EQ communication: How to give effective feedbacks?

1. Introduction: How to give effective feedback? : Giving feedback is very challenging, expensive for negative one. This way a good intention. We might stay in hertz or discovered other. But actually we rarely pay attention to this skill to learn it and improve it. Is time for you to start with the act of giving feedback. My name, CNN will leadership and personal development China have graduate. In this court. We've been started with the sickness, giving feedback, and how our brain reacted to feedback, then we wouldn't learn to apply emotional intelligence, him feedback communication. That is very half-moon fall leaders and managers who want to give half of them feedback for the employees. And importantly, you will learn the structure of an effective feedback, which I call it feedback sandwich structure. The last part we will discuss about psychological safety to advance this skill. After this glass, It wouldn't be able to provide feedbacks in a more thoughtful and sensitive manner to avoid, are up there negative emotion from dollar employees or the audience? The possessive, this class is very simple. Look back in the past few months, Do you remember a time that you gave feedback for someone but they didn't want to take it. Another situation that you got feedback from Sunnah now. But if stuff who defensive and you didn't want to take it. Now after taking the course, what good food chain on those feedback to make a situation better? Okay, now let's start the course. 2. Signal of giving feedbacks & reactions of our brains: We actually giving feedback all the times in our company cation in both verbal, non-verbal communication. When I mentioned about giving feedback and business, I think a lot of you are gonna touch about indoor had played a situation, for example, disciplinary conversations or when something's going wrong, or maybe our annual evaluation with our boss. But it wasn't actually desk. Kay? You didn't realize it. When you have a conversation, you talk and you listen to each other. In the tons of foie, the worst review the expressions and the environment we create. We are communicating feedbacks. We are telling the person in front shippers how much we live this person, how much we respect and we trust them, even how much we dislike, angry, I hit this person. That is part of our daily life and our working communication, but we rarely pay attention to this skill. I know is very challenging. It's not easy at all expenses when we have to give negative feedback. So I can see that a lot of people actually avoid giving negative feedback so that they don't have to deal with negative reactions from the audience. They said was a powerful people might not remember every detail, every word that you say to them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. You've the words of feedback smartly, effectively and contractive. Flee. I myself, I went looking for getting constructive feedback to help me improve my performance. But I actually stand, remember, there were a lot of time that I got feedbacks for mothers that I feel hurt. I feel disappointed. A few MIT understood. It spells a few attack. Those moment I own way have to tell myself that. Don't take it personally. Focused on the learning intentions of Dell feedback, which is still hot. It's very hard and it's uncomfortable feeling. I wonder if we really know how to provide feedback in a more sensitive, effective ways. We might avoid those negative feelings from our receiver, our audience. We also create the environment that everyone can open, say opinions, and learn and grow together. Now look back at the time that I asked you at the beginning of the course. Do we remember a moment that you GFC back from the others? But if Phil, if you want to listen or during one, detect it. What was the reason? Was his biggest test person say something told me wrong? This make their own assumptions or judgments about you. Or the way that they deliver the extract, their feedbacks make you feel uncomfortable. They are two common situation that you're going to get not very effective feedback. The first equation is when the feedback is Tuesday, January, to soften indirect that the person in front of you, they didn't rely that they have feedback given for them. They didn't focus. And think about how to improve it. The second situation is when you give a feedback but to direct or you use so aggressive word, you add the owner assumption judgment on their feedback. And you see that people start getting defensive. That is very common reactions when our brain fill light, we attack. How could we do this better? Let the scatter about it. 3. Before giving a feedback?: Before giving feedback, Let's start with the question, why? If you want to make sure that you are going to provide a very meaningful and feedback for the audience. Let's step back a little bit. And remember why you really want to give feedback to that person at the first place. Because you want to have this person to improve in what they do. If so, when it's time for you to give feedback, let focus less on the person, but more on what the person wants to accomplish. What are their goals? Our goal, our team role. Your students say that this wrong, That's person did this wrong. But rather at noon is what they have been doing so far. And the intention is having them to get better result in the future. A lagging the feedbacks with the audience goals is his cruiser for them to really want to listen to you. Because when they realized though, good intention that you want to have them to achieve their goal. That's what motivate them to listen. Thus me, that you also need to take time to really understand the audience or the employee goals to be able to provide more practical, meaning, 4.51 feedback, which are alive with their goal. Some of you might say that a high don't have town. Bz, I'm a manager or leader. I have to deal with many other things. But you have to recognize that taking time to have a communication, meaningful communication with the employees, to really understand their debt career goal, what they want to accomplish in the future. That is very, very important roles at a leader. That's where not only be able to help you to provide more meaningful and helpful feedback for the employees. For also have you in many other ways that you may come to the case at a team. So take time to do it. Now it'd be realised that you are not good yet at giving feedback to the others. Take time to practice it in advance. Prepare the feedback in advance though that you have time to think about what you're gonna say and how could be the best way for you to deliver it. It says a skilled near time to practice until it becomes a habit, then you could delivery very sensitive constructive feedback naturally, instantly in any situation. 4. Use your emotional intelligent: I have been teaching emotional intelligence for a lot of leaders and wondered the most important aspect of emotional intelligence is impetigo. Impetigo here mean you suppose the cell in other perspective before reacting. Way easy to talk then do we often make command before we actually considering what could this person has been to. Before you making any feedback, try to put yourself in the other person's perspective before you actually saying it. For example, there of saying a very long aggressive feedback up the reason why the person will late for the meeting. Good. It resists asking the college what was happening to them. Is everything okay? Anything that you could help them in this situation. And now the exam board that before I was saying that you dislike a person performing whatever you could consider, what could be the possible challenge that person is facing now, and anything that you could have them too, so they're full-blown. I cannot stress it enough debt don't make the owner assumption of judgment before you actually have a chance to listen to the person story. When they realized that we actually can't we here to help, their willingness to hear a different opinion could start opening up. 5. What can I learn from? : We were discussing before, one of the purpose of giving feedback to other is just helping them to learn and improve. To be able to help out the pupil to learn from our feedback. Feedback needs to be specific enough to the environment, to this deviation are not so alive with they are gone that we were discussing. People love to hear a sincere and honest appreciation statement, but it needs to be specific. For example, instead of the same good job, you could actually more detail in doors statement. For example. I see it today you already at market data to adopt presentation, which make it clear the market situation. Thank you for that. Could be a lot more specific for the audience to really know what aspect, what details are, what task has been doing well, to be able to continue their good job in the future. Even try harder to improve their performance in the future. As similar to that, giving negative feedback on the negative positive feedback is also meant to be specific enough for them to really know wished. And I wrote a new to improve. Don't say this to Xander of light. Did a terrible job. They could not learn from it. They don't really know what specific tasks needed to improve here. Then you could add the conversation later. What could be the solution to have them to improve their error above the negative paths. We will discuss it a little bit later in detail because it's a more challenging paths of giving feedback. 6. Sandwich structure_ the 1st layer : Now it's time to talk about the structure of an effective feedback. I call it the feedback sandwich structure. Similar to 3D layer or sandwich. We also have three parts of our feedback structure. The bottom layer, we talk about our CNC accomplishment. The middle layers is where we are talking about the error that the person needs to improve. That is the more challenging part when we're talking about the narrative of it. And the top layer, we win chiral, our sandwich with the room for questions. And the area that we can give them some suggestions or option for day to improve their performance. Let's start with the first part of our Lewis structure. The bottom layer. The complainant pupil will listen to you when they feel like they are understood and OPC. Filling up what they mean saying or doing have some former values. When you provide feedback for them, you suit make them feel bored of that aspect. So let us start with the complainant. Feedback is an opportunities for us to provide our appreciations and motivations for our team, for our audience. It's time for you to sell the PCAs and for all of the good job that they've been doing, That's when have them have the motivation to continue their good job and unsere were harder to achieve better results in the future. However, not many leaders and managers really pay attention to sewing the speciation of the grid thing that the employee has been doing. They assume that their employee job to do all of that. Therefore, they're missing the opportunity to inspire positive feeling for the employee on so missing the opportunity to view the connection with them. In terms of giving complement, this should be given in a very sincere manner. As sued, not be too general. Good job. It did it good because the person would not learn anything from that. And also when you say it in his two Zander, a way people are gonna think that it's not really since the accompaniment or maybe it's just a fake one. We say that people need to feel they are understood and appreciated. But we could pay attention to our language, to sewing board of bad aspect. For example, when you want to sell you, I really understand their situation. You could say something like yeah, I see. Oh, I got it. I will facing the same challenge before. I see because I also have the same issue before. When you want to say that you are really a PC, the job that they've been doing, you can say something like white symbol. The job you have been doing as very important to our team. Presenters today, sewing, very entraining fire view, we open now, my thank you for that. 7. Sandwich structure_ the second layer : Now we go to the meadow pattern bile feedback structures. That error that the person could improve. This the most challenging part of giving feedback. Because people on way avoid talking about narrative thing so that they don't have to deal with negative emotions or reaction from the audience. But if you want to have the other person to really learn and improve in their performance, we need to be sincere, flee, provide our opinions about the area that they could improve so that they could make a better programmer in the future. When you being able to provide the negative aspects of their feedback in a very sincere and non-constructive way the person could on.So, want to open their mind and start listening to a different opinions because they can feel Dao good intention that helping them to improve themselves. When you're saying about the negative parts of feedback, try to pay attention to language and tone. It is very important because it's very sensitive when you're saying both negative thing and dot voice and the language you used, maybe make the meat understood the good intention. You know, you cannot influence someone if you have adjustments about that person. So it's very important that your pseudonym have any assumption or judgment, the situation or about that person before you making the feedback. To be able to give an effective feedback. Focus lead in the persons but more in the ECUs. And we go forward. The practical solution to solve that problem. Because if you really lay, make an assumption and talking about what the person did wrong, the person could fill a personal attack. A way to helping them to improve. It can take one example. You can new machine. For example, someone giving them feedback, ladies. The customer wasn't happy with ourselves. I guess. You didn't know how to talk with the customer. Maybe you didn't know anything above or to be able to consult with the customer. So we can see disasters totaling not coach active and 1.5 feedback. Let me discuss what's the area that disease fish back is wasn't very well. First when he was just saying that the customer wasn't happy with our service, is this Tuesday and lower is not specific enough for the person to really understand which particular aspect of our services that they need to improve in the future. The second part is also the most serious path. That is this mic, the owner assumption about das person instead of listening to really know what will happening or what was their stories. But he's just make the own assumption that you assume that that wasn't didn't really know how to talk with the customer on, didn't know about our product to provide good service for the customer. By talking in that way and making the owner assumption before you really listened to their person, you can make the person feel like it's a personal attack. They wouldn't feel worse about themselves. Because you didn't listen to them before they make their own conclusion, since they also feel like they are not understood our listen. Let's see how we can improve the feedback in this situation. For example, instead of data, we can say something like the customer will feel in our evaluation form that they wasn't happy about our consulting services. Maybe we could go together to make our own evaluation of our survey to see which arrow we could have done better in the future. You can see what improve. In the second feedback here. You saying that the customer was unhappy about the consulting service with the second data that the customer fill in the evaluation form and specify that it wasn't happy about the consulting survey. You add thing FAQ and data in the feedback is make the feedback really clear. And validate is not something that you assume. A2s anaerobes. They know that they need to focus on customer service. Here is the routing Soviet. The good part about this feedback. If that's you didn't really focus on the person, but rather this focus on the ECU. It remove the person from the feedback and the resists talking about what we need to improve here. Another good point of this feed packet that you're including dorsal to the Portland by saying that maybe we can evaluate this to care there, to see what we can improve in the future. By saying that you mean that you are here to have them together with them to sell our problem. So is really sewing the understanding and the good intention to have the person to get a better result in the future. When they know the good intentions. And they really see that the attitude is here to have the grid really OPC, that the wins that open up and discard the solvers in which you to get a better result in the performance in the future. 8. Sandwich structure_ the third layer : Okay, now so we go to the top part, the top layer of the sandwich structure. Wishart the room for us to ask questions and have a conversation to pull by structure. Since an option for the person to improve their arrows. Asking questions is a good way for you to really understand why they have the DAS ECU. You also understand what the challenge or issue that they are facing. So you can be able to provide any support and help for them if they need. It's also a good opportunities for you to care to have the, the two-way feedback. It's not like one way uses talk and make the owners sons into desk person. But actually you have them to really open up. That new guy had the board way feedback and the mutual understanding with each other and together to solve the zoo. So I can take one example. For example, one person giving a feedback glaze is that sales is money, terrible. I don't care what he's gonna do, but go **** it. I need the sale target to rich by the end of this month. How would how would that kind of feedback is not uncontracted and a half for feedback at all to the employees or the team memory. First, pay attention to the tones of voice. You are talking in a way that you are criticizing them. It's a very aggressive voice that you're talking to them. Does so no understanding. Note impetigo. Second, we should pay attention to the language that we are using. Is this saint yet their sales, this many terrible. You ignore the group Pat or the boot performance you did in the past. You didn't care. Use this focus that this month is terrible. So that's mean that this person did a terrible job. Not a good way for encouraged and sewing the appreciations and agony Xmin. The good job that the person would wane way. More important part. Keep them. No options if sowing no understanding to the person. It was this say to them, I don't care what will happening. I don't know. I don't care what you gonna do to fix the bulk lips, go do it. It's a way for you to release so that understanding and really listen to the person's story. I can get if you put themselves in the situation of the employees or the team member. And the boss was saying, how good you feel. Of course. Is the fillings a long lease, filming up, not being heard or understood. No one could be motivated to really work harder and try their best to. So the ECU in that situation, saying the feedback lines, I choose this fruit more presser for the employees. This is not half-full at are for them. Instead, you could say something like say We're really great in the past few months. I were very happy with top performance in the past few months. This man as a seeing that those who had dropping about 30%, worry about you and coming to us if everything's okay. Anything that I can have use in the situation. You can see the different way. First, in the way you revert the feedback in the tones of voice showing that you care and you had to have. And secondly, the focus in the language that we're using. First, we appreciate what they did well in the past few men, this man, we're seeing some ECU. We worry about that person and we come to offer support. How would that cell? That's person good, Really, really OPC it that they win, start opening up, setting with you what trouble, what challenge that they're facing and if their boss or their leaders, you can really support them and provider have or advice for them in this DUAs him to get a better result. That's soup. Be the way the feedback stoop go. Now we're talking about the axon a BDT of our feedback. Because it's very important. We purify our feedback here to be able to describe the error that we could improve. When we provide our feedback is to be in a way that we can learn and we can move forward with the actionable and practical solution for our Quran ECO. Before you give a feedback to someone, what attributes are resolved you are expecting and hoping to get. After this conversation? Like we discussed before we start with question, why Ray? What the result you wanted to get, what the improvement of the ECU want to achieve after this conversation. Then after we discard the ECU, we've moved toward to the practical solution. That's good beat the best intentions of a good feedback. Symbol when you learn that the employees feeling lonely to deal with customer usage by themselves when they still new to the team. What could be the adjustment or the chain that you could make to be able to provide better support to this person. For example, you could give more time to talk with the person weekly or daily to be able to provide support when they really need. You can assign someone to work closely with this person to support them until they feel confident to work by themselves. By sewing that we're willing to make chain together. To Fick the program together, you will create the room for the improvement individually and as a team. 9. The Psychological Safety: Now we're talking about the cycle of these safety to be able to give effective feedback. You know, a lot of pupil, they are so upset about making sure that they've being right. But they didn't realize that being right is not important things. There are some study already saw that in a good performance teams, everyone in the team, they feel safe to be able to say or their idea. They will not have to worry that they would be punished if they making a mistake. So that they can freely express their opinions, try and new ideas and giving a different feedback to each other. Two rows and learn at a team that is very important. But if you're making a feedback in a negative way, people could meet understanding or they would feel that you are criticizing them for making a mistake. They weren't that close off. And they will be getting more defensive and didn't really want to say or listen. So the second pass I wanted to, this guy here is waves to provide feedback. You can name as in, is this a good situation for you to really provide an aggressive long feedback for someone or person did wrong. Or you disagree with in a really big group of crowded a group of pupil in a different team in a company. How good the person could fill were filled by a person who attack the person good. Feel like they are publicly seen. Not a good feeling for them to open and listen to the feedback. And they will start getting. Let us confidence few words about themselves or start getting defensive. Therefore, you might consider giving negative feedback in private so that you're going to have the environment for safe environments for you to discover closely the issue together, to really understand the situation and be able to gather providers solution to freak the Buchla. The last spots is how you can deal with the tangents population. We might not be able to successful honor time in the winter we're giving feedback to other. Sometimes our feedback get meat understood, our people interpreted in a giffen way. In that situation is sued in try to drag this person in. Endless argument is not a good point to do that. And if you feel like you have a chalkboard to expand the opinions that a lot of time that people meet understood what you were saying. You could really think about fighting, of course, mentor to help you better at expressing dollar ideas. In a situation when we pulled buying feedback to each other and you start filling defensive. Or you can realize that the receiver start getting defensive. It's time for you to be relaxed a little bit, step back a little bit, move up to another level. They tried to enjoy on the error or the pie that you bought Orion, that you wouldn't create more comfortable environments to remove all that tension. All will remember your team. You are as a team, you're here to support and have a charter to learn in growth. You only try to create an environment that everyone feels safe for them to really say that their opinion said their idea and get an defense aspect of different opinions because they understand that we are here to help each other to learn in growth at a team. That is the most important thing. This is also the end of the course and I hope that you already get some more information for you to be able to practice giving an effective and constructive feedback in the future, lead practices and pay attention to this important skill to be able to improve it. I'm so that when you making it at a habit, you can be able to provide feedback effectively, contractive, least insensitive manner in any stepwise and even in the world, daily life. Bys and see you in another course.