Embrace Your Leadership - Communication & Conflict Focus

1. Welcome to the Course: Thank you so much for joining both Jeanette and myself today. First, we want to congratulate you for being here. Many people say that they want to become a better leader, but few people are willing to put in the time and the effort that it takes to make this change. We understand we're here today because workplaces can be challenging. Sometimes you get difficult teams. And you're here because you're looking for a different outcome. The old habits that you have aren't working. And you know that you want something different, but you're not necessarily sure where to start. That's why that's why we're here to help you today. We want you to enjoy your job. We want you to love going to work and working with the people that are on your team. So if you're ready to make a change, you're feeling excited, but you might be apprehensive wondering, is this really going to work? We're going to help answer those questions today and we're going to give you the strategies that you need to start creating change today. Now, before we get started, this is going to be an interactive session. So take a second and make sure that you have something to write with. So whether it's digital, whether it's a paper and pen, anything that you have, make sure to grab something so that as we're going through, we have some questions and some reflections for you. Make sure that you're able to take those notes. So my name is Crystal and I'm one of the trainers with parenteral solutions. The reason that I got into this, the reason that I'm here today is my journey into leadership was me applying for a job and not realizing I would be leading a team. So I've walked in to a leadership position and realized that I had to learn very quickly on a job how to step up and be a leader, which is so much different than the nuts and bolts operation of a business. And immediately I encountered conflict. I encountered communication breakdowns. Some brought on by me, some with my team, but ultimately, it fell on me as a responsible individual in that role to take my team and make something productive. So what I had to do was get training. This training took a long time. There was a lot of things that I had to learn. But what I learned through that journey was how passionate I was about leadership, about giving other people those tools. Eventually, I received my mediation certificate and I became passionate about working with other leaders to get them these essential skills that can truly change their team. Now, I did things the hard, the hard way. But in speaking to Jeannette, I knew that I wanted to shortcut these things for other leaders. I didn't want you to have to sit through hundreds of hours worth of training to just grab onto a few of those golden nuggets. I truly believe everyone deserves to enjoy their workplace. So that's what brought me here today, is to pass on those shortcuts, those bridges so that you don't have to go through all the trials and the struggles that I did as a leader. Alright, over to Jeanette. So thank you for joining us. My name is Jennifer joe. I'm a chartered mediator by profession. And for the past 1315 years that I've been working in mediation, something became quite apparent. I've worked in both the federal government, provincial government, municipal governments, both in unionized, non-unionized organizations, non-profit. There was a common theme that ran through every organization. And that was the challenges that leadership was suffering through. Good people trying to do the best job they could, but still failing. Having to give up on their hopes and dreams of whether it was their career aspirations, whether it's financial, whether it was just something that they had set as a goal for themselves and not knowing what they didn't know as to why they couldn't succeed. Why did they have so many challenges? Why were they losing staff? At some point, it was quite heartbreaking to see these good people giving up on their hopes and dreams. So over the last 15 years, what is developed is there's two main areas within leadership. That if a new manager, supervisor, or aspiring leader gains, It's going to be around conflict resolution, handling that in a productive way, and learning how to communicate effectively and efficiently. So this has been an ultimate dream to work with crystal. To put this out to people to say, We know you're out there. This is not something that you have to have your master's degree to learn. Anyone can learn these skills at any level or any place within their leadership career. So thank you so much for joining us today. We've got a lot of great tips, tools, and we are sure that you're going to enjoy it, will look forward to seeing you in the next session over to you, Crystal. 2. Embrace Your Vision: So like Jeanette was saying, we've taken our knowledge that we've gained through many courses, a lot of experience, and condensed it as much as we possibly could. So we're gonna be giving you some quick wins, some quick tips today. Of course, we would love to give you more. We're gonna do everything that we can for you during this training. So today's agenda, the first thing that we want to get very clear on is what your future looks like. In this, we're gonna go through what it's gonna look like so that we can get your team there. So we're going to cover a bit about your team dynamics and then what you're gonna do to start taking action. The next two elements are what Jeanette was talking about. Those two big things that can really make the most fundamental shift in your team. Of course, that comes down to Clear Communication. What aspects are truly going to impact your ability to communicate with your team? And what are the strengths and weaknesses that are currently existing within that. Next, the last is collaborative conflict. If we can give you one tip to move things forward and to create a huge difference on your team. It's the collaborative format for a conversation. So we're gonna give you that and then we're going to look at what you need to start shifting to start creating those changes right away. The first thing that we want to do is look towards your future. So when I first walked into my role, like I was telling you, I have no idea what I was getting myself into. Of course, I understood that I was there to meet the policies and procedures. There is department objectives. But the team that I was suddenly in charge of without much warning, was dealing with high turnover rates and extremely poor performance. And I found myself constantly putting out fires and it was exhausting. I was burning myself out, working overtime and things just weren't working. What I needed to do was look forward in order to step back. And that way I could begin planning by improving my skills and learning what gaps I needed to fill. I could start developing the habits that I needed in order to pull my team into the future. But without having a clear understanding of what that future look like, I didn't have a map to get there. It's great to know the different steps or if you should go right or left, but if you don't know where you're going, it's really hard to decide on what path to choose. In that moment, I found myself at the beginning relying on old habits to address issues and to lead my staff. I needed to identify with my team what we were going to do to get there. I needed to identify what it would look like at the end. And from there, the path that we took was able to shift and change just as my team did always driving towards that final vision. There's a quote that I wanted to share with you today, and it's by Maya Angelou. And she said people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. So as we go through the questions here, I really, really want you to remember that this is where we need to start. Right now. Grab your notebook and write down your answers as we go through these questions. The first question is, what will it be like to be part of your team? So we're gonna give you a minute. What does that look like? If somebody is part of your team? What is it like for them to come to work each day? What is it like for them to engage with one another? What do people say about being a member of your team? The next question is, what makes your team different? I know when I look out to different organizations, there's always ones that really stand out in my mind. Now, depending on who you are, what sector you're in, there's going to be a company that you think, wow, they just have it. I wish that I could be part of that organization or I wish that I could be led by that person or worked with that other individual. What is it about that team that you want on your so what really makes your team different and stand out? The last question is, why do people want to work with you and for you? So why use specifically if you were to leave the organization and go someplace else, why would people follow you there? What is it about you? And think about other leaders that you've looked up to in the past. What is it about them that you want to embody? What is it that pulls people into your gravitational pole? What sets you apart from other people in your department, on your team, in your organization, within your industry. What is it about you that draws people in? For once you have all of that. And if you need to, if you're watching this again, pause the video and spend some time really thinking about this. While you're doing that. Some things that really stuck out when I personally did this exercise where I wanted my team to feel hurt. I wanted them to each feel like they were a valued member of the team. I knew that I needed to change my approach. I I knew that I had to go back and make some changes in the way that I was doing things and learn some new skills. With those, I really needed to start putting them into action once we go to the next slide here. So when you think about putting all of this together, I want you to answer these two questions. What is your vision for the team? So departments have visions. Organizations have visions, businesses have visions. That's what drives them forward. What is the vision that you have specifically for your team? After you answer that, what action are you going to take by tomorrow? And I know this seems like a tight turnaround, but you need to start creating action right away. What actions will you take by tomorrow to move towards realizing this vision and make sure that you're starting out with something small. This, these don't need to be big, monumental moves. There's the saying that how do you move a mountain? It's one shovel at a time. Commit to a timeline. What are you going to do by tomorrow? 3. Embrace Communication: Remember the only way to move forward is to take action towards your goal on a regular basis. And I know for myself some days, it's just so much there's so much coming at you and you might get off track and know that that is okay. Keep going back to this vision and course-correct. Mean at this point, you're starting out, you have an idea of where you're gonna go and sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. So just keep course correcting and keep taking those little actions day after day and you will get there. Now to recap what we've gone over. There is an impact of not having a clear path as to where you wanna go without clear direction on action to move you forward, you are going to wind up someplace completely different than where you wanna go. So take time after this. If you didn't have enough time and get really clear on this vision. If you need to pull in your team, pulling other people to help develop this vision with you. Now remember if there's blind spots, if you're saying I don't know where to go. I know I know where I want to end up, but I'm not too sure where to get there. That's fantastic. That is identifying a blind spot in the area that you need to grow and you can do something about that. Now, as you move forward towards this vision, the ability to communicate effectively is going to become vitally important. And this is often where we begin to see teams falter. They have this vision of where they want to wind up, but they can't communicate it. And this is where I'm going to hand it over to Jeanette so that you can get really clear on short cutting. Those communication mishaps that often happen and derail teams. Thanks Crystal, and thanks for your participation today. So under clear communication, one of the aspects that a lot of people use as a visual is the iceberg. Today, I'm going to use that same visual. But instead of saying what's underneath is what's causing the conflict, I'm going to use that visual to say, the information we're able to provide you in this short time period today is just that the tip of the iceberg. There is so much that we can talk about. Kristen, I can do a whole day session on one part of clear communication, so we're trying to put a lot of it in today. And hopefully we are clear and succinct in some of the new information that we wanted to share with you. The story that comes to mind the most when I think about clear communication in a leadership role is what I was called into a company to do a mediation because their supervisor was just about to have the performance management annual meetings with three of her staff. She was actually going to rate them all as unsuccessful. So they wanted to know like, is there any tools or any assistance I could provide for the supervisor to have these difficult conversations. So first I came in and met with the staff and the staff genuine. They seem like they were very well educated, knowledgeable, knew their jobs, knew the expectations. But when it came to actually communicating with their manager and their boss, there seemed to be that real challenge there. So then when I went to meet with the supervisor and find out like, why is it that these staff are not meeting your expectations? What is it that I can help bridge? She started to use some of the terminologies like insubordination, always challenging or decision-making, never accepting, always socializing, wasting time. That's when the red flag started to go off for me. And I started to realize we possibly have an introvert as a supervisor and three extroverts as the team members. Because when she started to describe K, tell me what the day looks like. And she said, Well, when they first come in, do they go to their desk and start working right away? No. They chit chat about how was your weekend house, this house that they waste so much time socializing. And then when I tell them, Okay, here's what I need today. They're always saying asking questions about what about this? What about that? I showed her a couple of slides that I carry with me because they're quite impactful when it comes to showing how does an introvert view an extrovert in the workplace. And how does an extrovert and introvert? Within five-minutes of her reviewing that those two slides. She realized she now has to rewrite all of those three PMAs, that it's because of her own personal perceptions. But she judged these three employees as not performing because they didn't behave or reactors she would in the workplace. So that's just a very small example of where, where our own perceptions can color, how we judge someone, how we perceive someone's performance, and then how do we communicate with them. So we're going to go through a few of these slides, are few of the questions. So the first one is in a business meeting. Do you prefer in-person, on the phone or virtual? There is no right way. Everybody has their own preferred method. Most people prefer in-person. If that conveniences there. Since COVID hit that is pretty much taken the in-person meetings right off the table. We used to do a lot of phone calls with people or emails. Now it seems all our conversations have to be done in the virtual setting, whether it's MS Teams or Zoom, we all have to be on camera. Not everybody is comfortable with all of these aspects. Within a business meeting. Also there is, is to say, ask your team, do they liked the virtual with a rather save it and do an in-person if possible. Do they prefer to be called on the phone? So it's just to get to know your team members as individuals. When you think of a conversation you have with someone, are there certain people that you think, wow, that was a great conversation we had. Like it lasted an hour, hour-and-a-half, and things just flowed. It was really good. Even though we added a difference of opinion. Everybody agreed, everybody understood, everybody talked respectfully. And men, there's those other people that if there's a brick wall, It's like banging your head against that brick wall to even have the simplest conversations. So why is that? It's because you're different. You come from different backgrounds, you have different experiences, different ideas. All of those, Absolutely. One of the things that we have found in doing our research and training with leaderships is there is one study that there are four different styles of communication. What makes US style different is what information you need in order to be satisfied that you can go forward with that idea, that task. Now normally a person is not one specific style. They will have a combination of styles. But just knowing that there are four different styles out there. So if you're giving information in here from one style and your staff is from the other styles. They're going to ask you questions to fill in the gaps. Pay attention to what they're asking. What information is it that you're not providing? That they constantly come back and search for. That will help you to even see, guess what communication style there from. No one style is better. They just have different preferences. Where does this normally come in? Is your staff will say, Well, it's interesting that over in Janet's team, her manager told her this, this, and this, and we were not told any of that information. Our manager must be withholding on us. It's not that you're withholding. It's that you didn't find it relevant or important enough to share, which then other people, if they hear it from a different source, feel that your withholding information. So if we take a look at when a conversation escalates with a colleague at work, what behaviors do you notice to show you that that communication or that conversation is now escalating. So you see that sometimes their voice raises, their tone changes, they get red in the face. They let you know they're upset. That's quite direct. There's all different ways. But one of the cautions I'm going to say around this. Is that you may not know when a situation is escalated. A lot of people internalize it. So you could have really upset somebody. And you think, Oh, the conversation when Gray Tino go on your merry way and weak down the down the line you hear while you really upset Martha the other day, what do you mean? We had a great conversation. And you completely oblivious that something did escalate in that conversation. So what causes conversations or communication to escalate? There's many factors. So I'll go through just a few because this has quite an extensive list. So it's our triggers. Every single person has triggers. Something that when we hear it, see it, feel it. It sets off those body senses and mayors at the back of your neck to say, I'm offended by what just happened. Every person is unique to what triggers they have. There's no two people on Earth that have the same triggers because we all experienced life differently. To know your triggers, understanding your triggers, and then monitoring how you react to those triggers is something that we can go into in a whole separate section. But for today, just knowing that you have triggers is what's important. Your communication style can escalate it. What is your current relationship with that co-worker colleague. And what have been your past relationships? If you come from a management style that you found was just you just came into loggerheads with them. It was a really bad experience. Now you've started a new job. It's not like all that past goes away. That's come with you to the new job. So you are cautious. When you hear this manager say something that maybe your previous manager said. It's past relationships with colleagues, with management within your own personal life that will also impact how conversation can escalate. So is there a difference between how conversations escalate in the workplace, in your personal life, and in a public setting. I'll tell you why. I feel that there is a difference in how you would respond is because it's got to do with the weighting of the relationship. So in your personal life, the weighting of the relationship and the impact your communication will have on it has a far greater impact than maybe your work, your colleagues, and your manager. So when you're at work, yes. You've got to be cordial. Yes. You've got to be respectful. Yes. You're going to work with these people eight hours a day, five days a week for the next 30 years of your life. So you do want to preserve some type of relationship. When you're out in public. There's a little less sense of any future relationship. The patients that you have is lower and your level of professionalism or restraint doesn't seem to have to be there so much. So when you're going to customer service to return something and they say, I don't think I'm going to return this instantly. You may go from a 0 to ten because you don't have to preserve the relationship. There's no sense that you have to act professional with them. And there's a sense of when you're out in public, but you're right, they're wrong. So it has to do with the value of the relationship and work continues in the future. So there is a bit of a difference in how people respond and react when a communication or conflicts or communication setting starts to escalate. If we take a look at the take action, the aspect that we should be looking at as leaders who are aspiring to be great leaders are what are your strengths when you're communicating? When people say, wow, you know, the other day I had a great conversation. I really felt heard by you. What is it that you're doing that's making your back piece of the communication very strong within your abilities. So take a moment just to start thinking about this. What are your strengths when you communicate with people? And you can break this down. We've got a few extra minutes here. You can start breaking this down as to personally at the workplace and just see if there's any difference in what your strengths are. Right now we're going to focus mostly on the workplace. But it's interesting to see where you would define that difference between personal and workplace. Then the big one, what are your weaknesses when communicating? So here's where the work that Crystal and I do comes in. Because we want to congratulate you. Everybody has strengths when communicating. There's nobody out there that has all weaknesses. While we haven't found in yeah, To date. And we coach quite a few liters. So we do know that everybody has strengths and everybody has weaknesses. The weaknesses sometimes are even unknown to the individuals that they don't, they don't know what they don't know. And that's part of our job. When we say there is a difference between introverts and extroverts in the workplace. Why do you have some meetings where there's certain individuals they talk about. They're always hands up, yell and scream and judging. And other people are like, oh, I'm not getting involved on stepping back. Perfect example, introverts and extroverts in a meeting. So knowing your weaknesses, knowing where we can help work with you is something Takes emotional intelligence, it takes accountability, and it takes awareness. So once we start looking at what elements are causing the miscommunication in your workplace. Just based on what we've reviewed in the last 20 minutes, why would you say could be some aspects that are causing that miscommunication. Okay, welcome back. Thanks for taking that time. I hope that you were all able to write at least two or three strikes and at least two or three weaknesses. Now some of you who are more and more seasoned of taking courses may have many strengths and just a few weaknesses. It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you're open to learning how to become better. So when I go into the chat, lot of people talk about, you know, that they're great listeners. People say that they're open to talk to them. That they don't, they don't judge. Everyone feels heard. Those are great strengths. Some of the weaknesses are the exact same as what people are saying as the weaknesses. People say, I I never listened yet. I can sit there for two hours. Believe we crystalline know. And we know exactly how to answer that question. How to make people feel heard. People say that you're not approachable. What is making that so that you're not approachable? What behavior signs, actions? Do they see? Knowing 99% of all weaknesses, once you acknowledge that you have them, can all be turned into a strength. So just know you're not stuck in one position for the rest of your leadership. Or you just throw up your hands and say, I give up. Now, I've got 20 weaknesses and three strengths. That's why we're here. Crystallize. Goal is to help you turn those weaknesses into strengths. We know we have the tools, we know it works because we use them every day with liters. So what elements are causing miscommunication? Okay, so we've got things like Gosset, chat, undermining disgruntled staff. So we can also bring those miscommunication aspects to the forefront. But you have to do it in a productive, empowering way. Because if you feel that you can bring out the truth, sometimes it turns disastrous. So there is a format, there is a way that you can bring all those fears because gossip and untruths that are in the workplace come out of a place of fear for people. There It's those unanswered questions. And if they have unanswered questions, they feel they have to make up the answers. And believe me, sometimes they're pretty big hump of where people's imaginations can go. So just recapping this section about communication. Where does miscommunication come from? It's when the sender, the person sending out the information to the receiver. Knowing there are millions of filters that your message goes through before it ever is understood by the receiver. And those filters all come from your past experiences, your education, your upbringing, where you are today, what's going on for you today? Did the kids get off to school or did you drag them? They're kicking and screaming. Financial, emotional, health wise. Every message that is sent out by one person goes through all these filters and then it's received. So there's a book that was out many, many years ago. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. And that's essentially what they talk about. Sometimes it seems like we're talking different languages just because it goes through so many filters. So where does miscommunication come from? Is all those filters? What is the message I really want to send today? If there's miscommunication, curious. Find out from the other person. Was this what your intended message was? If it's not, please help me understand what was your intended message. That is the only way we can get at the truth of what the intended message was meant for us. So that I'm going to hand it back to Crystal for collaborative conflict. Thank you for sticking with me. 4. Embrace Conflict: So what Jeanette was saying before, just quickly go over it again. Those old habits and those old thoughts can really get in the way of making these changes, making these shifts, interpreting information in the correct way. And this is where suddenly you see conflict and communications start to escalate. And both Jeanette and myself, we discuss it a lot with liters is conflict starts at different points for different people. So that's where you might not necessarily be able to catch this in time. And that's why we want to reflect here on the collaborative model. So by shifting the approach to communication. When conflict arises, then we know how to manage it more effectively, working our way backwards. So in my in my history, I've come across and worked with a lot of children and I am going to share a little story here with you guys because I think children where their emotions and the communication with the communication with them really reflects what's happening with adults and within workplaces. So well, um, but children are much more willing to share what's going on. So I find dealing with kids in conflict and communication. Sometimes it's much faster and much easier than with adults because they're much more open. I'm going to share a little story with you right now to get into our collaborative conflict module. There's this little boy that the teacher came to. His teacher came to speak to me because this little boy was misbehaving. He wasn't listening, he was being rude, he was disrupting the class, and he just wasn't being himself. Now the seizure was having to manage a large number of kids. So suddenly having this super disruptive little boy that this was very out of character. Sorry, my computer glitch little bit there. So having this little boy that was very disruptive was making it extremely difficult to teach the lesson. And that's usually when I get called in when things are not going well. At that moment I had a choice. So if I was to follow just policies and procedures, this little boy would have received a strike and three-strikes and there'll be other actions, other disciplines. But as this was out of, out of character for this little boy, I decided to take a different approach. And after doing some of this training, I knew I needed to gain a deeper understanding before jumping in and necessarily just following our policies and procedures manual at that point. He was really frustrating to his classmates and his teacher. So I removed him from that space and we sat down to have a discussion and I asked him just to tell me what was going on. I didn't address his behavior at that point. I just wanted to seek information. And that's where I found out that he was frustrated. He was just having a bad day. So I dug a little bit deeper. As Jeanette was referring to the iceberg. This is another place where we tried to go a bit below the surface and at least ask we say Two more questions to gain more understanding. Okay. Well, what happened today? And this is where he told me he got into a fight with his friend at school. Okay. Tell me more what what happened. Tell me about it. And he started divulging his friend and him had gotten a fist fight. He didn't know if his friend would even talk to him again. He didn't know if he was his best friend and this was really upsetting because they had been friends for a really long time. So this frustration and this sadness, all of a sudden, this little angry boy that was so upset and talking back to his teacher and pushing other kids, all of a sudden broke down and shared how upset he was, the impact that the potential of losing his best friend would have on him. And it really started to put things into perspective for him and for me as to what was going on. Now, I'm not saying that this excuses behavior, it did allow the opportunity to channel this into something more positive and also teach him better coping skills by going through this process. So I didn't have to level any consequences or deal with discipline. At that point, we were able to reshape how that day would look, talk about different options for him addressing that, and then how he could re-engage with his class in that moment to get the most out of his day. If I was to just focus on the behavior, It wouldn't have done him any good, and it wouldn't have done the class or his teacher any good. Here. I want you to just take a minute and sit back and reflect if you've ever interacted with somebody that's been rude, disrespectful. Difficult, quiet, standoffish. We've all encountered these people, whether it's on your way to work or within your teams. Now, let's flip the script of it. Have you ever had a really terrible, awful day? One that you just don't even want to go into work. You don't want to talk to anyone. Don't want to deal with your team. You're in traffic, and you just absolutely lose your mind. You've made a bad judgment or you've been judged for a bad decision, that you've made. A less than ideal interaction that you've had that's out of character for you. I mean, I most definitely know that I have no matter how much training myself or I know Jeanette has been through how many times we go through this. Some days things just do not go as planned and we lose our skills. And we act in ways that we wish that we could rewind the tape and go back and do over. At the end of the day, it's because that's out of character for you. That's not the type of person you are. It's the worst version of you in that moment. So judging somebody else really is counterproductive when it comes to conflict. What we often find is that we're making assumptions about people. If you're driving through traffic and somebody cuts you off, immediately, you're making assumptions about what's going on with that person. They're a jerk. How could they do that to me? Who do they think they are? Do they think they own the street? But if we do it is because we're in a rush. Our mom is sick at the hospital and we have to get there. There's an emergency happening and I need to get somewhere. I just didn't see that person. We're making assumptions about people all the time, but we're making excuses for ourselves. And this is because we're always trying to make sense of the world. Nature wants to fill that void. And if we don't understand what's happening with that person, our brain just naturally starts jumping to conclusions to make sense of it. And the best way to begin shifting our conflict is by shifting the perspective. Shifting the way that we see something or someone, changing our point of view and coming at it from a different perspective. Now, as I was saying, by identifying these assumptions, don't just push them off to the side and say, alright, I'm gonna become this perfect person that never makes any assumptions about anyone ever again, because that little voice in your head won't let it happen. So instead of fighting your human nature and fighting those tendencies, harness them. Don't look at them as a weakness. Look at them as your strength. Grab onto those things that you believe are true, those assumptions that you're making. And like I said, don't deny them, don't try to push them down or they'll just keep popping up. Instead, grab them and harness them and use them to start changing the conversation. Like Jeanette was saying in conversation, become curious and this is what we want to do in the collaborative approach. The first tool that I want you to start doing is asking questions. So I want you to think of a conflict that you're currently in right now. We're going to break this down. We're going to make this real for you and we're gonna make it something that you can take forward from today. So start by asking yourself, who is somebody that you need to have a conversation with? This isn't something that happened ten years ago, five years ago. I want you to think of something now. This doesn't have to be massive, this doesn't have to be anything major if you don't want it to be, go to your comfort level. Who do you need to have a conversation with? By all means, work personal wherever you want to start. This is about getting practice. Alright, next question. What are you meeting to discuss? So this one is going to be very important how you frame it. So Jeanette and I could do an entire course on how you're going to frame what you're meeting to discuss. I'm going to preface this by saying, make sure that what you're meeting to discuss is not changing yourself or changing the other person fundamentally. So if I wanted to have a meeting with Jeanette, it wouldn't be to discuss genetic bad attitude. Because as soon as Jeanette sees that if Jeanette is an avoider, she is going to try to get away from that meeting as much as she physically possibly can. But if I framed it as Jeanette nine, need to discuss how to work together more effectively or how to listen to each other, what each of us needs. From a meeting in order to be more productive, Jeanette is far more likely to come to one of those meetings. So try to frame it as something that is eventually going to be a positive for both you and the other person. And looking towards the future, a lot of people get stuck here in wanting to focus on the past. So remember, look at the future, something that you actually have control over. Next question is, what is your perspective and what is the other person's perspective? So we only have a couple of minutes here to discuss this. But this is where you can really spend a lot of time gaining understanding. So what's your side of the story and what is the other person's perspective? And I want you to answer one more question while you're thinking of this is, if it's not that their perspective is they don't like you. They're doing this because they're not your biggest fan. So they're trying to make your life hard. Flip it again. If that's not what it is, What else could it be? And really try to get into that other person's head. And this isn't about getting it right. There's no prizes for the best guess here. So just start writing things down. What's your perspective and what's theirs? And if it's not that, what else could it be? Alright, your fourth question here. What assumptions are you making? Like I was talking about before? You want to harness these assumptions? So write them all down here. What do you think is going on? What's going on for them? What is that little nattering voice in the back of your head telling you is happening. What's their reasons? What's the rationale? Write it all down. Wonderful, Okay, last question. What do you need to ask in order to help you gain more understanding? So Jeanette and I know from experience and I'm sure that you've seen it as well. When two people get into a room, both people often want to share their perspectives and tell each other the way that things are going to be right away. But what are you always looking for it? What do you want when you go into a conversation with somebody? You want to be heard. So what do you think you need to do in order for the other person to listen to you? You need to listen to them. And the best way to do that is to gain an understanding by asking these questions, by writing it down ahead of time. So if you go into a meeting and all of a sudden you get overwhelmed and your brain starts going a million miles a minute and you feel like they're talking and you can't get any words in, know that you will be able to come back to that. And this is where you're going to start asking your questions. So you can bring this in with you. The questions that you need to gain more understanding. Because as soon as that person feels like they are understood, then you will have a chance to get your story out there, to get your perspective out there. And you'll also know what questions they have so that you can answer and fill in their assumptions and their gaps. So like I was saying, if you want to understand someone, start by asking them questions without sharing your perspective. Really spend time on these last three questions. What's your perspective? What's there's, what assumptions are you making? And what questions do you need to ask to help you gain more understanding of their perspective? Alright, we're gonna give you five minutes here, and then we're going to bring you back. So take time, really start filling this out. Alright, we're gonna start your five-minutes right now. So right now, I want you to commit to taking action because I know for myself I can write out a million of these. But if you don't have the conversation, you've just done a lot of paperwork. So take it from the paper into the conversation. When are you going to set up this conversation? You have the person, you have the topic, you have the questions. So make sure that you are telling people what you're there to discuss so that they do have some time To prepare to come into that conversation. This is why it was really important to frame that topic that you're discussing in a positive way that they're going to want to come up. If you ever have questions about how to do this, please email Jeanette and myself and we can send you a little quick tip guide on how to frame your topics or issues to discuss. We really want to bring this altogether. Thank you so much for jumping on the training with us tonight. Now. When you change how you approach others by shifting your mindset and going after conflict head on and you'd begin to change your approach to communication. You can really transform the dynamics of your relationship. Now by using the action steps from today, you are going to be able to make those shifts, take those tiny steps towards changing your team's dynamics one conversation at a time. But really remember, this is so important so that you do not fall back into those old, old habits and just say, You know what, This is too hard. I can't do it. Because I'm telling you right now from experience, This isn't always easy. There are some days that you're going to have tremendous wins and you are going to be on an absolute high. And there's gonna be other days that you just feel like you're banging your head up against the wall. This isn't working and you're so frustrated. And remember that change doesn't happen overnight. These are difficult skills. That's why there's a whole profession based around this. But by making these little shifts but continuing to work on this day after day relentlessly and getting feedback, you are going to get better. So even the small steps are going to move you closer towards your goal. Just little things every single day, going out and having that conversation or suggesting a new way of talking to someone or debriefing a conversation. This is what's going to keep you moving forward towards that vision that you set out in the first section of today. If you have step backs, if you're unsure, just make sure to keep moving forward and reach out for support. Reach out for help and share your winds. Bring your team into this Jeanette. And I of course, always want to hear stories about what's working, what's not working for you. So always feel free to reach out through social media, email. Find us anywhere so that we can keep helping you reach that vision, reach your goals. Now, I'm going to leave you today with these last take action steps. The first one is, what is one shift that you're committed to making today within the next 24 hours to transform yourself and your team. Just write one thing down, makes sure if it's really small, I know that you're gonna do it. So what's something that you're committed to doing today? Now, I really want to anchor this in. What change is that shift going to make? You need to make this so real for yourself right now so that you will make it. So what changes that shift going to make looking towards that vision, if you're to make that one small ship, what is it going to move you towards? Now, these are answers that should really, really anchor. These are like emotional things that you guys should be tying these two. What is that bigger vision? So why is this no longer optional? That's the next question. Yeah, write it down. Write down. Why? Why do you have to do this right now? Why today? Why this moment? Excellent. Get really clear on this. What does the negative that is going to happen? If you don't do this? Last question, what are you going to put in place to ensure your success? So these questions are fantastic, but how are you going to make sure that you are accountable for committing that, for committing to this. Excellent. Now, I want you to make sure that you are writing it on your desk, committed to yourself, write it on a post-it note on your mirror in your office, put it as a screensaver, pop up on your phone anywhere to remind you to take action. Each day. Without action, you're not gonna get to your goal. So remember, even baby steps are gonna get you there. We faster than standing still or falling back, even worse, falling back into those old habits. 5. Launching Your Leadership: Jeannette and I are here and we are so motivated to get you to where you want to go. That's why we started this whole thing. We want you to have a better future. We know that you see it for yourselves now and we want you to get there. There's such an energy to find out more, to dig deeper. That's what we were hoping to inspire today by just letting you know, there is hope. There, there's lots of resources out there. We hope to be part of that for you. So we want to leave you with just a couple of reminders before you go. And that's a reminder that you have taken so much action, you have planned out so many things that you can do in order to move that needle forward. But if you don't do it, you're going to stay exactly where you're at. And if things aren't going well, they're probably gonna become worse or just stay exactly where they are. Now, if your relationships in the workplace don't, relationships, relationships and your workplace team dynamics aren't going to improve if you ignored them. Instead, resentment builds, frustration mounts, and any year you're going to look back and think, what a waste of time. I'm no better off than I was a year ago. So the only way that you are going to make change is to create change. And honestly, you're worth the effort, Jeanette and I know that you're worth putting the energy in and let's face it, you're going to put energy in somewhere. So why not have it be towards working, towards being happier, healthier, more connected, and having a fantastic team that you're proud of. We hope that you take what you have got today and you start to create amazing change within your workplace. We know that you are able to create impact and to create a lot of change with what we've given you. Of course we want to go deeper, of course we want to give you so much more. That's why we're here. So please reach out to us. And honestly, we just hope that whatever you do, whatever you choose, that you take the skills that we're giving you here and you apply them because you deserve to be happy where he worked. Your team deserves for you to fully step into your leadership and embrace your leadership. So from myself and Jeannette, Thank you so much for investing your time today into yourself and into your team and we look forward to joining you someplace along your path to help you deal with the conflict and the communication that's happening in your team and embrace the leader that you were truly meant to be. So thank you so much guys. Thank you. Or to seeing you again. Take care. Look forward to seeing you.