The God Pill: Unlocking Pure Attraction, Confidence, and Happiness in Introverts | Anthony Recenello | Skillshare
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The God Pill: Unlocking Pure Attraction, Confidence, and Happiness in Introverts

teacher avatar Anthony Recenello, Social Skills + Relationship Coach

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

    • 1.

      The God Pill

      2:00

    • 2.

      Living Like An Introvert

      14:03

    • 3.

      The Holy Trinity

      6:22

    • 4.

      Presence - Part 1

      18:54

    • 5.

      Presence - Part 2

      15:49

    • 6.

      Presence - Part 3

      20:41

    • 7.

      Presence - Part 4

      14:22

    • 8.

      Purpose - Part 1

      12:22

    • 9.

      Purpose - Part 2

      14:35

    • 10.

      Body Affects Mind Affects Body

      23:03

    • 11.

      Living Godpilled

      8:51

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About This Class

Seen on The New York Times, CNN, FOX, VICE, and more–Social Skills and Relationship coach Anthony Recenello’s brash approach to life transforms the ever-present media narrative that you must be extroverted and dominating to achieve success and fulfillment in relationships. Characterized as “the balanced introvert,” Recenello seeks to revitalize the seemingly lost art of soft spoken charm.

Pairing more than fifteen years of relationship coaching with uninhibited straightforwardness, The God Pill: Unlocking True Confidence, and Happiness in Introverts, optimistically emphasizes that relationships are no longer about the size of your bank account, or your social status. While passionately holding your hand through the process of learning subconscious techniques to create connection. “My goal is to make you the most charming and fulfilled introvert you could ever be—without needing to match up to what it seems like society expects of you,” simply states Recenello.

From mentionings of singer Bjork to uncomfortably personal anecdotes, Recenello wittily pilots you through various mental exercises intended to completely revolutionize your life by reconstructing your mindset of not only yourself but of the world. Answering questions, “How can you create [...] chemistry with someone while saying little and remaining perfectly calm? How can you get out of the pattern of overthinking and use your introversion effectively?” with a non-traditional ethos focused on exploring our Presence and finding Purpose.

Opposed to the typical “fake it till you make it,” Recenello refreshingly offers finding satisfaction in becoming comfortable with who you are. With over 35 million views on Youtube, he has proved his unconventional philosophy on human connection might be the only real dating advice out there.

By taking “The God Pill” you will break away from the mainstream “alpha male” centered advice to attain a standout perspective on utilizing inner satisfaction to ooze confidence, draw others towards you, and form meaningful relationships.

Meet Your Teacher

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Anthony Recenello

Social Skills + Relationship Coach

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Level: Beginner

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Transcripts

1. The God Pill: When I wrote the god pill, I had one goal to give introverts like myself the formula to attractiveness, confidence and happiness that works for us. I've been a social and relationship coach for over 15 years and a lot of that time was spent breaking down how to reach that clean state. I'm just feeling great inside yourself at all times throughout my twenties, I hated how my extroverted friends could just float through social situations and feel in the moment out all times while my mood was up one day and down the next, and I was either having fun with my friends or I was in my head over analyzing every little thing going on, retreating away from the world. Sometimes my mood would shift in a moment and people would ask me if I was okay, how can I tell them that I was fine, but I just really went inside myself and I don't know how to get out. So I became obsessed with figuring out how to end those ups and downs. And I was sick of the extroverted world telling me to just be myself and Just be confident. So I worked to put together the most foundational effective solution I could. This two-and-a-half-hour long video book will walk you through the only three principles for attraction, confidence, and happiness. You'll ever need broken down into detail. If you ever find yourself fall off track, simply refer to the three tenants of the god pill, presence, purpose, and health. I wrote the book, The God PEL as the roadmap for how to live life well and be ready to start the relationships with the people you really want. Never again, will you struggle with social anxiety and feelings of low value once you're following this simple, healthy method I laid out in my book, you'll be able to start their relationships with the people you really want. All while being the person you truly are. I cannot wait for you to take the god pill, and I'll see you on the other side. 2. Living Like An Introvert: The God pill, unlocking true attraction, confidence, and happiness in introverts by Anthony rest and L0, introduction, the artist sees what others only catch a glimpse of Leonardo da Vinci. We've all seen great examples of extroverts, happy, confident, attractive extroverts. In fact, I think there's such a dearth of famous introverts who are happy, confident, and attractive that all of us introverts were raised with only the extroverted examples. At least for me, I was taught to believe that the way to be all those things, confident, happy, and attractive, is to take on these extroverted traits. As a kid, It just seemed like only extroverts lived like that. And I felt inadequate. My brain doesn't work like an extroverts brain. The way they converse, the way they process information, it's just different. I just could never really pin down what that was nowadays. I understand who I am. I understand that I'm an introvert. And that doesn't mean I don't like meeting people or that I'm quiet and shy, or that I'm bad at sports. Actually, never mind. Likely you've experienced this disconnect in your lifetime. Maybe right now where you feel like you're different from everyone else. Maybe others don't like talking about the same things as you. And even if they do, they want to discuss it in a different way. All my life, I kept trying to mold my personality to the way an extrovert things speaks, acts and lives and what happened. Instead of becoming more confident, I just ended up shutting down the sides of myself that made me special. It wasn't until I became an adult that I started to value who I was instead of masking it. Now my relationships, my self-esteem, and my general happiness are at an all time high, uncomfortable reacting in conversation the way an introvert is supposed to. I no longer dumbed down myself just to cater to someone who might not understand the way I want to speak. Now, I say that the things that I want to say from the exact perspective I have, and weirdly, that actually makes me more attractive to others instead of just confusing or propitiate them. So that's why we're here. My job since 2006 has been to help introverts understand and value who they are, learned to be happy, confident, and in turn more attractive. So you can not only live a more self-actualized life, but also let that help use to start relationships effortlessly and with the people you really want. My work with introverts has been featured in The New York Times, on CNN, Fox, vice USA picks, and with millions of viewers on social media. Because all of the advice focused on relationships, dating, confidence, and happiness is made for extroverts. There are new resources I've seen specifically catering to the introverted personality that actually work. This is why I spent six years between 282013, discovering the god pill. I want it to act as the foundation for how to live your life as an introvert. It's called The God pill because this new understanding and lifestyle and locks and enlightened side of yourself providing you with unwavering confidence, happiness, and attractiveness that you already possess, hiding inside, waiting to be released when you enter God Mode, limiting intranet philosophies, Red pill, blue pill or black pill will no longer apply to you. And in the people you interact with, the anger and pain you feel towards others in relationships floats away no longer will there be a game of comparisons? Who has the higher value? What's my SMV? Google that you can rest your mind now knowing that those concepts won't apply to you will be going deep into how to confidently interact with people without needing to be energetic or loud. How can you create instant intense chemistry with someone while saying little and remaining perfectly calm? How can you get out of the pattern of overthinking and use your introversion effectively. First, let's define what I mean when I say extrovert, an introvert to make it simple, extroverts feel most comfortable when they are out side of themselves. Introverts feel most comfortable when they are inside of themselves. Extroverts enjoy spending less time pondering ideas, insights, and concepts. They spend more time engaging with the world around them. Introverts are the opposite. They enjoy spending more time pondering ideas, insights and concepts, and spend less time engaging with the world around them. People tend to get confused here though, thinking that if they are an introvert, it means that they don't like socializing, being in nature or playing sports. We all enjoy doing everything sometimes. But what makes you one or the other is based on what you're most inclined to do. Extroverts tend to act before they think they tend to get less deep regarding topics. They prefer more friends but with a superficial connection to them. And notice that they tend to enjoy discussing people, places, things, and experiences. While introverts tend to enjoy talking about ideas, insights, and concepts. Carl Jung, the psychologist who came up with this concept of introvert. Extrovert believed a balance between introversion and extroversion best serve the goal of self-realization. This is where the purpose of this book comes into play. No, I'm not going to teach you how to be a confident, happy, attractive introvert by becoming more like an extrovert. Extroverts live their lives differently than we do. I want to teach you how to become a better introvert by creating balance, you'll be harnessing the benefits of being an extrovert and your own introverted way. This is where the magic lies. Extroverts and introverts both need balance. Many extroverts would benefit from stepping back and examining their relationships more deeply. They benefit creatively by looking at their ideas from different perspectives. They'd benefit from their decisions by further analyzing the elements of an issue, but they need to do it from the headspace. An extrovert, they'll never fully feel like what an introvert feels like and vice versa. Most introverts would benefit from stepping out of their mind palace and engaging with the world around them. They'd become more ambitious and action-oriented if they understood an underlying reason to do so, they'd become less lethargic and sedentary with more physical activity in a more balanced diet. And that the art that you make, the code that you write, the theories you hypothesize will all be battered by this balance, your inner thoughts will become more positive. Your self-esteem will grow the way you look and feel will improve, and your relationships will reach even deeper levels than you've known before. A healthy, balanced introvert is one who is at peace with themselves and the world around them at all times. They're using their ideas, insights, and analysis to better the world. And they're doing so with spirit and passion. The way they socialize has intimacy, openness, and intention. Relationships that otherwise would have stopped before they really began now are being carried out full term back to the beginning. We know all these great, well-balanced extroverts. Now I want you to take a second and explore an example of a well-balanced introvert. Perhaps there's someone you know in your life or someone famous, perhaps a movie character who's inspired you. Some of my many introverted inspirations are Cain, the Shaolin monk from the TV show Kung fu filmmakers Paul Thomas Anderson and Wes Anderson, actor Kristen Stewart, and the musician Bjork, when you could become a well-balanced introvert, one who can make anyone in the room feels strongly connected to you with just a few words, injecting, positivity, laughter, comfort, and love into the interaction. You could start relationships with the people you actually want in your life. After learning the skills I'm about to teach you, people will gravitate towards you just because of the way you make them feel. My approach and validates superficial relationship rules like needing your appearance to match up to society's standards. How much money you have, how popular you are, or whatever social norms people are connected to. My goal is to make you the most charming and fulfilled introvert you could ever be without needing to match up to what it seems like society expects from you. The first step to this is about adopting a very certain way of life. A way of life that I've noticed all well-balanced, attractive introverts possess this particular kind of person, whether they realize it or not, lives by a certain set of values. Everyone's happy to see them because they know they're going to single-handedly be the one who changes their day. With these individuals, people are falling over them and everyone wants to be them. These charming introverts are the ones whom I've studied over the years. I'm going to completely cover exactly how to adopt this lifestyle for yourself in just a minute. But right now I want to tell you how I came to learn about it myself. Let's take a trip back into the late 90s. I think the reason that I now can date who I want is because I was never under the impression that superficial assets had anything to do with it. In my high-school, the strongest currency, it was coolness. It didn't matter so much how you looked or what you had. All that mattered was if you had the right personality, if you did, you could skyrocket to the top of the social hierarchy and basically date whoever you wanted. I reach my 30s and I start hearing people mentioned how important it is to match this laundry list of requirements in order to be eligible for the attractive individuals of New York City. It was all new to me. Meanwhile, I still thought that all you needed to be was cool. What's funnier is I see introverts mentioning their requirements for potential partners even louder than others cry about it. People have decided that they cannot possibly be attracted to someone until everything on their list is checked. I understand that. I think it's good to be picky. I'm super picky, but that doesn't stop me from instantly being able to dismantle people's list of cliched qualifications when they meet me. I'm a purist. If I'm excited about something, I don't want to learn the tactics. I wanna get to the absolute core of what that thing is and take it apart piece by piece. Otherwise, I don't fully understand it and I get disoriented and anxious when it came to being a balanced introvert, I took the same approach. I asked myself, why is it that I noticed some people are in relationships with a beautiful Amazing partner, yet don't have the conventional qualifications that other good-looking successful people seem to have. If I'm finding many people that seem to be dating way above their attractiveness level, then these traditional qualifications are probably not essential conditions. If that's truly the case, then what are the true absolute core requisites? Not just to be charming as an introvert, but to be attractive in the eyes of people who I find attractive, could I actually cut away all of the fatty misconceptions and find those few principles. And so I went, I feel a certain kinship with Jerry Seinfeld throughout his career. He's been the odd person out in regards to the art of comedy. All other comics like to say that comedy is unexplainable. You either have the natural talent or you don't. You could find Jerry constantly trying to pull the art of comedy apart. He's fascinated with the fact that one little head turn can entirely affect the response to a joke. He loves getting into the nitty-gritty in places where others don't care about getting into any nitty or any gritty. The same with me. It's fascinating to me that one little head-turn could change the entire tone of an interaction. I could have the same word for word chat with an attractive individual that Joe Schmo just had. Except my rhythm, tonality, and body language can make my conversation be the one that sticks in their mind for the rest of their day. Amazing. I know how nerdy all of this is and I still can't ******* help it. I have to keep exploring the different possibilities of social skills and keep concentrating it into a continually more powerful and simple methodology. That's how I came to construct the book you're reading or listening to right now, these following teachings are instrumental to the absolute foundation of my life's success with people, business friends, confidence, happiness, and the end of just about all of my fears, anxiety, depression, and the quest to be magnetically charming to anyone wherever I go. I don't want you to move any further with anything else I teach until this has been well digested into who you are. You're not here to learn how to seem as rich and powerful as possible to anyone you come across, nor do I want you acting like an extrovert. This isn't the way of the well-balanced introvert. I want you to be exactly who you are meant to be. I want you excelling in whatever you want to excel in. I want people to be mentioning your name within their circles. I want them getting excited before going on dates with you and feeling amazing when they finally get to meet you. I want them talking with each other about how you just might be the one despite the fact that you've only just hit a few of their requirements on their relationship list. How is it that I'm falling in love so fast, they'll say, you'll know exactly why. That's the beginning of what you're about to learn today. The beginning of introverted charm, the absolute fundamentals for what I found makes all of our balanced introverts tick if you're interested in meeting great people, these are the most important skills to master. Begin here and don't stop practicing until it's all automatic. Until this philosophy is part of you, live by these ideals and watch how you effect others and how others react to you the same way they'd react to meeting your introverted role models. This is the ironclad methodology, consciously or unconsciously practiced by all charming introverts. Welcome to the god pill. 3. The Holy Trinity: The Holy Trinity. Man who knows how to live, has no place for death to enter. Master PO, Kung fu, when you think of someone who is attractive to people, what do you see? Do you see someone who's rich, good-looking, and popular? Good? You got the right answer. That's what everyone else sees two. But why do you and everyone else believe these are the qualities people look for in a partner. Because the funny thing is, if you show me someone with all those qualities, I'll show you a person who is still struggling with relationships and happiness. In fact, many of the people I've helped since 2005 can be considered the most successful people in the world. All came to me unhappy and unable to meet the right people. They come to me having worked so hard to match the world's expectations and then feel frustrated when the world doesn't give back. The funny thing about big groups of people though, is we tend to look at the surface of things. We'd like to make judgments based on the result of something rather than its impetus. It's quick and easy to do. We don't have to do much figuring out to make a judgment call about something. You see an angry toad and you think that toads a bad person. Angry means bad. Yeah. Very rarely is a toad just plain bad. It hardly happens. Most toads are not bad. Just like an individual with lots of money doesn't necessarily mean they could provide for themselves or others, or that they're feeling good about life or even attractive to anyone. Now remember, these are merely the possible results of what someone will find attractive about you. I've spent literally ten years figuring out what the source is. That was all in my 20s, I whittled down philosophies to the barest form. I hate complicated theory. One because I'm dumb as nails and get confused easily too, because I think the basis of everything can be simple technologies, one or 0 matters. Protons, neutrons, and electrons in the way of life is three simple things. The way of life. A way of life. The way of life. What is that? The way of life to me is everything. It's what makes me attractive, content, happy, and atom bomb confident at all times, I'm perfect when I embody the way of life. Everything is how I want it. I get everything. I want. I'm sick, less, tired, less I'm never depressed, I'm never bored. I'm always where I need to be. I started looking to figure out how to end my mood swings and ended up with what I believe to be the perfect state of all things. I was frustrated in my early twenties with how rhythmic my mood would be. One week I would be on top of the world. I would walk into a room and feel so confident and happy within a day, my entire mood would swing like an old man's malls on a morning power. I was suddenly lethargic and toting a low self-esteem. I couldn't control it. I was a victim of my mood. You could probably relate to how bad it feels to be on top of the world all day and then get to a party and feel like ****. Or to be a complete charmer for an entire two weeks and then crash emotionally for two more. This to someone who was obsessed with controlling his faculties would not do. So I began to work. I wanted to figure it out as I kept exploring this area of my life, I learned that not only did my mood improve and become more consistent, but that I was stumbling over the basis of life. To jump to the conclusion, I'd found there three unerring, complete qualities that answered everything. For every other necessary component always fits into one of these three. This is the way of life that makes everything possible, presence, corpus, and health. That's it. Like a spiritual master, you can be abundantly fulfilled and in turn, beautifully expressive and magnetic by acknowledging the connection you have to everything around you. This is presence. Like an artist, you can be unwaveringly propelled by a sense of meaning to provide for yourself and the world. This is purpose. And just like any living thing, both must be kept alive with an adequate balance of energy each day. This is health, regardless of gender or sexuality. When you have mastered all three, you're living life and emanating these qualities at every moment, others will notice this from a mile away, your oozing with life's calling your incomplete harmony with the rest of the world. You might find that extroverts tend to look for actions to improve themselves while introverts enjoy mindsets and philosophies, extroverts primarily care about what to say and do. Of course, we all need both. But for me, before I add anything to myself, I want to strip things down. I want to get you shifting your perspective on the way you might have thought humans work. Removing unhealthy mindsets that may have been guiding your worldview as well as the people you've been relating to and spending time with. I have other programs with social strategy techniques, et cetera. But nothing will help until your core that inside of you is properly balanced. Once the foundation is set, only then do any social techniques truly matter when you adopt these three tenants into your life? Most normal assumptions about dating and relationships no longer apply. You'll find that after you follow this methodology, you'll stop being considered so strongly for your looks, money, and status because you'll be interacting with people in a completely different dynamic by seeing each other through a different lens. You'll also spend less time focused on thinking about your looks, money, and status. But when I mentioned looks, I mean in terms of how you and others compare to society's standards, it's important to be physically attracted to potential partners, as well as them being physically attracted to you. I'll explain more later, but for now, let's get you into the first tenant of being a well balanced, attractive, introvert. 4. Presence - Part 1: Presence. If I create from the heart, nearly everything works. If from the head, almost nothing. Marc Chagall. The beautiful chemistry of the mind, we could just keep exploring further and further into its debts. It keeps creating and keeps retaining. It holds our fears and our excitement. It holds our love and our hate. The unbalanced introvert has unhealthy beliefs. One, they believe they live inside their mind too. They believe they're a victim to their mind, to the unbalanced introvert, The mind is a place in which to live and get lost and wherever they end up is where they must stay. A balanced introvert understands that their mind is merely a place of work. For most of my life, I was under the assumption that I am my mind in the famous quote by Descartes, I think therefore I am. He proposes that our thoughts are who we are. The issue with this is that I do not need to think in order to be aware of myself. This is the first facet to becoming a happy, confident, attractive, introvert on which we will focus today. We now know that there are two kinds of introverts. The first kind is deceived into believing that they must live in and lay victim to their mind. The other kind of introverts sees their mind is merely a place of work. I want you to see your mind as a studio or an office. I'm a musician, so it's easiest to look at my mind as a recording studio. When I want to compose and record and edit a song, I unlock the door to the recording studio, step inside and work for however long I wish. When I'm done, I leave everything where it is, walkout, shut the door behind me, and lock the studio up. Another issue as an introvert is the feeling that leaving the studio of the mind is an empty, lonely place when getting locked in the studio for so long, we lose perspective on what it's like on the outside, the mind begins to propose ideas that on the outside of the mind is where you'll be vulnerable, lonely, and generally board, I compare this to someone who has spent too much time reading Red Pill theory on the Internet. Most of these people do not have positive relationships in their lives. Furthermore, they also don't spend much time with people at all. They're interacting with other lonely red pill individuals on the Internet and perpetuate their unhealthy philosophy. This brings them further and further away from reality, which further solidifies their own ********. Now when that first introvert attempts to socialize, he does so within the confines of his mind. Remember that the mind is largely meant as a place to work. It's a place to solve problems. It's only when you recognize that you're not your mind or even locked inside the confines of your mind, is when you're able to use it most powerfully. It's only then when you use it with true focus previously to be inside your mind, meant to be in your natural default state. Now, in becoming a well-balanced introvert, you know that to be outside of your mind is to be in your natural state and to be outside of your mind should be your default. State. Socializing is best when outside of your mind experiencing life is best when outside of your mind went inside your mind, you're convinced that problem-solving needs to be happening. This is the funny irony of the mind to attempt to solve a problem when there is no problem. Therein lies the problem. In other words, your mind is trying to fix the fact that it's using the mind to solve something that is no problem. This continues, worsens, continues, worsens and does not end. This is what I call a mental feedback loop. What begins to happen in this state as you begin to feel frustration and eventually pain. If it happens for too long, you may even slip into about of depression. This is similar to when a bug and software code causes a crash within the mind, you may begin to explore rationale for your inability to socialize properly. You'll explore the idea that relationships are built upon levels of differing value in people based on this concept, your problem-solving mind may come to the rational conclusion that you're merely a low value human being. And this in conclusion can be why you're not building relationships with the people in whom you hold interests. Now this is all mind chatter. It's an error, a malfunction of the human system, a crash only when you leave behind these unhealthy values is when you can begin to transcend them. In other words, the primary reason you are a victim to unhealthy values like red pill philosophy is because you accept them as truth. Now, wherever you go, you're carrying around these rules you've adopted into your lifestyle. You're demonstrating them to the people in your life and in turn, they're following your lead by also judging you based on these silly rules. But when you throw those unhealthy values out, you could live your life no longer subjected to such harmful philosophy. It's why I'm a chubby, 5838 year old man who's not rich and can easily foster real relationships with people who I also find happy. Confident and attractive, I could do so in spite of red pill rules because I don't focus on them. So I want to repeat your default. Natural state should always be outside of your mind. But you may ask, what does it mean to be outside of your mind? If I'm not inside my mind, and where am I? Smart? A logical next step. The answer is, here. With me, right here. Right now. It cannot be much simpler than that. A normal person living inside the mind tries to figure out what that means. If you ask a three-year-old child, what is life? He'd say right here. If you ask a three-year-old dog, What is life, he would say right here. If you ask the mind, What is life? It would respond. Hold on. Let me think. There's no other answer to the question of life besides hear a three-year-old child walks into a room and all around them as the entire world, they'll get up and walk to the kitchen and all around them as the entire universe, There's nowhere else. And there need not be to that child. That is the absolute best moment of their life because that's the only moment in their life. The moment before that was also the best moment of their life because that's all there was. The moment after that. We'll also be the best moment of their life because that's all there will be. Inside the mind. The kitchen is figured to be a small enclosed area with limited use and meaning. The mind is already trying to find problems about where it is, because the job of the mind is to solve problems. And again, the mind will attempt to solve problems even when there is no problem to be solved. But to the child, the kitchen is the entire world. The kitchen is everywhere. The kitchen is the absolute best place because at the moment, it is the only place. The lines and the width of the table are unending. They could stare at the table for hours marveling at the design of the wood. They can stare at their hand marveling at the thousands of lines and their palm. They could observe the physiology of the slight shivering of their hand. If they're cold, the child will stare at the shapes of the cabinets from the one place their eyes are sitting. They'll shift their eyes perspective by a meter to the left. They'll observe how the entire room has changed in shape. The walk up to the cabinets, the cabinets change shape with each step they take towards them. They put their eyes all the way up to the cabinets. They see things they've never seen before. They're constantly in a world of possible movie sets with camera angles that would make Hitchcock ****. The shapes and sounds and smells and feelings are all rushing towards them at each moment. This is called presence, which brings me to the marvel of being alive. The mind is not able to sufficiently realise the marvel of being alive. It's only perfectly realized in your natural state of presence. As I am present, I automatically feel certain emotions. First, I am humbled by the opportunity to live. The ability to explore and observe my environment with my senses simultaneously is a marvelous phenomenon. I am unbounded Lee, appreciative of the opportunity to live. As I realize I'm endowed with such an unimaginable gift, I am flushed with appreciation and good feelings. My senses are running wild yet I feel an intercom to the whole thing. This is a place of no irrational pain, anxiety, or any negative thoughts simply because I am not thinking in this state, all of the attention previously put onto our thoughts is now happening in our immediate environment. The energy put forth towards the myriad of problems our mind was working to figure out is now completely focused on every little minute detail happening around you within reality, the same way Spiderman has spider sense that can notice things happening that normal humans could never notice. A person who is present is experiencing each and every sound in smirk happening all around him. Your presence grants you a heightened sensitivity to your surrounding environment. So if you're interacting with a person, you are especially savvy to whatever they're feeling at any given time. You're noticing the emotions in-between the emotions you're reacting and perfect accordance to whatever emotions are happening in the person in front of you. Nothing you do is wrong not only because you're perfectly attuned to the environment and all of your energy is being spent aligning with it. But also because you have no concept of what may be wrong. Therefore, you only know what is right. This is the beginning of becoming a balanced introvert. This state is what others find so attractive about you. You're without pain. You are always positive, always in a good mood. You're at peace and happy. You are in alignment with your environment. I want to get a little bit further into what this simple natural default state grants you. People mentioned that confidence is about self-love. They mentioned that good interactions start with finding interest in the other person. They mentioned that happy people are people that enjoy their lives. I agree. So where does this fall into the quality of presence? Let's loop around one more time. When I'm present, I recognize that life is my surrounding environment. In other words, the stuff around me. Consider this. If my life is whatever is around me, then nothing else is my life. If that is so, I must deduce that whatever is around me is the best because there's nothing else and because it is the best thing I recognize and acknowledge it as such, if there's a person in front of me, that person is the most important person in my life because they are the only person in my life at that moment. So I treat them as such, whoever they may be. If I'm sitting in a chair, it's the best chair in my life. This is because it's the only chair that I'm sitting in. So it's the best. You'll find the world's most charming, attractive people live like this. Anyone that interacts with them is considered their best friend at that moment because they're the only person there chatting with bright then these charming people view every situation they're in is the best situation possible because it's the only situation at that moment, happiness is in the quiet ordinary things. A table, a chair, a book with a paper knife stuck between the pages and the petal falling from the rows and the light flickering as we sit. Silent. Virginia Woolf, growing up, I was fortunate to have friends who moved through the world like this. They all seem to have this energy to them that wherever they went, everyone and everything around them seem to just get cooler. A boring draft venue would light up whenever my friends would enter because they were cool. They made anything they were doing also cool and old cheesy graphic t-shirt is turned into the only shirt you should be wearing when my friend Zach would wear it, any party or event, no matter how boring, turns into the exclusive quirky spot to hang out at just because PJ solid as such, the annoying kid suddenly turns funny and interesting just because my buddy Bobby saw him and engage with him in that way. For these guys, anything they touch turns to gold. Their lives are good because they love the things happening in their lives at every moment. This is what makes them so magnetic and attractive. They're constantly living in a world of high-value. This is a perspective in which the mind cannot maneuver. The mind wants you to create problems. The mind wants to judge things. It wants to create levels of value because it creates comparisons. Presence has no comparison because it is all there is. If you didn't catch on, that is self-love. And this is how the state of presence naturally provides you that self-love without any effort, you may be under the assumption that to negatively judge someone around you is to show your attractiveness. You think this because you're able to compare yourself to others. But people merely view that as you having a patent life. If there's something in your life that you judge badly, that must mean that you're living inside a bad life. The most unattractive, low self-esteem, unhappy people are the ones who are constantly judging themselves and everyone around them. She's wearing a cheap dress to this party. What a loser. This guy has taken so long to pay for his groceries at the register. Why is he such a bad person? Doesn't he care about the people behind them? Maybe we need to be somewhere once we're on the judgment train, it gets hard to get off. What about you? The acknowledgment of yourself? Well, with the state of presence, you can go by the same laws as everything else looping back around again, if you're living in your environment and this is the only environment, and you are the only you that you have. In the only moment that you have, then you must be the most important person that you are, and hence, being the most important person, the best person you will find yourself to love yourself if you didn't catch on. That is self-love. And this is how the state of presence naturally provides you that self-love without any effort. You don't need to have qualifications to love yourself. Qualifications happen in the mind and while in the office of the mind, this concept sounds ridiculous. Of course, I need reasons to love myself. How can I just love myself? How can I just love myself in the office of the mind? It's almost impossible to love yourself. It's almost impossible to love your life. It's almost impossible to love the people that enter your life. And with those parameters in place, it is in turn, difficult for others to feel loved back for you. While present, it is impossible not to love yourself, your life, and the people and things that enter it in this way. You're like a garden constantly being revitalized in each moment by all that surrounds you. Because of this, you bloom into a flower, reciprocating the energy you took in, back out to the world. The way you look, smell, feel, sound and taste is an expression of what the world provides for you. And as you grow and express yourself, different flowers and veggies bloom for others to marvel and learn from and grow themselves. Don't think thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious. And anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things, you simply must do things. Ray Bradbury, the problem that will inevitably rise is one of bad habit. It's likely you've been living inside the Office of your mind for most of your life and don't know how to just get the **** out of the room. You'll fix this by practicing a new habit. This is easy. It may seem hard because when it comes to our heads, we don't acknowledge that changing is just like any other change. If you want fingers to float along the piano keys, you have to practice for hours a day. If you want to become a master coder, you practice for hours every day. However, when it comes to thinking, we don't like to put it in the same category as anything else. We just want to read a new theory and then magically be cured. How ridiculous to change the way you live inside this body, you have to actually practice. The only difference is it's a lot easier than mastering piano or programming. In fact, it's effortless, as opposed to something like bodybuilding, which takes a massive effort. Each training session becoming present, takes the opposite of effort. It takes an absolute lack of effort to become present. The reason is because you were born with presence as your natural state. To live within your natural state takes no effort for this shift to occur. I want you to see it as more of a release that person with the globe on their back just dropping it you with a heavy winter coat, just removing it and throwing it on the floor. That's the first step. The second and last step is to swiftly and attentively shift your focus onto all that is around you. Keep it there. Keep it there until it re-enters the office. So the mind, you'll inevitably go back into the office because you're so used to that environment. You automatically go back there just as you automatically hit the blinker at an intersection, you've trained yourself to hit the blinker so many times. It's just second nature, just like thinking is second nature. So then you remove the winter coat again and shift your focus. Your mind moves back to thought. You remove the coat again and shift your focus. You do this over and over a 100 times a day. Do this as often as possible. Don't worry about forcing yourself to stay present for a prolonged amount of time. It'd be putting too much effort into it. Rather simply practiced the act of shifting towards presence frequently for eventually all of those thousands of little moments of presence will melt into one indivisible moment. Painting from nature is not copying the object. It's realizing one's sensations. Paul says on 5. Presence - Part 2: I used to view my world as a TV screen. I couldn't distinguish between a two-dimensional computer and three-dimensional reality. I'd look at my hand and then look at the computer screen. And they were the same. The majority of my day was spent staring at some sort of screen. My brain had made screen staring the default sensory experience. Now think about that merely to look and listen inside this office of mine. Even though I was interacting, I wasn't actually there with a person. I was just watching things happen. My senses became doled. I wasn't feeling the full range of stimulation that I'd been born with, life became more about judging myself and others at all times inside my brain, social situations were more about trying to come off as cool to the rest of the room, rather than merely enjoying myself with these wonderful people. And because I was operating with egoic desires, I was searching for people that fit those egoic desires. I was getting into relationships with people who I deemed qualified based on standards. I didn't even really care about. I was focused on starting relationships with those who I thought would impress my friends and family and anyone else. But the thing is, I never actually cared, liked, or even was attracted to any of the people I was meeting. I was merely operating based on a system I thought would reward me for having these people in my life. Can you guess why I never felt myself in those relationships? Can you guess why conversations were jagged and forced? Can you guess why I never actually had any real friends or relationships during this time in my life. Can you guess why I never felt completely at ease in those relationships? Who is being led by a defective approach? Conversely, a balanced introvert is only meeting the right people. People who you feel so natural and yourself around people who had feels like you've known each other for years after only a few hours, people you're actually attracted to, not because you believe they're generally accepted qualities will impress your friends and family, but because you actually feel unexcited pull towards them for who they are in all aspects, when you focus your attraction on what you actually are turned on by their looks, personality, values, interests, lifestyle. You'll be surprised how different it might be compared to what your mind thinks you find attractive. Finding the right people will begin to seem effortless when you adopt a loving approach to life, you're going to attract others with the same values and disregard anyone who doesn't. So how does this happen to us? How have we left our default state of presence, spending time executing many tasks on our computer and iPhones sped up our rate of sensory perception. This in real life is actually a bad thing. As a result, our brains readjust our process for retaining info at such a fast rate that we only collect the most relevant details. We in effect, mimic computers, stunting our senses and actually making it more difficult to react in social situations when we're in the mode of only processing the relevant, we naturally think to constantly move to the next moment. And as you can guess, this can make for a ****** ******* life. Each day we're taking a god **** bullet train faster and faster through each scene in the beautiful movie of our lives, we've doled reality so much that instead of drinking in each little moment, we want to devour the next moment and the next moment as quickly as possible in hopes that it'll be better than what could possibly be going on right now. Essentially, we're rushing to die. We're depriving ourselves of the full gift of reality. When I finally realized what I was doing to myself, I wanted the old way back badly, which is what brought me to learning the third step in creating this new habit towards presence simply. It's just slow down, slow down like that little Buddha like kid in the kitchen does and make each moment a year instead of a nanosecond. What you'll find is that slowing down heightens the senses. Remember earlier when I told you that I'm teaching you how to harness the strength of extroverts, but doing so in the way of an introvert. I think that introverts and extroverts experienced presence differently because extraverts live life primarily outwardly, reality is most enjoyable to them at a faster rate. In a sense, they enjoy rushing through life. It's exhilarating. They want more and more and more that works for extroverts. But when an introvert tries taking on that approach, we tend to get overwhelmed with it all and our channel for presence gets clogged. We end up shutting it all down and retreating back into our heads. Notice how it introvert can be completely content. Just sitting down for hours on end, painting a still life, or improving code, or putting the right notes together for a song. Or just going on a long slow walk on a trail in the woods. When you apply this approach to anything that you wanna do, you, the introvert can experience that moment fully with no anxiety or negativity. You see, we need to begin slowly and take our time with our senses. And once you're locked into being present, you can then build momentum, staying present and slowly ramping up your rate of perception to a more reasonable level. So let's start focusing on the steps for actually how to enter this default state of presence. Start by limiting the senses to only a few. As an experiment, I want you to right now close your eyes and focus only on the sound of my voice. If you're on the subway or on a commute, this will be perfect. If you're at a gym, perhaps on the elliptical, you can close your eyes. With only using your sense of feeling, notice fully and completely where you are. Notice your feet touching the floor. Notice your skin touching the air. Notice your clothes touching your body. Notice the air flowing into your nose and chest than flowing back out. You can hit pause right now to give yourself a few seconds slowing down your sense of touch. Your body should be tingling right now. You should be feeling it all around right now. Next, with all of that sense of touch still stimulating you, still with your eyes closed. I want you to pause the audio again and focus on slowing down your sense of hearing. You'll be focused on listening to every little sound happening in your environment. Maybe the air conditioning is drowning in the distance. Maybe the cars even further outside. Whatever's there. I want you to focus on it completely and fully. Pause until you're completely stimulated by both your hearing and your sense of feeling. Pause now. Next, with those two senses fully stimulated in your body and your eyes still closed. I want you to focus on the light emanating through your closed eyelids. Notice the strongest area the light is coming from. Keep your hearing and your feelings still heightened. I want that strong and you very, very slowly, I want you to open the bottom of your eyelids to just the slightest little hole, so much so that your eyelashes are obstructing the little bit of light that's flowing in. Do that while all your other senses are simultaneously being stimulated in you. Now, just a teeny bit more. I want you to raise those eyelids so you can only see a bit of what's going on down below. Just notice it. No need to identify what your eyes are noticing. Slowly still, raise your eyelids more. Now, a bit more. Now, open your eyes completely and slowly look at everything around you as though you're seeing it for the first time. Observe it, but don't identify it. Just look. Now. Begin to rotate the strength of your senses from seeing to hearing, to feeling, to seeing, to hearing. And to feeling again. That's right. Shoot your attention to what you see, what you hear. Now, what you feel. Again. Again. Again, I want this cycle to speed up faster now. Okay? Now I want you to fully and completely blend all of those senses that are washing over you into one flowing wave of stimulation you're taking and where you are quite powerfully now, it's a full rush of energy coming from reality. It's not a video game. It's better. It's not a movie. It's much better. You are fully interacting and at one with exactly where you are right now, you can get up and walk around slowly, very slowly sensing the things around. You pick something up, observe it's every detail. That's right. You're looking at it for the first time ever. I want you to feel high with what you're slowly observing right now. Now, this practice is different from something like meditation. Meditation happens as an isolated event. And then when you're done, people just go back into their mind office. Even though meditation is necessary, it's only a small piece of the puzzle. Presence, however, is happening to you at all times. It's happening while you're working and it's happening while you're watching TV. Presence is happening while you're angry, and presence is happening while you're flirting. Presence is walking around euphoric all day long. Presence is based on simply acknowledging your immediate environment, which is all there is. It's acknowledging and respecting your life, which is the highest and most honorable practice a person can take. It's also the easiest and most natural. I don't want you to replace video games, Netflix, binge-watching, binge-eating, alcoholism, or drugs just yet, I want you to continue doing them while practicing your easy three-step habit of presence. These three steps happen within 1 second and you may inevitably revert back to the mind office. Keep practicing jumping back to presence over and over again. What you'll find is that you'll play less video games. You'll get bored by them while present, you'll find that drinking alcohol just won't serve you as much as it used to be a nice glass of vino every now and then, but no need to throw back three or five with your friends. You're realizing that presence is the strongest god **** drug there is on the market, except it's free and healthier than cucumbers. Also, your anxiety around others will drop. You'll be seeing every individual for who they really are before you even start talking to each other. Because presence has a remarkable way of removing all the judgments, positive or negative. That you have for each person you meet, you're no longer adding someone up on your value scale. And so when that crop is all pushed away, the only thing left to see in a person is their pure hearted soul prominently presented to you without any distractions in the past, you may have tried over eating, drinking too much in video games as your ****** replacement for the natural high of presence. But now I give you permission to drop those habits and spend every waking moment practicing presence. Again, this is just about building new habits. It may seem like it's difficult at first, but it's actually easy. Just keep practicing. 1231. Drop your thoughts too. Focus on your surroundings. Three, slow everything down over and over and over until all of the little holes in-between the habit disappear and you're completely present at this moment. And every moment. This is why I can go to a bar completely sober feeling the stimulation of the people around me, the music, the lights, the laughter, and feel like I'm on the most powerful drug there is. I have more fun in a much, much sharper than anyone else in the room. I'm so excited to interact with my environment because I love life so much. I want to talk to the interesting people around me. I want to watch every movement a person makes on their face at every little instant. I want to soak them in completely. There's no judgment onto myself or onto them, only appreciation for the environment that I've been given. The people around me feel I'm completely there with them. Every piece of me, my vulnerability and my strength, they sense none of my old mind chatter preventing us from unreal, vulnerable communication. Not only do they feel a powerful pulled to the presence, but they themselves can become present in the moment. With me, this is an amazing place to be with a person. We're normally, they may be ready to judge you and themselves from within their mind office about how maybe what their friends are thinking or what your hidden motives are. They instead, are now their full, real vulnerable and complete self with me, because the ego cannot stand a chance up to perfect presence when there's nothing there to contest, there's no reason for any defenses to be up. You don't want anything more from them than what they are giving to you at this moment, because that's so rare, they feel so whole and comfortable with you. This is an amazing phenomenon that I want you to experience with every person. You will go home floored with the difference of how people engage with you. This is the foundation of what it looks like to be a charming human, rely on your presence. It's nourishing, an unending. The importance of presence should be understood. This is the most important thing in your life. There is nothing more important. In the garden of presence. You're now sprouting new relationships, life opportunities and passions and interests. You're now living life for the first time and the trade-off, it's so awesome that once you form the habit, you'll never want to dwell in the office for 1 second longer than it ever needs to be. I fell in love, not with anything or anybody in particular, but with everything. George Harrison presence makes you levitate above the ground, walking into a room as a new universe. Each time you meet someone, you're meeting your best friend and they recognize the presence and can't characterize it as anything other than perfectly pure confidence. When you look into their eyes, it feels as though you're looking into the eyes of your only friend and they see no judgment from you on to them or yourself. You're looking at them as they are and offer yourself as you truly are. And this experience is so God **** refreshing for everyone. This is what people try so hard to achieve while in the office. But you're wearing a ******* pocket protector wall in the office. You have ink spilled on your shirt. You haven't breathe fresh air in years. You haven't seen this sunlight and just as long and you expect to contrive confidence in this state, ****, no, you'll come close to what it looks like. You'll manufacture the consequences of confidence. But most savvy people know what the difference looks like. Plus true confidence takes 0 effort, trying to manufacturer it in the office, takes tons of work. But you can never get there from the mind in terms of making yourself a charming, balanced, attractive, introvert. This is the absolute basic first step. Nothing else matters when presences in the room and you have just learned how to do it. 6. Presence - Part 3: I was working with a client on social anxiety and I brought them to the Santa Monica Pier in Los Angeles. He was to frozen stiff to be able to talk to any strangers and simply ask the time. This particular client is a big, introvert, analytical and always in his head. Of course, when you're in that place, you're gonna be trying to avoid rejection with every word and movement you make. I had him stand with me in the middle of the boardwalk as people walked by. I had him close his eyes. And over the course of 45 minutes, I walked him through this presence exercise. Keep in mind, he has likely never felt what it's actually like to be living in the moment before. So I made sure to bring him slowly, slowly, slowly into the present moment with hundreds of people passing by m, which for any introvert can make you feel awkward. When he finally left his office though and started to see his environment without the lens of judgment. He was at a loss for words. He could not believe how good it felt to simply watch people walk by the taken the specifics of every little thing happening around him. He'd spent so many years cutting off his senses only to be value judging and analyzing every single situation that it was like he'd woken up to life for the first time? Yes. At that point, he was actually able just to start talking to strangers passing by. He had literally lost his reason for being scared because his attention had shifted to something else. This particular client was traveling and spent three months in Los Angeles training with me. It was such a good feeling to hear him tell me multiple times that his work with me was the best money he's ever spent in his life. I'd woken them up out of the constant analysis going on in his head. It was almost like a disease. He was suffering from an imbalance in himself and now he knew how to step out of that at anytime. The great part about this is each time you leave the mind office, it becomes easier and easier to do. A fun way to enter presence is to physically look at your environment in an unusual way. Let's go back to the kid in the kitchen. She's a movie director and DP right now I want you to try a little experiment. Wherever you're reading this book, I want you to put it down for a second and kneeled down to the floor, sit down if you like, look at your surroundings from this different perspective. Get up close to things, study them, study the wall from the ground. Now I want you to stand up tall on top of a chair or your couch or bed or even table. Be careful. But look at your surroundings from this perspective. Slowly. Look at the wall again, look at the floor from this angle, you're snapping yourself out of the mindless monotony. You've convinced yourself your life to be, you're realizing how fun it is to play in the moment. If you think this exercise isn't realistic. Well, I just did this today and it reminded me to put it in the book for you. It was fun. I was literally just staring at and feeling my wall. This is where introverts and extroverts differ. I think I could literally stare at a leaf blowing in the wind for ten minutes and love every moment of it. I don't think extroverts care to do that as much. We both love presence, but we enter it differently. Now, keep in mind, we as introverts have wonderful minds, studios to work and play. And I enter my studio whenever I have a creative idea and I want to flesh it out, I'm in my studio when I'm figuring out a problem editing a video or recording a song, when I'm there, I feel excited and inspired. I could feel that way because I have strict entry rules for the studio. No entering for no reason. I can't just dwell in there trying to solve problems that don't exist or are wholly unimportant because then the studio isn't my other happy place. Instead, it's just a place where I stress when I'm working or creating with intention. That's the only time I enter my studio. It's a sacred place. I can't just be throwing empty sugar-free Jell-O containers on the floor like a freaking slob. Clean up your place, close the door, lock it, and enter life. Happiness is everywhere. When we're unhappy, it's because something is covering our minds and we're not able to be aware of happiness when the difficulty is passed, we find happiness again. Happiness is unattached, always the same. It does not appear and disappear. It's not sometimes more, sometimes less. It is our awareness of happiness that goes up and down. Happiness is our real condition. It is reality. It is life. Agnes Martin, when living permanently in the mind office, it'll feel like a waste of time to experience presence because to the mind, a place where problems need to be solved. The present moment has no problems to solve. Mind, the present moment can seem boring so much so that your mind will convince you that entering presence is not worth it. And when you think about practicing presence, you'll likely be turned off. There are so many problems to solve. There's so much stuff to do. Why would I ever want to release my responsibility for all those little things I need to do and need to fix. But it only takes a second to shift into presence. Your mind doesn't care. It's fueled by your attention. The last thing it wants is for you to leave the office. So it'll do everything in its power to keep you from presence. It will use every trick in the book in order to prevent you from shifting. You must know this going into it for the first few times. You're going to have to hear those negative voices and then go practice becoming present. Anyway, your rational mind needs to take over because your emotions will be influenced by the mind. Eventually though, once you've built some momentum, presence will feel effortless to you and you'll begin noticing it as your default state again. Now let's talk more about how your natural state of presence affects your relationships and interactions with anyone around you. First of all, when you're present versus when you're viewing people through the lens of your mind. You're just a different human. The vibe around you feels different. People perceive you differently. The way you view people is also completely different in your mind. Before you say a word, move your body, express something on your face. You've already created an environment for judgment within your immediate vicinity and everyone feels it. Let's say you walk into a party and you don't say anything mean to anyone. You have a smile on your face. You say hi to strangers passing by and you're working overtime in your mind office, you've still created the environment for judgment. You can't control it physically as this goes down to the level of micro expression that we have no manual power over. And people may not feel some overwhelming dread coming from your general area. At the very least, they just won't feel like they could be completely open and vulnerable with you. One of the most important aspects of attraction and connection with another soul is how open and vulnerable U2 are with each other. The more easily you and someone else could open up your real side with each other, the more potential for seeing if there's a real connection there or not. This is why my imperative during any interaction is to create this environment that allows the two of us to be completely vulnerable to each other. The issue here is that vulnerability doesn't work when viewing your world from the control room in your mind. Your mind is meant for solving problems. And if you look at your surroundings already trying to solve non-existent problems, create problems in that environment, including creating problems for the perfect souls who are around you. These judgments about others around you don't need to be mean-spirited in order for them to stifle potential connection. You can even make a seemingly positive judgment about someone which can create a disconnect between you and them. Because that's really what our mind wants to do. In order for the mind to effectively solve problems, it needs to first detach itself from the subject. Say for instance, upon entering the party, the first thing you think is, wow, all of these people are better looking than me. They all seem to be more confident and having more fun than me. Not only that, they're fancier than me, which probably also means that they have more money than me. They just seem like more important people and I'm feeling left out and like I could never connect with these people. The mind likes separation. It can identify a problem, analyze the situation, and attempt to solve the problem. If it's subject isn't separated from the problem-solver itself. If you've now acknowledged that you're different from all the other people in the party and they are higher or lower on the value scale than you are, you will not feel comfortable opening up to those people after you've judged them, you've unconsciously asked them to judge you back. They definitely feel okay. So the game of sizing each other up is one way of going about relationships. I've obviously lived like this before, and this is how everyone is basically living there, dating lives. Red pill philosophy is the small-minded answer to this issue. Everyone's judging everyone in relationships, okay, Then let me identify the main variables for judgment and positively amplify them in myself. If the judgments for straight women in dating are focused on acquiring a tall rich model, ask men to marry than let me make myself rich and model ask, and who knows, maybe one day I could get even heightened enhancing surgery too. That's nice and all. And if you work really, really hard, you might get some short-term results this way. However, these results will feel empty and inconsequential because one, you likely don't care about the person you've acquired and to the mind does not care about connection, it cares about solving problems. So the second you feel you've won is the moment your mind creates new problems about your relationship, life, and the people you bring into it. This is why you find so many angry men on the Internet saying they hate women and just want to have sex with them. They merely want to feel like they've solved the problem of being desirable by the women who previously did not want them, but you just never will be satisfied approaching relationships like this, because this creates no environment for attraction, connection, or love with the people you're meeting? Yes, I said attraction humans just cannot be attracted to a list of value qualifications. What about having confidence while in the mind office, you could have dirty situational confidence because the only kind of confidence the mind can understand as a confidence by comparison, I just walked into this bar and it's clear that I am the most attractive woman here already you ****** yourself. Now, every person that you meet in that room, you'll be seeing the interaction as a battle of who can convey higher value more tactfully, you're already starting on the wrong foot. Your walls are gonna be. Because the mind knows that vulnerability has no place in the battlefield, because you already entered the room with this headspace. You've already communicated your values and intentions with everyone around you. And so they will be approaching you with the same exact headspace. I want to make it clear if you haven't figured it out by now, if you are dealing with a lot of superficial people when dating or even socializing, it's likely that you are unconsciously inviting this dynamic yourself. Now, I could feel you're getting defensive. Hear you saying that if someone is an ******* to me, it's my fault. Isn't that some sort of gaslighting or something? Listen, obviously they're just gonna be deeply hurt, deeply negative, deeply angry people that are just gonna be ****** to you regardless of what kind of vibes you're inviting. But I didn't say if you randomly meet a person than it means you're the bad one. I said, if you see this as a trend happening in your relationship life, in general, someone viewing relationships through the lens of the mind invites others to do the same thing. But what if you stepped out of the office when meeting people? What if you were instead present when going on dates are socializing at a party. When present, you don't judge people ever. You don't look down upon anyone, nor do you look up at them on the pedestal. You've given them. You simply love them because you're not judging them. You acknowledge the oneness you to share, your both sharing this human experience on Earth with similar emotions and thoughts and experiences. Of course, each person is uniquely different. No two people have the exact same experiences, but us humans share more than we don't notice these similarities easily when present, that everything that surrounds you is just another part of you. When you're present, you naturally notice the oneness between all things and people and what results is a strong feeling of love. And I'm sorry, but it's so so, so hard for someone to remain in their mind office when presented with a present human, a pregnant person will unlock the presence inside anyone's surrounding them. The walls come down, the battle ends before it starts. The qualifications are off the table. The only vibe you give to the room is that of pure love. And when you're giving only love to your surroundings, a person cannot help but reciprocate that love back to you. You accept everything about the person in front of you, which creates an environment for complete vulnerability between the two of you. This is the only way to connect and become attracted to each other, the other thing about your attraction, It's actually just validation by someone you have deemed higher value than you. That's how it works in the mind office. It's only when you practice presence with someone you're actually sexually attracted to, is when you'll understand that attraction means exactly what it sounds like. You are pulled to this person with no fear or hesitance. There's only positive feelings about that person and your relationship together. There's no strategy to acquire them, but a natural intuition that guides you to an inevitable conclusion. So when you're president upon entering a social function, it'll feel like magic. But you're actually unconsciously compelling others to be present with you. By the way, the word for being actively present with something or someone is engaged. So when to present people meet their engaged with each other. Absolutely locked in. Compare this to two people who both interact from their mind office. They want to keep separated from each other so as to demonstrate their value to each other. When you cease to judge someone in that way, that person will also cease to judge you and that way they won't be trying to place you want societies value scale. They'll only be viewing you with love. Bell. See your love for all that surrounds you. They'll see how comfortable you are with your vulnerabilities. They'll see your passion for your interests. They'll relate to your emotions about things. There'll be watching intently as you express your unique self. There'll be excited to get vulnerable with you as well, because they know you will never judge them or become defensive about anything they say. In fact, I find this so important to connection and attraction that I even explicitly verbalize to all friends and family and partners that I will never ever, ever judge them for anything they want to say to me, nor will I ever get defensive about anything they want to tell me. Do you know how much fun to people get to have together when they're both feeling this way and there's no walls. Do you know how easily and quickly tension and attraction and intimacy conform with the right person. It'll feel like you to have known each other for years and like your soulmates when I'm in this headspace, all I wanna do is make the person in front of me feel good. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel attractive and beautiful. I want them to feel like they're supposed to be on this planet. And I'm never thinking of myself or what I will get out of this. Yet, I'm gravitating towards only the people who most Sip or Kate, my love for them. And because of that, I just have less time for those who don't reciprocate. This flips the old strategy for relationships on its head in the past, you may have been too focused on the people who weren't paying attention to you because the mind Office wanted to solve the problem. But when present, you're zeroing in on others who share this headspace because it's so open positive fund and without any shininess whatsoever. After this to people will choose to continue seeing each other based on shared values, interests, lifestyle, sense of humor and physical attraction. By the way, physical attraction does not mean how societally accepted there looks are straight men, you're not disgusted by fat women. Straight women, you're not only attracted to tall men, remember, you're so used to being taught who you should find physically attractive, that you might not be sure what actual physical attraction feels like. First of all, there are no rules for physical attraction. It's nebulous, that's the beauty of it all, each human is incredibly unique. When you're present, which is your most balanced state. You never know who's going to turn you on if you thought you were attracted to men six feet and above, when present, you're taking in the human not as a list of qualities, but rather as a full art piece. Something about this short guide just turns you on and it's because it's complemented by something unique about his personality or looks or humor. Something about this fat woman makes you wildly attracted to her because you can't get attracted to some skin. You get sexually attracted to the whole of a person, the sum of their parts. It's as though you don't like a painting because you just don't like the color green and this painting has a little bit of green in it. No, we don't judge art like that, but we've been taught to judge people like that. That unique mixture of what makes up a human is ******* magical to me. If I was buying art for profit, I would probably wonder how famous the artist is and if the market is interested in this kind of work, all because I want money, It's a transaction. When you do that with humans, attraction doesn't go far because again, you cannot get sexually attracted to features. But this is how most people start relationships. They are wondering what the market value of each prospective partner is. The thinking, that's what attraction is. Is she going to impress my friends? Will my family approve of her dating like that is just about negotiating the acquisition of an in-demand human being. But you can only really know you're attracted to someone after engaging with them and when you're present with that person, it also means you've neglected the superficial standards that have little to do with sexual attraction. Emotions like anger and negativity, while completely natural and sometimes even useful, are insecurity manifested just to clarify for you, so you can see it in people and understand where it's coming from. Negative emotions in a person is insecurity. If you're seeing someone bullying someone, that's insecurity. If you see someone angry and yelling, That's insecurity. Always, it's never not insecurity. Now of course we're human and I don't want you to strive to be some perfect person. However, I do want you to be aware of these emotions inside of yourself and inside of others. This is not confidence or happiness. I say this for two main reasons. So you can see when someone is not present, this means at this moment they do not like themselves or their circumstance. They are not happy. They're not confident, they're not strong, they're weak. The solution is to focus on your presence and allow that person to see your pure, unbiased love and allow them to find their own presence in that moment. Keep in mind, you'll not be able to coach someone into presence as effectively as you can demonstrate it and allow them to find it themselves. You could use random moments of negativity and yourself as simple reminders to practice presence throughout your day, you might be driving home from work and a Mohawk cuts you off without a blinker. And you want to exact revenge on that man with a merciless blowing of your horn, or maybe even drive up next to him just to see his wicked face. But before you allow that compulsion to take over completely step into presence. The remarkable thing about this technique is you're using your negative moments to realize how beautiful life actually is right then and there. Think of this like the Pavlov's dog experiment, negative emotion, snap into presence, negative emotion snap into presence. I've practiced this for years and I've gotten to the point where I forget I'm even doing it, it becomes automatic. I'll get upset. And then the present moment immediately floods my senses, calming me down without thinking about it. 7. Presence - Part 4: So now that you know what presence is and how to access this natural default state of yours. I want to teach you how to practice applying it in social situations. As introverts, we enjoy taking in the moment less intensely than extroverts. And this is where we usually get screwed up. An extrovert fuels her confidence by jumping headfirst into situations, feeling that excitement and repeating the cycle to amplify the good feelings. We as introverts can enjoy wild fun environments to from time-to-time. It's just that we need to start slowly depending on how long you've been locked up in your mind office, you'll likely want to start vary slowly. I know this about you because it happens to me and all the introverts I've helped over the years. And so I created a social practice called meditative mingling. Meditative mingling is made to help us introverts ease into being engaged with the social environment to minimize that anxiety when considering talking to a stranger or anyone else for that matter, I expect you to practice meditative mingling over the course of a week, a month, or even several months, take it at your own speed. Rushing, this will not help you. The goal is to gradually expand your ability to engage with people until you could start a conversation with anyone in any room. A great place to start is a bar or cafe. For your first week, I want you to bring a book, sit at a table or the bar where there's some people around, do not isolate yourself in the corner of the room. All you'll do is alternate between reading your book and practicing presence. No digital or audio books either. It's important to take it old school for this exercise. But if you want to bring a magazine, that's fine to alternate between a few minutes of reading in a few minutes of presence while you're practicing presence, no need to look at the people around you unless you feel compelled. In fact, start each night with your eyes closed. Yes, you'll look weird. Yes, you have to deal with looking silly when you get started. But as you ease into your presence, all those thoughts will melt away. For now, simply tune into your senses, starting with sound, than focus on touch. Notice your weight on the chair. Notice the placement of your hands on the table very slowly. Begin to open your eyes while still keeping focused on your body and the sounds around you notice your hands as your eyes open, notice the imperfections on the table. Notice something you might not have noticed if you were in the office, a tear in the page of your book, the condensation on your water glass, is the music loud and brash act as though you chose that music is someone elbowing your back in a packed bar. Consider it a massage. Allow whatever is around to be exactly what it wants to be. You're beginning to acknowledge the oneness you are with your environment. After a week of practicing the first-level of meditative mingling, you should be feeling comfortable just being in a social situation without the judgments coming from the mind Office for your second week, I want you to do the same exact thing that you did in level one, except now you can include the people around you in your practice. No need to talk to them whatsoever, but get comfortable just looking at people already. You might feel like this is a creepy thing to do. It's not, you're just not used to experiencing the present moment through the lens of presence, your mind is likely telling you how looking at people as rude and you're gonna be called out for being a big weirdo. Yes, you would if you were a big, creepy weirdo. But you're not that you're a manifestation of love for the room. You're helping the room acknowledge the shared human experience through this lens, you have no judgment towards yourself and anyone or anything in the room. And a person just cannot get offended or weirded out by someone who is the embodiment of love. This isn't something people notice consciously, rather they can unconsciously feel your vibe has no threat, no plan, no manipulation tied to it while you're practicing presence, try-on, a slight smile. This helps you sink into the presence. And if someone notices you looking, the last thing you wanna do is turn away. You'd be validating to yourself that looking at someone was weird and that this was probably all a bad idea. And what was I thinking listening to Anthony about all this? Nope. Instead, keep your eye contact with that new person and with your smile still on your face, give a little nod to them. And if they don't have evil running through their veins, they'll smile back and nod to you, congratulations, you've just engaged with your first new person. Practice this for a week, if possible, seven days straight. The more frequently you practice, the more momentum you build for presence, and the easier it'll feel each time. Basically, whatever you practice more often is what you'll choose to do automatically. Your goal is to reset yourself, to change your default mode to automatically be presence. You can only do that when presence is already happening. The majority of the time to practice once or a couple of times a week will only create a more difficult journey for you. It's more fun to jumpstart your new lifestyle by saturating your time with it. So at the end of this week, it should feel so good to just sit at a bar or cafe and relax looking at the room, including the people in it. You should be comfortable studying the people around you. Look at how she moves her hands so gracefully. Notice how she leans back when she's pondering something so beautiful. Notice how they commonly get up out of their chair and walk towards the bar to ask the bartender something. Listen to the sound of his voice as he chats with a friend. You're all here together. You're all sharing a moment on this planet. You are all one for level three. The third week, again, do the same thing as the last week. This time, you'll be adding in a stroll around the room. This is where it starts to get really fun when you're engaged with your room. I want you to now get up slowly, walk through the crowd. I don't mean kinda slow or even pretty slow. I mean, I want you to walk extremely slowly to the point where it feels like you're not even walking. This is an important step as we introverts need to take in the present moment. Drip. By drip. Extroverts can take a firehose to the face and love every moment of it. But for us, if we move too quickly, our eyes will glaze over and will just snap back right into our mind office. So again, slow the walk across the room. While you're taking in the sights, sounds, smells, and feels of your environment. You can now look at the people around you as you pass them by. Keep that smile on your face. Don't be afraid to look at someone for awhile as you pass. This is actually what I want you to do. Inevitably, people will feel your presence and turn to look at you. You'll keep your smile, your eye contact, nod and say hi. They'll likely say hi back to you because people are sweet. After they say hi back, you can continue ambling on throughout the room, looking and smiling and saying hi to the people you pass by. Now, I've done this before and I've helped many introverts practice meditative mingling throughout the years. Our minds will tell us nobody was looking at me so I couldn't nod and say hi to anyone. Oh, well, time to go home. That's a common excuse the mind uses to keep you in your head and disconnected from the people in the room. So if it wasn't clear before, I'll make it clear now, I want you to make yourself known by the people you pass by. If they aren't turning to notice you, you aren't truly looking at these people as you pass them. Do not look at anything except for the people around you. And I want you to prolong your eye contact with them until they do notice you to an extrovert, this exercise will seem easy and something they already do whenever they walk through a room. But for introverts, it starts off feeling awkward and like you're doing something incredibly wrong. Acknowledge that feeling and continue ambling for your fourth week. I want you to do the same stuff from the week before, this time around. When you say hi and they say hi back, I want you to put out your hand and introduce yourself. Is that weird to just immediately exchange salutations with a complete stranger? Nope. In fact, introducing yourself as early as possible is a good social skills. It helps ground you in an interaction, showing that you plan on actually getting to know this person instead of just saying something and moving on. Carry that same love you had while sitting down, while meeting this new person. Keep complete attention on them, their facial expressions, body language and tone in their voice. You have no plans with this person. You're not trying to make them like or accept you. You're not sizing them up. This is another human experiencing life at the same time you are in the exact same spot as you in the universe. At this moment, say whatever you'd like to them, allow them to speak to you without any judgment whatsoever. If you're there trying to think of what you could say, then you're not yet present with this person. That's okay. The whole point of meditative mingling is to build momentum over time until you're free and able to just be in the room with everyone with minimal to no anxiety or thoughts occurring in your head. Don't focus on words. Focus on being engaged with this person no matter who they were to you before you became present? Before, it could have been ado she looking guy with a designer jacket that is parents probably bought from. But now he's a soul who deserves your attention and love. The jacket is beautiful regardless of who bought it, his juiciness is all part of his fear. Acknowledge it as such, see-through it to his spirit. That's the real human on the inside. Let your presence bring out his vulnerable pure self, whoever it is, look past the identity as it does not define them. Remember that regardless of how extroverted you can be at times, urine introvert, if you don't feel like it, you don't have to be high-energy when interacting with people. It might feel like you need to match the energy in the room in order to fit it. In fact, your energy level and how charismatic and performative you are has no effect on your ability to engage and connect with another person. The only thing important is your presence and your ability to fully engage with the person in front of you at any given time. That is more powerful than any entertaining lines you can tell a person nothing compares to presence. If it's the only thing you practiced for the rest of your life, you would need nothing else to bring you exactly what you want in life and in your relationships. Focus on your presence, your quiet, you're relaxed, goodness, all while acknowledging and loving life around you. Not many words are needed. Again, if you think you need to fill the silence is with your words, something is probably wrong. Your presence has made to fill those silences for you. Presence loves silence. It's when you could see the person the most, allow those moments to happen when they come up, instead of trying to push them away. And general, approaching strangers at a loud, crowded venue is not opportune for introverts. We'd like longer conversations getting into deeper topics that take time. Extroverts are more physical so they can communicate in a more performative way, which tends to be more attractive to them when practicing meditative mingling, look for a place that has enough people around but isn't so loud and crowded, it'll better cater to your inclinations, know your strengths, and the kind of people you're good with. Find venues that work to those strengths for those kinds of people. Always remember that the second you try to compete with an extroverts lifestyle, you weaken your own assets. You cannot be an extrovert, so do not try to be an introvert, socialized like an introvert, and bring everyone you meet into your introverted world, harness your presence and own how you personally enjoy socializing. Continue practicing this several times each night for the week, after a month of practicing presence and social environments, you should be feeling so calm and relaxed among all this stimulation, meeting people should be a natural, normal, enjoyable practice for you. Whereas you may have felt an aversion to groups and interacting with strangers or even acquaintances for that matter. Now it should be something that you love doing and look forward to each week, but your progress doesn't end there. Meditative mingling is how you should begin all social events for the rest of your life. Keep improving your ability to engage with your environment and the people in it. The more momentum you build, the more immediate your presence will be when entering a room, the more enjoyable socializing will become anytime you might fall back, simply move down a level, and start from there. Let's say you're having some trouble engaging with anyone around. You go back to level one and slowly rebuild that social momentum. There will be times where instead of going out to meet people, you think all that work just to meet someone. I think I'd rather just stay home tonight and relax. That's fine. But if you're dedicated to your social skills as an introvert, the best approach is to start at the level that feels the least intimidating. So if you don't want to go out, do it anyway, and just bring a book or a magazine and practice presence with the nonsense beings in the room. In other words, if you want to be alone, practice getting comfortable being alone together. But your practice with presence doesn't have to end there. You could be practicing wherever you are with whoever is around you at the moment. If you're stopping at the cafe for a drink, you would feel comfortable engaging with the person in line with you or the barista. Remember that the more often you're practicing throughout your day, the easier it'll be to re-enter presence and prolong its effects. In the next lesson, you'll learn about the other side of the coin purpose. Your homework is to spend the rest of the day practicing presence if you have time, begin level one of meditative mingling at a bar or a cafe. Remember not to focus on prolonging the experience, but instead the act of shifting into the experience before the day ends. Post a video on social media with how it all went and how it felt. Make sure to tag me so I can see and I'll repost it. 8. Purpose - Part 1: Purpose. If you lack the iron and the foes to take control of your own life, if you insist on leaving your fate to the gods, then the gods will repay your weakness by having a grin or two at your expense, should you fail to pilot your own ship. Don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you find yourself, Dr. Tom Robins, gender bug perfume. Imagine if you were born in life consisted of justice square box. You add no form. You can simply view the box and navigate around it. It's size is one square meter. That was life for 90 years. No food, no nothing, just consciousness inside a white square box. Fortunately, that's not the case. We've been given an entire earth to play on with different animals, people, elements, minerals, et cetera. Who the **** gave us this gift. I don't believe we should focus on that. What matters is that it's been given to us and we should consider ourselves stupid, lucky. I've never been given a gift the size of this before and I never will again. So while I'm here, I'd like to acknowledge as often as I can the fact that this gift has been given to me, even if it's once a day, if I could just look and see this stuff around me, It's the very least I could do. But honestly, even that's too little. I need to play in life. I need to laugh and scream. I need to roll into Lilies on green hills and hugged donkeys and priests and rocks. How happy I am that it wasn't just a slightly navigable box. It's too great of a gift to acknowledge. This cool gift of life is called presence. This is the most important practice and living a great life, It's the source of happiness and happiness equals attractiveness. Well, almost we're not done yet. Today you're learning the other side of what it means to be a balanced, introvert purpose along with presence purposes, the only other aspect of living that you need, if presence is our source for happiness than purpose is our source for feeling fulfilled for some weird reason inside all of us, there's a little question being asked. Sometimes we notice it, sometimes we don't. But it's always being asked, what the **** are you doing here? Listen to it. Whisper. What the **** are you doing here? It's like a bully catching use, sneaking into a party. You know, you're not cool enough to attend, but really, the **** are you doing here? Why are you on this planet with me? What the **** is your reason for being here? I don't see any reason for you being here. We all feel this. I think it's because it's built into who we are to be useful to give back to the life we've been given. To have meaning, an actual purpose. A worker at is happier and more fulfilled than you are a worker. It has purpose. A worker ant is needed. Here that needed. Are you needed purposes? The thing that makes a person feel worthy of living without purpose, you're just a lost soul floating around eating up the resources of this planet on which you live. How do I define it to have purpose is to provide value for yourself and others. That's all to give yourself meaning is the greatest feeling. It's where you find your most powerful sense of confidence. It's what makes you feel completely fulfilled. Just like presence, purpose is where you get your infinite self-esteem and magnetic attractiveness. When someone sees that your life has meaning, they couldn't be more turned on. It's at the top of their list. The more purpose you have, the more attractive and confident you are. Let's take a look at Barack Obama is an example of using a purpose to become absolutely magnetic. Back in 2008 when Obama was running for office, his slogan was change. The Republican candidate, John McCain slogan was country first. Whose slogan do you think was more inspiring? It was Obama's big ideas like Obamacare that made the world so captivated by him. Meanwhile, McCain was simply trying to keep the presidency with the same party. So change wasn't a big goal. He spent more time attacking obama instead of inspiring the country. As a result, the world was looking to something new and exciting, not the same old stuff. I believe that a sense of purpose is the most instinctually attractive and fulfilling quality. This is where I feel hippie slip-up in their journey to enlightenment. They have the presence part down pat. You can appreciate life and eat granola all you want. But until you have a reason for living, you can never truly be fulfilled. This is because without purpose, you cannot truly be present. It's impossible. Without presence, you cannot truly be purposeful. They are one and the same, and they support each other after studying the most happy, attractive, confident introverts for years, I've found the trend between all of them is living with a balance of purpose and presence. I found that this is also when you're operating at your highest potential as an introvert. In other words, balanced. An introvert without presence is someone who is trapped within their mind and abusing its use in introvert without purpose is one who remains unfulfilled with their passions and interests. Presence and purpose are the only two things you need in life. Nothing else matters to put it more clearly, presence and purpose is life. I believe you aren't really living otherwise, you're just taking up space and ******** on the gift of life, like a kid who cries at their birthday party. But what do I mean by purpose? To live with purpose doesn't mean to simply have a passion you're pursuing in your life, though that's part of it. Living with purpose means that every single thought and action you take is contributing towards providing a better life for yourself and the world. I want you to go back up and read that sentence again. That's it. Every moment must be injected with purpose. Every inch you move must be injected with purpose. Do you want to make dinner? Make dinner exactly the way you intend to. Do. You want to meet your soulmate, define who they are and spend your time finding them. Do you wanna be a cartoonist? All of your time is spent becoming a great cartoonist. Do you want to go to the bathroom and ****, ****, wipe your butt and leave the bathroom. The opposite is to make dinner sloppily and without your full attention, it's to go to the wrong bar with a wrong close it in the wrong mode to meet your soulmate and to do so all without any actual intention of getting their contact and asking them out. It's spending more time jerk and your little ding dong to **** than spending time practicing improving on making great cartoons. It's also spending a half-hour on the toilet because you'll want it to play a video game to pass the time will drop in uttered to live with purpose is to do everything with complete attention and intention. Even when you wanna do nothing, put complete intention to doing nothing. Maybe you need to unwind and watch a movie. If so, unwind with such intention that when finished, you can not imagine doing anything other than being productive. If you need to get downstairs, walk each step with full attention. If you're going to a party, go to the party and live it up or don't go to the party at all. In fact, this leads me to the next part of purpose. Your purpose is your own. It is no one else's. If you don't like parties, but you feel pressured to go to parties, then do not ******* go to parties. However, this is not an excuse to do nothing. What it means is to find your own way of doing something. An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision. James McNeill, Whistler, purpose is what gives you energy. It keeps you laser sharp, focused purpose provides fuel for presence and presence provides fuel for purpose. Purpose is what makes you excited about living and life beyond just appreciating the fact that you're here, you now have a mission. In fact, every act is emission of its own. This, this is what people find irresistible. They go crazy for it. There is nothing else that people are attracted to more than Purpose and presence. It's not money or cars that people find attractive. If they do, it's because they know there's a chance purpose is behind it all. I've never seen a rich, depressed, introvert and an amazing relationship with a beautiful partner. Yet I'm always finding purposeful introverts who are in their dream relationships. People look for life in a person's eyes. They look for someone who has intentions to do well and believes in what they're doing. Someone with purpose is often a stable rock for which people can feel safe. A true artist is not one who is inspired, but one who inspires others. Salvador Dali, something interesting about purpose is the element of fear. When you're completely living with a sense of purpose, fear tends to dissipate. You may be thinking right now. Of course you could have fear. Everyone's scared. What about that quote that says The definition of courage is to be scared but doing it anyway, I disagree when it comes to going for something that you want. A person that lives with complete purpose rarely experiences lasting fear. This is because they believe 100% in achieving their goal, a person with purpose has no time to consider failure. Failure is never an option and because of that, they are incomplete belief that they will succeed. Why? Because there is absolutely 0 benefit and considering failure, when you're in complete belief that you'll succeed, you are always excited and compelled to go and get it. What if you don't succeed? What if you actually do fail? I'm sorry, What were you saying? I was too busy focusing on achieving my dreams. In other words, I don't spend 1 second getting down about a failure or setback. Failure merely further fuels my appetite for success and teaches me how to do it better. Next time, I reflect for a second and instantly move on. I always expect success, but always learn from failure. My fear of rejection and humiliation is so **** insignificant compared to my drive to achieve my goals. Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working. Pablo Picasso, a balanced introvert, pursues their purpose until death. So in this, there is never, ever a moment for failure, because failure only happens once you've given up. If you're scared of your goals, if you're anxious, you're not living with enough purpose. Living with purpose means that you're in such belief of achieving your vision of success that it feels as though you are actually living that goal already. Does that make sense to you? In other words, purpose is success. So if my goal is to be in a relationship with a great person, my pursuit of them is so powerful that I'm already feeling the reaped benefits of that goal. As I'm in such belief that this is my true reality because I know that it will happen. I'm always feeling great about the journey. It's impossible to be depressed when you live with purpose. Now, by the way, I'm not talking about real clinical chronic depression. That's less common. It's something that needs to be treated by a doctor. But why there's no time to be depressed. Depression is worthless to your purpose. You see what I'm getting at here? In order to be purposeful? Absolutely. Nothing should be there that wastes your time. Nothing should get in your way. If something gets in your way, you move that thing out of your way. Negativity, fear, anxiety, depression, hatred, complaining, and neediness all float away when you're living a purposeful life. With purpose, all you could think about is living a great life and providing for yourself and the ones you care about, then your time becomes important, your life becomes clear, your mind becomes razor sharp, merely dreaming for something but not going 800 miles an hour towards achieving it as quickly as possible is not purpose. It's lying to yourself. You don't actually want to achieve your goals. You just wanna be baby. You're sad little boy that feels as though he's a victim and that he's owed something more than the marvelous gift of life. Because whatever pain you feel, that is the definition of a loser, we aren't meant to be lazy. And that's why laziness can breed depression. 9. Purpose - Part 2: Now I'd like to explain how purpose is the exact opposite of this victim based neediness. We can get easily confused between the feeling of neediness or desire and a sense of purpose. Consider this, do you really want a hot, cool, funny partner with whom you'll fall in love? I'm going to argue right now that you don't want to actually want that. What I mean by that is neediness has no place in actually getting what you want. Neediness doesn't really push you towards your goals. Needing this doesn't really have goals in mind. And we think it does. What it really has in mind is just a need to fill a hole. That's really all it does. So when we get confused and we tend to think that neediness is, are wanting is our excitement, is our attraction. It's actually not. All desire is, is the need to fill a void that we have. So it blinds us to people, it blinds us to any interests. It blinds us to any ambition. It's merely a feeling of, without wishing, that feeling goes away. When I was reading a book about quitting smoking around ten years ago, the author said something really interesting about smoking and the addiction to it. He said that you don't get addicted to cigarettes when you breathe in the smoke for the first time. That's the misperception. The moment you begin to get addicted to cigarettes is the moment that the cigarette smoke leaves your lungs. Why? Because now you've created a void, then you want that back, you want that feeling back, you want that smoke back. And that is addiction. Addiction to relationships is there's a void and we all need it filled. We just need some good feeling to somehow take away the pain that we feel. And that's it. We don't really care who it is. I mean, yeah, we have some qualifications, but we really just want that feeling to go away. So we feel good again than we think that we could go on for the rest of our lives and everything will be good. But that's not true because addiction is, addiction is addiction. It's why you see so many failed marriages. All people ache forests, someone to love them. They ache for so long and then eventually find someone to settle for that was also aching for love. They think for a moment that their pain is over. But that's when the addiction returns. They spend too much time with that friend of theirs. They're never spending time with me. The way they talk to me makes me feel like they don't really care. And then the addiction starts brainstorming up new ideas to patch up the pain. Maybe we need to have a kid that could be the answer to make this relationship work, maybe I need to have a god **** affair when living a life driven by neediness, your pain can never be resolved. And the entire way you look at relationships altogether, you need to completely replace neediness with purpose. And so you have to be clear with yourself, the neediness actually does not want a relationship. I'm not saying that you don't want a relationship. I'm saying that the neediness that you have is not driving you towards a relationship. It's just trying to fill the void of the addiction. That's all it's trying to do. It has pain and it wants to put the pain out in whatever way it can. That's why you see people that have had bad relationships turn to drugs, alcohol, food, whatever they can to put out that pain, that neediness or addiction, just eventually find something else to obsess over. It has nothing to do with wanting a relationship. And that has to be really clear in your mind because this is the beginning of considering purpose. A sense of purpose is wanting to actually achieve something to better yourself or better others, provide for yourself or provide for others and give yourself a sense of meaning as a result, when purpose is non-existent in your life, what tends to happen is you will find other things to make you feel good. Drugs, food, alcohol, ****, video games, etc. But when you find a person with purpose, everything in their life aligns. Now, the cool thing is when you are full with purpose, when you're really saturated with your sense of purpose, with what you want to achieve, progress and provide yourself for, Provide other people for the sense of neediness literally, I promise you this just goes away. As I said, they're the opposite. It's the light and the darkness thing. You can't have darkness where there is light. This is why purpose is so powerful. It's the thing in terms of relationships in life that we've been missing. Now here's how to notice the difference and this is very important. Purpose drives you and it makes you feel excited to go and get it. Neediness immobilizes you. It makes you feel anxious and discouraged. Be very aware of that distinction, because that is exactly what it is. If you're feeling discouraged and you're feeling immobilized, that's neediness. If you're feeling excited, positive, and you're also feeling compelled than that is a sense of purpose. Although I'm typically a loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty and justice has preserved me from feeling isolated. Albert Einstein, when you could saturate your life with purpose. There's no room for neediness to fester. There's no time. I actually believe that there's really no sense of purpose unless it's permeating every aspect of your life. There's no 90% purpose, 10% neediness. It's either on or off to me, to me or either 100% going for what you want in life despite whether it's something small or something big, I'm trying to get you to clearly see what purpose looks like. Sometimes we don't even realize what we're doing. We're going towards things and then we feel pain and then we say, Oh, that pain means something. So let me go towards the pain and things are kind of unclear in our head. And now what I'm trying to do is brushed the fog away and show you what these two things are. The duality of them, you could hold purpose and the right hand and desire in the left-hand, understand clearly what they are. So you never go towards neediness or desire. You're always going towards purpose at every moment. The next question you'll have is, how do I live with purpose? First and foremost, purpose manifests instantly from simply truly wanting to achieve a goal that provides value for yourself and others. If you have to try to be purposeful, then you don't actually want that thing. You simply want to be validated. However, bad habits are a *****. If you're used to living a negative, unfulfilled life, then you must teach herself new habits. The most simple way to instill a sense of purpose and your life is to write down what you want and how you want to achieve it. So your homework for today is to write down everything in your life that you want to achieve. Then create a morning and night-time routine. Each night before you go to bed, create a list of the three most important things you'll do tomorrow that'll help you achieve your goals. Tomorrow morning, read your goals and literally visualize yourself achieving them. Imagine what it'd be like living with that goal already achieved. The great thing is this activity takes no more than five minutes, but the payoff is the beginning of changing everything. Do this exercise every morning for the rest of your life. This is your purpose medication. I want to take this opportunity to demolish any thoughts you may have about the value of materialism as a practical path towards your eligibility for an ideal partner. I'll give an example. You're at a party because you're a purposeful individual. You chose to go to this party for a reason. It was probably to meet somebody or make a new business connection. Let's say it was to meet someone. You already know exactly the type of person you want to date as you mingle, you're looking for them, you eventually find them and talk to them. You have no fear as you're already living with this goal achieved and simply closing the gap to make it come into reality. As you speak with them, you spend your time getting to know who they are and deciding whether they are the person for you. You're never in your head worrying about what you should say. Your focus is only on your purpose and your presence. Your presence enables you to express your authentic self without self-consciousness, your purpose keeps you focused on achieving what you want. Someone that worries about what they should say values. Nothing. An introvert with purpose has a multitude of interests that they live for and believing they have values and are looking to see if this person aligns with their values. Compare this to a person who's merely in conversation in hopes that this individual will satiate his addiction to validation, this person is placing all their happiness onto a human being. There is 0 world where someone wants to take on the huge responsibility of keeping you happy. They want to come into the picture with you already happy and content with your life, needing nothing from them. When a balanced person meets a balanced to you and they see you're an unending well of happiness, contentment, and joy. Then both of you are just giving, giving, giving to each other. So it's a perpetual give and take because you both are living with constant purpose, but a needy person is constantly living in pain and is just looking for ways to patch up that pain, however they can. The irony is if someone's senses, even the slightest bit of there need to be loved than they're repulsed. They don't want to cuddle. They want to be an equal partner on an adventure together to see someone as the answer to your pain is to objectify and dehumanize them. And they always feel that instead, let them meet someone who sees them as an equal, which means seeing them as a human and not your savior, not a dollar, some alien in this, they feel respected and with your discernment, they also feel challenged. A person is looking for two things. In someone, a person who loves their life, people in themselves, a person who is in passionate, ceaseless pursuit of what they want and believe in a balanced introvert is completely fulfilled in their life because they're going for what they want at every moment and is visualizing their success at every moment. Simultaneously enveloped by the reality which surrounds them. This healthy mixture of a calm contentment and where they are now in a wild ambition for where they will be tomorrow is so **** attractive to anyone when I wake up each morning, if I'm not visualizing my purpose and confirming why I'm here on this planet and what I aim to accomplish on lethargic, tired, an apathetic when I wake up in imagined my purpose clearly internally experiencing the moment I deliver great value to whomever or whatever, I'm filled with energy clarity and focus. I have not 1 second to waste. I recognize how much it takes me to get there, how short my life is, and I get straight to work. Funny enough though, much of your purpose isn't located in the mind Office. Remember, the studio of the mind is made specifically to solve problems with purpose. It's a feeling and a lifestyle. Purpose could only be there when presence is there and you can't be present. And in your mind office, when I'm meeting someone new, I have presence and purpose at the same time. They're enjoying each and every moment with them. I'm also looking to see if this person is for me. I'm interacting with them in a way that will reveal that asking questions to learn about who they are and what their values are, what their personality is like, how kind they are, how passionate they are, how thoughtful they are, and how present and purposeful they are, expressing myself authentically to show them who I am as well when I'm being needy, I don't care about seeing if we're a good match. That's unimportant to me when I'm needy, all I care about is whether this person has the ability to validate me. I also lose my standards when needy, and I replace them with the superficial standards of what I think society expects of me. Neediness is constantly trying to get you avoiding rejection or awkwardness. Neediness. His job is never to accomplish its goals or give value. It just wants to obsess over what you don't have and constantly be anxious about your desires. But with purpose, rejection or awkwardness, it doesn't exist. Another thing about purposes, it fills up all the time you'd otherwise be wasting thinking about your anxieties and fears when purposeful, you have no time for that. You're simply too focused on bringing value to the world. Most people live their lives with neediness, especially in relationships. We've been taught to yearn for things we've been taught to feel like the victim. Why can I ever be with the person I want? It's not fair. I wish I had what those people have spending more time upset about what you don't have in spending little to no time going for what you actually want. What if you flipped the script? What if every time you felt in need, he thought coming on, you shifted to being purposeful about it, took some sort of action. This is a sore spot for introverts as we love conceptualizing and fantasizing, but we tend to be less action oriented than our extrovert counterparts. However, a well-balanced introvert uses her sense of purpose to bring all those fantasies into reality when she's fulfilling her goals and bringing value to the world in her own unique way. This only boosts our confidence and inspires her to produce even bigger and better results the next time, the way an introvert and extrovert practice purpose is a bit different. And extroverts purpose can be fast paced and aggressive, and introverts purpose is equally as ambitious, but doesn't need to be as in your face. You can wake up each morning with a fire inside of you, a powerful urge to produce results all while being calm and relaxed with presence. This is the balance you'll find as an introvert with presence in one corner and purpose and the other, both doing their jobs and supporting one another, you could find fulfillment at the end of each day, I want you to reflect on what you produced in the last 16 hours. How many smiles did you put on people's faces? Purpose can be applied to anything. You're comedian. How many laughs popped out of how many mouths for every person you made feel loved today and for every person's day that you improved through your craft. We're seeing your purpose become more realized and as a result, you earn the love of others. Only selfish people expect love, especially when they've done little to earn it. A purposeful individual does their best to realize their purpose each day and feels entitled to nothing in return. It's the purpose, that's the reward. The love coming back to them is only extra. Now, what are you going to do for tomorrow? Your next lesson will teach you the last important tenant practiced by all well-balanced, attractive introverts. What is the direction of the Earth and its journey? Where are the atoms going when they spend? Even cowboys get the blues, Tom Robins. 10. Body Affects Mind Affects Body: Health that which produces peace of mind as good maintenance, that which disturbs it is poor maintenance. What we call workability of the machine is just an objectification of this peace of mind. The ultimate tests always your own serenity. If you don't have this when you start and maintain it while you're working, you're likely to build your personal problems right into the machine itself. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Robert M. Big. You might be asking yourself, Anthony, What about looking good? Surely that's a big factor in a person's attractiveness. You're right. In fact, looking good has more to do with it all. Then you'd probably think, I want us to take a closer look at the last quote from one of my favorite books, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Notice how person says workability of the machine is just an objectification of our peace of mind. In other words, when we can step back and look at our body and mind simply as a machine, we can more clearly diagnose and eliminate its problems. That's how I did it during my twenties, I tested myself like a Guinea pigs socially and physically. I was always reflecting, always assessing. Eventually I noticed some interesting though obvious patterns. No matter how well everything in my life was going. There were three physiological variables if neglected, that always affected my state and my performance. Diet, aerobic and anaerobic exercise and sleep. You already know how to eat well, you also know what exercises. If you have problems with these, I'm not the one to talk to. You definitely know where to look when it comes to sleep gets six to eight hours pitch black at the same time every night. This is all elementary. The issue you face isn't your knowledge of the basic things that make you tick? It's the fact that you don't clearly see how easily they affect your mood. If you neglect just one of these, you're bringing down the entire castle. If I stop exercising for only a week, my entire outlook on life changes. My self-esteem plummets, and my inner thoughts moved to the forefront of my mind. And those thoughts are usually the negative ones. The same happens with overeating. I grow insatiable in my mood grows inconsistent. What I'm looking for is constant energy, agility, and alertness. I want control. I want complete access to the faculties that helped me live. How I want, I want no handicaps. I want to feel super human. And what you say that exercising a few times a week, eating, not like an ******* and sleeping enough, we'll put me in that place, sign me the heck. Now see these basic human functions as controls for how I operate and optimizing them to be foundational to my system for self-improvement. In plain English, my health is the basis for how happy, attractive and confident and IM, I couldn't put it any more simple than that as disgust, people look to certain attributes in a person that might be the result of their presence and purpose. Going back to the money example, a person doesn't care much for money unless they're specifically looking for someone to pay for their life. Rather, a person is attracted to your ability to provide for yourself and others. And an easy signifier is what you've earned in return. Most often, that's income. But remember, people are attracted to your purpose, the value you're providing for the world, the change you're making when your purpose is oozing out of you, the less they'll care to judge you by your income as the income is usually just a reflection of how purposefully you are in life. Anyway, not all purpose brings a lot of money. Doesn't matter because for the billionth time, not one human on this earth is attracted to money unless it's on some TLC show or something. Likewise, a person getting hot and bothered over your six pack abs or your hourglass figure is merely them noticing the result of you keeping your body healthy so as to optimize your presence and your purpose. Fit body is just a visual signifier that you're likely tackling life with everything you got. That turns them on. People get excited by you being excited. That's all. If you don't take care of your body, you're slower, more tired in a worst mood, and it just generally will be more difficult to live, present and purposeful. People are always asking me How important is looks in all of this in regards to unchangeable is like your face and height. That absolutely does not matter. People may act like this stuff matters, but it's stuff that's taught to them in magazines. The second day, meet a happy, confident, attractive introvert like yourself. All those little things are thrown in the garbage. Your presence, purpose and health is like an atom bomb compared to anything else. Further, even considering your face and height will only hurt your success. Instead, you could value and love those qualities about you. I'm five-eighths. I literally think it's the most attractive height for a person to be tall. People are there like my body guards. They take up too much space. It's abnormal or at, you know, I'm joking and I know that's not true, but the truth is, it's all in your perspective. If you're telling the world that they should be uncomfortable about your looks, they will be. My old friend Zach was overweight. But if you remember what I said about presence, whatever is at the moment, is what you love. So if you step outside of society's expectations and decide to think that the way that you look is the absolute best way to look. You'll create that same perspective for everyone else. This is why presence is so magical. Zach would talk to anyone with such confidence and charm. He loves life and so he loves his body. That's simple. Perspective shift weirdly makes it seem like his choppiness is the right way to be the most attractive body type to have. It's hard to explain unless you see it in action. It really does feel like that reality distortion field they talked about with Steve Jobs. Someone's so present that they break society's standards and instead pull you into their own value system. Wouldn't that be the kind of life you'd love to live instead of constantly having to mold to what you think the world wants of you, you are having the world mold to your own vision of what's attractive. And when it comes to my face, I want to **** it up face. I want people to see that I'm imperfect. It makes me more relatable and interesting to look at. I have bone's popping out in weird places. My eyebrow bone looks like a caveman. My nose has a big bump on it. It's actually crooked. If you look, I just recently grew a war on my face under my eye. Actually wait, where is it? Where is it? Well, it's the ward is gone. Now. That's weird. Well, it was there, I promise you it was there for a couple of months. I'm so lucky that I have all these things. I want a memorable, unique face. I want character. I want to be set apart when you're living with the body that you love, your face is just going to reflect that. I want you to think about that sentence. The quality of your health is the last component to becoming a well balanced introvert. Look at your body as a car. Life is a road trip. Enjoying the scenery is presence, where you're going, is purpose, and your ability to make the car drive well, is health. If one of those things isn't happening, it's not a god **** road trip. These three parts all support each other. One part can exist when another part is missing or even slacking when you're eating right and exercising regularly, you naturally become present and purposeful. You're waking your body and brain up. If you're sedentary, you're telling your brain to be sedentary as well. When you're present, you're more aware of your body while you exercise. When present, you'll be feeling the little mistakes and you're running stride and readjust for a longer, easier, more enjoyable run. The same goes for lifting weight. You'll naturally develop better form because you're so focused on each muscle helping to bring this weight up in the air and back down. You'll be focused on your breath during exercise pulling in full breaths instead of shallow breathing done usually when unfocused and in your head while you eat food, no longer are you mindlessly inhaling your meals, but appreciating each and every bite, feeling the consistency of the food and the subtle flavors. Because you'll take your time enjoying a meal. You'll eat more slowly. And notice when you're actually full and should stop when purposeful your exercises. We'll just have that extra oomph of excitement and fun to them. Because you know that a better physiology means you can accomplish more in life, your sharper minded when approaching and exercise because you care about your progress and results. Do you see how all three of these tenants help support each other? The healthier your physiology, the more creative you are, and the more you can accomplish your goals because the fog of lethargy is gone. But let's talk more about the things that create lethargy and just an imbalance in yourself in general. First off, the most detrimental thing you could do to your body that messes with your presence and purpose is caffeine. We've been convinced that caffeine does the opposite. Isn't it supposed to make you more alert and ambitious? Nope, it's not. Caffeine gives you a huge burst of something that feels like energy when you first take it. And with that bump must come a crash. Whether you're conscious of it or not, you are going to be negatively affected by it. And I don't even think the Dalai Lama himself could easily practice presence when he's crashing off a cup of coffee or an energy drink. Even caffeinated T's are enough to mess with becoming well-balanced when I'm crashing hard or lightly, It's like I'm a different person. I'm on edge. Little things get to me more. The thing about our bodies is we already have high energy when you're present purposeful and exercising regularly, eating well, you will be full of clean, unquote rateable energy. Further, your body on caffeine or sugar gives you uneven energy. One moment, you're up, the next year down, when you're tapping into what gives you a natural energy, you stay consistent throughout the day. No more waves of extreme high and extreme low. Just a steady high that keeps you feeling confident and positive. Aside from sugar and caffeine, the last drug that humans love to mess with their balance is alcohol, because after you crashed from coffee, you obviously have to smooth it out with a couple of glasses of wine at night. I used to do this too. As you might have figured out, I love treating myself as a human Guinea pig for self-improvement. I try absolutely everything to see what actually works and what doesn't. Then I tested over again until I've isolated all variables to make sure I'm not looking in the wrong place. In 2013, I set out to experiment with drinking. I noticed I was drinking at least one glass of something every night. Often. It was two to three drinks. I was spending hundreds of dollars a month on my drinking habit, and I was also anxious about socializing despite being tipsy or a little drunk. Further, I'd always be waking up feeling like crap and the extra calories we're killing all the progress I was making with my physiology otherwise. So I set out to test if my alcohol consumption was actually benefiting my life in any way for a whole month, I lived the exact same life but just refrained from drinking any alcohol at the end of the month. I wanted to see whether my life turned out better, the same or worse. If stopping drinking made my life worse, that obviously would mean I should continue drinking. But if my life's stayed the exact same or it improved, well, you know what that means? It would show that I should probably stop drinking a month went by and guess what? Yep. It ended up that everything got better. The most remarkable finding was that I was actually more confident without drinking and instead using presence, purpose, and health alone. Why? Well, when you drink, you can gain some confidence and charm, but it's surrounded by a thick layer of fog. What confidence alcohol would bring me would be countered by a decline in social sharpness, which would raise my anxiety when I'm socializing sober, I remain quick on my feet, fully able to perceive the expression and vibe of any interaction, letting me deliver the perfect reaction at anytime in any environment when drinking, my reaction time slows and my ability to accurately take in how the person in front of me is feeling blurs. It's not a good trade-off, especially since I'm even more confident without the alcohol. What about just how much fun I can have while socializing? I found I have more fun sober. Why? Again, it comes down to my ability to calibrate to any situation at hand when I'm drinking. I may be having fun, but I no longer know where the line is for what's acceptable and unacceptable in that environment. But when sober, I know the context of each environment so I can play with where I place my humor and sense of adventure right on the edge of the acceptability line. Does that make sense? Every environment holds its own subtle rules for what kind of fun is acceptable and what isn't. To be oblivious to those rules keeps you from taking your interactions to the best places, knowing where to push the boundaries at the right time when you're drinking, you can't see where those boundaries are, and hence you have less power in bringing interactions too exciting places. Now, having said that, I do drink, but I do so only where it actually benefits me. Maybe it'll be watching a movie with a friend and I want to sink into a nice woozy, relaxed feeling. Well, that's once in awhile, the truth of the matter is people are drinking just to forget about their problems from the week and feel more confident socially. Why would we need something to make that happen in us? It sounds so limiting. I'd rather be able to turn that on like a switch whenever I wanted. All by myself. I remember watching a dating reality show years back and this one guy couldn't deal with the fact that his date wasn't drinking. He said he couldn't be himself on the date unless he was drinking. So he proceeded to get drunk and guess what? They didn't connect. He wasn't able to read social cues while being inebriated, but it looks like Kishor had fun. That's nice, I guess. Why is it though when I'm in a bar and I'm sober that I'm having what seems to be more fun than everyone else in the room. It's because I've allowed myself to relax, to have fun, to say what I want to forget about life's issues. And I stopped believing in the idea that the best kind of social fun happens when drinking. I actually think it's the best marketed category ever. Just curious, why do you think it is that a roomful of five-year-olds at a birthday party are absolutely cracked out of their minds. But adult parties are boring as ****, unless there's wine. Okay, now I want to end this with saying You do what works for you. Again, I'm not here to tell you how to be healthy. You need to decide that for yourself. But I am telling you what's working for me. I'm also asking you to recognize what is actually benefiting your life, what you're just doing mindlessly and perhaps think you enjoy when it's likely killing your mood throughout the week. Mood is everything to me. I know that how I treat my body, how I think and my mindset all affect my mood. I know that my mood decides how happy and confident I feel each day. Why would I want to compromise what I believe is the most important asset in my life, because a mindless habit I've picked up, it just doesn't make any sense to me. So anyway, switching topics you may be thinking, but Anthony being fat doesn't always mean unhealthy. I agree. So here's how it works. What do you consider healthy and physically fit? Let your own standards guide you. Whatever you view as being healthy, that is also likely your potential partners view as being healthy. Do you enjoy being fat and don't feel that attractiveness has much to do with that. You will attract partners who hold those same values. Are you vegan? You will likely attract others who share those values too. If you consider having low body fat to be part of what healthy is, then your potential partners will also value having low body fat for themselves as well as for you if you aren't living by your own values on health, but you do expect the people you date to abide by those rules. You likely aren't going to attract those people. Again, a present, purposeful, healthy person. We'll always be looking for another present purposeful, healthy person. Do not expect something out of your partner that you chose not to create within yourself. When it comes to exercise, my advice is find and stick with what you love doing and could do several times a week. I personally hate treadmills, ellipticals. I need more engagement in my exercise. I found after years of hating running, that I actually love running. I just had to go outside. I also had to remove the headphones. Music was making me anxious. It made the Rosenfield longer than it really was. I noticed when I run outside, just being in nature, I love it. It's my big opportunity of the data practice presence. I can watch things go by me as I'm pushing along, listening to the subtle sounds of what nature has for me from moment to moment. When I'm so tuned into my environment, I forget about the challenge of running itself and I see it more as a peaceful time, weirdly enough, that presence enables me to also feel what's happening in my body with each step, making the run more enjoyable. I realized that on the treadmill with music blasting and my ears are watching TV, I was trying to separate myself from the run and that's what was making it more stressful for me. When I lived in New York City, I would go indoor bouldering every day. I just started bouldering again this week, by the way, it's my favorite sport. If you can call it a sport. I grew up thinking sports where things where you competed against other people. I never really was introduced to these more isolated sports, the sports where I could be inside myself, bouldering is that for me? So here's the thing. If you think you dislike exercising, you, you just don't, your body is literally made to exercise. It's made to enjoy exercise. It's more likely that you've been introduced to exercise that doesn't fit who you are. So I really think that you should start exploring other options, things that sound fun to you that you could also do often, try out those sports and see which one speaks to you the most. This goes the same with a healthy diet way of eating serves you the most. What makes you feel energized at all times? What also obviously tastes great to you. I've found that the healthiest lifestyle for me is a vegan diet without the grains are sugar and having a cheat day every once in a while is where I could eat whatever I want. I also keep oil and salt to a minimum. I can enjoy simple quick meals and enjoy eating them every day. And my mood stays positive and high-energy all the time. I noticed that for me, adding grains and sugar to my diets spikes my blood sugar and causes me to have mood swings, but it might be different for you. Stay present and listen to your body. Your presence and purpose will help you eat intentionally. You'll feel the difference between boredom, eating an actual hunger, eating a byte will be intentional. Notice the way the food feels on your tongue as you chew. Actually, I think eating provides another great example between intentionality and mindlessness over eaters and food addicts don't really enjoy their food. They just want to feel satiated. Enjoying food is more than just salty, fatty, sugary, dry, boring foods. Try eating kale without any dressing. Take a bite, taste the bitterness, pay attention to the texture. Each byte is another art piece to appreciate. For exercise, introverts tend to enjoy more isolated workouts as opposed to something competitive. I run four times a week and to build a sense of purpose and my running, I schedule a couple of half marathons a year to guarantee I'm always training when I'm present and purposeful. I'm noticing my form at all times and that form is finding itself as opposed to mindless exercising your body is out of form because you're on cloud nine somewhere, making your workout more stressful. Remember that your health, your physiology, what decides how easily you can be present and purposeful in your daily life. I'll remind you again, if I'm crashing on caffeine, there ain't no chance you're going to see me in a good mood. Are able to bring my purpose to the world. I'm just not powerful enough to compete against drugs that want to muck up my whole system. So before we move on, I'm going to make it nice and clear for you. If you're not actively focusing on your health each day, you will be unhappy, have low confidence, be unattractive, and will not fully realize your goals in life. Nobody is going to help you with it. The truth of the matter is that there are some people who live healthy lives and benefit greatly, and then there's the rest of the world. It's so easy to not do any of the things discussed in this book, but do not ever second-guessed that these are the absolute foundations to your happiness, confidence, and attractiveness for the rest of your life, especially as an introvert, your daily exercise and eating habits will directly affect your presence and purpose. It's your duty to yourself and everyone in your life that you prioritize your health each day. Remember that not one tenant of the god pill is more important than the others. If you slack on your health, your presence and purpose will crumble and vice versa. This is why each morning I dedicate two to three hours to exercising. This doesn't mean I'm exercising for three hours straight. It means I give myself ample time to be as active as possible each day. Sometimes I'm out surfing, hiking, playing tennis, Brazilian jujitsu, bouldering, lifting, running, taking a fitness class or whatever else is going to get me excited enough to get outside and move my body. I haven't found anything necessary that doesn't fit into one of these tenants. I've spent ten years simplifying the path to happiness, confidence, and attractiveness down to only three parts. So if I ever fall off the track, I could refer to these three basic principles and see what I'm missing. Almost everything I'll ever teach you will likely bring us to simply refining these principles instead of quick tricks, introverts enjoy mastering the fundamentals. You'll be hard pressed to find me looking for the next trick to add to my social repertoire. Instead, I'm constantly trying to figure out how I can become more present, purposeful, and healthy to me, it's not only the answer to how to become a charming, happy person. It's the answer to everything. 11. Living Godpilled: Living God pills. You have just unlocked the world's most natural methodology for an introvert living to their absolute potential as taking this God pill affords you unique rewards and opportunities. It also demands of responsibility as opposed to the normal way of living as a walking zombie. No longer are you connected to old addictions that contributed to moving you away from your potential. But you also uphold a new culture of people who are dedicated to providing great value to your own world. You're making each person live more actualized by engaging them as living, breathing individuals with spirits of their own, you provide a certain value to them, whatever it may be that inspires and compels you as a balanced introvert lives a beautiful life. They also live with high morals. You will treat all people with love and respect and be a reputable example of my community. I'd like to offer you a fun exercise to help you activate all three tenants of the god pill as a creative introvert who's usually advising other creative introverts. I discovered this while coaching a client in New York City, John was feeling anxious about having to go talk to a stranger. It was our objective for that day. Simply start a conversation with anyone. He couldn't find it in himself to do it an hour past nothing. Then I had an idea. I remembered that he did some photography in his spare time. And I add a camera on me. I produced one Canon 70 d and handed it to him. Instead of telling them to do something, I asked him to show me as process for taking a good photo. Immediately his headspace shifted. He stepped into attention, looking for the right composition around him. He walked over to a couple and told them that he's a photographer. And if it's all right, if he could take their picture, he was positive and engaging. He quickly moved around them looking for the right shot. And when he snapped to the picture, he showed it to them and exchanged contact so we could share the photo with them. At that moment, John was present. He was giving value to me himself. And the couple. There's something about photography which forces you into presence, purpose, and health. So your homework for me is to get outside this weekend, walk around your town and snap some good photos. Don't just take a picture of anything. You want to have purpose in each shot, wander for a few hours, get lost like a real street photographer would do, which is also helping your heart and lungs to become stronger. Take photos of people in ways you might have otherwise felt uncomfortable. Get up close to them and snap. Trust that your presence will keep your subjects come because it will don't worry about what to say to them when you get up close, know that your presence will take care of it for you. Post your favorite photo on social media and tag me in it. I want to see what it looks like for someone to take a photo while feeling present purposeful, unhealthy. Personally, my way of taking the god pill every day is playing music. The way my body resonates when I'm singing has a buzzing that connects me to my body. That presence feels wonderful. I feel every movement in my throat, mouth and tongue, and how much air I'm releasing and manipulating all of those variables, create different notes and timbres and volumes. Having such control of how that song is performed and making it sound good is my sense of purpose. I never realized until recently that's singing and playing the piano and guitar where my own introverted entrances into presence and purpose as an introvert, it's likely you're also a creative, I'm curious where you've been unconsciously taking the god pill. Are you an artist or writer? Do you prefer writing on pen and paper? Perhaps there's something about the physical act of writing the words out with your hands that connects you to the content. That physicality is where you enter presence. Now you could use your craft as a conscious entrance into presence and purpose. I'm playing the guitar right now, acoustic. I'm noticing when I'm singing mindlessly and when I sing with presence and purpose, the difference is clear to me. I sing better and more pronounced and resonantly focused like this. The sound is so much more enjoyable for me. My face and neck and chest physically buzz in about a month or two of living as a balanced introvert, you really will start to feel as though you're levitating in every room you enter. No longer are you living in the office of the mind, you'll find that you can interact with people as your authentic self, whether it's on a first date, making new friends at a party or according, clients in business. This book was made to refer back to more than once. If you find yourself slacking on any of these three tenants, jumped to that chapter to get a refresher. I don't want you to see this as the kind of book where you read it and think that was a nice read. It made me feel good. Back to my regular life. Actually, I wonder what my next self-help book will be about. I've made this to be the resource for living a well balanced life as an introvert, as it's easy for us to lock ourselves into our mind office and not really feel fulfilled or appreciative about our lives. We as introverts have so many strengths. We tend to be the artists, the scientists, the philosophers, but often we get trapped. In a cycle of overthinking and end up in mobilizing ourselves instead of progressing and innovating, this goes for all aspects of our lives, especially with relationships. I cannot tell you how many times I've decided to not go out and meet people because I was way too inside my head or I was acting not myself while meeting someone, while freaking out on the inside. How about over analyzing my relationships regardless of how well they're going? What about coming up with genius excuses for not following up with someone after a date or not finishing a passion project of yours. Lastly, what about just not feeling like you're even living in reality, but in some sort of dream world, walking down the street feeling like you're watching a YouTube video and not actually taking in the world around you as an unbalanced introvert, my senses are dulled. I feel less. I noticed less. But right now, I want you to take a walk outside or around your home, or even just look around you in the room you're in. I want you to connect with this present moment. Have you ever tried virtual reality? Isn't it strange how, when we're there were actually being patient and attentive to the digital reality presented to us. Looking at what's around us without rushing, without thinking, just being there in this strange new world, attempting to make it feel like you're actually inside that world. This is how you can practice presence. Right now, imagine this is the most realistic, intricate version of virtual reality. Yet with virtual reality, you currently only have vision and sound. But with this modern version, you also have taste, touch, and smell. You've even been given a fully operational body within this VR environment. Take your hand and put it on the wall. Feel the temperature of the wall, the texture. Slowly pull your hand downward to see how that sensation changes. My favorite time to practice this is on a morning walk around my block before work. An important part of my day is this exercise. What gets me locked into presence? The easiest is to observe an outdoor plant. I like to get up close and watch how it moves back and forth with the wind. These are the things I don't usually notice. I'm too busy overthinking about something that doesn't matter at all on this morning walk, I also take a moment to remind myself what I'm doing here on this planet. If my morning isn't balanced, the rest of the day usually goes nowhere. I don't feel right. I don't think right. I don't perform right. But when I wake up paying respect to the three tenants of what makes a balanced introvert, people seem nicer, situations tend to work out in my favor. I have limitless energy and I just attract all of the right people into my life without even really trying, even though this book is everything you need to live a happy life and bring in the right relationships. If you're looking to dive further into what has helped me write this, I recommend the books, The Power of Now by Eckhart totally. The next rule by Grant Kardon and your erroneous zones by Wayne Dyer. All three of these books have molded me throughout my life and have been the main force and helping me become happier, more attractive and continent. I appreciate that you wanted to learn something from me and took the risk to read this book, I cannot wait to see how you've evolved as a balanced introvert after adopting this new lifestyle for yourself. Thank you for helping me to realize my own sense of purpose by helping you become more self-actualized and getting into the relationships you actually want in your life. Well, based on Donbass.