Transcripts
1. Introduction + what you'll learn: So, hi, and welcome to
this online training. So today, I want to talk about how you can renite
your self love. Because if you think about it, reniting your self love means reuniting the relationship
that you have with yourself. So this one here
is really a key. If you want to have
a better life, if you want more happiness, if you want to feel better, if you want to be
more fulfilled, you must learn how to love
yourself a little bit more, how to reunite your
sense of self, how to reunite your passion, how to reunite your identity. This course here will be
about reuniting yourself. It's about reuniting
your self love.
2. 3 love triggers you can use to reignite your self love part 1: Let's jump right in. There are three love triggers that you can use to
love yourself more. So when I talk about
love triggers, I mean, there are things that are
hacks that you can do to increase your self
love. So what are they? The first one is
about acceptation. On a scale 0-10, How do you accept yourself
as you are right now. On a scale 0-10.
Is it more a zero? It means that you
don't accept yourself, or is it like a ten and
fully accept who you are. Most of the time, it's a
number that is in between. No matter where you are, there
is room for improvement. Let me explain why acceptation
is really important. Because the first step to
self love is acceptation. Because without
accepting who you are, what you are right now, You can't improve and
you can't love yourself. So you cannot love
yourself if you have not accepted what you are right now. And this step here
is really important because some people
like so many people, they come to me and say, Alan, I want to love myself more, but, you know, I don't
really accept who I am, but I just want to love myself. And sadly, it doesn't
work that way. You have to accept who you are, what you are right now, so that you can just like you
go in front of the mirror, and then you look at
yourself and you say, Okay, this is who
I am right now. This is what I am.
Like this is who I am, and you look at
yourself in the mirror. And it's the first step is about accepting because what
you see is what you get, right now, when you go in front of the mirror and
you look at yourself, this is who you are right now. I'm not advising you
to judge yourself. I'm just telling you go
in front of the mirror, look at yourself and
accept what you see. You can be angry, you can be attracted, you can be surprised, no
matter what you feel, just go in front of that
mirror and say, Okay, I accept what I see, what I feel, and what I hear. You accept what you
see. So when you look at the image of you in the
mirror, it's what you see. You accept what you feel. Because when you go in
front of the mirror and you will look at yourself,
you will feel something. I don't want you to judge
what you are feeling. I just want you to accept it. And then the sentence was, I accept what I see, what
I feel, and what I hear. Because you will have
the little voice inside you that will
tell you things. Oh, your hair is awful
today you look like ****. Like there are things
that's going and we know how it goes in our
head, we have these voices. And it's about accepting. Because when you
accept what you see, what you hear, and what
you feel right now, there is room for improvement. Because if you say, I accept
what I see right now. You can then improve
and you can then learn to love yourself more. But it all start here
with this exercise here. I highly encourage you
to take notes because I encourage you to go through this course and write down
what the exercises are. And then you take 1 hour for yourself and you
do the exercises. You take a piece of paper, you write the things
that you have to write, you go in front of a mirror
and you do the exercises, and you will see
how powerful it is. This one here was
number one acceptation.
3. 3 love triggers you can use to reignite your self love part 2: Number two, finding
love in your body? What Alam like finding love
in your body? Love is there. If you want to love
yourself more, it's important that you find where love already
is in your body. And I know it can be
a weird question, but if I ask you
this question here, if you had to feel love in your body right now,
where would it be? Could you put your hands on when you or where
you think love is? Is it on your arm? Is it on your shoulders? Is it on your heart and you
put your hands, where it is. Just take a few minutes just to clothe your eyes and think
about where love is. Because if you want to
love yourself more, it's important that you
know where love already is because then you can
increase that feeling. For most people, this feeling
will be in the heart. It can be really
weak, but it's there. For some people, it's on
their arms, on the shoulders, and the feeling is there
because someone they love touched them there and they have love associated
to that feeling. What's really
interesting here is that when you found where
love is in your body, you put your hands on that part. And then you just
imagine it expanding. You close your eyes and
you can imagine love, even if it helps you, you can imagine that it's
a pink energy and you put your hands on your heart and you try to visualize
that pink energy. Even if you don't visualize, just imagine this feeling, focus on the feeling
or this pink energy, expanding in your whole body. Because the more you are used to experiencing this
feeling of love. The more you will be
able to love yourself. This is a really nice exercise, and I have many people who put their hands on the heart because that's where
love is for them, and then they start crying because they can reconnect with themselves and they can find
again this feeling of love. And most people
who can find love, for example, in the heart,
no matter what it is, they have suppressed
that feeling because they have been
hurt in the past. Love is a pure energy. By doing these exercises and
by following this course, you will be able
to reconnect with love with this feeling of love. This was here, number two, it was about finding where
love is in your body.
4. 3 love triggers you can use to reignite your self love part 3: Number three is about valuing yourself and just reminding
yourself how awesome you are. So if you want to
love yourself more, it's important that
you remind yourself of the value that you truly have and why do you love
yourself in the first place? And even if even if you tell me, Alan, I have no value right now. I don't love myself. I have accomplished nothing in my life. Let me challenge you. And let me ask you
this question here. If you had to make a list of 100 sentences about why you have value as a human being and why do you love yourself? Could you do it? I know
it can seem absurd. It can seem incredible
to have 100 sentences of why do you value yourself
and why you love yourself. And this is what the exercise
that I did many years ago. It was ten years ago
when I wanted to build myself esteem
and myself love. And When I started this
exercise, I was only. I was only able to
write a few sentences. Because I was not focusing.
I was not trained. I had not trained my brain
to focus on the fact that I had value as a human being
and I could love myself. And it's easy if we don't love ourselves and we don't have a high confidence that we tend to focus on
everything that we did wrong, and we tend to focus
and we tend to forget the things
that we did well. And that's why there is
an exercise here that is an amazing exercise that
I would like to challenge you to do is to take
a piece of paper, and write down, why
you have value as a human being and why do
you do you love yourself? So the sentence is, I have value as a human
being and I love myself because and you think
about this sentence here. Why do you have value
as a human being and why do you love yourself? So the goal here is to show your brain that there
are items that you write. It doesn't have to be like
super important items. I just have to be items
that you resonate with. For example, it could be I have value as a human being and I love myself because
I have great hair. Okay. It can be I have value as a human being and
I love myself because I got that degree or because
I'm a good father or because I'm a good
friend or because I'm a good mom or because
I helped that person. Okay. And it's about thinking about the
achievement that you have and the moments and the things that you
like in yourself. I encourage you to do
it with 100 sentences. I know that most
people won't do it. So do it with only
ten sentences. Then if you start enjoying that, why don't you do 100 or 20, 30, 40, 50, 50, and then
you can go to 100. But by doing that, you will be focusing on the fact that you have value
as a human being. Now I'd like to give
you a a bonus one. I said, there are
three love triggers, and the fourth one is about looking at the beauty
that is around you. When you are walking
down the street, look at this amazing flower. Look at this couple
that is loving, that has love. You
can feel love. Try to appreciate the beauty
of life because the more you appreciate love and beauty in other people or in other things, the more you will be able to appreciate beauty and
love in yourself. It's really powerful
today when you go out, if you can go out and you look around
and then you say, Oh, this couple, this
person, this man, this woman, that is there, or this dog, this cat. Oh, it's beautiful, and you try just to be more alert
with your feelings, to try to feel a
little bit more love and to appreciate beauty. If you do that, you will
start developing a sense of, Oh, I appreciate beauty, I appreciate more life, I appreciate more love,
guess what you will be more appreciative of yourself and what you already
have in your life. And that can really
boost your self love.
5. 3 step process to build self love part 1: So now let's talk about
a three step process that can help you
build more self love. Number one, be aligned
with your values. Maybe you have already
heard that before, but let's just explain my point of view and how it can
help you build self love. B aligned with your
values. What does it mean? It means that there are things in your life that
are important to you. For example, in my
case, I value freedom, I value expression, I value
love, I value, influence. There are many
things that I value. And if I'm not aligned
with these values, it means that if I'm not able to express myself to
be free to love, to influence people, I will feel a little
bit dead inside. I will feel like there
is something off. And if you want to
build more self love, it's about respecting the
fact that you have values, that you have things that
you consider important. And to build that self love, it's important that you
find what your values are, and you try to live more
in alignment with them. So how can you find what your
values are? It's simple. You ask yourself this
question here in life, what is important to me. What is important to you? Is it freedom? Is it love? Is it God? Is it
your relationships, like what is important to you? Is it meeting new people? I would like you to try
to find what we call, we call end values. For example, let me explain, for example, end
values is freedom, and a value that is not an end value is
traveling or driving? You know, it's like something that gives you a feeling of. So try to focus more on feelings that you get.
It's really simple. You ask yourself this question. What is important to you in your life? What
are the feelings? Is it a feeling of connection, of expansion, of security? Is it freedom? Is it love? Is it excitement?
Is it uncertainty? Like, What is important to you. And I highly encourage
you to take that piece of paper and try to
find at least three, I would say five is
the best five values that you consider
important to your life. So, for example, values that I have in my life
is like freedom, I have freedom, expression, love, influence, I have like these values here that
are really strong. And what happened with the COVID situation is that
before the COVID situation, I was like, always on stage. I was like, traveling
and all of that. And with the COVID situation, when I was locked down
here in Switzerland, my values that were, like, freedom, My value got away because I was not
able to leave my house. So freedom was the
value was destroyed, then I had expression. I was not to express
myself on stage. So yes, I could express
myself with videos, with conferences,
and all of that, but that's not the same to me. And I was not able
to influence others as influence others
as much as I wanted. And love. Yes, I still had people that I loved in my life. But the love and connection from meeting real human
was taken away. And when I was locked down,
I was like, Oh, my God, like, I'm feeling dead inside. My self love, this
was destroyed. And it's because I was not
aligned with this values. So then I said, Okay, how
can I get more freedom? Okay, I can start
online conferences. I can coach online. I can do other things. I can focus on
making money so that when everything opens
up, I can travel. How can I influence more people? Oh, I can write a book.
And that's what I did. I can write a book,
and then I can set it to 100,000 of people. I can I tried to find ways
to reconnect with my values. So, Right now, when you have
found what your values are. I highly encourage you to
ask yourself this question. How can you leave more in
alignment with your values? Let's say that one of your
values is expression. How can you express
yourself a little bit more each day. Write it down. And now the value that
you have is freedom. How can you be a little
bit more free each day. Write it down. It's maybe
love and connection. How can you love and
connect more with people? For example, one can
be peace of mind. How can you have more peace
of mind during the day? And this is the first step here, you align yourself with your values because you
will be aligning with the things that drive you with
the things that fuel you, with the things that
are important to you. The more you are
aligned with that, there you will be able
to love yourself and to accept yourself and be
excited about yourself. Because when you are doing
things that are aligned with your true purpose
like your true values, you will feel a boost of energy, and it will be easier for
you to love yourself. So what I encourage you to
do is to find 3-5 values. You write them on
a piece of paper. You print this piece of
paper or you write down, you write them down by hand, and then you paste it next
to your bed in the bathroom, like everywhere because when you will be going with
your day to day basis, you will be able to see that
piece of paper and remind yourself of your values and always ask yourself
this question. How can I be more aligned? How can I do more today that is aligned with the values
that I want in myself. And this is here, step one.
6. 3 step process to build self love part 2: Number two, be aligned with
who you want to become. This one here is
really important. Step one, about being
aligned with your values. Now step two is about being aligned with
who you want to become. And there are many
people who say, Yeah, I don't want to think about
who I'm going to become, I'm just going to let
the environment dictate who I am and how it
shapes my personality. If you do that,
you could do that, you are really adventurous
because then you'll be reacting to the
other people's demands. And if you meet a lot
of negative people, you will tend to become negative because you don't
have a direction, a vision for yourself
to move towards. So what I encourage
you to do is to think in five years, who
do you want to become? And the great exercise
and one that I use in my live events that you
sit in front of a table, and you put a chair just
in front of the table. And you imagine
there that sitting there is the vision of
yourself five years from now. The vision that is fully alive, happy, that is
excited about life. And that person is there.
Could you describe it? Could you look into that
person's eyes and describe it and you take a piece of
paper and you write down. Who do you want to
become in five years. Okay, this person
is happy, alive. This person has that and you write down who you
want to become. It can be the
personality traits, how this person looks. Is it this person healthy? I has this person out of energy? Is this person motivated? What do they do with their life? You try to come up with
who do you want to become and you cast a vision
for who you want to become. It can even be a few sentences. But if you have
that, for example, you say, this person
in five years, in five years is super healthy. And next time that
you see a pizza, you're like, Oh, my God, am
I going to eat that pizza? And then you have the
vision of yourself, say, Oh, in five years from now,
I want to be really healthy. Is it the right decision
for me right now? And by doing that, you
will be aligned with who you want to become and
your self love will increase, your self respect will increase. So it's really
important that you have a vision for who
you want to become. It can be even a few words. The more precise
you can be, like, the better because
the easier it will be for your brain to stay consistent with who
you want to become. But even if you have
just a feeling, an image of who you want
to become, that's enough, that's that's better
than nothing, and then you can move towards the process of loving yourself
7. 3 step process to build self love part 3: Number three, be aligned with your aspirations
to be great. So it's a little bit different
than point number two, which was about being aligned with who
you want to become. Now, it's about be aligned
with what feels you, B aligned with the
dreams that you have. And most people, they forgot
completely about the dreams. They say, Oh, you know what?
My dreams won't happen. And they try to in the head, they think it's not possible
that they cannot do it. And they prefer to aim low
and attain that and say, Okay, I'm a goal setter. I attain low goals. But these are not the goals
that will really fuel you. What are the goals
that is inside here. What are the true
ambitions that you have? What is the little voice telling you that you
should do with your life, and it's this energy here, this little voice
that tells you, Hey, maybe you
should be an artist. Maybe you should start
your own business, or maybe you should do that. Maybe you should be like
that supermm that does that or you should be that
superfather that does that. And if you want to
build more self love, it's also about listening
to your ambitions, listening to your dreams? Most people will say, Alan, I don't want to think
about my dreams because I may fail and it may destroy my self love.
Let me ask you that. Do you prefer to be the person that tries to follow the dreams, and you would still
be the person that tried to follow their dreams? Or do you want to
be the person that gave up and didn't even try? Maybe you protected
the small amount of self esteem or self
love that you have. But why not open up and say, Oh, I just want to go
and pursue what I want and see what happens. And this is what a friend told
me because five years ago, I wanted to leave Switzerland
and go live in Brazil. And I was a little
bit scared, you know, like to stop everything in Switzerland and
just move to Brazil. So I'm yeah, I wanted to
do that five years ago. And I was scared. And my best friend told me, Alan, What are you
afraid of exactly? If you go there,
you move to Brazil, and it doesn't work out. You will be the guy who followed his dreams and went to
Brazil and didn't like. Do you prefer to be that guy? Or do you prefer to be
the guy that was always wondering like how Brazil would be and if your
life would be better? Now, try try to follow your heart follow
your aspirations. And that's why here if you
want to build more self love, it's the three step process. You try to be more
aligned with your values. You be more aligned with
who you want to become, and it's okay right now
if you are not there. It's okay if you're not the
person that you are proud of. But every day you can take
some action to become someone that you're proud
of and that you love more. And three it's about being aligned with your aspirations
with your dreams. Try to do a little
bit more each day. In the direction that you want. If you do that, you
will see that self love will start magically
appearing in your life. You'll be loving yourself more, you'll be more
confident and you will have higher self esteem, which is really
important if you want to be happier and be
more fulfilled.
8. The power of love and affection: Now, let's talk a little bit
about love and affection. What's the difference
between love and affection? When you love something
or you love someone, you don't hold anything back. Like, you are crazy. It's love. You know, the energy of love
is like pure, it's powerful. And what's the
energy of affection? You hold a little bit back. Like you like it, but, you know, like you like it. It's like king something and loving something
is different. So my question to you is
do you like yourself? Or do you love yourself. Maybe right now,
you may say Alan, but I don't like myself
or I don't love myself. Start by accepting it. Start by accepting who you are, start by welcoming this
energy of love in your life. If you don't experience a lot of love right
now in your life, it's because you're protecting
yourself from that energy. Maybe you were hurt in the past, or maybe something happened that made you interpret
that love is something bad or something that you should block that you should
protect yourself against. Let me ask you this
question here. Do you like love? Would you
like more love in your life? If the answer is yes, maybe it's time to take the risk of
loving yourself more. Do you know if you're going
to be hurt again? You don't. But do you need to hold back on love Because you are
afraid it's as if you are driving and you are driving your car and there are
cars coming the other way. Like you are driving your car and you are super
slow because you are afraid that someone may hit you and you are
driving super slowly. And maybe that's right now
how you are living your life. What if you accelerate and
you trust yourself and say, Yeah, maybe a car can
hit me, but who knows? I'm going to go full speed. For example, I say
50 miles per hour. I'm going to go 50
miles per hour, and then if a car
hit me, it happens. The chances are there. They are slow, they are low, the chances are there. But do you have to live
your life protecting yourself from love
because someone may may hit you may hit you
may hurt you, I would say? No, I'm not saying it like
hit in a physical way. I just to be key here, but to hit you with something that
prevents you from loving, like, you may be hurt. Do you think it's a great way to protect yourself
against love just say, Hey, I'm just going to
allow myself to love more. And if you want to
allow yourself, so you accept who you are. You accept what
happened in the past. You accept what you
did, you accept who you are, and
you can improve it. And if you want to be
more aligned with love, The great exercise
that I love to do is about putting both
hands on your heart, and just feeling
your heart beating. This is the energy of love. This is the energy of life. You put both hands on
your heart and you just imagine it there
giving love to you. I know it can be well, but
just try this exercise here. If you lack love in your life, put both hands on your heart, close your eyes and feel
the emotion of love. You can even visualize love as a pink energy and you imagine that is
there in your heart, this pink energy, and you imagine it flowing
through your body. But maybe you just experience a little bit of
love and you say, Oh, I just have a feeling.
I don't see anything. I don't see pink energy
or what Alan is saying, but I just experience
that emotion, and do that every day, put
both hands on your heart and allow yourself to experience
more love each day. If you can see or you can
perceive a pink energy, try to play with that
energy and fuel your body. Let it go your chest, through your arms,
through your legs, and let that energy expand. Now, if you say, Oh, Any
I'm not really energetic. You can do the other
exercise that is really practical and
that will help you Love you more, and
you can also do that, if you like the energy stuff, you say, Oh, I like
this love energy, and I would like also
the rational stuff. You do the famous
mirror exercise. So it's something that I have created and that
is super powerful. You go in front of
the murror Naked. If you are at the office, maybe don't do that there
or maybe close the door. You go in front of the
murror and you are naked. And you're going to look at yourself and you're
going to say, Okay, this is who I am now. This is how I look. You're
going to accept it, say, Oh, okay, this
is how I look. Maybe you're not
going to like it, but this is who
you are right now. This is how you look right now. And then you're going to ask
yourself this question here. What do you like about yourself? What do you like about what
you see in the mirror? Oh, maybe I like my hair. Maybe I like my legs. Maybe I like my chest. Maybe I like my hands. Maybe I like my ten. Like, what are the things
that you like about yourself? The more items you can find, the better it is
because here we want to boost your self esteem,
your self love, your self confidence
by just reminding and showing your brain that there are things that you
love in yourself. So this is the first
question here. What do you love about yourself? Now we're going to go
with the question. What are the things
that you don't like about yourself and
that you can improve? Because remember here,
we want to build self love and self love is
about accepting who you are. And it's also about improving on the things that don't make
you truly accept who you are. So the question here, what are the things that
you don't like about yourself and that
you can improve. Will help your brain, find the things that you can improve in your body so that
you can love yourself more. For example, it can be, oh, I'm a little bit overweight. Oh, maybe I should have a tan, or maybe I should cut my hair. Maybe I should do that. Maybe I should dress better. And when you are looking at yourself in the mirror
and you are having this inspirations about what are the things that
you don't really like about yourself and that
you could improve. You take a piece of paper
and you write them down, and then you try
to complete them. For example, let's say that you want to lose a
little bit of weight. Okay, try to find
someone that can help you with that and
take some actions. You want to dress better, try to find a book
or hire a coach online that can help
you dress better. Try to find ways
because then you are improving the things that you don't really
like about yourself. And this will help you build more self
esteem and self love. Number three, The
question number three is, what are the things that
you don't like about yourself and that
you cannot improve? Let's say that you
don't like the shape of your nose and you don't
want to transform it. It's something that
you're born with. What are things that
you don't really like about yourself and
that you cannot change it. When you come up with
the things here, you know what you
should do with them, you should accept them. Because self love is about
accepting your imperfections, accepting the fact that
you are human being, accepting the fact that
you are not perfect. And if you do that, if
you do this exercise, you go in front of
the mirror naked. You ask yourself this question. So What are the things that you like about yourself,
to build your confidence? What are the things that you don't like about yourself
and that you can improve. You make a list and
then you act on them. And what are the things that you don't like about yourself
and you cannot improve? You make a list
and you accept it. And if you do that, you will be able to love yourself more, you will go from liking yourself more to loving yourself more. And this is here the difference between love and affection, how do you truly love yourself? You accept who you are, you accept your imperfections.
9. Let's build profound change and be yourself: Let's build profound
change and be yourself. So how can you be a
little bit more yourself, and how can you really, make
the shift to be yourself. So in my case, in my life, what happened is that I was not really happy
like ten years ago, five, ten years ago.
I was not that happy. And I was living
my life according to the other people's
expectation, what my family wants, what my friends, what society. And I was not truly fulfilled. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I wanted to travel
all around the world. I wanted to teach people how they could have
a better life. And I was truly unhappy. And then I heard a study
from an Australian nurse, and her name is Brownie Ware, and she was taking care of
people just before they died. And she asked a simple question. The question was, what is
your biggest regret in life? And you know what almost
all of them said? They said, I regret
I didn't have the courage to live a life according to
what I truly wanted. Instead, I lived a life according to the other
people's expectations. And it hits me so hard. I heard it, like,
Oh, my God, like, This is what's
going to happen to me if I don't transform. If I don't change, if
I don't understand that maybe I should start living your life according
to what I truly wanted. Maybe I should pursue my dreams. Maybe I should love myself more. And this is something
that really hit me. And now, when I have a decision
to make when I'm afraid, I ask myself this question. Do I want to be on my
death bed and regret it? Or do I want to look
back on life and say, Oh, my God, what a ride? And if you are
watching this video here, you still have time. You still can make the right decisions
for yourself that are true to you that will make
your dreams come true, that will make you feel better, that will make you
proud of yourself. And I wanted to share the story
here and this story here. And actually, it will be the
first time that I share. So I have a dear friend and
five years ago, he got sick, and he got a disease that made him like he can
live a great life, but he's really limited. And it happened overnight. And for a few years, he was always complaining. He was, Oh, my God, like,
I have this disease and he was not
enjoying life anymore. You know, like, he was
always complaining and he lost his joy
and everything. And I said, Okay, I
have to find a way. Like, I'm a coach. I
have to find a way. And I know that what transforms people is that when they get
a moment of inspiration. So I said, Okay, let
me invite you tonight. We're going to have some beers. So we went to a bar
and we drink beers. And then I said, Hey, let's go home because he was
living next to my place. And we took a cab and we
stopped just in between. And in between, there
was a cemetery. So We went there. We entered, like, the dark
place, like a cemetery. It's like, not the place
that you like being there. And then we were like,
walking and say, Hey, I just want to
show you something. And we were walking, and we were a little bit uncomfortable. And then I said, Hey, man, like, what's going on? Yeah, I feel a little
bit uncomfortable. And then I asked him,
hey, what has been going on in the last few years when
I got you got that disease? You know? And he
started complaining. And then I say, Hey,
man. Just for 1 second. Look around you. You
have another chance. You are not there. And
he started crying. He cried, I think,
like for 30 minutes. And I transformed his life. Because I found a way to just remind him that he's
more than his disease. He can make a decision
right now to enjoy life, to find love and to find
that life is beautiful. It's a decision that you make. So I I wanted to share the story here so that when you understand that life is short and that
you have the opportunity each day to transform
yourself and to say, Oh, today, I'm going to
appreciate more life. Today, I'm going to celebrate
the fact that I'm alive. Today, I'm going to be a
little bit more myself. I'm going to do something
that I wanted to do I always wanted to travel. I always wanted to do that. And today, I'm going to do it. Oh, I always wanted to
ask this person out. I always wanted to tell
that to my children. I always wanted to meet that person and
you go and you do it and you initiate
change and you can live a life that you are
truly happy and fulfill. And that's what I deserve. So take action and be a little bit more
yourself every day.
Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant
