Bye Bye People Pleasing! Hello Putting Yourself First!

1. People Pleaser's Guide Intro: Hi, I'm Pauline McKinney and I am a lifelong people pleaser. If you're anything like me, you're someone who hates disappointing people. Who is probably a primary caregiver, who is used to putting the needs of other people before yourself. And this course is all about learning how to put yourself first. If you clicked on this, because you took an interest, there's, it's probably a good indication that you're feeling called to put yourself first. I know that as a mother, as a wife, as a person in the corporate world, I'm so used to putting the needs of everyone before myself. And at some point I just felt totally depleted and exhausted. I felt called to start to spend more time with myself because I honestly felt like I lost myself. I lost my connection to myself. I lost my sense of self. I really started to put into practice most of the content that I have in this class. And I made this class with the goal of helping you, if you are a lifelong people pleaser or a people pleaser in gender in general. Or if you're tired, you're exhausted, you're depleted and you want to start putting into practice things that will help you strengthen your sense of self or learn to put yourself first, then this course is for you. It's really a bundle of ideas that are designed to meet you where you are. And it's one of those things where you can sort of like it's like a buffet. You can pick and choose what speaks to you, where you are in your journey. There is no sat, like you have to follow an order. Just pick and choose what works for you. What am I going to learn? This is really like a buffet of practices and ideas that are all related to putting yourself first. The goal is to really meet you where you are. Everyone's at a different place in their life, in their journey. And I really want to meet you wherever you are. This is going to be ways to connect yourself, strengthen your sense of self, ways to accept, love and value yourself, and ways to have fun with yourself. And really it's about starting where you are. I have four main sections in this course. One is being interested in myself. So if you feel like you've lost your sense of self, you would come over here and just take a look at all of the ideas and practices. If you want to spark the, if you want to spark a curiosity within you, this is a great section to start. If you already have that and you really want to work on self-acceptance. There's the Love thyself section. It's about understanding and accepting who you are and practicing self-love. And then the last section is really a pleasure practice. If you really just want to add more pleasure and fun your life. This is really the section that you would start at, and it's just ideas and practices that help you put yourself first with pleasure. Then I have a bonus section about resistance. When you have resistance, it's a sign that it's probably the right path forward. You just have to remove some of those barriers. So this is just some ideas on how to remove barriers where you are resisting. But the whole intention of this class is to help you step out of your people pleasing and step into pudding you first. I hope you'll join me in the course and I'll see you over in the content. Have a wonderful day. 2. Be Interested in Thyself: Hi friends, I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to the beat interested section of this course. This section is really aimed at people who don't have a great sense of connection with themselves as a lifelong people pleaser. I had, and I'm working on having I had a terrible connection to myself. I'm working through that. I'm still on the journey. These are what I'm going to share with you today are practices that I'm still doing because I am connecting to myself. It's a if you are used to taking care of others and putting others needs ahead of your own. It, it's very easy to lose your sense of self. It's very easy to not be sure what it is you stand for and what it is that you want. And the goal of this section is to empower you to light that spark of interest in yourself to help you remember that you matter. And you are interesting and to really bring that to the forefront, right? Because that's the first part of putting yourself first. I think part of learning to put yourself first is, is really valuing yourself above others. Really hard thing when you're used to taking care of other people. When you are a people pleaser and you just want to make others happy when you don't like conflict or asserting yourself. The goal of this section is really to help light that spark, to help bring out that curiosity, to help sort of take that first step. And everyone's got a different personality and everyone is in a different place in their journey. So I don't expect you to connect with everything here. If you can connect with even one of these practices and try it out, That's an amazing step towards putting herself first. That's an amazing step towards valuing yourself above other people. Which is, I mean, that would make me so happy if you can even do one of these practices. And even if you don't connect to these practices, let them be an inspiration. Let them plant a seed, or be a possibility of something that lights you up in a different way. Maybe you'll find another way to start being interested in yourself. And at the end of the day, that's what the goal is for this section is lighting that spark to plant that seed. So be curious to be interested to re-engage with you. So I do have a lot of principles and resources. I want to make sure that I can give you the most information possible to help you on this journey. In every section of the course, I do have a resources PDF. There's printables, printable worksheets to work through. There are book recommendations or any other ideas that I have for that one practice. The way that this is going to work is I'm just going to present you with some practices that I've been doing that have helped me on my journey as a lifelong people pleaser. And I really hope that they inspire you and that you connect to one or more of them so that you, you try them. So without further ado, let, let us get started. Alright. So section whatever one to what it is. The first part of real content in this course is being interested in the self. That is so, so key, right? That's the first step. Like I said, as a lifelong people pleaser I had and I'm still working on my sense of self, my connection to myself. It's so easy, so easy to lose yourself. So let's, let's work on becoming interested, Shelly. Okay. So newsflash, you are the most important person in your life. I know you might be thinking like done. That's common sense, but it's not common sense for someone like me or maybe it's all common sense for someone like you who was a lifelong people pleaser. I don't know about you, but I am so used to being the primary caretaker for a lot of people. And I put so many people's needs above my own. My kids, husband, job, my friends, my obligations. I hobbies. I am so used to putting myself below the other things that I think are higher in my life that I forgot about this. I, it's taken me a long time to realize that, Oh, I'm the most important person in my life. So if you are showing up feeling completely exhausted, depleted, this is a really good indication that you are not treating yourself like you're the most important person in your life. I think me realizing this and then starting the practices, but I'm going to share with you has really helped me just recharge my batteries. You know, just just value myself more. And I think when you value yourself more and you put your needs above others, there's just a natural replenishment or recharging that happens. Instead of being always depleted, always exhausted, always overwhelmed. I want you to declare this to yourself. I am the most important person in my life. I am. And really take that seriously. Really think about how you need to put yourself first, even if it's really hard or weird or uncomfortable, That's such an important step, is to declare yourself the most important because you are. But how interested are you in yourself? I think being interested is something that's going to carry you in those moments where it feels like you feel guilty. Being interested in myself, me, like prioritize my needs and myself because there is a curiosity and a sense of adventure that I'm on. Like, hey, I exist, I have needs. These practices. Let's let's keep going. So here's what helped me. These are practices that I started and then I still do and they've really helped me become more interested in me. Strengthen my own sense of self practice when asking yourself, what do I actually want right now? And capturing it, writing it down somewhere in a journal in your Google doc on piece of paper that you throw away every day. Just capturing that, taking the five to ten minutes that it takes to just think about this for yourself. I got this practice from Ash average age who was an incredible, amazing author, and I follow her work and I got an email and day where she challenged you to ask yourself this question for I think she said 30 days. I don't remember. I have a link to her blog entry. Here's the email and the blog. In the resources section, I also have a printable worksheet you can download and just write down and scribble on what you're thinking. But her, she challenged her readers to sit with this question and ask yourself this question and write down your answers every day for whatever however long. I started this and it was hard it was much harder than I thought it was going to be, which intrigued me because I don't even know what I want. I started out not even knowing what I want. So I think this is just a wonderful place to start. It's a great place to connect to what it is you're actually wanting. If you don't know, that's a great place to start too. It's a great thing to know that you don't even know what you want. And if you are struggling with this, if you're, if it makes them uncomfortable, then start really small. Like what do you want right now in this moment? And it can be small, like I want an ice cream cone or I want to sleep in or I want more time. And I think that when you connect to what it is that you actually want right now, you can start to realize what it is that you are missing in your life that you need more of. At the end of the day, it connects you to yourself and your own desires, which is so important because a lot of times you, it's so easy as a people pleaser to suppress that are repressed that and not just push it down deep so that you're putting everyone above do. Now's the time to ask what you actually want. Practice number two, stop outsourcing your decision-making to other people. Okay, people, please, our ICU, you are so good at being adaptable and changeable and making sure other people are happy that you're always happy to let them make the decision. And that spills over into your everyday life. Whether that's picking the restaurant, deciding on an event, figuring out where you wanna go on vacation. I am so good at outsourcing my decisions to other people because I just don't want to or you just want other people to be happy or also, I'm afraid to assert myself. I am very uncomfortable asserting myself because what if they don't like what I choose? What if I choose something bad? This is such a great practice, has been so uncomfortable for me. It's been such a great way for me to practice asserting myself because I'm horrible with asserting myself. So resist the urge to let other people make decisions for you. Start small, like where you want to go for dinner and keep growing bigger. It's a skill. And it can be really fine once you start to get into it. And I think that this has been one of the most powerful ways to connect to my intuition and what it is that I do want. If you're uncomfortable, Good, good. That's a place to start. It means that it's time for you to start this practice. And I would challenge you to start small, keep building that skill and keep going. And if you're really resisting, if you're resisting this, reflect on why, why are you resisting this? Where are you afraid to make decisions? Number three, get curious about you. So I as a mom, lost myself for so many years because you just have little kids to take care of. My favorite color before I had kids, I want to say it was red or blue and now it's gold cell like reconnecting to yourself. And the most interesting and basic ways can be such an activity. Like, what is it that I even like right now? Do I even liked the same colors that I did before? Do I even liked the same activities that I did before. This is just a great way for you. It's sort of level set and get to know yourself again. So I did create a printable with some questions for you to just connect with an answer and just have fun. It's all supposed to just be fine. One thing I did do that I would highly recommend is I went to ASHRAE charts that I downloaded my birth chart because I've always wanted to and I was curious about myself and it's such a great, a great way. I sat down with a glass of wine, I put on some nice music and I just read about my birth chart and I thought it was really fun and I circled all those things that are so B. But it was a way for me to connect with myself and be interested in whatever it is, whether it's asking questions about yourself or trying to download your birth chart, your astrological birth chart, get interested in, you, get curious about you. That's the goal here. And do number four is being in your body. This is really for space cases like me. I got this from a book. It's an old book by rows, rows, tree called the most important person in the room. I want to say she's like rereleased it under a different name, but that's the book title I bought it under. I have the tendency to zone out and just float away whenever I'm tired or not engaged or distracted or stressed out. I'm not in my body, I'm not present in them. The moment. I think learning to be back in your body, the back here and present is so important in your ability to put yourself first because I had a lot of childhood trauma, so they call it dissociating, I think. I believe. And that's just my comfort zone and where I like to go and I get uncomfortable or tired. But I've been teaching myself and learning how to stay present with my emotions, how to deal with things. I think in a much more productive, action-based way, but you have to be present for that. You have to be here and not out there. 3. Love Thyself: Hello friends. Welcome to my course. The people pleaser as Guide to yourself first, It's been a long day. I hope. I hope it's been a good day for you. This section is really on loving yourself. And I'm really equate loving yourself to accept it yourself. So when I talk about loving yourself, it's really about accepting yourself, valuing yourself, and loving yourself. So that whole idea of self-care, self-love. They're all kind of interchangeable in this context. For all the practices that I'm going to recommend. There is a resources PDF in the projects and resources section under love yourself, There's a PDF you can download with just book ideas, other ideas and he sorted anything that's helped me work worksheets that I made for you. So let's I'm like, Good, good fun stuff to support you on this journey. Also, everyone's different. We're all in a different plane. We're all people pleaser is but in different points in our journey and in different ways. So I am hoping that you can connect with even one of these ideas. And if you do, I'd love to hear about it. Let me know how it goes. And if these aren't your jam, hopefully they plant a seed of possibility. They get you interested and they maybe they give you an idea of something else that then propels you forward in your journey. But the goal here is really to have a couple of different practices that help you work on accepting yourself and loving yourself. I know for me I have not accepted myself for the majority of my life. I thought that I wasn't good enough and we'll get into it in the dark, of course. But this is something I've struggled with for my whole life. And hopefully these are practices that I still do that I'm still working on, that I still worked through, but they've helped me immensely and hopefully they can help you. So without further ado, I'm going to share my screen. The love thy self and don't just loved myself, love by cell phone mentally, so much. Love this dog. Okay. Okay. Love myself immensely. Like I said, these are practices that hopefully it can help you if you're in a place where you maybe struggle with your self-worth, struggle with accepting yourself for giving yourself love than hopefully these will help you. News flash. You are lovable and worthy of love just as you are right now in this moment. Why do I say that? I say that because as a lifelong people pleaser, the love that I've received for a lot of my life has been very conditional. It has been based on how much someone has liked me, or how good I've been, or the things that I've done to earn people's love. This has been a pattern that I thought was normal until you're gonna laugh. I thought this pattern was normal until I had kids and I found a book. It's in the resources section called them, the child was for this book. She talks about these different ways to parent your children with different personalities. And in these pages, she had this one statement about making sure you tell your kids that you love them no matter what. Like I think she asked you to ask them like, why do I love you? I remember I asked my kids is they were still pretty little and I said, Why do I love you? And they said because I'm nice, because I clean my room because I do good things. And it was and I said, No, I love you because of you, because of who you are. If you need to receive that message, I'm here to tell you that you are lovable and you are worthy of love just for being you. You don't have to earn it. It doesn't have to be conditional. I want you to think about loving yourself and feeling worthy of love just as you are for doing nothing, for just existing. But how much love do you actually give yourself? So here are things that helped me with that because I am guilty. I did not do these things for myself. It's been a very long journey. Self-talk. This was, has been one of the biggest things for me that I've made a change and has been, I think just One of those like a 100 x outputs for your inputs like just a crazy investment. I, myself talk, I was such a jerk. I was a real jerk to myself. I was always a credit. And sometimes you just get those. You get programmed like that, right? From your parents, from your friends, from whoever your caretakers were, or your environment, right? Some people just have really harsh self-talk. And when a friend of mine, we were out to dinner one night, she pointed it out to me how negatively I talk about myself and to myself that it was really harmful to myself. She really challenged me to work on changing myself talk. I don't know what to have her call that out. I was like dang, you're right. I never I never realized that, I never thought about it. So my question to you and there is a principle in the resources PDF. It's an assessment giving you different scenarios and asking you to honestly write down what you would say to yourself in those moments. And really be oddest and see like how do you actually talk to yourself because you may think you're fine, but maybe you're not. I mean, do you talk to yourself like an, a whole or are you kind to yourself? This is really important because you that your width all day and if you're constantly judging and saying mean things. So stressful versus having a nice kind voice. Lina, supporting you. Learning to change your self-talk is so important to being able to love yourself from within. We all do it. We all self-talk nasty to ourselves sometimes, and that's okay. But if, if you if you do it chronically, this is such a great opportunity for you to start working on that. It really is. It's a game changer. It's not fast. It does take time and it does take intention. Start with the assessment that I made if you want as a before picture to see what your self-talk is like. Being honest. It's only you. I'm never gonna know and your friends aren't going to know and your spouse isn't going to know. It's just you can keep it private. No one ever asked to know. Then what helped me. Just lots of different resources. That child was her book ironically, had a lot of positive talk, self-talk that I I don't know. I thought it was pretty cool. I took it to heart. So that is one of the resources. So I would start here. This is such a huge, huge game changer. It's not easy, not quick, but it's so, so, so critical to loving yourself, accepting yourself, feeling worthy and lovable. The ability to tell yourself that first-rate. See an honor, your amazingness. I will have a bonus video on a craft that you can do to document your amazingness, which I'm really excited about. It's an accordion book. It was really fun. So the practice here is really about seeing an honoring how amazing you are. Like have you ever stopped to see and document your achievements? Show yourself how you survived, how you've thrived in length. I know I hadn't until I got this job that I was really nervous about starting and I had to like height myself up. This is like my own little hype book. I made myself a little accordion book and I wrote down the things that I've achieved or that I've lived through that no one can ever take away from me. And it's something I still go back to and those moments where I need a little bit of hype. So hopefully you'll take part in this craft. It's really fine. It'll be a bonus video for you. So it's a memento. It's definitely something you can look back on and refer to whenever you doubt yourself. But even if you don't do the craft, even if you just write yourself a list or you document it in another way, like a note of voice note or a video to yourself, document that. Think about the things that you have achieved, the lived through that you survive, that no one can ever take away from you. It's so important and everybody has done amazing things. Everyone has an amazing story. And just keep that in the forefront of your mind when you start to doubt yourself and really see yourself and show yourself how valuable and worthy and leveling really are because you are. His third practice is about making yourself the first priority. This is really just about making sure you're on your own VIP List. At this goes back to source some of the content from being interested in yourself. But it's like anytime you have a situation, and this is really a situational thing. When you're in a situation, you might be used to making decisions based on what's best for other people. What's best for my kids. So it's best for my husband was best for my job. I'm asking you to re-frame situations and think about what's best for you? Not Well, I upset. So and so will I offend this person, will disappoint. So and so think about what's best for you. And that's what I'm asking you to think about. Well, if you put yourself first and you didn't have guilt, what would you actually do in a certain situation? And I do have a printable that you can use to work through because I know that these are the times when it's really hard to put you first. But the more you can do this, the more you can assert yourself and your important, the more you'll respect yourself, and then more other people will respect you. Because you're choosing to take a stand. And you're okay with upsetting people because you're doing what's right for you. And I'm horrible at this. It's been back. I am like I am I am asserting myself. I'm pretty new to it, but I am working on putting myself first even when it upsets people, even when a disappoints people. And I have to say, I feel incredibly empowered, I really respect myself. So hopefully, you'll try this practice where you in a situation where you feel worried about disappointing or upsetting someone, you think about what's best for you. When you do that, you step into what's best for you and you put yourself first. If you're used to putting yourself blast, you already know what's going to happen. If you don't, you know that you're going to please the other person and you'll feel you'll take on the disappointment or the compromise or whatever. But ask yourself, if you're uncertain railroad would happen if you put yourself first, how adventurous is that to try something where there's uncertainty. And think about not feeling guilty about that. Don't feel guilty. Like learn to not care because you are your first priority. This is a really, really, really, really, really hard uncomfortable practice. But when you start to do it and when you start to become more comfortable, It's pretty adventurous. And it helps you realize who are the people that are there because you do things for them versus the people that are there for you. That's important. It really is. You went the good people in your life, the people who are there because you are you not because of what you do for them. 4. Bonus: Capture Your Amazingness!: Hi and welcome to this video on seeing an honoring your amazingness. I wanted to just do a quick tutorial and one of possibility on how to document that and you have a memento to keep for yourself. Maybe when times get rough ER, you just need a little bit of encouragement. I did this for myself when I was starting a new job that I was really nervous about. I wasn't sure if I had what it took. I did this is just an exercise for myself to just kinda document. Yeah. You got this and remind myself, like you got this and it's something that I refer back to whenever things get rough. It's like eight in the morning and i'm I'm haven't had my coffee yet and I have a work meeting in a few minutes. So it's really easy. It's pretty it can be quick, but it just takes a little bit of time to, I think the longest part is really going to be about writing down. You're in documenting all of the things you'd want to include. So I have here this accordion book that I made myself and it says, you got this. And here's the proof. It's a little accordion book we're going to make together. So I wrote down all of the bullet points of things that I thought made me amazing. And I decorate it down. I use really good card stock. We're just going to use regular computer paper. While you, I would recommend that you use regular computer paper while you're learning it. And then once you've picked up the technique, you can use good card stock if you want to, and you can turn this into your own little projects if you want to and just decorate it. Make it just for you and having special and have it somewhere where you can pull it out whenever you're feeling doubtful or worried about something. So a couple of things you're going to need. One is there's a principle that I created for you. This could be a worksheet that you use or just use a blank sheet of paper. But the first thing you need to do is document. Why are amazing? So over here at this principle, it's really about reasons why you are epic and amazing. So it says, the directions are your amazing whether you realize it or not, we often downplay what we've survived and where we've managed to thrive. But it's time to recognize that and own it. I think a lot of times there's a lot of stigma around like yourself up and now is the time. Let's, let's hype ourselves up. Think about anything that you've survived, achieve, done it, created that you're proud of and that no one can ever take away from you. So this is just a really a workspace for you to put that down. And it can be anything that makes you proud, anything that makes you feel like, hey, I did this for me. One of my first my very first bullet point here is I was the first in my family to go to finish college. I paid for it myself. I worked full time. I graduated with honors. I wrote here, hard work, tenacity, grit, determination got me through. I set a goal, I didn't give up and I worked hard. And this is just a reminder to myself whenever I worry that I can't do it. You KSU can, you sure can. So think about that. This is kinda like an a B your own hype machine, little accordion book that you make for yourself. The second thing you're going to need after you list out all of the reasons why you're amazing and your little Hype Machine there. The second thing you're going to need is a pair of scissors and some computer bigger. Regular 8.5 by 11. I just realized I forgot my scissors, so give me one sec. I've got my scissors. I've got my computer paper, and now we're going to work on the technique to create this. So I got this credit where credit's due. I've learned how to do this through a creative bug course called, I think it's like making scenes. It was a really fun course though. You can check that out if you wanted to learn how to make more of these are other ways. There's a lot of different ways to make these accordion books. You're just gonna take your paper and little bit higher so you can see my workspace. Okay? You've got your paper. And what they talk about in the course is that there's a creative bugs eating course is that there's two ways to fold the paper. One is the long way and they call it the hot dog fold. And the other way, if on the other other way, they call it the hamburger folds, but not hot dog fold. So what I do is I start by doing the hot dog fold. I just take the long edge and I fold it into the middle so that you've got a vertical crease running down the length of paper. And then you're going to take that. And you're going to then do a hamburger. You'll open it back up. Hamburger pulled in from here. You're going to take the edge. You've got like a middle. So if you do open it up, you've got like a tenth here. I'm just going to sit back down. I'm going to take your bottom edge. I'm going to fold it up towards the middle. On one side. Then I'm going to flip it over. Do the same thing on the other side. Now you've got this kind of accordion piece of paper with a crease down the middle. Okay, So from here, what I'm going to do, I'm going to open this up and let it sit like this. Then I'm going to take my scissors. And I'm just going to cut three of the four panels along this vertical hot dog line, like so. And you know, feel free to do this a couple of times until you get it. You make any wrong cuts. So you just do three of the four panels. So then it's like this. My Catalog 3123, and then this panel is still connected. Then what I do from here, you just fold along the crease panel that's not cut. Then you fold it into your accordion book. You've got here your little template that you can work off of. This first part here will be your front cover. Then you can start working on your reasons that you list out. Then you can have a back cover. And so that's how you make the accordion, but you can use regular computer paper. Feel free to stop, pause and follow along, replay those steps, and hit me up. If you have any problems or questions, have a wonderful day and I can't wait to see what you've put together. 5. Enjoy Thyself: Hello friends. I'm so happy you're here. This is the enjoying yourself section of the class. This is my favorite, favorite of all the sections. In the journey of people pleasing and learning how to put yourself first. I think learning how to enjoy yourself. Enjoying your own time is one of the best and most amazing things I've done for myself and a very long time. And I'm really excited to share it out with you. So before we get started on the content, I just wanted to remind you that there is a Resources doc to accompany this content with book ideas, any sort of other resources that I have that have supported me in my journey, as well as worksheets and principles. So feel free and I would highly encourage you to check out the resources, PDF and see what interests you. And as always, we're all different people, different personalities at a different point in our journey. So hopefully you can connect to one of these practices. And even if you don't, hopefully, this gives you ideas and possibilities around another way that you can do something that works for you. So let's get started. Sharing my screen. All right, section on enjoying yourself, which is the best section. So you've gotten interested in yourself. You've worked on accepting and loving yourself. This section is all about enjoying yourself because that is such a wonderful part of life. News flash. Putting yourself first can be joyful if you let it. I know that there is so much discomfort and putting yourself first, there's so much discomfort and all of the other practices that I presented previously. But they can also be fun, right? There can be fun and pleasure in this area too. If you let it. So here's what helps me. Sorry, I just shook the table. Okay. Number one, practice pleasurable solitude. At some points in my journey. When all this started, I just felt this urge to be alone. My kids are a little bit older now. They're not like their survival does not depend on me at every moment of the day. So I have some more time to myself and I don't know, I just felt called to spend more time alone because I'm like, Man, I don't even know who I am. I want to be alone. I want to spend some time connecting the knee because I don't even I don't even know myself. I started working on having more alone time, but I didn't just want alone time where I'm like sitting on Instagram. I wanted alone time where I'm like actually doing things that bring me pleasure, things that I enjoy, things that are new to me taking myself on dates. So really, this practice is all about making time with yourself. Special. You don't have to spend money. It can even be just like a nice slow, ritualistic shower or something. You just make it special for you if that means like a slow shower or you gently touched yourself and massage yourself and just let yourself feel the water on your skin. You can make just about anything pleasurable. Making yourself a sandwich and just enjoying it. Leslie. If you let something be slow and delicious, make just about anything pleasurable. So think about what it is. If you were to spend time with yourself. What are the things that would make that time special? You know, and, and try and don't even limit yourself. Think of like the most decadent, luxurious, indulgent things that you can and you can do with yourself and for yourself. That's what this is all about. Let's dream up some pleasure, some deliciousness, fun, right? I mean, man, We're here to have fun. So some ideas, right? Sign up for a new class. I took a dancing class. I signed up for women's empowerment group, which I love. It's in the Resources doc more information. It's been such a huge pleasure practice for me. Take yourself to a new restaurant, try a new cuisine. Ordering. If you want to do, if you wanna do like Netflix and chill, make it as pleasurable. Special is you can order up some special dinner by the good wine and put on the most guilt inducing Netflix reality shows. You can find take a luxurious bubble bath, investments and really nice soaps. Planet Trip to the spy, try a new hobby. I learned how to make crystal water. I don't know why I was interested in it and I'm kinda wacky, so I did it. It was fun. Why not watch a movie that you've always wanted to watch? This is really all about spending time with you, having fun and making it as pleasurable as you possibly can so that you can really feel taken care of, right? You taking care of you. Deanna day. That's really what it's about. I still pleasurable, Ron. I probably did, did an eye anyway. Make it pleasurable. Number to cultivate your inner goddess. I got this from that women's empowerment group called beta status. Sacred is sexuality by Leila Martin. The very first month I joined was all about the theme of Goddess and I love that idea. So I'm crediting Layla. This is where I got it from about you declaring herself a goddess. Have fine. It's picking some really strong female empowerment figures. Find goddesses, find heroes, find anyone that just really makes you feel empowered to eat the things that you've always wanted to be, people that you admire. I love polygraph because my husband got me into watching peaky blinders. She's so strong and she's such a bad ***. I picked her as my goddess, that mud. And Gwen Stefani, I love her style and she looks ****, she looks so good for her age. My age like her, she's like My Goddess. And think about what it is. Those qualities that you admire and those people are goddesses. I have a carnival that I made for you on just researching and brainstorming some ideas for your goddesses. So feel free to start. That is really fun. It's fun to go out there and do some research and learn about some really strong women and goddesses, different cultures. So I hope you have a lot of fun because the whole point is to have fun. Practice number three is ditching expectations to let right now, the inner part of the fun of enjoying yourself, putting herself first enjoying life is to ditch those expectations because expectations kill our ability to enjoy the moment and enjoy ourselves. If you are, is type a as I have been known to v, then you know how your expectations can instantly disappointed and kill any hope of having a good time if you're disappointed. So think about this. Where, where do you often feel disappointed in life? Where are you expecting things? And why? What if you started a practice where you learned to drop expectations, where you learned to just let them be what it is and let it be enough. I'm just here to plant the seed of learning how to expect nothing and accepting things just as they are. A lot of our suffering in life is because we fight reality. And that's been a really hard lesson for me to learn because I love to be in control. But the more I've learned to just accept reality the way it is and not fight with it and learn to just let it go. The more pleasurable life has become for me because they're just things I can't change their things I can't control. I work hard to control. I can and I accept the things that I can't. So if you're a person that's disappointed a lot. If you have a lot of expectations, I think one of the ways to enjoy yourself more, enjoy your time more, I enjoy our life more is to just learn how to ditch those expectations. And I don't know if I have any resources on this. I think I do. I do. I do I have some articles that I like about surrendering. I think that a lot of this has been about me learning to trust myself. I have expectations because I need to feel in control because they didn't trust myself for a long time. But as I've built trust in myself and my ability to move through the world no matter what happens, I've learned to let go. I've learned to trust myself and know that whatever happens, I can handle it. Can I just didn't have that trust in myself and that confidence in myself before. And that's really what this is about. So I hope that you identify, are excited by one of those ideas, one of those practices, and that you step into one of them and just enjoy your life, enjoy your time, enjoying yourself and putting yourself first. And as always, feel free to share how it went with me. I'd love to hear it and thank you. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. 6. Bonus: Resistance: Hello friends, and welcome to the bonus section on resistance. But, but, but, but, right, whenever you're doing something that's important and hard and uncomfortable, resistance is always going to show up. You're going to feel resistance are going to feel as comfortable, you're going to want to stop. And I made this bonus video to tell you that it's okay. Like it's very normal. It's fine to stop. It's fine to feel uncomfortable and pick it back up whenever you're ready. I do have two particular scenarios. I believe it's two. I made a deck, so I just wanted to talk through some couple of points of resistance and you may be feeling and some ideas that I have to maybe help you do that. As always, feel free to hit me up. I have my email and my Instagram handle and the resources stock. I believe I made a resources document for this section too. So check that out. All right. Let's get going. So this last section, this bonus section on resistance. But, but, but, but, but I'm really good at resisting to donate to feel bad. Okay. I can't put myself first because number one, I'm too busy. Oh, I'm so good at this line. I'm too busy to do this. Do you know how long I've been working on this course? I've been working on this course for so many months. They've been too busy. I keep starting and stopping. And finally I was like, You know what, no, I have to do this. I have to push through and get this course recorded, get all the content dying. Because it's important, it's important for me to share my knowledge, to help you, to help my fellow people pleaser. This is so, so, so, so common, I'm too busy. Something that helps me. I went through some coaching for fitness. One of the bigger Rudy and I was too busy. I was too busy. She was had some really demanding workouts and I told her I'm too busy, I can't do all these workouts. And she said, No, you're not. Organization is the key. She told me this. My coach and I realized organization is the key. So I created a template for planning out my week. Then I'm going to share with you in the resources section. I want to say I made a Google Doc to help you customize your own. But organization is key. Every Sunday, I plan out my week when I'm having a busy week and I'm taking on more than I think I can. I plan it out on Sundays so that I don't have to think about it. I just do exactly what it is that I've put on the schedule. And I don't have to worry and I don't have to fight it. I just do it and then I take immense pleasure and crossing it off my list. So I do have in the resources section, a week planning template that I wanted to share with you. It's one that I use to plan out my own weeks. Organization is key. So even if you don't use my template, make your own. Just plan out the week due every Sunday. Take the ten minutes that it takes to do this, and I guarantee you'll start to find that time that you need. Ask for help. I talked to my husband about taking on some stuff that was overwhelming to me, if possible. Think about where you can ask for help. Can you get a sitter or can you ask someone to help you with something? And the hardest one, number three, start saying no. When you're saying yes to something, you're saying no to something else, are there things you can start saying no to so you can start saying yes to yourself. Yes to your own time. Yes. So putting yourself first, where is it in your life that you believe you can start saying no? You can start getting some of your time and sanity back. Those are my those are my keys. Those are how I've learned to make the time for myself. Number two, I have small kids. I remember this phase. I really do This one's a hard one. You have small kids, your day does not belong to you. You have way less freedom than everyone else I remember. So what I would recommend here is to start creating rituals with the time that you do get. When I had little kids, I made coffee rituals, so I made my time in the morning really important. I would get up earlier than everyone else to this tab anytime I would take the slowest amount of time to get my coffee going and I turned it into a ritual. In the Resources doc, I have just some more information. Rituals and how you can make that special. But the key is just to make it special ON showers, right? Make them luxurious, slow that down. Sudden tensions for what you wanna do. That can feel recharging during a nap. A lot of times I burned myself, but just like being on Instagram and then I feel like really tired when they woke up and I didn't get anything done. Start small like do like a 5050 split or an 8020 split. And start to think about what it is you could do during that time that will make it feel quality, that would make you feel recharged. Whether that's working on a project, doing nothing, taking a nap, having a more slow, luxurious time to eat, whatever it is it feels recharging to you. Think about working that into nap time. I then start small. Do you know what's one thing you can do to put yourself first today, during the day, whether that's, you know, I don't know. There's a lot of things but brainstorm it. My husband's hair, so I'm just going to okay. So I totally understand this part. When you have small kids and you have no time. So as always, this is a hard season, it will pass, but there are still ways to make time for yourself and put yourself first. I hopefully these are some ideas to get you started. If you wanted to talk through anything, DM me on Instagram or shoot me an e-mail or post a discussion in this course, I'm happy to brainstorm with you.