Transcripts
1. Welcome & Overview: Hello and welcome. I'm Alex line in this
class will teach you more effective nonverbal
communication skills. This class is part of
my rise up series, where we look at the top ten communication
skills that hiring managers and supervisors are looking for in their employees. Unfortunately, poor
non-verbal communication can completely
undermine your words. What you say, the good news is when you improve your
nonverbal communication, it will enhance
everything that you say. This class provides a
practical introduction that focuses on your tone of voice and how you can change it. Look at the quality
of your eye contact, your facial expressions,
and what they communicate. We'll look at your
body language and other unique nonverbal
behaviors that you may display. At the end of the class,
you'll walk away with some specific
improvements that you can make and some tips and resources to help you
meet those goals. Each lesson provides
a basic explanation, concrete examples and finishes with practical
application steps. I designed the class for
employee level professionals. Regardless of how much
experience you may have. If you're already in an
official leadership position and you supervise employees, you may have a pretty good
handle on the subject already. But for anybody who
wants to improve the fundamentals that we're
covering in this class. This class will
help you get there. It also designed it so that you can go through the class as an individual or you can go through it with
your entire team. There is a workbook that you can download to help
guide you through it. And the final two lessons, I'll walk you through a plan or project that will help you
put it all into practice. In terms of my background, I am a full-time professor. I've published
research articles and a book on communication
and leadership. I've been consulting and doing workshops and speaking
for almost 20 years. I have a successful
YouTube channel and many other online
classes like this. My approach is always to combine helpful research
and that practical advice that I've
seen work so well in professional settings
by approaches hands-on, practical and to the point. I hope to see you
in the next lesson, we will talk about
how you can get the most out of this
class. See you there.
2. How to Get the Most Out of This Class: Let's talk about how you can get the most out of this class. You can go through the
class as an individual or you can go through it
with your entire team. In either case, first, your biggest challenge will be to step outside yourself and reflect on your
nonverbal communication as we go through the lessons. Most of our nonverbal
communication operates at a level that's typically
below our own self-awareness. Most people don't stop
to think about how their tone of voice sounds or how they come across to others. We just go about our
day as we normally do. To get the most
out of the class, then you'll have to
do your best to see yourself as other
people might see you. Second, it's important to realize that the
vast majority of the impressions that we
create another people come from our nonverbal
cues and body language. You may have seen a
well-known graph based upon Albert Mehrabian book on
nonverbal communication. His research shows
that only around 7% of the impressions that
we make another people are the results of our
verbal communication. About 38% of how we come across is tied to the
sound of our voice. And about 55% of the impressions that we
create come from how we look and other visual aspects of our nonverbal communication. Collectively, our nonverbal
visual and vocal cues make up the vast majority of the PI in terms of how we
come across to others. I know many people who were
bothered by these numbers. We want to believe that our words are the only
thing that matters. In many ways, our words
do matter the most. But what you'll notice
in professional settings is that when our
nonverbal communication is off and we are acting and distracting
or confusing ways. It's very difficult for people to listen to what
we have to say. If we can reduce these distractions and use our
nonverbal communication to enhance our message
than our words are much more likely to have
the impact that we want. By the way, as a point
of clarification, this graph only discusses the impressions that we
make on other people. This pie graph does not describe the entire
communication process. It's a common
misstatement, for example, that only 7% of our communication is verbal
and that's not true at all. Only 7% of the
impressions that we create on other people
come from our words. The term Impression is
another way to say how we come across in the moment
and the resulting opinions, judgements, and conclusions that other people make about us. And lots of studies since Mehrabian original
research verify that small behaviors give
off a big impression, sometimes without saying a word, the impressions we create
really are critical. We might, for example, share some excellent
information in a group meeting, but we can undermine
our own message if we are simultaneously rolling our eyes or speaking in a frustrated tone while
delivering the message. And third, another way to get
the most out of this class is by setting expectations. And here's what you can
expect out of the class. About half of the lessons
involves self-reflection and becoming more aware of your
non-verbal communication. And about half of the
class is about setting some goals and taking the tips I offer and putting
them into practice. Each lesson finishes with practical application and
at the end of the class, their application lessons
to help you craft an overall plan to move forward. If you want to get the most
out of this experience, take a few moments to do the application
lessons as you go along and create that communication plan
at the end of the class. And of course, don't
forget to download the workbook so you
can follow along. The next two lessons
are about one of the most challenging areas
of non-verbal communication, your tone of voice. So let's get to work on it.
3. Your Tone of Voice: What Does it Communicate?: You have probably heard
the old expression. It's not what you say,
but how you say it. In this lesson, we're gonna talk about your tone
of voice and what your tone of voice
communicates specifically. The key learning point
in this lesson is that many listeners will assume that your tone communicates
how you feel about them. Technically, tone refers to the musical notes that your voice makes
beneath your words. If you remove the actual words, you'd be hearing just
the person's tone. I have vivid memories hearing
my mother and my father talking in the other room at night when I was
about to fall asleep. I could not decipher their
words through the wall. If I could hear the back-and-forth
musical composition of their conversation, my father's voice was
very low in sounded like a tuba, had that sound. And my mother's voice
would respond and higher tones like a
flute that another data. I could hear them go back and forth like that
as I fell asleep. Well, but believable
than another, I could tell simply
by their tone, if they were having a
good conversation or a difficult conversation without ever hearing their words. If we were studying this
in a laboratory setting, that's what we mean
by tone of voice. However, in practical, everyday conversation,
we use this phrase, tone of voice or refer to
the entire attitude and emotional package that you communicate mostly
with your voice. Your tone could communicate
positive attitudes like carrying cheerfulness,
enthusiasm, or empathy. More neutral attitudes like informative matter of
fact, or professional. Or more negative attitudes
like frustration, snarkiness, sarcasm, or anger. We communicate these emotions and attitude through essentially all of our vocal cues
like your actual tone, but also other vocal
qualities like pauses, pacing, volume, and emphasis. As listeners, we hear
all of those together. We hear someone's
overall attitude and use that to gauge how we should
interpret their words. If I say the exact same words
but with different tones, I will communicate a
different attitude of different overall message. I could say, for example, in an encouraging tone that was a great presentation seriously. Or I could say in
a sarcastic tone, that was a great
presentation. Seriously? Same words, but I'm communicating a different
overall message. You'll notice I'm also involving other nonverbal cues
like facial expression. Even though those aren't part of my voice, they are related. Nonverbal cues that communicate
attitude and emotion. If people are criticizing you
for your tone, for example. They may also mean these other
related non-verbal cues. In fact, people
are even counting your word choice as part
of your quote tone. It doesn't technically fit
the definition at all. But in real life, our
emotionally-charged words in emails or conversations
communicate an attitude or a vibe. I used to work with
someone who received a lot of feedback about
their email tone. For example, these lots of negative and
emotionally-charged words. And their supervisor had to talk to them about their tone
and called it their tone, even though they were
talking about writing. All that to say. In a professional setting when people are talking
about your tone, your tone of voice,
they may have an expansive definition
of what that means. Let's turn to application. The first key takeaway is
that many listeners will assume that your tone communicates how you
feel about them. Listeners don't usually assume
that you're only angry at yourself or you're frustrated
about some other situation, they will very likely
assume that you're angry or frustrated
at them specifically. So here's the question. What feedback have you
received about your tone? Is it a positive tone,
neutral or negative? Here's some sample emotion words and attitude words
in each column. This is just a sample and there are many other
words to describe your tone of voice based upon the feedback that I've
received from others. The second takeaway is your
answer to this question. What does your tone communicate
to the people around you? What message does your tone sand about how you feel about them? Because that's how
they'll receive it. Give those questions
some thought and write out your answers. The next lesson explains how to go about changing
your tone of voice.
4. How to Change Your Tone of Voice: And author and friend of mine, Allan Weiner once said
If you could easily add the phrase you dummy to
the end of what you say, you're using the wrong tone. Try it yourself and
you'll see what he means. Changing our tone
of voice is one of the hardest things to change
about our communication. And that's because the source of our tone is deep inside us. There are no quick
fixes for a bad tone. The main point of
this lesson though, is that it's possible
to change your tone, but it takes time and effort. In this lesson,
we'll talk about how to begin that process for you. There are two overall
ways to change your tone. First, changing your
mindset, changes your tone. Your mindset drives your tone. In other words, a
negative inner world is not going to result
in a positive tone. And that's why changing
your mindset is one of the necessary steps here. Mindset is all about what you're thinking and what
you're feeling. There's an old saying
that out of the heart, the mouth speaks how you sound as a reflection of
what's already inside. If you're feeling frustrated, your frustration will
come out in your tone. If you're angry inside and
you'll sound angry or snappy, if you feel happy, the
flip side is true. Your tone will
reflect that as well. The challenges. Most people are not
aware of how they really feel or aware of their
routine thought patterns. It's like that old
expression that fish discover water last. Our routine thoughts
and feelings usually operate at a level below
our explicit awareness. That's just normal life, like a fish in water. We usually only notice our
thoughts and our feelings, our moods, you might
say, when they spike, become exaggerated because if a very specific
situation in the moment, if something really bad happens, we might then
recognize that we feel sad or angry about it. But on most ordinary
days we don't pause to identify or routine
thoughts and feelings. Years ago when I
graduated from college, my father pointed
out how my attitude changed almost as soon as
my final exams were done. He said that through almost my entire undergraduate
experience, he could tell that
I was carrying a very heavy emotional load, a negative one in both cases. And I communicated that I acted distracted or grumpy
toward other people. But once my last exam was done, he said that he noticed I
became almost instantly lighthearted and had a
much better attitude toward him and other people. Has comments really
hit me because my stress level
during college was so normal to me that I didn't even notice it until he
pointed it out. The same way. I know
a lot of people who display continuous
attitudes of anxiety, frustration, even anger,
but they don't realize it. It's not until you ask
them how you're doing. And they might say,
I'm okay, why? They don't really realize
that they might be coming across with those negative
mindsets and attitudes. Your mindset is one of the default drivers
of your overall tone. Second, changing your
communication habits can also change your tone. Your tone of voice is also
grounded, in other words, in the communication style that you learned along the way. If you're like me, then
maybe you have heard your mother's voice or your father's voice
come out of your mouth. You may say something
and realize, oh my goodness, I sound
just like my dad. That's a habit we learned. We take on the
personalities and attitudes of coworkers, friends, siblings. We may imitate other people
without realizing it In, inside of a group
or a subculture. The way you communicate
makes sense to those people. You may talk in
certain ways around our friends and they
understand they tolerate it. They might even reward it
in subtle ways by laughing, playing along are
giving us what we want. I grew up with a small group of friends for almost all of
my K through 12 years. And we could say anything and act almost any way
around each other. We would all understand it. And most of that was
positive, but not all of it. I learned from experience that those same subcultural
communication habits do not usually translate
into other settings. You might be sarcastic
in one group, but you can't necessarily bring that same attitude to
work doesn't fit there. We may not realize it yet, but we are often importing
into the workplace a negative tone
that we've learned outside of work as a
communication habit. Let's take a moment to do
some application first, let's learn about your
personal mindset. Fill in the blanks to the
following statements. First finish this statement. My life is blank. And use up to three
words or bullets that communicate how you feel your
attitude about your life. Picture that you're just
waking up in the morning. What are three words or thoughts that you have about
your own life? So fill in the rest
of the statement. My life is blank. Second, fill in this statement. Most of the people
around me are blank. Answer this question honestly. For example, I personally
would say that most people around me are doing
the best they can. But I know a person
who used to say out loud that the people around
them, we're all idiots. That's a quote. No surprise to me that my friend talk to people like
they were all idiots. The way you view others
will leak out into your tone of voice and
fill in this empty spot. Basically the world is blank. What is your view of the world? Fill in that blank
and you can pause the video and reflect on
these three statements and consider how those
inner mindsets are getting communicated
through your tone. In fact, for the next few days, I recommend that you
journal and write out some of the thoughts and
feelings that you notice. You may notice how
your inner world, for example, is coming
out through your tone. Next, let's talk about
your tone of voice habits. How would other people
describe your tone? Do you sound like
anybody you know, for example, a parent, a friend, or it's possibly started imitating somebody
without realizing it. Again, take notes
about these things. Journal and write out what you're learning
about yourself. And third, sets and goals. How would you prefer to sound? How would you like
to come across? Decide what you want your tone
to communicate to others. What tone would you like to communicate when you're
interacting with other people and then commit to whatever
new inner mindset and outward communication
habits will help you improve your general
everyday tone. You literally have to repeat and rehearse a new way of
thinking about your life, other people and the world. Lastly, you can begin to
practice the tone of voice that you want to have in the
privacy of your own home. If you want to sound supportive, practice that and
see how it feels. Let's be honest. This is very likely to
feel different at first, like you are faking this. But simply practicing a new
tone of voice will help you increase your
awareness of how you sound and that'll become
more natural overtime. Big picture. Our goal here is to examine and then replace
your old mindset and habits with more
helpful ones that will communicate a better
overall tone. As mentioned at the beginning, it's very difficult to
change our tone of voice. We have developed it
over the course of many years and there
are no shortcuts. It's just like exercising. You have to put in the work if you want to see the results. And these are my
suggested starting places to help you move in
the right direction.
5. Improving Your Eye Contact: There's an old
saying that the eye is the window to the soul. The way individual
people interpret eye contact involves a
number of variables. In general, good
eye contact creates overwhelmingly positive
impressions and connects us with others. In this lesson, we're going
to talk about the benefits of eye contact and help you do a self-assessment
of your own skills. I want to offer a brief caveat. It's true for a
variety of reasons, even some medical reasons. Some people struggle
to make eye contact. Every situation is
unique in that light. It's up to you to adapt this lesson and whatever way
best fits your situation. A, virtually all of the research points in
the same direction. When we make good eye contact, we experience lots of benefits. Other people see us
as more likable, competent, credible,
attractive, intelligent, trustworthy, persuasive,
and even as higher status, I realized that
making eye contact may not be comfortable
for the average person. But the benefits are so clear, I believe it's worth practicing and getting
out of your comfort zone. Whatever your starting places, virtually anybody can
make improvements. Now the bad news is
that research also shows most people only make about half the amount of eye contact as their
conversational partners desire. In other words, the
people around us generally want us to
make more eye contact. Here's what it should look like. Look directly into the
other person's eyes about 70% of the time in
a normal conversation. Good eye contact
also means looking away about every
ten seconds or so. I have a friend I worked with
who is excellent at this. He makes really
comfortable eye contact. He looks me right in the
eye most of the time. And then as he's thinking
about something he might say are considering
what I'm saying. He just glances away for a
moment and then he reconnects. And a really natural way, icon tax should be positive and comfortable
just like that. In 2018, gyri high tannin published an article
in the journal Frontiers in
psychology that showed people prefer direct
eye contact like this. Over diverted eye contact
where you look away, avoided or scan around the room. We prefer direct eye contact, in other words, to
shifting eye contact. If we make it a habit
of diverting arise, people will see us
as less likable, competent, less credible, less
attractive, and so forth. People usually attributed in unwillingness to
make eye contact as a sign of
conversational trouble. And to be clear, I'm not
talking about staring directly at somebody 100% of the time without looking
away or blinking. That's also not considered good. I had a teacher in school
who used to do that. Anytime a student
asked a question, that teacher would stare
directly at them in this really intimidating
way the entire time. Don't make creepy or overly intense eye
contact like this. Don't attempt to
dominate other people. If you sense that
the other person is uncomfortable with
your eye contact, that make it a little less
and see how that goes. When done. Well, I contact should
show that you're interested in and that you
care about the other person. In short, there are lots of benefits to this and we
should make it a priority. Eye contact helps us form that basic human connection in ways that words alone
cannot accomplish. Let's turn to application. We're gonna do a self-assessment and then some goal-setting. Let's turn to the following
five situations and see if you can agree or disagree on this 10 scale for each of them. First, when I pass
somebody in the hallway, I make good eye contact to
greet and or acknowledge them. Second, one-on-one
conversations, I make eye contact
about 70% of the time. Third, when I first
walk in a room, I take the time to make eye contact with
each person there. Rather than keeping
my head down. When I am attending a meeting, I look directly at
the person who is speaking about 70% of the time, rather than looking down. Fifth, when somebody is
doing a presentation, I look directly at them
about 70% of the time. Here's a basic way to
evaluate your results. If you find that all or most of your answers lean towards
the higher end of the scale, then you already have
a solid foundation. If however, some of your
scores are right in the middle or lean
toward the lower side, then your goal should be to move your scores
up a notch or two. So they are all
on the high side. If I had to recommend
ways to work on this, these five ways are the ones that will make the most
immediate difference. Make eye contact in the hallway. And then in one-on-one
conversations, about 70% of the time when you first walk in a room
or a meeting room, for example, strive to
make eye contact with each person there before
you even get to your seat. This is a really critical
step when you walk in a room, it's crucial that you
open a channel of communication like this
through direct eye contact. Group communication
is a pig area of struggle for many people. And this will start you off on the right foot as soon
as you walk in the room. Once you're in the
meeting, look directly at whoever's speaking about 70% of the time rather than looking down when someone's presenting
the rule is the same, look directly at them
about 70% of the time. I'm sure in the next
24 hours you are likely to face many of
these interactions. So make a commitment
and put these tips into practice and start
practicing right away.
6. Your Facial Expressions: The other day I posed for a photograph with
my wife and son. At the time, I felt
sincerely happy. These are two of my
favorite people. After all. I clearly remember smiling, but later when I was
looking through my photos, I had a fairly subdued or
neutral facial expression. I felt happy, but I didn't look that thrilled to
be there in the photo. In this lesson,
we're going to talk about your facial expression. The bottom line is
that most people overestimate how much
they show other people through their facial expressions that we appreciate them
during conversations are authentically positive
feelings toward others do not always come across To the extent to which
we want them to. Let me explain it this way. Like our tone of voice, our facial expressions
tend to fall into three overall categories. First, negative expressions. This could be a grimace, smirk, stink guy, anger,
disgust, fear, hatred. The middle category is
neutral facial expressions. We call this flat
affect stone-faced, or a blank or
expressionless face. Some people call
this a poker face. Even though these
are all neutral, meaning neither
positive nor negative. Most people interpret a neutral facial
expression as negative. They think we're bored or confused by them or
silently judging them. And of course, there may
be really good reasons why we have a neutral
facial expression. We could be, for example, preoccupied thinking
about something else. Maybe we don't want
to come across as overly excited
or unprofessional. I want to take a brief
aside on this topic. My wife is a mental
health therapist and we were recently
talking about how a blank facial expression or what some people
call flat effect, is sometimes a sign of anxiety, depression, trauma,
or other issues. If you are most common, facial expression is blank regardless of what's happening. This may be a sign that there's something that
you need to deal with. If this sounds like you, I recommend looking into it more with a qualified mental
health professional. The third column, we have positive facial
expressions, happiness, carrying interested,
attentive, expectant, supportive, content,
or peaceful. These lists are all
partial, of course, but the big takeaway from these
three categories is this. Negative is obviously negative, but neutral expressions
are also often viewed by others as negative or
disconfirming signals. Neutral facial expression tends to send an unfavorable message. For example, we might
say with our words, it's nice to meet you. But if we say that within
neutral facial expression, it's a mixed message. And people would tend
to believe that we have an unfavorable opinion
towards them because our nonverbals don't
show anything positive. Let's turn to application. We'll do this with one
simple question based upon what you know about yourself or any feedback that
you've received, how would you generally evaluate your facial
expression toward others? It doesn't lean toward positive, warm, and interested in others. If so, give yourself a
high mark on the scale. Do you tend to have a neutral or blank expression toward others? If so, give yourself a score
somewhere in the middle? Or do you tend to show a negative expression
around others? If that's you, then
score yourself toward the end of that scale. And if you're not sure, I
recommend using your phone. Look through some
recent photographs and remember what you were
feeling at the time? Like I did with the photograph
with my wife and my son. Remember how you
felt genuinely on the inside and compare that to how your face looks
in the photo. But look at a fair photo. Don't pick one that you knew
was going to be posted on social media so that you deliberately played
up your smile. Then lastly, let's
set some goals. What impressions do you
want to create with others? If you want to show
people that you feel positively toward them, you may want to increase
how you clearly show that. Of course you can, and you should use
your words as well. But it'll be even more
effective if you communicate the same positive message
nonverbally through your face. Allow yourself to smile if you're feeling
genuinely happy. Allow your eyes to light up. If you're pleasantly
surprised to see somebody. Your next step is to do this short self-assessment with all of these factors in mind.
7. Improving Your Body Language: We usually don't notice our own body language and
other small nonverbal habits. Still nonverbal cues are always sending messages
whether we realize it or not. If you're not convinced,
imagine for a moment that at your next face-to-face
meeting that you attend, you remain 100% motionless. You didn't move a muscle
for the entire meeting. Even that would definitely
send a message. I'm not sure what people
around you would think, but they would definitely
jump to some conclusions about you because we are
always communicating, whether we realize it or not and whether we
like it or not. In this lesson will
help you identify any of your bad habits you may have, especially in group
settings when it comes to your non-verbal communication,
your body language. I'll give you some go-to
tips that you can fall back on that will almost always help create a
better impression. First, let me tell you
about some strange habits that I've noticed
over the years. While I have not yet seen
anybody remain 100% motionless, I've seen lots of other things. I know one professional, they director who used to stick his pencil in his
ear during meetings. Another person used to silently open and sort
through their mail, actual envelopes
during meetings. I know of a few people who lean so far back in their chair. It looks like they're
almost laying down in a hammock where their hands
folded behind their heads. And of course, the number of
people who are completely captivated by their
phones or other devices. It's practically countless. Clearly, all of these bad habits send a message whether
we like it or not. We cannot control
the conclusions that other people
will draw about us, but we can take control of our own body language and communication habits
if we commit to it. Second, Let's get to some
application before we move on. I like to help you
get a picture of what you look like at meetings. Consider this long list of
questions to see if any of your nonverbal body language
habits come to mind. Think about some of your
communication habits when somebody else is talking, for example, what does your body language say
when you are listening? What's your posture?
Or you're upright? Or are you leaned
back or slouched? Is your chair pushed into the table or you
push back a bit? Do you have a habit of
swiveling in your chair a lot or you're relatively
settled in place. Are your hands
below the table on your lap or are they
up on the table? Ready to take notes,
ready to gesture? Is the area right
in front of you on the table clean and tidy? Or is it messy with papers
and other kinds of objects? When people are speaking, do you look up from the table or your screen and make
direct eye contact? And when you make
direct eye contact, do you angle your shoulders
to orient your body towards the speaker
a little bit or do you just look at
them with a side? I do you have any other
quirks or unique habits? Have you ever received
feedback about how you appear at meetings as someone had to talk
to you about it. Do you make anything like disconfirming
facial expressions? You roll your eyes or
shake your head and disagreement as
other people speak. This is just a partial
list of questions. But take a moment and
pause if you'd like to do a self-assessment about what your body language and your nonverbal cues are doing
when people are talking. See if you can identify one or two habits right now that may be sending
the wrong message. And third, I want to say
a word about technology. I realized that it may
be a cultural norm and your organization, that everybody is looking at their screens
the entire time. Still, even in that
kind of culture, it's better to make an above average amount of
eye contact with others rather than get in a habit of looking at your screen
unless it's necessary. We talked about eye contact
in depth in another lesson, but I want to add a
little bit more to that. For the moment. Both studies and practical
experience show that the highest status
individuals and meetings make the most eye contact and are most engaged in non-verbally. There are some exceptions, but high-status
individuals usually look at their own devices
the least amount of time. I recommend that if you
have to take notes that you use old-fashioned
pen and paper, it comes across as much more engaged and involved
than using a device. Having considered all this, the next steps for this
application or to do a self-assessment of your own nonverbal habits and tendencies. What is your body
language doing and saying while you are
listening to others, see if you can identify one or two quirky or
distracting behaviors that you do and get
them under control. Eliminating those will
help you come across much better and help you make a much better impression
almost instantly. Lastly, I want to give you
some fundamentals for how you should look when you
were in a group meeting. Based upon all the
studies I've read, all of my personal observations
working directly with clients and impromptu focus
group discussions about this. Here's what I've learned. Pushing in towards the
table with your seat is better than being pushed back from a table
or leaning back. Having your hands on top
of the table comes across better than having them
beneath the table on your lap. This basic homebase posture
allows you to stay, engage non-verbally and
gesture above the table. And makes you look more
like an active participant rather than a passive or
disinterested observer. It also looks better to close
your screen and put away your device and make direct eye contact with
whoever is speaking. When people are talking, turn your body a
little bit toward them and orient your shoulders
and their direction. As you make eye contact. Keep the area in front of you on the table clean and tidy. Think of it this way, whether it's a fair conclusion or not, the way your space looks
as a reflection to other people about
how things are going in your life collectively, these changes will make a huge difference in
how you come across.
8. Putting it into Practice: Let's take the best of
what we've learned from the entire class and distill it, we can put it into practice. Let's start with some
self-assessment. Answer the following
questions and we'll create a boil down profile of your nonverbal communication
and body language. And then we'll
finish the lesson by creating a plan of
action for you. First, how would you
characterize your tone of voice? We'll use a one to ten scale to get an overall
impression of your tone, either positive,
somewhere in the middle. We might call that
neutral or negative. Give yourself a score
along the scale. In terms of details, what are some words that you could use to describe your tone? What attitude is your
tone communicate. You can base this on the
feedback you've already received or your own
existing self knowledge. You may want to ask a friend if you aren't sure how you come across in terms of your tone. Second is your eye contact, give yourself a high score. If you're confident
that you make solid eye contact
in most situations. Again, again, maybe not
give yourself a score somewhere on this
range that's accurate. And again, you may want to ask somebody if you're not sure. Third is your facial expression. Do you mostly give
positive, neutral, or negative facial expressions when you're talking to people. In terms of details, what are some words that
describe your facial expression? Again, I recommend you ask
somebody if you're not sure. And forth is your body language
and other nonverbal cues. I'd like you to think
specifically about how you come across in meetings and
another group situations. We're not gonna use a scale
for this question now, just describe any
nonverbal behaviors that may be unique to you. Is there anything that
you do that may be seen as a distraction
to others or that might detract from your level of perceived engagement
or any other behaviors that might be hurting
your credibility. In fifth, continuing
with body language, what is your normal default? Body language and posture when you're seated at a
table in a meeting, do you push in, lean back, or your hands above the table or
below the table? Do you make eye contact
with the speaker or not? Do you close your screen
when you're not actively using it or is your screen
open most of the time? Is the area in front
of you neat and tidy? Is it disorganized
and cluttered? And lastly, let's create
a plan of action for you. The most important part of putting this into
practice as setting some goals and deciding on some specific behaviors that you can work on to move forward. When you look at each of the categories we've
been discussing, how would you like to
come across to others? And using the various tips
from the other lessons, what are some new nonverbal
behaviors that you can put into practice
in each of these areas. Since most of this can be
used in a group setting, I recommend looking at your calendar for
your next meeting. Selecting perhaps just one of these areas that
you want to work on. If it were me, I would
select whatever I needed the most work on
and I would start there. And then at the next meeting, I would work on
the next skill and keep that pattern going until I worked through all of the nonverbal goals I've created
for myself in this plan, I recommend that you do
the same and keep in mind what we've already
been emphasizing. It can be very difficult to
change our nonverbal habits quickly because we're not
even often aware of them in the first place or the impressions that
we're creating. So I encourage you
to be patient with yourself to make these changes
for as long as it takes.
9. Working with Your Team: If you are going through this class with a
group or a team, you will take the last lesson on putting it into practice
and you're going to debrief your individual nonverbal communication
profile notes and your goals with
the rest of the group. I'm assuming that you have a group leader who can
facilitate the discussion. I'm also assuming
you've already watched the lesson before
this one on putting it into practice and
you've completed your workbook pages
for that lesson. Once you've filled
that out first, you should pair up
with somebody in your group, talk through, and share the results of your own self-assessment
questions and nonverbal
communication profile. If the person you're paired
up with no X2 and it has had the opportunity to work with you and observe you
check your perception, so make sure you're understanding
yourself accurately. Ask each other in your pairs if there's
anything you'd like to add or any other feedback
that might be helpful. Second, while you
are still paired up, set some goals for
yourself or clarify the goals you have
already in your workbook. Share the exact type of behaviors that you'd
like to work on, especially for how you show
up in a group setting. In the self-assessment,
you should be able to see what your areas of greatest need are
and what types of non-verbal behavior you
want to work on the most. In other words, what's the most important nonverbal
communication goal? And what tips from the class can you use to put
into practice? Make sure you are specifying some concrete behaviors that you can do and keep in mind when you practice any new
non-verbal skills, it's going to feel
really strange at first, but even the act of
trying something new like this will help you increase
your own self-awareness. And it'll help you
be much more likely to make those improvements
moving forward. And third, when you're done
discussing this in pairs, return to the larger group and share your key takeaways
with everybody. For this discussion,
you can distill it all the way down
to the areas of nonverbal communication
you want to work on the most and identify what
issue you want to fix specifically and
explain the tip from the class that you can use
to put that into practice. Give each person in the group
a minute or two to share. And of course, as you each year, the group facilitator
may want to enhance the
discussion by letting fellow group members offer their own suggestions or additional insights that
could be helpful for you. That's the summary of the group discussion
that you can have. I hope you find the conversation
productive and helpful.
10. Wrap Up & Next Steps: If you're watching this, then you made it to the end of this class on effective
nonverbal communication. So congratulations to you. You've just made an important
investment in one of the top ten communication skills that employers want
their people to possess. Just like I do in
almost all my classes. I want to encourage you to do one thing and that
is take action. Some people watch a class or read a book and they
say to themselves, Well that's really interesting. And then they move on and
never do anything about it. I want to encourage you to pick one nonverbal
communication behavior that you want to work on and put into practice in the next 24 hours to get that
ball rolling in your life. You can do this in a
conversation or a meeting, or you can just practice on your own and the privacy
of your own home. When you take action, the class content gets translated from
mirror information, you might call it, That's
just in your head into a practical skill that you
can use and that's the goal. My suggestion as a starting
place is to select something that may be causing
you the most difficulty, something that you're
struggling with, decided on one behavior
that needs the most work. In other words, and look
for a way to fix it as soon as possible using
the tips from the class. Thank you also for going
through this class with me. It's been my genuine pleasure to share the
experience with you. And if you have a moment, please rate and review the class so that future students like you know what they're
getting into. And as mentioned at
the beginning of this class as part of
my rise up series, where we look at the top
ten communication skills that employers want
their people to have. So feel free to take
a look at all of my other classes as
well until next time. Thanks, and I hope
to see you soon.
Alex Lyon, Communication Professor
