Emotional Intelligence 101: Become the Master of Your Life

1. Emotional Intelligence 101: Become the Master of Your Life: Thank you First of all for showing your interest in this course and for watching the intro video, given the fact that I'm talking to you through a screen, it's hard to read if you are at the very depths of darkness, or if you're looking for an even greater satisfaction in life, or if you are hanging somewhere in-between, what I see is this one way or another for every one of us, the purpose of life is to be happy. However, you define happiness for yourself. The challenge of finding happiness, however, are feeling and living IDS has been an endless source of worry and a real problem for many of us. But why, why is that one thing almost all of us are looking for such a struggle to find. Simple, we just lack the knowledge and understanding of some fundamental key components, components that need or to schools nor our parents in many cases, no, to teach us the life education about our emotions, what they are, and how they work, the minds and how thoughts influence and shape us just what exactly happiness means and the practical techniques of how to put all that information to use in our daily lives. These are but a few of the topics this course will touch upon altogether, this course will be a mash up of what I call life education. All that we should have learned from the starts, but never did education to help you create a happier, healthier and more meaningful life. Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself through conscious knowledge and practices. Now how does this course work and how does it differentiate from other courses on this topic? This course is divided into three chapters. The first one titled awareness, is where you will learn about some very important subjects, such as emotions and what they really are, how they work, why do we have them? What's the mind is and how it creates much of our suffering and so on. In chapter two titled facing the self, you will come to answer some meaningful questions about yourself in order to discover more deeply who you are, current conflicts you are struggling with, and what you can focus more on to create a happier, healthier and more meaningful life for yourself. Finally, Chapter Tree titled implements is where you will come to learn various practical techniques, teachings, and lessons for practice that you can use to put all that information and knowledge you've learned and discovered in chapters 12 together, this course difference from the many other courses on the same topics by allowing you to progressively know and understand yourself better. Also, throughout the whole course, you will enjoy stunning animations accompanied by insightful illustrations. And this course has been made interactive for you to truly act on the lessons and not simply sit and watch. Within each lesson, there are exercises for you to observe certain feelings to answer a question, or to participate in a practical exercise to help you with deaths. A practical practice book is included, one that you can download the execute these exercises. I have put my heart and soul into this course. And I'm not just saying that I truly tried creating a course here to help you craft a more meaningful, healthier and happier life for yourself. I hope to see you soon in our first lesson and in this very first course of inner picture stories, the educational platform on life, this is where our journey begins. I hope to see you soon. 2. Introduction - Welcome to the Course: welcome. And thank you for a ruling in this course. I'm truly humbled to have you here. This intro video explains a few short but important notes about the course. First of all, you may encounter throughout the course a lesson or two that you may not completely agree with. That is okay. I don't want to tell you what you shoot and shoot. Not believing. I only want to introduce you to new possibilities. Therefore, take in what works for you and a leaf out. What? Thus nuts. All I am simply asking is for you to keep an open mind about everything that will be covered in the course. In the end, you will never know if something works for you or not. If you don't give it a very chance in your life, maybe not everything will be life changing for you. But there will certainly be many things in the course that can open many doors to a more meaningful, healthier and happier life. You will find a pdf file attached to discourse. Now this document is sculpt the breakfast book where you will find the various exercises we will do throughout the course. You will also find additional resource is like book recommendations that will be governed. I suggest you download it right now before consuming with the course. The whole point off the practice book and it's exercises is to help you see your own patterns more clearly and discovered the changes you need to apply in your life to create a more meaningful life. While I strongly recommend you do these exercises in the end, it's up to you whether you do them or not. It only takes a few extra minutes, but it will significantly help bring that change you are looking for. So take a moment to pause this video and download the practice book. Finally, this course is broken down into three chapters. The first chapter is named. Awareness in the lessons in this chapter will focus on bringing a better understanding and a higher form off. Awareness about topics for much of our suffering comes from such as the mind, emotions, purpose, balance, happiness, etcetera. In the second chapter named Facing the Self will come to focus on you. In this chapter, we will dive into who you are and identify through each lesson in this chapter, the Kurd conflicts that are going on inside you. Leslie, we have the third chapter named Implements. This is the chapter where we will touch upon the practical side off the course and learn practices, tools and techniques that you can use directly in your life to build a life off purpose, meaning and happiness. To get the most out of this course and does the best results for you, I suggest you commit a few days to follow this course all the way to the ends. I sincerely care that you gained the most out of this course, but we must do this together. You also need to allow for bust of change to happen. If you follow one lesson now, then another 12 months later. Much of what you have learned could have already been forgotten, as the seats wouldn't have had the chance to gain enough nutrients to grow. Commit to wanting change and for doors to be opened. Now, having clarified that, let us continue onwards with the course. If you have any questions true out or after the course, do ask me. I always try to answer each question. Turley. Also, if you see any room for improvement or have any feedback for me. Do tell me I'm very open to suggestions and always strive to create the best possible course for my students. For you with that. Have fun with the course a lot off time, and Olaf has been put into creating it. And I truly hope it will bring you much value and open doors for you to craft a more meaningful, healthier and happier life. I'll see you soon in our next listen. 3. *CHAPTER 1 - Intro to AWARENESS: Welcome to Chapter one. The lessons to come are all about bringing awareness, providing a better understanding off a few crucial components where much off are suffering comes from components such as our emotions, our minds, our purpose, what love and happiness is etcetera. Many off us, if not for self l books or a course like this, will never gain any clear understanding about them, not from school or, in most cases, not from our parents eater. Having a greater clarity about how our emotions work, for example, can dramatically changed and improved or life quality. When we understand something more thoroughly, we can gain a sense off peace as we can figure out better why we react in certain ways. Now you will notice in this chapter on awareness that the following animation will show up throughout the lessons to give you an example from a lesson off what he could read, What thoughts do you feel dominate in your head? Happy or unhappy thoughts? When the observed animation pops up, do take a moment to observe within yourself that which is written. This will be totally different for each lesson. When you combine this activity with what you are learning about each stopping, you will notice what kind of thoughts you primarily have going on in your heads. By doing so, we could potentially discover destructive things. We weren't aware off having or doing this then gives you the chance for further action. In other words, to change it. Therefore, do take some time to consider with each lesson what it's written in the observed animation . It will be a big help. Do you now let us continue and start bringing a greater understanding and awareness off some fascinating topics. 4. Understanding Emotions: We are all vastly aware that we have emotions. But what do you know about him? That they are not always pleasant? That's true, learning more about them, obtaining some understanding and sense of why we are equipped with them. Dust helped greatly in acknowledging and appreciating emotions. Even the less pleasant ones in this lesson will come to touch upon the questions off what emotions are, why we feel emotions and how we go with them. Having this understanding will first allow us to understand ourselves better, why we react the way we do in certain see the wishes and how we can take a conscious step back when unpleasant emotions arise and observe them redder than be direct down by feeling . Let's start off by running through the pull it off basic emotions each one of us is equipped with and why we have been gifted with them. For the sake off discussion, let's consider what many psychologists will agree on, which are, in general, the six basic human emotions as described in the 19 seventies by anthropologist bull eggman . Our basic emotions or anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy and sadness. Obviously there are many more, but these six are generally seen as the basic emotions. The consensus among scientists today is that the basic emotions, however many there may be serve as the foundation for the more complex and subtle emotions that make up the human experience. Now why do we have them? Our emotions are there to warn us to signal us. The function off an emotion is to get your attention and demand a response. Essentially, emotions are motivators. They are from an evolutionary standpoint, the agents off change and reaction. Let us look at the six basic human emotions and what their motivations are discussed. Discussed is a response that we experience when we encounter something that might make us sick. Anger, anger transitions us from a pleasant state to one where we ready to fight fear. Fear, on the other hand, prompts us to flee from dangerous situations. CET nous ereader unpleasant but crucial emotion can generate the result needed to change direction off once life. For example, the feeling off loneliness leads to sadness, which prompts us to seek out the company off others. Joy, in contrast, of sadness. Joy is a motivator for us to continue what we're doing. The experience of joy is a pleasurable one and were motivated to continue carrying out behavior that had led to the emotion. The main function off surprise or the startle response is to interrupt an ongoing action and reorient attention to a new possible. A significant event now. Seeing your emotions from this perspective, knowing that they are indicators and motivators, can help you greatly to appreciate them even the less pleasant emotions. Because in the end, how can we ever find balance and meaning in our lives without him, instead of being carried away by your feelings? Appreciate each one off them for their function. Their purpose, The better you listen to them, the closer you can stand being your truest self, coupled with the ability to understand ourselves better. It will also help us. To empathize with others ends on a higher level. Our emotions also served to maintain social bonds. We where emotions, outwardly the basic emotions, are all readily apparent on a person's face. So they serve as social signals thes allow us to interact with other people's needs in mind , redder than our own, which is the basic off society. Pay attention over the next few days, whenever you feel. One of these six basic emotions disgust, anger, fear, sadness, joy and surprise observed the particular emotion you feel at that moment, observed a role that your emotions are playing and try to become aware off the indicator that emotion is communicating to you Now in chapter Tree off the scores, we will come to learn more about specific practices and techniques for how to cope better with emotions. But already one very helpful way is simply to see them in the light off their true purpose . It helps to understand that your emotions are in effect there to help you, to get you to achieve balance. So instead of seeing sadness as a wall that prevents us from feeling joy or happiness, listen to the feeling and what it is trying to signal to you. What is it trying to tell you? As we have come to learn, our emotions are indicators, and when an unpleasant emotion such as sadness, for example, arises, it means that the current situation you are in isn't good for who you are. Therefore, sadness kicks in trying to make you aware off that by making you feel sets instead of suppressing it, ignoring it or seeing it as a curse and complaining about feeling that way. Try the following five steps breeds acknowledge except listen. Change something if we can understand the simple fact that our emotions are there for us, not there against us, especially the unpleasant ones such as sadness, fear, disgust and anger. You may come to the point where you will appreciate each one off them. Respect yourself enough to listen to the indications your emotions are giving, and even better, to do something about him to keep doing what brings you joy and to improve on what brings fear, sadness or anger. 5. What is Emotional First Aid?: the last point I'd like to talk about here in this section off understanding emotions is how to clean our emotions. That is correct. Clean our emotions. I think I can safely say that you shower regularly writes. Most of us do so on a regular basis. Now, why do we do that? I know the answer sounds obvious, and it is obvious to clean our bodies from dirt and prevent it from smelling funny. So why is it that we clean our bodies? The outside off are being daily, but forget to clean the insights. Why do we not practice emotional hygiene as frequently as we clean our body? Now, before we explore that question and how to practice emotional hygiene, let us first touched upon what exactly I mean by emotional hygiene and the importance of its G winch. Be Edge D, a licensed psychologist and author off the book Emotional First Aid, Healing, Rejection, Guilt Failure and Other Everyday Hurts explains this concept as follows in much the same way that dental hygiene involves brushing our teeth and flossing every day. And personal hygiene involves cleaning ourselves and taking care of physical injuries where we sustain them emotional hygiene refers to being mindful of our psychological health and adopting brief daily habits to monitor and address psychological wounds when we sustain them. This quote not only explains what emotional hygiene is, but also shows the importance of why we should practice. It's to monitor and address psychological wounds when we sustain them before they can cripple us and make us dysfunctional. How do we do this by learning Emotional 1st 8th Now the following Our segments from the book Emotional 1st 8th Healing, Rejection, Guilt Failure and other Everyday Heard spiky winch ph. D. As this chapter is about awareness, this information serves mainly to instill a certain level off awareness around the guide off emotional wounds we may and likely will come to encounter in life. Additionally, a few short treatments will be mentioned treatments, which will delve deeper into in Chapter three when we go to the list about the emotional wounds will encounter in our lives past the video on each one, and take a moment to think about a moment in your life when you felt that kind off emotional pain. Observe what you feel when you hear the description and try to remember how to identify that emotional pain for when you encounter it again in your life. Being able to identify emotional wounds helps enormously to step in before they get too serious. Also, see how the treatments afford That emotional bane could have helped you during that moment back in time. Dis practice will help you to know what you can do when one off those emotional pains are occurs again in your life. So you can step in and do something right. Your findings and what you observe down in the practice book this will help it all stick better in your minds. 6. 1. Rejection - The Emotional Cuts and Scrapes of Daily Life: one rejection. The emotional cuts and scrapes off daily life rejections can inflict four distinct emotional wounds, each off which might require some form off. Emotional 1st 8th Lingering visceral pain, anger and aggressive urges harm to self esteem and damage to the feelings off belonging. Treatments argue with self criticism. Revived yourself. Warts, replenished feelings off social connection to sensitize yourself. Okay, so you had a disappointing experience. You've bean rejected. You will naturally be upset. That's fine. You are human after all, and you response as a human, your emotions take over. But remember, it's only one instance it does not mean everything else about you is worthless. It does not mean that you are a total loser or a failure. Think about all that. You have accomplished all your other abilities, all your other achievements. Think about all those other times when you did well or self the problem or help somebody. Don't let that one experience define who you are 7. 2. Loneliness - Relationship Muscle Weakens: to loneliness, relationship, muscle weakness. Loneliness makes us constantly on guard, Prepared for the disappointments and rejections we are sure will come. As a result, we miss opportunities to make social connections and often behave in ways that push others away. Treatments. Remove your negatively tinted glasses. Identify yourself the feeding behaviors. Take on the other person's perspective. Deepen your emotional bonds, Create opportunities for social connection. Adopts a best friends. Loneliness is a reaction to the absence off close ties with others. And the reaction to this absence off dice or distance from others is sadness. That's why, even if you are in the midst off many people, you can still feel lonely because there are people around you, but you don't feel any closeness with them. How do you feel close to someone? You feel close when you both understand each other well and care about each other deeply, these essential qualities off closeness are called knowing and caring. If you feel lonely, you need someone who understands you and cares for you. Knowing that you are valued reinforces yourself works. Now you'll be happy to know that there is something you can do to feel close to anyone. That's right. You can create the feeling off closeness with anyone who will also welcome this feeling 8. 3. Loss and Trauma - Walking on Broken Bones: three. Lost and trauma walking on broken bones loss and trauma create Forbes psychological wounds . They cost overwhelming emotional pain. The undermine our basic sense of identity and the rules we play in life. They stabilize our belief systems and our understanding off the world, and they could challenge our ability to remain present and engaged in our most important relationships. Treatments. Soothe your emotional pain your way. Recover lost aspect off yourself. Fight meaning in tragedy Following any distressing or life threatening events. Psychological trauma I can sit in. Sufferers may develop emotional issues such as extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, survivor skills or PTSD. They may have ongoing problems with sleep or physical pain. Trouble with their personal and professional relationships and a low self esteem issues. Research on drama outlines several healthy ways off coping. Such s avoiding alcohol and drugs, seeing loved ones regularly exercising, sleeping at other methods off self care. Dealing with a traumatic event can be very difficult as thes events can often overwhelm us and reduce our ability to cope with the stress day costs. Added to this is the longevity off the dramatic responses that in some cases can be felt for months or even years after the events, depending on the type off trauma suffered, you may begin to feel better quite quickly, with only occasional stressful relapses with severe trauma, though it is important to recognize how it is affecting your life and to seek help as soon as you can. 9. 4. Guilt - The Poison in Our System: four guilt The poison in our system, guilt usually serves an important function alerting us. We might have harmed another person or when any actions were considering might do so. However, if our offense is serious, our guilt may remain excessive even after we've made significant efforts to apologize to a person we have harmed, or even after we have a don't for our actions in other ways. Likewise, if we suffer from substantial survivor guilt or guilt due to separation and this loyalty, emotional First Aid is indeed necessary. Treatments learned a recipe for an effective apology for a gift yourself. Reengaged In life One of the most paralyzing, off negative emotions is guilt Between the ages off treated five we start feeling guilt for things we did things we did not do, even for things we thought we did or did not do enough off. When you have done something to bring harm to another person, you will naturally feel guilty and remorse will set in. These feelings do not feel goods, and the normal reaction to them would be for you to apologize. Ask forgiveness and try to right the wrong, if possible. Hopefully, you will also learn a valuable lesson and do better in the future. When you suffer too strongly or even needlessly from guilt and you are unable to find a resolution to get over its, it will fester inside you. Children who are unable to express themselves and therefore cannot get over their guilt can carry it well into adulthood. In cases of extreme deals, a person may become depressed due to excessive rumination or an excess of negative thoughts . Such lengthy and excessive thinking and dwelling on negative emotions certainly result in mood disorders. 10. 5. Rumination - Picking at Emotional Scabs: five rumination picking at emotional scapes to break the self reinforcing nature off, ruminated thoughts and allow our wounds to heal. We must enter up the cycle of rumination once it gets triggered, we should weaken the urge to ruminate at the source by diminishing the intensity off the feelings that fuel it's. We must also make efforts to monitor our relationships and it to ease the emotional burden we might be placing on loft ones. Treatments. Change your perspective. Reframe the anger. Go easy on your friends. Verba Nation is the tendency to go over something such as an event or experience in the mind. Repeatedly. In this case, a person thinks about certain negative emotional experiences over and over, going over the causes off such events of circumstances off each situation and the consequences off certain actions. Do you have the tendency to ruminates? Do you constantly think about the various aspects off events that have upset you when something has disturbed you? Do you keep going over and over the situation and the small details? If your answer is yes to all of this, you're probably a ruminate. Er you may ask why is ruminating not goods? After all, you're just trying to resolve a problem or a remedy. A situation correct? Well, yes, you can handle a difficult experience by planning and anticipating problems or self a problematic situation by thinking over its. But if you ruminate far too long or take it too seriously, allowing the problem to cause distress endlessly than rumination itself becomes the problem ruminate er's over analyzed and stress over every situation, even when they already have a plan off action to deal with the problem. Often they think about something so much that they can no longer see clearly where the problem life's. If you become so got up in the problematic situation or difficulty that it effects your moods, upsets your disposition and everyone around you, that rumination is certainly not a good thing. 11. 6. Failure - Emotional Chest Colds Become Psychological Pneumonia: six failure. Emotional chest Gold's become psychological menu nya When we fail repeatedly, or when we respond to failure in ways that setback or confidence or self esteem and our changes off future successes, we run the risk off, allowing our emotional chest cold to turn into psychological minnow MIA because much off the an anxiety associated with failures come built upon itself, it is best to be prudent and applied psychological first aid treatment as soon as possible after meaningful or bothersome failures occur. Treatments get support and get real. Focus off factors would in your control. Take responsibility and own the fear. Distract yourself from performance pressure distractions. Often you have to take a few wrong bats first before you come upon the right one for you. Viewed this way, it means that taking the wrong beds is essential for you to find the right one. Also the correct way. It's often fraught with obstacles that have to be identified and overcome before you will recognize where to write bed lice. Dust mistakes are prerequisite for you to finally discover what is best for you. In other words, you need to pay your dues first before enjoying the fruits off your successful Labour's persistence is the key here. Or more precisely, I should say that believing in yourself is the key. Because, let's face it, how can you persist in any endeavor if you don't believe that you will succeed in the end? Once you're convinced that you will be able to achieve whatever you set your mind to, the possibility off you succeeding eventually becomes a probability. Having said that, remember that you should assess yourself and your abilities, Skills and probability for success is based on reality duties. You must understand who you are, what your abilities are and what you can accomplish. Then it's simply a matter off, persevering and refusing to be beaten by any failures along the way. Ultimately, what keeps you going is your continued belief in yourself and in what you're trying to achieve. One more thing that will help you to persist. Your purpose is resilience. Resilience is the ability to bonds back or recover from changes, stresses or misfortunes in life. Sure, up to resilience. Don't allow past failures to intimidate you or influence you to give up. This time. How do you nurture resilience by remembering that visualizing your mind's eye, Althea. Compliments you have made in the best. If you fail, don't recall former losses. Instead, think off all your gate or achieved and allow that positivity while thinking off such things. Toe influence your present mindsets. This will give you the courage to go on after each failure or rejection and your belief in yourself will be restored. Failures have only as much power over your actions and thoughts as you choose to give them . Try to befriend them instead, and they will actually be useful in supporting your future efforts. 12. 7. Low Self-Esteem - Weak Emotional Immune Systems: seven. Low self esteem, weak emotional immune systems. Having low self esteem weakens our emotional immune systems and inflicts three kinds of psychological wounds. It makes us more vulnerable to psychological injuries. It makes us dismissive off positive feedback and resistant to emotional nutrients, and it makes us feel unassertive. And this empowers treatments. Adopt self compassion and silence the critical voices in your heads. Identify your strengths and affirmed them. Increase your tolerance for compliments. Increase your personal empowerment. Improve your self control. Check yourself outs. Do you have these characteristics off a person with low self esteem, lack of confidence, negative feelings about yourself, feeling a lovable, awkward or incompetent hypersensitivity to criticism, doubtful off your own ability and easily wounded by what others think or say being hyper vigilant and hyper learned, two signs off rejection and rebuff from others. Seeing rejection and disapproval even when there isn't any low self esteem often starts from an early age s a child, you receive both positive and negative feedback from parents, siblings, friends, teachers, other Children and adults, and even the media. For some reason, the message that you aren't good enough is what you remember. Your personality can also contribute to your own view about yourself. Some people are simply negative thinkers. Others have very high standards. Is it hard for you to live up to other people's expectations or even your own expectations off yourself? If you expect too much off yourself or set very high standards for yourself, you may often disappoint yourself too much disappointment can in turn, lead to low self esteem. To prevent low self esteem from further eroding your emotional immune system, you need to weed out the negative ideas you have about yourself, front them and prove them wrong. For example, if you're always telling yourself you're too stupid to get accepted whenever you apply for a job, you'll never get enough confidence in yourself to do well in the application or interview. The first step to getting rid off your negative thoughts about yourself is to take note whenever he starts a cure and write them down on a paper or in your journal. Think back to when you first started to harbor this thoughts next, right down positive characteristics that refute this negative beliefs. Such s I'm really good at cryptic crosswords or my sister calls me for a cette every week, right down other positive things about yourself, such as I'm thoughtful or I'm a great cook or I'm someone who others trusts. Also write down things that other people say about. You have at least five bust of things on your list and add to it regularly. Then put your list summer. You can see it's that way. You can keep reminding yourself that you are OK. I hope this lesson about emotions has brought you more clarity in the course practice book . You can as well find book recommendations, both guest interviews and influencers in the field off emotions. While this course will bring you a better understanding about your emotions, you delve even deeper into the stopping through. The resource is provided. Having learned more about our emotions, let us continue onwards to the next listen and start instilling a better understanding off the minds 13. What is the Mind and How Does it Work?: How much do you know about your minds and what is in fact, your minds? In this lesson? We will going to gain a better understanding off our mind from recent research and old teachings that have survived through decades and are still thought and proven to be extremely effective and powerful today. Let us start by clarifying what most people mean when they use the term the mind. What exactly are they referring to? It is generally agreed that the mind is that which enables a being to have a subjective awareness and intentionality toe worse, its environment. It enables us to perceive and respond to stimuli with some agency and to have consciousness , including thinking and feeling in popular usage. The mind. It's frequently synonymous with thoughts, the private conversation with ourselves that we carry on inside our heads. The inner voice that talks to us 24 73 65 directing how we navigate the world and rarely shutting off we may think that are suffering is caused by other people by poor material conditions or by society. But in reality it all comes from our deluded states. Off mind, it is very important to be able to distinguish to disturb states off minds from peaceful states. The essential points in understanding the mind is that liberation from suffering cannot be found outside the minds. Permanent liberation can be found only by purifying the minds. Therefore, if we want to be free from our problems and attain lasting peace and happiness, we need to increase our knowledge and understanding off the minds. Now let us take a look at how exactly the mind causes suffering. You will notice once you become aware off your mind's own doing that you can trace and see how and when it is causing suffering in your life. Why is this a helpful skill to master? Because only by being conscious off your minds doing will you be able to take control and do something about the suffering. 14. How The Mind Causes Suffering in Someone’s Live: if you're depressed, your living in the best. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the presence. This is a famous quote from the Chinese philosopher Loud soup, and it holds great truths. Many people suffer in life because they are living either in the past or in the future. Most people starts go eater unconsciously as they aren't aware off their minds own doing. If you would observe yourself for a moment and think about today, the past week and the best month, where your thoughts wonder off to most off the time if you have a hard time remembering what happened to you or what you did or thought about last week and the best month simply observed yourself for a few minutes today, where were your dots Somewhere in the best or in the future? Or the observed them jumping back and forward from the best to the future. Whatever you observe, there is no right or wrong answer here. It's simply about observing and writing down Whatever you discover, pause this video and take a moment to write down your findings. In the breakfast book, let us continue and find out if your thoughts are making you live in the best, the future or boats. And, of course, why it is unhealthy to live in either one off them. Are you living in the best? You can ask yourself the following questions to help you figure it out. Do you find yourself clean to one particular period from the best? Do you feel that you will never reach that level off? Happiness, Status, satisfaction, Acceptance, etcetera. Again, Are you frustrated with where you currently are in life? Are you fearful off the future? Does stinking about the best make you set? If you answered yes to many off the questions, you are likely spending too much time lingering with your dots in the best. Why it's living in the past, not healthy. For one thing, living in the best allows you to avoid dealing with issues in the presence. For example, it is much easier to reminisce about your high school sweetheart than it is to deal with the troubles you are currently having in your marriage. Or it is nicer to daydream about when you were a star athlete than it is to look at yourself in the mirror and deal with the extra 60 70 £80 you're currently carrying arounds . If you're currently unemployed or underemployed, it feels much better to go back to a time when you were the bus when people depended on you and when they respect it and looked up to you. While some people live in the best because they don't want to deal with the presence, others live in the best. For the fear of what may come in the future. How many times do you not hear old people talk about the best and how much better it waas back then, even if some things about the best word gets it, waas at least predictable. Clinging onto the best, however, will not lead to a satisfying life as you're holding on to something that used to be but isn't anymore. A past relationship, the loss of a loved one, a moment in time when things were better. If we consider the quote from loud suit again, if you are depressed, you are living in the best. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the presence you may notice that this is true for yourself. If you live too much in the best, it will make you feel depressed. Are you living in the future? Ask yourself the following questions to find out. Do you find yourself feeling very anxious about what may happen in the next few months and years? Do you constantly feel that only the future holds true happiness? If you answered yes to one or boat off the questions, you spent time lingering with your thoughts in the future. Why is living in the future unhealthy for one? Because it delays happiness, many reliance of future destination or object for their happiness. For example, a person may say only when I have that car will I truly be happy. Or when I'm 65 retired, I will pursue my true dreams. Many times we find out once we have that car or reach that goal, that it doesn't bring us the happiness or a life changing feeling. We expected that the injure off delaying happiness is that we never truly know what the future will holds. Life is unpredictable, and the future will never be exactly the way we pictured it. Maybe before you turn 65 go into retirement to pursue your dreams. You end up with a sickness that makes it impossible for you to do the things you plant to do besides making us delay our happiness. Living in the future can cause great stress and anxiety. If you're climbing a mountain and you keep thinking about how far you still need to go before you finally reached it up, the whole journey to the top will be one off pain and suffering. Life is about the journey 90% off the time we only spent 10% of our lives standing on the top off the mountain before we realize there are many more mountains to climb. This is why falling in love with the journey instead of the end destination is so important . Let's take a look at the quote from loud sue one more time. If you are depressed, you're living in the best. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the presence. If you do find yourself what your thoughts in the future most off the time, you will come to see that this feeling off constant anxiousness is indeed the results now that we have learned how to observe if you're living in the best or the future, and the reasons why it's not healthy live in these two states that steak and look at the present. What the presence implies is D following being in the present moment or the here and now means that we are aware and mindful of what is happening at this very moment. This very second. We're not distracted by ruminations on the best or worries about the future, but centered in the here and now. The present moment is the only place where there is no time. It is the point between past and future. It is always there, and it is the only point we can access in time. Everything that happens happens in the present moment. Everything that has ever happened and will ever happened can only happen in the present moment. It is impossible for anything to exist out side off the present. Let us take a look one less time at the quote from loud soup. If you are depressed, you are living in the best. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you are at beast, you are living in the presence. If you think for a minutes, maybe you can remember a moment where you felt completely at peace. What were you doing at that time? Very likely. It was something that fully engaged you with the presence s, for example, and activity. If you can remember that moment, you will also notice that you didn't feel depressed or anxious at that moment. As the quote say's If you are at peace, you are living in the presence because it is indeed Onley in the here and now that you can find contentment and peace. Now being fully in the present can be a challenge. Don't worry, though. In Chapter three, we will come to learn more about mindfulness practises. Mindfulness is the psychological process off, focusing one's attention on experiences occuring in the present moment. By practicing mindfulness, we can start living more in the here and now. Awareness, however, is the first step towards understanding and finding a solution, and that is exactly what this lesson has hopefully provided for you. Note that not living in the past or the future does not mean that you cannot think about them off course you can. You have the right to plan for the future. However, don't get lost in the stories and the anxiety off the future. Similarly, you have the right to reflect on your best. Think about fun memories and find lessons within old wounds. But don't get lost in the best and live there. As the philosopher Ellen, what's aptly put its. If we are talking all the time, we never hear what anyone else has to say in the same way, If we are talking to ourselves all the time, we are never listening. We have nothing to think about other than dots and are never in relationship with reality. 15. Your Thoughts Create Your Life: in this lesson. Let's explore and see how you dots create your life first. What does that even mean? It means that the thoughts you allow to manifest inside your mind also shape your whole outlook about the world on your life and about yourself. As she go through this lesson, Take the practice book with you and write down what you observe about the following When you think about last month, last week and today, what thoughts are primarily in your heads? Happy thoughts. Does that empower you? Does that see obstacles as challenges? Dots that find meaning in tragedy? Dots that speak, Get about you, or do you produce unhappy thoughts? Does that speak badly about yourself, about others and about the world around you? Do you encourage thoughts that are suffering and pain in your life? Complaints and wards off self destruction? I know it might be challenging to admit what kindof thoughts you may notice during this exercise, but remember, I'm not here to judge you in this course, and neither should you judge yourself. Try and speak the truth to yourself, as only the truth will set you free. What thoughts do you feel are primarily dominating in your heads. Happy or unhappy thoughts? Take the time to write down in the practice book what you find in your dots as we go through this lesson. Now, whatever you may observe about yourself, no doubt when most people become aware off their own thoughts, they'll notice that negative thoughts dominates. There is, in fact, a reason for death. From an evolutionary perspective. Our brains do not care about happiness. They are designed to protect us. We spent more off our time thinking negative thoughts because positive emotions tell us that everything is OK. As we have seen in the lesson on understanding emotions, the majority off our basic emotions are far from warm and fuzzy. In fact, they are quite negative and aversive. Anger, fear, disgust, sadness and surprise joy is the Onley favorable and shining exception in the mix. Negative emotions that lead us to negative thoughts tell, is that something is wrong, so we are more likely to pay attention to them and spend time and energy processing. These feelings simply puts emotions resulting in thoughts generate automatic responses to help you avoid harm. It should not come as a surprise then that there are far more words in our everyday language to express negative feelings. Robert Schruff, associate professor of applied linguistics at Penn State, conducted a study that sheds light on how words provide clues to how people think and process emotions. In this study, the researchers asked people in Chicago and Mexico City to list the names of as many emotions as they could think of spontaneously. This words were then categorized as negative, positive or neutral. They discovered that people, regardless off culture or age, no significantly more wards to describe negative emotions that words to describe positive or neutral emotions. Off all the awards participants listed 50% for negative, 30% were positive and 20% were neutral. This observation held true across age groups and cultures, suggesting that this is a human tendency, shared Ben Cultural. This also suggest that not only are we all predisposed to think negatively, but we are also more inclined to engage more deeply with these negative emotions. As a result, we spent more of our time thinking negative thoughts. As Robert Trough puts its negative emotions require more detailed thinking, more subtle distinctions, so they require more names over the centuries of various cultures have developed more negative wards because this help ensure our survival and well being. Now what does this all come down to? Understanding the fact that our brains are not designed to make us happy. But to protect us can help to make you understand yourself better and realize that nothing is wrong with you. The main problem many people struggle with is that we live in a world where survival is less 10 years than that of our forebears. Therefore, we are less dependent on these feelings to protect us. This creates confusion because those emotions and the dots they produce do not serve the same basic purpose as before. But instead they make us feel miserable. Now in life, we are never without the power to step in and do something. That power is within every one of us. And yes, it is also within you. Being aware of this fact that our brains are not designed to make us happy gives us the ability to consciously step in and change that. The biggest secret that anyone can ever tell you about happiness is that happiness is not given to some and not to others. It is not something I might be born with, and you were not know. Happiness is a practice, a practice off positive and empowering thoughts through mindfulness exercises. These mindfulness techniques and exercises will follow in Chapter Tree, which is all about implementation. Awareness and understanding, however, is the first step to changing something. Suffering only happens in response to a thought, but we can experience heaven right here once we practice positive and empowering thoughts instead off negative and destructive thoughts, try to be conscious off your dots throughout the day and follow where your dots tend to go . If you can write your findings down in the practice book, don't judge those starts. Just let them happen. Simply be an observer. One last important topic about the mind that I like to bring to your awareness is excessive thinking. If I ask you what the number one addiction in the world is, you may likely guess alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, while they certainly are in the list. The number one addiction, however, is excessive thinking now what thus excessive thinking mean it means constantly being got within your thoughts. Excessive thinking doesn't have anything to do with best or future dots with negative or positive thoughts. Instead, it is about the problem off thinking as a whole. Here is one less observation I have for you to write down in the practice book off the course. Go on a short walk ideally right now, boss this video and simply go for a 5 to 10 minute walk. If you can go for a walk right now, try and do it after this lesson while you're walking. Observed Following Are you merely walking or are you got up in your dots? Is your mind's somewhere else? You will likely notice that your minds or dots are elsewhere, and you will also notice how difficult it is. Do not have any thoughts. Go through your minds on that walk. If we do not train our mind to shut up, it will always keep talking What you still have to do today. If you hate something some past or future event something someone was said to you, etcetera. Our minds will take us away from every walk we go one and every current moments that is happening in our lives. This is excessive thinking, always being got in your thoughts and it is something most of us suffer greatly from without even knowing that we are suffering. It is only when the mind is free that a real sense off peace can be found. And that's where we get gum to enjoy that which is actual and view this moment right here. 16. What is Poising Your Life?: in the lessons to come. Let us talk about poison and the various ways people unconsciously consume poison many times daily in their lives without being aware off the harmful effects. Now what I mean when I referred to poison in many ways, I refer precisely to the definition off poison a substance that, to its chemical action, usually kills, injures or impairs an organism. This sounds quite strong, right, kills, injures or impairs. However, in life, people really can do very stinks that mentally and physically damaged themselves. Currently, you could very well be figuratively speaking, taking templates off poison that are poisoning your very self. Pay attention while we go through each one off the poisons in the lessons to come and ask yourself honestly, if this is a poison you are currently taking in your life. Having said that, let us discover and learn more about the various poisons you should be aware off in your life. 17. The People You Spend the Most Time With: you are the average off the five people you spend the most time with. This quote by Jim Rohn is often used, and there is a good reason for its because it holds great truths. I urge you to take a good look at your close relatives, friends, family members, the people you spend the most time with and observed the following for yourself. One. Do the people you spend the most Zion with, move you forwards and help develop you into your best self artist. The people who lift you up and push you forward to live a better life, too. Or do you observe that the people you spent the most time with bring you down, Drain your energy and make you feel miserable? Do you spend time with people who don't encourage you to move forwards or stop you from going after your dreams? Take a minute to observe and write down your honest findings in the practice book. Try hard to take an honest look at this. It is more important than you might realize, as you soon will come to see now. If you have observed that the second option is the case, you are taking in poison. This are toxic people. If you truly want to improve and create a more meaningful, healthier and happier life, you need to start filtering out the people who bring you down. This is, of course, often easier said than done Winners. People who bring you down are your parents, siblings, family members, your Children or simply friends who if you've known for a long time, how do you feel threw them out? As hard as it may be, you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and well being. In dealing with toxic people, there are two options. A. You could work on the relationship and improve it together. However, this must come from both sites. This goes for both friendships and romantic relationships. If you have tried working on the relationship for many years but see no real change and you feel that the person is still mostly pushing you down and holding you back, then you have to realize that you cannot push someone to change if they don't truly want to change. This is where option B comes in. You need to allow yourself to be happy. If walking away from that person or putting some distance between you and him or her is necessary that you need to take responsibility to take care off yourself and do. That's of course. We can't always afford negative people, but we could choose the amount off time we want to hang around with them. We only have 24 hours in a day and only so much room in our lives. For relationships, why not feel boat with the best, most loving and inspiring people we confined? Humans are intensely social, and research data indicate that one of the most important factors in happiness is social relationships with other people. It is highly apparent that our health is in some ways strongly depends on other people. Social support and social interaction have a positive influence on people's physical and mental health. Socialization reduce stress, depression and exciting and highly effects are endocrine immune system. It is therefore crucial for you to seek out people who lived you up and who care about you . If you want to pursue a happier, healthier and more meaningful life, this lesson has hopefully made you observe and think about your current situation, and to realize the importance off being aware off. The people you spend the most time with will continue further with this topic in Chapter Tree, where you'll gain practical advice on how to find and create meaningful relationships. You will also learn a set off social skills that can help you maintain and keep your relationships healthy. Before we learn more about that, let us continue further on with the course and learn about the other poisons in your life. 18. What Do You Consume?: in this lesson, I'd like to talk about and bring awareness to what you consume in your life. What you consume falls into two categories. What you feed your minds and what you feed your body. There are countless studies that show this following toward to be true, you become what you consume. It's therefore very important to be aware of what you consume, but in your body and in your mind, as they significantly determine how good or bad you feel in life, let us start by bringing awareness to what you feed your mind first to see if you might be taking possible poisons into yourself. 19. What do You Feed your Mind?: now take a look at the following lists. Dis contain some ways that many people feed their minds. Television, social media, newspapers and magazines, music conversations, video games observed for a few seconds. And ask yourself in your day to day life, which items out of this list, Do you consume a lot off, Open to practice book and write down your findings? Why do we ask ourselves these questions? Because it's been known for a very long time that the emotional content of films, television programmes, music began off conversations you have and so on can affect your psychological health. It can do this by directly affecting your moods. Your mood, in turn condemned, affect many aspects of your thinking and behavior. If, for example, the TV program generates negative mood experiences, for example, and anxiety, sadness, anger, disgust that your Devi experiences will affect how you interrupt events in your own life, what types off memories you recall and how much you will worry about events in your own life. The same with music, it directly impacts how we feel. While it's true that set songs can help us to find comfort as we resonate with similar feelings during difficult times. But if you only listen to sad songs, you'll keep feeding yourself with the energy those songs produce, which is sadness. This is also true for the type of conversations re participate in its most off your conversations with your colleagues. Friends and family deal with complaints about the world and other people, mainly touching upon what is wrong with everything that you are feeding yourself with the energy off eighth, the more we consume a certain type of feeling, the more that feeling will manifest within hours. Now the opposite is through a swell, and this is exactly the point I'm trying to make here. It's so crucial to be aware of what you feed your mind because it create Lee in bags our lives. Listening to positive music, for example, has scientifically been shown to increase one's happiness level as the rhythm off happy songs is more upbeat and naturally gives rise to a more pleasant feeling off joy inside us . One of those studies, conducted by Sigmund Sheldon and Juliet Donna, do off McGill University in Canada, proof that when people listen to happy, upbeat music instead of emotionally scary or set music, they can't recall happy memories within a shorter amount off time. In the experiment, the researchers had participants listened to four different Jonah's off original music they had never heard before. Happy bust of high arousal, peaceful positive, low arousal, scary negative high arousal and said negative low arousal. After listening to each piece off music, they had 30 seconds to think off a memory that personally involved them that had a specific time and place. And that didn't last for longer than a day. As soon as something came to mind, they pressed a computer key and typed in the details off their memory, the researchers mark down, How long into participants to remember an event from their bests, how clear the memory, waas and the emotions they felt when experiencing it? The researchers found that when participants listened to happy, upbeat music, it brought about happy memories. And when they listen to emotionally scary or set music, it brought about negative memories, meaning and listening to the song Happy by Pharrell Williams will make you happy. Be wary off what you consume and choose wisely because, as it has been shown, you become what you put into your mind it directly impacts and effects how you feel and dust also determines the quality off your well being. It's up to you to choose. Hopefully, with this new awareness, you become more conscious off this choices you have control over this. 20. What Do You Feed Your Body?: we talked about you becoming what you put into your minds. Now we are going to talk about how the same concept holds true for your body. You literally become what you eat. This is the only physically visible in your outer body, but it will also be manifested in a large part in your energy and along with that, in your moods. Your general well being has a lot to do with the food that you consume. Now I know that it can be extremely difficult for some people to change how and what they eat. Food addiction is a very real problem. Snacks and fast food are easily found everywhere, and compared to alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. These foods are not regulated. Even does. This are, in their own way, equally harmful to our mental and physical health. Our society is in some way sick because we mailing consume things that do not give us good health. Eating a balanced diet is vital for good health and well being, as food provides our bodies with the energy protein essential. Feds, vitamins and minerals to live, grow and function properly, while a hole in depth course could be developed on the topic of food and nutrition. Let me provide you with a few basic points about foods. There are two types off foods, high quality foods and low quality foods. High quality foods. High quality foods include unrefined, minimally processed foods such as vegetables and fruits, wall grains, healthy feds and healthy sources off protein, lean meats and fish. Low quality foods. Low quality foods include highly processed snack foods, sugar sweetened beverages, refined grains, refined sugar, fried foods, foods, high incinerated and transfats, and high kleiss emmick foods such as potatoes. Now, as you might already know to have a healthy lifestyle, we should avoid eating low quality food such as fast foods, and provide our body daily with high quality food such as vegetables and fruits. No, it is does not mean that you can't eat any snakes at all. I'm not saying that, but apply the 80 20. Rule it healthy foods as often as possible, at least 80% off the time. And if you want, you can enjoy the occasional less healthy food less than 20% off the time. Most likely you have heard at least once or twice about the negative effects that low quality food has on us physically and psychologically. But let me give you a brief overview one more time toe. Underscore the importance off eating high quality foods and the negative effects low quality food has on us one. Headaches MSG Meeting Monosodium glutamate lyrics In many fast food options, MSG is one off the worst ingredients and do food toe enchants its flavour, so you should avoid this altogether. Commonly known reactions to MSG include headaches, nausea and weakness. MSG is also one of the top ingredients linked to dreading my creen. Addicts to depression, Eating fast food and processed food may increase your risk off depression. A paper from Manchester Metropole Tins Bioscience Research Center found that eating a diet containing foods which are known to promote inflammation such as those high in cholesterol saturated fats and carbohydrates, makes you around 40% more likely to develop depression. The researchers analyzed data from 11 existing studies that focused on the link between depression and pro implement Terry diets encompassing more than 100,000 participants off varied ages 16 to 72 years old, gender and ethnicity spanning US, Australia, Europe and the Middle East. All The studies recorded the presence off depression or depressive symptoms in the participants along a detailed questionnaire about the contents off their diets. Three. Acne acne is multi effectual and can be caused or made worse by genetics, stress hormones and h. However, food that is high incinerated fits often golf bad Feds, which is present in much off the junk food you eat, can make inflammation worse. They can also make see, even figure and less fluent, and therefore more likely to clock force and form new acne spots. Four. Dental distress The carps and sugar in fast food produced assets that can destroy to enamel disc elite to dental cavities. If this sugars are brushed or rinsed off, the asset continues to eat away at the dude enamel, wearing it down and leading to to to the gay, which could eventually lead to decay that will require a crown for your dudes or even a route. Gandel five. Heart disease or stroke, Elevated cholesterol levels and increased blood pressure are two off the top risk factors for heart disease and stroke. Most clinicians recognize that junk food consumption is associated with premature heart disease. The consensus is that this relationship can be explained by the separated feds in these foods. This fats increased risk off obesity, diabetes and Hyperloop deem Ian. While the high salt content raises blood pressure. Six. High cholesterol fried foods are filled with transfats. This feds are known to race healthy l bad cholesterol levels. Your body needs cholesterol to build healthy cells, but high levels off dull austral can increase your risk of heart disease. With high cholesterol, you can develop fatty deposits in your blood vessels. Eventually, these deposits grow, making it difficult for blood to flow through your arteries. Seven. Weight gain. People who eat at fast food restaurants Potente take in an extra 178 to 190 calories per day. Excess weight and body fat are major risk factors for developing Type two diabetes, which accounts for 90 to 95% off all cases off diabetes. Now these are but a few off the many effects that junk food has on our body and well being . But there are many others as your blood sugar spikes. Insulin resistance ends off course. Junk food leaves us feeling Buffy bloated and swollen, draining our energy with this brief summary off some of the effects caused by low quality foods. Let me introduce you now to the healthy eating plates. The healthy eating plate was created by nutrition experts at Harvard School of Public Health at editors at Harvard Health Publications. Now the healthy eating plate does not define a certain number off calories or serving spur day for each food group. The relative section sizes suggest approximate relative proportions off each off the food groups to include on a healthy plate. They are not based on specific gallery amounts, and they are not meant to prescribe a certain number off Hillary's or servings per day. Since different people have different gallery and nutrition needs based on H gender, body size and level off activity, make most off your meal of vegetables and fruits 1.5 off your plates. Aim for color and variety and remember that potatoes don't count as the vegetables on the healthy eating place because off their negative impact on blood sugar, go for whole grains. One fort off your plates, whole and intact grains, whole wheat, barley, wheat Berries, quinoa, oats, brown rice and foods made with them such as whole wheat buster. Half a milder effects on blood sugar and insulin than white breath, white rice and other refined grains. Protein power one fort off your plates. Fish, chicken, beans and nuts are all healthy, versatile protein sources. They can be mixed into Sell its and paired with vegetables on a plate. Limit red meat and avoid processed meats such as bacon and sausage. Healthy plant oils in moderation. Choose healthy vegetable oils like all off canola, soy, corn, sunflower, peanut and others, and avoid partially hydrogenated oils, which contain unhealthy transfats. Remember that low fat does not mean healthy drink, water, coffee or tea. Skip sugary drinks. Limit milk and dairy products to want to do servings per day and limit giusto a small class per day. Stay active. The red figure running across the healthy eating plates. Place meth is a reminder that staying active is also important in weight control. Use the healthy food in plate s a guide to create healthy balanced meals were served on a plate or backed in a lunchbox. In the practice book, you can find this illustration so you can download and print it out. If you don't have a printer, simply droid on a piece off paper and hang it on your refrigerator as a daily reminder to create healthy, balanced meals. Now, if you'd like to learn more about nutrition and healthy diets have put in the practice book the links to if you good books and courses that delve deeper into the stopping. Also, I understand that changing your consumption habits for what you put into put your mind and your body can be a challenge, even a struggle. Therefore, I've also put into the practice book the links to a few top rated books that may help you with shifting your mindset so that you can start feeding your mind and body healthier stuff . Having gained an awareness of what you consume your mind and put into your body, let us continue on to the next lesson in the course. 21. The Essence of Love: love is one off, if not the most crucial part off a maybe life. Yet we learned nothing about it in school, and Hartley pick up a book to teach ourselves this one single wards. Love is likely one of the most complex, yet most straightforward wards that holds so much more than most people understand. Therefore, in this lesson, I want to introduce you to some more in depth insights and perspectives about love. Before we go on, take a moment to open the practice book and go to this lesson. I'd like you to take a minute and observe for yourself what this feeling off loving site you means Boston's video and write down how you would define this feeling off love for yourself. After that, click on plate to continue. While this lesson will focus on providing a better understanding about love in the relationships between human beings, it is essential for me to underscore that love is a feeling that can be found and felt everywhere and in anything that lives and breathes life in this world. We all seek to feel off and Buell off. Love is deeply biological. Love has a profound effect on our mental and physical states. Eight Broken hearts or a failed relationship can have disastrous impacts without loving relationships, human scan and flourish, even if all our other basic needs are met. Sometimes, however, if we have not received enough love from our parents, there can be a deep craving for this feeling. Leading us to seek it in the wrong places are surgical lead us to enter into and stay in a toxic relationship because this is the only source we know off where we can get this feeling. We do not see that love can be felt everywhere and in everything. Love is a universal feeling through love response to all off life. While in this lesson I will deepen in experience off feeling love with other humans as mainly many will feel more confusions and conflict here. What will be taught will hopefully also deepen your understanding that love can be found everywhere and in anything within yourself in strangers, nature animals, the vest world that surrounds us and this whole universe. One quote that defines love beautifully is the following from psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, as stated in his proof on book, The Road Less Travels I define love. Thus do built extent, oneself to nurture once owned or another spiritually growth. What this quote means is that true love that which can be felt in but romantic relationships, as in any other relationship with ourselves friends, co workers, etcetera, is about helping you and others grow being there for yourself and others. Allowing yourself or another person to become a better version off themselves and not standing in the way of letting that happen are acts off true love to Judas. You must open your mind and heart and be willing to understand and speak the truth to yourself and others. With love you get what you put in. Love is emotion in action, however, give really loft of someone you need to understand who they are and whom you're talking to . Understanding is another word for love. If you cannot understand, you cannot love. If you do not know your own suffering needs and once or dose off your partner, friends, family or Children, you cannot be there for yourself or them and cannot give through love. There are very few people who ask their partner friends, Children, parents, etcetera. Do you think I understand you enough. If not, then tell me police and help me tell me what is in your heart. I want to learn to listen. Imagine your partner a family member, a friend, etcetera, sitting in front of you and asking you this. How do you think this would make you feel? I can tell you if this words came from a genuine place off. One thing to know. An overwhelming feeling off deep love will poor from those words into your heart. We often think we already know to people in our lives well enough to be their Fordham. However, Do you honestly as people we our ever changing. We are born a different person every day to assume we still understand the suffering, the current needs and wishes of the people we love. What we do not regularly check in with them is ridiculous. You are a different person today that you were one year ago, weren't you? So is everyone else. The next time you enter a conversation, try the following in your mind. Tell yourself how can I understand you better? How can I help you grow into a better version off who you are? Observe how the conversation goes and what happens to the feelings in you and to the other person. Afterwards. Open your practice book for this lesson and write down your findings and thoughts off what you observed. If you could sit down for each conversation with standpoint off, how can I understand you better? How can I be there for you and help you grow? I can tell you a bunt like never before. We'll start to flourish with the person you're talking to. A bunt off truell off and connectedness. This holds true for yourself as well. In times off distress, sit down and simply listen to what is happening inside you more over. Do this without judgment and self criticism. Try to understand what your body, your heart and your emotions are trying to tell you. This is what you go self love. Being there for yourself without judgment doing so, we'll help you build a deep sense of respect and love for yourself. Now, to truly understand yourself and others, it is not enough to merely ask. You must also listen deeply and show compassion if you want the other person to open their hearts. This is the only way to do so. Therefore, the art off listening is such a critical lesson to learn. Only in doing so can you understand. In Chapter Tree, there will be a lesson that will delve deeper into how to have more meaningful conversations. In that lesson, you will learn how to not only ask better questions to move the conversation to deeper topics, but also how to become a better listener. The last point I would like to touch upon on the stopping off love here in Chapter One is this euphoria we feel when we enter into a romantic relationship that falling in love parts . Why touch upon this specifically? Because a lot of confusion and suffering comes out of a leg off. Not knowing enough about this stage and the different stages there are in a romantic relationship for the best several decades. Helen Fisher, be HD neuroscientist and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and Lucy Brown Bhd, traditional professor off neurology at Einstein College of Medicine in New York, have been studying the brain activity off people in love from the early two later stages off law. Based on the work off Helen Fisher and Lucy Brown. There are four stages in a romantic relationship. One the foreign stage in the early part of a relationship, the falling in love stage. The other person is the center off your life. You forgive everything in this early stage. The other person has false and you see them. But it does not matter. Maybe they leave their dirty dishes in the sink, but they make you left at least daily, so it is OK, good things. Outwait the negative. Here. In this early stage, many people show a decrease in activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that has to do with the negative judgement off people. In this stage of a foreign love, unconscious factors like the attraction and the activation off the reward system take over . In Fisher and Brown studies, the brain scans off couples in the early stages. Off love showed high levels of dopamine, the chemical that activates the reward system by triggering an intense rush off pleasure. According to the authors, this has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine too early attachment stage. In this next stage, the more evolved part of the brain begins to take over, including the eventual pallid um, the region off the brain, linked with feelings off attachments and the attachment hormones face oppressing and oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the love hormone memories have bean integrated both positive and negative. You've gone through some difficulties, and you have developed eight strong attachments. Tree the Crisis stage. This is the make or break point for most relationships. What happens at this stage is crucial to what comes next Brown her 1st 2 days as the seven year or five year itch. Almost every relationship has a drift apart face, she says. Either you will keep drifting, or you will come back together for the deep attachment stage. And finally we have the deep attachment stage, the calm after the storm. You know each other better now. You've been through the inevitable ups and downs, and you know you can deal with crisis this stage unless a long time. If you're lucky, it can last a lifetime. Now the main problem where suffering and confusion can happen in relationships is where we assume this first feeling this euphoric, high real leszcz. However, studies have estimated this euphoric stage to less anywhere from six months to two years. It's Maley, true Hollywood movies and TV series that an unrealistic idea off relationships has bean casts. Relationships are hard and take work to nurture. However, that isn't a bad thing. Life is ever evolving. So are relationships. Each stage of a relationship is like a journey, and it's on. This journey were true. Happiness and growth are acquired. Sigmund Freud is an Austrian neurologist and the father off psycho analysis one off his many contributions to the field off psychology is the idea off a Texas in psychoanalysis, Texas is defined as the process of investments off mental or emotional energy in a person object or idea. It is the find as the investment off emotional energy into an object or person, often to the extent of being unhealthy. Texas happens when we intentionally focus on the falling in love aspect of a relationship. As a consequence, our love might burn with a bright flame but will soon fizzle into sparks before being extinguished altogether. To prevent this, think off law as an action, not a feeling. If our love is genuine, it will not require lots of feelings at all since it is much bigger than Texas. For example, in a well functioning marriage, boot partners continue to choose their spouse because they have committed to support that person and strive to get her doors common goals. Even if they disagree and occasionally get angry at each other, they do not get swayed by those passing feelings. In this sense, showing your love is as simple as giving your attention listening and helping your partner reach their goals Here again, is where we come back to. How am Scott back? Defines love. I define love us, the real to extent, oneself to nurture once owned or another spiritually growth. If we can strive to understand our partner and help them along their journey off growth to become a better version off themselves and we receive the same back, a real sense off, deep and sincere lof can be established. Also, according to researchers, one of the single most effective ways off keeping the sparkle life in relationships is Novella V. Studies that have followed couples for years have found that doing new, exciting and challenging activities together have enormous benefits for relationships. Combined. This with how M. Scott back defines love and your romantic relationships can grow into something so much more that if you merely stay in this a forest stage with this new awareness, take another few minutes to observe this feeling off. Love inside you observe and see if any off the words in this lesson has brought some different feeling or understanding you. Whatever you observe writes it down, How does it feel, lof how we define it this time afterwards, Look at what you wrote the first time, Moreover observed for yourself the different thoughts and feelings that have happened with your new awareness about love. Let me end this lesson with the following quote By Don Miguel Reus People are starving for love, not knowing their heart is a magical kitchen. Open your hearts, open your magical kitchen and refused to walk around the world. Bagging for love in your heart is all the love you need. Your heart can create any amount of love, not just for yourself but for the whole world's love is an interpersonal situation marked by increases in shared positive emotions. Love in a general sense can be the find s an expansion off the heart toward another human being. But as I stated in the beginning, and in this quote from the brilliant rider Don Michele Reus love is to be found anywhere and in anything, this whole worlds, other living creatures, nature and this vast universe off hours. Oh, Breedlove, If you start opening your eyes to this truths, listen and try to understand what's around you. You can truly find love in anything. While again, love is a complex stopping around which a whole course of its own could be made. I do hope this lesson provided some new insights and perspectives. In the practice book, you can find a few additional books, courses, spot guests, videos and prominent personalities in the field off Love to help you learn and understand this feeling even better. In Chapter two, we will continue to learn more about love with the focus there being on you. First, however, let us continue with Chapter one and bring more awareness on some other essential Tubby's 22. Life was Never Meant to Be Easy: Before we delve into the lesson, I'd like you to take a moment first to observe the following question. What does suffering mean? You observe what feelings arrives with that question and take a few minutes to write down any findings. You have bus video for a few minutes if you like, so you can take your time. I don't know how it is for you, but many off us somehow assume that life should be a smooth right, or at least a less bumpy one. The truth is, as you may have realized, life isn't comfortable because life was never meant to be comfortable. Instead, it's expected to be an experience off growth. Life will bunch you in the face mercilessly, not because life wants to pick on you or because it hates. You know that's not its life is happening to you, not against you. What do you believe, this or not? But believing in it helps a great deal to accept that whenever something does go wrong or differently than intended, it isn't because life dislikes you, but because life is happening for a reason. Life is trying to teach you and show you something. An experience off growth To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in the suffering. This is a quote by Victor A Meal Franklin, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, as well as a Holocaust survivor and the founder off logo therapy. Maybe you've heard of this man before or Ibuki Roads. Men's Search for Meaning, a book that details Holger survivor Viktor Franklin's horrifying experiences in Nazi concentration camps along with psychological approach off logo therapy, which is also what helped him survive. Logo therapy shows you how you can and must find meaning in your life, because that is indeed what logo therapy has been found upon the belief that striving to fight meaning in life is the primarily most powerful motivating and driving force in humans . Logo therapy is a term derived from logos, a Greek word that translates as meaning and therapy, which is defined as the treatments off a condition, illness or small adjustments. Franklin is one of the key figures of modern psychology. After surviving the whole a guest, he spent the rest of his life teaching what it learned during the worst off times that people can and must find meaning in their lives, even if all they know is tremendous suffering. The following list off tenets represents the basic principles off logo therapy. Life has meeting under all circumstances. Even the most miserable ones are primary motivation for living is our will to fight meaning in life. We have the freedom to find meaning in what we do and what we experience, or at least in the stance we take when faced with a situation off unchangeable suffering. I don't know your story, but I do know you have been through rough and challenging times that you indeed have suffered. There are things you may feel frustrated about, things that you may hate and blame others for. Things may not always have bean easy for you to leave is to struggle. But if you can see your way to realizing this fact and acknowledge that life is not meant to be comfortable, life can become a little easier and you can become a whole lot stronger as you accept those difficulties as opportunities to grow. According to Franklin, we can discover this meaning in life entry different ways. One, by creating a work or doing a DEETs to buy, experiencing something fully or loving somebody and a tree by the attitude. We take your spoon, avoidable suffering and knowing that everything can be taken from a men. But one thing. The last off the human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set off circumstances . Don't Franklin admitted that men could never be free from every condition such as biological, sociological or psychological determinants. Based on his experience during his life in the Nazi concentration camps, he believed that men is capable of resisting and braving even the worst conditions. Franklin belief that suffering is a part of life and that men's ultimate freedom is his ability to choose how to respond to any set off given circumstances, even the most painful ones. Additionally, people can find meaning in their lives by identifying the unique roles that only day can fulfill. For example, when a man consulted with Franklin do it to a severe depression following the death of his wife, Franklin asked him to consider what would have happened if he had that first and his wife had been forced to mourn his death. The man was able to recognize that his own suffering spared his wife from having that experience, which served as a cure defector and helped relief his depression. You often will see people who have been victims off sexual abuse. You have survived a disease like cancer who have had a miscarriage or lost someone dear to tum someone who s chronically struggled with mental illness such as depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, etcetera. These people are the ones who come out to help others with similar struggles and fight great meaning and fulfillment. In doing so, any kind of suffering, as hard and unfair as it often is, holds meaning whether it is to help others with similar problems and make the world better , or to find ourselves and gain a deeper understanding off ourselves things through the questions we might never have found any other way than through that suffering to realize there is meaning. And to see that meaning within suffering is how we can set ourselves free and turn pain into something off tremendous value and that something is meaning. Now that we've reached the end of this, Listen, let me ask you one more time the same question I ask you at this starts. What does suffering? I mean you again simply observe what feeling arises with that question and take a few minutes to write down your findings. Have a look at what you wrote at first. Maybe some new idea has formed. Seeing meaning in suffering is a practice over the course. Off the next days, Observe when any kind off suffering lockers and see if you can link a meaning to it. The more you come to practice this give meaning to suffering the easier over time and the festive, you'll come to see that any situation holds chances for meaning. 23. Never Stop Learning: progress equals happiness. This is a quote from quite a knowledgeable person named Tony Robbins that I want to explore here with you in this lesson. Why? Because there is 100% truths to dose warts. Yes, even scientifically speaking at it's of great importance that you notice, because where you feel that life is little purpose, it often is because you aren't progressing towards something meaningful in your life. Research has shown a direct link between well being and life's inspection and progress towards personal goals. Empirical evidence has shown that people who are involved in the pursuit off personal goals demonstrate a higher, subjective well being that individuals will like a sense off goal directed nous. Now it is important to know that it isn't merely progressing towards a specific goal that gives a higher life satisfaction. It's when that goal also bears a degree off personal challenge. Here is why, if the goal elects challenge, we feel that we aren't growing, and it's exactly that the feeling that as we grow, we are becoming more than we were before. That brings enormous satisfaction in life. Hopefully, through discourse, you will experience a few moments of discovering something new, understanding something you're not understood before expanding upon your knowledge, becoming something more life not only makes more sense when we feel when we are working towards something, a purpose, a particular goal or mission, it also becomes more meaningful now. Obviously, at one point you'll cross the finish line off that current personal goal you have set. Let's turn that phrase into an example. Let's say you've set a personal goal to run your first marital. Almost every day you're out there training. You feel challenged not only physically, but also mentally. Every day you see a steady progress and you feel it too. You become more capable off running distances. You feel fitter and stronger. After each run, you return home feeling like you have become mawr. You feel that you are growing. And then finally, the day you have bean preparing for arrives, you give it your all and cross that finish line excitement. Russia's true you. You feel bright like you've never felt before for achieving a goal you've worked hard to reach. And then what happens? Then you will feel good for a few days. You will tell your friends and family about this achievement, and you'll enjoy the praise from them. But for how long? How long will that sense of achievement, lest a week, a month, six months a year? And then what happens? It doesn't feel as good it did in the beginning, right? How come? Because, as with everything in life, there are many levels off making it in life. And whatever you think, making it ISS. When you get there, you'll see that there is another level. Here is where it's important to understand that life is not about achieving the goals. Life is about who you become in pursuit off those goals, getting what you want. Wounds make you happy. It doesn't matter if it's money or opportunity. All those things might excite you for the moments. Even a relationship as magnificent as it may be will be excited for a while. But if you don't keep growing together in the relationship, it won't stay exciting. Therefore, let me repeat once more. Life is not about achieving the goals. Life is about who you become in pursuit off those goals. Life is about continually growing. Luckily in this life, there are a 1,000,000 things to learn and do to keep ourselves challenged and to keep us growing. Now, when you feel a leg off purpose in life and you don't know what new personal goals to sit, ask yourself the following two questions. What is important to me right now? And what can I do to make progress on that today? Sometimes the answer might come directly. Sometimes it might take a bit off time. I don't, however, get immediately frustrated if the answer doesn't come instantaneously, possibly to inspire you a bit. If you're looking for a new personal goal, here are a few examples. Learn a new language. Pick up a new hobby. Learn to cope and deal with one off your fierce fight, a new job or position that challenges you. Follow a course or study something new. Take your relationship to the next level. Learn a new skill such as cooking. Would working, playing dicked, our mountain climbing etcetera. Take one off your current skills to the next level by working with a coach or going to a workshop or events. Enter a competition such as a marathon on our show or a business related contest, etcetera to challenge your abilities. If you take a piece of paper and take some time to truly think about these two questions. What is important to me right now, and what can I do to make progress on that? Today, you'll come to an answer. The last note I'd like to talk about on why we should never stop learning is another very important factor in our lives for the following reason. If you think about a distressful moment you'd gone through, for example, a break up with your partner, we often feel deep being this offense concussed such distress in our lives that many times we stopped progressing and stand still within the sadness and pain of it all, while grieving and feeling set is a normal part of such events. One off The best cures for such moments is the start focusing on your personal goals again and to feel again that you are progressing towards something meaningful to you in your life because it's precisely that feeling that will you the purpose and fulfillment again. Do you wrap up this lesson if you want ongoing joy and fulfillment in your life? The secret is just one warts progress without progress, we as human beings become miserable fast in the minds of some of the most fulfilled people . Learning is not something that ends or is complete when they finish school. It is a constant journey up until the day they die. If you look at your own life and you think you're not happy, ask yourself. Are you growing? Are you doing anything Difference? Are you learning something new in your career and your personal life? If you are doing the same thing the same routine repeatedly, it's going to eat you alive slowly. The key to breaking free is to start doing things that shells you and see some progress in yourself again. Now, having learned more about why you should never stop learning, let us continue onwards to the next lesson. 24. *The End of CHAPTER 1 : we have arrived at the end off Chapter one. Well done. I sincerely hope you feel that you've learned a great deal more about certain topics, topics that many of us grew up not knowing anything about. Now, with this new clarity and awareness, it's time we move on to Chapter two facing the self chapters. You will be an interesting one where you'll come to ask yourself some critical questions and do some inner exploring its digest there, where you will learn to confront possible demons. However, I know you already, Fordice, you're here following this course because you know that you are ready as will change is seeking you and you're calling upon it. So let us continue this journey of creating a happier, healthier and more meaningful life. I will see you in our first lesson in Chapter two 25. *CHAPTER 2 Intro to FACING THE SELF: Chapter two might be D more challenging chapter in this course as it will be personal. However, like everything that is challenging in life, enormous growth and self knowledge are to be gained. Hugh, this is D chapter, where we will go into the I you in this lesson, we are going to explore a few important questions focused all around you. In this chapter, you will see the question animation appear in the lessons. Be sure to keep the practice book off discourse by your sides to write down your answers to the questions. When doing so I encourage you to be honest with yourself. Keep your heart open and dare to write down the truths. Not for me, not for anyone else but for yourself. I would even recommend that you write this summer in the practice book. Right now. Be honest. I know I am pressuring you on this, but there is a reason for its as hard as the truth. Maybe, Sometimes, ultimately, it is only the truth that can set you free. If you are truly looking to create a happier, healthier and more meaningful life, it's therefore important to answer honestly and truthfully, all the questions to come now I hope you already and excited to start going deeper into this course, having received this introduction to check through to let us start with the first lesson. 26. The Wheel of Life: let me introduce you to the wheel off life. Maybe you've heard of it. Then again, maybe you haven't. Either way, the wheel off life is an extremely powerful tool to get an overview off your life. It will help you to take a good look at all areas off your life at once to see where you most need improvements. The Wheel of Life focuses on eight components, which are also called Happiness Factors in human Life. Most lives involved The following eight components one career to finances tree, physical and mental health for family and friends. Five. Significant other slash romantic relationship six. Spiritually and personal growth seven. Fun and recreation, Eight Physical environments. Now off course, You aren't just going to sit here and watch You're going to fill in your own real off life . Why is the real off life such a powerful tool? Because even though it only takes a few minutes to feel up, it can give you a Burt's eye view off your life and help you realize which areas you should spend more time building. Let me explain how to reel off life works First, open the practice guide. If you haven't already. You can find a link there to download this illustration. Balls video for a few minutes to download and print it out if you can. If you don't have a printer, draw this on a piece off paper. You can also be actually feel this in using a program like Photoshopped paint at etcetera. Here is an example off a field in version off the wheel off life. The exercise itself is, in fact, very simple. How you rate each slice off the by on wheel from one being the lowest to 10 being the highest. It's s simple as that. Put the wheel of life by your sights and let us start. I will read and clarify each slice off by on real while I'm clarifying them. Think for yourself how high you would read that piece off by in your life and fill it in one career. How satisfied are you with your job? Is it the job that you had imagined, or would you rather pursue? Another career? Is your career where you want it to be by now? Are you heading in the right direction? What you do for a living is a major contributor to happiness. Give yourself a rating from 1 to 10 on how much the job you do brings you happiness and satisfaction to finances. Finances is not about your career or business. Finances refers to your personal management's off money living in a capitalist society. Most of us equate security with money, since security is at the base of our hierarchy, off needs just above the basics of food, shelter and clothing. How we perceive our financial states influences how happy we are. Are you earning enough income to satisfy those skirt needs? Give yourself a rating from 1 to 10. Tree physical and mental health. How healthy are you, physically and mentally. How do you feel? Are you satisfied with your appearance and weight? Do you have any physical or mental discomforts? Your commitment to self care has a direct impact on your life satisfaction. So it's off the utmost importance to know where you stand in this particular area. Four family and friends. Is your family supportive off you? Are you supportive off your family and are your friends supportive off you? Are you engaging friends and socializing to your satisfaction levels? An 80 year Harvard study shows that the quality off relationships is one of the most significant contributors to feelings off life satisfaction from 1 to 10. To what extent do you spend time with family and friends? Five. Significant other romantic relationship. Whether you're dating or marriage, how is romance in your life? Have you found happiness in love? Do you feel loved? How satisfied do you feel in this area off your life? On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the overall quality off your current intimate relationship If you're not currently in an intimate relationship rate, your past or most recent relationships? Six. Spiritually and Personal growth, how do you deal with personal growth? Are you open to new experiences and eager to learn? Are you spiritually connected to both the inner and outer worlds? This is a broad category that's related to your overall feelings off progress. Many people have a purpose and equate growth with how well they are manifesting that purpose. Others equate growth with their spiritual or philosophical beliefs and their ability to deepen their knowledge and practice the ideals they garner. From this Doc Terance from 1 to 10 how much do you feel you are growing in life. Seven. Fun and recreation. Are you enjoying life? Do you practice hobbies or sports? Do you take vacations now and then? How do you spend your free time? Are you satisfied with the level of activity that you do and the amount of fun you allow in your life? Go ahead and give yourself a rating from 1 to 10. How much would you rate your level of commitment to personal interests and fun? Eight. Physical environment The obvious artist reference to is your home. How is it set up? Does it give you a nice feeling? Is it conducive to productivity? To satisfaction, to realization? Does your home support you in your goals? Is it a place you're proud off that makes you feel goods? Now, if you are location, independence or if you have to desire to live all over the world that you can look at your physical environments in a bigger picture, as in do I like the current city and country I'm living in? Basically, your physical environment is about what is around you, the things that are around us, whether it is a city, a home or just our neighborhoods have a big impact on how we feel about life from 1 to 10. How would you rate your physical environments if you need more time to finish this exercise , to take a moment to pause its video and feel everything in Now, after you're done, have your real off life right in front of you. They a good look at your real off life. Having this helicopter view off your life. You can easily identify where you excel and where there is room for improvement. Consider each area like it's spoke off. A real. When one off the spokes is shorter than the others, it can throw the whole thing off balance. Discover where the gaps are so you can start working on them and improve from where you are today to where you want to be. If, for example, friends and family rank very low your view off life that you should start investing time in improving that ranking, you will soon gain a dramatic feeling off balance, resulting in contentment and life satisfaction will start to happen. Life is about balance to this tool. The real off life we can find out where we need to focus our attention to bring back balance in our lives and make this real role much more smoothly. Potentially, there will be more than one slice off, despite that will be ranked lower than the others. Correct. The good news is there is an interesting and easy way to increase ranking off multiple slices in your reel off life simultaneously. How, by doing activities that increased the rank off multiple slices in your real, here are a few examples to clarify that volunteer, you will increase your friends, experience personal growth and fun. And who knows, maybe find a romantic partner. Yoga. It will increase spiritually and personal growth as well as physical health, friends and fun. Creating a course doing this will improve your career, finances, personal growth and even physical environments. Possibly it could help you to become location independence, join a support group. Joining a support group and talking with others about mental health, for example, will a proof your mental health as well as at dear friends and spiritually and personal growths. Also, if you have a romantic partner and you go together, this could greatly improve that slice off the by as well. Since you are alerting and being there for each shutter. Read a book about business. You will soon have an improvement in the slices pertaining to finances and career. Go to a workshop seminar or event featuring something you are passionate about. Your personal and spiritual growth will increase maybe even your career and finances. And for sure, the slice for France will improve, too. Learning a new language Learning any language will help your personal growth as well as ed to your fun and recreation. As you can see from these few examples, there are many activities that can increase the ranking off multiple slices in the wheel off life. Try to look for or create activities that have wide reaching effects on a combination off the slices in your life that are currently ranked on the low end. Doing so will help balance out your real off life. Wallace Note. I liked at before we move onto the next listen, I would suggest you hang your real off life in your room, on your fridge or somewhere. You can easily see it so you can check on it often and be reminded off where you focus your attention. This is a great exercise that you should do every healthy year or so up that your real off life so you can see where you have improved and where else you need to pay attention. Balance is not something permanent. It's something that is up to us to maintain, therefore, regularly checking in to see how balanced your life is. Using the wheel off life will lead you to a happier, healthier and more meaningful life. Having learned the years off this powerful tool called the wheel Off Life, you now have a deeper view off your current life situation. Let us continue on to discover more about you in the next listen. 27. Part 1 - What is Trauma & the Impact of Traumatic Events in One’s Life: drama. I'm sure you have heard this war before, but what does it mean? Let's have a look at the definition off. Psychological drama and experience is dramatic. If it one is sudden, unexpected or non normative. Two exceeds the individuals perceived ability to meet its demands and tree disturbs the individuals frame off reference and other central psychological needs and related scheme. US psychological trauma is that site off damage to the mind that occurs as a result Off a distressing event. Trauma is often the result off an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds once ability to cope or ability to integrate the emotions involved with that experience. Obviously, it isn't exactly fun to experience a traumatic event in your life. However, the chances that you will are likely statistics showed that an estimated 70% of adults have experienced a traumatic event in their lives at least once. The main problem with trauma, however, is that many people walk around with psychological wounds caused by a dramatic event, causing all sorts off struggles in their life because they never treated the route goes off the struggles, the trauma it self, for example, you may struggle with anger issues or low self esteem because one or both off your parents were abusive to you. Inter, verbally or physically, you may struggle with walking away from an unhealthy relationship because deep down you fear abandonments. Maybe you lost one off your parents during your childhood. You feel a degree of shame and disgust when your sexual with someone because you were sexually abused in the best. Have you ever noticed that certain moments could trigger a behavior or a reaction, and you haven't been able to track the roots off those behaviors or reactions? Most likely, this reactions came from a traumatic event. In your best, you might not have realized that you haven't you or gotten over the trauma, or you might never have actually looked at the experience as dramatic. Our behavior can be drastically shaped by best dramatic events. While this lesson might be a challenging one, the important thing is to learn more about trauma in general and find out more about your own particular trauma. If you have been affected by a dramatic event, it will not only be insightful but also necessary. He healed those wounds so you can lead a happier, healthier and more meaningful life. Let us start this lesson by learning about the five types of events that tend to be traumatic. Opened the practice book where we go to these lists, Go to the section off this lesson about trauma. Here you'll see an illustration off a tree. This is sculpt the trauma tree. The roots off the tree are the five events that meant to be dramatic. When we go to the list off the five events that tend to be dramatic, pay attention and ask yourself, Has this happened to me? If you find out or already know that you have experienced such an event right down at the bottom, where the roots off the tree are the dramatic events or events that happened to you, even if you end up not feeling anything in simply receiving some information about trauma, receiving psycho education, which includes information and education on mental health, can be off enormous help in people's lives. If, for example, you do end up in a traumatic event in the future that you would already have the knowledge and information, you need to understand it better and know what to do. Also note that you will always have access to watch this, listen and go to this exercise again. In general, abuse can be categorized into two groups. Physical abuse and emotional abuse. Physical pain such as hitting with hence or objects kicking, slapping, burning time or otherwise restraining at cetera. Physical abuse inflicted by a parents on a child or within any other relationship often starts correct. Usually, such s with a punch or a slept and then becomes progressively worse over time, being shaken, hit or physically abused in any way as a child killed me, too. Poor physical or mental health later in life, including depressive disorders and anxiety disorders. Eating disorders, childhood behavior or conduct disorders. Drug use, suicide attempts. Obesity and risky sexual behavior. Sexual abuse. Forcing someone into a sexual act against their will. Sexual abuses. Unwanted sexual activity with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Most victims and perpetrators know it. Shutter. Immediate reactions to sexual abuse include shock, fear or disbelief. Long term symptoms include an anxiety fear or post traumatic stress disorder, ruling or harassing verbal abuse, making threats or intimidation. Physical violence is often seen as being more serious than emotional abuse. But this simply isn't true. The scars off emotional abuse are riel and long lasting emotional abuse is an attempt to control in just same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. The only difference is that the emotional abuser does not use physical actions such as hearing, kicking, pinching, grabbing, pushing or our physical forms off harm. Redder the perpetrator off emotional abuse. Use emotional manipulation as his or her weapon off choice. Emotional abuse conceived purely impact your mental health and lower your self esteem and confidence. It may also lead to depression and anxiety and even suicide attempts. The loss off a parents due to death or divorce often costs the child's fear off abandonment to intensify, often well into adult foods. The damage caused by parental abandonment is particularly devastating if it happens before the child understands that they are not responsible for other people's actions. Childhood abandonment costs an individual to have problems with forming secure attachments , which can set the stage for the poor quality off relationships later in life. Neglect is a form of abuse where the perpetrator, who is responsible for caring for someone who is unable to care for themselves fails to do so. Nik alike can be a result off carelessness, indifference or unwillingness. It may include the failure to provide enough supervision, endorsements or medical care, or the failure to fulfill our needs for which the victim cannot provide for themselves. Neglect can go on for an indefinite period in a child's life, causing many long term side effects, such as physical injuries. Neglect can affect the body physically as it affects a child's development and helps, sometimes leading to chronic medical problems. Low self esteem, attention disorders, violent behavior and even death. Embellishment is a kind of relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. Embellishment is a concept introduced by Salvador Mnuchin, a family therapist who developed structural family therapy, which addresses problems in functioning within a family. Mnuchin used towards diminishment to describe the situation in families where personal boundaries are diffused, subsistence on differentiated and over. Concern for others leads to a loss, autonomous development and meshed in apparent still needs and trapped in discrepancy role function. A child may lose their capacity for self direction, and their own distinctiveness under the weight of psychic insists. And if family pressures increase, the child may end up becoming the identified parents or family scapegoats. Everyone who is seen any way involved in a disaster or tragic events may experience trauma reactions. You may experience this reactions if you were a witness or were involved in the events, arrived upon the scene off the events, had a near miss or were almost involved in the events, knew or know others who were killed, harmed or involved in some way in the events. Every relationship with family or friends off the victims are reminded off other traumatic incidents in your life by this event. These are the five events that tend to be tremendous. If you haven't done this already, boss, the video here for a few seconds to feel in the roots off your trauma tree after you've done this will continue 28. Part 2 - What is Trauma & the Impact of Traumatic Events in One’s Life: Now that you have learned more about the five friends that tend to be dramatic, it may come as a surprise when you find out that you could have been affected and traumatized in your bests. Many people walk all the way to their adult lives, never having talked about their best dramas. It maybe because they never stood still and fully realized that they had gone through a traumatic events or because they felt a sense of shame about what happened to deeply to ever talk with anyone about it. I know it can be difficult and confrontational to go deeper into this subject, and I like to express my sincere regard to you for the kind of courage you're showing right now to devote yourself to go deeper inside your psyche. Studies have consistently found a strong association between shame and the experience off a traumatic events. How exactly ashamed, Connect with drama, and why does it matter so much that we have to point it out? Why it matters is because researchers have found that the experience of shame following a traumatic events may lead you to use unhealthy coping strategies such as alcohol use, avoidance or self destructive behaviors, which can interfere with your ability to process the emotions associated with the dramatic events. Additionally, since the experience off shame can be related to judgments or weakness or wards, survivors may feel more stigma about having experienced a traumatic event. This stick my could that prevent you from seeking out the appropriate help going to his five roots. It's time to write down how your trauma has manifested in your life and the branches that have grown out of it. There are four negative and self destructive behavior patterns that could Auker or grow from not dealing with our traumas. I know it might be difficult to be honest with yourself in this part, but it is important this way. You can start to realize the unhealthy behavior patterns caused by your best trauma or traumas. For one thing, doing so will help you realize and understand why you might react a particular way in certain situations. But of course, this will also allow you to realize how damaging this behavior could be to your life and to the people you love Onley. By seeing your unhealthy behavior pattern, skay begin to help yourself and change this problematic reactions into solutions and healthy patterns. Here are the four negative and self destructive behavior patterns, defect or condition of being addicted or unable to stop yourself from engaging with a particular substance or activity such as gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex, overworking, etcetera. Experts say this is a pattern off behavior in which you find yourself dependent on approval from someone else for your self worth and identity. It is also correct arised by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. Typically, if you require support on account off illness or addiction, this disorder includes problems with behavior or relationships that result when a person has not formed good attachments, strong feelings off love or connection with parents or other people who cared for them as a small child. Attachment disorder is a broad term that describes disorders from moods, behavior and social relationships arising from a failure to form normal attachments to primary care, giving figures in early childhoods. Such a failure could have resulted from unusual early experiences off neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers between six months and three years off H frequent changes or excessive number off caregivers or like off care giver responsiveness to child communicative efforts, all of which results in aleck off basic trusts. Emotional dis regulation refers to the inability of a person to control or regulate their emotional responses to perfect of stimuli. It can also be determines emotional hyper reactivity In life. Each individual is repeatedly exposed to events and in directions such as conflict in a relationship, personal criticism or a perceived abandonment. A person with emotional this regulation disorder reacts in an emotionally exaggerated manner to this environmental and interpersonal challenges in shorts, by overreacting bursts off anger, crying accusation, passive aggressive behavior or creation off cares or conflicts. Now that we have boat learned the five events that tend to be dramatic and the four negative behavior patterns that conform If we do not deal with trauma properly, take a good look at your trauma tree. Seeing your trauma tree and how it has evolved over the years might come as an eye opener. Take a moment to answer the following questions. How much of a surprise is it? Seeing your trauma tree before you having your trauma tree before you? Which unhealthy behavior better ski trek back to your past trauma or traumas? what you not know about trauma, that this lesson has helped you to understand more clearly. Take a few minutes to write out your answers to these questions. I hope this lesson about trauma was helpful to you and provided you with insights. To understand yourself. Better note that there is a follow up Listen on trauma in Chapter Tree, where we will look at trauma in more practical terms and how to deal with your trauma in a healthy way. Having learned a great deal more about trauma and doing some internal thinking toe, answer some redder difficult questions. Let us move onwards through the next lesson in Chapter two, and let's explore and dig deeper within the complex and fascinating being that you are. 29. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts: as a follow up. Listen on the essence off love in Chapter one, Let us continue to learn more about love in this lesson. In Chapter one, we learn more about the meaning off off, some more in depth insights and perspectives about it. And here, in this lesson in Chapter two, I would like to introduce you to what Dr Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, found. It's the five love languages. After 30 years off marriage counseling and thousands of hours off note taking, Dr Gary Chapman came to find out there are primarily five ways people express and experience love one wards off affirmation to quality time. Three receiving gifts, four acts off service. Five. Physical touch Most people think that the wavy want to be loft is how others want to be loved as well. But this is not the case. The reason why it's therefore so important to be aware and understand these different love languages. Is that your love language and the one off your partner, your friends and family, maybe as diverse as Chinese to English? No matter how hard you try to express love in English. If your spouse only understands Chinese, you'll never understand how to love each shutter. Therefore, in any kind of relationship, your partner friends etcetera, may feel frustrated with you, even though you are trying to do all these things for him or her. People don't give and receive love in the same way. Learning to speak the same loft language off your spouse, friends, family, etcetera. And knowing what your love language is can be a radical game changer in any kind off relationship. Now Dr Garrod Shipman Hester discovering this five fluff languages into a book titled The Five Love Languages. While the brew itself focuses more on applying this five love languages in romantic relationships, Dr Gary Chapman notes as well that these love languages are not alone useful to understand our spouse better but can be used to better any kind of relationship, such as with friends, family members are Children, etcetera. While this lesson will provide an understanding off the five love languages, the book itself is still a highly recommended read to help you. Dr. Gary Chapman has also written specific boots in a Childress addition, the dean's addition and the singles addition to help you speak the five fluff languages in those relationships in the practice book, you can find a link with more info about these books. They are all highly valued and rated books. Now let us discover which your lovely which ISS when going to each one of the five love languages, I'd like you to give the practice book by your side and ask yourself with each one. Is this my primary loft language? Obviously, this does not mean that the other four might not be essential for you to, however, if you could only choose one out of this five, which one for you would be the most important one, right that loft language down as your primary love language In the practice book, one Wards off affirmation people off this language. Most feel loved when it's expressed with warts, compliments, worse, off encouragement or even just a simple I was thinking about you make their hearts swell. Do you like hearing I love you or compliments or meaningful warts? Are insults detrimental to your relationship? If so, this is probably your love language. If you discover this is your partner's love language or does off your friends, make sure you give them genuine compliments and tell them that you appreciate them often to 12 feet. Sign If this is your loft language, you want your friend's spouse, Children, etcetera to give you undivided attention and do meaningful activities with you. This includes quality conversations one on one time with the TV off the cell phone put away and no distraction. This is what makes this person feel loft the most. Being able to fully engage with their partner friends, etcetera during activities like going for a wall, playing games or even just coffee and conversation is what brings them the most joy. If this your partners friends Children's love language, learn to listen better, make eye contact more and spent more time with them instead off in the office or Klute to your phone. Spending one a one time communicates that you care about it. Shutter shows that you enjoy being with each other and that you like to do things together , get insult or postpone dates. And failure to listen is especially hurtful to these types. Treat receiving gifts for people off this love language. Nothing say's I love you more than Gift's. Don't mistake this loft language for materialism. The receiver off Gift's drives on the law, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. A gift means the world to them and serves as undeniable proof that their partner, friends, family, was thinking about him. Sure, we all like receiving gifts, but this type off person loves receiving gifts above all else. Miss Birthdays, anniversaries and thoughtless gives fear this person a parts four x off service people off this lovely, which feel most appreciated when their partners friends, Children, etcetera, do things. Fordham. Anything to ease the burden off responsibilities. Waging on an act off service will speak volumes to this person. This can be as simple as taking out the trash being the bills, picking up the kids from school during the dishes and so on. These acts of service rarely go unnoticed for the people whose love language is X off service towards he or she most wants to hear. Let me do that for you laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them. They'll speakers off this language. Their feelings don't matter when other serve you out of love and not obligation. You feel truly valued and loved five physical touch. A person with the primary language of physical touch is not surprisingly, very touchy. Feeling her ex pats on the bag and thoughtful touches on the arm. This can all be ways to show excitement, concern care and love Partners whose primary love language is a physical touch will feel your love when you kissed him, hugged him, cuddle, have sex and hold each other after six. They enjoy the security that comes from physical contact and relish in the closeness off their partner and friends and the connection that comes with that proximity, physical presence and accessibility are crucial. While neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive, appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety and love to you. If you haven't already Boston video and fill in the practice book with which one off this five love languages, you strongly identify wits. Which one is your loft language? Keep in mind you should only if one primary love language. Sure, we made, like all of them, but one of them should resonate with you. D. Most's discovering your love language and that of your partner Children. Friends etcetera can help make it easier for two off you to communicate and express affection for one another in a way that is appropriate and meaningful now. If the description off each love language you still couldn't discover your love language, here are a few questions to ask yourself what makes you feel most loft by your partner? Friends, Children, etcetera. What do you want most from them? What if you requests from your partner, Children, friends, etcetera the most? That is probably the thing that makes you feel the most loved. What does your partner friends? Children, etcetera. Do that cause you the most pain? The opposite of what creates that pain is most likely your lawful language. How do you express your love for your partner? France Children, etcetera. Your way of expressing love? Maybe what would also make you feel love for most description off the five waffling, we just might already have bean enough to realize which love language is the most important duty. TheStreet questions also helped to find out the luff language off other people. Chapman suggests that discover another person's love language. One must observe the way the express love to others and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request most often Asking these three questions while is thinking about a specific person can therefore help you figure out their love language. People tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. Let me end this lesson by mentioning this for healthy relationships to remain healthy, each partner friend child's lofting must be filled by speaking in their loft language, Thus understand the importance off knowing and understanding these five love languages. Let me therefore note again that the book, The Five Love Languages, is still a highly recommended read toe. Understand the concepts off the five wolf languages? Even better, many of those still remaining questions you might have around this loft languages will be answered in depth in the book, and many more practical examples are also given on how it's applied them again. In the practice book, you can find a link to the book having learned more about love and identify your love language. This lesson should already set you on a path to improve your relationships with others and yourself. Now, with this new found knowledge, let us continue onwards to the next listen 30. *The End of CHAPTER 2: we have reached the end of chapter to a big congrats for finishing each lesson and for confronting some possible challenging questions. It takes true strength, encouraged to do so, which indeed means that you are a person with these attributes. You could be very proud off death. We often seem to forget our own strength and the courage we show. We fail to realize this because we confuse vulnerability with weakness. In reality, the opposite holds true. It's true being vulnerable when we open our heart and soul that we can truly connect with others and ourselves, as well as discover the gems are scars holds now. This isn't easy, which is exactly why it requires great courage and strength to do so. It's way easier to run away from our problems. Do not acknowledge the scars we had obtained in the best or even accept they still might be wounds. Then it is to do deep work and again to do the deep work you need to be vulnerable and open with yourself. Once you can do that, you have the chance to start seeing what you might not have seen before that indeed, those best scars and wounds contain gems. Gems that once obtains can unlock your fullest potential for growth. But first, strength and courage are required. Four deaths and as we have already learns, you have those attributes. Now let us continue with the course and begin with chapter Tree, where we learn practical exercises and techniques to put all this information, we have learned to get use. 31. *CHAPTER 3 - Intro to IMPLEMENT: in Chapter one, we obtained a broader understanding off emotions, the mind, the various poisons we take and much, much more, bringing an altogether better awareness of ourselves. This was followed by Chapter two, where you confronted your demons and personal challenges. Now we have finally arrived at chipped treat here. We will come to learn practical techniques, tools and practices to craft and create a healthier, happier and more meaningful life before we dive into it. I would like to make one thing very clear, and I will start and end this introduction video off Chapter three by mentioning it's you have to do to gain the benefits you cannot expect change to happen in your life. If you do not change something you're thinking your habits, your behavior. In this chapter, you'll see the exercise animation appear in the lessons when it appears to commit yourself to trying. These techniques and practices without judgment understand, however, one crucial thing in the same way that you will not see the benefits off eating healthy. If you've been doing it for just one day, you must give these practices and techniques a fair chance to take effect over multiple base ideally a few months before he will truly benefit from them. The hardest part, and the most important part will be to stick with some of these exercises and do them for more than one day. If you open your practice book, go to the section on Chapter Tree Here you'll see three lines that will ask you to write down three exercises or practices that you liked a lot when you watched all the lessons off Chapter Tree. Write them down below. It's you will find check boxes. Now if you haven't already print out the practice book and hang that paper up. So where you will see it often next to the toilets on the fridge, in the kitchen on the night. Stand your bedroom on your desk at your workspace at cetera. Of course, if you don't have a printer, simply write. This exercise is down on a piece of paper and at the same number off check boxes. The point is to hang or place this piece off paper somewhere so you can be reminded to do these exercises. Each day. You do them check off one bucks This way you could trick and see your own progress. Doing this for a set amount of days and not breaking the chain will start creating a new habit pattern. If your duties until all the check boxes Arctic it is more likely you will continue to do them. Of course, if everything is checked off, you could always create a new paper with check boxes. It is helpful to be reminded, and seeing your own progress will motivate you more. I want you to walk away from the scores with a positive change in your life, but in the end, I could only do so much. It is up to you to make good use off this information. So one last time when the exercise animation pops up, do the exercise or practice and at the end, off chapter tree, right down the tree exercises or practices that felt good to you and that you want to continue. Humans are creatures off habits. It's therefore also practical and useful to understand our habits are created and how we can create new and good habits that less before we move onto the next lesson, I'd like to provide you with this information, doing the other off the book the power off habit discovered that at the root off all habits , like a simple three part loop, let me briefly explain the street Simple steps off the habit loop. First we have to queue a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic reaction mode and which routine use the Q is what triggers you to do what is habitual. For example, sit down at your kitchen table to have breakfast every morning at 7 a.m. Next, we have the Rudy's physical, mental or emotional behavior that follows. Too cute. Routine is the behavior you automatically engage in, which for drinking coffee might include going over to your coffee maker, turning it on and pressing the large cup button. Finally, we have a bust of stimulus that tells your brain that the routine works well and it's worth remembering. It tells you that you will receive a reward for completing routine, the reward being such things as the rich smell off your coffee. It's hardly taste and the steam rising from the cup as you sit at your kitchen table in the sun lights. If you want to develop a habit, the reward must significantly outweighed the cost for you to keep on doing it. Let me give you two examples of how this all works together. Smoking Q C A cigarette garden or smell cigarette smoke craving. You want a hit off nicotine routine? Get a cigarette and light its rewards. Get that sweet nicotine checking your phone que here your phone bus craving. Who is contacting me? What's going on in the world? I have to find outs routine. Stop everything you're doing and check your phone rewards. Get pleasure from the momentary distractions off the text. Email tweets, etcetera. If you think about your life and your day, you'll notice this habit loop appears in everything you do. The issue with habits is that they become so ingrained, so powerful, that even if we have a conscious awareness that they are not good for us, we cannot seem to stop doing them once the Q has been fired. We are slaves to D habits. You can't extinguish a habits. You can only change it now. How can we use this information to change habits and reinforce me once, for example, used some off the techniques and practices that will be discussed here in our lives. The trick to changing a habit is to switch the routine and leave everything else intact. The author calls this the golden rule. The books suggest there are four stages in changing a habits, though it's not always obvious. The easiest part is usually identifying the behavior you want to change when engaged in a habit. We are often unconscious off our own behavior. Recognize the habit loop you are caught in. Q. Behavior rewards A que triggers all routines. Cancel the Q and you stop the routine. Take, for example, social media if you switch off the notifications. Q. You take away the compulsive 14 off constantly checking your computer or phone. The issue is that the Q is often clouded by many other elements happening at the same time . Use typically fall into five categories. Location, time, emotional states, other people and immediately preceding action. If you have a habit, you're serious about changing. Keep a lock off your location, the time your emotional states, the people around you and the action you take immediately before your habits. After a few repetitions, you'll probably be able to see it. The pattern. To overcome a habits, we must understand which craving is driving the habit. The key is to identify the real needs the benefits. For example, if you fight yourself eating junk food every afternoon, try eating at Applebee Step or drinking some coffee or chatting with a friend for a few minutes. Then set a 50 minute timer when it goes off. Ask yourself if you're still feeling the same. Burge. If you are, you haven't yet identified the cue. The author suggests writing down how you think and feel immediately after the activity. Bean Point Dick you. You first have to experiment with rewards. Try out a new reward each time you feel the urge to complete the routine. Keep experimenting, and you'll eventually figure out why you have to eat junk food every afternoon. Is it because you were hungry, In which case the apple would work? You were tired, in which case the coffee should help or you just needed a break, which your friend should provide. You will need to try different behaviors to see what fits into your life and to assess critically to see if gives you a similar or better level off rewards. Once you have defined the Q routine reward loop for yourself. You need to device a plan to specify what you're going to do when the craving takes over. Once you have recognized the precise que routine and rewards, it should be easy to design a different routine that provides the same rewards, but you get the same. Q. Stay alert for the Q or set on automatic alert if it's time based and act out your preplant routine. If it works, you've confirmed that you found the right cue and rewards, and your habit will then be easily changeable. With this information about habits. Let us continue and dive into the lessons and alert practical exercises and practices to implement in your life so you can start living a happier, healthier and more meaningful life as we go through the lessons. Do remember what we have learned here and use this information to create new habits in your life, in the areas off your life where you'd like to see change happen 32. Contentment Exercises to Find Peace and Happiness: in this lesson, I'd like to provide you with various exercises to practice the skill off joy, condemned mints and life satisfaction. I think it's good to point out that those feelings aren't things that some people have been gifted with, while others have nuts. Finding this feelings is more of a skill than anything else. And as with any skill, you get better at it by practising consistently through exercises. Be aware, though, that, like anything else, they expect this every day to see and feel a difference. You can expect to be a master at the piano, a specific language football singing drawing at Sidra. If you never practice any of those skills. Same applies here. While the following exercises only take a few minutes to do and get even be done anywhere. What's important is doing them Big gun sh is that you do not fall into the strip off cognitively understanding something but never actually applying the knowledge. As with so many things, the reason why some people never attain what they desire is that they never follow through on the information they have gathered or received 33. 1. The Five Human Senses: How Where are you? Off the five senses? You've been gifted with touch, sight, hearing, smell, taste. Many of us are barely a rare off them. We are visual creatures are most potent and most used, says is site our eyes. Sadly, as our sense of sight so mainly dominates us, many forget about the other four senses and sent to focus lists for sometimes not at all. On them. We have been given a spectrum, a pellet with many different sensations and feelings. But many never reached out to experience the full range off this sensations. It is a massive shame, as each one off our senses holds an immeasurable ability to experience life on different levels and a multitude of ways. An easy exercise is to go unconscious, walks throughout the day while focusing on each one off your senses for a couple of minutes at a time. This teaches you to become more aware off these gift's or simply sit down somewhere like right now and consciously go through each one off your senses. For example, pay attention on Lee to your sense of smell for a few minutes, and it's right to block off all the other senses. So all your attention is on experiences involving that individual sense during this exercise will infect open up a whole different world that we could explore at any time. But because we are so unaware of our senses as separate entities, we never come to see the depth off each one. Pay more attention to each off your senses separately, and I can promise you contentment and joy will flow through you when you start to receive glimpses off the gifts that you have been given. 34. 2. Self-Love: if I ask you. When was the last time you said I love you? Do yourself. I think you might have some trouble thinking off a specific day. Multiple studies have shown that self love is the key to mental health, well being and keeping depression and anxiety at bay. But besides the whole science and research parts of why practicing self love is a value. Ask yourself this question. How does this one person who has been there with you from the beginning and who will be there with you until the very ends? Nothing deserve to hear the wards. I love you more often that person who will spend your whole life with you and it's always there at your site and never leaves you. How does this person indeed not deserve this? Words that hold at their core water sentiments? I accept you. I see you. I acknowledge you. I am here for you. The words I love you mean all those things and more be kind to yourself. There is no reason not to be practice self love regularly merely by looking at yourself in the mirror and acknowledging the unique creation that you see in front of you in the morning when you wake up or in the evening before you check out for the day. Or better yet, whenever you get the chance to greet yourself in the mirror, look yourself in the ice, give yourself a little wink and say the words everyone in this world is craving the year I love you. 35. 3. Do Random Acts of Generosity and Kindness – Volunteer More: anyone who has ever given purely for the reason off giving will remember how it makes the heart smile instead of going on ordinary vacation. Why not go and volunteer somewhere? It's just as fun. While you also get to experience unique opportunities such as working with animals, Children, marine life, etcetera. And often it isn't that much more expensive than a typical vacation. Not only will you walk away with an experience you likely never forget, but you will also be a part of a community and be surrounded by other people who care about doing some positive change in the world's for two more research has shown that volunteering counter X the effects of stress, anger and anxiety. Of course, you don't need to volunteer and travel halfway across the world to do random eggs off generosity and kindness. You can do this anywhere and everywhere, even in your daily life. When you see someone drops something, reach out to help. When someone's bicycle chain pops off, walk up to the person and offer your help. There are millions off opportunities every day to do random acts of generosity and kindness , even just simply smiling at someone or generally asking about someone's day and listening with the intent to listen are acts of generosity and guidance that people close to you and around you appreciate as much as anyone else does make your heart and the hearts of other smile more often by doing this most excellent exercise. If you are attuned to opportunities to do random acts of generosity and kindness, you'll come to see them everywhere. 36. 4. Gratitude: While I'm sure you've heard off practicing gratitude before, have you ever honestly tried it? Research has shown that gratitude gum but stress and reduces a multitude off toxic emotions from envy and resentment. Do frustration and regrets. It also increases your self esteem, helps your sleep better and improves mental strength. It has even been shown that gratitude can play a significant role in overcoming trauma. How does this exercise of credited work? It's easy and only takes minutes in the morning or evening or any time throughout the day. Sit down somewhere or go for a walk and think about three things you are grateful for. It could be something that happened during your day, something you currently feel or see or something about your life in general. Here is an example of something I am currently experiencing the apartments I'm currently living in. You watching this course? Thank you. Your turn. I would recommend you keep it simple. What were the first thing is that you saw, felt or thought about focus on that moment and feel gratitude flowing through your heart additionally, and this might sound cheesy at first laying your hand over your heart while doing this exercise increases the connection between seeing and thinking off something you are grateful for. It intensifies the feeling. What you ultimately do is visualize the connection directly to your heart. Science and research have shown multiple times the power off visualization and how it can lead us to our objectives in this case, contentment. Give it a try, It doesn't hurts. And I promise you, you won't come to regret it. 37. 5. Write Down Something Funny That Happened: half a notebook or make a note or your phone dedicated to writing down anything funny that happens throughout the day. Or make this last thing you do in the evening when you're laying in beds, writing down something funny teaches you a few things. First, it lets you sit still and acknowledge a moment that happened in your day. The result is that it will make your day feel more like the individual gift It is every day . Some unique, funny thing happens. Secondly, writing down something funny is directly linked to positivity. It will lift your spirits immediately in the moment and after the moments when you reflect anything back on its and it hurts. Like credited, it teaches you to focus on the small things in your life. It may not be that a massive comedy show appears in front of you all the time, but at least something silly, ridiculous or weird can happen every day. It may be a bit challenging in the beginning to write something down every day, especially if you do it lasting in the evening. But like the creditor exercises, don't overthink this. What was something that made you smile during the day or what at least make you giggle a tiny bit in science rights. That down what this exercise ultimately teaches you is to be more attentive to the funny sight off life. If you set this as a daily exercise, your brain will automatically start looking and be more attuned to those funny, ridiculous, silly and weird moments. Once your brain ISS more set on this, you may come to realize that life itself can be a grand comedy show after all. 38. 6. Get a Perspective – Acknowledge What You Have: are you aware that your eyes are made from two million working components that allow you to see the world around you? And, of course, watch this fascinating course. And are you aware that your browsing the world's most significant source of information the Internets, where anything can be found while more than half off the world's population does not have access to it yet? And at the same time, you have roof over your heads, food on the table. And most likely you do not live in a war zone. No, I'm not saying life might be going smoothly for you, but keeping things in perspective is an excellent exercise for you not to forget everything . You do have an acknowledged that you have them. You are still a life. You are still breeding. You aren't in a coma. There s power running through your veins to do something with your life to take action. You can still do that, But there are others out there who can't. For example, those who are in a coma, those who are paralyzed and unable to move any part off their body or those Web sites at an early H, they are not you. Please recognize this taking time every day to put things in perspective, especially during those moments when you feel that life seems too much or trench, you unfairly become mindful of the situation to give yourself the chance to put things back in perspective, accept things you cannot control and realize that whatever is currently happening there could have been something far worse. Doing this exercise helps to elevate an anxiety and stress and gives you a chance to think more clearly and ethical occurred moment with a sense of clarity. 39. 7. Celebrate: many people immediately moved on after completing or reaching a certain goal. When they achieve something, they move onwards, never standing still, never taken the time to feel proud off the challenges and obstacles they had conquered along the way. But when you never stand still to celebrate those victories, however small or insignificant, you can start to feel unfulfilled. How come? Because you never take the time to reflect on and appreciate what you have accomplished. Bring some playfulness back to this already too serious world. Be living and take time to celebrate some off the good things in your life. There are constant opportunities to celebrate throughout the day. Here are a few examples When you go for a run and finish the X amount off kilometer you had planned to run, give yourself a high five and take a moment to reflect and feel proud off yourself. After a hard day off, working and finishing every desk, throw your arms in the air and say to yourself, Nice work. Then take some time to look at each completed desk and feel satisfied what you have done again. As with many off, the exercises do not focus only on your big achievements or moments, but also on the small ones across the street safely. Hell, yeah. Give yourself a high five. Got yourself a dates. Give yourself a fist bump in the mirror. Finished a hard day's work about yourself on the back and celebrate defect. It is now time to relax. Train yourself to celebrate more By doing this exercise, not only will it be fun, but it also makes you feel good about yourself. 40. 8. Watch More Comedy: laughing is not just fun. It is also good for the brain, body, mental health and the soul. Various research has shown the countless benefits that laughter gives us. It boosts our immune system. It relaxes the body. It protects the heart. It dissolves stressful emotions, reduces stress and increases energy and many more benefits. Laughter is one of the best medicines for us, a medication that we all could use more off. But how? What or who should you left about simple comedians? Comedians are people who are professionally trained to make you left, and there are hundreds and thousands off them out there. There is the right kind of humor, a dose off the correct medication out there for everyone. Here are a few YouTube channel suggestions to help get you started. DWright Bar comedy Comedy Central Just for laughs 41. 9. Watch a Sunrise or a Sunset: one last exercise. Watch a sunrise or a sunset. More often, the majestic beauty off this world can only be seen if you pay attention to its sunrises. And sunsets can be seen almost every day, and each time is a truly astonishing revelation Off the magic this world holds its like watching one off the most skilled painters this world will ever have. Who comes out nearly every day to show you a one time unique work off wonder for free. If you are a morning person, watched the sunrise, see the world come a life in all its glory. If you are a evening person, go outside and enjoy the beauty off the last lights off the day. Painting the sky Watching sunrises or sunsets is one of my favorite things to do because it shows that beautiful beginnings and beautiful endings do exist in life. Having a good list off a few contentment exercises. Why not passed this video before you continue to the next lesson and try one off them Right now, I can guarantee that if you practice the skill of contentment, every day drew some of these exercises. The one thing everyone of a six in life but again seemed to find will find its weight. You pause this video and go try out one off the exercises we mentioned when you come back will continue on to the next lesson here in Chapter Tree. 42. How to Deal with Trauma in a Healthy Way: as a follow up. Listen to the one in Chapter two. What is drama, where we learned what trauma is the impact off dramatic events on one's life and how to identify If you have been dramatised. Let's move on now here in a chapter treat about how to deal with drama in a healthy way. Even if you aren't suffering from psychological trauma now, it could be beneficial to know D practical sites off what you can do if, in case you come to experience drama in your life in the long run, the result off not treating drama is one off a self destruction. You'll often see people who went through a traumatic experience go with their pain in unhealthy waste by reaching out for Brocks alcohol overworking, etcetera. Often, as we have learned in Chapter two, this is because one might not realize they had been traumatized, or they have no idea but how the healing journey off drama looks like and healthy ways to cope. First of all, the process off dealing with psychological trauma can be painful. It is confrontational and can bring up memories off that time. Therefore, I like the first mentioned a few critical points. Give yourself time to heal and to mourn any losses you have experienced, don't try to force the healing process. Be patient with the pace off recovery. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment or guilt. These points are mainly to say you can't force a wound you without giving it the time and the right care. If you would fall and end up with a physical wounds, you won't heal it any faster by merely getting frustrated with the pain it's causing with you or by touching the one constantly right. While this might come across as obvious, it seems that when we are faced with psychological wounds, we don't realize that the same holds true in much the same way we need to be caretakers of ourselves. And one of the first major steps in being therefore ourselves is by taking this wounds seriously, just as you would with a physical wounds. If we don't and we merely get frustrated and angry at ourselves for not already feeling better, we end up deepening this wounds more often than nuts. Now, with that understanding, let us learn how to you psychological trauma 43. 1. Accept Support From Loved Ones: if there is but one exercise you would end up doing, let it be this one. When healing from emotional trauma, it's important to connect with others regularly and avoid isolating yourself. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to heal a person. Getting a 3 60 degree view is impossible when all you can see is what's going wrong with yourself. Talking with an outer person can give you perspective, while I likely no, this is advising her before it's advised that many failed to follow mainly for the following two reasons. First, we seem thing that we will annoy or border honors when we reach out to them with our problems. Secondly, we might minimize the seriousness of our own problems because we failed to see the importance of our own psychological wounds. The truth, however, is this. First, the people you have in your life who care about you would feel more hurt if you don't reach out to them in times of need. Then when you do, there are many stories where a person has fallen into such darkness and finally committed suicide because they never reached out for help if you could only hear the wish off their friends, family members and other loved ones. The same answer. Real repeat itself. If only he she had a lot me to be there for him. Her. Give your pain a voice and let someone listen. You will be amazed at how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders and by how much others are willing to listen and support you. If you can think about a time when someone asks you for help, you will be reminded that this often made us feel good. It's because we felt needed that someone wanted our advice. That's the same kind of feeling most people have when you reach out to them. People appreciate it when you go to them for advice. Therefore, don't let this start stop you from reaching out to someone. There is absolutely no reason not to reach out. You infect will end up making the other person feel goods instead off butters or annoyed. And secondly, don't minimize your problems by comparing them to the problems off other people or by thinking that others might have it more difficult than you. It's a very self destructive act and thought to have pushing away your problems and failing to see that they deserve care, attention and someone to talk to about them will only end up deepening our psychological wounds. You matter, your problems matter, too, No matter how small your thing they are, they deserve to be talked about with someone. The fact issue could always create a situation where people have it more difficult than you . But doing so isn't going to be off any help yourself near York, your friends and family members be ever truly there for you. If you can never allow them to be there for you, though, it can be hard to build up the courage. Telling someone you trust How you're feeling helps enormously with the healing process off drama. And, yes, this has even been scientifically proven. A new brain image study by UCL apes psychologist Hef revealed how verbalizing our feelings can make our sadness, anger and pain less intense. When you put feelings into words, you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses. S a result an individual may feel less angry or less sets, seeing an angry face and simply calling it an angry face. Changes are brain response according to Match UT Lieberman, U. C. L. A associate professor off psychology. When you attach the word angry, you see a decrease response in the O Magdala say's Lieberman, lead author off the study. Talking about what's going on in your head and explaining it to someone else, even if you think it doesn't make sense helps you to clarify the things that are worrying you. Saying things out loud often makes them less scary. And at least by having to sort through your feelings, you get to know a bit more about what you're dealing with. It's keeping things inside, only lets them build up and get more confusing. Accept and allow support from loved ones. From the moment you shared US feelings with those who love you, significant changes in your journey towards healing your trauma will start to happen. Now. With that, let us continue to the next exercise on how to deal with trauma in a healthy way. 44. 2. Practice Metta Meditation: Metta meditation, also called loving kindness. Meditation has been proven by scientific research to be a potent meditation practice for people who suffer from trauma and PTSD. A recent pilot study over a 12 week loving dinos meditation intervention for veterans with PTSD reported increased self compassion and mindfulness skills. The study also reported reduction in PDS. These symptoms and depressive symptoms at the tree month follow up, with 74% attending at least nine out of 12 classes. Furthermore, meditation analysis identified changes in self compassion as a driver off changes in PTSD and depressive symptoms, whilst additional analysis revealed increased feelings off mystery, personal growth, life purpose, self acceptance and the centering metta meditation user specters the intentional developments off kindness and compassion towards themselves and others through verbal and visual exercises. In a moment, we'll learn more about this. Metta meditation is designed to promote emotional flexibility, the ability to shift from negative to positive emotional states, psychological flexibility, the ability to distance oneself from one script mindset, affect actions or responses, attentional bias and contemplate on other possible mindsets. These skills may be crucial for recovery from trauma related disorders, where emotions such as shame guilt, anger, inability to experience positive emotions and, like off self compassion, predominates specifically by promoting the ability to experience positive emotions towards themselves and others. One could expect reductions in an adonia and negative emotions of shame, guilt and anger whilst fostering an increase in compassion for themselves and others. Now how just met up meditation work in practice? It's very simple. Join me here for a five minute Metta meditation session so you not only know how to do it, but also feel it for yourself and the immediate effects. Take a few moments to go somewhere quiet. Pause this video for a few minutes until you have found a spot and you've made yourself feel comfortable. Once you have, sit comfortably and close your eyes for the remaining few minutes that we do this exercise . As I explain and guide you in metta meditation, take a few deep breaths and imagine feeling perfect love for yourself, thinking yourself for all that you are knowing that you're just right, just as you are. Focus on this feeling off inner peace and visualize that you're breeding out attention and breeding in feelings off off after you have achieved that feeling. Simply repeat three or four positive reassuring phrases to yourself. There are several that work something like this. May I be will. May I be happy? May I be peaceful? May I be loft loving kindness? Meditation is a simple repetition off these phrases, but directing them at different people. Your turn now to say this words either out loud or in silence within yourself. May I be? Well, May I be happy? May I be peaceful? May I be loved basking that feeling for a few moments? If your attention drifts to something else, gently redirect it back to these feelings off loving kindness. Let's diss feelings and develop within you. After that, direct a meta towards loved ones in your life. Begin with someone you're very close to eater. Espouse a child, a parents or a best friend and repeats while visualizing that person. The following awards May you be Will May you be happy. May you be peaceful, maybe loft. Feel your gratitude and loft Fordham and stay with that feeling for some time now directed to another loft one. And simply repeat the same phrases while visualising them. May you be well. May you be happy, Maybe peaceful. May you be loft and again Sit with that feeling off love for that person for a few minutes and so on until as many people you want after death visualize someone you feel neutral abouts people you need or like nor dislike breath Strangers you have met today someone you watched on TV that you don't know the waiters served you neighbors and acquaintances, etcetera and repeat the same phrases directing it do. Then may you be well, Maybe happy, maybe peaceful, maybe loft. As you repeat this words feel them in your hearts that it ready it inside you again. You could do this for us. Many people you feel neutral about as you once now do the same. But this time visualizing to people you don't like or when you are having a hard time with those with whom you conflict with someone towards whom you feel resentment or anger. Repeat the same phrases directing towards then maybe well, maybe happy, maybe peaceful, maybe loft, while sending love and kindness to disperse in my be difficult, it can help you to reach a place off forgiveness or greater peace with each wish. Imagine this person receiving lof be in his loving moments. Sit with this feeling off love radiating from your body to there's a few minutes and repeat this to as many people as you want whom you feel conflict with. Finally end decision. By directing the manner towards everyone. Universally, may all beings spew Bill. May all beings be happy may all being speak peaceful. May all beings be loft. Sit with this feeling off love for some time and visualize your love touching everything, every star in the universe when you already open slowly your eyes and stretch out your body . If you did the exercise, I'm sure you experienced a warm feeling off love inside you. It feels pretty good, doesn't it? Even already, after doing it just one time but loving kindness, meditation does far more than produce momentary good feelings. Over nine weeks, research showed that this type of meditation increased people's experience off positive emotions. The research shows compellingly, that it puts people on trajectories off growth, leaving them better able to ward off depression and become evermore satisfied with life. Research even shows that loving kindness, meditation changes the way people approach life for the better s you can see from your own experience if you did the exercise and researched effects of doing it in the long run There iss plentiful reasons to practice Metta meditation. Now in the Practice book, I have included a link to a guided meditation video. It will help you in the beginning to do this powerful and most beautiful meditation practice. Emotional trauma gets stored inside the body, so in addition to therapy sessions, the body dramatically benefits from entering thoughtless moments and having a mindfulness practice as metta meditation. 45. 3. Incorporate Movement into Your Daily Routine: feeling good physically makes you feel better mentally. The helm benefits of physical activity and exercise are clear. Virtually everyone can benefit from becoming more physically active. Physical activity boosts self confidence, improves concentration, improves cardiovascular health, lowers the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes, reduces blood pressure and hence is aerobic fitness, improves muscular strength and endurance, lowers risk off certain types of cancer, controls cholesterol and strengthens the immune system just to name a few. There are so many benefits to being physically active more over. While this list of benefits is reason enough to start being more active physical activity, it's also a great help in a process of healing psychological trauma. Because of the following three reasons one stress relief. The body stores stress after a traumatic experience. Exercise is a great mood booster and has proven to be ineffective. Medic off stress relief sports relief stress and burst off a lot off excess adrenaline, which helps to relieve tension and promote relaxation. Also, studies have shown that people who regularly exercise exhibit less off a dis line in positive effect after stress than sedentary people. These findings suggest that regular exercise is maybe more resistant to the emotional effects off acute stress, which in turn may protect them against diseases related to chronic stress burden. The second major reason why physical activity is off such great help in the healing journey for psychological trauma is that emotional trauma can lead to sleep disturbance. There is extensive evidence linking physical activity would improve to sleep outcomes. The list of reasons white sleep is crucial is endless. Sleep helps prevent cancer, reduces stress implementation and depression. It makes you more alert, improves your memory, helps you lose weights, is essential for your body to repair itself. And I could keep going. S I cured with the negative effects off like off sleep. Short term consequences off sleep destruction include increased stress responsiveness, somatic problems, reduced quality off life, emotional distress, mood disorders and other mental health problems. Cognition, memory and performance deficits are also common, as well as behavior problems in otherwise healthy individuals. Long term consequences off sleep disturbed shin in otherwise healthy individuals include hypertension, this'll, epidemiologic weight related issues, metabolic syndrome and type two diabetes. Also, evidence suggests that sleep disturbed in may increase the risk of certain cancers and even death if you have recently gone through a traumatic event that is keeping you up at nights in corporate movement, your daily life, and you could start seeing an improvement in your sleep. And with that, your moods and your journey off healing psychological trauma Finally, psychological trauma could cause depression or an anxiety in our lives. From the pain off untreated emotional wounds, neuroscientists have noticed that the hippocampus in the brain, the region that helps regulate moods is smaller in people who suffer from depression. Exercise supports nerve silk wrote in the hippocampus, and improving nerve cell connections has been shown to help relieve depression. Exercising also helps release feel good endorphins. Natural cannabis, like brain chemicals at other natural brain chemicals that can enhance your sense of well being ends off course because our mind can be caught up in so many thoughts. Physical exercise gives you a moment to take your mind off worries so you can get away from the cycle off negative thoughts that feed depression and anxiety. There are indeed many reasons to consider incorporating physical activity into your daily life if you don't already do so, while in the end neither I nor anyone else can push you to go and start exercising. There are enough sports activities out there to choose from that you will certainly find at least one you may feel a passion for. If you need a boost off motivation to get started, consider reaching out to a friend and see if you could start exercising together. You can also join a sports club or check social media channels like Facebook to see if there are any groups or communities in your country or where you live that you conjoined to connect and get in contact with others who engage in the same sports. Now in the practice book, I've also added a few books to help you learn more about physical activity and exercise an article or two to inspire you with a few suggestions off sports and a few videos to help you get motivated. If you do need it with, that's let us move on to the next and last way off, dealing with psychological trauma in a healthy way 46. 4. Seek the Assistance of a Trained Professional: last but not least, the best gift you can give yourself is to go to a therapist. More specifically, a trauma therapist. Why, specifically, a trauma therapist? Because drama is such a complex topic, it's essential to go to a person who has deepened his or her knowledge on this. Stopping. This will be of great help in the healing process, as the therapist will be able to give you more refined advice on what to do now before I give you a few extra tips on finding not only a good therapist but also where to search. Let me go to the tree main reasons why most people don't go to therapy with death. I hope to clear up some confusion you may have about therapy and possibly break down those barriers you may have about seeking the assistance off a trained professional. One of the number one reasons why people do not seek therapy is simply because they do not know what therapy includes, and with that they do not realize how it can be helpful. Therefore, let me take a minute to clarify what therapy really means. In summary therapy is a scientifically proven process that teaches you how your mind works . It helps you navigate your feelings, spilled better behaviors and relate to your thoughts differently so you can live the life you want. Therapists use clinically proven techniques to work with you to set goals, track progress and measure results. They teach your skills to build emotional resilience so you can eventually leave therapy and manage on your own. Most people think they go to therapy to talk about their feelings, and that's it's talking about your feelings. While extremely helpful in its own way, it's only with one part off the process. The therapist will also look for patterns in how your mind works to provide you with skills and tools to manage your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. A good therapist wants you to get better and a leaf therapy equipped with the right skills to be your own therapists. The second reason that prevents many people from seeking a therapist is the fear of talking about their current feelings and conflicts. Of course, it's understandable that we fear to be left at or nuts under Stutes, however, you have to realize that people who have chosen this profession want to help others, they want to help you. Their aim is not to left at your problems, but instead to embrace them together with you and talk about him to help you connect dots and create with you a pathway to healing. Remember that whatever you think, you are afraid to tell them about yourself. They have seen it before, and they know about its. In effect, trained therapists will only show empathy as they can understand you much better than most people who have no prior training or knowledge about psychological trauma. Don't worry about being laughed at or not under Stutes. When reaching out to a therapist, a good therapist will embrace and welcome you with open arms, compassion, love and empathy. Lastly, the third barrier that stopping people from going to terribly is money, while terribly may indeed cost money. Your insurance, if you have it, could cover this. Have a look at what kind of mental health coverage you have if you aren't in shirts and you do have to pay the full price of each session. Remember, this is an investment in your own future. You may think you can talk to friends instead to save you this money But these are entirely two different things that can't even be compared. While talking to friends is without a doubt helpful, as we have seen in the first healthy way to help you heal and deal with psychological trauma, it shouldn't be a choice between them or a therapists. If you generally seek healing, you should do boats. Try to set a site money forties, or reduce your spending on other consumptions to give this gift to yourself. A government misconception about therapy is that once you start going, you need to keep going. Alternatively, you'll have to go for years. Death is not true. S. I already state it's a good therapist, will have an end point for your therapy and will gradually reduce the number off sessions from once a week to once a month until U boat feel that you continue onwards by yourself. Now, to get good therapy, you do need a good therapists. There are several ways to find a suitable therapist for you. Obviously, the Internet is the first source where you can find one. You could use Google maps, for example, to search for a trauma therapists in the city or town. You live in. The helpful thing about using Google maps is that there are reviews so you can get an honest opinion from other people who have gone to see the therapist about how good he or she is. Other than Google maps, the website Psychology today is a reliable site where you can find a list off professional qualified therapists. World whites. You will find a link to their website in D practice book. Besides the Internet, another great way to fight a good therapist is to make an appointment with your doctor and ask for a recommendation. Dr. Seth, a network off other health professionals and concern Lee recommends a good drama Therapists . Now, when you go to your first therapy appointments, one words is essential notice. Notice how you feel when you are in the room with your new therapists? Do you feel hurt when you speak? Notice how you feel in that person's presence? I notice everything. I would suggest that you do not the sites on the first session. If the therapist is good for you or not, it may take some time to determine if you have picked the right. Therapists try to go to at least two or treat sessions before deciding on this. If you decide that this therapist isn't a good match, that you don't need to go back its best to tell a therapist what it is you're looking for and why she or he isn't the best fit for you, the therapist might know someone who would be more suited for you and give you a referral. Therapy is often the fastest, most effective route to overcome the emotional and behavioral issues that can keep you from living the life you want. You don't need to bear this emotional pain that psychological trauma discussed within you alone. Moreover, you shoot nuts, even if it's already been years. Since you've gone through something, traumatic trauma leaves its marks. It may very well be that you are still suffering from that trauma in a waste you don't even realize yourself. Don't prevent yourself from living a happier, healthier and more meaningful life. Give yourself this gift and seek out the assistance of a trained professional. You have absolutely nothing to loose and possibly so much to gain. If you'd like even more information about therapy and finding a good therapist, I have linked in the practice book some additional videos and podcast episodes to help you with that. Let us continue onwards to the next listen. 47. The Importance of Social Connection: before we start and dive into the practical side of this lesson, let me take a minute to underscore for you. The importance of social connection research has consistently found links between the quantity and quality off interpersonal connections and late life will being. While not everyone might feel the same amount of need to be with others, there is no question that social connection is a human necessity. Friendship is a lot like foods we needed to survive. What it's more re seemed to have a primary drive for its psychologists have found that human beings have a fundamental need for inclusion in group life and close relationships. Extreme examples show that infants in custodial care who like human contact failed to try and often die social isolation or solitary confinement has even being used as a form off punishments because the suffering it causes is so devastating to our mental and physical health. A few years ago, researchers at Brigham Young University conducted an influential meta analysis off scientific literature on the subject and found that social isolation increases your risk off debt by an astounding 30% and some estimates even have it as high as 60%. Studies suggest that loneliness, isolation and living alone can be as much of a threat to help as cigarettes, excessive alcohol and obesity. However, if loneliness is inherently contagious, why are more people than ever before reporting? Feeling lonely? Many social scientists say technology and house entrance are increasing the risk off loneliness. More people are living alone than ever before, and technologies such as texting and social media have made it easier to avoid forming substantive relationships in flesh and bluff. Social connection no longer requires a car, phone calls or a plan just a click. The more isolated we feel, the more we retreat, align, forging a virtual escape from the loneliness. Moreover, it works to some degree. Studies have found that people who play video games like World of Warcraft experienced less social and anxiety and less loneliness with a line that in the real world, the Internet temporarily enhances the social satisfaction and behavior off lonely people. However, this is indeed only a temporary solution. Excessive Internet use also increases feelings off loneliness because it disconnects us from the real world. Psychologically, a loneliness and social isolation have extreme comb abilities with a whole host of other issues like depression and anxiety, dementia, substance abuse, manic depression and schizophrenia more over loneliness. Both its objective state and feelings of loneliness is also the psychological states. Most associate it with suicides. We truly are social animals. I hope this a few words before diving into the practical sites has helped underscores how crucial it is for us to not forget the importance and a necessity off human connection, forming good friendships and belonging to a community. Now a letters dive into the various ways to connect and find like minded people and your community. 48. 1. Volunteer: let me start with the first and most useful way to find meaningful relationships, volunteering out of the ones that will follow If I could recommend you to elite right one, let it be volunteering. Besides the many incredible people you'll meet through volunteering, there are so many additional health benefits volunteering brings to a person just to name a few. Volunteering, combats depression, stress. It increases self confidence. It provides a sense of purpose, and it helps you to stay physically healthy. But of course, it's indeed one of the best ways to find a community and connect with like minded people who care about a similar Gus. One of the best ways to make new friends and strengthen existing relationships is to commit to a shared activity together, which is precisely with volunteering dust. Now, if you have trouble finding a fitting volunteering cost, you care about the following questions may help. Do I want to improve the neighborhood where I live to meet people who are different to me, to try something new to do something in my spirit, time to see a different way of life and new places to have a go at the type of work I might want as a full time job to do more with my interests and hobbies to share something. I'm do that. If you open up the practice book, you will find these questions to each one of those questions right down your answer. This questions will help you narrow down your search and provide you with some guidelines in which direction to pick. Later in this lesson, this will come to be of use. Now, if you're wondering where to find volunteer opportunities, here are a few suggestions. Community theaters, museums and monuments, libraries or senior centers, service organizations, local animal shelters, rescue organizations or wildlife centres, utes, organizations, sports teams and after school programs, historical restorations, national parks and conservation organizations. Places of worship such as churches or synagogues. Online data basis. In the practice book, you will find a fuel ings to online databases to find fall into opportunities. If you did not have a clear idea off which places the volunteer and you feel out the questions in the practice book, open up the breakfast book again and go back to your answers. Let me show you a few suggestions off possible volunteering. Kearse's that could be something for you Out of the list. Right down 123 choices down into practice book by this exercise again. Whilst it might not give you the right direction, it will come to help you narrow down the possibilities to make it more likely for you to find your ideal volunteering calls. Offer to help at an animal shelter volunteer at a Kids 14 summer or winter camp. Become a volunteer at the suicide line. Volunteer at the Red Cross, Volunteer with your local council to preserve local parks and walks. Give music lessons to Children in your neighborhoods. Work with your local sports clubs who need administrative support and governance. Mentor high school students on their career goals in your local community. Offer your support to a local homeless shelter volunteer in a local hospital or in a retirement home, which requires additional assistance. Become a volunteer at an art museum volunteer in a dive center to help restore corals. While there are hundreds off more suggestions, hopefully this list gave you some ideas on all the possibilities there are to volunteer. Also, if you take a couple of minutes to go on the Internet with the criteria off topics you're interested in, you're sure to find something off interests again, while more ways are coming on how to fight your community and like minded friends. If you have never tried volunteering and you're looking for new people to meet, I sincerely urge you to give it a try. When we take action and make a difference in the lives off others, the gift is returned tenfold. You will not alone leave a happier life to volunteering, but one with a warm community of people and a like minded friends. 49. 2. Hobbies: I'm sure you have a hobby. Most of us have a hobby, something we're passionate about, something we could be doing at any time. It could be a specific sport, such as climbing or running, playing an instrument like guitar playing, video games, board games, cooking, painting, riding, etcetera. You name. It's. It's important to know that whatever your hobby or hobbies might be, you could easily do those together with others. Now your immediate thoughts may be rare. Defined a community and other people with same interest as yours. That's indeed the question, but no stress. Let us go through the list off possibilities. With this, I mean the local sports center in your city or town. The local music store. Church Art center, etcetera. While they are indeed prominent places to go to, it's often the obvious places. We don't check first or not at all passed by and ask someone who works there if they have any group activities, one off your interests. Besides, if you're looking to find a new hobby, those are often create places as well to find potential new and exciting hobbies. Many times these are places where posters, often upcoming workshop events parties, etcetera are being displayed a great tool to also find friends. It's Facebook. Don't merely use Facebook to look at our people's profiles. You could indeed use it form or than only that to meet new friends in real life. How through Facebook groups, there are so many Facebook groups that exists. I've personally use Facebook groups to meet new people and communities. Whatever your hobby is, give it a try. Search in the search, bar your hobby and have a scroll through the hundreds of different Facebook groups. Of course, once you join a group, make your move. Either enter an event there holding respond to someone supposed to meet or right opposed yourself in a group that you're looking to meet new people. Be a parts off that community. If you are generally interested in meeting new people to share common hobbies with. This is a possible way to start expanding your friend group and need people with common interests. Meet up dot com If you haven't checked this website, it's a great place that allows others to create meet ups on basically anything going out board games, running, watching movies, business picnics, etcetera, anything I could highly recommend you to take a look at this website and see if there's a meet up going on where you live again. If you don't see anything off interest, you could make your move and create your own. Meet up when you are going to a meet up. Don't be shy. Everyone is going for the same reasons as you to meet new people and have fun. I've gone to multiple meet ups, and it's usually a whole lot of fun with many open minded, friendly people. If you hesitate, try going with friends. You don't have to end up spending the whole day or night together, but it might be a bit more comfortable when going to your first meet up, Meet up that gun is one of those great websites to meet new people. Certainly in the future there might be new websites like this. If there are, you may find them linked up in the practice book under of this. Listen, so be sure to have a look as there might already be. Our websites linked up 50. 3. Join a Workshop or Event: workshops and events are not only incredible places to learn and improve a skill, they are also the perfect place to meet new people who share a similar interest with you. There are so many exciting workshops and events you can join if you're wondering where to search for them. Here are a couple of great places again. Facebook can be used for more than shaking out people their profiles. You can find a whole range of events that are being held where you live. Or you can, of course, search more extensively across your entire country or even in our countries. Make use of its meet up is also a great place to find events and workshops. The creating here, as with Facebook, is that you can already see the people who are going. It is possible for you to reach out to water to and ask if they want to meets an hour earlier or before the events or workshop. This could be a great way to establish a connection with someone prior to the event ends. If you don't like to go by yourself, this could be a way to go together with someone which makes it less scary. And then we have event brights, a website dedicated solely for the purpose off, finding all the possible events happening where you live again if you'd like to go together with someone to one off those events, you could, for example, that people know in a Facebook group that you're going, let's say to a festival happening this weekend. Ask if anyone else is going by themselves and if they are interested in going together. I tell you, if you do this, you'd be surprised by the responses you might possibly get. Those three websites are great places to find events and workshops now to give you one essential and practical tip. Plan to attend workshops or events in advance. Why first, So as not to miss them, but secondly, so that it's there in your calendar. The chances of something happening are far more likely when it's noted down somewhere. Plants in your schedule. Why not plan to attend at least one workshop or event every month for something you're interested in doing or learning more about? It's fun to be able to look forward to something new and exciting every month with the potential to meet great friends while you're doing something interesting and meaningful 51. 4. Move to a City: It's been shown that you can significantly increase your chances off finding new friends or a romantic partner and expanding your community if you live in a city. So if you live in a small town, perhaps it's time to consider a move. Now I know that not everyone is a city person, and that's natural. However, it is still work pointing this out in this lessons on how to meet new friends and broader your community, because for some at least, and maybe for you, it might just be the answer to what you're looking for. The reason why your chances would be higher make sense. There are simply way more people to meet mawr events to a tense, more workshops to join more parties where you can connect etcetera that in a small town. So if you live in a small town, would not many events and people consider moving to a city or if you're really liked the quiet, you could still stay in a town. But move closer to the city somewhere not too far from the city, so that it would not be too inconvenient to go into the city occasionally, of course, once you are living in a city. You do also have to make your move and participate in activities such as the ones we have mentioned here in the previous lessons. Volunteering, joining a workshop or engaging in a hobby with others in a group. If you do this, your chance off growing your friends and meeting a partner will increase much more compared to staying in a small town. If you're watching this and you do live in a city, but you feel you have not actually met, many new people do Ask yourself if I tried out every suggestion listed here in the last few lessons have I tried volunteering? Did I join workshops and events? Did I reach out to Facebook groups? Did I attend a meet up? Answer it honestly, if it's a note that try each one of the many activities you've learned about, if you answered yes that ask yourself with honesty. Did I try each one off them more than once. Don't give up If one workshop you attended didn't bring that friend you'd hope for its rarely that you'll meet your new best friends the very first time you try any off those activities Therefore, it's essential for you to realize that while having more people around will highly increase your chances off meeting new people, it still requires effort and more than just one, try to meet those friends, find that partner and establish that community you are looking for a tent. Several workshops, events and meetups volunteer in a different place for a couple of months and reach out again and again to people in Facebook. Groups don't think that you're the only one who has to take all this time and efforts. It's the case for everyone. However, if you put in an honest effort every time, you surely will succeeds in meeting new people. With that being sets, let us look at the last way something you might not have thought about to expand your circle of friends and become parts of a community. 52. 5. Reconnect with Family or Old Friends: and finally, you don't always have to look far to find good friends and social connections. Often this can be closer than we realize thing. Back to all the people you know, there may be an old friends whom you haven't spoken with for a long time. Someone used to get along with quite well, or at least had a fun time. Wits. Why not reach out to them again and ask them if they like it? Toe, hang out, grab a drink or do something together? We have the choice to reestablish that friendship, but often we don't again. It's a choice, the same ghost with your family. Maybe there is a cousin or a niece, the sister or broader etcetera whom you haven't talked to for a long time. Or a family member who you don't spend much time with in general, even though you enjoy each other's company, make your move and connect with them again. Often, potential friendships don't progress further because neither side took the time to make the first move. Life is full of options. One of those is deciding between taking the first step or waiting for orders to make the next move. with old friends and family. It isn't too hard to reach outs. You can simply start by texting them. Hey, how have you been? And after their response, ask if they're up to grabbing a drink sometime soon. In the end, that's all you needs to reconnect with someone from the past. Let me end this lesson with these less few words. Note that it's also a matter of how much effort you want to put into this. Like many things, this course covers. Nothing will happen if you do not make it happen. Your new best friends will not randomly show up at your door if you don't put yourself in situations where you have the chance to meet new people. To find like minded friends is honestly not s extremely hard. As many of us might assume, there are many different possibilities to make new friends. The main problem isn't a lack of waste to meet new friends. The main problem is the effort we have to invest in doing so in the beginning. It is important to understand this, you will have to invest time and energy to find and meet like minded friends. Think of it as a long term investment that will significantly improve the quality off and at satisfaction to your life. 53. How to Have More Meaningful and Quality Conversations: now knowing were to find people with similar interests is one thing. Knowing how to have quality conversations to maintain and deepen your relationship with this people is a second, vital skill to develop, knowing how to have more meaningful conversations, very much the terms, the quality off, the relationships you will have life but romantic and friendships. Many people have friends, a partner, co workers and family members who they have known for years but have never truly known who this people are simply because they have never learned how to have a meaningful and quality conversation with someone. Therefore, let me provide you with three golden rules that will significantly improve your succeeding conversations. One esque quality questions. The quality of your life very much depends on the quality off your questions. The first and most important golden rule is toe. Learn how to ask better questions. The reason is simple. If your questions remain narrow, so will your conversations. Try it to construct your questions using the following awards. Who, what's where, when, Why and how. If you ask a question using one of them, you create an open ended question instead of a close one open ended. Questions are questions that you can't merely answer with a yes or no. For example, instead of asking the u like visiting Belgium, which quickly can be answered with a simple yes or no construct instead questions using who , what, where, when, why and how such s What's the new in Belgium? Initially, what you're doing where you construct a question using one of these words, is give the other person an opportunity to explain their experience and their dots to you. This is especially powerful when talking about more emotional topics. For example, instead of asking that make you feel set, ask how come this make you feel set? While these two are initially the same questions the last won, the open ended question requires more thoughts to answer by asking such questions, you are creating a whole different kind of dynamic to your conversations. Practice grafting questions, using who, what, where, when, why and how, and see how much more vibrant and meaningful your next conversations will start to become. Two. Don't multi task be presence focused on the conversation. The myth that woman can multi task and man cans is nothing through the truth is none of us are good at this. Enough studies have shown that our brains aren't designed to be good at multitasking. What that underscores in terms of conversations is that you simply won't have a good conversation if you're trying to listen and are occupied with something else at the same time. For instance, if you're also on your phone working on your laptop, preoccupied with your thoughts on something else, etcetera, listening is something that must be done actively, not passively meeting. If you truly want to understand someone, you need to keep your full attention on them. If your attention is only health on the conversation because you are checking your phone at the same time, no to connection can be established as you aren't fully in the moment. Also referring in particular to phones, that device many of us have a bit too often in our hands or within reach. Research has found that simply having a mobile device within easy reach already device your attention even if you're not actively looking at it. In the study, it was found that conversations in the absence of mobile communication technologies were rated as significantly superior compared with those in the presence off a mobile device above and beyond the effects off H gender, ethnicity and moods. So put your phone away when you are engaged in a conversation. No nuts on the table, but in your pocket or back so you can't put your full attention in what's happening at the moment de conversation. People appreciate it enormously when they feel the other person is fully in the conversation. It honestly doesn't feel nice when a person with whom you're sharing something suddenly the sights to take a look at a text message they just have received it breaks the connection completely, and it makes you the other person. I feel like you met or less than their phone. I'm sure it has happened to you. If you can't remember this happening to you, pay attention where you are your next conversation and notice when it happens, how it makes you feel and how much lower the quality off the conversation becomes. Don't Milty desk be fully present with person you are speaking with and notice how much deeper your conversations will become. Three. Make the other person feel importance and do it sincerely. You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them than in two years by making them interested in you. The only way to make quality lasting friendships is to learn to be generally interested in people and their interests. How wonderful doesn't feel when someone shows interest in something you have a deep love and passion for. I can tell you right now it feels wonderful. We love to feel importance, and so does everyone else. People will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves. If we are sincere and appreciative with others and make them feel important, our relationships with our partner friends, family members and strangers will significantly deepen. Let's say you are talking to someone who dropped a hint that he or she draws a lot instead of saying, Oh, that's nice. Asked them more about it. How long have you been doing? It's where do you get your inspiration? Are you currently working on something? Can you show me any off your work? If you showed genuine interest and encouraged the other person to talk more about something they care about, you'll not only get to know Tim at a deeper emotional level. You'll also make the other person feel more relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Likewise, if you could take on a curious mindset, you'll come to learn so many new things about a certain topic you may never have learned anything about if you didn't encourage another person to talk about one off their interests , what typically happens is that the more you allow them to talk about themselves, the more interesting you essentially become with your next conversations. Remember these tree golden rules and use them. Ask quality questions. Don't multi task, be presence and make the other person feel important in a sincere way. If you incorporate this in your future conversations, you will notice an increase in the quality off the topics you'll talk about and the deeper bunt and connection you can establish with others. While the East Regal rules will already greatly improve your conversational skills if you are looking to deeper your skills even more if links in the practice book to a few additional books, video spot guests, episodes and courses to help you with that now with this new found knowledge on how to fight your community, meet like minded friends and obtain meaningful relationships, let us continue onwards in the course with the next lesson 54. *The End of CHAPTER 3 : And here we have landed at the end off chapter tree A big congrats for completing its to round out this chapter. Let me leave you with this beautiful quote by roti beds from the book Delight in the hearts Don't just learn experience Don't just read Absorb, Don't just change Transform Don't just relate Advocate, Don't just promise proof. Don't just criticize Encourage Don't just think Ponder Don't your steak gif Don't just see feel Don't just dream to Don't just here Listen don't you stalk act Don't you still show just exists? Leave with that. Let me remind you one last time Don't leave this knowledge and information unused. Remind yourself, do these exercises and practices and implement them in your life. It's mainly that one reason not doing that has prevented many from making the changes in their lives. They want to have many times. We know what to do and what is right for us. But we don't do it. You follow this course for a reason. Remind yourself about that reason again and realize that the only way to create that change your life is by doing something about it. If I could make one wish for you. It will be that you implement these exercises and practices in your life because they will help you to transform your life into a healthier, happier and more meaningful one. Now, let us continue to the last lesson off this course for a few less boards I'd like to share with you. 55. What's Next? The Journey Begins Here: Here we are. We have come to the end off this course a break. Congrats to you. Do you take a moment to congratulate yourself for sticking with this course and completing it for investing this time in yourself? Not everyone does this. I hope you not only enjoyed taking discourse, wit me, but you also. Honestly, I feel that you walked away with some value that will help you to live and create a better life for yourself. So what's next? Simple. It's time to get started. It's much of what you learned will take experimentation, trial and error and patients before it all clicks. But that is OK. That is what we go. The journey off life. You now have some new tools and understanding to help you along in this journey, to become the creator off your own life and to turn it into a happier, healthier and more meaningful one. All of life is a work off creation. I hope you already to create your own with those last words. I wish you all the best on your journey in a life if we ever come to cross bets. I'm always someone who loves to have a good jet about life with a glass of wine