Transcripts
1. Welcome & Introduction: So hi and welcome to this
online training on how to positively influence
and persuade people. I wanted to share with you
six powerful techniques to influence people. You will learn how to get
more favorites from people, how to gain more
power, associate, how to influence people
in your personal life. How to influence
and persuade people in any social situations. So you would see it's a
really short and intense, it's less than 35 minutes. So it's really an intense
course that will give you practical tools
that you can use to influence more people in your personal and
professional life. So let's jump right in.
2. The Social Proof Effect: Now let me explain
what social proof is and how you can
use it into cases. Number one, if many
people have experienced the product or service or
someone and they liked it, the high chances that you
will like it as well, because it decreases the
risk of the unknown. Let's say that you
want to buy a book on Amazon when book has one review and the other
one has 500 reviews, the high chance that
you will buy the book with 500 reviews,
because unconsciously, you bring things that if
500 people liked the book, you should like it as well. As we can see here. Our brain wants to decrease
the risk of the unknown of uncertainty by looking at
what other people are doing, it helps us in our choices. If you see that there
is a product that is a service that many
people have liked. Other is someone that
is in demand socially, many people are talking
to that person. Brain will want to
interact with that person. Our brain will want to get that person that
book, that product, that service, because
it's in-demand and it has been socially
validated by others. The second case is that
if many people want it, you have higher
chances of wanting it. For example, if someone's, If somebody is at a
networking event and this person is always
busy talking to people, you will want to
talk to that person as well because
you bring things. If that many people
want to talk to them, they should have a
certain social value and they should be interesting. And it's the opposite. If someone is alone and they haven't talked to
anyone during the night, you may say, Oh,
why is this person alone and no one is
talking to them? Maybe there is something
weird with that person. Even though it's not the case. That's how our brain reacts. So I wanted to show
you in the next slides how you can use
this social proof. Social proof effects to really improve the perception that
people have about you, that you got more in
demand so that you can influence more people. Let me ask you questions here. You have the choice between
these two restaurants. Which one would you choose? The one on the left. On the right, 99% of people will choose the one on the left because there
are people there. And you bring things. If there are that many people, the food should be good. I mean, not get food poisoning. Maybe there's a
great atmosphere. Maybe there is great, this
great music, and so on. Because there are people there. And if the restaurant
would be bad, people wouldn't be there. And that's how our brain thinks. And if you look at
the one on the right, maybe it's an
excellent restaurant. But why, why are there
no people inside? Maybe the problem with the
food or it's too expensive. Maybe that's not the case, but that's how our brain reacts. Because on the right
there is no one. So as we can see here, you want to, if you want to try a new service
or new product, we are going to
pick the one with the most social proof because other people have
already tried it, have already talked with that person and they know
that this person is okay, it's friendly or that
product or service is great. Do you prefer to
talk to demand on the left, on the right? 99% of people would say,
the man on the right. Why? Because he's with people. And you mind things that
if he's with people, he should be friendly. He should be interesting. By just being other address, being with other people. You are already validated
in the social world. Because if you were weird or if there was
something wrong with you, you wouldn't have
people around you. And I know that
it's really basic, but that's how our brain thinks. If you talk to demand
on the left here, there is a risk involved because you asked yourself
description here, why is this person alone? Maybe it's this
person is traveling, but maybe it's because he's weird that there is something
wrong with that person. And how we've evolved
brain thinks that, oh, if this person is alone, maybe there's something wrong
with it with this person. I know it's not fair, but that's how our brain works. So if you wanted to increase the way that
people perceive you, be surrounded by people, that you are already validated. So how can you apply it? The goal here is to show
that people like you. So I'm going to
show you later how you can use these
techniques here, but I just wanted to give
you the concepts here. The goal here is to show
that people like you. Because if people like you knew people should also like you, people will approach
you more easily if they see other people around
you having a great time. Number two, if many people
want to talk to you, your social value will increase. It means that you are in demand, you are socially demanded. It means that you should have values should be interesting. It should be someone
they want to talk to. So many people want to talk
to people around you will be wondering what's so special about you and everyone we want, we want to talk to you. Number three, show proof that people have liked
your product or service. If you can tell your customer
that other people have tried your product or service
and they have liked it. The high chances that other
people will like it as well. You as the customer who wants to buy that product
or that service. If you see that
there are already all the people who have
tried what you want to buy and they have lighted the higher chance that you
would like it as well. So it's a way for you
to decrease the risk. How can you apply it? Texting number one
is to try to be introduced to people instead
of approaching on your own. Yes, you can
approach and you can say, Hi, my name is Mark. How are you? Then the person will reply, Hi, my name is Carlos nanometer. It works really, really well. But if you want a technique
that works even better is to use the warm approach. You ask a friend to introduce
you to other people. Hi, I just wanted to
introduce my friend Mark. He's a good friend of mine. And then you can
say, Hi, I'm Mark. How are you? Then the new person say, Hey, I'm Cairo's nice to meet you. That way. You are socially proofed because you
are already validated, associated by your friend. And you have a higher
chance of being accepted by the new person
because you friends, because your friend
recommends you. And this is really,
really powerful here. When you are in
social situations. Don't hesitate to
ask people that you know to introduce
you to their friends, their colleagues, and so on. Tactic number two, you
can tell who you know. For example, you could
say, Hi, my name is Mark, I'm Stephanie is
friend because then the new person has high
chances of accepting you. Because stephanie, which
is someone they know, has already accepted you by
using other people's names, saying that you are
related to them. It can help you be more accepted socially and have
more social success. Of course, don't lie if you
don't know that person. But if you see, if we
think about that when you approach people and you ask
yourself this question here, Who do I know in common
with that person? Is there a co-worker or a boss, a friend that we both know. If you approach
and you say, Hey, my name is blah, blah, blah. And then you you talk, you say, how related you are to someone
that they know as well. It can decrease the risk of the unknown and you can have
more social success. Number three, try to be
with friends and not alone. If you go to a place,
it's better to be with friends than alone because it will increase your social
proof and people like you. So it means that people
have validated you. It means that you should be
friendly so that other people can talk to you and we
want to talk to you. It has high extensive
than if you are alone. If you go to a social place, think about asking
your coworkers, your friends are
people that you know, if they want to come to you. The idea is that you can have people that you can
share the moment with, but then at the same time, it can bring you social proof to the new places that you want to network or to meet new people. And if you are alone, you have to go alone because
you are in a new city, you are traveling or neutral
zone to make new friends, have a friendly vibe. It means that be there'll
be open to meet new people. Don't have, don't be all stress because you
are alone and say, Oh my God, I'm alone. And you have all
these negativity because whatever you feel
the other person feels, so try to put yourself
in a great mood. Maybe have a great
and have a drink, dance to some music, and start talking
to people to get these vibe going to
friendly vibe going. Your goal here is to start
interacting with people. Because then people we see you interacting
with other people. And they will say, Oh, this
person is not really alone. This person is
interacting with people and you will be social proofed. Another technique is to share stories about your clients
or about your friends. For example, if you
have a business you want to set a new offering, a product or service,
you can say, Oh, my clients, they have tried that and they got this result. I've tried my product or my service and the
goddess result. And you explain, you show
them because in the mind of people, they will say, Oh, if other customers have tried what I wanted
to buy right now, they have liked it. In that case, I
should be confidence in buying data as well because it has worked for other people. So if you alone, that
works really well is that if you
approach someone and then you share stories about a time when you were with your friends so that
people can know that, oh, this person is not alone. The specimen has a social
life and is validated. Also, testimonials works
really, really well. If you wanted to sell
a product or service, then that works really well. If you talk about how other people have used your
product or your service, so don't hesitate to put that
on your website if you are building a brand that
works really well.
3. The Reason Effect: Now let's talk about
the reason effect. If we ask someone
to do us a favor, we have a highest success rate. If you provide a reason. People simply like to have
reasons for what they do. Now let's talk about other,
about a study that was done. People were standing in line in the library to the
Xerox machine. Semana arrived and ask to the first-person in front of the line if they
could make a copy. If someone said, Excuse me, I have five pages, can I use the Xerox machine? This success rate was 60%. What if instead of just
using the machine, they provide a reason? They can say, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine? Because I'm in a rush? 94% of people accepted. What's really interesting is that if you just provide
a random reason, it works almost as well. For example, someone said, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine because I have to
make some copies. 93% of people accept it. What's really interesting here is that if you provide a reason, it goes from 60% to 93 or 95%. But the reason is
not that important. It's not about the
reason that you use, it's about using the word. Because if I asked you
this question here, could you go to the supermarket? You may say yes, no. You don't know why you have
to go to the supermarket? Is it to bike to buy
some milk, some red? You don't know why
you have to go there? We wanted to have reasons. If I tell you, can you go to the supermarket
to buy some milk? In that way, you can understand
why you have to go there. So when you ask
someone something, you should always
provide a reason. And that way it will
increase your success rate. Let's pretend you want to go to a restaurant with someone and this person doesn't like
restaurants that much. I know it's weird, but
it exists like there are people who don't
like restaurants. You could ask the question, you want to go to the
restaurant tonight, you'd have 60% success rate. But if you add a
reason, you could say, Do you want to go to
that restaurant tonight because the food is
really good there. You may have in
93% success rate. The success rate will be higher
if you provide a reason. Your challenge here is to use the word because when you
asked your questions, it can be in your personal life, professional life,
provide reasons about why you want others to do
the things that you want. Tell them, Okay, I want you
to do that because, because, because the more reasons
you can provide to others, the most success you will have, and the more you
can influence them.
4. The Consistency Effect: Let's talk about the
consistency effect. We want to be consistent
with our actions, that we can be on
autopilot and save energy. For example, if I
tell my friends that I wanted to stop smoking, there is a higher chance of success because I want it to be consistent with what I said
versus if I said nothing. Because if I said nothing, It's easier to just forget about my resolution
and continue smoking. But if I share my goals
with people around you, if I make it public,
if I say okay, this is the goal that I have for my company, for my business. This is the new resolution. This is I won't, this is how
many times I want to work out and I share that
with people around you. Share that with
people around me. My brain, we wanted to be consistent with the
thing that I said. That's way, That's how the
consistency effect work. Another example, if I tell
you that I'm coming tomorrow, there are higher
chances of me coming tomorrow because I wanted to be consistent
with what I said. If I tell you that
I'm coming tomorrow, there are higher
chance that we'll come rather than than if I don't tell you that I'm
coming tomorrow. It may be stupid, but that's, that's the logic behind that. How can you use the
consistency effect? You can approach with
the consistency effect. You can say hi, I
just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. Unconsciously. The
person accepted to be framed as friendly. The person has higher
chance of being friendly because they wanted to be consistent with
what you said. Great way is to approach
people and then to frame the quantities that
you want them to have when you
interact with them. Great words are friendly,
open-minded, happy. So for example, you can say hi, I just wanted to say hi
because he looked friendly, because you look happy,
because you look up at it. That way. People will say, Oh, thank you all, thank you. Oh hi, how are you? And unconsciously that we'd
have accepted the fact that you are framing them as friendly,
happy, and open-minded. If you want to have bad
interaction with people, you can use the words friendly, open-minded, happy, and you
can frame them as that. Of course, you want
to be authentic. For example, if
you perceive that someone is not friendly at all, awesome on his board, you don't want to approach
someone and say Hi. I just wanted to say hi
because you look happy. You must use some
common sense to do it. And you will see it will
work really, really well. Use the consistency effect
in the conversation. You can use the
qualities that they have and you can highlight that. We want to talk about a
great personality traits. You can say, oh, it's great to mean someone who is friendly. It's great to meet someone
who is open-minded. It's great to meet
someone who is happy. And unconsciously the
person accepted to be framed as that quality. The person has high chance
of being friendly, happy, open-minded, because
they wanted to be consistent with what you said. This work really, really well. And the suggestion
here would be, be present in the interaction. When there is a quality, a trait that you like, you just highlight it. You highlight it and you say, Oh, it's great to
meet someone who is. And then you say, the
person's personality trait. That works really well. Number three, discuss your future plans
together on Friday. We can go there. We can do that at that time. You can schedule it together. The more you make it real, the higher the consistency
effect will work. The more you are taking something that doesn't exist yet like a meeting that you
would have in the future. And the more you are
making it real by talking, by scheduling it, the higher the consistency
effect will be. It means that the more
you talk about it, the higher chance that
the other, the people, the person will come
to that meeting. Because the person we want to be consistent with what you said, with what you discussed. Before. You can use earlier you told me earlier you told me that you
wanted to go out more often. You want to go out this weekend. If there is something
that the person said before that is it
really interesting? And you want to use that again, for example, to ask them to go out with you or to do something. You can say, Oh, earlier in the conversation
you told me that. Earlier in the conversation
you told me that. Now you can ask a
question or you can continue and you
can expand on that. That works really well
because if someone said something in the conversation, you can just remind them
that they said that to do something else in
the future with you. That works really, really well.
5. The Talk About Them Effect: The talk about them effect. If you talk about the benefits
that people will get, it will work better
than if you talk about your own benefits or
you don't mention any. The idea here is when
you ask someone to do something is to talk about
the benefits for them. You don't want just to, to share your decision
or to ask someone to do something without showing them
how it will benefit them. Because as humans, we all
have this question here. What's in it for me? The question that
you should have in your mind all the
time when you are talking to people, is, how will my question, decision improve the quality of the life of the other person? Because what most people
will do is that we say, let's do this because
it will help me. 3d ageist. It's really selfish. Like they don't think about how they can
influence the other person. But instead, if you say, let's do this because it
can help you improve data, data that you create a bridge, a connection between you
and the other person. And you show the
other person that their life will be
better if they act on the decision or if
they come with you to that event or to the thing
that you want to do. That worked really, really well. If you show others how the
life will be improved, the benefits that
they will have. If they say yes to your request. Let's say that for example, you want to talk to a friend who wants
to meet new people. You could say, Do you
want to go to dissociate events so we can meet
new amazing people. The benefit for the, for the friend is they can
meet new amazing people. If you are talking to the
marketing intern who wants to learn how to be a better intern. You can then ask him
this question here. Can you help me with
this presentation so that I can show you
how I create the slides. The benefits here is I can show you how accurate
the slides so that you can show how you do
your work to that Internet. You can teach him or her how
to do their work better. If you talk to a
colleague, you could say, Do you want to come
to these productivity event with me so that we can learn to be
more productive at work and have more free time. The benefits is that
if your colleague comes with you to
that productivity, productivity event,
then you can have more free time because you will be more
productive at work. When you talk to someone, always show the
benefits that they will get if they act with you.
6. The Hard To Get Effect: The hard to get ethics. People who evaluate
something or someone more, if they don't get it, don't get them that easily. Let's say that you get a
new car, it's a fair way. There is a difference between someone giving it
to you for free. Like they give it, they say, Oh, this is a new card,
is a brand new fairy. This is the car. Like you will be happy. But you won't value
it as much as if you spent the last 30 years
saving for that car. Because you invested less time, less money, less energy, and getting that ferrite, you will value more things if you have to work to get them. And this is the idea here
of the heart to get effect. Let's see the street that
with something practical. I have a cat's eye. I love him and he
teaches me a lot about dynamics, about
social dynamics. If you give a
string to your cat, he won't be interested
in playing with it because it's too
easy to just give it the string and the cat
doesn't want to play with it because it can get
it right away. But if you play with the string, The cat will go crazy about it because he wants to catch it. The string is hard to get. The cat has to work to get the string is
not easy to get it. It's exactly the same
with social situations. You want to be someone who
challenges other people, not someone who is always
agreeing with everything and always saying that these
available or the time. You want to be a
little bit hard to get the string to the cat. How can you be a little
bit more hard to get? Number one is your availability. If you see less available
people will like you. More. People love other
people that they can't get or that they can
get not that easily. For example, if you say sure, I'm available when you want, it's like giving the
string to the cat. But if instead you say, Sure, Let me check my calendar
and get back to you. Immediately. You are playing with the string. You're not keeping the
string that easily. Next time that someone
asked you to do something, try to get it a bit
more hard to get, even if you are really excited about what you want to
do with that person. Try to look peas and say, oh, yeah, that's
that sounds awesome. I just have to check my calendar.
Let me get back to you. Have a challenging mindset. When playing with the cat. You challenge a heme
to catch the string. What you should do
is have the mindset of you want to challenge
the other person. And it's what we call the buyer versus the seller mindset. It's like buying a TV. You are the buyer. You go to a store and
you want to buy a TV. There is a seller there. The center he wants
to sell the TV. He doesn't care about which TV. He says he just wants
to sell the TV. But you as the buyer, you want to ask questions. Which TV is the best as? What is the screen resolution? What's the price? You can ask questions to uncover which
TV you want to have. There's a difference here
between the buyer who wants to be selective of the TV that
he or she wants to buy. The seller who just
wants to sell the TV. No matter which one it is, they just want to sell the TV. What you want to have is the buyer mindset when you
are talking to people, you will be screening
people to see, for example, if, see if
they have the qualities that you want in a
romantic partner, if that's what you
are looking for, or business partner or friend. When you are talking to them, imagine that you have
the challenging mindset, you have the buyer mindset. Ask, ask them if there
are great people as them, as if they are cooled, ask them the most adventurous
thing that they have done. Ask them question to underscore, to uncover their personalities. And then ask yourself
this question here. Do you want to be friends
with that person? You want to date that person. You want to have a business relationship
with that person. Don't be too available
in the same time. You want to be challenging, you want to challenge
them to see if there are great fits with your personality
and with who you are. I know that when
you interact with people you want to be available, you want to be super friendly. But if you are too
nice to available, it's going to decrease
your social value. So be aware of that when
you talk to people.
7. The Similarity Effect: The similarity
effect, we tend to like more people
who are like us. In social interactions. People who tend to like other people more if
they are like them. Though. There has been studies
that have shown that if we have to ask $5
in a train station, will ask it to someone
who looks like us. We want to approach people
to interact with people who are like us and we
tend to like them more. So how can you use this
similarity effect? You can mirror their behavior. Have you already talked
to your best friend? And then you notice
that you have the exactly same body
language as Deb. You are connected
like this person. You are using the
similarity effect even unconsciously because you are
connected to that person. That works really, really well when you approach new people, you try to copy
their body language. For example, if someone
courses the arms of someone, puts their arm on the chair, you can do the same. The idea here is to
mirror the behavior. If you have a look at
the pictures here, you can see here that they
have the same body language. The idea is when you talk to someone at the beginning, you
don't do anything. But then as you get
to know each other, you just mirror their behavior. One gesture at a time. For example, if
they are crossing the legs, you can
cross your legs. If they are doing
something with the Hence, you can slowly start
doing it with your hands. The idea here is to copy
some of their behaviors, some of their body language. You're not copying exactly
their body language, but you are copying
some gestures because you don't want
to make it too obvious. You want to be a
little bit like them, but not exactly like them. Otherwise, they may perceive that
there is something weird. If they should change their behavior,
their body language, don't change it too fast, you just change it slowly. For example, if they
uncross their arms, you then just slowly
and cross your arms. You don't want to
make it too obvious, but if you try it in your
personal or professional life, you will see that
people will connect with you more and that way you can then better influence them. Because when you want
to influence people, you want to create rapport. And the best way to create
rapport is to adopt a body language that
is similar to them. You can also use the language. You try to identify
their own language, and then you use them
in the conversation. The easiest way to do it is to put your attention on the
words that they say often. The words that not
everyone uses. For example, if I talk
to someone and know that they are always
using the word amazing, amazing, it's an
amazing presentation or it was an amazing day. I can also use the word amazing. The person will like
me more because then they will perceive that we
have the same language. And if we have the
same language, we should be similar and
we should like each other. When you are talking to someone, look at the words that they're saying and that
they are not usual and then you can use
these words as well. Here. Just a warning, I'm not making
fun of the other person. If the person has a language
trouble or something, I don't want to copy that. I want to copy the positive
towards the things that make them stand
out and look good. And if you try it, you
will see you will become a big success when you
are talking to people, be aware of that and
you can try that in your personal life
or professional life. Today, when you go out and you approach people and
you talk to them, listen to the words, listen to their words, and try to uncover
their language. And then you can talk in terms. For example, if
someone says, Oh, it's something that I really
like, the use the word. It's something I really
like when you are talking, you can also say, oh, it's something I really like. Then the other person
will unconsciously see that you are using the same words and we
perceive you as more likable.
8. Thank You: Thank you. This was a short and
intense on entraining. You really wanted to give you
the tools that you need to improve your way of influencing
and persuading people. Twice, it short if it's
intense and I wanted to give you tools that
were really practical. So my challenge to you today is to use one technique that you
liked in this course. So I would encourage you to
pick one that you loved. Maybe it's a similarity
effect the heart to get and use it in your own life. Start with one today
and see how it is. And then when it's more natural, you come back to
these online training and then you use another
one and otherwise, and another one and
have fun with it. Because it's a fun process
to improve how you influence the persuades people
also always have great intentions when you
are talking to people, when you're influencing others. Don't have bad
intentions in mind. Have a positive,
positive emotions, positive intentions
towards the other person, and you're going to
become a big success.
Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant
