Oh, what are the benefits? Because if you focus on the benefits of taking action, you are able to take more action. So don't focus on everything that could go wrong or don't amplify this box here with all the spiders and everything. Just switch it around and focus on everything that you can again. So what you can do is before approaching someone, you ask yourself this question here. What can I gain from this relationship? What can again, what can again, what can again? And what, what are the benefits of approaching these people? The more benefits you have, the easier it will be. Another advice is to approach with a friend. It's more difficult to approach by yourself than with a friend. Why? Because if you are with a friend, you can share the approach. It means that the pressure is divided between you and the other person. So it's easier to approach with a friend because then there are more things that you can talk about. Because there are more people in the interaction, there is more, more fuel in the interaction. So finding a friend that you can approach with helps decreasing the fear of approaching. Because then if you get rejected, you can always laugh and say, Hey, we were rejected that you don't take it seriously because you are with the other person, you can make jokes about that, so that helps a lot. And other, another advice that is really great is about approaching as soon as you can. So if you see that friend or that person that you want to approach, the more you wait, the mod is fear of approaching will increase in your body. So the hack is to when you see someone you have the intention of approaching someone, you go as soon as possible. And we'll see later can talk about. But here you just want to start moving in that direction and approaching that person. That way, the fear cannot build in your body. Now what happens if you don't approach? It means that you see that person. The fear of approaching is there, it's building in your body and you haven't followed my advice and you haven't approached as soon as possible, What do you do? It's not over. You just change your intention. Your intention was to approach that person. You are stressed, you have this fear, okay? Now what you should do now, you change your intention. You have a dream, you take your phone, you see you, you, you call someone, you talk, talk with people around you, you change the intention. Then again, a few minutes later or half an hour later or I don't know how much time you need to just decrease this fear of approaching when you see that person again, oh, I have the intention of approaching and then you go and you do it as soon as possible. And that's where these, these are the ways that you can hack your fear of approaching because it cannot be removed in something natural that is preventing that is preventing you from being, being, being hurt. Because back in the days, we were afraid of approaching new groups, were afraid of being rejected from our tribe. Because if we were rejected from our, from our tribe, who could die. If you approach new groups and we don't know if it was safe or not. So it's, it's a mechanism, mechanism that is there to protect us. So it cannot remove it. But with these techniques here, you can remove, we can decrease it to a level that it doesn't stop you anymore from taking action. So try these amazing advice and you will see that you will be able to approach people more often and have the courage to start amazing friendships with people around you. 12. Break The Ice 101: How To Approach People (the right way): How to approach people the right way. So I'd like to share with you here two ways that you can use all the time to approach anyone anywhere. The first thing I would like to share with you here is that words are not that important. Words are only 7% of an interaction and 92% is non-verbal. So the emotions that you feel, your posture, your body language, the tone of your voice, your eye contact, your smile. All of that is 93 percent. And most people focus too much on all the words that they have to say. How do I have to approach someone? And I would like you to see approaching someone as opening a door In the morning when you open your door and you go outside, do you say homemade, have to open the door, omega the omega 0. You just open the door and you walk outside. I hope that you just opened the door and walk outside. So approaching someone is like opening a door. C data is just something that you have to do to start an interaction. And it's not that important because most people won't remember exactly what was said. In the first seconds. I asked you this question here. Do you remember exactly what my first sentence was at the beginning of design training? Most likely not. You will have a feeling about me. You would say, Oh, I like designing training, I don't like it. And you will have a feeling about how you feel towards designing training. But you want to really remember the words, the first words that I said. So when you approach someone, just imagine it at 0. I have to open a door. It just opening a door so it decreases the stress level. Now how can you approach? Because you have to say something. So what can you do? The first thing is that you can make a comment, ask a question as fauna for an, for an opinion. So you could basically just walks to someone and you could complement them. You can compliment them on the looks or the behavior. So be careful with the complements because it has to be authentic. If it's not authentic, it can backfire on you. And I am sure that it already happened to you. You receive the complement. You felt it was not authentic and you didn't feel great emotion. So be careful with that. But something that works really, really well is that you approach someone and you compliment them on their behavior. And something that works really well is Hi. Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. Hi, my name is blah, blah, blah. I just wanted to say hi because you look open-minded because look positive, because you look friendly, because you look like you want to have a great time. And what I did here is that I observed the behavior of the person and I used it. So I don't want to observe the behavior of someone who is negative and say, Hey, I just wanted to say hi because you look depressed. That's not what I want to say, but something that works all the time is hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. And then the person has higher chances of acting friendly towards you because you framed the person as someone friendly. So this is really powerful here. I said you can also make a comment. It means that you can approach and then they can make a comment say, Hey, I really liked the your, I really like your dress. I really like your suit. The more specific you can be with the comments that you make of it, the compliment that you make, the better it is because the person will think that you're only say that to them. So if you say, Oh, I really like your dress, so I really like you. Could, you could tell that to everyone. But if you say, Hey, I really like how you dress matches your eyes or how you brace settled match your dress. Or I really like the color of your shirt because that data and you explain a little bit the complement, it works really well. Cool. You could also ask an opinion. You can say, Hey, could have an opinion. I'm thinking about doing that or I'm thinking about giving a gift to someone and I am, I am, I don't know if I should choose that or that. Basically, there are many ways that you could approach people. You could ask for an opinion, you could comment on something, you could complement someone. And my favorite way of 0 is always accompanied on them on their behavior. Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. It's my default opener, the way that I use to approach people. And then the second way is about introducing yourself. You could just walk up to someone, say, Hey, my name is Alan. How are you? Then the President say, Hey, my name is blah, blah, blah. And by the law of reciprocity, the person will reply back. And when you do that, you shake hands. It's a firm handshake. You look the person in the eyes. You can even smile. So that works really well. And then if you want another way to approach, people are born this way, It's, you ask a simple question. Hey, hey, can I ask you a question? And it's important that you asked, Hey, can I ask you a question? Because then the person will give them full attention. Because if you just approach, hey, would like to know if blablabla, blablabla, the person maybe won't give you their attention. But if you ask them, Hey, hi, Can I ask you a question? Then the person will say yes, most likely yes. And the person will give them, will give you their full attention. And then you can ask a basic question. Hey, do you know when displaces closest juno, a great place to? It's sushi around the head, you know, when is the next conference? Hey, do you know? Blah, blah, blah. The question doesn't really matter. Even if you already know the answer, you can ask the question because you just want to open the door. The goal here is just to open the door. We'll see later how you can, what you can talk about and how you can develop the friendship. But right now I don't want you to over-complicate it. You could introduce yourself. You could just ask a question. You can make a comment. You could ask an opinion. You could complements someone on their behavior or the Luke's. There are many ways to do it and I don't want to give you exactly what to say because then it won't sound authentic. Because what works really well in social interactions is that you are the ones saying the words. Because if I give you exactly what to say a sentence, it may sound inauthentic, but if you come up with it in your own words, it will match who you are and your personality. So that's why my challenge to you today is to think about what I said here in this video and come up with ways that you could approach people. What is an opinion? You could ask people? How could you introduce yourself? What would the words that you would use? What, what comments would you make? What questions could you ask? And don't over-complicate it. It doesn't really matter what matters. More is 93 percent is do the emotions that are behind the words, how you feel, your posture, like. All of that is more important than just the word. So don't over-complicate it. 13. Learn Exactly What You Can Talk About: How can you learn exactly what you can talk about? So you have learned how to approach people. Now. How do you lead the conversation? So if it's a group of people, how will I will always ask you, how do you know each other? Because then I will understand the group dynamic. I will know who it was with, whom. I will know how do they know each other, how they met, how long have they been in a relationship? I will know everything and we'll ask the questions to understand what's going on. Another great question that you can ask, and no matter if it's a group or not, you can ask what brings you here tonight? What brings you here so that you know the intention of the person other here to meet new people, to make new friends, to find a boyfriend, girlfriend, other there to meet a client. Maybe they don't know why they're there. They don't want it to come up to go out, but their friends dragged them there. You want to understand why the person is here. So you approach someone with the ways that I showed you before. And then what brings you here? How do you know each other? Then what can you do? You can ask the basic questions. And most people say, Oh, don't ask the basic question, like, what do you do? Where are you from? Don't ask them. And there is something that you must understand. It's not about the words, but it's about the emotions behind the words. If I ask you, where are you from, What do you do? How excited are you about these questions? Not excited, but if I put some emotions, what did you do? Hey, tell me, what do you do? Do you come here often? If I add intensity and emotions behind the words, people will perceive and feel these emotions. Because 7% of communication is verbal and 93 percent is non-verbal. And the nonverbal parts is like posture, emotions, facial expressions, eye, all the things that happened non-verbally, and it's taken care off how you feel. So if you change the emotions that you have here in your belly and you amplify them, it will adjust all the nonverbal. That's why when you're talking to someone, it's not the words that will make the impact, but it's the emotions behind the word that will make it interesting. So you can ask the basic question, but put emotions and passion behind the word that you are excited to learn more about the other person. And then it's okay you can ask these questions. I tried to ask people nonsense and to talk nonsense and added that in bar clubs, networking events with clients, I would approach then I would talk nonsense about tomatoes sucks, like the words don't really matter. And I was able to get clients to get amazing results just because I had the 93 percent Take care, take care and off. So I was able to talk about sucks in B. So passionate. So, so had they have so much positive emotions that people will drawn into me and I was talking about sucks. So it's more about the emotions that you put behind the words that are important. Another great hack to stand out in conversations is instead of asking the questions, what do you do? Where are you from? You try to guess. For example, if you want to know whether the person is from, you can say, You look like you are from South America, from Brazil. And you try to guess, as long as you have good intentions and you don't want to say something to hurt the other person. It's really great to guess because you will stand out. Because if you ask the January Questions, you may get the generic answer. But if you stand out in the conversations by guessing, you look like you are from blah, blah, blah. Then it helps stand out in conversation. And then the person can say, Oh, how did you know or no, I'm not from that place. What what made you say that? And, you know, like it's a more challenging you are making the other person feel other kinds of emotions which is really powerful. So think about guessing where the person is from. And you can also guess what the person does. For example, instead of saying, But do you do? You could say, Let me guess. I would say you work in a creative environment. Am I right? You try to guess. Let me guess. I would say you work in finance. I'm I right? Then the person say, Oh, yes you are right? Or what made you say that? And it's more interesting, it adds more fuel to the conversation. Also, during a conversation, you can make jokes. Learn how to make jokes. You could go on YouTube right now and watch some comedies or funny things, funny lines, funny things, so that you can learn to develop your own humor when you are talking to people. Now, what are the other things that you can talk about? Most people think that it's only them and the other person. But that's not the case. You can talk about your present, your past, your future. The other person's present, past, future. You can talk about the environment that you're in. You can talk about the past of the environment, the present of the environment, the future of the environment. You could ask questions or make statements. That's a lot to come out. You could ask question about what happened in the environment. How, how, how is the food, what happened before, when the, when is the next conference? You can talk about the future. You can talk about what the person's going to do later, what the best. Indeed earlier that day, you could talk about anything. The only thing is that you must understand that the words are only 7%. Because most people run out of things to say in conversations. Because the thing that what they have to say is not interesting or great enough. Basically the put the criteria for what they say so high that they have a blank and they don't know what to say anymore because the thing that it's not great enough. But you could be talking about anything as long as appropriate and you don't want to hurt the other person. So you can lower your filter what it's acceptable to say. And just understand that words are words and what's important are the emotion behind the words. So if you do that, you will have less blanks and people will like you more. So what happens if you have a blank? First? Be comfortable with that. Because most people with stress with freak out and the uncomfortable and whatever you feel the other person feels. So if there's a blank, it's natural. Don't freak out, just be at ease with that. And then you can really shape the interaction. You can do that by talking about something that you taught before or by asking you questions. And if you want, you can even have questions that you have prepared what I call the three question toolbox. It means that I have three questions that I ask people all the time when there is a blank, and it's based on their passions, their interests, a project that have worked late, they'll have the have worked on and they're really proud of I have questions that I can use to initiate the conversation so that the blanks are not that important anymore. So if you have a blank, just be at ease with that. Reinitiate the conversation with one of the questions that you have already prepared and that you can use in any situation, reinitiate about something that happened before and interaction or ask a new question. So you can see here at a conversation between people, there are no perfect words. Most people think, Oh, I have to find this perfect words to tell the person. They don't exist. What matters is that the words come from you. It means that you are putting emotions behind the words and that you have great intentions towards people. And if you do that, people will love you, which will love you. So don't over-complicate that. The, the important thing is to lower the criteria for what you think is appropriate to say. Because when you talk with friends, you don't run out of things to say why? Because you are, you know, them in your you give yourself permission to talk about more things. I'm not saying to approach someone and talk about inappropriate things that not what I'm saying, But you ever lived what, 10, 20, 30, 40 years. I don't know how old you are, but you have all these experiences, experiences of life that you could share with people. We could ask questions about the other person, about their other 30, 40, 50 years of experience. And it's all about the blocks that we have in our, in our brain that are preventing us from asking us. Because you say, Oh, maybe we're not interesting enough, maybe the person won't care. But if you put the emotions behind the words, it works really well. So my, my exercise for you here is tried to say a sentence without emotion. Like today, I woke up at nine AM and then try to say it with a lot of passion and enthusiasm and a lot of motivation like, okay, so the one with no emotion is, I will cope at nine AM. And the other one is I woke up at nine AM. You can captivate people by just throwing positive emotion and passion and enthusiasm behind the words. And that's what really, really important. Another great tip if you want to make an amazing first impression and this one is so powerful. You ask positive frame questions. For example, instead of asking what's happening in the world right now and is awful, what makes you sad? You're like all these negative questions that people could answer negatively and feel negative emotions. You ask questions about their passions, their interests, what they like to do for fun, where they want to travel. And the more people took about this positive things that we'll experience, positive emotions in their body. And then they will associate this positive emotions with you. Because people won't remember what was said. The remember how they felt in an interaction. So if you talk about their passions, their interests, and the field is filled this excitement, they will associate this positive emotions with you. So always talk about something that makes them feel great. Some people say, oh, island, it's manipulation. It's not. I'm just making a choice of asking questions about their passions, about their interests, about what they like to do for fun, rather than asking questions about, oh, what makes you upset? It? Just the choice of question that I'm making. And there are higher chance that the person will react positively. Sometimes they want, you will ask a question about the interest or the passion. And then we say, Oh, I have nothing going on right now. Then you can ask another positive question. And if you see that the person doesn't react well, it's maybe because a negative person and maybe should continue to see if the person opens up. Or you could try to talk to other people. So you can see here that talking to people is an art, is something that to develop over time. But I wanted to give you the framework here that you can talk about. The past, the present, the future, the present past future of the environment. Your present, your past, your future. And there are so many things that you can talk about. So it's practice that will make it better. So what I encourage you to do is to just close your eyes right now. And you picture yourself. You visualize yourself in a social setting. And you visualize yourself talking to people. And you think about what you could talk about. You think about everything I said here, and then you will see that you will be inspired. You have so many things that you could talk about, so many questions that you want to ask. And you will see that it will get the conversation going. And that's what you need. You don't need more than that. So this section here, I always love, is always like, what can you say in social interactions? Because crippled over complicated, it's not the words, but it's the emotions behind the words that will really make the difference. 14. How To Add A Lot Of Value In Conversations: How can you add a lot of value in social interactions? So it's important to know that you can add value verbally or non-verbally. So verbally, it's about what you say. So it could be about sharing a piece of information, giving an advice about sharing some tips, about making a comments, making accompaniments, telling a joke. It's basically something that you say. And the mindset that you should have is that you always want to add value to the person's life. You always want to try to take the other person's life to the next level with something that you say. So you're not trying to solve all their problems. You're not trying to judge the other personnel to tell them tell the other person that they should do that instead of that, no, no, you're just sharing an advice. So for example, one example that I have these many years ago I met a fitness coach and it was a great friend of my neck. We developed a friendship. And he just arrived in the city that I live in. And he said, You know what, I'm looking for a new place. I just arrived and then I say, Hey, do you notice website here or this website here, or I know someone who has a place and I can I can put you in touch. I can share the contact information. Then. You know, like he was looking for something. And I added value because I had the knowledge. Another great example would be if someone is talking about, for example, oh, I love eating sushi. And you know, a great place to eat sushi in the city, they can say, Oh, I know displays here that is really amazing. Or the person says, Hey, I'm looking for new books to read. To say, Oh, I know this book and this book here that could help you. And you can see here that I'm trying to share value with the other person because I became a person who shared value at the beginning, it was not like that. I was the value taking person. I was always trying to take value from people. And then I understood that if I wanted to have an abundance in social situations, it was about giving value to people. So I was not always tried to solve everything that was happening around me. And I was not like trying to do too much for people. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that you should do everything in there. Then people can ask you to do anything and you should do it. And that's not what I'm saying is that be like make a habit of just making jokes, making compliments, as long as they are authentic. Be at ease with saying, thank you, Bye, appreciating people by saying, Hey, I really had a great time last night. I really enjoyed our friendship. The more grateful you are, the more appreciative you are about the people that you meet, the more positive you are, the more like advice you can give. But I always advise without judging. You don't want to judge someone, just want to share an advice, share your opinion if they asked to or if they want to hear it. So it's important that you become interesting. If you become interested in, you know, a lot of things, then you can share that with people and it's easier to add value interactions. You can maybe start a new passion and your interests. You can learn a new skill, you can draw. You can go to an art exhibition. You could do a wine tasting. You could, you could be like James Bond. The more skills you have, the more you can share with the other person. And always think in terms of, oh, am going to share that piece of information with the person. That he takes his life to the whole, to the next level. But I will never judge them. Never judge them. And it's not I'm sharing something to show them that they are stupid and they don't have the information. I'm just going to share that because I want to share that with them because it may help them, but I will never judge them. So this the first way here, verbally. Then the second way is non verbal. How can you share that with the person? So 93 percent of the communication is nonverbal. So it's about the energy, the emotions that you feel. So if you are talking to someone and there are fitting a little bit depressed, I don't recommend that you match these energy of depression because if you match these energy of depression, you won't have access to all your resources, all the great energy that you need to give great advice and so on. So what you should be doing instead that if the person is in low mood, you can stay in your great mood. And then you can try to take the person to join you, to join you in your positivity and you're more confidence way. You can have empathy towards the other person. But you don't need to feel what the person is feeling to understand what they are going through. And this is key here. So how do you do that? Focus on something positive. You focus on taking careful emotions. You ask yourself these key questions here. How do I feel? Don't focus on, what should I say. Focus on how do I feel when I am interacting with people? I never focus again on watch they say, how can I approach? Because I know that they only take care of 7% of the interaction. I'm always focused on. Okay. What are the 93 percent? And it's it's it will be taken care taken care of if I just focus on what I feel. So what I do is that I always focus on a positive memory. I have that positive memory in my mind. I was focused on that. It puts a smile on my face. I amplify the emotion. And when I'm talking to people, I go there and have this positivity does great vibe about myself and people are drawn to it and it's a way to add value to people. Now some people will say, yeah, Ireland, but we don't, we don't like always positive people. I'm not positive of the time. It's just that I have these tools here that I can activate this energy so that when I'm making a first impression, I know how to activate that. And I will activate that oscillator into friendship. Basically, I will become a more positive person because the more positive energy you can activate in your body, the more positive you will become over time. So I evolved a lot of the times from going to, oh, I don't care how I feel too. Oh, let's activate this positive energy. And you do that over time and you become a more positive person and basically all your social life improve his hours as well. So it's important that you remind yourself you are not there to take value from people. You are there to improve the life. And there is a sentence that says, it's always create to leave the person in a better state than when you found them. It's always great to live the person in the bad state of mind, emotional mind, or to improve their life than when you found them. Always tried to add value to people. Don't overdo it so that people see that it's not authentic. But do it in a way that you can add a few pieces of advice they're in there. You can also connect people. Connect people together. Say, hey, I know this person that could be great for you. All. I know dispersion that you can like, why knew this person that has this information and you could reach out to him, becomes someone who cares about people and you will become a big success. 15. How To Create Rapport With Anyone Instantly: How can you create rapport with anyone instantly? So if you think about the friends that you have, why do you have the friends that you have? It's because you have something in common with them. So commonalities is the basics to create a connection with someone. So what we want to do here is that when we are talking to the person, we want to find a commonality that you have with the other person. The first advice here is don't fake it. If the person says, Oh, I love playing tennis, and you hate playing tennis, don't say, Oh, I love playing tennis to, that's not what we want. We want to be authentic. The idea here is to talk about the things that they liked doing. So you're going to talk about their passions, their interests. So think about when you are talking to someone. Think about asking these kind of questions. What I'd like to do for fun, their passions, their activities. Because here we are looking for something that you have in common. And most importantly, we are looking for something that you have in common. And that may be you can see the other person leader to do that with them. For example, if they say, Oh, I love, I have a passion, I love, I love playing golf. And you also, you also love playing golf. Then you talk about the passion that you have in common. You create a connection with them. And then it becomes easy to say, Hey, let's meet next week and let's play golf together. So then you have an activity, you have something that you can do together. So I encourage you to ask questions based on the passions and interests and to see if you can build a commonality that way. If you can't, it's just a question of time. The more time you spend with someone, the more commonalities you will find, the more time you spend interacting with someone, the more information will be shared and the more combinations you can have. And when you find the commonality, you talk about it. Because the more you talk about it, the, the, the stronger the bond will be. So this is the verbal way of doing that. And even if you are not able to find something and you have in common, just keep talking. You can still exchange numbers and see if you find something later, another day or later in the, in the interaction. So keep asking questions. Now, this is the verbal way to do it. There is the nonverbal way of doing that. And it's something that is so powerful as the 93% of the conversation is non-verbal. If you use that, it's super powerful. Basically, you are going to mirror the other person's behavior. So for example, if you see that the person puts a hand in the pocket, you could wait a few seconds and you put your hand in your pocket. Have you ever noticed that when you are in a deep connection, maybe it's with your friends or it's someone that you truly care and you have like this deep connection with that person, then you, you just noticed that you have the same body language, has them. Maybe you are crossing your legs or you have an arm on a wall or have an arm on the chair. It's when people are connected, they mirror each other's body language. So a great way to do that, that when you interact with people tried to mirror their body language. For example, they do something with their hand. They cross their legs, they put their hand on the wall or something you can do it. Don't be too obvious. For example, they do something, you do something immediately after, know, you wait a few seconds, they do something, you do it. You don't need to copy the all the body language. You don't need to do it. So you could just mirror some of the things that they do. And it works really well. The best times to do that is when they are talking. Because when they are talking, they are not really focused on your body language. They are more focused on what they have to say. So it's easier to mirror them that way or when they are distracted. If, for example, there is something happening around there and they look around, then you can look at their body language and mirror the body language. And unconsciously, they will perceive that as, Oh my God, I have a deep connection with this person. And thus how you can connect with people really fast. 16. Should You Force Things Or Let It Happen Naturally! Revealed!: Should you force things or let them happen naturally? Always let them happen naturally. You are going to trust your intuition. If your intuition says that maybe you should talk a little bit more before asking for the number or you should do something else instead. Trust your intuition because your intuition has access to more information than your rational mind. So it's important if you want to make a deep friendship with people that you trust your intuition. But now you must be careful because sometimes fear will disguise itself in intuition. And for example, you want to approach someone. And then your intuition says, Oh no, don't approach that person now. And it's not your intuition that is saying that it's your fear that wants to make you believe that it's your intuition. So when you have an intuition, ask yourself this question here. Is it my intuition or is it my fear that is speaking? And then you will be able to sense because there is a different feeling when it's truly your intuition or when it's you fear that is saying something socially. And then you will identify it's slightly different. So then when there is something in an interaction in which you tell yourself, maybe I shouldn't ask for the contact information. Is it the fear? Is that your fear that is speaking or is each joint tuition that says, Hey, maybe you should bond a little bit more. And if you let seem to happen naturally, you don't force, you will become a big success because your intuition has so much information available to eat that. So the information, or the intuition has so much information that they can digest that they know more than your rational mind. So always trust your intuition and let things happen naturally. 17. How To Find Something You Can Do Together: How to find an activity that you can do together. So you have exchange words with the Burson and maybe you found something that you have in common. For example, you talked about the interests, about the passions, and you both like playing tennis. So then it becomes logic that playing tennis is something that you can do together. For example, if you like playing a sport, if you like drinking certain kind of cocktails, if you like certain kinds of foods, you could go out together and to go to a restaurant, to a cocktail bar and enjoy the things that you like together. If you find a commonality, then it becomes easy to just ask for the contact information and talk about the things that you both enjoy so that they can do, that, you can do that together. It's not always the case that you can find something that you both enjoy doing. So another great way to do is that you can say earlier we talked earlier, you share that you love playing golf or earlier? I said that I love playing golf and that you maybe wanted to try. What you want to find here is an activity or something that you do or the other person does. And you could invite them to do, to discover this activity with you. For example, if you say, Oh, I know this amazing cocktail bar where you can drink mosquitoes and you know that the person loves mosquitoes, then it becomes natural to say, Hey, would you like to come one day with me and I can, I can go to this bar and can drink mosquitoes. You can think about in terms of the activity that you have found together, that you have in common, or some activity that you like doing. And maybe the other person likes doing. And it's better if you talk about that during the interaction. If you get the information you know that the person likes doing that. And you could, for example, go to a restaurant with them, to a bar, to a yoga class or anything. And you could try the new thing with them because you say, Oh, I don't know, I'm I'm I'm never been to a yoga class, but I would like to try. Can I come? And then you can start a new activity together. So something that is really important here is that don't do something that is too personal because you don't know each other yet. And don't ask, Hey, do you want to come to come to my to my home and play and play poker. You know, they don't do something weird. Do something where the person doesn't have to invest a lot time, energy, emotion is just like, Hey, we go to a public place, we go to a bar, we go to do an activity together. It just something light is not something that the person has to invest too much energy because the person doesn't know you yet. So try to find an activity that you have together. Something that works really well is that you have an activity that you do each week where you can invite new people. For example, for a long time. Every Friday night, I went to play I went to play laser tag. We were a group of 10 people and I would go out during the day and during the evenings. And when I had someone that I liked, I will say on on Friday, I am doing that with my friends. We are playing laser tag. You want to come? And then the percent, uh, yeah, why not? And it's also with other people. So there is less pressure. And also my new friend can also meet my other friends and maybe baby, they can they can connect together. So it's also great for the other person. So I encourage you to think about an activity that you could do on a regular basis where you can invite people. The more social the activity is, and the more accessible it is, the better it is. So laser tag can be boiling, it can be playing milligal off. It can be like playing a lot of things, a lot of fun thing, or even hanging out in a bar every Friday night, the same bar that you can invite people to join. That works really well. You can go every Friday night at this cocktail bar and you know, between 911 PM you will be there and you can invite your friends, say, Hey, do you want to join me? I'll be tonight. I will be with my friends at disbarred. You want to come. So that works really, really well. Don't try to over complicated. Just try basically, you're making a new friend. It means that you are finding something that you both enjoy or you both could enjoy. And you do that together, because that's what friendship is about. It's about sharing a great moments with the other person. So by finding an activity, something that you can do together, it, you will be able to ask for the information and to develop these strong bond, which is really important. Now, don't discourage yourself. It means that if you don't find something you could do in common. Maybe just exchanged numbers and then try to find something later. Or maybe you see the other person again another time. If it's a yoga class, it's dancing class or anything, and you will see the person again. Then you can talk again. And maybe there you will find something you could do in common. But the idea when you are approaching people to make new friends, it's about finding a commonality with them and then finding things that you could be doing together. Because when you approach, the question that you will be asking would be about, Hey, what do you like doing for fun? What are your passions so that you understand what you could have in common so that you can then take that and use this activity so that you can do together. And this can be a reason for exchanging numbers. And that works really well to keep that in mind, find an activity or something that you can do together with the other person. 18. The Right Way To Exchange Contact Details: What's the right way to exchange contact details? So there is something that you must understand. The most solid interaction, the easier it will become. It means that if you don't have a grade, if you didn't have a great time and you take the contact information, maybe the person won't give it to you, or maybe the person who will give a wrong number or the person will give you the number and then they will cancel. So the more solid interaction, so the better you can connect with the person, the more time you can spend with the person, and the more the person likes you, the higher the chances are that they will give you the number. So how can you exchange number? Basically don't over-complicate it. It's like approaching some eyes, like opening a door. You just opened another door. So what you do is you can say, let's exchange numbers. So we can, let's exchange numbers so we can play tennis. Let's exchange nervous. So I can show you this amazing restaurant. Let's exchange numbers so we can go to yoga class together. Let's exchange numbers so we can I'm not saying Can I get your number undressing? Let's exchange numbers. And then the person said, Yeah, Why not sure? And then they will take their phone and then you can exchange numbers. That works really, really well. You don't have to over-complicate that. And even if you don't have a reason, if if you, if you haven't found an activity you can do together, you can say, hey, let's exchange numbers so we can continue this conversation. That works really, really well, but it's always best if you can show a reason about why you want the number because then the person can understand that. Okay. The other conversation with you and now they want to continue their relationship with you. That can give you their number. And then they give you their number to do that activity so that there is a bridge in their mind. So did could just goes from the activity here, the interaction here to that activity. So to do that activity, I have to give my number and not over complicated, let's exchange numbers so we can pass data. 19. Should You Text Before The Meetup?: Should you take before the meter? I always do that because it had so many negative experiences of people who said that they would come and they didn't show up or they canceled at the last minute. It's not that people are bad or people don't respect to u is sometimes people are afraid socially, they met someone awesome. It can be in a friendship, in a relationship, and there are afraid because they spent an amazing quality of time with you and say, Oh, I felt great emotions. And then one week, two weeks later, they forgot how they felt towards you. And this end the stop, think and say, maybe, I don't know, disperse. Maybe this person is a chiral serial killer. Know like they've all the things happening in the mind. So by texting before the meet up, it can be the day before or a few hours before. You can confirm that the person will still communist, still interested in coming for your friendship. So what I always do is that the day before I could say, Hey Mark, hey Emily, I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow. Have a nice day other so the person will receive the text and we'll end. The person can reply if the person doesn't want to come, the person will say, Oh, I'm not coming tomorrow or I owe something came up. It's more effective to do that rather than doing nothing and maybe the person forgot the world it on the calendar, but then something happened and they forgot it. So I can remind them of that. I can have the confirmation that they are still coming and 99 percent of the time they will text back. So you can say, Hey, hey, hey name. I'm looking forward to this activity tomorrow at our top. Now, it's about using your intuition. You could, if you think that the number is not really solid and the person is not sure about calming. You can repeated saying, Hey, Hi name. I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow at 64 dancing class. See you tomorrow. You put a lot of detailed information that the President like really, so that you can remind the person that is at 6 PM and it's at that place. But if you know that the person will come, if you feel that the person really will come, you can just say, hey, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow for dance class, use your own judgments and intuition. So always takes the day before or few hours before. Another great tip that I have is that when I meet someone, what I do is that immediately after leaving the interaction, I would take them say, Hey, it's Mark, It was nice meeting you tonight. Have a great day. I'm just continuing the relationship outside of the conversation because the person experienced something during the conversation. And now I'm taking me to the next level to just texting it outside of the conversations that they can receive the first text of me so that they can start seeing the relationship going forward in the long-term. So always take something like, Hey, hey, it's Alan, Hey, it's your name. Hey, it's blablabla. I really enjoyed meeting you or it was, it was really cool meeting, knew it was amazing meeting you. It is, it has to be a reflection of your personality. So find a small text of funny tags that you can send people after you leave the social place and people will love it. 20. The Right Way Of Keeping In Touch Regularly: The right way of keeping in touch regularly. So you had this amazing interaction and what most people will do is that they will exchange the numbers and then for a few months they want contact the person and the interaction will die out. What happens is that you said, Oh, I had the identities, great interaction. That's great. You don't like, you're an achiever. Oh, I achieved that goal ninth. Okay. With relationships is different, with friendships is different. So you should keep in touch regularly so that you can continue this relationship outside of that conversation. And what works really well is to keep in touch weekly with the person. It means that every week you could contact the person on their social media profile or via text. That's what I would encourage you to do. It could be WhatsApp, it can be text messages, could be anything where it can write something. And basically, you are going to reinitiate interaction by sharing an inside joke that you had with them. So for example, let's say that I met someone at a dense in class. And we made fun of saying that, Oh, we were the world's best dancers. So what I could say that I could take someone say, Hey Maria, hey Mark, Hey, whatever your name is. Are you ready for the words desk dancing competition tonight? Something that initiates the fire of that first interaction, something that we laughed about. I'm going to talk about it again because I want to reinitiate this positive emotions when I'm not with the person so that the person can think about me. So for example, the person are one of two weeks after they receive this text message and it reminds them of the great conversation. And they feel again just emotions towards me. So I'm making it more solid. I'm making my friendship more solid. And so you can text things related to inside jokes that you have. You can also text things. Our given value. For example, if during the interaction the person said that they were looking for a place to crash or they were looking for that sushi restaurant. You can say, Hey, this, this is the restaurant I was talking about. This is the information. Or if the person said, Hey, I'm looking for books, new books to read, you can say, Hey, I read this book recently, it's amazing. Check it out. It's about sending value. You want to be a value giving person, not a value taking person. So when you keep in touch, keep in touch regularly. Don't do it too much, don't abuse it. And use your common sense. Use your common sense. Don't do it too much. And also, what's really important? Don't be creeping. Don't say, Oh my God, have to over-complicate the texts. Where should I say now? Do the same thing as the conversation. We're just yourself, you are sharing who you were with the other person, and that's exactly what you can do with the text messages. You can also call the person. That's something that you can do. Talk about today, talk about your week. Now ask a question, ask an opinion. Anything that you can do, but do something to keep in touch regularly with the persons that you can solidify the relationship over the month and then over the years so that you can see the person again solidify more and it's going to become an amazing friend. 21. Social Media Strategies? Yes, I'll Share My Best Ones!: Something that works really well is to use social media to your advantage. So it's important that you have a profile that reflects your personality and who you are. I always do. What I always do is that after I have a conversation with someone and then I text them, hey, it was nice meeting you today. A few days later, I will send a text saying, Hey, I will share an inside joke with the person. And they'll never say, by the way, you can add me on Instagram and Facebook. Why is that? Because then the person can learn more about you. They can see that you're not a serial killer and that you are normal person because you know also other people. And the person can not learn a lot about you. So by sharing this social media, we have another way to contact the other person. So it becomes easier because then you can send an Instagram texts, you can contact them on Facebook, can contact them via text. And they have more touch points with you so that it can solidify the relationship. And what folks are still really well is to not, not forget about the person that you just interacted with. It means that if you interact with them and then you forget them for 23 months, the relationship may die, die out. What you want to do is make them remember you. A great way to do that is to go on their profile and like some recent pictures or when the post something you like it, you can go on their Instagram account. Like some pictures. Don't don't look at all the pictures. Like a picture from ten years ago, you know, like don't be creepy. But when the share story and Facebook and Instagram can just comment with a Smiley or something, you know, like you are developing the relationship. It happens like in-person, but also it happens after with the social media and with the text that you send. And then if you can have an activity together, if you can see each other again, you can solidify their relationship even more. So that works really, really well. 22. Congratulations!: Okay, It's the last video here. I'm so proud of you. It means that if you are watching this video, it means that you have watched the whole on a training and I hope that you have done so. So I'm super excited for you because you get all the tools that you need to develop amazing social skills and make amazing friendships. So my suggestion to you is go out and apply it because making friends is fun. Finding people that you can connect with, that you match with a superfan. And the more friends, the more quantity of friends that you have, the better your life will be and the more happy you will be. Because having friends is ask them, having a great quality of friends around you is really awesome. So go out and apply. And what you can do is that you go out to practice and then you come back, you watch again this online training. And maybe you will learn new things or you will find answers to the questions that you had when you were interacting with people. You can also ask questions around here. There is a place where you can ask questions and most of the time I answer, it can take a little while, but I answer. So I really want to help you and I want to help you have the social life of your dreams. So don't hesitate to ask a question and I'm really happy for you. I'm really proud of you, and I wish you all the social success that you can have. 23. Bonus: Fear Of Approaching People: So let's start here with how you can decrease the fear of approaching people. So what you must know is that the fear of approaching people is something that is natural. Everyone has that. So if you look at people who are highly socially successful, they have this fear, but they have learned how to deal with that, and that's the key here. I'm going to show you some ways so that you can decrease this fear of approaching. But let's start with where it comes from. So if you think about that, where does the fear of approaching come from? Thousands and thousands of years ago. Let's imagine that little Alan was in a tribe and in order to survive, he had to be protected from the group. He had to have protection, he had food like he had to be in the group. And basically, rejection would mean death because little Alan back in the days wouldn't be able to survive by himself. And we still have that ingrain in our brain. So it means that when we think about approaching people, we have in our brain that says, oh, rejection can mean death, that's why we have it, Okay, What are the ways to decrease this fear of approaching the first thing that you should approach as soon as possible. The more you wait when you have the intention of approaching someone, the more this fear of approaching will build in your body. What you should do, that you see someone you want to approach and you go right away. In less than 3 seconds, you go right away so that the fear cannot, cannot increase in your body. Now, what happens if there is someone you want to approach and you didn't act? What can you do? What you have to do is that you just change your intention. It means that you go from, oh my God, I have to approach this person, I'm afraid to, hey, let's just have a drink, let's talk with people. You change your intention. And then when you look at the person again, say, oh, this is my intention to approach, and you go right away. Another advice is not to take it seriously. Most people say, oh my God, I have this fear for approaching. And they put too much importance to say, oh my God, I have this fear for approaching. It's incredible. Oh, oh my God. The more importance you give to this fear, the more it will impact you. I would encourage you to imagine that you are. The fear that you have of approaching people is a five year old child, would you take what a five year old child says? Seriously? No, because it's a five year old child. If a five year old child says, hey, you are ugly, are you going to take that into account now, because it's a five year old child. That's the same thing here. With the fear of approaching, you're not going to take it seriously. Another great advice is that you are going to accept that this fear is there. If you resist this fear of approaching what's going to happen, that the fear will build up in your body when you're experiencing this fear of approaching you, just tell yourself, oh, it's the fear of approaching. I accept it. The more you are used to just accepting that the fear is there, the more you will be able to decrease it with the techniques that I'm going to give you. Another great way is to approach the first person that you see in a new environment. It means that when you arrive in a social setting, you want to start talking to people around you. Because you want to show your brain that it's okay to approach people in that environment. Again, let's go back. In the days, thousand, thousands of years ago, Little Alan was in a tribe and if he wanted to approach a new tribe, he had no idea if it was safe or if he would be killed by someone. He had no idea. So when we enter a new environment, we are stressed because we don't know what's going on. I totally agree that you're not going to be killed in that environment, but it's still ingrained in our brain from back in the days. That's why it's important to start talking in that environment to show your brain that it's okay to approach people. I talk to the bouncer, the person that is there that is waiting for someone. Just say, hi, how is United going? How are you just to get the flow going? And I did that back in the days at the university when I had a big presentation to give in front of a class of 300 people. And I was really scared. Before the presentation, I would just raise my hand and I would ask a simple question. And the fact that I would be loud and ask a simple question would just show my brain that it was okay to be loud in that environment. And then my fear decrease. So that's the same thing here with the fear of approaching. So don't be afraid, just take action and you will see it will become a big success. 24. Bonus: The Best Ways To Approach People: How can you approach new people easily? So I would like you to see approaching people as just opening the door in the morning. It means that when you open the door of your apartment or your house in the morning, like, are you stressed? Like, oh my God, I have to open the door now, you just open the door and you go outside here. It's the same thing. We want just to approach people to be here. The first part of the interaction, just to open the door and then you walk outside and then you go through your day. That's the same thing here. I would like you to see just approaching people as not something really incredible, just something that you do. You start the interaction, you break the ice, you do something. If you understand that words are only 7% in an interaction between two people, the 93% are the non verbal. It means that it's the body language, the emotion, your vibe. If you understand that 93% is non verbal and only 7% is verbal, most people focus too much on this first part of the interaction. If you ask people like what did this person say exactly when they approached you? Most people don't remember because they will remember the 93% of the interaction, which is how they felt the body language. And they will remember more that rather than what was said. Don't overcomplicate it. Just approach someone, Just open the door in the morning as you have to say something, what can you do? The first thing that you can ask a basic question. You can just, can I ask you a question? Then you ask a basic question. It can be something related to the environment, to what the person is wearing, to what the person did before. What's going to happen in the environment in the future? What happened in the past? It can be a question about a restaurant where you could eat. You could be asking this question, what would be a great restaurant to eat? Sushi like, question is great. Don't overcomplicate it. I don't want to give you the questions because it's not going to sound natural. And what works really well is that when you just go and you ask a question in the moment like hey, I have this question here and then you ask the question and then you start the interaction. We'll see later what you can say. But just here, I wanted to show you that it's easy to start if you want to ask a question. Another great way is to compliment someone. Is that giving a compliment on their behavior and something that works really well is, Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. It's amazing. It works almost all the time. And when you say something like that, the person says, oh, thank you. And then they have to act as someone who is friendly because you frame them like that. It's really, really powerful. You could read the positive behavior. You can say hi, my name is Tata. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly, because you look open minded, because you look positive, because you look like you are having a great time. You will read the positive behavior. Don't read the negative behavior saying, hey my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look depressed. That's not what we want to do here. Just read the positive behavior. And then another great way that works really well is that you're going to walk up to someone and you're going to introduce yourself. Hi, my name is Tata. You're going to shake hands, you're going to look into their eyes, you're going to smile and you're going to have a confident and firm hand handshake that works really well. So don't overcomplicate it to make a great trust impression. Just understand that approaching someone is like opening a door. 25. Bonus: It All Starts Before The Interaction: Everything happens before the interaction. Most people think that it's when they will approach someone that interaction starts. But what's really important here is that you must take care of how you feel before approaching someone. Because if you understand that a conversation between two people, like 93% is non verbal. It means the emotions that you feel. Your body language, the tone of your voice, your eye contact, like the smile, will count for 93% of an interaction and only 7% of words. It means that if you take care of how you feel before approaching someone, guess what? If you master your emotions, Your body language will be mastered, like everything will be aligned with the emotions that you feel. If you are stressed and you feel negative inside, all your non verbal communication will reflect that. It means that when you will approach someone, you will amplify the negativity. And someone like the person in front of you will be able to sense that. Because there is a rule here that says that whatever you feel the other person feels. A great tip here is just to put yourself in a great state before approaching someone. So that when you approach that person, that person will remember and will sense that you are confident and that you are in a positive mood. And you will be able to make a great first impression. So how can you do that? You experience what you focus on if you are stressed before social interaction, it's because you are focusing on the fact that the person can reject you. The person can say that you are a loser. You are focusing on all the wrong things, I would say, because you are feeling these negative feelings. Instead, you want to focus on something great. The best thing is just before approaching someone or going to a social place, you're just going to close your eyes and you're going to remember a positive time. Remember a time when you felt happy. If you do that, you can do this exercise with me here. You just close your eyes for a few seconds and you remember a memory when you felt happy. Then when we start feeling these positive emotions in your belly, you're just going to amplify them. You can see right now, I'm smiling, I'm happy. And this is a great mood to approach new people. Instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong on all the negative things, I'm going to focus first on positive emotions. That when I approach someone, I will be able to make a great first impression because people will sense this positivity. If I master what I focus on, I'm going to master how I feel. So that when I approach people, I'm able to control the emotions that I'm feeling. Because I was able to activate this positivity. Yes, of course, sometimes I will approach someone and then I'm going to be a little bit stressed in the interaction. Yes. But you can control how you approach people by really focusing on great emotions. 26. Bonus: What To Say: What can you talk about to make an amazing first impression? I get this question a Alan. What should I say in interaction to be interesting? Again, it's not really about what you say that makes an impact. It's about how you say that. It's not the words which is the 7% in an interaction is the 93% that is the non verbal part that will really make a difference when you talk to someone. Don't focus too much on the words. As long as you have good intentions and it's coming from you. It means that you could say a sentence and someone will be charismatic. And you can say the same sentence. You will be perceived as boring. Why is that? I could say where are you from? Or I could say where are you from? You can add emotions behind sentences. Where are you from? I have no emotion. It's only the words a 7% where are you from? It's not really charismatic. But if I add some passion, some emotion, some positivity to that question, you will perceive it as more charismatic. If I say, where are you from? I have more emotions, I have more charisma. How did I activate that just by throwing some passion and emotion behind my words. When I approach people and I talk to them, I'm going to add passion and emotions behind my words. A great exercise for you is right now if you are in front of the computer and like no one can hear you, and even if some people can just do it, you are going to talk and add some emotions behind the words. First, you can overdo it just to understand how it works. You're going to add some positive emotions. You're going to say, where are you from without any emotions? And then you're going to say, where are you from with passion and emotion? And a great exercise is to do that in front of the mirror so that you can perceive that the way where you add emotions, more charismatic. Now, what can you talk about? You could say what brings you here, so that you can understand why the person is here. So it means that after you approach someone, you ask what brings you here. If you approach a group of people, you can ask how do you know each other? And then what can you talk about? You can ask the basic questions, yes, that's okay. If you add the emotions behind the questions, that's okay. And then what can you talk about? Most people, they just think that they can talk about you and the other person. But that's not the case. If you think about that, you can talk about your past, your present, your future, their past, their present, their future, the past, present, and future of the environment. Actually, there are nine things, nine dimensions that you could talk about. You could ask a question about what happened before in the environment, about the conference, about how it was before, about who spoke about who gave the presentation. You can talk about what's happening right now in the environment. The music, the food, what's going on? You can talk about the future of the environment, asking what's going to happen later? When is the conference? What can happen later? You can talk about your past, what you did that day, what you did through your whole life, what you are doing now, what you're experiencing, what you're feeling, what you want to do in the future. And the same thing, you can ask questions about the future of the other person, the present of the other person, and the past of the other person. As you can see, I don't want to tell you exactly what to say, because I did that when I started. And I would have like scripts of amazing questions, amazing things to say. And I would approach people and they would sense it's weird. Why? Because it was not coming from me. I was like I had learned by heart the scripts of conversation and it was not working. So as I said before, what you're going to work is that you are the one saying the words and you throw passion, you add passionate emotions behind the words. 27. Bonus: Confident & Charismatic Body Language: To have an amazing body language when you talk to people. So the body language that you will have will impact your confidence level. If I ask you right now, could you just picture someone who is not confident? How would you picture this person? You would say, oh, this person is looking down, shoulders down, chest closed. Not a lot of fascist emotions. The person is like that. Okay, Now can you just picture someone who is confident? You will say, oh, the person opens the chest, they put the shoulders back, the head is straight, they have a lot of facial expressions. They take space, they use gesture. How are you able to know how a low confident person look like and how a confident person looks like? It's just because you understand that the body and the mind is linked. It means that if you adopt a posture of someone who is low confident, guess what? You're going to become low confident. But if you adopt a posture of someone who is confident, guess what? You're going to become confident. It's the greatest hack here. If you want to boost your confidence when you're talking to people, you are going to adopt the Superman posture. What is that? You just imagine that you're a Superman. You open your chest, you put your shoulders back, your head is straight. You imagine that there is a string pulling into the sky. You gesture a lot, you take space, you smile. If you do that in an interaction, you will see that immediately. You will be able to unleash the confidence in yourself. And that works really, really well. Try that. Try the Superman posture. 28. Bonus: Warm Up Socially: It's important that you warm up socially. What most people would do is that they will spend their day in front of the computer, they won't talk to many people. Then they have an important networking event. They have an important social event. They want to go to that event and they are there. They haven't talked to anybody during the day and they feel stressed and they don't feel at. Instead, what you want to do is to warm up socially throughout the day. A great thing to do is to try to talk to people during the day. It could be talking to people like on the streets. Just say hi. Go to the supermarket, talk to people there, just say hi. Just smile, exchange words. If for example you meet a bouncer, you meet someone at the parking, like just exchange a few words to warm up. The best way to do that is before going to the social event is to call a friend. For example, when I work in front of the computer for 10 hours, 12 hours, then I have to go to a networking event to meet high end clients. You can imagine that I'm not in a great mood to talk. So what I'm going to do is that when I go there, when I go to the event, I'm going to call a friend so that I can talk. And then I can activate the power of the voice. And so that it becomes easier for me when I arrived in that environment to talk to people. Because I would have already talked to one or two friends before the event. So warm up socially, you will see you will become a big success. 29. Bonus: Eye Contact & Smile: How to smile and look at the other person the right way. If you smile, you're going to be perceived as more warm and friendly. And that's the same thing with eye contact. So you want to be looking into the other person's eyes when you talk to them. And you want to be smiling as well. Let me talk first with eye contact. The importance of looking into the other person's eyes. Have you ever been in a situation where you were interacting with someone and the person in front of you was not looking into your eyes? How did you feel? Maybe you felt that the person was bored, that you were not interesting. Like you felt negative associations with that situation. So what we want to do here is that we want to look into the other person's eyes. And now most people say, yeah, Alan, but I'm shy, I'm not comfortable. And there is a great hack here. Instead of looking directly into the other person's eyes, you can look at the eyebrows. When my friend told me that, my friend said, hey, I have this amazing tip. Look at the eyebrows instead of the eyes I said, Way, I'm going to see the difference We tried, my friend was looking directly into my eyes or at my eyebrows, but he was not telling me which he was looking at and I was not able to tell the difference. If you are not really confident, I would say use this technique here. It works really, really well. Use the technique of looking at the eyebrows, but you want to be evolving towards looking directly into the eyes. What can you do when you talk to someone? When you are talking, you can look, most of the time, into the eyes. And it happens naturally that your eyes will go away, will look down. It's normal. It's when you are accessing information in your brain. Don't worry. Most of the time you look at them. Don't look at them with the creepy face. It has to be a relaxed face and a positive face. When they are talking, you fully listen to them and you look into the eyes the person is talking. I will be looking at them. If I feel that the person is a little bit uncomfortable. First I will try to relax my face because I may be super stressed, may be stressed when I'm talking to them. Maybe I can have a weird face. No, I'm just going to relax my face and if I see the person is not used to that much eye contact, I'm going to break the eye contact to the right or to the left. Never look down, because it shows that the other person is more dominant than you. Okay, it's easy, you practice eye contact. And the great way to do that is practice with a friend, call a friend and talk to them, say hey, I would like to practice eye contact with you. And you explain what you learned in this video here. Smiling, smiling is really important. Most people, I would say, are not comfortable with how they smile. The first exercise here you go, in front of the mirror and you look at yourself, how you smile. Are you comfortable with that? Maybe you're not comfortable with your teeth. Maybe you should get them fixed. Whatever it is, the goal here is to make yourself comfortable with your smile. Because the more comfortable you are with your smile, the more you will give yourself permission to smile. You can go in front of the mirror and if you're not fully comfortable smiling like that, you can just smile like that. Because being in an interaction and smiling like that is better than like that. Be comfortable with how you smile. Now, there are two ways to smile there. The wrong way, and I would say the right way. The wrong way is you want to smile because you want to make an impression. You want the approbation of the other person. You want the other person to like you. Imagine the car salesman, we always laugh at your jokes because he wants to get your validation. He want to get your money. So he will be always laughing, and you feel that is not natural. And this is the way that we call smiling for impression. Smiling for approbation. Smiling to get something from someone. This smile here is not attractive. Many years ago I was always smiling because I didn't want to be rejected. So I was smiling, smiling, smiling all the time. And there is nothing wrong with smiling all the time. But if you smile because you want to make an impression and people to like you, they will feel that instead you should smile as an expression of your inner smile. You should smile because you want to smile. You want to smile because you are excited about life. You want to smile because you want to laugh at the joke. You express your positivity, your great emotions. So when you smile, ask yourself this question here. Are you smiling to make an impression? Are you smiling because it's an expression? The best way to understand that is to look at people around you. If you go to a cafe, to a restaurant, and you look at people around you, ask yourself this question here. Are they smiling because they want to get validation from other people? Or are they smiling because they really want to smile? And then you will understand the difference between the two. 30. Bonus: Make Other Feel Comfortable: Make the other person feel comfortable. If you want to make an amazing, great impression, it's important that when you approach the new person that you make them feel comfortable. And most people won't focus on that. They will be focusing on what to say next on, am I going to be rejected? Is the person liking me? And they will be all stressed, and instead, you are going to do something different. You're going to ask yourself this question here. Is the person in front of me comfortable? It's important that you understand that most people don't have great social skills. It means that when you will be talking to them, they will be stressed. And it's your job to make them feel comfortable. Because if you are able to make them feel comfortable, they will remember you and they will love you. It's important when you talk to them, see if they are comfortable with you. If they are not, maybe try to increase the distance between you and the other person and see if that helps. Maybe you are maintaining too much eye contact and maybe try just to break the eye contact to the right, to the left to see if that helps. Maybe you're asking questions that are too personal and the person is not really comfortable. Try to talk more questions that are not personal. Use your own judgment. It means that when you're talking to someone and you see the person is not really comfortable, Say oh, what can I do to make the other person feel comfortable? Maybe I'm touching the person too much like what am I doing? And you sense, then with the experience, you will get a sense of what the other things that you can do. Just give space to the other person so that they can relax and be at ease with you. So take that into account that make the other person feel comfortable. 31. Bonus: Be Liked: How to make people like you. This one here is really important. A great act that I have is that when I approach people, I'm going to ask positively framed questions. Let me explain. If I ask you a question that is framed negatively, if I say, what's wrong in the world right now, what makes you feel upset? What makes you feel angry? You are going to feel negative emotions, then you are going to associate these negative emotions with me. Instead, what you want to do is to ask positively framed questions such as, what are your passions? What do you like doing when you have free times? What is the project that you have been working on and you are really proud of? What are the next vacations that you have planned? You want to make the other person talk about things they are passionate about, about things that trigger positive emotions. When you talk about that, when the other person talks about that they are going to experience these positive emotions and they're, they are going to associate that with you. Because if you think about that, people are going to remember how they felt in an interaction, not what was said. It's again, the 93% of the conversation is non verbal, which is the emotions, the energy that is exchanged between people. It means that if you're able to trigger these positive emotions in their body, they will associate that with you. Now, most people will say a Alan, it's manipulation. It's not. It's just that I make a choice of asking certain questions rather than the boring questions or I would say the questions that are aimed negatively. It's just a choice. I prefer to have a great time asking about positive things and building this positive energy between me and the other person, rather than making the other person feel depressed. It's a choice. And if you understand that, you're going to be a big success. So think about what are the questions that you could ask that are framed positively. It can be about the passions, the interests, the project. That though I excited about the vacations, you should ask these questions when you meet someone so that you can really make an amazing first impression. 32. Bonus: Power Of Positive Anticipation: I would like you to have positive anticipation. It means that before approaching someone, most people, they will focus on the fact that they can reject them, everything that could go wrong, whatever you focus on, it's what you're going to experience before approaching someone. You're just going to close your eyes and you're going to imagine the situation going well. You're going to imagine that you're going to approach someone and it's going to go well. By doing that, you are showing your brain that there is a possibility of it going well. There is also the self fulfilling prophecy. It means that if you close your eyes and you imagine it going well, it has higher chances of actually going well. And most people will say, yeah, Alan, but I prefer to just focus on the fact that they can reject me. Because if that happens, I won't be disappointed. But guess what? If you think that you're going to get rejected, your whole body will scream, oh, reject me, Reject me. Because whatever you think will manifest itself into reality, have more confidence. Think about it going well before the interaction. You close your eyes for a few seconds and you imagine it going well. Also, you can do that home. You just close your eyes. And you imagine your social interactions going well. You build on that and you will see. You will become a big success.