Persuasion & Influence: Boost Your Communication Skills & Social Skills | Alain Wolf | Skillshare

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Persuasion & Influence: Boost Your Communication Skills & Social Skills

teacher avatar Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

    • 1.

      Welcome & Introduction


    • 2.

      The Social Proof Effect


    • 3.

      The Reason Effect


    • 4.

      The Consistency Effect


    • 5.

      The Talk About Them Effect


    • 6.

      The Hard To Get Effect


    • 7.

      The Similarity Effect


    • 8.

      Thank You


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About This Class

Learning to influence & persuade people will give you personal power over other people. This course will cover 9 powerful techniques you can use in your personal and professional life to get what you want in social situations.

How To Influence People & Get What You Want In Social Situations

  • Get more favors from people
  • Gain more power socially
  • Influence people in your personal life
  • Influence & persuade people in any social situation

Learn To Influence & Persuade People In Any Social Interaction

Why do you say yes to some people & no to others? How can you talk with more influence so you can get what you want? How can you persuade people to do something?

We will answer these questions in this course. Every one around you uses the power of influence to communicate. But at different levels. Some people know how to use it and they become socially successful & get what they want while other people struggle socially. But don't worry, with this course, you will become to the category of people who are socially successful.

Content & overview

You will learn the 6 most powerful techniques in persuasion & influence when dealing with people. You will learn how to increase your success rate when asking a question to someone (it will really make your life easier), you will learn how to get more favors from people (don't overuse it ;-), how to get people to be drawn towards you, how to be categorized as friendly even before you open your mouth (this technique is incredible), how to influence people so they will be super nice when you approach them, how to be great at social skills influence, how to get people to value you socially & how to connect faster with people!

Meet Your Teacher

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Alain Wolf

Social Skills Consultant



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Alain Wolf is an award-winning entrepreneur, best-selling author, philanthropist, and the world's leading transformational coach.

His work has been featured on CBS, NBC, ABC,... See full profile

Level: All Levels

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1. Welcome & Introduction: So hi and welcome to this online training on how to positively influence and persuade people. I wanted to share with you six powerful techniques to influence people. You will learn how to get more favorites from people, how to gain more power, associate, how to influence people in your personal life. How to influence and persuade people in any social situations. So you would see it's a really short and intense, it's less than 35 minutes. So it's really an intense course that will give you practical tools that you can use to influence more people in your personal and professional life. So let's jump right in. 2. The Social Proof Effect: Now let me explain what social proof is and how you can use it into cases. Number one, if many people have experienced the product or service or someone and they liked it, the high chances that you will like it as well, because it decreases the risk of the unknown. Let's say that you want to buy a book on Amazon when book has one review and the other one has 500 reviews, the high chance that you will buy the book with 500 reviews, because unconsciously, you bring things that if 500 people liked the book, you should like it as well. As we can see here. Our brain wants to decrease the risk of the unknown of uncertainty by looking at what other people are doing, it helps us in our choices. If you see that there is a product that is a service that many people have liked. Other is someone that is in demand socially, many people are talking to that person. Brain will want to interact with that person. Our brain will want to get that person that book, that product, that service, because it's in-demand and it has been socially validated by others. The second case is that if many people want it, you have higher chances of wanting it. For example, if someone's, If somebody is at a networking event and this person is always busy talking to people, you will want to talk to that person as well because you bring things. If that many people want to talk to them, they should have a certain social value and they should be interesting. And it's the opposite. If someone is alone and they haven't talked to anyone during the night, you may say, Oh, why is this person alone and no one is talking to them? Maybe there is something weird with that person. Even though it's not the case. That's how our brain reacts. So I wanted to show you in the next slides how you can use this social proof. Social proof effects to really improve the perception that people have about you, that you got more in demand so that you can influence more people. Let me ask you questions here. You have the choice between these two restaurants. Which one would you choose? The one on the left. On the right, 99% of people will choose the one on the left because there are people there. And you bring things. If there are that many people, the food should be good. I mean, not get food poisoning. Maybe there's a great atmosphere. Maybe there is great, this great music, and so on. Because there are people there. And if the restaurant would be bad, people wouldn't be there. And that's how our brain thinks. And if you look at the one on the right, maybe it's an excellent restaurant. But why, why are there no people inside? Maybe the problem with the food or it's too expensive. Maybe that's not the case, but that's how our brain reacts. Because on the right there is no one. So as we can see here, you want to, if you want to try a new service or new product, we are going to pick the one with the most social proof because other people have already tried it, have already talked with that person and they know that this person is okay, it's friendly or that product or service is great. Do you prefer to talk to demand on the left, on the right? 99% of people would say, the man on the right. Why? Because he's with people. And you mind things that if he's with people, he should be friendly. He should be interesting. By just being other address, being with other people. You are already validated in the social world. Because if you were weird or if there was something wrong with you, you wouldn't have people around you. And I know that it's really basic, but that's how our brain thinks. If you talk to demand on the left here, there is a risk involved because you asked yourself description here, why is this person alone? Maybe it's this person is traveling, but maybe it's because he's weird that there is something wrong with that person. And how we've evolved brain thinks that, oh, if this person is alone, maybe there's something wrong with it with this person. I know it's not fair, but that's how our brain works. So if you wanted to increase the way that people perceive you, be surrounded by people, that you are already validated. So how can you apply it? The goal here is to show that people like you. So I'm going to show you later how you can use these techniques here, but I just wanted to give you the concepts here. The goal here is to show that people like you. Because if people like you knew people should also like you, people will approach you more easily if they see other people around you having a great time. Number two, if many people want to talk to you, your social value will increase. It means that you are in demand, you are socially demanded. It means that you should have values should be interesting. It should be someone they want to talk to. So many people want to talk to people around you will be wondering what's so special about you and everyone we want, we want to talk to you. Number three, show proof that people have liked your product or service. If you can tell your customer that other people have tried your product or service and they have liked it. The high chances that other people will like it as well. You as the customer who wants to buy that product or that service. If you see that there are already all the people who have tried what you want to buy and they have lighted the higher chance that you would like it as well. So it's a way for you to decrease the risk. How can you apply it? Texting number one is to try to be introduced to people instead of approaching on your own. Yes, you can approach and you can say, Hi, my name is Mark. How are you? Then the person will reply, Hi, my name is Carlos nanometer. It works really, really well. But if you want a technique that works even better is to use the warm approach. You ask a friend to introduce you to other people. Hi, I just wanted to introduce my friend Mark. He's a good friend of mine. And then you can say, Hi, I'm Mark. How are you? Then the new person say, Hey, I'm Cairo's nice to meet you. That way. You are socially proofed because you are already validated, associated by your friend. And you have a higher chance of being accepted by the new person because you friends, because your friend recommends you. And this is really, really powerful here. When you are in social situations. Don't hesitate to ask people that you know to introduce you to their friends, their colleagues, and so on. Tactic number two, you can tell who you know. For example, you could say, Hi, my name is Mark, I'm Stephanie is friend because then the new person has high chances of accepting you. Because stephanie, which is someone they know, has already accepted you by using other people's names, saying that you are related to them. It can help you be more accepted socially and have more social success. Of course, don't lie if you don't know that person. But if you see, if we think about that when you approach people and you ask yourself this question here, Who do I know in common with that person? Is there a co-worker or a boss, a friend that we both know. If you approach and you say, Hey, my name is blah, blah, blah. And then you you talk, you say, how related you are to someone that they know as well. It can decrease the risk of the unknown and you can have more social success. Number three, try to be with friends and not alone. If you go to a place, it's better to be with friends than alone because it will increase your social proof and people like you. So it means that people have validated you. It means that you should be friendly so that other people can talk to you and we want to talk to you. It has high extensive than if you are alone. If you go to a social place, think about asking your coworkers, your friends are people that you know, if they want to come to you. The idea is that you can have people that you can share the moment with, but then at the same time, it can bring you social proof to the new places that you want to network or to meet new people. And if you are alone, you have to go alone because you are in a new city, you are traveling or neutral zone to make new friends, have a friendly vibe. It means that be there'll be open to meet new people. Don't have, don't be all stress because you are alone and say, Oh my God, I'm alone. And you have all these negativity because whatever you feel the other person feels, so try to put yourself in a great mood. Maybe have a great and have a drink, dance to some music, and start talking to people to get these vibe going to friendly vibe going. Your goal here is to start interacting with people. Because then people we see you interacting with other people. And they will say, Oh, this person is not really alone. This person is interacting with people and you will be social proofed. Another technique is to share stories about your clients or about your friends. For example, if you have a business you want to set a new offering, a product or service, you can say, Oh, my clients, they have tried that and they got this result. I've tried my product or my service and the goddess result. And you explain, you show them because in the mind of people, they will say, Oh, if other customers have tried what I wanted to buy right now, they have liked it. In that case, I should be confidence in buying data as well because it has worked for other people. So if you alone, that works really well is that if you approach someone and then you share stories about a time when you were with your friends so that people can know that, oh, this person is not alone. The specimen has a social life and is validated. Also, testimonials works really, really well. If you wanted to sell a product or service, then that works really well. If you talk about how other people have used your product or your service, so don't hesitate to put that on your website if you are building a brand that works really well. 3. The Reason Effect: Now let's talk about the reason effect. If we ask someone to do us a favor, we have a highest success rate. If you provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do. Now let's talk about other, about a study that was done. People were standing in line in the library to the Xerox machine. Semana arrived and ask to the first-person in front of the line if they could make a copy. If someone said, Excuse me, I have five pages, can I use the Xerox machine? This success rate was 60%. What if instead of just using the machine, they provide a reason? They can say, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine? Because I'm in a rush? 94% of people accepted. What's really interesting is that if you just provide a random reason, it works almost as well. For example, someone said, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies. 93% of people accept it. What's really interesting here is that if you provide a reason, it goes from 60% to 93 or 95%. But the reason is not that important. It's not about the reason that you use, it's about using the word. Because if I asked you this question here, could you go to the supermarket? You may say yes, no. You don't know why you have to go to the supermarket? Is it to bike to buy some milk, some red? You don't know why you have to go there? We wanted to have reasons. If I tell you, can you go to the supermarket to buy some milk? In that way, you can understand why you have to go there. So when you ask someone something, you should always provide a reason. And that way it will increase your success rate. Let's pretend you want to go to a restaurant with someone and this person doesn't like restaurants that much. I know it's weird, but it exists like there are people who don't like restaurants. You could ask the question, you want to go to the restaurant tonight, you'd have 60% success rate. But if you add a reason, you could say, Do you want to go to that restaurant tonight because the food is really good there. You may have in 93% success rate. The success rate will be higher if you provide a reason. Your challenge here is to use the word because when you asked your questions, it can be in your personal life, professional life, provide reasons about why you want others to do the things that you want. Tell them, Okay, I want you to do that because, because, because the more reasons you can provide to others, the most success you will have, and the more you can influence them. 4. The Consistency Effect: Let's talk about the consistency effect. We want to be consistent with our actions, that we can be on autopilot and save energy. For example, if I tell my friends that I wanted to stop smoking, there is a higher chance of success because I want it to be consistent with what I said versus if I said nothing. Because if I said nothing, It's easier to just forget about my resolution and continue smoking. But if I share my goals with people around you, if I make it public, if I say okay, this is the goal that I have for my company, for my business. This is the new resolution. This is I won't, this is how many times I want to work out and I share that with people around you. Share that with people around me. My brain, we wanted to be consistent with the thing that I said. That's way, That's how the consistency effect work. Another example, if I tell you that I'm coming tomorrow, there are higher chances of me coming tomorrow because I wanted to be consistent with what I said. If I tell you that I'm coming tomorrow, there are higher chance that we'll come rather than than if I don't tell you that I'm coming tomorrow. It may be stupid, but that's, that's the logic behind that. How can you use the consistency effect? You can approach with the consistency effect. You can say hi, I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. Unconsciously. The person accepted to be framed as friendly. The person has higher chance of being friendly because they wanted to be consistent with what you said. Great way is to approach people and then to frame the quantities that you want them to have when you interact with them. Great words are friendly, open-minded, happy. So for example, you can say hi, I just wanted to say hi because he looked friendly, because you look happy, because you look up at it. That way. People will say, Oh, thank you all, thank you. Oh hi, how are you? And unconsciously that we'd have accepted the fact that you are framing them as friendly, happy, and open-minded. If you want to have bad interaction with people, you can use the words friendly, open-minded, happy, and you can frame them as that. Of course, you want to be authentic. For example, if you perceive that someone is not friendly at all, awesome on his board, you don't want to approach someone and say Hi. I just wanted to say hi because you look happy. You must use some common sense to do it. And you will see it will work really, really well. Use the consistency effect in the conversation. You can use the qualities that they have and you can highlight that. We want to talk about a great personality traits. You can say, oh, it's great to mean someone who is friendly. It's great to meet someone who is open-minded. It's great to meet someone who is happy. And unconsciously the person accepted to be framed as that quality. The person has high chance of being friendly, happy, open-minded, because they wanted to be consistent with what you said. This work really, really well. And the suggestion here would be, be present in the interaction. When there is a quality, a trait that you like, you just highlight it. You highlight it and you say, Oh, it's great to meet someone who is. And then you say, the person's personality trait. That works really well. Number three, discuss your future plans together on Friday. We can go there. We can do that at that time. You can schedule it together. The more you make it real, the higher the consistency effect will work. The more you are taking something that doesn't exist yet like a meeting that you would have in the future. And the more you are making it real by talking, by scheduling it, the higher the consistency effect will be. It means that the more you talk about it, the higher chance that the other, the people, the person will come to that meeting. Because the person we want to be consistent with what you said, with what you discussed. Before. You can use earlier you told me earlier you told me that you wanted to go out more often. You want to go out this weekend. If there is something that the person said before that is it really interesting? And you want to use that again, for example, to ask them to go out with you or to do something. You can say, Oh, earlier in the conversation you told me that. Earlier in the conversation you told me that. Now you can ask a question or you can continue and you can expand on that. That works really well because if someone said something in the conversation, you can just remind them that they said that to do something else in the future with you. That works really, really well. 5. The Talk About Them Effect: The talk about them effect. If you talk about the benefits that people will get, it will work better than if you talk about your own benefits or you don't mention any. The idea here is when you ask someone to do something is to talk about the benefits for them. You don't want just to, to share your decision or to ask someone to do something without showing them how it will benefit them. Because as humans, we all have this question here. What's in it for me? The question that you should have in your mind all the time when you are talking to people, is, how will my question, decision improve the quality of the life of the other person? Because what most people will do is that we say, let's do this because it will help me. 3d ageist. It's really selfish. Like they don't think about how they can influence the other person. But instead, if you say, let's do this because it can help you improve data, data that you create a bridge, a connection between you and the other person. And you show the other person that their life will be better if they act on the decision or if they come with you to that event or to the thing that you want to do. That worked really, really well. If you show others how the life will be improved, the benefits that they will have. If they say yes to your request. Let's say that for example, you want to talk to a friend who wants to meet new people. You could say, Do you want to go to dissociate events so we can meet new amazing people. The benefit for the, for the friend is they can meet new amazing people. If you are talking to the marketing intern who wants to learn how to be a better intern. You can then ask him this question here. Can you help me with this presentation so that I can show you how I create the slides. The benefits here is I can show you how accurate the slides so that you can show how you do your work to that Internet. You can teach him or her how to do their work better. If you talk to a colleague, you could say, Do you want to come to these productivity event with me so that we can learn to be more productive at work and have more free time. The benefits is that if your colleague comes with you to that productivity, productivity event, then you can have more free time because you will be more productive at work. When you talk to someone, always show the benefits that they will get if they act with you. 6. The Hard To Get Effect: The hard to get ethics. People who evaluate something or someone more, if they don't get it, don't get them that easily. Let's say that you get a new car, it's a fair way. There is a difference between someone giving it to you for free. Like they give it, they say, Oh, this is a new card, is a brand new fairy. This is the car. Like you will be happy. But you won't value it as much as if you spent the last 30 years saving for that car. Because you invested less time, less money, less energy, and getting that ferrite, you will value more things if you have to work to get them. And this is the idea here of the heart to get effect. Let's see the street that with something practical. I have a cat's eye. I love him and he teaches me a lot about dynamics, about social dynamics. If you give a string to your cat, he won't be interested in playing with it because it's too easy to just give it the string and the cat doesn't want to play with it because it can get it right away. But if you play with the string, The cat will go crazy about it because he wants to catch it. The string is hard to get. The cat has to work to get the string is not easy to get it. It's exactly the same with social situations. You want to be someone who challenges other people, not someone who is always agreeing with everything and always saying that these available or the time. You want to be a little bit hard to get the string to the cat. How can you be a little bit more hard to get? Number one is your availability. If you see less available people will like you. More. People love other people that they can't get or that they can get not that easily. For example, if you say sure, I'm available when you want, it's like giving the string to the cat. But if instead you say, Sure, Let me check my calendar and get back to you. Immediately. You are playing with the string. You're not keeping the string that easily. Next time that someone asked you to do something, try to get it a bit more hard to get, even if you are really excited about what you want to do with that person. Try to look peas and say, oh, yeah, that's that sounds awesome. I just have to check my calendar. Let me get back to you. Have a challenging mindset. When playing with the cat. You challenge a heme to catch the string. What you should do is have the mindset of you want to challenge the other person. And it's what we call the buyer versus the seller mindset. It's like buying a TV. You are the buyer. You go to a store and you want to buy a TV. There is a seller there. The center he wants to sell the TV. He doesn't care about which TV. He says he just wants to sell the TV. But you as the buyer, you want to ask questions. Which TV is the best as? What is the screen resolution? What's the price? You can ask questions to uncover which TV you want to have. There's a difference here between the buyer who wants to be selective of the TV that he or she wants to buy. The seller who just wants to sell the TV. No matter which one it is, they just want to sell the TV. What you want to have is the buyer mindset when you are talking to people, you will be screening people to see, for example, if, see if they have the qualities that you want in a romantic partner, if that's what you are looking for, or business partner or friend. When you are talking to them, imagine that you have the challenging mindset, you have the buyer mindset. Ask, ask them if there are great people as them, as if they are cooled, ask them the most adventurous thing that they have done. Ask them question to underscore, to uncover their personalities. And then ask yourself this question here. Do you want to be friends with that person? You want to date that person. You want to have a business relationship with that person. Don't be too available in the same time. You want to be challenging, you want to challenge them to see if there are great fits with your personality and with who you are. I know that when you interact with people you want to be available, you want to be super friendly. But if you are too nice to available, it's going to decrease your social value. So be aware of that when you talk to people. 7. The Similarity Effect: The similarity effect, we tend to like more people who are like us. In social interactions. People who tend to like other people more if they are like them. Though. There has been studies that have shown that if we have to ask $5 in a train station, will ask it to someone who looks like us. We want to approach people to interact with people who are like us and we tend to like them more. So how can you use this similarity effect? You can mirror their behavior. Have you already talked to your best friend? And then you notice that you have the exactly same body language as Deb. You are connected like this person. You are using the similarity effect even unconsciously because you are connected to that person. That works really, really well when you approach new people, you try to copy their body language. For example, if someone courses the arms of someone, puts their arm on the chair, you can do the same. The idea here is to mirror the behavior. If you have a look at the pictures here, you can see here that they have the same body language. The idea is when you talk to someone at the beginning, you don't do anything. But then as you get to know each other, you just mirror their behavior. One gesture at a time. For example, if they are crossing the legs, you can cross your legs. If they are doing something with the Hence, you can slowly start doing it with your hands. The idea here is to copy some of their behaviors, some of their body language. You're not copying exactly their body language, but you are copying some gestures because you don't want to make it too obvious. You want to be a little bit like them, but not exactly like them. Otherwise, they may perceive that there is something weird. If they should change their behavior, their body language, don't change it too fast, you just change it slowly. For example, if they uncross their arms, you then just slowly and cross your arms. You don't want to make it too obvious, but if you try it in your personal or professional life, you will see that people will connect with you more and that way you can then better influence them. Because when you want to influence people, you want to create rapport. And the best way to create rapport is to adopt a body language that is similar to them. You can also use the language. You try to identify their own language, and then you use them in the conversation. The easiest way to do it is to put your attention on the words that they say often. The words that not everyone uses. For example, if I talk to someone and know that they are always using the word amazing, amazing, it's an amazing presentation or it was an amazing day. I can also use the word amazing. The person will like me more because then they will perceive that we have the same language. And if we have the same language, we should be similar and we should like each other. When you are talking to someone, look at the words that they're saying and that they are not usual and then you can use these words as well. Here. Just a warning, I'm not making fun of the other person. If the person has a language trouble or something, I don't want to copy that. I want to copy the positive towards the things that make them stand out and look good. And if you try it, you will see you will become a big success when you are talking to people, be aware of that and you can try that in your personal life or professional life. Today, when you go out and you approach people and you talk to them, listen to the words, listen to their words, and try to uncover their language. And then you can talk in terms. For example, if someone says, Oh, it's something that I really like, the use the word. It's something I really like when you are talking, you can also say, oh, it's something I really like. Then the other person will unconsciously see that you are using the same words and we perceive you as more likable. 8. Thank You: Thank you. This was a short and intense on entraining. You really wanted to give you the tools that you need to improve your way of influencing and persuading people. Twice, it short if it's intense and I wanted to give you tools that were really practical. So my challenge to you today is to use one technique that you liked in this course. So I would encourage you to pick one that you loved. Maybe it's a similarity effect the heart to get and use it in your own life. Start with one today and see how it is. And then when it's more natural, you come back to these online training and then you use another one and otherwise, and another one and have fun with it. Because it's a fun process to improve how you influence the persuades people also always have great intentions when you are talking to people, when you're influencing others. Don't have bad intentions in mind. Have a positive, positive emotions, positive intentions towards the other person, and you're going to become a big success.