Masterclass: Social Skills & Communication Skills Class For Life & Business

1. Welcome + What You Will Learn: Hi, my name is Anna. I'm a socialskills consultant and I've already had more than 200,000 people. All I want the word to develop better social skills. Now, let me ask you some questions. You want to develop amazing socialskills. You want to be able to connect with anyone anywhere. Would you like to make an amazing first impression with people around you? In other words, would you like to have all the social skills that you would ever need? It can be new personal or professional life. Imagine that you could be confident and comfortable in any social situation. How would that improve your life? We all have challenges talking to people and sometimes a lack of socialskills can lead to really stressful and uncomfortable moments. We have all been there. That's why I created this complete course that contains all the social skills that you would ever needed. You will never again feel uncomfortable or stressed Socially, you will be able to make an amazing first impression with everyone around you. You will learn how to have great interactions with anyone that you meet. And you will learn how to connect with people and headed up with everyone. You will also become confident and comfortable in any social situation. And you will be removing everything that is holding you back socially. And so much more. Some people will ask me, Alan, can I improve my socialskills? And the answer is yes. It's not something that you are born with. It's something that you can develop over time. It's like playing sports. The more you play, the better you get at it so everyone can develop better social skills. Is this course for you? Yes, because if you don't have a lot of socialskills, I will go over the basics. And if you already have great social skills, I will share with you the most advanced techniques so that you can really take your social skills to the next level and get an edge over other people. So by thinking this course, you really improve your social skills. Why should you learn from me? Because I spent the last 15 years interviewing the world's best experts on Communication Skills, on socialskills. I've read hundreds of books, attended seminars, all I want the world, but most importantly, I transform myself. And then my friends saw this transformation. They asked me advice and then it quickly escalated to more than 200,000 people that have coached and a health all around the world. And if it has worked for 200,000 people, it can also work for you 2. Day 1: Remove Your Fear Of Approaching: Let's start here with the fear of approaching people. We have all been there. We want it to approach that new person. You want it to start that interaction. And we were not able because we had this fear in our belly. We had this fear of approaching people. We have all been there and it's a fear that is natural. But now there's a difference between people who have high socialskills and the others. They all experienced this fear of approaching. But people who have high socialskills, they have learnt how to deal with that. Because if you learn how to decrease this fear of approaching next time that you want to approach someone, you are able to do it. So that's what I want to share with you here in this video, is for ways to decrease your fear of approaching. But before, let's discuss where it comes from. So let's imagine little Allen was in a tribe and it's thousands and thousands of years ago. It wasn't a tribe. And in order to survive, he had to be in that group because he will get food, would get protection. He would get like everything he needs not to die. But what would happen if little Allen would be rejected? What will happen? Basically, he will die because at that day, Rejection meant death. And other day it was correct. It means that you are rejected. You had chances to die. And nowadays, when you want to approach that new person, you still have that ingrained in our brain. We still have that, okay. If I get rejected, I can die. And I know it's silly. We have this powerful computer here, but it's still ingrained. Rejection can mean death. And that's why these Fear is so strong when you want to approach someone and you have this negative feelings or oh my God, no, I cannot approach. It's because of that. I want to share with you here four ways so that you can decrease this fear of approaching way number one, Approach as soon as possible. The more you wait to approach someone, the more does fear of approaching will build up in your body. Have you ever been in a situation you like you want it to approach that person and you waited and waited and waited and it was worth it like the fear of approaching what's there and what's building. That's why it's important. When you have the intention of approaching someone, you go right away. You go in less than 3 s because that way your body doesn't have time to generate this fear of approaching you, hack your body. And I know some people say, Oh, I'm afraid to approach. I'm afraid to go right away because then I don't know what to say. We will see later in the, in this course, it's the most complete course you will find on social skills. So I will show you later here, I just want to show you that you can approach people and how you can decrease this fear of approaching TO You Approach as soon as possible. Now what happens if you have the intention of approaching someone and you don't Approach, that happens. What do you do? In that case? You just change your intention. You change your focus. It means that I want to approach that person. Oh my God, I'm too afraid to approach. I'm just going for them to take my phone, read some texts, or talk to a friend, have a beer, do something else basically changed my focus. And when I changed my focus, my fear of approaching will decrease. And then when my Fear Of Approaching has decreased, I will then okay, look at other person I want to approach and as they have the intention and I will go right away. So number one, Approach as soon as possible. Number to think in terms of benefits. What do most people do? They want to approach someone and then the start telling themselves, oh, I can get rejected, that can go wrong, blah, blah, blah. And then they list all these negative things that can happen. And instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, you can focus on everything that could go well, let's illustrate that. Let's say that there is a house on fire, is on the other side of the street. The house is on fire. Then I say, okay, you can go in the house. And the there is five bucks. If you can get them, you can keep them. Would you try? Most people would say no. If you're normally we Say No, I'm not going to risk it. Now I say there is a briefcase with $5 million in it. If you can go there and you can grab the briefcase that is inside this house on fire. You can keep it. And there are more people who say, Oh, I would be willing to take action. And it's really interesting because when I asked this question at my life events, when there is the five-box, I have like 99% of people who say no. And when I have the five-minute on Doris, I have a 70 to 80 per cent of people who try. So what has changed here? The house is still on fire, like it's the same house on fire. But the benefits have changed. So that's why when you want to approach someone and you are afraid, don't focus on everything that could go wrong. Focus on everything that you call the gain on all the benefits. So there are two ways to do it. The first way is to do that before going into the social event. For example, you have a networking events, we have a presentation, have anything Social in your car or at home. You take a piece of paper and you say, Okay, what are the benefits of me taking action? What are the benefits of me approaching? What are the benefits of me giving the best presentation that I can? You focus on all the benefits. This is the first way and the second one. Just before approaching someone, have the sphere that is there. It will just make a mental list of all the benefits that you could gain by Approaching. Let's say that I go to a bar and I want to approach a woman tonight. And I'm afraid I say, okay, what are the benefits of approaching? Oh, I can give her a good time. I can maybe find a wife, you can find a girlfriend. I can make her laugh. And I list all the benefits so that my brain see all the benefits to approaching someone. This was technique number two. You make a list of all the vanity, all the benefits, and you focus on the benefits instead of everything that could go wrong. Number three, You Approach the first person in the new environment. Back In today's thousands and thousands of years ago. Let's say that I want it to approach. A new tribe. Had no idea if it was safe. It means that I could go there, I could approach that new tribe and a caveman could hit me with Iraq, had had no idea. I don't know if it's safe. I like I didn't know. It still ingrained in our brain. We still have, oh, we have this fear of approaching people because if we approach a new tribe, we don't know if a caveman can destroy our head with with Iraq. And I know it's silly, but it's still there. That's why when you enter new environment and your social environment, you must show proof to your brain that it's safe to approach these environments. So you go to a bar, you can approach the first person and ask a simple question or Say, hi, how is your night going? You go to a social event, to anything you ever presentation to give. Start talking to the person before giving the presentation. So that it shows you brain that you are able, like it's safe to approach that person in New able to do that without consequences for your life. So I did that many and many years ago when I was at university. I had this fear, this fear. I had to give a presentation in front of 400 people. And I was afraid, I had this fear that I said, Oh, I'm going to use what I teach. So I raised my hand and I asked a simple question before the presentation and ask the simple question. And like all the students turned in, I asked my questions, What's the basic question? And the professor answer the question. What happened in my body was incredible. Like the stress level decreased because I knew it was okay to Speak Up to be loud in that environment. And then I gave my presentation. And it was better because I was less afraid. So don't hesitate to to really talk to the first person that you see to just warm up in the new environment. And you will see that if you do that, it will decrease your fear of approaching. If you want to go to a new environment to talk back to that person there, don't start with that person, warm-up with other people on the side, I would say, to decrease your fear of approaching. And number four, make FUN of it. Why do most people do they take it seriously? Say, Oh my God, I have this fear of approaching people. Oh, no. Now, don't take it seriously. So I have named my fear Carlos. Carlos is represented as an old man that is like **** top, destroyed, that is really weak. And I I picture That's like Carlos, he's always on my shoulder, you know, like he's his week and he's there because it's a part of me and I have to take care of it because it's the part of me. And every time I go to any interaction, then I start getting this fear of approaching and say, hey, Carlos, No, you're not going to make things happen like you are old and weekend. And I laugh at him, I laugh at Carlos, that is my fear of approaching, that is on my shoulder. And I make FUN of it, is the same thing if you have a five-year-old child that tells you something, are you going to take it seriously or not? No, you're not because it's a five-year old child. So that works really, really well. So these are here, the four techniques that works really well. And to make them work, it's really important that you accept the Fear. It means that when you will be in that social situation and you will have this social fear, this fear of approaching. Don't resist it. Because if you say, Oh, I don't have any fears is going to build up. What you want to do instead is say, Oh, yeah, I accept, I have this fear. I accept. Don't like don't resist the Fear accepted because it's when you accept the fear that you can decrease it. So here are the four techniques. Number one, You Approach as soon as possible, you think in terms of benefits, You Approach the first pattern that you see in a new environment and you make FUN of it. And you accept the few when it's there, you accept that you can decrease it. So you mission is to approach one person and use one of the four techniques here. And you will see to make a difference. And then you can use another one. You can combine many of them and you will see, you will make a habit of applying these techniques in social environments. And then you will become highly socially successful because you have all these habits in place. And when you will see that, that person that you truly want to approach, you will know how to do it. You will be able to approach it and it will become a big Social Success. 3. Day 2: How To Approach Anynone: So now let's discuss how to approach Anyone. I get so many people who can, and I want to approach that person in that bar. I wanted to approach, added that these networking events. I want to approach that person at the social setting, but I don't know what to say, I don't know how to approach it. So in this section here, I want to show you three ways that you can approach anyone anywhere. But first, I would like to tell you something. The words are not that important. Because between intercommunication between two human beings, words are only seven per cent and the other 93% or nonverbal, it means that it's your posture, your tone of voice, your body language, the energy that you have. All these 93% are non-verbal and most people focus too much on, Oh, what do I have to say to approach someone? And they only focus on the seven per cent. So you can see here, instead of asking yourself, what can I say, you should ask yourself, what should I feel? What are the Emotions I should feel before approaching someone? Because if you've take care of your emotions and you are in a good mood, you have a great vibe. You will be able to master the 93%. But as you have to say something, which is like the seven per cent, we are going to discuss three ways that you can approach anyone. Before that, I would like just to illustrate that. What does it mean to approach someone? It's not something that, oh my God, is super important, like super intense. Now, I would like to see the approaching someone as starting the car in the morning. When you start the car, what did you do? You stop the category? My God, have to stop the car. Oh, my God. Oh, my. Now, what do you put the key you turn and then you and then you stopped the car. It simple then you have to drive. Drive means here, you have to lead the conversation. But starting the interaction is Jack starting the car, you put the key and then you start the car. I would like you to see the starting any interaction with someone, like starting the car. You just have to start the interaction. Say something, say a word, and then it starts the interaction. And don't over-complicate it. So what are the three ways? Number one that I really love is that you can complement someone. Now, be careful with that. The complement has to be genuine. It means that you don't want to say a complement. Just like to make an impression on the other person. It has to be something that you truly want. Because I'm sure that you have already been already been in a situation where someone gave you a compliment and you felt that it has not genuine and say, Oh, and basically it backfired. We don't want to do that. We want to compliment someone when we approach them. So there are many ways to do that. You can compliment them on the behavior or personality, or you can compliment them on their looks. Let's discuss the first one. You can compliment them on their behavior. What you should do is like observe the Positive Behavior that people have. And then it's super easy because then you can approach, say, Hey, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look open-minded. They Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you are in a great mood when you compliment people on their personality or on the behavior that they have, it works really, really well. Because if someone approaches you and say, Hey, I just wanted to say Hi, my name is Mark. I wanted to say hi because you look friendly. You have higher chances of acting as someone friendly towards the other person. So you are framing the person as someone friendly and it's something that works all the time. So one of my defaults ways to open and say, Hey, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. And then Depressor. Oh my God. Oh, thank you. Then the person is more warm towards you and accept you better. So that's works really, really well. Like you try to read the Positive Behavior. The person is smiling. Say Hey, I just wanted to say hi because you are smiling, because you're in a great mood, because you have a great energy about you. Like you Compliments someone on the behavior or the personality. Now, it's important to read the positive traits. Dance for, For example, if the person is depressed, is crying, now say, hey, I just wanted to say hi because you are sad. No. It's better to use this one here when it's a positive behavior and have this one here. Hi, my name is blah-blah-blah. I just wanted to say hi, because you look friendly, open-minded, and so on. Then you can also complement people on their looks. This one here is minus seduction setting. I wouldn't use that at work or in a professional environment. You can and you could, but you have to use your own judgment. Okay, so it's important. What can you do? Hi, my name is blah, blah, blah. And then you give a compliment. For example, Say hey, hey, my name is Alan. I just wanted to tell you that I really like the color of your dress because it matches your eyes. Hey, are you approach the hay? My name is Alan. I really like you bracelets because it matches your dress. Hey, my name is Emily. I just wanted to say hi. And by the way, I really like your shirt. Just a complement. The most specific you can be, the better it is. Because if you give a complement that is really specific, what will, what will happen that the person will really think that you are giving them. You are giving the complement to them only. You're not saying that to everyone in the social environment. So try to be as precise as you can with the compliment. And that works really, really wet. Number two, you can simply introduce yourself. Hi, my name is Allan. Hi, my name is blah-blah-blah. And by the law of reciprocity, the person say, Hey, my name is, and then you can shake hands. You shake hands, you have a theorem, handshake. You shake hands. You look the person in the eyes. You smile. Hi, my name is Alan. And then the person say, Hey, my name is Mark. It's super easy. And no matter how you feel, you can always use that. If you are sad, you're not in a great mood. You can approach someone, say, Hey, my name is, blah, blah, blah. And it's a way that I use all the time. If I don't know how to approach someone, I'm just going to go there and introduce myself. Because remember, it's sold about starting the car. Number three, you can ask a basic question. Any question you go over is just starting the interaction. You could ask a question, you can Say Anything. You could ask a question about something that is facing. You could ask question about the environment that you are in, about what the person is wearing, about something that you'd like to know, like an opinion or anything. You could ask the question about when is the next conference? If they have great food here, when does displays close? Anything like the question doesn't really matter. And even if you already have the answer, remember, it's about starting the car. You go when you go out and interact with people starting cars, that's your job. You start cars by asking this basic question here. You can start the car and then we'll see later what to say. But here I just wanted to tell you here, ask a basic question. If the person the person is wearing something original or something that you say, Oh, I want to know more about that piece of cloth, or I want to ask a question, or I want to know if there is a great restaurant, new bar nearby where we can buy sushi or anything. And this is a great way because it's more indirect. It means that the other one, when you go any Compliments someone and you introduce yourself is more like direct. But if you want a more indirect way and you have something to talk about, it can be about, about asking a basic question and don't over complicate that. Really. Like you have three ways here, three powerful ways, the most powerful ways to approach anyone anywhere. So you mission is to write down sentences according to the three ways here. Because I don't want to show you exactly what to say. And then you just take my own words and then you apply them because it wants sound authentic. Instead of like you to take a piece of paper and you say, okay, Compliments someone. Introduce myself as a question. And then you just say, Okay, I want to approach someone at a networking event at that bar. There, there, there. What what kind of Compliments could I give? How would I introduce myself? What would I say? Okay, what questions could I ask? Because then if you train your brain to do that next time that you go and you're in that environment, it's really easy for you to approach because you will have questions, you will have sentences according to who you are. And you will be able to approach people 4. Day 3: Winning Mindset For Social Success: Now let's discuss the winning mindset for social success. The mindset that you have about people will impact the quality of your relationships and your interactions. If you have a bad mindset about people, if you think that people are bad and people are Egypt's, what's going to happen is that you will have this weird vibe that you think that people are bad. They are Egypt, they are stupid. And when you will be interacting with someone, this person will sense that you have something negative. And a rule that is really important in social interaction is that whatever you feel, the other person feels, and whatever is in your mind here, the person can perceive it. So if you think that people are bad and stupid, you will be looking for cues in the other person's behavior so that you can validate your belief of, oh, people are stupid and people are idiots. So you will be interpreting the other person's behavior as stupid as idiots. So we have here a really powerful computer. But whatever you think, whatever you believe are, you are going to look for cues that are going to validate the belief that you have. So if you are always thinking that people are bad and agents, you are only going to connect with these people. So the mindset that you have is important. If you want to connect with more positive people, have a more positive mindset. So instead of thinking that people are bad and idiots, you can think that people are good and friendly. Because if you have 0 people are good and friendly, you will have a more positive vibe and you will be looking for behavior on the other person that validates the, the belief that people are good and friendly, you will be looking at the glass half full instead of half empty. And that will really help you connect with the people that you truly want. So the mindset that you have is super, super important. So an exercise that I encourage you to do is to take a piece of paper and you write down, people are, people are, and then what comes up? People are stupid people. I mean, people are awesome, people are friendly, whatever comes up. Then when you have a list of things you're doing just to analyze, is it positive or is it negative? Is it serving me? Like if I only have like negative things, is it serving me to approaching people? Most, most of the time it's not because you want to have a more positive mindset so that you can connect with the grades people, the people who are more positive and who give value like the socialist successful people. So you can increase your mindset. Now some people say, oh, no Allen, I prefer to say that people are bad so that it protects me. I understand that not everyone is good. I get it. But it's better to start with. Okay. Everyone is good and friendly and be careful, you know what I mean? But you think that people are good and friendly rather than thinking, oh, everyone is bad in Egypt, it's better to have a more positive mindset. So try to increase the positive mindset that you have and make it even more positive. On top of that, you can add, everyone on earth can teach me something. When you interact with someone, you excited about the other person. Be excited about meeting that new person and maybe that person can teach you something. You never know what's going to happen. If, even if it's like it's in business and your personal life, professional life at home, at work like no matter what it is, you never know. An example with that was 15 years ago. I met someone on the streets where we were eating a salad, were like sitting on the bench. And there was a woman next to me. We're eating a salad and then we started talking. And she told me that she lives in for a monopolist in Brazil. And I asked her lots of questions about, about her, about where she lives. She told me like it was amazing. It's like it's like paradise with a beaches and everything. And I we just exchange phone numbers. And ten years later I said, Oh, maybe you want to live in Brazil. I want it to move to Brazil to live there. And I asked people around me and they said, Oh, go to Fourier anomaly, it's the best place, it's safe, it's amazing. So I contacted this woman again and then she showed me around. I moved to Brazil to free Annapolis, and I stayed there for six months. And she showed me around. But I had no idea, like this woman eating a salad next to me on the streets. That she would then teach me something, give me that much value. So you never know when you interact with people, be excited about discovering the other, the other people. And then you will see like when you build a network, then you have a lot of things that will come your way and that will help you improve the quality of life. Another great advice to improve your mindset is to have a value giving mentality. You don't want to take value from the other people. You want to give value. So how can you do that? You can do that verbally and non-verbally. Verbally would be, you will give an advice, sharing information, share some tips. You will tell a joke, something verbally that will increase the quality of the life of the other person. Verbally. It's easy. You talk, show and advice. You say something non-verbally would be about sharing great emotions with the other person. And I'm going to show you later in this course how you can manage your emotions to be a really positive in a great mood when you interact with people and how we can share that positivity with other people. I'm going to show you that later, but I just want to show you that you can share value with people, with the things that you say, and also with the energy and the vibe that you have and that will impact the other people. So if you say, Oh, people are good and friendly, on top of that, everyone on earth can teach me something. And on top of that, you have a value giving mentality. You are going to become a big success 5. Day 4: Be Liked Before You Approach: Do you want to be light even before you approach someone? Most people think that it starts when they're starting interaction with someone. But no, it starts before that. Because the posture that you have before approaching the emotion that you have, the mindset that you have, the Body Language that you have, the energy that you have before approaching someone will impact the quality of the relationship. As I said before, seven per cent are awards and 93% or nonverbal. So before approaching someone, you want to take care of us Emotions. Because whatever you feel, the other person feels. So before approaching someone, you want to be in a great mood, in a great positive and confident Mood. Because if you do that, all your nonverbal will adapt to match these emotions. So how can you do it? How can you be in that create Mood? Because let's say that you are stressed, you are Negative, you are not in that great would like, how can you do it? You change what you focus on. So for example, you want to approach someone or you're in the social setting and you are a little bit stressed, you're not feeling that well. What you can do is just remember a time. When you were happy. Remember a positive memory. Remember great memory. Something that made you smile. Change your focus and put it on something that increases your energy level, something positive. So you are, that's networking events. You don't feel that great and you want to approach people and you remember whatever you feel the other person feels. Just close your eyes for a few seconds and remember that that's memory that you had with your best friend that made you smile. Remember something that made you smile and put a smile on your face. And by focusing on something happy, you are going to feel the emotions of happiness. And when you feel the emotion of happiness in your body, it can be in your belly. You just amplified, you amplify it, then it will amplify your emotion. Because Emotions are energy, it means that emotions are felt with what you focus on. If you focus on something that makes you stress, you are going to feel stressed. If you focus on something that makes you sad, you are going to feel sadness. So if you want to be in a positive mood, focused on something positive, that works really, really well. So you can do that in the environment. And you can also do that at home. The more you train your body to go from whatever state you are in a positive state. The more you do it, the easier it is. So you could be at home sitting in front of your computer watching this video here. You pause the video and for 3 s, you just remember something happy. And I did that yesterday. I was preparing this on a training and I drove to a place and I was like, the great Mood. Our style does not integrate Mood and had been preparing these uninteresting old days. So I was like reading work mode and I had to go to social events to meet some people that are really important. And I wasn't the current say, Oh, let's just wait here a few seconds. I stopped the car. I close my eyes and I just remembered a happy memory. I felt that emotion in my belly and they expanded it. And then I arrived at the social setting, super-happy. It's easy if you understand that whatever you focus on your field, so change your vibe, change your emotions by focusing on something positive instead of looking at everything that could go wrong, look at everything that could go right and have a memory that you can focus on. And that will give you a smarter to put a smile on your face. On top of that. If you want to have people that like you Before You Approach, I would like you to have positive expectations. You don't think that everything is going to go wrong and you make a list of everything that could go wrong. I would like you to be confident in the future, confident that you will be able to interact with people. I would like you to have positive expectations. You expect interaction going well. And it's what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think that interactions will go well, it has higher chances of going well. Now some people will say Island, I don't want to picture it going well because I can be disappointed. I prefer to just imagine that it will go bad. And then if it goes bad, I won't be disappointed. Yes. There are merchants the Of It's going bad. If you think that the direction will go bad. So whatever you think about interaction has higher chance of happening. That's why it's better to arrive with a positive mindset, with positive expectations. And you imagine that it's going to go well. You can do that a few seconds before approaching. You just imagine you had that. You're going to approach and it's going to go well, or you can do that home. You just picture say, Oh, I'm going to go to that event tonight, to that networking event. Okay. I've just close I'm going to close my eyes and picture it going well, I'm picturing it. I'm approaching people. They are laughing because we want to build the confidence in our brain. We want to be excited about the future and we want to make everything in our power, in our power so that it goes well. And by taking care of what happens here, it will have huge impacts on the quality of your interactions. So think about that. Think about how can you change your mood to a more positive one, focused on something positive? You can do that home and you can train. That's home Like many times. And you can do that when you are at the social situation and also Positive Expectancy. Instead of seeing the glass half empty when you approach someone, see it half full, so that it will give you confidence, decrease your social fears. It works really, really well. So my mission to you today is to change your state. Today when you feel a little bit down negative of whatever the stage you are in, you're just going to say, Hey, I'm going to change my state. And you focus for a few seconds on something Positive and you amplify the Emotions when you fill them in your body, you amplify and you will see, you will be a more positive person and people will like you. More. People will say, Hey, there's something about you today. It's just because you are in a more positive emotion and people are drawn to this positive emotion because it's a high-frequency. If you increase your frequency like the amount of positive energy that you have in your body. It will also drove people to you. And when you interact with people, you will be like a Magnetic person. And that works really, really well. 6. Day 5: Join Group Conversations: So now let's talk about how you can Join Group Conversations. If there is a group of 2345 people, how can you approach it? So some people will say, Oh, it's not difficult, it's not more difficult. It's just a little bit different. So the first advice here is that you should approach a group when they're having a light conversation. For example, if there are series, they are yelling, they're nervous, they have an intense conversation. Maybe that's not the best moment to approach. You want to look for light Conversations or if there's a blank, it's even better. So you look around, say, Oh, this group here is having a light conversation. I can go. Now, don't make it an excuse if there is really someone you want to approach and having a serious conversation and you really have to approach because then there will be leaving, for example, go for it. Sometimes it works, but it's better if the conversation is light, then what can you do? You're going to use a three-part sentence. The first one is, you're going to be polite. You can say, excuse me or sorry for interrupting. Because it will show that you are educated, that you are polite and it's really great to convey that when you approach people, sorry, excuse me, or sorry for interrupting. And then you're going to use Social Empathy. Social Empathy, it means that you understand what's, what's happening socially. So you can say, I, I know that you are having a conversation. It means that you are socially aware, that you are interrupting them. And then you say, but I just wanted to then use one of the three ways that we have discussed before to approach someone. So what is the sentence? Sorry. Excuse me for interrupting or sorry for interrupting. I know that you're having a conversation, but I just wanted to tell you that you lucrative friendly. And I wanted to Say hi, Hi, my name is Alan. First way. Or you could say, sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having a conversation, but I just wanted to introduce myself. Hi, my name is Alan. Another way. Sorry for interrupting. I knew that you are having a conversation, but I just wanted to ask you a question. And then you ask the question. You can see here, it's a little bit different. And what's really amazing about Group Conversations. And I really like them, is that when you approach a group, you have more to talk about. Because if you approach only one person, it's you and the other person. And if you approach a group of 2345 people, you have more to talk about, you have more fuel, there are more people and can, they can give you, give more fuel to the conversation. So it's more frightening at the beginning because you see like there are more people that can reject you. But at the end it's easier because there is more to talk about. It just like the beginning of that is a little bit more difficult, more challenging. But when you do that, it becomes easier. Now something that is really, really important is that when you approach someone and it's a group of 23 people, you want to Say hi to everyone first. You don't want to ignore one person, because if it's a group of two and you only talk to one person and you ignore the other person, the group is going to reject you because no one wants to be left out. So it's important when you approach someone, you Say hi to everyone and you can even include people in your conversation. Now, sometimes like People Like You Will, everyone will participate in the conversation. And sometimes some people will talk together and they will leave you alone with that person that you have approached. So you have to use your common sense to see what's happening here. But this one here, the three-part technique to approach people. Now, another question that you can ask right after that is, how do you know each other? Because then you can understand the group dynamics like why are there here, like how do they know each other? And you can understand more about, about who is with who and why and so on. And it's a really valuable question, and that's the question that asked all the time. When I approach a group conversation, I want to know what's going on and what's the group dynamic and do that a Never ignore someone when you approach them. The only rule is that if it's a huge group of people, you don't need to say hi to the ten people. You know what I mean? Approach one of two people but use your common sense. Don't like approach someone and then ignore the other person so that we feel left out because then you will be rejected. So you mission is, today, go out and approach a group of minimum to people and use the three-part sentence here. What I encourage you to do is to write down the three parts sentence on a piece of paper with your own words so that it reflect your personality. You can do that. And you will see that Approaching groups is PFK-1 and easier 7. Day 6: What To Say: Now let's discuss what to say in the directions. If you want to master the out of interacting with people, learning what to say is important. So most people put too much importance on the words. Again, I said that words are only seven per cent in a communication between two people and 93% is the nonverbal. They focus too much on the words. Focus on how you feel. Focus on the emotions behind the words. What will work really well is when you say something and you convey good Emotions, and instead of saying just a word, you just say, Oh, Like you say a sentence, you convey passion and emotion behind that word. That will work really well. So basically you could say anything, like words are just words. You could say anything. What's going to work is that you are the ones saying the words and you have great intentions. You are the ones saying the words. It means that it's your emotion that is conveyed behind the words, the 93% behind the words that will make an impact. And it's because you are saying the words. You are saying the words. It means that you are sharing your personality. You are sharing who you are with the other person. You are sharing you who you are freely with the other person. And I made a mistake while 15 years ago when I started really improving my social skills. I will script everything. I will take scripts from the Internet that I learned and I would have a whole conversation, a two-hour conversation plans in my head, like, just imagine the struggle it was. And I would approach people and people will reject me and they would even tell me, alain, there was something off about you. I don't know what it is, but there's something off. And I understood is that it's not the words that will make it work. It's the fact that the words come from you and that you have the emotions behind the words. So it's really important that whatever you say comes from you have go, you have good intentions, comes from you. And I say that it's not that if you hear sentence somewhere and then you use it, That's not a problem, but don't know how everything is scripted from another person. It has to show your personality and who you are, because that's what will make you authentic. Authentic is the best key to interacting with people. And most people tried to be perfect. They say, Oh, I'm going to find the perfect words, perfect, $0.10. But it doesn't exist. Who is perfect? Robots? And a human is perfectly imperfect. It means that if you want to interact with someone, it's not going to be perfect. So remove the pressure off your shoulders. Words on one words, you could say anything. I tried it. I tried with businesspeople that I would approach with people in clubs, in bars. I tried. I would approach someone and talk nonsense. Nonsense. I will talk about tomatoes and sucks. But because I had the 93% really taken care off, I was able to get away with that and people will drone towards me. So the words, other words, well, but now you have to say something because you can adjust approach someone and then just stare at them and say nothing. So we're going to discuss here, what can you say? Most people think that it's only you and the other person. And they say, Oh, I can only talk about the other person and me. But there are other dimensions that you could talk about. You could talk about your past, your present, your future. You can talk or ask questions about the other person's past, present, or future. There is also something you have in common, which is your environment. You have something in common. The environment, you have the past of that environment. You have the presence of that environment, and then you have the future of that environment. For example, The Future of that environment. You could talk about what's going to happen next here. When does it close? What's when is the next conference? What's going to happen? The president of the environment, you could talk about something that is happening there. Oh, it's a great atmosphere, it's a great vibe. It's a great restaurant, it's a great place. What do you like about displays? You can talk about the past. What happened before was the conference, who was the speaker? What happened? You can ask questions about the past of the, of the environment. You can talk about yourself. You can talk about what you're going to do. You can talk about what you did. You can ask questions about the person in the present time, about their path, where they come from. You can ask about what are the dreams, what are their passions about the future? You can see here like there are lots of dimensions that you can use to talk to people. And when you understand that, that words are only words, and it's the fact that you are saying the words. You understand that words are not that important anymore. It just like the emotions that people fear because people will remember how they felt, not what was said in any interaction. And this is key here. If you ask them what, what was said in like, what was the first thing that the person said to approach you? Most people wants, Remember? We remember how they felt during the interaction. For example, if I asked you what was the first sentence of this online training, Can you remember? No. Because you can only remember how you felt and how you think these online training is great or not, you know, like you are getting an impression of me. But you are not really focused on the words. You're just focused on like everything that is happening, the emotions you are feeling like you understanding the concept and everything. That's what's really important. So you approach someone, you ask, you introduce yourself, you ask a basic question, you complement someone, then you can ask the question, What brings you here? Because it's a great question to know why the person is here. What brings you here? If it's a group, you can say, how do you know each other to understand the group dynamic? Then you can talk about what you have in common. And I encourage you to do that. It's Talk about the environment. If you are at work issue at a networking event, you have, for example, business that is in common. You have work, you have colleagues that you have in common, you have something that you have in common unrelated to the activity or to the environment that you are in. If you meet someone at the Jima, you can talk about the gene. You can talk about nutrition, about health. Because you know that this person has higher chance of being interested in that topics, because you meet them at the gym. So you can easily find things to say if you think about all the dimensions that are there and don't over-complicate it. You can ask questions. You can say statements. It doesn't matter. And some people will say, Oh Alan, don't ask the borrowing questions like, where are you from Medusa. And I would like to illustrate something here. If I ask you the question here, what do you do? Way from you come here often? Or what do you do? Do you come here often? You can see here that the first one was without emotion, was really generic. It was only the words without Emotions. And the second one was the words with emotions. So you can notice that it's about the emotions that you convey behind the words that is important. And some highly successful people, they ask the boring questions, but it's not borrowing because they have the emotions that are conveyed behind the word. And that's why it's super important to take care of the emotion that you put behind the word. And you can ask the basic questions. You can just throw in some passion and some energy behind the words. An exercise for you here is just try to ask a question. A question is where you from. Ask it without emotion. Where you from, and then ask it with passion behind it. Where are you from? With excitement, Where you from? As you can see here, the second one is more powerful than where you form because it conveys passion, excitement. And like human beings, like they feel the emotions. And that's what really important when you talk to people. Also, you can add humor to the interaction that works really well. You can tell a joke. You can say something that is funny. So how does humor walk? Basically, it's when you say something that is unexpected, you say something that the person is not expecting. I'm not going to tell jokes here. But what I would recommend you to do is to go on YouTube and you search for comedies, you search for jokes, you search for funny lines. And then you can learn how humor works. You can learn like the great jokes are the things that you like that matches your personality. So that next time when you're interacting with someone, you can just talk and you can share the jokes. And basically that's what you need. Like if you really want to be highly socially successful. Just use the dimension that I said here. The more you're going to practice, the more you're going to be at ease with with like asking questions, you will see, okay, how can it become more Interesting? Okay, maybe if I ask this question instead of this one here, it's better and you will develop your own sense of personality. Your own sets are sets of questions. So I would say don't over-complicate it. Focus on the emotions that you have, on the emotion that you feel. You could basically say anything as long as you don't have bad intentions and it comes from you and you have great intentions towards the other person, you could talk about anything. Now, something that is also important is that don't start with a really personal questions. For example, if you approach someone, don't say, Oh, what are your darkest fears though? You're not going to ask this question here, but just do this straight up. Don't start here with something that is really personal. You can ask questions that are not too personal. And the more time that you spent with the person, the more personal questions you can ask go the more the person will open up, the more you will connect with that person. So my challenge to you is to, if you can today, approach someone and interact with them. You approach them, you interact with them, and you think about your present, you pass your future, the present, past, future of the environment. They're present, they're past their future. And you talk about it. And you will see that it will go much better. Because if you understand that you have all the things to talk about, that will work really well. And your goal is to do that, to interact with people and to think about that. And if you cannot interact with someone today, you close your eyes and you imagine interacting with someone and talking to that person and ask yourself this question, okay, what could I say? What could I talk about? You Will see, you will become a huge Social Success. 8. Day 7: Never Run Out Of Things To Say: How to never run out of things to say again. So we have all been there, we are in, in a conversation and then there is a blank. We have all been there and it's something that happens in this video here, I want to show you why it happens and what you can do to make it happen less often and if it happens, How can you deal with that? So let's start with where does it come from? So when we have a blank in a conversation, it's because we think that what we have to say is not good enough. In other words, the filter for what we think is good enough is interesting, is too high. So let me illustrate that. If you talk to your friends, you run out of things to say With your good friends? Most of the time, No. Why? Because you can talk about anything. And most people put their filters of what they think is acceptable to say too high, or they think that what they have to say is not interesting enough. So what's going to happen is that they have 102-030-4050 years of experience of life experience that they could share and talk about and ask questions. But there are filter is too high because maybe they're talking with someone that is important, or they're afraid off, or they are inspired by that person in the thing that what they have to say is not good enough. And they're filter is so high so that they don't have anything to share with the other person and then there is a blank. So my first advice here, words are only seven per cent. 93% is non-verbal. It means that if you have a blank, it means that you are putting too much importance on the, on the words. And what I encourage you to do is to lower these criteria for what you think is acceptable to say. Because remember, it's not the words that you say, but it's the fact that you are saying them and you have great intentions. So when you understand that, that you could talk about anything, as long as it's coming from you with a great energy and you have good intentions, you can say anything. So if you lower your filter for what to say, the blanks will happen, happen less often. Now, what do you do if it happens? It's going to happen. So what do you do even if you like you loyal filters? There is a time where there will be a blank. First, you don't do what most people do. You don't get uncomfortable because most people, they get a blank and then the stress to freak out that become really nervous and remember whatever you feel the other person feels. So if you feel nervous because there's a blank, the other person will feel this nervousness and will associate that to you. So you don't want that. We wanted to just be comfortable with that. Be Comfortable with the blanks. You are at ease. You accept that the blank is there. It's, it's normal, it's natural. And you become comfortable. You accept that it's normal. And I did this exercise many years ago. I was approaching people and then on purpose, I would stop talking. And that would be super comfortable. I would create a blank on purpose. And then I had many years ago, at the end of an evening, I had someone who approached me and said a Allan, I talk to you earlier. We had that blank. And you are so comfortable like it's so rare to have people who are like so comfortable with blanks and say, yeah, Actually that was on purpose. And then we told we Exchange. But I just wanted to show you that if you don't stand out socially, accept the blank, Be comfortable with that. Now, how can you initiate the conversation? How can you restart? First? You could say almost anything. Because by saying something, you would remove the pressure of the shoulders of the other person. The person would almost accept anything that you say. Even if you say something that doesn't really make sense, the person would accept it because you are starting the conversation again. Now a great way to do that is to talk about something that you discussed before. For example, let's say that you discussed that the other person wanted to go to Barcelona. You could reinitiate the conversation, talking about Barcelona, talking about something, a question about the weather in Barcelona, about anything. You can really shape the conversation by talking about something that you talked before. Another great way is to talk about something else. Remember the dimensions you can talk about to pass to present your future. The past, present future of the environment. They're present, they're past, their future. So you could ask a question about what they did that day, what they are excited about, like anything, you could restart a new conversation based on this blank. Another great way that works really well is to have a question toolbox. Basically it's three questions that you can use anytime when there is a blank. One of my questions is, what are your passions and interests? Another one is, where would you like to go on vacation? What you'd like to do for fund when you have free time. So my questions are adapted to the environments that I'm going to go in. For example, I'm going to ask different questions to a networking event than if I am in the bar, in a restaurant like I have different kinds of questions. I gave you some questions here to show you that don't over-complicate it. Find your own questions. And this is your mission for today, is to write down three questions. Three questions in your toolbox so that next time that is the blank, you can ask them to re-initiate the conversation. Maybe you notice here, I talk about the passions, what they like to do for Fun, about the vacations that are things that are more positively oriented. Because I want to 3D shapes. We like something that will maybe make the other person feel positive emotions. So talking about the interests, interests, passions, what they're actually when they have when they have free time about their dreams, about vacation or something I more positive and that works really well. So find you three questions and then you can re-initiate any blanks if if there are any and if that happens, Be comfortable with that, that's important, whatever you feel the other person feels. So if you are more adventurous, you could also go out and create a blank on purpose and just become comfortable with that. That works really well. So enjoy experiments and see what happens 9. Day 8: Connect With People Fast: How can you Connect With People Fast? So it's a skill that if you have it, it will be really useful to create deep relationships with the people around you. It can be in your personal life or your professional life. So how can you connect with people? If you think about the people that you hang out with. Why do you hang out with this people? It's because you have something in common. And that's the key here. If you want to connect with someone, you have to find something in common with the person. So when you interact with someone, there is something that you have in common, which is the location that you are in. So you can always start asking questions about the location, which is like something you'd have in common, and then you talk about it. So to create a connection, you find something you have in common and you talk about it. Let's say that you add the gym. You can start talking about the gene. You can talk about, for example, nutrition. You see if it's something that the person is also interested in. And then you start talking about it. So you can ask questions about the environment, find something you have in common, or you can ask any basic question to discover more about the other person. You can ask about the passions, the interests, about what direct to do for Fun, about anything basically. And you try to find a commonality. Why do I always ask like, what you'd like to do for foreign? What are your passions, what are your interests? Because it's more powerful, if I may, able to find the commonality with something that people love. It means that if I can find a commonality between my passion and their passion, the connection will be stronger. So that's why I always ask this question here. Okay. What do you like to go for fund? Where do where do you want to travel to find like, if there is something that we have in common based on that. And when I found it, I'm going to talk about it. During the interaction. Your goal is to ask questions to find the commonality and then you talk about it. Now what happens if you don't find the commonality with that person? You can use indirect commonalities. It's not as strong as the direct commonality, but it works well. So basically, let's say that you are talking and you are talking about Miami, like the other person wants to go to Miami and let's say that you don't know where miami is, like you have never been there. You have nothing in common with Miami. You could say, I have a friend who I have a friend who went to Miami and who really enjoyed. Say that if you really have a friend that went to Miami, don't fake it. You can use I have a friend who and it's an indirect commonality. It means that you have a commonality with your friend through you. It's not like super strong, but it's better than nothing. So I have a friend who that works really well. So don't fake the commonality. Don't say, Oh, the person says, Oh, I like playing tennis and say, Oh, I love playing tennis to, and if you hate it, don't say that because you won't be authentic and the person will notice that. So find something that you have in common and joke about it. Another thing that is more advanced and something you can do is that you can match the energy level of the other person. Because when you connect with someone, you will so connect with the Energy and the emotions. So what you can do is that you approach someone and then you just imagine that there is a bandwidth between you and the other person. You just imagine it opens and your day to match the energy level of the other person. You're going to match it. So imagine here, there is the bandwidth that opens and you just match the energy level of the other person. When you have matched it, you can increase it by focusing on something positive, by focusing on the positive memory. And then you increase the energy. And when you will increase your energy, it will also increase the energy of the other person. It's more advanced, but it's really FUN to do. So try it. You open a bandwidth, you just imagine that you match the energy with the other person. You focused on something positive, you increase your energy, the energy of both of you increases, and you have connected an additively which is super powerful. Now, don't do that if the person is really in, like in low emotions. For example, if the person is stressed, anxious, or depressed, don't use this technique. Use this technique if the person is like okay, Mood and you want to increase it and connect faster with that person. Now there is a so the non-variable part, if you want to connect with someone that is super powerful, basically, you're going to mirror the behavior of the other person. So I don't know if you have already noticed, but when you are talking to a friend or someone, you have a deep connection with that person. And then you look at your Body Language and you see like it's the same. It says if there was a mirror in front of you, you have the same behavior. For example, you are crossing your legs, you are crossing your arms. You have one hand in your pocket. And it's because you have your having a deep connection. So that's what we want to reproduce here. It means that when you are talking to someone, I want you to slowly stop, start mirroring the behavior of the other person. But people, let's say that the person puts their hand in their pocket. When they do that, you can just wait a few seconds and then you put your hands in your pocket. If the person crosses their legs, you wait a few seconds, you cross your legs. Your goal here is not to copy the whole behavior, but copy some parts of the behavior. Because then the subconscious will look at you and say, Hey, this person is like me, this person gets me. It will increase your sense of connection. So don't be too obvious. For example, the person crosses their arms and then you cross your arms. Wait for few seconds. Don't copy all the behaviors. And the best moments to, To do that is when people are distracted. When you, when you, when you sit, when they are talking. Because when they are talking, they have less attention on what you're doing. The animal-like thinking about the word. So these are the best moments to create rapport, to mirror the behavior of the other person. So you're mission for today is to interact with someone and find the commonality. Find the commonality, talk about that commonality. And also if you want to go more advanced, you can start mirroring the behavior of the other person. Observing around you in the restaurants, in the bar, who is connected with the other person? Do they have Body Language that is mirrored? Or is it like completely different Body Language? And you will see that you will be able to observe people and then understand how reconnection works. Because you will see that when two people have the same Body Language, there are indeed connection. And you can use that at the beginning, even after a few minutes and have a deep connection with someone. And if you don't use these techniques, it can take like ten, 1 h, 2 h. And this will really, really fast track the success that you will have Socially 10. Day 9: Attractive Social Energy: How to have an Attractive Social Energy. So whatever you feel, your emotions, It's really important that you take care of them Before You Approach people and when you are approaching people, I'm not saying that you must always be in the positive Mood, always positive in great Emotions know. But when you are interacting with people, you must know which switches to turn on and which switches to turn off. So that you can be in that great Mood. Because when you are like doing something in your day-to-day life, you can feel how you want. But when you're interacting with people, if you feel great, you will be able to have a lot of Social Success. So it's important to know, okay, How can I turn on these Emotions? And I will adhere to do an exercise with you. Could you just close your eyes? If you close your eyes right now and you think about something sad. How do you feel sad? If you close your eyes and you focus on something that makes you angry, How do you feel angry? Okay, Now if you shake a little bit your body and you focus on something that makes you happy. That makes you ecstatic. That gives you motivations. How do you feel about the goal that you have about something that empowers you? How do you feel empowered? So whatever you focus on, you will feel. So how do you change the, the Emotions by changing what you focus on something that was really, really well in the hack that will help you, is when you go to the events, for example, you're driving, you can smile like in Egypt. So sometimes when I am in a really bad mood or I've been working for for like ten 10 h and I have to go to that event and to be on top of my game, I'm going to smile for 10 min in my car with loud music. Some people will pass by and I will be like smiling like you like, like, like almost density and my colleague dress to activating the energy and emotions. And people will smile and inevitably like Smiling and then they will laugh and it will put me in the Great Buddha. I do that when I'm in a bad mood and I have to transform really quickly, what works really well is that you focus on a positive memory. You put a smile on your face. So I would like to challenge you today. When you go to a place, Be aware of the emotions that you have when you interact with someone. Before interacting with someone, ask yourself this question here. On a scale 0-10, how much is it of positive energy is like 12 or ten. Then you focus on something that makes you happy, on a positive memory or something that makes you smile. And then when you fill this emotion, you amplified. And then when you increase your positive emotion, You Approach that person. If you make the habit of whatever you feel the other person feels and take care of your emotions of what you feel. If you do that, you will become a huge Social Success. Because it will, the 93% will be taken care off the nine, 20% of the conversation between people. So you can train your brain to do that. You train focus on something Positive, Okay. Today, I'm not that great Mood. Okay. How do I change? Focus? Something Positive. Okay, Today, focus something's positive. You train, you train your brain to do that. So that when you have that important person, you ******* on something happy and then immediately you feel the emotions and give yourself the permission to feel that great Emotions. Feel that great Emotions approach people and you will get massive success. 11. Day 10: Leave A Conversation Politely: How can you Leave a Conversation Politely. So I get so many e-mails from people asking and I approached the person. I was talking to the person, then I wanted to leave the conversation. So first, it's normal if you want to leave the conversation, like it is human nature, maybe you didn't click with that person personally or professionally, and you want to leave the conversation, that's normal. But there is something that you must be careful off. Maybe sometimes when you approach someone, the person will be stressed. Depressant may maybe cold, the person may be closed. It's because most people, they're not great at social interactions. And the needs time to be comfortable, to open up, to be at ease with you. So sometimes when you are talking to people, we say, Oh, but this person is called, this person is not asking a lot of question. Dispersing the UK is stressed. It's maybe because the person is just opening up and being at ease with you. And then when they add it with you, will have like a warm personality, a more open personality. So use your intuition. Is this person like just opening up and being comfortable with me? Or is it more like, oh, like I don't have something in common. I just want to stop the interaction. And if it's number two, you want to stop the interaction. That's okay, that's totally normal. So how can you do it? The first part is, you can say it was nice meeting you. Nice meeting you. Then you give a reason. I'm sorry. I have to go because I have to call a friend. I have to talk to my friend, I have to talk to a business partner. I have to go. Anything, you give a reason. And then number three, you say, Let's talk later and then you can even exchange contact information or not. So number one, was it was nice talking to you, but I have to go I have to call a friend, I have to meet that client. Let's talk later or have a great evening. It's a three-part and then you can leave the Conversation Politely. That works really, really when you're mission is to write down your three parts sentence so that you can leave any Conversation Politely. Again, it was It was nice talking to you. Then you give a reason, but I have to. And then you say Talk to you later or nice, I have a nice evening or have a nice day. You can create your sentence so that next time you want to leave, you know how to do it? 12. Day 11: Confidence In Social Interactions: How can you increase your confidence in social interactions? If you want to increase your confidence in social interactions, you must focus on what you can give to people. I was getting a conference in Sydney and someone from the audience raised their hand. It was a woman. And she said, You know what, Alan, I don't feel confident in social interactions. And then I ask questions. And she told me that she had her job to approach people on the streets and to raise money for charity. And she didn't feel really confident. And then I said, What's your mindset? And she said, oh, actually, I'm just approaching people to take their money. So, you know, like I'm not really that confident. Then I said, Okay, you want to increase the confidence, focus on what you can give. What can you give, what's the impact that you have when you approach these people and they give you money. Then she said, Oh, we, we give this money to homeless people. We give them homes, we give them meals. We give them warm, Warmth, like we take care of homeless people. Then I said, Okay, instead of now perceiving the fact that you have to approach people to take the amount it takes something. Why don't you think about the fact that when you approach someone and they give you money, it helps homeless person. And she's like, Oh my God, I like she was excited that you're she wishes she wanted to go in the streets and and talk to people because like, oh my god, it makes sense again. So it's important when you interact with someone to be aware that you have value to give to people. Let's say that you are to networking events. Ask your question here. What's the value that my product or service, or the thing that I have to offer. How can it improve the other person's life? How can it help the other person's life? When you understand that you have value as a human being, that you can give value to people. And it can be, again, Value verbally with the thing that you save the TBS with the advice, with information that you gave with the jokes or non-verbally with the emotions that you have. You put yourself in the great state and you know how to do it by now, you put yourself in the great state and you approach someone who is not that great. And it will lift dispersing up to like the level that you're, that you're in. If you were right with great energy, people will be drawn towards you. It's important that you understand you have this value Giving Mindset. When you understand that by approaching people, you will improve their life. You will be more. You will take more actions easily. Think about the crowd, crowdfunded girl. Next time. You want to approach that women, that men in the bar, at, at the bar. You want to approach, think about the value that you can give or I can give this person a good time. I can make this person laugh and think about everything you can give. And so that you understand that, oh, I have value to give to people socially. When you understand that something inside your switches and you become more confident. I know the one that I want to share with you here is the Confidence hack. It works all the time and in a few seconds, you can become more confident. Let me explain what it is. Let's say that I'm going to use this posture here. And I'm going to say, I'm confident, I'm confident. You can perceive here that when I say I'm confident, I'm confident that I'm not confident at all. But now, what if I just change my posture and I say, I'm confident, I'm confident. How am I able to go from not confident to Confidence? It's weird, like in a few seconds, How can I do that? And I encourage you to do this exercise here. Adopt a posture with your chest, close your shoulders down, head down without any facial expressions. You look down and you say, I'm confident. And you say between a scale in the square root 0-10, how confident am I? Is like 0123. And then you use the Superman posture. You open your chest, you put your shoulders back. We imagine have a string pulling you to the sky. You have a smiley, Confident face. You use gestures, you'd use hand gestures. And you ask yourself this question here. On his key, on a scale 0-10, how confident am I? It should go to a 78910. The posture that you have will impact the confidence level that you have. Because what happens here in your mind is linked with your posture. You change your posture, you change what happens here. And it also works the other way around, but it's easier to attend physically. Your posture and it changes here, your confidence level. So next time that you are not that confident, not this the posture that you have. And most of the time you will, I would say 99.9% of the time you will have a posture of someone who is not confident. So your goal is to have the Superman posture. Imagine that you have a cape. Be proud of your open your chest. Open your, open your chest, take space. And by doing that, you will increase your competence level and decrease your stress level. And also when you are working at home or at your office and you are in front of a computer. Most people lack confidence throughout the day. It's because they are working on their computer and they have this position here, which is the same position as someone who is not competent. Because if I asked you, could you picture in your mind someone who is not confident, you Will picture the person like that. When you are working on a computer, you have the same position. So really open your chest and imagine that you're Superman. You do that. It will dramatically increase your confidence level when I go to a new environment and have to be on top of my game always I will have the Superman posture because it will increase my confidence level. And I can choose if I want to have a low confidence level or high confidence level in an environment when I approach people. And the choice is really simple. So try that, try the Superman posture to become more confident. That's your mission. 13. Day 12: Being Comfortable Socially: How can you be more Comfortable Socially? This one here is a big one. Most people try to do everything perfectly. They tried to be the perfect version of themselves, not best version, perfect version. Want to have the perfect behavior, perfect things to say, perfect attitude, everything has to be perfect. And at the end, they are super stressed. And whatever you feel the other person feels. So the person that you are talking to will feel that you are inauthentic, that you are stressed and they are trying to be perfect. And that will decrease your social value. Sadly, that's how it works. So I encourage you to be perfectly imperfect to relate from one human being to another human being. And to just imagine and to remember that you are talking to a human mean. It's not perfect. The person is not perfect. Even if you are talking to a president or something like, like someone of high value, they are not perfect. They struggle for when they go home. Maybe they, they are depressed. Maybe they're not that great. Maybe the doubt themselves. They are human beings. But most people will just say, Hey, I'm perfect, I'm perfect, nothing can touch me. But if you take a few minutes to just and to just remind yourself that, hey, this person is likely this person goes to the bathroom like me. Dispersal is not like super human. You relate from a human to another human being and you decrease your stress level. So when you go to a social environment, take time to relax. Say how this person is human like me. This person is human and I want you to relate from one human being to another human being, not from the position of the role that you have, to the role of the position of the other person. So you're going to respect the other person if it's your boss or something, how someone that is, how that has a high position in your company. But I want to just two, thinking another level, think of, Oh, I'm going to read from one human to another human. So how can you become more comfortable? A great way to do is to use the way hubris, the Navy Seals, they are able to remain super calm when they are facing near-death situation. And one of the tools that they use is the way, the breadth. So when we're stressed, we're going to breathe like super quickly. And it's going to stress our body can see her like I'm super stressed. So what we want to do is to come The way we breathe. And we want to breathe deeply. So what we're going to do is that we are going to inhale by the nose three times, exhaled by the mouth three times. And we're going to do it like when I'm going to inhale and I'm going to you to put the, the the air in my belly. I'm not going to raise the shoulders. I'm going to let the shoulders down and I'm going to put the air in my batteries. So let's do it three times. You can do it with me. And you can see here that I'm more calm. I was able to control the way I was breathing to just calm down. So that works really well. If you want to go to an environment and you do that before going into that home in your car, in the bathroom. And you can also do that when you are talking to people. So when you're talking to people, don't close your eyes and you can just inhale and exhale by the nose, but take some deep breathing, do some debriefing. When you're talking to the person. Breathe deeply because it will relax your body. That was really well. Another great advice is more an energetic advice. If you arrive in a social environment and you feel tension in your body. I want you just to locate the tension in your body. And you're going to imagine that the tension is black. So let's say that I go to a place, a networking event, have to give a presentation or anything. And I will notice that I'm super stressed, like my shoulders are stressed. What I'm going to do that I'm going to picture Black Energy in my shoulders and I'm just going to release it. I imagine that it's leaving my body. I'm doing that now and it's releasing the tension from my shoulders. So you can do that. It's really FUN exercise. You find where the tension is located. You imagine it's like black Energy, and then you just imagine it going away. That works really, really well. Another great way is to relax yourself before going to another an event is to put yourself in a Talkative Mood. It means that you want to stop warming up. And the best way to do that interest you call a friend before the event. So instead of being in New causing, Oh my God, I have to approach people. I have to approach people that have to approach people. You just call a friend and you talk about nothing, you talk about anything, no matter what, it doesn't matter what you talk about, but matters that you are putting yourself in the Talkative Mood. And if you do that when you will enter the social place where you can talk to other people, you will have already talked to your friend before. So the stress level will have decreased. So my mission to you is to use one of the techniques here that I shared with you. It can be the way you breathe. It can be imagining the black energy. It can be related from one human to another human. It can be like anything that you found helpful in this video here is to apply that in social interaction. 14. Day 13: Love Yourself: How can you Love Yourself more? So the question is, are you really comfortable in your own skin? Because when you're interacting with people, and if you're not really comfortable in your own skin, you will be worried about how you present yourself to other people, how you look. And if people want to make FUN of view or if people look, for example, at your, your body and you're not comfortable with that. You may feel like these Negative Emotions and it's not helping you. I would like to help you here Love Yourself more and become more comfortable in your own skin. So there is an exercise that would like you to do which is really powerful. It's called the mirror exercise. So I encourage you to do it home because you have to be naked. So you could do that in your office, but close your door. You go in front of the mirror. Like, the bigger the mirror, the better it is because I would like you to see like your whole body. You go in front of the mirror naked. And you look at Yourself. You look at Yourself. This is how you look. Maybe you'd have like uncomfortable feelings in your body saying, Oh, I don't like it. Or maybe you say, Oh, I'm in shape. Accept what comes up. I would like just you to look at your body right now because this is the body that you have right now. You may like it or you owe or not, but this is the body that you have you accepted. Do you accept the body that you have right now? Then you can improve it, but right now you just accept it. You can look at your, your face like everything. You look at everything. And you accept this is how you look right now. You accepted. Then you're going to ask yourself this question here. What are the things that I like about myself? When I look at this mirror? What are the things that I like about myself physically? What are the things that I like? You may start saying, Oh, there is nothing I only like, I'm not change shape and you may start listing everything that is not right about you. But that would like here to focus on what are the things that you like about yourself physically? Oh, I like my muscle. I like the color of my eyes. I like my hair. Start making a list. I would like you to make a list of five things that you like about yourself. Then you're going to ask yourself and other questions. What are the things that I don't like about myself? And I can improve. And you're going to try to find three things. Let's say that. Say, Oh, I don't like my hair. I'm a little bit of a wait. And I don't like, for example, my makeup. You're going to find three things that you don't like about yourself and that you can improve. Because the goal here is to improve them. Because if you don't like the things about yourself, you are going to improve them. Send you going to take action according to what you found. For example, let's say that I don't like my hair. An action. I'm going to call the hairdresser to fix my hair. Okay. I want to lose some weight. That's not something I like about myself and I can improve. Okay. Then you make a plan. You make a plan to improve. Okay. Tomorrow I'm going to join a gym. Tomorrow I'm going to eat less desert tomorrow. I'm going to buy a nutrition book tomorrow and you make a list and you come up with a planet to improve it. Then after one week, two weeks, Like You go in front of that mirror again and see the things that you don't like and you can improve. And you see if it has improved. And you're going to build your confidence, self-esteem, self-image that way. The other question that you're going to ask is, what are the things that you don't like about yourself and you cannot change. The other question was about the things that you didn't like about yourself and the things that you could change. Now it's about the things that you don't like and that you cannot change. Let's say, for example, you don't like the shape of a nose. If it's something that you cannot change because you don't want to have surgery for that. So you consider that it's not something I can change? You are going to accept it. Accept the things. Because if you don't accept it, if you resist it. Next time to join us social interaction and for exam, someone looks at your nose and then you feel uncomfortable because you say, Oh, I hate my nose, I hit my nose. It won't serve you. Accept the things in yourself that you cannot change. The sooner you accepted, the more comfortable in your own skin you will become. Because we have seen the things that you like about yourself. The thing that you don't like, but you are improving. The things that you don't like about yourself and you cannot improve and we have accepted them. And that's how you can improve your self-love. It works really well. I really encourage you to do this exercise because for me and for all my clients, it made a really huge difference. So that's your mission. Do the mirror exercise today? 15. Day 14: What People Think Of You: What People Think Of You. So we all have this field. We are worried about what people would think of us. And it's not bad. It's not bad because that way we can improve ourselves and we can see if our behavior is great or not. So worrying about what people think of you is not that bad. But what becomes problematic is when What People Think Of You affects who we are and we adapt who we truly are to match the other people's expectations. And that becomes a problem when we adapt who we are. Something that truly transformed my life is that I heard a study from Bronny where she was a nurse taking care of people just before they died. And she asked her patients a simple question. The question was, what is the biggest regrets you have in life? You know, almost What? Do you know what almost all of them said. They said, I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life according to myself, but instead, I live the life according to the other people expectations. I heard this 3010 years ago. Since then, my whole life has transformed. I've been living a life true to myself. And when you do that, you really say, okay, how do I want to live my life? Do I want to be at the end of my life and look back and have a lot of regrets because I didn't live a life, true to myself. Although I want to look back and say what the right, I really loved it. I made a decision that we're at that day when I heard this study. And since then, I understood that it's important to be aligned with who you are, with what you want, What To dream, virtue aspirations are not what you friends, not what your parents want, not what your colleagues, but what do you truly want? Because that's what really matters. Most people think that they can control the impression that they make. But that's an illusion. I call that the 50 per cent rule. When I interact with someone, how much of the Interactions, why control? I don't control 100%. I controlled 50% of the interaction and the other person controls the 50 per cent. It means that I can only control my 50 per cent. How the person perceives me with their 50 per cent is not in my control. Yes, I could say things that would work well and that would make a great impression. But what if I have my 50%? They are not that strong. And my parents wanted me to do something. And then another person wants me to do another thing, and another person wants me to do another thing. And if I focus on the 50% of all the people, and I don't focus on what I truly want, my 50 per cent. I'm not going to be true to myself. So what you should do is focused on your 50 per cent when you interact with people, focus on your passions, your interests, what you truly want, who you truly are, what you're excited about. When you go through the word, you walk like that with you. 50 per cent, say this is my 50 per cent. This is what I liked. This is who I am. And some people will click with you, and some people want. But the people who will click with you, they will click with your true self. And you will have a deep connection with these people rather than being liked by everyone. Because the problem here is, again, adapting who you are to please people and pleasing people. Because your parents, your friends said, Hey, you should do that. Instead. You cannot be a painter, you cannot be an artist, you cannot be who you truly are. And this is exceeded with all my clients, almost all my clients. They adapt who they are to please someone. Pleasing someone onetime is great. But the problem is when you adapt who you truly are to please someone, that's a problem. Most people will see that socially. When I was a child, I will always adapt. Why was just to **** people. And for example, I love playing tennis. And I would go to any interaction and someone will say, Oh, I hate playing tennis. And I would say, Oh, I hate playing tennis to, I will adapt myself not to be rejected, to be light. And it was always worried about what people would think of me that I didn't think about what food I think of myself. What do I think of me? Do I liked me? And it all starts here. What are your goals? What are your opinions? What the other thing that you like? What are your boundaries? If you define them, you define your personality. And you live according to that. When you will be approaching people, they will sense the sense of power. And it will be worrying less about what people would think of you, because you will be focusing on your 50 per cent. Let's say that you have a presentation to give. You cannot control if the person is going to like the presentation or not. You can control on, can console on your 50 per cent, which is giving you best. You're going to prepare, you're going to have a great structure and so on. And you are going to focus on giving the best presentation that you can. And then it's there 50% to say, Oh, that was an amazing presentation or I didn't like it. It's not in your control. And if you do that, you will be less stressed because you will be focused on the things that you can control and let it go of the thing that you cannot control, which is Impression of people. You cannot control the Impression. Tonight I could go to a bar and give a compliment to a woman. One could say, Oh, that was amazing, I love you. And the other one could say, Oh, go away. I don't control a control my 50 per cent. And ask yourself this question here. How do you want to live your life? So you mission today is just to think about that. How do you want to live your life? You want to live a life, true to yourself, or adapt who you are to please people. And there is nothing wrong with that. If you are, right now, you are adapting who you are to please people. But maybe today you could start being a little bit more Yourself. Today it could be doing things that are more true to you during the passions that you like. Doing the things that you want, Being with the people that you want Being with the person that you want. Think about that and you will see that you're Social Success will go through the roof and the quality of your life 16. Day 15: Stop Being Shy: How can you Stop Being Shy socially? So there is no magic pill, sadly, but there is a process that anyone can use to decrease their shyness in social interactions. So let's think about the popular kid. When he was a kid, he was popular. But why is that? It's because he was able to take a lot of actions socially and to experiment a lot. And then he found the right things to do socially. And then he reinforced them. Or maybe he had someone who showed them the grades, skills that he needed socially. It can be the parents or another friend. So if we think about that, the popular kid, he had a lot of social references when he was a kid, and that went well. So he reinforced them positively. And that's why he was able to get these great social skills. And if you contrast that with someone who has shy, who didn't have a lot of Social Success, even a lot of social interactions. If you contrast that one has a lot of social references, Positive Social references, and the other one doesn't have a lot, or maybe he has bad social reference and that's why this person is shy. So I know that there is a, so the personality that, that plays a role in if you are shy or not. But what I want to show you here that, Hey, maybe you could be a little bit more outgoing socially and put yourself more out there. So how can you do it? The idea is to get this social references. Now, maybe you didn't give, you didn't get them when you were a kid. But right now, you could get them. So I encourage you to take daily small actions towards improving your social life. For example, tomorrow it could be approaching someone on the streets and asking for the time the day after it could be approaching somebody in the bar, the day after it could be about making a joke, Do something that makes you a little bit uncomfortable socially, everyday. And now the secret is that you are going to reinforce it positively. Remember I said the popular kid, he was taking action and he was getting Success and he was reinforcing that. There are two questions that you can ask yourself. The first question, after every social action that you have taken is, what did I do? Well, today, we are reinforcing positively What did I do well? And you can use that for like the social actions, like any action. So for example, I could even say, Hey, what do I dwell, alain today? Today I'm recording the online training. What do they Well, that's great. What did they do? Well, second one is, What can I improve? Next time? Most people would ask the question, what did I do wrong? But it's framed negatively. And if it's framed negatively, it's not going to build your confidence. That's why I framed it that way. Why, What can I improve next time so that you are getting the feedback, but at the same time you are building your confidence. You are building your social references and you are decreasing your shyness, and you're increasing your confidence. So let's say tonight you go to a networking event. All you have a presentation to give. You do the action. And then at the end you say, What did they do well, and you make a list. And then what can I improve next time? Next time maybe I could be less stressed for the presentation or maybe I could prepare well. Or maybe next time if I, if I am in a bar, I could try to make a joke. Then you get the feedback and you reinforce it positively and you are able to get a lot of social actions and reinforce them positively and get the feedback that you need to improve. If you take one small, the reaction a day towards your social life. After one year, you have 365 small actions. And they have been reinforced positively. And I encourage you to take this small actions that you reinforce rather than like one big action that is outside of your comfort zone and that could really impact you, traumatize you. We want to try to build this confident you could do something that is really outside of your comfort zone. There is no problem. But don't do something that is to outside of your comfort zone because then it can traumatize you. And if you don't interpret it, well, it can traumatize you. It means that it can decrease your confidence. So instead, like do the small daily actions and reinforced with the two questions here, Challenge your mission for today. Do something socially, take a small action, and then reinforced with the two questions. If you want to go one step further, you plan the actions for the next seven days and then you reinforce them with the two questions. Good luck 17. Day 16: Positive Body Language: How to have a Positive Body Language. It's super important to remember Communication 1980 per cent of the non-variable and only 7% or is variable. So you want to have a Positive Body Language. When you want to have a Positive Body Language, you ask yourself this question here. How would a positive person behave? And you will see that the movements of the hands, they are not closed or open. It means that when you will be talking, Your hands are open is like we call that the Giving position. You are Positive, your open here with your hands. You're not talking like that with the hands closed. Okay. The hands open them. Your face. The emotions that you have, the facial expressions will also impact how people will react to Arzu. So you could have a smile, you could relax your face. Just think about having a small green. You smile a little bit, that helps your posture. Your head is straight, your shoulders are back, and you are going to gesture. Because by gesturing, you are going to activate Energy new Body, and by activating Energy in your body, you are going to make the energy flow in your body and it's easier for this positive energy that you are getting from the smile, from the posture form, opening your, your hands and gesturing. The energy will be able to flow freely in your body and you will have a more positive state. So that works really well when you are happy and positive energy, don't be like happy and positive energy. You can gesture a lot. That's what I do when I talk to people, I use the gestures that it activates my energy. Now there are some people who will cross their arms. So when you cross your arms, It's more associated with the closed posture. But sometimes it can also be a challenging posture. You have to look at the phase. If I'm closing my arms and I'm looking bored or angry, you can see that I'm having a closed body language. But what if instead, I'm looking at you like that? It's more in a challenging way. So when someone crosses their arms, look at the expression of their face because that will tell you if it's if there are a great mood or if they're in a bad mood, or if there are challenging you. I wouldn't recommend you to cross your arms. It's more advanced. So just imagine that you have your, your, your open, you ask yourself, how would someone behave with the legs? If you are, man, I wouldn't recommend you crossing your legs. If you are standing, you can just put your your feet at the same length of your shoulders. And if you're a woman, you can cross your legs are not depending on how you feel. But just ask yourself this question here. If I were if I had an open body language, what would it be? Never put your hands in your pocket. Because that shows that you are hiding your hands. And back in the days, we didn't know if you had a rock, a knife, and that you could kill people. So right now, if we don't see the hands of someone, we're a little bit concerned and we are a little bit less relaxed than if we just see the hands. If you don't know what to do with your hands, just take something. It can be your phone, it can be Cards, like your business cards or something so that you can be holding something. It can be holding a drink. Anything works really well with a drink. Be careful if it's a beer or something that is really cold. You don't want to have a cold handshake. So hold it with the hand that you are not going to shake people's hands so that your left hand, for example, becomes cold because of the beer and the right one is still warm. These are some tips that works really, really well. On the other side, if you are drinking coffee or tea, Use the right. Hence so that your right hand, the hand that you want to shake people ten because it will become warm. And studies have shown that if you shake someone's hand and it's warmer, People will think that you are warm. And if you shake someone's hand and it's called people with thing that you have a cold personality. So that impacts a lot. Like to say, just be conscious of that small steps, small tips, but they make a difference. So you mission for today. When you're walking down the streets, ask yourself the question, am I having an open body language? And you just make some small changes to adapt the Body Language that you have to make it more positive 18. Day 17: Confident Body Language: Now let's talk a little bit about Confident Body Language. How would you picture someone with confident? You would picture with the chest open shoulders, back, you basically you would picture, it's a picture that person as super woman or Superman. You imagine that you have a cape. And if you adopt the posture of someone who is Confident, guess what? You become confident. So my challenge to you today is when you are walking down the streets, when you are doing something, you ask yourself this question. How would Superman or super women behave? What would be his or her posture? And if you adopt the same posture, you will have the same emotions as them. You will feel the confidence. If you do that. You have the posture of some unconfident superwoman, Superman. You open the chest, shoulders down your, Imagine that you have a head pulling. I had that string pulling you to the sky here at the end of your, of your head. You gesture. You take space. You imagine you're Superman or Superwoman. You look at the horizon. You look at into people's eyes. People, we feel the confidence that's not more complicated than that. People will feel the confidence. And another great tip that is super important is when you are stressed, you will gesture a lot, but it will be in a stress way. For example, if I'm stressed and I'm talking to you, this is like the mistrust. What you want to do is have underwater moves. You just imagine that you are under water and that you are moving under the water. When I'm talking to you, I'm like underwater. I'm talking to you with gestures that are more calm, more controlled rather than than gesture like that. Hey, welcome to design a training. I want to do that and it's like underwater moves. And that's a strong sign of confidence. So use that and let me know height goes 19. Day 18: Eye Contact: Okay, so now let's talk about Eye Contact. So today what I'd like to share with you is that there are many things. How did you feel? Have you ever been in a situation where you are talking to someone and the person was not looking at you? The person was like looking around, looking at other things. How did you feel? Most of the time, we feel negative feelings. We think that maybe the person is bored. Maybe that you think that the person is not interested, or maybe you think that you are boring, that you are not interesting, or that maybe the person wants to leave. We have negative associations with that. That's why Eye Contact is really important. I, How do you master The Art of looking into the other person's eyes and how do you do it? If you're a little bit shy, how can you do it? So first, when you look into a person's eyes, we say that it's, The eyes are the windows of the soul. We can perceive the emotion of the other person who can connect with someone. And it's really difficult to connect with someone and to have a great interaction if you're not looking directly into the other person's eyes. Because that's how we perceive people, how we perceive things is through our eyes. So if you don't connect the two things that are perceiving, my eyes and the eyes of the other person. It's difficult to create a connection. And you can convey energy, you can convey Positive emotions. If you do the exercise and you focus on the positive memory and you feel discrete emotion and you look out into the other person's eyes, the person will look at you and feel this great Emotions. It's easier to connect with someone. So now, what can you do if you are a little bit shy? My girlfriend gave me this amazing advice and when she gave it to me, I said, no way, that doesn't work. She said you can look at the eyebrows instead of the eyes and you want notice the difference. I said No way. You cannot do it. And she said, Okay, I'm going to look at you. And I'm not going to tell you if I'm looking at your eyebrows or your eyes. And we did that many times and I was amazed. I was not able to tell the difference. So if you're a little bit shy, I want to just start giving the illusion that you are giving eye contact. You can look at the eyebrows instead of the eyes. Some people say Look here. But it's an old trick that doesn't work because you will be like looking like that. If you Will. You be looking at the forehead. It's just weird. Don't do it. Look at the eyebrows. And you can also test that with a friend. The person looks at you once in the eyebrows and once in the eyes and they don't tell you and you try to guess to see if that works for you. Now, it's best to look directly into the person's eyes. So how can you do it? If the person that, if you are talking, your eyes will naturally go into directions. For example, let's say that I'm talking to you and I don't look away. It becomes really weird when I'm talking. And For me it's difficult to access the information because I'm looking at you and you can see I'm stiff instead. And it's something that is natural. You want to look like most of the time into the person's eyes. And you are going to let your eyes go up, down, right, left. You let them go where they want to go. And basically I'm accessing information. If my eyes go up, it access certain information in my brain. If it goes down, right, down, right, left, it access different information. So when you are talking, you look into the person's eyes and you let your eyes go where they want to go. But most of the time you are looking directly into the person's eyes. That's for when you are talking. Now. When you are listening, you just look into the person's eyes. Now, you're not going to look into the person's eyes with a creepy smile or stressed or worrying about what to say next. No. You're going to have a relaxed phase and just look into the person's eyes. You can practice that you're going in front of the mirror and you look at Yourself like this, how it would look. And you ask yourself, is it a creepy look on us? So when the person talks, you look at them. If you want to break eye contact, don't break it down. Don't break down because it shows that the other person is more dominant than you. What you want to do, instead of looking down, you want to look to the right or to the left. So that can be useful if you want to break eye contact when the person is talking or anytime. All when you're talking to the person, you are looking at them and you see that the person is a little bit uncomfortable because sometimes people are not used to having a strong and Powerful Eye Contact. So in that way, Let's say that the person is talking and listening. I'm looking to the person's eyes and I see the person is a little bit uncomfortable. I will just break the eye contact to the right, then look to the person a little bit and then break maybe To the left, and then loop back to just decrease the tension. And you will see that the more you practice, the easier it will become $0.02 if the person is comfortable or not. So how I practice that? It was really funny. I call the friend and I said, Hey, it was bless his name. Her name is split Habilus. I haven't Interesting question. Do you want to go to the park with me and you want to to practice eye contact with me. And it was weird then I explained and actually he was really happy because then we practiced the eye contact. Because when you are practicing, sometimes it's weird because it's a new behavior. So if you do with someone, it can be your partner, someone at work. And you explain that you want to increase Eye Contact. You explain the game and you do it together. You can really improve your eye contact in a non creepy way. Then you say, Okay, I'm a little bit more comfortable with eye contact. I know when my face is relaxed, I know that the other person said it's not creepy because I can get feedback from my friend. And that's how you can improve. Your challenge, is to call a friend 20. Day 19: Smiling: Smiling. So if you smile in social interactions, people would think that you are open-minded and that you are more warm. So it's really great to smile in social interactions. But now there is the right way to do it, in the wrong way to do it. Before showing you that, let me just tell you that most people are not comfortable with the way the Smiling. So what I encourage you to do is that you go in front of the mirror and you look at yourself and you smile. Do you prefer to smile like that? Or just How do you want to smile? And the idea is to be comfortable with that. So go in front of the mirror and see how you smile. Now, I said, I said earlier that there is the right way to do it in the wrong way to do it. What is the wrong way? The way is that when you are Smiling, to make an impression, you are smiling because you want to get something from the other person. You are smiling because you want to micromanage the impression that the person has. The perfect example to illustrate that is the salesmen, the car salesman. He will laugh at your jokes. He will do like everything to laugh at everything because he wants to get something from you, which is your money. So the wrong way to smile, to always be smiling because you want to, the other person to like you because you want to take something from the other person you want to control to micro manage the impression that you're making versus the right way, which is expressing your inner smile. Smiling because you want to smile, smiling because you are happy, smiling because you have joy, Smiling because you Express Yourself. One is an Impression you are trying to make an impression onto, so on someone which is like the wrong way to do it. And the other one is the right way. You're expressing your your inner joy. So next time that you Smiling, ask yourself this question. Are you trying to impress someone or you expressing yourself and you expressing your joy while you're trying to impress someone. The more you in the expression mode, the more Charismatic you will become. 15 years ago. I want it to be accepted by everyone. So I was really in this Impression mode and I would smile nonstop. Literally. I would go to a place, I will see friends and that will be like always smiling, always the Smiling guy. And most people said that it's not authentic, like you are always Smiling, it's forced. There is nothing wrong with Smiling a lot. But I Smiling because you're joyful and you are expressing who you are? Or are you smiling because you want to make an impression and micro-managed if people like you or not. That's a difference here. So you're mission for today is to smile. When you smile, ask yourself this question. Are you making an impression of expressing yourself? The more aware you have that, the more you can just adapt the way that you smile to just Hey, saying, Oh, I'm going to smile because I want to smile because I want to express my joy and happiness and my inner smile with the word 21. Day 20: Magnetic Presence: How to have a Magnetic Presence. This will really make a difference in your social life. Because people will say, Oh, there's something about you. There is something Magnetic, there is something that makes you special. There is something that I really like to be with you. Like there is something that makes you Charismatic and it's Presence. What the most people do nowadays. There are always on their phones. They're always like texting. They're always doing something rather than being in the present tense, Being the present moment. And that happens in social interactions. People are looking around, they're thinking about what to say next. I thinking about the laundry. They are texting, they're doing something and they are not present in the interaction anymore. And maybe you have already been in any interaction where you are talking to someone. You'll notice that the person was not there with you. How did you feel? Maybe it's the other side. You are talking to someone and the person was so present the best advice I fully listening to you and maybe you felt great Emotions because of that, because of that level of presence. So that's what we want to do here. We want to increase our level of Presence in social interactions. So what does it mean to be present? It means that you are fully aware of the person. Yeah, 100% there. You are not stuck in the past. You're not thinking about the future. You're not thinking about what to say next. You are giving your full attention. And most people say, Oh Alan, but I can't be present because I have to think about what to say next. And the thing is that they have to think about what to say next because they are not fully listening Towards the words of the person. And if you're not fully listening to the words, how can you then know what to say if you fully listen? And then you can take these words and then start a sentence or question according to what the person said. So be fully present. The imagine that the person is the most important person in the world. If you are talking to a precedent or some awesomer like that, Would you be texting and looking around and thinking about your laundry? Or would you give your full attention thing that the person is the most important person in the world. Also, what works really great is to put back the sensations in your body. Because if you're not present, it means that your focus are not in the sensations of your body. A great way to do that is to focus on the weight of your tongue. You should do it right now. I know it's a little bit weird, but let's try it. If you do it, try now, you focus on the weight of your tongue. It's impossible to think about the laundry because you are 100 per cent present. Another great tip is to focus on your toe. On your toes. You put these sensations on your toes and the weight of your tongue. And immediately it brings back the Presence. It puts you back in alignment and it allows you to communicate with people with full Presence. Another chip that you can do is that you can meditate daily. If you increase your ability to be present during the day, it will increase your ability to be present during any interaction. So how can you meditate? You just sit on a chair. What I do that I sit on a chair. I look at a blank wall and I focus on the way I breath. I'm not trying to control however width. I'm just observing hybrid. And then I focus on the sensations in my body. I start with the feet. Then I go up, up, up belly, up, up, up to the head. I'm not trying to control something and just observing the sensations. And then I'm going to stay at this, this blank wall. And I go, I'm going to empty my mind. And most of the time there will be a lot of thoughts that will come in. I'm not going to resist, it'll try to control it. Are just imagine this up psychologists, they gave me this tip. You imagine that there's a cloud passing by that takes the thought away. Beautiful. So when I'm looking at this blank wall and I have the thought, oh, I have to take care of the dog or blah, blah, blah. Then I just imagine this thought going away and it empties your mind and it allows you to be more present. You can do that for ten, 20 min today. You can set an alarm that works really, really well. And the more you do that, the more present you will be able to be in social interactions. So try your mission is to try to be fully present with someone. You turn off your phone, you're like, you're fully present with the person in front of you and you see what happens. Most of the time, the person who say, Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you today or something attractive about you today. Try it and let me know 22. Day 21: Most Interesting Person In The Room: How can you be the most interesting person in the room? So you can do something that I call a guessing K. How can you be the most interesting person in the room? Most people will ask the same generic questions and we'll get the generic answers. Before I said that, it's okay. You could ask the question, why do you do, why are you from, and so on. You just put some great Emotions and it'll be okay, you will have a great conversation. But now, if you want to be the most interesting person, you are going to change a little bit. Because if you ask the generic questions, you will get the generic answers. Then people will really stand out in Conversations. So a great way is to do a guessing game. What do I mean by that? You are going to guess, to try to guess, for example, where the person is from about the person does. So instead of asking, where are you from? The same question as everyone, you are going to say, You look like, You look like you're Italian. You look like you come from South Africa. You look like you are Australian. And it's a guessing game. You're going to guess where the person is from. 40 to work. Well, don't have bad intentions, don't guess something to hurt someone. Like you are guessing where the person is from. And he say, You look like you are from. You look like you are from Italy, you like for you or from Europe. And then the person will be intrigued. The person is Say, yes, you are right, or Know, What did you, What made you think that the reaction is different than just saying, Hey, I'm done, just asking the question where you're from. I'm from Italy. You are putting some Emotions, some intrigue, some like Challenge, Challenge in the interaction. Trying to guess where the person is formed. You can also guess what the person does. Instead of asking, what do you do? You can say, I think, let me guess. I would say that you work in a creative environment. You should be, You must be a stylist or an architect or something like that. I'm alright. Then the person say, Yeah, you're right. How did you guess or the person who Say No, not exactly what, What made you think that. You can see here. There is another dimension in the game. Now, don't abuse it, don't try to get everything. Maybe use one or two guesses. For example, you can guess where the person is from or what the person does or something else. But don't be guessing like everything. Say Hey, you name should be mark your name. Don't do it. Don't abuse it, but it's really powerful and don't say something to hurt someone. So if you want to use it effectively, you must learn to observe people. To observe like where people are from, what they do, how they dress. And even if you don't find what the person is far more, you're completely wrong. It's still a better conversation rather than just asking, where are you from, what you do? So try it with C, it's really, really FUN. Another great way to be the most interesting person in the room is to be more interesting. Try to learn a new skill, a new passion and your interests do something new. Do something that scares you. Be like James Bond, learn new things. Go to an Art Exhibition. Go to learn new things. Because the more things you learn, the more interested you in life, the more interesting you will become because you will be able to share that in Conversations. So to become interesting, become interesting first. So my challenge to you, my mission to you today is to talk to someone and try to guess where they are from. Our data. You look like you are from South America, Blah, blah, blah. Or let me guess. I would say that you work in a creative environment, you work in finance, whatever it is, try guessing. And you will see that if we add a lot of PFK-1, and most importantly, you will stand out from other people. You want to stand out, you want to become an interesting, you want to become memorable. And that's the best way to do it. 23. Day 22: Make People Like You: How can you Make People Like You? It's really important that you understand that people don't remember what was said, but People remember how they felt. If you ask someone, what did the person said in the interaction, they're not going to remember a lot of things, but the person is going to remember a feeling, an emotion that they had about the interaction. So you can use a hack, a socialskills hack that very few people know. And the people that know this hack are the people that really have the Social Success. Basically, you are going to trigger positive emotions inside the other person's body. And then the person is going to associate these emotions with you. It's almost like magic, it works like a charm. Let me illustrate that. If I ask you this question here, what is everything that's happening wrong in the world right now? What is bad around us? Like, what makes you angry? What kind of emotions where you feel? You will feel Negative Emotions. And if I 0, if I only talk about these negative things, you are going to associate these negative things with me. But instead, if I ask you questions that are framed positively and the thing that, that may trigger positive emotions, you may associate these positive emotions with me. So for example, a question that I asked all the time is, what are the passions, the interests direct to do for Fun? What they like to do, what they have free time, where they want to go on vacation. What is one project that have accomplished so far and are really proud of? Because I want to try to trigger this Positive emotions. And what I'm going to do that I'm going to ask this positive frame questions. And then I'm going to talk about it. Because who doesn't like to talk about the passions, like most people do. Most people like talking about the passions. And the more the joke about it, the more that will fill this Positive emotions. And then they will associate it with me. And then they will say, Oh, I had a great interaction. But basically I was able to trigger these positive emotions in the other person's body. And it works like a charm. So ask these Positive questions raised to passions. What the right to do a project that they did and they are really proud of. You can ask something related to vacation, to anything. You will see. If it's framed positively, it has higher chances of activating these positive emotions. Now, it's not all the time. Maybe we'll talk about, ask about the passions and then the person will say, Oh no, there is nothing right now. Then try to ask another Positive question. And maybe the person is written negative and there is nothing you can do, but you really want to stay with a person like that. That's the question. But most normal people, when you ask questions about passions, about things like that, they will react positively. When they react positively, you talk about it. Now, don't fake it. For example, if you ask a question about the passions and say, Oh, I love playing football. And then you say, Oh, I love playing football to, and you don't, don't fake it. Just talk about the passions are the thing that the person lights. And when you see the person or feels great emotion, you talk more about that, that the person associates it to you. Now there are some people who say it's manipulation. It's not. I'm just choosing to asking certain questions of a sudden questions. Choosing to ask, what do you like to do for firm versus what's going, What's wrong in the world right now. I'm just choosing some questions. That example I have was from university, I was with someone who has really popular. And most students there will be talking about the exams, about the stress, everything that was wrong at this university. And they were experiencing, experience experimenting this Negative Emotions. And that friend was talking about the holidays. First, talking about the parties, was talking about the great things, the things that the passions, the interests, and it was a choice. The thing is that this my friend here was talking about the parties, the vacation and so on. He was Activating Positive emotions in students. That's why they loved it. It's not that it doesn't mean that he was not student studying. It doesn't mean that it just meant that when he was interacting, he was triggering Positive emotions in the other person's and he was a positive guy. So it worked really well. I want to show you here that there is a way two Make People Like You by associating these positive emotions to you by asking Positive frame question. So my mission to you is find your Positive questions. Is it with the interests, the passions, the vacations? Is it with the project that they didn't, they were proud of what your positive questions and your challenge is to write them down and use them today 24. Day 23: Positive Expectancy: How To Use The Power of Positive Expectancy to boost Your Social Success. So most people, when they are in social interaction, there'll be worried about people who bore, worried about Approaching the will say, Oh, this person can reject me, disperse, that can happen. This person can laugh at me, that can happen. And they are not seeing the glass half-full. There are seeing the glass half empty. And then they feel this fear of approaching and Confident people and people who have high Social Success. They imagine that the conversation will go well. Just imagine you have two lenses. You could see the word through a Redlands. You see all the problems. Everything that could go wrong, or you have Greenland. Greenland is opportunities. Everything that could go well. The thing that you could gain, you prefer to look at the social interactions with the red lenses or with the, with the green lenses. You just imagine you think about that. It's a choice you can make. Do you want to use the green? Are the red glasses. Interesting? If you the issues, the green, you can use what you call Positive Expectancy. You imagine that the conversation will go, well. Let's say that I want to approach a CEO or approach someone in a bar. I'm going to just imagine for a few seconds that I'm going to approach them and they are going to react well Towards me. Is it going to be the case? I don't know, but there are higher chances of me expecting that, thinking about that and having all the Body Language that matches my belief of, oh, it's going to go well rather than hungering to be rejected. Because I, if I expect to be rejected, I'm going to have the Body Language of someone who will be rejected. And this is key here. That's why what you think in your mind is so important. So use the Positive Expectancy. You just imagine that before approaching, you put the red, the green glasses. And you look at the social interactions that way. Your body, your posture, everything will change to match this positivity. You don't know if it's going to go well, but it has higher chances of going well. If you wear the green glasses, if you are more Positive, its infancy. The glass half full. And some people say, Hey Adam, I don't want to be disappointed, so I expect to be rejected. Yeah, you're going to be rejected. You won't be disappointed, but you want also have Social Success. And what we want here is Social Success. So think about Positive Expectancy. So my challenge to you, if you can interact with someone before you approaching, you just think about the interaction going when you picture the interaction going well, if you cannot interact today with someone, you just close your eyes to visualize yourself in a social interaction. And you picture yourself. Before approaching. You, just picture it going well, you will see it will make a huge difference 25. Day 24: Energy Exchange: Energy Exchange. So this one is so powerful here. The reason energy exchange between two people, you can consciously decide what kind of energy you sent to the other person. So what you can do is that we imagine the, with the bandwidth between you and the other person. Just imagine that you open the bandwidth subconsciously. You just open the bandwidth. And then you imagine that in your belly you have a white, Powerful Positive Energy. And how do you do that? How do you feel this positive energy? You focus on a positive memory and you amplify it in your body. So I'm there in the interaction. I imagine that there is a two. First, I feel discrete emotions in my body is think about something that makes me smile. I amplify this great emotion here. It's white. It's, it's powerful, it's, it's positive. Then I imagine that if the bandwidth that opens with the Albert or the person, and I imagine that I throw this energy at the other person. The person will feel my Positive Energy. And actually you could do that with any kind of energy with I tried that, for example, with anger, with being upset, I put myself in, in in a state of I'm really angry and upset. I open the bandwidth with someone, I throw it in the person that received this whole Energy like, Oh my God, you're upset. And that is super strong. And you can do that the opposite with the positivity, which is what I recommend. Because then people will feel this positive emotion. This energy is like, Oh my God, you are Charismatic and that's how it works. So I encourage you try it today with if you have a partner, you have a friend, you have someone that you mission. Try just to imagine the bandwidth before you put yourself in a great mood by focusing on something that makes you happy, you amplify the energy. You just imagine that there is white Energy here. You open the bandwidth, you throw it and you see how the person reacts. Try it with your friend or with your partner? 26. Day 25: Befriend The Leader: It's important to Befriend The Leader if you want to have high Social Success. So when you enter new room, look for The Leader, look for the person who appears to know everyone. Because your goal is then to talk to that person, to make friends with that person. That that person can introduce you to other people. Because it's easier to have someone that introduces you to other people rather than approaching someone and having nothing in common and the person doesn't know who you are. And I can like it's a cold. We don't know each other and no one introduces us. Because if someone introduces us, it shows that you are normal, that you have social proof that someone vouch for you. Someone said, Hey, this person is not that bad. I can introduce this person to dispersion and it helps you. It has been proven that people will open up easily if you're introduced to someone rather than, than if you approach and like the person doesn't, doesn't know you. So it's important. You Befriend, Befriend The Leader. You find the person who appears to know everyone, and it will be the person that is talking to many people during the night or during the day, you see that the person is introducing him or herself. A lot, is talking, is moving around. This is the kind of person that you are looking for. Then you talk, you introduce yourself or your approach with any of the techniques that I've shared in this course. You'll make some friends and then you can just ask the question, Hey, could you introduce me to one of your grade friends or could you introduce me to that person there? Don't be afraid to ask. Like introducing people is like just exchanging social value. And don't be, don't be afraid. Just, just do it. Just, just ask and 99% of the time the person Say, yeah, yeah, why not? If, if, if you look normal, the person say, hey, why not? The Power is that when you will walk with that leader, like everyone will see you with that Leader. And then the leader will say to that person, Hey, I would like to introduce you to Alan. And the person like, Will, we have to behave well because it has been recommended by a friend. So this is a great hack that works all the time, Befriend The Leader. So you mission is when you enter a new environment, look for The Leader, Befriend The Leader, and then ask him or her to introduce you to one of her friends or someone that you really want to talk to. The worst that can happen is that they can say no or the end. It's really rare. Or they can say, I'm sorry, yeah, but I don't know this person. Then you can even say, Oh, let's go together and talk to them. And then you go with the leader that doesn't know them yet. And then you approach your to approaching two or three other people. And that works really well. 27. Day 26: Visualization For Social Success: Now let's talk about Visualization For Social Success. This is the difference between People who has a lot of success socially and the other people. So what is really amazing that our brain cannot perceive the difference between something that happened or something that you have imagined. So it means that if you live and experience and then you feel the emotions or you imagine something and you feel the emotions, the impact will be the same in your body. So how can we use that at our advantage? We could improve our social skills while sitting on the couch? Yes, that's everyone's dream. It's possible. What you should be doing is that when you are Homer, you just put yourself in a quiet place. You close your eyes, then you will imagine the social situation you want to be in. Can be a networking event. It can be a bar, a club or restaurant, a library, no matter what it is. And then you are imagining you Approaching there. You say, okay, I see this business person there. What would I say? How would I approach? Then you imagine you approaching and then how would you continue the conversation? What would you say? I want you to to test your social skills in your head before you test it with other people. The more you do it, the more Emotions and the most certainty you will have in your brain. Because the more you practice. If you practice 20 times Approaching in your head. Next time you go to a bar and you have already approached 20 times in your head it because it will count as experience. So you bought it will be more confident. And now the key here to Visualization is to expect and to make everything go well. It means that you approaching and you have any Success. You're not approaching and you're having Failure. Yes, someone can test you or someone can reject you. That can happen. But I want you to see it more positive. It's like a video game. You are learning new skills. You are building your self-confidence and ask yourself this question, okay, when I am in that environment and you think, and you visualize when I am in that environment, what can I think? People are good, people are positive. Then I approach and I want you to build your confidence always to learn and basically it happens in your mind. So you could play, you could do whatever you want. You could have a movie of everyone rejecting you. Or you could have a movie of you go, You Approach some people, some people say, hey, yeah, it's awesome. And then everything goes well. You get that client, that business partner, that's wife, the husband, that girlfriend, boyfriend, or there's some people can reject you but say, Hey, this person rejects me because this person, I don't click with this person and it becomes something positive. That's what I want to encourage you to do, To Use these Visualization. And I encourage you to do it everyday. Do it everyday so that it becomes automatic and then you build massive Confidence and massive success in your head before actually like talking to people. And that's amazing that we have the ability to do that. So you mission today is to visualize your Social Success 28. Day 27: Talkative Mood: How to be in a Talkative Mood and why is it important? Have you ever been in a situation where you just woke up or you have worked for many, many hours without interacting with people. And then you had to be on top of your game to approach people and you didn't feel like it. That's normal. Because I encourage you to be in a Talkative Mood. It means that throughout the day, I encourage you to interact with people just to warm up. Because let's say that you have an event that night, you have something in the afternoon instead of not interacting with anyone and then just saying, Hey, I have to approach that CEO, that important person I have to be on top. It will be more difficult because the more you talk with people throughout the day, the more in your Talkative Mood you will be the most Social you will be, the less stressed you will be, more confident you will be. So what can you do? You can call a friend that works really well. You go to an event. Before going to the event, you call a friend, you call and then you talk about anything. The goal here is to keep talking. You talk about anything. We have been working for 10 h. Then you call your friend, then you go out. You can approach anyone. You can talk to the bouncer, to the waiter, to the person in that environment. You can ask if they're having great night, great evening. You can ask for direction is just to warm up. The more you do, the easier it will be when you get that person that you truly want to talk to because you will be already warm socially. So think about that. You're mission today is to warm yourself socially. So it means that you want to start being in this Talkative Mood. And I encourage you after you watch this online training, Talk to a friend, call a friend, go out and ask a question, asker direction as how the day or night is going. Start getting the flow, the Social Flow. And you will see that like your whole social life will go to another level. 29. Day 28: Fear Of Failure & Rejection: Now let's talk about the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. So we all have these two fears ear. And they can be a problem because it can stop up, Stop us socially. So let me explain how we can decrease them and how they can impact less Your Life. The fear of failure. If we start with Failure, Failure has a negative connotation. It means that when you talk about the failure, it's not something really positive. It's like a failure, something you have failed. Instead of using the word failure, I would like you to change it to learning, experience or result. Instead of saying, Oh, I'm going to fail Socially, Say No, I'm going to gain an experience. I am going to gain a result. I failed. I got a result. I got a learning experience. In my language. I don't use the word Failure anymore. It doesn't exist, is like results and learning experience that I get. Then you will be excited because you're not going to fail anymore socially. You're going to learn Socially the more you interact, the more you learn, the more you gain experiences. It's all about the mindset that you have. And the more you fail. We're not going to use this word anymore. The more you learn, the more you can improve because the more you can develop your personality, see what works become more interesting, the better it becomes. So Failure does, don't use this word anymore. Now the fear of rejection, we are afraid of being rejected. We are afraid of approaching that person and we are afraid that this person rejects us. Maybe the person that you are approaching had a bad day. Maybe someone died. Maybe she got she or he got fired. They are having a bad day. And if you approach them, they will reject you know, other Who You Are. No matter if, if you are like the Superman or like someone I really amazing, they may reject you. And my first advice here is, don't take rejection personally. Because remember, you have your 50 per cent and then they have their 50 per cent. You arrive here with your 50 per cent. And sometimes there are 50%. Something really bad happened. And the rejects, you don't take it personally. People always say, Oh, I got rejected because of me. You don't know that? You don't know. My question to you is, was there a time when you approach someone you interact with someone you rejected you and you thought it was your fault. But maybe it wasn't. Maybe they had a bad day. So don't take it personally. Don't take it personally. Another trap that most people, people, people fall into is that they tie their self-worth to the fact if there are rejected or not, they will approach that person. Say, Oh, this person reject me, I'm worthless. Again, don't die your self-worth to that. And it's not true. You only have 50 per cent. It doesn't mean that someone rejects you, that you are, You don't have any value. It's your 50 per cent. You 50 per cent don't change. What changes is there 50 per cent if they reject you or not? And sometimes Rejection can be great. Most people say, Oh yeah, I don't want to be rejected. I like being rejected because sometimes they don't click with the person personally or professionally. And it makes me save time, energy, money. I like to be rejected not all the time, but I like it is not that bad. It makes you save time. It's normal, it's human. You cannot click to everyone. The more you develop your personality, your sense of who you are, the more confident you become, like, the more Rejection you will get. Because you, you Will, you will only click with certain, certain peoples who, who, who are like you. Then yes, you can adapt a little bit who you are to make a great impression on other people. But the more confident you become, the more you work on your 50 per cent the module, you will be able to have deep connections with some people. So what I'd like to illustrate here that sometimes Rejection is great. And sometimes Rejection can teach you something, not all the time. And this is three times row. It means that if you do something similar and you get rejected three times, you ask yourself if you want to change that behavior. Let's say that I want to go to a bar and I want to meet someone at a certain moment, I will say something. And every time I say the sentence, this person rejects me. If disperse, It's three people reject me for the same thing. I'm going to ask myself the question. Is it something I want to change? Or I like, is there a better way to ask, are there a better wage to it? And I will see if I will base, I will base my behavior on the Feedback and I may improve it or not. Maybe it's something that I liked doing and I'm not, I don't want to change it. And maybe other people really love it as some people hate it. It's really your own judgment. But I want to show you that sometimes Rejection has to be something that you should take into account on how you can improve that part. But sometimes it's just the person had bad 50% or you didn't click with the person, you don't really know. So Rejection and failure are two things that shouldn't really impact you. And it all depends on who you surround yourself with. If you surround with people who are always laughing when you try something and you get rejected. Maybe change your friends. Being an environment of Positive People where you can increase and you can develop your own self of who you are and how you interact with people. So my challenge to you today is to write down your definition of failure. And I don't want you to use the word failure, but I want you to use it learning experience and learning experience or results. You're going to talk about white great. Why it's great to have learning experience and results. And you write it down. So then we are changing your brain to thinking more positively about Failure. Do this exercise, it's really, really powerful 30. Day 29: Positive People: Surround yourself with the right people. So this one here is really key. When I started my socialskills journey are surrounded by people who were always laughing. What I wanted to do something, I wanted to approach that girl. I wanted to approach that person. And there will be like overlooking and then they would laugh if I would get rejected. And they were the people who are doing nothing by just laughing. They were trying to put me down. And I had to change my friends. I change my friends to people who are like empowering me, who I like, trying to encourage me to have better social skills. So I would like to inspire you to think about the environment that you have. There is a famous quote that says, we are the average of the five people that we hang out with. And it's so true, if you want to increase your social skills, you must be with people that put you up, that encourage you to be a better version of yourself socially. So if you have a group of people who are always trying to push it down, there are many things you could do. First thing is that you change your friends. The second thing is that you try to see these friends less often and you find other friends. And with these other friends, you can go out and interact and improve your social skills. And there are friends who wants to encourage you. It's an option. Now, the other problem that most people have is they say, Oh, it's my boss. It's something that I have to be with. If you cannot change the person that you're interacting with, you can change the way that you interpret it. So first, don't let it impact you emotionally. Take a little bit of emotional distance with that. So for example, your boss is always negative, always saying something. Don't let it impact you. Imagine that it's a five-year old style that is saying that if it would decrease the impact that it has on you, then ask yourself this question here. How would I have behaves differently? Dispersion is always negative, always trying to put me down. How would I have behaved at his place? Instead of saying that? I would have said that. And basically you are reframing in your mind what happened so that you are developing your own behavior. And that works really well. And sometimes you have to let go of people. Can be family members, can be someone you share your life with. If they are not supporting you. Sometimes it's tough and but sometimes it has to be done. But sometimes you can stay with that person and then find all the friends are the people elsewhere that can really encourage you and you can transform yourself. Then you become a more positive person. Then you interact again with your family members or the person you life, you spend your life with and it goes better. So it all depends on the situation. But what I would like to say here is that you must be aware that the environment that you are in impacts your social skills. That you should find at least one or two friends you can call and that you can go and interact at social places to increase your social skills because it's really important. So that's your challenge here. Find one or two friends. You can do is that you take your phone and you go through your contacts and you look at maybe people that you haven't talked in awhile, but we're really positive. And maybe they want to also go to bars, to club networking events and you can call them and go there together. So that's your challenge. 31. Day 31: Remember Names: How To Remember Names. So I was really bad at remembering names like people would tell me their names and I would forget almost instantly. So happily for me, I learn some techniques. If you use their names, it can be there, FirstName, LastName. Depending on the situation, it will bond with them faster because who calls you by your FirstName? Lastname is people who are close to you. So when someone introduces themselves, you can use their name and repeat the name of the conversation to create this feeling of connection. So how can you remember the names if you are bad, like me? Number one, you can associate the name with someone that you know. For example, let's say that I talked to someone and they say that the name is Mark. I'm going to look for someone that I know in my life that is called Mark. And I have marked from university. So when I meet that person, I'm going to associate the face of my friend Mark from university to the face of the new person. So that next time that I think about the face of this new person, I think about the face of my friend Mark, and I know that his name is Mark. Number two. You can fully listen to the name. Most of the time. We don't remember the names because we are not fully present. We're thinking about what to say next, or we're not fully listening to the information that the person is saying. So tip number To fully listen. Number three, you can repeat the name in your head. For example, if the person says, Hey, my name is Mark, you can repeat in your head, merc, merc, merc, merc, merc. Don't do it in a creepy way, but we repeat it in a few times so that it, so that you can record the name mark in your brain. Technique number four, you use the name directly after. For example, if the person says, Hey, my name is Mark, can say, Nice to meet you. Mark, my name is Alan and you use the name often in the conversation so that it will help you remember it. The emission for today is to think about one of the four techniques here that I've shared with you and apply it to a new interaction when you meet someone new, that you can remember their names? 32. Day 32: Power Of Social Empathy: How To Use The Power Of Social Empathy to increase your social success. So what does it mean, Social Empathy? It means that you understand the other person's point of view. You understand the other person's situation. And what works really well is when you want to Deal With Conflicts are when you want to influence someone. You can say, I understand, I understand that you are tired, understand that you gave you best. Basically, you just state the situation that the person is in. I understand that you gave you best. Understand that you arrived late. Understand that it's not your fault. You Show that you understand the other person's point of view. The other person situations, the other person's word. It's called Social Empathy. That works really well. You can also use that on yourself. You can say, listen, I understand I made a mistake and the standard I arrived late. You show the other person that you understand, that you understand what you did wrong, you understand what you can improve this. And I understand I made a mistake. I understand that. I didn't I did that. Instead of that, you show that you understand what's going on. And it's really a high social skills tools that you have here, is that if you have to deal with conflict, can say, I understand your point of view. I understand why you say that. I understand what happened. Or for example, you want to ask someone to stay late to say, I understand that you are tired. I understand that you gave to best understand that you are sick and understand that so that you show empathy to the other person that works really well and people will respect, respect to more if you use Social Empathy. The second one is about showing appreciation. When I was having dinner with Brian Tracy, we were talking and he said that he was loved in his company. Like people loved him. And I said, How come? And then he said, I always show appreciation. I always say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So if you have people around you, how much appreciation Do you show them? Do you always say, please. Thank you. Thank you for your great work. Thank you. Thank you. Can I have that, please? Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for great work. Are you always rewarding people with appreciation? And by being polite? If that's not the case, try things. Thank you, Marfan. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Someone gives you something. Thank you. Thank you. That doesn't hurt. And it's really makes an impact and it helps people respect you more and be more appreciated in your company. So try that. Try today to use the Social Empathy and that's you mission, you Social Empathy. And use the appreciation technique by saying, thank you, Thank you, Thank you. 33. Day 33: Use Your Voice: How To Use Your Voice in social interactions. If you want to have a Powerful Voice, it's going to be a powerful tool to boost your social skills. So how can you have a great voice? The first thing is that Talk to you softly. Project your voice. So what you can do that you can imagine that the person is 1 m behind where they are. Person actually is. So that you're going to talk a little bit louder and it will be the right volume of your voice. Then there are Indonesians. Your Voice, great intonations and bad Indonesia, depending on the situation. But if you want to be great Socially, the one intonation that you should try to avoid. And it's the International trying for rapport. Basically, at the end of the sentence or the question, your voice goes up. For example, where a firm way from trying for report, it means that you want to get an impression. You want the other person really to like you. So at the end it makes a super high. This is trying for our product. Then you have neutral is like I'm talking to you right now. At the end, the intonation is neutral. So something here, it doesn't mean that when I say neutral, it doesn't mean that I'm talking like that and it's neutral. No, it's the end that is neutral. So I could be talking with a lot of emotions and at the end it's neutral. And you have the breaking rapport is like a police man will talk to you. Hey, I would like to papers please. At the end it goes down. In social interactions, you want to go to neutral and, or maybe slightly down, but don't go trying for rapport. And when I became conscious or that, it's totally transformed because I was always trying for rapport where a firm Hey, can I meet you? Want to see me again? And I was always going up. And when you always go up that way, it's decreases your social value. So my suggestion for you would be to record yourself. So don't record yourself in your office or with your boss. Does not what I'm suggesting, but if you're with friends, say, Hey, can I record my voice with you? Oh, you are at home with your family and you can practice. And then you see your tone of voice. You see you intonation at the end if it goes up, middle, or down. And then you can improve. The more confident you become, the less trying for rapport you will become you, you will be in. So that's why it's great to be aware and then listen how people are talking. People who have high social value, they are always tricky to neutral and slightly breaking rapport. They're not going to the triumphal rapport. So the more you practice, the more you become confident, the less trying to report, you will go in. And the more automatic it will become, because the more you practice it consciously, the more natural it will be. So you mission today is to be aware of your voice, to record yourself. And let's say that you have permission to record. When you're in a situation, you can ask your friend or ask your family member or someone and then you record just to be aware, you must know something is that maybe with your friend, you will have a neutral voice. But maybe with the person that you are in love, you will have a trying for rapport or maybe with the person that you're impressed by, you will have trying for rapport. So it changes according to the people that you talk to. But I would acute to be aware. And if you have a friend that is also aware that can tell you, Hey, you when this interaction, and you will always try and follow up or try a more neutral intonation at the end. That can help you 34. Day 34: Be More Assertive: How can you become more assertive? What Is Assertiveness? It's when you share what you want, what you need, and what you feel with respect and integrity. Share what you want, what you need, what you feel with respect and integrity. You're not trying to attack the other person. You're not trying to put the other person's down. You're not trying to put the other the needs of the other person down and puts yours above them. Know, you're just sharing what you want, Need fill with the other person and you are respecting their needs. Now, how can you do it like how can you give yourself permission? Because it's beautiful to have this definition. But then how do you do that in real life? It's all about understanding that you have certain rights. You have the right to be assertive. And maybe with your education or the how your education or what happened with your friends or with people around you, they To do that. Now, you can not stand up for yourself, but you can. And I want to show you that at any moment in time, you actually making decisions, that you could just transformed it, these decisions and stand up for yourself. Let me explain. We have the 50 per cent rule. I control 50 per cent of the interaction and you control 50 per cent. So if a boss comes at me and gives me an order, he gives me his order in his 50 per cent. And then in my 50% I can say I accept, I don't accept, accept, I don't accept. But it's in my control. I could say yes. I could say no. Someone gives me an advice. It's there 50 per cent, I can say, Okay, I'm going to take this advice. I'm not going to take it advice. Someone gives me a suggestion, someone gives me a conflict, someone gives me a problem. I can, I'm always in control to decide how I want to act. If you want to become a third sheet, you must understand that you are in control basically at any moment in time because you could say yes, no at any moment in time. So by giving yourself the right to be Assertive, you give yourself the right to stand up for who you are, for your ideas. The more you value who you are, the more you value at year, the more you value your potential. And say, Hey, I'm going to share who I am with other people. I have the right to share my mind, my ideas, to speak up. You will become a better communicator. Now, that doesn't mean that you're going to convince the other person of your ideas. You cannot control how the person is going to react to argue. You can control your 50 per cent. So by doing Assertive is by, is by taking control back or you 50 per cent saying, Hey, I have 50 per cent in my power. I can say No, I don't want to do it. Yes, I want to do it. I'm not sure. It's in my 50 per cent. I don't control what the person does. And many people who think that they can control by yelling or by commanding, that doesn't work really well. When the person is in front of you, they will do what you ask. But then when you are not there, that will procrastinate that we'll talk behind your back. It will have critics, criticize the person. It doesn't work like that. What I want you to do is that just understand that you have the power to express who you are in units or at the same level of the other person's needs. You are. In a team meeting. You want to express your ideas. You have the right to express your ideas. You have the right to speak up. So, yes, there are certain company rules, maybe it's not the right moment, but as a human being, you have Rights. And that's what I want to encourage. You hear that if you want to be more assertive, it all start by understanding that you can Be More Assertive. You can stand up. You can say what you want. You can express your ideas. As long as you have good intentions. You don't want to hurt the other person. You are allowed to Express Yourself. Now I know there are certain regulations and so on. Yeah, I know. But I want to say you could, You could, You could do it. So that's why here. I encourage you think about, about your life, about all the things that you have accepted. The thing that you have said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to do it. And now you reclaim your parents. Hey, maybe I'm not going to say yes that often. Maybe I'm going to think about that or maybe I'm going to share my ideas, muffin, and that's my goal here today. That's your mission to think about one situation in your life where you would like to express yourself more. Is it a word? Is it in with your family? Is it with your friends? And you think about that, and then you give yourself permission to express yourself. You share your idea, you share your opinion, you share who you are with the other person, give yourself permission to do it 35. Day 35: Learn To Say No: Would you like to Learn To Say No more often? So most people think that by Say No, There will be rejecting the person. Most people think that by saying no, there will be less Love, that will be less Liked. And that's why they always say yes. Because say, Oh, if I say yes, people will accept me, people will like me. And sometimes people take advantage of those people. So I understand I was in this situation, I was always saying yes, yes, yes, because I wanted people to like me. But at the end hours, I was tired. I didn't have any energy. I was always accepting everyone's requests and at the end of us not living my life. So how can you say no more often? The first thing that you must understand is that when you say no, we're not rejecting the person. We are rejecting the request. What someone says, Can you do something? You don't reject the person, you reject the request. So that helps you to say, Oh, I'm not rejecting someone and there's rejecting somewhat something that they are asking. When they ask something. You don't know the answer yet. Don't answer. Because if you are not true and you don't know, most people will tend to say yes. So if you want to learn to say no more often, you just say, okay, you listen to what the person has to say and then you can even tell them. Thank you. Thank you so much for the information. I have to think about that. I'm going to I'm going to get back to you by tomorrow. Then you take time to think about the thing that will help you. Because otherwise it will be doing things because you're not sure if you should be doing them or not. And you'll be doing things because you're not sure. The other great advice is, repeat the sentence. For example, if someone said, Hey, can you do that? And then you say, I'm sorry, I can't because I have this family dinner. And then some people will put pressure by repeating again. And that happened to me many years ago. A friend who wanted me to go to a party and I had to record an online training so I couldn't. And he said, Hey, do you want to go to this party? And sorry, I can't have to record the non entrained, Hey, do you want to get to this party because blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry. I can't I have to go I have to record an online training. Yeah. Yeah. But do we want to go there? I'm sorry, I can't I have to record the nine training most people would try forcing by repeating again. And what you do, you repeat the same sentence. Are you repeat a variation of that sentence? That works really, really well. Another great advice is to define what's important to you or not. Is it something that you have to do on Is it your R4? Is it true? Is it your role and your responsibility or is it the other person's responsibility? Do you want to help the other person or not? Is it serving you? Is it serving your goals? When someone asks you to do something, Is it helping you? Are you helping a friend? It's, is it aligned with who you want to be, with your goals, with your aspirations? And if the answer is no, most of the time you can say no to the person. You're not rejecting the other person. You're just saying No. You are rejecting the request. When you say no to someone, don't wait for validation. For example, not Say No, sorry, I can't say no, sorry, I can't don't wait for the approval of the other person. Just say no, you cannot do it. And sometimes most people, they will give us an excuse, say, I'm sorry, I can't because I have this work to do. If you give an excuse, a really detailed X cubed, what can happen is that the person can say, Oh, I can help you with that report so that you can drive me to the airport. And so give a reason about why you can't why you don't want to do it or you can do it, but don't be too detailed because then the person can help you overcome that with codeine, the person can just tell you. Now, I'm going to help you with that so that you can help me with my thing. So your challenge today is to say no one's Be careful if it's at work or if it's your boss asking you to do something and you have to do it, don't use it. But if you go to a bar, if you go to somewhere, a social place and someone asked you to do something and you don't want to do it, instead of saying yes, no, maybe say, I'm sorry, No. Just to be used to say no. And you will see that you will be able to save a lot of time to do the thing that really matter to you and the things that you truly want 36. Day 36: Last Impression: How to make an amazing Last Impression. Most people focus too much on the first impression. There is also the Last Impression that is really important. Because how you end interaction, we'd have a high impact on what people will perceive of you. So if you leave on, if you live during a moment where the conversation is down awkward, the person may associate this feeling with you. What you can do instead is Leave the interaction on a high note. It means that if you're having a great time, you are laughing, you're having a great time. That's the perfect moment to leave. Don't wait for the conversation to go down to leave. You want to live on a high note so that the person wants to see you again because they say, Oh my God, we are having a great time. And then the person left. Not, hey, we're having an awkward silence and then the person left, you see the difference. So when you having high-energy, when you're, when you're laughing, when you fill the risk discrete energy, that's the perfect moment to leave. So don't leave at the beginning. But if it's Towards the end, say how this is the perfect moment to leave, leave on a high note. Now, what happens if you are on the low note and you have to leave, you want to re-initiate something. That's what's said in the interaction. That gave a high note. For example, if you made a joke or if you talk about something that you are really passionate about, both of you, you can talk a little bit again about that thing so that you can re-initiate that great emotion and then say, Hey, I'm sorry, I have to go because blah, blah, blah. And then you leave on that high note so that people will have an amazing impression of you because they say, Oh, this person left and we're having such a great time. So don't forget the Last Impression is as important as the first impression. So Challenge today is to leave an interaction on a high note. To be conscious of that say, Oh, I'm going to go with my friends with people here. I'm going to approach these people. How can I leave the interaction on a high note and when can I leave the interaction so that it's all the high note, try it and you will see that your social life will go through the roof 37. Day 37: Social Cheerleader: How to be your social cheer leader. So what you tell yourself in your mind will impact the quality of your relationships. If you're always saying, Oh Alan, you are going to Failure, going to Failure going to fail you. Ugly. Oh, no, you're going to get rejected. Whatever you tell yourself will impact your success. So it's important that you become aware of what you tell yourself during interactions and then you learn how to improve it. So the first step is about go into any interaction and just listening to the voice inside of you. Listening to what you tell yourself. And you can even take a piece of paper and you write down what goes in your mind, what you tell yourself. If you do that, you will become aware and you will see that most of the time it's things that are not serving you. It seemed that are the things that are pretty Negative. It thinks that you wouldn't even tell a friend. But you allow yourself to tell that. For example, when I was starting with improving my social skills, I'll tell Alan, you're going to fail alain, you're ugly, Alan. You have fat Island. And I was telling me that I accepted that. I wouldn't tell that to a friend because if I tell a friend you have fat, you are going to fail. The person is not going give us are going to be my friend for long. So be aware and then ask yourself this question. Would you say that to a friend? If the answer is no, why do you say that to yourself? And encourage you? Imagine that you are Cheerleader. Like most people in the world, they are trying to put you down. The most people. They don't have bad intention, but some people do and they will try to put you down. So if you already do that job for you, for them, if you already put yourself down, It's not going to help. So, imagine that you're your own Cheerleader. You are encouraging you to be a best version of yourself. Say, Hey alain, you are going to do it, you're going to accomplish, you are going to succeed. Have a more positive torque. What works really well is to have five sentences. To encourage you. For example, I have one, which is Alan, everything's gonna be okay. Just do it. I have this five sentence here. There are printed on a desk. So I'm used to this sentence here. So when I go out and I have to approach someone, I'll go around. You can do it. Alain. You can do it alone. You have the best. Alain. Let's go on and let's go around. Let's go. And it's more encouraging that, oh my God, dispersion is going to reject me. So my challenge to you is to first be aware of your self-talk and then create this five sentences that can encourage you so that when you are down, when you're stressed, you take this small card where you have written and you five sentences and you read them out loud. Say, Oh, it's going to be okay alain, let's do it. And then you say it. Now something that is super important. We discussed like words or seven per cent, 92% is non-verbal. It also works between the conversation between you and you. So if I say Harlan, let's do it. You can do it. And I don't believe it. The brain. We say, Oh, should I trust what he says? Or the nonverbal, should I trust the seven per cent or the 93? And the rain will go for the 93%. So when you say something, you have to share the emotion, Say it with emotion. Say anand, let's do it. Let's do it. You put your emotions behind your words. Bonus, just saying you had Allen. Let's do it because it won't work. But if you take alain, let's do it with the Emotions. It's going to work better. So when you read your cards in your mind, put a lot of emotion, of positive emotion, and it will work like a charm. And you'd behavior will be more positive and Social Success will be huge 38. Day 40: Ultimate Challenge: The Ultimate Challenge. So I'm so honored because this is here, the last video. It means that you have watched the whole course. I hope you have watched the whole course. And now the ultimate challenge, I would like you to approach five people. And it's the five people that you always wanted to approach. What you were afraid of approaching you thought they were outside of your league, even personally or professionally. Now it's time to approach and have any interaction with them. I would love to get feedback on how it went. It means that you have all the tools that you'd need right now. You have all the trees have more than enough social skills and communication skills techniques in your arsenal that you could just say, Oh, I have to approach that person is just about applying. So if you don't have the confidence, yes, yeah, I'm just going to wait a little bit. You can retake this course or maybe there are some videos that say, Oh, this video was really great to have to watch it again. And you watch that video again. And then you say, oh, this was the technique number 123. And then how can I apply that to my own life? Then you write down, you always think How can I apply that to my own life? And I knew that there are many, that it's a lot of tools. But you don't need to start with all of them. Start with some of them. And then when they become automatic, when you implement them, you can add other skills on it. But my goal here is really five people that you always want it to approach. You take action because it's by taking action with important people that you life can transform. If you want to have better social skills is because you want to connect with people, maybe you want to attain your personal or professional goals. There is one goal that you have, and if you interact better with people, it will take your whole life to the whole navel, to the whole level. So go ahead, take massive action socially. And if you have any questions, don't hesitate. There is a place where we can ask the questions around, so don't hesitate. I would be really happy to review your questions and personally answer them. So go ahead, take massive action. And it was an honor to have you here in this course. I wish you all the Social Success that you would ever need. Have a great day. 39. Day 41: Remember Your Greatness: Remember Your Greatness. You are awesome. You are amazing. And maybe you have forgotten that the human brain is amazing, but also we forget all the great thing that we have accomplished. We tried to focus on the things that we lack in life. But why it, if you focus on everything that have already accomplished in life, what if you focus on why you are Great? Why do you have value as a human being focused on that? So my suggestion here would be to do the 100 sentences exercise. It's an amazing exercise that will remind you of how crutches or you take a piece of paper and you make 100 sentences. And it starts with, I have value as a human being because I'm great. Because I'm great because it can be anything. I'm great because I'm a good father and great because I got my master's degree. I'm great because I work at that cooperation and great because they make a lot of money. I'm great because I have blue eyes. I am great because everything that you like that you think that you are great. You write it down. And when you do that, you will start doing that and you will maybe find a few sentences. Then the more you do it, the more you will allow yourself to. Just remind of how great you are. When I did this exercise was really uncomfortable. I wrote like three sentences and then a start. And then I had to lock myself in the room, say, okay, I'm only going to come out when I have these 100 sentences. And by showing that, by showing you bring that, um, great, because, and you show that it rewires your brain to remind you of how awesome you are, how awesome you are. The fact that you are watching this video here means that you want it to improve your social skills. And 99% of people don't do it. They don't even know it's possible and they don't want to do it. But you are here watching that, watching this online training. And for that reason you are an amazing person. And it's your job to remind yourself of that. Because then if you remind that you are great person, you can share this Greatness with other people. It can inspire other people. You can become a great leader for the ones that you Love. You can inspire them. You can interact with people in your personal or professional life. And then they will say, Oh my God, Like You are amazing. You gave me Value, Giving you, give me information. You gave me hope you can give me an inspiration. You give me anything. That's why I want to, to, to tell you here, remind yourself of this greater, make this list of one and a things about why you a great piece of paper. And then you write down, I'm great because I have Greatness because all you can write a value as a human being because Make list. No matter how small the things are. For example, I wrote, I'm great because I have blue eyes. I like my blue eyes. Who, who cares? I care, I care about that's important for me. So I wrote it down. It's your time with yourself. It's not. Okay. Yeah, but maybe this person has better eyes than me have. I don't care. It's your time. You write down these sentences and if you want, you can even send them to me. I would be ordered to read them. So do these exercises will really help you 40. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: What Is Assertiveness 1-2: Okay, so now let's talk about what is assertiveness good. There are many people who wanted to alan like, how can I become more assertive and then what does it even mean to become more assertive? So let me explain what it is. I would like you to share what you want, what you need, and what you feel with respect and integrity. And this is one here is key. If you want to become assertive, you have to understand that you have your communication like what you share. But then there is also the needs of other people like the other side. So it means that when you share what you want, but you need when you feel what you feel it will be about sharing your preferences. You will be sharing these preferences with respect and integrity. It means that it will be valuing the other person and it will be respecting the other person. And this is here, the definition of assertiveness. So if you would like to become more assertive, share what you want, become at each sharing your needs, your wants, your desires. And understanding that the person in front of you needs respect and value their needs. Like understand that there is someone in front of you. So we'll see later that the different styles of communication, like if you want to become aggressive, it means that you will put your needs above the other people. I don't want you to do that. I want you to share what you won't need with respect and integrity. I would like you to treat others well. Because if you don't want to become a better leader and if you want to become more assertive, you have to understand that the way you treat people will impact like if we say yes or no to you and if there will be kind to you, and if you will be able to share your ideas, share what you want with others. So a great rule here would be about treating others the same way that you wish. Others would treat you. And this is one is really interesting here because if you're in a situation and say, okay, how do I want the other to treat me? And this is how you will act and this is how you will act because you will treat others well. You must have good intentions because we don't want to become assertive. You will see like it's a power that you will get because you will be able to influence people. You will be able to have people to say yes more often to share your ideas, your opinions. And it's important that you understand that if you want it to work, basically, you must have in mind that you must treat others well. You must understand something. What is in your control is your behavior. Let's say that we are communicating. Most people think that I could control what you think. When most people think that when they're interacting with the boss of the colleagues, with a coworker, with the family. They think that they can control what the other person's breath and we think of them, and this is an illusion. Let me explain why. If you're having an interaction, how much of the interaction do I actually control? I control 50 per cent of the interaction, and you control the other 50 per cent. So it's an illusion to think that I control 100% of the interaction. And this is really key here. If you want to understand how you become a surgeon, you will share what you want, need fill, and this is here in your 50%. It means that you will share what you want, what you need, what you feel, you will share your ideas, your opinions. But then the other person has the rights, have the right to say yes or no, has the right to give you feedback that you are the person who has the rights to, to understand that being assertive, it's about being true to yourself and sharing what you want, what you feel. And it has to be in your 50 per cent because it's the only behavior that can control. You cannot control the other person's behavior. You can try to influence them, but you cannot control them. So this is one is really key here. It's something you do, not something you are. There are people who the only Allen, I want to become assertive, but I'm not an assertive person. I was not born that way. And it's not something that you are, something that you do is like playing sports. The more you play sports that the better you get it does the same thing with assertiveness. And I'm going to give you the best communication techniques that you will get. But I must, you must understand something that the more you practice this communication techniques and the better you will get at it. This way. I'm so excited about this course here because anyone can become more assertive. It's all about understanding how to shift your mindset, your beliefs, and how to get the best communication skills, and then it's practice over time. You take what you will learn in this course and you apply and you will become a big success I can guarantee, because what's in this course here is amazing. Choose when to be assertive. You will learn the communication techniques later. And it's not that you have to be assertive or the time. It's like you have a car home, you want to go to the supermarket. You could drive your car, or you could take the bus, you could take the train, or you could walk. It doesn't mean that you have these tools here, that you have to use them all the time. They are here when you need them. 41. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: What Is Assertiveness 2-2: So now I would like to show you how you can communicate to people according to how you Value Units and how you value the other person's needs. And this one here is really, really important. So they're not Assertive person there. Non-assertive person will value the needs of other people above their needs. So it means that if there is a colleague, a co-worker that comes and asks me to do something. I will say yes. I would always be saying yes. And so let's analyze how this person is. This person wants to avoid conflict. They fear rejection. They don't want to be rejected. That's why the value, The other piece, the other person's needs above the needs that never criticize that they want to be loved. They think in the head that by doing what other people would want them to do, there will be loved. And they want to avoid confrontation because they think that it's rude, it's bad. They never criticize that. They want, they want to fit in, that they want to be nice, the fear being unloved. And they say as often. And maybe you know someone or maybe you, in that case here, it's because you are valuing the needs of other people above units. Because you have Beliefs in your mind that says that, okay, I want to be loved. So I'm going to say yes, often, I don't want to be rejected because you want to be loved. So you're not going to say no because you, in your mind, you think that by saying no, it means that you will be rejected by the other person and we've sedated, that's not the case. You want to avoid conflict because you don't want to have this negative emotions or maybe you don't know how to deal with them. And we'll see that also later. But right now, I just want you to understand that if you are in this case here, is because you value the needs of other people above yours. And this one here could be a great problem. Let me display that. There is an Australian nurse who is called Bronny where she did a study with people just before they died. And she asked a simple question, what is your biggest regret in life? You know what almost all of them said. They said, I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life according to what I truly wanted. And instead, I lived a life according to what other people expected of me. So you have to be careful with that. Because if you're always trying to please people, you're not being true to yourself. Be true to your dreams. You're not being true to yourself. Actually. It's about understanding that being More Assertive is about increasing your needs. Here, we'll see later how would like what you should do with the other people's needs. But I want to just you to understand. Be more confident to put yourself out there. Be more confident to say, Yeah, this is who and this is what I want. This is why I'm, this is how I want to dress today. This is what I want to say. These are my job. This might, my humor exits my work. I will choose to understand that humans Value needs a little bit more. Otherwise, you may end up at the end of your life and say, Oh my God, I didn't leave a life according to what I want that. And this is something that I was shocked like ten years ago when I was shy of as living according to other people's expectation. This is the shocked I gave him like, I learn about the study and say, Okay, no more, I want to live a life according to what I truly wants, not what other people expected of me. Now let's talk about the second communication styles. It's about aggressiveness. In other words, is when you value your needs above the needs of other people. You want to control people and you want people to feel. So you yell at people. You try to control the neck. You want them to do what you want, and you value your needs above the needs of other people. You may think it's effective because you see like people in front of you doing the things that you want. But then behind you back, they criticize you. They don't do the things that she wants. And they say things that are negative, like really not nice to you. So you may think it's a great strategy. And most people who communicate that way is because they don't know that there is another way of communicating with people. So the aggressive style You Value, You need above the needs of other people. And you want control, and you want people to fear you. And maybe in your, in your life, you know, people who are like that, maybe your boss or someone in your surroundings. It can be personal, professional life. They yell at people they want you to do that in the yellow, really intense. They're just yelling. They want to control people and have people to fear them so that they do what they want. But that's not a great strategy. So here we have seen like the non-assertive style, like when you put their needs above your needs and the aggressive style when you put your needs above their needs. So What Is Assertiveness? This is Assertiveness. Why you put your needs next to the other person needs? Let me explain. So this is Assertive style. You will be stating your needs. So remember, you state your needs, your opinions, what you want like these are You need here. And you're open to others. It means that you will respect the opinions and needs of others. You will be stating your preferences and the other person can respond, gets No. But you can see here is more, it's a model here Being Assertive, that's you or equal to the other person. And even if it's your boss or something that is superior, It's still you need, I want you to see like human to human communication. You have needs, the other person has needs. I don't want you to see as the intern and the person is the CEO. Like I want you to see that you have needs and you have the right to state you need your opinions, you ideas. And this is like here. It can maybe like you can do a little bit uncomfortable with that. But this is here. What I want to show you here, like you have needs, you have the right to become Assertive and you respect the other people. And if you communicate that way, you again, influence and respect. Because most people communicate that way or that way, like they put their needs above the needs of other people, above their needs. And most people want to respect them because they say, yeah, they would do whatever, they are not serious. They won't respect these people. A lot. Here. If you're more aggressive life, you won't have any respect like people will fear you and people will just talk negatively behind your back. But if you communicate that way, you will see that people will like you will respect you. And even, even though you don't like you, they will respect you because you are able to share units and you took into account the other person's needs. You respect them, you respect their opinions and need of others. Right now, I would like to ask you like, do you put units above the you put units above the needs of other people or is it the opposite leg you put down? It's fast. And think I was little bit about how you could have units next to theirs. 42. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Rights & Beliefs To Be More Assertive: So now let's talk about Your Rights and Beliefs like if you want to become our Assertive, like how can you do? The first question I would like to ask you is, do you give yourself permission to become more assertive? Because most people have trouble with that, because they have believed about the fact that there shouldn't be rude. They shouldn't say no. And what ends up happening is that it started here. It started here in the head, like they don't know how to become a Assertive. So my question to you is, do give yourself the right to be Assertive. And maybe you will have like evil come up with a lot of excuses. Or maybe we say, Oh yeah, give myself permission because of that, that data that this is the first exercise here that I would like you to do. So there is a PDF just below that you can download that contains the question, do you give yourself permission to become Assertive? And there would like you to answer with yes answers and no answers. Because maybe you would say, yes, I give myself permission because I my life. I give myself permission because I value my ideas, I value myself, I have confidence. But then you may also have no answers. You can say no because I don't want to be unloved. No, because it's rude to say no, no because I want to people to like me know because I want to I want to get this promotion. Know because I want to do that. No, no, no, no, no. What you want to look for other no answers because the yes answers here are there to show you that, okay, it's great to become Assertive, but no answers. Basically, you are uncovering the beliefs that you have. When you have written the Nobel, the no answers. I want you to ask yourself this question is what you are believing right now, serving you to become our Assertive unknown or not. Because if you have one belief, No, I don't give myself permission because it's impolite to disagree. Ask yourself this question. Is it served me to become our search ignore it is not serving me. And then the second question I want you to ask you is that, Is it true? Like what I've written? Is it true Like, is it true that it's impolite to disagree? It simple like let's say that someone comes with a request that I truly don't want to do. And then I won't disagree because it's impolite. Like let's say that they want to harm me or like the want to do something like really bad. Say, how do I'm not going to disagree because it's impolite. How then you will start thinking, oh, maybe that's not the case. Maybe what I've written like the belief that I have is not a good belief. Like it's not serving yet and it's not true because the belief that you have right now in your mind, there are running at the back of your, of your mind and you consider them 100% true. So if you show you believe that they're not 100% true, you will start shaking you Beliefs. And then we'll have room to build the, on the Assertiveness techniques and everything. So that's why I want to challenge you to think differently. So there is an exercise below and there is all the explanation that you need. And it would highly encourage you to do it. Stand up for yourself. Literally stand up for yourself. If there is something that you truly want in your life, stand up for yourself, don't give up. Don't give up on your dreams and let me share a personal story. I want to also to respect the rights of others. Ten years ago, when I launched my business, I talked to my parents and I told them, Hey, I want to be an entrepreneur. So I had just finished my master's degree, so I had a business master degree and my father wanted me to have that secure job, you know, like alain, you've finished your masters degree. Now you have to find this big job in this bank and is cooperation and climbed the corporate ladder. It, you will have security, we've mind you have everything in. This is me, alain, just come hey, Dad. I just got my master's degree. Now. Like yesterday I took this blank piece of paper and I wrote my dream, would be traveling all around the world and I can five years that will be sharing my content, my advice on how people can have a better life and business. And it's my dream. I want to be, I want to be an entrepreneur. Like I really stood up for myself. And then she said, I don't think he's going to work, try for a few months and then if it doesn't work, get your job. Get your job. But he can try, you know what I mean? And it was awful because my parents is white on my on my side, but I really felt that there were just giving me time just to experience that so that we'd get that secure job. But I stood up for myself and say, Okay, no, no, no, no. And then years after years I was grinding, I was really making things happen. But at the same time I respected the rights of others. I respect that the right of my parents to think that I should have a secure job because that's their point of view. So I want you to understand that when you are Assertive, like you are Assertive in your 50%, then the other people, they have, their 50 per cent. But you have to be Assertive. You have to share your ideas, you have to speak up. You have to become who you are meant to be. Otherwise, you will be at the end of your life and you'll be looking back and say, Oh my God, no, I didn't do what I wanted to do. This one here, this story here, I want to show you that you should respect the rights of others. And I remember when I told my best friend at the time, hey, I want to be an entrepreneur and I want to launch this business here. Yeah, that's great, but I felt like he was not believing in that. And a few a few weeks later, I told him that it's not worthy of us failing as it's not working. But I want to launch these answers are the business. Like I'm an entrepreneur, I'm grinding. And then he puts his hands on my shoulder and he say, Alan, when are you going to find a real job? Is his rights are respected it like she wants Being honest, You know what I mean? Respected it. But also I stood up for myself and I had the confidence to say, okay, this is what he believes. He has the rights to believe that. But I have the right to stand up for myself and to do things that I want. I focused on my 50% and I made it. Then what is really interesting that then the friends come connect to say, hey Allen, It's really amazing. Like while you're making money, while you sleep like you all these online courses, you're traveling around the world doing that and how do you do that? And now they're interested. But what is really interesting, interesting is that now it's because now they are interested. But what is really interesting is that when there is this negative time, it's when you have to stand up for yourself. When you think there may be confrontation, there will be this negative feeling of it. You're not sure about your job and you're not sure about this friendship or this family or this, or this romantic or romantic relationship. You're not sure. It's when you have stand up for yourself and you still have to respect the rights of other. Remember, you stand up for yourself, not in a non-aggressive way and then you respect the rights of others. So this one here I'm able to Sri, so just imagine that this issue, I'm terrible at drawing. I know, but I did my best. Okay. So this is you. You are smiling, you are happy. Let me illustrate that here. The green here is your 50%. What we discussed before. So you're 50% is everything that is in your control. And here is the outside world. It's your boss sharing his problems. It's your families are saying, okay, we have this problem. It's your lover, friends. Your dog is the other people's problems. And then we'll shoot us to understand something. People have problems. There will come at you. But here is your bubble. And you have the right. And this is your right to say yes. I want to deal with that. No, I don't want to deal with that. So if someone comes and say, Oh, could you help me with this report here? It's due tonight. I'm really underwater like I don't know what I can do. Could you help me with that, please? Please. Please. You can decide yes. I'm going to help you. Oh, no. It was your fault because you didn't plan enough time to do the report and now you are late. So I want you to understand that here you have power. And most people think that they don't have power. They think that if someone comes with a request, they have to say yes, but you don't have to say yes. It's Sr power. Let's see someone else. Someone gives you an advice or opinions. For example, my parents gave me an advice on what I should be doing with my life. Your lover, give you an advice of your friends, give you an opinion about what you should wear, what you should do with your life, your coworkers, your boss gives you an advice on a situation, on something. It's the right to give you an advice and an opinion. But it's also your right to take this advice or to say no, this is not a great advice for me. And just by saying that, okay, No, this is not a great advice for me. You are taking back control in your life. This is really, really important here. Let's see another one. Someone had a request. The Comets you at word say Okay, I have to do that. And I could you help me with that? It's really important. You can say yes, you can see, know another one. The criticize and that gives you feedback. It can be a real Feedback or they can insult you. It's the right to criticize like they have the right to say things. Now it's up to you to say that you accept these things are not, are you going to stand up for yourself when they criticize you? Are going to set boundaries? Or are you going just to do nothing? When you get feedback? Are you going to take this Feedback on Art? This is your barbell you like, this is your 50 per cent. And when you understand that, you understand that the power has always been in your hands. Because most people think that I have no choice. I have to do that. Now. At any moment in time you can say yes, no. If you don't like that job, if you don't like, that's cool. That co-worker, if you don't like the job, you can quit and look for another one. If there is this co-worker like you have this problem with this co-worker. You can talk to that person or go to your boss and then try to figure something out. If there is something wrong or if there is someone that comes at you with many problems, can say, No, I'm not going to deal with your parents. Like don't do that with your hand. I'm just here to illustrate that here, but don't go with your coworker and say no because that's really rude. That's not something you would do. But I want to illustrate here like if someone comes in with a problem, you just block it. Say you, you block it's, it's like an invisible bubble Jack. It's your bubble that is here and that blocks the things. Okay, let's think about that. Do I want to deal with this problem or not? When you understand that life becomes easier. Because you are in charge. This morning. When I set up the studio everything, I had a lot of technical problems. I got the battery. They can add a lot of technical problems. And I couldn't say, yes, I'm going to do it anyway and recorded even if it's late. No, I'm not going to do that. If you have like your boss, your coworker, your family that says, Oh, could you help me with that right now? You are in child. You could say yes. You think that you cannot say that, you cannot say no. But you can see No. Try that for day. Say just note people. See what happened. Don't overdo that at work, but do that more in a social situation when someone contacts, you Say No, I can today and just see what happens. If nothing happens, It's okay to say no, it's become, it's okay to stand up for your rights, but also respect the rights of others 43. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Assertive Body Language: So let's talk now about your body language and let me explain why it's really important if you want to become a 30. So when you talk to people, the words are only seven per cent of the interaction. And 93 per cent is your nonverbal. And if there is a disconnect between your nonverbal and what you say, people will look for the nonverbal to see what's really going on here. That's why it's really important to master your body language, your Assertive and Confident Body Language that will show you that if you just apply the simple Body Language tips here, you will be able to become a search it because by just changing your body language, it will show you brain how you should act. And this is really interesting here because your brain and your body language is linked. Your brain is, Your body is linked. So it means that if you do something that they can do something with your body that is low confident, you will have low confident thoughts. You will have low confidence behavior. But if you adopt a body posture, and I will show you here, if you adopt a posture and the body of someone who is confident and assertive, you will start speaking up and sharing your ideas. And that's really how it's so powerful here. So let's start here. Your shoulders back. I want you to try to boost your shoulders back, chest up and do that right now, don't say, Oh Alan, I'm going to do that later. Do it right now because if you feel it, you will be able to use it. So your shoulders back, your chest open. If you do that, and I'm sure that you are doing the exercise, you're not sitting and I'm sure that you're doing this exercise, shoulders, back, chest, open. Do you feel why now, on a confidence level, I have a nine or ten out of ten. Can imagine that having a cape just behind it. I can, I'm superman. Now what if instead of putting my shoulders back, I put my shortest like that and I close my chest. Right now. You can see like I needed a bit stressed and I'm like a little bit scared. And I Confidence Level went 10-5. And I'm focusing on negative thoughts on things that could go wrong. I'm What happened here. In a few moments. I went from a ten out of ten Confidence To a five out of ten. When people say, Yeah, I'm not really confident is like, are you putting your shoulders back and opening your chest? This is really will make a difference. Is not only about what to say, like you will have everything that you need, the best communication techniques. You have the best communication techniques to see like what you should, like, to know what you should say. But that won't really, I want you to understand that the nonverbal is what people will perceive first. It's your nonverbal. So just open breadth. When you will be in a confrontation, when you'd been a stressful situation. I want you to breathe breathe deeply. You do know that the Navy Seals, like when there are under near death experiences, they're able to become calm and not stressed. How did they do that? They understand The Power of how they breathe. So what I would like you to do is always you put your shoulders back, your chest open, and you breathe deeply. I would like you to inhale by the nose and exhale by the mouth. So don't, don't do it too quickly. Because you're going to stress yourself. Do it slowly that you inhale and you exhale. You try to breath with your belly. And don't try to raise and don't raise your shoulders when you do that. You can see why now I'm more calm. My shoulders are back in my chest is open. I'm building on this Confidence and it's Assertive behavior under water moves. So when you will be stressed and not confident, you will be moving, allowed to will be Stressful. You'd be like that would be like jumping. Now, I guess I would like just to share an idea here yet. And that will, that will show a lack of confidence. So instead, I would like you to under, to see that you are underwater. So instead of being stressed like that, I want you to be stressed underwater. It means that it will move a little bit slower. You can see you when I'm talking, Eye appear more confident, more Charismatic. That if I'm just pressing out, so think about that being stressed underwater. And it's just like It flows naturally. Your Voice. So what you say is only seven per cent, but you Voice weights a lot, like the intonation of your voice. And this is what you should Do. You should have a calm and relaxed Voice. Don't be trying for report. Don't be trying for rapport. Let me explain what it is. Hey, can I show you an idea? Can I show you my opinion? Can I, can I do it? You can see at the end, it goes up. It goes up. Can I show you my opinion? And you select it's going up and instead you want it to go flats or a little bit down, for example, could be like, Can I share with you my opinion? Can I share with you that, Hey, I would like to share an idea. I would like to do that. Can I share with you an idea? Could you happy with this work? You can see here it's flat and it's slightly going down. It's not Hey, could you help him with his work? Hey, could you help me with his work? And you can see like my behavior, change it. I could you do that. And you're always trying to match. I want you to become relaxed, center and say, Hey, could you help me with this work, please? It's more common, it's more relaxed. So a great thing that you can do that you can record yourself when you talk to people, like when you talk to you friends, I don't go out work and then we call people there because that may not be legal. But Talk to you. When you talk to you friends, you to espouse. Think about the voice that you are using, that intonation that you are using. And try forfend different intonation. Try to say, Hey, can you help me? Hey, can you help me? Hey, can you help me? You can see there are different intonations and the Assertive, the one flat or slightly below, for example, it could be, Hey, could you help me? Hey, could you help me with that? Okay, so think about Your Voice like it has to be flattened. And think about that. If someone asked you, just record yourself and then listen to it and ask yourself this question. Would you say yes to that request? It's as simple as that. Eye contact. When you are communicating and when you are become Assertive, you must understand the power of Eye Contact. So if you look into the other person's eyes, you will be able to convey confidence, assertiveness, and you will be able to beat will be easier. There is something that you must understand is that the eyes are the windows of the soul. So if you're super stressed and you will look at people like people we know that you're super stressed. But if you're in charge of your emotions, like you understand how to be more calm and more confident. With the hacks here. When you will look into people's eyes, people we see a confident and comparison. And if you, you must look into the other people's eyes. And if you want to break eye contact, like don't do it like that, don't look down because it will show a lack of confidence. Instead break eye contact to the right, to the left. But then people are talking to someone and then you want to break eye contact. Look, look to the right or to the left. Don't look down. It shows that the other person is more dominant than you. Okay? So this is important here. If you are not really comfortable with that, with looking at peoples in the eyes, look at the eyebrows. People won't notice a difference and they will think that you are maintaining eye contact. So it's a quick tip here. That works really well. The other one is Smiling. Why is it under brackets? It's because it depends on the situation. For example, you want to give a series feedback to someone, or have you want to have a serious conversation? Maybe you want, You don't want to smile that much. But for example, you want to sharing an idea with your wife that you're excited about the with your co-workers, you want to ask them to do an extra work? In that case, Smiling could be great. Here when I was using my voice. And I was saying, could you help me with that extra work? I was not saying could you help me with that extra work? Smiling, never saying, Hey, could you help me with that extra work? And you can see here, I'm Smiling, you see me smiling. But there's, so the tone of voice changes. It becomes more happy, it becomes more joyful. And you want to say yes, Small more often to someone who is excited about the thing that they are asking. So I've been talking here a lot about how you can become a confident and assertive. And most people asked me the question, Alan, How can I become more calm and confident? Like these are the things that I can do with my body. But there is something that you can also do if you want to fast track your success into Assertiveness. It's about controlling your focus. Because before The situation. You could think about what's going wrong or what could happen wrong, or what could happen, right? Like, what are the things that goods that could happen and what are the bad things that can happen? If you focus on the bad things, you will be stressed. But if you focus on the good things that could happen, it will become a confident. And people form a confidence. You have this positive expectations. They go in a situation and they expect it to go well. And there are higher chances of the situation going well because Do I expecting that? Most people would say Yeah, but I prefer to expect that it goes badly. So I won't be disappointed. Yeah, we won't be disappointed because you will go back to go badly, because you are expecting it to go badly. So your brain will make everything in its power to be consistent with that and to make, like, make it go wrong. If you want to become a confident, you must train your brain to see the glass half full instead of half empty. And I know that just by saying that people are saying, yeah, I don't feel really comfortable. I prefer to not be disappointed. And really they have that in their blood. I don't want to be disappointed. And then you to think about that. You want confidence. I do want more out of life. I'm not judging. I'm just saying that you want more out of life. Why don't you try just, why don't you try to be more confident like for 30 days. Give yourself permission to see the good things in the situations and to focus on positive things. Because why now I could focus on positive things? Hey, I'm recording this on a training is going to be amazing. I could focus on the problem that I have a home. And it makes me stressed and Negative. Right now, I can control how I feel. So if you want to become a confident and you want to deal with this situation better and it will work better if you know how to manage your emotions. I will sell it a bit more of that later, but I just want to give you the keys here. You showed us back your chest open. You breathe, underwater moves. You think about your voice, your eye contact, you look people in the eyes. You smile when you have to smile. And instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, focus on everything that could go right, focused on the great things. And even if you're really stressed before situation is because you are thinking about the negative outcomes. Think about the positive outcomes. Immediately Stressful disappear because Positive emotions and Negative Emotions cannot live together. They can't, you can not be grateful and fearful at the same time. If you are fearful, it's because you are focusing on things, on thoughts that makes you feel this feeling of fear. But if you are focusing on feelings of gratitude, you are going to be grateful. When you are talking to someone. You prefer to be confident and in the positive mood. And share your ideas with respect and opinion. I state your preferences. All be all Stressful from the inside and having your shoulders, your chest closed and everything and being stressed and hey, I want to share an idea with you. The difference is here at UT Body Language and do the things that I teach you and you will see it will work like a char 44. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Assertive Feedback Cards: Now let's talk about the Feedback Cards. It's something that is really powerful and there is a PDF just below that you can download. So basically, when you're in a situation and you want to become a Assertive egg, it's live, it's means that it's happening and sometimes you don't have that great comeback. You don't have that great things that you say or that behavior that you really want like this Assertive behavior. And that's why you have this Feedback Cards here. It means that after the situation happened, you're going to take this card and you are going to think about the situation. What you want to describe is the situation though. There is this, the cars that are just below and you're going to write down, what was the situation? Was it the situation at home with the boss, with your colleagues, dr. this presentation, what is with your with your clients, you're going to wipe down what the situation was. You are going to say what happened when, where, who, for example, let's say that your boss comes to the office and they wanted to ask you to do some extra work on Saturday. But you don't want to do it because you have this family dinner and it's really important to you. So the situation, my boss arrived, I arrived in my office and he asked me to do some extra work on Saturday. My response was yes for sure. And you will not really happy about that because that gives the family dinner. It's something that you are really happy about. Then you're going to write down how you felt. I felt terrible inside like I should have said, yes. Actually, I've said No. I feel really terrible inside. I'm not living according to my values and I should have applied what alain cosine, if you like me, you are going really to write down what you felt. And if it's something that you are not happy with, that you are not really happy with your response. You are going to Rights a More Assertive response. This situation happened already. It happened. You cannot change it. But next time, you can have a More Assertive response. It means that next time you boss comes to office and ask you the same thing or something that is similar, you can say, Oh, and then you give you answer. And it could be, for example, I understand you want me to do some extra work on Saturday. I have a family dinner. It's really important to me. What I could do instead is I could complete that work tomorrow and stay late. And then I will have it done by tomorrow at 09:00 P.M. Is that okay for you? Some More Assertive response. This is run here is so powerful because we always get these great comebacks. The answer like after the situation happening, like we go home, then we think about the situation and say, Oh, I should have said that this is where you're going to write it down because if you do that after a few months, after one year, you'll become Assertive because you will be thinking about the More Assertive response. Then you will see, will discuss like the real communication techniques on how you can Deal With Conflicts. How you can say know, how you can share your ideas and everything is coming in this course. But I just want you to understand the principles here that you can really jump right in and start your transformation. 45. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Express Yourself & Speak Up Part 1: Now let's talk about how can Express Yourself. How can share your ideas, your opinions, how you can share your preferences with other people. So I'm really going to show you the communication techniques. Let's jump right in. When you're communicating with people, I want you to use empathy. What is Empathy? Basically it's showing the other person that you understand them, that you understand their point of view. You understand why they did that. You understand where they're coming from. You understand their situation. So for example, you can use a statement such such as, I understand that. I understand that you are tired. I understand that you have this difficult situation home. I understand that it has been a rough year for you. I understand that you are tired. I understand that. We said that we wouldn't do it. I understand that. And it shows that you understand the other person. So when you want to express yourself by using Empathy will make it easier to access To have the other person accept your idea because they will feel that they understood. They will sense that you get them, that you understand their situation and where they're coming from. And this is really, really powerful. So I will show you the elements, and then I will show you examples. Emotional mastery. When you want to express yourself, this is really important. Again, it's about managing your emotions. And this is why it's really important. Let's say that someone insults you. Let's say the someone say tells you something that makes you nervous or like you really want to react. And you want to come down in this moment here. Because you may say things or do things that you will regret later. For example, you got as aggressive e-mail that saying, Hey, you should do that. Like you you are Failure or I don't know what it is like, it makes you really angry. Instead of like retaliate, it means that we will write back like really fast, hey, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ETF. Anyway, Like You will unleash everything to that person, does not The bad thing that you want to do. So I want you to always have this emotional master. We think about what we have seen before. You are calm, you are relaxed. You focus on great things. You breath, you relax. And then UK, you can distance yourself from also the situation. It means that if someone goes here and insults you, you get that email instead of replying right away. You just go for walk. You take a few moments to think about it. And if someone yells at you or they give you something Negative instead of answering knew right away with this negative Mood, can just say, listen, I just want to take a moment to reflect on what you've said or just an hour, just want to take a moment to come down. Just to think. Think about what was said. I will get back to you later. I will give you an insulator so that you can count down. And this is true Emotional Mastery. People to think that they have to answer right away. You don't, you don't take time to distance yourself from this negative emotion. You have this conflict. Someone says something at work or at home instead of thing. Yeah. It's like you're yelling at them, say, Okay, Listen, this is the situation. I understand that you are tired. I understand that you did that. I understand that the report was due by 06:00 P.M. let me just take a few minutes to think to come up with a strategy or to give you an answer. It's emotional mastery is really, really powerful. Again, Be calm, Confidence. Don't be aggressive. Don't be aggressive. Think about being calm, being Confidence. So we discussed that, a lot of that already, okay. Communicate with preferences. When you're expressing yourself. You are not proving the other person wrong. You are not telling the other person that they have to accept what you want. You are sharing an idea. You are expressing, you're expressing your 50 per cent. When you understand that you're not outcome oriented anymore. Because you can say something, can share your idea, you can say something. The other person can accept it or not. You can ask your wife tonight to do the dishes, or you can ask your wife to go out tonight. She had the choice to say yes, no, it's her choice. So communicate your preferences. You can also communicate the boundaries and the consequences. For example, let's say that someone always are, arrives late and you add the bus. You can say, I understand that you live far away. I understand that you've just got a child. I understand that you have this difficult situation that you had this rough year. I had to tell you understand. You are calm and confident. You are not aggressive. Yeah, Jake Your breathing, shoulders, back, chest open. It didn't say Listen, I would like that next time that you arrive on time for this important meeting, you're communicating your preferences. And sometimes they're going to say, Listen. If you do that again, it's important that you are here in this meeting. And if you do that again, you arrive late. I would have no choice than reports you to your boss, your boundaries and consequences. So you can see here, you are sharing what you want to expressing what you want in a way that is different that most people do. Who do you know that Use Empathy? Is calm, confident, not aggressive, communicates the preferences, respect the other people Rights, and sometimes gives boundaries and consequences when it has to be done. Very few people. And now you may say a alain, but I don't want to communicate that way because other people don't communicate that way. There's something really important in communication is that if you lead, people will follow. If you lead with the communication like that, people will notice you. They will say, Oh my God, dispersion is really standing out like this person has amazing communication skills. So don't be afraid to communicate your preferences. Now, let me show you something really interesting here. If you want to be like almost certain and you can never be certain that you know, like if you want to increase your chances of having the other person saying yes. I want you to talk in terms of benefits and in terms of pain that will be removed from their life. You can talk in terms of benefits for something that they care and in terms of paint that is removed, let me show all the all the elements here and then I will explain. You can show the benefits and the paint that we removed for the company. For relationship. For you, for me, for us. Let's take a personal example. Let's say that tonight. John eight, you want to go out with your friends, but your wife says, No, I would like you to stay home. You can say, I understand that you wanted us to spend time together. I understand that you are tired to understand that you had a long day. You are calm, confident you are not being aggressive, and then you communicate your preferences. It tonight I would like to go out with this friend Mark, like he's really, really nice and I will be home by blurb about midnight or I don't know that you communicate your preferences. You don't set any boundaries or consequences, although I think you will be in trouble with your wife. Then he stayed. Benefits and paying for something they care. You can say, Hey wife, listen for you. It can be great because you like, you want it to relax, you want it to care, to take care of yourself. Like you want it to do your hair. You want it to do like the try this makeup. You want it to cook, you want it to read that book. You want it to do like dispassion that you always wanted to do. But you said like you don't have time. Tonight could be a great night and I go out with Mark. So you are talking in terms of benefits for something that she cares for the company. In that case, there is not for relationship. And you can say, Oh, you know, like for us, a great benefit would be that tomorrow will have the best night error. Go, go home early and it will prepare this amazing light night for you. And you will see that tomorrow we have the best night ever. The benefit. You are talking in terms of benefits for you. And for me it's great because I really wanted to see that friends. And this is here just a filter of the benefits. The pain. You can talk in terms of the pain that will be removed. You can say, hey, listen, it's because I'm really stressed this day. And like this friend, I can go into, go out and have some beers and that can really change my mind. This example here, I would like talk more in terms of benefits than in pain. Um, I will talk more in terms of pain, for example, for something at work. And now I will illustrate that with another example at work. But firstly, with empathy, I would just want to tell you something when you are stating what the other person is doing, like understanding the other person's point of view. You are saying something that is relevant. You're not going to say, Oh, I understand that you are wearing a blue shirt. You have to use common sense. Okay? So let's talk here about work. Let's talk here that there is an example of you want to convince your coworker to come to a team meeting with you that will be about time management. And you can work like doesn't really want to go. You can say, hey, listen, I understand that you have a lot of work 2-2, you are calm, confident, you communicate your preference. Would you like to come to the meeting with me? Remember the Voice? Not would you like to come with a meeting with me? Would you like to come with a meeting with me and you smile, no boundaries, no consequences here. And then say, You know what, what could be great is that if we learn this time management techniques, we could go home early actually, like we could work less and instead of going home at 06:00 P.M. we could go home by 4PM. And for you that can be great. That you will be a little be like would be like less stressed. You are removing the pain for the other person. Like we would be less stressed. And also for first that could be great. Like the benefits because we haven't spent a lot of time lately and we could discuss about this important project that you have home. How awesome is that? The way I'm structuring that is really awesome and the person has almost no choice rather than the person has almost not try. It is like the person has to say yes because if it's framed cell positively 46. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Express Yourself & Speak Up Part 2: Now let's talk about another example here is at work and there is a meeting and you would like to speak up and share your idea. So in this case you could use Empathy. So you can say, Hey, I understand that there are lots of good ideas that you have shared with us. You are calm, confident, you are not aggressive, you communicate your preferences. You can say, I have an idea that is really interesting. Like basically we could do that. You don't use the boundaries are the consequences here. But you can say, I liked this idea because then he took independent and benefits. If we do that, we can say $1 for the company. And if we use these, for example, if you ideas about having a time management software, like everyone in the company, could work more efficiently and be less stressed. You are talking in terms of benefits and pain. So for you like the bus that is, that is here. Having this software here will make your life easier. You are talking in terms of the pain that you are removing. I really encourage you to think about the situation that you have home or you have the new personnel professional life. And you think about how can you use these elements here to communicate what you want? And you can use the Feedback Cards. Okay? So the Cards that says, okay, what is the situation? What is the emotion, the emotional response that I have? How did I feel? And you take these Feedback Cards and then you think with these elements here. Let's see this trait with another example. Let's say that you want to express yourself home with your wife. That, and let's say that you want to express yourself with your husband this time because he is not cleaning, he's just going out or let's say that he's not cleaning or talking too much about work. So let's go with the cleaning first. Hey, I understand that you work a lot and that you are really tired. You are come confidential, not being aggressive. You are not like, you know, like, We Know when it happens, we don't want to wise to be aggressive like you just want your wife to be calm and relaxed. So if the wife that is calm, confident that it's better, then you communicate your preference. Hey, I would like you to help me with the dishes. Don't, don't use the boundaries and the consequences here. The boundaries and consequences here would be more used like when you are in a work environment with your superior and you'll see that the employee is not doing the work. Then you talk in terms of benefits and pain, can say, Hey, if you help me with the dishes, we can spend more time together. We can watch TV, we can have, can be more intimate. We can Do, we can do this activity here, we can do that. And also I will be less tired. So it means that I will have more energy to go out with you and blah-blah-blah. And you just think in terms of that. The other example would be about Your husband is talking too much about work and he goes home and he's always talking about work, work, work, work. Okay. Understand that you have a lot of work and you spend a lot of time at work, it's really important for you. I totally understand it. You are calm Confidence, and then you communicate your preferences. But let, let's make something like when you arrive from, from, from work, Let's talk about anything but work. I won't be talking about my work. And you want to be talking about your work. Or you can even say, when we arrive home, we have 1 h or 30 min to discuss about work. And we set a timer. And then when this timer rings, we are not allowed to discuss work anymore. And you state your preference. You don't state boundaries and consequences. And you can see, and that way we can really connect with each other. We can spend quality time together. We can talk about dispassion that we have this dream, these, this travels that we want to do. If you state your preference like that, you will see that it will really work really well. And it's all about having the courage to Express Yourself. Because it's great to have this communication techniques. But if you don't have the confidence in the courage to share that with other people. You don't need the techniques if you don't share with them. That's why I really encourage you to believe in yourself. Understand that you are worthy, that you have Value. Try these techniques. You will see that they have the best thing, the word literally, you use them and you will get the best results. But you must open your mouth. And not only, not only open your mouth, but think in terms of being confident, having the posture, chest, open, the voice and everything. So I know it can be a little bit overwhelming right now. But what you can do is that just take a few elements and you try them. Try to use Empathy today or tomorrow and you go home or at work. And you'd Empathy. Then you talk in terms of benefits for a relationship. And you add up like everyday, you add up, if you add something, you say something and you use a new elements. And then at the moment, and then, then it will arrive that you will be able to use. All of them. Is do adhere to be used. You don't really need to use all of them, but that would like you to understand and be able to use your, use all of them so that you have all the communication techniques that you want. For example, in most cases I don't choose the boundaries and consequences, but in some cases, I do always take talked in terms of benefits and pain, com, Confidence, regressive, emotional mastery, Empathy. Now, let's go with this one here. You ideas and opinions you can share in my opinion because and talk in terms of the benefits and costs. Costs. Okay. So in my opinion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I, I think we should do that because when you are showing you ideas and opinions, use the word because, because people like to know why. For example, if I ask you, could you go to the supermarket? You want to know why you have to go to the supermarket. Okay? So if you give a reason, People will say yes more often. When you want to express what you want, what you need. Here are the real hacks. We're going to use their name. So you are going to stay the situation because when you're going to use Thank you, and benefits and costs. So here I ever added some elements. So you want to share your ideas and opinions. You want to share your idea with a client. Hey, in my opinion, we should do that because it will make you save time, energy. It will give you money. It will make your employees proud, it will bubble. But anything in terms of benefits and costs, and always say thank you like please Thank you. Be polite and that helps a lot when you want to become Assertive and you want people to understand your ideas and to agree on your ideas. Express what you want, what you need. You want to ask a coworker to help you with some work? Hey, Mark, Hey, Susan. Could you help me with this report? Because because blah, blah, blah, because it's really important for the company. And I prefer like us being together because we can think, we can see, we can come up with better ideas on this part here of the report. Could you help me today? Tonight? Tomorrow. Then you can say Thank you In terms in thinking and also talk in terms of benefits and costs. You could say the benefits, it can be like, Hey, it will have the company. We haven't spent a lot of time together lately and it's a time for us to bond and to discuss about this activity that really wanted to do when we have finished the reports and the costs are. So it could be for me that I would have less trouble with that there will be less stressed. And for you, it means that you don't have to work on this accounting thing that you don't they don't really like, No, I tried to be funnier so don't hurt people, but try to be funny and think about how you can share your ideas and your opinions expressed such you want what you need with the elements here. And you will see that you will become a big success, but have the courage to do it. As you can see here, when I'm expressing my ideas, opinions, what I want, what I need. I'm in a good mood. I not yelling at people. I'm not feeling negative. I'm not a bad emotional state. Because if I ask that or I share my idea in really bad emotional state, People want to listen or they wants say yes, it was not because of your idea, but so be off because how you felt. Because whatever you feel, the other person feels, it's a rule. If right now we had in an interaction where like in real life, not through a camera. I could show you that. I could feel confident, intense, Positive, and you will fill that. Or I could feel stressed, anxious, depressed. No matter if I use this communication techniques, but if I'm not that create mood, that's why I'm always saying you have to control how you feel. So we'll see later how like how you should feel when you Deal With Conflicts, when you receive feedback, when you get Feedback and when you want to give feedback, it's a little bit different here. But when you are sharing your ideas, your opinions, expressing what you want, asking for request, that creates Mood when you talk to people like have this smile. Did could, via this could Energy, think about great things that happened to you. And now That's how you get this divide. You open your chest, you put your shoulders back, and you think about everything that straight in your life right now. Literally. Then you approaching and you ask for that request. You will see that people will say more often than if you are depressed, Negative, all stressed in the alec, almost yelling at people to have them to do something 47. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Provide Helpful Feedback To Others: So now let's talk about How can provide feedback to others. So it's a skill that very few people have, and it's a skill that you should have. If you want to become a Assertive and you want to give feedback to people or you're in a position where you have to give feedback often. So you can use Empathy and it can Value their needs. As always. I understand that you had a lot of work to do, but you did a really great presentation. I understand that you didn't split us sleep well at night last night. I understand that. I'm you had a lot of work to do, but you did a great presentation that you value their needs and you use Empathy. Now you're going to be honest about what is relevant. For example, if you say, you draw like a six year old child, it's not really relevant. And you may think a, but no one will ever say that providing Feedback. And you'll be surprised in real life what people say that is not relevant to the feedback that they want to give. So when you want to give feedback, like Be honest about what is relevant like in this case. Use the presentation. In this case here, it's the work. It's the, the thing they lead. So you don't need to insert the other person or try to be mean or say things that are not relevant to the feedback that you want to give. To think always about what is it that you want to say? How is it relevant to the feedback that you want to give? And this is really key here. One-to-one. If you want to give feedback and if it's for good feedback, you could give the feedback in front of the groups. So then hey, you did that was amazing. And it's just Positive feedback. But if it's Feedback of things that can be improved, try to avoid giving that in front of a group because it's only aimed at one-person. So you don't want to tell one person in front of the group, hey, the presentation was not that great. I see that you haven't really prepared well and there is no point of destroying the one person in front of the other group. And there is a way also of how you can deliver the Feedback. And I'm going to show it to you here, but give the feedback one-to-one. Generally, it's better. You want also to give the feedback on your behavior that can be changed. If you, if you say the presentation could be improved or the slides are the way you delivered, are things that can be improved all the way that you do your work, or how you manage your time. Things that can be improved. If you talk about the personality trait or something that is more difficult to change, it will be more difficult to have results on that. So always give feedback on a behavior that can be easily changed. It's better. The first thing I want you to do is to start with something positive. So what I really liked about this presentation was what I really liked wasn't then you give the things that you liked, you always start with something positive. What I liked was the work that you did, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you try to be as specific as possible. What I relaxed in this presentation was the color of the slides, was how you deliver the presentation, what, how you showed up for you for the world, how blah-blah-blah and new be as specific as you can. Then I want you to be able to, to give a positive frame Feedback. And this is here where the feedback really is. Because here you are telling the person what the person did. Great. We are being specific about the thing. And here instead of thing, okay, what was really bad? What was really wrong words? Instead of saying that we're going to friend it positively, what you can improve is what you can do better, is this is what you could do instead. So you start with something positive, they read, you try to be as precise as you can, then see what you could do better or what you could improve next time or what can be improved is the preparation may be try to repeat the preparation, to repeat the presentation home a few times so that you are more confident with the presentation. I think that can really make a big difference yet, but by the way, the presentation was great. It was great. But this is what you can improve. This is really powerful here. So when you are giving the feedback here, you can ask why, why it happened, and how you can improve. For example, if you sense that the person hasn't really prepared for the presentation. And you said, okay, maybe next time try preparing a little bit more. And this is how this is what you can improve. Why it happened. Why do you think like you didn't prepare well enough for that presentation? And maybe the person can say, well, I had shy child home, I had I didn't sleep well or had this problem here. And then you can also understand where they come from. And then you can ask this question, how can you improve it? What can you do so that next time, it's better. Like if you are more prepared than the person can say, oh, instead of preparing the presentation today before, I could do it a few days before and then give the presentation like home, even if there is no one of these, my dog doesn't really matter. I could just give the presentation there so that I will be more prepared. When you ask that it's really powerful. How can you improve? Because if the person comes up with the way that they could improve, the thing that you want them to improve, there will be more motivated to do it. Then if it's you that tells them, Hey, you should do that, you should do that. If they don't know how they can improve, just tell them these are the steps to improve. What you should be improving. Then the optional is a warning and consequences are, for example, if the person is always late and you want to provide feedback on that. So say, Hey, I'm really glad that you showed up today. What I really like about your work is that you are really precise in the things that you do and you are really valuable for the company. But there is something that would like you to improve that you are always late. So I would like to ask you why it happened and why are you always late? You try to understand and you ask them, okay, how can you improve? How can you be on time? What are the things you can do? Is it to set your alarm is like a little bit early. Like what are the things that you can do to improve? And then if they don't know, you can help them come up with a things and then if they do it over and over again, you can say, listen, I need you to be on time and if next time you dance, show up on time, I'll have to report to your supervisor. So don't be afraid to say warnings and consequences, but it has to be justified because you are giving feedback and most people are really stressed and uncomfortable when they receive feedback. So if you give them, like if you're not nice to them, that's not like a great thing. It will be better to positively framed the feedback that way. And you will see that your employees or people around you like your family, your friends that we want to, they will want to do better because you expressed it in a great way. That made them feel great. Because you start with something positive, then it's framed positively. So that it's something that has to improve. It's not something that the wrong is something that they have to improve. If you share feedback that way you will become a big success. 48. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Receive Negative Feedback & Defend Yourself Part 1: Now let's talk about how you can receive feedback. And this one here is really important. They get a lot of questions. Allen, How can I receive feedback when there is someone that is trying to hurt me? In other words, when they're insulting you. And then we'll see how you can genuinely receive feedback from someone who really wants to give you feedback. So let's start here. When you're receiving feedback, I want you to always have the emotional master. And you can see here like it's coming up again here, Emotional Mastery. I want you to be relaxed and to avoid retaliation. So emotional mastery, when someone will come at you, when insults you will send you that mean email. I want you to relax. Like You have the permission to feel angry, upset, like you have the right to fill this Negative Emotions. You have the right to fill them. But I don't want you to use this Emotions to reply. Because otherwise, what could happen is that you could say things or do things that you will regret later. For example, if someone here says, Hey, you are really patient and the person is, Hey, you're really patient. And then you say, no, I'm not really impatient. And then the person, Hey, you see you're yelling and it goes nowhere. Or the person can say, Hey, you I really nervous today because it What? No, I'm not nervous. And the person say, Hey, see, you are yelling. You want to avoid retaliation when someone comes at too negatively. What they want is that you come at them negatively. So there is a fight. So if you avoid retaliation, you just take a step back. Someone arrives, says you something gives you that Negative Feedback. And you are a little bit like upset, nervous can say, hey, listen, I got your feedback. I just want to take a few moments to decide. I just want to take a few moments to think about what I said. I will come back later. You don't need to reply right away. And there are times where you just wanted to take that break from that person and to remove yourself from the situation. But now I want to discuss if someone is here to hurt you. There are many answers that you could have. And I want to stress, share something here. The answer is I'm going to give you here audience that you can try to make things better. You can try to keep your social value and you can walk away with integrity. You know what I mean? There are cases where there is a group of people or your colleagues like to adjust, want to put you down. You can try with this techniques here. But there's times where just have to remove yourself from the situation. Remove yourself from that group of friends, remove yourself from that job. But if it's just a few insults here and there, I want to show you how to deal with that. You can ignore it verbally and non-verbally. When someone insults you, they want to hurt you. And if they insult them, if you are will insult someone. And I see that the person reacts negatively and felt something I want. And this is what the person wants. So when someone insults you, the best it can do is ignore it verbally and non-verbally. So let me illustrate that. It happened to me a few months ago when I was in the bar with my friends and this person approached us and this person seem nice and where we were talking. And then that's Person. Look at me and say, Hey, you are not a really attractive person, aren't you? And everyone turned at me. They wanted to see if I reacted and I ignored it, had no emotional reaction to that. And I just said something else. I just said, Hey, you know what we can do tomorrow, we can go to that mountain and we could do that. And everyone was like drawn towards me because I got the power back, like this person wanted to destroy me, but I ignored it. And it's something that you can do. You can ignore it. It can you verbally and non-verbally because they want to hurt you. So if you show that you are not hurt, by that, you will gain that's Power. We'll take this power that the person wanted to insult you, and it will take that power back and say, Hey, I'm stronger than that. It's by ignoring that. So how do you do when the person insults you? You just say something else as if the person didn't insult you. And that works really, really well. Um, I would use that more in a personal environment. Professional environment, you can do that. But then if the person keeps coming at you and it keeps ignoring that, then it will be time for this one here. And that will show you later what it is. You can miss it misinterpreted and use humor. So dispersion that came and said, Hey, you shouldn't be good with women. Let's just imagine that the person has said, You look really ugly. And then I could have said the person say, Hey, you're really ugly, orange hue essay. By ugly, you mean Hansen? Oh, thank you so much. Hey, by the way, tomorrow, what are we going to do? I use that. By that You mean, for example, by ugly, you mean handsome. By ugly, you miss human. Awesome. By an attractive you mean amazing. And then I go with another sentence. I don't give the other person time to reply. And that's how I destroy the insults. So this here are the comments aid to hurt you. You can ignore it verbally, non-verbally, also missing misinterpreted and use humor. Also. You can set boundaries. In that case, if the person would have continued insulting me, I will say, Hey, listen, I'm here with my friends. We all respected each other. And the thing that you said before, like we're naturally nice to me and I would like you to respect me. Or I will ask you I will ask you to leave. You have to set boundaries issue at work and someone comes at you and it's always insulting you are trying to put you down or talking behind your back. Negatively. You can talk to this person, say listen. I've heard that people are saying that about me and that's You said that is that the case? You can say, Hey, the things that you told me earlier, other thing that doesn't make me feel comfortable and I don't really like that people treat me that way. So I would like you in the future not to do that. Otherwise, I have to report you to human resources or you have to do what you have to do. Because if you're talking with people, these people like black, but people that had have negative emotion, negative intentions. So don't play the game, but just show them that you are not okay with that. And what is really interesting is that 510 years ago when I was naturally that confident and I was not really sure of myself. I like, I would give permission. I would have this vibe does emotion that I would give permission to insult me and I wouldn't react to say, oh, they insult me like I should be a loser. Yes, this person said I'm a loser, I should be a loser. And I gave permission to their person. But right now that I'm really confident and I respect myself, people insult me less often, literally, because they know that I will reply back. They know that there will throw something at me. They already get a mountain. They know it. But in width, which means interpretation, humor, and verbally and non-verbally. So it's all about the vibe that you emit an unto the world, okay? So set boundaries. If you try you ignore it, you will misinterpret it. And do you set the boundaries and it's continuous over and over again. Maybe it's time for you to remove yourself from the situation, from the group of friends, from the family, from the family. And yes, it can be offered, it can be terrible, but maybe it's time. But try this one here first, so here and aimed to hurt you. Let's take a last example. Let's say that for example, you coworker says that you drew really bad job, like they just want to hurt your leg. It's not based on real feedback. They just want to tell everyone that you don't know how to do your job. You could ignore it for something that is so mean and that could give me consequences in the company. I wouldn't ignore it. I will try to misinterpret it for it all depends if the person comes once and said, Hey, you do a horrible work or you don't know how to do your work. The say, hey, by not doing, by not knowing how to do your work, you mean that I do it very well. Thank you so much. You know what I mean? I will try to misinterpreted, but I will directly go to set boundaries, say, Hey, listen. I I understand that. Oh, I heard that. Oh, you told me that I didn't know how to do my work and you are just a co-worker, you and no one to judge the quality of my work. The person who has cocaine judge, is my boss. You are not my boss. So I would like you to stop saying false things to other people are the ones that have to report you to human resources. It all depends on how the person is mean or not mean. But you must understand that. You must not let yourself like being sorted that way. So I always try to be nice. I'll always try. I tried to be nice first I go with this one here. But then if the person keeps coming at me and I know that the person doesn't want to hear what I have to say and just want to put me down. I'm going to set the boundaries. And my boundaries are extreme linkage radio say okay, if To do that again, it's over literally. So this was here when you receive feedback to hurt you. Now let's discuss the other product is more interesting. It's about how you can receive feedback that someone's really want to give you and they don't want to hurt you 49. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Receive Negative Feedback & Defend Yourself Part 2: So let's go. Someone is trying to give you feedback. The first thing that you can do is to ask for clarification and precision. Because when someone gives Feedback and most people are terrible at giving feedback, then we say something general. For example, you work was not really great that here or you work, or your presentation was not that great. So you could ask the question, what in the presentation was not that great? What do you mean by my work was not that great? Could you give me more precision? And if you do that, you will know exactly the behavior though, the thing that you want the other person to change, that you want the other person you to change. So ask for clarification if it's a general feedback as for more clarification on what exactly in the presentation in the report was not that great. What didn't you like? You ask precision. You can think the other person for the feedback, because a feedback that is great or that is bad for exam something that you did well or something that you did wrong is a feedback to improve yourself and to become a better person. So you can say thank you for the Feedback. It's something that you must say thank you for the feedback, thank you for taking the time to tell me what I did well and what I was not as great thing the other person why it happened? Sometimes. You can explain why it happened. For example, you didn't give that report on time for them to persons Hey, I'm really happy with their report and how you dealt with that. Could you give me some clarification and some precision on What do you mean by that? Oh, yeah. It's because I gave you the report late and it was due by this date. Okay. Thank you so much for the report. I just wanted to know like, why it happened. Um, I got sick. My wife has had a problem. I forgot my laptop. This co-worker didn't give me the work on time. You explain because maybe the person can understand. It's about Empathy like the other person that is giving you the feedback, Like wants to know what happened. So if you explain why it happened, it can help really, really well. Take responsibility. You did something wrong. Say yes, I'm sorry, I did that. But if it's your co-workers that did I say that's why it's not my fault. But if it's your fault and something that you did say, Okay, I take responsibility. It's something that shows that you ask someone a value because you understand that if something is your fault, you fully say it's my fault. So take responsibility for that action steps to fix it. And this one here is really powerful. Let's say that you gave a presentation and someone is giving you feedback. Because they can say, Hey, the presentation was great. The presentation was not that good. I could could you give me a more clarification? Okay. Thank you. Oh, yeah. I'm the presentation the way like grammar hair errors on the presentation. Let me explain why it happened. Because I did a presentation yesterday at it it home. My kid was sick and literally he was like puking make every five-minutes and like I couldn't reflux, so I really had to get to have this presentation done and that's why it happened. And I'm really sorry for that. I take the full responsibility because it was my fault. This is what I will do next time. Instead of preparing the presentation the night before, I'm going to do one week before so that it won't happen again. Amazing, isn't it? You can talk about the action steps to fix it. Because the person is giving you feedback, because it's something that they want you to improve. So if you just say okay, these are the action steps to fix it. And if you don't know, ask your, ask the person, what could I do to improve it? What could I do to improve this presentation? What can I do to improve my work? And ask them? This one here is interesting here. When someone is giving feedback, ask yourself this question. Is this person qualified? If it's my co-worker that hasn't seen the presentation is just judge judging me. I'm not going to take the feedback into account. But if it's my boss that saw the presentation and that is qualified, I'm going to take the feedback into account. This is something that you want to change. Do you really want to change your presentation skills? Do you really want to become more? Let's say that your boss tells you to become more precise or something like, Is it something that you want to change? Ask yourself this question. Is it something shown to change? Because you get this feedback here? But maybe it's not something you want to change in Yourself and that you consider that it's a strength. So ask yourself this question here and doesn't happen often. If you just happen once, maybe just happen once and you have to let it go and you don't have to take it seriously. So this one here is how it can give, like when someone is trying to give feedback, how do you behave and when someone gives you feedback, that sometimes they're really not comfortable with that and they don't know how to say it. That's why later we will see exactly how we can give feedback. But here I wanted to show it like when you get feedback, I want you to understand why it happened, what happened. So you ask for clarification. You think the other person you could explain why happen, you take responsibility if it's your fault. And you describe the action steps to fix it. And you also think about what you want to do with the information here. Do you want, is the person qualified? You want to change? And does it happen often? 50. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Learn To Say No: Now let's talk about how you can learn to say no. So this is a problem that most people have core and not Assertive. And why not confident? They want to say yes often because they want to please the other person. They want to be loved, they don't want to be rejected. There may think that it's rude to disagree and they don't want to reject the other person. So let me show you here that the six elements that can really help you with that. To decide when you have to say yes or no, you must understand what is important and what is not. At work. When someone asks you to do something, you must understand what are your tasks, what is important to you? What are the things that you have to do that day? Is it important to help that co-worker that you don't even know, that that doesn't know how to manage his or her time. And that comes now and ask you to do something. Is that important? You want to help that person. So focus on what is important and what is not. If it's something that is really not important, for example, someone asked you to do something at home or with your friends and it's not a goal that you have and you wouldn't get that much pleasure from that. And it's irrelevant to you don't say is just yet to please the person Say No. So you have to define a, what is important to life? What are your dreams? What are your goals? What are your task? What are you passionate? What do you want to focus your time on? This should be your priority. And when someone asks you to do something, Think, if it's important, is it important drug for them? But like you don't gain anything from that. And it starts because they didn't do it right, like they were laid the doodle something and now they're in trouble and they want you to fix it, or is it something that can benefit both of you? Or is it to both? That is asking. Think about all these elements here, what is important and why he's not? If you don't know the answer, don't answer yet. Because if you don't know the answer, most people we tend to say yes to, if you are not true, most people will tend to say yes. For example, if someone asks you, could you drive me to the airport tomorrow? It's at at 05:00 A.M. and you don't really know yet, just say, listen, I have to just think about what I have to do. Let me get back to you in half an hour. And then you have time to think about, is it important? Is it a friend that you care about? Is the good friend or is it just something that you met like five-years ago and that is asking just for a favor. Like think about the things that if you don't know the answer, just say, I don't know the answer yet. I will be thinking about that. The broken record technique. This one is really amazing. And when people we ask something, they know that some people will give up, for example. And it happened to me, it was one year ago. And I always use that as an example. I had a friend who wanted me to go to a party. He wanted to go out with friends and had Sampson beers and I had to work how to record an online training that night so I couldn't go out and I didn't want to go out. Like what was important for me was the online training. I knew the answer. I knew that the answer will be no. And this is what the broken record technique is about. You just repeat the same thing over and over again with a slight variation. So he said, you want to come to this party? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't because they have to record this on a train. Yeah, but there will be this friend this is friends with this font here. You want to come? Yes. I'm I totally understand that you want me to come, but I'm sorry because I can go tonight because I have to recall that on a training. Yes. But you don't understand they will be this kind of beer, this kind of vodka, these Canada, that would be amazing. A, why don't you come thank you for the invitation, but I have to record this one. Training tonight. Yeah. But you don't like that should be really amazing. Why don't you like Come with me. Thank you for the invitation. But I can't I have to recall that most people we try to abuse you, to abuse your kindness by asking these questions over and over again. And you just use the broken record technique. And it won't be weird because the person is asking the same question over and over again. And you're just repeating the same thing over and over again with a slight variation. So you can use that when someone asks you to do something that you like you don't want to do. And the, you know, like to asking this question so that you give up and say yes. Use the broken record technique that is really, really amazing. Don't wait for approval. When you say no. For example, when I said No, I don't want to go to that party. I didn't say no, I don't want to go to that party. And I was looking for approval looking for with his reaction, I say, Oh, no, I don't want to go to that party. It's different. Because if you are here and you're waiting for his or her approval, the person will continue with the questions and we'll try convincing you. So you just say no and you may give a reason, know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's no blablabla, not know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like it's different, the vibe is different. So don't wait for approval, just Say No. Don't explain why in details. So you could give some explanation in this case here, I said, Oh, I have to record it on the training. But in other cases, for example, if the person asked, could you drive me to the airport tomorrow at at 05:00 A.M. and then you can say, Oh, no, I'm sorry, I can't because I have to stay late tonight because I have to finish that that work that is really important. And if you give too much details, the person can help you overcome this objection saying, Hey, I could help you with your work so that you can go to bet early. I can help you with that report and then we can do it together. And then you can drive me to the airport tomorrow. Then you're done. That's why. Explain why in details, but don't give too much detail. Say, I'm sorry, I can't have too much work to do. I'm sorry. I can't. I'm really tired and I just can't. Yeah, but why can't you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't because I'm tired. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry. I can't because I'm tired. Like you use a broken record technique. This one here is key. You are rejecting the request, not the person. When you say no, you say no to the request. Not person. You're not saying no to your co-worker. You're not rejecting your friend. You're not rejecting your family, you're not rejecting your boss. You adjust rejecting the request that they have. That's it. You're all stressed because you think that will be rejecting some unknown unknowns. You will just be rejecting a request like what is the request that it doesn't even have energy. It's just a request that you are rejecting that then you have been all stressed because they're going to say no to that request. You are saying no to that request, not to that person. And this one here is really important to challenge that I would like to give you, is to just say no to things for one week. When you're not sure about something, just say no. And even for Fun, just say no to things. So be careful with that at work, I will try more in the personnel setting. Tracing know. Then if you see that you are not really calibrated or like you made the other person angry, upset because, for example, Your wife asked you to do the dishes, say, Oh no, I'm not going to do the dishes and be responsive to the situation, but let's try Say No more often to be comfortable and to be at ease. We Say No 51. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Deal With Conflicts: Now let's talk about how you can Deal With Conflicts. This one here is that many people have problems at work in their relationship. Home, like anywhere, like there are conflicts that will appear and I want to show you how can deal with them. So my first advice would be paraphrasing to prevent Conflicts. Let's say that someone here says something, say a, and the other person understands be, and then there is a conflict. And this happened to me many years ago. When am I studying at the University of Roseanne? I wasn't entrepreneurship assistant. And my professor, he asked me to do something. So he said a, he said, Hey, you should do that. And then I understood something differently. And I did something differently. And as it was something differently that what he said there was a conflict because then he came and he said, Alan, you did that. And I didn't ask you like, and then we had an argument. It was because I didn't understand well what the person who is saying. So Conflicts can happen because you don't really understand well what the other person is saying. And sometimes it's not your fault. Sometimes it's because they're person who here doesn't know how to explain themselves. They think that you have the same information as they do, but that's not always the case. So a great way to do that, to avoid this kind of conflict is by paraphrasing to prevent Conflicts. What does it mean? My professor said that I should be doing that. And instead the resting, okay, yeah, I'm going to do that. I would just say okay. So I understood. I have to do that. Am I correct? Then he would have said no, no, no. That's not what I said. And then we would have prevented that argument. So when someone asks you to something you boss, your co-worker at home, Say, Okay, So you asked me to do that. Am I right? And then the person we Say yes. So then you prevent the Conflicts based on misunderstandings. Let's now talk about the steps to solve the conflict. Second, if they happened, you define the problem and the outcome you want. Let's say that for example, at work, they choose the best times. For example, there is a timetable and choose the best time to take, to take their vacation or two, they should the best time to do that connectivity Like You Want To Do, and the times it's already taken because they have taken it and there is a conflict with that because you always say, hey, what like they have kids and like, why are they able to take this vacation here in one week and then I'm able to one to take vacation in fixed months like, Hey, what's going on? You define the problem, the outcome, The problem is that they have the priority or they are doing that. And I'm not happy with that because blablabla and you think about the outcome that you want. I want the outcome, I want it to be fair. Like if this person can take their vacation in one week, I would be able to take it in a few weeks, not in six months. This is the outcome that I want to define the problem than the outcome that you want. And then I want you to see the big picture. See the big picture is to understand things. Let's take another example. There's a conflict with your boss because he asked you to do something to give that report by 06:00 P.M. and you didn't give it a you gave it the day after. And instead of coming at you and start yelling at you, he could have seen the big picture. It means that he could have just asked himself the question. Maybe something happened. Maybe Allan didn't give the report by 06:00 P.M. because something happened. Maybe he was working on something more important. Maybe that co-worker asked him to help something, to ask him for help with something that has really important for the company. So the bus should have come to me and say, hey, Allen, what happened? Why didn't you give me the report by 06:00 P.M. understand. The big picture. So in any conflict and you can prevent that by just understanding if the person is saying that the person is doing that, the person did that, why it happened? And you can ask the question why it happened. Why did you do that? Why it happened? To understand the big picture and most of the time, by just understanding the big picture, you can avoid the conflict. In our other example here with the timetables and the fact that this person here can take the vacation in one week and I can only take like in six months. You can just see the big picture. Maybe this Maybe it's just unfair. Or maybe the big picture is that this person I worked really hard, was working full-time and he's really tired like they have two kids and like Do I really stress? And I'm only working part-time and I'm like feeding rate or maybe my boss needs me for another project. I tried to understand the big picture. Understand. I'm not saying that it's fair. I'm just want you to understand the big picture. What are you willing to negotiate and non negotiate in the conflict that you are having? How much of the Conflicts are you willing to negotiate and what are the non-negotiable thing? In our vacation problem? The non-negotiable thing is that I'm going to get a vacation in the next month. I'm going to make it happen. What are the things that I can negotiate? Okay. Maybe it cannot be next month, but can be in two no, three months. But this is what I'm willing to negotiate and this is what I'm not willing to negotiate. So in any conflicts, you must know what has to happen, like what you want to happen at other things that you don't want to negotiate. And what are the things that you can negotiate? What are the things they say, Oh, I'm open to change or I'm open to like to do this bay the thing differently or like Be open to change. What are they willing to negotiate and non-negotiated Empathy. If this person did that work, that was really poor, or that gave you that report late. And there is a conflict that, hey, Empathy, I understand that you have a lot of work. I understand that you have this situation a whole I understand that by just using the sentence say I understand that you didn't mean to be I don't understand that you didn't mean to be mean to me. I understand that you didn't want to hurt me. I didn't I understand that. I didn't have bad intentions. I totally get it. And that helps when you are dealing with conflicts to prevent, like to make the conflict go away to deal with the conflict, to use Empathy, the facts, feelings, and desires. This one here is the best. If you want to express your feelings in a confrontation, you are only going to talk about yourself. And you're going to talk about the facts. The fact that you gave this person the way the vacation next week, feelings made me feel unworthy. I felt it was unfair. Desire. So that's why I would like you to give me my vacations in the next three months. There was a conflict home with a misunderstanding. Hey, the fact that you left yesterday made me feel terrible. And I would like that next time that there is a conflict that appears in a home that we just discussed it. I you okay with that? You communicate with the facts, the feelings, and desires, the report, the famous report, the fact that you gave me the report The day after that I've asked you made me feel I'm terrible because I had to report to my bus and they were expecting that report. And the Liked next time that you have this problem, they just text me or you call me and you explain the situation so we can come up with a better way to deal that. You, are you okay with that? You can see here the facts, feelings, and desires is really powerful. Your goal in dealing with conflicts, it to find a solution, not to win an argument. You don't want to prove the other person wrong. You want to win the argument. That's why you think that you are willing to negotiate and non negotiate. Find a solution. Come up with a solution, Talk, understand the big picture, why it happened. Why it happened, understand all the dynamics, the people involved, understand what's going on, see the big picture, and try to find a solution. And if the person is wrong, you don't have to prove the other person wrong. You want to find a solution. You want to find a solution to deal with the conflict. That's what you want, that's your goal. This video, really different goal. If you go with, I have to find a solution for this conflict. This is what I have. I'm willing to negotiate these, what I'm not willing to negotiate. This is the big picture here. I'm using Empathy, understand the other person's point of view. Let's talk now. Let's talk in terms of facts, feelings, and desires. Facts are that the feelings and you talk about your feelings. I felt that I felt that in the design, I want you to do that. And you can see that if you use that you will be able to solve and prevent a lot of Conflicts is paraphrasing to prevent conflicts and you're able to solve them more easily. 52. Bonus ASSERTIVENESS: Reduce Negative Emotions: Now let's talk about how you can deal with negative emotions. So we've talked so far about the techniques that you can use to communicate your ideas, to share your ideas, to Deal With Conflicts, to share feedback, to receive feedback. And you must know something is that you must take care of how you feel in this situations. So the first thing that you must know is that Conflicts are part of life. It's something that's going to happen. The only time that you are not going to be in conflict with someone is when you are dead, basically, human beings, it happens, we have different point of view, have different values, we have different behaviors, we believe in different things, and companies are part of life. So by becoming comfortable with that, you just understand that conflicts with our eyes will arise between happen. You must understand that, that the best way to deal with conflicts is buying, having an empowering state, by being confident in having these positive emotions. As you can see here, the best response to Giving feedback, receiving feedback, dealing with an insult to sharing your ideas is about having this confident and positive emotions in your body. Because these are the feelings that will be empowering. It's not when you're stressed, when you are negative or when someone insulted you when you want to say something back. These are not the best Emotions to deal with. That's why it's important that you understand that Conflicts are part of life and that will happen. And the best way to deal with that is to focus on everything that happened. Great. That that happened to you. Great. That was great in your life that day that I'm not telling you to be like and realistic and just like, be happy all the time. I'm telling you to draw from that energy, that positive energy, to feel that positive energy. But then if dispersant inherited you or did something, you are going to talk with that person, but you are going to talk to that with that person from the good energy that is Confidence, Positive emotions. And it will be able to find solutions more effectively. Understand that Conflicts are part of life. So feel confident and positive emotions. You focus on positive things. You feel Confidence. Remember the posture, shoulders, back, chest open, and you fill this Positive emotions. Even if you are tired, even if you have a lot of work, even if you're negative, even if you are angry, upset, try to speak from these Emotions. It will be much more powerful. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be, the more you practice the communication techniques that you have learnt here, the more comfortable you will become using them. Maybe you're not comfortable Run now using Empathy, or maybe It's not. Maybe not Use, used to talking in terms of benefits and, or pain. Or you're not used to repeat things. Try to use at each elements like once a day, try to use them over and over again until it becomes until you become comfortable. And also dealing with your emotions. Why now I could focus on something that is bad, sad, and have the Body Language of someone who is bad, who is sad and depressed and fill that. Or I could have the posture of someone who is Confident, Positive, and think about everything that went well today. It's my choice. I'm in control of Higher feel at any moment in time. But it took me practice and now I can go from depressed, I want to kill myself To all I'm the best. And I can do that in a few seconds. So something to help you with is ask yourself this question. If you wear on top of your shape today and you had like 100% Energy and you are the most confident person. How would you behave? What would you post your Be like? You know already, you already know how a depressed person is and how a confident person is, you already know, but by asking yourself this question, it can help you to tap into that potential that you have and that can destroy these Negative Emotions. It's okay to feel these negative emotions. But there are certain times you don't want it to be speaking from these negative emotions because you don't have your full power. Imagine that here is your full power, like Positive, confident. And if you are Negative upset, you will be here and this would be the power that you have. The power to be like the creativity, the comebacks and everything. When you are angry, upset, you don't say great things. You don't say great things to deal with conflicts. You don't say great things home. Try to be in this Positive and Confidence. Take this one here is really, really important. Be aware of the other person's emotions but don't feel them. You will be feeling confident and positive. And someone in front of you is really angry? Or is it really sad? I don't want you to lower your energy. I want to just to understand their point of view. You will understand their point of view emotionally, but you will stay in that creates state because you will be able to help that person or to deal with the conflict from disk energy that you have, this confident and positive energy that you have. And you don't want to feel the same energy as the other person, otherwise you will. The same situation and experiencing the same Emotions are the other person and you cannot help them. You can deal effectively with the Conflicts in that state of emotions. So it doesn't mean that you don't have empathy. If you don't feel what they feel, you just understand their situations. But you don't feel the mo, the other person's emotion. You understand their feelings. You understand the pain, but you don't go down with them. You stay up and then you take them with you. And you take them from where they are to the good state. This is really important here. That's how you manage your negative emotions. So this was really an amazing course that I was really excited to record. I hope that you had a lot of content of advice. This literally here are the best technique that there is an Assertiveness and a communication. So you can go through the course again. If you haven't taken any notes. Take notes, and always ask yourself this question, how can I apply that to my situation? And you will see that you practice that over and over again and you will become a big success. I know you will become a big success. See you next time. 53. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Use The Power Of Presence To Draw People Towards You: How to use the power of presence to draw people towards you. So charismatic people, they understood that presence. It means that being three aware to what's happening around you will impact your charisma. So what does it mean to be present? It means that you are fully there. You're not thinking about the past, you're not thinking about what happened, what you did, and you're not thinking about the future. You're not thinking about what to say, what you, what you are going to do in the future. Your lounge we like, you are not thinking about that. You're fully there yet fully listening. You are fully aware. You give your attention to the person and you are fully listening. And it's really difficult right now because we all have phones. And it's difficult for us to be present because we all have notifications that birds on our phones and we're not really there with the person. So advice number one is if you want to increase your level of charisma, increase your level of presence. So I don't, how can you do that? A practical advice is to put the sensations back in your body. It means that when you are not present, your focus is not on the sensations in your body, it's elsewhere. So the idea is to focus on, for example, the weight of your tongue. If you try it right now, and it gets a little bit weird, but let's try it right now. You focus on the weight of your tongue. If you do that, try now, can you think about your laundry, about the things you have to do next? No, it really puts the sensations back in your body and the focus in your biology. Another great way, great way is to focus on the sensations of your toes. If you do it right now, you may be, you will feel toes on the ground or in your shoes. And you will see that the sensations are back in your body and your level of presence is increased. So it means that when you are talking to someone and you're not really there, you actually present with that person. Remember, put the sensation, the weight of your tongue on your toes, start to feel your toes. And it can be also try to feel, for example, the back on your chair, the robot on the chair, you legs on the ground like tried to really put the sensations back in your body. Another great way also is to focus on the way you breathe. So for example, if you are not really present, you just take a few deep breaths. You relax and you purchase and say you put your sensations on hybrid zone tried to control higher risk, but you just observe your breath and by doing that, you will be present again. And even right now, I'm doing this exercise to illustrate that my level of President has totally increased. And other advice, it's about listening to the person fully listen to the person. Most people say, Oh, I can not be present with the person because I have to think about what to say next. And the fact that you have to think about what to say next, it because you're not fully listening to what the person is saying. So instead, I would like you to fully listen to what the person is saying and you're going to trust yourself, trust your judgment, trust yourself that you will come up with things to say, because you will be listening actually to what the person is saying. If you want to increase your level of presence, another great way, it's about meditating daily. It means that every day, I encourage you for 10 or 20 minutes. You're just going to take time for yourself. You're going to sit on a chair. And I'm going to illustrate how I do that. So I set an alarm clock to 20 minutes. And so I take my phone and I said, Okay, 20 minutes is going to ring in 20 minutes. I'll put it next to the chair. And I sit in front of a blank wall. And what I'm going to do is that I'm just going to stare at this blank wall. Nothing passionate here. You know, like I'm just looking at a blank wall. And I'm going just to focus on the way I breath. Another way to control it. I'm just going to observe it. So I'm going to put the sensations in my body. So I'm going to do that for one or two minutes. And then I'm going to scan my body. It means that I'm going to scan for the tensions in my body. It means that I will put my attention, I will start with on my toes and then I will go on, on my ankle, and then I will go on my legs, my bots, my stomach, and then and so on. And I would go to the head and I'm just going to scan the tension. I'm not going to try to release any tension. I just want to be aware of the tensions that there is. And I'm going to do that for a few minutes and then I'm just going to look at this blank wall. So I'm still looking at this blank wall. And I'm just going to say and I'm so I'm just going to let my mind go where it wants to go. And you will see that there we thought that would becoming coming in into your mind at the best way. And it's a psychologists that gave me this does tips. Is that when there is a thought in your head that enters your head, you just imagine that there is a cloud passing by and your thought is on the Cloud and it goes away. And that way it empties your mind. And if there are noises around you, there are parts of the experience. Accept the noises that are around you. And you will see if you do that over and over again, you level of presence will increase and so will your level of charisma. So this was the number one presence. 54. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Use The Feeling Of Warmth To Be Charismatic: How to use the feeling of warmth to be charismatic. So studies have shown that warmth is a factor that helps with caries. Now, what does it mean? It means that when you are talking to someone, the other person will feel something warm about you. It may be that you are carrying with the other person. It may be you have a vibe that cares about the other person. It can be that your mindset has a warm component in it. It means that you have something friendly about yourself. In other words, you have something friendly about yourself. So how can you activate these warmth yourself? So the first thing to understand is that whatever you feel, the other person feels, it means that if you are stressed and nervous, the person will feel stress and nervousness. Because the communication between two people, only 7% are words. It means that 93 percent is the nonverbal. It means that it's the emotions. It's your posture, is your non, so it's the non-verbal, it's the tone of voice, your eye contact, the energy that you exchange with the other person and all the things. And they are all aligned with how you feel. So that's why if you take control about how you feel, you are going to be able to activate this feeling of warm. So how can you control how you feel? First, you focus, you put your attention on something that will trigger that emotion. So for example, right now if I think about something horrible in the world, how am I going to fulfill? I'm going to feel upset or stressed, not a great mood. But what if instead, I focused on a happy memory? If I do a try now and I focused on a happy memory, you can see I'm smiling and feeling happy inside. And that's the secret here. If you want to experience warmth in yourself, just remember memory. When you felt friendly and warmth. Maybe it was with someone you love, maybe it was with someone that you cared about. Like maybe you have a memory that you experienced these warmth and friendliness IMU. And the idea is when you approach someone, when you are talking to them for a few seconds, suggests remember this memory. And then it will activate this feeling of warmth, and then the other person will feel that. And it's really, really powerful. That's why I would like to say here that controlling how you feel. And I know it's not, it's not easy at first. But if you do that over and over again, you can go from someone who is too angry to someone who is calm, someone who is excited, someone who is depressed is 0 because I'm able to trigger these emotions because I have them associated with memories in the past, and I know how to activate them. So you're in control of your emotions and other, when you're an interaction like there is stress that all these emotions. But over if you do that over and over again, you are going to be able to control how you feel in interactions. And you're going to be able to activate this feeling of warmth and friendliness. Another thing that is really important is the mindset that you have about people. If you think that people are bad and Egypt's guess what? You will be working in a bar or in a social setting with the mindset of people are stupid people are Egypt and you are going to project that onto them. It means that people will sense that you vibe has something weird because you expect them to be stupid and Egypt. So you're going to connect with stupid people and people. That's how, that's how it works. You struggled connecting with the DAC, the great people that are positive, outgoing, that really encourage you to do great things. Because you have this negative mindset about people and charismatic people. They have a great mindset about people. I'm not there. I'm not telling you that everyone is friendly. The word is amazing. No, no, that's not what I'm saying. Undressing that maybe it's better to have a better mindset so that you can really connect with the people that you really want to connect to with and the people who are negative egos, but you're not going to connect with them. You're going to interact with them, but you're not going to connect with them. So that's why I encourage you to think about the mindset. The mindset that I have is like people are friendly and I can share my warmth and friendliness with them. People are friendly and I can share my warmth and friendliness with them. So it means that when I'm in a bar in a networking event and I want to approach someone. I just think, Oh, people are friendly and I can share my warmth and friendliness with them. And it puts me is a great vibe and have the right mindset. And when I approached them by vibe is charismatic and then people say, Oh Alan, you're charismatic and this is how it works. So you can see here the fitting of farms and finance is really important because it's really, really make a huge difference in the level of charisma that you have. 55. Bonus CHARISMA:The Power Of Optimism: Charismatic people are more optimistic than other people. Charismatic people, they choose to see life with the glass half full instead of half empty. You can see here a situation is a situation and you can choose if you want to look at it positively or negatively. Let's say that for example, if you get fired from your job, most people, they will look at it. Negative omega was fired. Oh my God. What am I going to do? I deserve it, and they're going to interpret it negatively. But you also have the choice. If you choose to do interpreted positive, you can say, oh, finally, I, finally now I can really live my dream. I can build my own business. I can be my own boss. It was about time. And you can see here the situation is the same. It's just an interpretation that changes. And it's the same thing with life. If you see a situation, if you see someone looking at you and you say, Oh, this person is looking at me because my hair is horrible or oh my god, this person is looking at me because I'm a loser. It's interpretation that you have that is destroying your self-confidence and it's destroying your level of charisma. But if instead you say, Oh, this person is looking at me because maybe this person thinks I'm attractive or unsexy. The interpretation that you have about the world changes. And that's why charismatic people, they choose to see life more positively. It's not that this only see life positively and they forget about the negative things. No, it's just that they choose to interpret in to interpret life more positively. It just you imagine that you have two glasses. You can wear the red glasses. And if you wear the red glasses, you're going to see all the problems, everything that is going wrong, the wrong or bad in the world right now, all the problems, like all the things that you are not doing well. And if you wear the green glasses, you're going to see the opportunities, everything you did well, you're going to see people smiling at you, people complimenting you. And it's your choice right now, if you want to increase your level of charisma, you should see life more positive is see the glass half full instead of half empty. And this is going to impact people when you're going to talk to them. Because if you just say, oh, hey Frank, Yeah. What you did is not that great and you're always negative. You're not become, you're not going to become charismatic. So I encourage you to see the glass half full with the people that interact with. So it's important that when you talk with the people that you interact with, your always encourage them. You always tried to leave them better than you found them. You can compliment them. You can always encourage them to see the positive side about life. It means that they have this difficult situation. You can just tell them what's great about this interaction. You had been complaining for one hour, but what's great about that? What's great? That's what's great about the fact that you failed at building your business. Or maybe you learned so that you can build this other business that you truly want it in. Like in my case here, like the failures that I had, well awesome. I loved my failures. There were painful as hell, like it wasn't really, really painful. But I learned from them. And the more you are able to encourage people to say, Oh, what are the things, the positive things that are in the situation right now? You can encourage them to see the positive side and it will increase your charisma and who will help them find a solution. Because if they are always focused on the problems, they're not, they won't be able to find a solution. So try to help them see the bad side of things and see the positive outcome and show them that there is always a positive side. It's like when you flip a coin, there are two sides, two sides of that coin, and encouraged people to see the other side, the positive side. And another great question that you can ask people is once you're watching your control, if people say, Oh, I'm so stressed for this presentation and say, Hey, what's in your control? You don't control how people react to you. You control hieroglyph, the presentation. So instead of focusing on, I want everyone to like my presentation, focus on how can I give my best presentation? And this is the other, these are the pieces of advice that you can give people and you can see it will really, really make a difference. So encouraged people to see the glass half full instead of half empty. But first, you have to start seeing life as the glass half full instead of half empty. So practice today we see it will really make a big difference and it will increase your level of charisma. 56. Bonus CHARISMA: The Hidden Power Of Giving: The hidden power of giving. If you want to increase your charisma, he must be a value given person. So let me ask you this question here. When you interact with people, are you valuing, giving person of value taking person, it means that do you give value? It can be verbally with the things that you say or non-verbally, for example, with the motions that you give, or are you someone who take things from the interaction? You take energy from the other person. You're always asking advice and giving nothing in return. Are you a value given person or a value taking person? So if you want to become a charismatic, It's important that you give value to other people. So how can you do that? The first way is verbally. It means that you can share information that is valuable to the other person. You can given advice, you can share your opinion. You can say something that will improve the other person's life. You can, for example, let's say that the person is looking for a restaurant where they can eat sushi and you know, the best place in town. You can tell them, Oh, you know what? In that place you can eat the best sushi is the name of the restaurant. The person says, or I'm looking for I'm looking for some amazing self-help books. Do you know any of them? Yeah, you can you can you can read that book. That book. That book. And it happened to me recently. I joined I joined a gym a few days ago and a coach that was there. He said, Oh, I just arrived here. I don't have an apartment yet. I'm just looking for like, I'm doing all the administrative stuff and, you know, like I'm just I'm just setting in and say, Hey, you know, like the best the best place to find apartments is on this website. You can go there, there, there. I just gave value. And you should have this value giving mindset. It's not that you are trying to solve everyone's problems. That's not what I'm saying, is just that you can throw some pieces of advice, of information, of things that you say that will increase the quality of life of the other person. And if you do that, you will see that people will like you any relief. And people will say, Oh, this person is charismatic because most people, they don't give Alice, they're always taking values. They don't give anything in return. And if you are someone who give value received, you will become a big success. Now, I'm not saying to judge other people. For example, if someone has a problem and you say, Oh, the solution is that you have to do that and then you judge the other person. Don't judge them. Otherwise, it's going to turn off that charisma. Okay. So this is, this was here, part number one, which is verbally how you can give to people. The second part is non-verbally. It's about the vibe that you have, the emotions that you have. So for example, you can, for example, tell a joke. I would say like telling a joke is more verbally. So you take that verbally. Saying a pellet joke is more verbally, but I would say the non-verbal, it's about sharing you a motion. Okay. So the idea is to always focus on a memory that triggers the emotion that you want to experience. For example, you want to experience positive emotions so that you can share these value with people. Focus on memory that made you happy. Focus on the memory that made you extend asic, focused on a memory that makes you super, super happy and passionate. And if you do that, and I can do it right now. I've had a really great energy. Now what if I approach people like that? Hey, my name is Allan. What's your name? You can see here that I have a better vibe. And it's all about what you focus on. So instead of focusing on, oh my god, this person is going to reject me or is this person going to like me? You say, oh no, no, I have to focus on a positive memory so that they can activate these positive emotions so that when you will interact with people by the law of whatever you feel, the other person fields. People will feel this positive energy and people who are giving this positive vibe will be categorized as value giving people. And you're going to become a big success people we say that you are charismatic, so don't be afraid to give value to people verbally or non-verbally. 57. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Use The Power Of Your Voice: How to speak with more confidence. So charismatic people that are able to speak in a confident way. So how do they do that? First, the project, the voice, though not yelling, they're just projecting the voice. And there's a big difference with people who are not charismatic. Thank talk like that, taken want to be heard. They don't want to disturb people and charismatic people. They project their voice. And when you project your voice, it will project confidence. So how does it work? You just imagine that the person is one meter behind their actual position. It means that if you do adjust in front of you, imagine that there are one meter behind and talk a little bit louder. And this would be the right volume that you should have when you talk to people, you'll be able to project your voice. Now it's important that you understand voice tonality. It means that at the end of the sentences that you speak, the intonations, there are some good intonations and some bad intonations. The first one that most people have is trying for rapport. It means that at the end, the voice will go up, Hey, where are you from? Can I help you? And they will be always at trying for rapport. It means that at the end, the voice will go up. And this is really a behavior that is not attractive socially. So you will hear that when someone is not confident and they talk to someone of value, they talk to someone and they say, they think have a lot of value. So it means that, for instance, when you talk to, when you talk to a cop, or when you talk to your boss, or when you talk to someone that you meet and that's impress you. You may have this triumphal proportionality. So it's not that attractive. And I would like you to have more neutral. And this is the second type, a neutral. It's how I'm talking to you right now. My voice is not going up. It's neutral. It means that at the aimed, at the end, the intonation is neutral. Neutral. And neutral doesn't mean that it's without emotion. Certainly that hygiene be told me who is a lot of emotions, and then it's neutral. It just the end of the sentence that is neutral. And then the third one is breaking rapport, is for example, when the voice at the intonation at the end of the sentence go down. For example, Hey, where are you from? What do you do is when a cup, for example, arrest you or the pull you over and say, Hey, give me your paper, please. Our breaking rapport. I don't encourage you to use that because the person can feel that you are trying to address them, that you are trying to dominate them, and that's not a base, the best thing to do. So I encourage you to go with a more neutral voice. So how can you be aware of your voice? First thing we want you to just record it. It means that when you are home, you pretend that you're talking to your boss. You pretend that you are talking to this person at the bar. You pretend you're talking to this person at the networking event and you just record it. So I'm not saying to record yourself at at work or something. No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying here, you record yourself home and then you listen to it and say, Okay, am I talking with a breaking rapport, neutral or trying for rapport? And another great way to be aware of that is to listen to people around you when you're at a restaurant or at a cafe. And if the tables are really close to each other, you can listen to what the other person is saying. And immediately you can say, is this person speaking with confidence? If the answer is yes, the person will be neutral and slightly breaking rapport. The person won't be trying for rapport because if someone is hey, can ask Can I ask you a question? What do you do way from when someone speaks like that is not someone who has confidence because the intonation is going up is a butler is trying for a pore instead of just being neutral with the other person. So this one here, which is really important to how to speak with confidence. And if you project your voice naturally, you will be in the right tone of voice. In that is neutral. Don't over-complicate things. Just project your voice and have confidence and faith in yourself. And you will increase your charisma. 58. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Be More Interesting: How to be more interesting. So the first advice here is to put passion behind the words. For example, if you talk to people, okay, So today I woke up, I drank coffee. People want to say that you are charismatic. But now listen to this sentence here. So today I woke up and I drink my coffee. You can see it with this example here, that the first time I didn't have any passion, I didn't have any emotion behind the words. And the second time I had passion attached to the words. And you can see here that the second example was more charismatic than the first one. So why is that? Because people will perceive the words. And the words are only 7% in a communication between two people. But there is the 93 percent, which is the nonverbal parts. It means that if you throw emotions behind your words, people will captivate, will feel the emotions that you will understand the words that are only 7%. But then there will be also impacted by the emotions that are behind the words. So that's why it's really important that when you talk to people, you just add passion to what you are saying. And you could talk about the most boring things in the world. If you add passion, people will love it. And I tried it. I tried when approaching high-end clients at networking events, I would talk about the most boring stuff I could say, but literally the most boring stuff. I was talking about tomatoes. And I was closing high-end clients. And I was talking about tomatoes. I don't care about tomatoes. It's boring by talking about tomatoes like it's boring. But there was talking with so much passion about tomatoes. People felt dispassion and say, Oh, this person is passionate about, about tomatoes. And as the words are not that important because there are only 7%, they felt the 93 percent and this end. And then they had a great emotion that the felt create emotions because they felt my passion. So an exercise for you would be to, when you are home, you go in front of a blank wall and you share what happened during your day with passion. I want you to exaggerate it because I want you just to feel that you are able to throw passion behind the words. That you are in front of this blank wall. And you are just going to talk about what happened during the day. And you're going to add passion. I don't want you to say. Okay, so today I drove to work. I did my work and nothing happened. Now I want to say, Okay, so today I drove to my work, something happened and I was I was so stressed because I didn't understand what happened. And you can even use gesture to activate the charisma and the emotions that works really, really well. So you can see that, that works really well. If you want to be more interesting, is about you fill first the emotion of passion and about the fact that what you are saying is interesting and it can even fake it. Like I did with the tomatoes. You just add emotions. Because when I took two, I could add passion. I could add depression. I could add joy. I could be neutral. When you understand that a whole new words opens up because you understand that you are in control of the motion that you throw behind the words and how people will perceive that. And if you want to become more interesting, just become more interesting. Be like James Bond. And a great advice for that is take ten minutes a day and try to learn a new skill. You can go on YouTube, for example, or Google something for example, you want to learn how to change a tire. You want to learn how to cook something. You want to learn how to shoot videos, google it for 10 minutes a day, and learn a new skill. If you do that for every day, for a year, you're going to have three hundred and three hundred and sixty new skills the island and 65 new skills per year, which is really amazing. And you're going to be a more interesting person because you'd have more things to talk about and more dire, diverse things to talk about, which is really great and really cool when you talk to people. And that way, your charisma will increase. 59. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Be Liked: How to be liked. So I would like to share here my technique that is really powerful. I am going to show you how you can be liked. So what do most people do? They ask the following questions. What do you do? Where are you from? And they took about negative things. They talk about what's going on, what's going on in the world right now. And you can see here that you're not really in control about it. You're not really controlling people are going to like you. Instead, I would like you to ask positive framed questions. So it means that instead of asking what is everything that is happening in the world right now? And that is horrible. If you ask this question, how is the person in front of you are going to feel? The person will feel negative emotions. The person will feel. Maybe it's the person would be upset, angry, and the person will feel negative emotions. When I talk about negative emotions. Emotions that are not empowering them is emotion that don't serve them to live a better life. Just not, not comfortable emotions, okay, That's when I talk about these negative emotions. But instead, you want to make them feel positive emotions. And if you are able, when you ask your questions to make the other person feel positive emotions in their body, they are going to associate this positive emotions with you because people don't remember what was said in an interaction there. Remember how they felt. If I asked you this question here, what was the first sentences that I said in this online training? I'm sure you don't remember, but right now, you are you are having an opinion about me. You are getting a feeling about me. Oh, I like this guy, I don't like this guy. I hope you like me. So what is really interesting is that people remember how they felt. So the key here is to ask the positive framed questions. It means that you're going to ask questions about their passions, their interests, projects that they did recently, and that made them proud. You're going to ask questions about the vacations, about what they like to do when they have free time. Because everyone likes talking about the passions and their interests, the things that excite them. So if you talk about that, if you ask questions, the person, the person that is in front of you is going to generate this positive emotions. And if you talk about that, depression is going to say, Oh, I had a really great interaction with that person. And you can see here that you can become a big success with the strategy here. So think about the questions that you could ask people that are positively framed. For a four, for example, when I was studying at university, I had a friend who has really popular and I analyze why he was charismatic. And most people were talking about the exams, about the stress, like all the negative stuff. And my friend, she was asking questions about vacations, about what they enjoyed this year, like the relationships they had. It was a choice. He was not asking the boring question that we are leading to negative responses. In other people, he was asking questions framed positively. Some people say island, you are manipulating people. I'm not, I'm just making a choice that instead of asking What's going on in the world right now, that is horrible. I prefer asking, what are you passionate about? It, just a choice that I make. And if you do that, you're going to become a big success because people will be able to feel your charisma and to see you as a more charismatic person. 60. Bonus CHARISMA: The Power Of Politeness: The power of politeness. If you want to increase the level of charisma, it's important that you increase your politeness. So don't be afraid to say thank you. Excuse me, please. When I was having dinner with Brian Tracy in Stockholm, he told me Allen, people in my company, they loved me. And then I start asking question. What do you think? Do you do? That makes them laugh. And he said, I'm always thanking them. I'm always polite. I'm always asking please. And I'm always showing appreciation. It means that when someone did their work and the delete well, they did disfavor from me. I'm always saying thank him, saying, Oh, thank you for your work. You did a great work. Thank you for, for for showing up. Thank you for doing that. Thank you. I really loved your presentation. He's always complementing people. And you can see that if you make the other person feel good about themselves in an authentic way, it's not in a forced way. People are going to love you and you're going to, you're going to become a charismatic. So think about that. How can you show more appreciation to people around you? And if you do that, you're going to become a big success. 61. Bonus CHARISMA: The Power Of Giving Compliments: The power of giving compliments. So if you want to have more charisma, it's important that you give compliments. It means that you tell people what you like about themselves, about their looks, about their behaviors, about the way they show up. And you just, you're just going to say that. So it's important that when you give compliments, you give them in an authentic way. Because I'm sure that you had a compliment in the past and it backfired. It means that someone gave you a compliment and he said, This person is not authentic and it made the opposite. It means that instead of making you feel good about yourself, it made you feel bad about yourself or about the situation. So it's important that when you give a compliment, you give a compliment because you want to give it because it's authentic. What can you complements people on? You can compliment people on their behaviors, on their looks, on things that they did, for example. So for example, if you complements people on their looks, tried to be careful here if it's more like a personal situation or professional situation, is it more like a seduction setting? Or is it more like a casual conversation? You should use common sense to see to which extent you can compliment people on their looks. But the more precise you are of the complement, the better it is. For example, if you want to complement a woman and you just say, oh you the Q tonight. The complements is generic. It means that you could say that to every woman. But if you say, Oh, you look here tonight because I really like how you breath out, how your how you dress matches your, your eyes or how you dress matches your bracelet. It's more precise, it's more specific. So it helps the more precise you can be. And then he can complements people on their behavior. Hi, I'm hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly because I really liked the presentation that you give. By the way, the presentation that you gave before was amazing. By the way, how you reacted before was really great. You can appreciate people and get compliments. So becomes someone who is used to getting compliments. And you will see that your level of charisma will increase. 62. Bonus CHARISMA: Smiling: Now let's talk about smiling. If you want to increase your level of charisma, it's important that you smile more often. So now there is the right way to smile and there is the wrong way to spine. Let's start with the way that is not that attractive. If you are smiling because you want to make an impression. You want to get something from the other person. You can think about the cheesy salesman that really wants to sell you discard. He's laughing at all your jokes. He wants your money, he wants, he wants you to like him, like he wants something from you. And you can see that the way he smiles, not authentic is forced. And this is the way that it's not attractive. And some people do that because they really want the approval of the other person. They really want the other person to like them and they smile too much. The smile it's forced is because they want to make an impression. And I did that a long time. I was trying to get other people's approval. And I was smiling too much because this is not because I wanted to smile, but because I wanted to make an impression. And then I switched to the right way to smile, which is expressing your inner smile. You smile because you want to smile. You smile because you are happy. You smile not to make an impression because you bought you, because you want to share your inner fire, your inner smile with the other person. And it will be completely different. You want to be smiling to make an impression. You'd be smiling because it's an expression of yourself. The distinction is really small, but it really makes a huge difference. To understand that better. When you look at people in restaurants, cafes, when they smile, ask yourself this question here. Are there smiling to make an impression? Or are they smiling to express themselves? Does it come from an expression? Or does it come because they want an impression? They want something from the other person. The more you are able to smile from within. It means that smile because you want to express yourself the most success you're going to have, and the more charismatic you are going to become. 63. Bonus CHARISMA: Remove Low Value Behaviors: It's important to remove low value behaviors. So if you want to increase your charisma, you can have the techniques that will boost it, but it's also important to remove the things that are killing it. So think about the behaviors that you have in your life when you interact with people. Where they are comments in the past that people told you are what you, what you're doing here is not greater, is not attractive. Baby, you don't have a good hygiene. Maybe there is something that you do with your hands that feels weird. Maybe there is something that you do with the, with the way you look at people. Maybe there's something that you do that is not attractive socially. And if people commented, commented on the past and is something that you want to improve, do it. So how can you remove the low-value behaviors? To know what they are? You can ask people around you. You can say, oh, I'm trying to remove three low value behaviors that I have. Could you help me? 64. Bonus CHARISMA: Your Charismatic Body Language: Now let's talk a little bit about body language. The body language that you have with impacts your level of charisma. So most people, they have a body language of a depressed person, a low confident person. They put the shooters down, the closed their chests, the lockdown, no emotions, no gestures. And they say, Oh, I don't understand why I'm not charismatic. But instead you should have the charismatic body language. What is it? You imagine that you're Superman? You open your chest, you put your shoulders back. You hold yourself straight. You have, your head is straight. You just imagine that you have a string pulling you to the sky. You have great facial expressions, but you're not depressed, you're not bored. You have neutral to positive facial expressions. And you gesture a lot. You take space by gesturing. You are going to activate emotions. You are going to activate passion. If you see the great leaders, charismatic leaders, they use gesture, the eye, not like that. They use the Superman posture and they use gesture. They speak with passion. We have seen before in the course how you can speak with passion. And now it's the way to put everything together. You smile, you maintain eye contact, you speak with passion. You use the big gestures. The big gestures. Don't try to make them like that. Tried to be more control of the texture. Imagine slow gestures. You justice are big, but they are small. Thus, there are huge and they are controlled. They are in control, and that will show your confidence. So try that and you will see it will improve your level of charisma. 65. Bonus CHARISMA: How To Maintain A Powerful Eye Contact: Now let's talk about eye contact. How can you look people in the eyes? So it's important to understand that charismatic people, they know how to use the power of maintaining eye contact. Because we say that the eyes are the windows of the soul. It means that you are able to convey emotions. So how can you maintain eye contact if you are shy, for example? So a great advice that someone gave me is that you can look at the outgrowths instead of the ice and you won't notice the difference. When my friend told me that as a no way I'm going to notice the difference. And he said, let's try it. So we did it. He he didn't tell me if he was looking into my eyes or at my eyebrows. And he and I was not able to tell the difference. So it's a great tip if you want to increase your level of comfort and make the other person thinks that you are looking directly into the eyes. You just look at the eyebrows instead of the eyes. And yes, you want on the long-term to be able to look people directly into the eyes. But that can be a great starting point. So try that if you are a little bit shy and if you are more comfortable and you want to look people in the eyes, what you can do is when you're talking to them, you try to maintain eye contact. It means that most of the time you'll be looking at them when they are talking. You will be looking at them. And 70, 80% of the time, you just look at them. You don't look at them with a creepy, creepy phase or weird face. Now, you just look at them with a relaxed phase. And it's normal that some people will be uncomfortable if you look at them too much. So what you can do is that when you feel that the person is a little bit uncomfortable, you just break the eye contact to the right or to the left. Don't look down because it shows that the person is more dominant than you. You just break it to the right or to the left. And most of the time when this person is talking, you look directly into the eyes and when you are talking, try to maintain eye contact. But most of the time, your eyes will go into two different directions. It's something that is normal. It's because your eyes have to access information that are stored in your brain. So as you have seen here when I'm talking and not just looking at the camera and not moving. Because for me it's really difficult to know what I'm going to say. It's just that my eyes will go up, down to access some information, but most of the time I will be looking directly at them. So don't over-complicate it. Just look into the eyes. And if you're not that comfortable, you can look at their eyebrows instead. And that works really, really well. 66. Bonus CONFIDENCE: Confidence To Talk To Higher Management: So now let's talk about how you can increase your confidence when you are talking To Higher Management. It can be your boss. It can be someone that is above you. Like if you're a little bit impressed, how can you have more confident? The first thing is that you want to be prepared. And to the point, if you talk to your high-end Management and you just talk to them, say, Okay, so today this is what we have to do. I think I guess I'm not sure. It won't go well because they are really busy people. So you want to be prepared, know exactly what you're going to say, talk in terms of facts and be prepared. You prepare, okay, this is what I'm going to say. And you want to summarize the main points and you arrived, say, okay, this is what we can talk about, 12345. And you are, you summarize that and then you will see that the Higher Management, We'd really appreciate that. You want to talk about the results, not the process. If you spend hours explaining how you found it, the method that's used, what they want to know is what are the results that they have? Like what are the results right now? What have you found? What are the things that are going to impact them and the company. Because if you think about the boss, the CEO, the high end, the Higher Management, they want to get feedback. They want to get solutions to the problem that are there. So if you talk about, okay, this is what we have found, these are the results. Then the CEO can help come up with solutions and then they can analyze the can think about what you said. But if you spent too much time, say, okay, this is how we have found and you explain the how rather than the what, what are the ones that are the results. It's, it, it's better to talk only in terms of results. And you can give a few sentences about the process, about what was, about how you found it. And you want to focus on the future. The buses, the past, the past happened. You want to learn from the past, get the information, and then you want to give solutions and projections to the future. So when you talk to the Higher Management, you can see these, these are the results that we have. One or two sentences about how we found it. And then these are the recommendation that we have about the future or these are the projections. This is what we think, this is what we have brainstormed and that could be the solutions. And you focus on the future. It's great to be talking about the best. But once you learnt about the past, you want to talk about the future. It's, there is a rule that says that we spent 20 per cent focusing on the past, which is finding the problem, and then 80 per cent on the solution and the future. And she's a great tool. When you Talk To Higher Management, you want to talk human to human. If there is a boss, the CEO, you may be impressed by them and say, Oh, I'm shy and don't have Confident. Because immediately you compare yourself to the other person and you say, Oh, it's really important, I don't have to fail. And then he stresses you. And I don't want you to see your position to their position. I want you to see a human being Tokyo to another human being with respect. And the next layer of communication. If you take to talk to another human being, from a human being to another human being and you respect them. It removes the stress of, Oh, I'm just a non-price talking to my CEO. And that helps me, for example, when I networked with Brian Tracy, I had dinner with him or with Jack Canfield with all these amazing people, with all these amazing entrepreneurs, with celebrities, with athletes. How he was impressed when I was in my mind, my hotel room, I say how I have to approach these really high-end person are scared of a stressed. And then I said, Okay, he's a human like me. When I approach these people, I took from a human to another human and I respect them. I showed them appreciation because these were people that I was really, that I really admired. And the conversation went really well and we connected on the deep and a human level. Why? Because I was on the layer of Communication. I'm talking from a human to another human with respect. And that can help you decrease your stress level rather than done talking from your position to the opposition, you respect them. But you took from a human being to another human being. Positive Visualization. It's super important. If you want to Talk To Higher Management and you're stressed. Speakers, maybe you are making movies in your mind about how bad the things can happen. You are trying to cover all the possibilities. And most of the time It's the bad ones. It's not the one that the person says that there are proud of you. So I want you to just to close your eyes before going into the meeting. And I want you to imagine it going well, you close your eyes and imagine you talking, sharing what you have prepared, the results, focusing on the future and talking from a human to another human being. And you choke, and you are prepared and you visualize it going well, you visualize the person Smiling, saying that it's great. Most people will say, I don't want to do Positive Visualization. I want to think about everything that could go wrong, but I'm only going to focus on that so that if it really happens, I know what to say. Of course, you can think about if it goes bad or the things that the person can say. But you want to analyze them and distance yourself emotionally from that. You don't want to encode these negative emotions in yourself because these are things that may or may not happen. Study have shown that the, that we worry about 90% of things in our mind that never happened. So we worry a lot. So it's important to think about everything that could go wrong. Yes, of course, you write it on a piece of paper and you write it on a how, what you could say, how you could overcome them. But you don't want to encode that in through your body. You want just to know that you have the skills. And if you want to go one step further, you trust yourself. Because if you have done that over and over again, you know how to deal with this kind of situation so that you don't have to overcome and to look for all the bad things that could happen. You just say, I trust myself that I have my capabilities to deal with what's going to happen there. And this is even more powerful. And you're always Visualization positively. Because by having this positive Visualization, you are going to appear and present yourself in a different way when you talk to the person rather than Oh my God is present is going to reject me, say me that, say that I'm a loser. And you arrive like that at the meeting. And then you say, I don't understand why the Higher Management don't like me. But rather instead, if you have the great posture, you arrive with Confidence To Talk to the point and use all these advice here, it will go bad. Things down for the time. You talk to an important person. And even I would say any person, you thank them for the time they gave you a meeting. They said, Okay, I'm going to give you a little bit of my time, share my time with you. You can think them. You can think them when you leave the meeting or you can send them an email saying, Hey, thank you so much for giving me that meeting, Giving me giving me your time. The more you thank people, the more that will Do you favors and the more that we Liked you. There is nothing worst. When I help people. For example, I have so many students that emailed me and say, Oh, I want to be a coach or an entrepreneur. Do you have it? It's a bit time for me. I said, Yeah, sure. I can I can give you 20 min of my time. Then we schedule the thing. The person asked me like 20 questions, which is awesome. Then they don't even say thank you. They don't even send me an email to say thank you. And I'm like, okay, why am I going to help someone who is not grateful? And there is no sense. So you don't want to become that person. You want to become someone who has the meetings and then say, thank you for your time. Thank you, everyone for coming. Thank you for your time. Thank you for making the time for me. And you will see that you will be more appreciated and then people are going to react more positively towards you. So try that when you Talk To Higher Management 67. Bonus CONFIDENCE: Who You Want To Become: Now let's talk about Who You Want To Become. It's really important because most people than ever asked themselves this question here. Who am I? Who do I want to become? And if you are not aware, if you don't have clarity on Who You Want To Become, you're going to let the environment and other people dictate who you should become and how you should behave. And if you want to be truly happy, fulfilled, it comes from within, and it comes from getting more clarity on Who You Want To Become. And that's what I want to help you with here in this video. The average of the five people. There is a famous quote from Jim run that says that you are the average of the five people that you hang out with. And we, if we take it up step further and we want to analyze that, I want you to think about your closest friends, the closest people that you're hanging out to, that that you can get width. And you ask yourself this question here. Do I have something in common with them? In terms of personality traits, behaviors, values are the things that I have in common. And most of the time you will see that jet, you are sharing personality trait. You are sharing things with other people. Because as human beings, we observe the behavior of other people. And even if it happens unconsciously, we adjust living our life and we are surrounded by disclosures, people, we are going to pick on the behavior for the people. We're going to become the average of these people. That's why it's really important to choose who you surround yourself with. If there are people, Positive People, and people that have the personality that you want to move towards to surround yourself with them. If you cannot do that, for example, if you're in at work and you are surrounded by negative people, the more you get clarity on Who You Want To Become, the more you can say, oh, this is not a behavior, a behavior that I want to have in my life. And instead of letting this behavior impacts reactor, you're going to say, how would I have done differently? And variant for example, you see that this person is really Negative. You say, Oh, I want to be a more positive person. Instead, this is what I would have done in his situation. So that you are encoding the situation in a different way, in a way that can empower you rather than just letting the environment impacts you randomly. So this is really important. The more you can surround yourself with positive people, the better '80s. And if you cannot find people who are Like You, you can look for them online. For example, when I started out as being an entrepreneur, it was really difficult for me to find like high-end people here in Switzerland. So I had to surround myself with people from the US, from Australia, from Canada, from the UK, because they think a little bit bigger and the headlight, the American dream and there more to do creative things like I'm doing. So that's why I had to go online to meet these people and surround myself with them. It can also watch, for example, YouTube videos of this people. You can read the books. You can surround yourself with this kind of people. So now, you know that you should build an environment that helps you. But now the question is, who do you want to surround yourself with? The first question that you should ask yourself is, who inspires you? When you think about your friends. The people that you meet on a day-to-day basis. The people that you know, the, the actors, the leaders of this world who inspires you. And you want to take a piece of paper and you want to make list of the things that people have that inspire you. And when I say things, I think about personality traits, behaviors, values, their motivations, their goals. You want to think globally, and I don't want you to give you a PDF. I want to just to think. When you think about dispersion to say, Oh, I'm attracted to this person because of their behavior or something that they do. What is it that I'm attracted about? And you want to think about that and make a list because you want to start painting a picture of Who You Want To Become. So you can think about the people that you meet on a day-to-day basis. Someone that you met a year ago that inspired you. And you ask yourself this simple question, why did disperse and inspiring me? Why is this person inspiring me? Why am I attracted in terms of behavioral personality to this person here? Maybe this person has a behavior that I want to move towards two. And this can help you get more clarity on Who You Want To Become. Because unconsciously, your brain knows, it knows. Because if we attracted to certain people, to certain behavior, it because we want to be like them. So it can help you uncover that who doesn't inspire you. You can find the people who inspire you. You can find the behaviors that you are attracted to. But there are certain behaviors that you are really, really turned off by. And if you think about the person who is Negative, who is aggressive, who gives up easily. If you hate this kind of behavior? You want to ask yourself this question here. What's the opposite of the behavior? Because if you don't inspire you, the repel, you want to get away from this kind of behavior. Most of the time it's because you are attracted to the opposite. It can be someone who is Negative. You want to be more positive. For example, someone who gives up, you want to really go for it. So think about the people around you who don't inspire you. The people that you met, the people that you see online and ask yourself this question here. Why don't these people inspire you? Is it the personality traits, their behaviors, the values, the motivations, the goals? What is it about them that don't inspire you? And the more you think about that, you are getting a picture on the things that you want to have in your personality and the things that you don't, don't, don't like having in your personality. Other, some Behaviors in yourself that you want to stop. Maybe you give up too easily. Maybe you are easily discouraged. Maybe you are Negative. Maybe you complain a lot. Maybe you lie a lot. And this is a behavior that you want to stop because you say, Oh, I want to be inspired by this kind of people and this kind of people. They don't do the behavior that I do here. So think and make a list about at least three behaviors that you make. And you say, oh, this behavior, this behavior, or not that attractive, and then you just try to remove them from your life. It all started with here with our awareness. The more aware you are about the things that the people that inspire you, the one who John's and you will understand why and the behavior that you want to stop in yourself. You are getting a picture of Who You Want To Become and then you can meet your future self. This is a powerful visualization exercise. I want you to sit on a chair and you have a table just in front of you, and you put a chair on the other side. Share the chair on the other side is empty. And you want to visualize your future self that is sitting there. You imagine your future self five years from now, ten years from now, ten to 20 years from now and so on. And I want you to imagine that you feed yourself, is Who You Want To Become. You imagine that your future self is fully alive, happy, present, fulfilled. And I want you to get a sense of this person. This person is you in the future. Then when you visualize that, and even if you don't really see the person there, I want to just to get a sense of feeding. If you're not great at Visualization, you just take a piece of paper and you write down some, you write down some words that come up. You write down, okay, It's inspiring. He takes care of himself. He go like ego gets the things that he truly want and you start getting the flow going about Who You Want To Become. And it's really powerful exercise because if you are getting a picture of Who You Want To Become and you have this picture in your head and every morning you try to visualize this person in the mirror. You go in front of the mirror and you visualize yourself 510 years, 20 years from now. Happy, fulfilled with joy, with peace of mind. Who is truly alive. You visualize that you are going to move towards this person. And you see here the huge difference from, oh, I'm just going to become who the environment tells me I should become rather than, Oh, this is division that I have for myself that truly excites me and others energize me. And this is what we are looking for. How can you make it real? How can you close the gap between the vision that you have for your future self and you right now. How can you close the gap? What are the things that you should do? What are the personality traits that you should have, that you to try it, that you should try removing. What are the behavior that you should do more of? What are the things that you should stop doing? What are your motivations, your values? And when you have awareness, you have more clarity. You can start taking actions. Of course, you cannot send your personality right away. But if you have awareness that you want to modify, that would say every week, every two weeks you just drag and say, Have I Been a more positive person? If you want to be more positive, hadn't been a more friendly person, whoever been a more compassionate person. And that way you can get some feedback on how you are improving. Because at the end, you, why do you want to decide Who You Want To Become? Because I think that You Want To Become happier. You want to have more dry. You want to be more alive. But most importantly, you want to be more fulfilled. We feel are looking for fulfillment in our lives. It's because we can decide who we want to become. Not let the external circumstances decide who we are. But we decide who we are from the inside. And this is here, the exercise and the way to think To Become who you would be proud of. 68. Bonus CONFIDENCE: Improve Your Self Love: Now let's talk about how can improve your self-love. So on people who come to me and say, I just want to love more other people. And it all starts by loving yourself first. It's as if you are walking with a glass. Empty. Your glass is empty of self-love and say, I just want to love other people. But if there is no log know self-love, you cannot share this law with other people and you cannot love other people if you don't Love Yourself First. It's by improving your self-love, by putting Love, self-love inside this glass. So that then you can share this glass of self-love with other people, and then you can love other people. That's why it's really important that you Improve Your Self, Love and you're going to improve the relationship that you have with yourself. You're going to have a more loving relationship with yourself. So how can you do that? You want to accept yourself. Accepting doesn't mean that you like Yourself. It just means that this is where I start. And I would like you to go in front of the mirror and you just look at Yourself. We're going to look at yourself physically. I want you to say, I accept what I see, what I feel and water here. When you go in front of this mirror, you are going to see Yourself. So you say, Okay, I accept what I see. Then I accept what I feel because there are certain emotions that will be trigger, that will be triggered because you are looking at yourself in the mirror. So I accept what I see, what I feel and what I hear. Because there will be the little voice in your head that will say some things. Most of the time, it's not really positive. So you want to accept it because this is the starting point. Because then you can improve it. You can improve yourself. But we want to say, okay, this is the starting point. And it start here by accepting yourself because you cannot Love Yourself if you haven't accepted Yourself. Accepted, accepting yourself is just saying, Okay, I'm ready to let Love, answer my life again. And the more you accept yourself, the easier for you it will be to let Love enter you. Like if we're looking for self-love and love, we are looking follow Of elsewhere. We already have love in our body. It's all about finding it and amplify it. So the exercise that I have for you today is to think about Love. Where is it located in your body? If Love was located in your body, where would it be? And most people say it's a weird question, Allen. But then they think, oh, yeah, I can feel that maybe Love here is in my, in my heart. Or maybe it's here on my shoulders, on my, my arms. And they start feeling love again. Maybe it's really week. Don't worry. But I want, I want you to just put your hands where Love is in your body. Most people that we put it on the heart and some people that will put it, for example, on the shoulders. It was because someone they loved, touch them there. And then they associated this part of the body with love. I want to just to put both hands, one hand, if you can, on the part. And then I want to just to put the hands where it is. Well RVs. And I'm going to just to imagine that you are amplifying it. You want to feel the emotion of love. And then I want you to amplify it. And when I do this exercise on stage with people, the transformation is amazing because you see the person is shaking. He's crying, and you see the kids rebirth. Like the person is allowing Self Love to flow through the body again. And it's really amazing to see that. So you want to put both hands where Love is. And then you can also imagine that it's a pink energy. If you are great at Visualization that can help you, you imagine that it's a pink energy that flows from your heart and it flows through your entire body. You imagine that Love is flowing again. It can happen that it's really week. And don't worry, the more you do it, the more it can flow through your body. And you will see that you will have some blocks in your body, some emotional blocks. And what can happen is that when you are flowing this energy, it's going to make a little bit uncomfortable or maybe it's going to make your relieve some situation that you had in the best. And when that happens, it's the key moments that made you decrease your self-love. So then it's important that you take that moment and that you analyze. And there will be a key. Let me just see here. Which one is it here? It's this one here. Accept to fill up again. Because maybe in the past, what happened is that you were hurting the best. And then he said, Oh, I'm going to protect myself. So I don't want to love again, I want to protect myself from that. So it's really important that you find this situation. When you have found this situation, I want you to give yourself permission to fill out again when you're doing this exercise. And then there is a situation that comes up. You can say how I accept and I give myself permission to feel love again. I understand that it was to protect me in the past. But right now I give myself permission to fill off again because right now I'm allowing myself to fill out, to thank can give love to other people because maybe I'm, I'm punishing my future relationships by not giving Love just because someone in the past hurting me. And that's not the best thing to do. I understand why you did it. But by doing that finding Of again in your body, you are going to help you find the situations and then understand that you were hurt in the past. And this is something that you did to protect you. And that can help you overcome that. The Love Yourself list. You can make a list about why you love yourself. I know it's super weird, but if you think about that, why do you love yourself? And when I first asked myself this question here, it was really difficult for me to know why I love myself. So I Middle East. And there is a PDF just below that you can download. And you answered the question here, why do you love yourself? And it's, I love myself because I love myself because what is really amazing is that you can think and you can show your brain why you love yourself. Because by framing the question, I love myself because it's going to help you build self-love. And then when you have done this list here, I want you every morning. When you wake up, you take this piece of paper and you just read the sentences and you put both hands on your heart. I want you to put the left hand first and then the right-hand second. And then you're going to feel the emotions. And then you're going to feel the emotion of self-love. And they're going to read the list and this is going to boost Your Self Love. Maybe it's going to make you cry, and maybe it's going to make you relieve some situations that you had in the past and then that can help you overcome that. And you say, I accept myself, I accept To fill off again. And that can help you appreciate the beauty of life. If you want to love more, It's important that you appreciate more. Maybe there is a flower. Maybe there is someone that smiles at you. Maybe there is someone that just looks at you and say, Oh, this person is beautiful, this flower is beautiful. Maybe it's a sunrise, sunset. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's looking at something amazingly be it's looking at your coffee mug and say, Wow, this coffee mug is amazing. But by improving your appreciation, you improve the law of that you can give to other people. Because it's by appreciating that you buy, appreciating all the things that you can appreciate Yourself. So that's really helps. Forgiveness. We are making room and space for self-love. I'm not saying that you should forgive everyone. That's your choice. But there is something that is really interesting is to write a forgiving letter is not a letter that you're going to send to the person. You can. But you just want to write it. Because by taking out of your brain and putting it on a piece of paper, you do the process of forgiving. You want to write a letter to yourself, to your family and friends. Maybe to a partner, maybe to someone that you randomly met. It's a forgiving letter. You can think about what happened in the past, what happened in the present, and even if you had bad intentions for the future, for this kind of people, you can say I forgive, I forgive myself. I forgive you. I forgive what you did To me. It's not saying that you agree with the behavior that they did is just that you say, I forgive myself, I free myself from that. And this is really powerful exercise. Try that, take a piece of paper and start writing the letter. It's going to empty this load of negative energy that you may have in yourself, your 100% loved Self. Ask yourself this question here. When you're in a situation. How would my self, my 100, 100% loved Self behave in that situation? And then you're going to act from a place of self-love rather than a place of fear, of anger. But it's more powerful to use self-love. So ask yourself this question here. How would my 100% loved Self behave in that situation? And this is a key question here that's going to bring you closer to the loved Self that you truly wants to have and the love that you want to feel and experience in Yourself. Take more time for yourself. You want to Love Yourself more, but at the same time, you want to reconnect with yourself. So how can you take 20 min today for yourself? Maybe it's to take a bath. Maybe it's just read something. Maybe it's to listen to a song. Maybe it's to cook, maybe it's something that you love doing for yourself. And you haven't done in a long time. Most people will say alain, I don't have time. I only have 24 h a day. Yeah, but how many hours do you spend on your own, your smartphone, or watching TV on your computer are going on YouTube. Maybe you can reduce these activities that don't give you that much excitement and aliveness. And just take 20 min a day to reconnect with yourself. And that can really help you Improve Your Self Love 69. Bonus CONFIDENCE: Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin: Now let's talk about how you can become Comfortable In Your Own Skin. It's really important because if you're not at ease with who you are and then you're in a social environment. And you are wondering about how you look. There's something in yourself physically that you haven't accepted, then you won't be that Confidence and then you may miss on so many social opportunities. Also, there are people who make FUN of you and they tried to put you down if they find that there is something that you haven't accepted in yourself physically, there may try to use it to harm you. So we're going to discuss here how you can become more at ease with who you are. I would like to share with you the mirror exercise. So this is an exercise that we have developed in our people Skills Institute. And that will give you steps to become more at ease with who you are. So I fully encourage you to go in front of the mirror and you go there fully naked. So if you are at work, don't do that or close the door. I want you to just go in front of this mirror. And I want you to have a look at Yourself. I want you to just see how you feel when you look at yourself naked. And first what can happen is that you will look at yourself and you will start saying, Oh my God, you're ugly, you are fat. And you will start just saying all these negative things. Most people that don't focus on everything great that they have about themselves physically. So what we want to do just here is just accepted, accept what we see. Accept doesn't mean that we like what we see it just a starting point so that we can improve ourselves. So when you are looking at Yourself, I want you to say in your head, I accept what I see, what I feel and what I hear. I accept what I see. It's the image that I see. I want to be precise to look at it and accept it because it's the starting point. So it's what I see, what I, what I feel is the emotion that is the emotion that looking at myself in the mirror make me feel. We don't want to modify the Emotions. We just want to accept them. The emotion that's come up, I want to just to make a mental note of them, then it's what I hear because you will be telling yourself things in your head. You just say, I accept what I see, what I feel, what I hear. You keep repeating that over and over again. And after a few minutes you will start become more at ease and more comfortable. And this is step one. If you want to improve and become more comfortable in our skin, is start here. Then you want to ask Yourself discussion here. What are the things that you like about yourself physically? When you look at yourself in the mirror, what are the things that you like? Maybe it's your muscles, maybe it's the shape of your heads. Maybe. Is this your haircut? Maybe it's the color of your eyes. What are the things physically that you like about yourself? And now it's really time to just to give yourself permission to say, Hey, I'm amazing physically because I like my muscles. I like my bot, I like my breasts, I like my arms. I like my forearm. Is really your time here to shine because you are just showing you brain that you are already amazing physically. And also we are looking on, we are looking on the things that we truly feel, that we are good physically. It's something that say, Hey, I like my mass and then you must feel the great Emotions associated to that. That really helps building your confidence and accept more who you are. Now the next question is, what are the things that you don't like about yourself that you can improve. For example, you don't like your haircut. You don't like the fact that you have You don't like you don't like the fact that maybe you lack muscles. And these are the things that you can improve because you can reduce the fat. You can change your hair cut. You can, for example, join a gym and get more muscles. So we're looking for the things that make us not feel that creates physically. And it's something that we can improve. So for example, I look at myself, I see, Okay, I don't have enough muscles. Maybe I'm too hairy and I'm going to make a list of at least three things that I don't like about myself and that I can improve. Then the idea is to take action. Because if it's something that you can improve it that you don't like about yourself. Take action, call your hairdresser and say, Oh my God, you really need to help me join a gym. You do something to get rid of example of the hair that you don't like. You train your hair, but you do some things that you are becoming a better version of yourself, that you'll be proud of and that you will be more comfortable in. So the question here are the things that you can improve in that you don't like. And the next step is what are the things that you don't like about yourself but you cannot improve. For example, you don't like the shape of your nose. There is something physically that you don't like and you cannot really improve. And something that frog, for example, you are born with. And if you say okay, there's nothing that I can do about that. And Maybe you can say, Oh, I want to redo the shape of my nose so I must undergo surgery. Like there are the options, but if it's something that you cannot really change the oh, I don't like the shape of my nose. I don't want to have surgery that digit, how important this is how I was born. This is how I will stay my entire life. They say, okay, if it's not something that you can change, you should accept it. This part of who you are. This is what makes you human, that this is what makes you an amazing human being. Because most people who don't accept the things that they don't like and that The cannot change that gets picked on the and then people can, can make FUN of them because they haven't accepted. And in social situations, people, when they want to make FUN of someone, they will look at the person and then they will sense, oh, there is something that is person is not comfortable with. And then they will try to make FUN of that. So the more you at ease with who you are physically, the more you can have a better life and have more Social Success. So it's really important to see here that we have accepted who we are, what we see, what we feel and what we're here. We have made a list of the things that we like about ourselves physically. We have taken some actions are the things that we don't like, but we can improve. And we have accepted the things that we don't like about ourselves and that we can't improve. So that's really helped you. If you do this exercise here, it really helps you. Inspiring people. I want you to surround yourself with people who have a better look then you better than you and who inspire you. For example, I want to get more muscular. So a few years ago, I joined a gym and that gene was not really inspiring. You had like really people there who are not trying to build muscle. They're just there to just just be there and say, Oh, I joined the gym and they were not like lifting weights and the atmosphere was a little bit weird for me who wanted to put a lot of muscle. That was really difficult because I didn't have inspiring people. And now I changed the GMO a few months ago. And now I have people there who are truly muscarinic and the push me, they inspire me because they make me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Because when you go there and you see all these muscular types like, Oh my God, like there is room for improvement That's really hit my boss said by my biceps, really hard and it inspires you. So it's important that you find people who look better than you and that you are a little bit uncomfortable, that you can have bet good, that you can get inspired by. Maybe it's getting more muscle, it's losing fat. It's, For example, getting your haircut, getting a suntan. If you are really white and you want to be more, have a better suntan. Surround yourself with people who have a better suntan and who go who to take the Sun often so that you can join them and you can spend time with them and then you can take the sun and then you can beat tanned as well. I'm not talking about genetics here, I'm just talking about putting yourself in a situation where you can get the sunlight with them. And it is really, really hear an idea about finding people who inspire you physically. And they inspire you to become better, a better human being. It's not that you are not, that, it's not that you're not create right now. It's just that, Hey, we always want to evolve, evolve, we always want to grow. And this is here is a great way. So as you can see, becoming Comfortable In Your Own Skin, It's a process about accepting the things that you don't like, improving the ones that you can. And then just looking at Yourself, say, Hey, I'm an amazing human being analytic, great. And if that over and over again, you will become uncomfortable 70. Bonus CONFIDENCE: Expand Your CZ: So now let's talk about how can expand your comfort zone and how you can build confidence. You want to make the uncomfortable more comfortable. So most people, they are not comfortable when they have to do new things. And they say, Oh, but it's something that is a little bit uncomfortable. It's not something I want to do. And if you don't lean into that, if you don't put yourself in situations where things are not comfortable, what's going to happen is that you're not going to expand your comfort zone. Because confidence is about being comfortable in new situations or situations that are around you. So it's really important that you ask yourself this question here. How can I be a little bit uncomfortable each day by trying on new situations? Maybe you want to give a presentation. You want to approach someone. What are the actions that I could take today that will get you there, that will get me closer to my goal. And that a little bit uncomfortable. You want to approach someone and you want to be more confident. You want to expand this Comfortable, made it maybe today you can approach someone on the streets and as for the time for direction, you can ask for an opinion. You can ask, you can approach a group of women or men and ask them something. It just about doing something that makes you a little bit uncomfortable. You have a presentation to give. Ask yourself this question here. How can it become a little bit more comfortable giving presentations? Maybe it's about recording myself in my living room, giving the presentation and then just watching the presentation that will make me feel uncomfortable. Or maybe it's about showing this video to a friend. Maybe it's about giving this presentation to a colleague or coworker. Maybe it's about buying a book on how to give great presentations. Maybe it's about buying an online training about how to make great presentations. You want to do things that are always making you a little bit uncomfortable, that I expanding your comfort zone that are making you a little bit uncomfortable. And that is, at the same time they were getting you closer to dreams. That's how confident people do. People say, Oh, but this person is confident, that is, why are there at ease? That is because they expanded the comfort zone really early when there were a child, when they were a child and had this negative is positive feedback, positive reinforcement really quickly. They could really expand their comfort zone so that when they are giving a presentation, there are naturally confidence because when there were a child or when they were young, they had this Positive reinforcement when they were expanding the comfort zone. So when I'm talking here about Positive reinforcement, it's really important when you do that, that you reinforce it positively. There are three questions that you should ask yourself. The first one is, What did I do? Well, what can I improve next time? And why? Why am I proud of myself? You want to approach that person? You are, you want to approach someone today on the street. After that you have done that. You're going to ask what did they do? Well, I approached it. I Smiling anhydride Eye Contact. I asked the question that was not too weird. Like you want to make a list of the thing that you did. Well, then you say, what are the things that I can improve? Maybe next time I could try to be less stressed because at the end it worked well. Next time, I could try asking less direct questions. Maybe next time I could try continuing the conversation rather than just running away after Delta F and ask them a question. The third question is, Why am I proud of myself? I'm proud of myself because I took action despite the fear. I took action because even though I felt stressed and I'm proud of myself for that, let's say that's at the end of design training. I'm going to ask myself this question here. Why did they do well? I recorded an amazing on a training. I liked the Confidence part. I liked how I move. So this is something that I did really well. I'm even going to do that a tap on the shoulder and then congratulations, you did it. Why? I'm reinforcing my Confidence. What can I do better next time? Next time, I could try to record what is not 30 degrees outside because it is really, really hot. And I say, okay, maybe next time I should choose, for example, might times of recording that could be a little bit early or late in the afternoon so that I don't sweat a lot. What I'm giving these presentations. Okay. Why am I proud of myself? I'm proud of myself because tomorrow because today when I woke up, I was really in a bad mood. I was really angry. I didn't know what. I just woke up. I was hours. I was angry. I didn't have great Emotions And I'm proud of myself because I was able to change my state, my physiology, my way of thinking to deliver an amazing online training. This is great. And every time I'm going to do that, then what happens after a few sessions? My confidence has been increased and I'm getting feedback on the thing that I can improve. And I'm showing my, my brain that I'm proud of myself. So that works really well. How can you destroy the limitations? Because by expanding your comfort zone, you are going to discover your limitation. They're going to discover your limiting beliefs and the things that are holding you back most of the time is just a little voice in your head that says, hey, maybe you're not good enough. Maybe you don't believe in yourself. Maybe you shouldn't do it because you are afraid. And it's really interesting because when you become aware of them, you can deactivate them and you can transform them with an Part serving sentences empowering belief that help you take massive action. So I'm going to show you here a five-step process. So that next time that you are taking your actions, I want you to be aware of these five steps so that you can overcome your limiting beliefs. Number one, when you are thinking about taking that action that makes it a little bit uncomfortable or you have taken it. I want you to just listen to the moment where you were taking action and what you were telling yourself in your mind. It's the little voice. That little voice is there to give you feedback. It commands you, but it's you that is commanding Yourself, okay, so you want to listen to it. You don't want to judge it. But for example, you want to approach that person. And then you say your hair, then you hear Your hair is awful and say, Okay, I'm not going to judge what I hear. You hair is awful. And then when you hear that, you want to ask the question, Why? Because we want to dig deeper, deeper. I don't think that the limiting belief that you have that Your hair is awful. But if you ask the question, why did you hear awful? It's because I don't like how I look. Why don't you like why? Why don't you like how you look? It's because I tried to compensate for something. Why do you try to compensate for something? Um, because because I don't trust myself to okay. You have a limiting belief that you don't trust yourself. And when you are taking these new actions, there is something in you that says, you don't trust yourself. You don't trust that. You can do things well in that situation. Say, okay, interesting. So we're not judging that we are just listening to that. Number two, is this limiting belief that I have, which is I don't trust myself. Always 100% true. Because I believe that we have is a belief because we consider that it's 100% true. If we don't think we are, we're not, We don't believe that is 100% true. It's not a belief. It's a thought. It's something that you think, it's not a belief. A belief is 100% true. So the question that you should ask yourself is, is there a way to try to deactivate this belief? When you say, Okay, I don't trust myself. Is it 100% true that I don't trust myself? Now that's not, that's not always true. Because for example, when I approached that person, when I did that, I was trusting myself. Even when I am a home with my family. I trust myself. When I with my when I am with my child, I trust myself. So having a belief that I'm I don't trust myself is not always true. Interesting. And then you are trying to shake a little bit delimiting Beliefs. You question it. And then number three, what will it cost me if I keep thinking, I don't trust myself? What's going to cost me a lot of social opportunities because I want to take action. Because I think that I'm not good enough that I don't trust myself, then I want you to make a list of all the pain and to feel it. What we're doing here is that we are taking the negative things that are impacting your life because of this limiting beliefs. And we are super charging these emotions in yourself so that you say, Oh, I don't want to believe that anymore. Because now I, I've seen that it's not always 100% true. But then in the same time, I'm adding a lot of pain to that. Say how maybe he Enough is enough. I want to have a girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever husband, wife, and I don't trust myself and you will feel bad. That's the goal. Because if you're not feeling bad, you will be more difficult to change it. I want you to feel bad to fill this Negative Emotions. Because then when you have felt is Negative Emotions, you want to ask yourself this question here. How can you change these positive belief? Did calculate change is negative belief to a more positive one? How can we transform? I don't believe in, I don't trust myself in a more empowering one. How could I, maybe it's, I trust myself that, that could work. Maybe it's I'm an amazing human being. Maybe it's great because I'm a human being. No matter what it is, it has to make sense for you. So you can take the opposite of the belief that you have, you'll find it. And then what you want to do is to ask yourself this question here. How is this new belief that you found? How is it going to improve yourself and your life? And you make a list. You make a list and then you feel the great Emotions. And everyday when you wake up, I want you to think about the new empowering beliefs that you have and how it's going to improve your life. You print it and there is a PDF below, by the way, for all these steps here, you print it up. You paste it next to your, Your Bed, and you read it every morning. Now, most people will say, that's not a good way to do it because then you Will, you will feel some tension. Because the old limiting belief it's still there. And by giving this tension here, it's going to make you uncomfortable. It's going to destroy you. Now, I talked with Jack Canfield. Jack Canfield, he's an amazing human being, his speaker entrepreneur. He's known for his appearance in the movie, The Secret. He has written chicken soup for the soul. He's the guy about personal transformation. And I was interviewing him and I asked him discussion here. Most people, when they do affirmations, when they change the limiting belief, The find this discomfort. Is it good? Say yes. It means that you're on the right path. Because by doing that every morning, every morning, I repeating the new belief that you want to have. And it's going to create such tension than that. If you don't modify your new belief, then you, Your body is going to say, oh, there is a lot of uncomfort Discomfort right now. I know that this guy is not going to change the new belief that he wants. Maybe I should let go of the old one and welcome the new one. And there will be a moment where these discomforts becomes comfort. And this is the tension that we want to create here. So the PDF is just below 71. Bonus NEGOTIATION: 5 Fears of Negotiators: So let's start right now. In this section, we learn how to overcome the top five fears that people have in negotiations. How to avoid common pitfalls of conceding too much, too soon, dealing with difficult people, and managing your emotions, and handling negotiations in virtual or remote environments. So in this lecture, we'll talk about the top five fears that negotiators have and some mindset chips to overcome them. When we talk about how to overcome these fears, you'll understand how the top negotiators think. Because I will share with you some strategies. No matter if you are brand new at negotiation or you're an experienced negotiator, you may experience them at different levels. Let's start by discovering what the top five fears are and then we'll see how you can overcome them. Number one, fear of rejection or disapproval. People often fear that their proposals will be rejected or that they will be met with disapproval from the other party. This fear is linked to our natural human desire for acceptance. And this fear can prevent us from asking what we truly want or making bold offers. Number two, the fear of conflict. Negotiations can sometimes involve disagreements and conflict. For most people, conflicts and difficult conversation can be uncomfortable. So they will do everything they can to try to avoid them. This fear of conflict, it can prevent people from standing the ground, asserting their needs, or pursuing optimal outcomes because they are afraid of upsetting the other party. Number three, fear of losing out. Negotiations involve some level of compromise. And people might fear that they will end up giving up too much, too soon and missing out on terms that they could have gotten. This fear can lead to defensiveness or an unwillingness to adapt our initial demand to please the other party. Number four, fear of not being prepared. Lack of preparation can lead to anxiety when negotiating. And people may fear that they won't have enough information, data, or a solid strategy to back up their positions, which could weaken the negotiation. Number five, fear of hurting the relationship. In many negotiations, there is a concern about the long term relationship between the parties involved people. They may worry that pushing too hard, too soon or being too aggressive could harm the Apo and trust that they have built with the other party. Now that you know what these five fears are, let me share with you some tips so that you can overcome them. Number one, it's the fear of rejection or disapproval. The first advice is about separating you worth from the negotiation. It's important to understand that the rejection of your proposal doesn't affect your personal worth. It doesn't mean that someone rejects you, that they reject you as a person. They reject your offer or your request. It's simply part of the negotiation process. So it's a result that you get from a negotiation and it shouldn't link it to your self worth. That's really important. Focus on creating win win negotiations. You should approach a negotiation with a win win mindset. It means that you want to give value to the other party, get value from the other person. By focusing on win win negotiations, your fear of rejection will decrease because you are focused on making both sides win. It's not only about you being rejected, but it's about giving something to the relationship so that both parties are happy. Frame your proposal positively. It's important that you present your proposal in a positive light and show the benefits that the other party will get from your deal. Again, it's a value giving mindset. This will help you reduce your fear of negative responses. And you will be focusing on creating win win deals that meet your criteria. Learn from rejections, top negotiators. They have learned a lot. They became great because they viewed rejection not as rejection, but as an opportunity for growth and learning. Each time that you leave a negotiation, you should ask yourself two questions. What did I do well? And what can I do better next time? We are not asking what did I do wrong. We are framing the question positively. So it builds our confidence and it gives us feedback. We are using the first question to reinforce our confidence and then the second one to get positive feedback. Don't take rejections personally. People don't reject you. They reject what you're offering. So when someone rejects your offer, don't take it personally and try to adapt your offer to make a deal. If it's within something that you can accept, just imagine that it's to people who are executing a task. In this case, it's a negotiation. It could also have been to other people. So don't take rejection personally. Build confidence by visualizing success to reduce your fear of rejection. You can use positive visualization before a negotiation. You simply close your eyes and you imagine that the negotiation is going well. You imagine the person agreeing, you imagine yourself succeeding. If you do that, it will boost your confidence because our brain cannot perceive the emotional impact of a situation that you have imagined or that you have lived or that you have really lived. So our brain cannot perceive the difference between something you have imagined and something that really happened. It cannot perceive the emotional impact that it has. It cannot make the difference. And so many studies have proven that. So you can really visualize success, feel the emotions of success and it will build your confidence as if you really were in the negotiation. Understand the 2080 rule. The part rule can be applied in negotiations. Most people think that if you have a 1 hour negotiation, each minute will be of the same progress in the negotiation. But that's not the case. The parto rule in negotiation says that the first 80% of the meeting will contribute to 20% of the whole negotiation. And the last 20% of the meeting will contribute to 80% of the negotiation. It's normal to have small talk, to build rapport, to understand the other person's motivations and so on. That takes time at the beginning, that's why it's the 80% at the beginning that will contribute to 20% of the negotiation. In the beginning, you are getting to know each other and you are getting to know the motivation and so on. Then the last 20% of the meeting, it's where most of the negotiation is made because you spend the first 80% gathering information. So keep that in mind. So as you can see here, this advice can help you reduce your fear of rejection or disapproval. Let's talk about the fear of conflict. You can reframe conflict as an opportunity. If there is something that you don't agree on, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It can force you to better understand the motivations and interests of the other person so that you can adapt your offer to make a win win negotiation. If you view a conflict as an opportunity for growth and to fine tune your offer and understanding of the other party, you will become a massive success. Emotional intelligence. It's important that you learn to manage your emotions during a negotiation. You should also understand what the other person is feeling so that it can help you adapt your negotiation strategy. The golden rule of negotiation is this, never make decisions when you are emotional. If you feel emotional, you can ask for a time out or you can reschedule. When you experience strong emotions, you react subjectively and not objectively. And you may give too much or too little to the other person because you're not thinking straight. When you experience strong emotions, breathe deeply and you can focus on the long term value of the relationship. And you can take a few minutes to gather your thoughts. You should also read the other person's emotion to adapt to your strategy. Just a word for running here, people can fake emotions. For example, there is a common technique that is called the flinch in negotiation. It's a technique to fake disappointment when someone hears a prize, so that the other person will immediately lower it thinking that it was too much. You should be aware that people can fake body language. You should always use your gut and your intuition to know if you are faking it or not. For example, if you offer the price that is too low and you genuinely feel that they think that you don't value them, then you can adapt your strategy because you read their body language and the emotions. Another important rule, the person who is the most emotionally attached to the deal is the one who has the least power. So every time that you go in a negotiation, you should detach yourself emotionally from the negotiation, even if it's something that is really close to your heart. And if the person feels that you are too emotionally attached, you will lose all your bargaining power. And if you are too emotionally attached, you can ask a colleague to negotiate for you because there will be more objective. So we'll see later in the course how you can manage your emotions and how you can develop more emotional intelligence. But here I just wanted to show you that this can help you with your fear of conflict. Practice active listening. So in a negotiation, you should always try to understand the other person's perspective. You should try to learn what their motivations and interests are. We'll see later in the course how to do exactly that. So if you practice active listening, it will show respect and empathy to the other person, which will make it easier to find common ground and avoid potential conflicts. Separate people from negotiations. You should never attack people. You should focus on finding a solution to make the deal work. Focus on solving the deal, instead of engaging in long conversations about the other person. Ask yourself, how can I make this deal work? Instead of why do I have to talk to them? Find the common goal. When you have a conflict. In a negotiation, it's really easy to get stuck in trying to prove the other person wrong. Instead, you should put your focus back on what matters. It is your common goal. You should ask yourself, what is our common goal and how can we make this deal happen? Look at the underlying motivations. When there is a conflict in negotiation, ask questions to understand why something is important to the other person. Try understanding the motivations and interest. We'll see later in the course how to make the other person talk. Just keep in mind that when there is a conflict in negotiation, it's about gaining more information from the other side so that you can understand them better. It's important to cool things down, maybe to have some small talk to judge if there is still enough rapport between you two. Because if there is rapport, they can share the motivations and interest with you. And if not, you should come back to small talk and building more rapport. So it's important to judge if there is enough rapport between you and the other person because that can be the source of the conflict. Remember that people who don't trust you or who don't have rapport with you won't share this kind of information easily. So it's important to build this feeling of trust, and we'll see all of that in the course later. Number three, the fear of losing out. The first advice is about negotiating incrementally. If you are afraid of giving up too much, too soon, you should negotiate incrementally. If you say that you want to pay $40 and then immediately after you say that you can pay $200 you're increasing too much, too fast. If you break down complex negotiations into smaller steps, it will give you a better sense of control over the process and you can maximize your negotiation focus on mutual gain and long term relationships. Always approach the negotiation with the mindset of creating value for you and for them. When both sides perceive benefits from the deal, their fear of losing out becomes less important because they are working towards shared success. Know your positions. You should always know three things. When you negotiate, you must know what is your walkaway point. This means that you will walk away from the negotiation. If you cannot find an agreement that meets your minimum requirement, you should always know your initial offer. If you are selling, it should be higher. And if you are buying, it should be lower so that you have room for negotiation. And you should also have in mind your ideal offer, which is the offer that you are aiming for. Don't worry, we'll see that in more detail in the course. The more information you know about what you want and about what you don't want, the less fear of losing out you will have because you will be prepared. You will know your goals. You will come prepared with negotiation strategy that you will learn in this course to maximize your negotiation, the fear of not being prepared. So I've decided to create a whole video on how to be prepared for negotiation later in the course. So if you prepare well, your fear of not being prepared will decrease. Number five, the fear of hurting the relationship. The first advice is about treating people fairly. If there is one advice that you should take from this course, it's this one here. If people feel that they are not being treated fairly, they will walk out of the deal. Let me illustrate that with the game. Let's say that you play a game with someone random. They have $1,001 bills. They can decide how much they give to you, and the rules are that you cannot talk to this person. You can only accept or reject the offer. If you accept, you both get what you have agreed on. And if you reject, you both get $0 So let's say that this person wants to give you $5 Would you accept the deal so that you get $5 and they get $995 or would you reject the deal and both people would get $0 This is a well known experiment. And when I ask this question at my seminar, the vast majority of the audience, they prefer to reject the offer. Why is that? When I ask someone from the audience why they choose to reject the offer, they tell me that they prefer to have $0 so that the other person don't get $995 because it's not fair. In other terms, when there is a negotiation and people think that they have not been treated freely, they prefer to walk out of the negotiation even if there is value on the table for them. People may think that gaining $5 is better than $0 But knowing that the other person was not fair to you weighs more in the mind of most people. When you negotiate with people, it's crucial that you must be fair. I hear so many negotiators using the low ball technique, which is to say a really low price so that you will have more room to negotiate. This is wrong, let's say that HR director uses this technique. They are willing to pay $80,000 And they want to start with a really low number so that they have room for negotiation. And they will tell their future employee that they can only pay them $20,000 for a full time job. How would you feel if you were the employee? You may simply leave because you may think that the HR director doesn't value you or doesn't respect you. You may think that the person is not treating you fairly fairly and you may leave. So when you negotiate, always have in mind to treat the other person fairly so that you don't hurt them. Because once the other person thinks that you don't respect them or value them, it's game over. It's about finding how much you can ask to maximize your offer without giving them the impression of being treated unfairly. Let me repeat. In negotiation, it's about finding how much you can ask to maximize your offer without giving them the impression of being treated unfairly. Let's talk about ethics. Most of the time, people who fear hurting their relationship, it's because there is ethics involved. Let's illustrate that. You have lunch with your colleague at a fancy restaurant. Before arriving at the restaurant, there is someone on the parking lot who wants to sell you something that they have created with their hands and they want to sell it to you for $10 You really like what they have created. In your mind, you tell yourself that this person is desperate, this person is poor, and that you can negotiate aggressively. And you tell them that you will give them only $1 and then they say no. You then tell them that you will give them $2 and that's your last offer and that you will walk away. If they don't accept, they think for a second and they accept it, They give you what they have created for $2 instead of ten. You are really happy because you won the negotiation. You are proud. You then go have lunch with your colleague at a fancy restaurant. And you spend $300 there and you chip $20 and there you don't negotiate. Was your negotiation on the parking lot a success? We may say yes, because you got a large discount. But now, if we talk about ethics, should you have negotiated in the first place, you only gave $2 to someone who didn't have money to feed their family and you gave $120 tip to a fancy restaurant. So in negotiation, sometimes you have to ask yourself about ethics. And you should ask yourself a question in the first place, which is, should I negotiate? Should you have negotiated with the poor person on the parking lot and each person will have a different answer. That's why in negotiation, you should always take the factor of ethics into account, and that depends upon the individual focus on common interest. When you negotiate, you should focus on shared goals and mutual benefits. You should highlight common ground so that you can demonstrate your commitment to finding a positive outcome for both of you. Imagine that you are creating links between you and the other person. You want to make them stronger throughout the negotiation, and you do that by focusing on common interest. Use language. You can use language that conveys collaboration phrases like, let's find a solution together. Or we can address this challenge together promotes a sense of teamwork and partnership. Remember, a negotiation is not a war, it's a collaboration to find a win win solution for both of you. Be mindful of your non verbal communication. When you are in a negotiation, pay attention to your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions because they will convey what you feel. If you experience negative emotions, try to hide them with your body language so that it's not conveyed to the other person. Instead, you should have positive non verbal cues that can contribute to a more positive and respectful interaction. Abundance mindset, you should take care of the relationship, but at the same time, you should have an abundance mindset. If you feel that someone is abusing you in the negotiation, it's important to have other options around you so that you are not 100% dependent on this relationship. So having an abundance mindset is crucial in negotiation and it will help you decrease your fear of hurting the other person. 72. Bonus NEGOTIATION: 5 Mistakes Negotiators Make: Now let's talk about the common mistakes that most negotiators make and how to avoid them. The number one mistake that most negotiators make is that they concede too much, too soon. Let's say that they want to set a product. They will start with a high price of $1,000 and then they will immediately lower it to $700 It's too fast and too soon. To avoid this mistake, you can increase or decrease your price depending if you are selling or buying gradually by small increments. For example, from $1,000 to $960 for example. Set clear goals and limits Before entering a negotiation. You establish your goals, your priorities, and you walk away points. You have clear limits in mind that will help you resist the urge to make excessive concessions. It's sort about being prepared, so we'll cover that precisely in a future lecture. Reciprocate concessions to avoid giving too much too soon. You should link your concessions to reciprocated concessions from the other party. This ensures that concessions are part of a balanced and mutually beneficial exchange. The second mistake that most negotiators make is that they don't really listen. The mistake that they make is that they ask questions to make conversation, rather than really listening to the precious information that the other person is giving them. To be successful in negotiation, you need to understand the interests and motivations of the other person. Don't worry, I will show you exactly how in the next lecture. Here I just wanted to tell you what you should be careful with. The third mistake that most negotiators make is that they ignore emotions. They think that a negotiation is just a trade. The negotiators who make this mistake are the ones who think that there are two robots trading. To be successful in negotiation, you need to take into account emotions. You should become an expert at reading the other person's emotions to know not only what they are thinking, but what they are feeling. So let's say that you make an offer that make them feel really happy. You know that they were expecting a higher offer from you because you can read from their body language, so you know that you have room to ask for more in the negotiation. You also have your emotions that you should take into account and how to deal with stress and what you feel during negotiation. It's a skill that is really important to master, and we'll talk about that in the next lecture as well. Mistake number four, not providing enough options. The mistake that most negotiators make is that they arrive at the negotiation table with only one offer, and then they will battle for this offer. Instead, you should arrive at the negotiation table with various offers that includes different features and price points. For example, you want to sell an online workshop. You can have an offer for one workshop, for a bundle, for one workshop, and a Q and A, and so on. You can mix the elements. You don't need to arrive at the table with 20 offers, but having more than one is important. Mistake number five, neglecting rapport. Rapport, it's a feeling of trust that you can create with the person. Most negotiators arrive at the negotiation table and they start negotiating right away. This is a bad mistake because in a negotiation, you want the other person to give you information. People won't give you information if they don't trust you or if they don't know your intentions. In other words, they won't give you the information if they don't have rapport with you. 73. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Dealing With Difficult People In Negotiations: Now let's talk about how to deal with difficult people and how to manage emotions. Dealing with difficult people and managing emotions. It's a crucial skill in negotiations. Emotional intelligence and effective communication, They are the keys to navigating challenging situation. So let's start by showing you how to handle the three most difficult types of people in negotiations. They are aggressive negotiators, passive aggressive negotiators, and emotional negotiators. Let's start with the first one, handing aggressive negotiators. Aggressive negotiators, there are people who approach negotiations with a confrontational and forceful style. They often prioritize their own interests and goals above all else. And they may use tactics that intimidate, threaten, or dominate the other party. Aggressive negotiators, they tend to focus on gaining advantages and concessions by putting pressure on the other person. The tactics like high pressure tactics, ultimatums, and assertive demands to gain the upper hand in the negotiation process. How can you deal with this type of aggressive negotiators? The first advice is about don't react emotionally. They will want to push you over the edge. They will want to make you react emotionally. That's why it's important that you remain calm and you don't react to the aggression. If they threaten you with an ultimatum that seems fake, just to intimidate you, stay calm and tell them that you won't be able to make a decision that quickly and immediately. Move the conversation to finding a win win solution for both of you. Don't stay there. When someone threaten you in a negotiation, you disarm it and you move on. Use active listening. You want to listen to their concerns, their demands, and the interest and motivation. You can acknowledge their feelings and motivations without necessarily agreeing to them. And you can say, for example, I understand that what you told me is blah, blah, blah. So that you show that you're on the same page, that you understand them, but it doesn't show them that you agree with what they said. And it's really important when you are dealing with aggressive negotiators, you can redirect the conversation. They will want you to focus on their aggressive behavior to intimidate you. Instead, you want to redirect the conversation to your common goals and finding a solution. If they show signs of aggressive behavior like yelling, for example, you can say, let's focus on finding a solution. So far what we have agreed on is Ta, Ta, Ta, Ta. And you continue on with the negotiation. You should set boundaries early before starting the negotiation. You can frame the negotiation to include respectful communication. You can say, thank you for coming. Before starting any negotiation, I like to set three guidelines. Number one, it's respectful communication. Number two, it's fair communication. Number three, it's win win Communication. Are the three rules okay for you? If they agree, they will show less aggressive behavior because you framed them to be respectful early on. This is really, really powerful. Be assertive. When you're dealing with aggressive negotiators, you want to be assertive. You share what you want, what you need, and what you feel with respect and integrity. No need to be confrontational. Just assert your own interests and needs. You present your points confidently and logically. You should also offer options. You can provide alternatives that address their concerns while also meeting your goals. This can help de, escalate tension. For example, you can say, we could consider option A because it adds the concern A. We could consider option B because it addresses their concern. Just keep in mind that when you are providing option A and B in this example, they should also meet your needs. It's not only about offering great options for them, but you should also think about your goals. Involve a neutral party. Sometimes it's necessary to consider introducing a mediator or a neutral third party to facilitate better communication. So if needed, you ask them if they want to involve a third neutral party to advance the negotiations. Number two, handing passive aggressive negotiators. Passive aggressive negotiators, they will use indirect and subtle behaviors aimed at expressing resistance. Or frustration without openly addressing their concerns. They may make passive aggressive criticism, give mixed signals, or use sarcasm to convey that they are not happy. They won't tell you actively like the first type of the negotiator that we have seen earlier, but it will be done passively. Passive aggressive negotiators. They may appear nice on the surface while creating obstacles and roadblocks behind the scenes. This behavior can lead to confusion, miscommunication, and ultimately prevent productive negotiation outcomes. How can you deal with passive aggressive negotiators? The first advice is about addressing passive aggressive remarks. It's really important not to accept their passive aggressive remarks when they use subtle or ambiguous language that conveys a passive aggressive message. It's important that you ask for clarification or you respond directly to the underlying message you can use. When you say that, what do you mean exactly? This will force them to be active versus passive in their aggression. As most passive aggressive people, they don't want to be active. They will change the meaning of what they said when you ask them directly. And this will reduce the number of passive aggressive remarks that you will have in the future. Because they know that you will want to know exactly what they mean and they will know that you don't tolerate. Passive aggressive remarks seek openness when you see that they are feeling something but they're not expressing it. You can encourage them to express their concerns or reservations directly. You can use sentences like, it sounds like you have some concerns. Can you share them openly? If you help them express themselves, you will see how open a passive aggressive person can be. Focus on facts. When they say a passive aggressive remark, don't fight back. Ask them what they mean. And then you redirect the conversation to facts details and you continue with the negotiation. That's really important, offer cooperation at the start of the negotiation. You can frame the negotiation by saying, thank you for coming. Is that okay for you if we cooperate openly to find a win win solution for both of us? If you say that, you will encourage them to contribute positively and it will reduce their passive aggressive behavior. Stay patient. Dealing with passive aggressive behavior might require more time. So be patient while working to uncover the true concerns. Always stay calm. Number three, handling emotional negotiators. Emotional negotiators, there are people who express their feelings and emotions openly, and they may have difficulty managing their emotions during negotiations. The emotional responses can range from enthusiasm and excitement to frustration, anger, or even tears. Emotional negotiators, they tend to prioritize their emotional needs and reactions, which can sometimes cloud the judgment and decision making. So it's important to approach negotiations with emotional negotiators by acknowledging their feelings while also focusing on objective facts and finding practical solutions. This is how you can deal with emotional negotiators. The first advice is about using empathy. It's important that you show them that you understand the situation and their emotions. You should acknowledge the feelings by addressing the issues. You can use sentences like, I understand that you are concerned about, I understand that you are worried about, and so on. It will help them feel emotionally understood, which will help create a bridge, a connection between you and them. Use neutral language. Keep your language neutral, and avoid adding fuel to their emotions if you see that they are being upset. For example, don't use charged language, like telling them how the deal is not meeting their expectations. Instead, you use neutral language and you focus on finding a solution without compromising your needs. Take breaks. If emotions run high, suggest taking a short break to allow everyone to cool down before continuing the negotiation. It's done more often than you think. Stay objective when talking to them. Keep the negotiation focused on facts data and objective criteria to reduce the influence of emotions. So as you can see, these three profiles of negotiators. They can be difficult to deal with, but there are effective strategies that you have so that you can use in successful negotiations with them. And you can also combine the techniques from any of the profiles so that you can use in your own negotiations. Because maybe someone that you meet will be emotional and aggressive. So you can combine the techniques together. 74. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Managing Your Emotions In Negotiation: Now let's talk about how to deal with your emotions in negotiations. When you are negotiating, you will experience a range of different emotions. So how can you control them so that they don't overwhelm you? Here are five tips. Deep breathing. Deep breathing is a powerful technique to manage emotions during a negotiation. When you feel emotion escalating, which can be positive or negative ones, you can take a moment to breathe deeply and slowly. This help activate your body's relaxation response, calming your nervous system and reducing the intensity of your emotions. You inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise. And then you exhale slowly through your mouth or your nose, depending on the situation. And you repeat this several times so that you can regain control over your emotional state. Don't forget to be discreet when you do that, so that the other person doesn't notice that you are getting impacted by your emotions. You can also take a step back when emotions run high. You can take a mental step back from the situation. You can mentally detach yourself from the intensity of the negotiation and you can create some psychological distance. This perspective shift allows you to view the situation more objectively and make decisions based on rational thinking rather than reactive impulsively to emotions. How can you do that? You can imagine that you take a step back from the situation and you focus on the big picture. Or you can physically stand up and grab a coffee, for example. Confident posture, Your body language can influence your emotions. Adopting a confident posture, such as standing or sitting up straight, can send signals to your brain that you are in control and able to manage your emotions. You should avoid bad posture, like closing your chest or claw, or crossing your arms, as these postures can contribute to feelings of defensiveness or anxiety. A confident posture not only affects your emotional state, but it can also influence how other people perceive you. Sit straight, you can put your shoulders back, you open your chest, you hold your head straight. You can even imagine that you are wearing a cape, like Superman or Superwoman. And if you do that, it will increase your confidence and decrease your stress. Focus on the common solution. You can redirect your focus toward finding a common solution or shared goal with the other party. Reminding yourself of the bigger picture and the mutual benefits of reaching an agreement can help shift your mindset away from the negative emotions. This approach fosters a more collaborative atmosphere and reduces confrontational tendencies. You can use positive self talk. You can monitor your internal dialogue and replace negative or self critical thoughts with positive and empowering affirmations. Instead of dwelling on potential failures or setbacks, remind yourself of your things of past successes and your ability to handle challenging situations. Positive self talk can really boost your confidence and can reduce anxiety, and it will contribute to a more composed and focused negotiation process. You can create affirmations and you can also have empowering self talk. Now it's up to you to just say, hey, I'm going to be my own cheerleader instead of someone that puts myself down. 75. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Handling Negotiations In Virtual or Remote Environments: How can you handle negotiations in virtual or remote environments? Let me share with you important tips for handling negotiations in virtual or remote environment. Master the online platform. Familiarize yourself with the specific virtual communication tools being used. Test your equipment, including your microphone, your camera, and your Internet connection to ensure that they are functioning properly before the negotiation begins. You may think that everyone does that, but one out of five negotiations that I'm part of, when I negotiate remotely, the microphone or the camera of the other person doesn't work correctly. Take time to test your equipment, and you can have a mock negotiation with a colleague to test the platform and your equipment if needed. Clear communication in virtual negotiations, clear and concise communication is essential. Be mindful of your speaking pace. You can articulate your words well. You can use simple language to convey your points effectively. It's really important to observe when the other person has stopped speaking, so that you know when it's your turn to speak. If you focus only on the audio, there can be a slight delay and you can interrupt the other person. The best technique is to look at their lips and when they are closed so that you know that you can speak Video conferencing, etiquette, dress appropriately for video calls as you would for an in person meeting. Have a distraction free background. Or you can have a professional background that's really important. Avoid distracting backgrounds like views from the beaches. It's not the moment to display the amazing background that the platform has. Also, you should position your camera at high level so that you can create a natural visual interaction. You can also invest in a high quality microphone so that the other person can hear you well. It's best to use earphones with the built in microphone because the sound will be better than the microphone from your computer. Active listening, since you might miss nonverbal cues, focus on active listening to understand their concerns, interests, and emotions. Pay close attention to the other party's tone and words because you will want to focus more on the verbal part of the communication. Because you only have a limited part of the non verbal visual ads. Visual ads like slide charts or documents that can enhance your communication. You can share your screen when necessary to illustrate complex points and ensure everyone is on the same page. Time zone considerations, If negotiating across different time zones, you can use tools that show multiple time zones and find mutually convenient meeting times. Avoid scheduling meetings too early or too late for any party involved. Structured agendas. Develop a structured agenda and distribute it in advance to all participants. This helps set expectations and keeps the negotiation on track, and it will ensure all relevant topics are covered. Breaks and timing. Virtual negotiations can be mentally taxing due to screen time. You can schedule short breaks to prevent fatigue and maintain participants engagement and focus. Manage interruptions and minimize distractions. Establish guidelines for speaking and handling interruptions. Participants can use the features like the raise hand and can indicate they want to contribute. This feature here is really great because it can prevent chaos in the conversation. You can also find a quiet, a distraction free space for virtual negotiations. And inform those around you that you will be in a meeting to minimize interruptions, especially if it's an important negotiation. Non verbal cues, although limited, you can use available non verbal cues to show engagement. You can maintain eye contact with the camera, you can nod to indicate understanding, and you can use gestures to emphasize points. It doesn't mean that you are behind the camera, that the other person don't see you. It's really important record meetings with participants consent. You can record negotiation sessions and this can serve as a reference for both parties and ensure accurate documentation of agreements. But again, is it something that you want to do? Do you want to record the meeting? If yes, then you should have the other participants consent document sharing. You can use online document sharing platforms to collaborate, to propose contracts, to share important documents. And this will help you, because it will avoid the confusion and ensure that everyone has access to the latest information. Sharing the documents is really important. Summarize and confirm at the conclusion of each negotiation session. Summarize the main points discussed and the agreements. You can send a follow up e mail to confirm these points in writing and you maintain clarity. This is really important because that happened to me many times. I have a negotiation with someone and I don't send this follow up e mail. And after a few weeks then you say, okay, so last time we agreed on this point. And the person said, no, we didn't agree. So it's really important because if you send that e mail, then then you can show the e mail to the other person saying, hey, this is what we agreed on last week. And you replied to say that you were okay with that. It can happen that even with that, some people say, hey, we never agreed. Like this E mail never existed because they are negotiating in bad faith. This is also a sign that you should be careful with this person here building rapport. You should allocate time to build rapport with the other party. You can initiate small talk or share relevant personal experiences to create a more personal interaction. You shouldn't forget to build rapport with the other person because it's on line. It's even more important. Building rapport should be done in person and virtually post negotiation follow up. I already talked about that a little bit after the negotiation, send a follow up e mail detailing the outcomes, action items, and any agreed upon next steps. Don't forget to thank them for the time and ensure that everyone is aligned and accountable. Turnoff notifications, turn off notifications on your device to prevent distractions during the negotiation. Stay fully focused on the conversation. 76. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Identify Your Strengths and Weaknesses In Negotiations: Preparing for successful negotiations. Identifying your own strengths and weaknesses in negotiations. Knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are in a negotiation, it's really important that you can adapt, how you communicate to master negotiations. I would like you to take time to reflect on your past negotiations. I'd like to ask you some questions so that you can uncover what your strengths and weaknesses are. Here are the questions. What were the moments when you felt confident and successful in a negotiation? Think about what contributed to those outcomes. What were the moments you encountered challenges in a negotiation? Think about what contributed to the outcome. Was it a lack of skills, a lack of competence? Was it because of your personality? Try to think of the answers. When you analyze the results of your past negotiations, did you achieve your desired outcomes? Did you feel satisfied with the agreements reached? You can identify patterns of success in areas that need improvement. Could you ask for feedback from colleagues, mentors, or supervisors who have observed your negotiation skills? Their perspective can really offer insights into your own strengths and areas for development. Could you break down your negotiation skills into various aspects such as communication, problem solving, active listening, and emotional management? Even if there are other things that you think are important, you can include them as well. And then you should evaluate your performance in each of these area with the score 0-10 Compare your negotiation outcomes to your initial goals and objectives, where the negotiation outcomes aligned with your initial goals and objectives. If you consistently achieved favorable outcomes, it's a sign of strength. If not, identify why you might need improvement, problem solving ability, evaluate your ability to creatively address challenges, and find solutions that benefit both parties. Why are you able to creatively address challenges and find solutions that benefit both parties? If not, why not? It's important to have strong problem solving skills that can really contribute to effective negotiation. If you are a little bit weak on that, you should work on that emotional management. Consider how well you manage your emotions during negotiations. Are you able to stay composed and rational, or emotions sometimes cloud your judgment? Active listening reflect on your active listening skills. Do you genuinely understand the other party's needs and concerns or do you sometimes miss important information? Flexibility. Assess your flexibility in adapting to changing circumstances or unexpected challenges during negotiations. There changing circumstances or unexpected challenges during negotiations that you manage successfully. Flexibility can be a strength in maintaining productive discussions. Research and preparation. Evaluate how well did you prepare for your negotiation? Thorough research and preparation can give you a competitive advantage. Time management. Did you evaluate your ability to manage time effectively during negotiation? Do you stay on track and allocate time appropriately to different aspects of the negotiation? Ethical behavior. Reflect on your adherence to ethical behavior in negotiations. Are you committed to fairness, transparency, and respect for all the parties involved? As you can see, there are a lot of questions, this question here, that can help you uncover your strengths and weaknesses in negotiation. If you don't have much negotiation experience, you can come back to this video in a few months and you can answer these questions with new data. 77. Bonus NEGOTIATION: How To Prepare For A Negotiation: Now let's discuss the important elements that you must know before negotiation. Should you negotiate? The first question I should ask yourself is, should you negotiate? I have this close business friend who is the CEO of a large company. Last week he told me that he spent 6 hours going to different stores to negotiate the best price on the TV. And that with these negotiation skills, he got $190 off. I can understand that negotiation can be a game. I asked him, how much is your time worth? And he replied to me a lot. I asked him, is it more than $32 per hour? And he said, of course, I asked him, why did you invest 6 hours to gain $32 per hour if your hour is worth a lot more? He didn't know what to reply because he was not thinking that way. And many people will tell me that it's not only about the $32 that you gain per hour. Let me ask you this, was the 6 hours better spent with his wife and children negotiating $190 off a TV? And you get your own opinion, and it's personal. That's why the first question that you should ask yourself is, should I negotiate? Is the time invested worth it? If yes, then go ahead. You should always do a cost analysis of the rewards and the time invested to determine if the negotiation is worth it. For example, is it worth spending 3 hours in negotiation to gain $200 What can you gain from this negotiation? Again, it really depends on your business situation and goals. Always think, should I negotiate, you should have three factors. Your ideal offer, your target offer, and you walk away point. The first one is your ideal offer. It's the offer you would ask for in a perfect world, it's the ideal price. Most of the time, you will start the negotiation with this ideal offer because it has very little chance of being accepted, but you never know. Let's say that you are selling an online training package and you want the ideal price to be $10,000 You then have the target price, which is the price that you expect to set it for, for example, $7,500 It's the price that you are aiming for in the negotiation. You then have your walkaway point. It's the point where if it goes below that, there won't be a deal. In this case, it could be $5,000 It means that if the other party only wants to pay less than $5,000 for this online training, there won't be a deal. Keep in mind that if you ask too much when you are selling or too little when you are buying, you may lose credibility and make the other person think that you are not being fair, which will hurt the negotiation. Knowing the three factors is crucial because it gives you power in the negotiation. You know where you start, what your target is, and you know what your walkaway point is. Just keep in mind that you set the three factors for the same factors, for the same variables. So for example, let's say that your online training is three days and they only want 1.5 day. Then you must adapt your three factors. Let's take another example. You are an HR director and you want to hire a new employee. This is what the HR director that is hiring would write down. Ideal price $75,000 Target price $82,000 Walkaway 0.90 $2,000 In this case, the walkaway point is $92,000 which means the employee won't be hired for this amount of money. The target salary would be $82,000 and the ideal salary would be $75,000 In our case here, the ideal price is low because the HR director wants to pay less for the salary of the new employee. We'll see later how to negotiate. But for now, just keep in mind that you need to know the three factors. The next information that you need to define is what are the must, What are the things that you ideally would like to have? And what are the things that you can trade? Let's say that you are a company that wants to merge with another company. Let's oversimplify the example. The must would be keeping the company name and making sure nobody gets fired. The ideal would be to keep the San Francisco office and what you can trade is who remains CEO before any negotiation. You should define these three factors for simple negotiations, it can be a few items per factors. For complex ones, it can be tens of items for each factor. It's important to write them down because when you will be in a negotiation and the other person tries to remove one of your must, you know that you must make a move to keep this must because it's under the category must and it's something that is vital for you. The next information that you need is what is the information that you want to share, not share with the other person? The information that you don't want to share is crucial because it will avoid you telling this information. In the meeting note, I'm not advising you to lie and hide important facts to the other side, but it's about keeping things private, like your strategy or your next product developments. The next information that you need before negotiation is to ask yourself, what could be the possible options you want to come up with? Different options for the negotiation. Try coming up with various offers, depending on how the negotiation goes. Goes here. It's about getting ready for the negotiation by preparing various offers, depending on the situation. But most importantly, it's about knowing the combinations of elements that you can make in your offer. The next advice is about researching the negotiation location. If you are negotiating with someone from outside your company and you can have the negotiation where you work, that's great. You will have an advantage because it will be familiar territory. If not, you should try finding a neutral place, like a coffee shop or restaurant. Or if it's really a private negotiation, you can rent a small office room in a hotel or convention center, for example. The next information that you need is to think about the best alternatives that you have. What are the alternatives, your first, second, and third alternative? By making a list of your alternatives, it will put you in an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset. Knowing you have other options is always beneficial. 78. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Active listening skills In Negotiations: What to do at the beginning of any negotiation. Enhancing your active listening skills is crucial for understanding the needs and concerns of the other party in a negotiation. Here are techniques that can help you become a more effective active listener. Give your full attention, give your full attention to the person in front of you, Turn off your phone or any other distractions, and maintain strong eye contact. Just imagine that the person in front of you is the most important person in the world. And that you want to get every word they say by giving you full attention to the person in front of you. You hear and absorb all the important information that they say. And then then you can use in your negotiation to make better deals, show interest. You can use non verbs, like nodding, leaning slightly forward, and maintaining an open posture to indicate your engagement. The more the person will notice your engagement, the more they will talk. Minimize interruptions. You let the speaker finish the thoughts before responding. An interruption can break the flow of their message. If you attempted to ask a follow up question, let them finish first. You want them to talk as much as possible because you want to gain as much information. As you can paraphrase and summarize, you can repeat what you have understood in your own words to confirm your understanding. This show that you are actively processing the information and this helps them feel heard and understood. It will increase the feeling of trust. And they are more likely to open up faster, ask open ended questions. You can encourage the other person to elaborate by asking questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. You want them to talk as much as possible, so open questions can help you do that. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Hold off on forming judgments or assumptions. Why the speaker is talking. Keep an open mind. You may have an assumption that they want to achieve a specific outcome, but until the person has finished talking, you don't want to jump to a conclusion. And sometimes it's best to ask a follow up question to be sure that it's not just an assumption, focus on the message. You can concentrate on the content of what's being said, rather than formulating your response while they are speaking. It's really tempting to prepare our response when the other person is speaking. If you do that, you won't give your full attention to the other person and you may miss important information that they may say. Practice patients, you allow the person to express themselves fully before interjecting with your thoughts or opinions. I know it can be tempting to talk, but let them finish first. Be patient. As you can see here, this technique can really help you improve your active listening skills. 79. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Build Rapport In Negotiation: Now let's dive into what you can do to create rapport fast, so that you can create trust and a positive negotiation atmosphere. Your goal at the beginning of the interaction is to gain rapport and build trust. And to be a great negotiator, you must uncover the motivations and interests of the other person. But they won't tell you if they don't trust you and if they don't have enough rapport with you, that's why rapport is really important. But what is rapport? It's the establishment of a positive and harmonious relationship between parties, engaged in a negotiation process. It involves creating a connection based on mutual trust, understanding, and respect. Building rapport is crucial because it sets the tone for effective communication and collaboration during the negotiation, ultimately leading to better outcomes for all parties involved. In other words, we want to negotiate with people that we trust. How can we do that? In the next slide, I will show you how to create rapport fast and how to frame the interaction positively. Your goal should always be to make the other person feel at ease and comfortable At the beginning, you want to have the attitude that you are polite but firm on your interest always starts with a handshake. Harvard's studies have shown that if you start the negotiation with a handshake, the negotiation has higher chances of being positive and having more cooperation from both sides. Do you know why we shake hands? It's to show that we are not dangerous. Because if you want to harm someone, where would you hold the weapon in your hands? And this comes from the caveman days, where a person would show that they didn't have a rock in their hands to hurt the other person. If you shake hands, you show that you're not dangerous, which will unconsciously impact the other person positively. Use their name often to gain rapport fast with someone you want to use the name often in hostage negotiation, the expert negotiator will use the name of the criminal almost in every sentence to develop rapport faster than ever. Even if they don't know the name of the criminal, they will use a random name. And they will use it often to gain trust quickly when you start the negotiation. Use the name often in sentences like, hey, how are you today? Mark, and so on. Don't over use it, but keep in mind that people who call us by our names are people who know us. It creates a strong feeling of familiarity quickly. Quick note here. You can use the first name of the person, or Mr. or miss, and the last name depending on the level of authority that the person has. The similar word technique, the similar word technique is awesome. People want to do business with people who are like them and who understand them. Let's say that someone uses the word amazing or awesome when you are doing small talk at the beginning of the negotiation. And you can use the same words as them so that they subconsciously will perceive that you are like them. This is a powerful NLP technique that gets great results. So let's say that the person says, I'm having an awesome day. Then I'd like to share with you an awesome offer. When you hear that the person uses a certain word more often than others, you can use these words in your sentence. For example, you may say, I'm looking forward to hearing your awesome offer, or have an awesome lunch. If you are having a lunch break during the negotiation, don't say have a great lunch. It's really important to be subtle. Don't over use it, but have this tool in your arsenal that will really help you. And I know many negotiators, they will go one step further. They will imitate the accents, the tone of voice, the speech patterns, and so on. If you do that, you will sound weird because it won't be natural for you. And it can really backfire if the person thinks that you're making fun of them. If you only use the similar word technique, you are safe if you don't use it too often, mirror their non verbal. This mirroring technique is the most powerful technique to gain trust fast. Have you ever had a deep conversation with your best friend and suddenly you notice that you have the same body language as your best friend. This is called natural mirroring. It's when people click and connect deeply. They will mirror their non verbal unconsciously. How can you use that in negotiations? You can mirror the non verbal of the person in front of you. It's important that you don't do too much at once and you must be discreet. Let's say that they cross their legs and put the right arm on the chair. Don't do it immediately. You can wait a few seconds and then you can put one arm on the chair and then a few moments later, cross your legs. It has to appear natural. The best moment to mirror someone is when they are talking. Because they will be more focused on what they are saying and less on you. The idea isn't to mirror the whole body language, but some parts of it, I really encourage you to try that with people in your personal life so that you can gain some practice first. Then you can bring this skill into the negotiation room, bring warmth. Bringing worms to the negotiation can greatly help you. In a study called experiencing physical worms promotes interpersonal worms. Researchers found that holding a warm cup of coffee made people think more positively about others. They asked people to hold either a warm or cold drink and then read about someone's personality. Those who held the warm drink tended to see the person in a nicer way. This shows that physical feelings like worms can affect how we feel about others without us even realizing it. A great technique is to hold a warm cup of coffee or tea with your right hand, just before shaking the other person's hand so that your hand will be warm and it will influence the impression that the other person has about you and it will be more positive. Have small talk. The common mistake that new negotiators make is that they are too focused on their interest in a negotiation that they forget that they are dealing with a human being in front of them. It's vital that you do some small talk with the other person before starting the negotiation. It's a way to make the other person feel comfortable with you. This is what you can talk about to make great small talk, shared experiences. You can discuss recent events, conferences or workshops that you both attended. This can help establish common ground and create a sense of connection. Local events talk about local news, cultural events, or developments in the area where the negotiation is taking place. This show that you are engaged with the surroundings. Travel, share travel experiences, destinations or upcoming trips. Travel stories often spark interesting conversation. Hobbies and interests. Ask about hobbies, sports or activity, or activities outside of work. Finding shared interests can help you with rapport. Whether it's a classic icebreaker, discussing the weather is a simple way to start a conversation and can lead to other topics. Family and personal life. Briefly touch on family, kids, or personal interests. Be cautious not to go too deep into personal matters. Of course, it also depends on the culture of the person and the level of intimacy that you have with them. Be careful with that. Weekend plans, discuss upcoming weekends, relaxation plans, or activities that you are looking forward to. Again, it depends on the level of intimacy that you have with the other person. Cultural interests. You can talk about books, movies, music, or art that you enjoy. This can highlight shared cultural tastes, technology. You can discuss recent tech developments, gadgets or apps that you find interesting or useful food and drinks mention local restaurants, cuisine preferences, or recent culinary experiences. Goals and aspirations lightly touch on professional goals and aspirations as this can help align your discussion negotiations context sports. If you know the other person's interest in sports, discuss recent games, teams, or upcoming matches. Networking, inquire about the professional network or mutual connections that you might have. Recent achievements, share or ask about recent accomplishments or milestones. You can show enthusiasm for each other's successes. As you can see, there are many things that you can talk about. Always take time to talk about these things so that it's a building block of trust and connection that will be vital later in the negotiation. Finding common interest, finding common interest at the start of the negotiation can create rapport faster than ever before the negotiation. You can research the other persons online to find out more about the background interests and affiliations. This can provide valuable insights to guide your conversation. You should also check the other party's social media profiles for more information about their hobbies, interests, or recent activities. For example, if you see on the Instagram that they are passionate about hiking and it's something that you both enjoy, you can talk about it, don't be creepy, and say, oh, I talked your Instagram profile and so that you have 39 pictures of hiking. No, don't say that. But you can say I'm going hiking this weekend, do you know any great places to hike in the surroundings? Then they will say that they also love hiking and you just found a common interest. You don't even need to say that you found this information on the profile, but you can say that you are doing this activity this weekend if it's true, and so that you can find common interest really fast. Quick note here, be genuine about your common interests. Don't say that you like hiking if you hate it, because the person will perceive it, an advanced negotiator could fake it. But then there is ethics dilemma, Positive body language. Having a positive body language at the start and during the negotiation is crucial. A study showed that the verbal part in human communication is not as important as we think. The study found out that words wait for only 7% In a human communication, the tone of voice is 38% and the body language is 55% It's important to have the 55% maximized with positive body language. This is how you can do it in a negotiation. The smile, it conveys approachability and positivity. Don't overuse it. Be friendly, but not too friendly. Good eye contact. It will demonstrate attentiveness and sincerity. A firm handshake establishes confidence and professionalism. Open posture. It will indicate receptiveness and lack of defensiveness. To have an open posture, it's important that you don't cross your arms. Upright posture reflects confidence and engagement. Nodding, it's when you say yes with your head. With small movements, it shows active listening and understanding. It's useful to use nodding when someone says something that you agree and you want to show them that you are listening to them. Lean forward slightly, signals interest and involvement. Positive facial expressions. This one is really important. When I coach top negotiators, they try to control what they say and their body language. They try to control their body language from the neck to the toes. But they forget that the face will convey a lot of emotions and it will convey what they think and it will be an open book. Always focus on having relaxed and positive facial expressions. Don't forget to control your facial expressions. Compliments and appreciation. You can tell them that you appreciate them taking the time for this negotiation. It's not about being weak, it's about being polite. A small sentence like, thank you for taking the time today to be here, or any similar variation will help you a lot. You can also compliment them on a recent achievement so that they can get a boost of positivity from you. And they will associate these positive emotions with you. Show respect. When you start a negotiation, you want to convey that you respect the other person. You don't want to treat them badly. Showing respect is mostly non verbal based, it's all about the non verbal. Yes. You could say, oh, I'm going to respect you in this interaction, but it's done non verbally. If you don't consider the other person, your body language will reflect that and the other person will perceived it. Keep in mind, when you start any negotiation, that you should respect and consider the other person. It doesn't mean that you agree with them, but you respect and consider them. And then your body language will be correctly aligned. My question to you is, do you respect and consider people when you are in a negotiation? If not, maybe you should work on that so that you can respect them and consider them, and you will see that you will have more positive outcomes in your negotiations. Collaborative problem solving framing, it's important that you frame the negotiation. A joint effort to find solutions that will benefit both parties. I encourage you to use any variations of the two options below the short version. I believe that by working together, we can find solutions that benefit both of us. The long version, as we begin our negotiation, I want to emphasize my belief in the power of collaboration. Our shared goal is not just to reach an agreement, but to find solutions that genuinely benefit both of us. Let's approach this as a joint effort, pulling our strengths and perspectives to uncover creative and innovative ways to address our respective needs and interests. I'm committed to open dialogue and finding common ground as we work together to achieve a win win outcome that meets both of our objectives. If you say sentences like that, it has to be as if it's spontaneous. It's not something that you learn by heart. You can transform it and adapt it with your own words. But by framing from the beginning, it's really important so that the other person will have a collaborative mindset and it can really help you. 80. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Questioning Strategies In Negotiation: Using questioning strategies to gather valuable information and discover interest. Now let's cover the interest versus positions technique and other questioning strategies that are essential to use at the beginning of any negotiation. So understanding the distinction between these two concepts is crucial for effective problem solving and reaching mutually beneficial agreements. Let's talk about position. A position is a specific solution or outcome that a party states that they want or demand. It's often the initial proposal put forward during a negotiation. Positions can be reached and focused on what a party wants without considering the underlying reasons or motivations. For example, if party is in a salary negotiation and says, I want a 10% raise, that's a position. The number 10% is the specific position they are advocating for interest. Interest, on the other hand, is the underlying reason, need, or concern that drives a party to take a particular position. Interests are the motivations behind the positions. Interests are the motivations behind the positions. They are Why behind what the party wants. Continuing with the salary negotiation example, party's interest might be financial security, a sense of recognition for the contribution or the ability to better support their family. These interests shape why they are requesting a 10% raise. You have the position, which is the 10% raise, and the interests which are financial security, a sense of recognition for the contributions or the ability to better support the family. Now, you may ask me, Alan, why is it important understand the interests and not only negotiate on positions? It's because you want the negotiation to be the most effective as possible. Let me illustrate that with an example. You have two co workers that are working in the same office. One worker wants to open the window and the other one wants to close it. Worker A stands up and opens the window. Worker B stands up and close it on. The position of worker is to open the window. The position of worker B is to keep the window closed. If they try to negotiate, they may not find an agreement because they are stuck in their position. That's how most people negotiate. One person say, I want the window open, and the other one is, I want the window closed, and there is no negotiation. Now, what if they try to uncover the interest? Let's say that worker A ask worker B what is important to you about keeping the window closed? Worker B may say, when you open the window, I have a reflection on my computer. Then worker as worker A, what are the reasons behind you wanting to open the window? Then worker A may say, I'm hot. And others, both people know the interests of the other person. They can negotiate and find a solution. Worker A can simply open the window that is far away from workers B. Computer. Worker A is happy because the window is open. And worker B is happy because he doesn't have a reflection on his computer. So if you stay stuck on your positions, you may not find an agreement and the negotiation will be difficult to uncover what their interests are. You should ask the questions, what's important to you about your position or demand, and what are the reasons behind it? You want to understand the interest and the motivation. Quick note here, they won't tell you if they don't trust you, if they don't have enough rapport with you. That's why we talked about trust and rapport building in the previous videos. You may be tempted to ask, why do you want this position or demand to uncover the interest? This question should be avoided because of the word why. Why has a negative connotation? Remember when you were a kid and your parents yelled at you, why do you want to do that when you asked if you could do something silly? For most people being asked why has a negative association and they may be defensive, that's why the phrasing, what's important to you about what are the reasons behind are really effective. Quick note, in an ideal word, people will tell you exactly what their interests are, but in reality, some people won't tell you. In that case, build more rapport and try again later. If they still don't want to tell you, you can try to guess to adapt your offer. Let me give you another example. Two employees are arguing about where to have lunch. Employee A wants to go to Luchini, which is an Italian restaurant, and employee B wants to go to each Green, which provides healthy options. If they stay in the oppositions, they may not find a solution. But if they uncover their interest, employee may say that he wants to go to Luchini because he wants to eat a pizza. And employee B may say that they want to go to eat green. To eat a Caesar salad, knowing that they can both agree to go to Mona Pitch which is a restaurant that has great pizzas and Caesar salad. Let me give you another example because it's really important that you understand the positions interest technique. Employee A says to their team leader, I want to lead the upcoming project. And the team leader responds, we already have a project lead for that initiative. The both have their positions and it's not a successful negotiation. Now let's say that employee says to their team leader, I'm really passionate about contributing to projects that involve client interactions and strategic planning. I've noticed that the upcoming project aligns with those interests and my skill set. Can we explore ways for me to be involved in a role that allows me to contribute in these areas? In this example, employee A shifts the conversation to their underlying interests. Client interaction, strategic planning, and utilizing their skills effectively instead of just his position. By expressing this interest, they are open to discussing different ways that they can contribute to the project. Even if it's not a project lead, all the team leader might consider involving them in client meetings, strategic discussions, or assigning specific responsibilities that align with their interest. Sometimes in negotiation, you can also share your interest to negotiate more effectively. When you know what your interests are and what the interests of the order party are, you can come up with different options to find a common ground that meets both interests. In a successful negotiation, it's about providing options that meet both interests so that you can be happy with what you get out of the negotiation. You can also trade interest. You can say we can do X, so it meets your interest A, and we can also do Y, so it meets my interest. In a negotiation, you think about trading interest. Let me illustrate that with an example. Employee and employee B are assigned to work together on a project. They have different work styles and preferences for how to approach the project. Let's consider a situation where two employees need to collaborate on a project assignment employee. I tend to work best when I have clear glide guidelines and a structure plan to follow. It helps me stay organized and focused. Employee B, I'm more comfortable with a flexible approach that allows for creativity and adaptability. I find that it leads to more innovative solutions. Employee A. I appreciate your perspective on flexibility. It seems that our interests align in wanting a successful project while having an efficient process. How about we use a structured plan as a foundation, but building some checkpoints for creativity, employee B? That sounds like a good balance. I agree that a structured plan can provide a solid framework. Let's make sure to set aside time for brainstorming and experimenting with that structure. In this scenario, employee and employee B are trading interests to find a collaborative solution. Employee A value structure and organization. While employee values creativity and adaptability. By recognizing each other's interest, they propose a compromise that incorporates both a structured plan and creative checkpoints. This approach allows them to blend their preferences for a successful project that is well organized, yet open to innovative ideas. Now let me share with you other question that you can ask to uncover important insights. You can ask open ended questions, ask questions that require more than a simple yes or no. This question will encourage the other party to provide detailed responses and share their perspective. Clarifying questions, we need more information about a specific point, you can ask for clarification. For example, could you explain how you arrived at that conclusion? Hypothetical questions use hypothetical scenarios to explore possibilities and potential outcomes. What if questions can stimulate creative thinking? Reflective questions reflect back what you have understood to verify your understanding. And encourage the other party to elaborate or correct any misconceptions you can use to be sure I understood correctly. Do you mean ABC? Correct, reverse questions. Turn the question back to the other party to gain insights into their perspective. For instance, how do you see the situation? Unfolding empathy focused questions ask questions that explore the emotional aspects of the negotiation. How do you feel about this proposal? And it can really reveal underlying motivations. Priority questions determine the importance of certain aspects by asking about priorities. What factors elements are most critical for you in this deal. Multiple choice questions, you can offer a few options to choose from when asking questions. This can guide the conversation while still allowing for flexibility. You can say, would you prefer option A with these features or Option B with these features, sequential questions, you can ask a series of questions that build upon each other. You start with general questions and then move into more specific ones. Quantitative questions, you can use questions that ask for specific numbers or data. What is the projected return on investment for this proposal? Comparative questions, you can ask the other party to compare options, features, or benefits. You can say, how does this solution compare to the alternative you are considering? Past experience questions, ask about the past experiences in similar situations. Have you encountered a similar challenge in the past? How did you address it? Assumptive questions pose questions that assume certain conditions are true. This can prompt the other party to confirm or correct those assumptions. Collaborative questions frame questions that encourage joint problem solving. How do you think we could work together to address this issue? Future oriented questions ask about their vision for the future. Where do you see this partnership? Where do you see this partnership heading in the next few years? As you can see, there are a lot of different questions that you can ask in a negotiation. And you should know that they exist. You don't need to learn them by heart because that's too much. But you should trust your instinct to ask the right ones. 81. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Your Opening Offer In Negotiation: Now let's talk about your opening offer. Should you be the first one to tell your offer with your price or should you let them go first? It depends. When there is a lot of variability on the price, always let the other person throw the price first because you may be surprised positively. To encourage the other party to tell their price first, you can say, what's your budget roughly, so that we can create the best offer within your price range. Using the word roughly is important because it tells them that it's just an estimate and it's not a final price. If they ask you in return, what's your price, you may say to provide you with your best offer according to your budget. Could you share with me an estimate? They send the ball back to you and you send it back to them. And most people are not trained in negotiation. If you throw the ball back at them one or two times, they may share the price or the budget. If you did your research and the price has not a huge variability, you can open with the price. In that case, you can take your target price, which is the price that you want, and you add a premium margin for negotiation. In general, if you are selling, it can be anything from 20% to 50% depending on the deal that you are negotiating. If you are buying, you can also subtract 20% 50% of your target price. Just be precautious here. You want the deal to be fair. You don't want to make the other person feel that they have been taken advantage of. The 20, 50% range should be used with common sense. For example, you are an HR director, don't open with 50% of the target salary because it will be too low and the person may think that you don't respect them. In that case, start with ten to 15% depending on the variability of the salaries in your company. It's important that you do some research to know what standard practice and what your competitors are offering and charging a great way to improve your chances of them accepting your first price, which is a higher price if you are selling at a lower price, if you are buying is to justify it. If you are buying, you may say, if I have $5,000 in my mind, then you justify it. Depending on the context, you can say that that's only what you can pay, That is the price of the competition and so on. That's the same when you are selling. You tell them why you think that this higher price is great. You tell them about the quality, about the value that they get, about the research that you did, and so on. So why do we play with a higher price when we are selling and a lower price when you are buying? It's because we want to anchor the other person to a certain price that is higher if you're selling and lower if you're buying. An anchor is something that you will put in the other person's mind that will influence them. And we'll see later in the course how you can use it. But I just wanted you to understand that you want to create an anchor in negotiation and that will be at your advantage. We'll see later in the course how we can do that. 82. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Middle of Negotiation: What can you do during a negotiation to maximize your chances of success? In this chapter, we learn the best techniques that you can use during a negotiation. To negotiate like a pro, there is something important to keep in mind. I'll be sharing with you various negotiation techniques for various situations in your professional and personal life. There are techniques that you can use at work and others that are a little bit more risky and that you should use in your personal life. Like for example, when you are buying a U car. Because these techniques can be a little bit more aggressive, I'd like you to watch the next videos. And while you are watching them, you ask yourself this question here. Is this a technique that I can apply to my situation? And how can I adapt it to fit my situation? You use common sense and always be fair in negotiation. Let's go Batna strategy. You should maximize your Batna. Batna stands for Best Alternative to a negotiated agreement. In other words, it's the other options that you have with other people or other businesses. Let's say that you want to sell your one corporate training to Company A. Batna is that you can also sell it to Company B and C. It's the options that you have to sell or buy what you want or what you have. If you have many businesses that could buy your product or service, your Batna is strong. If you have only one business that could buy your product or service, your Batna is weak. The goal is to tell the other person that you Batna is strong. For example, by using a sentence like, we want to buy a U car from your brand, but we are also considering brand ABC from this other dealer. It will really help you in the negotiation and show that you Batna is strong. When you Batna is strong, you should communicate it to the other person so that they know that you have an abundance and that you have other offers and you could go somewhere else. If you do that, you will have better terms in the negotiation because you are in an abundant situation, not a scarcity situation. If you Batna is weak, don't tell the other person. You make them think that it's strong or you don't mention it at all. Here is the three step process that you can use with Batna. Number one, tell them that you Batna strong. Number two, find the Batna, and number three, weaken the Batna. Let's talk about number one. You tell them that Batna is strong. If you have a lot of options, that's great. Batna is strong. Quick note here, If you run out of time, Batna will be weak. For example, let's say that you have until April 24 to negotiate a product or a service for your superior. If you start the negotiation two days before you, Batna will be weak. Because you will appear weak in a negotiation, because you will be rushing to have a strong Batna. Always try to make time play in your favor. Now what if you Batna is weak? Try to think outside the box. Let's say that you want to sell a $5,000 online training package that teaches employees how to do X, Y. You know that there is only a few companies who look for this online training because it's really specific. You consider that you don't have that many options. So you consider that you Batna is weak. But if you think about the box, you could also sell this online training directly to individuals instead of these few companies. Or you could partner with someone from another company to sell the online training to their company. Always think in terms of the options that you have around you. A strong Batna. Think outside the box, and then you can communicate it to the other person. Number two, it's about finding their Batna. You can ask a question like what options with other people, businesses, are you also considering? You want to know which options the other party is considering. Number three, you want to weaken their Batna. You want to tell them that your offer is better than their Batna. You can talk about your quality, about the trust in the relationship that you have with them. You can talk about your fidelity with them, and so on. Let me illustrate this three step process with three different examples. Scenario one, it's a salary negotiation. Step one, tell them that you Batna is strong. Employee is negotiating a salary increase with their superior supervisor. They've received job offers from other companies which indicates a strong Batna. They communicate this by saying, I've received competitive offers from a couple of other companies that are quite appealing. Number two, find their Batna employee A, ask the supervisor, other other candidates being considered for this role. Number three, weaken their Batna employee. A emphasizes my experience with this team and my track record of exceeding targets show that I'm an excellent fit. You won't find many candidates with such a proven history. Again, you should adapt your language to the level of expertise that you have, but you get the idea here. Scenario two, vendor negotiation. Step one, you tell them that your Batna is strong. A vendor employee A, is negotiating with a potential client. They mentioned. Currently I have several other potential clients interested in our services. Step number two, find their Batna employee A, ask the client. Are you considering proposals from other vendors? Step number three, weaken the Batna employee A explains our company has a proven track record of delivering high quality products on time. Our clients often praise our dedication and customer service. Again, you get the idea. Number three, scenario number three, it's a project assignment. Step one, you tell them that you, Batna is strong employee A is being assigned to a new project. They have skills that are in high demand across departments. And they say, I've been approached by other teams to work on similar projects. Step number two, you find the Batna employee A will ask the supervisor, have you considered other team members for this project? And step number three, you weaken the Batna. Employ A points out my past projects have consistently met or exceeded expectations. So you can rely on my skills to ensure this project success in each scenario. The three step process with Batna is applied to negotiation situations that employees commonly encounter in the workplace. It involves understanding the strengths, uncovering the other party's alternative, and strategically presenting one's offer to achieve a favorable outcome. So my question to you is how can you use these three step Batna negotiation in your professional life batch? The quality, these techniques helps you make the other person perceive that the product or service is of higher quality if you are selling or lower quality if you're buying. Let's say that you want to buy used car before negotiating the price. You can tell the seller that there is a scratch at the front of the car and that the leather seats are a little bit worn out. It will help you negotiate a lower price. Let's take another example. You are selling a software to a corporation. You can talk about the quality of your software, how reliable it is, and so on. In this case, it's about showing that what you are selling has value. So how can you apply this technique of batching the quality to your professional life frame? In terms of loss? Yes, it's important to show people what they will gain from your offer, but it should be done in combination with showing them what they will lose. Let's say that you want to sell a time management workshop to another company. You can tell them that the employee will be more productive, happier, and so on. That's great, but you should also talk in terms of what they will lose if they don't work with you. Let's say that you did some research and that you know that a standard time management workshop increases a company turnover by 1% Let's say that you know that the company you want to sell the training to makes an annual turnover of $1 million in sales. If you calculate 1% of 1 million is $10,000 a year. You can say, according to studies, a standard time management workshop increases the company turnover by at least 1% In your case, based on the numbers that you published last year, making $1,000,000 a year, you would lose $10,000 a year by not taking our time management workshop. When you talk in terms of loss, it will motivate people more than in terms of gain. Of course, you must not threaten them, but you must show them what they will be losing if they don't work with you. Let's say that you have two options. Option A. Let's say that you have two options. Option one, you will wake up tomorrow with an added $10,000 in your bank account. Option two, you will wake up tomorrow with $10,000 missing from your bank account. Which option will impact you more? Will you sleep better with Option one? Option two. This technique is great and works really, really well. It's all about using common sense if it suits your professional situation. Think in terms of how you can present your offer in terms of what the other party will gain and also what they will miss on if they don't accept your offer. It's important that you say these sentences in a confident and calm way and never sound threatening, mirror their last words, and use silences to gain information when you negotiate. It's all about making the other person talk so that you can gain information about their interests, about their motivations, about their fears, about their objections, their constraints, and so on. So there are two techniques that you can use. You can mirror the last words that they use. For example, they say. We are worried that we may lose our jobs. You can say, lose your jobs, and you listen. Then they will explain and they will end their sentences. We need to look good when we get back to our company. Then you can say, look good when you get back, and so on. This technique will make other people talk like crazy. And you will dig deep even without them realizing, and they will be talking and giving you vital information for the negotiation. You can use silences when there is a blank in a conversation. People try to talk because it makes them feel uncomfortable. And you can use at your advantage, you can create a blank on purpose after your sentence and you let them reinitiate. You will see that most people, they are willing to say anything to avoid a blank and the guards will be down because they will say anything to reinitiate that conversation. And you can also take time, for example, to drink water or look for another pen in your bag to create a silence that will make them talk and give you information. The give one, get one in negotiation. When you give something, ask for something in return. Don't give something. If you don't get something back, you think in terms of time, money, features, and information that you can exchange. Let's say that someone ask you to reduce your price and add free shipping. Instead of just agreeing, you can use the give one, get one principle and ask for something in return. You can say, I could reduce the price by 5% and add free shipping, but I would need you to pay cash upfront and give me three referrals to people that you know. When you need to give one in the negotiation, ask for one in return. This is really important. Quick note, this technique here should be used with caution. And you should use common sense to know if you can use it and how you should apply it to your professional situation. The negotiation principle give one take one involves making concessions or offers while expecting a similar level of concessions or offers from the other party appeal to a higher authority. It's a negotiation strategy where one party references a person or entity with more authority or power to support the opposition request during a negotiation. Have you ever heard when you were buying your car and you ask for a discount? I could make you a discount, but I have to talk to my boss first. This technique is used to make the other person think that they cannot make decisions on their own and that other people are in charge. And it can also help reinforce the opposition by saying something like, my boss asked me to stay around this price. It's to give the illusion that other people are in charge and that the negotiator is doing everything they can to give a fair deal. How can you use that to appeal to a higher authority? In your professional life, use small steps agreements and yes sets. The more a person says yes during a negotiation, the more you can influence them. Motivational speakers like Tony Robins, they have been using these techniques for ages. He's constantly asking his urgence, simple questions where they can scream yes. And you can use the same principle in negotiation, but in a more sophisticated way. You can ask small questions that will lead to small commitments and to having the person say yes to you more often. For example, you can say, today we can discuss how to have a fair negotiation where both parties are happy. Is that okay for you? And then the person will say yes. Then you can ask. So I understand that I have this feature that is important to you, is that correct? And then we say yes. The goal is to ask simple questions about what they want that will result in a yes. And you should ask questions to validate the small steps that you have already agreed on. And you can say, for example, so far we have defined the working hours between 09:00 A.M. and 05:00 P.M. and we have defined the health plan so far. Is that okay for you? And then we say yes, it's better to have many small commitments than asking for a huge commitment at the end. So my question to you is, how can you break down your huge commitment that you want into small commitments that you can ask during the negotiation? Setting an anchor, this technique is really powerful. Let me illustrate it. When a boat sets an anchor, it will make circles around where the anchor is set. The room for where the boat can go is limited because of the anchor. And that's the same thing here we want to do in a negotiation. We want to set a high anchor if are selling. And we want to set a low anchor if we are buying. So that we can influence the other person. There are many studies who showed this principle. For example, one of the study is the Anchoring and Adjustment Holistic by Amos Tresk and Daniel Kennan. It demonstrated that people's decision making is heavily influenced by the initial information they receive, even when that information is irrelevant or arbitrary. Participants in the study consistently adjusted their judgment around the initial anchor indicating a cognitive bias where people tend to sufficiently. And sufficiently adjust from the anchor point when making estimates or decisions. This anchoring effect highlights the power role that the starting points play in shaping subsequent evaluations. Impacting negotiations, pricing, and various decision making contexts. The study underscores the importance of being aware of the incurring bias and its potential impact on the quality of decision making. Let's apply that. Let's say that we want to apply anchoring to getting tips. If I ask 100 people, can you give me a tip? I will get a certain amount, but if I ask another 100 people, can you give me a chip? It can be anything from $20 to lower. I've anchored them to $20 The average of the tips of the second ask will be higher because of the anchor. And this has been done over and over again by many studies around the world. How can you use anchoring? You can tell them about your target price and you add 20 to 50% of margin so that you can anchor them high if you are selling and if you are buying. You can say your target price -20 to 50% depending on the situation to anchor, to anchor them low. So for example, if you have a target price of $100 you can say 150 or 150 depending on if you're buying or selling. And if you do that, you will have a better deal because you will anchor high or low. I know that most people, they are afraid to ask for a greater price when they sell and a lower price when they buy. But if what you're asking is considered fair and is not insulting the other person, then game is on. So let's say that an employee wants to have a 5% salary increase. They may ask for 12% to anchor high and have room for negotiation. If they anchor, the raise will be higher than just saying, I'd like a raise, get a bundle instead of one. Let's say that someone is negotiating on price. For example, you can say, I can make 20% off for you. If you book three of my seminars instead of just one, you increase the frequency and you can also create a bundle with your products and services to offer more value. In our example, instead of just offering the seminar, you can offer the seminar and a 30 minute online training and a Q and A session, and so on. So you want to add the value of your bundle by including things that the other person will find valuable so that they can have a better perception of your offer, urgency and social proof to increase your power. In negotiation, you can say that you need them to make a decision really soon because you also have other people interested or that it's the last piece. Be careful if and when you use this technique as they can backfire. If the person find out that it was just a negotiation technique, use third party references when presenting your prices. You can refer to industry standards, market data, or expert opinions to support your proposal. Let's say that you are negotiating a salary. You can tell the HR representative that the industry standards are between that number and that number. If you are negotiating a lease, you can talk about market data to support your offer. My question to you is, how can you use third party references to support your offer? Observe body language if you are negotiating with someone who is new. As you can read the body language, if you negotiate with someone who has experience, they will control the body language so that you don't know what they are experiencing and thinking. How can you read someone's body language? You can ask yourself, what is the person thinking? Or what's the emotion that the person is feeling? To have this body language then will have an intuition about what's going on. There is one great hack that you can use if you are negotiating with a group of people. Most of the time you will be talking to one person and there will be a few people around. The person you are talking to will try to control the body language, but the people who are around you won't, as they are part of the same team. You can know what the other side is thinking by analyzing the people who are not talking. I really love this hack. Also, when you negotiate, it's important to show your hands. Don't put them in your pockets or under the table. Showing your hands will convey trust and hiding them will trigger feelings of distrust. Use the contrast principle. This principle says that things look different when in contrast compared to an isolation. Let's say that I want to sell you three packages. I present to you one really expensive that I know that you cannot afford. I then propose one cheap package with very few features and I know that you wouldn't be interested in this cheap package. I then present to you the middle package that has a great price and great features. You have higher chances of accepting this middle package because you contrasted it with the premium and cheap package. So if you want to buy a car or a house, there are high chances that they will show you a car or a house that doesn't look good and that is overpriced. So that when they present the car or the house that they want you to buy, you contrast it with the first option and you find it more acceptable. So, let me ask you this question here. Could you use this contrast principle in your professional environment? If so, if yes, how? 83. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Breaking Impasses In Negotiations: How to close a negotiation like a pro. Now let's talk about how you can close a negotiation like a pro. First, let's talk about strategies for breaking impasses and finding solutions. It can happen that you are at the end of your negotiation session and you haven't found a solution. You may need to reschedule a negotiation session, or you can use the techniques below. At the end reframe the issue. You can present the problem in a new light to change the way both parties perceive it. This first perspective can open up new avenues for compromise. The best way to do it is to imagine that it's different people who talk about the problem. Imagine that it's a child, a teenager, a hippie, a business consultant, and so on. By imagining that it's a different person that is explaining the problem, you may gain a new perspective on the problem. And you can do this exercise by yourself, or you can explain this exercise to the other person. And you can do it together. You can explore interest. You can dive deeper into each party's underlying interest by understanding the motivations behind their positions. You can identify shared goals and bridge gaps. It can happen that you want to maintain your positions and you forget the underlying interests and motivations of each parties. You can say earlier you told me that your interests were ABC in, my interests are CDE. How can we find a common solution that addresses both of our interest Brainstorming. You can encourage an open exchange of ideas. You can stand up and place yourself in front of a flip chart and you tell the other person that you will be doing a five minute brainstorming session to find solutions. Create a safe space where both parties can freely suggest solutions without judgment mediation. Sometimes you need to involve a neutral third party to facilitate the negotiation process. A mediator can offer a fresh perspective and help parties find common ground. Try first to negotiate on your own, and if needed, you can ask for mediation, offer concessions. Show willingness to make concessions on less critical issues. To build goodwill and encourage reciprocity from the other party. If you show that you are willing to give up certain factors that are not really important to you but the other party think they are, then you may encourage reciprocity, trial and error. You can also experiment with different solutions on a trial basis. You can tell them that you will try this solution and see how it goes. This can help parties gain confidence in the viability of a proposed solution. You can change the negotiation dynamics. You can alter the negotiation environments, such as changing the participants allocation to disrupt existing patterns and stimulate fresh thinking. This can be done if you're really stuck and need a new perspective on the negotiation, take a break. If tensions are high, a short break can give both parties time to reflect, cool down, and approach the negotiation with a clearer mindset, smaller wind strategy. Identify small manageable agreements that can serve as stepping stones towards resolving larger issues. You can say so far what we have agreed on is ABC. You reinforce your agreements so that you can expand from there. You don't expand from the problem, you expand from the solution. Focus on long term relationship. You can emphasize the importance of a positive, ongoing relationship beyond the current negotiation. And this can encourage parties to find mutually acceptable solutions. You can say for me, it's important to build a long term business relationship with you. What can we do to find a common solution? And sometimes this question can help solve a negotiation. You can create a sense of urgency. You can introduce a time sensitive element that requires a resolution. This can motivate parties to overcome impasses to meet the deadline. You can say, our company would like to make a decision by the end of the week. How do you think we can find a win win solution for both of us? 84. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Close Like A Pro In Negotiations: Now let's talk how to negotiate the final moments and the best techniques to try to get the best price. Let me share with you some of the best techniques to close the negotiations. Like a pro, look disappointed when they say the price. If someone tells you the price, you should always look disappointed like it's too much. Why? Because top negotiators know that the first price that someone tells you is never their best price. When most people say a price, it's a price that is slightly higher. If they are selling, it's 10-40% more on average. Or lower. 10-40% lower on average if they are selling. Because they add the margin so that they have room for negotiation. You should never accept their first price. You should look disappointed, like it's too much. You can do that with your body language and with your facial expressions. You can just imagine that someone told you something that made you feel hurt. And this is the expression that you want to have. You can use the line is the best you can do. And then you wait, you close your mouth and you wait. And you let them give you a better price. In 99% of situation, they will give you a lower price. You can then say that your price is lower than that and you try to negotiate so that you can lower their price even lower. To know what your opening price should be, you can use the Ackerman bargaining method. There are two important concepts that you need to understand. Which is the target price, which is the price you wish to buy the products and services. Then you have the opening price, which is how much you will say you want. When you first say your price, here's how it works. You first want to establish a target price for the products or services that you want to buy. It's your goal. Let's say that it's $100 You set your opening price at 65% of your target price, so in this case, it will be $65 If there is no deal, you raise your price by 20% of your target price. So in this case, it would be $85 If there is still no deal, you raise your price by 10% of your target price. So in this case, it would be $95 If there is still no deal, you raise your price by 5% of your target price. In this case, it would be $100 Important note when you say your final number, it would be an odd number, like $98.05 rather than $100 Because if you use precise numbers, it gives credibility and weight. Because the other person will think that you did some research or that's all that you can pay, and that you're taking the last cents from your bank account. So for example, when you are negotiating a salary, don't say you want 70, $70,000 say you want $71,253 Then the recruiter will think that you did some research on the salary and you have higher chances of them accepting your price rather than saying, I want 70 $1,000 bonus step. When you are at your target price, you can even throw a non monetary item to show that you are committing all of your available resources. And the other person we think that they got you, but you are where you want to be, which is your target price. And you make them think that they're negotiated really well by giving them something that you don't really care about and you give them that baby steps increments. You can use the argument system, but if you want to come up with your own percentages, that's fine. You should always keep on increasing with baby steps. Let's say that you have a target price that is $10,000 If you offer $6,000 then $9,000 600, you have increased too much, too quickly. You should always increase in small increments because it gives you credibility. It will show the other person that you are giving up a little bit, but it's still very uncomfortable for you to do so. That's why baby steps increments is really important. Ask for add ons. When you have negotiated a certain price, you can ask for addons. You can say, can I have free shipping? Can I have faster shipping? Can I have this feature as well? You would. You add that into the deal and see how many addons you can add to your deal without them changing the price. Let's imagine that the other person is using the same technique on you and is trying to ask you for too many add ons. How can you stop them? You can say yes, I can add that, but I will have to take this one back. The other person will understand that. It's not only about adding things, but you can also have things taken from them. And it's really powerful. If you, then I, when you are at the end of the negotiation and you give something, ask for something in return. You can use the sentence if you, then I, if you want me to add fast shipping, then I need you to give up on this feature or add $20 Think that you have things that they want and you have things that they want. Don't give something for free, you trade with them. Split the difference. This technique is commonly used in negotiation. Have you already heard, let's split the difference? For example, someone wants to pay $90 and the other person wants to pay $100.01 person says, let's split the difference and make it 95. It's not a bad technique, but if someone uses this technique with you, you can gain advantage. And this is how, if they say, okay, you want to pay $90 and I want to pay $100 so let's split the difference and make it $95 You can then split the difference of the difference by saying $90 is really all I can pay. We can split the difference of the price of 95 that you suggested and we can make it 92.5 Is that okay for you? When using this technique, it's important to justify that the split the difference price is still too much for you. You may say Allen is only 2.5 dollar that you gain. In that case, yes. But if you are negotiating a $100,000 contract, this technique can make you save thousands of dollars. The Nibble Technique. The nibble technique is a negotiation tactics used to gain a small additional concession or advantage just before finalizing a deal. It's a subtle and often unexpected request for something extra that might not have been explicitly discussed during the negotiation process. The goal of the nibble technique is to secure a last minute concession without exploding the overall deal. Be careful to stay fair and not give the impression that you want to take advantage of the other person. Here's how the nibble technique works. You have the negotiation process. You already engaged in the negotiation and both parties have agreed on the terms of the deal. The final agreement is within reach, the timing. Just as the agreement is about to be confirmed or shortly after it's confirmed, you introduce a seemingly insignificant request or demand. This could be something that wasn't initially discussed or a minor enhancement to the existing terms. Small request. The request should be relatively small in scope and impact, so it doesn't modify the negotiation or come across as unreasonable. It could be for a slight discount, an additional service, a minor change in terms, or a small freebie reasoning present a rationale for a request that makes it seem reasonable and justified. This might involve highlighting a detail that wasn't previously considered, explaining how it would enhance the overall agreement, or emphasing how it would contribute to a stronger long term relationship between the parties. Surprise element, the key to the nibble technique is the element of surprise. The other party might be caught off guard by your request since they believe the negotiation was already concluded. Decision time, the other party has to make a quick decision about your request. Since the request is relatively small, they might be inclined to grant it to maintain the positive momentum and avoid risking the entire deal falling apart. Confirmation, If the other party agrees to your request, you have successfully gained a small extra concession that adds value to the deal for you. If they decline, it's important not to push too hard, as you don't want to jeopardize the broader agreement. Example number one, salary negotiation. Imagine that you are negotiating a job offer, and the terms of your employment have already been agreed upon, including the salary package. Just as you are about to sign the offer letter, you use the nibble technique and you say, I'm really excited about this opportunity and I've been researching the company's professional development program. Is the possibility of having access to a budget for additional training and courses. In this scenario, timing the negotiation is nearly complete and both parties are ready to finalize the agreement. The small request you are asking for access to a professional development budget, a relatively small addition compared to the entire compensation package. Reasoning you emphasize your commitment to growth within the company and how this additional training could contribute to your success in this role decision time. The employee might see this as a reasonable request. Given your commitment and the potential long term benefits, they, they might agree to allocate a certain amount for your professional development. Example two. Suppose that you are negotiating the purchase of a house and you have already agreed on the sale price and terms with the seller just before signing the contract, you use the nibble technique. You mentioned. I've been thinking about how the backyard could be perfect for a small garden. Would it be possible to include the gardening tools and equipment that are currently in the shed? In this case, the timing, the negotiation is at final stages with boards, parties ready to proceed. The small request you're asking for, the inclusion of gardening tools and equipment, A relatively minor addition compared to the value of the property reasoning. You highlight your intuition to make the most of the property and how the existing tools would be a practical addition. Decision time, the seller might find these requests reasonable and may agree to include the guarding tools considering it. A small concession to enhance the value of the property is offer a win win deal. Remember earlier we talked about using the sentence, if I do that, then you, you can also use the following sentence to get a win win deal. If you do that for me, I can do that for you. For example, if you can reduce the price by $100 I can pay cash today and give you a referral. Most newbie negotiators will try not only to take from a negotiation and give nothing, which will make the other person feel that you want to take advantage of them. Don't forget that negotiation. It's a dance. You ask the other person to give something, and you give something in return. Getting past no. Getting a no from someone in a negotiation is something that you should be comfortable with. You may say a price or ask for something and the person won't agree. New negotiators, they will take the no personally and they won't know what to do with it. Top negotiators, they will use the process below to take advantage of a no. Here is how the sequence works. Let's say that you ask a request and they say no. You ask a question to understand the interest. For example, you ask for a raise and the HR director said no. You may ask what motivated you to say no. Try to avoid using the word why, because it may sound confrontational. Here, it's framed as what motivated you to. Then they give a reason. In our example, the HR Director may say, right now it's not the good time because we have hired three new people. However, in three months, you can come back and we can talk about it again. Number three, it's about reframing the offer. You just understood. They're not saying no to your raise. They are saying we can't give you a raise now. In this case, you can wait three months and try again. Let me give you another example. The scenario is asking for time off. You work in an office and you want to request some time off to recharge you. Talk to your manager about it, but they say no. You can ask a question to understand the interest instead of feeling down about the no. You ask your manager, could you tell me what motivated you to say no? Then they give you a reason. Your manager explains, we have a big project coming up and we need all hands on deck and your absence might affect our timeline. Three, you reframe the offer now that you realize that they aren't saying no forever. They're just worried about the timing. And you think about a way to make it work for both of you. You say, I get that the project is important. Is there a way I could help finish some of my task early so that my time off doesn't disrupt the project. Another option would be to take my time off in two weeks when the project will be over. What do you think the three step process is really powerful? Just keep in mind that sometimes when you ask what motivated you to say no, they may not tell you the real reason right away. They may say something like, I don't feel like it's the good thing to do. Then you can dig a little bit deeper and guess, and try to guess. You may say, is it about the timing, the money, the resources, what is it about? And then you can see if they open hold firm, most of the time you will have a price that you can't go under if you are setting or above. If you are buying. In that case, you should hold firm. You should justify why you can't do better than that. You can say our costs have increased, that's why I can't go lower. Or my boss didn't authorize me to go below this price and so on. If you tell them why you can't adjust your price anymore, they will understand better. Another example is if you say, I can't go lower than that, because we have the same standards for all of our clients. They will understand better than if you just say, I can't adjust my price, sorry. Ask them to reciprocate. If you feel like you have given too much and they haven't given back, you can use the sentence, look, we agreed on your request, A, B, and C. Now, I'd like you to give us a little bit in x, Y by reminding them of the reciprocity principle. By using this sentence that I just gave you, it can help you unlock a negotiation. Keep everything on the table until all the negotiation is done. Sometimes the other person will want to modify the terms at the end, let's say that you agree for a certain package at a certain price. Then at the end they say, could you lower your overall price? Then instead of saying yes, you need to understand that you keep everything on the table until all the negotiation is done. If you want to pay less, we can move from package to Package B to accommodate your budget. Sadly, I can't lower the price of the package we agreed on because we have high cost to deliver this premium package. As you can see here, it's really powerful. 85. Bonus NEGOTIATION: Reflect On Future Negotations: Now let's talk about how you can reflect on your negotiation to improve for next time after your negotiation. You can ask yourself these ten questions. Number one, did I achieve my primary negotiation objectives and desired outcomes? Number two, how well did I communicate my interests, needs and perspective during the negotiation? Three, how well did I understand the other party's interest? Four, what adjustments did I make to my negotiation strategy and where they're effective? Five, how effectively did I manage my emotions throughout the negotiation process? Six, Were there opportunities where I could have been more flexible in my approach? Seven, What specific agreements or compromises were reached during the negotiation? Eight, How did I contribute to building rapport and a positive relationship with the other party? Nine, what negotiation tactics or strategies were particularly effective in this negotiation? Number ten, what did I learn from this negotiation that I can apply to future negotiations? As you can see here, these ten questions, that can give you a lot of information. So I encourage you to have a small notebook named Negotiation. And after each negotiation, you answer these questions so that you can gain valuable insights and feedback. 86. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Shine At Work: Let's talk about your state and your focus. You become what you think about. If you're always thinking about negative things, you will be communicating negatively. You will be stressed. Because what you focus on, if you focus on your thoughts on your beliefs, your internal representation of how the world should be. If you focus on that, it will impact the communication that you have with yourself. Let me explain. For example, if you focus on the fact that you are not good enough, you have a belief that says, oh, I'm not good enough. You will doubt yourself. You won't be confident, and you will communicate poorly with others. It's because you, you focus on your belief that says that you are not confident. You focus on the idea that you are not confident. If you focus on that, you are going to manifest that you're going to amplify that. That's why we say you become what you think about. You can take a highly confident person and you leave them in the room with me for 5 minutes and I can make them doubt themselves. How would I do that? I would ask questions such as, what do you lack? What are the things that make you not good enough? What are the things that make you bad at what you do? I can make them doubt themselves. It's just a question of focus. We have seen here that whatever you focus on, you're going to experience, that you're going to feel it right now. If you want to have more confidence, you can sense that it's about focusing on what makes you great versus what you lack. Focus on what makes you great if instead of focusing on everything that you lack and why you're not good enough, what if you focus instead on what makes you great at what you do? Why you have value to give to people? Do you think that your communication will be better with others if you focus on what makes you great, rather than on the things that you lack and why others are better. Of course, because you will be able to build confidence. We'll see later in the course how you can build confidence. But right now, I just want you to understand that when there is a situation, there is something you can always look at the positive side or the negative side. One side will build your confidence and the other one will destroy it. Always focus on the great things. I'm not saying to be positive all the time. But I want you to be aware that you have this positivity tool that is there and that can help you be more confident and change how you feel. Control your focus with questions. How can you control what you focus on? You can ask yourself specific questions before a social situation, there is a PDF below and you can make the exercise. And you will see that it can help you take control of what you focus when you are in a social situation. The question that you can ask yourself is, what makes me a great asset in this situation? Why am I awesome? Who should I be in this situation to unis my 100% potential. We are not here changing who you are. We are just focusing and showing yourself that there is already greatness within you. It's like a chocolate box. The chocolate is in the box. Now it's your time to just open the box and say, oh, I didn't know I forgot that I had that chocolate, that cherry chocolate, that white chocolate. It's about rediscovering that you have power, that you are confident that you are some person. By controlling your focus, it helps a lot with this PDF that is just below. What I encourage you to do is to don't it. Every morning when you wake up, you just take this PDF and you answer the questions and you see how you feel. Even do that before a social situation, you have a meeting with your team. Just take a few minutes to just answer the questions and really feel the emotions. I would like you to understand the 50% rule. The 50% rule is something that I have invented a few years ago. Basically, most people think that they control 100% of the interaction. They think that they can control what people will think of them. And if you think about that, it's an illusion. You cannot control what people think of you. Why is that? Because you don't control 100% of the interaction. You control only 50% The only thing that you could do is that you could maximize your 50% You could improve your communication skills. You could be more aligned with the thing that you want. You could be more aligned with your values. You could develop a personality that is attractive. And you can be ultimately true to yourself, but that's what you can do. You cannot control how other people are going to perceive you. You can do your best to be the best person that you can. But some people will like you and others won't. What is important here, it's important that you understand that most people will like you and some people won't. You can't control that. But do you prefer to be at the end of your life and look back and say, oh my God, I had an amazing life? True to myself, some people liked me and some people didn't. Or do you prefer to say, oh, I had a life where I was always adapting to everyone's demands because you cannot please everyone. Maybe someone will say, oh, that what you're doing is amazing, and the other person will say that it's not great. You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself. When you understand that, instead of putting the focus on all the social situations that you don't control, ask yourself this question here. How can I give my best in that situation? How can I communicate in a charming, confident way? How can I be the best version of myself in that situation? And these are questions that are going to improve how you communicate with yourself and then how you communicate with others. Here we have discussed about your focus. Now what about your state? What is your state? Your state is how you feel at any given moment and it's in direct proportion with your focus. When you feel not that confident. It's because you are focusing on things that are not activating confidence. Maybe you are focusing on things that you lack. You are focusing on why you are not good enough. That is confidence that triggering feelings of not being confident. For example, when you are feeling emotions that are not empowering you. For example, lack of confidence. You are not motivated, you are afraid, you're upset. All these not empowering emotions. First, I would like you to remember that there is a positive side of the coin. Always when there is a situation and when you are feeling bad, you know that there is another side of the coin and that you could deactivate this emotion if you focus on the other side. Great question that you could ask yourself is, how would I behave if I wear 100% confident? Is just take a few minutes and you think, how would I behave if I wear 100% confident? With this question you make as if you were confident as your emotion and your body is linked. You can activate confidence on command. What is really amazing is that if you act as if you were confident, you're going to become confident. I know that it's instant confidence and it's just here to give you a boost of confidence. But who doesn't want a boost of confidence from time to time? We are not talking here about lasting confidence, we'll see that later in the course. But here I want to give you a tool so that when you need that confidence, you are experiencing these negative emotions. What do you do? You change your focus? You ask yourself this question here. How would I behave if I were 100% confident? And you can imagine that you have a cape. You put your shoulders back, you open your chest. Imagine that there is a string pulling the back of your head to the sky. You just imagine that you are woman or Superman. When you do that, it changes because by changing your body, by adopting a posture of someone who is confident, guess what? As your body and mind is linked, you are going to change how you perceive yourself in that moment in time. Next time that you're feeling down. Remember the Superman posture Also, something that is really important is when you are sitting down at your desk, most people don't open the chest. They don't put the shoulders back, but they have a position of someone who is not confident. It means that you close your chest and you put your shoulders down. If you do that, you're going to trigger the emotions of not being confident. So be careful of how you sit as well in meetings or when you are sitting at your desk. Another way when you feel down is to change your focus. You can ask yourself this question, how would I behave if I were 1% confident? But also, you can move your body. You can have a more positive body language, for example, when you are crossing your arms. Uncross your arms if you're not smiling, smile. You can even ask yourself this question here. If I were experiencing more positive emotions right now, what would my body language be? And you do that, it's by changing how you use your body language that you're going to change how you feel. You change, focus what you focus on with the questions. Then you can also change how you feel with your body language. To recap, let's say that you are feeling down. What are the things that you should do? Ask yourself this question here. If I were more confident, how would I behave if I had to feel amazing emotions right now? How would my body language be? And then you do that? I know that you're going to feel some resistance because when we are in a bad mood, we want to stay in that bad mood. But take the time, really, to change your focus and to move your body and to have a more positive body language. And you will see that you will feel better. Right now, I have an visualization exercise. Please close your eyes and picture a social situation where you feel stressed and uncomfortable. Maybe you have one at work, it could be at home. It can be with people that you know or that you don't know. I would like you to answer this question here. On a scale 0-10 how uncomfortable are you thinking about this interaction or this situation? Then you write down the number. Now you open your eyes, there is a PDF that is just below. There are questions that will help you be more confident in that situation. I would like you just to download the PDF just below, and to answer the questions. Then when you have done that, you can come back. Now, I would like you to close your eyes again. I will ask you this question here. If you think about that uncomfortable situation, it's the same situation as before. On a scale 0-10 how uncomfortable are you? When you think about that, I would like you just to have the Superman posture. I would like you to open your chest, put your shoulders back, and think about that. I would like to, instead of focusing on everything that is making you stress, I would like you to focus on the positive side, on everything that makes you relaxed, comfortable, and excited to be in that situation. Maybe right now you are focusing on the bad things that could happen in that situation. But I would like you to focus on the positive side, on what are the great things that could come out of this interaction. When you do that, ask yourself this question. On a scale 0-10 how uncomfortable am I? If you use the Superman posture, If you focus on the positive side instead of what makes you stressed, you should have a higher number. If you don't have a higher number, you can do this exercise again. 87. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Internal Dialogue For More Confidence: Now let's talk about your internal dialogue. It's how you perceive yourself that will impact how you talk to yourself. If you think that you are a good person who can lead, you will tend to encourage yourself. You will talk more positively and you will motivate yourself to act. If you think that you don't have any value and that you are a bad person, you will have a more negative dialogue. The more you have a positive representation about who you are, the more you will be able have an empowering dialogue with yourself, the more you can communicate that to others. If you perceive that you are an action taker, that you're always striving for new things, you will be able to easily communicate that with other people, rather than if you have a negative dialogue and you are always demotivating yourself. You are always telling yourself that you are not good enough. You will have more trouble empowering people. Why is it important to have an empowering internal dialogue? You have the communication with others and with yourself. The more you master this communication with yourself, the more you can positively influence others and lead. If you're always putting yourself down, you will struggle to find the confidence to lead and influence others. What are three tips that I can share with you here to improve your internal dialogue? Number one, be aware of what you say. It's all about awareness. I would like you to listen to your inner voice and write it down after the situation. For example, let's say that you have a team meeting. You have a situation that is maybe uncomfortable for you. What I want you to do is that after you have left this situation, you can download the PDF that is just below and I'd like you to write it down. I would like you to answer the questions. You will see that the questions are there to help you improve how you talk to yourself. The first question is, what was my internal dialogue? You are not judging, You are just writing down what are the things that were said that you told yourself. If you're not judging, you are just there to listen. You may be able to find what you said. I know that sometimes it's difficult because you don't have that awareness. But the more you practice listening to your inner voice, the more then you can write it down. Two is, was it empowering? Was what I said empowering? Or was it more disempowering? Was what I said. Helping me succeed most of the time. For example, we try to put ourselves down and we say, yeah, but it was there to help me succeed. Because then if I fail, I cannot be disappointed. But then if you think and you ask yourself the question, was it really there to help you succeed? Or it was there to protect you from uncomfortable feelings? And most of the time we'll see that we have a negative talk. We talk to ourselves negatively. And sometimes we don't have bad intentions. It's just that what we tell ourselves is just there to protect us from an emotion that we don't want to experience. This is question two. Then question three is what I have said differently. Because it's create with one to understand what was said. Two, if we are here to see if it was helping us or not. Now it's about rewriting what you said. What could I have done differently? You write down, okay, instead of saying, Alan, you're not going to succeed. Maybe you can say, Alan, you can do it. It's important to create awareness. I have another exercise that works really, really well is that you can come up with five empowering sentences. The ones that I have is the one with my name, it's Alan Alan. And then with an empowering sentence, Alan, you can do it Alan, you are the best Alan. Give you best Alan. Just go, Alan, just go. Next time that I'm stressed and I have my negative talk, I'm going to just say them loud. I could say them loud or even just repeat them in my mind. If for example I'm telling myself, oh, Alan, you are in trouble. It's not going to work. I'm just going to override Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it. That will override my system. That will help me better communicate with myself. Number two, say it like you mean it. When there is a communication between two people and even with yourself, 93% of the communication is non verbal and only 7% is verbal. Verbal means the words that you say. It's 7% 93% is your tone of voice, your emotions, your body language, your eye contact, your smile, all that things. When there is a disconnect between what you say and your non verbal, your brain will look for the true answer and it will look at your body language because it contains 93% of the communication. If you say Alan, you can do it, don't mean it, you don't believe it. Your brain will read the emotions of the voice and the body language that you have and you say there is no way Alan will do it. It's important when you tell yourself that when you talk to yourself that you mean that you say it with confidence. So, for example in my case, it's Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it with conviction. You don't know what to say, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it, Alan. You can do it. Now, you must say it like you mean it and you can try that right now. Say it, you say your name, and then you say an empowering sentence. And I encourage you to create empowering sentences for yourself. You say your name, and then you say something short, like you can do it. Let's go. Let's go. You can do it. Let's go, Let's go. Give you best, Give you best. Give you best. And that can help you when you are in a stressful situation. You say that in your head and that will override the things that you told yourself previously or the negative talk that you want to tell yourself. Number three, at night, reflect on your discomfort. You may feel uncomfortable when you are over riding your internal dialogue because it may not be in alignment with what you believe. This is a good sign because it shows that it's working. For example, if you have a negative self talk. And then you're always saying, okay Alan, you can do it, Alan, you can do it, Alan, you can do it and you feel a little bit uncomfortable. That's great because it shows that it's working. I asked this question when I was interviewing Jack Canfield. I said, hey Jack, most people they say the affirmation about themselves and they start feeling that something is moving, that something is bad, and there's a disconnect with what they are experiencing and who they want to be. Is that a great thing? He said it's awesome. Because if you keep saying the empowering things, then your brain, you say, oh, this feeling is uncomfortable. I should find a way to make it a reality that works really well. If you keep doing these empowering sentences, it's going to help you, because then you will have to find ways to make you do the things to be great to give you best. Don't worry. If you feel uncomfortable feelings, just keep doing that. And over time, you will experience less uncomfortable feelings. When you encourage yourself, it's important to ask yourself the questions at night to reflect on the feeling. The question that you could ask yourself, and there are in the PDF just below, is, how did I feel today? Did I feel some power when saying these sentences? Was there also a mixed uncomfortable feeling? Why is that? Then you can ask the question, here, was the feeling. When you ask this question here, where was the feeling? I want you to close your eyes to rethink about the scene, and put your hands on where the feeling was, For example, it could be in the stomach, in the arm, in the leg. You just put both hands there and you ask the question, is there a message for me? Is this uncomfortable feeling here? Trying to give me a message? Now you try to listen to your intuition. And some people would just say, this uncomfortable feeling is here. Just so that I can be confident and finally do the things that I want. Or maybe this feeling was there to tell me that I'm good enough. It's just a reminder that I should trust myself more. It's important that you listen to your intuition and you will see that it will really help you. As you can see here, your internal dialogue is critical when influencing others. Because first it influences yourself and then it influences other. You can also print them and put them on a mirror. You know, like these empowering sentences and you put them on your mirror. So it's a daily reminder that when you wake up and you look at yourself in the mirror, you see these empowering sentences. And you can just read them out loud. And it will boost you and put yourself in an amazing mood so that you can start the day the best possible. 88. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Forgive Your Imperfefctions: Give your imperfections, your imperfections more than, less than you think. Everyone has imperfections. And they are not that important. As long as you accept them and you work on them, it's important to accept the imperfections that you have and to work on them. Because if you have imperfections and you don't discard them, you don't accept them and you don't to try to work on them. What's going to happen that you may project these imperfections onto others? Let me explain. Let's say that you think that you take too much risk without analyzing the cost, the benefits, the outcome. You are just an action taker and you don't analyze. You think that you are too spontaneous. If it's something that bother you, it's something that you would like to work on. You will be focused on this behavior and then when it happens in yourself, you can try to improve it because you are aware of it. You know that you should improve that. However, if you know that you have this imperfection of being too spontaneous, you know you should improve it. But you don't really want it. You don't really accept it, and you say whatever. What's going to happen is that you will see the opposite of this imperfection in others. For example, you will see the imperfection of being too cautious in other people. You will see the opposite that is going to reflect the behavior that you are not accepting to change in yourself. So it can be that you see the opposite behavior in other people, but it can also be a direct reflection of the behavior, the imperfection that you are not accepting to change in yourself. It's like the others are reflection of imperfections. Of course, others are reflection of many things in yourself, but one of them is a reflection of imperfections. When when something in others bother you, ask yourself this question here. Why does this behavior bother me? Then ask yourself this question. Why does it shine a light on in myself? That way you can find an imperfection that you have and you can work on it. I don't mean that imperfections bad, it's just something that you are working on. It's a work in progress with this. Two questions here. Why does this behavior bother me? When you're thinking about other people's behaviors, you can find something that bothers you, that is an imperfection, or something that shines the light on yourself. This is amazing, because then you can work on yourself. Accept that you have flaws and that you are not perfect. Humans are perfectly imperfect. Don't reach for perfection, reach for improvement. When you identify something that you should work on in yourself, do it. Use others to reflect your imperfections by using the questions that we have discussed before become at ease with improvement. I would like you to have 95% core confidence and 5% where it's work in progress of your personality. It means that 95% is your core identity is who you are, and then you have 5% of your imperfections, your weaknesses that you are working on. You are discovering them. You are accepting them, and then you are working on them. You can use the reflections of other people. When something bothers you, behavior in another person bothers you. Ask yourself this question here. Why did it bother me? What does it show me about myself? What could be the behavior, the imperfection that I have that is triggered because of the other person. And that can help you work on yourself. And this is really amazing. Become at ease with criticism. You can't please everyone. If you think again about the 50% rule, you can't please everyone. You cannot control 100% of the interaction. You can only control your 50% And the other person they have their 50% Ask yourself, who do you want to become? I want you to maximize your 50% and to discover your imperfections so that you can accept them, improve them, and you will become a big success if you focus on yourself, on the things that you can give to others, on the things that you really want, on who you really are, and you improve your imperfections, your weaknesses, you are going to become a big success. 89. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Do Your Best: Do your best. Did you give your best in that situation when you go home or when you leave a social situation? I would like you to ask yourself this question here. On a scale 0-10 did I give my best today if it's less than eight? Ask yourself why. Why do you think it's less than eight? And if it's eight or higher, you can congratulate yourself. The goal here is to give you best and discover what is preventing you from giving your best so that you can uncover the unconscious things that are holding you back. And that helps you a lot. It's important to understand that giving you best doesn't mean always succeeding. Success is not something consistent. Success is doing the best that you can at any moment in time with the information that you have and trusting your capabilities. The better your strategies, the better your intuition, and the better your skills that you have, the more success you will have. It's not about having success all the time, because it's not something that you control. It's about giving you best all the time. It's not about winning all the time. It's about giving you best all the time to try to win. What's the difference? You don't control success, but you control giving you best to maximize your chances of success. Success is not in your control, but giving you best is if you understand that you only control your 50% and the others, the environment has the 50% the others have their 50% Then you focus on giving you best with your 50% and you let the chips fall where they may. It's the same thing when I said before. The environment also has 50% When you give a presentation, you give your presentation to the environment and you control 50% and then the environment has the 50% So instead of focusing on, oh my God, I have to have everyone like me, no focus on giving you, focus on giving you best presentation. This is really important when you're analyzing your success and how you interact with others. Focus on the things that you can control and maximize them give you best all the time. Another great tip is to focus on milestones that are in your control. If you want to boost your motivation and the motivation of your team, focus on milestones that are in your control. Are you focused on an outcome that is in your control or depends on external factors? If you think about your success in communicating, are you trying to communicate the best that you can and constantly improving your communication? And you are always trying to be a better person? Or are you only focused on the outcome? Are you only focused on the success? Or are you focusing on growth, on being a better person? If the outcome is not in your control, you will experience a lot of stress. For example, let's say that you need to achieve a certain amount of sales with your team. There is that sales target. If you think about that, the sales target is not entirely in your control. The team has part of the control, but then the clients. The environment, like there are many moving pieces, you may be stressed because you have this goal that is not in your control. How could you reduce this amount of stress? It's about showing people the things that are in their control. If you talk to them and you just say, oh, you must achieve that amount of sales by the end of the month, you are giving them an outcome. So it's not really in their control. It doesn't only depend on them, but if you try to break it down into small milestones that are fully in their control, they can have higher chances of achieving that goal. For example, if you tell them you have to call 100 people a day and go for the close on every call. You have to role play 30 minutes a day with a superior. And you have to ask questions to the superior when there is a need and when you want to improve something. If you break down the huge goal that's not in their control, that is making that amount of sales in small goals that are in their control. They will be more motivated, more in control, and have higher chances of success. Of course, it's important the amount of sales that people make, but by giving them goals that they can achieve and that are in their control, they have a sense of having more control and more power. And then it's your job to monitor and to see if that amount of sales has been reached. But you gave them goals that were in their control. You can talk about the goals that are not in their control, like the amount of sales. But it's important that you give them goals that are in their control so that they can have more success, more motivation, and higher chances of improving. 90. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Asking Great Questions: Now let's talk about the communication tips for better communication. Show them the way by asking them questions, what you want to do is to make people come up with solutions when you are talking to them in a team meeting, in a social situation. Instead of just giving them the solution, you should ask them. If you talk to someone and you give them exactly how they should do something, they will experience less satisfaction than if you ask them questions, so that they can figure out by themselves how to do it. If you activate your opera's brain, you may come up with more creative and effective solutions to accomplish a task. Of course, you can still tell them that you prefer them to do it your way, or even better. You can explain to them and make them understand why your solution may work better. Let's take an example here. The normal way of communication would be you should do a then, then to solve your situation. The employee is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just that they are not involved in finding the solution. The better way would be to solve your situation. What do you think you should do? The employee will say, I don't know, Maybe try a and then you can say, great. Then what else? Then they say, oh, I'm not sure. Now, it's your job to help them. To guide them. You could ask them, okay, What do you think about using B then? What could we do? What else? So that you can guide them in finding the solution. You can help them give them small parts of the information of the solutions. And sometimes they will come up with better solutions. You are going to get amazing results. When you ask people how they can do something, they may come up with better solutions that the one that you had before. It's the art of letting them come up with a solution and see if it's better than yours or to guide them to discover your solution. It's really important. At the end, you ask them if they are willing to apply the method to apply your solution. If you see that they are not engaged, ask them why. Maybe they will say, oh, I have some fears. I have some objections. I have something I'm experiencing right now that is not making me really comfortable. Because you want to have people involved in your solution. If you show them, if they come up with the way you want to ask them the question, okay? Are you willing to try this solution? Are you willing to do it on a scale 0-10 How much are you willing to apply that? It's always important to ask them if they are engaged. What is really important that if they are not engaged to discover why? Because you want to try to deactivate their fears, objections, or the things that are holding them back. How do you do that? You can ask them the question, are you willing to apply this method on a scale 0-10 How much are you willing to apply it? Then they will say a number and then you say, okay. What prevents you from saying a higher number? And then you listen. Most of the time it's a confidence problem. They lack confidence in themselves or confidence in this new method. You can then reassure them and tell them that you are confident that they can do it. And if not, they can seek help with their supervisor or come to you, remind them that they should try themselves first. And then it's always okay to ask for help on something that they are not really sure. You can also reassure them about the process and that can also happen. It's their confidence that needs to be reassured. And sometimes the process that you have explained, what you can say is, let's try it this way and let's see if that works. I'm confident it will, but I'm always human. Let's try it and see. You may think about the questions that you can ask others so they can find the methods to solve the situation. It's always about keeping an open mind, guiding them, and making them uncover what their situation should be. Of course, if they don't know it, you can always guide them. Also see how committed they are to the situation and you help them deactivate their objections. Most of the time it's a confidence problem in themselves or in the process, it's about reassuring them. You're not judging them, you're just reassuring them that it's going to be okay. Always be confident when talking. And if you don't know the answers to the question or the objection, you can always look for the answer later and tell them that you will get back to them. There is a PDF just below. The goal is to have an imaginary conversation with someone in your team and to use the tools that you have discovered. Let's say that you should inspire them to find a solution. They want to get a solution to the problem. How would you lead the conversation? And you can use the tools that we have seen here in this chapter to lead. 91. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Assertiveness: Be assertive. Being assertive means that you communicate your preferences with respect and integrity. You communicate your preferences with respect and integrity. You share what you want, what you need, and what you desire with respect and integrity. When can you be more assertive? It's when you need to take charge of a situation and you want the other person to do what you ask them to do, or you want to establish boundaries. It can also be, of course, communicating your ideas, communicating your decisions. It's just a situation where you must be centered and you must communicate from power rather than doubts or not empowering emotions. Okay, now let's talk about what are the five tips to be more assertive. Number one, know that you can be in charge. Being assertive means taking responsibility to move the interaction forward to the direction that you desire. If you want them to do something first. It's about making a decision in your mind that you want them to do that and that you give yourself permission to ask them to do what you want. Let me repeat. If you want them to do something first. It's about making a decision in your mind that you want them to do that and that you give yourself permission to ask them to do what you want. It all starts here with that decision. A decision that you want to ask them, something, there is something that you want and that you give yourself permission to ask them. And you should become at ease with making this decision the more you're able to make this decision and say, oh, this is what I want, this is what I'm going to ask. You are going to become a big success because you will be able to communicate more assertively to help you with this assertiveness technique. Here is a challenge this week. I would like you to make three decisions to be more assertive in situations. For example, if someone makes fun of you at work, you can make the decision that you won't let it slide and that you will be assertive. We'll see later how to communicate that to them. But it all starts with the decision of okay, this is what I want, this is what I want. I give myself permission to tell them or ask them that number two, be in a decisive state. If you focus on the fact that you're not sure or that you doubt yourself, you will be second guessing yourself and you won't be able to be assertive because you won't be in a decisive state. What does it mean to be in a decisive or assertive state? It means that you should be able to activate this state on command. It's a state of power. It's a state of being centered of asking the things that you truly want. Let me illustrate that. Let's say that for example, I'm doubting myself. I focus on everything that I lack, that I'm not sure. I say, hey, I would like you to stop making fun of me. You can see here that I'm a little bit shaky. I'm experiencing doubt when I'm saying that, But if I put myself in a decisive state, okay, I don't want people to make fun of me on that because it's not respectful. Say hey, susie, excuse me. The fact that you told me that I was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. And I would like next time that you say that, that you respect me a little bit more. You can see here, it change. It came from a decisive state. How did I do it? How did I go from a state of doubt to a state of assertiveness? I thought about the decision that I made to be more assertive, I said, okay, no more. I don't want Susie to make fun of me. I made the decision in my mind and then I make the decision that it's not okay and that I will communicate that with certainty. The more you can make the decision faster about the things that you want and your boundaries, and the more you can be certain about them, the more you will be in this assertive state. Let me repeat. The more you can make decisions faster about the things that you want and your boundaries, and the more you can be certain about them, the more you will be in this assertive and decisive state. Be certain when you made the decision to be assertive and you will access this assertive state. You make a decision and you be certain about what you want to say. Number three, be in a giving mode instead of a taking mode. You are sharing information with someone about what you want now or in the future, or about the things that you don't want now or in the future. You are not taking value from the person when you're asking you are just giving them an information. There is a difference. When you say I would like you to respect me, you can see you are like you don't want to disturb the other person. I would like you to respect me. You're not really sure when you're saying that versus a giving information. Listen, Susie, I would like you to respect me. As you can see here, it's slightly different. One is taking value from the other person and the other one is just giving value. Just giving the, saying the fact that you want the other to respect you. You are just saying that you are giving value when you say things and you want to be assertive. Remember, be in a mode of giving the information. You don't want to take something from the other person you want just to give them the information about what you want. Communicate your preferences. You can't control people. You can tell them your preference. Remember the 50% rule? You don't control how they're going to react. And if they like you, you control only your 50% You can tell your boundaries. You can tell what you want and what you don't want. And then it's their choice to say I accept it or not. Remember, they have 50% of the interaction and you own the other 50% which are yours. If you are assertive, they can decide what they want to do with that. It's their choice, But then it's also your choice to say, oh, I want to give them a warning. I I want to fire them. I want them to to apologize. You are in control of your 50% They are in control of theirs. But then at the same time you can say, oh, okay, so I can give you a warning, I can report to your human resource, there are things that you can say, but everyone has their 50% By understand that, you just understand that you are communicating your preferences in your 50% But it doesn't mean that you should let it slide, it just means that you have power in the interaction. You have your 50% and they have their power. By understanding that, you can understand the dynamic better on how to communicate. Starting this section, I said that being a search means sharing your preferences with respect and integrity. These preferences, they include what you want, your boundaries, what you don't want, and so on. Why did I say respect and integrity? Because you want to respect the other person, even if you don't agree with them. You can be unhappy, but you never disrespect someone, otherwise your assertive communication won't be effective and integrity because you are true to yourself and with the decision that you made in point number one, which is about making a decision to be assertive, be free of judgment, but listen to their feedback. When you are assertive, you communicate your preferences and then they will respond. I want you to be responding, not reacting. Reacting means that you will react immediately. If someone insults you and you just want to insult back, you know, like you are reacting. Someone says something mean, and you say something mean, then they say something mean, and this is reacting. Responding means taking a step back, being centered emotionally. And then responding, one comes from a position of weakness, and the other one comes from a position of strength. Just take a step back and take a few seconds to respond. When someone's attack, you imagine that you are centered. And when they throw something at you, you want to be centered again before responding. You can even say that you listen to them and you will get back to them later. If you need time to think about what I said. I don't know, maybe it happened to you. You received an E mail from a coworker and that made you upset, and you just wanted to reply back. And you wanted to insult them, this would be reacting. A better way would be responding. It means that you take a few step back. Maybe you take a few minutes to come down, to relax, to change your state, to center yourself, and then you respond from that. This will be more powerful practice being assertive. Let's imagine that you have a colleague that makes fun of you and that doesn't respect you. How would you be assertive? There is a PDF just below. And you can write down in the document below how you would use these five points to communicate to the colleague that made fun of you. It's a fun way to practice. 92. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Give Feedback: How to give feedback. To be able to give feedback, it's important that you understand that as a leader and manager, it's your role to give the information to people on how they can improve and be better. This responsibility is difficult to understand for most people. As a leader and manager, you can see and collect information to make people better. It's your job to share that with them and they can then choose what they want to do with that information. With that feedback that you gave them, they can decide to act on it or reject it. It's in their control. Remember the 50% rule. You share the feedback which is in your 50% and then they have their 50% of the interaction to accept or reject your feedback. Yes, if they reject it, there may be consequences like being fired, a warning, et cetera. But keep in mind that they are always making choices. Giving great feedback to people is really important. You may need to tell people what they did great and what they can improve. Most people, they struggle telling people what they should improve. Because telling people what they did great is easy. You can say, oh, this is what I like about your work, but then saying things about the things that the wrong, or they can improve that are a little bit more uncomfortable. It's a skill that very few people have when giving feedback. There are certain things that you should keep in mind. Number one, be precise. Tell them exactly what you like and didn't like about the work. Don't just tell them, I like your work. But you can say I like you work on project atlas more precisely. I liked when you took charge, when you completed the project on time. And the quality of the report. You try to be precise. It's really important when you are telling people what they should improve. If you tell them you should improve your work ethic versus you should improve the way that you meet the deadlines. The more precise you can be, the better it will be so that people can make the transformation and know exactly what you are referring to. Number one, be precise. Number two, be thankful for the great work no matter what. Start always with something that they did well. You can say what I liked about your work is, and you tell them precisely. Then you show them what they can improve. You can use the words, what you can improve versus what you did wrong. If you use the word improve, people can get the feedback and the word itself shows that they can improve it. If you use the word what you did wrong, people can be blocked. It's negative what you did wrong, it's not something that helps you improve. You can see here that if you use the word, what you can do better. What you can improve is, and then you be precise. It has high chance of being accepted by the other person. And most importantly, it can show the other person that they can improve. Number four, ask them what they think of the feedback. You may gain some information about why it happened, about why they did that, about why they were not able to perform. You can also learn if the person agrees with you or not, because sometimes you may have misread the situation. For example, the person didn't give the report in time. It was maybe because another colleague took more time to complete their part of the work and that's why they were late. It's not about telling the person that they should give the report on time and meet the deadlines, but it's more about reminding the other colleagues of their responsibilities. You can see here, always ask them, what do you think of the feedback, So that you can be sure that you read the situation correctly and to see what they think, what do they think about what you said? Number five, ask them what they think they can do to improve it. It's great to give feedback. But then what are the action steps? Ask them first. Then with their input, with what they say, you can give some guidance. You can write down together three action points they can work on. If, for example, they say that in order to improve meeting deadlines, so they should, for example, make it to the list, have an online calendar or whatever it is. You come up with the actions together so that it can show them action points on how they can improve that behavior. Number six, you can thank them for the time and finish with what they did. Well, you don't want to finish on negative feedback. Remember, you start with what they did, great, then you go with what they can improve. You ask them the solution, what they think about that. And then you tell them that you thank them for their work. You want to start with good things to show them where they can improve, and then start again by reminding them of the great things that you did. It's important that when you are giving feedback, you don't judge. You show them respect. And also you understand they are talking about uncomfortable things. Because most people don't like talking about the things that they have to improve. They are in a weak position. Remember that, be human, be gentle. Understand that you have someone that is there to improve and is in an uncomfortable situation. Keep that in mind. 93. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Be A Better Team Leader: Be someone they can trust? A great leader or manager is someone who can be trusted. What are the things that will make people trust you? Number one, don't talk behind their backs. You don't want to be super friendly to them. And then when they are not here, you criticize them and you talk negatively about them, then they won't trust you. Be careful with that. Number two, be human. Don't be an emotional less robot that commends. People use human skills like empathy, comprehension, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and so on. People don't want to work for robots, they want to bond with humans. And we'll see most of these skills in this course here. Don't forget to apply them. Don't forget to apply empathy. Don't forget to apply all these amazing skills. Number three, some can learn from, you can give orders, but also someone can learn from. It can be by asking you questions or by looking at how you act. You want to be a role model for them. You want to inspire them for greatness. You will be able to connect with them easier if they can evolve and be better version of themselves. If they can be inspired. How can you do it? Just remember that your actions speak louder than your words each morning. Ask yourself this question here. How can I be the best version of myself? And you show them support? Or at least you show them that there are certain people that they can reach out to for support. That way you're going to be an inspiration, be the boss, leader or manager, but don't be their friends. This one is a tricky one. You want to lead them, but you don't want them to see you as their friends. You want them to see you as a friendly leader or manager. The issue with being friends with others in this particular social setting is that they can forget the boundaries that they are. In a professional setting then when you are their friends, it will be more difficult for you to be respected and give orders. You want to be friendly, but you don't want to be their friends. It's a small distinction, but an important one To understand it better, just ask yourself this question here. Who is my friend and who is friendly? You will then understand the difference. If a friend gives you an order, are you more likely to follow it? Or would you rather follow an order from a manager and a leader that is friendly? It's a small distinction, but an important one. In order to be friendly but not their friends, just remind yourself that you are in a professional setting. Of course, there are exceptions depending on the company culture, but these are the thoughts that you should consider. 94. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Receive Feedback Well: Receive feedback. Sometimes as a manager and a leader, you will receive feedback from others. It can be from your superiors, from your team, or random comments that you have heard. How do you receive feedback? Well, it's important to understand that there are two types of feedback. The first type is the person actually trying to give you feedback. And the second one is the person trying to be mean or meeting one of their needs. Let me explain. The first type is the person who wants to improve your skills or you. As a person, they have good intentions in mind. They want to improve you, most of the time. They have good intentions towards you. And then they try to communicate what you can improve the best they can. This is interesting feedback. Most people don't know how to give feedback, and they try the best to do it. It comes from good intentions. The second type is the person who wants to be passive aggressive. Meaning that they want to give you a feedback or a comment to hurt you, but they do it like it's nothing. Or it can be also to meet one of their needs. It's something that doesn't come from great intentions. For example, they value certainty in their work. And they will tell you, the entrepreneur, that you are the entrepreneur. And they say, oh, you should try to think more and be more cautious. And you can see here that the feedback is an expression of their needs because they have the need of certainty and they want to give you a feedback that is just to meet their needs. It doesn't come from great intention, it's just something to meet their needs. Sometimes it's unconscious and sometimes it's more conscious. For example, if someone insults you or give you a comment just to hurt you, ask yourself this question here. When someone is giving you a feedback, is it more like a genuine interest in trying to make you a better person? Or are they saying something mean, just to be mean, or trying to meet one of their needs? How do you know what's good feedback and useful feedback? It means that's the feedback that you can use to improve yourself. You can ask yourself these three questions here. Number one, is the person qualified to give me feedback? Is it my boss, for example, who worked with me? Or is it a random person who is giving me feedback from someone they have heard complain? Another question you can ask yourself is, how qualified is this person that if you see that it's someone random that hurts something, maybe you shouldn't take that into account. Versus if it's your boss that knows you and that tells you something that you should improve. Number two, is this feedback relevant to me? In other words, is it related to something that you could improve and that you want to improve? This one is key here because they can give you feedback for something that you are comfortable with, but it's not something that people like. For example, you are an action taker. And some people say that you are too much of an action taker and you should give people more space. And you should try to take less action. If it's something that you are comfortable with and you don't really want to improve, maybe you shouldn't take that into account, or maybe you should. It's up to you to decide. Ask yourself this question here. Is this feedback relevant to me? Number three, is something that you want to have in your life. Question two was, is it something you want to improve? Question three is, is it something you want to have in your life? It's slightly different. I'd like you to imagine that you meet someone who has the quality you want to develop. Would you be their friends? If the answer is no, then think twice before acting on the feedback. If it's yes, go ahead and make the changes or at least start making them again. Number two, is it something I would like to improve? And then number three, it's about really thinking, okay, is this something I want to have in my life? It goes one step further then when someone gives you the feedback, it's important that you take this into account. And you can also ask them to be more precise. For example, a great sentence is when you say that. When you say Tata, what precisely are you referring to? For example, the person says, you should work harder. Then you can say, when you say, I should work harder, what precisely are you referring to? That way, the person can be more precise in their feedback and it can help you understand what you can improve and what you want to improve. And if you want to improve it, it's important that you understand that you are work in progress. It's like a sculpture that you tweak each time to become better if you choose to accept the feedback and work on it. Now, what do you do if the person give you a feedback not to improve but to hurt you? Number one, be centered, and don't let it impact you emotionally. Imagine that you are centered and people throw you things. They throw things at you and it doesn't move you. How do you become centered? You become at ease with who you are. The more you think about what you want in your life and you want to pursue it, the less people will be able to impact you. These are some questions that you should reflect and take the time to think about. What are three goals that are close to your heart and that nobody can impact you to stop them. For example, something that you truly want and no matter who tells you to stop, you won't stop. And you don't take feedback into account because it's something that you know you want to have in your life. What are the three goals here? These three goals here will be the pillars of your confidence because it's something that nobody can take away from you. Then another question is, what are three personality traits that you love about yourself and that nobody could try to change them. In other words, is what are three personality traits that you love about yourself and that you won't change. If you think about that, you develop what we call core confidence and co identity. Because the three things that are unshakable and there are three personality traits that makes who you are. When you think about that, when someone tries to hurt you, why do they want to hurt you? They want to make you react emotionally. They tell you something because they want to see an emotional response from you. Most of the times, a negative one. When someone insults you, it's not positive energy that they are throwing at you, it's negative energy. What happens? Like they want you to react from that by just understanding that you can be centered. When someone throws you something, you want to take a little bit of time just to be centered. This is point number two. Respond, react. They want to hurt you. They want to hurt you emotionally. They want to see that emotional reaction. There are many kids here to decrease the impact that an insult has on you. You can imagine that it's a five year old kid. Let's say that I'm walking down the street and there is a five year old kid that insults me. Am I going to take that into account? No, because it's a five year old kid. Imagine when you boss, when someone you know like insults, you just say, I'm not going to take that into account because it's as if it was a five year old kid. If it's something that is an insult is not helping you, that doesn't contain any value to make you better, why would you listen to it and why would you let it impact you? If it impacts you, it's maybe something that you should work on. Because remember, we talked about our weaknesses, about our imperfections. If someone can make fun of you and you react to it, it means that it is something that you are not really at ease with. That a great way would be to try accepting that you have that weakness and try to work on it. Another great way to respond, not reacts, to take time to respond. For example, 1 second is enough so that you can center yourself, someone insults, instead of reacting right away and throwing some negative energy at the person, you just take time to respond. You take that 1 second just to be sent and to respond instead of react from that place. Another great way can be to ignore it. That works when people are not persistent with the insult. For example, if someone insults you, you just completely ignore it. And then you move on. Because remember, when someone insults you, what do they want to do? They want to hurt you emotionally. And if you hear the insult, but you don't let it impact you, just ignore it. It's as if they threw something and it didn't work, and you just ignore it. Some people won't be persistent, and they will stop because they will say, oh, it doesn't work. And some people will continue with the insults. For example, there is someone during lunch that says you can't do great things. Or they insult you. They insult you about you look or about something. What will I do? I will just be centered. I will imagine the five years old kid, for example, the person insults me can say, hey, where are you planning to go on your next vacation? I will completely ignore what the person said. If the person continues going at me, then I'm going to set some boundaries, which is number three. But first, it's always about being centered. Imagining that it's a five year old old kid, you can ignore it. It's as if the person didn't say what they said. It takes time to master that, but when you have done that, it's really powerful. Number three, it's about setting some boundaries. For example, if they keep coming and you can set boundaries and you can use the FD. What does it mean? Stands for fact, for feelings and D, for desire and consequence. The fact that you told me, the fact that you told me that I was ugly. The fact that you told me that I couldn't accomplish great things. You just state the fact then you say that made me feel not respected, that made me feel hurt and you share what it made you feel. Then you have the third part which is the desire and the consequences optional. I would like you in the future that you stop saying you share your desire and then you can also share the consequence. For example, I could report you to human resource, the consequence is optional depending on the situation. But I would like you to practice using the FFD model. The fact that you told me Tata made me feel Tata. And I would like you in the future, that you stop saying Tata, Tata. This is a way to be assertive, non aggressive. And that works really, really well when you set boundaries. Remember when you say that you are confident, you are centered, and you made the decision to be assertive at the end of the day, receiving feedback is great because you can improve if you want to act on it and the insults, they are there to make you more centered, give less attention to what people. At the end of the day, receiving feedback is great because you can improve if you want to act on it. Just imagine that the insults are here to make you a more centered human being. The insults are here to tell you to give less attention to what people think of you. The more you are centered about who you are, the less people will insult you. Because they know that when they will do that will be assertive and you will communicate it assertively. For example, 15 years ago when I was not assertive, not sure about myself, people could insult me easily nowadays. They know I'm going to reply, and they know I'm going to be confident and assertive. And they don't want to poke the bear, so they do it less often. When they do that, they regret it. It's not that I do something bad, it's just that I'm being assertive. And I come from such power of assertiveness that then people are shocked by the answer, by the intensity and the calmness and the centeredness of my answers. Of course, it's important to be alert of the environment and be responding to the environment when people insult you. But if it's only people who want to hurt you, sometimes they don't deserve your attention. You can ignore them if they come getting at you. Then you can just communicate using the FFD model and show them that there are boundaries and consequences. You say that in a calm, assertiveness way and it should work. If it doesn't work, maybe it's time for you to change the environment or try to be a little bit more assertive. 95. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Communicate Your Decisions: How to communicate your decisions. As a leader and a manager, you will have to communicate your decisions. What are the best way to communicate them and how to maximize your chances that the person will agree and act on them. What do most people do? They tell their decisions and then they tell the person to execute on them. It's not a bad way, but it's a way that could be improved. Let me show you the great way to do it. The first one is about providing context. Explain what motivated your decision. I've been thinking about how we can improve work efficiency. I've been analyzing the situation. I've been blah, blah, blah. And then what you want to do is to talk about your decision. And you're going to link it to the benefits that they may have that the company may have, or the benefits that will impact people that they care about. We will also talk about the pain that will be removed from them, the company, or people that they care about. Just to be clear here, I'm not telling you to make a decision and to show them that they will experience pain psychologically or physically if they don't execute the decision. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that you link your decision with benefits for their life and also pain that will be removed from their life. For example, you could say, I've decided that it's better for all of us if we take breaks during the day at 10:00 A.M. at 11:00 A.M. in two groups, rather than everyone together at 12. That will allow us to. Now we're going to think about the benefits. You're going to think about what's in it for them. Why should they join this decision? Why should they be excited about the decision? What would be the benefits that they have about the decision? And what will be the pain that will be removed? Maybe for example, they are stressed. When there are 20 people in this small room, you could communicate, oh, we are eating in two groups so that we don't have to be everyone together that can communicate your decision in a more assertive way. And people were going to like you more if you talk in terms of benefits for them and pain that will be removed because of your decision. So think about the benefits for the other person, the company, someone they care. Example, you could say, talking about the benefits, you could say, you could be more productive and feel more fulfilled. It can help us generate more money, so your bonus may also increase. It's a sentence that shows the benefits and that is linked to the decision that you made, the pain removed for them, others and the company that can remove the stress of having everyone in this small room eating together. So think always when you communicate your decision about what are the benefits for the other person and what is the pain that is removed because of my decision. Number three, ask them what they think about the decision and how they feel about it. When you communicate your decision, it's important to know if they accept it. If they are experiencing something weird about it. Like you want to know where they are. You can ask the question here, What are your thoughts? How does that make you feel? You understand where they are at and they feel included and listened to, number four, comfort them and explain why it's a good decision. No need to tell them that they are wrong. If they don't agree with the decision, but try to reassure them. No need to change your decision, but be gentle and address their concerns and feelings. Most of the time it's just telling them that change is uncomfortable and they should try the new behavior for a few weeks or few months to see how they feel about it. Also, you can tell them that they can try it and if there is something that they are not happy with, they can talk to their superior or come back to talk to you, that the decision will be more smooth. And they will feel that they have more sense of control over your decision. Even though their control is limited, you can still adapt your decision based on their future feedback. So keep that in mind. Number five, thank them for their time and finish on a high point. Thank you for coming and for your time. By the way, I really like to work on that project. You always finish on a high point by reminding them by giving them a compliment on their work. It's important for you to practice making decisions, because to make good decisions, you must make decisions often so you can learn how to make good ones. You must also trust your intuition and get important information from key players. Let's make a decision right now. What is something that you have always been putting off and you know you should do it. Maybe it's calling that friend and apologizing. Maybe it's finally going for that run. Or maybe it's replying to that uncomfortable e mail. What's the decision that you have been delaying? Make the decision right now and do it. 96. BONUS COMMUNICATION: See Empowering Future: See the situation as it is and better than it is as a leader and a manager. It's important that you are able to see the future ahead in a realistic and optimistic way. I'm not saying that you should see rainbows and sunshine, but you should see the situation as it is. You analyze it. And then you ask yourself the question, what can I do to make the future brighter? Should I start new activities? Should adapt. Should I adapt my vision because of what's happening around me. It's important that you analyze the situation. You're honest about the situation. You see the situation as it is not worse than it is and then you should see it better than it is. It happened to me when Covid 19 hit. I was traveling around the world. I was giving these live events, coaching people, so I was meeting people left and right. And then Covid 19 arrived. At that time, I was even traveling to interview the world's most successful entrepreneurs. I was on tour and then it hit. Covid 19 hit. So I was analyzing the situation, say okay, this is Covid 19 right now, it's a difficult time for most people. I was seeing the situation as it is but then also better than it is. I said, okay, what's great about that? How should I adapt to the situation? Okay, I should go online. Because if I don't go online, it will be difficult for me. So I adapted. I created online conference, I went hardcore on online courses that helped me because I was brighter future for myself. I analyze the situation. I saw the situation as it was the covid 19, but then I saw it better than it is. And I asked myself the question, how can I adapt to make my company a big success in that times? And then I also thought about what it would be after the pandemic. Okay, I can go back on tour, but in order to be back on tour in a few years, I have to survive right now. So I have to pivot and I have to adapt to the online word. Because of the pandemic, it's important that you keep faith that you trust yourself when you do things like that. And sometimes you don't really know how you're going to do it. But just by having this vision that is so strong and that has a brighter future for yourself, then the path is going to show itself. I know it can be a little bit beautiful. Say that, oh, the path will show itself. But sometimes by having that vision then the employees, you start getting ideas, intuitions about how you should pursue that. Even if you don't have the how right now, it's not important to communicate on that vision. My question to you is, are you someone who is able to see the situation as it is and then better than it is and have hope and faith. I'm not saying to have blind hope and faith, but have faith that things will get better and communicate that with your team. It's as if you had a choice between wearing green glasses and red glasses. I love this example. Here you imagine that the green glass, when you wear them, you see opportunities instead of problems. You see everything is great about yourself, everything that is great about other people. You see things that makes you an amazing human being. You see positive stuff. Then you have the red glasses. So when you wear them, you see the problems, the things that people lack, the things that people do bad, and you see like the negative stuff. As a manager, it's important to understand that you have the choice at any moment in time to wear the green glasses, to see the opportunities, what's great about people. And at the same time, you could wear the red glasses and see the problems that everything that people are doing wrong, and that can really impact you when you think about that. And then you ask yourself this question here. Do you want to be a positive manager? Do you want to be a positive leader? I'm not saying to have blind faith, but just understand that sometimes it's about seeing the future brighter and conveying that to other people. When you are in any situation, you have both glasses. The more you are able to communicate using the green glasses, the better manager you will be. Of course, it's important to analyze the problems. I'm not saying oh, you should never wear the red glasses. That's not what I'm saying because we are humans. But I would say focus 20% on the problem and 80% on the solution. So that way you can really take the feedback that you need to take from the situation and focus on the solution. For example, in my case, okay, the 20% is covid is here like we are in lockdown. I cannot leave my apartment. This is the problem, what's the solution? And then I spent 80% developing processes so that I could reach people around the world from my apartment. And then I went full online, was focused on the solution. So when you are leading a team, always ask yourself this question here. What is the solution? What is the problem? You analyze it. Don't stay stuck on the problem. You get what you should learn from that, and then you move on to the solution. I would like to share with you here, great questions that you can ask your team. When there is a situation that happens, what are the advantages and the benefits about what happened? What's great about the situation? If there are three things that you have learned from that situation that will help you improve next time. What are they? Just imagine that ten years from now, you look back, you have ten years more of experience. What do you tell your younger self now? What can you do next time a situation like that happens to look at the positive side of the coin instead of the negative side. This question here can really help your team see a better future and associate the gift in the situation where they thought they had known which one of these questions Or do you want to try all the questions with your team? If you make a habit of using them, you will be able to train your team to see the gifts inside the situation. And learn and move quickly from the bad situations with the gift that was in them. 97. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Communicate With Confidence: How can you communicate with confidence as a leader and manager? Confidence will help you better communicate with others. What is confidence? Confidence is your ability to use your resources, your inner power, and your capabilities at the fullest. In other words, it's an emotion that you can activate within yourself that lets you shine and trigger positive emotions in yourself and in others. With confidence, you can express yourself in a charismatic and authentic way. And you will trigger positive emotions in other people. Because there is a law that says that whatever you feel the other person feels, if you activate confidence within yourself, which is an emotion, then other people will feel that they will be drawn towards that. Remember that I said before that the communication between people, 93% is non verbal and only 7% is verbal. If you activate this confidence, this confidence will be the source 93% which is the non verbal. Because by activating confidence, your 93% will be aligned with that confidence. If you are able to activate this confidence on command, then people will be drawn towards that. Don't worry, I'm going to show you how to do it later. There are some people who say, oh, Alan, I don't want to be confident because I'm going to be arrogant. And these are different things. It doesn't mean that you become confident and that you will become arrogant. Arrogance means that you want to show that you are better than others and that you don't care about others. That you are better on them and you don't care about them. This is being arrogant, but confidence is expressing your best self while respecting others. Confidence lets you shine. It's just a state, an emotion that you feel that lets you, that gives you your ability to be your best self. Why do we say it's an emotion? Because it's something that you can activate instantly. Short term confidence or what we say. Instant confidence is an emotion that you can condition your body to feel instantly. Most people, the master depression, which is an emotion that is triggered by a certain pattern. If you condition your body and brain to experience confidence, you will have what we call confidence. If you condition your brain to feel depression, you are going to feel the emotion of depression. Of course, I'm not saying that depression, it's a choice that people choose to experience that. I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that it's a pattern. It's something that people do over and over again because of the situation, how they interpret it, that creates this depression. It's the same thing when you talk about creating confidence. Why is it important to develop confidence? Because when you lack confidence, you can't express your true potential. If you just imagine that it's a bottle of water, the water is in the bottle, the potential is there. But if you don't open the lid, what's going to happen? The potential will stay there, you can't express it. But then if you open the lid, you are able to unlock it. You are able to show your potential. Just imagine that confidence is just removing the lid and allowing you to shine. Now, what are three techniques so that you can develop instant confidence? I will show you here how you can activate this confidence on command this positive emotions, this emotion of confidence. Later in this lecture, I'm going to show you how you can activate core confidence. It's more a confidence that you build over time. Now let's talk about the instant confidence. The number one is the Superman posture. By changing how you behave, by changing your posture, you are going to change how you feel. Why is that? Because your body and your brain is linked. If I ask you right now, could you adopt a posture of someone who is depressed, not confidence? What will most people do? They will close their chest, the shoulders down, look down, and look depressed. If I ask them on a scale 0-10 how confident are you? People will have a really low number. How am I able to tell you what a low confident person looks like? It's because the brain and the body is linked. It works the opposite way as well. If I tell you, could you adopt the posture of Superman? You open your chest, you put your shoulders back. You imagine you have a cape. You take space. Adopt expressions in your face that says, I'm alive, I am amazing. If you do that, you're going to trigger confidence. Because if you think about that, if you think in your brain and you just close your eyes and you say, oh, how is a confident person? What's their posture? How do they behave? Maybe you will picture Superman Superwoman or someone that you know move the same way. If you adopt the same posture, what's going to happen that you are going to experience the emotion of confidence? When I'm feeling down, I always open my chest, put my shoulders back. I imagine that I have a cape. Instantly like I take space and instantly I'm able to activate confidence. Try it, you will see, you will become a big success. Number two, positive expectancy. What does it mean? It means that before going to a social situation, before talking to your team, or going to that important meeting, what you want to do is that you want to imagine it going well. The more you imagine it going well, the higher chances of it going well it has. Let me explain why most people focus on everything that would go wrong. Because they say, oh, that way I can be prepared. But what they don't understand is that by focusing on that, their brain will tell their body, we expect that it's not going to go well. And their body language, their emotion, the energy that they are projecting, it's aligned with the fact that they don't expect it's going to go well. It has higher chances of them being rejected because they arrive with the energy. It doesn't have higher chances of going well. Instead, if you use the positive expectancy, it means that you just close your eyes for a few seconds before approaching someone or going to that meeting. And you just close your eyes and you imagine it going well. You imagine that you have social success. You have higher chances of succeeding because your body language will be communicating more confidence and more success. So what I encourage you to do is to close your eyes right now. And you just imagine a situation, a social situation, where you would like to be more confident in. And you just imagine you approaching you, imagine you giving that presentation. You imagine you talking to that supervisor. And it going well. The more you are able to train your brain to think positively, the more success you will have. And you can do that home. And you can do that before the job interview, before the moment. You just imagine it going well. Of course, you can also think about the fact that it could go wrong, but you learn from that. You take all the actions that are necessary so that it goes well. And at the same time, you understand that you only control 50% of the interaction. You don't control 100% You can maximize your 50% You can do your best, communicate the best that you can. And then the person has their 50% They can decide if they like you or not. But the more you project positivity and confidence because you use positive expectancy, the higher your success rate will be. Number three, it's about positive language. When you talk to yourself, you talk to yourself positively. So we have already discussed that in a chapter of discourse, which is at the beginning. But I just wanted to remind you that here, the more you encourage yourself, the more you are the cheerleader of yourself, the more you are going to succeed. So use the sentence with your name and something that cheers you up. For example, Alan, you can do it. Alan, Let's go Alan, let's go Alan, give you best. Give you best. And you keep telling you that throughout the day, throughout the situations, you are going to boost your confidence. So which one of these three you like the most and then try to do them right now. Is it about talk to your team right now? To calling a friend, to calling a colleague. And just before doing that, you close your eyes and use the positive expectancy you imagine it's going well. Is it about encouraging you right now saying he may you can do it? Emily, you can do it. You can do it. Is it about having the Superman post you right now? What about doing the three at the same time to unlock amazing confidence? Just an idea. Now let's talk about care confidence. Core confidence is built with baby steps. The best way to build core confidence is to take the goal that you have with your team, with yourself. Something that is close to your heart. You break it down into baby steps. What are daily actions that people can take? Because what we want to do is to build the confidence. We don't want to wait to have completed the whole project to feel confidence. What we want to do is to break it into small milestones so that people can achieve them easily. And then we are going to reinforce them with two questions. These two questions here will help you build confidence over time. The two questions are, what did I do? Well, what can I do better next time? What did I do? Well, we are reinforcing the confidence. We are showing your brain that you were able to do that action correctly. What can I improve next time? We are getting feedback from the action that you took. We are not asking what did I do wrong? Because we don't want to reinforce it negatively. We want to reinforce it positively. And at the same time get the feedback. Always, when you have a team meeting, no matter the actions that they have taken, you ask the question, what did you do well? And what can you improve next time? The idea here is you take the whole project, you have a meeting with your team, and then you discuss the small milestones that they have done. Okay, Mark, what did you do? Well, what can you improve next time? Okay, great, great, great. And you always reinforce them positively, and you learn from their actions. And you talk always in terms of improvement. They could have that way. You will be able to build their core confidence. And you can use the same principle with yourself, with the actions that you take throughout the day. What did I do Well, what can I do better next time? What I encourage you to do is to write these two questions down and paste them next to your computer, put them on your fringe, on your bed, like everywhere in your house. So that when you are going through your day, you see these questions and you can answer them and it can help you build core confidence. Another point that is really important is don't encode negative emotions. Just learn from them. With confidence, we want to reinforce the positive emotions. But then what happens when there is a negative emotion emotion that is not really empowering? When a problem or a situation shakes your confidence, it means that you are walking down the street and then there is something that happens. You remind yourself of something that you did wrong, or someone tells you something. Or you tell yourself, oh my God, I didn't do my hair. I look awful today. And it shakes your confidence, or someone tells you that you didn't do something well. And it shakes your confidence, like how can you deal with that? What you want to do is to analyze the problem in the situation, analyze what happened, you learn from it, and you move on. You don't want to encode these negative emotions. I want you to understand that these emotions, negative emotions, they are here to grow your confidence. I don't want you to see these negative emotions are as parts of yourself. I would like you to imagine that you are walking down the street. And then when you experience the negative emotions, it's because they entered your body. You just imagine that there are negative emotions floating around. And sometimes they enter your body to give you a signal. That way you understand that when you experience these negative emotions, you are not going to encode them. You're just going to learn from them. And then you're going to remove them from your body. That way they are not part of you. And if you understand that they are not part of you, you're able to learn from them and then let them go. We have the assumption that a default state of the human being is when he's feeling good and present that way. You understand that these negative emotions, they are here to give you a signal or test you and they are not part of you. You get the signal, you get the message, you thank it. You say thank you, and you let it go. You experience this negative emotion when you think about the situation that happened and maybe you experience shame, You experience being upset, You experience something that you didn't do well with your team. You imagine that this emotion is entered your body and you just say thank you for giving me the signal that next time I should prepare more. You think it and you let it go. That way you don't encode it emotionally. And that can help you build your confidence. Because you learn from the emotions, the negative emotions. But you don't let them impact you that much. Of course, some negative emotions will impact you, but we try to reduce the impact that these emotions will have. Work on your confidence with these techniques and you will become a huge success. Now let's talk about how you can build your confidence with others. There are five points that I would like to share with you. The first one is about social value. When you are in a team meeting, what value can you give socially? For example, the manager that arrives in a new team. Ask yourself this question here. As the manager in this new team, what value can you bring to the team? Maybe it's your experience, maybe it's your point of view, maybe it's your personality. What value can I give in this social environment? Because the more you understand that you have value that you can give in that environment, the more you will be confident with others. It's the same thing if you have a job interview, a presentation. What value can I give in that job interview? Oh, I can give the value because I have a great experience, I have a great personality. And you ask yourself this question here. What is the value that you can bring to the table? Versus, oh, is this person going to like me? Is it going to be okay? One is giving value and the other one is taking value. How can you give value socially? And it can be with the emotions, with the support, with complimenting people. You ask yourself this question here. What are the behaviors that people around me are doing that adds value to people's life? And maybe you can observe your friends, your colleagues, that they have certain behaviors that they do and that adds value to the other people's life. And then you can observe that and then adopt the same behaviors as always yourself. Discussion here, when you see behaviors around yourself, other behaviors to give value or to take value socially. And then you will be able to understand how you can give more value socially. And this value can be verbal with the compliments, with the feedback, with the way that you thank people. Or it could be non verbal. It means that it can be the emotions. With the emotion that you make the other person feel. With your non verbal, with your smile, with your eye contact. It's all about being a person that gives social value. And then you will be more confident because you know you have value to give to that environment. Even if you tell me that you don't have value to give to that environment. Think a little bit harder because you do. Number two, destroy self doubt by changing your focus to positive expectancy. You have that team meeting, you have that presentation, you have that performance review. Instead of thinking about everything that would go wrong and stress yourself, use positive expectancy. You visualize it going well. You close your eyes and you imagine it going well. You do that over and over again. Of course, you practice, you prepare. But at the same time, you have faith that's going to go well because it has higher chances if you do it that way. Number three, you trust yourself. You can say Alan. I trust myself. Alan, I trust myself. All. Don't say Alan if your name is not Alan. Okay. Of course, but say your name and then say I trust myself, I trust myself. And you say that with conviction, you say that in your head. You can say that out loud depending on the situation, but the idea here is to reinforce that you can do it. Number four, care less about what people would think of you. It's linked to the 50% rule. But here I would like to share with you a study that Bronny, where did bro, she took care of people just before they died. She asked them a simple question. The question was, what is your biggest regret in life? You know what almost all of them said? They said, I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life true to myself, but instead, I lived a life according to other people's expectations. It's sad. You at the end of your life and you look back and you have all these regrets. And I heard this study 15 years ago, and from that day, it hit me so hard that every decision that I make, I ask myself this question. Is it something that I want? Is it something that is good for me? Do I want to be at the end of my life and look back and say, oh my God, that was an amazing ride? And to say, oh, I lived the life true to myself? Or do I want to say, oh, I lived the life. I lived the life according to other people's expectations. If you are watching this online training here, you are not dead. You have time. And you could start taking decisions right now about what you want. And when you understand that, you should focus on the things that you want that are true to you. I'm not saying that you are not generous and you don't care about people, I'm just saying that you make the decisions that you feel are right for you, then you're going to care less about what people will think of you, and you're going to care less about what people think of your shirt, about the things that you do. As long as you have good intentions and you are doing things for the good things, then you are going to become a big success because you are aligned with who you are. Number five, you can say, it's my time to shine. I love this sentence and I repeat it over and over again. I'm in a cab. I am going to a team meeting. I say in my head, oh, it's my time to shine because it gives me power. This sentence gives me power. It's my time to shine. It's my time to shine. It's my time to shine with emotion and passion. And it works really, really well. So think about an upcoming social situation that you have. And there is a PDF below. If you want to download that and do the exercise, you think about the situation that you have. And then you ask yourself this question here. How can you apply these tools and you write them down? How would you use these five tools here to boost your confidence? 98. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Communicate With Passion: Communicate with passion and excitement. How do you communicate as a leader and manager is even more important than what you communicate. People focus too much on the words. Remember, words are only 7% and the 93% is non verbal. A great skill that you can have is to communicate with passion and excitement. Let me straight that say today we'll talk about how we can be more productive. Do you feel some passion? Or if I say today, we'll talk about how we can be more productive. What has changed? The sentence is the same, the words are the same. But the perception that you had about the two sentences were completely different. Because I want you to be aware of the emotions and your state behind the words that you say. It's not about the words that you say, It's about the emotions that you say. Behind the words that are important. You want to have people engaged. But what you say in reality, it's more how you say it than what you say that will captivate people. A great tool is to activate passion and excitement so that people can be passionate and excited about your task or your project. Remember, people feel what you feel. If you activate this passion and excitement, you are able to convey this passion and excitement to other people. For example, if we met, I could talk about tomatoes. And I can guarantee that you would be super excited and passionate about tomatoes. I don't care about tomatoes, but I know how to activate the passion and the engagement so that other people can be engaged as well. I'm not saying to fake it, I'm just saying that it's a great skill to have because when you have a project or a task and you want other people to be engaged, you know how to activate it. How do you do it? If you focus on something that makes you feel passionate and excited, how do you feel passionate and excited? If you focus on something that makes you sad, how do you feel sad? We have learned here that whatever you focus on is what you feel. If you want to focus on excitement, you should focus on things that makes you feel passion and excitement. I have two points here that are important to help you and your focus to more excitement. The first thing that you can do is that you can make a list each day about five things that you are looking forward during the day. It can be when you wake up, it can be an alarm on your phone that rings. And then you write down the five things that you are looking forward during the day. We want to condition your mind to think about the things that you are looking forward to. The second point is ask yourself this question many times during the day. What are three things that I'm excited about, passionate about today when I wake up? That's the first question that I ask myself is not what time is it? Oh my God. Am I late now? What are three things that I'm excited about, passionate about today, because we want to allow ourselves to feel the emotions of passion and excitement. The two items here, they work really well. They make the list of five things that you are looking forward to during the day. And ask yourself this question. Here are three things. That I'm excited, what are the things that I'm excited about? And passionate? You are going to train your brain to look for things that you are passionate about, no matter what they are. It's important that your brain focus on them so that you can be a more passionate and more excited person. Another great ways is, for example, if you want to activate this passionate excitement at a certain moment in time, you could change your focus to something that you're passionate about. For example, for me it's about helping people. It's a passion that shines through me. This morning when I was recording the online training, I was not feeling that well. I got a negative news and I was really not feeling passionate and excited about recording this online training. I was feeling depressed, upset, angry, sad. This was not a great mood for me to record dile training to reach thousands and thousands of people. So what I did is that I changed my focus. I say, oh, what am I passionate about with my job? I say, oh, I help people. And then as my passion shines through, I close my eyes and I focus on this excitement, this passion for helping people. And this excitement activated within myself. So it's important when you want to activate dispassion, think about the passion that you have in your life, about the things that you are passionate about. Excited about what excites you in that project, in that job, in that person. The more you are able to activate dispassion, the more you will be able to trigger that in a few minutes. With practice, for example, I could go from a state of total depression right now. Well I talk to you and there is nothing I want to do to a state of passion, of excitement. Because I was able to trigger my brain and to train my body to go from depressed to excitement in a few seconds. So the more you focus on things that excites you and that you're passionate about, the more you're going to be successful with people. Remove, reduce the passion Killers are their people, are their tasks, are their activities that kill your passion. What are the things that take passion and excitement away during your day? What are the things that kills them? Maybe it's that negative person that tells you that you can't do it. Or maybe maybe that's that activity that you hate. For me, it's accounting. I hate when I have to touch that. It kills my soul. Literally, it kills my soul. I'm not saying that accounting is bad, but for me, I don't like it. So I try to reduce it and to do the less that I can so that I can just control the accounting of my company. But I try not to do it. Ask yourself this question like other people are the task and how do you know if there are people who task people or task who take away your passion? You ask yourself this question here after the task, and the passion after the task and the people that you have met, do you feel more energized, passionate? Or do you feel down? Do you feel that they took all your energy away from you? That can help you decide? When you have identified them, ask yourself this question here. Can you make them more enjoyable? Do you need to do them? Can you delegate them? Can you eliminate the activities? Can you stop meeting that person? Can you meet that person less often? Can you meet that person in a more joyful environments? And maybe not talk about the things that you don't agree with. The idea here is to think about the passion killers. It can be the people, the activities see if you can reduce delegate. You can modify them so that they become more enjoyable. Because the more you do things that you are passionate about during your day, and the more you reduce these passion killers, the more you're going to be a passionate person and you're going to be able to convey that to others. Now, what happens if it's someone close or, for example, a boring job that you have? It's your job right now, you need it because you need to make money and it's boring, and it's almost like killing you from the inside. Or there is a boss that you hate and like you are almost linked to that person. What can you do? First thing is about trying to distance yourself emotionally so that you can leave the situation later. You could try to talk to the person and explain what happens, but most people won't understand, because taking value and energy is something that they do regularly, is something that is part of them. You can try to talk to them, but it's more like their way of being and it's difficult. When you change a way of being, you could reduce the contacts, distance yourself emotionally and you could also interpret the things that they do in the opposite. For example, let's say that there are negative people. You could tell yourself, okay, this person had a negative behavior. How would I have acted in that situation? Oh, I would have acted positively. How would I have acted? Okay, I would have done that. Instead of that, you can build in your head the blueprint for how you want to communicate with people based on the negativity of people around. But that works to a certain extent. It means that you can't do that for a few years, maybe sometimes it's better to talk to them and then maybe try to modify the situation or extract yourself from the situation. Also, it's great for them to see that as a learning experience. If there is something that is killing your passion, try to be a stronger person to have the passion from within. These are not ideal situations, but there are situations that are there to make you grow. And it's your call to say, oh, I want to stay there or I want to move. My question to you is, what are one to three people that you can distance yourself from and that your life would be better? So it can be people, it can be activities. Now, it's your choice to say, okay, what do you want to do with these people? You want to keep them in your life. Do you want to remove them? Like, what do you want to do? 99. BONUS COMMUNICATION: See The Big Picture: To motivate others. It's important that you see the big picture and that you read situations as a leader and manager if you want to motivate people around you. It's important that you develop social intelligence in social situations. It means that you should be able to read people's situations and emotions and understand what's going on socially. You want to become better at reading situations. For example, when you are in a team meeting and you are leading it, are you reading people around you? Are you reading them to see if they are involved? Are you reading them to try to uncover what they think, if they agree with you or not? If you become great at reading people and situations, you can get information that they won't tell you verbally. But the non verbal is saying, it's really important because remember I've been repeating that over and over again. 7% is verbal and 93% is non verbal. They may say that they agree with you, but then there non verbal is saying the opposite most of the time. I would say 99% of the time the non verbal is right If someone says they agree, but you see that the non verbal is saying the opposite. It's better to trust, to make a mental note that you saw the disconnect. It's important to listen to people around you, but it's more powerful to watch the body language. For example, someone is crossing their arms and legs and they look worried. But they tell you, yes, it's fine, I will do it. If you listen to the verbal part, you think awesome, they are fine with it. But if you look at the non verbal, you realize that there is something bothering them. How can you read people and situations? The first question that you can ask yourself is to have this body language. What should they be thinking and feeling? Because you want to try to uncover that. Ask yourself this question here. If you were in their shoes right now, and you adopted the same body language, facial expressions, posture that they have, what should you be feeling? You try to put yourself in their shoes. The in your shoes technique is great to feel the situations and remember at the end, always you do that quickly and then you get back in your own shoes so that you can lead you. Ask yourself this question, okay? If I were in their shoes, I had the same body language that they have right now, the same facial expression. What would I be feeling and thinking that can help you gain amazing information? Number two, what is triggering their body language? Is it the current situation, something that was said, something they are worried about, or something that happened before that day, or any other things. It's where context and your ability to read the big picture stuff is important. When you get context about the situation, you can read it better if you're talking to someone on your team. You can ask them more information about a situation to better understand it so you can better read them. Because sometimes they are not worried about what you are saying. But for example, they are worried because earlier that day they got a phone call that made them worried. It's always important to understand that the situations influence the situation that you are having. And sometimes it's not the situation that you're having with them that are influencing them. But they are thinking about something in the past or the future that maybe is not related to you, but that is making them feel that. Be really careful with that. The more you can get used to reading the body language, the more you will have the intuition of, okay, is it because of that situation or is it because of something else that is not in my control? Number three, be careful when reading people you don't want to assume the bad behaviors. Like I see you look not confident and stressed. You may ask, are you aligned with my decision or are there any worries that you'd like to share with me? You don't want to shine the light directly at them. You want to be a little bit more socially intelligent. A great way is to ask a question that would lead to them opening up. Don't tell you, look bored. Say hey, are there any things that we could add to this discussion or to this decision that would bring the level of motivation up of our team? I'm just making things up. I'm just showing you how you should think. It's about asking questions that could lead to the person opening up. And maybe they want opening up, they are not ready. And you should also accept that reading people is a skill that is great and that can give you information. But be careful to not consider it 100% true all the time because there are factors that are not in your control. Be at ease with observing people everywhere. When you go to coffee shops, restaurants, clubs, social places, observe people. Don't be creepy, but try to reach people. A great game is to try to guess why people are there. Are they there to meet someone? Is it a first date? Are the best friends? Are they here for a business lunch? Are they here alone? Like, what should they be doing? What should they be feeling? You try to put yourself in their shoes to understand what they are feeling and what they are doing. That will help you read the situation a lot. I did that a lot. Number five, you can keep what you observe to yourself or ask them a question. So for example, if you notice that there is something bothering an employee and you can make a mental note. So you can see if next time they are in the same mood with the same attitude, or you could ask them, is there something you'd like to ask me? They will then ask, why do you say that? And then you can say, now it's a question I ask so I can make sure people can share what they feel and want with me. You never want to confront people on their body language. You want to be more socially smart and ask questions that could unlock them. And maybe it won't, but it's great to ask the question. Or you could keep that to yourself and make a mental note for next time. Number six, use it at your own risks. It's a powerful tool when you master it, but at the beginning, it can always be tricky when you are starting to read the situations. I would encourage you to just read the situation during the first few weeks. And then when you become more certain about what you read, you can then start asking them questions. But again, it has to be done gently, and you must develop social intelligence when using this technique. 100. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Empower People: How to empower people. Being able to empower people as a leader and manager is a skill that is truly useful. How can you empower people so that they can achieve great things? There are seven steps. Number one, you want to value their uniqueness and their strengths. You remind them why they are a great assets as a human being and as a team member. And you can also value their strengths. Sentences like I like the fact that you are. And then you say a unique quality about them. Your strengths of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, help you achieve great things at work. The goal here is to show appreciation for the uniqueness and their strengths. It's up to you to come up with your sentences and your words when you talk to your team. But value the uniqueness and strength is amazing to start with. Number two, show them that you appreciate their work. People who feel appreciated will tend to work harder and beyond what people expect of them. Also, I would like to thank you for your contribution on that last project. You show appreciation to their work. Number three, be someone they can trust and admire. You want to show them that they can be better people Under your guidance. It doesn't mean you are superior, it just means that you can provide them with the tools and guidance so that they can accomplish their goals and help them grow other person. What actions can you make that would inspire your team? It's a daily question that you should ask yourself. What actions can you make that would inspire your team? What are the qualities that you want to convey and that they care about? Then you come up with the actions that you could do on a daily basis. When doing these actions, try to make them because you want to make them, not because you want others to notice them. For example, you want to show that you arrive early, arrive early, don't arrive late, and tell people to be on time. Or for example, you want to convey dedication and personal support. You can schedule 30 minute interviews where people can talk about their challenges at work. You think about what you want to inspire people on, and then you come up with actions that you can take that will illustrate them is a really powerful way. Number four, be someone that they can count on. When empowering people, you want people to have the impression that they can count on you. You want them to think that they can reach out to you for challenge they encounter. Most of the time the impression of having someone who can help them is enough. They may not act on it, you don't know, don't be afraid to be available. You want to give them the impression, and yes, you want to be there for them. It means that if they come, you are not going to say, oh, no, I'm not going to answer you, but you just like you want to give them the option, the impression that you are there and you are really there, needed, you can always direct them to other people for more precise help. You can say if you need any help, have a challenge or a question, you can reach out to me or you can contact that person. Number five, ask them if they need anything else to do their job correctly. Ask them this question. Asking them this question is powerful because it shows that you care about them and that you make sure that they have all the resources and material they need to accomplish their task. Asking questions such as, do you need anything else to accomplish your work? Other things that you need to accomplish your work and that you lack. These are questions that are amazing and that show that you care about people. Number six, show them that they can succeed. Remind them that they are great and that in the past they were able to accomplish great things. When talking about future tasks, you can always remember that in the past they were able to do a great job at a similar task. If there are no similar tasks, you can remind them that they were able to figure things out and figure out challenges in the past. Always show them that they are capable and that they have already succeeded in the past. It's a great strategy because it can boost their confidence. You can always say, I'm confident that you will succeed. Remember that project you did a great job? Don't forget that if you need anything, you can reach out to me or that person. Number seven, show them that they are part of a group. Tell them that they are part of a team, they are not alone. People who feel that they belong to a team will produce better and more effective work. You can tell them your task is that it is blah, blah, blah. Laura is working on blah, blah, blah so that we can achieve together, blah, blah, blah. As you can see here, there are seven steps that are really practical and that can really help you empower people. What I encourage you to do is to create your sentences for each part of the five step method so that you are getting used to these principles. There is a PDF that is just below. And I would encourage you to imagine a situation where you're talking to your team or a member of your team. And you have to use these principles. And I would like you to write down the scripts. What would you say to empower them? Also remember that the more you practice, the better you will get at it. And you will understand how much is too much empowering people and how much is too little. So over time, you can calibrate your communication to empower people properly. Go ahead and take action. 101. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Let Go Of Unmotivated People: How to let go of unmotivated people. As a leader and manager, you may come in contact with people on your team who lack motivation. It's really important that you learn how to deal with them. The first step is about understanding why their motivation decreased. A great way is to ask them directly when you are assigning them their next tasks. You can ask them if they feel motivated to accomplish this task. They will most of the time say yes, because they don't want to show that to you some other time. They will be honest when they answer. You can follow up with this question. Okay, Let me ask you this. If there was anything that could be done to increase your level of motivation by 10% what could be done? Then you listen. This question may unlock the real reasons for lacking motivation. If they don't know, you can try asking them the following questions. I'm trying to figure out everyone's motivation. Do you mind if I ask you some questions on a scale 0-10 How motivated are you with the perspective of growth in your work on a scale 0-10 How motivated are you to complete your tasks on a scale 0-10 How motivated are you compared to other people in the company on a scale 0-10 How motivated are you with your current position on a scale 0-10 How motivated are you to be more in charge? Any other things that you would like to add that can boost your motivation? That allows you to collect some important data on how the person can improve their motivation. If you learn that they can't grow in the current role and they don't feel motivated, you can modify their position form a growth or promote them. Asking these questions are really tricky because you want people to be honest and at the same time you want them to understand that it's for their own good. They are trying to show you the best self and most people will hide that they are not motivated in front of you. That's why reading situation is really important. And I would encourage you to watch that lecture again. Because then you can see if the non verbal is reflecting what they are saying. So you don't want to confront them, you just want to gain information about why they lack motivation. Then if the person is really not motivated, what can you do? Because if you let unmotivated people in your team, they will suck the energy out of everyone. And your team is as strong as your weakest player, after you have talked with them and try to figure out what can be done so that they can be more motivated. What can you do? Should you let them go? Should you talk to someone else about the case? It depends on your position. If you talk with them and you see that they are not motivated and you don't see how it can be improved. You may seek others opinion. If you discuss with the person and you both feel that not much can be done, maybe it's a good situation to let this person go. But before that, try to come up with reasons about why they lack motivation. In reality, their performance may be linked with their motivation. If their performance goes down, their performance has higher chance of going down as well. It's something that you can track as well to discover when someone lacks motivation, it's one factor that impacts performance. But keep in mind that's not the only one. How do you let go of someone? Be gentle and just do it. There are no good ways to do it because you may be experiencing a lot of emotions. Just thank them for their work and tell them that as discussed, like the motivation has decreased and you both feel that they should be better and you should feel better in another position that sadly a company doesn't offer. Every situation is personal. I will let you do your best and won't give you a precise way to do it, it becomes authentic, it's difficult to do it, Okay? Now the question I would like to ask you here is how motivated are you in your work? Because it's interesting to analyze your motivation related to your work as a leader and manager. You can ask yourself the questions that I just wrote a few slides back. The question that you should ask your employees. You can answer these questions so that you can reflect on your motivation as a leader and manager and always interesting. 102. BONUS COMMUNICATION: Deal With People's Disapointment: How to deal with other people's disappointment. When people on your team are happy and motivated, that's amazing, but what do you do when they are disappointed? For example, you have to tell them bad news. Or you are talking about targets that have not been attained. How to deal with people's disappointment. I would like to share with you here a few tips. Number one, tell them that there is a brighter future. They may be disappointed now, but it's your job as a leader and manager to paint a brighter future for them. For example, you can tell them that you will implement new tools that will help them reach their targets. Talk about the bright future ahead, because when people are disappointed, they are only focusing on the now enter disappointment. So it's important to you as you as a leader and manager, that you paint the brighter future for them. Number two, use empathy. Tell them that you understand what they feel and their disappointment. You'll be able to connect with them faster so you can elevate them later. I understand some of you are disappointed with Ta, Ta, Ta or not motivated because it's important to address the elephant in the room. Number three, show them that they can do it. Remind them of a time when they were disappointed in a similar situation. Try to find a similar one or the closed one, that you can tell them that they were able to overcome it. Tell them that it's during these difficult times that true character is revealed. It's important to show them faith that they can do it. You may have faith in them, and it's also your job to remind them that they should have faith in themselves. Number four, show them you are there for them when people are disappointed. It's important you show them that they can count on you or someone on your team. It's important that you tell them if you need any support with your next tasks, you can always count on this person. You can always go and talk to them and make sure that the person is reliable. Number five, thank them for being part of this situation. I understand that you are disappointed, but I'd like to thank you because we can grow together and it's also feedback for us to make our company better. So thank you for being in this with us and making it a better place. Give time for people to deal with their disappointment. And at the same time, stimulate them with new actionable goals. You want to give them easy to attain, goals that move them to attain the big targets. You want them to feel this boost of confidence and achievements. So it can boost them what are three to five tasks that they can easily attain and that will make them feel good about themselves? It's a great question that you should ask yourself. Then you should give this task to your team so that they can start building their confidence. Again, be careful with staying too much in the disappointed mode. Don't talk for hours about why people are disappointed. You learn from the situation and you focus on the brighter future. You analyze what went wrong. You spend 20% there and the 80% should be spent focusing on the brighter future. It's your job as a leader and manager to understand that. It's a skill that is really important to master. I would encourage you to print these steps before a meeting. You think you will need them, you read them carefully. There is a PDF that is just below and that contains the steps.