Transcripts
1. Welcome + What You Will Learn: So hi and welcome to designing training. So I'm really excited that you are here because in designing training, we'll be talking about the main fears that people have and that may prevent you from taking important actions. Maybe you want to approach that person, but then you have some kind of fears inside you. Or maybe you want to ask for a raise. You want to start a new business, or you have any other action that you want to take to create a better life for yourself and for people around you. But you don't take action because you are afraid. So in designing training will discuss the main fears that people have and how you can overcome them. Fear is something that everyone has no matter where you are from and who you are, everyone will experience fear to a certain extent. Now it's important to understand that fear is not only something bad, because most people perceive fear as something negative and sometimes fear is a great thing. Let me explain why. Sometimes fear has a message. Let's say that you want to approach someone in a bar and then you fear something, you don't know what, but you start getting filler in your body. So you should listen to the message that fear is giving you. So how can you do that? So you put yourself in the situation that is stressful or you just imagine that you are in the stressful situation. And then I would like you to feel your body and to try to locate where the fee is. Let's say that you want to approach that person and you are afraid. And I sense that I have this fear here in my stomach. So what I will do, I will just put my hands on my stomach and I will just listen. I want to judge what is there. I will just listen. And sometimes fear has a message and it will give you a message. And it can be Alan. Finally, it's the right time to take action, or alanine should trust yourself and take action. Or Allen, now it's really time for you to shine. Sometimes you'll have message like that. And so it's really great to be aware that sometimes fear is here to guide you. So sometimes you should listen to the fear. You should listen to the message that it has to guide you. And sometimes you must tell you fear to be quiet. Because if you keep focusing on your fears, the more you focus on something, the more it grows. So it's the same thing if you are driving a car. If you focus on the road, where do you go on the road? If you focus on the side of the road and if you focus too long on the side of the road, what happens? You get an accident. Why is that? Because by focusing on things that are preventing you from going forward, in this case our fears, the more you focus on your fears, the more you will be paralyzed by them. So it could equate to to listen to your fluency. Oh, I have this fearly. It guides it guides me to do that. It's great, but then at the same time, you don't want to put too much focus on each, just want to get the message and then you want to move forward. And you don't focus on the fears, you focus on where you want to go. And this is the secret here. If you really want to take massive action, it's about just focusing where you want to go and the fears you will see that the ridges appear. The MOI focus on the fears, the mothering role. The more you focus on where you want to go, the easier it will be to go if you want to decrease fear. And if you that you have, you can just change what you put your attention on. And I encourage you to be grateful instead, because being grateful and being fearful are two things that you cannot experience together. So next time that you are afraid of doing something, asking for a starting that new business. It's because you have put your attention focused on something that makes you feel fear. So if you want to change what you feel and decrease the sphere, you just have to change what you put your attention on. And you can put your attention on something that makes you fit, create food. Maybe it's people that you love. Maybe it's something that you are proud of. It's really up to you to find things that you are grateful for. What I encourage you to do is to find at least three to five things that you're grateful for. And immediately after you feel the sphere, you can just change your focus and put your attention on the things. And you will see that you will feel it create full instead of fear. So let's say that I'm afraid now because I have to take an important action. So you see here, I'm putting myself in a state of fear. I am, I am here, I am. I'm fearful because i'm I'm thinking about what the actions that I would have to take. And if right now I just say, okay, what if instead putting off, what if instead of putting my attention on what I have to do, what if instead, I just focus on being grateful. So here I'm focusing on what I'm grateful for. And you can see that immediately I have a state change. It means that I'm grateful now and I'm not fearful anymore. And now it's a really great place to approach people in to take the actions from state of being grateful rather than being fearful. So try that. Try now. Just think about the situation that you are stressed about. And then you stop thinking about the situation. And you change your focus to change what you put your attention on. And you put your attention on something that you will feel, that will make you feel grateful. You are not your fear. And these hear a distinction that is really important because people think that the fear is part of them. But what I would like you to realize is that fear is something that enters your body. I would like you just to imagine that you're in a situation and then when you afraid is because you catch fear, it means that there is a fear that enters your body. And by knowing that it's easier to let it go, I would like to use a metaphor so that you can just understand how you can deal with sphere in general. I would like you to imagine that you're walking down the streets and there are fears floating around. And then when you are in a certain situation, you will have one field that will enter your body. For example, before approaching someone, you are walking down the street, you want to approach someone. And then there is a fear floating around that is the fear of approaching that enters your body. So it's not, you are not, this fear of approaching is just a few that enters your body. You are, you want to ask for a raise, then you have the fee of the fear of, for example, succeeding of failure that enters your body. I would like you to imagine, feel like that maybe it's not true. But what will help you is that if you thinking in that terms, you know that it's not your fear and InDesign training. I will show you the best ways to decrease all the spheres so that you can just take action. So think about other two have fears entering your body and then you can let them go. So now let's jump right in. Let's start with the fear of failure, which is a really big one. So see you in the next section.
2. How To Handle The Fear Of Failure: Now let's talk about the fear of failure. So my first question to you is, are you afraid to fail? And I know you will say no, Ireland, I'm not afraid to fail, but just think a little bit harder. Are there any actions in your life that you didn't take because you had even unconsciously, you had this, your failure. You associated that if you take action and then if you fail, it can mean something bad. It can be in pain, it can mean something uncomfortable. So that's why in this section I want to discuss the fear of failure because it's a fear that everyone has. So the first idea is to stop using the word failure. Because if you think about the word failure, it's really negative. It's like it's bad. Like if someone feels like it's not something that is amazing, you know what I mean? So instead of using that word that has a negative meaning, I would like you to use the word learning. I learned, or I got a result. The result can be good or the result can be bad by just changing your vocabulary, what you use, it will change the association that you have with the words. Let me explain. When I take action. I don't fail anymore. I just get a result and the result can be good, authentic ad can be bad, or I just get a learning experience. So I used this idea of not using the word failure anymore in my life. And I just became unstoppable because I would act I would I would just take massive action because I knew I could not fail. I could just learn. And the failure is I hit you take action and you learned nothing from it. So you see here it's all about taking that action and learning from your actions. I want you to stop thinking about failure. Failure is not a failure is an invention. It does not exist. Failure is if you don't take action towards your dream, I would like you to seek success and failure as twin sisters. It's like when you flip a coin, there are two sides. It means that you can have heads or you can have tails. And it's the same thing with success and failure. They come together. Some people think that they can only succeed and they won't fail, but that's not how it happens. You must fail in order to succeed. I'm not saying that you should take stupid actions and then you don't get the results. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that you could find someone model, someone who has the results that you want, and then take massive action. And you can cut your learning curve, but even with this strategy, you will fail. So I would like you to become comfortable with failure. I don't use the word failure anymore, but just to illustrate here, I would like you to become comfortable with failing that when you take action. There is a possibility of failing. And I would like you to fail fast. So now I would like just to share with you some failures are famous people because we think that it's all about the successes, but we don't really see the other side of the coin, which is the failures. The first one I would like to start with is Albert Einstein. So he didn't speak until he was four years old. Can you imagine that? Before graduating from university, he almost dropped out because he was doing very poorly. This is the same person who created the theory of relativity and other important work in mathematics and physics. In 1921, he created the beginning of quantum theory. So the persons who almost dropped out and the person who couldn't speak until four years old has created amazing things in mathematics and physics. Another one. So try to guess with this. I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games, 26 times. I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeeded. Do you know it is Michael Jordan. What's this was fired from a local newspaper for not being creative enough. What Disney. So it means that we wouldn't have, whilst we wouldn't have any Walt Disney movie or anything related to Walt Disney if he would have stopped because someone said that he wasn't creating enough and why, and she was fired because of that. Steven Spielberg was rejected twice by the University of Southern California School of Cinematic Arts. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, was told by his teachers he was too stupid to learn anything. Jk Rowling, the woman who wrote Harry Potter, was a broke, depressed, divorced single mother, and simultaneously writing a novel while studying. And she created Harry Potter. So here we can see that there are countless examples of people who are famous right now and who had many failures. But we don't really talk about the failures, that they only talk about the success. And what end up happening is that we think that in order to be successful, we don't have to fail. But if you really read biographies and you learn about people who are successful is because they fall off. So I don't want you to be paralyzed by failure. Okay. It's something that You should act, you should take massive action. And if you fail, first, you don't say you learn something. And if it happens, it happens. The more you fail, the more distinctions you would have so that next time you can take better actions. Another issue with the fear of failure is that people die. Failure with their self worth. It means that they will tie the results that they get with the self worth. It means that if I take action and then I get a good result, I will feel good. And if I take action and I fail, I will feel bad. And that will destroy myself first. And I'm not comfortable with that because dying to outside events, it means the things that you don't control, which are the results. It's not something that you should do because then you cannot have a real self worth and a good segue for us because if you fail to don't get the results, you feel bad. If you, if you, if you get good results, then you feel good and I don't want you to do like that with yourself force. Instead, what you should be doing is tying your self-worth with the actions that you're taking two hours to train. And this is what I do. I don't tie my say force to my success of my failures. I just MSF 12:00. Am I taking the actions today towards my dreams? And if the answer is yes, I feel good. Why is that great? Because it's something that is 100% in my control. The actions that I'm taking towards my dream is 100% in my control. So I can control myself force, and it's something that I highly encourage you to do. I would like you to see life as a playground. I would like you to just, if you have to fail, to fail fast. If you have succeeded, succeeded fast, I'd like you to see life as a playground because this is what life is about, is about experiment, experimenting things. I would like you to find someone who has gotten the results that you want to get. You ask them the question, How did you do it? And that can prevent you from failing, but you will still fail along the way. And that can also make you save many years. So it's really important to find a mentor, find someone who got the result. Do you want to lose weight? Find someone who lost weight and ask them how they did it. You want to start this new company. Find someone who started that company, asked them how they did it and you take action, you will still fail along the way. You must be comfortable with that. And that's why I would like you to just have the mindset of life is a playground. And another way to destroy the fear of failure is to try to look at life more positively. Because if there is an action that you want to take and you are paralyzed by this fear of failure is because you are focusing on the word failure and everything bad that could happen. And if you focus on everything bad that could happen, You will struggle to take action. What if instead, you focus on everything great That could happen? Imagine that you have the glass. The glass is half-full or the glass is half empty. It's up to you to decide how you want to see life. In my case, I decided to see live with the half-full glass. It means that I'm always looking on the positive side of things when I'm taking action. It means that I have this action. And even if I am I'm afraid of failing, I will just look at, oh, what can I gain from this situation and look at the glass half full? And that will help me because if I focus on everything that could go wrong, this fear of failure will increase. So maybe right now if you're really afraid of failing, it's because you are focusing on negative things, on everything bad that could happen, and you just change your focus to positive things. Another way to decrease your fear failure is to look at the worst-case scenario. What could happen? What is the worst that could happen? And some people would say, Alan, if I take that action and I fail, I'm dead. They really are. You really did you want to go to India or to Africa or to electric, really poor country and see what it is to be the ad. Like, Do you really want to go there and see what it is? Oh no, no. I won't be dead, but I will just have to find another job. Okay, that's better. So we tried to exaggerate things to protect ourselves from taking action. So what you should do is just write down the worst-case scenario. It means that if you fail, what can happen? So you make a list of the worst-case scenario. And then you also right next to it, how you can overcome it. So that you will become really confident. Because if you note that the worst-case scenario, it, it doesn't mean that it will happen, but if that happens, like the slight possibility, if that happens, you know how you can overcome it. And then it become powerful and the fear of failure will decrease. So here in this chapter, just wanted to show you that there are fears failure. The fear of failure is real. And it's not something that should paralyze you. If you use the tips here that I gave you, you can take massive action towards your dreams.
3. How To Handle The Fear Of Success: Sometimes the fear of success can be more powerful and can impact you more than the fear of failure. Alan, is that possible to be afraid succeed? Yes, that's possible. Most people ask themselves the question and it can be consciously or unconsciously, is that what can I lose if I succeed? And the thing that if they succeed, they can lose something, it will lead to pain or it will make them uncomfortable. So in order to avoid pain, losing something and being uncomfortable, they will do whatever they can not to succeed. And this is what the fee of succeeding is about, is that they think that by succeeding, they will lose something. It will lead to pain. Other will be uncomfortable, and it can be even unconsciously. And this is what it's incredible is that we are not even aware of that. But at one time like we go, we take action towards our dream. And then at 1, we do everything not to reach that goal and we don't understand why. And here's the reason why. Because you associate negative things to succeeding. And it's, it's what you perceive. It means that it's the pain that you perceive will give you if you succeed. It's not maybe reality, but it's what you perceive in your brain. It's what you perceive. We'll lose if you succeed. It's just the perception. It's not maybe reality. So I will show you later how you can really transform it and destroy the sphere of succeeding. Let's illustrate that. Let's say that there is a couple of 20 overweight people. And the man wants to lose weight. So he starts eating better. He starts going to the gym and you know, like his, his losing weight, it's, it's good. And then at 1, it can be consciously or unconsciously, he will say, Hmm. But if I continue losing weight, what will happen is that maybe my, my woman will be shadows of me. And I don't want my font, my movement, my woman to be Charles. And also if I continue losing weight, I will be eating, eating more and more healthy. And we won't have these amazing moments that we have on when we eat food together. And I want to have these moments with my wife. Hmm, maybe I should, I should start putting. Maybe I should start gaining weight again so that I don't lose that. And this is how our brain works and it can be also unconscious. So that's why it's really important to just be aware of that. And I will show you later how you can I can I can even show you that right now. You just take a piece of paper and you just ask yourself this question. What do I think I can lose? If I succeed? And you will get the reason. And you will know why you're doing everything not to succeed. Because you will just understand that you don't want to succeed so that you don't experience the state of pain or so that you don't, you don't lose something. And remember, it's all about perception, is you can do that right now. You take a piece of paper and you ask yourself this question, what do you think I can lose if I succeed? And you will know what you are avoiding. So what's the solution? Instead of asking yourself the question, what can they lose if I succeed and having the negative focus, you change the focus to positive. It means that what can I gain if I succeed? So if you are doing everything not to succeed, it's interesting just to know why you are. You are doing everything that not to succeed. So you make a list of what do you think I can lose if I, if I succeed? But then on the other hand, I would like you to ask yourself the question, what can I gain if I succeed? And I would like you to really focus on what can you gain if you succeed. Because I would like you to just show you brain that there are many positive outcomes if you succeed. And the great thing is that if you can come up with like many positive outcomes and just show you brain that the positive outcomes can be real. The negative outcomes. Maybe it's just an illusion and it's not really real. So if you do that, you will see that you can take massive action. Now let's take the example again of the men who wanted to lose weight. So if at the point, instead of asking himself, what can I lose if I succeed, he could have asked himself the question, what can I gain if I succeed? And he could have said, Oh, maybe I can inspire my wife to be healthy. I can't be an example for her. And he would have come up with reasons about why he should continue losing weight and why it was amazing right by us. Why it was awesome if he loses weight. And you can see here that if he just changed his mindset, he changed his results because then the fear of succeeding is not really anymore. And he could also have said, okay, I know that that is negative outcomes. That may be, I am a woman can be jealous, but I don't think that's really the case if you really think about that and you try to deactivate the, the negative things that you think can happen. Maybe it's not reality is just to feel that you had. So you can try to show your brain that the negative outcomes if you succeed, are not real. It's all about showing your brain and you focus on everything that you can gain if you succeed. Do that, you'll be able to take massive action. We also have an internal thermostat that tells us what we can have and what we deserve to have. So it happens all the time with people who win the lottery. They'll make a lot of money. And then one year later, they are back where they were. It's because when they won the lottery, they got all this money. And the internal thermostat will just saying, Oh, I'm not comfortable with that. We should get rid of the money until they become comfortable again. And it, it went until they were comfortable again. So it's something that we have inside us and it's also something that will increase our fear of succeeding. It means that if we don't think we deserve it, will do everything we can to get rid of it and not to achieve that goal. In this case here, if you win the lottery, you must raise your internal thermostat so that you know that you deserve this money so that you can keep it. Another example, if someone meets, for, a man, meets a woman of the, of the dream and the man is not really comfortable with the woman because the woman is of really high quality. And he, he says, Oh my God, I don't deserve this woman. So it's again, the internal thermostat that is there showing, oh my God, you don't deserve this woman. And over the long run, he will make things too to destroy the relationship because he wants to be comfortable again, because he set point is really low. He says I don't deserve this woman. So he would make everything he can to to stop the relationship. Even if it's slowly like everyday HD or something and the woman doesn't like, you see here, It's really incredible. It's not maybe something that you will do. One central be a big thing. It can be everyday, take a small action that will prevent you from succeeding, and then at the end, you don't succeed. So what's the solution? You must increase your set point of your thermostat. It means that you must understand that you deserve more out of life. You must increase your self-confidence, you self-worth, and you must raise your standards for what you want in your life. And it's not the process that you can do in a few minutes is something that you do over and over again. You increase your self forest and you raised the standards for what you, for what you think you deserve in life. Another thing that can activate the fear of success is that we are afraid of change. We are afraid of standing out. And what is that person that we love doesn't recognize us anymore. So it's always fears that we have the fear of just standing out from the crowd and all these fears that can be here. And that can increase the fear of success. So how can you deal with that? It's always about focusing on everything that you can gain. If you focus on everything that you can gain if you succeed and if you truly focus only on that, what will end up happening is that it will destroy fear of change. It will destroy the fee of standing out. All these negative fears that you have will be destroyed if you focus on everything that you can gain, remember everyone, focus on everything they can lose if they succeed, and that's why they are afraid. Succeeding. Focus instead on what can you gain if you succeed? And if you truly write down the answers and you feel the emotions, I guarantee that you will take action. You will be able to take action because you showed your brain what it can gain if you take actions. And this is here, the summary of the fear of succeeding. Focus on everything that you can gain if you succeed, instead of everything that you can lose if you succeed.
4. How To Deal With the Fear Of What People Will Think Of Me: Now let's talk about the fear of what people would think of us. So I believe we cannot stop carrying about what people would think of us because it's something that is ingrained in our brain to protect us. But the problem is that when this fear of what would people think of us dictates our behavior. And we are not ourselves and we don't take actions based on what you truly want and based on who we truly are, and that can become a problem. So this is what I will talk about here, is how you can be a little bit more yourself and take, take less into account about what people would think of you. So people who are always asking myself the question, what do people think of me? They're not living their life. They are not linked the true life and who they are. They are adapting to the environment, to other people's expectations. And they are always trying to be liked by everyone around them. Along time ago, I wanted everyone to like me and I was always worried about what people would think of me. So I love playing tennis and I would tell people, Hey, yeah, I love playing tennis, it's awesome. And people would say are no, tennis is awful. May have, or do you like playing tennis? And we say, No, I dance. I was adapting. Why was just to please people are so worried about what they would think of me that was adapting everyone. And what ends up happening is that I had no personality and no-one respected me and even no one liked me because they knew that was there was something off about me. So I know it's maybe an extreme example, but for you, maybe you're doing that to a certain extent. Maybe at work you adapting who you are just to please people or you are saying things because you are afraid of what people think of you. And at that time, I had a great friend and he came to me and he talked about the study that an Australian nurse didn't. So her name is Bronny away and she took care of people just before they died. And she asked a simple question. The question was, what is your biggest regret in life? And you know what almost all of them said. They said, I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life according to who I was. Instead, I lived a life according to other people's expectations. And when I, I learned that as like, oh my god, I don't want to be the person at the end of my life with regrets. And it really hit me, you know what I mean? It was really, really intense for me. So I don't want you to have the regrets of Omega. I lived my life according to other people's expectations. So like you to ask yourself this question, what do you like? What are you passions? What are your interests? What do you want out of life? Who do you want to become? If you don't answer these questions? Other people who will answer for you. So it's important that you take time right now after design training to really think about your dreams, your aspirations, who you want to become. If you don't do it, other people will tell you a 22 will tell you who you can become. You can just imagine that you have a book in front of you. And this book is who you are, your dreams, your aspirations, your interests, your passions. If this book is blank, someone can come and write something in it. But if it's already full, like you have written everything in your book, there is no place for the people to tell you what to do and who to become. So it's something that ID then that really helped me with the fact that I don't want to have regrets at the end of my life. So I'm acting always based on who I want to become and what are the things that I want to do with my life. Let's say that for example, you don't know what you want to do with your life. Go with what feels right to you. What deep inside you you want to do. Don't follow the other people's advice or expectations. Don't ask yourself this question. What would my parents want me to do? What would my girlfriend boyfriend wants me to do? Because that's your life. It's important that you really, truly listen to your inner voice that is inside you. Let me tell you why worrying about what people would think of you is just an illusion. We think that we can control 100% of the interaction. So it means that I can control what should we think of me. But that's not the case because I don't control 100% of the interaction. I control only 50 percent and you control your other 50 percent of the interaction. So I can only control my 50 percent. And 50 percent is how I express myself. So I don't control how you react tonight. I could go to a bar and complement a woman. And one woman can say, Oh my God, That's amazing. You're so sweet. And the other person can say, go away. I don't control the other person's reaction. I control my reaction. I can show how I express myself. So yes, there are things that I will do. I will say that we'll get better results. But here we are really talking about finding out what you want to do with your life, your passions, your interest, who you want to become, and then you express yourself freely with the world. And some people will like you, and some people want, but who cares? At the end, it's your life. And if you want to be at the end of your life without regrets, It's important that you think about who you want to become and why and what you want to have in your life and what you want to accomplish. And then you express that and what happens, happens. Thumb some people will like you. You cannot please everyone. Most people tried to please everyone. You can't. It's good if you have people who don't like you, it means that you are doing something that is true to yourself. If you have too many people like urine now, it's maybe because you're adapting too much to their expectations and to what other people want a few, instead of what you truly want to become more comfortable with what people would think of you. I would like you to assume the best in people, to see the best in people and not assume the worst. Let's say that you walk down the streets. And then there is an attractive woman or man who looks at you and who smiles. If you're always worried, oh my God, what would this person think of me? You may think that this person is making fun of you. But why don't you assume the best and say how this person smile? Because the person thinks that I'm attracted. It's all about the perception that you have in your brain. And we tend to think more negatively and positively when we are worried about what people would think of us, it's just to protect us. So when you go out and you do something and you are worried, instead of saying omega with this person, see that my shirt is often instead say, Hey, maybe this person looked because the person like the shirt. It's all about changing the perception that you have in your brain. So to master the game of what people would think of me, I highly encourage you to value more who you are, your dreams, your aspirations, rather than other people's expectations. And if you do that, you will live a happy and fulfilling life.
5. How To Deal With The Fear Of Rejection/Being Unloved: Most people fear rejection or failure, for example, because they think that if they are rejected or if they fail, they will be and loved. And they think that love is conditional. It means that people they care about, we love them and if they succeeded and they don't want to be and loved, so they don't want to be rejected because they think that love is conditional, but love is not conditional. Love is unconditional. And I would like to illustrate that with something that a woman showed me in Brazil. The woman said, hey, Allen, us thinking that love is conditional. You think that you do that, you get love, or you do that and you lose love. And he said, No, that's not how it works. I would like you to imagine that you have a small key in your heart. And when you approach someone or when you talk to someone, the other person has a lock in the heart. So immediately when you start talking and when you interact with the person, when you are around that person, this key goes to the, to the luck. It means that you already get love is love is unconditional, no matter what you do, you get love. And some people will say no, no, no. But if I do that and I fail, this person won't loved me. And most of the time they say they won't love you, but we still love you anymore. So there will still love you. I'm not saying to do something awful and to hurt the other person. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking that sometimes you can take actions. And I would like you to imagine that love is unconditional. So you are already connected in love with the other person. So no matter if we succeed or fail, the love won't change with the other person because it's already unconditional. So some people will fear rejection because they don't want to appear bad in front of other people, or it's because they die, their self-worth to rejection. For example, if I approach an investor and they reject my project, doesn't mean I'm worthless. The investor didn't reject me. He rejected my project or my atria. So it's a really important distinction here. Most people don't reject you. They reject the way you approach them or reject your actions or what you said or watch DID. It's not your cell. It's not you that they're reject. I would like you not to take rejection personally because sometimes someone can reject you and it's not your fault. You did everything. Well, let's see that there is Brad Pitt or George Clooney Qu, goes to a bar across to a place and he gets rejected. It can happen. Why is because again, you only control 50% of the interaction. You don't control what's happening in the world. It means that if I approach them on, if I take any action and the person rejects me, maybe the person had a terrible day. Maybe someone died, or maybe something awful happen. And don't want they don't want to talk to anyone right now. It's not my fault. I did everything right. But it's just that the situation or what was happening in their life was not good. So I would like you to stop taking rejection personally because most people are afraid. And they say, Oh my God, I will approach this person if the person rejects me, I am I'm a loser, I'm a failure. Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe start to fold. And it isn't even if the person rejects you. And you see that there are many people who reject you, who's reject you when you do the same thing. Maybe it's time to get feedback so that you can improve what you do. So rejection is not always bad. Regression can be also great because it can make you save time and energy. If you approach that person, the person rejects you right away. Maybe you were not meant to be personally or professionally. Maybe it's good and it hurts because sometimes you wants to be accepted and you want to be liked. But sometimes Jackson is great. You can not be liked by everyone. You can't. So be comfortable with that becomes the both with the fact that in your day-to-day life, people reject, you will reject that spark of life. That's part of life. And by being rejected, you want the unloved because remember, love is unconditional.
6. How To Destroy The Fear Of Approaching People: Now let's talk about the fear of approaching people. So it's a fear that everyone has. And the fear comes from 1000 thousand of years ago. You could imagine that Alan was in a tribe. And in order to survive, he had not to be rejected. So he had to stay in the group. And if he would have been rejected, what will happen is that I would die because I wouldn't have food. I wouldn't have anyone to protect myself. So I still associate and we still associate that as human beings. We still associate as rejection means death. So it's something that is ingrained in our brain. So if you go to a networking event, if you go to a bar or restaurant, we still at the back of our head, we still have, oh my God, if I if they reject me, it can mean death because back in the times, rejection would mean death because you will be out of the tribe. So I would like to share with you here three ways that you can decrease this fear of approaching because you cannot destroy it, you cannot remove it, but you can decrease it. So before giving you the three advice here, I would like to share with you that the fear will decrease over time the more you practice. And even people who are really successful, socialist successful, they still have the sphere practice so much that she has destroyed. And they also use our amazing techniques and the techniques that I will be sharing with you here. So it's about accepting that the field is 0 will always be there when you're in a place and you are experiencing this fear of approaching, it's important that you understand that this fish there, you don't reject it because if you rejected it would grow. We just accept that of his day. Okay. I accept that the fees there. Number one, I would like you to think in terms of benefits, if you're afraid. It's because you think that taking action will lead to pain. For example, you ask yourself the question, what can go wrong in this interaction? If you approach that person, say what can go wrong? Oh, this person can reject me. This person to say that I'm a loser. Dispersion can see that I didn't shave today. The person can see that the person can start and you focus on negative things. And the human brain, in order to act, he must perceive more benefits than negative things. So if you focus on everything that could go wrong, you will attached many negative things that could go wrong. And you won't act because you will have this fear of approaching that will increase. Instead, ask yourself the question, what can I gain if I approach that person? And you could make a list, or I could have a new business partner, could have a new friend, I could have that, that that and you show your brain that are more benefits to approaching. And if there are more benefits than negative things that can happen when you bring, say, oh, maybe I should take action right now. So it's about focusing on the benefits instead of everything that could go wrong. The second technique of electro share with you here is to approach as soon as possible. And it's something that helped me a lot in my social life. When you enter a new social place is like if you are entering a new social tribe and you don't know how you can behave. You don't know if you can talk loud, you don't know if we can approach people because it's a new tribe and they don't know you. And back in the days, if you enter new tribe, you don't know what could happen. Someone could kill you. Again, it's the same thing. So I would like you to just exchanged a few words with the first-person that you see in that new environment. Even it can be high. How is your night? Hi, are you having a great day? You just ask a simple question. The goal is to show your brain that you can take action and that you can approach people in that environment. When I was at university and I had to give presentations. So I was really scared of how giving presentations and what I would do always before giving my presentation Is a few hours before. I would just offer a few minutes before we just raised my hand and ask a question. And the question could be a basic question. But the fact that I showed my brain that I could ask a question in front of hundreds of people and still be safe and be loud. I just showed my brain, Hey, I could give a presentation, nothing will happen. Is the same thing here when you go to a restaurant or bar networking event, don't stay here with your phone and you say, Oh my God, I have to approach someone. You just approach the first person that you see to show proof to your brain that you can approach person, can approach a person. And if you do that, it will decrease your fear of approaching. And the third one is the one that I really like. I want you to make fun of the fear. If you asked really serious about the fear and you say, Oh my God, this sphere is so powerful, it will destroy me and I won't be able to have a great social life. You won't, you won't be able to have a great social life. It's all about the importance that you give to the sphere. So what I do is that I imagined that my fear is named Carlos. And Carlos, I imagine it's a small person that is just sitting here on my shoulders. And I imagine that I have to take care of Carlos and his really negative and his preventing me from taking action. And he's a little bit, I would say fucked up. He he is not in a good shape and he's just there and he's the part of me that prevents me from taking action and he was always be there. I have to take care of Carlos. I have to take care of him. It's like someone that, you know, will always be new life and you must take care of that person. And you don't like that person, that that person would be there, so you accept that person and that's what I do. So I will be in a bar or restaurant networking event, and I will have this this year. So I'll say, hey, Carlos, you are here again, say it's goods. You're trying to do best kalos, you are trying to do your best to prevent me from acting that. I'm sorry. But you want you want when today? I have to approach and then I will do, I make fun of the fear. It's a technique that is really powerful and that works really, really, really well.
7. How To Transform Your Problems Into Opportunites: Life would be so boring without problems. So as you are going to have problems your entire life, why not transform your problems into opportunities and maybe start having fun with your problems? So there are many ways to look at the problem. Let's say that you are so far and you see a big wave. You see that as an opportunity and a challenge. And if you're someone who doesn't know how to swim and you see this big wave. You see that as a real problem. So in this section here, I would like to show you different ways looking at the problem and how you can transform them into opportunities instead, what do most people do? Then we spend 100% of the time on the problem. It means that they have a problem and we spend 100% of the time. And then we say, Oh my God, I have this problem, it's a problem. So the problem is a problem. And they don't find solution and say, I don't have I don't have a solution, I have a problem. Yes. But what you should do instead is instead of spending 100% of the time on the problem, you just analyze the problem. You just write down what's happening. And you spent 20 percent of the time of the problem and 80 percent of the time on the solution. So if you spend 20% of the solution, you will just write down, okay, at work, I have this project and I have these, these digits that is happening. That's it. You have defined the problem and then you go on and you find solution. That way you can really learn how to, how to deal with problems effectively and you will do it in the right way. Not like hmm, like how much how most people do is like, okay. Yeah, I would probably have a problem. If you focus the problem, you're going to reactivate the problem. You want to find a solution and move on. Yes, you have to deal with the consequences of the problem, but analyze and then find the solution suspension 80 percent of the time finding solutions. And you will see that you will be able to deal with problems more effectively in your life. I don't want you to see problems as problems. I would like you to see a problem as an opportunity to grow and as a challenge, I want you to have a challenge mindset. As you know that you will have programs your whole life when I start having fun with them and seeing that as an opportunity and a challenge instead of a real problem. Because if you perceive a problem, there is a roadblock between you and the solution. But if it's a challenge, you know that you can find a solution. So by just changing the words in your brain, it changes the fact that you will be able to deal with problems more effectively. If we think about the goal of a problem, do you think they are here to stop us and prevent us from living the good life? Or do you think they are here so that you can expand, that you can grow. We can challenge ourselves to get the good life. Whatever you believe will be true to you. In my case, I believe that any problem that I have here is a challenge for you, an opportunity to grow. It's not something that is here to stop me or to block me from unleashing my potential. It's the mindset that I have. And with this mindset here, I'm able to take massive action. I know problems will be hips. Hey, it's a challenge, it's an opportunity. Oh, I, I can grow. If I do that, I can do Okay, I have this problem here. Okay? It's a challenge. And this is the mindset that I have because I believe that all the problems that I have is just an opportunity for me to grow and the challenge to grow so that I can achieve my goals. So it's all about how you perceive the problem. Let's say that tomorrow you get fired from your job. It's not something that I want, but let's say that happens tomorrow. He gets fired from your job. Someone will say, Oh my God, That was amazing. Like I'm finally free to leave a live up to my true potential and start my own business. Finally, I can do what I want. And the other person who starts crying and you say, Oh my God, my life is over. I don't have a job anymore. It's sort about the interpretation that you have of the problem. So any problem that you have, look, look at it negatively, or you can try to find the gift inside it and the opportunity, remember, it's like a coin. There is heads and tails. There is the opportunity, and there is a problem inside everything that happens. So if you have a negative situation and you think it's a problem, instead of only focusing on the negative side of the problem, you know that there is a so positive side of the problem. Even if you don't want to look at it, you know that it's there. And when you are ready to look at it, you can look at the positive side and the opportunity. Because in my life I had many things that I thought was a real problem then negative that would destroy my life a few years later. I'm really thankful for that because it was an opportunity and I didn't see the opportunity at the time. I just saw the problem. So don't forget that, that when there is a problem, there is an opportunity and there is a gift inside, even if the problem is really negative and a really important problem. So if you want to increase the quality of your life, you can start to look for the gifts in every situation. And I know it's easy to find for the gifts in the positive situations. But if you really want to master the quality of your life, you must look for the gift. When it's dark, when you have negative situations. And you should be able to find the light there, to put light there, to find the gift in this situation, the dark, sad moments. And then you have mastered the art of creating amazing quality of life for yourself and for those that you care about. So a long time ago when I finished business school and I wanted to get a job in a big corporation. I don't know why, but I couldn't get the job. I couldn't get a job in the corporation I wanted I couldn't. And then I met someone and this person said, maybe the problem that you perceive as a problem is just an opportunity. Maybe it's time for you to really start your own business and to shine like you want instead of working for someone else. And it hit me so hard because I thought that not finding a job was off as terrible and father really big problem for me. And now this person presents the program as an opportunity. And she said maybe it's a sign from the universe, whatever you believe in, so that you can really start doing what you like and doing what you're made for. And it hits me so hard that I remember that that night eyes, I took a piece of paper and I started tweeting along with coaching. And I was so excited after that because I had the problem. If I if I would have had the job, maybe I wouldn't have started that I was coaching, I don't know, but that happen like that. So I would like to inspire you to see life more positively and negatively in any, in any problem that you have. There is an opportunity, there is something to grow this a challenge, and there is light and there is a gift. If you're able to look for that, you can master your life. So I was really honored to be here and teach you in design training. So what I encourage you to do right now is to just take some notes right now after you have watched everything about the fears that you think are holding you back the most. And I would like you to just come up with a solution. So for example, if you say, Oh, it's a fear of approaching, a fear of what people would think of me. You just write it down. Watch the video again, and you take notes and you take action points. Because now you know what the training is about. But I would like really you'd now to, to, to apply to your life because I really want you to get the results. I really want you to take action and to succeed. So don't hesitate. If you, if you have something that is a fear that you still have rach, again, the online training and try to find the answers. And the more you find the answers and the more you take action, the more you try to apply the tools and techniques that I'm sharing here in this course, the more you will be able to succeed. So it was really an honor to be here and I really wish you the best for your life.
Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant
