Parenting Teens - Helping Teenagers Succeed in Life: Part 1 | Braco Pobric | Skillshare

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Parenting Teens - Helping Teenagers Succeed in Life: Part 1

teacher avatar Braco Pobric, Founder of Life Success Academy

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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

30 Lessons (2h 17m)
    • 1. Why take this program Promo and Why take this program

    • 2. What They Teach in School May Not Be Nough

    • 3. Transformational Learning

    • 4. Teach Your Children to be Happy NOW

    • 5. The Scientifically Proven Happiness Model

    • 6. What Determines Happiness My children can’t be happy

    • 7. Grounded Optimism

    • 8. Optimism and Our Children - Learned Optimism

    • 9. When Being Overly Optimistic is not Good for your children (Check all optim

    • 10. Science of Childhood - Time Magazine

    • 11. Choose What is Important To You as a Parent

    • 12. Let Them do Crazy Things

    • 13. Listen, Listen, Listen - Listen Mindfully

    • 14. Love - Give them Unconditional Love

    • 15. Let them be Angry, Mad, Sad - All Emotions Are Good

    • 16. The Power of Yet

    • 17. FAIL - First Attempt in Learning

    • 18. Growth Mindset

    • 19. Focusing on Strengths

    • 20. Active Constructive Responding

    • 21. GRIT

    • 22. Introduction to 7 Secrets for Teens

    • 23. Secret Number 1 Teens

    • 24. Secret Number 2 Teens

    • 25. Secret Number 3 Teens

    • 26. Secret Number 4 Teens

    • 27. Secret Number 5 Teens

    • 28. Secret Number 6 Tens

    • 29. Secret Number 7 Teens

    • 30. 50 Be a Role Model

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About This Class

The research shows that we can help our teenagers improves their overall wellbeing, increases their happiness level, improves their chance of Life Success, help with mental and physical health, and reduces their stress level while choosing the right college.  

At the end of this program you will be able to:

  • Get to know many tools to help your teenage children 
  • Learn and apply the tools to help you while dealing with difficult teenage issues
  • Apply proven  Parenting tools at home, in school, while play, etc.  
  • Identify proper communication tools with your teens
  • Learn to respect your teens decision
  • Support yourself better while supporting and your teenage children
  • Learn Secrets of teens success and help your teenage children apply them in their life
  • Apply Optimism and Happiness tools in your daily life and the life of your children
  • Be even more open minded about the unconventional tools while dealing with the teenage problems
  • Love your teenage children unconditionally regardless of what they do
  • Help your children navigate difficult time
  • Help  your children grow faster to achieve Life Success
  • And much, much more...

For additional knowledge and tools on Positive Psychology and Habits please check my other programs. 

Meet Your Teacher

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Braco Pobric

Founder of Life Success Academy


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Braco Pobric is an Internationally Recognized Positive Psychology Expert and Corporate Trainer. He is the bestselling author of Habits and Happiness: How to Become Happier and Improve Your Well... See full profile

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1. Why take this program Promo and Why take this program: are there times when you simply struggle raising your teenage kids do they shut the door and don't want to talk to you? You have a solution, but they simply don't want to listen. They don't get the greats you want them to get. They don't study enough. The room is a mess. They're not going to go to college. You want them to do they just know everything? You know, Years ago I was in a store when I saw the sign. It says Hi, a teenager while they know everything. So just remember, they do know everything now. You know nothing and because of that, because we want you to learn something, how to handle your teenagers, how to help them succeed in life, how to help them become more resilient, become happier and receive those life, life important skills that don't get in school. That's why I am here, my friends. Hi. My name is Brad Sapo Bridge, and I am certified postive psychology coach, certified neutral Agrestic practitioner, A former globally certified Dale Carnegie trainer and business coach. I'm also the water off this number one Amazon bestseller in self help, applied psychology and happiness and the book name is habits and happiness. In my years off research, I learned what we can do as parents toe help our teenage Children growth toe, help our teenage Children become happier, healthier, have a better life and yet still have a great relationships and open communication with them. More importantly, I raised one of these kids is now 30 years old, and as you go through this program, you could also here couple of personal stories what I've done, as well as, ah, lot of scientifically proven tools that will help you immediately apply this the tools and skills in your life so that you, as a parent, will have a better life and in turn, help your Children succeed. So come inside, join me. Let's have some fun and learn parenting tools and techniques to help teenage kids. 2. What They Teach in School May Not Be Nough: this lecture and the exercise is inspired by work of Dato Dr Martin Seligman, who, you know, we called father of post of psychology. He was presenting a lot of similar research at the fest Follow Quest of education and the questions that I ask my clients are actually very similar that he did in his own research. So the first question I ask my clients parents who have a teenage kids tinted Children. Ah, is the following in one or two wards describe What is it that you want your Children, your child to be or to become? I would like to give you a minute to think about it and write it down, or just come up with one or two things that you would like your child, your Children to be. The next question I ask is, What is it that they teach in school, your Children or your child? What do they teach him? Or hair in school? Then I asked him to write that down. They're gonna ask you to do the same thing. If you're not in a position to write, just think about it. So let me give you from my coaching sessions some answers that I have received on the question, um, number one, which is What is it that you want them to be or become some answers I received happy. It was like the most popular. Want them to be happy, happy, confident, fulfilled, have a balanced life, you know, between work, family and everything else. And he kind to be healthy, to live long life, to be good person, to be loved and to love, to be socially accepted, to be resilient. So those are some of the answers that I received on question number one, which is What is it that you want your child really to be to become on question number two , which is what they teach in school. The answers where Science, math, English or language, Right? Whatever language they teach in your country. History, geography, chemistry, testing. You know, they teach them how to how to, uh, answer the test questions. And then without knowing what you answered and without knowing what my client answered because I asked them to write down. Then I asked him Question number three. Can you find it over Lep? Which ones? Overlapping things that you really want your kids to be to become and things that they teach in school. Chances are there is a minimum or none overlap. You know, we don't in school. Teach them to be happy. Although we know that there is so much research and the tools that are scientifically proven that we can teach your teenagers to become happier, we don't teach them how to be resilient. I'm just going over some answers that I received in my coaching sessions. Um, you know, way don't teach them to be confident, you know, maybe a little bit. But, like, really, there's so much about self confidence that would help them so much. And by knowing this by knowing that there is a little overlap really off what you want your Children, Toby in life to become with what they teach them in school. It is our responsibility as parents to focus and things that we want them to be. You want them to be happy. Well, let's focus on their happiness. You want them to be resilient so that things come, you know, when something hits them hard in life that they'll be able to handle it well, let's teach the Brazilians. Let's let's introduce the tools that we know we have. I scientifically proven to teach them Brazilians, you know, let teach them kindness and loving kindness, so that all these things that we can basically teach, either we go back to the positive education and we try to influence our schools to bring the post of education in school. And so it's not just or and we as a parents should start teaching and consciously teaching ah, tools that will get them closer to be what we want them to be. But we truly want them to be and to become. So let's work on this helping our kids not on Lee achieved the academic results, which off course we want them to do. But let's also pick up tools to help them become happier, healthier and improve their overall overall well being. And truly have that what I call the life success 3. Transformational Learning: in my programs, regardless, if that is, you know, few hours, workshop coaching, one day workshop, six weeks, 12 weeks, online training, regardless what it is, it is truly important for me that my participants understand that gaining and knowledge is absolutely important. So that's the base off course. I do expect you to goto, go to lectures and the pick up this knowledge. I pick up some tools that you can apply, but what's more important is make sure that you do apply the tools that you learn here. Make sure that you do apply as a parent in your own life and then help your Children apply these tools so that not only that will help you become happier, but it truly, in turn, will help you help your Children become happy like in the long run, something that they will learn that they will never forget. But how do we do this? I always a call something that again is so important. Peter Drucker, who you know, was the Business Week cause him main, who invented management. So Peter Drucker, when he was getting old, and he wasn't really able to teach and travel the world any longer he would invite the world, you know, leaders and the top executives to his home, and they would come on Friday and they would spend the weekend with him Friday, Saturday, Sunday when, where he was basically teaching them leadership skills. The first thing he was tell them he would tell them is on Monday. Don't tell me how great it Waas. Tell me what you are doing differently. So basically, yes, I would love that. You tell me discourse is great and you truly enjoyed it and plays. If you dio do the review and let me know, I would love to hear that. But what's more important is tell me, what are you doing differently based on what you learned here? And it's not really about telling myself, but it's about telling yourself, What are you doing differently? What were you able to change in your life as a parent? What were you able to change in your Children's life? So that is really what's what's so important? So as you go to the program, please keep in mind that yes, you want to pick up a knowledge. Yes, you want to pick up some tools, but please commit to applying this tools, commit to helping yourself and helping your Children become happier regardless what stage they are in right now. 4. Teach Your Children to be Happy NOW: I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, this is what we were told. And most of here, my friends and and, uh and, ah, family members my age. You will be happy when you finished at high school. You will be happy when you get accepted to college. You will be happy when you finish that college. You will be happy When you get your first job. You will be happy When you get married. You will be happy when you get your house. You'll be happy when you get your own kid. You'll be happy when you, you know, get that job will be happy to get your from or she'll be happy So please try not to make same steak. First of all, don't think that your kids will be happy. When, When? When when went No. So let's think about we know that doesn't work. He doesn't work for many reasons. That means that if they will be happy when they get to that college, if they will be happy one day graduate if they were happy. But that means that they're not happy now, shouldn't we? Shouldn't they be happy right now? as appearance. We really have the responsibility. Think about Do you want your kids, your child, your son, your daughter to be happy Off course you dio. That's one of the things I hear from parents than most what you want from your kids. I've just wound them to be happy. And yet at the same time, we do a lot of things that contradicts that We do a lot of things that don't help them become happier on contrary Italy. Help them to not to be so happy. Help them, you know, to think about that happiness will come one day. So please, please, please, please don't make the same mistake. You may think I'm crazy. You may think that this doesn't really fit into what you believe in. I'm fine with that. Not everything I teach will fit and quick with everyone. And that is absolutely fine. Right? But But if it does And if you think about it And if you and I know you are off course, want your Children to be happy helped them to become happier. Now teach them that happiness is in the moment that happiness is in this moment. My happiness is in this moment sharing the information that I am truly passionate about teaching folks, helping parents help their kids. So I am not saying I'll be happy when? No, because that doesn't work unless I'm happy now. Nothing else matters. So please, please understand this. Talk to your kids. Ask them. What is it that make them happier? What is it? It makes them feel good, right? And help them have more off it. If they say, makes me feel good. If I just lay down 12 hours a day, do nothing and watch TV? No, of course, the answer is no way. We know we know what's really not good for them, and it's not gonna make them happy. Long run. But, you know, if they se um, you know, I like to play football. Like to play soccer. Like to spend a little time with my friends. You know, I want to ride the bike. I want to swim, you know, want to spend some more time with such a such you know, Then based on that and based on that, you know, if it's your value, uh, just help them have more often right If they love a playing basketball. Make sure that you give them enough time to play basketball because or whatever that this. Because when we focus on what we good at, then the things that are that we are not good at will become better at it. Believe it or not, there is a lot of research that proves that. You know, if you think about the science of post of psychology, science, of happiness, it's all about focusing on what's right with us rather than what's wrong with us focusing on what your kids are good at rather than what they not focusing on what your Children do well rather than what they not. This doesn't mean that we are going to ignore what they not good at. No, no, no, no, no. But what it really means is that we want to focus even more on things that I really good at , so that by giving them more time to do things that they good at, chances are they think that they not good at they will start working on that little by little as well. So so that's really important, right? So think about the happiness off your kids off your Children Think about what you can do to help your Children learn that happiness is right now, like this is the happiness, right? This is how we can and also that what's also important for you to understand that we cannot be happy all the time. That's not what life is all about. They need to understand that too. It is okay to not be happy. It is okay to be upset. It is okay, you know, to fill angry. There is a time when anger and being upset can serve us. Well, um, you know, if there was no anger, a lot of things wouldn't change for better. You know, this is just kind of just sharing this with you folks. It's really important. But the idea is that it is important for you to understand that all emotions are good. However, what we want to do is we want to bring our happiness level off, because as we do, that we improving our own overall well, being back to the main thing. So please help your Children become happy and understand that happiness is in the moment and that as they do that they're truly they're all life down the road and their own view off happiness will change, and therefore they will become happier people 5. The Scientifically Proven Happiness Model: just so that you can help your Children become happier. Let me walk you through briefly. One of the world known happiness model that we call Perma. And it is created by Dr Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania. So what is Perma pee stains for positive emotions? That is pretty easy to understand. Positive emotions, Joy Feeling good, right? Having ice cream can give me posting emotions. By the way, I just had one. I went to this local place called Hello Pub ahead and ice cream and just gave me some post emotions, some joy. So that is P E stands for engagement or flow. Now, what is Engagement, Engagement or flow is, by the way, introduced by Dr Mikhail. Check me. Heil, also from University of Pennsylvania. And the floor means that when you are truly in the moment and when nothing else matter. So right now I am in the moment, I am in the flow and nothing else matter. Nothing else matter. I'm not thinking off. You know how this program is gonna look like at the end. I'm not thinking about how many students I'm going to have. I'm not thinking about many my family. What's going on? What's going? What am I gonna have for dinner? It's It's just this moment when your Children in the flow. This will help them increase that happiness level. So how do we know what is What is the flow if they play sport and if they love sports right , unlike my son who played soccer because because everybody played soccer and we kind of put them through Italy was never in the flow here, just kind of look around and you know the ball a little bit, but he wasn't in the floor. But if you know that your Children love, let's say certain sporty basketball, football, whatever that is and you know they love it and you know, when they play their so engaged that nothing else in Mother, they are in the floor. Maybe they read a book and they truly in the flow. They live with the character, right? They connected. Nothing else matter, right? They create art, and they truly doesn't matter. What's the end result? Right? Because don't they're discourage them. If you don't like that piece of art, even if you just like you know, a few paintbrushes or whatever that is that strokes. If they are in the floor by creating that, make sure give them more time off it. Make sure you encourage them to do more off it. So again, engagement for flow encourage your kids to have more off it. Our stains. 40 relationships. By the way, number one perfecter of happiness is What do you think? Yep, Relationships. But when you think of relationships, don't only think off relationships with your partner is yourself or right or with your family. And don't only think that, uh, for your Children, you know, when you think of relationships, don't only think off. You know, Ray ships with, of course, with yourself as a parents you know, with their sub. Simply siblings with their friends. Yes, of course. But it's also relationships with the strangers, right? It's of course. Now, you know, with the Children, we gotta be careful what it means for the strangers. But what I mean by death, let me explain, when you walk around, you might just meet someone like I just met folks at the Princeton University, and they're strangers for me. I've never met them before. In chances are, and you know I may never meet them again, but that's some relationships that we established to write to me down the road. We will meet again. Maybe we'll do it together something. But it's that kind of relationships that improves our happiness levels. Then M stands for meaning. Now, off course, for our Children. It is difficult to understand that what we really mean by meaning off, you know, it is a a big question. What is the meaning off my life? But that's really like down the road. We can connect that meaning with anything we do and anything that our Children dio. Meaning for me of doing this is that, you know, I am helping parents help their Children become happier. I'm helping parents have happier Children, have a better life, have a better relationships. That is a true meaning off what I do in this particular moment, right? So that for your Children you can find the meaning in the little things they dio right, So So maybe if they understand that if you establish certain chores that they do instead of just saying, well, you have to do this so that you know you'll be able to watch on the TV or I'll give you, you know, a few bucks along. But that's something that the meaning. But the meaning is when you help me take that garbage out. You truly helping me become healthier because I have a little pain in my back and and you're your meaning is to, you know, help your father have a better life. But the healthier, the happier, right? So just anything that they do, you can find the meaning and explained in that way, and if in one week explain to our Children what the meaning is, Wow, it's a huge you nobody ever talked to me about meaning. I'm 57 just started thinking about meaning. It's not just but, you know, not long ago, a stains for accomplishment you see as human beings. Regardless, what we think that just laying down and on a couch and watching TV all day that you know, will make us feel good. There is so much message that shows that yep, there's of course, time when we need to take a break. But if we are force to do nothing for days and weeks, we will be miserable. Believe me, or not. I do know there's a lot of research. What does it mean? It doesn't mean that Oh, when I take off few weeks from work and miserable? No, of course not. But you're doing something else, all right? Even if you just vacation, you're doing something else. You go on vacation, you don't just sit and do absolutely nothing. So when we achieve something that help us become happy, it keep in mind. And this is something we can discuss a lot more. And I, you know, in my workshop, go over in in in much more details. What's really important is not to focus solely on that end goal, not to focus on Lee. When I achieve this, I'll be happy. No. The point is that you need to enjoy the journey off achieving it, you know, always given example when I was writing my book, if achievement was only publishing the book, then I would be. And if that would if that the idea is that that would make me happy. Happier then I would be miserable flight, you know, five years, because there was the time that took me to write the publish the book so that's not the idea. Instead, I enjoy the journey. I created a path where I will enjoy meaning that I scheduled interviews. I scheduled lunches and dinners with my friend. I had a lot of, Ah, phone calls I basically connected at which relationships and and to have this end result, I made sure that I enjoy the journey. So I consciously created this right. But if you didn't know that, now you know that you need to make sure that you enjoy the journey and that you help your Children understand that the journey is what should make them happy, that just getting that diploma and getting the college degree and getting that mustard degree and getting the PhD will make him happy. No, not just that, right? There's just the end result, right? But what should make them happy is the journey. That's what they need to enjoy. They need to find a way to enjoy that. Then you took on smiling because I was just thinking of the student that I interviewed, who said, You know, there's a time when he studies and it's 5 a.m. And it goes back to his room and his roommates are still studying that. He said, I'm not happy. Why did I choose? Why am I doing this? Right, So And that is OK, too. There will be time where they'll question. That's all right. Why am I doing this? That's okay. Make sure they understand that that is OK, so So that's a she. Uh, that is achievement. So that's it? That's a Perma. It's their emotions. Engagement or floor relationships, Meaning an achievement. Make sure you understand these five elements of happiness and well being. And then in turn, you can explain your Children and make sure they understand it so that they know gonna struggle down the road and say, Hey, what did I do? How come I wasn't happy while I was in college? How come I wasn't happy when I had that job? How you know? So just make sure that they don't wait for the end to achieve something, or for the end off. You know, when they get this when they get despondent, did a rather to truly implement and live Perma to help them live life fully and happily 6. What Determines Happiness My children can’t be happy : So what? The terminus Happiness. You don't have to help our Children become happier in order to help ourselves. We need to understand what you need. The term is happiness. You know, some of you may say that. Look, you know, my my parents were not happy or my father was unhappy. You know, one of my parent was, you know, such a such and they were all depressed. And, you know, I'm really know that happy. So I don't really expect I want my Children to be happy. But But it's hard because, you know, I'm really not happy and they probably have all my jeans and what can I do? So if this is what you're thinking, let me tell you a little bit about research behind happiness. And if this is not your thinking, let me tell you a little research about happiness because it's really important. This is the research by Sony album Escape. What's truly determine happiness is the following 50%. 50% is our genes. So if you say look, you know, my parents were really not happy people. My grand parents were not happy, you know, Unfortunately, I feel bad, but I won't like chilling to be happy, but I am giving them these jeans. Okay, I give you that. It is 50% fine, right? One thing to really one thing is truly important to understand. When I give you numbers on research, any numbers in any research, keep in mind. That doesn't mean that this is exactly for you. Now they did research with thousands of people. Sometimes they do with hundreds of thousands of people, and they give us numbers. So it's based on the large number of people, however, doesn't mean it's 50% for you. Maybe it's 40 maybe 55. Maybe it's 38 or 60 you know, fifties, really average rights of 50 is average. So what's the rest? Let's look after the 50%. 10% are circumstances. What does it mean? Where we live, where we grew up, the environment. You are something that we could not change and something that our Children cannot change. You know, some of them live in environment. A. Some of them live with environment being. This is the best we can do for them, right? Some of the Children growing up here in United States in a great neighborhood. Some of the Children grew up in United States and not so great neighbor within some of our Children. You know, growing up. I have, ah, folks from 165 countries. So the environment where they growing up is very important. But that is 10%. So so far we have 50% jeans and then 10% environment surroundings so that it's 60% fine. So I'll give you that. I'll give you that change. Society genes were so bad, so I'll give you that. That environment was like, terrible. I'll give you that 60%. You and your Children cannot change, but what's the rest? 40%? 40% is based on what we do every day. 40% is based on what your Children do every day. 40%. That's huge, which means that we can truly change our life. We can become happier and improve our overall well being. Regardless of jeans, they regardless off circumstances and how we grew up, right, because we have this 40% it we can change, and the way the way that we change that is by it's what we do every day. It's what we do every day. It's not only what we do till you know we were teenagers or you know 2021. What? You know, all the research was showing, but the newest that shows that we change our brain. Our brain is a plastic, and we change it. Yes, what, until the day we die? There's a size off neural plasticity that shows that our brain, our it changes based on what we do every day until almost like last moment of our life. So So if your Children understand this, it will truly help them a lot that they can basically change their brain. They can become happier and truly change the structure off their brain by doing the right things every day. You know, there was a message that shows that when Children just knew this fact, when they knew that they can change their brain, they performed much better in school just by the fact that instead of telling them, well, you know, you know, talented for this. Or, you know, sometimes they were told bad things. You know, I'm not saying by parents, although unfortunately, sometimes that happens. But it's by could be by anyone by their friends you know by their teachers. Unfortunately, this happens to so if they were told that they cannot do something, make sure that explain to them that they can, right? If they focus on something, they focus on every day, Yes, they can do this. And we're gonna cover a couple more research on tools to help our Children change their brain and therefore become even happier. 7. Grounded Optimism : Is it important that we teach our Children optimism? Some of us just may not be as optimistic. And if that's the case for you as a parent, it's going to be hard to teach them. But I have a few tips for you. I want you also to think about it. What is optimism? What does it mean for you? Is it important to be optimistic? Is it always good? Right? Um, they never situation. And the reality is that no, it is not always good. I am. I wanted to share with you that I got to tell you, I'm just generally moved. Optimistic person just have ah more optimistic view off life than then some other people. And when something would go bad on my life might my wife would say, Well, such a such is really gonna be bad And tell me all these stories that might happen. I would say just the worry. Everything will be fine. And she would say, Morning me. Don't worry. No, it took me years to truly understand that. Don't worry. Be happy. Don't, buddy. Everything will be fine. It really doesn't mean anything for people who are not truly optimistic. Everything will be fine. Why? And did they give you all these stories that they create in their heads? That sometimes it's hard to fight so well, we need to think when we think of optimism And when we think of teaching our Children optimism, it needs to. Based on what I call grounded optimism, let me give an example what can happen to your Children. So and maybe happened to you. So you are saying high school. Let's say you in college and most of us I know I did. You know, many times most of us failed the exam. Some exams. So the pessimist, somebody who doesn't see doesn't have much optimism, in their view, will say, Well, I failed this exam. I'm failure. I'm just not good that this I'm not good at anything. I never gonna pass this exam. I don't know if this school is good for me. What am I going to do in life? And they start creating all these stories, right? So that's one. You the pessimist, that that's a pessimist. You, the optimist, will say something like this. I failed the exam. You know, it's really not good. No, I feel the exam because I really didn't study that hard. You know, maybe last night I stayed up late, maybe had three drinks, whatever that is, right. But the last time I passed another exam because, you know, I studied harder. I went earlier. Good night's sleep. I remember really having like, a healthy breakfast. And I did exercise in the morning. I felt really good and I passed exams. So therefore, based on my experience, chances, Sai chances are if I do this this and this, I will pass this exam again. You see the difference? I'm not saying don't worry, I'll pass it next time. But what I'm saying is, don't worry, because because I past the other exam last time and back then I did this this and this. And therefore, if I do this this and this again, chances are I will pass the exam. Same thing with your partner and going back to discussion with my wife. I never, ever say Don't worry, everything will be fine. But I might say don't worry. I think it will be okay because remember three years ago when something similar happened and then we did this this and that well, based on that, if we do again, this this said that chances are we'll have opposed to result. So that is how true grounded optimism works. And if you learn and apply this in your life and help your Children do the same, trust me, it will help them tremendously. It will help them tremendously again, not just say everything will be fine. The the optimists can just say be It's not easy to, you know, again, some of us that move the misting jeans, but others can learn. All right, so So I am keep learning to How do I deal with optimism with myself? But also, how do I playing this to other people? To my partner, to my Children? Just wanna shares just something popped to my mind right now when a share story. My wife just had a lunch with our son the other day in New York City, and she told him this was before he got this new job and she told him, You know, are you warning that you might lose this job, what's going on with the company and so on? And he said, Don't worry, Mom. You know, I work so hard. You know, I gained so much knowledge and you know that I will always find another job. I'm just like my dad. So keep that in mind. You know, they will pick up these things if you teach them. If you apply this, they will pick up this thing. So they'll just say, Well, don't worry. Because I did this. This and that. I'll always find job. I'm Mike. I I am like my dad. It just made me feel so good because I was able by doing what I was doing, Not by telling him to be optimistic. I never, ever said that. But by doing what I have been doing all my life of might our son pick that up and now he's doing the same thing. So can be, you know, baby baby. An example. Ah, being a role model and then mentor your Children help them to do the same 8. Optimism and Our Children - Learned Optimism: to learn more about optimism. Ah, highly suggest a couple things. Um, optimism can be learned. And, uh, actually, there's a great book learned Optimism by Dr Martin Seligman. Another thing. Another book that I highly recommend and I'm going to put links later on is Victor Franco's in men. Men search for meaning Victor Frankel, who developed Ah, teary call longer therapy was captured and basically sent Teoh concentration camp Nazis kept during the World War two. And, uh, it was really interesting how he described what they really did to people. You know, they would just say, What do you have? So you have just, you know, close. You watch, you have this money, you have this. They would take that away. What else you have with you with that? That the way you know your clothes, they would take last piece of bid that you have in case of Victor Frankel, his entire longer therapy that he developed prior to get into concentration camp. And when they took everything away from people, they stepped in, you know, with like nothing, um, they would basically say now you have nothing, but that's really not how life works. If we learned if we trained ourselves that things in our clothes and money in the apartment and the house and office and everything else is really not what defines us, it is really inside. It is in hit what defines us. So when you say when they basically say that now you have nothing with their Frankel would say No. We on how you respond to events like this, right? It is. It is what we own that's my own I own that you cannot ever take that away from. You can take everything away from me. But you cannot take away how I respond to the event that happened. So these other things that can really help us and that we can, ah, teach our Children to learn optimism. Or I said that in situation when something happens and you know, unfortunately, bad things do happen. They can deal with that easily. That really is the whole idea, You know, I am. I grew up in a Sarajevo in Bosnia Herzegovina, former Yugoslavia and the left on business trip came to us before the war started. In any way war started and I can say I lost everything all right. So all the money on the account My huge apartment in center of the city, my business old, that things that I had, even the pictures, I was told they were just thrown away out of my apartment on the state. And, uh, you know, my neighbor was able to pick up and save one picture for me family photo, but basically everything was taken away from me. But how? I responded to that situation. Nobody, nobody can take away from me and nobody can take away from you. And nobody can take that away from your Children. Right? So in my case started a new life. It was hard. It is going to be hard. And that's what your Children need To understand that circumstances, the life will happen, right? And they need to understand that responding to the event when something bad happened is really important. How we respond, right, becoming more resilient and becoming, you know, having that grounded optimism built in tow us so that we can build that into our Children is truly, truly important. Ah, for them you know, the godless. How small event can throw them off, you know, failing the exam be rejected by someone who they love, You know, not getting, um, into the college that they want to get in, you know, which, you know, little down the road. They're really small events, but at the point of time, it is really important for them. So please spend some time and teach them This'll earned optimism, teach them how to react when something bad happened, because that is really important. You know, sometimes I know today of some of us in some younger parents, we kind of give everything to our kids and off course. You want to give them everything you can write. But we do have to be careful because we are really not teaching them how to respond to bad situations. We are not teaching them how to be more resilient if we always replace that things that they lose if we always just give them everything they need If they think that that's what life is all about. If they think that, you know, they don't have to worry about anything in life. We are really, really not helping that we are depriving them from their own happiness. If we do that so again, you know. Think about optimism. Think about the learned optimism. Think about what optimism can do, Ah, to help yourself. And then what optimism can do to your Children if you build that into them. If you if you ah truly prepare them and that's what we do is appearance right? Prepare them for not only for the great things that's gonna happen, because, you know you don't have to really big greatly prepared for the good things that happen in life. But you do have to prepare them for things that will go around in life. And unfortunately, sometimes things do go wrong. So be optimistic and help your kids. Your Children become even more optimistic with grounded optimism, keeping the grounded optimism in mind. 9. When Being Overly Optimistic is not Good for your children (Check all optim: Is there a time when optimism is really not so great? Well, there is. Think about the pilot. Right? So you are just about to take off And, um, you know, something happens and a pilot goes, Just don't worry, guys. What? He will be fine, right? So we don't certain positions. And usually those people who have a certain positions are not overly optimistic, Right? So, you know, think about Pilot you think about in organization that does quality assurance Fox School, who do quality assurance. It doesn't mean they not optimistic, but in this case it's even more important, right? That is a totally based on grounded optimism. So that and there was a something happened in the past, and that's why they believe that everything will be fine this time. But again, you know, certainly those of optimism is very good for all of us. Being overly optimistic in a certain situations and or position is not really so great. And that's why we are talking now about why sometimes being overly optimistic is just simply not good for us and or some folks around us 10. Science of Childhood - Time Magazine: The latest addition off Time Magazine Special Edition on the size of childhood tells us a lot about science full of, you know, from little kids to bigger Children to teenagers. And I wanted to share a few tips that they recommend based on the scientifically proven results and research. The first thing is to let your Children sleep in. Now I know this is hard. Here's what This this. In my experience they will go at least my son so they'll go to bed early, late, and then they can get up early in the morning. They like to stay in the bed late. So we often as a parent's fight that big, you know, decision what time they're going to go to bed and what time they're gonna wake up. But the research shows, basically, that brain off a teenager is, quite frankly, a little bit different than your brain. If you are the parent, what you're, ah, younger daughter, adult and, uh, and myself, because the recent shows that they do Ah a did need 8 to 10 hours of sleep. But be that based on their brain, it is absolutely normal that they would. They love to go to bed late and they like to sleep in little eight. There is. It shows that if the school start little later that the kids will perform better, they will be more focused and get better results. Now, I know you cannot change your school hours, right? You might be able to suggest, but one thing you can do is make sure that see if you can help them with going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time. So creating that habit off, having you know, uh, kind of a sleep schedule, if you will, is actually great for us adults I can't want for myself. But it turned out that's also great for Children. So, I mean, we know based on the research that, um uh there are so many sleep deprived teens like, based on the research, we know that in us 2/3 of them, to be exact, are sleep deprived, and they do need to get 8 to 10 hours of sleep daily to have Ah, you know, healthy life based on the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. CDC So So again, Keep in mind that this is how their brain works. It's really not because they want to be bad Children and all we can do is help them. All I know is that back in my contractor, when I was growing up, we had because there were so many Children. So there was some Children would go Alina schools. I guess it was eight to 1 32 o'clock. I'm not sure. And I think then the second group would go from like two, and then we would stay late. Well, I happen to be most of the years, the second group and I do know that I would go late. I would go to bed. I was studying really late and then I would, uh, wake up really late. Sometimes that would just pick up and and go to school. But now that I think back and looking this research, maybe that is the reason I perform better in school. And I was more focused. Not that I was the best student, but I was OK. And maybe truly there was a reason that recent shows today that if the school starts later in the day that the Children will be more focused. The second thing that's really important based on the science off childhood is that Ah, discussion on sex, right? Took about sex. And what research shows that when parents talk to their Children about sex in early age, the chances are that Children will have sex late later, right in life and that they would you. They will use a contraception. So it's really, really important that we talk to our Children about sex. I know sometimes it's uncomfortable based on the research looks I get fathers don't talk. I don't really know what to say to kids, and mothers are mostly the ones who kind of get stuck to talk about it. But, um, it really to do it right, we need to create an environment where it's a welcoming environment. It's calm. It's none judging. We need to listen carefully what they have to say and the highly recommend that you look at the latest recommendation. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention s O, that you could explain to your Children, you know, importance off really armed yourself to the latest knowledge off the you know about sexually transmitted infections and diseases so you could just kind of discuss that with your kids. Another tip from a Time magazine and the science of childhood is to set the great digital example. In reality, what helpers is that we, as appearance, spend a lot of time on, you know, on looking at the screen. We know that based on latest research, Children spend 8 to 10 hours. I mean, this is absolutely crazy. They spend about 8 to 10 hours on looking at the screen. And it turned out that that's how much time we spend is a parents. So So what can we do to help them? Well, we could, as a family defined a designate, you know, no phone or no technologies on. So, for example, you know we don't bring that in our bedroom, but you can have Ah, you know, my son is you might know from some of the electricity is is all the out of house married has his own life now, but you could, uh, create no phone zone. Let's say during the lunchtime you could create a no phone, no phone zone in your living room. You know, after dinner, you can set the you know, like I said, to dinner, time or bedroom. There's no phone. Just create somewhere where you know, just telling your Children what to do. Remember, we always got to be a role model. A gonna most of the time, do what they see us doing. So if you on the phone all the time, you can't really tell them not to be on the phone all the time. You know, so many times I'll go to the restaurant and you know you'll have a dinner with the family and you see family off. 86842 It doesn't really matter and everyone is on their phone texting emailing. I mean, this is ridiculous. Make sure that when you have your family time, that you have, ah, just a establishing and creating always better relationships. That three. What family time is all about. It is really unfortunate, and I know that some parents it's just easiest thing to do is to give to give your Children . Here's here's a phone and just, you know, watch the little video, have some fun his iPad, and then we don't have to worry about them. Get that's easy. But then, later on in life, Italy becomes a problem. So So make sure that I try not to do that and try to truly be a role model for setting up a good you know, digital example, if you will. Another thing that based on research, which is really hard, that suggests that don't spy on them. You know, it's it's really tempting. And ah, but really recent research shows that snooping on your teenagers isn't doing you or then any good. What is really doing is that you know, they are not going to be discussing things with you when they see that you are spying on them. So instead, just try talking frankly to your Children. You know, study in early 2007 found that kids were more likely to share information when their parents directly asked them, You know, when you establish that friendly environment when establish environment where your Children trust you, right, if they tell you something and you start yelling at them at them and tell them don't ever do this again, they're not going to share things with you. If they share something with you that you totally disapprove, you come try not to judge. Let it let it be and later on figure out how to deal with it. But if you act immediately and you start yelling at them and telling them, don't ever do this again, Chases said they will never share information with you. Something that they know. You shouldn't know it. Shouldn't you know that you will not approve and you're gonna you know no less. In order to know more, you got to establish trust. You got established the trust that your kids will share things with you even when they know that you disapprove. And then you help them little by little to possibly not be engaged in activities that they are engaged and or not being doing things that they are doing and so on. But the only way you're going to do that if you establish trust, if they can come to you regardless, what happened Good, bad or ugly? You That's really you need to ah, again going back to, you know, don't spy on your Children. Yes. And then, on the other hand, you know, make sure established trusted that they will share with you things that you probably shouldn't know. And that's how you can help them. It's the only way you can help them. So don't spy on your Children. Set a good digital example. You know, talk about sex and let them sleep in. They just Children. And there is it proves that they should stay in the bed longer because that's how they're brain works. 11. Choose What is Important To You as a Parent: high school is difficult. You know, kids go through a very difficult time. Units, a puberty. There's is so much going on, and that's the time when they often did touch themselves from us. That is the time when we really need to focus the most and make sure that we still keep that connection going. It is also the time when we have to realize what is that is really important for us. What is that we want to focus on without kids? How do we know what's important? Well, you really have to look at your volumes. What is that is truly important for you? What are the top three things that you want to focus on? You know you can fight every day with your kids if they didn't clean up their mess in their room off course, you can fight with their kids if they you didn't take out the garbage and you told them to do so. You can fight with your kids if they find minutes late, you can fight with your kids. If they you don't do what you tell them. You can fight with your kids. If they didn't finish homework on time you can fight with your kids if they don't go to sleep and you want that the would step. There are so many reasons that really get us upset, right? So many time that we can just fight. And often we do, Ah, highly recommend. It's a lot of research and based on what I know that worked, and based on my own experience that you focus, what is the number one thing for you? What is the number two thing for you? What's the number three? So let's say when our son was growing up when I learned that I really need to pick my fights, I need to pick my battles. I cannot fight with my son for every little thing. Enough to analyzing it. I focused on one. Think on Lee at the time, and that one thing was drugs. My only issue was that I didn't want him to use drugs. That was my biggest worry. Now, if his her room was a little bit messy and he didn't, you know, put his bed in order and he didn't know certain things, I stopped fighting. It really didn't matter, so I wasn't Thank God I didn't have to fight about drugs. But that's one thing that I was very careful, very cautious, very, you know, kind of making sure that that that you know who is weight than what's going on. And unfortunately, there was actually one of his friend who in high school who didn't went to different school but who died from overdose. I mean, think about this is really such a gris bumps again. This is This is just incredible, you know, And and so those are the things we need to focus on. I'm sure his parents focused as much as they did. I'm not, you know, But it's But it's something that pick your pick. One thing that's really important for you. The second thing is, you know, when my son came to me and said, Well, dead, um, I know whatever I choose, you not gonna like it. You know, for the college, we talk to my preparation for college. And I said, What do you mean? Why is that? He said, But, you know, I I love art. I love writing, and I know that none of this is really gonna make me a lot of money. He said. I know you focus on the business and you're focused on, you know, so you can make more money. But these things are just can't make me. Maybe I'll be homeless with that. And finally, when I realized that these two things trust me back in high school, that art and the writing just before he started college was even more important for him. I said, Just do what you love to dio pick the school that will truly help you with what you love. I mean, today, that's really what he does. It's art and writing it is, Ah, is what's an editor in? He worked in a number of different. It was an art paper based in London, now is the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But it's basically cooked connection between art and writing, and and he doesn't feel like he's working. He loves his job. He loves that. We give them the opportunity to pick what he loves, and yet we fully supported him, and yet we want him to be the best that he can be, right, So it is truly great if your son your daughter, can go to Harvard if they can go to Princeton like I visited some of the kids. Now, if they can go to whatever other you know, top school, you think it is. But it's also important that they go to school. They love to go to support that they study what they love to study. And it is important that they, um that they apply, if you will, the value that you have. I do want to make it clear that I am not telling you. Don't push for hard brother Princeton. So, please, I just want to make that clear. This is not what I'm saying. But if we can tow help them if they know what they want to help them choose the best for themselves, Please, Police help them. And yet at the same time, to be the best at that, right to spend as much time as they can tow work hard. Um, there was ah ah, 2nd 1 thing that I really my focus was again. So you need to figure out what your values out and then to, um to make sure that that's what your kids follow. But when he told me about this and that, you know, he wants really just to study art in and writing again. My focus was yes. If that's what you love to do, don't worry about me. I will be happy if you're gonna be happy and just work hard to get there. He so meet working really hard my entire life. So now that's what he does. I didn't tell him to work hard, but that's what he does. And and he's happy doing that. He's not just working hard to make more money. He's doing what he loves to do. There was only one requirement I had, and I'm so happy that he fulfilled that very important for me. And it was I told him, just to be a good, honest, human being just to be a good, honest man and everything will come again. That was, you know, my value. That was really important for me, and it was important for my son to be a good, honest man and work hard on what you know what he wants, What he loves to do and everything else will be fine. So pick your value, pick what's really important to you before it's important as as as your son, your daughter your kids are growing up and being high school and going to college and fight for that. The rest let it go. Let it go. The rest they will learn on their own. 12. Let Them do Crazy Things: your Children while teenagers being in high school. Well, certainly do crazy things. Things that well, most will. I don't know about your particular Children, but most do things that kind of drive us crazy. And there is no manual. There is no really Donald rules exactly what to do. But I want to share with you a story that kind of I believe could work for a lot of people . When my son was in high school, he basically came one day and said, you know, that I wanted to do the nose ring And look, you know, I didn't grow up while people were putting, you know, the boys were doing the earrings and all these crazy things, and maybe I could You don't kind of get over it, but the nose ring, you know, in the second year of high school, it was just crazy. So Oh, my God. We had, like, a lot of fights. I was like, No way you can do this. What do you think? What are you crazy? And, uh, one day I came to him and I said, Hey, Ze, when did you say you want to do that nose ring? and he said, I'm sorry. I said, Well, when did you say you're gonna do the nosing? He said, What do you mean? I said, Well, look, you know, we were fighting for way too long, and, uh, I just I just think it's if that's something you truly believe, And that's something that will make you be Who you I That's something that is truly important for you, not because of pressure from your friends, but you. It's your kind of intrinsic goal. It's you who truly want to do this. Then just go for it. Guess what has never done it. This was our last discussion about the nose ring. No, I am not saying that you do exactly this, But what I am saying is, be careful how you approach it more. You fight it more, they'll fight back regardless. What? That this It just doesn't help. But when you kind of back off, think about it, tries to use different approach chances up, it will work. There was another thing that really got me to say this. He actually came to me and said, dead. Do you want me to do this now or do you want me to do this when I'm 30 and I have a real job. I went back to my room and started thinking I go his kid smart, his right. I don't want to Do you know, I don't want him to do this when he's 30 it's better that he goes through this now. So that kind of got me thinking to let him do something that even I wouldn't approve at the time. But knowing that he understand that this is just a, ah, a way of expressing himself during the time. But this is truly not who he is, and using that approach might help. 13. Listen, Listen, Listen - Listen Mindfully: you might be saying this again, but it is truly important that we listen to our Children that we listen mindfully, as I explain in my mindful parenting program. What that really means is to be in the present moment on purpose and no judging it. So be with your kids in the present moment on purpose and no judging it. Let me share this story. When my son was a second year in high school, he was a sophomore, and in the middle of that year we had some discussion. But before we come to discussion, I want to tell you he went to ah, really good high school, well known in Brooklyn, New York, and he was in honor program really well. But she did not like it. Actually, he really didn't like the school. It was a large school. So in a sophomore, like I said, middle of this year, he came toe us to tell us that he would like to visit. There was another school in Manhattan small school that he would like to visit, that his friend told him about it. So he said, OK, sure. Go, go take a look. He came back and he said he had Ah, interview was scheduled for him to come on such such date in a week or so, and the interview will actually lost 1/2 day. So he went. He went on interview, came back really excited, and he basically said That is not true if they're going to accept him. But he wanted to tell us, um what they told him. So basically, if he gets accepted, he will have to start from scratch, meaning that he has to finish four year in the school four year program. And they don't really guarantee how long that's gonna take. Basically, what it means is that year and half off his high school, maybe just thrown away off course as you would we were devastated. What are you talking about? You know, you're gonna just lose year and 1/2 off your school. You know you're going to be in high school while your friends will be in college. Maybe finished year one, maybe even finished two years of college. It was just unacceptable. But then we started listening more. And Mo and Mo as we heard how really he truly get response when I talk about this now. How truly he wanted to come to this school, how truly he was just just he would love to go there. And he hated his school. He really did. Regardless, how he was doing, you know, we would always have to telling. Did you finish home, or did you do this? Sit down and work with him? Long story after him. Just having a lot of discussion with us and us. I guess when I think back, you know, being mindful at a certain time, doing mindful Parenti and sitting with him, you know, being truly in the present moment with him on purpose, right? And no judging it. We finally decided to planning change the school. We were very concerned, but realized that there was really something he would love to do. Long story when he started this school. First of all, he loved it. He had a long commute from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Uh, but, uh, he would leave earlier. He would come to school every day earlier. He would even stay after the school to hang out with the kids and professors, The teachers in the school, What I learned later, most of them were already successful. Businessman, So they're really not in it. There wasn't their job. It was their calling. Like, this is my calling. And, uh so basically, they created this atmosphere where kids were loved where kids, you know, where they focused on their strength, where they focused with the teachers for focused on what kids are really good at. And we never, ever, ever had to tell him to. So his son work. We never had to check anything. He would step as late as need be, and as little sleep as he would have, he would get up on time without, you know, asking twice to get up. And he was able toe actually finished four year program. We could 2.5 years. So he graduated high school at the same time when his friends graduated, You know, when they started together. So I'm not saying that if your kids come to you and say I want to change the school that you're gonna say, Yeah, of course. They let's just change it. But what I am saying is too t truly Listen, you know, if there's something that they truly love, if you find some passion in them. If you find something, they are so enthusiastic about it. Regardless, with that issue in this case was a big decision for all of us. Huge. Uh, but regardless, would that is, you know, that could be music. There could be some instrument. It could be certain sport there could be, you know, uh, programming, creating games, whatever that is that you may not feel. It's a great thing for them to do. Just listen to them and see, Because when you and I are truly passionate about something, why we do it with love and enthusiasm, that is the tie when we don't feel like we are working, right? I'm not working now. So that is the time when we feel, you know, we are creating something that's bigger than us. We are fulfilling our dream. We are, you know, fulfilling our mission. Our purpose is just something that's bigger. And if you find something like that in your Children, just carefully listen. And, uh, And if you believe that this is a truly truly want to do Ah, think about it. Before you say no before you start that big fight. So again, it really the lesson is to truly listen to our Children, and even if it means that they want to make a big decision, that doesn't sound right. Listen, think about it and then make the best decision that you can at that time. 14. Love - Give them Unconditional Love: in 2015 I was interviewed by Melissa Bellman, and Melissa was the journalist who wrote for The New York Times, The New Yorker and some other magazines. And this time she was a wrecking article for Live happy magazine. And, ah, she discussed love with myself and some of my posted psychology colleagues. We do know it based on the research that love. That kind of warm and fuzzy feeling can basically improve. Oh, uh, heart, body and grain. It can have a postive effect on heart, body and brand. It's really incredible, isn't it? We also know that based on a lot of research by Dr Barbara Frederickson, what love can do for us. And she described a lot of this in head book. Love to point out, No, what does this have to do with us and our teenagers? A lot. I don't know about you, and I don't know if it happened to you or it may never happen. But I do know based on my life when my son was teen and based on a lot of my colleagues. More importantly, based on a lot of my clients that they have heard from their Children. I hate you. I thank you. So if it happens that you hear that and or did they express none love that they express hate toward you. Please let it go. It is a normal feeling. It is the things that kids go through. It is the only way that will help. And it will work in situation like this and in anything right when when everything is good and when things are not good is that if we express our unconditional love that unconditional love doesn't mean that we are going to approve it thinks that they do no off course not. But what it means is that we love them unconditionally, regardless what happened regardless, what they do the godless off the greats regardless off the, you know, test results regardless off the college, they're going to be accepted or not accepted. Regardless, would college they finish to regardless of a job they get and so on. They really need to know this, that we are always there for them, that we are always there to give them unconditional love and to fully support them. Once we do that, chances are it will be free to share things with us knowing that regardless what it is, we love them. Yes, we are there to help them improve their life. We are there to help them. Fix, if you will. Their mistakes were there to help them, you know, not to fail 1,000,000 times but to succeed. But we can do that only if we give them unconditional love. And if they also know that they will will always love them no matter what. So again, a lot of research behind love. I will a publish this article and live happy magazine and some other links about love. But just keep that in mind that giving them unconditional love well, not Ali have a posted effect on your heart, body and brain. It will also have posted effect on your teen heart, body and brain. And it will help them go through some sometimes difficult situation knowing that you love them no matter what 15. Let them be Angry, Mad, Sad - All Emotions Are Good: your kids are mad, angry, upset. What do you do when you see your kids really mad? Really upset, angry, and they could be in create you. What do you do? You know, often we do something that we would do to ourselves. We tried to suppress those feelings to suppress anger. Two sips suppress that your madness, maybe even sadness. Just try to suppress it. Odio. As you know, my focus is science of post of psychology, size of happiness. We as a human beings as well as our teenage kids need to experience all the emotions from being happy. Mad said, Upset, angry. All these emotions are valid emotions off course. If we see that our teenage kids are angry all the time and or you know, said all the time, then there's something that we need to do about it right. However, if they're just sometimes get upset or get angry, let them go through those feelings. It is really important when we suppress our feelings. All we do is we don't help we basically just making ourselves and our teenage kids if we try to suppress their feelings even more angry, it even more said so let them go to those feelings, let them understand that it is all natural. It's part of being human beings. And the thing is that it will pass. You will pass that if they get really angry at their friend. Uh, and you know, there is this something that we can do about it helped them right? Get in touch back with their friends, if that's the idea. But but, you know, ideally and normally most of these wings will pass and they will come back to normal life. But if we suppress them, we just make it worse off it. So again, you can just, you know, when your teenage kids come and say they are upset that something, you can just help them by saying Don't worry, just everything will be fine. You know, I explained that in one of my the lecture or, you know, just be happy, you know, Don't be angry. It doesn't help let them process those feelings. They all important, You know, if there is no anger, it would be no change in the world, right? So some of these feelings are important again, as long as they are healthy, as long as they don't happen all the time, which certainly, in that case, we need to look for help. But if this is just something that happens sometimes let it be. Let them go through it, let them process it. They will come back to their natural hopefully epi states. 16. The Power of Yet: I'm sure you are aware, but our wards, the things we say truly create our World Awards, create our world. So let me give you one quick tool that you can really apply with your Children, with your high school kids and even college students and even with yourself immediately. And it's really simple and extremely powerful. And that's the tool that I call the power off. Yet now what is the power off yet? Often you might hear yourself, your partner and or your Children will come. And your Children might say, Well, I'm just not good at science. I'm not good at basketball. I would love to be musician, but I'm not good at the playing guitar. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at that. But that language allows is, is really allows so fairly. I'm just not good at you know. Often you'll hear people saying, I'm not good at remembering names. So what does it really do? It basically says to themselves that, Hey, I'm just not good at remembering names, meaning that I'm going to do nothing about it, and I'm just not going to remember your name. I'm going to ask every time. What's your name? Or I just don't know your name anyway. Often we will send our Children will say I'm not good at If you just help them add yet at the end of the sentence it will create huge, huge difference. Now, I'm not good. That science versus I'm not good that science yet I'm not good at playing guitar, although I would love to versus I'm not good at playing guitar yet that yet gives them an opportunity. And it will say that I'm not good at yet, but I could be good if I practice every day in six months. Or I could be good if I just work a little harder on it or I will be good when I do this. So the power off yet just add yet at the end and truly help them. You know, when they tell you I'm not good at just at yet at the end. And just keep doing that with your Children until they really get it until they get it that we as a human beings can be good at anything we want to be good at, right. We can truly achieve. Look at the things that people achieve in life so we could achieve anything. And if we just use that the power off yet and help our Children at the end of the sentence say, you know, I'm not good at science yet that that nut I'm not good at math yet that that that so please help your Children imply power off yet, and I guarantee that you and your Children will see some difference. 17. FAIL - First Attempt in Learning: I'm going to tell you something that might surprise you, but I beg of you, let your Children failed and then celebrated. Failure. Now what I mean by that you really want our Children to fail off course not. But the chances are there are things that they will fail. There are many opportunities to fail, if you will. And I don't mean fail in a big sense of failing. But, you know, failing an exam, it doesn't mean that they are failure. Let me just walking through a couple of examples that I know you are aware who really failed really, really badly people that famous people that failed really badly. So let me share that with you. Did you know that Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for lacking imagination and having no original ideas? Did you know that Albert Einstein wasn't able to speak until he was almost four years old? And his teacher said that he would never mount too much? Did you know that Michael Jordan was actually cut out from his high school baseball team? Michael Jordan was actually cut out from his aides Bow team. Did you know that Steve Jobs, who started, Apple was actually left every state in depressed and because he was removed from the company he started, did you know that Oprah Winfrey was the motive from her job as a news anchor? Because she wasn't fit for television? Oprah Winfrey was not fit for television. Did you know the Beatles was rejected by Decca Recording Studio? And they said, We don't like their sound. They have no future in show business. So all these people that we know that turned out to be extremely successful failed at one point there in their career. No, What that really tells us is that failure is really not the failure and what we would like to call it is that fail to be first attempt in learning fail first attempt in learning. What if you approach your child and explain that that failed is actually their first attempt in learning? And then you're going to celebrate that failure because honestly, without failures, there are no successes. Yes, without failures, there are no successes. I don't know if you know anyone, but when you start studying any famous people regardless in what you know, walks off live, all of them failed at some point or kept failing. So keep this in mind that your Children will fail, you know, be that exam it getting the bed grades that that not being great, a certain sport be that regardless what that is. And we, as a parents have to really help them to see that as a first attempt to learning to see that the failure is this the same fairy is not an option. Failure is really part off success. And once they see that, once they see that they just need to keep trying until they succeed that will help them become successful. It will help them to reduce, if not eliminate anxiety, stress or kinds of disorders, and just to keep going in life. So first attempt in learning failed. 18. Growth Mindset: Have you heard of work? My doctor, Carol Dweck on growth mindset. If you took one of my other programs, I'm sure you already know about it. But we want to spend a few minutes for folks who didn't have a change to learn about growth mindset and also to again reinforce the knowledge that we already have. You know, often we don't really help our kids. Our Children develop with doctor killed. Work caused the growth mindset. Often we might say, Well, you know, maybe just science is not your thing. Or we might say, Well, look at this beautiful art that you created, You know, you are the next Picasso or something like that, where we believe we are doing them a favor by saying things that we say. However unknowingly we creating what doctor killed back coast, the fixed mindset. Let me give you a couple of examples from the work of Dr killed back. And then we are going Teoh, create another example and exercise for you to do just before we go there. We just want to connect all of this with the science off neural plasticity that again, I talk a lot about it. But it's basically the science that shows that our brain are bringing the ville apps every day, depending what we do. You know, in the past where research was showing that the brain only changes until we are 18 or 21 right young adults. Now we know that basically changes every day until the day we die. And just by helping our Children understand that depending what their to their brain will change will help them do better at whatever they want to do. So now let's come back to Ah, Harold back and couple of examples that can help us understand the growth mindset. Sometimes we might say to our Children, Well, you know, not everybody is really good at science, so just do your best. But instead, if we tell them that when you learn how to do new new resolve, new kind of problem, how to deal with the science, it truly grows your brain. And when the Children are, you know, Ah ah younger, we consider really grows your science brain, which is really true. Or we might say something like, Well, don't worry, look, you you'll get just just just keep trying and that really doesn't help. What helps is to say something woke. You know that feeling off science being hard is really the feeling off your brain growing again. This works with the younger Children. But understanding that brain does grill is is truly important. Just telling that they did the great effort, you know, they tried their best s really hasn't really work. It's, uh you know, But if you say something like, well, the point isn't, you know, to get it all right away. The point is to grow your understanding step by step. You know, what can you try to do next? Really? Get them to start thinking. You know, one of the things that that we can truly help our Children is is to develop the growth mindset is the way how we praise them, You know, often again, with this fixed mindset, we might say, Well, you know, we got in a and you spend no time study. You must be really smart. See, what we say is we think we're saying the right thing because we telling them that they smart. But what we really saying is that they are smart than they don't really have to study harder than on their kids. That's really developing this fixed mindset. We're not helping them. Or we might say something like, Well, you really learn that so quickly. You are smart again. We're not helping them or, you know, praising our kids such as hay. Look in the droving. This is, you know, John is the next Picasso again. We're not helping them. We already telling you the next Picasso, what else they need to do to get better Instead, in example, a. We might say something like, you know, to develop this growth mindset is you got in a That's very good. You must have worked really hard to get that a see. This is different message. We saying that we praising them, we saying That's very good that they got in A. But we also say you must have worked really hard, which means that next time to get another A, they will have to work hard again. So it's it's really a different message. So praising kids, intelligent or talent, really sent this fixed mindset message but constructive criticism. No feedback is really what helps child establish a growth mindset. So as you give a feedback to your Children when they even when they do something good, be careful so that you give them a feedback that really develops their brain. That develops this growth mindset that basically tell them that Yep, it really good. And if they just continue doing that, they'll do even better. That is really, really important message. We can help our Children because, you know now, the day in high school, possibly they need that. But that will help them when they're on their own. And they are possibly in college or work at their job. Said to keep growing, to keep growing, Not to say, OK, I'm really good at this and that's it. No, no, you can always be better. Something if you just keep doing this If you just keep doing this, you know, deliberate focus as we talked earlier about Great. So please help them develop their growth mindset, and they will be even happier and more successful. 19. Focusing on Strengths: often as parents. We focus on what our Children are not good at. So if they're not good, that science or matter English or something, we want them to be better. That's what we focus on. What we do forget is to focus on things that they are good at. In my science of posted psychology programs, we took a lot about what science of post of psychology or science of happiness is all about , which is focusing on what we good at rather than what we not focusing on what our Children's are good at rather than what they're not focusing on what's good with our relationships and other than what's not. This doesn't mean that you are going to ignore effects, that they may not be as good that they may not be working as hard on. You know. Certain topics that they need to politically means is that we're gonna allow them and give them the time and give them the focus and energy on things that I did that they are good at . So here's what I really mean. Find out what they're really good at, so dig, really, you know, if they could that plane basketball focusing that helped him become even better if they're good at science, Focusing them helped him become even better. The reason we're saying this is because when you focus on what they're really good at, the chances are that they will also start focusing things that they're not so good at. If you just focus on things that you want them improve, that's really not gonna help, because the things that they really good at things that they love to do they need to continue doing I don't think you can do is find out their strength. Find out what, what, what their strength us so often in my office, when we do the ah group coaching and even individual coaching. Actually, the other day we were just playing somebody. I had a totally program prepared what to do. One of the participants says. What are you going to do, play cards? And I said, Yes, actually, let's play cards That's what you want to do There are a number of these great strength cards that you can pick up. I'm not endorsing any of this. These are just a few that I happen to have, but and it's basically based on the 24 character strength that adopted by Dr Martin Seligman and on the site called via carter dot org's and that they are divided into a kind of six categories. So it's a courage, humanity, the parents just this consent this and wisdom and, you know, you look at what their strength are. So maybe you know, some off your Children are good, that they're storing this kindness or love or fairness with gratitude or humor, love of beauty, curiosity, whatever that is focused on that let them focus on that even move so they can apply some of those strength in different areas off their life when they in school, during the lectures with their friends, when they're playing sport or whatever, that this And then you can also get some of these cards. Just look at for strength cards and you can basically play games with them, you know? Ah, bigger card. Say, you know, it's, ah, pick spirituality. So let's say it's humor and just asked him, Why does that make him feel good? What's about the humor that they love? You know how they can apply even more in their life and so on. It is really important again that we focus on what our Children's are really good at, so so that we can help them become better at the things that they are not so great that so focused on their strength. And I guarantee that they will become better not only what they could that but if they apply their strength in different areas of their life, it will truly help them become happier, even more successful, and do really great well in school. Have fun. 20. Active Constructive Responding: Here's another great tool. It will help you tremendously in your life, especially dealing in helping your Children. Did you know that the way we respond to the good news is as important, if not even more important, than how we respond to the bad news? Here's what I think. Often our Children get home and let's say they say something like this. I got a in science and sometimes our response would be How about English? Or, you know, I got B plus in English and we'll say, Well, how about science and so on? The point is that we need to focus on that good news. We need to be able to respond better on the good news. Let me explain. Research done by Dr Shelly Gable shows that away and how we respond to persons. Good news is even more important to know just successful relationships. But to everything they do, um, then how we respond to their negative or bad news. So the sharing of post events, which with others which in terms increased really pushed emotions and sense of increase belongings, meaning that if we respond positively on their good news, if we give them what we call the active, constructive. Respond your a c R. But it needs to be truly authentic and enthusiastic and supportive. So, you know, feeling the joy along with the person sharing the good news. You know often often that really means that you're asking for details and helping the other person savor the news. If your child comes in, it says, comes home and says, Hey, I got you know, a In science, you can respond. That's good. How about English? What? You congested spined? Okay, Did you do a home work today? What do you get inspired? That's good. Or you could respond. That's great. Tell me more about it. Tell me more have been give you more details because that will bring even more postal emotions into their life that will encourage them to do even better on that topic and everything else. So, please, when they give you good news, give them that active, constructive respond. Ask them to give you more details. Tell them that that's great with enthusiasm, with passion, you know, stay with them. Don't go and do the dishes while they're doing this. But rather be focused. Stay in the moment stay with them. Ask them additional questions. Ask them how they felt, What went through their mind. What are they going to do next and so on? So more details. They give you more post emotions they will have, and then in turn, they will focus even more. They will. Then he really happy to bring you good news again next time rather than a few respond. Uh, you know, not enthusiastically. If you respond by asking what happened to another subject, if you just ignore them, that will not bring any post emotions into their life. And that will not give them any support to do even better next time. So again, focus on active response focusing, being enthusiastic about their news focus on, uh, have them, you know, tell you even more. And that, my friends, that my parents in turn will help your Children live even better Life 21. GRIT: lately, you will hear so much about great newspaper books all over. Everybody talks about great, but what is great if we look at the definition a doctor. Angela Duckworth's grit is the tendency to pursue very long term goals with commitment, passion and perseverance. Obstacles are seen as challenges toe overcome rather than indicators to stop. So that is really great high definition of grit. I wanted to share with you some of the latest work of Dr Angela Duckworth's from U Penn. And basically, if you look at the grid, it is really a passion plus perseverance. Desperately, what great is all about and talent. We have to look at it that the talent and skills are really not the same thing. Talent is also different than effort. And often, you know, we might, you know, often will say that our kids are Children's, are talented. We gotta be very careful. And I'll tell you why, because what we saying is that they are talented so that they don't have to spend a lot of work doing something, but they that's really not true. They might be a little more talented than other kids, but, uh, during the work on it, and the combined with the skills and achievement is really what's going to make them successful. I will explain that in a second. So if you look at you know what research shows, that it's deliberate practice, you know, being fully engaged in what you're doing, getting me that feed that can following on. That is really what makes us successful. Now what is deliberate practice. So if you look at what you really want to teach your Children is to set a stretch goal, meaning that you know something that they know they can achieve and little more that's so stretching out, then to focus on that 100% to the 100% focused on that goal. To get the feedback right, I get the feed, exceed how they doing, then reflect and refined that and then again set another stretch goal. So deliberate practice. You know, the research shows that what is really required is, you know, to be truly successful, and you will see some of my other, you know, program selectors that I going more details. But basically what's truly required for some of the folks were there on the top is a 10,000 hours off deliberate work. Think about 10,000 hours off deliberate works up to be truly on the top. It's all about deliberate work. It's all about focusing 100%. It's about getting the feedback, refining that, putting that stretch goal, focusing in 100%. So that's really what will make what will make our Children's successful. What we also learned, based on the research, that kids are less frustrated when they learn about deliberate practice. When they learn that deliberate practice will, you know, make them successful. That deliberate practice will make them to achieve, achieve their goals. And if you look at their really, you know, full components off this So first they have to have interest. If they don't have interest, nothing we can do, we can push them. Um, but, you know, deal just possibly achieve our goal and possibly not be happy. So first they have to have interest in what what they really want to do. Then they have to have deliberate practice, so focus on 100% truly troy practice, then they have to have a purpose. So there's a purpose behind this. Why, why they're doing this and the fourth component is a hope. So it's gotta be that hope, right, that the grounded optimism that hope that they will achieve what they want to change, uh, will be talking about growth mindset. Ah, quickly in a few lectures and ah brought mindset and you'll see what that is truly leads to get. So again, just remember this. That growth mindset leads to great. 29. Introduction to 7 Secrets for Teens: in June 2016 I was presenting at the International Conference on Postage Psychology, a cognitive behavior therapy in Philadelphia here in the United States during that conference. And while I was presenting, there were a lot of off course a therapists, psychotherapists, folks who apply cognitive behavior therapy, postive psychology, traditional psychology and so on. What was really interesting is that participants were really folks in this filled rather than, um, end, you know, user, see if you will. So they were all professionals in the field, off psychology, positive psychology, psychotherapy and so on. While discussing rather while presenting my research, which was really on habits and happiness and the seven scientifically proven tools to help us become even happier, improved overall well being, which was really based on my best selling book, Um, I notice something really interesting, Which is that a lot of therapists in the room after my presentation, we're really interested to talk to me about how we can help how they can help their parents so they can help their teens use these tools in their life. So because of that, I wanted to share first of all these seven tools which again, I really go into much more details. There is a short program inhabits unhappiness, that I kind of go through the seven tools that is a longer program on habits and happenings , that we're going much more details. But for now, this will be just what we need for our things. So let me go through these seven scientifically proven tools that can help our teams and certainly ourselves, but focuses that can help out things, improve their overall well being and truly become happy and therefore succeed in life, you know, succeed in what I call life's a dysfunctional life success. 30. Secret Number 1 Teens: so number one is that they must believe that they can change their habits and or introduce new ones, so they must believe in that. Now. Why is that important? There's a lot of research, particularly message by Dr Bruce Lipton that shows that when we believe in something, when we truly believe our body old will don't did the cell level changes but think about their sell, their cells will change as they truly believe in something. And unfortunately, it's the same when they don't believe. So. Make sure that if they want to achieve something, make sure that if you also want them to achieve something and you find that common goal, come on interest that you can see that they truly believe they truly believe that they can make that happen, that they truly believe that, Yes, I can go to sleep nine o'clock. You know, if I know that they will help me with a B and C Yes, I can. I know I can get up every morning. 7 a.m. and you know, do blah, blah, blah and get ready for school on time because again find the reason helped him find the reason so that they can truly believe. So That's number one 31. Secret Number 2 Teens: number two, which is truly interesting, is help them smile, help them smile now Why? There is a lot of research behind smile, and it's probably one of the most interesting and important one that I discovered. And what happens is when we smile when we smile, release dopamine, which is the happiness chemical. And that by itself is gonna help us have a better life. Is gonna help us move on through the day is gonna help us become happier. I personally have a crazy happy that you can try. A lot of my clients do. I don't know if the teams will do this, but you guys can talk to your Children. I have what I call wake up with a smile and when I hear my alarm and it's 5 a.m. every morning. So it was today as well this Saturday, but five AM I was up. I smile. Now why do I smile and why do I ask you to smile? Not because I'm asking you or you are going to ask your teens to be happy. No, you know who's happy? Five AM Very few people. But the chances are when you smile when you make this movement that you will get some dopamine, and all the sudden your day will be just so much better in their day if they smile will be just so much better. So even if they naturally smile, smile a lot, asked them to smiley even more to to make that purposeful smile whenever they can. You know, sometimes if it means to close the door and look at yourself in the mirror, that works, too, if you don't want or if they don't want nobody to see them. 32. Secret Number 3 Teens: the secret Number three is what I call small wins. There is a lot of research behind what I call small vents, meaning that when we do something that takes us a very little amount of time, the chances are that we're gonna be doing that again and again and again. So let me give an example. If your teens and if they anything, like my son waas, the changes aside at the room might be a mess at certain time. Or, you know, their books may not be in order or whatever that is that you would like them to work on. So instead of saying, Take off your room, you know, clean it now or you go not go out or whatever right have them do small moments explained to them that, you know, this morning, just pick up one thing to put it away. Chances. I will take them a minute than and they'll do it the next morning. Pick up on one thing to put it away, So teach them this small wins that will truly help them in life tremendously. You know why I am teach that a lot to my clients and and they love it regardless, if they adults and or if they're just helping their Children implement this movement 33. Secret Number 4 Teens: the secret number four that I call it. What's the Secret? Number four? It's the willpower. You know what? There is a good news with willpower, and there is a bad news. So what's the good news? The good news is that we all have about the same about the world power. The bad news is it is a finite resource. What does it mean? Let me just tell you quickly one important research. They will explain that. And let's call it the Radish research. So what researchers did they actually brought the students? So these are the college students, just like your high school students are, you know, maybe year to all that. And they asked them to come to the lab and that there will obviously be working on some problem, a mathematical problem. And what they told him is to make sure that they don't really eat anything. Two hours probably come into the lab. When the students came to the lab, the sneaky researchers an hour before baked fresh chocolate chip cookies, so the whole room just spelled beautiful chocolate cookies. They divided the students into three groups. You know, if you know much or you're looking at some of my programs, you know that when we do research is always three groups. Money is what we call control group, right? They don't tell them that you re kind of compare other groups to that control group. The second group. They basically told that when they come in that they will see Ah, they will see the cookies on one table, they will see the radish, and they basically cannot have any cookie. But they can have as much radish as they want. The other group, they told that they can have as many cookies as they want. Don't think about the students coming into the room. They were told not to eat anything two hours before they come. They might be hungry. They smell this pure for fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, and now they can't eat them right? The other group was able to eat as much as they want. The researchers kind of look, you know that the window that it's can't see them, but they can see the kids, and I realize that they will follow the rules. Then they came in the room and they asked them to come to another room and to a work on some problem. It was the unsolvable problem, but kids didn't know that. Would they realize that kids who were told that they can help as many chocolate cookie says they want state as 67 minutes longer stayed actually much longer to try to solve this unsolvable problem than the kids who were told that they could Not a chuckle cookies. But they can only eat radish. No. Why's that? It is because for kids who were told that they cannot have chocolate cookies basically lost their willpower while sitting in that room. Think about what would you think? You know, I came here. They told us not to eat two hours ago. Now they tell me No, treat these cookies. This is ridiculous. Why did they back them? Why he didn't leave these chocolate cookies? Why can't I have them? Why? The other guys can have cookies, and I can't. I mean, you're Courtis things that go to our heads and they go through your teen. 18 heads are going to deplete their willpower while the other kids had no problem with the willpower, and they kind of kept their level where they were once they, you know, when they came to the room. So what's really the lesson learned? Um, teach your teens that Be careful with how they use their real power, but something really important, such as there is a test. Next day there's a statewide test right there is so important. Then you as well as your kids don't fight if they're gonna have the piece of chocolate or two or three and they shouldn't have too much sugar now, too much sugar. Help them, You know not to sleep so great. I don't know how your kids are, but my point is, don't let them fight or you don't fight with them Little thing that is not important. Let them keep that willpower for important things. That's that's really, really my lesson again. Let them keep that willpower. Let them not fight the little things, but rather keep it for something that's truly important. This I'm not saying. Don't worry. They can eat as much chocolate as they want. They can eat as much again. E. I want to be careful here. It's really that when something important come up, don't fight a little thing 34. Secret Number 5 Teens: What's the number? Five? Number five is number five is the activation energy and 22nd rule. Now, one is that the activation energy comes from Doctor, check me. Heil me. I'll check me. Heil. Who basically says that anything we do, anything we do needs that was park, you know, like started the engine. It just needs that Louis Park we need to do just needed to get it started. You know, it's almost like going back to that. A small winds, it lost part, do little things, Little things, little thing. And we got the started 22nd rule important for your teeth and what it is is to if you want them to do something, make sure that that thing now explain it in second is less than 20 seconds away from them. And if you don't want them to do something, make sure that that thing is more than 20 seconds away from them, for example. Say they want to play guitar. And you also okay with that, we'll make sure that ITAR is right. Maybe in the middle of the room, instead of being hidden in the closet. I know it's only 20 seconds to get up and open up the closet. But our brain, it doesn't work that way. Our brand, it looks at it. It's right here. I'll pick it up, right. You want them to, you know, study and the focus may be on the science will. Then the book that you want them to read and science book need to be somewhere close to them, right? You don't want them to do certain things. Make sure that is as far as possible away from them. So explain this to them. I think it will be really important because they will know what is it that they want to do . So make sure that's close and things that they don't want to do. Make sure it's like put it away right if they don't want to junk eat junk food but generally love it and you know what? Ideally, you don't want to have it at home. But if you do, let them explain to them that the great thing to do is to take and tied it for someone you know, like in the basement or somewhere that you know it's still safe for the foods, you know, talking about Parrish about for years, but something that they will hide from themselves. It will be harder for their brain to go to say, Hey, let me look at it. Just give you one My example that you can use my wife and I have every night will square off dark chocolate every night after dinner. But what we do we don't keep that chuckle it in the living room or dining room or kitchen because it would be right there, right and change the sound. We will eat more than one piece because, you know, we try that. Then soon the chocolate would be gone. So it's not about chocolate. It's about us, you know, being healthy. So what we do instead, I keep the chocolate in the basement. Yeah, I'm lucky I have. Ah, nice. Cool. You know, wine cellars or keep it there. And then after dinner, I'll go down, cut to pieces. They get up is one for my wife. One for me, Right? So that is a great, great tool. The 22nd role 35. Secret Number 6 Tens: uh, number six is accountability partner and Support group. Make sure that your teens, whatever they want to do, have someone who they can truly call accountability partner. Ideally, they trust you so much, it's gonna be you. But you know what? Maybe it's gonna be their best friend. Somebody. They trust somebody that it will not make fun of them if they don't do something. So let's say, you know, they want to lose some weight and they they figured they need to exercise a little more that they want to find somebody that could trust they want from somebody who has done this before. They want somebody who will possibly go out and exercise with them. All right, I'm not somebody who will say, Hey, why didn't you go and exercise the other day and blah, blah, blah? We don't want that. We don't want to get it. If you want somebody who will focus to help them write, be accountable and also for something support group works. I know some of my clients basically have their kids going to different support groups, and if that's what works for them that will, that will be fine as well 36. Secret Number 7 Teens: and, uh, his my secret number seven Secret number seven is to have them make an announcement. Now what I mean by that when we announce when we basically knows that there are things that we going to do and more people know about it, chances are higher that we will do that thing. If it's something that says, you know, I'm going to study from 6 p.m. To 8 p.m. Every night, whatever that is, right. I'll wake up every morning, 7 a.m. So I'll have enough time to get ready for school and have healthy breakfast. I will do my homework as soon as I get from home. Whatever that, IHS have them making announcement. Meaning that, you know, these days I know. You know, most of them are probably on Facebook or Twitter or so if that is the case and they already there and you know, if you're okay with that, then let them announce it there. Let them show that all their friends know right? So when they come back to school, the friends might say, Well, you know, did you get up at 7 a.m. Did you do are for homework immediately after school. So basically it is is it puts a little more pressure on them to make sure that they do things. But it's really it's not just, you know, for teenagers, this is a great, scientifically proven tool to, uh to really help us assure that we will do what we said we're going to do. I was just thinking I look at to my something I call 30 day challenge card, which is basically, you know, any habit that you want to establish any habit that you want them to work on. Ideally, they won't work on that, have it for 30 days and do 30 days in a row. And I could certainly share this car so they can You can help your kids use this card. But basically, I wanted to read something to you about the announcement and that Is that really, um, James, who we know is the father off, you know, Western psychology. Ah, when he referenced referenced Scottish philosopher Alexander Bain, uh, when he said that in the acquisition off a new habit or the leaving off off an old one, we must We must take a public pledge so That is what I'm referring to when I said, Make sure they make an announcement so again just quickly this seven tools of habits and happiness that can help your things improve their life. Ah, create their new habits. Get rid of some old habits are as follows. So number one, they need to believe they can change that habit and or introduce new one number two to smile more. Number three are small wins. A number four is the willpower. Number five is activation energy in 22nd rule. Number six is accountability partner and support group, and number seven is Make sure they make that announcement. I did talk about social media announcement, but basically have them make the announcement to tell their friends, their family, their cousins, their neighbors, everyone. So I hope this seven quick tools the seven scientifically proven methods to improve your teens, health and happiness and overall well being and help them establish new habits. And or Patrick of the old habits will help them in their life. 37. 50 Be a Role Model: and just to kind of shuttle the story. When my son was little, I had a friend who is and was actually both pair. Both ah, husband and wife secretary pistes and their son was going to the same school with our son. We lived in Brooklyn And you're in great area of Brooklyn, New York Park slope for some of you, that know. But, you know, yet you always worry about what's gonna happen drugs and spending time in the state. And you know all these things. And, uh, basically this friend who whose son was going to the same school and same a cloth, I said to me, Listen, just don't worry about it, You know, chances side, you know, as they go through things, they gonna do things that we're not gonna be happy about it. They might try some things that we don't want them to try or do. But at the end, they will do what they see at home. It will actually do what they see at home. So as a parent, just think about what is it that you do at home? How do you act? How do you What is your relationship? with your partner if you have one at home, Um, you know, how do you talk to each other? How do you talk to your kids? Um, how much off intellectual activities are happening at home. So, you know, we want our kids to read, and we forced them to, you know, do their reading before bedtime and finish everything for school. But yet if we as a parent, don't read enough, if we as a parent, you know, don't go to see, you know, don't go to the museums and look at the art and whatever that is that we want our kids to be interested in, then we can't expect them to become what we want them to become. So make sure that as a parent that you do and you really on example off. Um, you know, a model, if you will off how you want your kids to be and to act. And the chances are that's where they're going to become, you know, again going back to my family. You know, we treated each other, my wife and I with the utmost respect, and we still do you know, if the 30 years of marriage And that's again something that you work on every day, by the way, on your relationships. And, you know, we read a lot. You know, our house was always full of books. New York Times would come every day and then at some point, just for the weekend, but every now, now for the weekend, because I really don't have time. But I do get it on iPad so I can get it online. Um, but it's it's really not about, you know, I'm not recommending. Everybody has to read New York Times, but the idea is that, you know, in the in the, um, house was always full of the books. All right. We love to read and without really telling our son what to do. The bottom line is today, you know he is an editor. Just actually got the new job. I was telling somebody Princeton at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. But the bottom line is that they will do you know what they see you doing? And you certainly need to be, um you're a role model for your kids. I know easily said and done, but always keep that in mind.