Communication Skills: Develop Amazing Social Skills & Connect With People

1. Promo video: Have you ever been in a situation where you lack social skills and confidence which prevented you from interacting with the people around you. Improving how you interact and connect with people who bring you so many opportunity and will transform your personal and professional life. Having amazing social skills will transform your whole life. But something prevents you from starting your transformation. You may be thinking that having amazing social skills is something that you're born with. But no, developing better social skills is like playing sports. Everyone can learn and get better at. My name is Anna, and I am a social skills and communication expert. I've given keynote seminars, conferences, and have already helped more than 60000 people in over 60 countries to become a confident and develop powerful social skills. For the last 15 years, I've been traveling around the world and have learned mean different social skills techniques that have influenced my life. In this course, I'll be sharing with you the most effective and life-changing tools to master your social skills. These tools and techniques have already been successfully used by everyone I've helped and even myself. Many years ago I started, I had no friends and suffer from social anxiety. I was able to transform myself into someone who loves giving speeches in front of large crowds. If 60 thousand people were able to master the art of interacting with people with the techniques that I have developed. So can you, in this course, you will learn how to start a conversation with anyone. How to make a powerful first impression. How to connect with people instantly, how to master social events, how to destroy your social fears. How to communicate with confidence and charisma. How to boost your social confidence and so much more. So, let's start to transformation now. See you in the first lecture. 2. Welcome: so hi and welcome to this course. So I'm really happy to have you here. The fact that you are watching this video shows me that you are willing to invest in yourself. You're willing to take action and you are willing to develop better social skips. So you like to say that I am or no to have you here. Congratulations for being here and welcome. In this course you will learn everything you need to know. To develop better social skills. You learn how to start an interaction with anyone, anywhere. You will learn how to connect with people really fast. You will learn how to become comfortable and confident in social interactions. You will learn how to destroy all your social fears, such as the fear of rejection, their fear for approaching people and all the other fears. And you will also learn my best social skills secrets that you will be able to connect with people and to communicate better with anyone. What is amazing about this course is that you will be able to use all the social skills, tools and techniques toe every area off your life. It means that you will be able tow, enhance your dating life. You will be able to communicate better with your boss with your co workers, with your family, with people that you meet on the streets in a restaurant, in a bar with everyone. So you social life will really go to the next level. I'm really happy to have you here. I'm honored to have you here. And let's start right now as you will notice, the videos have been filmed in Switzerland, so the landscapes would be amazing. But I don't want to disappoint you. I haven't been able to film on a mountain, but you will have amazing views. 3. 3 Best Ways To Approach Anyone: So now let's talk about how we can approach people. Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to approach them on? But you didn't because they didn't know how to do it. We have all been there. So that's why I would like in this video to share with you through a powerful ways or three ways that you could approach anyone, anywhere in any situation. It means that if you go to a bar to a restaurant, to a networking event, to a party with friends, it's a way that you can approach people. So before sharing, review the three ways to approach people. I would like to say that how you approach people is not really important as long as you have good intentions. And as long as you just say something, Why? Because approaching someone is like starting the car in the morning. You just start the car, you put the key, you turn it and you start the car and then you drive. So approaching someone is like starting the car, and then when you drive, it's how you lead the conversation. What you say, the questions you ask and everything but for now you're just starting the car. You don't say. Oh, my God. I have to start the car. My God, that's incredible. Have to start the car. No, you don't do it. You just start the car. So I would like you to see approaching someone like starting the car in the morning. So how can you do it the first way? It's a simple way. That's really powerful one. You will just introduce yourself. You can say Hi. My name is Alan. Just say your name. Hi, My name is Alan and then you shake hands and then by the low off reciprocity the person say , Hey, my name is marry. My name is Frank. And then you can say something. Say something. We'll see that later in the next video. That is called what to say. But for now, I'm just focusing on really how to initiate that's first interaction. So the first way, it's simply to introduce yourself. You shake hands, has to be a confident handshake. And you look the other person in Yeah. So the second way to approach the mine would be to ask a basic question. Why? Because it's a great way to approach someone, and it's not something that is really personal. If you ask a question about what's happening around you or about something, let's say that you want to know where the nearest restaurant is or where you can eat sushi or when this place closes. It's a question that you can ask so you can approach someone and you can even say, Excuse me, can I ask you a question? And if you say that it's my favorite way because the person we will give you their full attention because if you dressed, approach, say hi and then you go with your question. Maybe the person is not listening. But if you say hi, can you ask you a question? Then the person we say, Oh yes, sure. And then you can ask you a question. And the question does not really matter why. Because remember is just starting the car. So any basic question is great. And even if you already know the answer, it's not an issue. Because remember, you just want to find an easy way to start an interaction, and this is the best way. I would say this is the easiest way to approach someone because if you are sad or if you don't, you are not in a great mood. You could dress, approach them on in. Just ask a basic question. It's really easy to do now. The third way is a little bit more advanced, but will also give you. I would say the best results when you would approach someone. I would like you to complement them. But, Alan, how can I compliment someone if I don't know them so you can compliment them on their looks or the behavior or their personality? So I would start with the personality. When you look at someone, when you observe someone, you can see if the person is in a great mood or not, or if you think that this person is friendly or not. So what I would do is if I see that the person looks friendly or looks, I would say open minded, I will just approach and say Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. It's a really great way toe approach, someone or you can say Hi, I just wanted to say hi because you look open minded, say higher. I just want Oh, hi. I just wanted to approach you because you look happy. You can see here you can try to read the behavior, but try to read the positive behavior. Don't say Oh, I just wanted to say hi because you looked depressed. Don't do that. If you see that the person is in great mood and looks friendly, you can use that and you will see that it will work like a trump. Now, if you are in the business environment, maybe try to adapt These complement this behavior. So maybe you could compliments on, for example, the conference that the person gave off something, a presentation that the person gave, or something like that. You have to be creative, the painting on your own situation. But try to approach with the compliments on the behavior that the person has. You would see it works like a charm. Then you can also compliments on. There looks so it's something that will be more for I would say, a seduction. If you want to seduce someone you could approach and say Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because I really like your dress or Hi. My name is Mary. I just wanted to approach because I really like your suit. Yeah, you see that? It's really, really easy. Really. Chill, really easy going. You see, when I'm saying that I'm not old stressed or not being persist, I'm dressed, talking like I would talk to a friend and I think it's really important when you approach someone, you have to talk as if you were talking to your best friend and you will see that your tone of voice will be aligned. Everything will be great. So it's up to you now, toe. Choose which one of the three you prefer. Do you prefer to just introduce yourself? Do you prefer to just ask a question or do you prefer to compliment someone and you don't need anything yet? You really don't. That's how I approach 100% all the time. When I approached the money in any environmental, I know that I can introduce myself. I don't even have to think. I can just say Hey, my name is Alan. How are you? Are you having a great day? A great night. How do you all know each other? We'll see what to say next, but I just want to show you that approaching some on it's not as this as difficult as most people think is just about starting this car. So now it's your job. Start the car with someone, see you in the next video. 4. What To Say In Social Interactions: So now let's discuss about what to say in socially directions. So first, I would like to say that most people focus too much on what to say and not enough on the non verbal. Because did you know that a communication between human beings 7% his words, only 7% and 93% is the non verbal? It means that it's your voice, your eye. Contact your energy level, your body language. So, as you can see, the 93% are more importance than just the 7% words are only 7%. So it's not as important as everyone thinks. It's more important, for example, how you say things than what you see. But as you must say something, let's discuss it before sharing my advice on what to say in social situations. I would like to tell you a story. 10 years ago, I wanted to be bad a socially so what I would do is that I would write down every sentence that I would say when I would go out, and what happened is that I would go out and I would have a scripts that I would be telling people and people would think I was crazy and they would sense that there was something off about me, but they couldn't really understand what they would say. I'm robotic, I'm I'm just off oak words and I couldn't understand why. And I understood that's what is important is not what you see. But what is important is that what you see is aligned with who you are, and that's is expressed in the moment. Let me explain. If you are authentic and you talk to people, you share yourself freely with the other person. Like I'm talking to everyone on just expressing myself. It will be more authentic than having a script, and that's just reading a script that is not even mine. So what I want to say is, don't stress too much on what to say. As long as you have good intentions. As long as you are just expressing yourself, you could basically talk about everything. It's not about what you say that is important. It's the fact that you are the one saying it. So now let's discuss what you can see in socially directions. Most people think that it's only you and the other person, so It means that you can only talk about what is happening between you and the other person . But what they forget is that there is also what is happening around you. So there is the environment. There is what happened before in this environment, what will happen in the future. In this environment, there is my past. There is my present, and there is my future. There is also your present, your past, your future. So if we are talking together, there are a lot of things that we could talk about. So next time that you're talking to someone, remember that it's not only you and the other person, it's your past to present your future, the other person's past, present future, the environment that is around you and what happened before in that environment. And what will happen before of what will happen after in these environments. So this is really, really important now. The first questions that I would ask when I approach someone. So I approached someone. I compliment them. I ask a question or introduce myself. Then the question I would I would ask is, How do you know each other if I'm approaching a group or what brings you here? Why? Because it's a great way to start knowing each other. It can be in business or it can be in relationships. So if I approaching a group, how do you know each other so that I can understand the group dynamic or Aiken dressed? Ask what brings you here so that I know why The Passion person is. He's here in the intention that the person has is the person here to have fun, to find the clients, to have a great night off to find a new friend. Why is this person here? So that I can really understand better? Then most people would say, Don't ask the boring questions And I would say You can ask the boring questions. Why let me this straight up, Where you from? Why do you do? Do you come here often Or you could see Hey, do you come here often? What do you do? Where are you from? It's not about what you say, the questions that you ask, but it's about the energy that you have behind them. So as long as you are feeling great and you have great emotions, you can ask the boring questions and it will be okay because remember, words only 7%. What is behind the words is what is really important for its the 93%. So you can ask those questions. You can also talk about the environment. You can talk about the music you can talk about, Um, the place about the food, about the wine. You can talk about the conference that was there before you can. You can talk about the presentation that the person gave. You can talk basically about anything you can see here. I don't want to tell you. You should say that that that that that what I want to give you is a framework that I would like you to have freedom of choice about what you see. But my suggestion would be to have an intention. When you start an interaction with someone, for example, you are the networking events and you want to get a new client. So you will be saying things. For example, we will be asking questions that will lead getting the new clients or you are in a bar and you want to find a girlfriend. So you want to ask questions to say things that will lead to the fighter. Maybe will be girlfriend boyfriend. So maybe you will ask if she's if she or he single. You maybe try to share stories about yourself. You will ask questions to know each other. You see, it always depends on the situation that you are in. But my suggestion would be to start asking questions that are not personal. Start with small talk. Why? Because we want to make the other person feel comfortable. Don't start with the question. What is your darkest secrets? Why? Because it's too personal. So start talking about things that I would say are not really important or its just about you and the other person, the environment, but things that are not too personal. So that's why asking the basic question is great. So if you want to know how I do it, I approach someone. I introduced myself. The person say he's O'Hare name. And then and then SCL, what brings you here? Oh, awesome. I'm here because I want to do that and then I can observe something in the environment. I can observe something that the person is wearing. I can ask a question. Where are you from? I can even guess where the person is from. I could say, Oh, you look from South America or you look from Brazil or you look Italian. I would really have fun with conversations. I would ask questions. I would maybe ask What are your passions? An interest. But later in the conversation, not when I meet someone I would ask. I would say the boring questions first so that the person can feel comfortable because it's not only about what you say, but it's about how the other person is comfortable towards you. So if you see that you are talking to the other person and the person is not really comfortable towards you, it may be because you're asking questions who are too personal. You're asking questions that the person don't want to answer all that you a little bit too direct. So try to have these social emotional intelligence that says, Oh, the person is not comfortable. Maybe I should dress talk about something about the environment, about the music. Andi, just share something about myself, something that I did today or what I want to go where my next vacation would be, um, I could just talk about anything. And actually, I tried that. I went to bars, clubs to networking events, and I had to talk about nonsense. And most people told me Alan, you wouldn't be able to make it work. And what I had to do is to say, one sentence that would make sense, and the other sentence would be total nonsense. And I was able to get clients. I was able to find your friends. Why? Because it's not about what you say. It's about how how you deal with what you say. So try toe, look for things that you can say in interactions. And I really encourage you right now to just sit down and imagine that you are so more socially, somewhere or value to you. For example, it can be a networking event. It can be a bar nightclub, any social place, and you dress right down and you think about the framework toe the freemark again. There is the environment between you and the other person, the past of the environment, the future off the environment. For example, if there is an event that will take place here or there was a conference before the resume . The other person. So there is your present, your future, your past. There is the other person's future present past, and you can talk about it. So write down what you could talk about with the other person and just have a general framework. I don't want you to memorize the sentences and then then go there and do exactly what I did 10 years ago. I would like you to have fun with that. But never forget that when you approach someone, you should have an intention. Your intention can be to have fun, to find a new clients, to find a boyfriend girlfriend to make a new friend. But you must have this intention first so that you will lead the conversation that way So you can ask yourself this question. Was he? What is my intention in that social place? It can be, for example, toe find a boyfriend or to reconnect with my family. So if it's about reconnecting with your family, you will lead what you say and the questions that you ask so that you're able to reconnect with your family. That's, oh, you need to talk to people have fun with that. And in the next lecture, you will learn what happens when you run out of things to say. And I will give you techniques so that you will be able to talk to people and it will be easy for you and you will become charismatic. So do these exercise. Write down the things that you could say in socially directions. 5. Never Run Out Of Things To Say Again: So now let's talk about why we run out of things to say so that can happen, that you are in the social interaction you are interacting with them on. And then there is a blank. So in this video here, I would like to show you why it happens at the first place. But then also, how can you deal with that if that happens? So why do we have a blank? We have a blank. It's because we think that what we have to say in an indirection is not great enough. In other words, we have a filter for what we allowed to say in our brain, and then it's too high. So if the filter is too high, we feel the old information that you have. We filter everything that you want to say, and the filter is so high that says, Oh, that's not good enough. You cannot say that. Oh, that's not good enough. You cannot say that. So what you should do instead is lower your criteria for what you say. Because remember words only 7% and what really matters is the 93% the nonverbal, how you feel, your emotions the turn off your voice, your eye, contact your smile, the energy that you have that is really, really important and words only 7%. So, first, I would like you to change your focus. Ah, and don't focus on really what you have to say, but focus on what you have to feel. We'll discuss that later in the in the course on really all these nonverbal stuff. But really, I want you to change the focusing. Hey, what you have to say is not as important as you may think. Yes, it's important. Toe toe. Get the conversation going. That's really important. But you can almost say anything as long as it's socially accepted and you don't want to hurt someone and you don't have bad intentions. So basically, you could talk about anything, because if you think if you talk with your friends, you can talk with them for hours and hours and hours and you have something to say. But then what happens is that when you approach someone at the networking event or someone that impresses you or someone that you think is off higher value, then you think, Oh, it's not great enough. I cannot say that it's not great enough. Your filter is really high, so lower the criteria and talk about what you want. Remember, joke about everything that is around you about a some something that happened, something that will happen in the future. Took about. You talk about the other person and just share something. Share words with the other person. Now what if that happens? What if you are talking to someone and then you have this blank? What happens first? You should be comfortable with that. It means that whatever you feel the other person feels. So if you have the blank and you start being really anxious and being really stressed, the other person will feel that. So be relaxed, B'Aires be comfortable with that. I even had someone in a bar that that approached me because I I approached this person a day beginning of the night and then at the at the end of the night, the person came and said while it was really incredible, because I thought one moment we had the blank, we had nothing to say, and then you felt really great and really comfortable, and I also really had a great time at that moment, and it's the first time that happened to me. So you see, by just being comfortable, you can even have great in their actions because whatever you feel the other person feels. But the goal is not to have blanks. Okay, if you have one, it's not sure that happens. So if you have a blink, be comfortable and then try to initiate the conversation with almost anything. Why am I saying that? Because you're having a blank and the person will tolerate a lot of things that you can say because you by saying something, you will remove the pressure off the shoulders, and it's something that is really valuable for them. So it means that even if you start talking and something, it's a little bit awkward or off. You appreciate reinitiate in a way that maybe not the best one in the world. It doesn't matter. The person will appreciate it and will re engage the conversation. So how can you can you re engage the conversation first? You can talk about what was said before. Let's say that you were talking about going to Barcelona about your job or about a passion that you have about the office. See something that the person said. For example, the person said that, um, they like playing basketball. So to initiate the conversation, you could just say, um a um which is the best team right now or something in the way I'm just making things up . I just want to show you that it doesn't have to be perfect when you are initiating a conversation and he started big deal at all. And then what you should do. And what you can do is have a question toolbox. So I have three questions that I ask all the time. If there is a blank, so I don't want to share them with you. Why? Because it's aligned with who I am and my personality. I would like you to find three questions that you can ask if there is a blank and three. I would say general questions that you could ask anyone, and that would really shayt the conversation and then you already you are ready to go and have interactions because if there is a blank, you will become comfortable with that and then you can reinitiate the conversation and then you can also ask questions from the toolbox. You already 6. Winning Mindset For Social Success: So now let's talk about the mindset that you should have in social interactions. So I would like to share with you the three step mindset that I have toe. So now let's talk about the mindset that you should have when you're interacting with people. So I would like to share with you the three part mindset that I have when I am interacting with people. The first mindset that you should have is that you should see everyone as an opportunity not to take care or to take advantage off other people, but see everyone as an opportunity. See everyone as people who can bring you that or who could give you something at the moment in time. In other words, you can approach someone, and you never know what you will get out off this interaction. So I approach a lot of people and a network with a lot of people. I give value addressed, interact with them, and I see people as an opportunity, and what happens is that I get a lot in return. For example, I was flying from here Genero to Paris, and I was sitting next to someone and for the French person and I start talking toe to him . And he was a business person that was really in tow, self development, and it's really my field. And he gave me a lot off advices for my business, and if I wouldn't have approached him, I would have missed this opportunity. Another example I was eating. I was on the bank eating. Then I started talking to the girl next to me and we just exchange a few words and I took her Facebook and that's it. Nothing really happened. But she told me that she lived in a frog, monopolies in Brazil and nothing really happened. And then five years later, I decided I wanted to go and live in for Annapolis in Brazil. So then I just contacted have your Facebook, and then she showed me the city showed me everything that there waas to do there. As you can see, you never know the opportunity that people will bring you, so have an open mind when you are approaching people. The second part is that you have that you should have a positive mindset about people because if you think that people are stupid and Egypt's and there are bad people. If you think that in your brain, you will project that into them because whatever you think will be a self fulfilling prophecy. So it means that if you think that people are bad in Egypt's, you will interpret all the behaviors as bad ends being I would see I mean a total Egypt. So what you want to do is to have a positive mindset that says, Oh, I really want to approach people because they are friendly, open minded and I can have a great time with them because if you have a positive mindset, you will be able to really connect with these people. That will be really positive towards you. And sadly, you will. You won't be able to connect with people who are mean and who are idiots and who are bad. So it's a really great way to have a positive mindset. The third's parts of the mindset is that you should have value giving mentality. It means that when you approach people, you should be able to give value to them. It can be by saying something by giving information, but giving an advice by just saying something nice by giving you compliments or even with your known. Available with the energy that you have, you can make someone smile. You can make someone I feel better just with your energy level. If you're feeling great and you approach someone, you would be able to make the other person feel great. So always have this value giving mentality when you approach someone Internet networking event Just don't take valued. Don't just say, Oh, I want toe get you money. I want to have you as a client. You can just say you can even introduce this person to another person you can. You should try to add as much value as you can to the other person's life. When you approach someone in a bar restaurant in any situation and if you adopt this mindset, you will see how powerful it is and how it will really help you and take your social life to the next level. So now the exercise. I really encourage you to analyze the mindset that you have about people and just write down. People are, and then you see what comes up. People are stupid, people are friendly people. Open minded people are bad you just write down and then you ask yourself this question is the mindset that you have helping you. If it's not helping you to meet new people, you can change it. So you dressed right down another sentence at the bottom of the page and you write down the new mindset that you want to have. And then every morning you read it. And I would like you also you to brainstorm five ways that you can add value to people in any social situation. Is it? By telling jokes, is it by saying something nice? Is it by giving a compliment? What is it? And then you would see that you're really of social skills will go through the 7. Join Group Conversations: The question that I get asked a lot is how do I draw in group conversations? So my first advice to you would be to first analyze and observe the situation, because if you see that the group is having a really serious conversation, don't approach. Right now. What you want to do is look for a group that is having, I would say, a light conversation or conversation where they're having fun or, you see, and your sense that is not something too serious and that you could approach. So when you have these opportunity, what you should do is just approach. So you walk there and then you say Sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having an indirection, but and then you can either ask a question, introduce yourself or compliments someone. So hi, Sorry for interrupting because it's being polite. So you say sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having a conversation. You show that you know what's going on so high. Sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having a conversation, but I just wanted to say hi because you looked really friendly. It's a really great way to open and then if you have a group, for example, off two or three people try to talk to two or three people. When you approach, you don't want toe. Just focus on one person and then forget the two other people. Otherwise, you won't last really long in that group of people because there is nothing worse than approaching a roof of a group of two people and just talking to one person and ignoring the other person. You know, if you do that, you would see that you won't be able to stay there very long. So you approach the group off to three people, for example. So you say hi. Sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having a conversation, but I just wanted to say hi. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Alan on. I just wanted to ask you a question because I don't know a great place to its sushi. I don't know when this place closes. I would like to ask you if you know when the next event is. Do you know what food is great at this restaurant? Basically, any question. Remember what you say when you approach someone does not really matter when, as long as you have great intentions and then he starts talking and something that is great . You can ask, How do you know each other? What brings you here? And it's easier, I would say, to approach a group off to three people rather than approaching one person that is alone. Why? Because then you have more people that can put some fuel in the conversation. So it's really a great if you have a group, I would say, a small group to approach now if you have a big group, for example, more than three people, I would see use your common sense. If you see that you can. You can approach someone and they're all having a conversation together. You can approach the whole group or you cannot approach just one person. But then when you approach, if you approach one person and you talk to this person, don't forget to just say hi toothy other people because you want to be accepted in the group. Don't go there to steal some money to take someone from the group. You really want there to share value and to keep value. Have these giving value mentality. So if you approach a huge group and you just talk to someone, you can introduce yourself to the person that is next to this person. Don't ignore the person that is right next to the other person, even if it's a business in your relationships. When you go to a bar, when you go to a club, when you go to a restaurant there just about being polite and you have to include everyone , it's really, really important. So as you can see, approaching a group is not as difficult as it seems. It Candice carry because there are more people. So if you get rejected, you may say, Oh my God, I was rejected by three people instead off one. But it's not the mindset that you should have, the mindset that you should have, that I just want to approach this group and see what happens. See if I can get a deal. If I can find a new clients, if I can network with them, if I can find a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever you want, it's really easier issue approach. A group 8. Connect With People Fast: So now let's talk about how you can connect with someone fast. Let's see that you have started an interaction with someone. Then how can you lead this interaction so that you are able to connect with this person? So my first advice to you would be to find something in common with the person. Because if you think about the people that you hang out with, you have something in common with them. Maybe it's work. Maybe it's the passion. Maybe it's an activity that you do together. Maybe it's something that you have. So if you want to connect with someone fast, you goal should be to ask questions so that you find something in common as quickly as possible. So my first suggestion would be to start talking about the police that trying about the activity that you are doing together, let's say that you meet someone at a networking event, something that you have in common. Maybe is your business. Maybe his work. You have something in common that you can talk about. Let's say that you are at the gym and then you approach someone. Something that you have in common is you go to the gym. So maybe also interested in new nutrition in how to lose weight, and that's are things that you can use to talk about. So when you have found something that you have in common with that person, I would like you to start talking about it because the more you talk about something that you have in common, the better you will be able to connect with someone. So start with the place that you're in and the activity that you are doing together. Talk about that. The second advice to find commonalities would be toe ask a question and try to find something that you have in common. The question that they always lack toe ask is, for example, what are you, passions or interests? Or what do you like to do when you have free time? Why? Because if I can find the commonality with this person based on their passions and interests and then we talk about that, they will be able to feel really, really great, and I will be able to connect with them now, I'm not saying manipulate the person and say that you have the same interests and passions at the done them. I'm not saying that. What I'm just saying is you should try to find a common ground, something that you have in common. So try to ask questions. And then when you found something, talk about If you're not able to find something that you have in common, you can use what we call indirect commonalities. Let's say that we are talking and I cannot find something that I have in common with you. So what I will do is that I will use indirect commonalities. Let's say that you are talking about Barcelona. You want to go on vacation? I have never bean the bus alone. I have no idea I cannot relate to you. But what I can say is that I can use an indirect commonality and say, Oh, I have a friend who went to Barcelona and he loved it. He loved this space here. He loved these restaurant. Barcelona is great. That's what he told me. And as you can see, I can use an indirect commonality toe bone with you and to connect with you so you can use someone who did that or someone who went to that place. And that's how you can connect with people fast. Another advice would be that you should spend time with the person. The more you spend time with the person, the better it really it would be, and these years will be to connect. Why? Because you will get to know each other, you will be able to find commonalities, and you will be able to be comfortable with the other person. So when you're interacting with someone, try to spend a decent amount of time with them. For example, if you go to a bar and you approach your men or a woman try to spend, I would say a t least half on hour before asking for the phone number so that you can really connect with this person and use the strategies that you're seeing in this course. If you go to a networking event, trite, really take time to connect with the person because the more you can connect with the person, the easier it will be. Then, if you want toe contact this person again, so spend time with them and make the other person feel comfortable, and that's how you will be able to connect with people 9. Make People Like You: how to make people like you. So this is one of my favorite videos because I have a technique that is really powerful and that will make people like you. And with this technique, I have people who come to me and say, Oh, Alan, I really I really enjoy talking to you. I don't know why, but I really liked it. So I want to reveal this technique to you here in his video. But before I would like to ask you a simple question. Can you just think about the news and everything horrible that is happening in the world right now? How do you feel? Maybe you, Assad maybe you are angry. Or maybe you have another negative emotion. And what if I ask you this question? What are your passions and interests? Oh, you may start thinking about them and really feel great. So by the questions that I ask, I'm able to trigger certain emotions. And I know that some people that would say Oh, Alan. But when I watch the news, I feel great. Yes, but I want to say is that there are certain questions that you can ask in most of the time people will feel something that is great. Order something that is bad. If you ask a positive question, the higher chances that the person will feel positive emotions. And remember, people will remember how they felt in an interaction. Not what what said in an interaction, because words are only 7%. So if you ask question that will make the other person feel great. That will make the other person have great emotions in their body. They will love you for that, because what most people do is that the approach and they don't really care about what they say. They just say random things and they don't really care about making the other person comfortable and making the other person have great emotions. So when I talk to people are we always ask the positive questions such as What do you like to do for fun? What are you, passions? An interest? Where would you like to travel? What would you like to do when you have free time? I always ask them dispositive questions because I know that the higher chances that they will feel great emotions because let's say that we are talking about your passions. How do you feel? You feel great and you are generating this positive emotions, but then you will associate them to me now. I wouldn't recommend that you approach someone, and then you start asking this positive question because saying, Hey, what are you passions an interest just after meeting someone? Maybe that can be a little bit off or awkward or depending on the situation. But I want to encourage you. To do is to approach someone and start with a conversation that is, I would say basic small talk. And then when you have built some connection with the person, you can start asking these positive questions. In other words, it has to be questions that's may trigger positive emotions in the other person's body. I'm not saying to manipulate someone, and I'm not saying hey manipulates them on in trigger certain emotions. I'm dressing. Ask questions that has higher chances off having a great reaction rather than boring questions or negative or rented questions, because if you ask negative rented question, the person will feel negative feelings and the person won't say, Oh, I had had a great time with this person. Now it's different. If you ask a negative question and the person least, and then you are sharing your problems. That's a different, and that's a different situation. He I'm saying You are the networking event. You approach someone for the first time and you talk to them, and that's how you will be able to become magnetic. So I would like to ask you this question here. What are three positive questions that you could have in your toolbox and that you could ask people when you meet them? Maybe it can be have about what they like to do. When I have free time about the passions and interests it can be about travel. It can be about anything that you think will trigger a positive emotion and start using that and stick Nick. Actually, I learned that from my best friend because I was observing him, You know, 10 years ago I was shy asserted, so I had no social skills. But there is something I had. It means that I could observe people, so I was observing people and I observed my best friend and he would always ask questions that would stand out, and that had a positive outcome. because I was studying at university and most people would only talk about the exams, about the grades, about how difficult the course Waas and he would talk to people and took about the vacation . He would talk about something fun about the parties. He was studying hard, but it just that he was not talking about that. She was just talking about positive things, and what happened is that he became papa. So it's up to you now, too. Incorporate into use a small questions I would say small to questions that can have a positive impact because, remember, people will remember how they fits, not what was said. So go ahead, take a piece of paper and write down right now, three questions that you can ask people to trigger. I would say that has higher chances off triggering positive emotions and then go out to the world and use them 10. Attractive Social Energy: Hi. So in this video here, I'd like to talk to you about how you could have a natural, active social energy. Because remember words only 7% and 90% is the non variable. It means that there is your voice, your eye, contact your body language, and it's really important to focus on the emotion that you feel. Why? Because if you feel confident, you will appear as confident, and you will have a body language that will be confident. If you are, for example, sad or depressed. Your body language, your voice, Internation. Your eye contact will be according to what you're feeling, so it's really important if you want to become socially successful. Three. They care off how you feel now. I'm not saying Toby happy and Toby positive all the time. I'm not saying that if sometimes you Assad and or depressed it's okay to be sudden depressed because we are human. But what I want to say is that if most of the time when you approach people, you don't take care off how you feel that it will be difficult for you to be socially successful or you will be only attracting people who are negative and depressed. So what I encourage you to do is to really take care off. How you feel and the secret that I would like to share you share with you here is that most people never take care off how they feel. They don't basically people to see Alan. I applied your advice is what to say, how to approach someone. But people don't like me. I don't know why. And then when I see this person approaching, they are dead inside. They have no emotions. They're sad, depressed, and the Alan. I don't understand why I don't have social success. It's because the president is not feeling great. The secret I would like to share with you here is that before going to a social place, I'd like you to listen to some music to just put yourself in a great state, and you will start by doing that. And then I would like you to close your eyes for two seconds and just remember the positive memory because if you remember positive memory, you will be able to access this positive emotions. So if you do that just before going to a social place you're in your car, you are walking you at home. You just close your eyes and you remember positive memory. And you really feel these emotions in your body. You feel them. And then when you start feeling these emotions, you just expend them through your body. And as you can see, I am doing that And you can see already that my energy level has changed. You see, they are more powerful, more happy. I'm happier and I have a better energy now. Just by doing that for a few seconds now what happens if now I go in approach people, I will become charismatic and magnetic. So you can also do that You also have this power. So I would like you to just do this exercise right now. Just stand up And when you stand up, I would like you just to close your eyes for a few seconds. And when you do that, I would like you to remember a happy memory and really feel the memory to embarrass yourself. Close your eyes and imagine the memory. Who was there with you? What did you feel? Whether any sounds Was there any smells? What? Waas there and you re try to relieve the experience. And then when you get this emotion of being happy and positive, I'd like you to expand it. And you do that. You are doing that at home. I hope somewhere that you can really do this exercise first. It can be difficult to access this emotion. But if you practice that over and over again, you will be able to do like me in a few seconds to just close your eyes and access this emotion really quickly. So the more you practice is exercised, the easier it will be. What you can also do is when you are interacting with someone just for a few seconds for a few seconds, you just focus on something great, something great that happened, that they are something that you are grateful for in a few seconds and you will see that you will be able to really access this positive energy. So to just show you on example Now I'm talking to you and I'm really being grateful. So I'm thinking about great things that happened to me today. You see that my energy is really positive and outgoing, and I hope that you would like to interact with me right now. But now if I think about something really sad and about something that makes me depressed you can see here how my body language changes my tone of voice and you see how I'm talking a little bit slower and I don't really know. And I don't really think that you would like to hang out with me right now and what has changed it just my social energy. And you can see in a few seconds I'm able to recreate this social energy that is attractive . How? By just focusing on a memory that is happy. Zavala, I would like you to practice and try to practice at home. You go from one state off happiness so depressed, happiness depressed, happiness depressed. And how do you do that? You change your focus because what will give you the emotions that are inside you is what you focus on. So focus on something that is really positive and you will see that it will be easier for you to interact with people. Also, Something that I do and that they encourage you to do is to practice gratitude daily. So every day. When you wake up, you take a piece of paper and a pen and you just write down what you're grateful for. What's you are grateful for? You have a roof, you have food, you have water. You have people who love you. You have that in your life. You have that that that and then you really feel this emotion because the more you are used to feeling these great emotions off gratitude, happiness. These year it will be to trigger them. And then when you're in a social situation, he will be able just to think about the memory about what you're grateful for and the emotion well and you bought. So that was it for the social attractive energy. Now I just would like to share a concept that is a little bit more advanced that I use when I really need to make a first impression. So it's a little bit more advanced, so if you don't want to use it, that's OK. When I'm talking to someone, I would imagine that there is a band with between us and I will imagine that there is a band with, and I would imagine that the bend with is opening. So I will imagine a bend with us is like that. And then I will put myself in a great state, feel great emotions. And then I will imagine that I'm throwing the positive energy at you. And then what will happen as I have opened this bend with that I I'm I'm just imagining I went throwing these positive emotions. You will be able to feel them. And then you would associate this positive emotions to me. So it's something that's a little bit more advanced that you can do again. You just imagine that there is a band with between you two. You open it and you're still imagining that in your mind. And then you feel great to put yourself in state and then you throw the energy at them. The great energy. Okay, so this is more advanced. Why? Because you must be able to really access the state off happiness and being positive. Really, really quickly. So that was it for the attractive energy practice entering this positive state. And you will see that people will really love you. And they won't understand why. Because everything is about energy and about the body language. It's about the 93% off the nonviable 11. Fear Of Approaching People: Now let's talk about the fear off approaching people. So let me ask you a question. Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to approach someone? But you didn't because you felt this uncomfortable feeling in your stomach? Has it already happened to you off course because it happens to everyone? So it's called the fear off approaching. It's something that everyone has and some people heavy to a certain extent, it means that some people are paralyzed by this fear for approaching, and some people have learned how to deal with it. So in his lecture, I would like to talk about the fear for approaching, and I'd like to share with you four techniques that you can use to decrease because you cannot remove it. But you can decrease it. So let's start with why do we have this year? So let's imagine that 1,000,000 of years ago I was in the tribe, so I wasn't a tribe and the group was protecting me. They were giving me food and I was in a safe environments. And what would happen if I would get rejected? Basically, I would die because I couldn't survive and nowadays we still have dot ingrained in our brain. It means that if we approach people and we think that will get rejected, we think that we would die. I know that it's silly, but back in the days it was useful to have these association. If we get rejected from a group, we would die. But now it's not serving us when we are the networking event and we want to network with high end clients. It's not serving us, so we have to take care of that and to really deal with that. So we like to share with you now the fourth techniques that you can use to decrease the sphere so that you can really there to act and approach new people. The first technique I would like to share with you is to approach as soon as possible. In other words, when you see the person that you like to approach, I would like you to go as soon as possible. When you have the intention off approaching someone, just go right away. Why? Because the more you wait, the more distilled will build up. The more you wait, the more they still will really prevent you from acting. So when you see someone, you go right away. Now I know it. It's easy to say, but sometimes you may be stressed or you may be overthinking and then you don't approach. So what happens if their fees already there? You haven't approach it as soon as possible. What happens? So what you do is that it's not game over. So don't, for what you do, is that you just forget that you want to approach this person. So let's say that I arrive at the networking event. There is someone I want to approach and I can't and I don't approach as soon as possible and there freeze already there and I cannot approach. So what I will do is that I will just forget that I want to approach this person. I would just forget and do something else. I would have a drink. I will talk with someone else. I would just do something else. And then my brain will forget that I have to approach this person so the fear for approaching will decrease. And then what I will do is that I will produce turn and I would see this person against Oh , my intention is to approach this person now, and I would go right away. It will be really easier so that the fear doesn't have time to build up. So next time that you see someone you want to approach, go right away. The second technique I would like to share with you here is to think in terms off benefits , because let's see the street that here with an example, let's say that I have a box here and in his book there was a spider or a snake and something that you are really afraid off. And in the other box there is a $10 bill. Which box would you choose? You would say Oh, I want the $10 bill bucks. Yes, it's easy. It's an easy choice. Why did you do that? Because you wanted to go where the pleasure wise and you wanted to run away from the pain. So that's the same thing when you want to approach someone, if you always look in terms off everything that you can lose from an interaction because most people say I don't want to approach because I can get rejected people can perceive that I'm not good enough. People can make fun of me, and they have oldies, negative associations and the focus on the negative things before approaching. And it's the same thing as choosing the box with the spider and with the snake. What you should do instead is at the benefits and ask yourself this question. What can I gain from this interaction? And it will be really easier for you because your brain we see all the benefits that it has to approach and you will be. It will be easier for you to approach and you fear for approaching will decrease. For example, you at the networking event. The benefits could be that you could get a new client. You could get the raise. You could have a great conversation. You could network with someone that can introduce you to another person. And if you list in your brain all the things that you can gain, it will be easier. You're talking to your boss and oh, you want to talk to your boss and you want to ask for a raise and you're really afraid to approach a bus. What you should do is before going to U bus. You dress right down the least between five and 10 things that you can gain from the interaction, and you will see that it will be easier to act. You can do this exercise home or in your car before going to a social place. You just take a piece of paper and you write down between five and 10 things that you can gain from the interaction. And from now on, I would like you to switch your focus from being negative or not really thinking about that , too, being really positive and thinking in terms of benefits that you can gain if you approach someone and you will see that it will be really easier to approach. The third technique would be to approach anyone. Approach who you want approached the first, the first person that you see in a new environment. Why? Because back in the days when you wanted to approach a new group of people that you didn't know it was really difficult because you didn't know who the groupwise and you didn't know if it was safe to approach that group because a caveman could come and smash your head with a stone that could happen back in the days. So we still have this fear. So now when you are approaching a new group of people, you don't know if it's safe to approach this person to talk to this person. So what you should do is as soon as possible, approach The first person that you see. It can be a bouncer. It can be a bartender. It can be the first person that you see at the networking events or in a restaurant, and just say hi, how is your night? Hi, my name is Alan. How is your night? And it would really show your brain show proof that you can start talking to people in this environment and you feel for approaching will decrease. When I was studying at university, I had to give presentation and I was stressed. So when I had to give a presentation in front off 100 people, what I would do before giving the presentation, I was just asked a simple question so I would raise my hand and asked a simple question to the teacher. And most people don't understand why I was always doing that. It's just because I wanted to show my brain that I was able to be loud and to talk in that environment and nothing would happen. And then I was more comfortable giving the presentation. So it is was technique number three, technique number four, that you should make fun off your fear. Make fun of it. Most people make a big deal out of this fear for approaching. The more you thing that this fear is huge and preventing you from acting, the more it real. So make fun of it and name it. Name it. Why? Because if you try, if you can illustrate this fear, that's easier. So I try to name it and to really make fun of this year. So my fear is named Carlos and Carlos. I imagine it's a really small guy that is sitting on my shoulders, and I know that callus will always be there when I would have to approach people and I will make fun of him. So it means that I am talking to I want to talk to people. So I am in a bar and I'm stressed, and I imagine that calluses here is my fear off approaching and I make fun of him. I imagine that I have to take care of him like he leaves through me and I make fun of him to say, OK, Carlos, you are here again. You won't succeed this time. You won't be able to preventing me from approaching and I make fun of it. And as I make fun of it, it's not a big deal anymore and then it's easier to approach. So that was it. In this lecture, the fear for approaching is something that everyone has. You cannot remove it, but you can decrease it. First. You should accept that the fees, they're just say the fees there, I accept it and then you can use the four techniques. You can use the four techniques at the same time, or you can use one and then another one, and then the other day, another one. You can mix it up. The first technique waas to approach as soon as possible. The second technique was to think in terms of benefits. The third technique is toe approach, the first person that you see in any environment just to show proof to rain, that it's okay to approach people in that environment. And the fourth technique is to make fun of and you name it. You find a name that you think it's funny in your head and then you make fun of it when you are talking to people. 12. Fear Of What People Think Of You: what people would think of you. So everyone has this fear to a certain extent. There are people who are always wondering what someone would save the act. And there are people who addressed, able to express themselves freely. So in this video, I would like to share with you my own advice and how I was able to care less about what people would think a few, because it's not something that can stop. You cannot stop caring about. People would think of you because caring what people think of you to a certain extent is great because it can give you social feedback. It can show you if you're doing something that is writer, that is wrong. But then the problem becomes, if you are always worried about what people would think if you if you take action. So the first advice I would like to give you here is that you cannot control the impression that you will make into someone. It means that I cannot control the impression that you will receive off me. I can't. Most people think they can. I can't. Why? Because when I'm talking to you, the only thing I can control is 50% of the interaction because you control your other 50% off the interaction so I can maximize my 50%. In other words, I could have amazing communication skills, great social skills. I could have a great outfit. I could really take care of myself. But then I don't know how you will perceive me so I cannot control how you perceive me. Let's say that tonight I go to a bar and I approach a girl and I give her a compliment. Maybe one girl, we say, Oh, that's amazing. Or maybe the other girl we say Go away. I cannot control hair reaction, but I can control how I express myself. So this was really a huge shift for me because when I was young 10 years ago, I'm still young. But 10 years ago I would adapt who I waas to please people, and I thought that I could control there impression I could control how they would perceive me so I would adapt. Who wants to us to an extent that I love playing tennis? And I would say, Hey, I played tennis and then the other person say, Oh, I hate playing tennis and I would say, Oh, yeah, you are right. Tennis is awful, It's not great and I would destroy my self esteem. I would really try to adapt that. I know it's an extreme example, but maybe you adapting who you are just to make a great impression and into people and try to control what people would think of you. So if you're doing that, I would suggest that you try to express yourself more freely. You try really to think about the things that you really want in life, and something that has really helped me is when I heard a study that brawny ready. So she was taking care of people just before they died. And she asked the question. And the question really made me think The question waas What is your biggest regret in life ? And you know what? More than 95% of people answered, they said. I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life according to who I waas, but instead I've lived a life according to what other people wanted of me. So that's why I am thing I'm saying if you're adapting too much, who you are to just please people and to make a great impression. And you are destroying who you really are. That's not worth it, because I really don't want you to arrive at the end of ultra off your life and just have dis regret off. I didn't leave the life that I wanted, so I know like it's pretty deep, but it's time to do it. Life is really short, and it's ending one second at a time. So with this video here, I would like to ask you this question. My dear, really wants out of life. Why do you want? What kind of people would you like to have in your life? What would you like to experience? What are the things that you want to have? Where would you like to travel and try to think about that? You really want that? That's what matters. You try to think about what you will amount and you optimize your 50%. Remember, the 50% is the thing that are in your control, because I cannot approach you and control how you will perceive me. But I can control my passions, my interest, what I like. What makes me alive. There are things that I can control. So if I go and approach you, it's better if I really express who I am. And I would see if you like me or not, rather than trying to be liked by everyone and adapting who you are. So this is really a powerful concept here. They've love who you are. Express yourself freely. I'm not just saying, Oh, express yourself freely and don't care about people know I'm dressing. Express what you like express the things that make you alive, expressed the thing that you want to do, and then you will be able to connect to the right people because here it's, ah associates, Kids Course it means that you also want to connect with the right people. And you start with being your nest about yourself, for example. I'm an entrepreneur. I have my own business. I travel around the world and I coach people. So this is what I do, and there are many people who don't like it that many people who don't accept it. But that's why I am. But there are people who really accepted and people who love me for that and That's how I'm able to really connect with these people. So I'm not trying to control the impression that I'm making in other people. I'm just saying This is who I am. I have the courage to be myself. There's a quote that says it's better to take the risk off being hated for who you are, rather than being liked for who you are not. So this is really powerful here. So to recap, be yourself. You cannot please everyone. You can't think about what you really want in life and do the things that you want and really try to be the best version that you can express yourself with joy, with happiness, with love and you receive, you will be able to connect with the right people rather than trying to adapt who you are to please people. 13. Become Confident In Social Interactions: Hi. So in these video here, I would like to share with you three kids that you can use to become a confident in social interactions. So the first key would be to focus on everything that you can give in an interaction. When I was giving a conference in Sydney had a woman who approached me. And she said that she couldn't be confident when she was talking to people on the streets. So she had to raise Morninto, ask for money to help homeless people. And she said that she was not confident approaching people on the streets. So then I really send her focus, and I really ask her this question. What do you give to people when you approach them? And she said nothing. I'm just taking their money. Say, hey, but what are you giving two people? And she said, Um, so for me, I would be proud if I approach people and they give me money because I will be able to help homeless people. Sam, we're starting with something here. And then she said. But what I'm I really love giving and knowing is when I go to sleep at night and I know that there is a homeless person that has somewhere to sleep and something to eat, and it sends everything because she was focusing on what she could give in a social direction. And that's how she became confident, because it will find your inner power if you know what you can give in a new direction. So what I encourage you to do is to basically make a least off things that you can give in an interaction. For example, you have to go to a networking event before going there. You just write down and you make a list off 5 to 10 things that you could give in any direction. It means that what you could give would be, for example, a great product that will help the person's life. You could give something that will help the families their companies try to think in terms off what other things that you can give. Maybe you can give a contact off someone that you know that will be beneficial for them. What are the things that you can give and make a least in any situation that you're ayn off the things that you can give you are going to a bar and you want to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. What can you give? You can make the other person laugh. You can give the other person a great time. Maybe you can just be a good company. What can you give when you're approached people, So change your mindset to what can you given in directions? The second advice I would like to share with you is something that is really powerful. It's the power off the posture. So, basically, if your daughter posture off, someone who is confident you will become confident. Why? Because your body language and you believe are linked. It means that it's impossible for me to have a language, a body language off someone who is depressed and be confident that's not possible. So what we can use is that you can use that at our advantage. It means that if we don't feel really confident in a social direction, what we can do is adopt the posture of someone who is confident, and you will become confident instantly. That's something that is amazing. So adopt the persona of someone who is confident you open your chest. Your shoulders are back. You had the street and you imagine that there is a string pulling you to the sky. It's the confident buster and try that right now. Try to open your chest. You can try that right now and see that your confidence level will go through the roof. So every time that I am in a social interaction, I will always always have the confident posture. And then my mindset will switch to confident. So that's how I can become confident all the time, So use it. So the third advice comes from Amy Qd. What she has noticed is that when people adopt a poor pose, you know the words. It's a posture off someone who is really dominant. It will increase the testosterone testosterone level and decrease their stress levels. So what you could do is that you can for 20 seconds only before going to a place that you know that you will be stressed like a job interview, networking events going out with friends, going to a restaurant or any other situation. You just adopt a posture of someone who would be dominant, and one way to do that is just raise your hands open your chest. You put your chin like that and you just take a lot of space and see how you feel. See how you feel. And if you do that for 20 seconds, it will improve your confidence level and decrease. Your stress level is really powerful. I do that before every conference that I give. That's how it can become confident when I am in social in directions. So now it's your turn. I would encourage you to write down so five things that you can give in an interaction. So make a list of five things that you can give in any social direction. Then you adopt the posture. Today, when you're interacting with people off someone whose confidence and also you can use the power post from 20 seconds, and that's how you can become confident in social interactions. 14. Become Socially Relaxed & Anxiety Free: So in this video, I would like to talk to you about how you could be socially comfortable and how you could become a stress free. So my first advice to you would be that you shouldn't strive for perfection. Social. Why? Because the communication between two people will never be perfect. And most people are always trying to find the perfect things to say. The perfect behavior, the perfect come back. And at the end, it's not important. Why? Because a communication between two people is never perfect, and you are perfectly in perfect. So by looking for the perfection socially, it will be really stressed because it does not exist. What is really important is that you express yourself freely, that you share who you are with the other person, and even even if there are some social mistakes, that's okay. That's what makes you a human being. So don't strive for perfection socially, because it's just an illusion. Just be who you are and express yourself freely. Try toe, communicate the best that you can with the other person, and that would be enough. The second advice I would like to share with you here is that you can use the power off briefing because most people are really stressed. And then the stopped breathing when they talk to people and what you should do is inhale by the nose and exhaled by their mouth. And you can do that three times before going to an interaction. So let's try. You can see here that I'm already more relaxed, so it's something that is really, really powerful, and I encourage you to breath with you belly, so try to inhale and the air has to go down your belly. You know what I mean? You really have to breathe with you belly, and you can do that before approaching someone, or even when you are talking to people. Don't forget with because that will be really powerful. The second advice I would like to give you here is that you should head should have an abundance mentality. You know, the words don't just approach someone, and you think that if this person doesn't like you, your life is over because it can be really difficult and it will give you a lot of stress. So even if it's a client's, it's something that you really want toe toe have or someone that really should like you just try to treat you rain and say, Oh, yeah, I can talk to this person and let's see what happens Instead of dressing, this person must like me. Otherwise it will really give you stress in ah, in your body. So try toe, have Zab announced mentality. And even if you go to a bar to a restaurant and emits new people in Iraq to make new friends or find a husband, wife, girlfriend, it does not matter. You just have another announcement attitude. You express who you are. You try to do your best in that moment and you will see that most of the time it will be enough. The third advice I would like to give you is that if you enter place and you are already stressed, what you can do and what I do often is that I imagine where the tension is. For example, I imagine that I feel that the tension is on my shoulders. So what I will do that I will imagine that there is some black on my shoulders and I will just imagine this black leaving my body is more like an energetic technique, but it works really, really well. So you try to feel where the tension is in your body, and then you just release it. You dressed? Let it go. We just imagine it leaving your body. And it's something that works really, really well. Also, when you arrive in a new situation, don't be too stress. Take time to relax, to talk to people, maybe to have a drink, maybe to do something that will make you a little bit less stressed. Take time to enjoy the interaction and never forget that when you enter a new place and when you start a new direction with someone, it should be something pleasurable. In other words, enjoy it. Have fun with it, give you best and communicate with people the best that you can, and you will see that you will have amazing social results. 15. Stop Being Shy Socially: So in this video, I would like to talk about how you could stop being shy socially. So let me explain. That's with an example. Let's take the popular kid. When he was young, he was really popular. What happened is that he was able to experiment a lot socially. He was able to discover social techniques. He was able to fail. He was able to do crazy stuff socially, and that's how he learned. And in his mind he was able to have positive references and positive reinforcement when he was a young child. And if you're watching this video here and you are not comfortable socially and you think that you're a little bit shy, it's because you don't have this positive references in your brain. You know the words. Your brain doesn't have enough references showing that you are able to do something well in interactions. So what you should do is have a mindset that you should experiment things. Try to use the best techniques in the best tool that I'm sharing here in the schools and every day go out and experiments and sometimes you will fail. That's how you learn, but you will learn with the best tools and the best techniques, the popular kill. He learned that when he was young, but sadly, he maybe you didn't. And now it's your time to start experimenting and start getting these positive references. 15 years ago had no social reference that all. So I had to create them. And even now I'm still creating positive references. And I'm experiencing ah lot so heavy these mindsets that you can experiment and you can try things out. Maybe don't try things with a new, important client or job interview or something that is really important to you. Experiment with friends with stranger with people that you don't know, try to experiment and have fun with that. So the goal here is to create positive references in your brain. And how can you do that? What you should do is every day, take a little action that makes you a little bit uncomfortable. For example, it can be approaching someone and asking for direction. It can be approaching someone and giving you compliments, or it can be any other social action, and when you do that, I would like you to ask yourself these questions. So after the interaction. You would ask yourself these two questions so that you can reinforce positively the action and that you can start creating these positive references in your brain. The first action was what did I do well in this interaction? And the second question is, What can I do better next time? So with these two questions here, if every day you take a small action towards what you want towards becoming more socially successful, and every day you ask yourself this two questions, you won't be shy anymore because you will show your brain that you have positive references about you approaching people about you being socially successful. So that's how you can become socially successful. And don't be shy to fail. I repeat that again and again because most people only want the best techniques and they don't want to fade. But that's not how life were. Exactly You will you will be rejected, you will face, but that's part of the game. I've been rejected so many times I've learned a lot, and now I'm sharing the best tools and advice with you. So please take them with you and test them and see the work for you and see maybe if you can adapt one of them so that it can work better for you. But you will become socially successful and you will see how amazing it is to communicate well with people. 16. Love Yourself: So in this video, I would like to share with you how you could love yourself more. So my first advice here would be to accept who you are and to love yourself for who you are and to love every parts off yourself, not only the parts that you want to love, but love yourself and love all the parts. Why? Because most people have parts that they don't like about themselves. So they're ashamed off and they try to hide it. No, I would say Put lights on the parts that you don't like and try to deal with them and see if you can take some actions to improve them. Or if you can't change them, you should accept them. That's how you really love yourself. So I really encourage you to have an honest look at yourself and to ask yourself this question. What do you like about yourself and what makes that you love yourself and you write down a list of 35 things and start focusing on the things that you love about yourself. But you also should put some light on on the things that you don't want to deal with and see if you can improve them. If you can improve them. Awesome, take some actions. But if you can't accept them, because there is no point living your whole life with things that you cannot change and that you haven't accepted. So that's how we can love yourself more and exists either to do in the morning. And most people would think that it's Siri. I heard myself in the morning, and it's something that is amazing because we love giving hugs as human beings. But when is the last time that you gave yourself a hug? So give yourself a hug now, and it will be able to really love yourself more and always have these positive focus on what makes me a valuable human being. What's makes that I have value as a human being. What do I love about myself? Ask yourself this positive questions even before going to sleep. When you wake up in the morning, he within the impact that it will have a new life, it will transform your life. Also, if you'd like toe love yourself more, you can develop gratitude. It means that every morning or every night, we're just grateful for who you are. You are grateful for the things that you have and developing this positive feelings will really help you love yourself more. 17. Stop Approval Seeking Behavior: So in this video, I'd like to talk about why most people should stop being approval seeking. And maybe that's the case. Or maybe not. But I would like to discuss it here to see if you can identify with. And if you can really take the advice I'm giving you to take your life to the next level. So being approval seeking means that you're not expressing yourself freely. You're not sharing yourself with the other person, but you are trying to micromanage the impression that the person will have a few. It means that you are adapting your behaviour in a way that's we'll make the other person. I feel that you are great, that you have value as a human being and that you are doing things right. So if you're doing that, if you are doing for expressing yourself to get an impression to get a reaction from other people, I would encourage you to stop it, because if you do that, it will be socially unattractive. So 10 years ago, I was not able to express myself freely, and I would always adapt who I was always trying to police people. So at the end I had no personality because I was always adapting. Why wise to please people toe my crony, micromanage people and to always be life. So if you have this kind of behavior, maybe not as extreme as mine. But if you have this kind of behavior, I would like to show you that instead off having the focus off. Oh, my God. This person has to like me. You should have the focus on yourself first and saying, What do I want? So if you ask yourself this question, what do you want? What do I want? You will be able to define your personality, to define what you really want in any social situation where rather than saying, what do I have to do to be liked by this person? And if you put the focus on something that you cannot control, which is the impression that the person will get you won't be able to express yourself freely because it will be always seeking approval. So instead, put the focus on you and ask yourself this question. What do you want? So let's say that you are the net networking events and you want to get new clients So if you ask yourself this question, what do I want? Oh, I want to get new clients. That's great. So that's what you want. And then the second question is, How can you give to others? Because we want to put the focus on ourselves first, but we also want them to give back. You see here the distinction it's not. We only have the focus on the other person, and we want to please the person and make an amazing first impression toe and micromanaging what we do just to police someone. We want to please ourselves first by asking the question, What do I want? But then we also have the question. How can I give to others? So this example here off the networking event, What do I want? I want to get to clients. And how can I give to a the other person? Oh, I can. I can show them that it's it's an amazing product and that it can change their life. So I know what I want. I want to get new Klein's, but at the same time, I want to show them that they will be able to get amazing results with my product and its changes, how you will talk to them and you want to be approval seeking. So it's something that is really, really amazing. So you know the words when you are talking to people, Ask yourself this question. Are you trying to please yourself first or you trying to please the other person? And once the further is, are you adapting who you are to please people or not, because you can be pleasing or the people. But you are not adapting who you are. It means that you can please people by being who you are. But if you please people by adapting who you are in changing who you are, that means that it's approval seeking because you are trying to get something from the other person. So it's something that is really incredible and really powerful when you learn how to really use it in socially directions. 18. Leave A Conversation Politely: So now let's talk about how you could leave a conversation politely have ever been in a situation where you were talking to someone and you just wanted to leave the conversation? Maybe you didn't have something in common. Or maybe you wanted to talk to other people or for any other reason. We have all been there. So that's why I've created this video that will show you a three part technique that you can use in any situation to leave the conversation. So first, I would like to say that sometimes it's great to live a conversation because it will make you safe time you can network with are people. You can talk to other people because if you approached the man and you see that it's not working, you don't have something in common or you're not meant to be, I would say in business or even in your personal relationships, don't stick with this person. You can leave. It's all right. But something really important when you approach someone, the other person will be anxious and stressed socially. So if you see that the person who just would be stressed intense, don't interpret that as the person being rude to you Just be patient with the other person talk. And if you see that after I don't know 5 10 15 minutes, you still don't have something in common. Then you can leave the conversation. So how can you leave the conversation? So it's a three part technique. So the first part of the technique would be just to say, Oh, it was nice meeting you. It was nice Toki to you. And then the second bots would be to say, I just have to go because I have to meet a friend, Have to see a client. I have to call someone. I have to do something. So the first parties Oh, it was nice talking to you, but I just have to go because I have to see a friend. I have to call someone. Let's talk later and the let's talk later is the third part off the technique. So you can see here it becomes really easy. Oh, it was nice talking to you, but now I just have to talkto Ah, a friend. I just have to call someone. Let's talk later. Bye. That's it. And that's how you can leave a conversation for light. So this is the more I would say, the simplest way to live a conversation politely. You don't have to care about you known variable and all of that if you want to be a little bit more advanced. And if you don't like saying that people you could start just slightly moving your body language awake. You see here I'm facing the camera things that I'm engaged. And if I would like to leave the conversation with you, what I would do that I would just likely turn away and point my feet in another direction because my feet here. But you cannot see them but my feet here by pointing directly to the camera and my body is there. If I would like to leave the conversation with you, I was slightly do that, and I will continue talking. Maybe I will look a little bit away and the person will understand there are people who don't understand. And then that's why it's important to also have these verbal technique in three parts that you can use. But most of the time, if you just use the non available, it's enough and it's good enough and the person would understand and say, OK, um, let's talk later so it's something that is really powerful. 19. Eye Contact: so today, let's talk about eye contact and how important it is. Have you ever been in a situation where you were talking to someone and the person was not looking directly into your eyes? And maybe you thought that the person didn't care? All the person didn't listen? How long comfortable was that? So today I would like to share with you my best advice on how to maintain great eye contact . So first, I would like to say that the eyes ah, the window off the sour. Why is that? Because you are able to convey emotions through your eyes. But you're also able to feel the emotion and feel the person just by looking into the ice. I know it can be weird, but you can just look into someone and feel if they're having a great day, a bad day, and feel if they're happy or sad just by looking into someone's eyes. So it's a really great tool to create the powerful connection with someone. So that's why I encourage you to maintain eye contact, because by maintaining eye contact, you can create a connection easily. Or I would say more easily you can convey emotions. You can complete passion. You can just show the other person that you care, so it's really important that you maintain eye contact. So how do you maintain eye contact? Do you maintain eye contact all the time? What if the person is not comfortable? What if you're shy? Let me answer all these questions. So if you are shy and you don't really know how to maintain eye contact, I really encourage you to look at the eyebrows instead off the ice. When my girlfriend told me that, I said No, no way, that's not possible. I would not use the difference. And then she said, Let's see. So once she looked directly to my eyes and once she only looked at my our bras and I was not able to notice the difference. And then I said, Wow, that's really powerful. So I would see if you are shy and you're not really comfortable and you don't really feel at ease. When you look into someone's eyes, just start by looking at the eyebrows. So before continuing this video, I just wanted to say that's maintaining eye contact is a great thing for most cultures, but there are certain cultures, and it's not really appropriate to maintain eye contact. So if you are watching this video and you see that it's not appropriate toe look, someone in the eyes just closed his video and continue the course. And if it's appropriating your culture, just go on. So practice looking people in the eyes. If you're not comfortable, look at the eyebrows and try that with your friend. Try that video partner tonight. The person wants. Notice the difference. Now, if you add these, don't look at the Arbroath is just for I would say, your backup plan now. Should you look 100% 10%? 50%? How should you look the other person? I would like to give you the simple answer, and it's also the more effective when you are talking to someone. Just look most of the time into the other person's eyes, and naturally you will look around because you will be accessing different parts of your brain. So when I'm talking to you right now, I'm just looking most of the time directly into your eyes and some off the time I would just look away because I will be accessing different parts, different emotions, different parts of my brain to give you the information. And it's something that is natural. So if I look on the right on the left, on the right, right, left rights and I talk to you most of the time while looking at you at the camera, that's something that is natural now. Don't look with we had look, don't look with and it's look like that creepy look. Otherwise, the person won't be really comfortable. Dress ever relaxed. Look, And when you talk, having relaxed look on your face, you can even go in front of a mirror to see how you look. And then you just took most of the time you're looking through the office passage eyes, and some of the time it's it happens that you just look away. But you see, most of the time you're looking directly. You're not talking most of the time by looking away. Okay, now, what if the person is a little bit uncomfortable, so if the person is uncomfortable, don't look down. What you should do is that you should break eye contact a little bit, but I encourage you to look on the right on the left. Because if you look down, it shows that the other person has more authority over you and in most situations, you don't want to show that you want to just show that Hey, you are normal human being. So what you would do is that you would just break eye contact. So let's say that I'm talking to you. I don't have a creepy look on my face and I see that you're a little bit uncomfortable because my eye contact is that it would be too poor for So what I will do. I will talk to you and then slightly our dress break eye contact and coaching You talking to you and we talk to you, break a little bit eye contact and then continue talking to you. That way the person will be comfortable and another key here, make the other person feel comfortable. If you see that your eye contact is too strong and the person is not, that is just break it on the right or the left. Now what happens when the person is stoking to you? When the person is Toki to you, you dress give there you give them your full attention. It means that you will be looking directly directly into the ice because it shows that you care and that you are listening and also for you. It will be easier to remember what was said. So when someone is talking to you, you just lied. Listen and fully listen. And if you see that the person is certain bit uncomfortable again, it just break it on the right on the left. But even if you are really at ease with yourself, you can be looking 1% of the time into the person's eyes and the person will really feel comfortable. So how can you really apply your of that? How I did it is that I called a friend and we met at a part, and I told my friend, pay no, what's um I called you because I would like to practice eye contact with you. And at first he thought it was really weird. And then I explained why I wanted to to the to do that. So what happened is that I started explaining. I started trying things and ask him, How did you feel? And he said, Oh, I didn't feel comfortable at that moment. And that's how our was better at maintaining eye contact. So my suggestion is called a friend. You can go to a park. You can go where you want. Oh, even home Tried that tonight with your with your partner. If you have one or cool friend, go out and practice eye contact. 20. Smiling: So now let's talk about smiling, because smiling is really something that is really powerful that you can use in any social interaction, because smiling is associated with openness with being warm, with really being someone that is approachable. And if you want to have social success, understanding how you can use your smile in social situations is really something that is important. So before starting, I know that you may say Yes, Alan, but I'm not comfortable with my smile. I would like to show you many ways that you can use your smile, because if there are ways that you're not comfortable, for example, if you don't like to smile like that, you can just have a small smile and everyone can have that. But there's a difference between being like that and which one is better. Even having a small smiler is better than not having what. Now I would like to should just show you the difference that there are between smiles, because there is the right way to smile and there is the wrong way to smile. So my question to you is, have you ever been in a situation where you where with someone and the person was smiling. But it was a little bit too much, and you had an awkward feeling. You thought that the person wanted something from your there was something off. Have you ever been in this situation? The perfect situation is, for example, if someone that is seeking approval, it can be a salesman that wants to sell you a car. He was. He will always try toe to laugh at your jokes and always be like, really friendly and because he wants your money so he will be true. He will be smiling to get something from you in this case money. But if you want to smile the right way, it doesn't have to be because you want to seek approval and you want to get something with your smile. But it's because you want to share to express your inner smile with other people. So it means that it has to be on expression off yourself, because many years ago I really wanted toe have people who like me, so I would adapt who I waas and I would also or smile all the time. Why? Because I thought that if I would smile on all the time. People who like me. And what would happen is that I would approach people and talk to friends. And I would always be smiling. Okay. How are you? And it will be off. It will be something really uncomfortable. Why? Because I thought that Oh, if I smile all the time, people will like me. Now. I'm not saying that smiling all the time is bad. I'm saying that smiling all the time while you are seeking approval of other people, we'll make other people uncomfortable. So what you should really understand here is that if you dressed, share who you are. You share your smile with other people. You smile because you want to smile. You smile because something made you laugh. You smile because you saw someone. This is a natural smile, and this is what will make you socially attractive. Now, you may not be comfortable with all of that. I understand because you may say Oh, island. But I don't have great teeth or any other reason that you hit. I encourage you to go in front of a mirror and and then just say how what is my best smile and then you just smile and you try to figure out a smile at your comfortable with, because if you know how you look, you will be more comfortable when you will be in social situations and you will be smiling at other people. So smile from within and you cannot smile too much as long as you're expressing yourself. Because I have met so many people who were always smiling. But you know, like they were giving me energy instead of taking the energy and a smile. It is approval seeking will take energy from you and the smile is made to give you energy. So start being a giver. Start giving energy to people. Start smiling because you have something to share with the world. You have something to express out there and you will see that people will like you. And I would like to just share with you a last tip that I have here that is really powerful . Um, when you meet someone that's you have already met and you meet someone for the second time with third time or even a long term friend. When you see this person, don't smile immediately after seeing this person because the person can't think that it's automatic, what you should do, that you see the person and you wait just one or two seconds and then you see the person and then you smite. Why? Because then the person will perceive that Oh, you identified this person. And then it made you smile rather than smiling by default by everyone that smiling by default to everyone that you meet. So it's a small trick here that you can use but smile. Express yourself, Give yourself to the world. 21. Last Impression: So now let's talk about the last impression, because I know that there are many people who really focus on the first impression. And, yes, it's really important. But the last impression, which is the last moment that you would spend with someone just before you leave the interaction is also really important. And you should really leave the interaction on a high note. If you can't leave the interaction on a high note, you just should create a high note to leave the interaction. So let me explain. People will remember how they felt in any direction. But they would also remember the last moment that you spent with them. Because if you know that the conversation is dying out and then you leave the interaction at that moment, people will always remember. Oh, yeah, But I had this awkward feeling at the end with the person. I don't know if I should see this person again. It can be in business terms. It can be in a relationship. It can be in any social situation. So what I encourage you to do is when you approach someone and you talk with this person for five minutes, one out to our three outs, Whatever. And you know that you want to leave, just waits to get a high note. It means that when you are enjoying yourself with the other person, in other words, when you are just talking and the person is having fun having a great time and you know like it's really a pleasure to talk to the other person. You know, when you get this feeling that, hey, I'm having a great time with this person. So when you have that, you should leave the conversation. I know it's counter intuitive, but it's better than to wait that the conversation dies out so you can just leave the interaction and you could just say, Oh, it was really nice talking to you. We should keep in touch. Then you can exchange numbers and then you go away. It's really, really powerful. Or if you can't, I would say if you are not having a great time and you know that the conversation is already dying out. What you should do is recreate this high note. How can you do that? You can talk about something that was said before and that you knew that the person was really enjoying. Let's say that the person wanted to go to Miami on vacation. You can reinitiate this interaction and you can just say something about Miami about how great it is about the about the beach, about the vacation and then the person we start really enjoying the conversation again. And then at that moment, you can just say, you know what? I'm sorry, but I have to leave. Have to talk to other people. I have to call a friend. I have to do something. Let's keep in touch and then you exchange numbers and it's really powerful. If you create the last impression like that, people will really, really love you for that. 22. Positive & Confident Body Language: Hi. So, in this video, I'd like to talk to you about, um, the powerful body language. The body language is really, really important because if you have a bad body language, people with sense that they would see that you are not confident and that you're not socially successful. So what are the basics? The basics is that you should have an open body language. It's not a closed body language. It's more like an open body language. You know the words. Ask yourself, How would you behave if you were happy and in a good mood? Would you be like that? Or would you be more open? So when you're interacting with people, I encourage you to have an open body language. You know the words, you chest is open and you are giving posture. Here's a giving posture, and here it's, I would say, a more closed posture. Now just be careful when you're crossing arms because it can mean two things. The first thing that can mean is that the person is bored, and the second thing is that the person is challenging or comfortable, so you should also look at the emotions. For example, if the person is board, the person will be like that. And if the person is challenging, it would be more like that. So if you are new to this, don't cross your arms. Just have an open posture. Now, the poster that you should have is the one off someone who is confident. So you open your chest, your shoulders are back and you imagine that you have a string that is pulling you to the sky. And that's the poster that you should have. And now you may have I would say stressed gestures. For example, you could have something like that. When you are stressed, we do some weird things. So what you should do is try to control the moves that you make. You know, the words don't make them too fast because it makes you appear really, really never. Hey, how are you? My name is Alan. Yes, I'm here and you see it doesn't really appeal and you can see by my voice is going up because I'm changing my body language. But you should do is imagine that you are under water and that you are making you move there. The ammo slow. But there are more powerful. It's like Tom Cruise would speak or breath speeds. They speak in a more controlled way rather than being like that and being old stressed and jumping everywhere. Also, what is really important. You should be stable. Don't be jumping around and being old. Stress. No, you are stable, so it's really important. Don't be jumping around. Be stable. Try to find the best position for you to be stable, something that is really great to do to find the this. The most stable position that you can have is that you just jump and how you fit. Lend is the best position that you could have. So try. Try. Now you go and you just jump and where your feet land. It's the right distance between your feet, and that's how you are the most stable. So body language is really, really important. I'm giving here the techniques on how you can fix your body language, but the most important thing is really again to feel great and to feel confident inside. How can you feel confident inside you? Just remember a time when you felt confident. So before going to an interaction, you can just close your eyes for a few seconds and you remember a time when you felt confident. You can see here. I'm just remembering a time when I felt confident when I'm talking to you and my body language is confidence. Now, if I remember a time when I was really not confident You can see here that my body language changes completely and that's the power off body language. So again, don't be to focus on what to do with you hands and what to do with your posture. Just remember, have an open body language. Open your chest, your shoulders are back and then you talk on the water. This would be the most important things, and if you do that, you will have a powerful body language. 23. Voice: so high. So in this video, I would like to share with you how you could have a confident and powerful voice in social interactions. So my first advice would be to imagine that when you're in a social interaction that the person is actually one meter behind the actual person. So that way you will be able to project your voice, and you will be able tow a spear as confident because you will have right volume. You will have a great volume and people will be able to understand you well, and they will perceive you as powerful. The second advice would be to articulate well, because most people talk like that and they don't articulate what you should do is articulate well so that people can really understand you. My third advise. It's about voice Internation. Basically, there are three voice intonations. There is one that is trying for report neutral and breaking reports. Let's start with the 1st 1 trying for report. It's the one that goes up at the end. Hey, where you from? What's your name? Why do you do? Do you come here often? You see detonation at the end of the sentence goes up and it's a voice that you shouldn't have. Why? Because it's a seeking behavior it's trying for. Report it as if you are trying to get something from the other person, and if you have a voice like that, it will lower your social value. So if you have again Hey, where are you from? What do you do? You see again? It goes up. It's not really great socially. What you should have is the neutral. The neutral is how I'm talking to you right now. So the end off my sentences are always neutral Now. Neutral doesn't mean without emotions because it's not. Hey, how are you away? Are you from like You could add a lot off emotions like I'm talking to you right now. I'm talking in the neutral way, but I'm adding a lot off emotions. But you see at the end my sentence at the end. My sentence is always neutral and then you have the breaking report. It's how the policeman would talk to you at the end. It goes down. Hey, where are you from? What do you do? Do you come here often? And I dont really encourage you to use Istana voice because it can appear as toe aggressive . So how can you become aware off the tuna voice that you have? You should record yourself so you can record yourself when you talk to your friends when you talkto your family. When you talk to strangers, I know it can be weird, but that's how you learn, because you will have a different intonation when you talk to friends to family strangers. So I really encourage you to practice and to try to get the neutral voice, because it's the one that works the best for everyone and try to add some emotions to that . I know it's difficult really toe applied, because it's something that maybe you are not aware off. But he I would like to give you the first keys so that you can really be aware. And even when you hear people are the neutral trying for report or breaking report so that you can start being more away off your own voice and really trying to get the neutral so that it can become a powerful and confident voice, 24. Visualization Exercise: So in this video, I would like to show you how you can practice your social skills without leaving your home . So it's gold, a visualization exercise. So what I encourage you to do is that you just go home and you sit on the couch and you just relax and then you close your eyes and what you will do is that you will imagine that you are in a social situation. It can be a networking event. It can be where? At a party with friends. It can be in a restaurant, in a bar in the club. So you imagine what is around you? Maybe you have your coworkers. Maybe you have your friends, you try to imagine, and you try to make as real as possible. So close your eyes and you imagine that you are in the social situation. And now you imagine that you are approaching people and this is amazing because I would like you to imagine that it goes well, that people react really well towards you that people are laughing, that people I enjoying themselves. Why? Because we want to create positive references in your brain and our brain cannot see the difference between something that has happened and something that you have imagined. So it means that the references that your brain will have will be the same. So it means that you could go and approach people. And I encourage you to do that. And you will get references and I hope, positive references. But you can also imagine that you had them and it will be the same. It will. It will have the same impact in your brain. So if you want to become more confident socially, I encourage you to practice visualization. And that's how I became better. That's interacting with people. Yes, I had the big part where I went out and I approached 1,000,000 and 1000 off people. It can be in the streets, in bars and restaurants networking event. But then also, I had this moment where I was just sitting home, closing my eyes and just imagining that I was approaching people. That's I would approach that person here. What do they say? What do they say next? How would disperse and react? Then how would I leave the conversation politely? How would I maintain eye contact? What did I say, What would I do? What I say is if the person laughs, what does that say? If the person says that? What? That's what did they say? There is a blank, so it's really powerful. So what I really encourage you to do is to go home now and to practice your social kids. Maybe don't tell your friends that you're going home to practice social skills because it can be weird. What you want to do is really close your eyes, immerse yourself in the situation and imagine it going well. By the way, you can also use that. If you want to give great presentations, talk to your colleagues to higher management or to any other person. You just close your eyes and you imagine yourself the situation you want to be in and you imagine it going well. Practice their practice in your imagination, and you will see that you will be able to become more confident when you will be entering the situation that you have imagined. Why? Because your brain will have a lot of positive references even before you went to the situation. So it's really, really powerful. So go and visualize now 25. Talkative Mood: So in this video, I'd like to talk about the talkative mood, in other words, is how you can enter state where you can talk to people easily. Have you ever been in a situation where you are working in front of the computer for many, many hours? Or you're doing any other task by yourself? And then you have to approach people or you have to talk to people. How did you feel when I have to work eight hours in front off my computer and edited videos are do some work there? Then I really don't feel like talking to people. Why is that? Because if we spend eight hours in a state and then you have to change our state to go and talk to people, it requires a lot off energy, and our body wants toe be consistent with the state that it is in. So what I encourage you to do is that, for example, if you have tow, spend a lot of time working by yourself and you don't interact a lot with people is then, when you stop working to start interacting with people as soon as you can, for example, you could call a friend. You could approach someone you know in the streets. You could go to a bar to a restaurant. You could do something and just start talking because the more you start talking, the more you talk, the easier it will be to enter. Dis talkative mood. So what is the talkative mood? It's the mood that you're in, and that makes that you are able to talkto people. And it's not really a big deal because you have talked to a lot of people during the day. So if you are not able toe really enter this talkative mood easily, I would encourage you toe try to interact with more people doing today. So when you wake up, you could call it a friend. You could talk to your partner. You could do something that is social. For example, If you go and you and you and you buy your food, you could talkto the person that is there at the store. You could just exchange a few words. Why? Because you want to get used to talking to new people because the more you talk to new people during the day, the easier it will be So if you have a networking event at night and you spent eight hours in front of the computer, what you should do is after you have finished your work, you just go out and you approach a few people so that you can start entering this talkative mood so that when you are the networking event, it will be easier for you to approach because you have already approached many people. Just before I learned these concept when I was doing free hugs in Geneva. So it was really incredible s so basically, you have a sign that says free hugs and then you go into work in the streets and then you have the sign and have random people that come and hug you. It's really amazing if you want to try, try and what happened is that I did that in the afternoon. And then at the evening I was on fire. I was able to start an interaction with anyone. And then I understood the importance off really being in state and being in this talkative mood. So you don't need toe do freak free hugs to go to a networking event, but that you can do is start talking to people before you go to the event that you want to go before you want to go to the social event. And you would see that if you do that, if you start talking toe random people to other people, if you call someone, it will become easier to start directions. 26. Your Environment: in this video, I would like to share with you the power off the environment and how it can help you or not become socially successful. So 15 years ago, I was shy. I started. I had almost no friends, and I wanted to get better at approaching people and with social skills in general and had these two friends here. And they would always make fun of me when I would approach someone. And what if I would approach someone and this person would reject me? They would really make me feel horrible. So as a result, I was not able to improve myself, and I was not able to improve my social skills. Why? Because my only friends were making fun off me when I wanted to approach people. So what I want to tell you here is that the environment that is around you will have an impact on your social success. Then what I did is that I changed my friends that what that was the only way because I really wanted to be socially successful. So I send you my friends and I surrounded myself with people who really were trying to help me become better Socially. It means that I would approach someone, and then they would tell me, Hey, maybe try that. Maybe do that's in a different way and they would give me advice. They were trying to help me instead of putting me down. And that's how I was able to become successful because I had people who were supporting me . So if you want to have social success, if you want, for example, to network better with people, so find a boyfriend, your friend or just network, we surrender people. You should really have a group of people that will help you socially. It's important that you have at least one friend that will help you. When you will go out and approach. People approach business clients that will be there for you, supporting you. That's how you can become a better version of yourself. And then the second advice I would like to share with you here is to also surround yourself with someone at least someone that is better than you. Because how I learned social skills. Mostly it was by observing other people, I was able to surround myself with people that were really great socially and I was able to observe them and and then I said, Oh, what is this person doing? Why is this person so socially successful? And I tried analyzing. I tried coping the posture of the body language the way they would interact, and that's how I learned social skills. Mostly it was by being around the best social skills people on the planet. So I had to pay a lot of money to be around them. But it was something that was really worth it. And then on the side, I learned a lot by reading books, watching seminars, watching online training. So really, it was a really completes way off learning. But I couldn't have succeeded only by watching videos and by just reading books. So what I wanted to share with you here that you shoot, surround yourself with people who support you. At least one friend that you can go out with and then toe surround yourself with someone that is better than you. That's you can really observe if you cannot find someone that is better than you in your environment, try to go to networking events and just observe people see who is the most popular person there. Why is this person so popular? And that's how you can really understand and how you can learn fast, because that's what it's all about. How can you learn fast? So used the advice that you have here that I'm giving you in this course, but then surround yourself with the right people. Now I know that some people will ask me Island, what do I do if I have negative people towards me? So there are many options. The first option is that if you want to get rid of them, get rid of them. The second option is that you could also see them less often. Or you could see them, for example, dressed, to go to have a drink or to do something that you want to be approaching people socially or you won't be doing something socially. For example, you can invite them over to your to your house and you can do something. But if you really want to approach people and progress socially, you should surround yourself with new friends or other people that will support you. And if there are people that you cannot change, for example, your boss and they are always trying to put you down, try to find other ways or the opportunities to approach and to get better, because that's really how you will improve. So the environment is important. So I would like you to think off one friend that you can surround yourself with that will support you and one friend or one person that is better than you and that you could go out with. And that's how you would get better and right. Diz names down and pick up the phone and call them right now and you can book something you can. You can say, Hey, next week, we're going. We're going out for a beer. Oh, on Wednesday we're going to this networking events, Do something, start taking action. 27. Rejection: So now let's talk about the fear off being rejected. So first I would like to say that sometimes being rejected is great because it can make you safe time. And sometimes you're not meant to be in their personal relationships. And in the professional relationships. The problem is that when you don't approach people because you are afraid of being rejected , So my first advice to you is that being rejected is not 100% in your control. It can mean that you can approach someone and be a really confident version off yourself, really charismatic. And you can approach someone and the person had a bad day. So it's not your fault and the person will reject you. Maybe you did nothing wrong, but the person had a bad day. Maybe they had a problem with the boss. With the co workers, you don't know what happens. So most people are afraid of being rejected because they take it personally. If you could have, I would say, the most charismatic personal nurse. Let's say that you consider that Brad Pitt or George Clooney is a really charismatic person . They also gets rejected. Why? Because being rejected is not in their control. It means that they can approach people and people can still reject them because they had a bad day. So when you are rejected or when you are freed of being rejected, understand that it's not always your fault. It can happen that the person had a bad day and it's not your fault that there is nothing that you can do about it. But what you can do is take action despite this fear of being rejected and see what happens . There are the times when you approach and you get rejected. What happened? Most people would say that it's terrible, I would say just the result that you had. It's a social result that you had. Maybe it was the older person. The person had a body. Or maybe it was you. I encourage you to look for similarities. It means that if you approach people and people reject you always at the same time, or when you do or say something, if you are rejected after you did the same thing or you said the same thing three times you ask yourself this question. Okay, what did they do in this interaction? What did I do? That's made me rejected because you cannot please everyone. So some people will reject you for one behavior that you have, and some people will love you for behavior that you have. So when you are rejected, don't undervalue yourself and say that you are loser and that you cannot do anything in life. Really value yourself, try to be the best version that you can, and then you approach people and see what happens. When I started 10 years ago, 15 years ago, I was really afraid of rejection because I thought that rejection would say that I'm not worth it. And I'm not able to do that. On top of that, I had my friends laughing at me every time I would be rejected. But with rejection comes learning because the more he gets rejected, the more you learn, the more you learn how to do it right. The more you learn about yourself, the more you learn about others. The more you learn how to interact with others, the more you learn what makes you a great human being. So it's really important to take action. Despite this fear off being rejected. Control what you can control, you can control. I would say 50% of the interaction. Do you agree that you have 50% of the interaction and I have 50%. So if I approach you, I can control my 50%. In other words, it's how we communicate to you, how we approach you, What I see. But then if you had a bad day, if you don't like me, I cannot control it. I can try to make you like me by having amazing social skills. But if you don't like me, you can reject me. There is nothing I can do about it. But then if there is something wrong that I do many times over and over again, you will. I will be able to notice that and say, Hey, this best or everyone rejects me when I do something. When I do these things, when I see that everyone rejects me when I say that so then you can start improving yourself and say ho, maybe what I may be the thing that I say is not great. And then you can become a better version of yourself. So the more you get rejected, the more you will be. You will be able tow, improve faster. Another great cheap, too. See what rejection is all about. You ask yourself this question. What is the worst case scenario that can happen? You approach someone. What is the worst case scenario? Person can reject you, and so what? Most people would say that it's the end of the world. Most people would say that everyone will laugh at them. Everyone will notice that they got rejected. No, If you approach them on and someone rejects you, no one will notice that you got rejected in your head. You may think that everyone noticed, but they didn't. So you can see approaching people is safe. Try to do your best and really, it's all about improving your social skills. And if you have people who laugh when you get rejected, get new friends or tell them that you don't like when they do that because I would like you to be socially successful. So that's why you should re surround yourself with people who will help you. They've Robert the social skills. How I surrounded myself with amazing people was I wanted to have people who supported me when I would approach people. So at the end, what happens that I would approach someone I would got rejected and people would come and congratulate me. Say, island, you took action. That's awesome. And that's how we can change your perception off being rejected. So if you see it's all about being a perception, you can see Oh my God, that was rejected. I'm worthless. Or you could just say, Oh, I was rejected. That's great. I learned I learned more about myself, more more about people and more about my communications kids. So the exercise today is to write down situations where you got rejected and you took it personally, and it was not your fault. You know the words you approach someone, you got rejected. You thought it was your fault. But the person had a bad day or the person had something going on and and you interpreted it as, Oh my God, I did something wrong. So try to find the situations and you will be able to change your focus and become more confident