Confidence in how you feel about yourself | TJ Walker | Skillshare
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Confidence in how you feel about yourself

teacher avatar TJ Walker, Public Speaking and Media Training Expert

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

    • 1.

      0Confidence in how you feel about yourself

      1:56

    • 2.

      1 Quick Win! Simple Trick To Boost Confidence Massively For Any Presentation

      1:13

    • 3.

      2 Another Quick Win! Remind Yourself Of Your Wins! 1

      1:27

    • 4.

      Last Quick Win! Display Confident Posture!

      1:36

    • 5.

      Why Showing and Displaying Confidence to Others Is Never Enough

      1:35

    • 6.

      Tell Me Where You Need More Confidence In Your Life

      1:25

    • 7.

      Be Confident On Why Confidence and Self Confidence are So Important to You (2)

      1:30

    • 8.

      Confidence Isn't About Being Perfect It's About Knowing You're Doing Your best (2)

      2:23

    • 9.

      This Is Not Sexy! But Here Is the Real Source of Confidence (2)

      3:01

    • 10.

      Confidence Fuels Success AND Success Fuels Confidence

      3:09

    • 11.

      Build Confidence with Others to Give Yourself More Confidence

      1:55

    • 12.

      Confidence Comes More Easily With a Growth Mindset (2)

      3:03

    • 13.

      High self esteem and high confidence go hand in hand

      4:23

    • 14.

      How This Course Is Different From Other Confidence Courses (2)

      2:05

    • 15.

      Nothing Breeds Confidence Like More Failure!

      4:27

    • 16.

      The #1 Problem With Going Through Life Without Confidence (2)

      2:38

    • 17.

      Inner Lack of Confidence Spills Over Into Outer Lack of Confidence

      4:34

    • 18.

      Evolve To Charles Darwin's View on the Right Kind of Confidence

      1:53

    • 19.

      Guidance on How To Go Through This Course With Confidence

      1:33

    • 20.

      Don't Let Fear Of the Unknown Destroy Your Confidence

      3:48

    • 21.

      Confident, Successful People Love to Take Baby Steps

      4:01

    • 22.

      Take Your Baby Step Right Now!

      2:36

    • 23.

      Good News! You Don't Have to Be Confident In Everything You Do

      3:12

    • 24.

      Why Should You Have Confidence In This Confidence Instructor

      5:34

    • 25.

      A Long Short Cut to Building Supreme Confidence

      3:36

    • 26.

      Guidance on How To Go Through This Course With Confidence

      1:33

    • 27.

      Build Confidence By Meeting Small Goals On a Specific Time Table

      2:35

    • 28.

      Consistency Builds Confidence

      4:10

    • 29.

      Build Confidence By Sharing Your Creations With The Whole World

      9:10

    • 30.

      Confidence Is a Foundation for Creativity

      6:08

    • 31.

      Fake It Til You Make It Doesn't Always Work

      8:18

    • 32.

      Make Long term Memory Loss Your Confidence Friend

      2:40

    • 33.

      Our Insecurities Now Come from Overabundance, Not Scarcity

      4:35

    • 34.

      Modern Technology Changes Everything

      0:33

    • 35.

      Your Confidence Will Drown In a Sea of Content

      3:29

    • 36.

      The Overabundance of Food Is Causing Lots of Confidence Problems

      8:43

    • 37.

      Stuff Is Snuffing Our Your Confidence!

      9:42

    • 38.

      Confidence In Every Sphere of Life

      7:52

    • 39.

      The 7 Levels of Every Habit Sphere of Life

      7:11

    • 40.

      Sphere 1 Self Control

      5:59

    • 41.

      Create Your Own Sphere 1 Goals

      0:29

    • 42.

      Sphere 2 Your Health

      7:46

    • 43.

      Sphere 3 Your Relationships

      7:23

    • 44.

      Create Your Relationships Goals

      0:31

    • 45.

      Sphere 4 Lifelong Learning

      7:12

    • 46.

      Your Lifelong Learning Goals

      0:29

    • 47.

      Sphere 6 Your Leisure And Hobbies

      11:59

    • 48.

      Your Leisure Goals

      1:19

    • 49.

      Sphere 7 Your Wealth

      13:53

    • 50.

      Your Wealth Goals

      0:31

    • 51.

      This Is How I Build Confidence

      0:45

    • 52.

      Here Is My SelfieSpeak Program

      1:41

    • 53.

      It's a Little Personal, But I'm Going to Show You My Own Selfie Media Program

      1:28

    • 54.

      Here Is my SelfieMedia Program

      1:43

    • 55.

      Using Your Phone to Build Confidence, Not Destroy It

      8:27

    • 56.

      The Real Secret to Personal Development Isn't the Personal Development Industry

      7:16

    • 57.

      Start Experimenting with SelfieSpeak Programming Now

      2:43

    • 58.

      Let's Get started with Your SelfieSpeak Programming

      0:57

    • 59.

      You Can Program Yourself

      2:02

    • 60.

      The Selfie Speak Program, SSP, Is the Easiest Way To Influence Mindset

      9:58

    • 61.

      Here is Exactly How You make a Selfie Speak Program for Mindset

      4:36

    • 62.

      The Selfiie Media Program

      3:22

    • 63.

      This Is How You Make Your Own Selfie Media Program

      1:21

    • 64.

      Selfie Text Programming

      4:50

    • 65.

      Laying Out Your Selfie Text Programming

      3:35

    • 66.

      It's Not too Late To Ask Your Questions

      0:47

    • 67.

      Be Confident Enough To Change Your Goals

      1:52

    • 68.

      Only the Confident Seek Criticism

      1:07

    • 69.

      Continue Your Confidence Building Journey Below

      0:51

    • 70.

      Congratulations! You Are Ready for a Lifelong Confidence Mindset!

      0:44

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About This Class

Are you tired of feeling insecure and lacking confidence in your abilities, communication skills, and appearance? Do you struggle with self-doubt and hesitation when it comes to important work presentations or asking for a raise or promotion? It's time to take control of your confidence and become the truly confident person you know you can be.

Our Complete Confidence Building Course, led by renowned confidence and personal development coach TJ Walker, is designed to give you the tools and techniques you need to develop genuine confidence in yourself and your talents. Unlike other courses that simply teach you how to appear confident in front of others, this course goes deep and helps you to truly believe in your own worth and abilities.

Meet Your Teacher

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TJ Walker

Public Speaking and Media Training Expert

Teacher

TJ Walker is the founder of Media Training Worldwide and has been conducting public speaking training workshops and seminars since 1984. Walker has trained Presidents of countries, Prime Ministers, Nobel Peace Prize winners, Super Bowl winners, US Senators, Miss Universes and Members of Parliament .

Walker has more than 100,000 online course enrollments and more than 100,000 online students.

His book, "Secret to Foolproof Presentations" was a USA Today # 1 Bestseller, as well as a Wall Street Journal, and Business Week Bestseller.

Walker is also the author of "Media Training AZ" and "Media Training Success."

In 2009, Walker set the Guinness Book of World Records for Most Talk Radio Appearances ever in a 24 hour period.

Walker has also served as a forme... See full profile

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Personal Development Mindset
Level: All Levels

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Transcripts

1. 0Confidence in how you feel about yourself: Imagine yourself going through life with complete and total confidence. When people see you speak or even walk in a room, they'll be convinced that you are confident, more important, you will feel confidence from the inside. You will know that you're coming across your very best. You're doing your best, and you're doing everything you can to achieve your goals. Hi M TJ. Walker, and for more than 30 years I've taught presidents of countries, prime ministers, Nobel Peace Prize winners, even professional athletes, how to exude more confidence in all aspects of life. In this course, I'm going to teach you step by step techniques so that you can build confidence. It's not something you're either born with or you're not. It's not about luck. It's not just about getting psyched up at the moment. There are specific techniques you can use on a daily basis to build more confidence and to show more confidence to the rest of the world. Now this course is brand new. It's all updated information for you. So it takes into account, for example, this thing, cell phones. These often destroy our confidence because it seems like everyone in the world is better looking than we are. Everyone has more glamorous vacations, everyone is thinner, everyone is funnier. I'm going to teach you highly specific techniques on how you can use your cell phone to your advantage to help you build your confidence. All that and more in the course. If you're ready to build your confidence, enroll right now. Let's get started. 2. 1 Quick Win! Simple Trick To Boost Confidence Massively For Any Presentation: Let's dive in with a quick win. Imagine you have to give a small presentation in an important meeting today. Or you have to go on a job interview or give an elevator pitch, and you're not completely confident that you're going to come across your best. Here's something simple, guaranteed to work every time. Pull out your cell phone, go to the video record section and just practice what you want to say, even if it's just the first 30 seconds. Watch it, look at it, listen to it, figure out what you like, what you don't like. Do this 23, maybe four times. It might only take 5 minutes. But keep practicing until you're convinced you're coming across the best you can. What's making you nervous? What's robbing you of your confidence Is this fear of the unknown. What if I sound stupid? By practicing on video, you'll know exactly how you're coming across. You don't have to show anyone. You don't have to hire a trainer. Go to a big public workshop just on your own. No one else is around. Record yourself on video. Look at it until you're happy with it. Do that, your confidence will skyrocket. 3. 2 Another Quick Win! Remind Yourself Of Your Wins! 1: One more really quick tip before we dive in deeply in this course. The last tip dealt with outward confidence. How you get other people to perceive you as confident by practicing on video. This one is about your insides. A great way to be confident. To simply remind yourself that you are successful people, remind yourself of a specific success and talk about a big success that you are planning. For example, I'll go to my audio memo record and I'll just record TJ, you are successful. You have 1 million online students, you are on track to have 1 billion online students with your courses. I hit Stop now, I have a little audio recording. I listen to an audio recording that has that and all my other aspirations and goals and affirmations every day. It only takes about 10 minutes. Record an audio, your own voice. This is just for you. You don't have to share it with anyone else. Reminding yourself of one success you've had. Reminding yourself of the big goal, where you are working on and focusing on to be successful. Listen to it every day. Once you've recorded it once, all you have to do is hit play. 4. Last Quick Win! Display Confident Posture!: Just one last really quick win that will make you feel confident and look confident to everyone else. It relates to your posture. This is a simple exercise. You just go up to a wall. You stand about a foot away from the wall. I'm going to lean next to the wall behind me. I'm going to lean back, have just my head touching. And I'm going to do this for 1 minute in a normal situation. Now if you're looking at me from the side, I'm leaning backwards like this, What that does is it completely realigns your body all day long. We have all of these cues to get us to hunch over, looking at a cell phone, looking over at a computer screen. It's very rare to actually see someone with great posture by standing up and spending just 1 minute leaning backwards. When just your head is touching the wall, it completely realigns and it makes you feel like you're ten feet tall. Try this. You can do it in an office, you can do it hallway where there's no one around, no one has to see you do this. But if you're about to give a speech, go to an important meeting. It will make you feel so much better. You'll exude confidence. You'll be breathing more deeply, everything will be better. You don't have to get on the floor, do anything that will make you sweaty or workout, or push ups or jumping jacks, it's just leaning up against the back of the wall, try it. It'll make you feel so much more confident. 5. Why Showing and Displaying Confidence to Others Is Never Enough: Let me give you a little guidance to the structure for the rest of this course. As I mentioned right at the beginning, it really covers two main areas. Outer signs of confidence. How does the rest of the world perceive you inner confidence? You can have complete inner confidence. But if everyone in the world perceives you as nervous, uncomfortable, overly shy, insecure, you're unlikely to have them respond favorably to what you're asking for and your initiatives. On the other hand, you can exude complete confidence, but if you're constantly racked with insecurities about yourself, it's going to hold you back from even trying big things in your life. It's never just about looking confident or feeling confident. You have to have both. One of the reasons I created this course is I just felt that so many other resources out there only dealt with one aspect of confidence or the other, but never both. In this course, I will have failed you if you don't leave the course with a strong sense of how to look your best. Sound Your best come across, comfortable, confident, relaxed to others, but also feeling genuinely confident about your abilities, your skills, your talents, and what you're trying to do in life. With everything we do in this course, please keep in mind it's never one or the other, you have to have both. 6. Tell Me Where You Need More Confidence In Your Life: I'm a pretty confident person, but I'm not confident that I can read your mind. I need to know from you right now, where is it you feel like you need the most help when it comes to improving your confidence. What's driving you to this course? Where do you specifically need to see a dramatic improvement in your confidence in order for you to feel like this course really far exceeded your expectations. Take just a moment. You can post it right here in the student Q and A section. You can also go to the student forum I've created on Facebook. It's just for students like you. There's no selling or anything else. It's just a place for you to share your specific concerns, your homework assignments, other thoughts and questions. I've linked to that Facebook page below. If you don't want to be on Facebook, that's quite all right. You can post it right here in the Q and A section on the platform. But really let me hear from you. I would like to know what you're doing, because as confident as I am of creating the best course ever on confidence, I know that if I listen to you and you have certain questions that I didn't cover, the course will be even better. Because I can make new content, new lectures, to respond to your needs. Please put me to work. 7. Be Confident On Why Confidence and Self Confidence are So Important to You (2): Let's step back for a moment. Why is confidence really that important? Shouldn't we just be focused on competence if you do a good job? Isn't that all that matters? Well, here's the thing. The two are interrelated. In fact, you can look at almost any success in life. It doesn't happen without confidence. You need confidence as a starting point. You need to have some confidence that you can succeed. If you don't have confidence, what happens is typically you don't even try or you sabotage your efforts. I'm a huge believer and I think you are too, or you wouldn't be here. That confidence is a linchpin to every other success in life. Confidence alone won't get you the brass ring, the top CEO position or elected president or Prime Minister of your country. But without it, you're guaranteeing that none of those things happen. If you want to be successful in life, not just financially, but in relationships, in purpose, success on your terms, you can't do it without having confidence. That's why it's so critical that you learn this skill of how to be. It is a skill, it's not something you're just born with. It is a skill, and that's what we're going to learn in this course. 8. Confidence Isn't About Being Perfect It's About Knowing You're Doing Your best (2): So much of confidence is simply knowing you're doing the best you can. And some people, or a lot of people will like what you're doing. It's not about appealing to everyone right now. I'm supremely confident in how I'm coming across to you on video. Why is it, is it Because I've never had any criticism, and everyone who's ever seen me on video has said, oh TJ, you're great, you're wonderful, you're perfect, you're so good looking. No. I've had people leave comments on my videos, Youtube and other places saying, hey Baldy, why don't you hide your face. Tj. Your eyes are too beady. Tj. I don't like the way your hands move. Tj. Your teeth look funny. You seem like you look like the guy from psycho. Lately, I've had people say a 78 year old politician who is 20 years older than I am, I get criticism all the time. I certainly have had people say, oh, you're too old, fat, bad, All sorts of things when it comes to looking at me on video. And yet, I am confident of how I'm coming across. It's confidence because I have made so many videos I watched myself. I know exactly how I'm coming across. I know that this is how I want to come across. I know that I'm coming across my very best. I know that I've had a lot of successes now. I've made videos online that have had zero views. I've made online courses, sometimes that made $5 after five years. It's a confidence that comes not because everything I do touches and turns into gold. No, I'm confident because I've learned from the feedback. I've taken a balanced view and looked at the positive feedback and the rewards. Because I have watched myself on video so many times, I know how I'm coming across. I don't have to worry about, oh, I do this or do that is the essence of confidence. 9. This Is Not Sexy! But Here Is the Real Source of Confidence (2): You might not like what I'm about to say. But this is critically important. It's about how to gain confidence. The good news is anyone can do it. The bad news is, it's a solution that involves something that isn't that sexy. It's a snap of a finger. It's not simply downloading one abbot. The key to confidence in life is your daily habits. Your success in life flows from your confidence. Your confidence flows from your daily habits. Michael Phelps is confident when he goes swimming, in part because he has practiced daily habits of swimming 10,000 miles a day. It seems like a exercising and lifting weights, there is a very specific routine. Your favorite talk show host is confident on air because that person has spoken on air for hours, every single day for years. Most likely, it's about the daily habits. You may have a personal trainer who's in perfect shape. Maybe it was genetic, but it may be because they have daily habits of how they exercise. A lot of what we're going to do in this course is really break things down. For you to give you highly specific habits you can do on a daily basis. If you want to be more confident as a speaker for example, you can just decide as a daily habit you're going to speak out every single day. It could be asking one question in a meaning. It could be doing one simple 30 or 45 second video that you post on social media. It could be doing a podcast interview as a guest. If you want to speak out every day and build your confidence as a communicator, there's never been any easier time to do it. You don't have to wait for anyone to invite you to speak to 100 people. If you want confidence in your body, then you need to have highly specific daily habits for exercise and proper eating. I'm going to walk you through step by step, how to decide what habits you need in order to give you the confidence you need to achieve your goals in life. Get ready. Yes, there is some magic in this course, and I'm going to teach you some magic of how to make these habits stick. But make no mistake about it. If you really want to be confident, you're going to have to embrace and practice habits on a daily basis to build your confidence and to give you a legitimate reason for being confident. 10. Confidence Fuels Success AND Success Fuels Confidence: I told you a moment ago, you need confidence to be successful. But this works both ways. You need successes in order to be confident. Now, you probably don't remember because I don't when you were learning how to walk, you didn't just jump out of the Cb and start running and everything's perfect? No. You learned by crawling that gave you a little more confidence to crawl more, crawl a little faster. Then one day you got enough confidence to stand and hold a wobble, fall down. Then you could stand on your own, then you could take a step before falling. Then maybe two steps, Everything was sequential. You don't go from just being a baby who can't move to running. Every single positive step was because of an earlier success. You crawled a little more. You took one step instead of zero steps before following. It all was built on one success after another. Any great athlete who is accomplished at the international scale was first successful, typically when they were five years old, just with kids in their neighborhood. Great scholars didn't win a Nobel Prize out of the blue. They had successes throughout every part of their academic career. You've had successes in your life, and I want you to have more successes. But realize that it's the success that will give you confidence. One reason people sometimes lack confidence is they have no rational reason for being confident. If you've never started a business your whole life and all of a sudden you want to raise $2,000,000,000 for some Internet scheme that isn't really well thought out and you don't have a good business plan and you don't have a revenue model. You somehow get in fun of a venture capitalist, or you go on the TV show Shark Tank, and you just want to wing it. Well, you're probably not going to exude confidence. Guess what? You shouldn't exude confidence. You need to show some successes, some milestones. You need to have done your homework, that is what will give you more confidence. Be looking for successes, everything you do in life, and build on those. The Beatles didn't just become the Beatles overnight. They played for 10,000 hours in the beer halls of Germany with small little groups honing their skills, but getting great feedback. Getting positive, positive feedback from local fans that grew and grew, and grew. Keep that in mind. You need confidence for success, but successes will drive your confidence as well. 11. Build Confidence with Others to Give Yourself More Confidence: Here's a real life practical application when it comes to how success will help build confidence. I see this all the time. Many of my students on this platform and others will say, teacher, I want to write this book. But I'm a little nervous about approaching publishers and I've got the book all written. It's a great book and they're lacking confidence. The problem is they don't have any reason to believe it will be successful. My advice to them and my advice to you is if you want to write a book, fine, write the book. But let's start getting some, many successes along the way. Why don't you blog as well, Start getting feedback from people. Because if you blog twice a week for six months, you're going to notice some of your post, get no response. Others may get a lot of response that will direct you into new places for your audience. In this modern era, the people who are the most successful authors typically have already shared that content on a blog, a pod, cast, some other forum. They have successes showing that audiences care about their ideas. Then when they go to a publisher, they have legitimate confidence, not just in their ideas, but the fact that there is an audience for their ideas. An audience of people who want the product and are willing to pay for it. It's fine to have high aspirations and high goals, but realize you can pinpoint specific ways of succeeding. Right now, it goes up in stages. And it's not just trying to take one giant stretch up 30 steps at once. 12. Confidence Comes More Easily With a Growth Mindset (2): Human beings are hard wired to live with an internal consistency. That's why it's extraordinarily important that you have the right mindset. Because if you don't have a growth mindset, it is so much harder to exude confidence. There are people with a fixed mindset who believe, basically you're born with certain levels of talents. Your education, your position in life that keeps you where you are and you've got a certain cap growth mindset. People believe that there is unlimited potential. Now, it doesn't mean that everyone four feet tall can be a center for a professional basketball team, but it does mean that there are so many possibilities in life that you as a human being can grow. You can grow in terms of your mental capacities, your intellect, your physical strength, your relationships, your happiness with every aspect of your career and your personal life, That requires a growth mindset that requires saying the glass is half full, not half empty. That means you can't tell yourself, oh, I don't have a law degree, so I can't do this or I don't have a prestigious enough degree, so I can't do that. It means taking the chains off and realizing that the vast majority of what happens in your life is up to you based on what you do, your daily habits, and how you want to grow. Because if you don't have a growth mindset, if you feel like things are set and you have all the talent you're ever going to have, because you're born with it, then it actually becomes rational, it becomes internally consistent to not have confidence. If everyone in your family never made more than a certain amount of income and you aspire to be wealthy. If you have a fixed mindset, you're going to sabotage yourself. Because there's a part of you saying, this is my station in life. I can't go beyond that. If I want to ask for that raise or that promotion, or go for this great new job, or start a business, it's probably not going to work out. That's going to be the mentality. Well, that is destroying your confidence because you literally are not confident you can succeed. I'll be talking more later on in the course on growth mindset. If you don't already have it, you can get it. But you must be profoundly conscious of it. Because you can learn all sorts of other tips, tricks, techniques, how to be a better speaker. You're hobbling. Your ability to succeed in life, and your ability to have confidence if you don't have a growth mindset. 13. High self esteem and high confidence go hand in hand: In order to have high levels of confidence, you must have high self esteem. If you think poorly of yourself, as I mentioned in the previous lecture, that's going to mess things up because we as humans are hard wired to have an internal consistency. If you think you're not very good, then why would you be confident about something else? You have to focus on your self esteem, making it better and better. Now, a lot of people get confused by this. It's not about being arrogant, it's not about being filled with hubris. It's not about saying I am infallible and I'm the greatest at everything. No, that's not it. But you have to have high self esteem in the sense that you know that when you focus on something, when you work on something you can succeed. You can better yourself. You can improve yourself. People with high self esteem aren't really any better public speakers than people with low esteem when it comes to skills. The difference is people with high self esteem tell themselves, I know with work and effort I can give a great presentation because of that. That motivates them to have the confidence to practice, rehearse, to get feedback from people. By the time they give that big speech, that big presentation, they have independent feedback from people that they're doing a good job. That is what propels their confidence, not simply that they had high self esteem. People with low self esteem typically don't even bother setting themselves up for failure. They don't bother trying to give the presentation. Therefore, they don't bother to rehearse. Same thing with people starting a business. They are 19 year olds who have no business experience whatsoever, but they start a business, they have high self esteem. But when you look at so many of these young business wonders, what you'll find if you scratch a little bit, is that they tried a whole bunch of other businesses that failed. They tried a different format on their Youtube channel or their app, originally had a completely different focus. They learned, they got feedback from the marketplace, from investors, from family and friends, and so they didn't tell themselves, oh, I'm no good. My Youtube channel failed. That's not what they tell themselves. They say this didn't work. Let me try something a little bit different and they kept on iterating. You can't do that if your self esteem is so fragile that you say, oh my goodness, I failed. I can never succeed. I know this firsthand. I think it's fair to say one of the most successful online instructors in the world have more than 1 million students online. It makes a pretty nice income for me. But what you don't see in the official bio is that first 20 years I did online training, I failed miserably. I have been doing online media training since 1998, and I lost massive amounts of money for the first 15, almost the first 20 years. But I kept on learning, kept on tinkering, kept on experimenting, and finally, enough people had broadband in the world. And it became popularized that things went together nicely. My skill set, my content, and the fact that people wanted online training. If I had simply told myself after the first year, the second year, the first ten courses fail, that, oh, I'm no good at this, I'm awful. I should go hide behind the camera and not be in the spotlight. I would have never achieved success. Please keep that in mind. You've got to have a sense of self esteem that doesn't deflate anytime you fail at something or that you're not instantly successful. 14. How This Course Is Different From Other Confidence Courses (2): A quick note on how this course is different from any other course on confidence. There's really a couple of areas. One is we're going to give equal time to how you exude confidence and radiate confidence, which is a part of it, but also how you feel confident on the inside. How you actually have legitimate well earned confidence that you feel good about. That's part of it. The other area where this course is really different is I'm going to give you a system to change your brain, to recondition your brain. It's a system I call selfie speak programming. I'm going to help you come up with your own program to program your brain using your cell phone. You're going to record your own voice, make your own video, come up with your own to do list. Through the power of repetition, you can give yourself the daily habits you need to have confidence in all aspects of life. That's what's different about every course on confidence is going to have good tips. Good advice. Typically, no one's going to say, oh, you want to be more confident, horrible idea, you're a lousy, you're not going to hear blatantly bad advice like that. The problem with most courses is you hear it intellectually. It's interesting, and a week later, you've forgotten it all. In this course, you're going to have something with you and it's going to be in your pocket with everything else. You value, you value your music, you value your friends on Facebook. I'm going to give you tools that you've already paid for that will stay on your phone that you can use forever to process the skills you need, the habits you need on a daily basis to give you confidence in all aspects of life. That's really what's different about this confidence course. 15. Nothing Breeds Confidence Like More Failure!: What is your relationship to failure? Obviously, nobody likes to fail. Nobody sets out and says, let me go fail today. Let me fail this math test, let me fail this business venture, Let me lose my life savings on this new business idea. Nobody says that if you scratch deeply enough at any wildly successful person's career, you will typically find lots and lots of failures. Henry Ford had bankruptcies, Walt Disney had bankruptcy firings. So many successful people were successful. Not because they got it right the first time, but because they kept on learning from their failures. To get to the next level, Edison famously failed thousands of times before making a light bulb that actually worked so much of having the confidence to achieve massive, massive projects that help the whole world come from people who failed, but have the confidence to try again, to iterate, to try to use a different strategy. If you tell yourself the biggest mistake in life, the worst thing that could ever happen to you as failure, that's going to cripple your ability to be confident to try new things. If failure is the ultimate sin, then chances are you're going to end up in an extraordinarily boring traditional career. Hey, the world needs people fulfilling traditional careers and traditional jobs. But if you want to rise higher, if you want to go further in your career, you have to be willing to risk failure. You've heard the old expression, no risk, no reward. That is true. This is what cripples so many people. This perception that any risk, if it can result in failure, would cause the person to lose face and it's not worth it. Therefore, let me step back. Let me not show the world, I'm confident on this. Let me try to raise money for this new business. Let me try to go for this promotion, not build this new enterprise. Let me not run for public office because I might lose. You look at virtually any successful politician in any country in the world. Typically, they lost some races. Now it might have been when they were in college, but they put themselves out there and they lost campaigns. You have to realize it's okay to fail. Now ideally, you don't start off failing and with the intention of failing. And you don't want your failures to completely destroy you and bankrupt you. But you have to realize that if you're going to be confident trying big things, bold things, important things in your life, yes, there is a chance of failure. I have many flaws as a person and as a worker. But one of the things that I think I have done well throughout my career is I have taken big risk and I've failed a lot. I've had numerous failed TV talk shows, radio shows, websites, ventures, but I've learned from all of them. I've taken those experiences to give me more confidence, not less confidence. And it's helped me grow, and it's helped me help other people too. I don't want you to be me necessarily like me. But I do want you to realize that you're going to have to have a heart to heart conversation with this thing called failure. And realize that the biggest failure of all is not trying things because you lack confidence. Failing at something, when you prepared the right way, you worked hard, and you did everything you could to maximize your chances of success isn't going to be a failure in the long run. And that's what will build your confidence. 16. The #1 Problem With Going Through Life Without Confidence (2): What's the biggest downside of not having confidence? A lot of people think it's well, I could give a speech and I'd say and look down and look nervous. People will remember I'm nervous. That is almost irrelevant. The biggest problem with not having confidence in life is paralysis. When you're not confident, you simply don't initiate. You don't try to start the new business. You don't volunteer to give a speech. You don't ask to give a presentation. You don't ask that person out on a date. You freeze yourself, become passive and reactive. You let life act on you rather than you taking charge of life. This is why it's so critically important, and I'm glad you're here. But realize the biggest problem in life, for most people, it's not the failures. It's the passivity. Lacking confidence is what makes you more passive. You've probably seen the surveys I have too. But when people who are in their '80s, '90s, near death are asked, what do they regret in life? What's their biggest regret in life? I started this big business and had huge dreams, but it failed. It's never about things they attempted to do and fail. It's always about things they did not attempt to do. It's always about that business. They didn't start that relationship, They didn't start initiation of doing fun things with their friends even more. Keep that in mind, you don't want to be someone looking back at your whole life near the end of life saying if only I had tried this, if I had initiated this, if only I had tried to bring to life my big dreams. You can bring your dreams to life. Maybe not all of them and maybe not in the exact form they're in now. But one thing I can guarantee you is if you don't try, you will fail completely. Keep that in mind. The big problem is not looking nervous. The big problem is not failure, or someone pointing out a mistake or saying you're not qualified. The big problem when it comes to lack of confidence is that it keeps you frozen. Don't let that happen. 17. Inner Lack of Confidence Spills Over Into Outer Lack of Confidence: You've heard me talk about this divide between internally what's going to make you feel confident and externally how others will perceive you as being confident or lacking confidence. Sometimes there's a situation where these two come together. The most obvious example of this is when you see someone speaking and the, and come out the verbal tics. I see this at my public speaking training business every day. Here's the thing. Most people, when they're comfortable and relaxed and feeling confident, talking to a friend, don't say and fill their language with these verbal Tics. It's because they're lacking confidence. They feel like, oh, I better say something. What am I going to say? Everybody's looking at me. Let me fill the sound before you know it. Nobody's paying attention to what they're saying. They're just counting the feeling sorry for the speaker. You don't want that to happen if you ever felt like you said too many And well, I want to show you a very simple technique to get rid of them. I've used this with billionaires, with presidents of countries, prime ministers. It really works. No, it doesn't involve an electrical shock. You don't have to hit yourself or anything like that. Here's the thing I want you to figure out. What is it you say when you're nervous, is it, is it? And then just go to your computer, type it and print it out. Then put a red International No sign around it. You can see just a red sign around. Um, and it's just me drawing, it's nothing fancy. Here's one for I want you to do that smaller and then cut it out, tape it to your cell phone. Because if you're like me and a lot of people, you probably pick up your cell phone 140 times a day. Here's what happens. You'll see that sign with the International Red No sign. You'll still say it for a day or two, but you'll be aware of it. When you say in a presentation, a speech, a briefing, a voicemail, you'll be aware of the fact that you're saying it. But after a couple of days, you keep looking at it because it's on your phone. Or maybe if you still wear a watch, you put it on your watch. You're looking at it constantly. It starts to burn an impression in your brain after two or three days, as your mouth and lips and tongue start to form that sound of you almost catch it, but it still comes out. But after a week of looking at this every day, constantly on your phone, on your watch, you could put it on a laptop screen, put on your bathroom mirror if you wanted to or all of those places. But after a week generally will recondition your brain. You will rewire your brain that when you're feeling this need to say the image comes up with a no sign. Instead of saying it, you pause, confident speakers, pausing is the punctuation of speech. A period is a pause when you're reading a paragraph. Break is a pause. A is a pause. You need to pause when you're speaking. The longer the pause quite often, the more pausing when it's purposeful will make you seem extremely confident. So this is a simple tip. It costs nothing other than a piece of paper and a red marker. Believe me, that absolutely works. I've been using this technique for years, with clients all over the globe. Then once you get rid of your arms and you'll be filled with confidence. Not only will people perceive you as comfortable and confident, but you will feel so much more comfortable and confident because you're not going to be worried about, oh, I sound stupid because saying I'm all the time, this is one of these simple solutions that solves the problem of outward confidence and inward confidence. 18. Evolve To Charles Darwin's View on the Right Kind of Confidence: One of my favorite quotes about confidence comes from Charles Darwin. He says, ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge. I think his point is relevant today, as it was in his time. Quite often, the people who are most confident about their views on science, politics, and other things are the least knowledgeable. That's not what I want you to do. I want your confidence be based on reason, to be based on knowledge. You're here in an online training course, you are in a learning environment. I'm assuming you actually do want your confidence to be based on things you've learned. Keep that in mind, because we've all seen people who just exuded confidence and we thought they're complete idiots. Why would anyone follow them? Unfortunately, it is a truism when it comes to human nature. Someone who exudes tremendous confidence will attract followers, even if they are spouting complete utter nonsense. Gibberish. Please realize I'm not trying to just fill you up with confidence so you never have to learn anything. And you can be a demagogue or a cult leader. That's not what I want. I hope it's not what you want. I assume it's not just because there are a lot of ignorant people out there, uneducated people who are asserting things not true and doing it with confidence. Don't let that give confidence a bad name. You can be confident in what you believe, how you're trying to help the world, or help clients, or help your community. And it can be based on your actual knowledge. 19. Guidance on How To Go Through This Course With Confidence: So let me give you a little guidance to the structure for the rest of this course. As I mentioned right at the beginning, it really covers two main areas. Outer signs of confidence, how does the rest of the world perceive you, and inner confidence. You can have complete inner confidence. But if everyone in the world perceives you as nervous, uncomfortable, overly shy, insecure, you're unlikely to have them respond favorably to what you're asking for and your initiatives. On the other hand, you can exude complete confidence, but if you're constantly racked with insecurities about yourself, it's going to hold you back from even trying big things in your life. It's never just about looking confident or feeling confident. You have to have both. One of the reasons I created this course is I just felt that so many other resources out there only dealt with one aspect of confidence or the other, but never both. In this course, I will have failed you if you don't leave the course with a strong sense of how to look your best. Sound Your best come across, comfortable, confident, relaxed to others, but also feeling genuinely confident about your abilities, your skills, your talents, and what you're trying to do in life. With everything we do in this course, please keep in mind it's never one or the other you have to have both. 20. Don't Let Fear Of the Unknown Destroy Your Confidence: So much. Lack of confidence is really based on fear. Fear of the unknown. Not simply fear of failure, which we've talked about, but fear of the unknown. But here's the thing. Anyone attempting to do something great in the world, whether it is in the world of politics, Statecraft, business innovation, technology, engineering, is trying something where there is an unknown. You don't really know if the thing is going to work. You don't really know if this radical transformation of what you're attempting to do is going to work. Is it going to fall flat? Will people laugh at you? Fear is something that holds people back this fear of the unknown. My recommendation is you've got to somehow get used to unknowns in your life. Try different things. This can apply to every aspect of your life. If your vacation every year is going to the same beach resort, go to a different place. If you always go on a cruise, go camping, do something that is different. If your idea of a special meal is going to the same exact steakhouse, because you know, it's exactly the same. Okay, fine. But every once in a while go someplace where you have no idea what the food is like. It's unknown. Yeah, it might be a meal that is disgusting to you and you never want to eat there again. But it may be the most exciting new food you've ever tried. Try new things, even though the outcome is Unknown. Try to meet new people. Try to read new types of literature, nonfiction and fiction, to expose yourself to the Unknown. Because if you stay within the realm of what is known, you might be confident there. But you'll never advance. You'll never go further. You'll never reach your full potential. You won't grow because you're sticking with what you already know with 100% certainty. The one thing we know with absolute certainty about the world is that it's changing and it's changing faster than ever before. The profession I'm in didn't really exist when I was majoring in philosophy in college 40 years ago. It's something that has changed. You have to get comfortable with the idea that you're going to try things and you're simply not going to have any idea how things are going to turn out. You cannot fear the unknown. You have to embrace the now. I don't want you simply jumping out of airplanes without a parachute to say, well, what's it like to jump out of an airplane without a parachute? Well, you'll probably die. I don't want you to take risks that are so great that you're going to ruin your life. But in that case, the risk isn't unknown. If you jump out of an airplane without a parachute, you know the risk, you will die. But with so many other things in life, a new business proposal, a new pitch, a request for a new job, going on, a job interview, asking someone out for a social encounter, you don't really know the outcome. And the worst thing that happens is probably not going to be death. Maybe it's just a failure or a slight modest embarrassment. But you can learn from that and go on. 21. Confident, Successful People Love to Take Baby Steps: If you look at people who really exude tremendous confidence and have had extreme successes in life, they do have one thing in common in that they all take lots of baby steps. They didn't just start off on the international stage, being wildly successful. Anthony Robbins didn't wake up one day and say, you know what, it might be fun to give a speech in front of 20,000 people. Let me just do that as my first speech. No, for years, when he was younger, he would give speeches 345 times a day to anyone who would listen. The audience could be as small as three people. He didn't care. He just wanted to take baby steps to really learn his craft, master his craft, and he did so then the audiences got bigger and bigger and bigger over time. Any great athlete, you see the same thing. They didn't just start off in the World Cup, they didn't start off winning gold medals in the Olympics, they started off learning fundamentals in their neighborhood, playing with kids on their street. Many business successes did the same thing. Gary Ner, Chuck, the social media guru who has stakes in Facebook and every other major company in the world, didn't start off just being a multi, multi millionaire. He started off scrapping, selling baseball cards as a teenagers loading up wine in the family wine store. He started small sol successes with what he did. He built one on the other to the other. Look for baby steps. If there's someone doing something you really admire, ask yourself, what are the baby steps they took? You may admire a particular bestselling author. Look at how many books they wrote that didn't get published. Or look at how many times they were rejected from publishers. Look at how many years they wrote in a daily blog before they even dared to publish a book. You may have heard of the author James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, First book, international best seller. He's made millions. Oh, What a lucky Guy. Was it luck? Or was it because he took baby steps of writing in depth. Detailed, informative, thoughtful blog posts for, for many years, building an audience, building followers, learning his craft, figuring out what resonated with people the most. Your favorite musician didn't just wake up being able to play guitar perfectly. They took baby steps of playing every day, four years. In fact, the biggest difference between concert pianist who really reach the highest level of their career versus all the others, It's not just how many hours a day they practice, although that's a part of it. It's how they're practicing constantly trying to get better and make improvements as they go getting feedback. So they can practice in a way that is more strategic. Look for these baby steps. It's fine to have big aspirations. It's fine to say I want to be a billionaire. We look at what baby steps other billionaires have taken. No one just hired them to be the CEO of a billionaire company. They took baby steps. Here's the thing about baby steps. Each baby step you take, when you've done it, it gives you more confidence to go one step further. That is how confidence is built one step at a time. 22. Take Your Baby Step Right Now!: Quick homework assignment, I want you to focus on just one area where you want more confidence. And then think of the simplest baby step that you could do and complete it to build yourself more confidence. Stephen Guys is an expert on habits He recommends if you want to get into the whole physical fitness routine, start by doing just one push up. Because if you do one push up, that gives you more confidence to do another push up tomorrow, that gets you into the routine of exercise. If you do one push up, if that's all you can do for a week, chances are you'll be able to do two push ups the second week and you can build from that. That's how I started doing push ups just a couple of years ago. And I did more than one, but it wasn't more than two or three. But for the last year, I've done 40 push ups every single day. It was because of the baby steps, not willpower, not natural strength taking baby steps. I want you to pick one thing for you if it's trying to get more confident at speaking. The simplest baby step is just practice one 32nd mini speech on your cell phone every day. Don't even have to show it to anyone, Just look at it yourself. The sheer act of speaking out loud and recording it and looking at it will build your confidence when it comes to your ability to speak and communicate effectively. Here's what I want you to do. Ideally, I'd like you to record a little video talking about the specific thing you're going to focus on. But if not, you can just type it in. In either case, you can use the Q and A section below, or you can go to the Facebook page linked below as well. Again, this Facebook page is just for you students. It's just where we talk about the contents of this course. That's all it is. And you can upload your video right there into Facebook or you can upload it someplace else and post the URL in the student Q and A section. But I want you to be as specific as possible about some specific action you're trying to take. That's a baby step that helps you get closer to having confidence in reaching a specific goal. Please don't just zoom past this. Don't click next lecture. Please do this exercise right now. 23. Good News! You Don't Have to Be Confident In Everything You Do: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is you don't have to be great at everything in life. You don't have to be confident at everything in life. But you do need some level of confidence for every major sphere of life. And I'll be talking about that more later on in the course. But for example, I am not at all confident in my golf abilities. I like to go golfing once or twice a year. I'm usually the worst person on the course. I typically lose. I'm not confident that I'm going to go out and win every time or hit holes in one. But I am confident that I can get some fresh air. Have a little fun with friends. Try something new if it's a new course, just enjoy myself, get a little bit of exercise. That's what my confidence. But I'm certainly not confident that, oh boy, I'm going to win this, Tiger Woods should watch out for me. I am confident though that overall for the sphere of life that I put in the category of leisure fun, that I do a good job of finding ways of having fun. For me, playing golf every day would be the worst thing in the world. I would hate that. But once a year, it's fine. It works for me. There are other things I feel more confident about my tennis playing abilities, although don't worry about me turning pro anytime soon. That's not going to happen. But I like to play tennis not once a year, but a couple of times a week or more. There's more confidence there. Please keep this in mind that you don't have to be perfect at everything, but you do need to have some sense of confidence that in every major sphere of life you have some level of confidence and you're doing enough for what you want. Because you can have the best business plan in the world. Be confident in your ideas. But if you're so lacking in confidence on your health, if you feel like that you have such horrible personal habits and you're wildly obese and you feel that people are focusing on that rather than what you're saying, then that can in fact chip away at your confidence. Now please note, I'm not saying that only skinning people have the right to have confidence. You can have confidence of any body size. It's not about me judging you, it's about you judging how other people and how you feel. If you feel like you are physically rek that your health is poor because of your daily habits of what you eat, how you don't exercise, for example. That is going to chip away at the confidence of everything else you do in life. Part of this course is about how you can get more confidence in every aspect of your life, every major sphere, building strong habits in every one of those spheres that you are filled with confidence in everything you do. 24. Why Should You Have Confidence In This Confidence Instructor: Who am I? Why should you take anything I have to say about confidence? Well, as you know, my name is TJ. Walker. I'm an instructor here on this platform. I have nearly 1 million students. At the time of this recording, I helped people all over the globe, basically from every single continent on how to have more confidence in their life, all spheres of their life, especially in how they communicate. How did I get here? Was I just a natural born at being a great speaker, exuding confidence everywhere? No, I was the shyest kid in the class. I was someone when my parents wanted to introduce me to a friend or someone they respected, I would just look down at my shoes. As a little boy, I had a minor breakthrough in a positive direction when I was in the sixth grade. My teacher said to me, to me, that's what I went by, I'll make you a deal, your handwriting is horrible, but I'll give you a great grade in handwriting. If you give the welcoming speech at the sixth grade graduation to parents and teachers, and students. I was shy, but I thought I would like to have a good grade rather than a bad grade. I said, okay. I stood up in front of hundred or so parents, teachers and students, welcome parents, teachers and students, to the Bruns Avenue Elementary graduation ceremony. And I had a couple more sentences, and that was it. Was it a great speech? No. Was it memorable to anyone other than me? No, but I learned at an early age. If you just stand up and speak, good things will happen to you. I didn't have to worry about my first big speech again in front of a large audience. I'd already done it. I learned from there and continued to speak and seek out more opportunities. And got better at it, got more comfortable with it. But I wasn't a natural. Nobody is a natural at anything important. No one's a natural writer. Every great writer had lots and lots of writing. Teachers and teachers in their particular language, grammar teachers. No one is a natural born communicator, either you learn either formally or informally by getting feedback, trial and error. That's what I did. I'm very confident I can help you because I think I'm walking the talk. I think I'm living these principles. Because I realize if you fail at something, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. For example, you rewind the video about 15 seconds. You'll see I stumbled on a word, but I didn't have to stop at it. I didn't have to say, oh, I'm sorry, I just looked confident, kept smiling, and kept on going. Chances are you didn't even notice it or it didn't bother you. Part of my secret to success is I don't try to be perfect. I try a lot of things. Many of my online courses have been successful. I'm very happy to say that I've had at this point, more than two dozen best selling courses on this platform. Which sounds great until you realize I've had more than 150 courses that were poor sellers, that didn't sell very well. It's not that everything I touch turns to gold. It's that I go into new ventures with confidence. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they don't. But I give it my best. I don't hold back. I don't wait for something to be perfect. A couple of years ago, I saw more and more people trying to get better organized with their homes. And I wanted to get better organized in my home too. I read every book on the subject of decluttering, and then I did a course on how to declutter your home. When I first told my wife about it, she laughed you, she couldn't believe it because she thinks of me as a little messy. But I didn't let a little criticism slow me down. I didn't let the fact that I didn't have decades of experience in the decluttering industry slow me down. I was confident. I had tips, tricks, tools, hacks, to help people cut their home. I made the course and it did become a best seller and makes money every single month that I used to take out my wife for dinner. And a reminder of that. But I've had so many failures to failures at talk radio shows, failures at TV shows. But I've learned in life that it's not a failure if it doesn't completely destroy you financially and you learn something and you take that skill and use it for your next venture. And you're constantly trying new things. That's who I am. I very much appreciate you spending time with me in this course. We have so much more to go, but at any point you have a question, let me know. I love to hear from you. If you have a concern, let me know criticism, let me know. I am here for you. 25. A Long Short Cut to Building Supreme Confidence: I'll give you one shortcut to really building confidence quickly. Now, there's a lot of hard work involved, but if you do this one thing you can forget about all sorts of other things. Because doing this one thing, you can't help but do it without gaining a tremendous amount of confidence. The one thing I'm talking about is that you need to decide how you can become the number one expert in the world on some niche. It could be number one just in your community, about how to help homeless people. It's not about becoming a billionaire necessarily. It could be about becoming the number one person in your community who knows how to clean up the environment and make the local streams better. In my own case, I decided decades ago I was going to become the number one expert in the world on media training and public speaking training. I read every book on the subject, every book that I could find. I thought about it every day. I wrote about it every day. I made videos about it every day. Lo and behold, it wasn't that long. Just a few short years when if you type in media training on Google, I would show up as number one that helped propel my career. Now that's a tiny little niche. If I had said I'm going to be number one in the world at being a hedge fund manager, that would have been really hard to do because no one was going to give you any money. I didn't have quite the background for that, but it's never been easier to really become an expert at something in the world today. Because the Internet gives you everything. You can get 1 million free books from Google for less than ten bucks a month on Amazon through there. And I'm not an affiliate, I'm not selling anything. But with Amazon Kindle, you can get almost 1 million books for $10 a month. You read ten at a time, and then you can get new ones. It's very easy to read hundreds of books on almost any subject, any business, any hobby. Plus you can watch thousands of videos on Youtube about a particular subject. You can come to this platform and take the top five or six courses on the subject pretty soon. You can have real expertise. When you have this expertise, you can write blogs, you can write books, you can create online courses, you can give speeches. Now I realize this isn't for everyone. You may be someone who is perfectly happy in your career as a senior hospital administrator. And your skills involved managing hundreds and hundreds of people, nurses, doctors, administrators, patients. In your off time, you just want to get more out of life, fun and enjoyment. But if you don't have the perfect career mix like that and you're looking for more confidence, nothing beats expertise. When you know you're speaking to someone, whether it's one on one or giving a speech to 1,000 When you know that you know more than anyone else or more than almost anyone else and you have genuine insights to help people that fills you with confidence. You're going to feel it on the inside, Everyone else is going to see it on the outside. 26. Guidance on How To Go Through This Course With Confidence: So let me give you a little guidance to the structure for the rest of this course. As I mentioned right at the beginning, it really covers two main areas. Outer signs of confidence, how does the rest of the world perceive you, and inner confidence. You can have complete inner confidence. But if everyone in the world perceives you as nervous, uncomfortable, overly shy, insecure, you're unlikely to have them respond favorably to what you're asking for and your initiatives. On the other hand, you can exude complete confidence, but if you're constantly racked with insecurities about yourself, it's going to hold you back from even trying big things in your life. It's never just about looking confident or feeling confident. You have to have both. One of the reasons I created this course is I just felt that so many other resources out there only dealt with one aspect of confidence or the other, but never both. In this course, I will have failed you if you don't leave the course with a strong sense of how to look your best. Sound Your best come across, comfortable, confident, relaxed to others, but also feeling genuinely confident about your abilities, your skills, your talents, and what you're trying to do in life. With everything we do in this course, please keep in mind it's never one or the other you have to have both. 27. Build Confidence By Meeting Small Goals On a Specific Time Table: We talked about taking baby steps, and that is an important part of most successful people's careers in building their confidence. You also need to have highly specific goals with timetables. It's not just go from making $1,000 a year to $10,000,000 a year. There have to be specific goals, specific timetables. When I launched this course, my goal was I wanted 10,000 students in the first week. I want a certain level of approval and feedback from students within the first week. It's a very specific goal that fits into a larger goal I have, where my courses are generating at least $1 million a year. That fits into a larger goal of I currently have 1 million students, but my big goal that keeps me animated, that keeps me up at night and motivated and inspired in a good way, is I want to help 1 billion people around the globe within the next decade with my own personal development courses and techniques. You've got to have highly specific goals with timetables. Because when you have a goal and you reach it, it feels good. It empowers you to other things. My wife and I got a 30 year mortgage when we bought her home a little less than seven years ago. Then we had a goal, it would be nice to pay it off in 15 years. We switched to a 15 year mortgage, then we thought, you know what, it would be nice to have no mortgage in a year. That was 5.5 years ago. Well, in less than a year I had no mortgage, I paid it off. That gives me tremendous confidence in my ability to save, manage money and to invest properly because I don't have any mortgages. Now, you need to give yourself highly specific goals and then celebrate it when you reach them. Give yourself credit where credit. If you're always looking at the next goal and giving yourself no credit, then you rob yourself of an opportunity to give yourself some well deserved confidence. 28. Consistency Builds Confidence: Confidence comes from consistency. Anything you do consistently at some level of confidence, you'll build confidence in this. If someone said, okay, brush your teeth a day and be nervous, you'd probably think, well, I can't really be nervous. I know how to brush my teeth. That is because you consistently brush your teeth a couple of times a day for years and years and decades. Someone says be nervous about driving to the grocery store. And you've been driving for years and years. It's pretty hard for you to be nervous because you have consistently driven in the same pattern. I hope without accident, think of this. When you're writing an E mail to someone, are you nervous about, oh, what if I don't spell it right? Or what if I don't make any sense? You know, you can run it through spell check. You have a consistent pattern of being able to send a simple e mail to a friend and conveying information. I'm confident about how I'm presenting to you in this online course because I consistently make videos for online courses virtually every day. And have done so for years and years, Whatever it is you're feeling, where you're lacking confidence quite often the challenge is you've just got to figure out a way of consistently doing it even a little bit on a regular basis, ideally daily. If you're nervous about speaking up at a quarterly board of directors meeting, maybe the solution is you've got to figure out how to speak up more in day to day meetings just with three or four colleagues, Anything you do consistently and you do consistently well, or even a level of moderate competence, it will build your confidence that way. When you do go to that quarterly business meeting, it's going to seem second nature to just raise your hand and speak or speak out, if that's the protocol. I want you to spend a little time now reflecting more on the areas where you confident and not confident. And I'd be willing to bet that the areas where you're confident, it's because you're consistently doing those things. If you're confident playing basketball or field hockey with your friends, chances are it's because you've been consistently playing with them for days or weeks, or months or years. If you're insecure about meeting someone socially, maybe you need to consistently put yourself out there where you have to talk to people. In a social situation, when you're doing it on a consistent basis, you eliminate the strangeness of it, you eliminate the foreign aspect of it. And you get over that initial hump, that fear of the first time. Then when you start doing it and you realize disaster doesn't happen, you build a certain level of competence and you do that long enough. And that's where confidence comes out. Really spend a moment to ask yourself, where are you most lacking confidence in your life? And then try to come up with a list of things you can do that may only take 10 seconds a day, but get you started in that direction if you're not confident about going to the beach or the pool because you're afraid people are going to laugh at flabby state of your body. I'm not condoning anyone laughing at you, but if that's a real concern for you and it chips away at your confidence, then start exercising today. Even if it's just one sit up, even if it's just jogging in place slowly for 60 seconds, start things on a consistent basis. You could always go up, you can always advance. But doing anything, even the tiniest element in your area of concern will boost your confidence. Do it consistently enough, your confidence will grow and grow, and grow. 29. Build Confidence By Sharing Your Creations With The Whole World: Time out for just a minute here. I want to give you a shortcut. You might not have time to go through this entire course, I hope you do go through it. But if you're in a big hurry and you're looking for a way that is absolutely guaranteed to boost your confidence, I want to give you a simple roadmap right here that I believe in the modern era, the 2020s and beyond of the 21st century. The easiest way to really fill yourself with confidence, create something and make it available to the world to purchase and get positive feedback on your creation. And get people to appreciate it so much, they're willing to give you money. When you do that on a regular basis, you are going to be filled with confidence because you're going to feel valued. You're going to feel appreciated. You're going to feel like your life means something. That you have purpose in the world and you are appreciated. You can support yourself, ideally. What do I mean by this? Traditionally, certainly for the last 500 years, it's been virtually impossible for the average person to just write a book and get widespread distribution. You had to go through all these hurdles of publishers. Hundreds of years before that, you had to go through approval process with monks and monasteries to get something published. It's been difficult. All that has changed in really the last few years. Anyone can produce something and market it to the world. Maybe you just write short books on Reiki or making ceramic pottery. Maybe you compose a new song every single day that can be hummed in 30 seconds and used for commercials. Maybe you create a Youtube channel that is the best in the world at telling tourists why they should come to your town and what restaurants and fun things they should do. It's never been easier to create video, audio, text, computer programming, and disseminate online. Am I telling you this is get rich quick? No. What I am telling you is it's something you can control right now. Sure. It's always going to be easy to get rich if you get hired by Goldman Sachs and become a partner and retire at age 40 with a $50,000,000 bank account. But you know, it's pretty hard to get hired by Goldman Sachs in the first place. Let's say you alienated somebody at a party your second year of Harvard Business School. They could possibly keep you from getting hired at Goldman Sachs. Oh, you didn't go to Harvard Business School. There's another reason why you probably aren't going to get hired by Goldman Sachs, the famed investment banker. That's never going to be possible for 99.999% of the world. What is possible regardless of where you live, anywhere in the world? If you have an internet connection, and I assume you do, or you wouldn't be watching me. You can create a book, you can create a song, you can create a software program, you can create a video, You can create art that people are willing to pay for the downloads to, you can create. My recommendation is spend some time every day, even if it's just 10 minutes, creating something on a consistent basis, releasing it to the world. Sell it on Amazon. Sell it on an online platform. If it's an online course, monetize it on Youtube. If you're blogging, if that's your creation, then put ads on it. But create something and then listen to people if no one likes your stuff, If you're not getting praise, if no one's buying it, that's valuable insight, that's valuable research. Now you know you've got to do something. You've got to go either in a completely different direction. You were writing novels, now you're going to do how to manuals on badminton. You've either got to go to a completely different niche or you have to tweak something. For many, many years, the comedian Larry David performed stand up comedy in New York and was booed off stages. Wasn't very popular at all, was not successful, was not making much money, but tweaked it. He created a character within a sitcom and then later his own show where this same person who isn't telling one liners and is grumpy and annoyed with people, that's made him nearly $1 billion. It was the tweak. He didn't just say, I'm going to do stand up comedy for the rest of my life and if people don't like it tough, he tweaked adjusted. That's the key. You can write the same novel and publish a new novel every month for the next 50 years and make zero sales and zero people will read it. It's not just putting more time, putting more effort. And you have to listen. You have to get feedback from people, ideally all over the world, which you can through the Internet, whether you're selling on ebay, Amazon, Tom, Youtube, your own site, you can get feedback. Now if you keep experimenting and keep listening and you keep tweaking, eventually you will find something value, something people like, whether it's your music, your painting, your art videos, or your online course. If you keep experimenting, then when you find something you like, you get positive feedback. Not just in terms of what people say, but they're actually willing to pay for it. That feels good. It feels really good because it's something you earned. This is going to fill you with tremendous, tremendous confidence. Especially if it's something that's ongoing. And you wake up every day and you see more. People have bought your software program, your application, your app on iphone, your online course, your ebook, your song. It gives you tremendous satisfaction and will for a long time because it's validating if your friends and family say, oh, nice novel, I really loved it. Sometimes that means I don't want to hurt little Timmy's feeling so I'm going to tell him it was great. But if you have people who do not know you, who paid their good money for something you created, there's legitimacy there. You know they're not doing it to make you feel good, because there's probably some other critics who criticized you mercilessly. That's when you latch on to that praise. That's what gives you tremendous confidence, because it's real, it's meaningful. Now, of course, you can be a public official, a hospital administrator, a surgeon. There's lots of valuable professions where it's not about selling a product. I understand that, I get it. But if you are lacking in confidence right now, regardless of your profession, I do believe creating something and making it available to the world will boost your self esteem, will boost your company. You may be a surgeon. You may feel like, okay, your patients and your small town respect you, but you're never going to make an impact on the world. You didn't live up to your full potential. Why don't you write a book on some aspect, innovation of a surgery. A procedure where you feel you're doing something better and share it with the world. You don't have to sell it. Share it with the world, at least with the others in the medical community. Get their feedback, get their response. Because now if you're being recognized by surgeons in five other continents, that is self esteem building. That will build you with confidence. If you just watch all the videos in this course, yeah, I think it'll be helpful. There's some frameworks, some different ways of thinking that will help you. But if you actually implement it and start creating something and subject yourself to scrutiny from the world and getting some feedback, then your confidence can't help but skyrocket. 30. Confidence Is a Foundation for Creativity: Building your self confidence is so important because it is a foundation. It is a basic requirement if you want to be creative. Now, I happen to believe that creativity is essential for a person who really wants a happy, fulfilled life. And to live a meaningful life, to feel like they've lived up to their full potential. I don't mean everybody has to write a bestselling book and make $10,000,000 But I mean creating something that you care about that lives beyond you, that helps other people, ideally around the world, could be an artistic creation, a book, an online course. But creating is something that is fundamental to the desire of being a human being. Look at small children in preschool. What do they like to do? Draw, paint, build sand, castles. Creation. Creation, creation. Any kindergartner, If you ask, are you creative, they'll say yes. They'll show you their fingerprint. It's hard wired into human beings to create. What happens, unfortunately, is people start getting criticism. A parent says, why are you playing the piano? You're never going to make any money with that. Focus on your homework, focus on your science, and it snuffs out the creativity. Now, you can, of course, be highly creative as a scientist and publish papers that revolutionize scientific thought around the world. This is yet another reason why it's so important for you to build your sense of self confidence. You have to have confidence to create, because anytime you create something, if you expose it to the world, no matter how good it is, you are going to be criticized. No one is universally praised. I can tell you here's a little challenge for you. Go to Amazon or whatever online service you use for purchase books, and search for the authors that you respect more than anyone. Look at some of the books that have had the biggest impact on your life. Books that you think everyone has to love this. It indeed might have a four, a two out of five star rating. But if it's a really popular book with a big impact, click on the refuse. For the one star ratings, you will see the most scathing reviews, people saying this author is trite, meaningless, useless. It's the same old, same old, it's bad. I don't care what book it is. You're going to see merciless criticism of those authors. But those authors said at some point, I'm willing to risk the criticism at some level. It's because I have enough self confidence to know I can wither the criticism. It won't bring me down. The good outweighs the bad. My ability to reach millions with my message, help people, and potentially help myself, makes the criticism worth it. The threat of criticism. Please keep this concept in mind. It's critically important. You've got to deal with the fact that anybody who's ever done anything great in the world has gotten criticism. Typically vicious criticism. Think of the political leader you admire the most. Now think about what some of the people in opposing political parties say about that person. What would have happened if this person you admire the most had said, I don't really think I want to have any criticism. I'll never run for public office. Wouldn't your life be worth? You've got to figure out how can I not love criticism, but deal with it to the point where it's not going to slow me down from creating? Now, lots of great creators, music stars have all kinds of insecurities, but at least they have enough confidence to put new creations out to the world. That's scary for people, that there's a sense of vulnerability. You're putting something out. Something you've worked on perhaps for a day, week, month, sometimes you're, sometimes decades. The whole world can criticize you. I could tell you I've had lots and lots of criticism over creations of mine talk shows that were panned Youtube videos that tell me I should shut up. I may have had death threats from videos I've posted on Youtube before. I've had people leave scathing reviews on so many of my courses yet. What life has still turned out pretty well for me. I make a very nice living and I reach more than 1 million people. And I get to travel anywhere I want and do what I want. And have complete intellectual freedom, career freedom, professional freedom, and freedom to go where I want to do what I want and buy what I want. I'm not saying it works out the same for everyone equally. But I can tell you from personal experience, you can be criticized viciously for years. If you keep trying new things, experimenting, tweaking, then at some point your creations can pay off. Even if they don't pay off monetarily, you're going to feel so much better about your contributions to the world. If you can share your ideas, you can't do it. If you're worried about criticism. Now I'm a big believer. It's good to listen to criticism unless it's complete nonsense. You can learn from a lot of criticism, but what you don't ever do is let that criticism destroy your sense of self worth or your self confidence. 31. Fake It Til You Make It Doesn't Always Work: Fake it till you make it. You've heard that expression? Let's dissect what it really means. At some level I can see there's some helpful elements there. If you're sitting in a meeting and you weren't expecting to talk at all, and all of a sudden your boss says, Smithers, stand up and give us a summary of what your department has been doing the last couple of months. And your first thought is, oh my God, I'm going to look like a stammering idiot fool. I haven't prepared this. I don't know what to say. I should just get up and cry. If that's your first reaction, okay, then I'll buy into the idea of fake it. Stand up, smile. Look like there's nothing in the world you'd be happier to do than standing up and speaking and presenting to your colleagues. Look at them with steady eye contact. Don't rush, don't say, And fake it. Fake being like a really confident, engaging speaker just to say whatever you can have come up from your mind. In this state of anxiety, when you're done, smile and look like, wow, I nailed it. That's better than just saying, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed, I wasn't prepared. I can't do this in that sense. That's a type of faking. But in most situations, that isn't going to get you to where you really want to go. It might stop an immediate crisis, but it doesn't help advance your career. If you want to be a foreign policy expert, simply sitting at home and going to blogs that may or may not be fact based and getting a whole bunch of crazy opinions and just writing your opinion about foreign policy, never sharing it with anyone, never consulting with foreign policy experts and self publishing the book, proclaiming yourself, I am the number one foreign policy expert in the world on such and such. That's a type of faking it. I don't recommend that because chances are it's just going to fall flat. If you want to be an expert, build expertise before you publish the book, try to share it with experts you really respect and the audience you're trying to reach really respects, Get feedback from them, get suggestions, edits, revisions. The best books in the world are not the best written, they're the best rewritten, they're the best edited. Simply faking a great book and telling everyone you're the greatest. You don't have any feedback from an audience, you don't have any feedback from experts, people you respect, that's faking it. And you can do that time and time again. Chances are you will never make it. With few exceptions, there is no shortcut to success. It's true. Michael Phelps has a lot of genetic benefits to being a world class swimmer that you and I don't have. He's got a long torso, relatively proportionally short legs, although he's still 64, he has exceptionally flexible long feet. He is ideally constructed to be a world class swimmer. But he didn't just say, ah, you know, I got lucky with these genetics. I'm going to go down to the Olympic try out, wing it and fake it till I make it. That was not what he did. He practiced every day for years and years and years and years before he made his first Olympic team. And then he practiced, ate the right things, trained. It was this daily regimen that cut him off from all the normal fun things most kids got to do. He was so dedicated, he didn't fake being a world class swimmer. He started with some assets and then he put in the work every single day. If you want to be a great at anything, you have to put in the work. Tim Ferris famously wrote the four hour work week. Which I must confess when it first came out, I didn't like it. I have recently reread it and I think that it was prophetic. His point was not that you can be legacy, fake it till your make it and only work 4 hours a week. It was a metaphor really just to get people to think about how you can live life on your own terms. And not necessarily have a boring job and a big company to buy stuff and stay in one spot your whole life, and live a completely ordinary, boring life. But he is someone who works really hard and he works a lot more than 4 hours, as he would attest. For him to get his first book to international best selling status, he didn't fake it. He put in years of research and writing and long hours of promotion and interviews on podcast and every place else. Since then, he has solidified his reputation as one of the top thinkers in the world, One of the top innovators and self development experts. Because he puts in the time, he does two, 3 hours, sometimes five hour in depth interviews on his podcast with leaders, innovators around the world to learn what their best practices are, what tools they use to become successful. He continues to put in the time whether he's writing new books or creating podcasts, listened to by billions of people. Now we can all be Tim Ferris, I understand that. But we can use it as a role model. That is, yeah, you don't have to have a 40 hour work week. The four hour work week was a nice contrast to that. But you do need to spend time on a daily basis in things you care about to build real confidence. This is different than fake it till you make it. There is this concept in corporate life in America and in many other countries where if you just keep faking it in your corporate career, you'll just keep getting advances. And advances to the point where you're so incompetent, you can't succeed anymore. That's why everyone in the company is incompetent. That's a bit of a harsh criticism of corporate structures. But I think there used to be a little bit of truth to that. I don't think there's as much truth to that anymore. Therefore, simply faking competence in an area isn't going to help. If you want to be in charge of information technology for a Fortune 500 company, you're not going to be able to fake your way into that. You're going to have to have demonstrated expertise for a long time before that happens. In summary, fake it till you make it. Certainly putting a smile on your face if you're trying something new and the stakes are low help if you're all of a sudden pulled out on the dance floor at a wedding, it doesn't really matter how well you dance to that extent if you just look at other people and act like you know what you're doing and you're smiling and having a good time. Yeah. It works perfectly fine for that. But for anything really important in your life, it's not fake it till you make it work hard every day. Learn from your mistakes, get feedback, make constant changes, and then you will make it. 32. Make Long term Memory Loss Your Confidence Friend: One essential ingredient in building confidence is long term memory loss. That doesn't sound quite right. What am I talking about here? Now? I'm being facetious just a little. I do believe you need long term memory loss when it comes to your failures in life. Short term, if you fail at something, I want you to really study it, analyze it, figure out what did you do wrong so that you don't repeat that one thing or that collection of things. How can you make improvements for the next? But once you've learned the lessons from your mistakes, you need to forget your mistakes. Because if you dwell on your failures too long, that starts to become your identity. You start to think of yourself as a failure, as a lifelong failure. I can tell you I failed for about 20 years in my online training career. I made course after course after course, my own platform, other platforms. And flat out lost money for about 15 years, then made very little money. It wasn't until about my 20th year that I started to make a very nice living and starting to reach hundreds of thousands of students around the globe. If I had continued to remind myself, oh gosh, I failed in 1998 making that online course and I failed in 2001 making that online course. In 2003, I lost another $10,000 in online courses. If I had allowed myself to marinate in all of these failures, I would have never had the initiative to start again, to try again, and to finally do what it took to get over that threshold to become successful. Now, you might not ever want to make an online course, That's okay, but the chances are you failed in many things in life, you're not failing. You're not trying hard enough in enough different areas. It's okay to fail. You do want to learn from your failures. There's nothing worse than someone making the very same mistake again and again and again. Whether it's a friend or family member, you can't really tell them. And if you do, it just goes in one ear and now at the other. You don't want to not learn from your mistakes. But once you've learned, forget, forget them. Focus your attentions on the success of your new venture, and you'll be filled with much more confidence. 35. Our Insecurities Now Come from Overabundance, Not Scarcity: The other big change that has been created by the Internet is the way the world looks at resources. Traditionally, for most of human history, in the last couple hundred thousand years, most of humanity has lived in a state of extreme scarcity. Often 90% or more of the population starving to death, or at least food inadequate. Nowadays, we live in a situation where 90% of the world has plentiful food. In many cases, too much food. We used to live in a world where content was scarce. You could look at a cap drawing, and that was about it. Then there was the Gutenberg printing press, and there was a Bible here and there where people would hand write Bibles and other religious texts. A few hundred years ago, by maybe, if you were lucky, you had one book in your household. No TV, no Internet, no movies, just a book. And your entertainment was going to listen to some religious leader give a speech. Then we get to the 20th century, okay? Now there's more, you can read a newspaper. At some point, the talkies, the movies came about, radio, then television. But for so long, people had almost no content, no ideas, no books, no entertainment these days, The second you turn on your phone, you have a vast spigot. You have billions of hours of video you can watch on Youtube. Every movie ever made, every book ever written, all comes to much of it for free. There's this complete overabundance in content. The third area is stuff. It used to be that you had one, we cloth, that's all you needed. Just 100 or so years ago, most people had one pair of shoes, one shirt, one pair of pants. Now we live in an area where billions of people have closets full of clothes. They don't even, sometimes they wear something once and don't use it again. In nations Western Europe, parts of Asia, North and South America communities, people are so overwhelmed with stuff, their garages are full, their backyards are full. Their houses end up being portrayed on the TV show Hoarders because they can't even touch the floor. There's so much stuff. We live in a world where it's easy, cheap to buy things and have them sent to your house. Used to be at least you had to get out of your couch, get the car, find a parking space, go to the Sears, buy something, bring it home. It was a big production nowadays. You can sit in your chair while eating tons of food. Push a button, and more and more packages come to your house every day inexpensively. Part of what the Internet has done is driven down prices. It's brought about so much worldwide competition. When I was a boy in the '70s, I bought a nice bike for 150 bucks. A couple of years ago, I bought one for my daughter, similar in quality and style, her bike was $39 There's been a lot of inflation in the last 40 years too. Stuff in relative terms has never been cheaper than it is. Now we have this situation where we've gone from most people not having many things in their life, not having enough food in life, and not having any content, entertainment, forms of education. Extreme scarcity to now one of overabundance. It's this extreme overabundance that's causing all sorts of problems and also chipping away at your confidence. 36. Modern Technology Changes Everything: Expanding on what I mentioned in the previous lecture. In this section, we're going to go into much more detail about how this specific problem of overabundance in the modern 2020s and beyond era, how that's causing a huge problem. Until you really analyze it and step back and put it together, it's harder to figure out how to solve the problem. We first got to analyze exactly what the problem is to understand why it's chipping away your confidence. 37. Your Confidence Will Drown In a Sea of Content: The first big area of overabundance in this modern era is an overabundance of content. What do I mean by that? I mean, every second of the day, it's easy to stare at your cell phone or a laptop, an ipad, a TV screen, and be overwhelmed with massive, massive amounts of content. That don't make you smarter, don't make you wiser or wealthier, they just titillate you. Pure entertainment, trivia, celebrity news, gossip. It's now possible to spend every second, every waking second. And I suppose you could do it while you're asleep, having your cell phone on the whole time playing videos. But it's possible now to be completely consumed with content from other people. Here's the problem. If every second of your day is consumed with taking in other people's content, it means you have no time to actually think. You have no time to be introspective, to create, to reflect. You have no idea coming out of your own brain, because all you're doing is taking in other people's ideas. That's the problem with the modern era when it comes to content. It's so easy. There's so many people pushing content to us. Facebook, every social media platform, Netflix says, oh, you like that movie last night? Well, guess what, Everyone like that movie is going to like this one. And chances are you will like that one too, but it's just too much. We've gotten to the point where so many people who have good brains as I know you do, are not using them to create anything or even to think or reflect about things they've learned before. Because it's this fire hose of content coming at our eyes, coming at our ears all day long. Here's the problem. If all you're doing is consuming, you're never creating. If you don't create, then you are going to feel at some level inadequate. You're not living up to your full purpose. Human beings were designed to be creative. Again, look at any preschooler. Look at any kindergarten they can play and have a good time. A few sticks with an old box with sand. We are hard wired to create, but if we get into this addictive mode where all we're doing is consuming content, consuming text, consuming videos, consuming audio. No matter how good the podcast is, if you're only consuming other people's podcast and not even giving yourself time to think, reflect, figure out how to use that to make your life better and how to make other people's lives better. It just sucks you dry. There's nothing left. You feel like an empty shell. Yeah. You're full of other people's stuff. But as far as what you have created, what you have innovated, there's nothing there. Because you never gave yourself space to think, reflect, and to create. 38. The Overabundance of Food Is Causing Lots of Confidence Problems: Okay. Now I'm going to get into an area where folks are a little bit touchy. There's some controversy. I do not in any way mean to fat shame anyone. I don't think shame is a particularly helpful emotion when it comes to your health, your diet. But something really weird is going on with humanity, because human genetics, with evolution, things don't change in a day or a week, or even a couple of decades. But when you look at the world from 1980 in the past, obesity was a pretty rare thing. It was like 1% the biggest problem in the world, starvation, being malnourished since 1980. The biggest problem for most people now is not being undernourished. It's obesity. Obesity is now something that used to be less than 1% depending on how you define it. Certainly, if you combine obesity with people being overweight, it's a majority of the United States and the Western world, and increasingly in the Eastern world too. Obesity is a huge problem because it brings out diabetes, stroke, hypertension, early death. What's causing this? It's because we live in a world now of overabundance of food. There's no longer scarcity except for the poorest 700 or so million people in the world. Yes, I realize there can be recessions and pandemics where that goes up, but in general, there's a problem of overabundance. Food in relative terms, has never been cheaper. I moved to New York City the first time in 1985, and a lot of pizza slices were $2 $3 But sometimes I could still find $1 pizza. Today, I have no problem in New York City finding Dollar Pizza. In relative terms of all that inflation over those many decades, the actual cost of pizza has gone way down. Now, I don't mean to sound insensitive to people who are not getting all the food they need, but for the vast majority of the affluent world, even the relatively impoverished Western world, the biggest problem is that we're eating too much food, too much bad food. We're consuming way too much sugar, way too much fat, way too many processed carbohydrates. In part, modern technology has allowed for big farms to create things at much lower prices. Distribution, transportation has become streamlined. Marketers have an even better way of getting in front of our face all day long. Coca Cola, Pepsi, They used to be able to put up ads on billboards, they still do. They show us an ad at movies. But now you can be reading a story on the most reputable news site in the world. And every couple of inches on your phone is going to be another ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC, as they like to be called. Now you see ads constantly for sugary drinks that are designed to give you obesity and diabetes. Let's be candid. You're rarely going to see an ad saying, eat this apple. You are going to see adds for this apple pie that's mostly sugar and fat, and lard, and salt and all sorts of carbohydrates packaged together, possibly fried, to make it the maximum in damage to your body. Now, hey, I eat pie. My diet isn't perfect, but we live in a different world. Now, I'm going to sound like a grumpy old timer, but when I was a kid, you bought an ice cream cone. You went in and got ice cream, and it was typically just a little bigger than a golf ball. Nowadays, you ask for an ice cream and you're going to get a container that's about this size, a pint. A lot of the problem is the food is just so relatively inexpensive that marketers and stores and restaurants find it's just easier and more profitable to give people really large portions. They'll like us more, give us better reviews on Yelp. They'll come back more if it makes them really obese, someone else's problem. We've got to run a restaurant. I understand the rationale from the standpoint of a restaurant or a food manufacturer. But collectively, when you put it all together, it means the average person today who just goes with the flow, eats the portions put in front of them, does what other people do in social situations. The average go with the flow person. Going to be 2030, 40 pounds overweight, possibly obese. Whereas before 1980, the average go with the flow person who ate the portion size put in front of them, the portion size of an ice cream they got in an ice cream store was not obese. They were more or less a healthy weight. This is a huge problem because if you can't get out of bed in the morning because you're obese, if you can't walk up a flight of stairs without, if your clothes never fit. Because as soon as you buy them, you've grown another 2. " this chips away at sense of confidence. Again, I'm not saying everyone has to be model thin and have 2% body fat, I'm not suggesting that. But if you consistently feel that you are out of shape, overweight, unattractive to yourself in poor health, that's going to naturally inhibit your confidence, your willingness to try certain things. You're less likely to speak out to run for public office, to stand up and ask to speak. Yes, I know there are exceptions, folks. I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm not trying to say you should hold yourself back until you're the perfect weight. But if you feel insecure about your health, your overall health, that's what it's about. It's not about how you look, It's about your health. If you're 100 pounds overweight, 50 pounds overweight, it causes all sorts of health problems. It's going to make it harder for you to travel, for business, to exercise with your family, to do any number of things. That's why it's crucial if you want to have supreme confidence in life and to build your confidence, you're going to have to come up with some solution to this modern problem we're in, which is a tremendous overabundance food. And it's everywhere. Now, you can't eat food yet, telepathically delivered through your cell phone. But because of the cell phone, you're bombarded with ads all day long. Every second, drink this coke, eat Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now for example, when you go to a gas station to pay for the gas, you walk into the store, there's thousands of processed sugary fatty foods designed to give you that instant pleasure, but ultimately to destroy your health and to make you gain massive amounts of unwanted weight that didn't exist when I was a kid. You went to the grocery store and you paid for the gas. Maybe they would sell you a can of oil, but that was it. Now, every every gas station has a giant junk food store attached. It's so much easier to just walk in to pay. Everyone else in your family or with your group is buying three candy bars. You want to be good, you only buy one candy bar. It all adds up. We live in a time of overabundance of food that is destroying your health and that chips away confidence. 39. Stuff Is Snuffing Our Your Confidence!: Stuff. There's just too much of it in the world, probably too much stuff in your own home, your own garage, your own closets. We live in a world where stuff has never been cheaper. The problem is all day long, through our cell phones, TV's screens, billboards, we are given ads about more stuff we can buy these days, you can buy it all with one click. Unfortunately, the result is most of us who are not in the poorest 10% of the world have too much stuff. We're not necessarily buying the right stuff or good stuff, but we have too much stuff in our lives. Too many pairs of shoes, too many things in our garage we've used once, often cases, too many things we bought. We've never even taken them out of the boxes or the packages. We were too lazy to assemble them. Here's the problem. Anytime you're buying something, unless it's just because you truly want it and need it and are going to use it, There's a problem because if you're buying it to appeal to someone else, to impress someone else, it's hard to ever get off that track. Because there's always going to be someone else who has nicer stuff than you and they're not going to be impressed with this level of stuff. So you got to buy nicer stuff. One of my clients has a 350 foot yacht. You would think he'd feel pretty good with that? Well, no. Turns out one of his biggest competitors has a 400 foot yacht. Now that 350 yacht seems a little disappointing. Now you may say that's an extreme situation, but we're seeing this with every consumer product, every division. Houses now are 50, sometimes 100% larger in the United States than they were just a few decades ago. If you don't have as much space as your neighbor, you feel inadequate. If you judge yourself based on your possessions, then it's virtually impossible to not lack confidence. Because if it's just about your possessions, someone else is going to have more. You're now in at best second place. You're basically a loser compared to that person. That's the trap. What I have found is the more confident the person, the less interest they have in more stuff. The rule of thumb I would have for you is to simply ask, am I buying this because I really want it for me, my family, my needs? Is it really going to fulfill a purpose in my life and give me joy or am I doing it because I'm supposed to do it? Because someone in my situation in life, or my educational class, or my economic class has to do that. If that's the reason you're going down a slippery slope, that is going to just fill up your house, your life with more clutter, more more. The problem with more stuff is it takes your time thinking about it, housing it, maintaining it, unpacking it, eventually throwing it away. It takes up so much of your time that you could be doing, actually building a skill that's useful to the world, which would in turn give you more confidence. But we live in a materialistic society and hey, I'm materialistic, I like stuff, but we live in a market based economy where corporations make money by arousing desires in you so that you give them more money. Essentially, a car ad is saying you should feel bad if you have a three year old car. Because look how nice and fancy and special this new car is. Typically, there's not much difference. Everyone in your community has at least two cars. You and your spouse, of course, have to have two cars. No, you don't? My wife and I share one car. It's not because I can't afford two, or three, or four cars. But I don't like to drive. My wife doesn't like to drive. Neither one of us have to drive to an office. We just have one car twice a year. We both have to be a different place. We take an Uber works well for us, but I have to tell you, people think we're strange. Was J poor? He doesn't have a car for every member of the family. That's not it. Now, I don't want to make it sound like I'm Monk who lives on $5,000 a year. That's not it. But what I do try to do is scrutinize The stuff I buy. I happen to buy a lot of books, not because it makes me look good to others, they're not seeing my bookshelf, but because they give me joy. And they help me learn and they give me ideas for things like courses like this. What is it you buy that gives you joy? Perhaps buy more of that. But simply filling up your house with more stuff, buying more shoes that you wear, want, buying more and more disposable clothes that are tossed away, filling up landfills. I'm not coming at this primarily from an environmental standpoint, although I do think that's a legitimate concern. I want you to analyze the stuff you're buying from the context of your own self esteem, your own self confidence. If you are confident that you have the things you want in life, the things you value in life, then you're not left with all these desires about how, oh, if only you had this, your life would be better, you would be more successful. Now, I'm not a billionaire, but I have been very fortunate in my career, especially in the online part of my career. I can truthfully say, there's nothing in the world I really want with a big pot of money, or more money. I have all the money I need to buy the goods and services and the things I want in life. That gives me a lot of self confidence. I want you to be in the same position. It's not necessarily, it's certainly not directly correlated to income. There are plenty of people in the world who make $2,000,000 a year. But they spend 2.2 million dollar a year. They're in massive debt. They are so envious of their neighbors who make $4,000,000 a year. And they're envious of that neighbor's second vacation house, and they only have one vacation house. On the other hand, there are people in the world who make $5,000 a year and are perfectly content. They have the shelter they want, the food they want, and they get to spend time with their family and friends doing what they want. If you tell yourself I'll be happy once I get to this, you'll never get there. I understand you may have certain life goals. You want a home or you want a car paid off. I understand that. But you can't tell yourself you're not a legitimate person until you have a car or a house. You are a legitimate person right now. If you make more money, sure there are things you can purchase that can enhance your life, enhance the life of your family. But the second you tie your self esteem to how many possessions you have, you're in big trouble. There's the old saying, he who dies with the most toys wins. It's just not true. There are a lot of really rich people who are completely miserable and all they do is think about their stuff and how everyone's trying to steal their stuff and their money and let me keep people out because they're going to damage my stuff and they can end up bitter and alone. That's not how you want to die. Again, I have to stress. I'm not suggesting you be an acetic monk and only have two possessions in life. I want you to have the stuff you want. But I don't want you to be on this mindless loop. I've got to make more money doing a job. I don't like to buy more stuff that I don't really need to impress, people I don't really respect. That's the loop that will chip away at your confidence and eat up your life. If you let it you want to get to the point where you have the stuff you want and need. If you're not there yet, you've got to feel comfortable that you're headed in the right direction. If you do that, the stuff in your life, the cars, the houses, the jewelry, the clothes, won't detract from your confidence. 40. Confidence In Every Sphere of Life: In my view, there are seven major spheres of life that all involve specific daily habits. These really make up the totality of your life in these seven spheres. You need to have confidence in each one, because if you're confident, for example, just in your learning abilities, but you're not confident in how you can create or contribute to the world, then you're a lifelong, impoverished student, that doesn't help. If you feel very confident about how wealthy you are, but you have no friendships or meaningful relationships, that's going to chip away at your sense of self worth and confidence in every other aspect of your life. I'm going to briefly go through what I see is the seven major spheres of life. And how you need to have habits in these spheres in order to feel confident about yourself. Then later on the course, I'll go in more detail on how you build confidence by building the right habits in every part, the first major sphere of life. This is an umbrella one. It's the sense of self agency, self control, self efficacy. You have to understand that ultimately you are in charge of your own life. Yes, I understand some people are purely victims. Some people are in the middle of the Civil War and it's about survival. But if you're watching this course, chances are you're not in that extremist situation that actions you have over your own life are going to control your own destiny. Even when we are shaped by larger societal forces, we still have a tremendous amount of power, self efficacy, when it comes to deciding, are we going to be happy today? Are we going to eat healthier food and drink water? Are we going to drink lots of sugar filled stuff? That's the first aspect that you've really got to give some thought to, this sense of self efficacy, self agency, really telling yourself you are in charge of your own life. You're not going to mindlessly go with the flow. What other people tell you? What society tells you, What advertisers tell you. The next big sphere of life, absolutely critical, your health. If your health is so poor, if you're in physical pain, you're not going to feel confident doing anything. You're not going to want to leave the house if you're in pain. There's so many aspects of your daily schedule, your daily habits that relate to your health. You need good health or the best health you could possibly have. If you're going to have the maximum amount of self confidence, the next big sphere of life, your relationships love, friendship, family relationships. You can be rich, healthy. If no one in the world likes you, you're not going to be very confident about your position in life. Relationships are about daily habits you follow. That's a sphere we'll be talking about the next big sphere, life long learning. If you want to be happy, fulfilled, confident in your abilities, it's essential that you adopt the philosophy of being a lifelong learner. Lifelong learners don't say well, I graduated from high school, I graduated from college, that's it. Or I graduated from law school, or I got my Phd. I'll never open a book again. Now, successful people who are supremely self confident see every single day as an opportunity to learn more and they're constantly learning. We'll be going over the habits it takes in order for that to happen. The next big sphere that's critical in life, if you want to be confident enough to succeed at every level, being a creator, being someone who demonstrates your purpose in life, could be creating books, software programs, new businesses, sculpture. It could be creating the world's best online training program to teach hospital administrators do what you do, but they can do it all over the world. If you really want to have high self confidence about your position in the world, your abilities you need to be able to create. That is something anyone can do if they follow the right daily habits. The next sphere of life, leisure, hobbies. You're not going to feel confident in life no matter how rich you are, how many accolades you have. Everyone you know in similar positions goes on really fun vacations and relaxes. And you're working seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. You're not going to feel good about your life if you never have fun and never get away from your daily crime. It's an important sphere of life. Successful, confident people are, they can take time off. They have systems in place, they have teams in place. Now, your idea of taking off may be going on a 500 foot yacht. Your idea of taking time off and really enjoying life may involve backpacking and spending zero money, camping in someplace near your home. It's not about spending more money, it's about you deciding how you want to spend your leisure time because it's an important part of being a human being. Then finally, for some people, they think it's the first thing on the list or the most important. I have it as the last, for a reason, wealth. Do you have the financial resources you want to have to buy the goods and products, and services, and experiences you want to live the good life. I have found that if you have the other six spheres in good shape, you have habits you want for the other six spheres. The seventh sphere typically takes care, almost takes care of itself, but you're not going to feel supremely confident if you're always walking around thinking, oh, I'm poor. If only had money, I could have that. If I only had more money, I could do this. Real self confidence comes when you can walk through a mall and site pretty stuff here. I don't want or need anything. Maybe you don't go to malls. But it's beyond that. Knowing you have the wealth you want to live, the life you want, That gives confidence. I'm not here to promise you I'm going to make you a billionaire. Or even a millionaire. What I am telling you is that if you have the daily habits you need to fulfill the wealth aspirations that you have that will fill you with confidence. These are the seven major spheres of life as I see them as the selfie speak programming method tries to address. We get these in good shape, you have the habits you want to reach, the success you want in these seven spheres of life. Then you will be confident. 41. The 7 Levels of Every Habit Sphere of Life: Okay, I've told you about the seven major spheres of life. Or you need to build strong daily habits in order to give you confidence. But within each sphere of life, there are seven levels you need to go through. I want to walk you through these now. Because we human beings need coherence, we need a logic, we need something where it makes sense to us what we're doing. Things have to fit into context with every sphere that I mentioned. You need to have a philosophy of what the ideal is. What is the best possible way of being in that sphere? For example, if you're looking at the sphere of self control. You need to have a philosophy of, yes, it is possible for human beings to control their own life. We are not simply controlled by the stars. It's not just about destiny or fate. You can't have fatalism. You have to actually believe at a broad philosophical level that you do have control. Next, you need to have a self identity. What is your view of yourself in this particular niche example? If the niche is your health, you might have an overall philosophy of human beings can live to be 100. They can live their whole life at the proper weight, active and be active and vital, and healthy and vigorous till the end. If that's your philosophy, you need to then have a particular vision of yourself. You need to have a vision of yourself the way you see yourself. Now, I don't know about your particular physical strengths and weaknesses, but let's just say you're lucky enough not to have any major health problems other than perhaps being overweight. You can have a vision of yourself, of being someone who's healthy, active, vigorous, who exercises every day and eats the proper amount of food in the right types of food. That can be a specific vision you have for yourself. Next, you need really long term goals for yourself. Maybe you're 50 pounds overweight. Increasingly a common problem. You can have a goal for yourself, of the exact weight you think is of ideal health for your height. I'm not telling you what that perfect weight is, I'm going to let you decide that. But you can have a long term goal of specific things you want. In a certain sphere, you have a long term goal for wealth. Could be $5,000 Could be $5,000,000,000 But you can have a long term goal. You need to look at it, think about it, see it, reflect on it on a daily basis. Next, in every single sphere, you need to have short term goals. Maybe you want to get to the point where you can do five push ups a day and you just started and it's one or two. You can have a short term goal of a month from now. I want to be able to do five in the next sphere of the next level. For your spheres, you need to identify what your core daily habits are. What are core habits that are so incredibly important that if you do those, it almost doesn't matter what you do for the rest of your day, day is going to be a good day. What are your core habits for each sphere? For example, in my own sphere for creativity, what I have is a core daily habits as I spend 3 hours a day creating videos. When I do that, I try to do it every day, Monday through Friday. My business takes off, my career takes off, my finances do well. It's a core thing. I can waste a lot of the rest of the day. But if I spend just 3 hours every day making videos, I do very well. You can have a specific core habit when it comes to lifelong learning. For me, the most important lifelong learning habit I have is that I try to read at least a solid hour from a paper book from a respected author on nonfiction every single night before bed. There's a lot of other things I do for learning, but that's a core one where it really helps build my brain, helps me continue to learn. The next thing you need, the next level in every one of your spheres is you've got to figure out what are the nice non core habits? What are habits that you should do every day. But if you don't do it, it's not the end of the world. These are good habits to have, but they're not absolutely essential Now for me when it comes to physical health jumping jacks, I try to do 20 a day, but if I didn't do the 20 jumping jacks, would my health disintegrate? Probably not, but it's one of those nice non core daily habits. The final thing I think you need to think of in every single sphere to ultimately give you more confidence. What are the micro habits that you can do in 10 seconds or less that will help you? This is quite often just reading an affirmation. One of my affirmations is just as simple as I tell myself when I go to bed at night. Today was a great day and I'm going to have a great 8 hours of sleep. It's a affirmation takes a few seconds to go through, but it helps me with my overall sphere of health by getting a better sleep and putting me in the right frame of mind then when I get up in the morning. It's another really simple one of, I tell myself today is going to be a great day. Might be too cheesy for you, don't use it if you don't want to, but I want you to have a whole series of tiny little things that take 10 seconds to do. Or less could be as simple as reading an affirmation or reminding yourself to drink a glass of water. This is what I see as the seven major levels that you've got to think about and plan for the seven spheres of life. 42. Sphere 1 Self Control: Let's look at the first big sphere of life where you need confidence. This is an umbrella sphere. This is the one I mentioned earlier. It's about the sense that you have your own self control over your own life. Self efficacy. You are in control of your own life. You're not some pawn. You're not a victim of fate. It's important that you have an overall philosophy of how individuals live on this planet. If you think that we're all pawns in cabals and conspiracies, or the stars or something else, that's going to have a profound impact on your level of confidence. Why should you be confident about controlling your own life, making your life better if you feel you are ultimately powerless? This is the first big sphere. I think that there could be leeway on your vision, your philosophy of the best in some of these spheres. But when it comes to self control, I do believe you need to have an overall vision that human beings, for the most part, have self efficacy or the potential for self advocacy. They have the ability to control their own lives. There is something known as free will. Doesn't mean we're neglecting societal influences, but in general, that is the ultimate potential for human beings. That's the first level in this sphere. The next level, you got to figure out what's your philosophy for yourself? Where do you fit into this? It's possible to say, okay, I think humans have the potential to control their own life. But there's some unique aspect of my own circumstance. I don't have any limbs or unable to speak where you feel like you simply do not have as much control as other people. I'm hoping that nobody's perfect. You do feel that your vision for yourself is that you can control your own life. You can be control of your day to day schedule and ultimately, your long term happiness and success. Because you have to be confident in your ability to control your own life. Otherwise your confidence is going to chip away. That's the second level. The third level is you need to have specific long term goals for yourself. When it comes to your ability to control your own life. It may be, for example, that, that you desire to have control over your complete schedule. Therefore, you would like to be financially independent. You do not have to want to rely on an outside job, outside client. That could be one specific long term goal. The next level of the sphere, you need to have short term goals. What is one specific goal you have when it comes to controlling yourself? If you could do it, it would give you a lot more confidence. For example, one of the things I want to control is my ability to only eat a small dessert and not a large bowl. That's something I work on daily. That's more of a short term goal. Very important. Next you've got to figure out what are your core habits for developing self control? What are things you're going to do daily? Absolutely, you're not going to change this at all. For me, one of my core habits to help this sphere is I do meditation for 10 minutes a day. You don't have to do meditation. I hated it for years. I've only been doing it again for the last couple of years. But I do find that gives me much more control over my ability to think and give attention to what I want. That is the next level of this sphere, really figuring out what are the core daily habits you're going to bread. I do that every day no matter where I am. Next thing you got to figure out what are the non core habits you are going to practice? What are things that are nice to do? But you don't necessarily do them every day for me. If I'm with friends and it's a social gathering, then I'll have a glass or two of wine, But I don't want to do that on a daily basis. That's a nice habit, but I try to limit myself one or two glasses of wine only with that is a non core habit. That gives me the sense that I'm in complete control over my life. I have self agency. That's an example of a non core habit. The final thing you've got to think about is micro habits. These are the ones you can do 60 seconds or less. Ideally 10 seconds or less. This can be as simple as an affirmation. If it's an affirmation that you read or listen to every single day and you can do it in 10 seconds, That's what I call a micro habit. That can be as simple as listening to an audio of yourself saying, I am in complete control of my own life. I create my own destiny. Something I listen to each day. It only takes 10 seconds. This is what I have, in large part for the seven levels of my first sphere of self agency, self control. Now you've got to come up with your own, don't have to follow mine, but you do need to have a specific agenda for every one of these levels. 43. Create Your Own Sphere 1 Goals: Now it's your turn. I've given you the form below of the seven levels for every sphere. I want you to fill this out with respect to the first sphere here, your self agency, your ability to have self control, really fill out every single item. Don't skip, don't pass through this. Don't just watch the video. We've got to come up with a specific plan that works just for you. Please do that now. 44. Sphere 2 Your Health: The next big sphere of life after self agency self control is health. If you're not confident in your own health, that will undermine everything else you do. If you feel like you are in a less than ideal state, especially if it's because of your own actions, that is going to chip away at your confidence in everything else you do. And it's going to chip away at other people's perception of your confidence. Now, not everyone has to be an Olympic athlete. I'm certainly not. But you do need to take your health very seriously. We live in a world where there are massive, massive epidemics of obesity, diabetes, stroke, heart attack. For most of human history, the big risk was starving to death. Nowadays, that is a relatively small risk compared to dying from obesity, something that people actually do have control over. When it comes to their habits, we've got to spend some time figuring out how you can be confident in this sphere of life as it relates to your health. The first level in this health sphere is what is your vision for how human beings can live. If your vision is, life is tough and you're going to be miserable and have physical ailments and you're going to die in pain. That's going to affect your perception of confidence in every aspect of your life. I hope that's not your vision, but sometimes we don't think about it. Maybe you've been affected by family members who died young and had debilitating diseases. I'm, if that is the case. But you do need to step back for a minute and ask yourself, what is the ideal vision of how human beings live with their bodies with respect to their own health on planet Earth. My vision, and this doesn't have to be yours, is that human beings healthy lives full of energy, they can be at their right, healthy weight. They can live their lives largely devoid of diseases. Especially diseases that are brought on by modern comforts of too much sugar, sitting and eating too many calories that destroy the body. I do think that human beings have a capacity to live 90 or more years, I hope longer, in a healthy state where they're mentally healthy and physically healthy and can have energy to do what they want and live the life they want in their bodies. That's my overall vision. Now my particular vision, the next level for myself is basically the same. I view myself as someone who has been lucky enough to be fortunate with health throughout my life. There's frankly, no reason why I can't live a long, long life devoid of disease and other problems. Of course, something could happen. My father died of ALS when he was 62. That's only a few years away from me, so did my grandfather. But I have a vision for myself of living to be 100, being vital, active, exercising every day of my entire life. And living devoid of pain. That is how I've been lucky enough to live so far, doesn't mean things couldn't change. But as a vision for my life, it gives me confidence. My vision is that I am someone who is of a healthy weight, who strikes other people frankly as being healthy and taking health seriously. That's the second level, the net sphere, or the next level for this sphere is long term habits. What are the long term goals you have And what habits do you need to help you reach these long term goals? You need to have a very specific vision for long term goals with your health. Now, I put on a few pounds, but that's not a long term goal. I'll talk about that. Short term goals, a long term health goal I have is to play tennis every single day until I'm at the point where I am highly competitive. But not the national level, at least the state level for my age group, that's one health goal is to exercise to such a degree with my tennis skills to be at a really competitive level. Now a short term goal, that's the next level in this sphere. My short term goal is to get back to my ideal weight which I had before, the corona virus and now I put on a few pounds. That's a short term goal. The next level in this sphere, what are the core daily habits it takes for you to be physically the way you want to be to have the healthy one. Now, I have an awful lot of daily core habits. It is things like, I run on a treadmill every single day, only for a minute. I lift weights every single day. These are core habits. I do stretching exercises every single day. Those are core habits I try to do on a daily basis. The next thing to think about, what are non core habits? What I try to do every time I go to a restaurant is to start my meal with a salad. Now, I don't necessarily go out every single day. It's not a daily core habit, but it's certainly an important habit that I think is beneficial to my health. That's the next level is non core habits. Then finally, what are the micro habits that you do to improve your health? I have many micro habits. These are things, again, you can do less than 60 seconds, often less than 10 seconds. One micro habit, I just drink a glass of water first thing in the morning. It takes about 2 seconds to pour it, and then I don't really have to think about it, it's there in front of me. Small micro habit. Another micro habit. I limit myself to just one cup of coffee per day. Simple thing. Another micro simple affirmation. I tell myself that I am a physically fit, healthy person every single day in my audio selfie speak programs, these are simple things that I do. The micro habits, it all fits together though I think you need to come up with a plan for your own seven levels when it comes to this health sphere of life. If you want to be confident in your health without that, it's hard to be confident about anything else. Take a moment and reflect on that. 45. Sphere 3 Your Relationships: The next big sphere of life relationships. Humans are not meant to be alone. We are really not the hermits who are happy on an island all by ourselves. So much of what makes life meaningful to many people, the most important thing in life is the relationship you have with other human beings. You need to have confidence in your ability to have relationships and in your relationships. I want to walk you what I think are the seven levels you have to think about when it comes to relationships, of what you need to do. For starters, as always, what is your grand philosophy of relationships, the ultimate potential for humans, even if it's not for you. If you believe, as I do, that human beings can have great relationships. That the best thing in life is warm loving relationships. Family, friends, spouses, colleagues, clients, neighbors, people in your community. Then you need to really think about it and articulate it. I've seen it, I'm sure you have too. There are some people in life who grew up in families where mom and dad yelled at each other. It was a war zone their whole life. When they grew up, they never married, they never moved in with someone, they never had a serious relationship. Because they associate people living together with war and anger, and frustration and tension and misery. You need to really step back and ask yourself, what is the good life for you when it comes to relationship? You don't have to be married. I'm not trying to impose a certain set of values on you. I do want you to think about what is the best potential that you see for human beings when it comes to having relationships. Next, you've got to figure out what works for you, what is ideal for you, What's your vision of your ideal life in terms of a romantic relationship? Family relationships, friendships? Do you want to be on your deathbed when you're 100 or so surrounded by family and friends telling you how much you've meant to them and how much they love you. What is it you want for yourself? You've got to have that vision of yourself. If you think of yourself as no one could possibly love me, I'm a loser. Then that's going to have an impact on your ability to ever have meaningful relationships. You do have to have, I think, a positive view of the potential for you when it comes to relationships. If you want to have confidence and project confidence in the world, whether you're in the dating scene, the social scene, you're trying to build more friendships in your community or build stronger relationships with existing family members. You've got to have that specific vision of yourself as a part of that. The next sphere, what are your long term goals? If you're not married or with a significant other, you may have a long term goal of finding a spouse. Nothing wrong with that. If you're like other people like me, for example, I have a wife. My long term goal is to get to our 20th anniversary, 30th anniversary, completely happy and continuing to give joy to each other. You also need to have short term goals for this particular sphere. You need to have something specific tangible that you're looking for. I'm about to make a major move in my life from from one part of the country in the United States, the New York area, to the Florida area. I have short term goals as soon as I move to make friends with all my neighbors in the building where I'll be and to make friends with people whose office space I'll be sharing in the same building with. I have very specific short term goals too. When it comes to relationships, the next level you need to think about daily core habits. You have to help improve relationships. One of my core habits is I bring my wife coffee in bed every single day. She hates when I talk about that. She makes it. She feels like I'm bragging, but don't tell her. But that's just one of my core habits. I'd like to start my day making my wife happy, and starting her day with someone serving her coffee in bed. It's a core habit. You might not ever want to do that or have anyone who wants that to do for you. But that is a core habit. Another core habit I have is I try to call and actually speak or at least reach out to a friend every single day. It's so easy to get caught up. Work, home, life, and before you know it, especially over a certain age, friendships wither away. I don't spend hours and hours and hours a day talking to friends, but I do try to reach out every day. And if it's not a call, at least a text checking up on them. But ideally, a call even better meeting them. That is a non core daily habit that I have. A core habit that I have. Now let's switch to the non core habits that I have. These are ones that are nice to do, but I can't do them every single day. I try to together and meet with friends or coworkers or colleagues at some level and actually have a face to face lunch or dinner as often as possible, several times a week. That would be my example of the non core habit that supports my goals. Then finally, the micro habits, ones you can do in 10 seconds or at most 60 seconds a day for me, a simple affirmation of telling myself I am loved and respected by family and friends and colleagues. Just reminding myself that I'm a lovable person and worthy of having great relationships. That's how I walk through the seven levels of this relationship sphere. You need to have confidence in your ability to have great relationships. Now, you may be dissatisfied with the current relationship. Everyone has some relationship they're not completely happy with. But you need to have confidence in your ability to have good relationships, in your inherent worthiness of having good relationships. Reflect on this right now. Start thinking of your own way. You'll fill out the seven spheres, the seven levels for your relationship sphere. 46. Create Your Relationships Goals: Okay, now it's your turn. Look at the list I provided below again. And start to fill out either in the platform or just on a piece of paper or your own screen, what you want when it comes to your relationships in life and the seven spheres, Write it all down. You have great clarity in your brain on what you want when it comes to your relationships in life. This will give you confidence. 47. Sphere 4 Lifelong Learning: The next big sphere in life, learning your capacity to learn. This is what Stephen Covey calls sharpening the X. Sharpening the soul. If you want to be really successful and confident in your success, your ability to operate in the world, you have to continue learning the first step right here. The first level in this sphere is really what is your philosophy of learning. Unfortunately, many people have a very fixed mentality when it comes to learning. They have this idea that you learn as much as you can until you graduate from high school or college, or graduate school, and then your knowledge base is set. You basically draw upon that database of knowledge you learn in the first 18, 2025 years of life. That's what I would say is a fixed mindset, a constrained view of learning. The opposite is the growth mindset, the idea that human beings can learn every day of their life. You can be 100 years old learning new vocabulary words to play a crossword puzzle if you need to. But you can always be learning. Your brain can always be expanding. You're never too old to learn. That's the broad, big picture, philosophy of the ultimate good. Next you've got to decide for yourself, what is it you really want to do when it comes to learning? I personally do not want a Phd in chemistry. That's not how I want to learn, but I do want to learn every single day. My vision for myself is that I am someone who learns every single day. And that I'm someone who can learn so much that I can become the number one expert in the world on certain subjects. I think I've done that in the past in my niche of media training and public speaking training. That is certainly my vision for myself now when it comes to the world of habit formation and personal development, is that I can actually learn enough to be number one of the world now. You might not aspire to that. You may simply want to learn as much as you can every day to have the best garden in your community. Your goal isn't smaller than my goal. It's what works for you, your vision for yourself. Next you've got to think about what are your long term goals that help you reach your vision For me, it's writing books on a regular basis, probably one per year. Specifically on habits, it's having the actual best habits in the world. I have very specific long term goals to help me support my vision for myself. Next, you need short term goals. Short term goals, do you have to really help you reach what you want in this area of life? Be as specific as possible. Your short term goal maybe to read 100 books this year to get proficient in the Portuguese language. If you're taking a vacation to Portugal, what are your specific short term goals when it comes to learning? For me, I want to learn how to create apps because I'm going to start marketing and distributing apps and a website that involves a marketplace and a membership. So those are some specific things I know I want to learn where I'm not an expert right now. Next, you've got to really identify the next level. What are your core, core daily habits to help you learn? Now, I've got an awful lot of these. You don't have to have a lot. You could have just one. But for example, for me, my core core habits that I do on a daily basis. I read a short abridged book every single day. I listen to an audio book abridged audio book every single day. I read at least an hour every evening from an actual paper book. Every single day I watch some form of how to or instructional video every single day. It might only be 2 minutes long. But these are things I do every single day. Core habits so that I continue to learn and that I build confidence in my ability to learn new things. Next you've got anything about non core habits. These are ones you don't necessarily do every single day. For me, a non core habit is taking an online course. I'm in the online course business, but I don't take a course every single day or watch videos in a course every day. But this is something I do from time to time. Every time I travel, I typically go to one or more of the most prominent museums in that city or that country where I'm visiting, But I don't do that every single day. So you've got to have non core habits that support your goal, support your vision. If you want to build confidence in your ability to be a lifelong learner. Then finally, you've got to have some really simple short micro habits. Things you can do in less than 60 seconds. Simple things, ideally even less than 10 seconds. For me, I learn one new word every day. Now I just go to a Word of the Day app. You can go to one online, anywhere, and I read the word and read the definition. Bone takes less than 10 seconds. I don't necessarily remember all those words. I don't try to use those words in every conversation. But I'm trying to send a signal to my brain. I typically do this 05:30 A.M. when I've just gotten up and I'm trying to send a signal to my brain, hey brain, you keep learning new stuff. Simple little thing. I read a quote of the day from an ancient philosopher. Something I do every single day. Typically one of the Stoics takes a second, but just gets me thinking and also reaffirming that I'm continuing to learn new things. I'm not just looking at the same topical pop culture, news, sports that everyone else is looking at. These are the seven levels for this whole sphere of life long learning. If you want to be confident about your abilities in life, your ability to reach your full potential, you must embrace the idea that you are a lifelong learner. Get ready to fill out your own goals, your own habits, your own vision, or how you see yourself as a lifelong learner. 48. Your Lifelong Learning Goals: Okay, now it's your turn. You should know the drill by now. Below, I've got the list for you, the seven different levels. You've got to fill this out and come up with your own vision of how you see yourself as a lifelong learner, Your ultimate vision, your vision for yourself. Short term goals, long term goals habits. Put it all down right now. Please do not just fast forward through this section. 49. Sphere 6 Your Leisure And Hobbies: This next sphere may seem a little odd out of place to you. You may be thinking, T. J, I want to have confidence in my career and my relationships, leisure. I know how to have fun, okay? But do you Human beings cannot work all the time. You've got to have some time, that's for fun. Leisure, hobby, times that you really enjoy that have nothing to do with work, nothing to do with being productive. Nothing about making money. And not necessarily anything about losing weight or exercise either you need sometime for fun, for true leisure. That's the sphere we're going to work on. Now we've got to come up with the levels for each one of these aspects of the sphere of leisure. For starters, what is your vision of how human beings can live? Do you have the vision that life is hard, tough, you need to work hard every single day. No time for fun, save every penny, knows the grindstone. If that's your vision, it's going to be pretty hard to have confidence in your ability to really enjoy life. Now, why else is this important? Because if you are, for example, in a business atmosphere and you're dealing with highly successful people, and they've clearly accomplished a lot in their life. But they're also talking to you about the most fantastic vacation they just got back from in Tahiti. Or taking their kids to see the great Pyramids in Egypt. And you're thinking, wow, I haven't had a vacation in ten years. That's going to chip away your perception of confidence. You're going to feel like you're not really living life. Now, I don't mean to suggest that leisure is about spending a lot of money on fancy vacations to faraway places. Leisure could be deciding you're going to spend time alone with your stamp collection or coin collection for an hour a day could be something that is solitary and involves no travel and very little money. Or even no money could be just you writing poetry. That's a form of leisure too. But you've got to have a specific vision of the ultimate potential. But also now your specific vision for yourself. What is your vision for how you want to have an enjoyable life? How much time do you want to spend traveling? If you want to travel, what sort of hobbies do you want? I have a very specific vision for myself, which is that I'm someone who deserves a lot of vacation. I realize that sounds pretentious and entitled, but we're being candid here. I certainly don't want to offend anyone or seem obnoxious, but I hope that you have the same view for yourself. I don't think I'm especially entitled to have vacations. I just think that any human being should want that and if they have enough other things working in their life, they can do that. I view myself as someone who will go on a lot of vacations, do fun things that has a lot of time for recreation, fun hobbies. Now sometimes there's a blur between a hobby and what's also good for your health. One of the things I do is I spend an hour a day, sometimes more, going on a leisurely walk. No cell phones, no electronics with me, I do that because I think in part, I deserve that part because that's where creativity comes from. For me, I come up with good ideas, in part because it's good for my health too. But that's a part of my identity that I'm not someone who's working 14 hours a day in the office just to get more billable hours to make an extra million dollars, that life is worth more than that. It's about leisure. Part of my leisure activity is tennis. I like to play tennis. Why? I have a tennis court? You don't have to have a tennis court to enjoy that activity or leisure, but have a vision of something that works for you. I think of myself as someone who likes to play games. I like to play games with my family, sometimes board games, sometimes a little basketball leisure is important to me. It's important to go on hikes in nature with my family, walks on the beach, walks in the woods. That's a part of my vision of leisure time and how I want to spend my leisure time. What is your vision? Now your vision might be you love baseball so much or you love World Cup Soccer so much. You want to go to the World Cup Soccer Championships every four years, or you want to go to the Baseball World Series once a year. That may be a fine vision for yourself. Be careful, too many people have a de facto vision without realizing it. My vision of recreation is sitting on a couch watching sports, watching endless sitcoms, and just passively can recorded digital entertainment. I like to watch movies, but that's a small portion of my overall vision of what it's like to have leisure in a significant manner in my life. You need to have a specific vision of yourself. What is the good life for you when it comes to leisure? Could be traveling in your own yacht. It could be sitting home alone in a studio apartment, and just having the time to write lyrics to songs. You've got to come up with that. The next level in this sphere is you need to come up with your own long term goals for your leisure. Is your goal to visit every country in the world? Is it to just go to one continent? Is it to go 100 miles away where you've never been? You need some long term goals for your leisure time. For me, I want to become a great tennis player at a competitive level. Sometimes I jokingly say I want to be number one of the world for my age group. And then maybe if I'm the only one playing at 101, I will win but have some specific goals for your leisure time, whether it's travel, whether it's taking up a new sport, a new hobby. Woodworking, I couldn't care less about woodworking, but some people love it. That could be one of your long term goals to little a duck completely out of wood in your own knife. Next, you need short term goals for your leisure. What are you doing this Friday night with family and friends that isn't just sitting around a TV this Friday morning? I'm playing tennis with three other friends. I know I specifically have that on my calendar. I've got a couple of regular tennis dates that I keep every week. It's important to have specific short term goals for your leisure. It's not all about once every three years, going on a big trip all over the world, you need short term goals for doing that. Next, what do you want to do when it comes to your core daily habits for leisure? For me, one of the things I do is I just read one joke every day. It puts a smile on my face. Now you could also say that's one of the final levels, things I can do in 60 seconds or less, but that's something I do. I play a game every single day, often with my daughter. But I play a game typically this takes about 5 minutes. But it's one of those word games where they give you all the letters and you have to find words and solve the puzzle. Not quite like a crossword puzzle, but it forces you to really try to think creatively, combine things in new ways. It's hitting my creativity sphere as well, but it's also just a fun little game. It's not competitive, it's not for money, It's just can I do it when my daughter and I are doing it together? It's fun for us too. That is a specific daily thing I can do that is a part of my leisure next. What are the non core leisure habits that you want to do? This could be things like travel. You're not traveling every day, but I have found the most successful people in the world quite often schedule their holidays, their vacations first, then they book up their work commitments. Too many people don't do that work, especially if they have their own business or their entrepreneurs work. Work, work, work, and oh, there's no time for vacation. Increasingly, many large corporations are finding a problem where their employees are not taking their vacation days. They tell themselves, oh, I'm too indispensable or I don't want to plan my vacation, or I don't want to look at the e mail when it comes back. All these excuses. Next thing you know you've got 400 days of vacation bank rolled, and now you're in poor health and can't enjoy them and your career is over. You don't want to be like that. You do need some non core leisure goals for yourself. Ones that you don't do every day, and habits that you don't practice every day, but that are still important. Finally, you need these micro habits. What are little things you can do every single day to just give you more joy in life? Things you're doing purely for fun. As I mentioned, I read a joke every day. That's certainly one that I do it daily, but it's also something that's really short and simple. I write a joke every day. That's a part of my creativity one, but it's also a leisure thing because in the back of my mind I think maybe one day I'll be a stand up comic. Or at least do some stand up comedy. I'm building material for it. Think of tiny things you can do in a minute or less, even 10 seconds or less. One of the affirmations I listen to every day, I just tell myself, TJ, you deserve to have lots of time for leisure and fun in your life. Takes less than 10 seconds, puts me in a good mood, frames me the right way on this topic. That's how I do it. But again, you're not me. I don't want you to be me. I want you to be you. But the best you possible, I need you to start thinking about how you are going to plan your life, your goals and your habits as they relate to leisure. So that you can be confident that you are living life at its fullest. 50. Your Leisure Goals: Okay, now it's time to really codify things. You need to write down how you rate yourself in these seven different levels for this sphere of leisure fun. Don't skip over this. You've got the checklist below. Go ahead and write down, let me think about how important leisure is to your life. Now, you may be young, starting out in your career and you tell yourself, oh, I got plenty of time for that. Be careful if you do nothing but work from age 20 to 40, you may find that nothing left in you for starting hobby. And no one wants to play with you and no one wants to spend time with you doing fun stuff because you have so solidified your identity as someone who's just a worker. Be yes, there are different times of life where you have different levels of time for free time and leisure, but you can always find some time for true leisure and fun. It shouldn't just be looking at friends, post on Facebook, That can be a part of it, but that shouldn't be the dominant part of your leisure time. 51. Sphere 7 Your Wealth: Okay, the final sphere of life, where you want to have confidence. You need confidence. We your finances. Now, in so many personal development courses, books, workshops, people want to start right here. That's often what draws people into personal development. I want to get rich quick. I have this sphere is the last one, in part because I have found from my own experiences working with people like you and myself, that if you get the other six spheres of life in order, the wealth naturally takes care of itself. Too often people want to start with, I want to be rich. I want to be wealthy. I want to be confident in my wealth. They don't take the time to actually start habits of learning on a daily basis. They don't take the time to build habits of creating new intellectual property and other things they do. They don't take the time to build relationships with people in the industry or their field. That's what's messing up their ability to accumulate wealth. Now let's step back and look at the big philosophical perspective on wealth. What is your vision of how human beings can acquire wealth in this world if you believe that basically the world is ruled by a tiny little cabal of insiders, and everything is skewed against the interest of the average person. The average person can never get wealthy. That's a perspective, certainly we live in a time when there is more income inequality than ever before. But if your vision is the world is conspiring against you, it's stacked against you. You can never get ahead. You can never be rich. Rich people are bad. That's going to affect every other level of how you interact in this sphere of wealth. Certainly there are bad people who are rich the same way, there are bad people who are poor. I'm not one of these personal development gurus who says rich people are so much better than everyone else just because they've created something that helps more people. I'm not anti rich, but I think that there is greed, there can be bad in every economic class. We've got to start with your philosophy of how human beings can accumulate wealth. Certainly some people have a leg up. Certain people are given a lot of advantages through no hard work or effort or merit on their own. They're born wealthy or things are handed to them, that is a fact, there's no doubt about that. However, there are a lot of people in virtually every culture in the world who were not born into wealth, but did become wealthy by traditional metrics. Beyond that, there's a much larger pool of people who feel good about their level of wealth and their level of finances. Wealth is a relative thing. You can make $10 a day, have zero debt, be saving $1 of that, be feeling very good about your finances and depending on what culture you live in, may be able to meet all your needs and be quite happy. On the other hand, there are people who make $1 million a year, but have $3,000,000 in debt, and are constantly feeling insecure and bad. Because they have friends who make $3,000,000 a year, they feel poor, the deprived. Even though they make $1 million a year, I could substitute that $50,000,000 a year. Because some people who make $50,000,000 a year, compare themselves to people who are making $100,000,000 a year. There's simply no magic number where you're automatically going to feel good about your finances. I hate to tell you that the starting point, the first level in this sphere, is you've got to figure out what's your vision of humanity and how human beings can create wealth? Is it all just unfair? Is it all arbitrary? Is it all just insider connections? Or to some people achieve wealth because of some luck, and innovation, and creativity and hard work and putting a lot of things together. The next level we have to look at in this sphere is what is your particular vision for yourself when it comes to your wealth, your finances? Now, modern day culture, Western culture, and advanced industrial nations, there's a tremendous amount of importance put on wealth. You're not really successful unless you're rich and have a giant house and the fanciest of cars. That does not have to be your definition. Now, I personally someone you couldn't call me anti materialistic. I've never thought of myself as someone who thought that much about money or the quick term bucks. Because I turned down opportunities like going to a prestigious law school in order to do things on my own that were much more adventurous, risky, and not short term payouts. But I have always thought of myself as someone who would be very financially successful. It took me a long time, longer than I thought, but my reality has met my vision. Now, you could put $1 amount on it. You don't have to. Here's what I've found with people who put dollar amounts on the wealth they want. I have friends who say, TJ, I'll be successful. I'll be happy if I'm worth $100 million. We said, well, what are you going to do with $100 million that you can't do already? And these are people who are making a good living. It turns out they don't really have a good answer. I'd like you to have a vision of your finances, a vision of your wealth, a vision of the things you think you really want and need to be happy. But don't just pick an automatic number. It's so simple, especially if you're young and ambitious. I want to be a billionaire. Well maybe you will. Maybe that is a good vision for you now. But don't be afraid to change it, because I can tell you, I know a lot of people who are worth a lot of money, who are happy, and a lot of people who have a lot of money, who are miserable, bored out of their minds, and are in constant, nonstop fights with relatives and other people all going after that money. Simply having more wealth and a lot more money, a lot more capital, doesn't necessarily make you more confident that you can live a happy, productive life. But certainly if you have deprivation now, if you have debts, if you're feeling the effects of poverty now, wanting more wealth, I understand it and it makes sense. We got to nail down exactly the things you can do to make that happen. You've established what your own vision is for yourself. Now come up with your specific long term goals. Is it to own your own home out, right? Is it to be worth $10,000,000 What are your specific long term goals? A year ago, I had a specific goal of having my house paid off. Six months later it was paid off. I'm not suggesting it's always that easy, but that was what I thought was a long term goal. You need some long term goals for your finances. Write them down. You've heard the case of Jim Carey writing when he was poor and not that successful as a stand up comedian writing a check to himself for 10,000 $10,000,000, for services rendered. Then when he got the check for that amount for one of his movies, it became reality. He visualized it First, he had the specific long term goal first. Next, you need short term goals for the realm of finance. Now this is incredibly important. It's too easy to get locked up into this idea of, I'm going to become a billionaire. Meanwhile, your credit card debt is rolling up more and more. Your bank balance is going down. You're going into other debts. You could have a specific short term goal of not having any credit card debt, getting, paying down your credit card debt. You could have a short term goal of paying off a car loan if you have a car loan. But there are so many highly specific short term goals you have. I have very specific short term financial goals for me to I want to make more money online this month on this platform than I've ever made before. It's crucial that you have some specific short term goals for your finances as well. Next you need to come up with core habits. Really core habits you can do on a daily basis to give you more confidence in your wealth and in your finances to help really advance your goals. These are interrelated with some of the other spheres. But one of my core habits that helps with my finances is I'm making courses every day. I try to be in my studio making videos for online courses. Every single day I spend at least ten or 15 minutes every day writing 500 words of new ideas about personal development and habits. Because that provides the intellectual property, the basis for my online courses, books, and everything else. That is a Core Core. Daily habit that I have that helps my finances. You also need, in the next level, non core habits. Things you are going to do on a regular basis, but not necessarily daily. For me, and I'm not giving any financial advice here folks, what I do is put money in index funds. I happen to be a big believer in information technology. Index funds as great diversification, typically more than 300 companies and yet a huge growth area. And over time, whether it's ten years, five years, three years, one year or longer has significantly beaten things like real estate and the overall market, the S&P average. So that's what I do. Again, I'm not telling you you have to do that, but that is certainly a non daily habit, it's part of my core financial holdings. You need to come up with something that you're doing, not on a daily basis, that is improving your finances and getting your wealth to where you want it to be. The final level in this particular sphere. Really short, simple habits you can do on a daily basis. And you've heard me say before, these can be simple affirmations for me. I just tell myself in an audio recorded format, TJ, you have all the wealth you need to buy everything and anything you need for happiness and for your family. It's a reminder that I already have wealth. I might not be a billionaire, but by my standards of what I like, what I need, the level of luxury I need, I'm already wealthy. I remind myself that now for many, many years in my life, I was in fact poor and did have debt. You've got to figure out something that helps you where you are right now. It could be as simple as an affirmation of, don't buy coffee outside of the house until my credit card debt is down to zero. A simple affirmation that will help you get out of debt. This is what I see as the seven levels for this sphere of, well, I hope you didn't fast forward just to this part. I do know that for so many people they have the attitude, if I could be rich, the relationships will take care of themselves. And who cares about reading and learning more. Well, it's all interrelated. Start thinking about your answers to how you would fill in this grid on the seven levels of the sphere of wealth. 52. Your Wealth Goals: Okay, now it's your turn. Look at the handout below and really start plugging some things in. If you want to plug in actual numbers for what you want your net worth to be in the long run, 40 years from now or what you want it to be short term, in the next six months, plug it in, but come up with a specific answer for every one of these seven levels as it relates to your wealth and your financial health. 53. This Is How I Build Confidence: In this section, I'm going to show you how I have created my own selfie speak programs to give myself confidence. Now some of this may seem overly personal, I hope it doesn't embarrass you, hope you don't think it's too much information. But I do this to demonstrate really how simple it is and how easy it is to create your own selfie speak, programming, your voice, you your image, telling you how you want to live your life. Telling yourself what habits you want to have to give yourself the confidence you need to succeed in every aspect of life. I think you're going to enjoy this section. Let's dive in. 54. Here Is My SelfieSpeak Program: Attached below is an audio file. It's my own selfie speak program. Now I'm giving you one that's not particularly produced in a fancy way, it's just me speaking. The other thing I want you to take note of is you can tell from listening to the audio that I've just added things. Sometimes I want to focus on a particular aspect, even more, eating fewer desserts, for example. You'll hear a stop and start and I just add onto it, that's okay, that's what I love so much about the selfie speak program is it's so flexible. I've designed these to help me live the principles of positive psychology. Positive thinking, to help me try to be happier on a daily basis. To be more fulfilled on a daily basis. But they only work for me again, you've got to come up with a selfie speak program that works for you. I'd urge you take a listen in part. I think you'll think, well, that's not that good. I can do that. That's right. It's just me talking to my own cell phone. The audio quality isn't the most fantastic quality ever. There's no special effects in this, it's just me speaking. But it's done quickly and easily. I can add stuff change every so often, I just start from scratch, but this is one of the more recent ones I've used. And I only completely redo them every three or four months. In between, I just add a sentence or two here and there as my goals for my daily habits evolve. Take a listen. 55. It's a Little Personal, But I'm Going to Show You My Own Selfie Media Program: Okay, this is a little personal, but I'm going to go ahead and show you my own selfie media program. You'll see it in the click below. You'll get exact sense of what I'm talking about. Now, the photography isn't that great. It will seem relatively fast. It'll seem relatively quick. You might not be able to read the words, but because I see it every single day, this is how I start my day, literally. I start my day by hitting click on this video. And I watch the whole thing in about a minute, 40 seconds. For me, it's driving home every single one of the self discipline habits I try to do on a daily basis. Again, it's not for you to copy, but it's for you to get a sense of, okay, this is one way of doing it. Really nothing TJ. Is doing here that I couldn't do. Maybe out of my hundred habits, 30 of them you love and you want to do for yourself. Maybe you think all of them are dumb. That's okay. I'm not here to tell you what the exact habits are that you need for you to feel like you're running a self disciplined life. This is about the techniques to help empower you so that you will have the self discipline you want. Take a look below. I think it'll give you some ideas. 57. Using Your Phone to Build Confidence, Not Destroy It: Wow, I hope I haven't bummed you out. I hope I haven't depressed you. Because it seems like I've been talking about a lot of problems. And the problems especially that come from this constant bombardments of more content that just make us dumber, mindless entertainment. Constant bombardments to buy more stuff to fill our house with junk and keep us in debt. Constant bombardments with ads for things like Coca Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken to ruin our health and make us obese. This is clearly one of the biggest problems in the world when it comes to things that can reduce your confidence. Now I want to introduce you to a tool that's going to solve these problems that's really going to help you. This is a fantastic tool to help you build confidence. That tool is, that's right, the very same cell phone, but you're going to have to change your relationship to your cell phone. That's what we're going to talk about extensively throughout the rest of this course. Now I've devised a system where you can use a cell phone to help you program your life to do the things you want to build your confidence. I call it selfie speak programming. I've touched on it lightly earlier, but it really comes down to you. It's got to be you deciding what you want for your life. Not me, not your parents, not some other personal development guru. But you have to decide what you want your life to be. You have to decide what your standards are, what you want to accomplish, because that's what will give you confidence that you are living the life you want on your terms. This is just a tool. Now marketers know that the people at Mcdonald's, Coca Cola, realize this is just a tool. If they put enough ads in front of your face, coming to you through this and billboards and TV then, whether it's once a year, once a month, once a week, or once a day, you're going to buy their coke or the Mcdonald's hamburger or their chicken. They know that maybe you in particular don't, but they know for every hundred people they reach, 80 of them are going to be customers or some percentage like that. That's how it all works out. They know by constantly bombarding you with messages of do the thing they want, every ad you see, every message, every E mail from Netflix and Amazon. It's all about trying to influence your behavior to do something. Typically to buy something or to give your eyeballs to that company so they can sell your eyeballs to other advertisers who then push out ads to get other people to buy stuff. We have to break this relationship up with your cell phone rather than you passively receiving images, messages, reminders, and cues to do things that other people want. You've got to use this yourself to create things that you want to do yourself. Now, you're used to taking a picture of yourself. We all take selfies, and typically we make ourselves look better. We want to smile the right way, straighten our hair if we have any. I want you to do the same thing with your life, but rather than a picture. Tell yourself what you want your life to be. That's why all you have to do is go to the audio, the memo record function in your smartphone. Most of them have it. And simply tell yourself what you want to do on a daily basis. And I'm going to walk you through this process. It sounds a little, I don't want to do that. Well, it's highly, highly effective. You don't have to be a professional voice over artist work for a radio network. You can simply talk to yourself and tell yourself what you want to do on a daily basis. For example, if you want to start each morning not with a frappucino mochaccino with 10,000 calories of fat and sugar. But instead, start your morning a glass of water. Guess what? Tell yourself in yourself speak program, it's you speaking, not me. It's you deciding, it's you programming your own brain. Because everything else coming out of your cell phone, everyone else in the world is trying to program you to do what they want. You've got to program your life to do what you want. When you master that, when you master control of yourself, your confidence will skyrocket. That's the easiest thing to do. Just talk to your cell phone and record it like you're leaving a voicemail message for a friend. Only, it's not for a friend, it's for you, it's for you. Just tell yourself what you want to do, talk about your affirmations, your goals in life. But then break it down into the specific habits you want to do each day. Another part of the selfie speak programming is just put images of yourself. What you want to do. I call it selfie media programming and I'll be showing you mine later on, where I just have a whole series of videos, pictures with little text reminding myself what I want to do. You watch ads all day long on TV, on Youtube, on other places. Why not watch an ad, a video ad for yourself? Then the final aspect of self, ie. Programming, just text. Just go to your to do list on your phone and in the note section of your phone, create a to do list and put the daily habits you want to put the daily affirmations you want to look at it again, Don't do what I don't put down what I say to come up with your own list. For example, it could be a simple affirmation such as, as soon as you get up, say to yourself, wow, that was a great night's sleep. Today is going to be a fantastic day. You may think that's too cheesy and stupid, don't say it, but I have that as a checklist every day. I look at it, I put a quick for a win. I know you have your cell phone on you, so it's not like you have to go buy some big book. Carve out time to go to a library. You've got your phone already, everyone else is sending you a to do list. Your e mail box is a to do list for you from other people. Your boss, friends, family, everyone saying you've got to look at this now and ideally respond to me. They're putting items on your to do list. We can't avoid that. But you need to start your day with your to do list. And it can be really simple things. One of the things I might do, list jumping jacks, Sound simple? It's not going to get me into the Olympics, but I do 20 jumping jacks every day and it's on my checklist and I feel good when I check it off. These are the three big areas we're going to cover of how you can really use your own cell phone. Selfies of yourself, selfies of your own voice, of your own video too, if you want to talk to yourself about what you do. But the key is repetition. The reason Mcdonalds and Coca Cola are everywhere is not necessarily that they have the best product. It's not that they wrote a best selling book on their product. It's that they repeat those messages every day and every format for your entire life. That's what we've got to figure out a way of doing for you to make sure you program your life on your own terms. 58. The Real Secret to Personal Development Isn't the Personal Development Industry: Imagine I could influence your behavior. I could influence your habits so that you do on the daily basis the things you need to do to achieve your wildest dreams. If you want to become a billionaire, if I could somehow magically influence your daily habits to the point where you created a business or did what you need to do to become a billionaire, you'd probably be happy with that, right? If you aspire to have a body that is in perfect shape and the optimum level of body fat for you. And have washboard Abs if you want that. If I could influence you to the point of doing the daily exercises and diet you need for, that would be pretty good, right? But that raises the question, how do you actually influence people's actions? How do you influence behavior? This is a subject that people have been fascinated by for as long as humans have been alive. It's clearly a big industry. You look at something like the personal development industry. By some estimates, $14,000,000,000 a year is spent on personal development books, workshops, seminars, online courses. Then you could look at other even religion. The United States religion is in part about shaping people's actions, influences trying to make them behave better. 100 million or so is spent on that, but what else is spent on to try to influence people's behavior? When I look at the people who have the biggest influence on behavior in the world, it is people like Coca Cola and Mcdonalds, and Netflix, and Amazon, and Facebook. What is the secret behind what they do? It's advertising and it's messaging. In the case of Mcdonald's, Pepsi, Coca Cola, Kentucky Fried Chicken, they're spending massive amounts of money. Now if you look at worldwide, there's about $1,000,000,000,000 spent on advertising a year. If you ask the head of marketing at Mcdonald's, how could you influence more people to eat a Mcdonald's hamburger? Would you like to send them a book on how to eat at Mcdonald's hamburger? They'd probably laugh. Would you like to send them to a three day workshop in Fiji on the beauties of eating Mcdonald's hamburgers. They'd laugh again. What is it you can do? Do you want to send them a song that doesn't have much impact? What marketers who really are in the business of influencing behavior for multi billion dollar companies understand is it's about repetition. In the personal development world, there's this whole debate about does it take two weeks to create a habit? 28 days, 31 days, 66 days, 266 days. There's all this debate about how long it takes for someone to form a habit. But the people of Mcdonalds and Coca Cola, and Kentucky Fried Chicken and Procter and Gamble all understand that's a silly waste of time to think about that. The real way to influence someone's behavior is to put cues in front of them, reminders in front of them every day for the rest of their life. If you ask someone of Coca Cola in charge of marketing, how often do you want to be in front of someone to help them build a habit of drinking Coke? 23 weeks, 21 days, 66 days. Their response is going to be, how about forever? How about every day of their life? Forever. Forever is good for me. Why don't we do that? The real influencers in the world understand. A book, a workshop, even an online course like this can never compare to repetitive daily messaging. Now, Facebook doesn't necessarily do it by TV ads, but when you get a notification that your best friend liked your post and commented on it, that is a type of advertisement for Facebook designed to get you to stop whatever you're doing. Click into it to look at it to see what your friend wrote about your post. And by the way, you're going to see all those ads on the side that people paid for to Facebook to get in front of you. It's the repetition that matters. That's why as much as I love making online courses and writing books, there's a part of me that reluctantly has to conclude that online courses one offs don't really change behavior. What changes behavior is constant repetition forever. You joined Amazon Prime last week, last year, five years ago, ten years ago. Amazon Prime doesn't care. They're going to send you e mails frequently trying to get you to buy stuff forever until you hit unsubscribe. That's the philosophy of pretty much every marketer, Facebook. You can try to delete it. They may put it dormant. They're not even going to let you delete your account because they want to be in front of you forever. I have a Facebook account. I'm not bashing any of these companies. It's not that any one of them is destroying your confidence. It's how they're all put together and create an environment where they're repeating all these messages to get you to do things to influence your behavior. I'm a big believer that you should be the one to decide what behaviors you want to demonstrate on a daily basis. You're the one who should pick the habits you want to help you get the life you want. You cannot do that by reading a book, wants, or even watching a video once or a course once. You can only do that by fighting fire with fire. You're going to get ads every single day, bombarding your brain to drink sugar filled products. That will increase your weight and increase the odds of you getting diabetes. If you want to counter that, you're going to have to come up with an ad, essentially what I call a selfie speak program. Listen to it, watch it, put as a checklist. Drink water. Did I drink a large glass of water as soon as I woke up? Did I drink water throughout the day? You're going to have to give yourself reminders on a daily basis forever. If you want to compete with this modern media ecosystem, we are all swimming in. 59. Start Experimenting with SelfieSpeak Programming Now: I want to stress that the selfie speak program has to come from you, be about you, it's for you. Now, I'm going to walk you through later on some of the technical details of how to do this, but let's not overcomplicated. I want you to take out your phone right now. Go to the memo record section and just record one thing that you would like to do on a daily basis that you feel would give you more confidence in your life. Make you feel better about something you do. Something I did more than a year ago and I'm still doing it. I'm very happy I did is I wanted to limit how much content I'm getting each day when it comes to news. I would often start my day just mindlessly scrolling every news website and yet kept more informed. But to what end? I gave myself a specific goal of consuming news for more than 30 minutes, no more than 30 minutes in the morning. How did I do that? I created a little audio recording and I said TJ, if you start reading the news in the morning, you will stop after 30 minutes. Very simple. Takes about 10 seconds to say it takes about 10 seconds to listen to it. Now I have this part of a longer audio that has all of my goals, aspirations, and habits that I try to do on a daily basis. But I want you to start right now. Pick just one thing. Pick one specific habit you're going to do on a daily basis. That's relatively simple that you think would improve your life. That one habit change helps me dramatically because now instead of spending 2 minutes or 2 hours mindlessly scrolling through news, I'm disciplined. I read everything I want to read in 30 minutes. And then I can switch over to journaling and meditation, and writing personal development programs and content. And doing all the other things. My exercise program that I do every morning, I have all this extra time that makes my life better. It builds confidence in me. Please don't fast forward through this. I don't demand that you post this in the student section, but I want this just for you. I want you to record yourself telling yourself something specific you want to do. I want you to get into the habit of that. It's going to feel awkward and cheesy at first, but long run. It can change your life and build your confidence. 60. Let's Get started with Your SelfieSpeak Programming: This section is going to be very practical. I want you to be more confident in life. I believe the key to that is figuring out how you can put enough reminders and cues in front of you every day to do the daily habits you need to accomplish what you want. Up till now, if all you're doing is watching me, it's a bunch of theories floating around. We've got to really roll up our sleeves now and get to work and focus on the technical aspects of creating your selfie speak program, your selfie media program, and your selfie text program. Pay attention closely here because it's not hard. But driving isn't hard now. But it was when you first did it, there is a little bit of complexity. Part of it is you just have to get over the inertia of not doing it and do it for the first time. Please focus on this. Do not just fast forward through this part. 61. You Can Program Yourself: I've developed a solution called selfie programming. That's what we're going to learn all in this section. The selfie programming has three legs. It's a table with three legs keeping it up. There's three parts of selfie programming. There's the audio portion, which I call selfie speak programming. It's you simply speaking into your own cell phone and recording your own voice. I'll walk you through how to do that shortly. There's selfie media programming, and that's just a fancy way of saying you take a selfie picture of yourself doing the things you want to do. If you're trying to gain more self discipline on what you eat, Then take a picture of yourself eating an apple that will remind you to eat more fresh fruit rather than more muffins or cookies. The final thing is selfie text programming. That's just a simple way of saying, have a list, you don't need any special apps, You don't need to go out and buy new books. I'm not selling you a journal. Just use your cell phone. I like to keep things simple. I simply go to the notes section of my phone and I have a whole category for my morning routine habits and my evening routine habits. These are what keep me in alignment with my own self discipline goals. These are the three things we'll be going through here. The selfie speak programming, the audio, The selfie media programming, the pictures you take which you can turn into a photo album and make it like a mini movie. And the selfie text programming, where you simply write down your goals and use it as a checklist every day to hold yourself accountable. Together, these form an extraordinarily powerful tool for you to discipline yourself. 62. The Selfie Speak Program, SSP, Is the Easiest Way To Influence Mindset: Let's start the easy way. One of my big tenets when it comes to helping build self discipline habits is the more we can focus on something that's easy to do, the easier it is to have the discipline to do it, because it doesn't take much work. There's lots of different ways of influencing behavior. Let's start with the simplest, easiest way, and that is the selfie speak program. What do I mean by that? I just mean you talk to your phone, you create a selfie of your own audio, and you tell yourself what it is you want your habits to be regarding yourself. Discipline. Now let's take a step back for a moment and really explain what I'm talking about. You've already heard me discuss how advertising is the most powerful mode of controlling human behavior ever devised, short of being able to put someone into prison. But advertisers around the world have figured out, if you really want to change people's habits, the easiest way is to bombard them with messages and triggers on a daily basis. Audio, video, text, every media of all the different media. Audio is the easiest. Video can be complicated. Lighting makeup, bigger cameras, fancy magazines can require special photography skills. But audio is just sound. It could be world class music, but it could be just your voice into a cell phone. Radio advertising works. We don't really know that going to a self help seminar works. We do know that radio advertising works because companies over the last 80, 90 years, have spent more than $1,000,000,000,000 on radio advertising. Every single year, hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on radio advertising worldwide. We know that it works, podcasting works, and that people who listen to it learn a lot and it sometimes changes their behavior. I want you to think about creating essentially an ad for yourself. You don't have to have fancy Jingos lingo, you don't have to have special music, jingles, other things like that. It can be just talking to yourself. You can think of it as a podcast for an audience of one yourself. You can think of it as a micro targeted add just to one person. But it needs to be specific to what you want you and I haven't met yet. In all likelihood, you have specific self disciplined goals that you want that are unique to you. The beauty of the selfie speak program is you're not listening to some all knowing guru tell you what to do with some deep thunderous voice. You're listening to your own voice, tell you what you want to do. Let me just give a quick example because it's not complicated. I'm going to my cell phone. I'm going to the voice memo section. I'm going to hit the record button TJ. You are self disciplined. You are someone who takes responsibility and accountability for every single action you take. When you wake up in the morning, you start off by drinking one large glass of water. You drink just one cup of coffee each day and you don't put any sugar in it. Now, I could go on. I have a selfie speak program that's about 13 minutes. It covers every aspect of my life. How I want to have self discipline in every major sphere of life. Now, it's easy to make that. If I stumbled, I stumbled a little bit over one of those words. Guess what? It doesn't matter. This is not going out in a Super Bowl ad somewhere. It's just, for me, it's my voice. I don't have to hire a voice over expert. You don't have to hire a voiceover actor, just use your own voice then first thing in the morning, typically the best time you listen to the audio. Just like radio ads work, if you're driving a car or doing three other things or going for a walk yourself, he speak audio will work too if you listen to it every day. Now what I love about the selfie speak audio is it's so simple to make. Doesn't matter if you're in your pajamas. Doesn't matter where you are. As long as it's relatively quiet, you want to change something, hit delete, and you do it over or you just add on to the end of the audio. You not to worry about it being exactly 30 seconds or 60 seconds because you're not buying network radio time. It's for you. You can make it as long as you want, I would say. Make it as long as you want, but as briefly as possible to cover all the categories you want when it comes to really describing in detail the self discipline you want to have and that you want to show throughout your typical day and typical week. If you can do that in a minute or two, do it. If you want to spend 20 minutes, that's okay too. Because remember, you don't have to sit down and concentrate and watch this and think about it when you're listening to it every day, you can have some headphones on. As I do, ear buds just have it playing on a counter somewhere. As long as you can hear it, you can be eating breakfast, reading the news. You can do other things. It's the repetition. It's the reinforcement. The old rule of thumb with radio and TV ads was that if a prospect didn't hear, see your ads at least seven times, it's as if they never saw it at all. That's why you see and hear the same ads again and again and again. With you making your own advertisement, you can expose yourself to it every day, forever. It can keep working, keep reminding you, keep providing you with triggers of what you need to do to be self discipline. It's an amazingly simple concept and yet I've never seen anyone else really try to explain it and help people implement this on a regular basis. In the past, the excuse would be, well, I need complicated editing equipment and recording devices. And real to real, no, you have a sophisticated audio recording studio right here in your cell phone. You don't need more equipment. You don't need a professional voice over artist. You don't need any editing. You want to have some light music in the background. You can, but you don't need to. I like to have just my voice, no other background. It's easier to hear it and fewer distractions. What happens if you get tired of it? Just he do another one? It doesn't take long. No, you don't have to write out some whole script and follow a script word for work. This is not something like hypnosis where it has to be that exact and precise. You're not hypnotizing yourself, this is subliminal advertising, this is advertising. But it's advertising for the best product in the whole world. Your self discipline. I'm going to walk you through how to do it. Other ins and outs of the selfie speak programming. There are other tools. I'm going to give you, the selfie media programming, the selfie text programming. But this is far and away the most innovative, the easiest to do. It costs nothing. Not only is it easy to make, but it's easy to do on a daily basis. If you can go like this to, to hit play, that's all you have to do. It's not like an affirmation where you have to remind yourself every day to say something out loud. You don't have to say anything out loud after you've done it. Once, it's using the power of digital technology to lighten the load on your part and to make it really easy. And frankly, you can do it when you're lazy. Because when I wake up in the morning, I'm lazy. But as lazy as I am, I'm not too lazy to go pop and just hit plate because I've already got my headphones on. This is an exciting innovation, I'm happy to share it with you. I look forward to you getting great results from this. Because when you advertise and market to yourself the exact self discipline habits you want on a daily basis, now you've got real competition against all the other people advertising you do all day long to have bad self discipline and to do things against your interest. 63. Here is Exactly How You make a Selfie Speak Program for Mindset: Let's break this down in simple, simple terms. Here's how you make your own selfie speak program. Just go to your phone. I do use an iphone, but you can do this on any type of phone. I go to the utilities where my voice memos are stored. Then there's a big red button, I just hit on TJ. You are self disciplined. You are in control of your own life. Every single I just talk to myself. I tell myself every single habit that I want to have. I'm not giving a big speech, I'm not reading a speech, I'm just talking. I'm treating this like it's a conversation. Now, I'm going to hit Stop now, because this will not be the one I actually use. But it really is that simple. I know at some point in your life, you must have left a voice mail. You're used to having your voice recorded. It's not that big a deal. Here's the thing, no one else has to hear. It's only for you. If you say, doesn't matter, your voice cracks. Doesn't matter. Your voice is screechy. Irritating. Just does it matter? The main thing is that you tell yourself exactly the habits you want to do to make yourself self discipline. That is, what is critical, doesn't really matter about the type of affirmation, present tense, past people obsess over a lot of details I find the main thing is just talk to yourself like you're a real human being, which you are. Remind yourself the daily things you want to do every single day. I tell myself TJ, you're going to do as many push ups as you can in 60 seconds. Tj. Every single day, you're going to write at least 500 words about self discipline and habits. It's that specific. By hearing it every single day, it makes it easier to then do it. It provides triggers cues. Once you record it, then all you have to do each day is just hit and you're listening to it. That's why this method is so superior to affirmations. Again, I'm not anti affirmation, but if you have to tell yourself an affirmation each day at some point after a week, you're just not going to do it unless you have a lot more self discipline than 99% of the world. Presumably that's not the case or you wouldn't be in this class. The beauty of the selfie speak programming model doesn't require any self discipline, other than enough discipline to go and listen to it. Let's not overcomplicated, you don't have to have a perfect script. If you say just keep going. You mess up, just treat it like a conversation and keep going. Now if you make a mistake, say something really the opposite of what you intended. It's the first minute, okay? Then I would just hit delete and start over. Don't start with editing. Once you start an editing project, it could extend weeks, months, years. Let's keep it simple. I want you to really learn this system. And to do it, I'm going to be asking you to do this very shortly, making your own audio recording. Whether you want to think of it as being the host of a podcast just for you, whether you want to think of it as an advertisement, all that really matters is that you're talking about what you want. You're not listening to a guru tell you what your self discipline goals should be. You get to decide, if you're listening to a guru, tell you what habits you should have, then that's not self discipline, that's other person discipline for you. That's the beauty of you creating it and you hearing it every day in your own voice. It really is that simple. 64. The Selfiie Media Program: You've heard the expression, a picture is worth 1,000 words. Well, it can be when it really touches you in some way. Now, we'd all love to have the budgets of a big advertising agency to do huge billboards and hire fancy photographers with big brand names. But here's the thing. You don't have to, as long as you have a cell phone, you can take a digital picture yourself. Here's what I recommend. Take a picture of yourself doing the thing that you want to do on a daily basis. For example, one of my ways of disciplining myself is to be in bed at 09:00 at night, reading for an hour, no cell phones around so that I can fall asleep by ten and be well rested. I have taken a picture of myself in bed 09:00 reading a book. This is a nice visual reminder, that's why I call this a media program. You're using the medium of selfies. It's not audio, it's not really video, it's just pictures of yourself. Selfie media program. That's the acronym I'll be using for the rest of the course. You're used to taking selfies. We all take selfies. Typically it's with friends and family, a nice vacation spot or a party this time, take selfies of yourself, doing something that shows good discipline. If you eat too much junk food, take a selfie of you eating an apple or eating a banana, or eating vegetables. Whatever daily habit you hope to have, take a picture of yourself. Now what I do is I then just put it in a photo album and a little bit of text reminding me again of what the habit is that I'm trying to do. You might want to rely just on the pictures. Now, the easiest thing to do is just have them on your phone and look at the pictures quickly on your phone. Put it in a photo album so that it's scrolls by quickly. You can even put it on Facebook and do it so that only you can see it. It's a nice quick reminder. I have more than 100 daily habits that I try to do. I have a picture for each one now, that sounds like a lot, but I just have it go very quickly. In a photo album, the whole thing takes a little more than a minute and a half. It's really not long. That's big concept. It's obviously not rocket science. You already know how to take a picture of yourself. You already know that advertising works. Billboard ads work. Full page newspaper ads used to work. Full page ads are on an Internet screen, on a news website. They must work. People are still paying a lot of money for them. Use that power for yourself. Take pictures of yourself doing the things you want to do on a daily basis. That is the selfie media programming method. 65. This Is How You Make Your Own Selfie Media Program: Let me give you some more specific details on how to make your selfie media program. It could be as simple as you just literally taking a selfie. Now, there may be times when you need a little distance. For example, one of my daily habits that I try to have the self discipline to do every single day is to go on an hour long walk, typically 04:00 P.M. But it's hard to just take a picture of yourself walking. I just gave my phone to my wife and had her take the picture. I don't recommend that you take a lot of time waiting for the perfect lighting and getting fancy photography equipment. Just use your cell phone. That way the picture is already there. If you need someone else to take the picture because you want a little distance, then ask someone to do it. You don't have to hire professional photographer. Again, this isn't being sold anywhere. You're not putting this in a magazine. This is just for you. As long as you can see yourself and see what it is you're doing or relating to in the world that demonstrates that good habit for yourself. Discipline. That's all that really matters. It really is that simple. 66. Selfie Text Programming: Now it's time to talk about the third leg of the selfie programming method. This is the selfie text programming part of what we're doing here. I call it STP for sure, really. This is just a fancy way of saying, keep a list. Have a checklist of what you want your daily habits to be. Now, there are gazillion apps out there. Some of them charge 999 a month. Some of them a one time, 495 time. I prefer just good old fashioned, free, no cost, no must, no fuss. The notes section of my phone, I go to the notes section of my phone and I just have a folder that says Morning Personal Development. Then I have a list of every single habit that I want. That is the selfie text program. It may sound blindingly obvious, yet most people don't do this. Most people hope that they remember to drink a glass of water or they remember to eat smaller portions. I got to tell you my memory isn't very good, maybe yours isn't that good either. That's the beauty of this. Now the Sethi text programming is least sexy of these three techniques I use. But quite often it's the most effective one because I will first thing in the morning, see a picture reminder of myself drinking a big glass of water. One of my daily habits is I start each day drinking a large glass of water. But sometimes that isn't enough to get me to pour the glass of water. I'm making coffee, just trying to wake up. I'll then listen to a selfie speak program. And in that audio I tell myself TJ. Start each day drinking a glass of water. But sometimes I don't do it right then. But a little later in the morning, I'm going through my checklist. It says drink water. Start each day drinking a large glass of water. If I haven't had that glass of water at that point, I say, oh, okay. And I get up, I go get the glass of water and I drink it while I'm going through the rest of my selfie text program. That's the concept. It's really not very difficult. What I do to save time is I'll just pick one arbitrarily art drawing. Every single day I draw one piece of artwork, typically a face, a doodle, my daughter, and I draw it on my ipad. What I do is I just go to the folder I already have March written down. After I do it today, I just hit the letter W for when. Really, that simple, You could say yes, use a check mark, but it really is that simple. It only takes a couple of seconds to note that I've done it in this selfie text program. Again, you don't need any extra software. I'm not selling you apps or software. You can just use the note section on your phone. Now, some people do prefer having it on a good old fashioned paper journal. People like Jerry Seinfeld prefer a big calendar on the wall where you scratch off your goals. If those work for you, fine. But for me, I'm too lazy for any of that. If I had to go out and buy more notepads, buy new calendars each year, my cell phone, it's going to be right here. I don't have to do anything other than pick it up. I don't have to remember to take it anywhere. I don't have to remember to go buy new supplies. It's always here. One of my bedrock principles, as you should know by now, is the easiest way to be self disciplined. To have the habits you want. Make those habits easy and convenient so there's no roadblocks. If I have to use a paper journal and I run out, now I got to think about ordering it. It could take a couple of days to get to me. If it's some big wall calendar. Am I going to go to the office supply store 10 minutes away? It's one of those things to put off. I don't have to put off anything when I'm using a checklist right here on my phone. 67. Laying Out Your Selfie Text Programming: A few more details about how I specifically use my selfie text program. You've already seen my selfie media program. You've heard my audio programming, the selfie speak programming. The text tracks that. It's just the text version of that, It's all laid out. I have a morning one and an evening one. The morning ones are all things I can do easily. First hour and a half of the day that I'm up, I try to quickly go through those as soon as possible. I don't mean to say it takes me an hour and a half, But in between eating breakfast, having my coffee, reading news, I can typically do all the things I need to do. It doesn't take that long. Here's one, it's just TJ's diary. I just open it up. Now, this I will dictate. This is not a simple hitting, a W or a Y or a check, but I'll dictate a couple of thoughts about what's happened in the last 24 hours in my life. I'm probably not spending more than 20 seconds on it. It's not particularly time consuming, but it does force me to reflect. Here's another one where it's a simple for win or no, I didn't do it. Did I write 500 words today? I try to do this the soonest I get up. Typically, before I've listened to my selfie speak program. It's early, It's quiet in the house, no one else is awake. I will dictate 500 to 1,000 words per day, seven days a week on my areas of interest and expertise on self discipline and habits. Later that same morning, I just come to the folder and I hit a quick and I've done it. It really is that simple. I experimented with some of the other apps and you've got to use their formatting, their time, all that stuff. I like just a plain blank screen that you find in the note section. I can fill in any way that I want. I have about two thirds of my habit goals for self discipline in my morning. One, these are ones I can do pretty quickly. Then I have an evening personal development on. One of them is weight lifting. It's only 5 minutes. Don't be too impressed, but I lift weights 5 minutes every single day, late in the afternoon. Typically, I could be on the treadmill or doing something else before dinner. I just go to that folder, I see that it's the particular month I'm in. I just hit a boom. It's done. I don't have to think about it. That's how it works. It's not particularly complicated, but it's not carrying around pads and pens and it's not trying to remember stuff. Oh, did I do this today? No. Again, I want to be lazy and make things easy for myself and for you. Don't rely on your memory of whether or not you did stretching exercises today or whether you read parts of a great nonfiction book. Do it, hold yourself accountable, and put yes or no or when or no, every single day. 68. It's Not too Late To Ask Your Questions: We're almost done. We're almost at the end of this course, the core part of this whole course. But it's not too late for you to post questions. You can post your questions in the student Facebook page I've linked below. You can post your questions in the student Q and A section right here on this platform. But realize if there's something that's still nagging at you, you feel like I haven't covered something. Not too late to ask questions to really get everything you could possibly get out of this course. Don't just zoom on to the end, really think about it. Is there something else you still need to help you with your own journey when it comes to building confidence in every aspect of your life? 69. Be Confident Enough To Change Your Goals: Be confident enough to realize that you're not perfect. I'm not perfect. Realize that sometimes what you thought was a good idea. As far as building habits to build confidence might not work, might not be a good idea, don't be afraid to change, or sometimes you succeeded at it. Few years back, I was getting so many robo calls and I was still in this mentality and be polite, answer the phone to everyone. It was disrupting my day constantly. I created a new habit for myself telling myself, TJ, do not answer the phone unless you see it's from someone you want to talk to, or a scheduled conference call made my life so much better. I reminded myself of this habit in my audios and my text and video, but after a few months, it became such an ingrained habit, I didn't have to waste time reminding myself on a daily basis anymore to not answer the phone. It just became second nature. That was a success, but it can go the other way too. I also told myself in my selfie speak program that I'm absolutely, positively going to eat a salad every lunch and every dinner. I tried reminding myself of that and I, the selfie speak program and the text, but it just didn't work. I do eat more salad than I used to. I am a pretty healthy eater. But trying to establish the daily habit of eating a salad at every single luncheon din, it was just unworkable. I got rid of it. Don't be afraid to change, edit, and refine the goals. You need to be confident in every sphere of life. 70. Only the Confident Seek Criticism: Nobody really enjoys criticism. When people say that they may have convinced themselves, they believe it, but no one enjoys being ripped apart. But if you're going to be a confident person and if you're going to grow, you have to ask for feedback, you have to ask for criticism. In fact, I'm going to do that right now from you. I want you to give me a critique of this course. Let me know where you think it can be better now. As much as I love for you to say, oh, TJ is the most perfect, wonderful thing ever. Don't change a thing. I know that that can't be true. I've made the best course I can at this point, But I'd still love to hear your feedback on how to make it better. I read every single comment. Please post your comments here, either in the student Facebook page or the student Q and A section. What you think this course needs to be the best possible course in the world when it comes to helping you build confidence. 71. Continue Your Confidence Building Journey Below: Quick program note, We're about to finish this course together and I appreciate your time with me. But realize I've put in all sorts of extra courses below. You can continue the journey. You don't have to do it in a linear way. Going through every single lecture in order, I'd recommend you look at the titles of the various sections. If you want to improve your confidence just on camera performance, for example, or public speaking, or your posture, look at the sections and you can do just that course. But I appreciate you coming this far. Feel free to use the other extra courses attached as a supplement and as a way to help you build your confidence in specific areas. 72. Congratulations! You Are Ready for a Lifelong Confidence Mindset!: Congratulations, you've gotten to the end of this course. I hope you are now filled with confidence so that you can go through every sphere of your life knowing you're doing all you can to help yourself and to help others. That you might not be perfect. I'm not perfect, but at least you know coming across your very best you're giving it. You're all in every sphere of life. You are living life on your terms. And you're going to feel that confidence and show that confidence with every single thing you do and say and think about in life. Good luck.