Transcripts
1. Class Introduction: Welcome to Session Two of
shooting from the heart. In this session we're
going to really explore the nature
of contradiction. In other words,
the yeses and nos, the ups and downs, the NZ out, the good, the bad, the pleasant, the unpleasant. And how we use the single photograph to embrace two sides
of that equation. Our nature as humans is to
choose one or the other. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it right? Is it wrong? But we're going to
see what happens when within one frame, we take these opposites and
we include them together. What happens is we have tension and where there is
tension, there's drama, and where there's drama, there's the possibility of
an interesting photograph. So let's get on
with session two.
2. Embrace Contradiction (pgs. 1-4): All those ends that tend to
be ORS has an OR in our life. Is it painful, or
is it ecstatic? Is it ugly, or is it beautiful? Do I hate this? Do I love this? Is it uncomfortable
or is it comfortable? What happens when it's both? What happens when you do wake
up at four in the morning and blessed rage and machine
and go 80 miles an hour. And you say, am I out
of my mind is so good? You know, What's that? What that then you can't it's very hard to walk away saying, I got this now, you walk away saying
something's happening. And that's the nature of
embracing contradiction. And that's the nature
of walking into it intentionally facing it, because it's always there. Life is contradictory. We don't want it to be. So our tendencies come along and push away the part
that we don't like, the non preferential part and we hold onto the part
that we do like. And as you had said, Katie so beautifully when
we had our Zoom check-in, was that the photograph
that you made that you love and you want it to be
able to do it again, right? And that's the tendency
is like it felt so good, it looks so good. I want it. But what about the struggle? Why don't you want
the struggle to the struggles we got you
there in the first place. So why not embrace the struggle and embrace the end result? But we want to push
away that struggle. We want to push away that pain. We want to push away
the discomfort. We want to push all
that stuff away. And then you're left with this sort of the pain of
a dual existence, right? Instead of the lightness, non-dual existence
where you say, hey, what the ****,
it's all here anyway, I might as well bring it all and invite
them all to the party. And let's see what happens. So even though
this photograph of Samantha is so contrived, it so intellectually
brought to life. It's not to say that in fractions of a second
as you're looking around and imagining what you're going to photograph as
a documentary photographer, as a whatever photographer. Just photographing your life. That the tendency might be
oh wow, that's so pretty. Click. It's like but that photograph, that flower that you just photographed, it's going to die. But not yet. But what happens when you
bring that aspect into it? The impermanence of the flower. If maybe you're
going to go back and photograph it when it does die. And then maybe you wind
up with this diptych of the living flower
and then dead flower. And now you're in a
whole other world, or maybe you sandwich
them together, or maybe you kill the flower, you burn the flower, you eat the flower. Something arises when you, when you intentionally
looking at the idea that, that our tendency
is toward comfort and you allow something else
not to push it away and say, Oh, I just, I just want to be
uncomfortable all the time. And that's how all grow. That's just martyrdom. That's hard to go through life. But what we're
basically saying is it is really there anyway. So just the same as the cold water is the cold
water and it really hurts. But what if it doesn't? That's interesting. It's the same thing. It's
just another example of the same, of the same thing.
3. Creative Stretch Part 1 (pg. 5): So when you look down inside of your own heart and
soul and you say, This is what guides my life. These are the values that really inform the choices that I make. So list, list five of those things in that column on the left and the
right-hand column, you want to write
the opposite value of each of those values that
you listed on the left. So whatever, whatever word comes to mind as one
of the many opposites, antonyms that it could be something that
represents its opposite. Then once you've finished, you want to fill in those
blanks on the bottom there. The blank of blank on the left
side goes your number one, left column entry there. And so you can see my example from the
left comes integrity, and then on the
right goes deceit. So the integrity of
deceit would come from my example from
the table on the top. So you want to fill in
those five lines on the bottom so that you
have those complete.
4. Creative Stretch Part 2 (pgs. 6-7): Choose. Let's just take the
top one, number one. Okay. Can somebody,
if you wouldn't mind just to share your
number one pair, that your number one
statement on the bottom. Trust of dishonesty. The trust of
dishonesty. Alright. So of course it
doesn't make sense, It's not supposed to make sense. So if you were to
imagine an image that somehow conveyed that
non-dualistic perspective, let's just open this
up to the group. If anyone could
suggest a photograph. It it doesn't have to be good and it doesn't
have to be right. It doesn't have
to be acceptable, it doesn't even
have to make sense. But is there any, any image
that comes to mind that could potentially convey the idea
of the trust of dishonesty. What might that look like? A picture of a little kid, like talking to
some creepy adult. The beauty of it is the way you started
off was it's creepy. And then you hesitated
because because it's creepy. So that means that
somewhere deep down inside of you is creepiness, right? It's in me too. It's in everybody. So something like creepiness
that tends to be like, Oh none, none, none, no. I don't want to recreate your creepy allowing the
idea to emerge and not, and not judging it and
not saying that, Oh, that the tendency is push it aside and go and let
the next one come up. But don't write. If you think of this
just as play, it's okay. It's just an idea. So let the ideas come. So the nature of the
whole exercises, it forces you to be
kind of creepy or it forces you to be weird, or to allow things that
don't really and truly. Certainly, certainly
they may not make sense, but they're definitely not part of your everyday
consciousness. And that's really, that's really what the
exercise is about. So you may find that the ideas for the
photographs may come up, maybe, maybe
practical to create. And they may not be
practical to create. You may find that
you want to really work hard on doing one
of them really well, or you just want to just
do three or four or five. And they're really simple. Or you may want to journal
about the fact that you hate this whole thing and that it doesn't make
any sense to you. And you can come up with an idea and carries idea was so good. And how come I can't come
up with an idea like that. Right? And she doesn't believe it. So that's going in my journal to you creating a laboratory. A laboratory that is safe for you and you alone to walk in. It's like a laboratory
and a playroom. Anything goes here. It's this kind of wacky world of I'm shooting from the heart that you're going
to claim as your own. One of the reasons that
this is so difficult. It's difficult anyway, But
one of the other reasons is difficult is because you're living in your
normal life, right? And I'm asking you in the
midst of your normal life, lift the artists
come to life, right? And that's why it's so important that you carve out the time. That's why carry it
happens to be that for AIM is perfect. Because you don't have
any responsibilities to anybody else at that time. I would just invite you to just continue
to look at this as, as something that has a
certain novel quality to it. Just go with the
flow, let it be. And then notice, notice
all the judgment, notice all of the
all that self-talk. Notice that it's uncomfortable. Notice your tendency to walk away because it's uncomfortable. Notice your tendency is not to be able to
commit to the process. Just notice all that stuff. I feel like if if
I were to identify my responsibility to
you as a student, it would be to shake you just to start you
thinking differently to change the nature
of your level of presence and awareness and to start asking some
other questions. And ideally to seek
out the support from the other
people in the group is that's just a bonus. And it's very, very
helpful because this is definitely a lonely journey. It, no matter what, It's a lonely journey,
it's just, you know, it's, it's sort of your
soul and your ego. And they don't like
each other very much. And you're saying,
hey, let's go, let's go be friends and they're
both saint to each other. They get away from me. I don't, I don't, I
don't want to listen to that inner voice and the other ones like
let's have some fun.
5. Personal Happening (pg. 8-9) ): I'm telling you from massive
amounts of experience as a, as a happening door and
is it happening, teacher, that the value of formalizing this process is
absolutely worth it. So subconsciously coming up with the idea for the happening, not understanding, why would
I even write that down? And then doing it anyway, that process is worth it. The confusion about how to go about even filling out
this tendency form is a very natural
confusion because there's nothing that comes. There's nothing,
there's nothing very left-brain logical,
linear about this. It's the complete opposite. So you're just asking yourself when faced with contradiction, I tend to do this. Cary, Do you mind if I
stay with you for this? Okay. So could you would
you mind to read your tendency to not
do the wrong thing, That's your tenancy, okay? So now we're going to look
to do is to find something. So I get to do the wrong thing. You can. Absolutely. Okay. The thing you want to be aware of as you don't want it correct your tendency and
you don't and you don't want to necessarily
do the opposite. Although in this case, I think it'd be
very healthy to do the opposite, to do
the wrong thing. So it starts off with what? So if you were to do
something that was inspired by your tendency, tendency is to do, is to not do the wrong thing. So now you're thinking like
room, that's my tendency. So, you know what, that makes me think I would
really like to do this. So what might it be? It doesn't have to be brilliant. It's just like, yeah, you know what, I
think I'll do that. Did you something that is
actually sure why not? I don't know. Speed. Speed. Okay? Okay. Let's speed then. Alright. So you're going to speed. So under what you're
gonna write speed, you mean do you mean
speed in your car? Okay. So you're gonna
speed speed in your car. Okay. So we are you going to you're
going to bring everyone along for the ride? No. Okay. So with or with
whom? Just put no one. Alright, now, where, where
are you going to do this? Your goal here is not to
go to j, I assume, right? So where where could you
could the highway any particular I guess LA
would have to be working. Okay. So LAA is good. Alright. So you put
that underwear. So when when do you feel you could do that and not
get caught or killed? Morning, early morning. So like for practicality
doesn't play into 415. Did you make it a little later? I'm going to make any
do anything for 15. Alright? Alright. And how I guess with your
seat belt on and your music, would that, would that down music loud, any particular song? Rage Against the Machine. Excellent. All right, so pop that
in there and know-how. Let's just go back up to
the what for a second. How fast are you going to go? Like Seventy-five. Alright, should we call
it 80? Okay. Alright. So that's what you're gonna
speed at, 80 miles an hour. Are you going to hit AD and
then stop where you're going to you're going to keep
it at 80 for a while. Okay. Okay. So now you're going to take those 12345 criteria that
you've listed in the what, who, where, when, and how. And you're going to
create that into one once fluid sentence. So I will speed in my car
at 80 miles an hour by myself on the LIATE
on Saturday at 430 while listening to
Rage Against the Machine. So that becomes one
comprehensive sentence and a declaration
of your happening. So you see how the two are. They're not directly related, but 11 comes out of the other. It's just sort of born. The tendency is this, but not this time folks, something else is
going to arrive.
6. Closing Lecture - Part 1: So what I what I would
like to invite us, I'm going to say not you. I'm going to include myself in this invitation to talk about this first week of practice. I think that it really, it really will help for
us to feel that we're, that this is difficult work and that we're not alone
in that challenge. And that being disciplined in a practice is not the
easiest thing in the world. And then, then I like to kind of weave into that conversation. So why do it then? You know what I mean? Just because it's difficult
that doesn't warrant The doesn't warrant that
pain and that effort. So let's let's just let's
just take time here for, for anybody to, to take
a moment to share. Where did you find resistance? Where did you find challenge? Did you get anywhere? Did you did you just just so frustrated
if nothing happened? So for anybody who would like to kind of share
what it was like? Yeah, Kim. So I have a morning ritual already because I'm
a very early riser. Very early meaning
like 530 usually. That's when I just wake up. What was very hard for
me with this, with two, kinda change my
routine or to think, what should my ritual be? The one thing I've been successful at keeping
was the shower, the shower, and the
fixing of a drink. I feel like I became
obsessed with the ritual that's supposed
to help me calm down. We can come back to is it's not supposed to make
you comfortable. That is not what
it's meant to do. I guess I did it right. And nor is, nor is the effort to engage and commit about doing something
that's comfortable. If we want to do something
that's comfortable, just roll out of bed
and get a doughnut. That would be that
would be comfortable. That would be good
renewal, right? Right. But this is not
particularly comfortable. And so let's see if we
can figure out why. Why would, why would
you put yourself through something that
you're looking to repeat? And it's not comfortable. The idea of it having
been ritualized is that eventually you don't have to worry about trying
to squeeze it in. Because one of the
other prevailing themes is that this is for you. You're not proving
anything that anyone, you're not giving
anything to anyone. This is, and that's
why it's called a spiritual practice, right? As in nurturing my spirit. And unfortunately, the
way that things go, sometimes that's
not as important, doesn't get as much
attention as it should. So of course, this frustration because there's this
tendency to, you know, especially if you have the
personality that tends to be more forgiving and
more doing for others. Now all of a sudden I'm
come along and I'm saying, dedicate a significant part of your effort and your
time for yourself. And your mind is like,
I don't think so. Your subconscious especially
is like ain't happening. So I will, as soon as, you know, all of this has
meant to slow you down. While the world is like go, go, go, go, go and you're in
the middle of it all. You're like, no,
I'm just going to take a deep breath here. And I'm going to
actually see something, smell something,
tastes something. Which is really makes for a more juicy, pungent existence. Something about me that's
more present every day, that hasn't been in
a very long time. So I find myself like whatever and then
I'm like, wait a minute. I'm definitely more
in the moment of things of things I would
never clears up before. But it's uncomfortable,
but it's awesome. Okay, and what we wanna
do is experiment. You know, we want
to see what notice, Oh, that's my tendency. I'm comfortable when
I do it that way. So I'm comfortable when
the shower is hot. But let's see what
happens when it's cold. The first time. It's no fun, right? But then it kinda
gets interesting. Like not as bad as I
thought. Probably stay here. Another tactic
could I do 30 know, maybe you're just, you're
finding that edge. And then you're taking a little tiny baby step over the line. And the best thing to
think about as far as like if you want
a mentor or a model, just think of a four-year-old. That's the best
thing. They don't they don't want
to figure it out. They just want to do it. And then that's the
voyage of discovery. So see what you can do
to start just being aware that all these judgments going on and all these
tendencies are in place, then try to be aware
of how you're beating yourself up about your
habits and your tendencies. Watch that, and then see if
you can say, you're okay. It's gonna, it's
gonna be alright.
7. Closing Lecture- Part 2: There is a tendency to, to believe that what
you're creating, whether it's in your journal
or with your camera, necessitates that somebody
else see it and like it. Right? Then on some
level you're going to, you're going to share this and that person is going
to say, good job. It goes on the fridge, right? But what if this
is more akin to, I always come back
to prayer, right? What if this is akin
to prayer where you're looking deep inside and you're asking yourself,
what's in there? What what parts of myself
have I not discovered yet? What is that soft
underbelly of undeveloped, sort of like raw, unprocessed meanness,
not mean ness but me. I what is that? What does that look like? It's it's kind of amazing
because that's where the, that's where the artist's lives. It's in the shadows, it's in, it's in the shame. It's in the unaccepted, it's in the misunderstood,
the unknown. It doesn't, don't link
necessarily the idea that when you tap into that
and when you touch upon it and even express it, that that means
that you have now become ultimately
vulnerable to the world. You ultimately vulnerable to yourself and that's hard enough. But let yourself play
in that, in that world, give yourself permission to say, You know what, I don't
know what I'm doing. There is something
where you're just allowing something
else to arise, some other part of your creative process,
your creative genius. And it doesn't come from
being in your tendencies, in your, in your comfort
and in your habit. It comes from stepping
over the edge. So the idea is engaged for
the sake of engagement, notice where your limits are, notice where your
comfort level is. And then look
inside, look around, say nobody's watching,
nobody needs to know. And then and then walk in, walk into the water, walk into the mud, walk into the dirt,
walk into the, into these odd
areas where there's cultural taboos are
attached to it or your own your own judgment. And oh, I don't do that. Why not? Have fun? And then you'll
discover new things. The thing that's interesting
is we're talking about, we're talking about engaging
for the sake of discovery. But you don't know what
you're going to discover. So you're looking for
this place that you can play and experiment and have this process of discovery where you're not putting
yourself in danger, but you are certainly
putting your ego in danger and your identity and all these
boundaries and say, oh, I would never do that. Well, yes, you would you would if you didn't care about
what someone else thought, as long as you weren't going
to get I would say maimed, it's worth the experience. And then, and then, and then you will find that the way that you
start photographing, that starts changing too, because you're just changing your perception of the world. You're broadening
your perspective. You're breaking down things that you are convinced
wholeheartedly. Were you? And they were good. And now you're left with what? With what my graduate
school advisor said to me, those horrible words, you're a great photographer. So what
Rob Goldman, Photographer & Creativity Coach
