Mastering Leadership Communication

1. 1 - What You'll Learn From This Course: Hi, I'm Paul. In this video series, you will learn the advanced techniques and considerations that you need to master. One of the important aspects of being a team leader and that is the art of communication. We'll discuss how you can be a coach to your teams, not just a manager. How you can master the one-to-one meeting and how you can be a really great and effective listener. We'll talk about how knowing the art of getting and giving great feedback can motivate your teams and how you can boost motivation by knowing how to show gratitude and safe thanks. We'll cover all of that and a lot more, including how to understand when you should also keep your mouth shut up. I've been a people manager for over 20 years. And the tips in this course are based on all of that experience. Both the successes and the failures. And I'm passing that experience right onto you as a leader, this course could serve you so much time and mistakes and fast-track your leadership career. I've always been a huge advocate of people focused leadership. And that starts by making sure that you're developing people with empathy, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, how you can use the skills in their organizational psychology toolkit to get the best from everybody. Coaching and involving them into high performance. And of course, communication is right at the heart of that. There's so much you can do as an individual, a people manager or a senior leader to make sure your team performs. And much of it, down to the way you interact with your teams and the cultures that you create in your organization. Whether you're an experienced leader or somebody just die out on their journey. This guide to mastering leadership communication will be guaranteed to make you a better, more effective, and empowering people manager. You'll also find some more useful content on my YouTube channel, search YouTube for productivity, as well as AP productivity is on Twitter. And of course, I've got a whole load more courses on this platform, all focused on leadership, people management and absolutely smashing it at work. So take a look at them. There may be useful as well, but thanks for watching this one. Let's get stuck into leadership communication. 2. 2 - Do You Talk Too Much?: Be quiet. Not really. But do you know if you're one of those people that talks too much, I'm going to help you recognize if you need to talk less and also how to work with that colleague or a boss that just seems to go on all the time in the workplace, we all do a lot of talking and being able to communicate effectively is one of the key skills that all managers and companies are looking for in their employees and not everybody is good at it. In fact, the ability to talk a lot or not enough can be a real weakness to some people and cause their relationships and performance to really suffer. I'm sure you can think of at least two or three people that you work with or just talked too much, either generally in meetings or just generally, you'll certainly know some people. So some of the reasons why you find people talking too much uncomfortable with silences. This is really common. Many people don't like silences. Silences in any conversation can feel really uncomfortable. And in meetings or conference calls, simple silence of a few seconds can feel like minutes. This is why we need to insert ohms and Rs into our sentences without realizing it that silence in a conversation can cause an increased stress response, increased temperature, sweating, and some people can panic. So you'll find that people who are very uncomfortable with silences will tend to talk through them. Filling the dead space with the first thing that comes into their head or slightly amended repeat of a point that they only just met The expert communicator, the silences in a conversation actually a really valuable tool that can be used to emphasize a point, to gain control of an argument or to proactively involve other people in a conversation. So if you find yourself in panic mode when silence happened, then try and practice and make silence is your friend. The more comfortable you are, the more effective your interactions will be pressured to contribute. There's no doubt that meetings and conference calls or a psychological minefield. And too many people, there's nothing worse than attending a call and ending up having not said anything. I mean, if that's the case, why you there and we've all been in calls where somebody hasn't spoken at all. It's human nature to end up thinking, why was that person even invited? The quieter individual or the person that's unable to get involved, there can be an implied pressure that Hey, you're on this call but you're not saying anything and people are watching. So you'll find people sometimes trying to avoid being caught in this trap by making sure that they're talking at as many points during the cold as they can. They might not be saying anything of substance, but by constantly making themselves, they can avoid being clusters. That person who didn't say anything. Yeah, that person who didn't contribute. And this can actually backfire because speaking for the sake of speaking without contributing anything of substance, you can also get somebody a reputation as a person. It takes meetings off track or West time, it might experience, I've worked with lots of people that they may not say much in calls, but when they do, it's always a valuable observation or a point worth listening to. It's not about how much they say, but what they say. Popularity. Talking releases, dopamine, the pleasure hormone. So as you talk, you feel good. And there's some people that really is like a drug. The feeling of talking is something they enjoy. The talk and talk and talk. And often don't say much of substance of constantly repeat the points that are already made. Talking also makes people feel like they're being perceived as being popular in a group. After all, we've all got those myths that are the life and soul of the party and they tend to be pretty chatty. I've certainly worked with people who talk constantly in meetings and calls, and it's all down to either a fear of being unpopular or a desire to be popular. In reality, what ends up happening is that the constant talker is most certainly not popular. We've all got too many meetings, too many calls, and spent way too much time listening to people, or it could be getting on with the mountain of work that we've all got. The constant torque or tramples all over the most valuable resource we've got. And that's our time. The most popular people in my experience, and the ones that cut out the crap and get right to the point they arrive at meetings, prepared and organized, and they only talk when what they have to say is taking the conversation and the objective of the meeting forward. Now there are people I want to work with and I'm sure you want to work with them as well. If you're a big talker, then how can you get better? How can you fix your problem? First of all, improved self-awareness. On this channel, we talk about emotional intelligence alone in particularly the art of being self-aware. And that's very important here. How can you fix something if you can't even recognize when you're doing it. So building that level of emotional intelligence, that's self and situational awareness is super important. There are plenty of resources available to help you do that. So I won't go into the details here. Suffice to say that once you have the power to recognize when you're doing something or when you're talking too much, then you'll be able to do something about it. Pause to allow jumping points. Often when you're talking or making a lengthy point, you'll have numerous thoughts and words popping into your head. Sometimes it feels like you can't get the words out fast enough. We've all been in those calls where somebody is speaking and it feels like an impossibility to find even the smallest gap in their output and jump, to jump in and respond. Now, it's sometimes seems like they aren't even going to take a breath. So annoying, right? So remember that feeling when it's you that's talking. The more you talk, the more you don't give other people to have opportunities to contribute. The more people will be getting annoyed, and the less there'll be listening to what you're actually saying. A simple technique is to build some jumping in points into any monologue. We'll talk a bit more about those in the technique at the end of the video. And as we've spoken about pausing to allow jumping points. And even better tactic is to actively invite other people into the conversation by asking for their opinions or comment. This can be used by managers to ensure inclusivity and to bring people into a conversation that might not be comfortable interrupting or jumping in themselves. It's a great way to solicit opinions and contributions from those that may be junior or introverted, recognize the rank. Most work conversations, it's usually a good idea to keep personal opinions out of it. But there are occasions where somebody might go off on a long speech or a rant. These are very much weak points in a conversation, as well as dominating the aspects that can lead to a lack of self-control, which sometimes results in someone saying something that they might lead to regret. And you'll even sometimes hear the person and recognize that there are about to lose control. But they'll do it anyway. They'll say something like, Well, I probably shouldn't say this, but I might regret this later, but I'm going off on that run is very tempting. It's a maximum dopamine hit, and it certainly has people listening, but it's almost certainly a bad idea. So again, they'll self-awareness skills to a level where you can feel and recognize that rant building up and makes you, you slap it down again. If you end up announcing that you probably shouldn't say this, then don't say it. Because I ran not only dominates the conversation, but it dominates it with topics that can damage your career. Now let's talk about the traffic light rule. Here's the three-step method for you to be able to stop yourself falling foul of these dangers. Mark gallstone is the author of Just listen, discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anybody. In a recent Harvard Business Review article, Goldstone detailed his traffic light rule. It divides speaking into 22nd buckets. The first bucket is the Greenbook it, for the first 20 seconds, you're on the green-light. Your listener is engaged in listening, and as long as you're being relevant, You're all good. The next 20 seconds or the amber bucket, risk is increasing, then the other people are beginning to lose a little interests or the thing that you're going on too long. And yes, that is only 40 seconds, but people do. Then after 40 seconds, you're in the red zone. After 40 seconds of continuous speaking, the red light is very much on. It's time to stop or offer a jumping in point for other people. Now I've tried monitoring conversations using these 20-second book. It's it's remarkably accurate. Even though it doesn't sound like a lot of time, people do start losing interest after only 20 or so seconds. And it really doesn't take very long for someone to start getting irritated or frustrated. A minute of speaking doesn't sound like a lot, but try monitoring it the next time you're in conversation. It's actually a long time. Keeping control of how much you are speaking is one of the best ways to improve your effectiveness in work conversations. I like many workplace skills. It takes practice and refinement, but it's a skill that I've seen people use really well to progress their own careers and be better managers and leaders. 3. 3 - Mastering Conflict Resolution: So some of your team are going at it head to head while here at ten tips for dealing with conflict between your employees at work. Let's get right into it, tackle the problem head-on. As a leader, dealing with conflict in your Teams is a vitally important skill to master. And it's not an easy one to get used to either, especially the first couple of times that it happens. This is because handling conflict situations is never pleasant. It's awkward, emotional, and it can involve tough conversations, none of which are particularly enjoyable for anybody involved. But as a manager, there's one thing you must do and that is tackled the problem head-on without hesitation. Because once you detect conflict or it becomes clear to you that there's an issue. It's up to you as the leader to get it right and get right into it without delay. Don't hesitate. Don't pretend it doesn't exist or wait for it to sort itself out or run its course. It's up to the manager to detect the problem, put an action plan in place and sort it out. It's one of the less glamorous jobs that being a leader is all about, have confidence in your ability to manage your team, start the process of fixing the issue. Because the moral manager hesitates, the more the problem will fester. And in cases like this, time generally isn't a great healer. In fact, leaving the problem to hopefully go away generally has the opposite effect. And it might blow up into something even worse, leaving you with a much bigger mess to clean up. So don't waste time. In fact, have a plan for conflict resolution in your back pocket for when it inevitably occurs, because it will then put it into action as soon as you can control the emotions. One of the most common mistakes with rookie managers or managers that are ineffective or conflict resolution is that they tend to let emotions cloud the situation and drive their decisions. This is really bad. Most effective leaders possess the required emotional intelligence to recognize the emotions of the situation, but they won't let those emotions Cloudera understanding of the issues and influenced the decisions they make. And that's not to say they weren't actually discuss or recognize the emotional aspect of the conflict. But having that empathy and understanding of their employee worries is also absolutely vital because once that is established and the issues are understood, then great leaders can focus on active and focused resolution of the actual problems causing the conflict. In fact, quite a lot of the initial sessions in conflict resolution tend to focus on an empathetic response to each of the parties. At this stage, There's no right and wrong. It's all about getting that message to people that, hey, I've got you here, I understand. I get it. I once people know that you understand exactly where they're coming from, you can then get down to the business of fixing the problem and dealing with the issues. So keeping a tight control of the understandable emotions of a conflict situation is a very important skill. And it's one that isn't easy. You will have to be a good listener, have high emotional intelligence, be able to display empathy and self-control yourself and not be affected by the emotions or end up taking sides. Because once you're in control of the emotions, everything else gets so much easier. What are people trying to gain? This is important as an independent arbiter of a conflict situation. It's really useful to try and put yourself in the shoes of each person. Both parties will have something they want out of this conflict. It might be a work-related thing or something that one person perceives as unfair. And it really can be anything. I've seen conflicts occur over working from home flexibility, perceived favoritism in allocating work, as well as more obscure situations where somebody just doesn't like the desk that they've been given, it really can be absolutely anything. So as a leader, spend time with each person individually to understand what their issue is. And you might be surprised as to how easily some conflicts can be fixed. I've had situations where I've not even needed to get the two parties together, simply managed to resolve the issues by speaking to each of them in turn. And actually many times it's a simple misunderstanding or perception issue that's got their backup. And then it's up to the leader to clarify, explain doubts, the flames, and smooth every issue out. But make sure you do this equally because it's no good to fully 100% understand and empathize with person a and then only have a limited grasp of what person B's perspective is. That's not fair and it can lead to bias in your decisions and opinions. You need to understand both parties equally view conflict as an opportunity. Conflicts may seem like unpleasant situations, but in reality, they are perfectly formed pockets of power feedback. And you don't get many situations like this where a problem or problems are forced to the surface like volcanoes erupting with passion and emotion. Great leaders, you conflict situations like concentrated feedback sessions. There's a problem. It could be small, it could be big, but it's a problem that needs fixing any needs fixing now, so get it fixed. Use your leadership skills, addressed the issue, and understand it's always better to have conflict situations out in the open so they can be addressed rather than have them hidden out of sight for months, building and bubbling until they explode like an eruption. Because the sooner the pressure is released, the better for everybody. Everyone can then get on with their jobs had at the end of the conflict situation, what do you have? Well, you usually have a few less problems than you did at the start. And actually on many occasions the future is a lot brighter, having the issues out in the open and hopefully resolved. I've often seen work colleagues who had serious grievances with each other end up becoming highly effective working partners and in some cases, extremely good friends. So great leaders and managers often relish the conflict situation. It's a chance for them to tick off a few more issues that they wouldn't have known about. And everybody learns from that. Develop a plan to address each conflict. In many conflicts situations, there's likely to be more than one issue that's in play and causing problems. And each person is likely to have their own take on things. You probably won't be dealing with one problem, more like several. And in that situation, it's important for the leader to make sure they give as much air time to listen to all of the grievances. So we'll carry more weight than others, but they will all contribute to the overall situation. Once you've given people the opportunity to articulate what's bothering them and given the other person a chance to respond, then it's over to you. Make sure everything is documented, prioritize. You've captured all the points that you need to work on together with the employees and then it's time for action. This is just like a project tree arch the issues, prioritize, take action, execute. There are a few different ways you can do things depending on the situation. You could go for the big ticket, serious issues first and get them fixed. And that will put you all well on the way to a successful resolution. Or you can go for that easier to fix problems while that approach still lives the big elephant in the room. It also gets everyone into the mindset of making progress and shows that you as a leader are committed and able to get things fixed. Then when it comes time to tackle the big issues, there's a more positive mindset amongst all parties and more openness to getting things resolved. There's no one approach fits all here. Use your discretion and your situational awareness to choose what works for you, but make sure you've got a plan and are acting on it. Because being able to show that you can be the catalyst that helps to fix the problem for both parties will be very well received by everybody and it will be well received by your own management as well as senior managers know that conflict resolution is a key skill and leaders identify the common ground in all but the most extreme circumstances you'll find that work colleagues in a conflict situation will actually have an awful lot of things that they actually agree on. They may well even work really, really well in some situations together. As a manager, it's your job to try and identify some of those positive situations and bring them into the conversations. A relatively early stage, obviously, you're there to help the parties fix their problems. I'll bang on about the great stuff they did, but it's all about the psychology of the situation here. Being able to address problems is important. And it's much easier if you're all doing it against the backdrop of a more positive outlook, this can really make the issues feel a lot smaller and more insignificant than they actually are. And once that starts happening, then there's less point in getting upset about things. I've seen this tactic worked really, really well. This situation once where two people had an issue over a particular project and it got to the stage that they didn't want to work with each other anymore. I began the conversations by listing out all of the excellent collaborations they'd been involved in over the last few years. And then it became evident to everybody involved that far from being incompatible, they were actually our strongest partnership. And then it was playing sailing from then on. Each one appreciated the other for who they were. They actually recognized the great achievements that have been involved in and they'd forgotten about them. Now this doesn't always work and I think I got a bit lucky with that situation. Well, it's certainly very important for a leader or manager to accentuate the positives between the conflicted parties, there's likely to be a lot more good stuff than bad. Keep it private. This one is very important. Well, there may be people that you absolutely need to keep informed, your own manager, perhaps your HR department, or even another related team. It's critical that the details of the issue stay very much private. I recall one occasion in my own career why I overheard a manager or a coffee point talking about a conflict situation in his team. He was laughing and joking about the situation and he was even taking sides against one person who he was mocking. I thought that was pretty terrible behavior. But what he didn't realize was that I wasn't the only person that overheard him. And that that conversation got back to one of the people that was involved. Needless to say, things didn't go very well from there. So even if the conflict is a newsworthy situation or one that could make some really great water cooler gossip. It can't ever get to that stage. Keep it private and focus on making things better for everyone. Don't go back in time as the arbiter of a conflict situation, there's one thing you absolutely must prevent from happening, and that's the use of What about isms are changing the subject. You know, when you'll see someone on TV like a politician or such, like doing this all the time. They'll be getting grilled about the latest scandal and their responses. Yes. But what about that other issue or the time where this happened all the time where that happened all the time where you did something instead, changing the subject. What about this? What about that? This is a common tactic in arguments to deflect criticism by changing the subject. What about this? What about that? What about that time? Anything but answer the direct question. I think can surface in work conflict situations, especially if the parties do indeed have some history together. But it's up to you to make sure any discussion so focused on the here and now on the issue at hand that you're addressing the current points of disagreement. Not regressing back in time. If that happens, then you'll be raking over old ground are all issues that were sorted a long time ago and waste time and energy. And it certainly doesn't solve the current problems. And you'll find this happens when one person may be under pressure or filling that there might be in more trouble than they'd like. And that can often happen in a conflict situation. These situations sometimes do have a good and bad dynamic. There may indeed be somebody that has done something they really shouldn't have that maybe well-being much more at fault than another person. So as a leader makes sure all of your energy stays on the here and now of dealing with the current situation, define the acceptable. This is one that is most useful and actually preventing conflict situations arising. And that's the need to set a culture where everybody in the team knows what you will accept and what you want to accept, what you expect from everybody, the culture of communication and teamwork that you as a leader wants to set. And that'll be different across many teams and with different leaders. Because every leader sets the tone they want the team to operate with. I've worked in teams where the manager rules with an iron fist and even the slightest display of emotion is discouraged. And I've also had the opposite, where my manager would actively create tense situations to build resilience and challenge and force people to develop more efficient ways of collaborating. And bold styles actually had that plus points. Myself. I'm somewhere in-between. But I made sure that everybody knows the boundaries and what's acceptable and what isn't. In fact, we've got a team charter document which articulates a number of aspects of teen behavior. It documents including our attitude to collaboration and challenge, as well as respect, watching out for each other and keeping tabs on our own mental health and the mental health of our colleagues. We industrialize that in the DNA of how the team operates. The benefit here is that everybody always knows what I as a leader expect from the culture in my team. If I get any breaches there quickly addressed at one-to-one meetings, so we don't repeat them. We keep that culture solid. So as a leader, set the boundaries clearly as part of defining the culture of your team. And you'll find that the number of actual conflict situations where we massively reduced, in fact, it'll probably be an extremely rare occurrence. Relish the challenge. Dealing with conflict between any people is one of the hardest things that anybody can be faced with. And especially in a working environment where passions and pressure is high, even more so, and that's why not everyone can do it. In fact, I've seen many managers excellent in other areas that would run a mile from any situation. That involves getting into the meat and bones of a conflict situation. One of the toughest challenges that people can face. The fact is, conflict situations are difficult and they're not very nice. But hey, you're watching this video on you. So you must really want to be a great leader. You must really want to build your skills and your capabilities. That's half the battle. You have the mindset to actually want to be a leader. You want to be a leader that's capable of mending broken relationships. You're not scared or put off by the challenge. That's why you're here and that's brilliant. The leaders that learn the skills necessary for conflict resolution and have the confidence to put them into practice are the ones that find themselves moving on in their careers. They're the leaders that get noticed. It's great that you're not scared of the challenge. It's great that you want to learn the skills, learn them, have confidence and execute. Conflict resolution scares a lot of people to death and not everybody can do it. It's one of the factors that marks a great leader out from the rest. In fact, it forces leaders right out of their comfort zones. And the comfort zone is one of the biggest hurdles. Mastering your comfort zone can really propel you into the leadership stratosphere. 4. 4 - The Power of Thank You In The Workplace: In this video, we're going to talk about one of the most effective ways to empower your teams and get the most out of them. And that is the power of saying, thank you. It has been said that sorry seems to be the hardest word. Well, maybe it's not, maybe it's actually thanks. Uh, my organization were encouraged to give regular constructive feedback that we can all action to make ourselves better at our jobs. And that's very valuable. But maybe we don't spend enough time just saying thank you, considering how much work people do and how many times people do a great job, I've always wondered why it doesn't seem that people say, thank You that often in employee servers, praise and recognition. Always one of the top complaints according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Well, we crave praise and recognition more than we crave money. If you want to be an effective leader, praising and saying thank you is an absolute essential when you recognize great work, people would be much more inclined to repeat it, to give themselves that feeling again, I've always wondered why people don't find it easy to give thanks or express gratitude seems to me people are much more inclined to criticize, but getting a thank you or a well done, awesome praise is much rarer even when you get constructive feedback. Well that word constructive, that's got an implied criticism to it. So it may be useful, but it doesn't necessarily give somebody the warm and fuzzy feeling that they might get when somebody gives them job well done message. For example, in a recent survey of over 8 thousand managers, over 40% didn't actually ever say thank you to their teams or give praise of any kind. That's astonishing. And another survey showed that high performing teams, on average get about six times more positive messaging than teams that don't perform very well. It's not just in the workplace. It's long been known that successful marriages and relationships feature a positive negative ratio of about five to one. So that means for every negative or criticism, there's five positives and relationships scientists have long since and on, that if that ratio is skewed in favor of negatives, isn't sufficiently positive. Well, that is actually a key indicator of a divorce situation. So it seems to me that saying thank you is a very good thing. Let's dive into the subject a little bit more. So what are the benefits of saying thank you, first of all, mutual happiness. If you say thank you, you feel good. They feel good. Everyone's a winner. What's not to like? Secondly, bridge-building, expressing gratitude can be a really good way to turn around relationships haven't particularly been going well, aren't going as well as you want them to for the people that I don't get on with particularly well or maybe have a tensor relationship with, I'm always looking for situations where I can engage and look for a pivot where I can say, Thank you for some contribution that they've made. I find that expressing gratitude really does help turn relationships round. And I've used it to turn relationships. There haven't been particularly successful into very successful ones. So bridge-building, enhancing relationships, if somebody gives you a thank you, show some appreciation. Well, it's almost like an olive branch being offered and it's a really good pivot to turn around a relationship that's not so good. We've got greater resilience and positive mood. Expressing gratitude. Acts like compound interest, is a gradual build-up of positivity and resilience in people's moods. And that gradually over time turns them into a more resilient and more positive and more capable person. And positivity has a net gain on mental health and physical health that's scientifically proven. The more positive somebody is, the happier they get, the more resilience their build, the more their mental health improves in them or their physical health improves. Okay, so we know there are benefits. Great. If that's the case, why doesn't everybody say thanks all the time? In fact, it's not so easy. Many people find it quite difficult to express gratitude. Let's take a look at some of the reasons why. The first one is the cringe factor. Many people find it really embarrassing to actually say thank you or to praise other people. They find it much easier to criticize. People can find it really uncomfortable to sit down and give somebody some prays, especially face-to-face. And bizarrely, the recipient can often feel uncomfortable as well. It's quite an emotionally charged situation and some people are just very uncomfortable with that. I'm sure we've all been in situations where somebody has lavished praise on you in an over-the-top kind of way. And by the end of it you're like, Please stop, please stop. It's an uncomfortable situation. So the recipient and the giver often find it quite embarrassing to give praise. I find that if you can get into the habit of giving praise often than that takes the embarrassment, that takes the emotional factor out of it. And then you get more and more comfortable with actually seeing somebody has done something cool or valuable for you, made your life easier and you're automatically default into a giving thanks response. The more you can do it, the more comfortable you get with it. Another reason why people don't necessarily give as much thanks as perhaps they should is in modern workplaces, thanks tend to only to be given if somebody has gone above and beyond and done something completely out of the ordinary, like the person who doesn't tip their server at a restaurant because, hey, that person is just doing their job. They haven't done anything special to warrant the tip. And some people have a real problem with praise. Our eye color. Example. A previous company where somebody told me to stop praising people, saying that, you know what? Well, we praise them every month when we pay their salary. Well, that's not necessarily the case for a numerous people that I work with on a daily basis who regularly make my life easier. It doesn't have to be something completely out of the ordinary. It doesn't have to be incredible delivery. Some people can just make your life easier just by the way they are, the way they act, the way they work, their mood, that way they can brighten up a room, their personality. There's a whole load of different ways somebody can add value to you and all of those are worth of. Thank you. I regularly prose people and encourage my team to give thanks to people that just make their life easier by doing their jobs and doing it well in cases like this, it's always a good idea to be specific and praise a specific behavior or specific aspect of somebody's work rather than just generic. Thanks. That way it feels more genuine and it gives them something to work on. If there no, a particular aspect of their character or the way they work is positive and gives value to somebody. They can then develop that. But the reason why people don't often give thanks is we sometimes don't want people to get one-on-one or in competitive workplaces where everybody is fighting for promotion and to get up that career ladder. I've seen it many times where people don't actually want to say thanks for a job well done because that might actually advanced that person's career at your expense? Yes, crazy as it seems that does happen. People are always looking out for themselves. It's human nature, and sometimes they don't want to give somebody else that leg up the ladder. I don't really think that's the right way in a collaborative firmly, the ones that you and I work in. But it does happen are people who think like that. We'll soon see that actually there is a lot to be gained yourself from being somebody who gives thanks and gives praise for more information on subjects like this, I'd really recommend reading a book called give-and-take by Adam Grant, who's an organizational psychologist at Wharton, to fantastic analysis of how being a giver can really benefit you. So let's look at ways to express gratitude. Okay, so we know that saying thank you is positive. We know that saying thank you gives you benefits as well. How can we make it easy for ourselves to get into the habit of saying thank you on a regular basis. Firstly, a weekly gratitude note. I'd like to end my week by sending a couple of emails, maybe two or three MLs, two or three gratitude notes, short and snappy. People that may have made my life easier that week or that I just generally appreciate. I find it's a really nice way to finish your Friday, spending 15 minutes to just say, hey, I really appreciate what you've done here. I find that giving their weekly gratitude note gives me a really nice feeling at the end of the week and hopefully the recipients enjoy it as well. I know that sending them has actually opened a lot of doors in terms of relationships and workstreams that have emerged from actually sending that gratitude note. So I think it's a very positive thing to do. Also make it public, instead of making those gratitude notes in the form of one-to-one emails. Well, how about in a blog, in my teams bi-weekly blog post to our user community at work, we have a section where we say, these are the people that have made our lives easier over the last couple of weeks. These are the people that we appreciate. And that's very positive because those blogs or read widely, and that means that that person's contribution is more widely praised, it's more widely publicized and that obviously is good for them. Keep a diary. So if you are the recipient of a gratitude note or thank you or a better price, well, don't just file it away with all your other emails to put it in a special folder and keep a log of the times that you are. Thank that you are appreciated. If you're feeling low, dip into that folder, have a quick read and realize that the, some of the stuff you've done, that's great. And some of the people that you felt. You can also do mental exercises to train yourself to be somebody who is more capable of saying thanks, more capable of expressing gratitude, and somebody that thinks more about praising others have looked at the Japanese Nikon reflection exercises. That's an exercise that involves reflecting on three particular questions. And it helps to grow feelings of appreciation and thanks for others. It also allows people to work out how much they're good versus how much they take in personal relationships. There are many other mental exercises that you can do. 5. 5 - How To Be A Great Listener: There are many aspects to the perfect conversation. So many variables at play that determine whether you both get what you want or need from the interaction and ensure that relationships are enhanced and not damaged. Psychologists have conducted many studies as to how to ask better questions, how to negotiate properly, and how to manage the relationship in a conversation. But have you ever considered that you could significantly improve the quality of your interactions by becoming a great listener. In my experience, is not something that many people put a lot of effort into when compared to other behaviors. How many people can you think of that you would class as great listeners? Probably not many. For the ones that you can think of. Can you articulate exactly why you think that goes so good at listening? It's not easy to do. Leave a comment with what you think makes a great listener. Well, there's a good deal of research into the skill of being a better listener. And I'm gonna give you some easy to implement tips you can use in your work interactions that are bound to have a positive effect on your relationships. So here we go, some tips for being a great listener repetition. One of the most effective ways to connect with somebody in a conversation is to actively check in with them after they're more memorable statements. This can easily be done by repeating back to them what they've just said. You might prefix it with something like, let me make sure I've got this right or let me just understand this fully and then repeat that point. There's genuine evidence that this not only makes you better able to remember the content of the conversation, but it creates a stronger bond with the other person as well. It's really effective. Try it active, sitting in a face-to-face meeting with one or more people, It sure that you position the chairs correctly. This means like not in a face off situation with one chair directly across from another and a desk in-between. That's a challenging and direct position. Forces continuous eye contact is not as relaxing. Look at how you can position chairs at 90 or 45-degree angles to each other. This creates a much more relaxed and calming vibe to a meeting. It doesn't force eye contact and it can be greatly effective when you're dealing with introverts are junior people. If you get the seating angle right, then you'll optimize the amount of eye contact you have. Not too much to feel weird. Not too little the field it's disconnected. The right level of eye contact allows you to naturally pay more attention to the content of the discussion and relax into the interaction. Empathy, especially important when the other person is speaking about a troublesome situation that they're going through. Empathy is critical. Let's say somebody has a problem. Maybe they've got a problem at home that they can't solve or their child is sick, then they tell you about it. Well, they absolutely do not want to hear about your problems or how about your dog isn't well or anything else? This is their moment, this is their time. Make sure it stays about them. Express sympathy, how that must be awful for them. How is their family coping is anything you are the company can do to help? What do they need? Remember, it's their moment. Listen like a therapist, that empathetic connection is a really common skill you'll find in good leaders. I'm sure you've got a friend in mind that you'd never share any of your problems with because you know that they're just start talking about themselves. We've all got people that we know that I like that. That's a person with low emotional intelligence and poor empathy. Great leaders do the opposite. Clarify. Somebody tells you something. Ask further questions to clarify. The more important the point, the more questions you should ask. Your role in the conversation as a detective, you need to understand their situation as much as you can to be able to give them the best possible advice. Make sure you're not judging in any of your questions and always be mindful of their emotions. But the more open-ended and thoughtful questions you can ask them more you'll connect with that person the more they'll feel that you are really paying attention to them. And also make sure you're not interrupting all the time or seeming to impose your own masterful solutions. Listen carefully, gather the information, and then when they asked you, you can offer your advice. Don't let tech ruin it. I've seen it too many times when you're in the middle of a conversation, it's going well. Each person is open and honest, getting value from the interaction. You might even know how to do some really good and difficult and positive work to get that person to open up at last. And then just as you're in the middle of it. And that's it. The bubble is burst, the vibe is gone. You've lost the momentum. And please don't think of actually answering the thing I've seen happen in meetings before. Somebody interrupts and important and emotional meeting to take a call. So whenever you're in a conversation, especially one that really matters mixture that tech is not going to knock you off balance. 6. 6 - Mastering Crucial Conversations: If you're at all serious about wanting to progress and work, develop your career, build those great relationships that everyone talks about. Then you're going to have to have a lot of conversations individually. Group, fun, serious, stressful, enjoyable. There are whole different type of conversations and also a whole load of interesting moving parts to each one, spanning a wide variety of topics and aspects. So here's how you can have better conversations. Mirroring this technique works in person and video calls. The idea is that people naturally assume the posture and mannerisms of others that they respect. Try it sometime. If you suspect somebody you're talking to is into you or is really engaged with what you're saying. Try putting your hands behind your head or something like that, or changing your posture and watch as they do the same without even realizing it, they unconsciously mirroring your behavior. You can use mirroring to your advantage by carefully observing posture, body language, speed of speech, mannerisms, and then deliberately mirroring them. Because this has been proven to subconsciously enhance the bond and the connection between people in conversational situations. Active sitting in a face-to-face meeting with one or more people, ensure that you position the chairs correctly. This means not a face off situation with one chair directly across from another, with a desk in-between. That's a challenging and direct position. It forces continuous eye contact. It's much less relaxing. That's one of the reasons people find interviews stressful because they typically have that desk arrangement. Look at how you can position chairs at either 90 or 45-degree angles to each other. This creates a much more relaxing and calming vibe. Doesn't force so much eye contact. And it can be greatly effective when meeting with junior people or people who are more introverted in nature. There's a whole science behind seating arrangements in meetings that I might go into in another video. So do check out some of the available materials on that topic. The messages that the ergonomics of how you sit in relation to others can immediately affect the atmosphere and vibe of the meeting. The more you can learn to recognize this, the more effective your meetings will be looked for the win-wins. In many conversations, you'll be wanting something. I mean, that's usually the point of calling most work meetings. You want something, a delivery, a commitment, or resource. It can be anything. In those situations. It's always a good idea to make sure that you're not only clear and fair in what you're asking for, but always linked to sweeten the deal by offering something in return. Maybe you'll make a future commitment to return a favor, or maybe you'll get the extra project resource you want, but will endeavour to provide some feedback or other learning opportunity and return. The more you can make every asking to a mutual win-win, more chance you'll have a success. And you'll also develop that valuable reputation is somebody that's super collaborative and great to deal with, which is incredibly important, keep a log of regular interactions for all the people that you find yourself having regular interactions with. I find it hugely helpful to give a chronological log the topics discussed. Nothing too detailed, just a list of topics. That way I can remember what we've talked about over time. I can be aware of trends or regular topics of interests and so on. All of which helps me to build up a much more effective relationship with the person I'm speaking to. It's also super handy to use this log as an agenda builder because you might remember a topic suddenly that you should bring up in a meeting that's happening in a few days time. But don't try and remember it. Just open up your log mechano under heading things to talk about next time. And then when it comes to that next meeting, you just pull up the log. They are readily built agenda for discussion. Otherwise you're likely to forget what it is you just remembered. And also use this log to record any actions you might have taken that way you can be sure to follow up on things that you said. You would follow up on. It. So easy to forget once you've hung up the call. Keeping a log really is one of the most useful meeting productivity tips that I use and it ensures that conversations are effective and flowing and a good use of time, be mindful of your emotional bank balance. So during every interaction is a good idea to monitor the emotional balance of the conversation. What I mean by that is that you start out level, every positive thing you do increases your balance. And those gives the other person a reason to deem the conversation as satisfying from them, their perspective, you've put more into it. And conversely, everything negative or anything you take from somebody during a conversation decreases your bones and those leads the person you're talking to team the conversation. As negative. Examples of emotional withdrawals include things like disagreement, self-praise, dishonesty, or going off topic. And conversely, you're depositing positive emotion if you agree or affirm. If you're asked for somebody's opinion, if you give a genuine compliments, you demonstrate active listening, or if you use their name even. So you want to finish most conversations relatively level. Sometimes you'll invest it more, sometimes you'll have deposited more what you want to avoid those conversations that are significantly skewed in either direction as that's likely to meet one person hasn't had a great outcome to that conversation. The real skill here is to be situationally aware enough to be able to adjust that balanced during the call to end up as close to even as possible. So keep track of the vibe, keep track of the emotional bank balance that you and the other person I do. It's kinda like a blackjack player counting cards only with emotions. Thanks for watching this video. We will see you next time. 7. 7 - Stupid Things NOT To Say To Your Team: Now if you're watching this, then the chances are you're ready on the way to being a really effective and passionate people manager. You're certainly making the effort to learn, develop your skills, and evolve your capabilities. But not everybody is the same. There are some that haven't quite reached that level of desire to self improve. And then there are some that, well, I'm not very good. So if you are hearing these five things from your manager, leadership, all colleagues, then that's a real red flag that you might be working with some of these people that aren't very good. And it's certainly a reminder to always be self-aware enough to ensure that you don't fall foul. These guaranteed morale destroyers, things not to say to your team. Number one, I'm the boss. You are, but you're absolutely nothing without your team. They're the ones who produce the end product that you are responsible for. As a manager, you are completely dependent on the performance of your team. If they win, you win. If they don't, you don't. It's your job to be the catalyst to allow that team to succeed, break down the barriers, coach, empower, support, but they're the ones doing the work. And as such, you need them more than they need. You celebrate their achievements and makes sure that when they succeed, you put them front and center to take all of the kudos, they mess up. It's you that needs to step in front of the bullets and take the hits. You will find your team already know that you're in charge and there'll be cool with it. So get on with the vitally important role of looking after your team like they're your own family. That's a stupid idea. You know what It might be? It might be a ludicrous idea. But one of the most critical aspects of team leadership is to provide an environment where your team is safe enough to be free to innovate and try those crazy ideas. Some of them may work and be the idea that takes your firm into a new business, a new business area, a new dimension. And if it bombs, well, hey, it's no big deal. Team leaders need to create that safe place for employees to fail. That culture of psychological safety is absolutely critical. If people feel that they're gonna get hammered for any mistakes they make, that innovation will dry up completely. I've worked in environments like that and it's completely toxic. As a boss, make sure you are giving your teams all the autonomy that you can be able to experiment, innovate, and be creative. You might think something is a stupid idea, but be emotionally intelligent and self-aware enough to keep those thoughts to yourself and instead, provide the encouragement that your team needs. Work his work home, his home. In today's workplace, and especially the COVID work from home era. This couldn't be further from the truth. It might have been the case working in the factories of generations ago, clocking in and clocking out. But the truth of today is that many people are utterly absorbed and deeply committed to their careers. I'm making a difference to their teams and companies is part of their DNA. You'll find bad days will affect them at home. They'll make family sacrifices to get that deliverable over the line for you. They might even abort a family vacation to get you and accompany out of a nasty problem. I've seen commitment like that before. So as a leader, it's so important that you try to establish a culture where your teams can have and enjoy a good work-life balance. That work-life balance might mean different things to different people, but it's your job to understand that both work and home life can continuously overlap and impact each other. They are far from being separate. They're very much intertwined. Your team will regularly check their work and office problems home with them. The more you can recognize and react to that, the better. They'll also bring their home problems to work. So the more you can empathize and understand, the more you'll be on the right track. That was all your fault. That comment is one of them was toxic and least desirable things that anyone can say to anybody else in a workplace. Certainly not from manager to employ. People make mistakes all the time. And yes, Mistakes are usually someone's fault. And how a manager responds to one of their team. Making a mistake can be a defining characteristic of whether that manager is worth working for at all. Great leaders make sure that when their team messes up, it's them that steps in front of the clients to explain what went wrong. They won't mention their teams. They certainly won't mention people by name. The boss is accountable and will face off to the stakeholders and do the explaining. And when the teams smashes it out of the park, then it's the boss that puts the team in the spotlight. And basically, leaders take none of the prayers and all of the blame. That's just the way it is. And that also applies to the manager and employee direct conversations. Sugar, you might talk about mistakes and show. You may agree that it was the fault of the employee, but mistakes are rarely all down to one person. There can be a lot of contributing factors. But IT systems and processes. Are there systems prone to error or external factors affecting the performance and delivery of an employee. There can be all sorts of underlying reasons for an error. So rather than say That was all your fault, so you made a mistake. Are you okay, showing that level of empathy is true leadership behavior. I hate this job. Do you know what you may well do? Certainly at sometimes there may well be some seriously suboptimal aspects to your role. Most jobs have got a degree of the non glamorous to them, but your team also has challenges. And as a leader, it's up to you to put their challenges front-and-center and get them fixed. Park your own stuff, park your own worries. Being a leader is about them, not about you. Another reason not to say this is that leaders need to avoid the negativity, gossip and morning. It's so important to maintain a degree of positivity and avoid getting drawn into the gossip and complaining even when things are generally not going well and you might have valid reason to complain. Your team looks to you as a leader to maintain strong determination, strong focus on the mission and delivering, achieving, and moving forward is vitally important. Much more than ruminating and complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, you may have challenges and sometimes there will be big challenges, but leaders help their teams keep their eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel and keep them moving forward. So as a leader, stay positive and be self-aware enough to keep any morning and negativity in check. As a leader, what you said to your teams can be absolutely critical. Your words can make the difference between your teams smashing it out of the park or imploding into a toxic mess. The key aspect for a leader is self-awareness. Be self-aware enough to understand that even a throwaway comment or casual remark can have an impact. Consider every single word carefully. Use your emotional intelligence to make your words matter. That way you'll inspire your teams and keep them on track. 8. 8 - Now Go & Practice!: So as you can see, there's an awful lot to the topic of communication. When somebody says to you that you need to have good communication skills or you need to be better at communication. It's a statement that really doesn't do justice to the level and breadth of skills and the understanding of psychology that is involved. You can't just flip a switch and be an effective communicator. It takes dedication, study, hard work, and a lot of practice to put becoming a great communicator is certainly achievable. And you'll find that the most effective and dynamic leaders in your organization will have invested a lot of their time into refining and perfecting the art and the psychology of communication. There'll be able to monitor their own communication, their own speaking. There'll be able to use coaching methodology to develop their teams. There'll be super effective and powerful listeners and will structure their calls and meetings so that everybody gets to contribute in an effective way. They'll have really valuable one-to-one meetings. There'll be masters of gathering and giving feedback. And they'll use their self-awareness and emotional intelligence skills to eliminate the gaps and the lapses of concentration that might cause them to send that angry email. And then there's the ability to resolve conflicts in their teams. Something that's truly inspiring and powerful leaders can really deliver on, while this may seem like a lot to learn and be daunting for the inexperienced manager. The journey is well-worth undertaking because improving just one of these pillars of communication will take you forward. And if you improve too well, it will get you even further down the road. It takes time. But iteratively, adding these skills to your leadership toolbox will give you day on day improvements that before you know it will be combining to make you an absolutely fantastic communicator. So thanks for watching this course. We've got a whole lot more leadership courses on this platform, as well as the productivity is YouTube channel. So go check it out and make yourself an even better leader. Thanks for watching.