Master Public Speaking to Become a Leader at Work. Speak Up!

1. Welcome!: Hi, and welcome to my course. Here's a quick scenario. You're in a company meeting and you have the urge to speak, but you pause, talk yourself out of it, and the opportunity passes. Once again, you did not seize the opportunity to speak up. You feel frustrated and you feel like you might have a problem with a lack of confidence in yourself and your ideas. Does this sound painfully familiar? Okay, how about this scenario? You recently worked with your team to pitch your product to a new client even though you have an impeccable resume, an impressive title. For some reason the clients didn't direct their questions to you and your colleague didn't treat you as an equal and an authority. You feel like maybe it's because you come across as young, unpolished, unsure, or inexperienced. You have a lot to offer and you want to be taken seriously. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin and I'm an executive communication coach. The scenarios that I just described have been taken directly from my client's experiences. If their stories resonate, then this course is for you. In this course, I will teach you to have a winning mindset to speak up when the moment is right, know how to deliver value, and to communicate yourself confidently and with authority so that others take you seriously. You will walk away from this course knowing specific body language and vocal choices to feel and exude more confidence and authority. In any situation, you'll know exactly what to practice every day in order to make these new techniques your habitual behavior. My goal for you in taking this course is for you to be able to feel as comfortable speaking up in a meeting as if you're talking to a close friend one on one. Let's start with an exercise so that you can envision where you are going to be at the end of this journey. I want you to close your eyes and think about the last time you were having a truly satisfying, comfortable, one on one conversation with a friend. How did you feel when you were having this conversation in your body? Some words that might come to mind are relaxed, excited, engaged, comfortable. What was going through your mind? Your mind could have been saying, I'm really enjoying myself right now or I am so curious to hear more. Open your eyes and jot down what you felt in your body and what was going on in your mind on the worksheet provided from your resource folder titled My Speaking Goals. In addition, you're going to write three speaking goals that you have for this course, which you can reference along the way. This blueprint of what you felt while you were having a connected, relaxed conversation with a friend is exactly what I want you to remember and to feel in high stake situations, and I'm going to teach you how to do it. 3. Why can't I speak up as well as others?: At the end of the introductory video, I asked you to visualize a time when you were talking to a close friend to remember how relaxed you felt in your body and what was going through your mind. Now, I'd like you to visualize a very different scenario. I'd like you to remember a time when you were in a large group and you were asked to introduce yourself. We've all been there and it's no one's favorite ice breaker. Close your eyes and put yourself in that place. Right now, you're watching everyone one by one get nervous, speak, and try to say something funny. Finally, it's your turn. All eyes are on you. What do you feel in your body? Do you feel your heart beating faster? Your mouth drying up, your chest, tightening your throat, closing up. You can open your eyes. Now, that's a very different experience than the previous memory, wasn't it? What you experienced just now when faced with having to introduce yourself in front of a large audience, is the fight flight or freeze cycle. You've probably heard of this. It's your body's way of protecting itself. It has served you well in the past and has probably saved you from many unsavory situations. Unfortunately, fight, flight or freeze is triggered just as strongly by a thought as a physical confrontation. When you don't speak up in a meeting, it's most likely because you're experiencing the symptoms of fight, flight, or freeze. When you're not seen as an authority, this is most likely playing a role. Our job and our work together is to disrupt this cycle. But in order to do this, we must first understand what it is and how it works. Here's how the fight flight or freeze cycle plays out. You're in a meeting and you are triggered by seeing your boss and you have a thought. I have to speak up. My boss is watching and I'm up for promotion. It's hard to believe that a thought is just as powerful as a physical threat to your life. But it is, this thought is accompanied by a story you tell yourself. Last time I spoke up, I panicked and fumbled through my points. And because I'm an introvert and speaking up isn't my strong suit, Your body then jumps to your protection to keep you from doing something again that previously ended badly, thereby saving your life. In this scenario, most of us probably don't fight or run that we'd like to. We freeze, hold our breath, tighten our muscles, and consequently our brain goes blank. You might also experience some of the following symptoms. You can't catch your breath, your throat and chest tighten, your voice cracks, you begin to sweat and your mouth becomes dry. You're not able to remember your sentence or come up with a word, you might even black out. You just want to get through this. Any of these symptoms sound familiar? The problem is, the more you experience these symptoms, the higher your level of panic becomes. Oh, no, this is happening again. And the more you're triggered into experiencing these symptoms again, clearly we need to break the cycle in order for you to reach your performance potential. That's what I'm here to help you to do. Here's how we're going to do it together. We're going to be working to re pattern both your mind and your body. That a trigger neither brings up a story nor causes the habitual reaction in your body. I will teach you how to physically and mentally do the opposite of what naturally happens in your body and mind right now. When you are triggered into fight, flight or freeze. This will send the signal to your nervous system that you are okay. This will also communicate to your audience that you're okay. And in fact, calm, confident and in control. Even if you don't feel it, your audience will then send that same signal back to you by smiling or nodding their heads and you'll feel more confident. Here's a recap. By practicing simple physical and mental techniques and repeating them to rewire your system, you'll be able to stop the fight flight or freeze cycle before it has a chance to begin. 4. Your negative mindset is your first roadblock to speaking up.: What's the first roadblock that keeps you from speaking up when you need to? Is it other people? No, it's you. It's your mind talking to you, making you second guess yourself. Making you sure that you don't put yourself in any vulnerable situation where your life might be threatened. Our mind is like a broken record, narrating our moment to moment choices and experiences with a story. These stories are the accumulation of your past experiences. Your story might sound something like, these people don't like me. I'm not good at public speaking of all the people here. I'm the last one that should be speaking up. I'm too young, I'm too inexperienced. I'm the only woman. Nobody looks at me as the authority. This broken record goes by many names. It can be called your inner critic or your monkey mind. For the purpose of this class, we're going to refer to this repeated thought pattern as your mindset. This mindset is what we need to change. In this section, I'll teach you three things. How to identify your current negative mindset and let it go. How to change your mindset from a negative to a positive, and how to put your positive mindset into action. During the section, you're going to need your mindset worksheet. So go ahead and pull it out now of your resource folder. 5. Uncover your current negative mindsets.: Your first step in shifting your negative mindset to a positive mindset is to become aware of exactly what you tell yourself on a daily basis. Just this step of becoming aware of naming, and writing down your negative mindsets is a very powerful tool in helping you to move past this barrier that has kept you from showing up and achieving what you want in your life and career. Mindsets are running the show all the time, whether you're aware of yours or not. For example, consider the mindset that you have Going into a job interview, knowing that you already have another job. You have an offer in your back pocket. You do much better, don't you? Because you know you have a safety net. You know that there are already other people interested in hiring you. You know that if this doesn't work out, you have other options. This mindset might sound something like, I have an offer on the table already now I can just sit back and relax. Having this back pocket mindset helps you to feel comfortable, genuinely be present, and have a conversation one on one. See what this company can offer you and puts the whole interview into perspective. This shift is our end goal with this course. Think about how powerful you would feel if you had this mindset going into a first date. Wouldn't it be cool if you had this mindset in every interaction in life? Think about how even this small shift would change how you show up with other people on a daily basis. Let's begin our process of identifying and bringing awareness to our current negative mindsets. Pull out your mindset worksheet and let's do this first exercise together. I want you to think of the last time you wanted to speak up but didn't. What were you telling yourself while you were speaking? Write these sentences down now. They can be as benign as nobody cares what I have to say. What if I lose my train of thought? Or as Syria says, don't blow this. Everybody is counting on you. Pause this video while you finish writing down your current mindsets. Look at the sentences that you just wrote down. These are your current mindsets. These are just a few of the many mindsets that you are repeating to yourself throughout your day, which are having a major effect on how well you perform. Here are a few questions. These mindsets empowering, Do they make you feel good when you look at them and you read them? Do they encourage you to perform well and bring your a game? Are you giving yourself your own vote of confidence or are they confirming those negative beliefs that you already have about yourself? By repeating something negative about yourself in your mind over and over again, you are in fact solidifying that that negative thing is true or will happen. What you focus on becomes your reality. If you focus on losing your train of thought, uess what? You'll lose your train of thought. Here's your homework on your mindset. Worksheet is a list of common negative and positive mindsets. Right now we're focusing on the negative column. Take your time. Read these mindsets out loud and circle the negative mindsets that sound way too familiar. Go ahead and take a few minutes to complete this. Now, be gentle with yourself as you're doing this exercise. You might also be surprised at what you find out. We'll pick things up in the next video. I'll teach you how to let go of these draining energy sucking negative mindsets and adopt a new positive mindset that will set you up to succeed in all of your daily communications. 6. How to let go of these negative mindsets.: What you focus on becomes your reality. The best way to shift how you feel before you begin speaking, and while you're speaking, whether it's during a meeting or an important conversation, or giving a presentation, is to change your mindset. That thing that you're telling yourself over and over again. Now that you've identified some of your negative mindsets around speaking up, it's time to let them go look at your mindset worksheet and identify your top three negative mindsets. The ones that are the most true for you right now. Write them down in the space provided you're going to pause this video in order to do the next exercise. But first, here are your instructions one by one. I want you to ask yourself, is there any objective validity to what you're thinking or what you're telling yourself? For example, if your mindset is nobody likes listening to me, ask yourself, is this true? Can I name one person that does like listening to me? Can I name multiple? Do most people in the room actually want to hear what I have to say? Most of the time there's no objective validity to our mindsets. Once we check them out and realize that it's just something that we're making up, we can dismiss these mindsets as stories. They're simply not true. We feel like they're true because they are something that our mind is making up to keep us safe in what it sees as a dangerous situation. Conversely, you might come across a mindset that is true or partially true. For example, I'm the youngest person in the room, therefore I'm the worst candidate to speak up. You may be the youngest person in the room, You might indeed have the least experience. This mindset is valid, partially valid. Now what are you going to do about it? You can change your reality by making new choices in the space. Provided, write one thing that you can do to change the reality of your situation. Your antidote to being the youngest person in the room might be to learn the body language and vocal choices of authority. You are now one step closer to changing your reality and changing your mindset. Continue to check out the rest of your negative mindsets and either dismiss them as story or write one thing that you will do in order to change this reality. 7. Here's one foolproof mindset shift.: Now that you've disarmed and let go of your negative mindsets, it's time to replace them with powerful positive mindsets. Look at your mindset worksheet again, and let's do the first exercise together. Under choosing your positive mindsets, look at the column of positive mindsets. Now these are all messages that clients have chosen to say to themselves, that have delivered powerful results. They have used these mindsets during important conversations, while leading team meetings, and when being introduced to important clients. Any time where self doubt and insecurity might rear its destructive head circle a few positive mindsets that resonate with you. Now it's really important that you circle the ones that resonate. As you read your new mindset out loud, you should feel something in your body like a lightning of your chest or a sensation of sitting up taller, of seeing clearer. Maybe a smile creeps across your face. That's your body saying, yes, that's it. That's what I need to hear. That's what I'm longing to hear. Yours could be, I know my content, and I'm here to enjoy myself. Or everyone wants to hear what I have to say. You're going to have to play around a few different mindsets out loud in order to find the few that truly resonate. It should feel like it gives you a new attitude about yourself, a new lens to see the person or the people that you are presenting to. You don't need to know why a specific mindset resonates, they just do pause the video now to find these positive mindsets that resonate. Now that you've circled a few, pick one to play with right now. Say this one positive mindset out loud three times while looking around the room. Go ahead now, say it in your head three times while still looking around the room. Now you know how to do it. I'd like you to put your new mindset into action. Imagine that you're back in that introduction circle, but this time you're going to speak, you're going to introduce yourself. Say who you are, where you live, what you do, and one fun fact about you. But before you speak, I'd like you to say your new mindset in your head three times. Go ahead, pause this video and introduce yourself to the room. Now, did you notice anything different? How did you feel? Did you sound different? Did you see your relationship with your audience in a different way? Once this video is over, I'd like you to introduce yourself again, but video yourself this time. Introduce yourself twice. First, introduce yourself without using your new mindset. Then repeat your mindset three times in your head and introduce yourself. Watch your video and notice from the outside what differences you see. Here's your homework. You might have circled three to five new positive mindsets. Choose one mindset to experiment with per week, each morning, simply repeat your mindset three times out loud in the mirror, then repeat three times in your mind. Repeat it in your mind during low stakes situations, such as ordering a coffee or introducing yourself to a new friend. Then try it out in higher steak situations, such as speaking up at a meeting or while giving a presentation experiment. See what happens. Here's a recap. What we focus on becomes our reality. Replace a negative mindset with a positive empowering mindset. And feel your confidence in communication, transform. This might sound simple, but trust that when you try it, the shift in your body, your mind, your voice, and your attitude can cause some dramatic results. Changing your mindset can be like a golden key, one technique that makes any other confidence and communication issues naturally go away. 8. Assessing Your Communication Style: Although a lot of people benefit from a specific individualized mindset, such as we came up with in the last video, adopting a new general mindset can also be extremely powerful. One powerful mindset shift that I often give to my clients is enjoy yourself while you're speaking. Or ask yourself, what can I do in this moment to have more fun? So here's a classic conversation that I have with my clients after they give their presentation to me for the first time. Did you enjoy yourself? Absolutely not. Anything you could do to enjoy yourself more? Well? Yeah. I could probably take a sip of water before I begin speaking or maybe talk about what I want to talk about and what I'm excited about and what I'm curious about. I don't know. Maybe I could ask for a little more audience engagement at the beginning so I don't feel so alone at the front of the room. You've just coached yourself. Do that, really? You mean I could just be myself? I thought I had to be more professional or formal or something like that. There is a huge misunderstanding out there that there are rules that we need to follow when we're presenting or speaking. That we need to be super formal in order to be taken seriously or seen as authority. That we need to become someone else. And we're going to get into that belief in the next video that speaking and presenting is serious business and we can't be funny or ourselves or even take the pressure off by turning our presentation into a conversation with our audience. There are no rules as to what you need to do or say or be when speaking up or leading a meeting, as long as you get your job done. In most cases, your audience simply wants to gain information and enjoy themselves while doing it. They want you to succeed. They want you to succeed for their sake, so they don't have to be uncomfortable while watching you. They're not focused on you, they're focused on themselves. If you're enjoying yourself, your audience is going to enjoy themselves or even have the chance of enjoying themselves, whether it's one person or 400 people. Do your audience a favor and do what you can do to enjoy yourself while speaking. Talk about what you want to talk about. Relax your body. Give yourself time to take a breath or take a sip of water. Make a joke. Wear something fun. Whatever it takes for you to feel like you while you're speaking. By actively working to enjoy yourself. While you're speaking, you're telling yourself that it's okay to be you. You being you will always be better than following any public speaking rules. You being you is the best way to begin to communicate confidence and ease in any situation. Here's your homework. Next time you have to facilitate a meeting. As you're preparing, think what can I do to enjoy myself more? You'll probably have some ideas, but haven't let yourself go there in the past. Go there, focus on making the whole experience more enjoyable for yourself. And ease. Calm and confidence will follow. 9. Discover your unique "communication style.": At this point in the course, you've learned to let go of mindsets that are not serving you. You've adopted some powerful new mindsets, and hopefully you've had a chance to try these out in low stakes and maybe even a couple of high stakes situations with this foundation. It's now time to put these techniques to work and speak up in your daily life so that you have the possibility of fulfilling your leadership potential. In order to speak up effectively, you need to know three things, when to speak up, what to say, how to shift your delivery to be seen as confident and authority, and to be taken seriously. Let's tackle that first question now. When do I begin speaking up? You might ask, is it when I've learned and integrated all of Rebecca's speaking techniques and I'm perfect at all of them. The answer is, now speaking up is a muscle. The more you speak up, the easier it is to speak up. The more you are expected by your colleagues to speak up, causing you to speak up more. The less you speak up, the less you'll be expected to participate, the less you'll want to participate, flex that muscle, and speak up at any opportunity. There are a few specific mindsets that I have found are common to my female clients around speaking up though, males can experience these as well. I'm going to say them to you so that you know, you're not alone in thinking this way. I'm not going to speak up unless I'm 100% sure about what I'm going to say. I'm going to wait to make sure I've thought through any holes in my argument before I speak up. I'm not sure that I'm right about a couple of things, so I'm not going to speak up at all. Any of these sound familiar. You'll notice that others around you don't put this much pressure on themselves to get it right. And they have no problem being seen as an authority. Holding yourself back in order to be perfect is no longer serving you. Others are getting seen getting acknowledged, often for your ideas and potentially even getting the promotion. Here's your homework. To begin flexing your speaking up muscle. Number one, raise your hand when you have the instinct to speak, not when you've thought through everything you're going to say. This will force you to think on your feet and speak off the cuff and do it well enough. Number two, commit to speaking at least once every meeting. Even if what you say is general, it's important that you hear your voice in the room and set people's expectations that you will be one of the people that will speak up. Number three, let yourself do it badly. It doesn't matter at this point how you sound or what you say. It matters that you begin to speak up at the top of your communication style worksheet. I want you to write down which of these three things you will commit to doing this week. Pause the video now and resume when you've finished. Now that you know how to speak up, let's tackle the question of how to communicate confidence and authority when you speak up, we'll talk about how to deliver value. In the next video, I want to start with what not to do. In my experience, when people try to be seen as an authority, they'll immediately become more formal. They'll try to follow a formula that they've picked up at some point that tells them to stand still as they speak. Use less gestures, less expression, and keep their voice low and at an even tone. And hold their hand potentially in a steeple pose. Use their thumb to deliver their points subconsciously. Their idea is that in order to be seen as an authority, they need to be someone else. This is counterintuitive but critical for our purposes. The more you try to become someone else, your idea of professional or authoritative, the more you'll feel less confident and the more you'll communicate insecurity and a lack of credibility or authority. We, your audience can see that you're trying too hard. People that have authority and confidence, don't try so hard. The more you are comfortable with who you are, your unique qualities and values, the more you will communicate that you are confident and an authority. Now that you know that you have to be comfortable with who you are in order to project confidence and authority, we have to figure out who you are, your unique communication style. Here's a recap. The time to speak up is now at least once a day. Let go of this idea that you have to be perfect. When you speak up, your need for perfection is not serving you anymore. Once you speak up, in order to be seen as confident and authority, you need to stay away from being formal in order to try to communicate confidence. You'll only undercut your authority. Be yourself. 10. Here's how to "be yourself" when it's the hardest thing to do.: By understanding your unique communication style, you will have two things under your belt. Number one, you will understand what valuable qualities you naturally project. Number two, you'll know when to speak up and what to contribute. What is your communication style? Your communication style is comprised of the qualities that you bring to a room, a team, or a conversation. These qualities are going to be different than those of your colleagues. For example, Jack might typically bring a breath of fresh air. He's the ideas guy and he works towards consensus. While chill brings substance to her conversations via her expertise and research. She's no nonsense and she always has an eye to bring others into the conversation. These two might also have overlapping strengths, but these are the values that are unique to them. Now it's your turn. What values do you bring to a room? In your resource folder, there is a handout titled, Discovering Your Communication Style. Take a moment and browse some common values that I have listed. These values are ones that I have found by working with hundreds of clients. With that list as an inspiration, write a list of your own values that you believe you bring to your team or a conversation. What do people on your team look to you for? What strengths come naturally and are easy for you? You should have about five to eight values that are unique to you. Pause this video now and resume when you've finished your list. Great. Take a look at this list that you've created are your values. These values are your strengths. They are the qualities that you bring to any situation without even trying just by being yourself. They are the sum total of your history and past experience. They're easy for you to overlook because they come naturally to you. They don't come naturally to others. They are what have gotten you to where you are now. They are what other people look to you for. This is, this is your communication style. Look at your list. Is there anything missing? Here's your homework. With this clear list defining your communication style. I'd like you to do three things. Number one, write this list out and post it somewhere where you can see it every day. Look at it before you walk into an important meeting where you might feel intimidated or valueless. Number two, embrace this list. Exhibit these qualities even more in your everyday interactions. For example, do you bring levity to challenging conversations? Own and be proud of your lightness of heart. This is who you are. Are you direct and no nonsense. Embrace your talent to see and deliver a point clearly and directly. You're the No BS Gal. When you see an opportunity to exhibit one of your strengths in the conversation, take it. This is when you know beyond a doubt that it's your turn to speak up and not let anyone interrupt you, because starting now, you are embracing that you are the expert on these subjects. Here's a recap. Now you've created a list of qualities to help you to understand who you are and you have a game plan as to how you're going to activate this list in your everyday conversations and in your everyday life. This is the foundation to your confidence. You must first embrace yourself in order to grow. You might have a lingering question, what if being myself doesn't always serve the situation? In the next video, I'm going to teach you how with this foundation, to expand your range so that you have choice in every situation and don't have to play just one note. 11. Learn how to expand the range of your communication style.: Though it serves you to come from a foundation of owning, embracing, and accepting who you are and your unique communication style. Sometimes what you're naturally good at or what you naturally exude doesn't serve you in every situation. Your delivery choices need to match your environment. For example, if you're always bringing a good joke into the conversation might not be serving you if you're looking to be seen as an authority in a serious meeting. You might also simply want the qualities of being a good listener and being able to empathize with another's point of view. But maybe you don't know quite how to do that yet. That's what I'm going to teach you how to do in this video. Continue down the same communication style worksheet that we've been working on. Go to the section titled style goals. Let's do this first exercise together. Think about someone you know that has an inspiring communication style. Maybe it's someone you respect from afar. For example, I respect the style of Michelle Obama and Tony Robbins. Maybe it's someone closer to home, like your manager or a coworker that you feel exudes qualities of a leader that you respond to and admire. If you're having a hard time coming up with someone, browse the videos in your resource folder and see if there's someone's style that you resonate with. Next, answer the questions on the worksheet as you watch your video or think of that person whom you want to emulate. What qualities does this person exude? What do they do with their voice and their body that communicates this quality to you? Pause this video now to answer these questions and to finish this exercise. What you admire in others is a good way to identify the qualities that you want to cultivate in yourself. Also, because you're able to identify it in other people, it's a good sign that you have the capacity to bring it about in yourself. Many people worry that these additional qualities aren't natural to them. That they will feel inauthentic and that we faking it. Here's my perspective. What we practice, we become your unique qualities are yours because you've practiced them over a lifetime. Now they're your habit, they're you. Your new qualities will become natural to you simply through repetition. Here's your homework. Take one quality from your communication style goals every week and focus on it. Practice communicating this quality in low stake situations. For example, if you would like to develop the quality of thoughtfulness, practice pausing before answering questions during your next coffee day with a friend. Then practice your quality. In higher stake situations, allow for pauses while interviewing a new hire. For example, include a pause during your next team meeting. Here's a recap. Embracing your unique qualities helps you to see and own your value. This acceptance of yourself causes you to feel relaxed, more grounded. Simply be more comfortable in being you in order to go to the next level. You can encourage the development of additional qualities by practicing new ones every day. This will help you to have more choice and feel more powerful by knowing that you can expand your communication style. 12. Self awareness is key to changing your vocal and body language habits.: In my coaching business, I teach a huge range of body language and vocal techniques. Why am I choosing to teach these specific techniques to you now in this class? To be honest, most of my clients are women. I've worked with hundreds of women to help them reach their leadership potential. We women tend to make certain choices with our body language and voice that do not serve us. They undercut our power. Men make these choices too. But I haven't found to the same degree. Hey guys, the ways in which women undercut their power and authority are not just unique to women. Men do these things too. By no means is it time for you to fast forward or skip this video or move on to another section. All of these techniques are for you as well. Why do we women time and time again undercut our credibility and power? It's frustrating. It's been my experience that women tend to look for consensus by asking questions instead of risking isolation by firmly stating their beliefs or ideas. Be more concerned about equality in the group, rather than saying things that would make them stand out for promotion. They're more keyed into the energy of the room and therefore moderate their input so that no one feels dominated or left out. Instead of speaking, they tend to listen. These are all great qualities. For some situations, they do not serve us when we're looking to be seen, recognized, heard to stand out and be rewarded for all of our work. For this to take place, we often need to learn a new communication skill set. The first step in the process of learning a new skill set is to find awareness. In order to develop your awareness of ways in which you currently undercut yourself, we're going to conduct a short assessment. I'm going to ask you to video yourself presenting for 3 minutes. You'll then analyze your video with my help for the analysis of your video, you're going to need your speaker assessment form. So go ahead and find that in your resource folder. Here are some pointers to think about before you make your video. Make sure to set yourself up so that your video captures your entire body. You can use your phone or your laptop. The quality doesn't need to be at a high level. When you stand up to present, take a couple deep breaths and imagine your audience in front of you. Make eye contact with individuals in the front row, then in the back row, this will begin to elevate your heart rate, which is important to simulate a real life scenario. Once you've recorded yourself, you're going to watch your video three times and answer the questions on your speaker assessment handout. The first time you watch your video, you'll be watching. For general takeaways for this viewing, imagine that the speaker you're watching, it's not you. So that you can have a level of objectivity, then answer the questions on your handout. The second time you watch your video, close your eyes and listen to what your voice communicates. Then answer the questions on your handout. Finally, play your video a third time. Keep your eyes open, but turn off the sound and watch your video for what your body language communicates. And again, answer the questions on your handout simply by watching yourself three times with an eye and an ear for information. You'll learn a lot about what you do well to communicate confidence and authority. You'll also become strongly aware of what you're doing to undercut your power and authority. In the next series of lessons, I'm going to focus on specific techniques that you can learn and repeat in order to make authoritative communication your new habit. Based on your self assessment, you'll need to pay attention to some techniques more than others. Be forewarned, nobody likes watching themselves or listening to the sound of their own voice. Remember to view yourself gently with kindness and a little more objectivity than you might normally. Here's a recap. This self assessment will bring you into your first important step towards learning a new set of techniques. Becoming aware of what you do well and areas in which you need to change. Take a few minutes now to record and watch your video and answer the questions on your worksheet. And I'll meet you in the next lesson. 13. Heads up! Your body language choices influence your mind: The following videos will teach you techniques to communicate confidence and authority. Each time you speak up, the techniques are simple, they'll feel familiar. There are things that you probably already do naturally when you're having a good day and your coffee is working and you're wearing a really great flattering shirt. There are small shifts, yet they are significant in the videos where you feel like you're learning something that you already know. You're now going to do it with awareness and purposefully in the videos where it feels like I'm teaching you something completely unnatural. I want you to remember that you're working to rewire some of your habitual patterns. These might feel unnatural at first. Maybe you don't like it. Don't dismiss it. This is an opportunity for you to speak and get better results. The more you repeat these habits, the more they'll feel natural, the more you'll see and feel positive results. A benefit to making all of these techniques habitual is not only that you will communicate more confidence and authority in meetings and conversations. But by exhibiting the physical and vocal behavior of confidence and authority, you will actually begin to feel more confident and authoritative. Don't believe me. Do a simple exercise with me right now. Sit up straight. As you're watching this video on your computer, Raise your chest, smile and say out loud, I feel terrible about myself. Go on. Okay. Now, slump, cave your chest, cross your arms, don't make eye contact, and say I'm an authority in this room, do it, Okay? Are you laughing yet? You should be. Because the combination of these two body positions and words are ridiculous. They don't make sense because you don't feel terrible about yourself when you sit up straight and raise your chest. Conversely, you don't feel like an authority when you slump, cross your arms and don't make eye contact. What you do in your body has a strong effect on the way you feel. In order to turn these techniques into your new habit, you'll have to practice them daily. Included in each section is a key phrase so that you have a way to easily remember your instruction throughout your day. You can put this key phrase on a sticky note on your computer or have it pop up as a reminder in your phone. Also included in your resource folder is a recorded version of each of these practices as a way to practice your techniques every morning. Let's get started with learning your first technique. 14. The most powerful body position to feel and exude confidence and authority: Our foundational technique for increasing your confidence and authority is sitting and standing in the neutral, powerful pose. Sitting up tall and being still in your center, you will communicate that you are solid in yourself, your ideas, and your position. Too often in effort to make ourselves feel more comfortable or that the other person know that we can be swayed. We'll move our hips back and forth and shift our weight from side to side. This can make you look wishy washy and not firm in your decision or idea. Stay in your center and keep your feet and your lower half in cement. Try the neutral, powerful position with me. Now, sit up straight in your chair. Sit at the edge of your chair to keep your energy active. Place your feet hip with the part and the soles of your feet firmly planted on the floor. Organize your shoulders over your hips, your knees over your heels, and your ears over your shoulders. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Notice what it feels like internally to be in your center. Recalibrate and set this position as the place from which you want to sit or stand and speak. You can use the same alignment while standing. This is your neutral, powerful position. From here, you have created the space in your torso and rib cage to take a deep breath, you can express your ideas by bringing your hands above the waistline or above the table. And by moving the upper half of your body, including your shoulders, your head, and your face. Make sure that whether you're sitting or standing, the expression happens above the waistline and that your feet and your hips remain firmly planted in cement. Here's your key phrase to easily remember these instructions throughout your day. Stay in your center and keep your feet firmly planted in cement. Here's your homework. Every morning, play with finding your center first, lean forward, jut your chin forward, and notice the feeling of loss of control or submissiveness that you might feel in this posture. Lean back and notice yourself pulling back from the action, losing engagement. Where do you find yourself naturally living throughout your day after feeling these extremes? Find your center again. Close your eyes and recalibrate. Open your eyes, you're ready to go. Here's a recap. Learning the neutral powerful position is the most powerful stance you can take, both sitting and standing, keep your feet and cement as you speak. And you'll feel and communicate that you are confident in your ideas and coming from a solid place of authority. 15. Mastering authentic and impactful eye contact: The one thing that you might shy away from doing when you feel insecure about speaking up or nervous about losing your thought, is to make direct, authentic eye contact with your audience or people around you, true or fault. A great way to protect yourself from being triggered and to fight flight or freeze is to simply not make eye contact with your audience false. When you don't make eye contact with individuals in your audience, you give your mind an opportunity to make up stories about how you think people might be experiencing you in the audience. Make authentic eye contact and you force yourself to stay in present moment and get real time feedback as to how your points are landing. There are three key ways to feel strong and communicate strength while making eye contact. Number one, share your eye contact with the room. Make sure not to neglect the edges. The way I remind myself to not neglect the edges is to make eye contact with my front row, then make eye contact with my back row before I begin speaking. If you're working with a smaller group, simply make sure to make eye contact with people from your left side and then your right side, as well as directly in front of you. Number two, hold your eye contact with individuals as you speak for around three to 5 seconds. This is going to be a little bit longer than feels comfortable. It's about the length of a thought or an exhale. This is going to shift your relationship to your audience significantly by making them sit up a little straighter and listen. And making you snap out of your story and come back into the present moment. Number three, make authentic eye contact. Most of us talk from an angle, or we sprinkler the room without fully landing in any one position or on any one pair of eyes. These head positions are distracting and communicating too much to your audience. You can be dramatically misunderstood in order to communicate confidence and authority. Direct the bridge of your nose to the bridge of the nose of the other person while you're speaking to them. And keep your head straight on your spine. Try it with me. Now, touch the bridge of your nose and make direct eye contact with me. Here's your key phrase, Bridge of nose to bridge of nose. In this position, you'll feel and communicate authentic engagement. Here's your homework. In your next presentation, or when you next speak up at a meeting, you'll probably have three points. Try addressing, one point to the person on your right, the next point to the person on your left, and the last point to the person straight in front of you. Each time you make eye contact, drop your chin and point the bridge of your nose to theirs. Here's a recap. This might feel counterintuitive, but in order to decrease the stories in our mind and increase our confidence in the moment, we have to train ourselves to make direct, authentic eye contact. This bridge of nose to Bridge of nose gaze communicates confidence and authority and will help you feel present and respond to what's in front of you, as opposed to a story in your head. 16. Gesture clearly and effectively to have more "presence.": The best way to relax your body and show that you're confident and comfortable is to take up space as you speak. This includes standing tall in your center, planting your feet, hip with the part. Bringing your hands up to gesture immediately and gently, touching your sphere with your fingertips as you speak. This might mean that your elbows are a little farther out to the side than you're used to. This might mean that you take up more space. Practice this with me. Now imagine that there's a sphere around you that starts at your waist and ends just above your head. And it's the width of your wingspan. With your elbows slightly bent, your sphere extends in front of you as well behind you as far as your fingertips can reach. As you gesture, move your hands in upward movements and open your palms like this. Vary your gestures, both hands don't need to be doing the same thing at the same time. Hand gestures are used to illustrate, for emphasis, and to create connection. Think about these three purposes as you play with different types of hand gestures. When you're done gesturing, let your hands fall to your sides or place them gently in your lap on the table, or on the podium. A good rule of thumb is to remember that we always like to see each other's hands, Otherwise we feel like that person might be hiding something. Whether you are in a virtual interview behind a podium, sitting at the front of a board room table, bring those hands up and gesture where we can see them. Here's your homework. Each time you have a conversation with a friend on the phone or in person, use your hands to express yourself, we think, with their hands. If you've trained yourself not to use your hands, then you're probably having a hard time being yourself or clearly articulating your thoughts. Free those hands and you'll free your mind and your ability to feel comfortable. Here's a recap. Using your hands while you speak will help you to feel more comfortable being you. Using your hands to speak helps you to articulate your thoughts and think out loud. Freezing one part of your body, such as your hands, might cause your whole organism to freeze up. Take up space with your gestures to command more authority and communicate confidence. 17. Expand your field of vision to become the authority in the room.: You now know how to take up more space physically by touching your sphere, as you're gesturing, and allowing there to be a little more space underneath your armpits. I'm now going to teach you how to take up more space energetically. How you take up space energetically has to do with your relationship to the horizon. Think about someone that you know that has a great presence when they walk into a room or speak up at a meeting. Would you characterize their focus as narrow or broad? Narrow means that their gaze tends to focus on one thing. Broad means that they notice everyone and all of the reactions. Anything else that might be happening in the room, Most likely your answer was broad. How does this work? When we're afraid, our tendency is to focus on one point. Usually it's the thing that is triggering us, or maybe a pair of eyes that makes us feel safe in order to counteract this fear based tendency. When you walk into a room, take a moment to take in the entire room. Notice the furniture, the people. Notice how you feel by taking a deep breath. Try presencing yourself with me right now. Sit up straight, look around the room and breathe. Notice how this process makes you feel very present and aware. I call this act presencing yourself or making yourself present, which is important in order to make an impact on your audience. Here's your homework. Try taking in the entire room during your next presentation. Before you speak, take three deep breaths. Make eye contact with the people around you as you're speaking. Notice if someone walks in through the door. Or notice if someone is on their phone. Notice if people in your audience are nodding their heads, smiling or taking notes. These are all non verbal confirmation that what you're saying is landing. Now here's the challenge shift. According to your feedback, if a phone rings for a second time, and you're up here speaking, acknowledge it. If you're not getting the response that you want from your audience, either try a new tactic or stop and check in with your audience to make sure that you have their buying or have their attention. 18. Decrease your anxiety and increase your confidence with breath.: You now know how to use your body language so that you're taken seriously. Now, you need to learn how to express your ideas so that you sound as authoritative as you look. Here's the foundational technique that allows you to speak with authority. Take a deep, diaphramatic breath before you begin speaking. A deep diaphragmatic breath, number one, calms your nervous system. Number two, communicates that what you're about to say has value by inserting a pause. Number three, gives you an authentic feeling of confidence. Structurally, here's why. Taking a deep diaphragmatic breath before you begin speaking is so important. Your voice is a vehicle for the communication of your ideas. Your vehicle needs your gas is your breath. If you speak without breathing, your voice sounds thin and the lack of oxygen will trigger a fight, flight or freeze response. Let's try this out now. Exhale all of your air. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin, and I'm a public speaking coach. Feels like you're running on empty, doesn't it? Notice what speaking like this does to your heart rate. Notice how tight your chest feels. This sensation might feel very familiar to you. Like this is how you feel when you speak every day. Most people speak without much air in their lungs, and by doing so, manufacture more anxiety while speaking than necessary. Now, try this. Take a deep breath and begin introducing yourself at the top of your inhale like this. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin, and I'm a public speaking coach. You have much more capacity to speak, don't you? You might also notice a difference in the sound of your voice. Does it sound three dimensional? How does it feel in your body? Is your chest feeling full and relaxed? Do you feel more inspired to say something else? Congratulations, you have just experienced what it feels like to drive on a full tank of gas. Now that you realize how important it is to take a deep breath before you begin speaking, I'll teach you a shortcut for taking deep diaphragmatic breaths all of the time. First, watch me. I'll show you how it works, and then we'll practice a few breaths together. All right, here we go. Close your eyes. Sit up straight, Place one hand on your chest, one hand on your belly. Exhale all your air. Inhale through your nose. Inhale, push out your belly. Two, push out your belly. Three, push out your belly. Four, full capacity pause. Exhale through your mouth. 23, squeeze it out. Four, again, inhale, push out your belly. Two, push out your belly. Three, expand your rib cage. Four, and exhale through your mouth. Two, let it all out. 342 more inhale, Push out your belly to push out your belly, full capacity four, and exhale through your mouth to 34. Last one, inhale, push out your belly. Two, span your rib cage. Three, fill up your chest. Four, full capacity, and exhale through your mouth. 23, let it all go. Four, your homework is to practice this diaphramatic breathing once a day. Close your eyes and take ten deep diaphramatic breaths as a way to integrate this breathing into your everyday speaking. Take a deep diaphramatic breath before introducing yourself to others. What I hope you experienced today is that deep diaphramatic breathing brings you a sense of calm, spaciousness, and groundedness. This type of breathing will take a while to feel natural, but it's not out of reach. What you practice every day is ultimately what feels natural. 19. Speak fluidly and concisely by eliminating catch breathes.: The next technique that you'll be learning is something that I call catch breaths. It might not be this extreme when you do it, but know that it could be the cause for your feelings of under confidence, your anxiety, and the reason why people don't take you as seriously. This might have been an extreme example. But catch breaths are tricky because we often don't know that we're taking them. But they can do a lot of damage to our authority and the way that people view us. Catch breaths cause our ideas to sound disconnected and disconnected ideas sound insecure. Catch breaths cause run on sentences. Someone who takes catch breaths, you never know where one thought ends and another thought begins because they could just keep going forever. Catch breaths also cause us to hyperventilate. Short, quick consecutive breaths are the definition of hyperventilation. Hyperventilation causes a lack of oxygen to the body which causes a feeling of anxiety. When we eliminate catch breaths, we eliminate sounding and feeling insecure about what we're saying. Catch breaths are an interruption of a fluidly working system. In order to teach you how to eliminate catch breaths, I need to demonstrate how our speaking system works. Speaking is the product of a deep breath and vocalization on the exhale we inhale before we speak to be mentally prepared and inspired to communicate our ideas. As we exhale, we create sound with our vocal chords and articulate our words with our lips, our teeth and our tongue and the roof of our mouth. We naturally moderate the amount of air we take in according to how much our brain says that we need to say. If we are using our system appropriately, we will ideally come to the end of our breath. By the time we come to the end of our thought, this causes us to take another deep inhale and prepare to make our next valuable point. Let's practice eliminating catch breaths together so that you can practice it easily on your own time at home. As an exercise, we're going to say the alphabet in one breath as if we're communicating an important point. Remember, no catch breaths. Once you've completed as far as you can, go take a deep breath in and begin again at the top of your inhale. Here we go. Deep breath in A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P R S T U V W Y C A B C D E F G H I J K L N, pause the video and do this three times. Now that you know your ABC's, introduce yourself with one long breath. Ready go. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin and I'm an executive communication coach. I have the wonderful position of giving my clients authority and confidence as they speak. Notice how it felt to speak on one full exhale. Notice that by extending your exhale, you forced yourself just to keep going and forced to deep inhale. Notice how this rhythm naturally inserted pauses and slowed down the rate of your speech. Here's your homework. Every morning exhale and say your ABC's. See how far you get, and try to extend the length each time you do it. Practice any content that you'll be presenting that day without any catch breaths. Here's a recap. Catch breaths undercut the power behind your ideas, can often cause more anxiety in the speaker. Take a deep breath. Speak when your lungs are at maximum capacity. Speak on the exhale and speak without any catch breaths. Do this in order to communicate confidence and authority in your delivery. 20. Communicate confidence by ending your sentences.: I don't know why. But whenever I speak up to say something, people don't seem to take me seriously. They just think that I'm wishy washy or I'm asking for their feedback. They don't realize that I'm trying to make a statement. You may have recognized yourself in the cadence of my voice. In this example, you may have thought of a co worker or a conversation you heard on the subway on your way to work. You may have said yes. That is totally the way my generation speaks. Point being, we've all heard this voice in my day. We called it Valley Girl. Technically, in vocal practice, we call this an uplift. It's when the pitch of your voice raises at the end of your sentence. If you have even the hint of an uplift to your voice, it is a sure fire way for your ideas to not be taken seriously and for you to be undercutting yourself all the time. Why would we do this? Often we'll instinctively add an uplift to our voice when we want to make sure that we're not coming across as aggressive but more accessible. We might feel like we're intimidating a few people in the room, or we might be looking for consensus and therefore, don't want our voice to sound too emphatic. There are many problems connected to the uplift. When a statement is asked as a question, it's really confusing to your audience. An uplift lessens our status as we are communicating, that we question ourselves and do not consider ourselves to be an authority. Up lit can also sound really annoying. If nothing else, it's distracting. People will focus on your up lilt as opposed to hear what you're trying to say, your ideas. Here's your key phrase. Let your questions be questions and your statements be statements. As a way to practice asking questions and making statements, we're going to read a couple pages from Green eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. Repeat after me. Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Now, statements, not in a box, not with a fox. Not in a house, not with a mouse. Great work. When we ask questions, the pitch of our voice rises at the end of our sentence. When we make statements, the pitch of our voice falls at the end of our sentence. Here's your homework. When you hear yourself asking a question instead of making a statement, ask yourself why. What in the room is causing you to diffuse your power in order to counteract this uplift. Decide before you speak whether you're making a statement or asking a question, then speak accordingly. Notice how making a statement makes you feel. Notice the difference in how others listen to and hear you. Here's a recap. Ending our sentences is an easy way to get others to hear us and take our ideas seriously. When we end our sentences, we are making statements instead of asking questions. 21. Increase engagement with articulation and expression.: How often do you speak up at a meeting but feel like no one even heard you? This is a common complaint that I hear from the people that I work with. There are many reasons why you may be experiencing this, but one reason could be that people didn't actually hear you or the way you delivered your idea did not make enough of an impact to stick. If you are struggling with being heard, creating enough volume coming across as articulate. What if I were to tell you to simply open your mouth more as you speak? Try this with me Now, introduce yourself and open your mouth more than feels comfortable or natural, like this. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin, and I'm a public speaking coach. Not so bad. Huh, Now it's your turn. What did opening your mouth more do for you? It slowed you down naturally. It made you aware of what you were trying to say. It forced your lips and tongue to clearly articulate your words. It may have increased your volume to naturally increase you sounded, looked, and felt more emphatic, confident, and an authority. The fact is, we, your audience, are simultaneously listening and lip reading, trying to understand your message. If you take away our ability to lip read and see you articulate your ideas as we're hearing you articulate your ideas, you are lessening our ability to understand you. Opening your mouth more as you speak has another benefit. Let's discover it together. Watch me as I introduce myself. I'm going to keep my jaw fairly locked and the space in my mouth small as I speak. Hi, my name is Rebecca Martin, and I'm a public speaking coach. I'm very happy to be here. How do I come across in this introduction, especially in comparison to my last introduction, words might be coming to mind, such as angry, aggressive, stubborn, closed off, authoritative, not expressive, and not actually happy to be here. When we open our mouths, we force ourselves to communicate with our vowels. Our vowels communicate emotion such as love and honesty. When we take away our vowels and keep our jaw tight, we tend to simply try to communicate with our consonants. Consonants used alone can create distance between you and your audience. Consonants in collaboration with vowels equal clear, authoritative, yet accessible communication. That collaboration is what you are creating. When you open your mouth more as you speak, here's your homework. Practice your next presentation out loud. Opening your mouth more than feels natural. Then do the same and video yourself. When you watch your video, turn the volume off and see if you can read your own lips. This will let you know whether or not you are articulating your words enough as you speak. Here's a recap. Opening your mouth more helps others to hear and see what you are saying, making your communication more impactful. Because there's not a question that you are confident in what you are saying and that we can hear you. 22. "I want more!" How to continue your communication journey.: Hurray, congratulations. You now have a strong foundation in speaking up and being taken seriously as a confident and authoritative communicator. At this point, you know that your mindset is no longer getting in your way. You also have realized that the time to speak up is now, and you know what steps you can take on a daily basis to flex your speaking up muscle. You also know that in order to exude confidence and authority, you have to be yourself. By diving deeply in and dissecting your communication style. You know who that self is, you know how to embrace that self and expand that self. And use your self knowledge to understand when to speak up and what to say. You now know specific ways in which your unconscious body language and vocal choices might be undercutting your power and authority. And how to ensure that when you speak up you will be taken seriously. With hard work and dedicated practice, you have brought yourself to a new level, so congratulations, but there is still more potential ahead of you. This course is built to be repeated. If there are certain techniques that you want to practice, more, return to those videos and repeat those practices. The more you do it, the more you become it. You could return to one video and practice that specific technique over and over through the span of a week. This focused practice and the work that we have done together has the potential to create incredible transformation in your career and in your life. So get out there and crush it with your new found confidence.